#IN FRONT OF YOUNGHOON AND HYUNJAE BECAUSE OF VAE'S FICS

[wooyoung-a]

okay first things first. this is another whole ass rant about this fic. if you''re reading this, read vae's fic. now.

first, the idea was IMMACULATE. i'm inlove with your galaxy brain vAE

second- this is THE SECOND VAE FIC I'VE CRIED A RIVER FOR WHAT THE FUCK REALLY

SOMEONE GO MAKE THIS A MOVIE OR A FUCKING SERIES I BET I'L BE CRYING EVERY SINGLE MILLISECOND

vae,,,, your mind 😩😩 tbh i was delaying reading this since last night bc i was too sleepy buT NOW I'M-- CRYING,,,, IN THE MIDDLE,,, OF THE DAY,,,,

this singlehandedly became one of my favorites along with that hyunjae fic becAUSE DUH???, YOUR ANGST IS???? GOD-TIER???????!!!!!!!! not that your fluffs/slice of life isn't,, i'm just kinda inlove with the pain angst fics are giving me ANYWAYS

vae,,, masterpiece after another,,, 😩😩 IT IS NOT MESSY AT ALL AND WHAT THE FUCK FIFTEEN HOURS 😩 IM PROUD OF YOU IM PROUD OF THIS WORK IM PROUD OF EVERY WORK YOU'VE DONE 😩

but honestly this was just ultimately good,, the idea itself and everything,, the dialogues,, EVERYTHING.

let me cry myself back to the void this is one of the few fics i've read after a month along with the hyunjae fic because i was so depressed and didn't want to do anything and crammed and depressed again bc college is starting bUT I LOVE YOU VAE THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME CRY

LETTING GO | K.YH

SYNOPSIS : in a world where there’s a limited amount of space for your memories, people get the option to choose the memories they’d like to delete before making new ones. once you’re unable to remove any memories, it’ll be your time to let go

ALTERNATIVELY : the day to delete all your memories of younghoon has finally arrived, and you decide to watch them all one last time before forgetting them forever

PAIRING : barista(ish)!younghoon x genderneutral!reader

GENRE : idk some weird ass memory loss au, major character death, bittersweet ANGST (this is embarrassing if nobody feels anything when reading this), some fluff tossed in, jacob and younghoon café baristas

WARNINGS : this is my first time writing something like this so that's quite the warning in itself, profanities, a majority of this fic is straight up dialogue, i wrote this in like fifteen hours so it's messy please bear with me

PLAYLISTS : spotify, youtube (for niles)

WORD COUNT : 7.5k+

TBZ MASTERLIST | NAVIGATION

A/N : posting this oneshot for his birthday a few days earlier because i don't think i have the heart to actually post this on his birthday. also this fic is basically dedicated to @nilesig (because you're basically the jacob to my y/n in this fic) ALSO tomorrow marks my third month of my first timestamp being posted (which was also younghoon) !! if you choose to read this, please take my heart and run away with it

“How could you remove your memories of me?? Of us?? Are you out of your mind?!?”

The girl’s screech caused you to flinch as you made your steps down the sidewalk, scrunching up your shoulders as you walked past the couple.

“Did I mean nothing to you??”

“Look lady, I don’t know you, okay? Stop bothering me.”

...Well, ex-couple now.

Your feet picked up its pace due to not willing to hear anything more from the two, skidding across the sidewalk before diving into the Jacob’s coffee shop, the aroma of the coffee hitting you right as you entered.

“Welcome to Bae’s Caf- oh, Y/N! Just before closing time.” His warm yet sullen smile welcomed you into the shop, greeting you with a wave from his hand. “Today’s-..today’s the day, isn’t it?”

You pressed your lips together as you sluggishly approached the counter, nodding slowly before wearing a fake, gentle smile. “Yeah. Today’s the day.”

“Tell him I said happy birthday, would ya?”

“Now that, Jacob, I can’t promise you.”

That was his cue to laugh, maybe even chuckle, but he didn’t. He knew the seriousness of what today meant, and he could only watch you avoid his gaze as his fingers tapped against the countertop.

“A-are you sure you don’t want me to accompany you?”

You shook your head, trailing your eyes to the ground beneath your feet. “I think I’d rather...be alone. Just so I can look through everything before deleting them, you know?”

“Yeah of course.” He nodded along with your words. “Just call me if anything happens, okay? Permanently deleting a chunk of memory can cause some serious damage.

“I know I know, I’ll take it slow, don’t worry.” You reached to pull out your wallet, but Jacob noticed, stopping you.

“No need to pay today, okay? Take-...take it as a gesture from Younghoon.”

Your breath hitched up in your throat right when you heard his name, slowly nodding as you shoved the wallet back into your pocket.

Jacob smiles warmly towards you one last time before turning his back to make you your usual drink, leaving you alone in your own thoughts.

You looked around the coffee shop, smiling at the memories you shared here. You were anxious though, scared over the fact you’ll be seeing these memories on your tablet in just an hour or so.

“One free iced americano for my best friend!” Jacob declared, whirling his head around with the drink in his hand. He slid it across the counter, and you laughed, thankful that you had arrived when no one else remained except for him and your drink.

“You’re an angel, you know that?”

“I do.”

You took the drink into your hand and whispered an almost inaudible ‘thank you’, waving him goodbye as you walked out.

“Stay safe, alright?”

“I will.”

“I love you!”

“Love you too.”

It was funny how you still managed to get a whiff of Younghoon’s cologne whenever you entered your previously shared apartment with him. It’s been years, but perhaps he chose to drench all the furniture with the cologne he wore before leaving you.

Or maybe, maybe it wasn’t even there at all. Maybe it was your mind instinctively having you smell it once seeing the place he lived in.

But you didn’t care if it was all in your head because truly, it comforted you.

Yet it also saddened you, knowing the day it was today.

It’s crazy, really, how today was finally the awaited day. The only day that has been on your mind, and the day you wished to never have come.

You’ve been holding it off for so long. Two years, to be exact. Two years and one day to be even more exact.

It’s scary how he left on the day right before his birthday, leaving you alone for when the special day arrived.

Everything that belonged to Younghoon has either been removed or sold while all your items have already been packaged and moved back to your parents’ house.

So the only thing that remained in the apartment was the dust that had been collected the past few years and Younghoon’s memory tablet.

You placed your near empty cup by the door after closing it behind you, making your way over to the item in the corner of the living room.

You crouched down, bringing the item into your hands. The tablet had been loosely wrapped with two stained shirts, ones that you held ever so dear to you, and you admired them, running your fingers over the brown stain over the white cloth. Your fingers slowly removed the two shirts, revealing the tablet underneath.

It was covered in minor cracks, but thanks to Eric, a friend of Jacob’s, he managed to get it working after it had been broken.

You had your own memory tablet, everyone did, but yours was still broken from that time you dropped it into the pool. You decided to have Eric fix Younghoon’s tablet instead of your own because you thought that maybe, just maybe, you’d be able to retrieve a fraction of his memories.

That, of course, didn’t happen, and his microchip was long gone.

You pressed your back against the wall with your knees up to your chest, using the shirts as a blanket while you powered on the tablet.

It’s an extremely old version, but you didn’t mind waiting. If anything, you didn’t want it to work.

You didn’t want to forget him.

But two years and three birthdays without him have already been long and excruciating enough, and you made a promise to him.

The screen that tells you to scan your memory microchip across the tablet finally shows up, making you hover your hand over it. Considering Younghoon’s tablet was an older model, it took a while for it to process your chip, but it managed to work nonetheless.

As you waited for it to retrieve all your memories, your eyes gazed out the window, watching the sun slowly set as time passed.

The last time you properly checked your memories was around five years ago. You never had a purpose to check them every so often, so you never bothered fixing your old tablet.

After it loaded, all the memories you treasured have popped up. You smiled at the sight of a majority of them being Jacob, but it showed nothing else. Nothing from your classes or your life with other friends. The only memories worth keeping was Jacob, the one who’s never once left your side.

So considering the lack of precious memories, it didn’t take long to find Younghoon when you scrolled.

You relied on your brain to remember all of these moments, so to see his smile ever so clearly felt so-...unreal.

You clicked on the date you first met Younghoon. August 4, 2017.

And this is where you began deleting the memories, one by one as they played out.

⠀

Loading › August 4, 2017 | 13:03

Have you met Younghoon yet?

The guy who’s temporarily taking over your shift since summer started? Nope, not yet. I haven't gotten to visit the coffee shop since you went back to Canada. I’m walking there now though.

Great! Say hi to him for me.

Yeah yeah, sure. I’m right outside the shop, so I’ll hang up now. Talk to you later, Bae.

Ew. Never call me by my last name again. That’s reserved for my future partner.

You’re no fun.

Oh just hang up already.

Fine. Miss me!

As always.

…

Hi! Welcome to Bae’s Café.

Younghoon, right? Jacob’s replacement?

Replacement sounds kind of degrading, but yeah that's me. I’m guessing you’re Y/N?

Yep!

Great! Iced americano, right?

Oh? How'd you know? Did Jacob tell you?

Mhm, he told me to look out for you. It's also my favorite drink.

Ah, I see, but yeah! One iced americano, please.

move memory to trash?

Perfect then! One iced americano coming right up.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 5, 2017 | 13:06

So...how is he?

Uh, doing his job?

Well duh, I'd hope so, but do you like him? Is he nice? He's nice isn't he?

Woah woah woah, what's with all the questions? Plus you're the one that hired him, not me. Why are you asking me if he's nice?

I'm just saying...he's a nice guy.

Yeah I assumed after the questions. I don't get why you're asking me though.

Order number 7!!

Oh that's mine! I'll talk to you later Jacob.

Yeah sure, call me later.

Hey Young-...hoon? Is something wrong?

Oh! Uhm, sorry, you just, uh—have a little something there. On your shirt-

What?? Oh my god has that always been there? How'd I manage to pick out a shirt with a massive stain...fuck this is so embarra-...

...

...Younghoon did you just-

...

Why'd you spill my drink on your shirt-?

...Well I didn't want you to be embarrassed alone-

...

move memory to trash?

You know what I'll just—go get you a new drink.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 8, 2017 | 13:01

You got something for Younghoon didn't you?

I did not!

Oh I definitely know that tone. You did! C'mon Y/N, what'd you get him?

I got him nothing, I swear.

No I know damn well you got him something for his birthday. Just tell meeeee.

Jacob, I don't trust you with anything, especially since that time you spoiled the surprise party for Kevin-

That was one time, let me be! Also I'm literally across the world, just tell me what you got him.

You may be across the world, but you're still able to tease me across the phone.

I won't tease you, seriously.

Ugh fine, I got him a new shirt.

Was it because of that time he purposely spilled your coffee on his shirt? He really is the sweetest, isn't he-

Oh my god Jacob, are you trying to set me up with him?

I'm mean you are kinda lonely-

I'm hanging up on you.

WHAT?! NO DON'T-

Y/N is that you?

Oh Younghoon? Why are you leaving the shop early? I thought closing time was later in the evening.

Yeah but Jacob told me to close earlier since it's my birthday.

Gosh how can you say it's your birthday ever so casually. Here! I bought this for you.

…A paper bag?

...You're supposed to look in it-

Right! Sorry....Wait hold on, I-is this a new shirt? Y/N, you didn't have to do this-

Please, I feel like I owe you after what had happened on Saturday.

I was the one who chose to pour your drink on my shirt. Plus it was your drink, not mine. I should be owing you instead.

What?? No it's your birthday, you don't owe me anythi-

Let me take you out on a date.

What? A date?

move memory to trash?

A date.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 9, 2017 | 16:52

NO WAY, you're kidding right?? You guys went on a date yesterday?? AND, NOT TO MENTION, WITHOUT ME?

...Jacob, you're in Canada.

Well you could've updated me through video chat.

Oh shut up, do you want to hear what happened or not?

Yes please. Tell me every single detail.

He suggested a date right after I gave him the shirt. Said something about how I didn't owe him anything- blah blah.

I said tell me every single detail, not 'blah blah'.

Oh my god let me continue.

Okay okay, fine. Did you guys go on one right after?

Yep. He took me back into the shop and made two iced americanos for ourselves. We mainly just talked about each other, but now that I think about it, he let me talk a lot-

Ooo did you talk about me?

Jacob don't even start—

OKAY OKAY continue.

It's not anything special. I don't know, we kind of just got to know each other and then I wished him a happy birthday and left.

That's it? Boring.

I've only known him for four days, dumbass.

Oh yeah you're right. But no cake?

No cake.

How boring can you get??

Ugh shut up, I'll talk to you later.

Later?? Are you busy right now?

...Perhaps he asked me out on another date.

AND YOU DIDN'T BOTHER TO INFORM ME OF THIS EARLI-

move memory to trash?

OOPS GOT TO GO!!

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 9, 2017 | 17:51

There. The shop's now closed. Are you ready?

Yeah, but are you? Aren't you tired after working all day?

Kinda, but you're here with me, so I'm sure I'll do just fine.

Flirting on the first date, huh?

Second, actually.

Right. I didn't take you for a flirt though.

I wouldn't really say it's flirting. Just being honest.

...You're not making this any better.

What?...Are you flustered?

How can I not be? You say these things so casually-

I guess you could call me casual.

Casual? Okay then...How does Mr. Casual sound?

...

Oh my gosh wait are you blushing??

Hey! I didn't laugh at you when your cheeks started heating up!

I-I'm sorry, I can't help it-

move memory to trash?

Stop laughing at me and walk faster before we get hit by a bus when we cross the street.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 10, 2017 | 23:39

Okay I'mma need Younghoon updates.

When have you been so invested in my love life?

Since birth.

Disgusting.

Have you guys been getting closer??

I guess? He- he took me to this park after we had dinner yesterday. I don't know, Jacob...I've been on so many dates before but he's-

...Different?

Yeah, different. We had a lot of talks under the stars. I don't know, I don't think I've ever met someone who was that willing to talk about their feelings for hours and hours on end. Kinda like he wants to know me...for me.

So you are growing to like him like that, aren't you?

Where'd you get that from?

You basically called Younghoon part of your love life.

...You really need to stop paying attention to my rants.

move memory to trash?

Hey! I'm just being a wonderful best friend.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 11, 2017 | 9:37

I can't believe your only days off are on Fridays.

I mean it's only a summer job, so I'm not complaining. When Jacob's back from Canada, I'll be back to studying in college.

What college do you attend?

CKU, you?

...No way, you're kidding, right?

No, why? Do you go there too?

Yeah! Both Jacob and I do.

That's crazy.

I guess we'll be seeing each other a lot more often then.

move memory to trash?

I guess so.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 14, 2017 | 9:37

Iced americano?

You know me too well.

You're acting like I didn't even know your order before we even met.

Okay blame Jacob for that.

You two must be really close, huh?

Mhm! He's basically my twin brother. We've been with each other since elementary school. He's always been there for me.

That's good. Especially since you guys have known each other before you reached eighteen.

Right? We were so lucky.

The memory system is fucked, isn't it?

Honestly, yeah. I don't know how I'd live if I met Jacob after eighteen. I mean I can still delete memories with him in it, but I won't forget about him entirely. That's the only good thing that comes out of the entire memory thing. Only the memories after eighteen are the ones included in the chip.

Mhm. Explains why everyone tried to make a shit ton of friends before getting their chips implanted in their hands.

Same goes with dating too.

Did you ever date anyone before receiving the microchip?

Yeah, but it didn't work out. I think we both just forced ourselves into a relationship because we wanted someone that we'd remember forever.

Do you regret it?

Kind of? I don't really know. At least I'll have some recollection of the mistakes I've made during that relationship, so now I'm able to learn from it and better myself for upcoming ones. How about you?

Me? Uh nope. I've never been a relationship....Here's your drink, by the way.

Really? You're kidding, right? And thanks.

Nope. If I was in one, I probably deleted it.

...Well that sounds brutal.

move memory to trash?

Eh, if it makes things any better, I've never deleted any memories.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 17, 2017 | 9:37

Are you seriously searching up good date ideas?

Shit—why are you looking at my phone?

You went silent, and I just got curious...Wait- don't scoot away from me!!

Shhh let me focus on my research.

Research?? Who are you planning on going on a date with?

...You? Who else?

You could've just asked me what date we could go on and brainstorm from there.

Well, Y/N, what date could we go o-

Nope! It's too late, you lost your chance.

What?? No wait don't get pouty, I'm sorry I didn't ask you.

...Wait Younghoon don't apologize-

I'm sorry. I'm soooo sorry Y/N, please forgive meeeeeeeeeeeeee.

move memory to trash?

Okay now you're just guilt tripping me.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 18, 2017 | 12:37

Younghoon?

Hm?

How did it take us two hours for us to plan a date, and yet somehow we ended up in your apartment with you playing video games-

We're just simple minded people.

No, I'm pretty sure it's just you, Mr. Casual.

Woah don't mock me!

You're ignoring me for your ps5.

...Do you want attention?

We are on a date, aren't we?

...So is that a yes?

...

...

Perhaps.

You could've told me that earlier. I know how to put my controller down.

You shouldn't have picked it up in the first place, and you could've at least let me join in-

Mmmmk, come here then.

What?

Come here.

You want me to sit in your lap??

Well I'm sure it's more comfortable than the ground. I only have one controller too, so we'd be playing together.

I don't think that's how a controller works-

move memory to trash?

Oh just shush and come here.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 29, 2017 | 19:21

I can't believe this. How could you forget about picking me up at the airport??

Listen, it completely slipped my mind, okay?

You're lucky Kevin was able to pick me up last minute...So how was your date with Younghoon today?

You really won't stop bothering me about Younghoon, huh?

Well considering the fact you nearly ditched me to go on a date with him, I'm sure I deserve a full on explanation of what happened.

Well he invited me over to his apartment again. It's—honestly been my second home these past few weeks.

...So have you guys done anything or??

What the fuck, Jacob?? No!

Woah woah, I'm just wondering.

We just have—lots of movie nights. He loves those.

Y/N? Dinner's ready!

Holy shit Y/N are you still at his apartment??

move memory to trash?

Uh....got to go...again!!

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 30, 2017 | 7:13

-re you awake?

...

It's my last day at the café, can you believe that? I know you're asleep and probably not listening to me right now, but I'm going to miss seeing you there.

...

Did your forehead always look this kissable?...Are we even a thing? I kinda hope we are. I still want to hang out with you. I don't know about you, but I love the dates we go on, even if you don't think much of it. It's been a while since I've clicked with someone like this. Is this what love feels like?

...

Gosh I'm so embarrassing. I have to go now. I hope you're sleeping alright.

...

...

Y-Younghoon?

Oh? Did I wake you up? I'm sorry.

You didn't, don't worry.

Oh. Well, I have to go. Gotta make sure I enjoy the last day of my summer job to its fullest. Text me when you get back.

...

Wait Younghoon-

Hm?

Can you come here? I want a hug before you leave.

Of course.

...

Thank you.

move memory to trash?

Anything for you, love.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 31, 2017 | 13:08

I don't know how I managed to find Younghoon. He's kept the entire café spotless, and business has been going really well because of him.

Yeah, that's Younghoon for you.

It's sad to see him go, but hey! That means more time for you to spend with him.

What?? Pfffffft, no.

Pft, yeah. Have you figured out your feelings for him yet?

Feelings?? Jacob you're saying some weird ass nonsense right now.

Please, you make it blatantly obvious over the phone.

...Okay maybe I do like him like that.

You guys are literally made for each other.

Okay now that's actual weird ass nonsense.

No I'm serious!! You guys actually make such a great couple from what I've heard. Hello?? He's cooking for you??

He's being sweet, that's all.

He cares for you.

You care for me too.

I wouldn't even cook for myself if I had to.

...

Okay but am I wrong?

Shut up.

Back to Younghoon. Has there been any advancements besides the entire 'him allowing you to sit in his lap' thing?

I don't...think so? I woke up to him whispering to me yesterday, though. I don't know if I remembered correctly, but he said he wanted us to be a thing.

Do you want to be a thing with him?

...Kinda, yeah.

Then go make it a thing!

Don't you think it's too fast?

It's been nearly a month, Y/N. If you both already have feelings for each other, I'm sure there's no harm in dating. Plus, if anything goes wrong, you could easily delete him from your memory.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

...

move memory to trash?

But I don't think I'd ever want to forget him.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › September 6, 2017 | 14:04

Y/N!

Younghoon is that you??

I told you I'd find you on campus one day! Where'd you come from?

Psychology. You?

English.

Are your lectures done for the day?

Yeah! You?

Yep. I was wondering if you'd like to hang out.

...

...You're supposed to respond, Younghoon.

Right! Sorry, it's just- usually I'm the one who asks you if you'd like to go on a date, not vise versa.

Did I ever mention it was a date?

Oh...so it's-...not a date?

Oh no it's definitely a date, I was just playing with you.

...Wow. Suddenly I don't want to go on that date with you anymore.

We both know that's a lie, Younghoon.

move memory to trash?

I hate how you're right.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › December 25, 2017 | 10:11

I told you to ask him out, not wait three months??

Geez, Merry Christmas to you too.

I just can't believe you both aren't together yet. It's Christmas!! You're telling me you won't spend Christmas with him?

We are going to spend Christmas together, chill. I just—never found the right time to ask him out.

So you're telling me you both haven't kissed-

No we have-

Then what's holding you back??

...I don't know. I'd just rather-...spend time with him than worry about asking him out.

Merry Christmas, you guys!!

Younghoon!!

Hi Jacob, it's been a while, hasn't it?

Yeah, it has. So, two iced americanos for you guys?

Yep that's perfect. Did I interrupt something?

Uh no, you didn't. So, what was the surprise you had for me today?

The surprise is me paying for your drink.

...

I'm kidding! I'm still going to pay for your drink, but!! The surprise is-...shit how do I word this?

What?

Uhm...Y/N...

move memory to trash?

W-would you like to move into my apartment?

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › December 28, 2017 | 9:03

Okay let me get this straight. You're moving in with Younghoon, yet you guys aren't together yet??

I asked you to help me pack my things, not scold me.

I know I know, it's just crazy.

Yeah, but I mean I already spend most of my days at his apartment, so I guess it isn't that big of a deal.

...This isn't an everyday thing, you know.

I guess.

...Hey Y/N is this your memory tablet?

Hm? Oh yeah. I need a new one though, that one is broken.

Right right. Anyway, when do you plan on asking him out?

...I don't know. New Year's, maybe?...

move memory to trash?

I'll ask him out on New Year's.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › December 31, 2017 | 23:58

You can't sleep on me now!! There's two minutes left.

But I'm tireddd. There's no difference anyway.

Please Younghoon, stay up for me.

You wouldn't even promise me a kiss at midnight. I'm this close to knocking out.

Since when did you want me to kiss you at midnight?

...Did I never ask you that out loud?

No, no you didn't.

Well would you give me one at midnight?

I had another plan, actually.

Looks like I'm going to sleep.

Younghoon!!

Okay okay fine, only because you're going to ask me out.

Pfft, what?? You don't know that. Who told you that?

Well it's not like I'm getting a kiss either.

Stubborn fucker.

Shushhhh, countdown is starting.

...

Why do one minute countdowns exist?

Younghoon, be patient.

...

I'm tired. Sleepy. Exhausted. Worn out. Drained. Drowsy. Dead-

It's midnight-....I love you.

...

...

move memory to trash?

I love you too.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › January 1, 2018 | 7:14

Does this means we're married now?

What?? No!

I'm teasing, babe.

Babe? Since when did you start calling me babe?

Since you asked me out.

...I never asked you out.

Eh. 'I love you', 'wanna date me', same thing.

So you're saying this, whatever we have, is official?

...I don't know. Do you want it to be official?

I'd love to be yours.

Great. You're mine...and I'm yours.

...

You know, I've been thinking. Did you wait to ask me out on specifically New Year's?

...God I wish. I was just a pussy that held it off.

Well, I'm glad you are one. Having an anniversary on the first day of every month sounds magical...You're magical, you know that?

What makes you say that, Younghoon?

...Things.

Things??

Just things.

Like what?

I love you.

move memory to trash?

You can't distract me with that!!

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › February 1, 2018 | 16:48

...You know at this point, I'm starting to think we don't need matching anything for our anniversary.

Seriously, Younghoon? Nothing in this store interests you? These matching sunglasses look cute though.

I'm mean yeah, they're adorable. These sky blue sweats are cute too. It's just- nothing beats what we have, you know?

Huh? What's that supposed to mean?

I mean, who needs matching clothes when we already have matching stains?

...

...

...Oh my god I don't know you anymore.

move memory to trash?

What?? WAIT HEY DON'T LEAVE ME IT'S CUTE!!

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › April 29, 2018 | 3:17

It's late, Younghoon. Go to sleep.

If you wanted a goodnight kiss, you could've just asked.

...Where the hell did you get that from?

I love you.

I love you too. Now go to sleep.

I will in a few, I promise.

Mmm is that your memory tablet? Why do you have it out this late at night?

Huh? O-oh, I just- wanted to look through it, that's all.

Do you plan on deleting anything?

Not really.

Oh right, you've never deleted anything before, right?

Y-yeah. Never.

That's fair. It's only been less than three years since you've turned eighteen. All your memories are still fresh.

move memory to trash?

...Yeah, I guess they are.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › June 1, 2018 | 8:22

Good morning, lov- you did not just-

Yes I did. Do you have a problem with it?

You're seriously not wearing that out to classes, are you?

...Why can't I?

Younghoon, the stain is so noticeable. It's in the middle, and it's even worse than the shirt I wore.

So?? It's our anniversary, and I want to wear it.

...But out in public?

If I can show off my significant other, I can also show off the stain that reminds me of my significant other.

...I hate you. Now it feels like I have to wear that same shirt I wore that day.

That was the plan all along.

We really should've bought those sky blue matching sweats.

move memory to trash?

To be fair, we would've stained those too.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › July 29, 2018 | 3:17

So, is there anything you'd like for your birthday?

You.

You're getting me regardless whether you like it or not.

Then it sounds like the perfect birthday already.

Yeah, no. Jacob scolded me last year for not getting you a cake. We're doing something for you this year.

I'm serious, Y/N. We don't have to do anything. Maybe just another date? It's been a while, hasn't it?

Oh. You're right. It has been.

So?

move memory to trash?

A date it is.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 8, 2018 | 8:08

Happy Birthday!!

...I thought I said a cake wasn't needed?

Shhh, I baked you one anyways. Blow out the candles before it lights your bedsheets on fire.

How would my bedsheets catch fire-

Oh just blow out the candles.

...

Wait. Fuck, I didn't get to sing the birthday song. Happy birthday to y-

Please no, I beg.

I thought you were Mr. Casual. Isn't singing the birthday song to the person on their birthday casual?

It's been a year, Y/N. Things have changed. I am no longer Mr. Casual.

Then what are you?

move memory to trash?

I'm yours.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › October 29, 2018 | 2:12

Mmm...Younghoon? Are you on your tablet again?

Y/N? You should be asleep.

The brightness of the screen woke me up.

Oh...I'm sorry baby.

It's okay. Is something bothering you? Do you want me to help you delete a memory?

No no, it's not that.

What is it then? You've been staying up because of that tablet for the past few months. You surely can't be rewatching your memories every single night.

...Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry, I'll stop staying up.

It's okay. Please don't apologize. I'm just worried, that's all. I want you to sleep well.

...

Put the tablet down, okay? I'll cuddle you to sleep.

I don't know what I'd do without you, Y/N.

move memory to trash?

I don't know what I'd do without you too.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › December 6, 2018 | 13:19

I thought I told you to bundle up, Y/N.

I did! Well I tried. I just got excited.

Excited?

Excited to see you.

We live together everyday, dummy.

Okay well I'm excited to see you in the snow for the first time, especially since we didn't get any last year. Think about it! It's our first time in the snow together. Your favorite season is winter, isn't it?

Yes, but sweetheart that doesn't mean you can- go out with one layer? It's freezing.

I was just too excited, okay? I'll be fine.

You're going to get sick. Here just- take my jacket. And scarf. You know what, might as well take my hat too-

Younghoon what- no I'm fine I swear.

Baby, no.

Baby, yes.

If you don't bundle up with my clothing right now, I'm going to tell Jacob.

...

...

move memory to trash?

Okay fine.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › December 9, 2018 | 20:18

Well, if you look at the bright side, my angel is the one that gets to take care of me.

I told you you should've kept your jacket on. And your scarf. And your hat.

I'd rather be sick instead of having you be sick.

Why? So you can lay in bed while I feed you soup?

...I love you.

Gosh how did you become like this?

You love me.

I do

...

move memory to trash?

I really, really do.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › April 18, 2019 | 5:11

Jacob, you don't understand. He's checking it way more often now than before. Most people check their memory tablets once every few months. It's become a daily thing for him.

Have you tried talking to him about it?

Yeah, on multiple occasions, but he tends to- push it away and apologize. I don't know, he says nothing's wrong yet he's constantly checking it. You don't think it has something to do with me, does it?

Has anything bad happened in your relationship yet?

Nothing that I know of-

Then I'm sure it isn't you. He really, really loves you.

I know, and I really, really love him too. He's made me so happy this past year and a half. I just- I don't know what's happening, but I know this isn't normal for him. For anyone. It can't be normal-....Jacob, does he plan on forgetting about me?

Y/N, please, it's okay. Even if there's something wrong, I doubt he wants to remove you from his life. Trust me.

...

...

Jacob.

Yeah?

move memory to trash?

I really, really don't want to lose him.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › May 4, 2019 | 18:59

I'm back! Y/N?

I'm here! How's the interview?

I decided that the job wasn't for me...You're washing the dishes again?

I mean it is that time of day.

We have a dishwasher for a reason, at least let me do it today.

You've been busy the entire day. The least I can do is clean after myself.

Shhh I'll take over, okay?

Younghoon...

It is my apartment.

...You're terrible, you know that?

Terribly in love.

Oh gosh, I think Mr. Casual is back.

What's so casual about saying that??

Flirting? Really??

Are you saying I can't flirt with the 'already love of my life'?

Younghoon stop oh my god, focus on the dishes.

I can multitask.

...

You know I do mean it.

Mean what?

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

Mean it when I say you're the love of my life.

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › June 22, 2019 | 17:12

Younghoon, can we please talk about it?

Why does it matter so much?

I'd understand if it was your phone constantly distracting you but your memory tablet? Mine has been broken for two years now, and I haven't touched it since.

What's your point?

My point is that this isn't normal. None of this is! Sure, yes, I really enjoy the time we spend together, and I'm thankful you always give me your attention when needed, but whenever I'm asleep? Busy? You're checking that tablet.

I swear, Y/N, if you think it has to do anything with you, I promise you it doesn't-

So something is up.

...No, I'm just-

No. No, Younghoon. I don't want to hear it. Why can't you just- tell me these things? I'm seriously here for you, and I forever will be. Fuck, I love you so much, but I can't do this anymore if you keep lying to me. And don't- don't even bother apologizing. I've heard it enough.

...Give me some time. I-I'll explain everything to you one day.

...Okay. Okay, that I can do.

Thank you.

I'd do anything for you, Younghoon. I mean it. I can wait. I'm sorry.

It's okay, you were frustrated.

I love you.

move memory to trash?

I love you too.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › July 30, 2019 | 0:45

Goodnight, babe.

Wait- Y/N.

Hm?

I...I think- I'm ready to tell you what's up.

...Oh. Now? Right before we're about to sleep?

I can tell you tomorrow if you're too tired then.

No no, you can tell me now.

No seriously, if you're tired, I can wait. I don't- I don't think this is something that can be taken lightly.

...Alright. Goodnight. Dream of me.

move memory to trash?

I will.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › July 30, 2019 | 11:39

Y/N...Please-

No, I don't get you. What the fuck do you mean by your memory storage is full?? It's full?? The hell is that supposed to mean?

There's- there's nothing I want to forget. I can't-...delete anything.

No, that's bullshit. You're twenty two. You're telling me your storage has filled up in the span of four years???

...L-look, Y/N. I didn't-...I-I got my memory chip when I was seven months old.

...What?

I'm sorry, fuck Y/N, I'm so sor-

No tell me, how did you get your memory chip so early?

It was needed, okay? I'm one of the 0.8% that was born without functioning memory, so they decided that they'd give me the microchip early.

Fuck...Younghoon, I can't believe you're telling me this now.

I have no other choice, okay? I can't delete anything from my childhood because it's what made who I am now, and the only options I have left are forgetting you or-... death.

...This- this means we're going to have to forget about each other, doesn't it?

...

...Wait no...Younghoon...don't tell me-...

Y/N-

No, no you can't-

I can't forget you.

Younghoon...

Y/N, even if I do delete the memories we shared, I'll probably still die in the next four years. I don't want to die with memories I don't even want to have- I don't want to keep deleting four years out of my life each time just to relive a life without you. Y/N, I found you. I found the person I want to remember until the day I leave.

Then what about me? What do I do without you??

move memory to trash?

Delete me from your memory.

...cancel.

How is this making any sense?? You want me to delete you, yet you can't delete me??

Fuck Y/N, what are you not understanding? I'm going to die if not now then soon, so what's the point? I want to die happily. That's all I want. You're my happiness. Now you, on the other hand, have many years to come. I'd rather you spend those memories with someone else for the next few decades instead of remembering me.

Younghoon...I can't- No I can't- I'd rather have us both live without knowing each other...

Y/N...No, give me back my tablet.

I-If you can't delete me from your life, I'll do it myself-...Younghoon- wait no-

That's enough!...

Y-Younghoon-...y-you-

The tablet's broken now. You can't do anything about it. I can't do anything about it. It's done.

H-How could you?

I'm not going to live without you. Please, allow me to die peacefully.

Younghoon...I can't- How- how do you expect me to let go of you?

You have to. Please, Y/N. You have to let go. Promise me.

I-I can't...

move memory to trash?

Promise me you'll let go.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

⠀

Your eyes fell shut after deleting that memory, unable to go further into the last week you’ve spent with Younghoon.

The kisses, the bittersweet smiles, the tears; you didn’t want to see any of it. You just couldn’t. Not with it playing out on the tablet in front of you, reminding you of the way Younghoon looked at you right before passing away.

You knew you couldn’t handle hearing your own pleas and cries when you sat next to his hospital bed, using both of your hands to hold one of his hands.

Younghoon has always been emotional, breaking out into sobs whenever you guys finished your movie nights. But for once, he didn’t cry. No tears were prickling at his eyes, and it was like he ignored what’s about to happen just to treasure the last second he’d be able to spend with you.

He only smiled at you, lacing his fingers with yours before giving your hand a tight squeeze. He reassured you that everything was going to be okay by rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand, but he made you promise something for him.

He knew he wasn’t going to make it to his birthday despite it being only a day away. So his birthday wish was for you to delete him from your memory. He didn’t give into your begging and stuck with what he wanted you to do. He wanted you to live without the burden of him being in your memory, rotting in your storage space.

It didn’t matter when you’d have to do it, but he wanted you to do it on one of his birthdays.

Usually, people get to decide whether they’d want to go through all their memories in their tablet one last time, but since his was broken, all he did was gaze at you, whispering sweet nothings as you cried into his chest.

His last words were ‘I love you’, his eyes staring ever so lovingly into yours.

You kissed him on the lips goodbye, wetting his cheeks with your tears. You wished you could’ve done something to help him stay alive, but you knew it wasn’t possible. You sobbed into his chest, ignoring the sad gazes from the doctors around you. You hated how you could no longer feel his heartbeat racing like how it did whenever you cuddled up against him in the middle of the night, wishing to cling onto him for eternity.

Your eyes were glued onto the icon in the corner of your tablet, it being the trash bin that stored all the memories you chose to temporarily delete for the time being. The more you stared at the icon, the more you realized it was time to let go.

are you sure you want to permanently delete all the memories in your trash bin?

...

…yes.

You hovered your hand over the screen once again, syncing the microchip buried in your hand to the tablet in front of you. The loading process lasted for minutes on end considering you were deleting two years worth of memories, but you didn’t care and neither did you notice.

Tears were streaming down your face and the pain in your heart was unbearable. It felt so surreal to be removing someone out of your life, that someone being the person you thought you’d be with until the end.

When the bar on the screen reached 99%, you closed your eyes with your free hand balling up the shirts into your fist, holding onto them for dear life.

“Happy birthday, Y-Younghoon.”

all memories in your trash bin have been permanently deleted.

A/N : i've never written something like this, like i genuinely only write things that are realistic? so this is out of my comfort zone even if it's not that much of a difference. OH and if you're wondering why there's a delay in dialogue after each 'move memory to trash?', it's because the memory continues to play after you click on the trash button. does that make sense? idk i'm rambling. if anyone actually reads this fic, please let me know :(