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venting-on-end · 7 years ago

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I'm not new here, just haven't been on this in forever. I use to be a Harry Styles blog and probably still kinda will be but I'm just post whatever I feel like now and it’ll probably still be a lot of Harry but a lot of other things as well. Ill also be venting a lot about my life on here cause I need to write and idc if no one listens I just need an outlet. That being said, IM GONNA VENT!!

Ive been single now for about 6 months and its been one hell of a ride haha. But its also been really lonely. Ive lost a lot of friends and I'm kinda just by myself most of the time now. I lost some friends because they don't like the truth and ive lost friends because I'm an asshole. Either way I think its for the best. Its funny cause their still around and we speak randomly but its very calculated and short conversations, which I'm okay with because the less they know about my life the better.

I was also diagnosed with PCOS at the beginning of the year and that's been a disaster. I hadn't gotten my period in months so I finally decided to go in and see why and that's what they told me, I was put on metformin to start my periods and hopefully regulate it, which it did but then I started getting it and having it all month so I quit taking it and had gone again like 4 months without a period and finally just got it on my own like 2 weeks ago. PCOS also causes hair growth, which I have on my chin. Ive seen some girls that have like almost a full 5oclock shadow but mine is just a couple little hairs randomly on my chin. I'm a little nervous as too if the shadow is gonna happen to me as well. It also causes being overweight and diabieties and heart disease. Its nice knowing I'm getting a little bigger because of something I cant really control and not because of something I'm doing wrong but at the same time its still not fun to be gaining weight. Ive looked into what to do about losing it but it seems like I would only be able to eat kale and water, you have to literally cut EVERYTHING out of your diet, no sugar, no pop, no foods high in fat, no gluten. Its insane. And I know pretty much majority of the world doesn't eat gluten anymore but ive never had a problem with it so I don't plan on not eating it.

Living in North Dakota is one of the worst and best places to live. Its small town living with all the small town drama. I would love to move away to a state that's bigger and “ better” but I know I would hate it and my anxiety would be through the roof! Its already terrible living here. Plus id never be able to leave my family, especially my dad and nephew. My entire family is from here and all my friends, I think id be able to leave for awhile but I would come right back, Its a comfort thing I think at this point. I'm to comfortable to leave which is a curse but a good thing.

Ive been speaking with my ex lately. We broke up awhile ago and just recently started talking again after a pretty gnarly breakup. He moved to florida after we broke up, trying to get as far away from me as possible. We were together for about 5 years on and off, I wasn't a good girlfriend but I was loyal. He wasn't a good boyfriend and he wasn't loyal. He’ll never in his life admit it even though he knows I know. He was a drinker, as am I. The only difference is, is that I don't need it when I wake up and all day. I drink maybe once a week now, back then I drank a lot. We would drink together and shit would get way to out of control. I fucking hated him. He hated me, we would fight, terrible fights and then make up the next day like it was no problem. He ended up going to impatient treatment in MN and was gone for about 3 months and then came back and was sober I stayed sober as well for awhile. He finally told me one night that it was okay with him that I went and had a beer with my dad and I did. It was all down hill from there. We ended up just not working out and he left and I became single and I definitely lived single. I was hoe’in it up and then I realized I was little out of control with it and decided to chill out. I ended up moving out of my apartment and moved back into my parents. Ask me how excited I am being 26 and living at home. EXCITED BITCH! I love living with my parents, not because its easy living because its not. I still have bills and I still pay rent. But I'm not ashamed that I live there cause its my family and they are all I really have.

I think ive done enough venting for me for the evening. Its time for me to sit up for the next 6 hours till I finally fall asleep around 4am. Did I mention insomnia is DOPE!

Thanks for listening or not listening to me vent.

#life #venting #mightbeadailything

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