#ITS OKAY THATS WHY I MADE THIS BLOG SO I CAN BE CRINGE AND FREE

[holy-reference-in-a-username]

any tord hcs about his mental health and such? or just tord hcs in general or eddsworld hcs in general that u wanna share :]

i think tord was diagnosed with bipolar disorder kinda young, + has been on medication for a while.

aside from that, i think tord + tom are quite introverted while edd + matt are extroverted, which often leads to edd + matt going on dates just the two of them while the other two hang out at home.

[inlove-and-healing]

okay so ive bad this idea in my head for a while... since i was 11, as a matter of fact, sonit would need some polishing to make it a little less cringe.

so, an undertale au. its called torturetale.

frisk falls into the underground, kills Sans, and uses his soul to leave the underground. (who knows, i may have them kill alphys and have sans take the royal scientist role because yknow, look at his shed... but the main thing is that i need the judge role left vacant.)

anyway, alphys (or whoever is in her place) kinda goes... insane. not like the neutral endings where she commits suicide, shes just straight up crazy.

the amalgamates still kind of happen, but instead of being test subjects for DETERMINATION, she uses them as test subjects for a thing that like 1) makes them immortal (so suicide isnt an option) and 2) brings them agony.

maybe its different for every monster? like some types will be bedridden with illness forever, others are in overwhelming pain, others are extremely depressed and anxious... maybe.

(or heres what i could do: frisk kills undyne, which causes alphys to go insane. then after she infects everybody with whatever it is, asgore has her executed, and sans takes her role. maybe? we'll see.)

anyway, this is where the weird stuff starts happening.

so during the war between monsters and humans, the human sorcerers killed a (skeletal) boss monster and used magic to preserve its soul.

this group, kind of like the umbrella corps from resident evil or hydra from marvel, takes the soul. then they kidnap this kid (was an OC, might end up being a reader insert?? probably what ill do, thats what im most comfortable with writing) (also by kid i mean teen) and combine their soul with the monster one.

so parts of their limbs are fully skeletal, their eyes are all black except for the irises (one is blue and the other is yellow). they, like everybody in the underground (even though nobody knows it yet) are immortal. they can teleport, summon gaster blasters and bone attacks, so theyre basically like sans. (when i first came up with this, i thought that gaster was related to sans and papyrus, so i thought maybe the soul would belong to their mother or something??)

anyway, the group uses the kid like an assassin. they make them believe that theyre the good guys, until they discover something that makes them run away, which is how they fall into the underground.

so because the ruins are closed off, everybody down there is unscathed. but toriel tells you that her friend on the other side told her thst things were "bad", and everybody was suffering, but he didnt tell her anything else. then he says one day that he has to go somewhere else, and he doesnt know when hell be back, if ever. (assuming i go the "sans becomes the scientist" route.)

kid tells toriel theyre immortal, and toriel asks them to go check on sans, which is how they find out whats going on in the rest of the underground.

they make it to hotland, and sans' lab, and they work together in the true lab using what few notes alphys took to find a way to reverse what happened.

then maybe an alternate ending, where frisk comes back after everybodys cured. when they meet the kid, they act like sans (i made the kid, called ayanze when she was my oc, to take sans' role. thats why he originally died.) and when frisk gets to hotland, no matter whether or not frisk killed anybody else, sans fights them in his lab. he can be spared if its a neutral/pacifist run (mettaton breaks in for a show and is like sans get the fuck out, but in a genocide or neutral run if you choose to kill sans mettaton breaks in after) and then the kid is the final boss.

because theyre immortal, you beat them by making them lose hope.

so, thats my idea. feel free to leave any suggestions you may have. ive wanted to write this forever but never had the motivation. maybe now i will.

(i will be doing this on a separate blog, which will likely become an ask blog when the first part ((before frisk comes back)) is completed)

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot.  but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :(  -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

~

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

[spooder-boi]

“ I Don’t Take Spanish.”

Anonymous said:Could you please do number 31 with Harrison? Love ur blog ❤️ 

31. “The truth is, my friends dared me to ask you out, but I’m really glad they did”  

“What about her?” Harry asked, pointing to the girl with (H/C) from across the party. She sat on the couch, in between a drunk couple making out and a young boy, most likely a freshman, who took sip of his beer and cringed at the taste. Harrison’s eyes flickered to the girl, smirking to himself. “Her name is (Y/N),” Tom said. “She’s in my Psych. class. Not exactly a social butterfly.” One of the other frat brothers, Jared said. “That’s our girl. If Haz can get her to go out with him, we all give him fifty bucks.If she puts out, a hundred.” Harrison looked from his “friends” and over to Tom, who gave him a forced smile, almost as if it were supposed to be reassuring. “Okay,” Harrison replied, reluctantly.

“Is this really a good idea?” Harrison asked as him and Tom made their way through the crowd of sweaty bodies, a Post Malone song blared through the fraternity house. “Probably not.” Tom replied, giving his best friend a shrug. “Look, I don’t want you to do this almost as much as you don’t want to do it. But you know how those guys are and you know the power they hold around here.” “One wrong move and our futures are toast.” Harrison nodded. “That’s fucking pathetic.”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes as her roommate said her goodbyes, taking off with a guy she had met earlier that night. Typical of her roommate to leave (Y/N) at a party she didn’t even want to attend. Even more typical to leave the party with a random “Thrasher” wearing fuckboy. “(Y/N)!”  She heard someone exclaim, causing her to look around. “Leaving so soon?” “Oh, hi, Tom.” She greeted awkwardly. “Um, yeah, my roommate ditched me so I was going to head back to my place to study for my anthropology exam.” “Hey, Harrison was leaving too!” Tom said, pushing his best friend forward. “You know Harrison, right?” “Uh, kind of.” (Y/N) replied. “You were in my chem class freshmen year.” “Well, here’s a wacky idea,” Tom said. “Why doesn’t Harrison walk you home?” “Oh, no, that’s o-” “No!” Harrison cut her off. “Honestly, it’s late and there are so many creeps on campus. I’d personally feel better knowing you’ve gotten home safely.” “So I should let a guy I’ve never even spoken to to walk me home?” (Y/N)  questioned, raising an eyebrow. “Well, uh-” “Relax, Osterfield.” (Y/N) said. “I know you’re not a serious threat.” “Yeah, right-“ “But trust me, I’ll be fine.” The girl reassured the blue eyed boy. She held up her keychain, showing the can of pepper spray. “Plus, my phone’s at like eighty.” Harrison was stumped on an excuse now, glancing at Tom from the corner of his eye for assistance, any excuse. “Truthfully,” Tom spoke. “Harrison’s struggling with spanish class lately.” Harrison looked at his friend, eyes wide, almost as if he was saying ‘I don’t even take spanish’. Tom shrugged his shoulders. “Right, Spanish.” Harrison said. “Español.” He chuckled nervously. “Yeah,” Tom added awkwardly. “And since you’re doing pretty well in that class, he was hoping you would help him.” “Right!” “If I agree to tutor you in Spanish will you two stop being so weird?” (Y/N) asked, grabbing Harrison’s unlocked phone out of his hand. She proceeded to type in her information. “That’s my number, I’m free from four to seven mondays, tuesdays, and Thursdays.” “Can I still walk you home?” Harrison asked. “Fine.”

Three weeks had passed since (Y/N) had agreed to tutor Harrison in a class he wasn’t even taking. The two had gotten fairly close, spending nearly every study session getting off topic, the library filling with their laughter. The elderly librarian would give them a stern look whenever they entered the library, as if to tell them to be quiet before they even said anything.

Twenty minutes into the study session and Harrison was incredibly bored. Sure, learning another language was beneficial, but he was doing it solely to get this girl to fall for him, to break her heart. Harrison glanced up from his notes to see Jared watching him, giving him a short nod so that he would follow through with the plan. Harrison sighed, closing the textbook. “Can we not study today?” Harrison asked. “Sure,” (Y/N) replied. “Is everything okay?” “Yeah, no, everything’s fine.” Harrison admitted. “(Y/N), I don’t take Spanish.” “I know.” “You do?” Harrison asked, surprised. “The way Tom looked when he told me you needed help at the party, oh yeah.” (Y/N) replied, crossing her arms. “He’s a great actor but the guy can’t lie for shit.” “So, why’d you agree to tutor me?” “I figured you were into me.” She replied with shrug. “Am I wrong?” “Well,” Harrison hesitated. “No, you aren’t.” “So, are you going to ask me out or what?” “You’re something else.” Harrison chuckled, shaking his head. “You know that, right?” (Y/N) beamed at the blue eyed boy beside her, picking up her books from the table. “I’m free saturday night. See you at seven.” She responded before strolling away.

“I don’t want to tell her.” Harrison said to Tom as he got ready for his four month anniversary dinner with (Y/N). “You really fell for her, huh?” Tom asked, handing Harrison one of the shirts he was asked to choose from, a maroon knitted sweater. “What am I going to do?” Harrison groaned. “I almost told her I loved her last night.” He scoffed. “I almost told her that I loved her but I knew the second she found out that the whole reason we even started dating was because of a bet, she’d leave.” “She should know.” Tom said, sitting on the edge of Harrison’s bed. “If you really love her, you would tell her.” “I know.” Harrison sighed. “She’s gonna dump me.” “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” Tom said. “I wish I never made that stupid bet.”

“You know we could’ve just watched movies at my place.” (Y/N) stated as the couple walked into the restaurant. Harrison scoffed playfully at the girl, taking her hand. “Where’s the fun in that?” Harrison asked as the hostess escorted them to their table. “Free food, free movies, blankets, pil-” “Okay, okay.” Harrison cut her off, pulling her chair out for her to sit. “I see your point, doll.” “I knew you would.” She chuckled as he sat down on the opposite end of the table. “Have I mentioned how amazing you look?” Harrison asked, sipping on his water. “It might’ve been mentioned.” (Y/N) replied with a nod. “Once when you were on my doorstep. Twice in the car, right before we walked into this place, and ten seconds ago.” “And I mean it.” “I know.” she said, smiling at him. “I’m glad you pretended to be in a Spanish class.” “Yeah?” “It’s was stupid, but it’s why we’re here.” (Y/N) grabbed Harrison’s hand from across the table. “And I’m really glad we’re here.” “Not as glad as I am.” Harrison said, his thumb rubbing against hers. “(Y/N),” “Haz.” “I need to tell you something.” “Anything.” (Y/N) responded, a hopeful look in her eyes. “The truth is, my friends dared me to ask you out, but I’m really glad they did.” “I’m sorry, what?”

Part 2???????

Prompts 

Masterlist

[chogisad]

hey um tell me ur fav thing about each member (ot9 or ot12 is fine) bc i need something beautiful and pure to read ~sappy jongdae anon

Minseok: is so versatile !!! i literally love every thing about him from his lil “mashmellowwwww” to his lil nose and his pretty eyes and his voice !!! HIS VOICE OKAY. his voice is putting on my favorite scarf in october and the wind gently blowing my hair away from my face. his voice is the soft glow of a bedside lamp at 8 pm when im writing a poem about all the things i love. his voice is autumn leaves and warm apple cider and me calling my mom to tell her i got an a on my exam. anyway,

Junmyeon: UM HIS BUNNY SMILE. Jun tries so hard to be professional and a leader™ but when hes just himself and his lil eyes light up and he makes dumb jokes and waits for everyone around him to cringe thats when my power is at its peak. and aLSO. Junmyeon deserves SO MUCH CREDIT OKAY. Junmyeon is one of the best leaders in the industry because hes honestly carried so many burdens by his lil lonesome self??? and i have a lot of respect for him because yeah, he had to grow up a bit faster than the rest u know, and yeah, he cant always be giggly and loud, but when he IS, omg. anyway. junmyeon deserves respect and love and a nap. hes the funniest member in exo stop denying it !!!!

Yixing: i think my heart has a special smile reserved just for yixing??? i think one of my favorite things about him is when hes about to go REALLY HARD on a dance, he puts on a black cap???? its a symbol of hiS POWER. and the fact that he wants to play a dinosaur !!! yes bby!!!! the trex from jurassic park who???? i only know a zhang yixing !!!!!

Baekhyun: bbh is my sunlight trash son. he never shuts the fuck up and i love him. hes literally a human pterodactyl and i will forever be in awe at how much LOVE HE HAS IN HIS SMOL ASS HEART??? HAV U SEEN HOW HE LOOKS AT US??? WHEN WILL SOMEONE LOVE ME AS MUCH AS BBH LOVES EXO-LS.

Chanyeol: hes a smol in the body of a tol !!!!!!! chanyeol is just a lil pup who wants to be loved hes those gifs of large dogos who dont know theyre large doggos and they jump on their small owners !!!! SOMEONE PLZ JUST RUFFLE HIS HAIR THATS ALL HE WANTS.

Jongdae: :3 IS LITERALLY DAE. when i read that article about how he donates to charity under the name matteo i legit cried like real ass tears because jongdae is honestly just a good. fucking. person. hes that friend who doesnt always get what youre going through because they havent hurt like that but they validate what you feel, they give it importance, and ppl who have jd in their life r so so so lucky i love him. ALSO he goes so shy when ppl tell him they love him ???? like he tries to laugh it off but he just smiles so soft and god. im gonna explode this is too much.

Kyungsoo: satansoo isnt real. kyungsoo is soft and quiet and respectful and ppl dont always get that. kyungsoo loves ppl earnestly; his love doesnt have to be flashy or in your face. kyungsoo is like your favorite sweater ur mom gave you years ago. its not fancy or expensive or flashy but its always comforting in this really gentle way.

Jongin: hes a kid trying his best okay. everyone is a lil problematic and yall know what im vaguing at and i really do hope he does better but i dont think hes a bad person at all. and that interview he did about reading and coping made me feel a lot of things. I think because of the way society handles things, jongin has been put in a position none of the other members have experienced, and hearing him talk about how he learned to love his skin made me cry a little because same okay. i had to stop blogging about him for a while but i missed his lil sunshine smile and im still rooting for him.

Sehun: MY TINY BEAUTIFUL SUN FAIRY PRINCE LOVE OF MY LIFE ACTUAL ANGEL ON EARTH. SEHUN. I LITERALLY WOULD LAUNCH MYSELF INTO SPACE AND GRAB HIM A STAR IF HE ASKED. Sehun is the most precious boy on this planet and must be protected. hes literally ??????????????? so special. always trying his best. always challenging himself. always trying to make other people happy and proud. sehun lives his life in such bright colors and with so much sincerity !!!!! hes a smol and i would legit hand make him a night light out of star dust because its what he deserves !!!!!!

kris: kris wants u to think hes edgy and cool but hes really just a giant dork that probably cried while watching shrek !!!!!! 

tao: okay that gifset of him telling that one kid how unique his voice is made me cry. because i think tao did a lot of growing up in the last few years and hes honestly transformed into such an incredible solo artist and idk. hes still a smol in my eyes and i want to tuck him in and bring him warm milk but hes all grown up now !!!!!

luhan: MY LIL DEER OKAY. LUHAN IS OUT THERE DOING HIS THING, LIVING HIS CUTE DRAMA FREE LIFE AND I RESPECT HIM FOR THAT. YALL. HE FOUND HIS SOUND AND IS NOW RELEASING MUSIC HE LOVES–MUSIC I LOVE– AND TRYING TO FIND HIS PLACE IN THIS BIG OL WORLD. AND YALL HERE CATCH ME WHEN I FALL. BECAUSE I CRY EVERY TIME. I HOPE LUHAN KNOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM AND HOW GREAT HES DOING.

anyway, i love exo. they make me so happy. like so so happy. also, sappy jongdae anon ur the best.

ask me things!

[highlights-of-the-lowlife]

An open letter

I recently had an...interaction with @lindsayetumbls which was fun. I sent them an ask hoping they would stop using the word lame because it targets disabled people like me.

My ask was (And I have sources for this in case anyone asks)

“I’ve been a fan of your work for years but going through your older work, you’ve used both the R slur and autistic as an insult. In recent videos you’ve the word lame. Could you please find other insults that don’t have a history of dehumanising or actively othering and attacking people like me for having physical and neurological disabilities?”

This was their response. Or at least part of it and more on that in a minute.

“*deep sigh, centers self*

Okay, I actually made a blog post about this YEARS ago. Since its an old blog post, I can understand that you might not have thought to hunt that down. I do think it’s pretty weaksauce to be like “could you please stop??” on eight and nine year old videos when its pretty obvious I have stopped. I shouldn’t have said those things, I was young, it was a different time, mea culpa.

But I do think there is a line to be drawn, and “Lame” is it. Same with words like “imbecile,” “idiot,” “moron” and so on. Yes, there is an underlying history of ableism for some of them. I understand and empathize with why you shouldn’t use as an insult “retarded” and “austistic.” But lame seems to me a bridge too far.

YOU. DO. NOT. GET. TO. DECIDE. WHAT. IS. ABLEIST.

But furthermore this was brought this up in a livestream and laughed about. Literally handwaved away.

http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=G0Qz-ZCwbaQ#Inter__Persona_and_You

(For anyone wondering why its on listenonrepeat.com its because the video has been age gated and this is a workaround. The context starts at 54:00 because it relates to others being called out on trans slurs when they themselves might be NB or trans in some regard. The group brushes it off and says this person might be kinda right but you’re annoying so we will disregard you)

I am far too steamed to write a complete verbatim script for this so feel free if anyone wants to add. The entire defense of the use of slurs in this regard is that the person using them might be part of the group they target. You are not. You are able bodied. I get that my wording could have been vague on the issue of their work from years ago. But. I asked if they would stop using slurs against the physically disabled now. Because of their words in their recent works. And the fact of the matter is there still all the vile R slurs and cracks at autistic people on their channel right now from all those years ago. Monetised of course. Would that be the same if it was a racial slur? Would a buried apology be enough to continue profiting from such actions for other slurs as is or would the offenses  be censored?

As I stated in another ask I sent them, slurs against the disabled have body counts. People like me were actively killed and in some ways still are. There is no vague history especially when its still happening. We were shuttled into asylums and deliberately infected with TB because of words like lame and imbecile. Eugenics only fell out of favour because of the Nazi associations when the Nazis themselves based their programs on what the rest of Europe and the US were doing at the time. The UK is purging the disabled by cutting benefits to unliveable levels. 6000 people have died so far. Part of Brexit was to avoid EU court rulings about this being a massive human rights violation. The US is constantly targetting the disabled by cutting govt aid and access to healthcare, painting people as huge burdens to tax dollars. The abled don’t get to decide the meaning is gone when I hear earn or die on the daily. When people like me as seen as subhuman.

As for the words themselves, they still target people. Words like idiot and imbecile are thrown at the autistic community a lot. Because obviously you can’t attack them for being autistic. It just has to be reframed as weird and bad and wrong. Words targeting the mentally ill like insane are applied to the shitty actions of perfectly happy people, pushing the blame off them and onto the ill as a scapegoat which is why we have such wonderful things as diagnose Trump. His shitty actions clearly aren’t because he has vile opinions. He must be mentally ill. Lame is used to this day to denote horses who need to be shot because of injuries. That could never carry over to people, right? Nobody wants to kill us because of our disabilities, right?

Would she say gay as a synonym for bad was okay? Thats a trick question because I know she wouldn’t. This is no difference no matter how much anyone wants to say the slurs are divorced from their meaning. “No I mean gay as just a word for bad. Its not homophobic”. This is entire hypocritical. But on to the video. She and and cohorts argued that taking these words away would be too hard to do because it would limit the words they can use which is terribad. That sounds familiar. Almost like what the ‘free speechers’ say about racist/homophobic/sexist/transphobic/every other slur now. Can’t take your precious words away now can we? What about the alt right bringing back a bunch of archaic racial slurs? Is it okay because they are old? Whats the timeline? Is it okay because these ableist slurs are starting to fall out of living memory (Fun joke: they aren’t at all)

Also funny she should say you might look back on this in 20 years and cringe for being on the wrong side of history. Especially when told these words hurt people now and all the slur laden videos from 9 years ago are still making money to this day. This could have been a proactive thing. This could have been thought about, discussed and changed now.

But since I can’t seem to convince these people who laughed at me from a treating me as a human because its the right thing to do standpoint, I’ll try to convince them as a writer. The people laughing about me in the video are all writers. They get paid to write. Their livelihood depends on their ability to find words to express ideas and concepts in creative and interesting ways. What does it say when none of them are willing to give up the low hanging fruit of slurs against the disabled? One could call it laziness. Amateur even. To insult them without mentioning slurs or their looks would be trivial. I could call them personified wet doorknobs. Or an overturned damp rock of a human. Or that their soul runneth over with dumpsterjuice that spills into their prose.

So please, feel free to ask @lindsayetumbls @actuallykylekallgren @hbomberguy and @elisaintime why they get to decide what slurs are okay when a disabled person tells them they are harmful.