#INY Chapter One Hundred Twenty Six

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 126

The best thing to do for her now was take her home and put her to bed, so that’s what Tony did. He’d actually had reservations at one of their favorite spots, but what she needed was to be somewhere comfortable. She needed to rest. He didn’t want to put more pressure on her, but her spiraling like she was had consequences that went beyond herself. He was sure she knew. They didn’t need to talk about it. He just needed to be strong enough to wade through it with her and get her back to a place of semi-normal. And until then… she needed to be in bed. Away from everyone else. It was why he went straight to the private elevators, arm around her tight, guiding her. Not leaving her side until he’d taken her all the way into the bedroom. While he’d wanted to see her actually put to bed, knowing she could use it, when she sat down and put her head in her hands, she mumbled something about taking a shower. 

It chipped away at him, seeing her like this. Wanting to fix it immediately but not having the resources yet to do so. He’d make this better. He would. Kneeling in front of her, he helped her out of her heels. “You want me to stay?” The obvious thing to do- to start making this better- was to head straight down to the labs and start working. But she was a wreck. And he didn’t want to leave her, if she thought she needed him in the immediate area. 

He could tell she was trying to put on a brave smile. Tight and worn as she looked down at him. They held that gaze for a moment as she reached over, touching the tips of her fingers across his forehead. The action felt like it soothed them both. It was a question for another day, how he’d become so tangled with her… her voice was drawn when she found it. “I’ll be alright. If you have something to do, go ahead.” 

“Nothing more important than you.” Trying to make her understand. All of this really boiled down to one simple fact. He could make grandiose gestures of justice all day for the rest of his life. He could employ Iron Man and the Avengers to save the world every other week. He could try to protect earth with his dying breath but in the end… 

Looking at her now, holding her hands against his face as she’d touched down to hold the sides of his jaw in her palms… he sunk into her. Basked in the feeling of being here with her and for her. This was all for her. He needed her to be safe. He needed her to be more than okay. He wanted her to thrive. He wanted her to live and be happy. And they just… they weren’t there. Nowhere near it. 

The thought left him softly, “I love you.” Holding her as she still held on to him, eyes closing for just a moment. She’d been there as much as she could when he’d been having troubles- and still was, but almost nothing compared to what she was now being tortured by. She had the literal weight of the world on her shoulders so suddenly. While everyone else was content to sit in conference rooms and argue about the merits of right and wrong she went to work.

For them. 

She suffered. 

For them. 

Her voice wasn’t all there when she answered him. “I love you, too, Tony.” A balm for the soul. His, in fact. Because nothing made him feel better than hearing her say  those words. He tried on a smile for her, and felt better when she found an easier one to shine back at him. “If I need you I’ll call. I promise.”

Giving him permission to leave her side to go work on some lofty dream of getting them anywhere near normal. One thing had become very clear. They had to get out soon. The goals they’d laid out at the end of five years were in jeopardy, so she thought, and five years was inching closer, and the longer they didn’t get out the more they lost the chance at them. He had to finish this. Or else… 

He gave her a nod. “Alright.” Shifting up, one hand on the bed, he leaned in just to press a kiss to her forehead. Lingering there for maybe a little too long. Hoping being near to her imparted the same sort of calm he always felt with her, when he found himself in moments like this. She was already dealing with enough, he really should have just let her be. But as he stood in the doorway and watched her shrug out of her jacket and unbutton her shirt, he hated himself for calling her attention again. “Honey?” 

She looked up at him. “Yeah?” 

Because it was her, he had to hold himself emotionally steady. A hard enough thing to do when he had felt his heart slamming against his chest the entire ride home. Even worse now, as she looked up at him with those big, soft eyes of hers. Waiting. He had a split second to decide whether or not to leave it alone, and… “Earlier today- I’ve been thinking about it- you said Banner and I already found the scepter once. Were you thinking of the Tesseract?” 

It had been circling his brain angrily ever since it had come out of her mouth. And he’d had a long chat with Bruce about it, too. Though they’d both agreed at the table, he was worried about her sudden revision of history. She seemed confused, a cloud took over her eyes. Then she seemed a little flush with embarrassment. “I guess I was, yeah. I’m sorry. The thing with Loki- I guess I just have them all mixed together after everything that happened.” 

He understood that. Like some ugly mass. All inseparable. All part of the same thing. It made sense, but… 

She suddenly seemed sad. “Did I make things harder for you and Bruce? I’m sorry.” 

Quickly he shook his head. “Nah. We’re fine. Don’t worry about it.” At least this was  the truth. They had more than enough data to work with. “It’s a lower level of emission with the gamma pulses, but we should still be fine enough to start tracking it.” He played at casual with a shrug and crossed his arms. “Anyway. Seriously. Don’t worry about it. Just relax. When you’re ready for dinner just let me know.” A hot shower and a nice meal would probably do her some good. And a long night’s sleep. And taking the rest of the month off. If she would let herself. 

Her smile eased him at least a little. “Okay. I love you.” He never got tired of hearing her say that. It always drove a warmth so deep in his chest. 

He couldn’t help his smile. “I love you, too.” Truer, he was sure, every time he said it. 

With that he left the bedroom, and gave Dvahli with a stern warning that she better stop lounging and go curl up and provide some much needed cat love in his absence. Something he was sure the cat understood, as she lifted herself off of the coffee table (a place she wasn’t even supposed to be) and slinked her way past him and into the bedroom. Feeling pretty sufficient that she would be okay, he hit the button to call the elevator and got himself back down to the lab. 

Bruce was in their private section, set up and working on a handful of things. Though he looked up as Tony entered. “Short date night?” 

Tony sighed. “No date night.” And, deciding to be candid, he dropped himself onto one of the work stools and looked over at him. “She’s rubbed a little raw. Ellis has her on some council overseeing enhanced individuals as far as the United Nations is concerned.” At least that’s what Tony thought he got out of her weeping explanation of what had happened. He’d need to talk to her a bit more coherently about it later. When she was better. 

But this put a pause in Bruce. “That sounds… bad.” Then he quickly held a hand up. “Not that- not that I think she can’t handle it. She’s probably the best person for that job. But…” 

“Yeah. Sounds like we’re heading for a disaster.” Agreeing. Agreeing easily because that’s what had turned her so completely upside down like that. This spelled a lot of trouble. It was a bandaid, at best. “All the more reason to try and figure out this Ultron project now, wouldn’t you agree?” Forcing a grin. 

“We’ve got a few things more pressing than that fantasy, I think. Speaking of… did you ask her about…” Lowering his voice as if he was scared they were being eavesdropped on. 

“Yeah. I did.” Taking a breath he crossed his arms. “She said she’s just kind of wrapped all that Loki stuff up together. Pretty much what I figured.” 

Bruce’s eyes lowered. “Yeah. Alright. What about the... other thing?” 

A heaviness settled over the room. Tony’s heart ached. “Not right now. Besides. We don’t even have all the data yet.” 

“You can’t put it off forever, Tony.” 

“Not forever.” They both shared a look. But one Tony’s eyes dropped from. In partial guilt. “Just not right now.” 

Bruce frowned but nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Understood.” A long sigh left him. “Well. In that case. You wanna pick up where we left off?” 

Brushing past all that, Tony lurched off his stool and went over to Bruce’s workstation. “You read my mind.” Pulling a few holograms off the tabletop and into the air, “Ready to wrap on VERONICA?” 

“One less thing to worry about, I suppose.” 

                                                    ---

Someone was calling your name, you were sure. Except it didn’t sound like your name. The shape was different. But it was surely your name. 

You were hot. So hot you thought you might catch fire any moment. You had no idea where you were. Seemingly, maybe, nowhere. Just a deserted existence underneath a vast sky. There were noises. Too many. Hard to pick any single one out- except the cry of a name that was yours but wasn’t yours. And then, when you focused, still more screams yet in a language you didn’t know. Cries of pain. Sounds of… war? Attacks? Metal on metal on flesh. People you loved were dying- And then- 

Then you awoke in a sheen of heavy sweat and even heavier breathing. In bed in the penthouse. Your home. Safe, but panicking. The bed was empty, which made panicking that much easier to do. Flinging the covers aside you half fell to the floor on your hands and knees, trying to even out your breathing but failing hard. It felt like a great weight was bearing down on you. Your chest was seizing. You couldn’t breathe in here. 

It powered your limbs into flight, pushing yourself to stand, falling into the bedroom door and then wrenching it open, stumbling out into the living room where Tony was drenched in the light of his holotop table. Your sudden appearance and bumbling around startled him- he was calling you- your name- your actual name- along with a few, “Honey-”s thrown in. But you kept barreling forward towards the deck. And once you pulled the sliding glass door open, you fell out on hands and knees just trying to breathe. 

The air up there so high froze you to your core- more so was the steely downpour of icy rain as it soaked you, but it at least was refreshing in a punishing sort of way. But it wasn’t really helping, as your fingers clawed into expensive rooftop flooring and tears streamed past your lashes. Tony was there in another moment in a half kneel, one arm around you, his other hand holding an umbrella over the both of you- murmuring something. Words. But you felt the easy, recognizable heat of affection and worry in the place of actual understanding. 

Eventually the sound of his voice evened out past your ears and short strings of sentences actually started to hold meaning as he carried you through remembering how to breathe. Remembering that you were there, with him. Safe. And okay. Things your body and mind had forgotten in the flight of extreme panic. When all was said and done you found yourself thoroughly petered out, on your hands and knees bent so far forward your head was pressed against the floor of the deck, Tony’s hand sweeping up and down along your spine in long, slow passes. 

He was shivering, same as you, still speaking, but it was more the cadence of his low voice that helped the rest of your cognizance gather. Your shame was swift and just as punishing. “I’m sorry…” And, just like the child you felt like, as you sat up, you wiped your tears and snot on the back of your sleeve. Very dignified. 

“I’m the last person you need to apologize to.” Careful with you, as always, as he settled a hand on the back of your head, cradling the umbrella at the juncture of his shoulder so he could move his other hand to yours, helping you steady yourself as the both of you knelt there. 

“I was dreaming- having a nightmare-” Correction easy. No dream would have sent you in a spiral even as you laid there unconscious. Your hand raised up, absently clutching at your chest where you felt the painful heave of your heart. Hesitancy swirled around Tony as you lifted your head and looked at him. Perhaps unsure whether or not to let you go on. When he was quiet just long enough, “I think it was about my parents.” 

A sliver of guilt cut through the air between the both of you. Even in all your time together, you and Tony had never talked about your parents. Met with a vicious and violent ending. Your past- by design. Yours. You’d never wanted to. And you were sure some part of him respected and understood that. But still, you had always assumed… tucked away in police files and permanent records… something accessible that he had looked into. Probably around the time of your hiring. 

Due diligence some would call it. Others might call it snooping. 

Either way, it must have been stolen knowledge that knocked a piece of regret loose. Because now you were struggling, and he wasn’t sure how to bring up his own understanding without revealing his hand. All these years later. 

But his feelings were weighing you down, killing you while you were still too raw. So you dropped a shaking hand to his knee and let your head fall forward. “It’s okay.” I know you know. 

This only seemed to hurt him worse, but he put himself aside. He was not important just then. He swallowed hard. “...why now?” Instead opting to try and push forward to do whatever it took to help you. 

A very valid question. Some terrible tragedy that you’d been insistent on not being the foundation for your entire life. Not being the reason people felt sorry for you constantly. Not being the reason you were handed things, or looked at differently. Something you wanted… terribly to move on from. “I don’t know.” Voice shaky, when you found it, still sniffling. “Maybe it’s just the stress…” Trying to reach for any conclusion to make it not appear worse than it was. 

Just brain garbage all vomiting up all at once underneath immense distress. Sure. That made sense. 

“Well… what’d’you know…” Steadying himself a little. Realizing too little too late, as you always did, that your anxiety had infected him. But that he’d struggled to keep it together for you. His smile was tight as you looked up at him. “Great time for a vacation, wouldn’t you say?” 

You aimed your weakest smile back at him, something that lasted all of two seconds before you shifted over, coming in closer to just collapse into him. Pressing your hands at his chest and hiding your face in his shoulder. He was warm, even out here in the freezing rain. And perhaps you stayed there a little too long, because eventually he spoke again. 

“...you alright to go back inside?” Worried, still. And gentle. At your wordless nod, he moved into a small crouch, reclaiming the umbrella in one hand, sticking his other out close to yours. With such ease he helped you back to your feet, though in that moment the loss of energy became easily recognizable. “Do you want to go back to bed?” 

...even still. Tired as you were… “No. Can I just… I don’t want to bother you-”

“You never bother me.” 

“-...can I just. Sit with you? While you work?” 

His hand lifted a little higher up, settling at the back of your head again, bringing you in close so he could press a kiss to your hair. “Of course.” 

After a fresh change of dry clothes you snuggled up on the couch closest, and Dvahli was close behind, turning into a little vibrating ball of purrs in your lap. You picked at some warmed up dinner that you’d ignored earlier, and felt grateful for a steaming cup of earl gray all while Tony used you as a sounding board for a project he was just finishing up on. 

You’d been aware of the Hulk Buster armor that he and Bruce had been devising as a worse case scenario. But it was a true testament to how busy you’d let yourself become that it was now in its final stages. Comfortable and content, you drifted off just around the time Tony was detailing the AI- 

VERONICA. Tony swore up and down it stood for something… Very. Experienced. Reconnaissance. Operation. Nested. Inside. Cached… Drifting- had he said- Atmosphere? Automaton? Getting harder to remember by the second...

But. There was a telling hint of amusement that told you it was some sort of inside joke that you both weren’t privy to and weren’t awake enough to get. Even so… 

You remembered the curve of his voice and the beauty of his smile, the way he looked awash in holographic lights as you dozed off. Only disturbed briefly a little later as he turned you to lie down and tucked you in. Not sending you back to the bedroom alone- something else, even in your hazy half-unconscious state you were intensely grateful for. 

Just to have him near… 

                                                   ---

He protected you, when various members of the team came to call during business hours. It probably wasn’t the wisest thing for you to be hiding, especially not with what was ahead. But. It helped to clear your mind, not having to deal with any of that stuff. The reprieve would be short. Intensely short. March would be soon. 

Even shorter than you knew, as you sat in the back portion of a cafe, Happy on security detail. Just trying to pretend like you were normal and that you were enjoying life. A newspaper out front had caught your attention. The New York Bulletin’s detailing of how a masked marauder by the name of Daredevil had brought down Wilson Fisk. 

Just as you were finishing the article- some very juicy stuff about Fisk’s pretend good-man initiative turning out to be a money-laundering scheme involving lots of mafia moves and drugs- Happy approached your table. “Sorry to bother you.” 

You smiled up at him. “Don’t worry about it. What’s the matter?” 

He hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “Some guy wants to speak with you. Normally I wouldn’t break protocol but…” Protocol being that you were here enjoying coffee and a pastry like a normal citizen. And that you were technically on a sabbatical. So no one was to disturb you.

Shifting in your seat you tilted to see a very unassuming man standing at the front of the cafe. Dressed in a very beat up looking suit. He looked a little beat up himself. Dark glasses on. Cane in his hand- not just any cane. One of the ones used for the visually impaired to help see where they were going. You waved Happy in closer. “Not to be… I’m not trying to be rude…” Dropping your voice. “Is he blind?” 

“I think so, yeah.” 

“Then how does he know I’m here?” The only reason you cared about it. 

Happy seemed momentarily stunned. “Oh. I didn’t uh…” Didn’t think about it, is what he meant. 

You watched as the man in question smiled briefly with a shake of his head. Almost as if he’d heard you. Deciding that again coincidences weren’t a thing in your reality, you acquiesced. “Alright. Let him over.” 

With the order given, Happy gave a nod and then slowly walked back over to the man. They had a brief exchange and then the man walked your way. No assistance necessary. When he stopped at your table, you looked up at him. He was still smiling. “Thanks for letting me through your security, ma’am.” 

“You’re welcome. How can I help you?” 

“My name is Matthew Murdock. Of Nelson and Murdock.” Reaching his free hand up, he very obviously pretended to fumble around, patting his jacket down. “I thought I had a card…” 

You put an end to the charade. “And what can I do for you, Matthew Murdock of Nelson and Murdock?” 

Without the same act of grasping around, he reached out for the chair nearest and took a seat. “I wanted to say thank you. To you and Stark.” 

Unable to help yourself, your eyebrow arched. “Thank you for what?” 

His lips were a bitter twist of a grin. “We don’t have to play pretend. No one’s listening.” 

“I don’t know who you are.” Said about as honestly as you could. 

“Sure you don’t.” Grinning still. 

Tipping your head, “I don’t. ...you’re making it a little too obvious now but. I didn’t when you walked up.” Not needing to be fantastic at deduction for this. It was clear. This was the man in black. Or, now Daredevil, as the media was calling him. 

He sat there in silence for a moment until a small ripple of astonishment touched him. Either trusting your truth or… perhaps sensing you were indeed being honest. Well. Tony had pegged him as enhanced. You wondered in which ways. “...you really didn’t.” Seemingly pretty floored by this revelation. “But Stark-”

“Tony does, yes. I told him I didn’t want to know. Because I figured that was none of my business.” Being straight with him. “Or anyone else’s, for that matter.” 

“Stark didn’t seem to feel that way.” Just a tiny touch of agitation. You couldn’t blame him, really. 

But even so. “Tony is… he’s heavy-handed, when he thinks he’s being pushed against a wall. Fisk threatened us, so he started digging. You were probably just a pleasant surprise.” Defending Tony. As always. You sighed. “Even so. It’s wrapped up now, I just read. So. The data will get vanished. You have my word. ...and good work, by the way.” 

His smile was a little more friendly, after only a few bare seconds of consideration. “Well. Then that’s double the gratitude.” He reached out, aiming to shake your hand but his direction was a little off. 

You studied him. “...does the blind act work on everyone?” It was clear he could see. ...right? Or had you just said something utterly awful with no regard? He’d picked up that chair like he’d seen it. He’d seen you through a window, probably. He’d walked over to your table with no help of direction. 

Apparently you surprised him just a little, because a short laugh escaped him. “Worked on your goon.” 

“Happy is not a goon and if you insinuate so again I’ll have you thrown out.” Half-joking. ...maybe a quarter. You wouldn’t let anyone talk about Happy like that. But your nervousness got the better of you. “You aren’t really blind, right?” ...god you hoped not or else you would be just about the biggest asshole in existence right then.

“Can’t imagine how that would look. CEO of Stark Industries throws blind man out of a public cafe.” It was your giggles that turned his own laughter back out. He was a surprisingly pleasant person, when his entire world wasn’t being threatened and he wasn’t playing tough. Maybe he thought the same of you, because there was a light thrum of ease and enjoyment that he was otherwise trying to hide. Maybe just because he was making you sweat a little, as he’d sidestepped your question. Thankfully, when his chuckles died down, “Yes. I am blind.” 

You considered this. He wasn’t lying, but… “But you see in other ways. -not the general ways that come with being blind.” Going in full here. This was assuming a lot. 

“You’re very astute.” But you were rewarded for your boldness. 

Unable to help your smile, “I have to be when I accuse a blind man of not being blind. Huge PR disaster otherwise.” 

A softer noise of amusement left him but then he started nodding. “Yeah. Well. Please accept my gratitude. For everything.” 

“I didn’t do anything.” Assuming he was thanking you for whatever Tony had given him. “If you want to thank Tony, he likes sunflowers. And will only accept grand gestures, I assure you.” 

He stood, helping himself to his feet with one hand on his cane, the other he extended again. Straighter this time. “You did more than you think.” 

Giving him a firm shake you decided not to fight this. “Whatever you say. But. I’m serious about the sunflowers.” 

Matthew laughed again with a drop of his head. “I’m a little strapped for cash right now but I’ll try my best.” 

“I’ll order them for you in that case.” 

“Well now you’re just putting me in debt.” 

“Don’t be scared to stop by the Avengers Tower. We can discuss how much you owe.” While you didn’t know much about him yet, he seemed amicable and definitely like someone you wanted to keep around. 

“I have a lot of cleaning up to do of my own personal life if you don’t mind, and Hell’s Kitchen needs someone, too after this mess. But… if I ever decide to be less local, I’ll think about it.” 

Before he could turn and walk away you allowed a little bit of seriousness to enter. “Sometimes it’s not about being local, Matthew. Sometimes it’s just about needing people like us to do what’s right when no one else can.” 

His back was turned to you, and he went quiet. Thinking about this. It was almost a little surprising when he nodded. But it all died when he smiled again and instead of speaking on any of that, instead offered, “Call me Matt.” 

Whether he could see it or not, you smiled back. “It was nice meeting you, Matt.” 

“You, too.” 

He took one of your clouds with him, as you realized… you now had one less thing to worry about. 

How nice.