#ITLL BE BACK WHEN YALL LEAST EXPECT IT

[ender-goo]

The brainrot has spread so much i am now making my own Transformers AU

Here's my designs for the main Autobot cast! (for now...... Also i can't design cars for SHIT)

[the-real-team-galactic]

yanno while i'm here getting back in2 it... i might as well hand over another...

✨Monthly Galactic Horoscope!!!✨

it's lampent season AND spooky season babes~!!!!! we may be halfway thru with tha eclipse behind us, but that aint gonna stop me from predetermining ur futures bitchezzz!!!! >:D the movement of Jupiter and Pluto brings lots of change so pack in for the rest of the month!!

♈️ Whimsicott: moodiness is coming ur way this month so dont expect to be all niceys :/ but thats NOT always a bad thing!!! your emotions are gonna b SUPER intense liek more than usual :O so!!! be sure to take care of urself an step away from big things if u wanna keep things chill!!! :3

♉️ Bouffalant: get ready 2 face ur problems head on this month!!! dont be afraid to talk abt your feelings and verbalize your needs n shit!!!!! dont let ur chance pass by while you have the strength to feel >:0 take action already and just let yourself feel things!!!! dont forget to talk it out babes~!!!

♊️ Klink: yall are getting a HUGE amount of benefits from the lampies this month~☆ lots of energy is coming ur way so expect tons of excitement in new relationships!!!! :> you're gonna get some extra boosts in work stuff too, but be sure to take full advantage of all ur excitement and get SILLY WITH IT!!!! yahoo :D

♋️ Crustle: tons of energy coming ur way yall!!!! :3 get ready for meaningful conversations with tha people who matter while Mars is moving thru ur sign!!! also BURNOUT BEWARE IT'S COMING WAGH >w< !!!!!! if u need to take some time to cool off then go for it!!!! no shade here if u need 2 rest !!! ^ ^

♌️ Braviary: theres lots n lots of alone or with family/friends time in ur future this month!!! :] it might not be as fun but it's ok to take some time off when you need it :) !!!!! theres lots of fun stuff in being alone, and u can always lean on family if u need 2!!!! but if they suck ignore that lol :P

♍️ Gothorita: practicality is tha key 4 u this month so keep ur head on!!!!! keep an eye on ur finances and get ready to jump on new opportunities :D dont forget 2 manage ur relationships too!!!!! let yourself be intimate once in a while babes its good for u >v• get fucking WHIMSICAL~!!!!

♎️ Lampent: ITS UR SPOOKY TIME OF YEAR YALL!!!!! ^v^ doors are closing, but that doesn't mean there's nothing left open so dw!! Venus is moving thru your sign so romance might be in ur future :0 even if that's not what ur into be sure to take advantage of the energy to brace urself for all tha changing!!!!! :3

♏️ Scolipede: shit's getting TENSE for yall :P so get ready!!!! dont be surprised if ur a liiitle more overwhelmed than usual BUT ITS OK TRUST!!!! ur gonna be able to express ur feelings a lil better thanks to this ;) dont bottle that shit up u gotta let urself VIBE!!! go have fun and let yourself live!!!! <3

♐️ Fraxure: finally time for things to get COMPREHENSIBLE YAYAYA :D !!!! ur gonna be more in tune with ur inner self and like your feelings and social standing n stuff :0 so talk to your friends!!!! maybe a lil drama gonna happen but itll be ok dw yall nothing 2 worry about!!!

♑️ Sawsbuck: ambition is the name of the game for u this month so embrace it!!!!! work is gonna see TONS and tons of big changes so brace yourself for it!!!!! get ready for some more opportunities coming ur way :3 its scary but you got this trust i believe in yall!!!! <3

♒️ Simipour: tons of inspiration for u this month!!!!! :) with all the planets movin around that'll give you a ton of free inspo hell yea!!! expect to get tons of work done and feel good about all these new ideas filling ur head :o trust the process and work real hard~!!!

♓ Alomomola: last but not least, its time 2 look inward and understand who u really are gang!!!! :3 trust ur emotions too because theyre gonna help guide you in whatever it is ur up to :D youll find what u really REALLY want if u search deep down so keep going!!!! u got this~☆ !!!

[reserved-system]

WOAH!! HEY GUYS I JUST READ YALLS JON IN HERMITCRAFT FIC AND LIKE !!!!!! WOAHEOAHWOAH!!!! VERY COOL!!!!

i havent even listened to magnus archives yet [its literally the next podcast im planning to listen to dw] but i am obsessed with this fic. its actually so cute despite the poor guy being in distress most of the time.

i will now theorise and talk about ur fic in ur ask box if thats ok sjdbhdhdhhedjbdjdb

🤔🤔 i wonder why jon was put for a day instead of respawning immidiately? maybe the server was struggling to connect him for the first time or somethin? or xisuma was tryin to block him or somethin? idk, itd be funny if it was The Universe forcing him to get some sleep for once. actually yea i hope thats it.

itll be very funny [or angsty depending on how yall spin it] to see jon realise that death is a consequence-less action in this world, either he watches someone die or dies himself. bros in shock like,,,, my brother in christ i just witness a death 😱😨😱☹️😟😱, but then the person rematerialises in a nearby bed like,,, a second later like,,,, oopsie daisies 😅😅 just got pranked and exploded along side my house 😝😝 mustve been that pesky bird 🤭🤭🤭 I'll be back, just have to collect my stuff 😮‍💨😮‍💨 and jons sitting there like (,,#ﾟДﾟ)

BAHAHAHA if jon was shocked at the ears and tail on ren then i cannot wait to see his reaction to doc adfsfjakggkagkkgaakgagakg

*clapping!!* Cub!! my favourite basement dweller!!

Omg i didnt even Think of how people casually talking about mining for supplies would sound!! very thoughtful on yalls part :D

Woooo!!! map mechanics!!!!

also!!! cub saying that jon would make it to Tangos by sun set IF he doesnt get lost feels like,,,,, foreshadowing,,,, where jon gets lost and has to deal with zombies and skeletons and spiders™️ 👀👀👀 bro will not survive the night sjdbjdbdhdhd

lmao no pressure to answer this but just know that i very much enjoyed the reading !!

WAAAHHHH JBSDJGBJDG Hi! I'm sorry, we were not expecting to wake up to anything this morning. We are extremely flattered!! We're going to try to talk/answer any of your questions or theories without spoiling anything we have planned but firstly! You should definitely listen to The Magnus Archives it's such a good podcast. You don't have to worry about our fic containing spoilers for any of the events in the podcast (to my knowledge, at least. Anyone is free to correct me).

____ 1) Our main reason for having him wait a day before respawning was so THIS MAN COULD SLEEP. This man hasn't had a proper 8 hours of sleep in weeks at this point and needed the rest. The Universe spoke and said he needs to sleep.

2) We're actually going to start to explore people dying in the next chapter and we are VERY very exciting to start on that. What I think will be funny even going forward is seeing how terrified Jon is of seeing people die verse how laid back the hermits are about it. Cause realistically this is what, their ninth season so I'd say they're pretty desensitized to it.

3) I think about his reaction to Doc a lot cuz here comes this shirtless creeper goat cyborg with crocs. IT'S JUST TOO PERFECT. We haven't pin pointed when we're going to introduce the two but when we do it's going to be so much fun to write.

4) Cub <3 <3 <3 So far Cub has been our favorite hermit to write cuz he's just so chill. He could say the most out there sentence and you'll be looking at him and he's just got a blank expression. You'll look at him like did you not just hear what came out of your mouth and he'll look like he's said nothing wrong. Love his guy

5) It's just a few things we think about the difference between hermits and non hermits. For hermits mining for resources is an (at least) a once a week things. Non hermits haven't needed to mine for resources by hand since what, since heavy machinery was introduced on the scene. So it's not something they think about unless their job is to mine for those resources / work those heavy machines.

6) I wouldn't say it's foreshadowing but mainly a light jab at Jon cuz maybe he looks like the kind of guy who you'd give him simply directions and he still gets lost.

(We are those people. Driving downtown is confusing even with a gps)

But yes, maybe Jon does have an encounter with some mobs later on. Who's to say? Hehe.

Anyways, I'm super glad that you've been enjoying our fic so far! Super exciting to get back to writing it more often now that we have a lot more free time.

Hope you have a good rest of your day/evening <3

-Xavier

[surviving---not---living]

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh... we have absolutely FAILED ppl with ea/ting disor.ders so fucking unimaginably bad, especially the visibly underweight ones. and we are still failing them to this day by avoiding valuable education out of discomfort and demonization. its genuinely appalling sometimes, to see just how Dangerously ignorant ppl are about this shit. bros listen 2 me rn. you are not a doctor, and you are Not going cure an ed with your almost laughably ignorant and malicious ‘reverse psychology’ bit where you call someone an ugly skeleton knocking on deaths door whos body needs to be banned from instagram forever, because you’re just ‘so scared theyre gonna die’ or w/e so you can legit pretend they dont exist, holy fucking Shit dude. that shame-and-shun tactic is so unbelievably dangerous. like, if you knew Anything REAL abt these disorders or frankly any mental health issues and cared enough to apply that then you would understand how thats just... pure cruelty. im sorry to be blunt but yeah this isnt a joke, it needs to be said that you are easily going to KILL SOMEONE with that kind of unfiltered uneducated IGNORANCE. it is inexcusably selfish, harmful, and ableist behavior, we have to stop this already.

imo there’s a Lot to be said about the toxicity spiral thats become the pro recovery movement and how much it rejects and speaks over the people its Supposed to support, becoming more about ‘anti symptoms’ than pro anything, but if you are gonna understand Anything new today at least learn this;;; hating yourself at unhealthy is Never ever going to be the key to loving yourself at healthy. being ashamed of yourself FOR being unhealthy, will NOT make you healthier, it’ll make you worse every time. im not tryna be mean but honestly how the actual FUCK do yalls brains work, it is SO wildly damaging to let yourself perpetuate this type of mindset, and then still claim pro recovery or w/e like recovery doesnt have to start at unhealthy??? like itll just happen overnight??? like that’ll help??? like if ppl catch you displaying symptoms of the disorder you LITERALLY HAVE, you arent allowed to talk abt it in any form without intense open negativity towards it and yourself, so ppl know ur definitely totally against it tho and not enabling urself, bc if you dont talk abt ur shame and embarrassment for it that means you arent recovering and need a mob after you??? thats how you think people are gonna get better????

ffs dont try to viciously shame yourself out of bad habits and treat your disorders like taboo, respect and love yourself wholly, the good and the bad, if you want to form better habits!!! ppl NEED to be encouraged to love themselves at unhealthy if they ever want to improve. you are not going to accidentally make them worse by not constantly shaming all their ‘flaws’, they are not MADE of ‘flaws’. by showing support for the mentally ill, you are not fucking supporting their ‘symptoms’, you are a supporting THE FUCKING PERSON EXPERIENCING THEM. and you DESPERATELY NEED TO DO THAT!! there is MORE TO THEM than their symptoms! there are things to COMPLIMENT them on besides their body! its gotten to this point that like. ppl are actually Afraid of just being nice to ppl with eds. they dont even wanna treat them like Humans outside of their disorder, all they see is a disorder. everyone is just SO afraid of ‘enabling’ them by not being vocally against their symptoms that they avoid them like the plague and dont even try to build them up, which is what they fucking need more than anything dude!! 

ppl think refusing to ever let an underweight person feel pretty or love their body where they are at is what they need and will force them to recover, or they think giving them goals like ‘you’ll be so much happier with a bigger body’ and ‘keep going one day you wont look so sick’ is at all different than their own internal dialogue, when the Truth (that people need to fucking know by now!), is that shame with mental health is incredibly dangerous, eds are diverse but theyre most often rooted in starvation as a form of self harm from an unwavering self hatred and feeling of failure or lack of control, one they already have deeply ingrained and will usually feel at Any Size, which is why so many feel unsatisfied and keep going and going till they die. the answer to this problem isnt gonna be inflicting more fucking self hate or pressure. thats gasoline on a fire. you cannot just try and. UNO REVERSE CARD THE ~RULES~ OF THEIR FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER and expect RECOVERY... oh my god dude, please, id laugh out loud if this wasnt so malicious.

listen, if you wanna help, like actually Care about Helping the way you claim the root of your attitude is, you need to make that person feel like they can love themselves, not try to make them ‘realize’ how ‘bad’ they are and how uncomfortable and scared they make you and how Not Allowed their behavior is, bc 1. body dysmorphia is a delusion,,, denial is a common association with addictive/self destructive behaviors,,,, you are going about it wrong if thats the first thing you try to accomplish, and 2. whether you like it or not ‘bad’ is gonna be your first checkpoint! who would be motivated to get better when all you’re doing is giving them an already failing grade and pushing them back??? 

you’re all just... so paralyzed by ignorant fear every time you interact with someone with an ed bc you are so fucking detached from it as a concept, but you wont LEARN how to BEHAVE AROUND THESE PPL! LIKE! and then you claim you act this way ‘because you care'. ok then why do you feel like you dont have to listen or learn??? why dont you see these tactics as needlessly cruel when its explained??? bc oh you cant ‘’’’’trust’’’’ ppl with eds to tell You how to help Them, right??? they’re probably lying, you know better than them ofc. smhhh, every other mental illness community gets to speak for themselves to the ppl without their experiences and therefore the ability to hurt them, sure, but not the sneaky ed people, they created pr.0/a.na/, (the ONLY existing space for encouraging mentally ill ppl in self destructive behaviors, obviously), so they dont know what they need, they have to be Told by Normal people bc their irrational brains are Just Too Broken. (/s)............ like.............?? it is Sooo fuckin prejudiced and disgusting tbh. we gotta do better than this. 

eds are almost completely left out of communities for mental health these days. its seriously so disappointing. if you ACTUALLY ‘care’, then ok you need to swallow your pride and do better, you need to Listen and not let your personal discomforts (genuine triggers excluded!) with their appearance or behaviors get in the way of how humanized and committed your decent treatment of their disorder is. tbr, sometimes you arent just ‘concerned’ about a person, sometimes how you go about your feelings is rooted in your inner urge to validate your own discomforts with them, which means it might end up more about you than about them, which hurts them. i mean for the love of god, these ppl are not ‘irresponsible’ for existing around others with their ~unhealthy bodies~, they are not a walking trigger and cant be treated like one, they arent contagious, they will not benefit mentally from hearing you say you think they should be physically banned from posting selfies or w/e, that isolation WONT prevent eds from ~~~spreading~~~ and will severely harm the person in question, you are not making a heroic decision to try and bully them away to ‘save’ others from ever being around them or save them from being around an “enabling” (supportive recovery/not shameful) community. you are not ‘fixing’ them by making them hate their underweight bodies. you’re LITERALLY just ignorant and prejudiced and ableist, your ideas are actually Very harmful, you are not a savior, you are making it worse, plain and simple. Please just start doing better already, its kind of a life or death situation here

[galaxytale]

mmmm…. i have new thoughts about my ex and i’s situation.

i know i have rambled on here in the past about them. often bitterly and angrily. to be honest, those words came from a place of immense hurt and betrayal. a lot of pain and a lot of complex emotions that i needed to vent out and process. and the way i did this previously was… rather embarrassing and harmful and not good for anyone. but it has been a long year, and i have had much to think about. and my brain does not like to process many of these things in a normal way. i often just use this blog as a place to barf out my thoughts at random so i can work out whats going on in my mind. this doesnt excuse it but i hope it allows for some understanding.

its been a long time since my ex and i broke up. and i just… idk didnt know how to deal properly. but i think about them a lot. obviously. what you see is mostly the negatives. the frustrations and the confusions and the residual aches and pains. mostly because these are what im trying best to understand. i want to understand them, i want to understand their perspective. it frustrates me when i cant understand, and it frustrates me more when i feel as if they couldnt understand me or didnt even try. but i still care for them greatly. which is why i get frustrated. i do not think many people understand this. i want to understand why they hurt me. i want to understand how i hurt them. i want to learn and grow. but to do that i also have to experience and process the anger and frustration i felt towards them. this is what you all see when i ramble and rant.

anyway this is the last time im doing this publicly because honestly this is a stupid way to process stuff this and i figured out something way better. also im just. tired of it. im tired of being angry and being hurt. that doesnt mean itll stop but. yall wont be seeing it.

i still hold many of my previous thoughts and criticisms of them. and i still consider many of these valid and fair. and i still deny ever doing many of the things they accused me of because ive spoken with other people about them - people actually involved in the situation(s), and they have supported and corroborated my side of the story as well as my feelings regarding those various situations.

however i have come to some realizations that i think allow me to better understand parts of their side of it all.

ive realized some things about myself and how my mind functions that have lead me to other realizations. these realizations include that i misunderstood a lot of things they were trying to get me to do, tools they were trying to get me to employ, things that actually would have been helpful to me had i understood. i see now that in some of the cases they were pushing me on and making me extremely uncomfortable with, that they were genuinely trying to be helpful because they cared. because they were trying to help me just as i was trying to help them.

the problem here is that i was not ready for, and did not understand a lot of the new things being pushed at me. much of what they were trying to get me to engage with were therapy techniques and stuff to learn to cope better. unfortunately due to a lot of previous bad experiences with therapy and such techniques i am extremely adverse to and suspicious of therapy and therapeutic settings/techniques. combined with a lot of new information about myself that i needed time to adjust to and process. a lot of it scared me and i needed them to slow down and be gentler with me in this rather than throwing me in the deep end and expecting me to swim.

i misunderstood a lot of the tools they were trying to offer me - how to use them properly and why. i thought i made this obvious that i didnt understand a lot of it and in fact didnt want to engage with a lot of it outright - even though i was willing to try. the issue is i also needed a good example or instruction of what they wanted from me and… well. they did their best, this i know they tried, but it was not enough for me to understand what they really wanted from me.

i now understand that this is likely why they grew frustrated with me. and this also factors into something that ive come to realize and understand about myself - in fact its one of the things they criticized about me most… ive come to understand the true nature of what the thing i did that they hated most was actually. and ive since worked out a solution to it that actually has been shown to be far more effective and efficient in doing what the thing they were criticizing me about most was doing. this took a lot of work and a long time for me to come to the realization of what it was that i needed to do and how it worked. and i needed to be allowed to make this discovery on my own time, at my own pace to be able to accept it as part of how i work.

unfortunately due to a lot of things, i was also quite terrible to them myself. and i recognize this. i recognized it before - i tried my best to fix my understanding of it but i did not know what i didnt know. i did not know, and did not understand, what i now know and understand. but much of my actions were because i was scared, confused, uncomfortable, and dealing with a whole lot of shit outside of our relationship. and i am genuinely and truly remorseful for what i did. i was remorseful back then, and i still am now. i did some bad things and i know this. i speak of it vaguely here because honestly while im just shouting to the void i still know this is a public blog and theres a chance people will actually read this and frankly. i consider it none of their business unless they were involved. i did lash out at them, and i did treat them unfairly.

however i still feel as if they refuse to acknowledge my point of view in much of this, as well as that they lashed out at me and have refused to acknowledge and apologize for it all. i have never heard them say the words “im sorry” for any of the things i consider the worst things they did to me. much of the time they refused to even acknowledge the fact that a lot of it hurt me despite me outright stating such. they also refused to acknowledge that i had repeatedly tried to assert my own boundaries with them and refused to accept a new boundary when it was drawn.

they did a lot of terrible things to me in return. including things that they, themself, accused me of doing to them initially. i still deny these accusations and consider myself completely innocent (at worst, should my own memory really be that faulty, i consider myself only having caused a huge misunderstanding among friends as well as having accidentally fucking up something that left out important context). i feel this way because they would not produce any evidence to prove to me my own actions that would negate the memories i myself actually have as well as the evidence in support of my side of the case that i have. all they could provide was testimony from a person who would not have had direct access to either side of the conversation that they are alleging happened a certain way. a conversation that i, personally, was half of. a conversation that i spoke with the other half about again, after showing them what i was being accused of, who also verified my recollection of the events.

i feel as if they refuse to even consider my perspective. i felt this way for a good amount of the relationship, and i still feel this way. i feel that they refused to communicate with me and ensure that both of us completely understood the other. i feel that they refused to be considerate of my needs and respectful towards me as a person after a certain point. i feel as if they refused to work to compromise with me on many situations, and i feel that they often tried to demand of me many things that were unreasonable, and that they often moved goalposts or failed to deliver on their end of the deal when i still bent over backwards to do something for them.

however. i do also feel that at some point in time, they did genuinely care for me. and i do feel like i would like to apologize for the new places where i realize i caused them undue stress and frustration.

but i also feel that they would not accept this apology for those parts that i now recognize my own hand in without me accepting and apologizing for the narrative that i know is false. additionally… i do not feel as if they would accept or apologize for any of their own parts in the situation. i still feel theyre likely to reject that they hurt me very very deeply, and badly in return.

as much as i would like to start the conversation of potentially working out the issues and reconnecting as friends… i still feel as if they would view this as an impossibility. because i feel they view me as something of a monster, and not as someone who was under immense amounts of stress and pressure and was very confused and scared for months on end.

i recognize its very likely their feelings echo my own. except for the portion about potentially being friends again… i feel as if this is a forgone conclusion to them that it will not be happening.

all this said…

i also want to say this. in hindsight they were right about the tool they gave to me for one of my specific issues. the one they gave me before the start of it all. the one i was extremely adverse to accepting and trying to adapt to. i did not understand what its actual purpose was for at the time, nor did i understand how they actually meant for me to use it. because of some recent things ive learned about myself, as well as have been able to actually accept, i now understand what they meant. and ill admit that they were right about this one. its really helpful now that i understand what i was supposed to do with it.

they were right and i was wrong. simple as. at least, in regards to this one thing.

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 92

[Date: 17/03, 07:42 PM GMT - 17/03, 09:29 PM GMT]

jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, come on, cant you see this isnt doing anything to help?

just take the damn ointment”

Little-K1ng: “he... what?”

Marcus: “I back read a little bit”

Marcus: “Just not here”

fetch: “fine. you want me to be honest huh. go on look at the fucking doc. just another place where my problems turned into everyone else's.”

Little-K1ng: fetch.... you really, really need to stop lying to me. im doing my best here, im trying so hard to let things slide in the name of giving you what you need. but you are far from making it easy on me”

fetch: “we're gonna forget all this happened in 3 days time anyway. it doesn't fucking matter what i tell you or what i dont.”

Little-K1ng: “you get angry when you're stressed, you stop responding, you stop listening to reason

but-.. wait, whats going to happen in 3 days?”

Maxwell: “....prince told us that faer family is coming back in 3 days”

fetch: “the beginning of spring.”

Maxwell: “spring officially begins then”

jayyyyyyyy: “we'll get you guys back, if you somehow go back in the first place”

Little-K1ng: “so.... so i get warning, this time,

thats.... almost too cruel”

fetch: “whatever. i honestly can't be asked to care at this point.”

Marcus: “You’d really say that to Mona of all people?”

Little-K1ng: “i..... i wouldnt ask that of you”

Marcus: “...three days huh”

Little-K1ng: “i would simply fucking EXPECT IT FROM YOU. HOW THE FUCK. AM I MEANT TO FEEL. WHEN I CANT STOP GRIEVING SOMEONE. WHOS RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF ME, FETCH?”

donti (e): “... mona u alright...?”

Marcus: “Is that really a question you’re asking right now?”

donti (e): “ah.. sorry.”

jayyyyyyyy: “honestly at this point im willing to chuck a bucket of weedkiller at fetch's head”

Marcus: “Jeight.”

donti (e): “hey hey lets not get hastyy”

Little-K1ng: “i... [huff] i .... [sniff] i just.. i shouldnt have yelled i....”

Marcus: “This isn’t helping”

fetch: “i... you're expecting too much from me. i mean. you expect me to care at this point? when death is coming to our door and all we can do is throw on a little sprinkler? when all we can do is sit in a huddle and wait until these vines in our skulls fully bloom?”

donti (e): “... we discussed possible solutions to the buds if you.. want to change subject.. or not”

jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, the thing about this is that we have a fighting chance

we lose that chance if you stop fighting”

Little-K1ng: “im expecting you to fucking try, fetch. im expecting you to understand that we're all going through this, and every time you lie to me, to us, you cost us more time we could have spent trying to fix it”

fetch: “how would it help, by piling on more and more to the shitheap we have already? you're not supposed to worry about me. ive always been able to handle myself.”

Maxwell: “please ⌇⏁⍜⌿arguing....why are we arguing.....”

Marcus: “..”

Void: “...”

Little-K1ng: “wh... what did you just...?”

Maxwell: “....what....”

fetch: “...”

Maxwell: “why are...”

Marcus: “Max..”

Maxwell: “why are you staring at me what”

Marcus: “Can you say what you just said again”

Little-K1ng: “that sounded like...”

donti (e): “max...”

Little-K1ng: “say that again, max”

Marcus: “Please”

jayyyyyyyy: “actually maybe dont”

Marcus: “Max say it again”

jayyyyyyyy: “that. i think fighting is causing the process to speed up”

Maxwell: “please stop arguing....why are we arguing.....?”

Little-K1ng: “i... thats not what i heard”

donti (e): “... lets stop arguing”

Marcus: “That’s..that’s what I thought you said

You just

Didn’t say it like that”

Maxwell: “but i did”

fetch: “...yall still think I need to be priority right now?”

Maxwell: “thats what i said”

jayyyyyyyy: “you, uh, said "stop" in enderspeak”

Maxwell: “what no i didnt”

Marcus: “Fetch. This is going to be you so kindly shut the fuck up about not being a priority”

Little-K1ng: “fetch, you fail to recognize that you're always my priority, even if you're kind of an ass”

Marcus: “Max it’s okay

I told you it would be okay”

Little-K1ng: “max, hug?”

Maxwell: “why....why are you all acting so weird?”

Little-K1ng: “its alright, max”

jayyyyyyyy: “we're all just stressed mate”

Maxwell: “are yall okay?”

donti (e): “weere fine its fine..”

Maxwell: “its?

look im not a child you can tell me whats going on”

Marcus: “We told you”

fetch: “you spoke in ender.”

Marcus: “You denied it”

donti (e): “you spoke ender.”

Maxwell: “you....youre kidding right?”

jayyyyyyyy: “nope”

Maxwell: “ha funny joke”

jayyyyyyyy: “we're not joking”

fetch: “for once im not lying.”

Marcus: “You told us to tell you.

We told you.”

Little-K1ng: “here, come in for a hug, wont you?”

Maxwell: “no no no no no”

Little-K1ng: “ive got you, max”

Maxwell: “i couldnt have no”

jayyyyyyyy: “hold on, hes panicking”

Little-K1ng: “its the stress, max

its alright, im here”

jayyyyyyyy: “mona, give him a little space”

Maxwell: “no no no stay please”

jayyyyyyyy: “i never said for anyone to leave

are you okay with being given hugs, or would you rather not?”

Maxwell: “im okay with it”

LLyr: “they’ve kind of established max likes the contact at this point i think”

jayyyyyyyy: “yeah, but you can never be too careful”

LLyr: “fair enough”

Little-K1ng: “i appreciate the concern for max, jayx8″

fetch: “I. i would offer a hug but I'm not feeling up to it. i think I'm just gonna go for a walk.”

jayyyyyyyy: “its

Little-K1ng: “fetch...”

jayyyyyyyy: “​hm”

Maxwell: “i dont wanna go back no no please no”

Little-K1ng: “i would rather you not go out where the court roams

you got in one good bite, let it be enough”

fetch: “i'll stick nearby.

i just need to get out of the house.”

Little-K1ng: “stay where you can see the road, alright? text me if you need a pickup”

jayyyyyyyy: “stay near the neighborhood. go to the mineshaft if you need to”

fetch: “yeah. got it. later.”

Maxwell: “I'm scared”

donti (e): “...”

Little-K1ng: “oh, max...”

Maxwell: “oh no oh god oh merde”

donti (e): “sh shsshshh max its fine.

calm down its alright.”

Little-K1ng: “tell you what, we can destress with some hot cocoa? with the tiny colorful marshmallows you like?”

Marcus: “I can go make it

I don’t think max wants to be alone right now”

jayyyyyyyy: “maybe watch some movies? ones that uh, dont have kidnapping in them, too. moana would be good?”

Little-K1ng: “i dont actually.. own any movies

i dont watch them”

donti (e): “youtube videos ?”

Little-K1ng: “that works”

[They watch a video of an otter for a while, and discuss the events from earlier this day. Max thinks that the wreathe mayn’t be as bad as everyone thinks it’ll be, as it will have calendula marigolds which are good for helping to heal.]

Little-K1ng: “....ah.. they are, but maybe..... nah, nevermind.... ill let you enjoy the thought”

Maxwell: “they may be fully metal but still...maybe then can help the family....”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “.........”

Maxwell: “what?”

Marcus: “..yeah max, that’s a nice thought”

Maxwell: “i thought so too!”

Little-K1ng: “i cant believe.... im staring down the barrel of either losing all 3 of you... or going with you and not remembering any of this... that hurts, and it hasnt even happened yet”

Marcus: “Well

I don’t know if this will comfort you or not

But you might not entirely forget this”

Little-K1ng: “true! this is honestly the happiest thing to happen to me in an incredibly long time, there is a chance itll stick”

Marcus: “Baron and Prince remember their childhoods a little bit”

Maxwell: “stick...sticky...ha honey is sticky but not good

tastes yucky”

Marcus: “...I remembered Elizabeth and I learning codes

....max?”

Maxwell: “hm?

something wrong?”

Marcus: “What was that about honey just now?”

Maxwell: “oh!

well mona said stick

and stick is one letter off from sticky!

and hony is really sticky

but i dont like honey”

Marcus: “...got it

Maxwell: “bleh”

Marcus: “Okay yeah that

That makes sense”

Maxwell: “yeah!”

Little-K1ng: “i wish i hadnt snapped at fetch like that... maybe when he comes back i can give him a proper apology”

Maxwell: “hm perhaps that would be good

family should get along”

[this message was deleted shortly afterwards]

Marcus: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i...?”

Maxwell: “what?”

Marcus: “M..ax?”

Little-K1ng: “max?”

Maxwell: “god damn it did i speak fucking ender again or some shit???”

Marcus: “N..no”

Little-K1ng: “n..no.....”

Maxwell: “the fuck happened then? yall look freaked out”

Marcus: “Um”

Little-K1ng: “nevermind! :)!!”

Maxwell: “hm.....if youre sure...”

Marcus: “I must be tired, it’s fine Max! :)”

Maxwell: “youve been sleeping a lot man you sure?”

Marcus: “Yeah, gotta be tired to sleep a lot right”

Maxwell: “I guess”

Little-K1ng: “are you guys...... hungry?”

[The conversation switches to the topic of making brownies and other baked goods. There was also small talk about methods of removing the growing wreathe buds that had been suggested earlier in the day. Mona suggests cutting one of the buds off, if Max could handle it. Jack and Marcus argue over their priorities: their concern for Max and their family respectively. After snipping off a small part of the buds, the following conversation ensures:]

Marcus: “...he’s not bleeding”

donti (e): “can you guys take a look at what mona cut off?”

emuhlee: “well, that part is good?”

Maxwell: “theres some time of fucking liquid ow”

Marcus: “It looks like that...cellulose that comes out of dandelions”

Little-K1ng: “Hhhhhhhhh”

Marcus: “Mona?

donti (e): “is max alright??”

Marcus: “Uh..in pain?”

dreaming: “uh get a towel?”

Marcus: “It’s not a lot”

Maxwell: “that really hurt jesus fucking christ”

Marcus: “Have you never picked a dandelion?

It’s like that”

Little-K1ng: “That's kinda. Gross”

Jack the Observer: “it's not blood though, right?”

Maxwell: “my headache is much worse....”

Little-K1ng: “No not blood”

Marcus: “It’s..

Huh”

donti (e): “blood substitute?”

Marcus: “It stopped”

Jack the Observer: “huh.”

Marcus: “......”

donti (e): “hey what happened to the bud”

Marcus: “Mona

Mona look”

Marcus: “Mona there’s two more”

Maxwell: “God damn it is this fucking Hercules or some shit”

Jack the Observer: “pft”

donti (e): “well.

we can at least look at the bud that was cut off.”

Marcus: “It’s just sitting there”

[The conclusion from this experiment was that the buds have nerve endings, which is why it hurt Maxwell and worsened his headache when it was cut, even after being numbed with ice prior to cutting. People ask about Fetch’s whereabouts. This was his last known update to the document:]

[With this information, people begin to speculate that Fetch might not be back for a while…]

[bkdkink]

here’s part 2 for the ehhhh stuff 

“okay, so dy,” you ask, “if it looks good and plays well, story is excellent and music is perfect, wtf is up your ass about it then?”

so bear with me. what i am about to straight-up complain about rn is by no means anything major or even something that should prevent anyone from ever being apart of the game and its story. these are minor, personal complaints that i want to vent out, and if it so happens that i have people who agree with me then great! if not, then yeah i totally understand because people see the story differently and want different things, as life goes.

long rant ahead, beware. 

so the negative about kh3, ill start with the annoying and lead up to the heart-crushing part (yet expected) part first.

The Frozen and Tangled levels were rough. lmao, not skill-wise, no. Just. Tangled was going through the whole damn movie......right? without songs and certain minor characters, but we...went through the whole movie with Rapunzel and it was sooooo awkward to watch the cutscenes....because sora, donald and goofy were just. there. they did nothing to progress the story. they were just....there? eugene died. they witnessed a man DIE. and it was........anticlimatic a little in how they reacted???? like that they dont quite understand death so they were just like awwwwww :/ and then he came back so yeah, but. it was so weird?? with them there???? why were they there??? why this way???? why not make up a whole new story or add to it or something or other??? is it cuz she’s one of the new 7 princesses of light so we had to do a whole thing??? cuz we didn’t for any other princess??? oh besides Frozen.

Frozen was the worst level for me. just the worst. i never liked the movie, so that’s strike one, strike two is i had to re-listen to two of those infamous songs.......because sora had to listen to them. why....when....when was there disney songs shot frame-per-frame.....in KH? and no, ariel in KH2 doesn’t count because that whole WORLD was a MUSICAL WORLD. the only actions you could take was THROUGH muSICcccCCCCC.

my point is that there was too much pandering going on there, also the story was just as nonsensical as it was in the movie. if i never saw it i would have been so confused as to where that brunette dude came from, how he got Elsa, WHY he wanted to kill her---the game (tangled was a tad bit guilty of this too, wtf did Rapunzel start calling Flynn Eugene? i saw the movie so i knew but they didn’t explain that until their world was finished) so....good luck to whoever did watch the movies?? KH assumes you’ve seen both of them, compared to the Carribbean where I never saw the movie but i knew wtf was going on??? also big hero 6, never saw that but could get the gist!!!!

they were just WAY too movie heavy which isn’t the usual for the series, and im sure if they are included in the next game itll be a different experience because the movies are now established, so there hopefully there won’t be any pandering from Frozen’s end too much.

Now......the stuff that is more personal. okay here goes. 

KH, from the jump, has somewhat kinda tried to establish a maybe romantic angle between Sora and Kairi. Now, because of how friendship heavy the whole series is and the love friends share....I for one never picked that up until i was reading tvtropes and i was reading up on Kairi being one of the main reasons that Sora and Riku were even beefy in the first game to being with??? the both liked her but she chose Sora or something????? that shit flew so far over my head and no, i wasn’t a child playing the first game for the first time---this was only a couple years ago. i just....did not...pick up romantic interest? i picked up...friend?? because they kept saying....Friend™? 

anyway, series goes on, Kairi is known to the fandom as being written mostly out of focus and is never used well enough in the plot. and i agree. they never used her to her potential, and even in KH3, where she is now a keyblade wielder, she still becomes something to save...............even in the very end.........even when she and Sora had their moment of “imma save you this time!” .....no........sora still leaves to go and save her.............so.like.......yay for....growth? kinda....? i just feel bad for her tbh. 

that’s one thing. the main, large thing that i did see coming but was disappointed in nonetheless was that several games later of pushing her aside, of focusing much more on the relationship between Sora and Riku with an ENITRE GAME narrowed in on both of them and their journey toGETher---KH3 begins to focus on the romantic angle between Sora and Kairi again. and its obvious enough where NOW yes, even I picked up on it this time around.

and at this point......it just.....came off so forced? they lay it on thiccccccc my dudes. and it feels like it. yes, there are still moments between Riku and Sora, sure, but that is down-played SOOO much compared to fuggin KH:DDD or hell even KH2....

like.........i don’t expect any gay male video game protags from Square Enix, I really dont. but i also dont want some  last-minute romance shoved down my throat??? when i was fine with how it was before??? maybe if they still kept the subtly that they had done and with newer games continuing to build off of that, I wouldn’t be so put off by the idea. KH2 did a good job of building it, like when Sora imagined Kairi and him dancing together in halloween town--that was cute af?????? and well integrated????? and could STILL be taken as him just missing a FRIEND or yeah, a potential love interest! but just. jesus. you didn’t care about them being together then, don’t do it now because it comes off a little cheap.

also fuck Riku i guess???? kairi doesn’t give a fuck about Riku at all?/??? is the overall vibe i was getting???lmao aren’t all 3 of them friends??????? no???????? kairi only messes with sora and riku only messes with sora?????? can i get some uhhhhhhhhhhh riku and kairi time too or nah????? we had a moment of them at the beginning of the game i guess and then....that was....kinda it? so fucking disappointing how they write her man. she’s so much more than a love interest and there are moments when that shows, but there’s too many where she just....is only sora-focused? 

you want an example of how forced it was that they were switching Sora’s relationship from Riku to Kairi? now don’t quote me on this i could very well be wrong because i never actively listened for bkg music until DDD, but Dearly Beloved? the titular theme song for every single KH menu and emotional scenes? the theme song that DDD later ESTABLISHED in CANON that it was Riku and Sora’s heart song playing together????? a song that plays in some kinda version whenever Sora and Riku are having a moment??????? WELP. i wanna say they still kept it for Sora and Riku for at least one cutscene with them together. at least. i can’t name others, but they at least did it once cuz i remember getting excited about it. 

they now played it more frequently whenever Kairi showed up on screen, or when she and Sora were having a moment together. 

SORA. and RIKUS song....playing now for SORA and KAIri???? please correct me if im wrong, absolutely tell me if im wrong that im just not observant and it’s always been like that because tbh that’ll make this better for me lol but they just took Riku and went YEET. “Sora is the hero. Sora gets the girl because of course he does. Sora is GOD and fuck yall for not expecting him to have a love interest at the end of this and YES it will be a girl and YES it WILL be the one we keep forgetting about to make his love interest up until now because yall were getting the most wrongest ideas of where this was going so we’ll fix that right up for ya” 

i still loved the game. hell, even with the ending like that (”i gotta go save Kairi! again! even though we had a whole thing with the papou fruit about how she was going to save me and protect me this time! and i gotta do it alllll by myself!!! she has a keyblade you say???? she wants to be more useful to me you say???? well FUCK that imma go rescue her because im Sora and i am hero boy!!”) i still had a good time! it really is a good game, please go play it to get all the feels in the world, if this minor stuff is minor for you too, then go play it RIGHT. NOW!!!!!

but yeah. ya girl was disappointed by how forced it was. expected it, but still doesn’t negate how i feel in the end. so now im gonna indulge in soriku art. 

Rant over! if you actually read over this and wanna talk about it, feel free to hit me up! let’s rant together. maybe im wrong and too focused on my ship and i have ship glasses on too tight. 

[seenashwrite]

Changes for Nash

I'm going to be pulling back the time I spend on here in various ways, and if you'd like to know in what ways you can find the basic scoop below the cut.

To new followers - I hate that you've arrived just in time to see this, but I must hit “pause” and look after myself. Story-wise (and otherwise!) there's quite a bit of original content to peruse, so I hope this will satisfy you for the time being.

To all of the Nashooligans  - please understand this does not mean I won't still post things and queue things. I've got a ton of stuff in drafts (thank you notes, replies, feedback, etc.) that will get posted in due time. I'm not disappearing. I'm not dropping the friendships I've made and the chats we have/the things we share/etc., nor a couple of challenges I agreed to and the side-blog projects I’ve committed to work on with others.

For those of you who don't read further, I'll close for you with a heartfelt...

Much lurve - Nash.

What’s changing / stopping:

I've been doing some purging offline, and now have starting doing some purging online. As there are many of you I consider friends and as I have a good chunk of devoted readers/participants in my shenanigans around here, I feel I owed you the scoop on what's changing (at least for now). 

The TL;DR is that “major” original content (things that require great time investment) are not going to be making an appearance for the near future.

So, here are the things related to how I am choosing to spend my time in the context of my activity in the world of fanfic/SPN for the future/near future:

.

* Some projects are indefinitely on hold and some projects are cancelled altogether (see freshly updated Works In Progress post); I will fulfill my remaining challenge commitments as promised, and while perhaps it will be more abbreviated than normal, I will do my best not to kick out anything less than what y’all expect from me creativity-wise

* I've pulled everything from FF.net - the user end is too cumbersome, I'm tired of wasting time on it. I've left everything up on AO3, no plans to take it down from there. I've actually been going through the works there and editing formatting that slipped through the cracks. One thing I am doing is ceasing with adding cute images to stuff, simply not willing to spend the time on it; I may or may not remove the things for which images are necessary to understanding references in a story; we'll see

* Speaking of images - and videos and gifs and whatnots - no more any time soon; I promised one to someone and that’s already done, it’ll be stuck in the Q

* The Nail is on indefinite hold, very possibly will no longer happen; I may whip up an abbreviated version with the fics I had prepped for the next edition, or I'll individually reblog them - priority going to those with less than 100 notes - with brief versions of my usual in depth commentary as time permits; we'll see

* CASPN has been a commitment of mine each week > 1 year, minus the 3 weeks or so absence in the fall due to an injury that resulted in an unexpected hospital stay; I know this is a favorite weekly "break" for a good handful of you; I think I just need my own break. I know for sure I'm no longer able/willing to work on the decks, it is likely more of a time-suck than people realize to comb scripts, get the format for workable Qs and As right, maintain the whole shebang, etc.; bottom line: I just don't know. Like I say, I think I need a hiatus. Maybe until the season premiere. I'll keep thinking about it, let you know on Thursday where I'm at.

* The couple of side blog endeavors I’m pleased to be part of will still keep happening, I committed to it and I’m not gonna leave y’all in a lurch. Plus, that stuff’s fun, and not being in charge of ‘em means less stress and less time consumption

* Having said that, I won't be finishing up the substantial behind-the-scenes work I’ve already done on the SPN Theft Watch blog that is still in construction mode; I'm not deleting it, I'm just not willing to invest time in it right now. I still have several outstanding issues to deal with regarding the personal theft that came over to Tumblr and the reblogs that still have not been deleted. There are a few I still need to give a second notice to; the ones who have now ignored me after 2x, I'm reporting

* I won't be taking on "Dear Nash" things that ask for writing advice, offering up the "Dear Nash: Script Doctor Edition" option, re-blogging any of my writing tips; to the Nonners who asked for a complete master post of such, and the Nonners who asked for a post on how to give and accept critique, I'm putting those on the back burner as well; I also won't be passing along writing tips from professionals; basically nothing under the umbrella of “advice” [ETA: I have done this once since this post (months later) and it went okay. Will consider doing again]

ETA - Neglected to mention that I’ve had an idea for a gift for y’all when/if I hit 1K followers - the “materials” have been accumulating in a bookmark folder - and it’s unlike anything/any concept I’ve seen during my tenure in the fandom. It may take awhile, but I do still plan on doing it.

And if you care to know more scoop about the why... well, the “why” of the tipping point(s) that made me seriously ponder on what I’ve been feeling for awhile now... that’s on a page I made here. 

(Spoiler alert: I’m not angry, there’s no hurt fee-fees, it’s just realization about what I choose to spend my time on and what I get out of those things, how much joy it would bring me and how that’s shifted.)

[samanthasroberts]

Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2),a.prevBody{display:none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/01/22/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/

[darkglint]

vent

im gonna sound stupid for doing this, since its an issue i havent put really into any words or much thought and i dont have a script or something but i gotta vent, hoping that itll make me feel better. or at least round out the bag sadness i have inside of me, i guess.

but hey, yall probably know it. the feeling you have when you really wanna show something to your friends, trying to keep up a dying friendship, and they just... dont care?

its most likely not universal and maybe no one who reads this relates, but to me its just... this kinda feeling of disappointment in yourself, a sprinkle of anger but massive amounts of sadness and worthlessness overshadowing that. Its... been common to me , recently. 

My work is incredibly boring. Repetitive assembly line- kinda work. I get paid and all but its just not my type of work, im more of a designer. Which brings me to the next part: Since i can think wildly while working these jobs (without many mistakes) i get to think about many things. In the recent few days its been revolving around... a character ive made long time ago. Its kinda childish to resume it but its about others as well. Characters that you can put into a story, fictional personalities, even though they may fit some tropes. I was thinking a lot about a character a friend of mine has, a very old one. Just the kinda cute stuff, til i got to a point where i could merge mine with theirs. To brainstorm a lot, to be together more, right. i presented it and they just... kinda ignore it. Just avoiding it or switching topics, so on. I know it sounds selfish, this post is also meant to be targeting no one in particular. 

But to me it just... hurts. a lot, actually. Kinda brings tears to my eyes too.

The fact that it hurts so much might be cause i never really got to show what ive done , all the way back to my childhood. Ive been always such a isolated, introverted kid, but i never expected for it to make me turn out like that.

But still it... it really hurts.

[cielospeaks]

incomplete probably list of what to keep and what to take w for the summer

keep here:

-most of my winter clothes. no point in taking scarves n sweaters in the summer. boots too

-possibly (if i can have a good box for him) cone and the others? i rlly dont wanna do this w my precious baby boy whos seen me through so much but as long as hes safe hell be safer waiting for me till next semester ; ; and when i say the others i mean like juzo, lanta, nobs, lancer, the whole crew

-most of my doujins presumably? i would rather not be caught reading most of em back at home. i might take some of the fate sfw ones back? perhaps the studra (theyre all sfw but one), i do have one tourabu artbook and one fate artbook at home, theyre a lil lonely lol

-preferrably keep my dishes/foodstuff/ect here (like my coffee cup and schuu cup, beet plate, bag o rice, ect.) since i wont need em (much) over the summer. same goes for like bedding n all obviously

-all my art stuff probably? i miiight send a few of the paintings home since theyre pretty flat and momll want em prolly. but like the scuplture and all my drawing stuff can stay or should stay at least?

-most of my books. reason 1- books are heavy. reason 2- gilg and hammie and the others are good to have on hand at any notice. ill prolly keep momotaro and the composer manga here too. witw is idk. prolly itll stay too?

-most of my anime stuff. i think misaki, my okki file, sacchan and moz picture frames, ect. all that will prolly stay.

-and as expected most all cos stuff too. ie bada and tchaiko batons, all loid cos stuff (cept maybe moz wig to braid), my guda stuff so far (cept the wig maybe). kaede and the others are fair game since i dont rlly cos her at all here.

take with:

-figures. i feel awful i took cash and the gorls all the way here and literally did nothin w them the whole time rip. i promise ill take pretty summer pictures of yall just u wait

-the few summer shirts i brought. they rlly dont work for me here rip. but i think theyll be fine for montana in the summer

-def need to take some of the postcard books. like the one w the beemoscu postcard that i need to send digitally.

-the camera from mom. no charger no pics sorry :c i actually did buy a charger tho rip. at least itll be another good box for storage.

-omiyage for mom of course lol.

-all the stuff i have left to send, i guess i could send moms out here but i dont have a good sized box and its a lil awkward since its a cup and a book so its hard to find something that fits. prolly would have better luck at home but the cup is a lil tricky. maybe if i put a fragile sticker on the bag and cushion it w tons of clothes n stuff itll be ok.

-all the cds in the cd box (read: musiks). course i gotta have my full musik colle in one place.

-as far as loid goes i should take the magazines, book of prints, bag, maybe the other stuff too. idk for sure on the acrylics, im thinking they can stay here but id be lyin if i said i dont wanna take my boys everywhere w me. sides cones with them too. and i wanna take him w me too.

-cu for sure, prolly moz too. not that theyll be staying course. cu might, ive got a lotta stuff of him. but moz will be bach back prolly esp if theres sacchan in the 3rd anni stuff

-jp books/flashcards/ect. gotta study up during the summer!

debating

-my postcard/flyer books? like i love em and all but i cant rlly see much need to take em back? besides the loid posters i guess and the scrapbook files maybe? those ill try to take back prolly. so thats like 2 ish? what i should do is make copies of the loid posters and frame the originals in my room

-

bonus- bring back:

-my kigu. itll be a godsend in the winter

-fz suit guda cos. imagine how cool id look as that guda w a sacchan assuming i can find one willing to take a pic w me lol. for that matter also my guda hair tie bls

-caddock cos ish? id need to make the jacket and shirt thing but i can try to buy pants here. the wig i saw a good one at bodyline and if not i can use my old clear or kyosuke ones and see if theyd work ok.

-operas as requested from rei! for sure magic flute, i know i mentioned hansel n gretel, falstaff, and merry widow, might throw in carmen too. probably will. i dont remember if ive got any others besides those 4. think i might have the ring cycle somewhere

[shakirajay]

Im just ready to let this hurt go. Theres no reason i should still be protecting anybody else but myself & thats why im buried so deep in this hole i dug for myself. Im just over this feeling. I was so young & naive that i didn’t see all the red flags of being in a abusive relationship for 3 years. It didnt seem like it cuz it wasnt physical...until it was. It was alot of verbal & mental abuse that i wasnt aware ofat that age & even tho it only took him 1 time to put his hands on me it was alot more abuse before that. I didnt feel like i was good enough cuz he always told me how much i wasnt. Embarrassed me in public & private just did everything he needed to do to manipulate me to never leave. On July 3rd it got as bad as it could & he swung & choked me until i blacked out. I dont even remember anything other than looking up to see in his face that he was scared he killed me. Im sure this is very shockin cuz it was shocking to me cuz i never did anything to anyone to put they hands on me. I said i didnt want to stay with you i want to leave & go home for the night & that was enough to him. Idk where i found the strength to fight back & get out but i did & for the record he got his ass whopped. I didnt tell anybody cuz i was ashamed & i knew that when i said it out loud & told who is behind me it wouldve set englewood on fire. I relate with Meg cuz its so ironic that you feel you have to protect your abuser. The damage was already so far gone cuz July 27 i found out i was pregnant. He had said it before that he would do it on purpose to keep me & i didnt believe it until it happened towards me wanting out. Nobody realized i didnt celebrate my 24th bday. My Kobe year i made sure i had to work so nobody would wonder why i didnt go out or celebrate. I didnt tell anyone during the time because it took me a long time to try to see what my future would look like. If he got me pregnant on purpose to control me then what was my life gonna really be like? It stressed me out. Yall had no idea that i was pregnant in philly but i was sleep most of the trip & had no appetite to eat. Why would i go to philly & not have a cheesesteak? It was rough but i waited until it was almost too late to finally decide to terminate. I knew at the end of the day i could’ve done it alone but he would’ve never let me. He said it for a reason & he meant it meaning if i didn’t completely leave him alone & cut all ties that there would always be something he can control in my life & ultimately me. I hate i had to make that decision from 5 years ago every single day. I dont regret it because i feel like had i not chose me, i might not have made it to tell Yall this story. Its a constant battle because its so hard not to feel ashamed & broken & just stupid. With all the meditating & praying for clarity im learning that i wont be able to heal until i release all this energy & hurt & trauma that I’ve been trying to hide & maybe itll go away. A lot has happened to me & i expected to fix myself alone & this is where i truly messed up. The mistake wasn’t trusting someone who broke my trust cuz nothing that happened to me was my fault. Ill-provoked....it was letting fear make me feel like i couldn’t do it again & lettin him still have control over my happiness & life cuz i guarded myself way too much & while pretending it didnt happen maybe sounded like a good idea to make me better only did more damage & i stressed myself out, over ate, made me more anxious & just a start to a spiral i feel like i cant get out of. I rushed into a relationship right after that cuz i was just trying to run. & even then still being battered & broken so its clearly a mistake. Im blinded by the lights thinking this is better not even understanding whats going on. But its okay cuz at least its not abuse. This cant be worse than what ive been thru so its ok by all means walk all over me & let that ruin a lot of myself. I stayed in 2 situations way longer than i needed to because instead of looking for myself who i lost i was looking for somebody to fix me. If i could tell my younger s

[adambstingus]

Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2),a.prevBody{display:none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182227933232

[allofbeercom]

Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2),a.prevBody{display:none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 7: "Today Was 100% Certified Garbage" - Abbey [ PART I ]

Those tribals could've been way worse huh? Steffen and Lydia are both safe, which is super good, and I'm glad that something went Steffen's way because now he's back in a good mood. I'm super worried for Jake now that we have this...quadruple tribal shit goin on..... in ter esting 

But over the past few days I've been trying to lay low. After my outrage at the voting immunity and then my performance in the tasks one, I knew I needed to just remove myself from the spotlight, and that's what I tried to do. Still, there's been some work to do...

I had the most awkward conversation in the world with MJ and found out that Ricardo is the one who ratted me out to Kait and I SCREAMED I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN SDKFJHSFJDFSKSDH

i dont remember how much i put in confessional but basically she called me and was like "why are you talking shit about me" and IIIIIIIIIIII panicked and told the truth like about how I was so frustrated at the challenge and how she was making it obvious that her/jenn/mj are a group like?????? doesn't take nancy drew to figure that one out huh! but whatever. I told her I wasn't coming after MJ, and then she went and told MJ I WAS, and he told Lydia and she told me so I called him and was like.... I'm not.... Even though I totally am. But now Lydia is convinced that MJ shouldn't be the one to go and ??? SO whatever. If I need to work with him to save my ass, that's fine. If I can't BEAT Kait/MJ, I need to be in with them, even if they don't fully trust me,

Logan also told Lydia that I was being messy so that's fun??? I think it's funny how I deliberately disagreed with Jenn's plan during the rankings challenge just to see if I could get them to budge, but then Logan defended her and now they don't trust me as much. 

So I need to call Gage and Logan the next few days and get them to understand that I'm on their side! That'll be fun!!!!!!!!!!

Right now, I need to focus less on having control, and more on survival. I've been good about keeping an awareness of things (Jake/Steffen using their powers, etc.) but I need to get to a point where I can use the info I have.

As of right now, I do really appreciate Lydia in this game, and I don't trust anybody else so that's cool.

Alright. I've had the night. I went to bed relatively early so I didn't end up getting frustrated or spilling too much info in an act of desperation. But I'm clearly in a tenuous spot on Hudson. So here's my to-do list:

1. Leave the past in the past. Don't hold grudges for being blindsided. That's how you get voted out as a threat to flip. 2. Restore relationships. I don't think any of the people involved acted maliciously or with the intent to screw me. Because of that, I think there's some potential to work on those friendships. The bridges haven't been burned, they're just fraying a bit. Nothing a bit of preventative maintenance can't fit. And I'm hoping it really is just the surface level stuff I see, and not cracks in the fundamentals that lead to collapsing structural integrity. 3. This one is the most important: win individual immunity. When you're the sole outlier vote that's still on the tribe, a blatantly obvious target is painted on your back. But if I can force myself to be safe this round, one of those who voted Wes will have to go out of necessity.

On the Thotse tribe, things went mostly as planned. No idol came out, Jessy went by a 4-1 vote, and everything seemed hunky-dory (though I should rebuild my relationship with Jessy, too, limited as it was.) 

But then, after the comp was revealed, Wes just... lost his drive, I guess? He said he didn't have the time or patience for all these endurance comps and we should just vote him out. I'm conflicted by this, to say the least. On the one hand, he's been such a good effortless ally and a friend. He's been looking out for me and vice versa. Losing him would put me on a tribe with Jack and Lydia and, while I love both eternally to death, I'm worried there may be some enduring Denali allegiance. 

On the other hand, it would make the vote a lot easier. As much as I didn't want to vote Wes, I don't especially want to vote either of the other two. We've formed tight bonds, bonds that I really didn't fully expect to galvanize so quickly. And while I knew I wanted to work with Lydia from the jump, the reality of our tribe made it so hard. But now, there's a chance for something enduring to be built with herself, Jack and me on the ashes of Thotse.

Agh. This game is getting away from me fast. I'm lucky to have such good allies in this game, even if many are currently on other tribes or in their death throes. But for posterity's sake, let's make a list. In no specific order...

MOST TRUST: Jack, Lydia, Wes, Jenn, Kait, Logan NEAR 'MOST TRUST' BUT NOT QUITE THERE: MJ, Matt MORE TRUST THAN DISTRUST: Steven (hashed things out this morning,) Abbey. Jakey? NEUTRAL: Jimmy, Owen, Steffen (he did what he had to do to stay alive, but I'm going to have to be really cautious with him.) MORE DISTRUST THAN TRUST: Carson, Ruthie, Jessy (self-imposed, but still. Until I get the chance to clear the air, and she may even still end up here.) NEW CONFESSIONAL, WHO DIS? Gage (which is not to say total distrust, but like... our paths haven't crossed. Is he even in this game? I should at least say hi in case.), Ricardo (I actually DID forget he was in the game and only added his name after this next paragraph was already written. Oops.)

Anyway, if there's one thing I'm proud of, it's the fact that we were responsible for breaking the streak of double-booting the players who are eligible in both tribals. Wes got brutally murdered in one game, which I really wish I'd have seen and stopped. Somehow. I don't know how I could have. He seemed to have Ruthie on lock and it never even occurred to me that he wasn't especially communicative with Steven, as the latter just told me. 

I don't know that I have a lot I can do right now until people start logging in and talking back. I won't have the time or the guaranteed uninterrupted time I'll need for this kind of comp until after 4, so even practicing may be a challenge.

Sigh. Steven said it best in regards to all tribes going to TC this round – at least everyone is in the same boat. Just a pity we haven't been able control our own destiny, which we WERE doing.

I'm overdue for some good news. Please, Survivor Gods, old Gods, new Gods, Gods of every denomination, Oprah and Chester the Cheetos mascot... if you're listening, please give me a win here. I need a win so badly.

yall gonna watch this one?

im my score of 1 wowie

i have to choose between mj or ruthie, and? this is such a hard choice and either way fucks me over. itll probs be 3-1 ruthie, but it would be 2-2 for mj, and i'd probably be auto-elimed, which is NOT what i want. 

and, as for game a, jakey cant vote, so honestly i wanna go with abbey and gage and vote out jack bc he voted out jessy.

hopefully both tribals are easy, and i manage to stay, but, knowng the people on my tribes? thats not happening

Also I will clarify with Ryan when he's back but I am like 80% sure for those of you with 4 people on your tribe - in the event of a tie, you will do a challenge tiebreaker, not rocks

NVM RUTHIE WILL GO TO TIEBREAKER IF SO I MIGHT BE FINE WITH THAT DSJKSDJKSDJK

OK BUT IDK I LOVE MJ? BUT I ALSO LOVE RUTHIE? BUT I KNOW I CANT BEAT EITHER?

somehow i randomly got myself into rlly good positions on both tribes, i jut gotta hope im not exposed for being a ratty mctatty

so today was 100% certified garbage wow. i had a personal issue and i couldnt do the challenge so that was annoying. shoutout to the hosts for not striking me yall the real MVPs. ANYWAY so jakey won immunity so any plans to take him out are shot. BUT jack and I are solid?? i think?? and i think?? i got carson on board to vote out gage?? So hopefully on one tribe I got locked down. Denali is another story. my dumb ass tried to vote matt out so idk where he stands with me but he said he was willing to work with me so im gonna do whatever he wants and hope for the best ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

I can't believe there was a point in this game where I didn't want to work with MJ. He is probably the most genuine kind hearted person I have ever met and he really does care about me. Yes, we've been lucky about not having to be on a tribe together so our relationship is secret but it's so nice to have someone I can just talk to. He could be playing me, yes. But so far he has proven to me that he is a trustful ally and I do have to rely on him in some aspects of this game because his connections are glorious.

I won immunity whew :') I didn't expect to do well at all but this is such a pivotal moment that I feel like I really needed it. It's not so much pivotal in the way that it'll set a new course for the game, but it's pivotal in that with this immunity, I can hopefully lay low and let things fold out before the final 14 in each game.

Also... I'm screaming @ Jake. I thought I was good at balls, but he's the real ball enthusiast huh sfkjhdfskjfs 

Anyways... I'm super mad about the adventure. It DOES NOT. MAKE SENSE. That climbing up a volcano....would take you the same exact place....as walking along the path down a volcano??? That's fuckin RIGGED, huh? And now I know someone has that other idol, and honestly, it's probably someone with the clue. I think I'll confront Kait about it, because I know SHE had the clue... And I know from MJ that it was the same one about the colors. So there's a good chance MJ or Kait have the idol.

I talked with MJ and brought up Matt's name. I also mentioned Lydia like... trying ti make it seem like Lydia and I weren't close, which I thought is what Lydia and I agreed to do buuuut apparently MJ thought it was sketchy OOPS. Messy Owen strikes agian. But I'm pretty sure we're just gonna settle on Matt, which is fine.

On my other tribe, idk. Jenn/LOgan/myself will prob keep voting together, and I don't want to lose Gage. I talked to him tonight and I think he's someone I could hopefully gain a lot of trust from... Which means that I need to target Steven, in a way that doesn't make it obvious that I want to work with Gage. Fun times. I think I can do it, but we'll see.

As for the other tribes, I think there's nothing I can really do??? It seems Ruthie is losing both lives, Jessy is losing a life, and Abbey is losing at least one.... Lydia and I talked a lot and I really encouraged her to try to organize something to save Wes and get Jack out, but she says Wes and Pat won't go for it, and that Jack would have to volunteer to lose a life, which I don't see happening. So probably Wes will go...

As for the tribe with Carson/Abbey/Jack/Jake/Gage, Jake said ABbey is going, and I can see that, which wouold suck... Abbey is closeish with Lydia and is a good number for us (as is Wes) and I do NOT want to lose them both. I want like.... Carson/Abbey/Gage to vote Jack out, but idk if I'll have that kind of pull over Gage an Abbey to organize them like that??? And I have no clue where Jack stands.

Sooooo I guess we'll see. At least for now, I'm sitting pretty until whatever hell y'all demons throw at us next

I love Jenn Tramkellan

WHEN A BALE IS WHEACHED. 

Like Boston Rob's game being straight outta the godfather, my game is straight outta the care bears because I don't want anyone to leave!

jack fukt me and now im 95% sure im going home. i wanted to be loyal to him and pat and it fucked me over I should have said yes to carson when he wanted to vote jack. oh well i had fun, if i go ill be ok 

HOW'S MY FAVORITE HOST CHAT DOING

Anyways

here's what I have going on w/ jake right now (i sent this to him): "I want you to send this to me so I can copy + paste it to kait: "i did the rocky side of the volcano and I fell off when I tried jumping down to another path" or something like that make it sound more like... it was coming from........you! I'm gonna send that to kait and tell her that's an ~obvious lie bc Lydia went that way and she went further blah blah blah so that would make it seem like you were hiding s/t THEN I think you should go to jenn and tell her you had to do a flash game and then got to the part where you throw in a marble and tell her you threw in a different marble (not green, yellow for example) and it gave you a power and then you make that shit up!

embellish!" The plan is to make Jenn & Kait feel like Jake has a power that he can give to Jessy by telling them contradicting stories where Jake lies to me but would be telling Jenn the truth (both would be LIES!!!!), so they'll scramble and save Jessy. So there's that. Matt SHOULD be leaving Game A. I'm gonna make sure things are solid in Game B so R*thie gets blindsided hard as fuck. Called with Lydia and she called this "saving Wes" thing my plan... like.... WHEW OK GURL! As if you weren't thinking about this already!!!! Don't stroke my ego! I can do that myself. So Jack should be getting "blindsided" on Thotse and he should be OK in Game A hopefully This should all work out Quite well! ALSO even if the SAVE JESSY thing doesnt work out, i think ive gained a lot of favor with Jake this round by helping them out here so he should feel slightly closer to me moving forward and he should be PISSED @ the malaysia trio!! 

Tag yourself, I'm everyone disappearing and not responding to your messages cuz they're too afraid to make a move to remove the status quo. B O R I N G 

Literally fuck this game everyones fake as fuck

everyones playing so hard and i was so happy bc this game was so much less cliquey than i thought, but NOPE! everyones still like that and being rats, and what turned into a simple vote changed bc ruthie wants to vote me now? like, fake!

i really thought i was in a good position but now i feel like im playing too slow compared to everyone else, and i have little chance of winning and that just takes the fire out of me,  like. i just want to do something but i cant with these small as fuck tribes and these gross as fuck people.

like, jessy wants me to tell mj she has an idol so he'll tell kait. like, why? and ofc since im a dumb bitch i agree and probs fuck up my relationship with mj.

i bet everyone just sees me as a number when im trying to make actual friends and that pisses me off bc i just want to have fun but they arent letting me because i have to follow them, and im forced to vote out the ppl i like

What is even happening right now?  Because I have NO earthly idea!  Yesterday I was feeling SO bad for Steffen that I kind of came up with the idea (with a little bit of coaxing on his part) to willingly let he and Steven vote me out.  FUCK.  AM I CRAZY? WHY DID I HAVE TO COME UP WITH THAT? Now I'm paranoid that I'll end up going  on my other tribe because  MJ and Carson  seem close.  Kait says I'm fine but just.... I have this feeling.  I really think I'm so screwed tonight no matter what happens. 

Like, I just don't know what to do.  If I vote Carson with Kait and MJ I lose Carson as an ally and he is my biggest ally.  If I vote out MJ I would then lose both MJ and Kait and that.... would suck.  A lot.  Because they are good people to keep close to me in this game.  

As for my other tribe I really think I'm the one that is going to be the goner because I haven't heard from ANY of them all day today.  The smart move would be to vote out Steffen because he has one life, but he is Steffen and I really don't want to lose him, it's just an all around sucky situation and I have no idea what's happening on that tribe at the moment which probably means I'm a goner for real!  

Well, time to start chatting everyone up again to see if I can get several clues to what's going to happen tonight.  FINGERS CROSSED I STILL HAVE A LIFE OR TWO AFTER THESE TRIBALS. 

ahhh this game is so messy

Votes are due in an hour and fifteen minutes and I STILL don't know what I'm doing, rip.