#ITS ABOUT LOVE AND LIFE AND LOSS ITS FUNNY ITS EMOTIONAL IT'S BEAUTIFUL

[leezuhh]

more people need to play shtdn this is literally critical im going insane

[aurorawritestoescape]

THE OTHER BROTHER

Johnny Miller (Joel’s twin) x f!reader | Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: you’re in love with your neighbor Joel but he doesn’t notice you. After another failure to get his attention, someone unexpected offers their help - Joel’s twin brother, Johnny.

Tw: 18+ mdni, smut, angst, twin au, age gap (Joel and Johnny are in their 30s, reader is in her early 20s), pining, unrequited love, heartbreak, hurt/comfort/hurt/comfort?, virginity loss, insecure reader, soft Johnny, praise kink, size kink, f!oral, breast play, unprotected piv (wrap it up), belly bulge, aftercare, kinda hopeful ending. Pics are only for the mood, reader has no physical description but she wears a dress.

Word count: 7,6 k

A/n: Kate, are Joel and Tommy not enough for you?! Nope, I need one more Miller bro!! I was inspired by Aly’s/ @iamasaddie post and Mina’s / @evolnoomym comment💕💕 Idk whose edit it is, lmk if you do, so I could send my kudos. That edit did something to me. Hope y’all will like the story!💖 Kisses to @milla-frenchy for betaing💋 Dividers by @/saradika-graphics

MASTERLIST

You walked into Joel’s backyard with hope, carrying you on its wings, and excitement, twisting your stomach. A cute summer dress, open sandals, accessories— everything had been planned out and thought over lots of times beforehand. It was your chance to get him to notice you, to finally see you as a woman and not only as his neighbors’ daughter.

You had attended Joel’s barbecues every summer since a few years back when your family had moved on that street. Almost instantly you had fallen in love with your middle aged neighbor Joel. He was handsome, funny, polite, very charming and on top of everything a single parent. Joel seemed to be a wonderful father. You weren’t friends with Sarah, but it wasn’t hard to notice the way they connected. They had that heartwarming father-daughter bond that you and your dad for some reason had never had.

You couldn’t think of anyone else but him. You had thought that leaving for college might have helped but it hadn’t. No one could compare to the perfect Joel Miller. Unfortunately you were just a girl for him. He was always polite and warm but his gaze would always slide over you. You had been crying and yearning for his love for years but it had felt as unreachable as the stars over your head. Unattainable dream.

Thinking that you had nothing to lose, you decided to try your luck once more. You had come back home for a summer break, and after a long time away from your parents you felt mature and confident enough to make Joel notice you. So you stepped into his backyard with a set goal in your mind—to win Joel Miller’s heart.

You found your parents among the other guests and joined them, before searching the backyard for a pair of beautiful brown eyes. Of course Joel was handling the grill. Butterflies in your stomach swirled in excitement, your heartbeat increased but the initial joy of seeing the man of your dreams evaporated instantly, when you noticed that he wasn't alone. His strong arm was wrapped around a waist of a beautiful woman. She was laughing and talking to him, and when Joel leaned down to gently kiss her lips, your heart shattered into a million pieces.

"What's wrong, honey?"

You tried to control your emotions when you heard your mom's voice but it was next to impossible. Upcoming tears squeezed your throat, your lower lip began trembling.

You shook your head and hastily turned away from the sight that set your butterflies on fire - the love of your life was kissing another woman.

“I’m ok,” you lied. “just something in my eye.”

You tried to cover your tears with your hand, and your mom stepped up closer to you, about to offer help but suddenly you heard a deep voice to your right.

“Hey. Don’t think we’ve met.”

Wetness was coating your eyes, distorting your sight, and you barely glanced at the man, who came up to your parents and you, and mumbled,

“Excuse me... I need…need to use the bathroom.”

You rushed away, your parents calling after you but you didn’t stop. You were full on crying.

You ran through Joel’s kitchen and hall and rushed to your house.

You were walking up the stairs of the porch when you heard someone shout behind you,

“Hey, wait!”

You turned around, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand, and what you saw made your jaw drop. Or rather who you saw.

It was Joel. At least you thought so at first. The man looked exactly like your crush but he was dressed differently— Joel whom you had seen five minutes ago was wearing a dark tee while his doppelganger had a plaid green shirt on with a white tee underneath. But the most striking difference was his hair- he had a short buzz cut contrary to Joel’s dark curls. His hair was lighter than his twin’s, just like his eyes.

The stranger came up to you slowly, his expression full of concern and sympathy. You were so flabbergasted that you forgot to hide your reddened eyes and wet face and were staring at the man with your mouth agape.

“I’m Johnny. Joel’s brother. I wanted to make sure ya fine.”

You continued staring at the man, completely lost for words and he talked again,

“I’m his twin brother,” he added, noticing your surprise. “I guess he doesn’t talk much about me, huh?” The stranger smiled as you shook your head.

“Wanna sit down?”

He motioned to the porch bench and you should have probably said ‘no’ and gone to your room to cry your eyes out but a few last minutes were so surreal and emotional that you couldn’t think straight anymore. You nodded. The man followed you there, took a seat at a respectable distance from you, his body turned to you slightly. You were staring at your hands, not sure what to talk about with your new acquaintance.

For a few moments you two were sitting in silence until you remembered the way Joel had been looking at the woman and a pathetic sob crawled up your throat.

“I don’t like her either,” Johnny said and your teary eyes snapped up at him.

“Hm?”

“His new girl. Too bossy. I’m not a fan.”

“I -I don’t… ’don’t like her’. I don’t know her at all,” you croaked.

“Yeah, but you like him, right?”

Your stomach dropped and you faked an awkward laugh, shaking your head.

“No, no, I don’t.”

“Quit lyin’, girl. I’m not dumb. I saw you waltz in there with a happy smile and then when you saw them...Damn, poor thing. Unless you’re in love with her but—,” he chuckled and you hastily shook your head again, waving your hands in protest.

“I don’t love him, oh my god!”

“Ok, ok. Keep denyin’ it. You can watch him get married and have a bunch of kids then.”

When you heard his words your heart froze and, not being able to hide your feelings, you broke into tears, covering your face with your hands.

“Fuck.” The man immediately scooted closer to you and placed his arm around your shoulders.

“’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ve been harsh. Maybe I’m a fool and you just had a bad day, that’s all.”

“No, no, you’re right. I do! I do love him,” you confessed in between sobs.

For a few moments you were crying and Johnny was rubbing your arm with his big hand until he spoke softly,

“You seem like a nice girl. Beautiful, sweet. Have you tried makin‘ him interested?”

You raised your teary eyes at the man and for some weird reason you admitted to him that you had fallen in love with Joel a long time ago but he had never noticed you.

“My brother sounds like an idiot. Look at you. You’re hot, baby.”

You smiled and dropped your eyes.

“And your smile is fuckin’ gorgeous.”

You felt warmth spread in your belly when the man put his finger under your chin and tilted your head up to face him.

You looked at him attentively, taking in every feature of his familiar yet novice face, and noticed that he was as handsome as Joel. His skin was more tan and his eyes were lighter, a mixture of hazel and green, and your heart fluttered at his beauty.

“Do you wanna get ‘im?”

Now it was your turn to laugh.

“Get him?”

“Yeah. First you need to make him notice you.”

“But he has a girlfriend,” you mumbled with defeat ringing in your words.

“So? She ain’t his wife. He can dump her whenever.”

You were quiet.

“Listen. I can get you into this house. Into his life. He’ll see you often and I bet he’ll notice the fuck out of such a hottie.”

You felt your cheeks heat up when you glanced at him and asked,

“How would you do that?”

The man winked at you with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

“Let’s pretend that you and I are going out.”

You giggled, thinking it was a joke, but Johnny kept talking and you realized that he was absolutely serious.

“I’m stayin’ with him right now. We’ll spend a lot of time in his house. He’ll notice you and then fall in love with you in no time.”

“I’m not sure he will. I’m too shy,” you admitted.

“He loves shy girls. And even if you ain’t very talkative. Damn, look at you. You’re hot. And I’ll wingman the fuck out of you.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Brothers share everything. Like, “Bro, yesterday she rocked my world. Her mouth’s heaven. And then she rode me! Damn, she’s the best I ever had. See?”

You were blinking at him with an open mouth and burning up cheeks. When you heard his filthy words you couldn’t help but gush into your panties. Johnny didn’t seem to hold back.

“He’ll be hard over you immediately.”

You furrowed your brows and asked,

“But isn’t there a bro code or something? that you can’t date your brothers’ ex girlfriends?”

“Nah, we don’t follow that.” Johnny waved away your concerns with his big hand. “We dated the same girls all the time in school. What’s good for me’s good for him, right?”

You didn’t know what to think. Johnny's idea was crazy but all of his arguments made a lot of sense. And you were desperate.

“Ok. We can try I guess,” you said, nervously fumbling with the hem of your dress.

“Fuck yeah we can!”

He gave you a charming smile and you smiled back, feeling a little better.

“But my parents can’t know, ok? I’ll tell them I’m with friends.”

“No problem. It’s fake anyway so no reason to make ‘em worry. But—,” he paused, his expression turning serious, — If we want it to work, we need to spend time together beforehand. It’ll help you to get comfortable around me, yeah? to make it believable.”

You nodded, trying to understand what he meant by ‘spend time’.

“Wanna do it now? Let’s hang out in your room. For some time.”

“Aren’t they gonna look for you?” You asked, glancing back at Joel’s house.

“I’m a big boy, baby, I don’t need to tell anyone where I’m goin’.” Johnny replied with a wink.

“Oh yeah, right.”

You got up and headed to the door. Your accomplice followed you, and when you were walking upstairs, you turned to him.

“Johnny, if my parents come early, they can’t see you ok?”

“No problem, I’ll hide in a closet,” he chuckled and gave you another wink.

When you entered your bedroom, Johnny looked around and took his flannel off. He was standing in the middle of your room, white tee stretched over his broad chest, his muscles bulging out of the short sleeves. He rolled them up, exposing more of his arms, and you swallowed loudly. He was bigger than Joel and in your small room he looked so huge and tall, that you felt your core burn.

“Cosy,” Johnny said, walking to your bed and plopped on it unceremoniously. He leaned his back against the headboard, his booted feet hanging off the edge. You were staring at him awkwardly, not knowing if you should sit next to him. Getting on the bed with practically a stranger was not something you could do easily.

So you sat down on a chair by your desk.

"Nah-uh. Get over ‘ere, bunny." He shook his head and patted the space next to him on the bed.

"Ehm... I don't know."

"Jesus, I don't bite. You need to get used to bein’ close to me. Joel isn't stupid. He'll sense that something's fishy if you're skittish like that."

You couldn't deny that he was right. So you came up to the other side of the bed and settled next to him.

"Wanna tell me a bit about yourself, beautiful?" he asked, flashing you a charming smile.

You felt your cheeks burn but after a moment of hesitation, you began telling him about your hobbies, your friends and your plans after graduation. He didn't interrupt you. He asked a few questions but mostly he was just nodding, listening to you attentively. A few times his gaze slid down to your lips, your cleavage, your naked legs, crossed at the ankles.

His eyes were leaving a pleasant heat in their wake until your whole body lit up and a constant warmth settled between your legs. Your pussy was tingling only from you being next to your new acquaintance, hearing his scent, masculine and enticing, seeing him smile at your words. His hazel eyes were getting darker the longer you talked, the more he looked at you.

“What about you, Johnny? What do you do?” You asked, wishing to learn more about the man you were about to fake date.

He averted his eyes and rubbed his scruffy cheek.

”It’s complicated, baby. I’d tell you if you were my girlfriend. For real I mean. But —.” He looked at you with an apologetic smile.

“Oh,” is all you could say in return, blinking at him.

“I can tell you that I travel a lot. ‘s prolly why we’ve never met. I can’t often visit Joel and Sarah.”

It got silent in the room for a moment except for the sound of birds’ chirping, coming through an open window.

“Do you wanna watch something?“ you asked, suddenly feeling awkward.

“Yeah, ‘k.” Johnny took his boots off and placed his feet on the bed. You marveled at how quickly he seemed to get comfortable but decided that he was just that easy-going.

You took your laptop and asked what he wanted to watch.

“Whatever you want, beautiful.”

You smiled at the compliment and your chest fluttered.

”We can watch The Office. It always relaxes me.”

“Yeah, I really wanna see you relaxed, bunny,” he smirked and you stuck your tongue out at him.

A few minutes later you were on the bed, shoulder to shoulder, watching a random episode of the Office that you put on.

Soon Johnny slid down the bedspread and placed his head on your pillow.

“C’mere,” he mumbled, pulling you down with him.

You didn’t know how and why you let him but soon his hand was wrapped around your shoulder and your head was resting on his broad chest.

He was warm and big and you felt your panties dampen more.

“I like that guy,” he commented after some time of watching.

“Ryan? He’s kind of a douche,” you giggled.

“Really?” Johnny hummed.

You continued watching the show, sometimes chuckling from time to time. Once Johnny absentmindedly bucked his hips up and your gaze involuntarily landed on a prominent bulge in his jeans. And then a few times on purpose.

Getting too turned on, you closed your eyes, trying to calm down the fire in your core. Unfortunately it got worse as without your eyesight your whole being concentrated on the strong arm resting heavily on you, on Johnny's scent, his steady, deep breathing.

“Baby?”

Johnny’s voice took you out of your horny trance and you hummed feeling your cheeks burn.

“Can you tell me something?”

“Yes?”

He sat up and you did the same, looking at him with confusion, trying to hide your arousal.

“Can you close your eyes and tell me if my voice is similar to Joel’s? People always answer differently. I wanna know what you think.”

You raised your brows.

“I can tell you right now. It’s similar. Very.”

“No, close your eyes, listen to it.”

You shrugged your shoulders and did what he asked, a little smile dancing on your lips.

“Hey, baby. You're very beautiful.” You smiled wider when you heard his gruff voice, squealing inside at the compliment.

”Thank you, Joel,” you laughed and added, “You sound just like him.” You opened your eyes but Johnny shook his head, motioning for you to shut them again. You did and heard the man sigh deeply.

“Ya know. I’ve been such a fool. I didn’t notice you before but now I see. How gorgeous you are. Crazy hot.”

Your smile vanished as you were listening to him, eyes closed, chewing on your lip. You had dreamed of hearing those words for such a long time that your heart could burst out of your chest at the moment.

“You have a girlfriend, Joel,” you whispered, playing along.

”She’s a mistake. Wish you could forgive me for not tellin’ you all this sooner… Wish I could rip this pretty dress off you and make you scream my name right now.”

Your breath hitched and a new surge of wetness made you squirm in your place.

“Wish I could kiss you right now.”

You instinctively wetted your lips, hearing his words, and the next second Johnny pressed his mouth to yours. You tensed up at first but in a second your body melted at the soft touch. Not opening your eyes, you tilted your head slightly to the side and parted your lips, inviting him in. Immediately Johnny’s tongue slipped inside and brushed yours, gently at first but then more assertively. He was swallowing your pleasured whimpers again and again as you were making out.

”Johnny, I can’t,” you murmured, pulling away and breaking the kiss.

You glanced at him and his expression took your breath away. He looked like he was ready to pounce on you any second. His eyes were burning with desire, lips glistened with your saliva and his broad chest was heaving, dangerously close to ripping his tee.

He visibly tried to calm himself down— he took a deep breath and then placed your hand between his.

“Yeah, fuck, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost control like that.” His expression softened as his eyes were locked with yours.

“No, don’t be. It was nice but … but…”

You struggled to continue, the words got stuck in your throat.

Johnny’s eyes were darting between yours, as he was patiently waiting for you to continue.

Then you whispered, your voice barely audible, gaze downcast, “I’m a virgin.”

You expected any reaction but not the one he gave you.

“Fuck.”

Your eyes snapped up at him and tears immediately welled up in your eyes. Johnny looked straight up disappointed. He pulled away from you and your sob broke the icy silence in the room. You were always terrified to admit it to people, especially to men, and at that moment your worst nightmare was coming true.

“‘s bad,” Johnny mumbled, still not looking at you. “Shit.”

You were hurt but your pain quickly turned into anger.

“Please leave!”

As if finally having noticed your distress, Johnny turned to you, shaking his head.

“Oh fuck, no, no, I don’t mind. Shit. I think— it’s great—for whatever reason you—no. It’s Joel, baby.”

“What? What about Joel?” you asked, feeling a little better, when he took your hands in his and answered,

”He’s not a fan of virgins. Never was. He told me many times he didn’t want the responsibility of bein’ someone’s first.”

“Why?” You felt your heart shuttering again.

“Don’t know,” Johnny shrugged, ”I guess he prefers someone more experienced. Once he broke up with a girl when he found out she was a virgin.”

Now it was your turn to curse.

“Fuck.” You probably looked absolutely defeated and Johnny rapidly wrapped his arm around you to pull you to his torso.

You started silently crying on his shoulder, having realized that Joel would never love you, would never even give you a chance.

Johnny was rubbing your arm with his big warm hand while you were soaking his white tee with tears, until he said,

“You know, it’s not a big deal.”

You sniffed and sat up straight.

“What do you mean not a big deal?” your voice was shaky and small. “You’ve just said he hates virgins.”

Johnny lifted his hand to wipe your wet face with his thick fingers.

“Kinda easy to lose it, beautiful. Your v card.”

“No, it’s not. I wanted Joel to— to do it. I don’t want anyone else.”

You were pouting your lips, eyes reddened and teary staring at the man sitting close to you. In your blurry vision he looked even more like Joel.

”I can help you, bunny,” Johnny offered with a lopsided smile. He tilted his head to the side and waited for your reaction.

You swallowed loudly when you heard him and turned away. You couldn’t deny that Johnny was hot, your soaked panties were a good evidence of your desire for him but how could you do it with a man you had just met. Who wasn’t Joel.

Joel who had a girlfriend.

Joel who didn’t want to deal with virgins.

Joel who never noticed you.

You looked back at the twin brother of the man you loved and asked,

“Would you really do it for me?”

Johnny cleared his throat.

“Ehm… yeah, why wouldn’t I? You’re hot,” he said it so matter of fact-ly that it sounded sincere and you believed that he really wanted to help.

“Ok, good,” you said, with an air of uncertainty. “We can try but maybe not today, ok? We’ve just met,” you mumbled, fumbling with your fingers.

“Yeah. ‘Course,” Johnny smirked and then quickly added, “Did you like it when I kissed you?”

Not looking at the man you nodded.

“Want me to do it again?”

His question made your heart skip a beat. You had felt amazing when he had kissed you, your body reacted to him in a wonderful way and, after glancing up at his plush lips, you nodded the second time.

Johnny gently cupped your cheek and leaned towards you. His lips began caressing yours, your tongues tangled and, not breaking the kiss, you scooted closer to him on the bed. He read your intentions and pulled you into his big strong arms. His hand snaked up to the back of your head, the other was pressed to your lower back, keeping you close, as you were tasting him, feeling his heart thump against your chest. You were floating.

Soon his mouth slithered to your jaw and he nibbled on your skin there while his hands began roaming your body, gliding over your back, your arms until he squeezed your ass with his palms and you moaned into his mouth.

“Oh, baby, ya fuckin’ hot,” he groaned and you felt his lips suck a hickey into your neck while his hand snaked under your skirt. He engulfed your whole asscheek with his palm and your thin lacy panties easily let the heat of his skin seep through. You whimpered when the pads of his fingers glided down to your clothed pussy. Just one touch was enough for your brain to panic and you pulled away from him.

“Sorry, Johnny, it’s too much.”

You wanted to get off the bed, the whirlwind of emotions overwhelming you, but he grabbed you by the hand.

“Don’t leave. Please. Sorry, bunny. I went in too fast.“

You sat down on your heels, catching your breath and trying to calm down your foggy mind and burning up body.

“Let’s cuddle. C’mon. Jus’ wanna hold you.”

He returned your laptop to your desk and lay down on the bed that now seemed too small for his huge body. It made the whole situation even hotter.

A fear of the unknown and an immense desire were fighting in your heart, and you let the latter win, assuring yourself that you were just going to get used to him hugging you, so you could get close to Joel later.

That’s why you let him wrap his strong arms around you, let his face be inches from yours, let his hot breath fan your lips, let his scent intoxicate you. You were lying in his embrace for just a few moments before his lips found yours, and you didn’t fight it anymore, you welcomed their warmth.

He was more careful that time, slowly pulling you close to his body, but his hands didn’t wander. What was making you melt was his quiet words, seeping into your ears between kisses, barely audible through your soft whimpers, smacking of the lips and his breathing.

“Ya taste like honey—beautiful girl—Joel’s fuckin’ lucky—so pretty—could eat you whole, baby.”

Contrary to him, you were getting bolder and sent your hands roam his broad back, squeeze his masculine arms, glide over the slopes of his shoulders and then run through his short hair that pleasantly tickled your palms.

It was a matter of time before he slowly pushed you on your back and began kissing your neck. You tilted your head back into the pillow, giving him more access and he happily growled against your heated skin.

“Good girl,” you heard his praise and the ache of your pussy made you press your thighs together.

“Oh, Joe…Johnny,” you started and then hastily corrected yourself.

Johnny stopped nibbling on your collarbone and your heart froze, expecting him to get angry, but the man smiled at you.

“You can call me Joel, beautiful… to practice, yeah? Soon he’s gonna be the one kissin’ you.”

The suggestion sounded insane but in your aroused, overwhelmed with feelings state you let yourself imagine the man you loved caressing you with his lips. You fluttered your eyes shut and it was so easy to fantasize about Joel’s hand holding your hip and pressing you into the mattress, Joel’s lips peppering kisses along your neck and then going down, reaching the plush of your cleavage. Drowning in your fantasy you missed the moment Johnny’s chin pushed your neckline down, exposing more of your breasts. You rubbed your thighs against each other, chasing pressure on your tingling pussy, as his palm started kneading your tit over the fabric.

“Yeah, Joel,” you breathed out and didn’t stop yourself that time, fully succumbing to the want of your heart and body.

Your mind turned off completely, you were so gone in pleasure, that when you finally opened your eyes, to your surprise you saw Johnny’s hot tongue swirl around your pebbled nipple. A loud moan flew out of your parted lips as your hazy gaze took in the sight of your dress and bra pulled down and the man caressing your nipples, alternating between sucking and licking them, while your naked chest was heaving under his ministrations.

With his mouth almost engulfing your whole breast, Johnny glanced up at you and his blown out lustful eyes sent another bolt of arousal through your core.

“Johnny, please,” was all you could muster. He hummed into your tit before parting from it and searching for your glossy eyes.

“Do you like it when I do this?” He asked, his breath hitting your saliva coated skin, your nipples as hard as diamonds now. You mumbled a weak ’yeah’..

“Good. And have you ever had your pussy kissed, beautiful?”

You bit your lip, almost reaching your high just from hearing the question.

“No,” you whispered back and Johnny shot you a mysterious smile.

“Can I be the first, baby?”

“I— I don’t know,” you said hesitantly.

“C’mon, bunny. I wanna make you feel good. Wanna feel real good?”

The act seemed to you so intimate and vulnerable, just an idea of it made you anxious.

“Lil scared bunny,” he smiled and then wrapped his fingers around your naked breast, holding it in his hand. “Look.”

A second later his lips brushed your nipple again, his dark eyes locked with yours.

“Imagine the nipple is your little clit. I’ll jus’ lick it like that.”

His tongue stroked it, covering the sensitive bud in his saliva.

“Then I’ll suck on it like this.”

Johnny took it into his mouth and applied gentle suction to it.

“I’ll make you come so hard like that. It’s just another type of kissing, baby.”

You’ve never been turned on more than at that moment so after a few moments of consideration you shoved your fears away and whimpered,

“Ok.”

“Good girl.”

You hole clenched when you heard his praise. Johnny pulled the hem of his tee up and took it off.

Your breath hitched when you saw his strong chest and soft belly with a happy trail that led under his jeans. Johnny casually glided his hand over his strong torso and you bit your lip, not letting out another needy whimper.

“‘s getting too hot,” he mumbled and lay down between your thighs. His legs were hanging off the bed and you marveled at the muscles, flexing in his back and shoulders. You wondered if Joel’s body was as gorgeous as his twin brother’s. Of course it was, you thought.

The dress was still covering you and after a nod from you, Johnny lifted your skirt. Your hips flew up as if by themselves when he started sliding your panties off.

”Fuck, baby, this is the most beautiful pussy I’ve ever seen,” his soft voice praised you as you were lying in front of him, almost naked and trembling with nerves.

“Thank you,” you whispered back.

“Can’t wait to taste you.”

He spread your folds with his index finger and a thumb while his shoulders were keeping your thighs wider apart. Your pussy opened up to him like an offering.

“Pretty flower,” he commented and immediately did what he’d promised.

He licked your hardened clit, drawing a pathetic moan from you, and then lapped at it a few times. The sensations you were feeling were incomparable to anything you’d ever experienced. Your hand darted to your naked breasts and you began twitching your nipples.

“Fuck, yeah,” he mumbled against your sex and the vibrations sent shivers through your body.

Johnny smiled, having noticed your reaction, and began sucking on your bud, massaging it between his lips.

“Ahhh—oh my god—oh yeah,” was all you could mutter. When you were on the brink of ecstasy, his tongue slid down and snuck into your virginal hole. He began fucking you with it, spreading your walls with his flattened tongue and your needy screams, moans and whimpers filled the bedroom. You were sure that if someone was passing by your house, they’d hear the sounds of your pleasure but your mind was switched off, only the bliss between your legs and the man giving it to you mattered at that moment.

You tried to grab his hair but it was too short to hold on to so your palm pressed onto the back of his head as you were greedily holding Johnny's mouth against your pussy.

“Fuckin’ delicious. Can’t believe I’m first.”

With your glossed over gaze you watched him return his tongue to your throbbing clit and stroke it a few times, until your eyes rolled back and a hard orgasm exploded like fireworks inside your core, sending hot waves of euphoria through your body.

Johnny didn’t stop lapping at you until you tried to close your legs, the ache of overstimulation burning you.

He sat up and wiped his wet chin with the back of his hand, the other hand splayed over your thigh, gently rubbing it.

“Look at you, beautiful. Came hard for me, huh? Jus’ like I promised.”

He smiled at you, visibly pleased with your almost drunk post-orgasmic state. Your tits were out and slightly pushed up by the neckline, nipples puffy from his and your caress, your summer dress bunched up around your waist, your glistening pussy fully on display.

While your eyes were admiring the beauty of his features, so similar to Joel’s, you failed to notice his hands unzipping his jeans and pulling them down.

Your gaze darted to the lower part of his body when you spotted a movement there— his hard cock bobbing over your naked cunt.

It was long, quite thick, with a fat tip that was oozing clear precum. He stroked the shaft a couple of times with his big hand and grunted, “ya wanna make me feel good too, baby?”

As if by an instinct your thighs opened up wider, inviting him inside you, your mind clouded by lust.

“Yes, Johnny.”

“Nah, baby, call me Joel,” he gruffed as he bent down, planted his hands on the bed, next to your shoulders and added, ”I know you wanna. And I ain’t against role playing.”

“Really?”

“Sure, bunny.”

It was wrong. And so hot at the same time. You giggled, sound strained by the nerves, twisting your stomach. He was big and you had never imagined your first time happening with a man you’d just met. Yet your pussy was screaming to be pierced with a cock. His cock. You’d never been turned on that much in your life and you gave in to the temptation without a second thought.

His lips found yours at the same time his tip nudged your hole, and when his tongue slipped into your mouth, the head of his cock pushed assertively into you.

He swallowed your whine and paused, hovering over your face, your eyes locked.

“Shit, ya tight. But we can do it, yeah, bunny?”

”It hurts, Johnny.”

“Shhh, not Johnny, remember? C’mon, it’ll help you relax.”

“Joel.”

“Yeah, good girl.”

As if the name of the man you loved was magical, you walls relaxed a little, letting in a few inches of his brother’s manhood.

Johnny planted a light kiss on your lips and you felt his thumb graze your clit before he began gently rubbing it.

“Close your eyes, beautiful, let my cock taste your sweet cunt.”

“Oh, fuck, Joel,” you moaned, fully lost in the fantasy, and squeezed your eyelids shut.

“Now breathe. Big breaths, bunny.”

He was whispering praise into your ear, distracting you from the dull pain of the stretch, slowly pushing his length in while his thumb was swirling around your clit.

“Like that, beautiful—yeah, tight little cunt— the tip’s in—good, so good—a little more, baby—my good girl—fuck, it’s almost in—-YEAHHH..”

His triumphant growl mixed with your loud moan when his balls hit your ass and you felt full like never before.

As soon as he sheathed his manhood inside your warm tight cunt, your lips locked, and while your tongues were sliding against each other, you were trying to get used to the feeling of something so long and thick stuffed inside you.

Your walls soon accommodated his cock and the pain slowly dissipated, giving way to pleasure.

“Ima be gentle, baby,” Johnny promised, after breaking the kiss, and languidly rolled his hips into yours. The sensation of his big member moving inside your tight channel made you tilt your head back into the pillow and open your lips in a silent moan.

He didn’t lie. With one hand planted on the bed, the other playing with your clit, he was sliding his cock in and out of your sopping pussy, slowly but surely bringing you closer to the peak. Your greedy hands danced over the slopes of his strong chest, fingers digging into his biceps, nails leaving white marks on his tan skin.

“Yes, Joel—please—so good, Joel,” you were whispering, letting your broken heart believe that the man you had always dreamed about was between your legs at that moment.

Johnny’s greedy eyes couldn’t get enough of you- your lustful expression, your tits bouncing with each thrust, your folds, spread around his base.

“Ya have the wettest pussy, baby. Soakin’ me so good. Look at all that cream.”

With hazy eyes you watched him swipe his thumb over the base of his cock, coated in your pearly juices, and bring it to his lips. He took the finger in his mouth and hummed in pleasure.

Your tongue slid over your lower lip and, taking it as an invitation, Johnny kissed you, sharing the taste of your desire.

You were melting under his unhurried thrusts, but your core needed more and, too shy to ask for it, you began meeting his hips halfway, fucking yourself on his cock harder.

“Mmm, bunny wants more?” Johnny smirked into a corner of your lips.

“Yes, Joh—Joel, please.”

“Of course, beautiful. Let’s make this sweet pussy scream.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he sat up and pulled your hips to himself. You slid one the bed with a gasp and he chuckled before thrusting in harder.

His tip hit your cervix and you grasped the sheets with a moan.

“Hurts, baby?”

“A little.”

He shook his head, grabbed a spare pillow and, after lifting your hips, placed it under your ass.

“Now?” he asked as he pulled his cock out to the tip and then shoved it back inside.

You whimpered when his cock kissed something delicious inside you and the sensation made you clench around his stiff member.

“Like that, yes, yes,” you mumbled, sounding drunk, eyes set on the place where you were joined.

Johnny smiled and rolled his hips again, the stroke hard and deep, and then again and again until he was rutting into you while you were turning into a whimpering, cock-dumb mess.

When he tilted his hips up and drilled his manhood into your cunt, you both saw a bulge appear in your belly and you gasped at the sight. You’d never seen anything like it.

Not stopping, Johnny placed his palm over the lump and tilted his head, watching and feeling his cock move under your skin.

“Fuck, ‘s hot.” He looked mesmerized. “You’re hot, bunny. Shit, gonna come soon. Do it with me.”

His thumb continued dancing on your clit and it took just a few strokes for you to explode. Your pulsating pussy was flattering around his manhood, nerves ablaze, while your juices flooded him inside your core, soaking his hot, soft skin, stretched over his throbbing cock. It was the hardest, most pleasant orgasm of your life and the warmth between your legs spread out, filling your heart with gratitude and affection.

Johnny was unaware of your inner feelings, and as soon as your pussy relaxed around him, he pulled his cock out and after a couple of pumps, started painting your pussy and belly with pearly white ropes of his thick cum.

You watched his balls draw up, his slit push out the load like you’d never seen anything more beautiful. Endorphins in your blood made you feel like you were floating, your limbs pleasantly tingling, and when your eyes met, you gave Johnny a tired, satisfied smile.

He answered it with his lopsided one and plopped on the bed next to you. You were catching your breath for some time until he tucked his softening cock into his jeans, got up and went to the bathroom.

You felt like you couldn’t move a muscle and, when he returned, he helped you to clean up with a wet towel.

“I reckon you ain’t on the pill,” he mumbled, wiping the cum off your skin.

“No. I will be,” you said, glancing up at him but his eyes were set on the task.

When he was done, you reached for him.

“Wanna cuddle?”

To your disappointment Johnny shook his head, and grabbed his tee off the floor.

“Need to go, bunny. I have a thing.”

You sat up, fixing your wrinkled dress, covering yourself up.

“Ok.” Your voice, small and sad, made him pause and he stepped up to the bed and bent down, reaching for you.

His hand cupped your heated cheek and he kissed you before speaking.

“Let’s have dinner tomorrow. At Joel’s.”

You beamed at him, nodding eagerly.

Before leaving he wrote his number on a note and gave you a wink.

“Wear something hot for Joel. And for me.”

You barely slept that night— the memory of your first sex was playing on a loop in your head. Every time you closed your eyes, you felt Johnny’s hands on your body, his cock stretching you, and your pussy ached for him again. You made yourself come twice with your fingers and when the sun was already breaking through the inky sky, only then you fell asleep.

The next day you woke up early and texted Johnny ‘good morning’. He didn’t reply and you thought he must be still sleeping. So you busied yourself with preparations for the dinner— choosing the clothes to wear, makeup, accessories. You wanted to look casual but hot like Johnny had asked you. You decided on a pair of tight jeans and a sexy top and went to the kitchen.

You lied to your parents that in the evening you were meeting a friend. Like always after any party your mom was spilling out all the gossip she’d gathered the day before. Both you and your dad just hummed here and there, not really interested in the boring rumors but suddenly your ears perked up when she mentioned Joel’s twin brother.

”I can’t believe that man. No shame at all.”

She noticed that she finally had your active attention and her eyes lit up.

“What’s wrong with Johnny?” you asked, while fear was creeping up in your chest.

“He’s such a deadbeat brother. Poor Joel.”

It seemed like you stopped breathing altogether, listening to your mother talk about the man who had taken your virginity the day before. She continued,

“Johnny visits him once a year, borrows money and vanishes until the next time he needs it. Joel’s a single father! Working man! And that leach uses his kindness and generosity. Ugh!”

“How do you know all that?” you asked, grasping at the last straw of hope that it was a lie, misunderstanding, baseless rumour.

“Dear, everyone knows that,” your mother laughed and started talking about the other neighbor who had told her and you didn’t hear her anymore. Your thoughts were racing and your heart was pounding loudly in your ears.

You excused yourself and ran to your room.

‘He vanishes’—the words of your mother were ringing in your head, your stomach being twisted by nerves.

You plopped on your bed and called Johnny. He didn’t pick up. You decided to wait. 5 min later you called him again. Nothing.

In three hours you were a nervous mess. You had cried several times, had sent dozens of messages that were unanswered and unread, had called him more times that you wished to admit but hadn’t heard his voice once.

That phone number was the only thing that he had left you, yet you realized that there was another option.

You put on the clothes you’d prepared for the dinner, rinsed your face off your tears as well as you could and headed to Joel’s.

When you knocked on the door, you feared that no one would answer. The uncertainty was suffocating you and your breathing was heavy. All you wished for was to get answers - did the man who had taken your virginity lie to you? Did he use you like a fuck toy and vanished? Was his attention to you just a means to get into your panties?

You were chewing nervously on your lower lip when Joel opened the door. For a second you thought it was Johnny, so much they looked alike but a little ray of hope dissipated when you saw the man’s soft curls.

”Hey, sweetheart,” Joel greeted you, visibly confused by your visit.

You cleared your throat and mumbled,

“Hello. Could I see Johnny?”

Joel opened his mouth and closed it before mumbling,

“Fuck.”

Your heart fell in your stomach when you saw him pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh.

“Sweetheart. Excuse me but— Was he with you yesterday?”

You nodded and he cursed again.

“He told me— he—,” Joel paused, his expression sad and apologetic. ”I’m so sorry, sweetie, but he left this morning. I don’t know what he told you but—.”

He shook his head, looking physically pained to be telling you that.

When all your fears were proven right, you couldn’t keep your despair inside anymore. Tears burst out of your eyes as you were nodding at Joel’s words like everything was alright. Like you weren’t hurt. The tears flowed so much that you barely could see Joel through the wetness in your eyes.

Joel placed his warm hand on your shoulder.

“Please, sweetheart, come inside.”

When you asked Joel about Johnny, he immediately understood that you were the girl he had slept with the previous night. Johnny had bragged about fucking the hottest chick in the neighborhood.

Joel couldn’t believe it had been you, so shy and sweet, he’d never expected Johnny to get his hands on someone so pure and lovely.

He felt horrible for letting his vagabond brother into his home again, and subsequently into your life. When you were sitting in his kitchen, crying quietly, he wanted to comfort you so badly his heart hurt. He placed a hot cup of tea in front of you and you thanked him between sobs. A pang of guilt shot through his heart.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he cooed, stepping up to you. He took your hands in his and when you lifted your face and gave him a little smile, your gorgeous eyes full of tears, Joel felt something stir in his heart. Something he hadn’t felt for a long time. It made his breath hitch for a moment.

Even with your face streaked with tears you were so damn beautiful.

Why hadn’t he ever noticed how beautiful you were?

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

MASTERLIST

General tag list: @milla-frenchy @harriedandharassed @iamasaddie @nervousmumbling @bbyanarchist @stevie75 @puduvallee @auteurdelabre @mountainsandmayhem @senoratess @flamingochick55 @theoraekenslover @schnarfer @mermaidgirl30 @staywildflowahchild @yesjazzywazzylove-blog @evolnoomym @keylimebeag @joelmillerisapunk @pascaltesfaye @fruityreads @itwasntimethatdidit40

[imababblekat]

A Princely Predicament (MLM)

@xxrainmxx ,"Hello, can I request headcanon of Sidon declaring his feelings to his crush? (Male reader if you can)"

~xXx~

The rhythmic croaking of frogs accompanied the princes' frantic pacing, his webbed feet splishing and splashing as he moved back and forth in the small pool. Stopping briefly, his eyes a lit with an idea and just as quickly shut tight as he shook said thought away, feeling his cheeks heat slightly in embarrassment.

“No, no, that won’t do either.”, he grumbled coming to plop down on a nearby rock.

Prince Sidon was starting to feel more troubled than he had the past few days combined. Resting into his large palms that had been propped up on his knees, the Zora thought back to the source of his current predicament. (Y,n), a Hylian male who he met sometime ago through Link and Zelda, had ever so quickly taken up root in Sidon’s heart. At first, he thought it had been due to simple admiration like with Link, but soon came to realize that it was something much more with the boy. Not only was (y,n) physically attractive to Sidon, but more importantly he had a very enchanting personality. Kind, funny, strong willed, were the simplest of definitions that came to Sidon’s mind if asked to describe his infatuation. It was of course much more than that, but for once, the Zora Prince was at a loss of vocabulary to depict just how much (y,n) gleamed in his eyes.

With a heavy sigh, Sidon looked to the hotfooted frog resting on a lilly pad beside him.

“Oh to be a whimsical frog, living life without the trouble of a heavy heart. Or perhaps you feel complex love just as well as I and others?”

The amphibian only stared back with two, slow blinking eyes, leaving Sidon wondering if the creature was even aware of its existence, but continued nonetheless.

“It’s just. . .I’m so used to receiving such fondness from the girls around me, but never another guy. Hylia, I don’t think I’ve actually ever felt this way about someone before him!”, Sidon exasperated, throwing his arms up but his little audience didn’t even flinch, still sitting with blank stares.

“I’m usually so confident, even in the face of adversity. Yet, whenever (y,n) is around, I feel like a youngling again about to swim up their first waterfall. He makes me feel a way I’ve never felt before. It’s like my heart is about to jump out of my chest! And while it is most thrilling it is also somehow so terrifying. However, I some how feel a deep sorrow or emptiness whenever he leaves. Whether it’s just the room or the domain all together.”

The little frog before the deeply fallen Zora, blinked one eye, and then the other, before shooting out its tongue to moisten one of them. Shaking his head slightly bewilder from such a weird action, Sidon released yet another sigh before turning to look down at his feet, watching the gentle ripples of water around his ankles.

“I really mean it when I say I’ve not felt this way before for anyone. (Y,n) is wonderful, beautiful, handsome, charismatic, you name it. Though I doubt you could come up with any words to encapsulate how truly magnificent he is of a person. If only it were easier to tell him how very fond I am of him. Just walk up to him and say. . .”

Sidon’s expression turned determinate, a frustration at his own lack of courage to confess his emotions to his closest friend bubbling up with in. Standing up quickly, the Prince looked straight down towards the little frog, who still blankly peered back and with a ferocity to his tone, he loudly professed.

“I love you!”

A silence befell around Sidon, the only sound being the tranquil waters around him and other melodies' of nature. Then, out of no where, a firm cough, one used to get the attention of another, and in absolute horror, Sidon turned around so fast he could have given himself whiplash.

“(Y-y,n)!!”

Said Hylian stood there, his cheeks flushed a handsome hue of scarlet, as his gaze followed the quickly retreating frog from beside the large Zora.

“You know, I’d be pretty jealous right now, except. . .”, (y,n) peered back to catch the panicked gaze of Sidon. “I doubt you were confessing to the frog."

Despite his racing heart, the cheeky grin adorning (y,n) face, had Sidon release a light laugh.

“How long have you been there?”, he cautiously asked, feeling his own cheeks alight like his adorations.

“Long enough to know it’s okay for me to do this.”

Sidon confused by (y,n) statement did not have time to question, as the Hylian swiftly walked over to gently pull the large man down and plant a gentle kiss to his lips. The Prince could not believe what was happening, and it took him a quick second to register that all of this was real. That his deep, heartfelt emotions were being reciprocated by his closest of friends. The friend who made all of his charismatic bravado evaporate simply by entering the same room. As soon as it did all register however, Sidon was quick to return the kiss with just as much love if not more, kneeling down for ease of his new partner and holding him close as ever.

Perhaps, he should talk to frogs more often.

~xXx~

[nijigasakilove]

It feels like the last 28 weeks have been a once in a lifetime experience. To witness a show like this on a weekly basis is a blessing and words can’t describe the sense of loss I feel to see it end. I’ll be thinking of this show for decades like how Frieren thinks back on Himmel.

Not only has it maintained its number 1 of all time status, it’s even gone up higher. No fluke. The people have spoken. FMAB reign is over.

Onto the finale itself, after Fern and Frieren’s results last week it’s time for serie to evaluate the rest of the examinees. She lowkey cooked Denken by calling him washed, but praising him at the same time lol. Glad he passed, better late than never. Never too old to get your education as they say. Übel didn’t even have to speak to pass, four eyes not even showing up to the exam was a crazy twist, just off that alone he deserved to pass. Ol girl passing just because she said Serie was cute and small is like bribing the teacher lmao.

To think that Denken’s reason for becoming a mage was due in part to his admiration for Frieren’s deeds in the hero’s party is so cool. Glad he regained his love and joy for the fun aspect of magic after this exam. Even at his age, still learning new things.

Enjoyed the conversation with Frieren and Wirbel as well. I never would have taken him for being the kind person who values the “insignificant” moments in life, like helping a random person with things they’ve dropped. All thanks to the influence of Himmel and his party. It had to be surreal for these people to have taken the test with Frieren, someone who they idolised.

Serie so childish for not letting Frieren in the ceremony lol. It’s funny she does all this big talk about other people and still can’t express her emotions. A big tsundere at the end of the day, but Flamme and every single one of her students meant the world to her. Wish she’d tell Lermen one day before he dies how important he is to her. It’s sad that even at his old age he feels he still needs to prove himself to her by defeating Frieren. Like Frieren said, these mages can be so awkward.

Choosing a spell that cleans laundry as your reward is such a Fern thing to do lol.

LOVED the final “tearful goodbyes aren’t our style” flashback to Himmel. The ending of the episode itself felt like that as well. Not gonna cry cause I know we’ll get more of this beautiful series some day. 🙏🏾 thank you Madhouse for this masterclass. You won’t be forgotten, just like Himmel.

Review is up on myanimelist as usual: https://myanimelist.net/reviews.php?id=519116

[lalazeewrites]

What are your personal favorite Gallavich fics?

OKAY, BUCKLE IN!

I actually answer this fic and Tumblr like glitched and deleted it and I was crushed about it, but now I'm back. Ready to tackle this again!

First off, I have 90 Gallavich fics bookmarked. So let's start with the fact that I have a lot of fics that I LOVE and I'm going to link you right here to my Gallavich Bookmarks, should you want to look. I didn't add to my list any purely smutty fics and I have A LOT of amazing ones Bookmarked.

That being said, here are my personal standouts. I'm NOT putting these in order of how much I like them, because I would simply die on the spot under that kind of pressure.

BELOW THE READ MORE: 25 FIC RECS & SHORT RAVE REVIEWS

Life, or Something by @palepinkgoat

This fic encapsulates a lot of things that I crave in a fic that is designed specifically for my tastes. Personal journeys that begin rocky and work toward healing. Dark themes that are treated in a very matter-of-fact way instead of rolling in angst. The growth of mental health. You'll probably see those themes a lot in the fics I love. I also have a fascination with all things death, as someone who has almost died many times and who struggles with a chronic illness. This fic is so. . .beautiful? Articulate. FEELING. I love everything about it.

Belladonna by devovitsuasartes

Oh, THIS. Oof. Okay, this is fantasy HOW I WANT IT. So intricate, so unique, so embedded into the world-building that isn't word-dumped on us with exposition, but SHOWN to us. Witches and forced familiars, complicated family dynamics, rough pasts, coming full circle between the beginning and the end. Emotional journeys, coming back from tough experiences, PINING. This is the fantasy for ME.

Is There Somewhere by andchaos

Soulmates! Soulmarks! Mute Ian who is really fucking funny and sweet and Mickey who doesn't think he has a soulmate because he has no 'first words said to me' mark. I love the dance, I love their rapport, I love how warm this fic is. I've read it several times for comfort.

You Can Bite Me by @goodkwuestion

It's easy as breathing to love all of this author's fics, but this is the one for me, and it has nothing to do with the fantasy vampire aspect. This is one of the only fics that has made me cry. I don't cry from fics, almost ever. The write in this goes from hilarious, witty, clever, and sharp, and then swoops you into appreciating the beauty and sanctity of life, traversing the journey of loss and grief, embracing the passage of time, welcoming love into your life, and simply embracing what it means to be human. This fic touched me in ways I'll never be able to express without a five page essay.

Etherized Against The Sky by Snarfle

A canon-divergent story from 1x09 onward. I couldn't put this into words if I tried, because it is EVERYTHING. Everything that I could ever want in a canon compliant type of fic. Holy shit, does this make me ache. It explores so many facets of their growth, mental health, self-acceptance, found family, rebuilding blood family, and learning how to live in the world of Shameless, but this time, thriving. A complete work of art.

You make me feel human by Dragona

Listen. LISTENNN. Are you listening? Anything that is considered a 'dark' AU is going to be my jam. Anything that dips its toe or severed foot into Hannibal or Murder Husbands type worlds are not just up my alley, but they're leading right up to my fucking house and knocking on the door. This is it, folks! This is the one! No one did it like this fic did it! PLUS: A happy ending? Bitch, I'm on the ground.

My Nine Lovers by @annatrow

While we're talking kiss kiss bang bang gun boyfriends, let's just slap this fic right down here, because holy fuck, I have read it at least three times. The pining? The smut? The secrets? SEXY MURDER BOYFRIENDS TURNED HUSBANDS??? Yeah, honey, I'm here in the front row with my little #1 fingie! My Bookmark comment says "This was so fucking clever and reverent and heartening and joyful."

The Mask of Insanity by @annatrow

Yeah yeah, I am trying to pick only one per author, but I simply cannot with this one. It's so fucking gritty and smart and sharp and emotional. Full of depth, character growth, strange life coincidences, bad boys and good guys and where they fall in between together. I'm big on fics that make you fall down, get scraped up real good, then pick you up by the armpits and say, bitch, we're got more to go!

Conflict of Interest by @thisdivorce

Everyone and their mom knew this was coming. It has everything I crave in a fic. Exceptional characterization. Deeply flawed, real humans living through real life events. The struggles of being queer and unsupported, specifically within the trans community. Journeys through mental health and the pitfalls of navigating the world when you don't see it as clearly as others might. Tearing and screaming out of the confines you've built around yourself, even if they're comfortable and safe, but knowing it's no longer right for you. This fic as everything and more and I've read it three times now because it fills my heart.

(And since this author is possibly probably my fav ever in this fandom, check out WIPs Reckoner and Change Like Shifting Shadows because their writing speaks to my pain and love on a bone deep level.)

Burden of Proof by DodgerBear

Okay, I really fucking like crime fics. Whether on the good side, bad side, or grey side, I love crime fics. This one is soooooo good, and I LIVE for the pining, the draw between them, the SPICE. Please! This is so fucking well done! Whip smart and sexy!

(and shout out to WIP by the same author, Quatervois, for which I will wait an eternity to update, I don't care, go read it NOW.)

Wild West Ian and Mickey by 09cityskylights

Always always always, I will be invested in Western AUs. Any fandom, anywhere, any time. I love for Westerns and this author does it so perfectly. I fucking adore this journey and I can't recommend it enough.

Can't Figure You Out by Crimson_Bebop

If I'm going to pick one office AU from the lot (and there's so many good ones, check out this post for more), it's gonna be this. It's nerve-wrecking, hot as hell, an emotional rollercoaster. You're rooting for both of them so badly, but they both require different but equally important things in their lives, and finding that middle ground is MESSY.

Dancing After Death by @squidyyy23

Oh man. Oh shit. I don't know where or hot to start, because this combines two of my fav things, Sons of Anarchy with Shameless. It combines them, yes, but more important, this is completely it's own beast with an incredibly detailed timeline of events. It's hot as all HELL, it's gritty, it's real, it's loving and tender and difficult and highly charged with emotion and struggle. LIVING FOR IT. I have read this three times.

Teenagers Scare The Living Shit Out Of Me by Mellow_Yellow

Oh hey, we're back at the Lala Loves Murder & Crime Show, and yeah, this one is FULL of it. It's so fucked up. It's so well written. The character growth is fucking A+, the murder reveal is exceptional, the mystery is FRAUGHT WITH DANGER. Guys! It's so fucking GOOD!

Teenage Dirtbag by @celestialmickey

Hah. . .I have read this three times. I'll never have read it enough times. Ian is 17 in 1999 here and I was 12 at the time, so everything this fic speaks to speaks of my entire adolescence and I just. Deeply cherish every moment. I savor every chapter of slow build. I revel in their victories. I sing along to all of their songs that I already know by heart, I wiggle in my seat to the Spotify soundtrack, I live for the vingettes of their happy ending. This fic is so magicl and wias written with such love and care.

you'll never see us again by @spoonfulstar

Okay okay okay, listen to me. Yes, we ALL love Intro to Quantum Dating by this author. I fucking adore it. I open it up at random chapters just to read and make myself smile. But THIS FIC??? THIS ONE??? You have got to be kidding me. I cried. I fucking yearned. I hurt, I hurt so bad down to my toes, and I smiled when things went right, and I teared up when it didn't, and I hoped and prayed for a happy ending, and yes I got one that was fulfilling and beautiful and poignant. Did the fact that I am a kidney transplant recipient play into my deep-seeding feelings about this fic? Absolutely. Do I think everyone should read this fic to grasp what exceptional storytelling looks like? BIG TIME.

Solid Skies and Slate-Blue Earth Below by @sentimentalspiders

This is one of the weirdest fucking fics I"ve ever read and I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. Best alien!Ian! Exceptional, fascinating, vivid writing style! The narrative is articulated in such an ethereal, out-of-the-box way that is perfectly fits a story that is about an alien and a very lost man. It's SOOO COOL.

Brand Spanking New by J_Q

I don't know what to tell you. Micky gets sent to a fuckin' retreat when he gets professionally spanked (by Ian) to fix his horrible behavior. He gets out of there and then he and Ian start a very detailed BDSM relationship. This is SOOO my wheelhouse of JOY, but if it is not yourself, y'know uh. I mean, I still recommend it anyway. It's so wildly delightful and hot as FUCK.

That's a Wrap by @crossmydna

Am I biased because this was written for me as a gift? Shut the fuck up, of course I am. But also, no, because well before Cross took on prompts, they were working on The Menagerie which is in my top five favorite Gallavich fics of all time, and I read it all the time AND YOU SHOULD TOO. Anyway, back to this fic. What can I say, it's EVERYTHING I WANT. Actor AUs! Meet Ugly, the hottest smut imaginable, banter that's sharp and strong, badass Ian & Mickey, everything everything everything.

The Stargazer by crazynadine

Hey yeah, hi, welcome to my Daddy Kink. There's a lot of it. Let me show you around, its got scrappy heart of gold sex worker Mickey, it's got age difference bearded and jaded by life Ian, it's got panties and road side motels, and secrets, jealousy, and hot hot hot smut, like holy shit. But if daddy kink is not your jam, then y'know. . .ahem.

The Question of Normal by blue_newman

Ian is a prison counselor and Mickey is in prison. The way that I LIVE for Ian breaching any of his professional protocols to help Mickey (this goes for so many fics in my bookmarked fics) is unholy, but how about you five me a fucking break okay. I just like it when they break the rules, as they should, because this is Shameless LOL. But seriously, this is so thoughtful and heartening and left me feeling really fucking right in the world after I read it.

Well, I hope this helped! This is only about a fifth of my Bookmarked fics, and I wanted to write about SO MANY MORE. Anyone is always welcome to ask me to rave about fics, I am always here for it lol.

I said this in the begining, but I have bookmaked A LOT of smut fics that I think are exceptional works, so I suggest you filter my Bookmarks by works under 10,000 words and you're gonna find 'em all.

[alwayschasingrainbows]

Hi- I was just wondering what are your thoughts and feelings about Ruby Gillis' death? Did you like it in terms of the plot or would you rather she had lived? Why do you think LMM chose to kill her off and do you believe it made the story better/worse? 🫶🏾

Thank you very much for this interesting question and I'm sorry it took me so long to answer...

Well, Ruby's death... Maybe I'll start by saying that I perceive this scene in a completely different way now, as an adult, than I did as a child, when I read it for the first time. At that time, this fragment seemed to me... tragic and sad, of course, but also beautiful and sublime. With my overly dramatic nature (and, worth noting - not knowing anything about real loss back then), I obviously romanticized the whole description and wept tragically (even though it wasn't without the kind of... delight that comes with reading about tragedy when somebody feels quite sure that it was just fictional and would never happen in real life), over Ruby's cruel fate.

Because, there was Ruby - a beautiful, young woman who became even more beautiful during her illness, whose death gave meaning and depth that she lacked in life. Ruby, who (at the time, when I was judging her with my ten-year-old wisdom), seemed shallow and silly to me because she giggled and chatted only about boys.

Of course, I looked at the whole situation through Anne's eyes - with Anne's noble ideals and dreams that were in no way focused on men. To ten-year-old me, pre-illness Ruby was the type of girl I couldn't understand and therefore - I believed, unworthy of my attention. Pre-illness Ruby just was. I fully agreed with Anne and Diana that Ruby's thoughts and dreams were petty, even a bit ridiculous. Maud herself described her in a rather mocking way: as an exaggerated, pretty girl, who looked very ordinary compared to sublime and subtle Anne.

But, ill Ruby... who suddenly became ethereal, delicate, tragic... Ruby, who realized too late that she should have been thinking about the high and the glorious, instead of focusing on the unimportant. Ruby, who was afraid of death - not of pain, but of not knowing the other world, because, in her earthly life, she focused on everyday matters: clothes, admirers, fun, instead of perfecting her mind and soul. And Anne, who - while looking at the face of the dead Ruby - came to the conclusion that she had to live differently, not focusing on the present, but striving for higher goals. Yes, when I read this scene as a child, I was moved by its dramatic beauty.

However, now, although I naturally recognize Maud's literary skill, my emotions - and approach to Ruby as a character - are completely different.

First of all, I realize that Ruby was still very young - she had every right to be a little silly, a little flirty, a little fun-loving. Because, deep inside, Ruby was looking for love - the way most people look for it, through experience, learning from their mistakes. The truth is, finding love looks like this for most of us. Not everyone can have their own Gilbert Blythe, who'd wait for them for years upon years and never look at another.

Ruby was only eighteen when she got sick - nineteen when she died - and Heaven knows, most people do not know what they want from life at this age. So, being a little flippant should be excused - both Anne and Diana were different of course, but it doesn't mean that all girls were. Maud wrote about all kinds of girls: clever or silly, serious or funny, ambitious or flippant, pretty or ugly. And the message, in later books, seems clear: all of them can change for better.

Ruby was full of life, joy, carefree. In a way, she reminded me about pre-war Rilla. She wasn't like Anne, at least on the outside. But... deep down they were a bit similar. Ruby said what Anne would think years later: that she wanted love, marriage and children.

In a way, I am quite certain that older Anne understood Ruby better than she understood Christine (a woman who decided not to have children and spoke freely about it). Anne, deep down, also yearned for home and family of her own - and although she didn't know it, she already loved Gilbert.

During the last conversation with Anne, Ruby confessed that she finally fell in love with a man who loved her. The moment she spoke about wanting to live, I realized the whole tragedy. Here was a girl who would soon have to cross the border between life and death, just as her womanhood was about to start. She was scared of unknown... and sorry for the life she could have had - should have had - the life that she was losing. I was surprised with Anne's answer: "Why would you be scared, dear?". Why wouldn't she be? The point of religion is not knowledge - it is a belief. Even if Ruby spent her nineteen years of life feverishly devoted to the church, with her eyes fixed on the sky, all her thoughts as pure as snow, she still would have had every right to be scared.

I believe that - by her death - Ruby became a symbol and a warning for the readers (especially - for young girls). A symbol of life that ended too soon; of dreams that never had a chance to become a reality; of a girl, whose joyful, flippant existence was going to become forgotten as soon as she was buried. Because... what did people talk about after Ruby's funeral? That she was "the handsomest corpse of Avonlea"? That she had been laid in a "splendid white velvet casket"? That she had a beauty that "spirit had never shone through it, intellect had never refined it."?

In a way, Ruby was just as much of a symbol as Walter was; a life that might have been: "But death had touched it and consecrated it, bringing out delicate modelings and purity of outline never seen before—doing what life and love and great sorrow and deep womanhood joys might have done for Ruby." (Anne of The Island).

So - Ruby might have become wiser, more mature with age, love, marriage, life. But instead, she had to leave the world innthe golden hour of her teens.

And, Ruby's death is a warning, too - which is seen, again, through Anne's eyes. To Anne, it might be seen as a milestone, that made her realize that she had to set her sight on something bigger than everyday life. "Life held a different meaning, a deeper purpose. On the surface it would go on just the same; but the deeps had been stirred. It must not be with her as with poor butterfly Ruby. When she came to the end of one life it must not be to face the next with the shrinking terror of something wholly different—something for which accustomed thought and ideal and aspiration had unfitted her. The little things of life, sweet and excellent in their place, must not be the things lived for; the highest must be sought and followed; the life of heaven must be begun here on earth." (Anne of The Island).

It is worth mentioning how Ruby had died - and when. Ruby, who loved dancing, died at her sleep, peacefully, when all of her friends were at the party. "The next night the A.V.I.S. gave a farewell party to Jane Andrews before her departure for the West. And, while light feet danced and bright eyes laughed and merry tongues chattered, there came a summons to a soul in Avonlea that might not be disregarded or evaded." (Anne of The Island). It is such an irony that Ruby - the liveliest and prettiest of Avonlea girls - would die alone, while her friends were having fun. On the other hand (although it was not mentioned in the book), maybe she danced her way out of life, led by the joyful sounds of music, just as she danced her way through life?

As @no-where-new-hero-hero said once - Anne's series has a very strong religious tone - much stronger than the rest of Montgomery's books. Perhaps this is due to the fact that these were the first novels Montgomery had written and she wanted to make sure her young readers knew that religion was an extremely important issue in their lives, and faith - the meaning of their existence?

And here this moral is very clearly visible. Montgomery seems to be saying: "Ruby should have thought about eternity, not only about everyday life - and we have to, as well. We do not know when the end of our earthly journey will come and we should live our lives in such a way as to prepare for life outside the world we know and not be afraid of crossing the border."

I believe that most of the death of Montgomery's books meant something: Ruby's - the consequence of not seeing "the highest" and living day by day; Walter's - he cruelty of war and the sacrifice; Douglas Starr's - a tragedy of a father who knew that he wouldn't be able to watch his daughter grow up; Beautice Burnley's - the end of joyful, flippant existance and the consequences such life might have had on one's children.

I am not sure if I enjoyed the religious tone of Ruby's death scene - although I must say it was beautifully and splendidly written. As for a Ruby as a character, of course I wish she had lived. She had so much ahead of her - so much to look forward to. She deserved to live her life - it shouldn't have ended so soon, so abruptly. But then - Montgomery's aim was to put a moral in her story - and Ruby's example fitted perfectly, for this purpose (or at least I am pretty certain that Montgomery thought so).

It is a little difficult to say if it made a story better or worse; on one hand, it was well-written and touching, on the other - I don't enjoy the way Maud tried to push her own way of thinking into the reader's head. I also believe that we ought to be less strict with Ruby - and young girls in general. Youth should have been allowed its silliness - flippancy - mistakes, even back then. It was what made them grow and gain experience.

In my opinion, Ruby's death was Montgomery's message to the young people: "Don't focus only on here-and-now. You need to seek the eternity, too." I suppose that the message itself would be beautiful to some people, disagreeable to others. I am not sure which category I belong to, if I am honest.

Thank you again for your lovely question!

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

My Personal Ranking For the Oscar Nominated Animated Short Films of 2023

I got to watch these shorts in a local theater yesterday, and it was quite a spectacular time.  

Note: I am not ranking these based on the quality of the film, but based on how much I personally liked the film.  There is definitely a difference.  I have come to terms with the fact that I sometimes don’t personally like media that is Objectively Good, and sometimes get unfortunately invested in things that are questionable quality.

With that out of the way, let’s delve in.

1. The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse

I, too, am surprised that this was my favorite of the short films. Dare I say, I feel a bit basic.  Perhaps I’ll hang up a Live, Laugh, Love sign next.

I’m especially surprised, because I actually have more critiques regarding it than I do with other short films that I liked less. Specifically, the dialogue could sound like platitudes, which is a pet peeve of mine with any media.

But it’s absolutely beautiful.  It’s among the most beautiful animation I’ve ever seen, and seeing it on the big screen was nothing short of an emotional experience.  

The animation and designs made me love each character, and made the dialogue -- which, in a less beautiful film, might have been enough to put me off liking it -- feel heartfelt.  I can’t praise the creative team behind this film enough for the manner in which they brought these characters to life.  The voice performances are also commendable.

Perhaps most importantly, it put me in touch with my inner child.  Wizard of Oz, Jungle Book, James and the Giant Peach, Spirited Away, Kubo -- there is a timeless impulse among children, it would seem, to be befriended and loved by benevolent talking animals or fantastical creatures.

It is perhaps because of my inner child that I love this film so much. My childhood self might have been oblivious to the beautifully simplistic depth of Ice Merchants, the blink-and-you-miss-it beats that make The Flying Sailor so meaningful, bewildered by My Year of Dicks, and existentially terrified by An Ostrich Told Me the World Is Fake, but my desire for a big white talking horsey is timeless and powerful.

Where to watch it: Apple TV+

2. My Year of Dicks

This one is just. So unspeakably funny.  And, despite the fact that I’m a raging Sapphic who’s never been interested in the dicks available to me, I found it intensely relatable.

This may be a controversial statement, but I find that mainstream Hollywood’s attempts to nail down the Female Gaze are often more obnoxious than the Male Gaze itself.  Partially because it often revolves around what male executives think The Modern Woman(TM) finds appealing, rather than an actual understanding of the female experience.  The Male Gaze, at the very least, feels somewhat organic and based in the personal experience of the filmmakers. 

This -- this felt like the Female Gaze.  A truly organic trip through the psychology, impulses, and emotions of a fifteen-year-old girl.  It treated its female protagonist not as unknowable, but as relatable, with the five unpleasant male characters she was approaching as Other -- each in five wildly entertaining ways.  And it was glorious.

The way the main character dramatized her experiences -- making full use of the animated world in which she lived -- was something I could relate to viscerally.  I’m reluctant to mention anything else about the plot, as I truly encourage everyone to just experience it firsthand.  It’s heartfelt, exquisitely ‘90s, and a beautiful animated tribute to teenhood and questionable decisions.

Where to watch it: Vimeo, Hulu

3. Ice Merchants

Such a beautiful and emotional experience.  I would say that this film demonstrates that less is more, but really, it demonstrates that the illusion of less is more.  In reality, this film is teaming with detail, from the beautifully textured ice and misty landscape below, to the subtle indications of the characters’ recently experienced loss.

I was so entranced by the visual beauty and surrealist elements of this film, it took me a while to grasp its actual storyline: subtle clues, presented by a yellow mug, indicate the loss of the ice merchant’s wife and the mother of his son, and the cold world in which they live comes to represent their grief.

Without giving much away, the film ends with a view of a spring landscape, representing the eventual thaw of this grief as father and son begin to heal.  

Where to watch: YouTube

4.  The Flying Sailor

This beautiful and strange animation is based off of a true story, in which a sailor was flung 2 kilometers (1.2 miles) by the Halifax explosion in 1917, and lived to tell about it.

This film is essentially the sailor’s life flashing before his eyes as he soars, naked, over the exploding landscape. We get to know his character through the blink-and-you-miss-it moments that we witness of his life.

My favorite moment of the film was when he lights a cigarette at the same instant a ship in the harbor (unbeknownst to him, full of dynamite) catches fire. His -- and our -- quiet shock as we realize what we’re looking at is haunting.  He even steps on the match, as if in a subconscious effort to put out the blaze, just as the contents of the ship explodes and nearly ends his life.

Where to watch it: YouTube

5.  An Ostrich Told Me The World Is Fake and I Think I Believe It

Just because I rank this film last doesn’t mean it isn’t good.  It’s incredibly good, and an inventive way to portray a character’s existential crisis through a stop-motion medium.

Ultimately, this is a story about a man realizing how meaningless his life has become while working at an unfulfilling office job.  But that makes the film sound way more mundane than it actually is.  The way in which this existential crisis is portrayed is through the main character realizing that he and his fellow workers are all stop-motion puppets, after he is visited by the titular ostrich.

And I do like it a great deal, but the reason for it subjectively ranking below the other films is the simple fact that the other films left me with a more positive emotional feeling.  This one...is kind of terrifying.

I wonder if the director was inspired by the 1965 stop motion The Hand, in which a gloved human hand is used as a source of horror in the world of a stop motion puppet.  In a similar manner, human hands look uncanny in this film when contrasted with the main character and his puppet world.

Anyway, go watch it and have an existential crisis of your own.  I recommend it.

Where to watch it: Vimeo

Have you seen the animated shorts? Let me know your personal ranking!

[ay-miphae]

ay-miphae overanalyzes Ayreon - 01011001 - Part 3

Comatose

Comatose is Ayreon’s most popular song, and for good reason! It may not be as long and musically diverse as most other tracks (which probably makes it more accessible for people new to Ayreon), but it’s so full of emotion and meaning.

It’s a dialogue between the two characters Forever 𓅛 and Forever ♡, which expands on the conflict (the thinking/feeling dichotomy) from Age of Shadows - Forever ♡ believes that their loss of emotions could be a good thing (“No need to feel the pain”), whereas Forever 𓅛 is losing his will to live...

“No need to feel desire” “But I need you with me” “No need to feel so small” “But I need to feel secure” “No need to feel the fires” “But I need to feel free” “No need to feel at all” “But I need to know for sure”

The parallel structure! It’s so well written - showing how one negative feeling can create something greater. Like in order to feel secure, to belong, there’s an implication that you’re one piece of the whole.

And also interesting how Forever 𓅛 associates feeling with knowing! And perhaps this is true - how do we know something is right or wrong if it doesn’t elicit anything from our heart or gut?

(Random thought - it makes me happy to see a feminine character not being stereotyped as the emotional one and instead being the one taking the cold logical view. The duet is beautiful - their voices work so well together! - but in this twist it’s the masculine character relying on the feminine one for support! It goes to show the universality of feeling and thinking (I know I keep mentioning it,, wait for it); we use both but typically rely on one process more than the other, and that happens independently of gender stereotypes. aahh)

Also I wanted to share my friend @astraeaiscreative's thoughts on the chorus! I love how her insight is uniquely human and empathetic (feel free to brainrot with me anytime 💙)

augck comatose is so good,,,, the duet, the harmonies/music,, the yummy musical sounds (scratch brain itch),, the (ironic lmao) emotion in his voice,, the lyrics,, it's so tragic but also,, they don't fully feel sad because they're emotionless (almost),, but wake me up before we die such a sad line??? comatose is the perfect word for this song,, they're like potatos but that's not even funny its just straight up tragic and devastating because they were once full of emotion and life they don't even want to die almost? they just don't care?? almost sadder than wanting to die

Definitely a song that carried me through Sadge times, especially the whole premise being "I don't want to die, but I'd rather not be conscious for the rest of my life"

So yeah! A song that's not even about humans, and yet it shows us so much about what it's like to be human.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 (final)

[brasideios]

Thank you for the tag @aeide Great idea 🤍

Rules: 10 (non-ancient) books for people to get to know you better, or that you just really like.

So these are my current faves from the last century or so and limited to fiction. I left out the 19th C stuff - just know that I’m an English Literature nerd, and if it was written by the Bronte sisters, George Eliot or Jane Austen, I have read it at least ten times.

1. The Subterraneans by Jack Kerouac.

I have read all of his books, and I love Dharma Bums also, but the Subterraneans speaks to the theme that will always draw me in - hopeless love. The way Kerouac writes, the deep introspection and pawing over of his thoughts is really relatable to me, and the way he is always the destroyer of his own happiness… not to ignore that this book has issues (it’s deeply of it’s time, 1950’s US) but when it comes to emotional impact, I can’t think of a better example.

2. An Imaginary Life by David Malouf.

Malouf is a contemporary Australian author who often writes in a poetic way, and An Imaginary Life is perhaps his most poetical. Its the story of Ovid’s exile to the Black Sea. There are passages in this book about home, loss and memory that will never leave me. I like all of his work though, almost without exception.

3. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson

I have probably read this book fifty times. It’s funny and messed up and wild - and there isn’t another book like it. I read this when I just want to laugh and don’t want to engage my brain too much.

4. Catch 22 by Joseph Heller

Like Fear and Loathing, I’ve read this book many many times. It’s wonderful though sad. The way it’s structured, so that you seem to circle around and around the story, as the story grows darker and darker… it’s truly an amazing piece of work. The movie absolutely failed to capture it.

5. The Secret River by Kate Grenville.

Another contemporary Australian author, the Secret River is historical fiction based on the white settlement of New South Wales in the early 19th Century. It is beautifully written and tackles the ugly side of colonialism head on. There are scenes in this book that made me sob. She also wrote the Lieutenant which addresses some of the same issues and it’s also very good.

6. The True History of the Kelly Gang by Peter Carey.

Another contemporary Australian author (though he lives in the US now) - as the title suggests, this is a book about Ned Kelly, the famous bushranger. It’s written in Ned Kelly’s voice, and it’s done so, so well. I can’t think of another work that is so bold in its use of voice.

7. All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy

I honestly struggled to decide which of his books to choose because I love his work for the way he puts words together, and he does it so incredibly well in everything he writes; however, All the Pretty Horses was the first of his I read, and it made me read all the others, so it seemed the right one to choose. No Country for Old Men and Suttree are other favourites of his.

8. Imperium by Robert Harris

The first in a trilogy - they’re all brilliant - retelling the life of Cicero. I love the way Harris writes - very clean, very light. I would give a leg to be half so good at writing to be honest.

9. The Gates of Athens by Conn Iggulden.

This follows the life of Xanthippus - Pericles’ father - during the 480s BCE. As with Harris, Iggulden’s writing is absolutely a benchmark for me. This is the first in a series and I haven’t checked in a while if the next one has been published. Note to self. He also wrote the Falcon of Sparta which was great, too.

10. The Song of Achilles by Madeline Millar.

I know there are issues with this retelling, and honestly I don’t care. The way it’s written is everything. The word craft is so beautiful; the feeling that permeates the whole story of impending doom; how every happy moment is in fact sad. It’s gorgeous. Its poetic. It speaks to that hopeless love trope I mentioned earlier. I also loved her Circe for the same reasons.

Tagging @sleeplessincarcosa @softest-punk @erzsebetrosztoczy @myriath @woodsman2b @mimbotomy @auroralykos @haythamk @theinkandthesea I want to read more from around the world so pls gimme all the recs ☺️ or ignore me - no pressure!

[jacoboh]

scars / self para

I'll never cry because I know that it'll never change I'll stay standing and endure it in an unknown place There will be many times I'll almost fall, but Alone, I reach out my hand, alone, I stand back up

tw: he cries

mentioned: @vivihayes, @amoniism, @brxxksazars, @sita-abbrams, @pierce-walker, @dearclem, & @mphillipsfms (also a few more but anyway)

He feels stuck.

Stuck in his mind, stuck in place. It was too much, all of it was too much for him. His entire life, he was used to concealing his emotions, helping the people around him instead of ever putting his feelings first. He was lucky, and fortunate, and had everything that people in this world would want. Money, love, stability. Yet it didn’t seem to matter right now. Everything that made his life easier didn’t seem to matter because of the hole in his own heart, growing larger every time he lost someone else.

Vivian had been his friend. Someone he related to, understood well. Their conversations had always been lighthearted, maybe because it was how both of their dispositions were described. They bonded over having certain people in their lives, and Jake had once upon a time let himself lean on her when he was in the hospital, the two of them ignoring the elephant in the room of his accident and pretending things were fine. Of all people, he wishes she was here right now. Someone who’d understand what his mind was going through.

He’d gone to college with Amoni. The two had plenty in common, and being around her had put him at ease. Jake could tell she was a kind soul from the moment they met, that she was the type of person that people would be lucky to have in their life. Of all people, someone who hadn’t even grown up here, she didn’t deserve to die. He couldn’t help the fleeting thought of wishing it had been himself in that diner instead of her.

When Sita moved to town, Jake had been the one to show her around. He wonders if he’s to blame for her being gone now. He wonders if showing her this world, this town for its beauty and its horrors, had been a mistake. With her, he’d remember the small moments. Their hike on a nearby trail in town, the way he’d caught her passing by through the window of his hospital door when he’d been stuck there. The way she’d come to visit him after he’d been released, never with anything but pure intentions.

The first time he’d met Brooks, it had been in a high school science class. He was a lousy lab partner, but Jake could tell he was a good guy. He was funny, the kind of person that always seemed to never take things too seriously. The opposite of what Jake had been back then, the overachieving football player that cared about his grades more than anything else. He fondly remembers picking up the slack, Brooks disposition growing on him as time passed. They’d go on to work at the same place they’d met, a familiar face in the halls that Jake would never forget. 

Pierce was someone he didn’t know that well, and one look at them would indicate why. In many ways, it was as if they were the polar opposites of each other. Even so, they’d talked only hours ago. It wasn’t anything meaningful or important, but Jake remembers the words he’d spoken to the older, how he hoped things would turn out alright tonight. The first time they’d been in a similar setting, it was Jake who’d suffered. And now it was Pierce. Except Jake was left standing in the rubble every time, a deep-rooted idea of wishing he hadn’t made it echoing in his brain with every loss. 

Clem would always be someone that was dear to him. Dear to his heart and someone he’d firmly believed deserved to be happy. He’d never forget befriending her from a young age, accepting her for who she’d always been. In many ways, things had been unspoken between them. A bond that wouldn’t be separated by time or distance. She was still here, still alive, but just as he’d once been. But he’d found himself in the position she’d once been, struggling to open the door of her hospital room and see how she looked. Jake would finally realize how hard it was being on the other side, a victim of an entirely different manner.

And Monty. 

He’d been the one person that Jake had to resist thinking about for now. Because it hurt too much to let himself process the idea that the best friend he’d known his entire life was gone. He couldn’t let himself think about how important Monty had been to him, because the very man plastered across the news was equally important to everyone he cared about. Monty was the reason Jake couldn’t move, why it felt as though he couldn’t breathe. There were no fond memories in his mind right now, despite the abundance of them. Instead, his mind defaulted to everyone else. Everyone else that had lost him. Thinking about Monty… thinking about himself. Who would it help?

Everything was easier said that done though, and sat by himself, without any wandering eyes to see him, he’d let himself feel for just a moment. How much every fiber of his being burned, how the tears he’d held back would fall silently with his head down. Jake had been telling himself since he’d woken up in a hospital bed that he couldn’t fall apart, knowing if he did, it’d be impossible for him to pick himself back up, carrying his own emotions and those around him on his shoulders for years. The weight was crushing him. Closed fists trembled, resisting the urge for the rest of his body to shake alongside it, and for just a moment, he pretended that the world wasn’t there. That it was just himself, and he could mourn the loss of everyone he cared about. He could feel the pain of everything he’d put through, physical and emotional. And he hated it. Jake wished the moment would be over, that he could force himself to stop crying and pick up the broken pieces of himself just like he had every day. But why was it so hard?

Why was everything so hard?

He’d lost track of the time, tears pooled up and staining his face. Jake kept repeating to himself that he needed to pull himself together, that people needed him. He needed to be strong, and he’d be that even if it was nothing more than a facade. In the midst of his own pain, he’d made a plan. To be there for Josie. To be there for Lu. To be there for Kat. To be there for the Phillips. To be there for Clem. To be there for everyone but himself, just as he’d always been. It was better this way, he thought to himself. It was better for someone like him to carry the burden, to wipe his tears now and be the one to hold others. 

And with a shaky hand, he’d wiped away the remains of his sadness, of his pain, of his anguish. He’d be what everyone needed, even if it was breaking him down further and further every day, every person gone taking a part of him along the way. But it was what was expected of him, and it was all he’d ever known. And he’d be damned if he lose himself now.

Except, the one truth he’d never be able to swallow was that he already had.

[ghostybreads]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

hello!! i absolutely don't mind! this is such a cute question, i love talking about my interests 🥰 the top few are my absolute all time favourites, but otherwise no particular order! Put under a cut because I rambled a bit!

How to Train Your Dragon

I'm so so obsessed with this franchise, I'm not even sure where to start on why I love it. I actually have a toothless tattoo! and like, six toothless plushies that my friends and I call the council. The show race to the edge for it is one of my favourite parts, but nothing will top the first movie for me. There's just something so magical about it. It's truly beautiful, every time I watch it I genuinely feel like my heart is soaring <3 A lot of people don't know that the shows exist but I think they're so good and silly, they're such a comfort for me.

Servamp

This is a manga I always end up going back to again and again. I'm sure people have put it better than i could, but it reflects a very real and flawed human experience (despite the vampires lol). It feels like each and every side character gets so much depth, and everyone has their own journey, and its a very sympathetic and nuanced with its antagonists. The main pair grow SO much as people over the course of the story, and they build up plot twists so fucking well, ive watched it unfold and still felt like it was all planned from the very beginning. Also has british vampire catboy who goes 'meow' in the most serious deep voice ever, my beloved.

The Legend of Zelda

I'm counting this as one because I feel this way about most of the games, they're all so special to me in different ways. Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom I've loved playing, I felt so immersed in the world in such little ways, and all the small interactions with the people in that world felt so real and made me care about it. Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask are also so incredible and such wonderful stories, and I have such a soft spot for Skyward Sword, idk I couldn't choose a favourite if I tried. I've loved them since I was a kid so its hard to pinpoint what exactly it is that draws me to them.

Jing Wei Qing Shang/Clear and Muddy Loss of Love

TOXIC LESBIANS. I fear that since i've read JWQS no sapphic media will ever be good enough for me again, its insane how perfectly to my taste it was. The main chara can telepathically communicate with horses in an otherwise normal non-fantasy world and there's no explanation or even plot necessity for it, its so perfect for me. Qiyan, the MC, has so much gender. She's a malewife, she's a pathetic boyfriend, she's a lesbian, she's a boygirl, she's everything. The premise is that Qiyan, in her quest for revenge, ends up accidentally in an arranged marriage to the daughter of her enemy. And despite falling in love with her, she continues with her revenge anyway, prepared for the love of her life to kill her with her own hands when its over. There's so much emotion on both sides, its overflowing love and hatred and anger and bitterness and affection all at once. It truly is a whole journey to get through and I've been a changed man since.

Scum Villain's Self-Saving System

Another one I'm so batshit over that I don't know if any series will ever replicate. They're so insane. Shen Qingqiu's unreliable narration is so funny but also so fascinating to unpack, there's so much to read in what he doesn't say. It's so funny, but then when you think about what's really happening, it's kind of horrifying, there's this constant whiplash. The whole premise of one persons impact changing the story, the very narrative itself, is sooo important to me on so many levels. Bingqius dynamic is so incredible to me too, they're just so insane and so much fun to read. They've always stuck with me.

MILGRAM PROJECT

I LOVE MILGRAM it's a song story project told through music videos and audio dramas! The producer is one of my favourite artists, DECO*27, and every song is consistently a banger. Every character has such an interesting, nuanced story, and as the audience you're challenged to figure it out yourself based on the clues, and your interaction decides where the story goes. It's so much fun seeing a new MV come out and everyone come together to theorise and discuss. It's still ongoing, and very easy to get into, so I always recommend it! My favourite prisoner is Fuuta :)

Voltron

Okay look. The question said favourite media, not explicitly media I thought was good. It is a show that is very very dear to my heart, and I think it fucking sucks after a certain point. The PREMISE is so so good, it had so much going for it on concept, and the characters carried it. I got so attached to them, I love their silly dynamics and they're so funny. I really do love the first few seasons, and I love the potential for what it could've been :') I very frequently text my best friend to rewrite parts of the lore.

That's 7 in detail, and the bonus additions are: Natsume's book of friends, good omens, and word of honour!

Thank you for asking!!! 💖💖💖 I don't think my thoughts were very comprehensive but I had fun, I hope they make some sense??

[jenreaderwriter]

✨ FRESH WATER FOR FLOWERS ✨

📚 Book 1 of 2024

✍️ Author: Valérie Perrin

📑 Pages: 476 / Paperback

🎭 Genre: contemporary, literary, translated fiction, romance

💫 Themes: grief, love, life, loss, emotional, reflective

📖 Started reading: 29/12/23

📕Finished reading: 03/01/24

My Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

💬 "Wherever my heart resides, yours will continue to beat.”

💭 SYNOPSIS: Violette Toussaint is the caretaker at a cemetery in a small town in Bourgogne. Random visitors, regulars, and, most notably, her colleagues—three gravediggers, three groundskeepers, and a priest—visit her as often as possible to warm themselves in her lodge, where laughter, companionship, and occasional tears mix with the coffee that she offers them. Her daily life is lived to the rhythms of their hilarious and touching confidences.

💕 MY THOUGHTS: This was my work Book Club's choice for December/January!

What a beautifully understated yet striking book. I went in with absolutely no expectations and little knowledge and therefore I ended up being pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it (if tears streaming down your face can be classed as 'enjoyment'). It was beautifully written despite the odd fumble in translation, and I wish my French was strong enough so I could read this in its native form because the prose was just so flowing, and so poetic that English isn't the best language!

A fair warning: this book is quite hard to read in places: dealing with infidelity, gaslighting, abandonment and loss of a child. It's so terribly sad, that I was grateful for the short chapters (the longest chapter is probably about 6 pages), as this meant I could put the book down and take a breather after a very sad or emotional chapter. It's not easy to read about the loss of a child, which is every parent's ultimate fear. But the lead character Violette learns to live after, to live with grief and learn to live again whilst never forgetting. There is also the circumstances of her daughter's death, which is cleverly interwoven as a secondary plot and concludes in a way that surprised me.

This would make a wonderful film, and I do hope it's turned into one (in French, of course)! I love French cinema, and this would be absolutely beautiful yet haunting to see it on screen.

Despite all I've said above, this book is also full of hope, of love and is surprisingly funny in places. The supporting cast of characters are few yet memorable and believable.

I really recommend this book. Just be prepared to have the tissues ready! 🥺

[yadavvipul]

Best Romantic Fiction Novels for Young Adults

Romance novels have an incredible way of capturing the joy, heartache, and unforgettable moments of young love. These stories for young adults often present similar emotions with a cohesive plot, making them some of the best novels to dive into. story, the story of this romance list will have you spinning.  “The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green This novel follows two young people, Hazel and Augustus, as they grapple with life's toughest challenges. A love story. A romantic tale about young love, loss, and finding joy in the smallest moments. One of the best novels of recent years, it continues to captivate readers worldwide.  “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” by Jenny Han Jenny Han's trilogy begins with Lara Jean's secret letter to the accident, sparking a storm of thoughts and misunderstandings. The combination of humor, romance, and teen drama make this one of the best teen romance novels.  “Eleanor & Park” by Rainbow Rowell This story of first love between two misfits is perfect for readers looking for romance and depth. The connections between the characters and the problems they face together make this one of the best novels for those who enjoy short stories. 

“The Sun Is Also a Star” by Nicola Yoon Set in New York, this story follows two teenagers, Natasha and Daniel, who meet and spend a day discovering love, destiny, and the story of the world. . This is an unforgettable love story that combines science, destiny, and the beauty of young love.  "Anna and the French Kiss", Stephanie Perkins Who doesn't love a romantic story set in Paris? The story of Anna, who moves to a boarding school in the City of Lights, and Dean St. Clair is sweet, funny, and oh-so-romantic. A must-read for romance fans.  Adam Silvera "They All Die in the End" This novel is not necessarily a romantic novel, but it explores love, friendship, and the meaning of people. Mateo and Rufus's bond in their final hours is intense and unforgettable, making it one of the best novels with romantic and emotional content.  “The Selection” by Kiera Cass This series is the best of love and suspense stories. Set in a dystopian world, the film follows American singers who compete for the heart of a prince on a reality show competition. The competition, drama, and romance make it popular among teens.  “The Book Thief” by Markus Zusak Despite being mostly a historical novel, the love story between Liesel and Rudy is beautiful and beautifully written. This is one of the best stories because of its unique narrative and deep emotion.  “A Court of Thorns and Roses” by Sarah J. Maas This beautiful film reveals a captivating story of love, betrayal, and redemption. Feyre's journey through a magical world of danger and passion has made it one of the most popular teen romance novels.  “P.S. I Like You” by Kasie West A lighthearted and charming read, this novel follows Lily as she exchanges notes with a mystery admirer. It's a perfect pick for fans of romantic fiction novels who enjoy a touch of mystery.

Why Read Romantic Fiction Novels?

Romantic fiction novels aren’t just about love stories; they often dive into themes of self-discovery, resilience, and personal growth. Many also incorporate elements of mystery fiction books, keeping readers intrigued while exploring the complexities of relationships. Browse our full collection of all books at HarperCollins.

Conclusion

Whether you're a fan of heartfelt romances or love stories with a twist of mystery, this list has something for everyone. These are some of the best fiction books for young adults, offering a perfect escape into worlds where love conquers all. So grab your favorite novel, find a cozy spot, and let yourself get lost in these captivating tales.

[laxmankodadala]

The Emoji You Think You Know: Revealing Its Hidden Meaning

The fast-paced digital world of today has made communication more visual and symbolic than in the past. Emojis, whether used in a text message or a social media post, have become a common language for communication. They enhance our talks with passion, personality, and context, enabling us to communicate anything from happiness to sorrow, humour to perplexity. Even though a lot of us utilise emojis on a daily basis, we frequently are unaware of their hidden meanings or codes.

This article explores the world of emoji and emojis symbols, breaking down their meanings and providing a comprehensive guide to emoji codes. Whether it’s a simple sad emoji, a cheerful heart emoji, or expressive hand emojis, we’ll take you on a journey through the symbols that make digital communication richer and more vibrant.

Common Emoji Categories and Their Meanings

1. Smileys & People Emojis

These are the most widely used emojis, representing emotions, gestures, and people. From happy faces to sad expressions, smiley emojis are the go-to option for adding emotion to your messages.

😊 (Smiling Face with Smiling Eyes): A warm and positive emoji, often used to express happiness, contentment, or friendliness.

😂 (Face with Tears of Joy): Represents uncontrollable laughter, something so funny that it brings tears to your eyes.

😞 (Sad Face): Used to express sadness, disappointment, or unhappiness.

😡 (Angry Face): Represents frustration, anger, or annoyance.

🤔 (Thinking Face): A thoughtful expression, often used when you’re pondering something or are unsure.

🤩 (Star-Struck): This emoji is used to show excitement, admiration, or being in awe.

🧑‍🍳 (Chef or Cook): Represents someone who cooks or the act of cooking. It’s often used to talk about food or meal prep.

2. Heart Emojis

Heart emojis are a popular choice when it comes to expressing love, affection, or gratitude. They come in different colors, each symbolizing different emotions or intentions.

❤️ (Red Heart): A classic symbol of love, passion, and deep affection.

💔 (Broken Heart): Represents heartbreak or emotional pain. It's often used to express sadness over a breakup or loss.

💖 (Sparkling Heart): Shows feelings of admiration, gratitude, or a heightened sense of love.

💜 (Purple Heart): Used to represent compassion, care, and other emotional or sensitive situations.

💛 (Yellow Heart): Represents friendship and happiness. It’s often used between friends to show mutual support.

🧡 (Orange Heart): Conveys a sense of warmth, closeness, or platonic love.

3. Hand Emojis

Hand emojis are used to symbolize various gestures, greetings, and actions. From waving to giving a thumbs up, these emojis help express what words sometimes cannot.

👍 (Thumbs Up): Used to express approval, support, or agreement.

👋 (Waving Hand): A friendly greeting, farewell, or acknowledgment.

👏 (Clapping Hands): Often used to congratulate or celebrate someone’s achievement.

👌 (OK Hand): Represents agreement, approval, or that something is "perfect."

🤞 (Fingers Crossed): Expresses hope for good luck or a positive outcome.

🤲 (Palms Up Together): Represents a gesture of prayer, asking, or offering.

✌️ (Victory Hand): A symbol of peace, victory, or goodwill.

4. Animal & Nature Emojis

These emojis are commonly used to describe animals, plants, weather, and other elements of nature. They often symbolize different feelings or convey a playful tone in a conversation.

🐶 (Dog Face): Represents dogs, loyalty, or a playful mood.

🐱 (Cat Face): Used to represent cats, independence, or cuteness.

🌸 (Cherry Blossom): Symbolizes beauty, life, and renewal, often associated with spring.

🌞 (Sun with Face): Represents warmth, happiness, or positivity.

🌧️ (Cloud with Rain): Often used to describe gloomy weather or a sad mood.

🍀 (Four Leaf Clover): A symbol of good luck and fortune.

5. Food & Drink Emojis

Food emojis are great for sharing what you’re eating, drinking, or craving. They also add a fun and relatable element to messages related to meals or dining experiences.

🍕 (Pizza): Represents pizza, a popular food choice, or a craving for a quick meal.

🍔 (Hamburger): Symbolizes burgers, fast food, or casual dining.

🍫 (Chocolate Bar): Often used to express a love for sweets or indulging in a treat.

🍷 (Wine Glass): Represents wine, celebrations, or a night out.

☕ (Hot Beverage): Usually symbolizes coffee or tea, representing relaxation or a morning ritual.

🍰 (Cake): Often used in the context of birthdays, celebrations, or just enjoying dessert.

6. Travel & Places Emojis

These emojis are used to depict transportation, landmarks, or different types of destinations. Whether you’re planning a trip or reminiscing about your last vacation, these emojis come in handy.

✈️ (Airplane): Represents travel by air or going on a vacation.

🚗 (Car): Symbolizes driving, travel, or transportation in general.

🏖️ (Beach with Umbrella): Conveys a beach holiday, relaxation, or summer vibes.

🗽 (Statue of Liberty): Represents New York City, freedom, or iconic landmarks.

⛺ (Tent): Symbolizes camping, outdoor activities, or an adventurous spirit.

The Power of Emoji Combinations

One of the most exciting ways to use emojis is through emoji combinations. By combining two or more emojis, you can create a deeper, often humorous, meaning. This is where Emoji Kitchen comes in.

Emoji Kitchen

Emoji Kitchen is a feature offered by Google that allows you to combine emojis and create unique mash-ups. For instance, you can merge the 😂 (laughing face) with the 💀 (skull) to show something is "deadly funny," or combine the 🍕 (pizza) and 😋 (licking lips) to express your love for pizza.

Here are a few popular combinations:

🌞🍂: This combo shows the transition from summer to autumn, where the sun shines but leaves start to fall.

😢💔: A clear representation of sadness due to heartbreak or loss.

🔥💪: Represents feeling strong or energized, often used after a workout or achieving a goal.

👨‍💻☕: Depicts a long workday fueled by coffee.

These combinations give users more flexibility in conveying nuanced emotions and ideas. As emoji usage evolves, Emoji Kitchen and similar tools will likely become even more creative and fun.

Hidden Emoji Meanings You Might Not Know

While most emojis are used for their obvious meanings, some have hidden or lesser-known interpretations. Here are a few emojis that might surprise you with their alternative meanings:

🍆 (Eggplant): While it represents a vegetable, it’s often used in slang to represent male genitalia in a humorous or suggestive context.

🍑 (Peach): Though it’s a fruit emoji, it is commonly used to represent a person’s buttocks in a playful or cheeky way.

🙃 (Upside-Down Face): While it may seem like a happy face, it’s often used to express sarcasm or passive-aggressive emotions.

💩 (Poop): While it might seem gross, this emoji is often used in a light-hearted or humorous context.

🐍 (Snake): This emoji can represent deceit or betrayal, often used to refer to someone as sneaky or untrustworthy.

For example, the code for the ❤️ (Red Heart) emoji is U+2764, and the code for 😊 (Smiling Face) is U+1F60A. When you type or select an emoji, your device sends this Unicode to the recipient’s device

Troop messenger is instant messaging app it has emojis option while chat.

[omensgate]

Opinion Moon!

for THIS ask game

Sexuality Headcanon: oh .. it wouldnt be right for me to speculate .. that is her private life ! (i really dont know her well enough to tack anything down LOL i prefer lesbianism though. nonbinary robot lesbianism)

Gender Headcanon: (praying motion) Please keep my beloved robots from ever acknowledging gender

A ship I have with said character: i am slowly inching closer and closer to enjoying nsh x moon (lesbianism), i think nsh is just the right amount of silly -> malleable realism and its cute how he has saved her. (Though, i am not a big fan of nsh, but slowly becoming more endeared). I REALLY WANTED to draw 'whered you get this long bacon' 'long bacon store' meme with them but someone beat me to it with moon and SOS ARGEH!!! reblog that

A BROTP I have with said character: OBVS her literal bro five pebbles and their mutual friends!!!!!!! makes me smile big ASF!!!!

A NOTP I have with said character: im sorry ............................... i really hate seven red suns Period i dont want them near moon she deserves better . im sorry

A random headcanon: i copy n pasted fhis from when i answered for nightcat and straight up did not replace it. Uhm i have no ideas about her

General Opinion over said character: ok please poke me with a cattleprod for this one because it was a poor opinion no longer held but when i first got into rw i really did not care about her. i was pretty emotional and five pebbles is my favorite and my reaction to the five pebbles morality discourse was to have little care (THOUGH NOT HATRED! i just dgaf) towards moon. i have been enlightened since then. i love her! im sad when people water her down to being just sweet and pitiful which is really easy for a fandom (with a tendency to miss her assertive moments and scholarly pursuits). its really funny and lovely how kind of mean she can be (like if you run around too much near her or leave mid conversation). i need to see more of her and like as a person, not as a piece of cardboard with a kind words 'mom friend' soundboard installed. i think shes a beautiful piece of narrative too that shes decayed so much and still has the capacity for love even in the midst of so much loss and confusion

[onmymasa22]

Sympathy: i feel bad for you

Empathy: i feel bad with you

Compassion: tell me how to help you feel better

Sympathy does make me change anything about myself, i just acknowledge that you're not ok. Empathy makes me crouch down to your level. I find within myself feeling that match, and i make you feel like you are not alone in it. Compassion is the action of trying to help someone, and bring them up. Trying to help. Helping them stand up. I relieve your suffering.

I want my child to be loved by everyone.

The nations will hate us. The same way that teacher treated you poorly for no good reason. Ive dealt wiyh that. People who dont lkke me for no good reason. Usually theyre girls.

Islands in the stream

Somewbere only we know

I love the people in my life

Whoever is in my life, thats the love i need.

This birthday im happy

I love my life

Im doing a good job

Stoned and inlove

I miss being stoned

I want to love everything

I miss cigarettes

I miss getting high

Being stoned with friends and watching a stupid movie

I wish everyone was just ok

I wish i could just

I did so much of the things that i wanted to do. I still have things i want to do. Maybe ill do them in two weeks. Ill have with friends, meet guys. Im a person that could hang out with people wvery night or never.

I brelieve that in a relationship u share. I want to share everything. I dont have a password on my phone, or my stuff. He can have everything. I want for him to share everything with me. In my head, why am i marrying him for things to be separate. I dont want anything separate.

✔Graduate online college

✔Spend summer on west coast

✔Spend summer on east coast

✔Live with grandparents

✔Work with special needs kids

✔Go on birthright

✔Learn to play guitar

✔Go back to israel after birthright

✔Make aliyah

✔College dorm life

✔Study abroad

✔Celebrate chanukah in israel

✔Volunteer in a hospital

✔Turn punk

✔Go skinny dipping

✔Dead sea

✔Tour the old city

✔Yad vashem

✔Har hertzl

✔Carmel market

✔Tel aviv beach

✔Caesaria

✔Banyas

✔Massada sunrise

✔See einat dana adina yahel ilay tomer ayal

Hi, my name is Dalya. I really love watching how inlove you are with being Jewish. It helps me with it. I just wanted to say that I bought the beanie hat this morning and was so happy to spread the beautiful moshiach energy message and give to Israel. I checked back a few hours later and saw that everything went on sale. I started thinking "uch, I should've waited a few more hours!" But then I said to myself "no, this was good, Hashem must have decided that I could give more and I'm happy to give!" To me, that's already embracing #moshiachenergy. Thank you so much for creating it!

What im trying to understamd

Its too much to want for people to treat you with respect. I think that i should be given respect. I should be treated like a queen. If you dont want to treat me like a queen, thats fine, i have no time for you. My life keeps moving. You are a blip. You dont need to like me. Its ok if you dont. Its your loss because im one of the good ones. Im funny, ik smart, im empathetic, im caring. I make sure everyone around me is ok. You are just saying what you see. Thats ur truth. Thats not the truth and i dont want to care about your truth. U know in the world.

Im in a destroy the world mood. Of course im depressed. My friends all get to be with eachother

You are a person who doesnt want to see me. U want control.

Are you a neiman marcus girl or a target girl?

Neither. Im a minimalist. I have style. I like to cwurate and edit my wardrobe and i want to

Im glad the hostiges were drugged. Number one psychologically speaking i think the emotions would be way too high otherwise. I would drug them as a jew just for that. I think anyone would pass out from that amount and kind of emotion. Number two , i wish they were drugged the whole time. For the sake of the hostiges, i hope they dont remember a gd damn thing. Would it be great if they got really angry to make the world understand? Yah, probably. But if im thinking about the hostiges- i hope they were drugged the whole time, i hope they cant remember a gd damn thing. Because the only thing worse than going through hell- is going through hell sober. I hope they were high as a kite. I hope the pain was limited. I think any second their sedetive is a blessing. It means they didnt feel things to the same extent they would have

If u think that it wouldve been a good idea for the hostages to return not drugged, you might not know how bad it was. I think it was such a blessing that they were on mood stabilizers

The most honest thing i can say

I dont appreciate you

I dont appreciate you

Me, being in america as school starts cuz im trying to make wveryone comfortable with my life prospects

Also me: u know, ive never done well in school, maybe ill just fail again, and itll be ok. Highschool didnt want to accept me, and they didnt want to give me a deploma either, maybe ill turn out fine anyway then.

What is something that the meaning changed since october 7th. Time changed- it slowed down and went too fast. Flights changed. My ticket went into the garbage. Good versus evil changed. The world changed. Seeing mashiach changed. The way we see mashiach. The idea of what people understand, how people spend money- what we spent it on changed. Suitcases changed. Stories changed. Politics changed. Our love of every jew no matter what they look like changed. I see abyone who believes in gd is a gd himself. We are stars. We are the whole universe. Crying changed. This picture i drew, encaspsulates it all. Pride in jews and love of jews changed i think for everyone. Caring about stupid things changed. But also breathing changed. I feel like i didnt breathe for at least a week. I didnt do anything that i should have.