#┊ ✧. dayns recs ˎˊ

[wooyoung-a]

@fluttering-tbz this your fault so take a sangyeon

aNYWAY YES i've read this before!! idk why tf its not reblogged bUT THIS WAS EVERYTHING

i really love it when a fic has rain on it and all those emotions bc i loVE THE RAIN WHO DOESNT :(( the way sangyeon smiles so fondly makes my heart ache nini and dana give me a sangyeon rn or im rioting

okay i'm not sure if reqs are closed already but.. can i req y/n and Sangyeon liking each other — maybe they know about it too — but not knowing how to approach each other? (only if reqs are open though 😅)

⸙ title: paris in the rain

⸙ member: tbz sangyeon

⸙ genre: f2l with fresh grad! sangyeon x fresh grad uni student! [fem] reader, fluff [absolutely sfw]

⸙ warnings: diabetes

⸙ wc: 1.6k

⸙ a/n: udk how many cute, soft, korean lounge/r&b love songs i streamed to get myself in a fluffy uwu mood

“uno.”

“no, wait, ahh!” sangyeon’s eyes widen, fingers holding at least a stack of 10 cards while you’re left with one. 

“what do you mean ‘wait’?” laughing with your glasses falling off the bridge of your nose, you yawn and lean back into the side of the bed. 

“your last card isn’t a power card, right?”

“you can’t put down a power card as a final card.”

he squints at you, smile still plastered to his face. his fluffy hair bounces as he shakes his head, studying his deck of cards. the blue checkered pajamas around his shoulders are loose, so you can just barely see the outlines of his collarbones that disappear underneath the cotton.

paris in the rain was playing in the background from the bluetooth speaker he had brought along on your graduation trip. now sat in the space between the two single beds, sangyeon’s feet were outstretched and one of them in the space under your arm that’s holding up your weight. 

as he glances through the cards in his fingers, you can’t help but steal a glance at his focused eyes. he blinks once, then twice, thumb and index finger hesitating to pull one card out of his stash.

then that smile stretches across his face, blooming flowers of daisies and dandelions in your heart while his fringe falls across his eyebrows. 

if only he knew.

he presses three ��+2′ cards into the deck messily stacked before you, and you shake your head in slight exasperation.

“i knew you were gonna do that,” reaching over to the unopened stack, you count six cards and add them to your previously lone card. 

“i can’t let this game end so quickly,” sangyeon leans back against his bed, tousling his hair in the process. 

“when’s your first day again? your job, i mean,” green, three. 

“the following monday we get back home,” blue, three.

blue, seven. “do you want to get dinner after you’re off? we end around the same time i think, and our offices are pretty near each other.”

he looks up at you from his deck, brow perched slightly. “i thought that was a given.” he reaches for the unopened deck and take two until he finds something. yellow, seven. 

“oh,” you chuckle under your breath. “okay.” yellow, two.

“do you want to do something else?” sangyeon asks without looking away from his cards.

“hmm? you’re bored?”

“aren’t you?”

pursing your lips into a thin white line and offering him a pitiful smile, he finally looks up. 

“a little.”

“do you wanna go on a walk?”

“huh?” turning out to look past the balcony of your hotel room, you can see the small puddles of water on the platform outside. “isn’t it raining?”

“that’s the whole point,” he grins, already taking your stash of cards from you and clearing the ones on the carpet. “get changed and we’ll go.”

“it’s like 1am.”

“and?”

hesitation supercedes your enthusiasm, but there’s a spark in his eyes you can never say no to. he stands, pants falling over his ankles where you could see the reddish marks of the carpet embedded into his skin. 

“come on. it’s our last night.”

then he pouts, which is the worst weapon he can wield against your neck. with a soft sigh, your eyes flutter shut and you hold out your hand, expecting him to take it. so, he does, and he pulls you to your feet - albeit with a little too much strength.

it’s kind of stupid, the way you were able to lose your balance as he yanks you to your feet and you take a tiny misstep, hands instinctively grabbing his upper arms and his hands somehow end up around your waist.

you blame it on the small space between the beds.

“sorry,” pulling your hands off his arms, he releases your waist and takes a step away. 

“it’s okay,” grinning, he turns first, throwing the cards into his luggage and pulling out a new set of clothes from one of the compartments. 

he doesn’t know your heart is about to explode, and thank the gods the lighting of the room was so yellow, it’s helping you camouflage the blood rushing to your cheeks.

it doesn’t do your heart and blood pressure any good when you spend the entire walk along the bridge by your hotel bumping hands with him though. mentally berating yourself, you find it hard to fathom how ridiculous this whole situation was. it feels like you’ve been thrown into some kind of sad, mopey, one-sided romance drama where you’re completely head over heels for this boy, and yet he’s got no clue.

then again, you’ve been friends with him for far too long for him to realise anything different in your dynamics. 

maybe you were hallucinating, that little twitch of his fingers when you bump into his hands for the umpteenth time as you walk in silence, water gently swooshing against the river bank. the fluorescent lights reflect white orbs in the puddles of water, every now and then still being broken apart by ripples from the drizzle. 

then his hands disappear from the vicinity of yours as he reaches over and pulls your hoodie over your head, despite you already mentioning that you were completely okay with letting the rain kiss your face. 

but sangyeon clenches his fists and shoves them into the pockets of his hoodie, ruining your chances of getting the tiniest taste of the warmth from his hands.

foolish dreaming.

you’re about a 15-minute walk away from your hotel - so far, that you could see the entire building from where you are. sangyeon stops in his tracks, pulling out his phone to take a picture of the skyline.

and you?

all you can focus on is the silhouette of his back. having him in the frame on your phone screen as you take the shot brings butterflies from your stomach to the tip of your tongue at the thought of making this your wallpaper, and yet you’d still be able to play it off because he thinks you’re just friends. 

he turns, the light from his phone illuminating his face and highlighting the curves of his nose and forehead and jaw and you take another shot. 

“this is really pretty,” he mumbles under his breath. “did you take a picture of it?” looking up, his eyes reflect the light from the screen, catching your camera aimed at him. “if you wanted to be my photographer, you could’ve just asked.”

taking one more shot, you shrug and shake your head. embarrassment fills your gut and you pull the phone down to your chest, scrolling through the pictures. “you look better in candid pictures.”

“oh? let me see!” he jogs towards you, the drizzle gradually picking up and leaving larger drops on your phone screen. 

lifting up the screen for him, he holds his palm over it to block the rain, and his brown doe eyes half into little crescents when he sees himself in the pictures. 

“that’s nice.”

“duh, i took them,” pulling your phone away, you lock it and shove it back into your pocket. “come on, the rain’s getting heavier. let’s go back.”

then you walk past him and in the direction where you came from, picking up your pace as the rain gets heavier and heavier and suddenly you can hear it hit the ground all around you. 

but you grind to an abrupt halt when you can’t hear wet footsteps behind you, so you turn and see that sangyeon’s got his phone out instead, taking pictures of you.

not the scenery behind you, but it looks like it’s focused solely on you.

“lee sangyeon! what are you doing?!” in an attempt to yell through the rain, you squint and cup your mouth. “the rain’s too heavy! we’ll be soaked by the time we get back!”

“can you hear me?!” he yells back.

“what- yes, i can!” taking a step forward, you hold the hoodie over your forehead. “what are you doing?!”

“i- i have something to ask you!”

“what- now?!”

“yeah!”

groaning and looking around anxiously, the water in the river bank was rippled all over now.

“what is it?! can’t it wait until-”

“y/n! do you... do you like me?”

a bolt of lighting slices through the sky. dramatic.

“what?!” the rain drops crease through your frown and trickle down your cheek and chin. “i don’t understand!”

“because- because i like you!” 

and finally, the thunder rumbles through the skies. 

“and i couldn’t tell all these years because... i was scared- that- that- you just saw me as your friend!”

in your chest, your heart is racing faster than the rain was falling. this is a dream. please tell me this is a dream.

“y/n! so... do you?”

the refusal to accept his abrupt, sudden, super-untimely confession brings you to close the distance between the two of you, every step you take towards him, the clearer his face gets. its pink and full of embarrassment and you would kiss him right there and then if you could.

so by the time you’re about a metre away from him, his fringe is soaked and stuck to his forehead. 

“yeah. i do.”

call it dramatic. call it unrealistic. call it a dream.

but when he takes a huge step forwards and cups your face all too suddenly, the warmth in his palms are enough to take away the cold from the rain. he gently presses his lips into yours and your hands are clenched against his chest. 

your eyes flutter shut upon the contact, and your heart drowns in all the comfort he provides you with this final confirmation.

the rain tastes sweet on your tongue when he pulls away.

he presses his forehead into yours, then breaks out into an uncontrollable giggle with his palms still on your cheeks. 

“that would’ve been really embarrassing if you said no.”

[wooyoung-a]

oKAY FIRST OF ALL I THINK I CLEARLY SAID HURT HYUNJAE NOT ME TOO

matty, god i don't know what i did to deserve you to the point where you wrote all of this for me and even just planning?? ahead?? iT MAKES ME CRY

YOU ARE THE LIVING ANGEL i still can't believe you're the very first mutual i got in here :((

OKAY THROWBACK THURSDAY

i wasn't really planning on 'interacting' with people here before. never crossed my mind bc WELL IM SCARED OF HUMANS and???? i didn't really read for the boyz bc i wasn't a fan yet and merely fpcused on ateez and whatever i can salvage in here THEN i suddenly got into tbz AND on the right timing after reading a tbz smau and wanted more, you released color palette :[

REMINISCING MAKES ME SO SAD bUT ITS HAPPY TEARA DONT WORRY

i've had a lot of mutuals come and go. from twitter, ig, everywhere lol bc well im a stan bUT I CAN SAY tumblr has most of the gENEROUD PEOPLE I'VE EVER SEEN, SINCEREST AND JUST EVERYTHING GOD-PLAYED HEARTS you're all so precious idk how to survive the depths of depression bc of lockdown if it weren't for you.

thank you so much matty i love u so so so so so so so so so much 😩

OKAY NOW FIC WISE BC THAT SHITHURT

the fact that i can picture this all in my heAD BC OF THAT ONE TBZ COMEBACK (re: the stealer) WHERE HYUNJAE HAS STAINS IN HIS POLO *CRIES* *STARTS BANGING THE WALL*

like a matty work, as usual, beautifully written. the word flows out like waterfalls and its just so beautiful yet at the same time so magically painful.

i haven't been cheated yet, as much anyone should be nO ONE SHOULD BE CHEATED AT, bUt this fic.

this fic.

this fic!!

hate me when i say it made the post-cheating wonderful.

realizing what you've done, where your heart lies in the end is just *chef's kiss*

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR THIS MATTY YOU DONT KNOW HOW THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY :[ ILYSM I HOPE YOUR DAY GOING GREAT

stay ✩ lee hyunjae

dedicated to our official mood maker @wooyoung-a ! i was already planning to dedicate one of my writings to you, so here is the opportunity ! thank you for always bringing joy to my feed, you're a living angel. i love you ♡

song inspiration : stay — justin bieber & the kid laroi

genre : angst

warning : cheating, hyunjae is an asshole

word count : 1.2k >

i do the same thing i told you that i never would

when her lips were on his skin, all hyunjae could think about was you. when her fingernails scratched his back, he thought of you. when she told him that she loved him, he only saw you. you were all over his head when he was fucking another girl, while you waited quietly for him at home, knowing full well what he was doing. hyunjae remembers the first days of your relationship perfectly : your eyes sparkling with happiness every time he looked at you even just a few seconds, your bright and sincere smile when he promised to never betray you, to never cheat on you, to never hurt you. he remembers that delicate way you had to drown yourself in his lies, to hang on to his kisses like a desperate soul, like you have nothing to lose. you were like the color white, so pure and innocent, flawless, making him want to dye your perfect palette with gray. he didn't think about your feelings, even less when he was dancing close-knit with another girl in a nightclub, right in front of your eyes. hyunjae didn't care when your friends told you to let him down, telling you that he was nothing but a beautiful asshole, because he knew he had you between his pianist fingers, playing with you like mozart playing with musical notes.

i told you i'd change, even when i knew i never could

once, twice, three times in a row, hyunjae was taking a new girl to a different hotel room, making all her fantasies come true, letting her scream his name, ricocheting against the walls as thin as paper, with the sole aim of making the women of the adjacent rooms dream of him. four times, five times, six times in a row, you greeted him as if you ignored all that, like nothing ever happened, as if the lipstick marks on his shirt were just hallucinations. you never said anything about his late returns, and even when he apologized for sleeping with another girl, you just stroked his hair, arming yourself with your beaming smile even in the darkest of nights, telling him that you forgive him and not to do it again. seven times, eight times, nine times in a row, hyunjae promised you not to touch a single other woman, making sure to you that being a cheater was over for him. that he loved and wanted only you, that all these girls were just mistakes, stones placed in his path to deviate him from his initial path. who was you from the start. ten times, eleven times, twelve times in a row, you fell into his trap again, engulfing yourself in his beautiful words, his delicate touch and his chocolate eyes. you naively imagined that his nocturnal escapades were only some hanging out with friends, as he busied himself cracking the slats of your best friend's bed.

i know that i can't find nobody as good as you

he didn't know how you put up with his shitty behavior, drying his tears in warm kisses whenever guilt gnawed at him. hyunjae didn't understand how you could let him play with you and your feelings, as if you were his perfect obedient puppet. he no longer counted the times he ran to your shared apartment, his neck immaculate with hickeys and his back covered with scratches. he didn't know how you could stand the scent of other women on his clothes, imagining their hands crawling over his body while you stayed home waiting for him. again and again. and despite knowing that many others climbed to the stars thanks to him, you stayed there, your hand always fitting perfectly in his. when the guilt of leaving you aside — to do his personal business behind your back — got the better of him, throwing himself at your feet in a sorry state, fake tears flowing from his eyes, and bogus excuses all made up, you always picked him up. with your warm smile and your kind eyes, your strong hand and your reassuring words, telling him it was nothing, that you could fix it all, because your relationship was stronger than anything. you were so naive that you pity him, and he loved that side of you as much as he hated it. why did you let him treat you like that? why don't you get mad and hit him like others would? he knew full well that he would never find someone as patient and manipulable as you, because you were so desperate to have his love, that you persuaded yourself that his « i love you » were real.

i need you to stay

he felt a huge heartbreak that day, when he came home one morning after a funny night, finding a mysterious note on the kitchen counter. he didn't expect to find your handwriting engraved on it, salt droplet stained ink. it seemed like you had had enough of playing, that you were tired of suffering because of his infidelities without saying anything. he couldn't blame you, but he wondered how you could have lasted so long with him. you endured everything : his infidelities, his harsh words, his absences, his rejections. despite all that, you stayed close to him, like a dog stays close to his master. hyunjae was just playing with your naivety, so why did he suddenly seem lost and disoriented? why did his eyes sting? why were his hands shaking? why did he feel like he was being stabbed in the heart? what did you do to him? he had never felt that, and yet he had known many conquests. it felt bad to read your sorry, noted here and there, on the rough white paper. he felt bad to read that you couldn't stand his behavior anymore. exploring your words, your emotions and how you felt through this sheet of paper, hyunjae recognized the trembling hands, the heart like a crystal glass crashing on the ground, and the salty pearls escaping from the eyes, surging down the cheeks like an avalanche of emotion too hard to hold. his state was similar to yours : completely broken. he wanted to run after you, but he didn't know in which direction to look for you, he didn't know where to find you because he didn't know your favorite places. he didn't know anything about you, because all he cared about was your purity. he felt like a sudden cold envelop him, like he's just wearing a t-shirt in the middle of the north pole. hyunjae felt a lack consuming him little by little, the lack of your hand in his, your kisses on his skin, your body heat engulfing his. feeling his legs grow weak and having trouble breathing, he collapsed on his knees with a crash, tears streaming down his perfect face.

for the first time in his life, hyunjae felt empty. he had lost the one thing he thought he could count on, and it was all his fault. he thought he was learning what it was to love with you, when he only made you hate him. he needed you to stay near him, while you just needed him. you made him believe in love, when he made you hate this feeling.

and now he was completely alone.

[wooyoung-a]

HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

contains spoilers !! if ever you're reading my feedback before vae's fic anyway READ IT NOW or your pillows are warm both sides every night ;)

first and foremost i apologize for the inconsistency of my grammar , conjunctions and everything else related and most importantly typos because i still have tears in my eyes and my heart is still aching bc changmin crying is tattooed in my head

i literally opened my desktop bc THE APP KEEPS ON CRASHING

will rb this rant on my writing blog too bcz

OKAY

OKAY

OKAY

this will be long wtf

ok

so

ok

i cant form the words i need to be able to describe the feelings i felt in this

definitely something that deserves all the hype in the teasers and dont mind me not using caps YOU KNOW how i feel

its funny that my head can't comprehend reading these days and i havent even read my books for college but i managed to read this one and maybe i'll read a few more to aid the heartache i got from this one

VAE,,,,,,,,,,,,, you have worked so much for this fic and i can't be more thankful for you for bringing this out to the world

and i am just so so so so so proud of you and i hope you know that

can you believe 40k words???? in a span???????? of a few weeks????? because i'll be honest i can't do that

but how much did you love this fic sm and how inspired were you that you spurt this much effort on a fic??? i wouldn't know. but i know that everything that you and this fic and all your other works are getting now is that you deserve it. every single ounce of recognition, notes, feedbacks, YOU DESERVE IT

you might not realize that yet but i am here to remind you of that

anyway back to kidult

i sent you an ask about it but REALLY i HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE kids so much

they annoy me to death

but reading this??????? WANTS ME TO BUILD A DAYCARE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW RIGHT THIS SECOND

the dynamics were all shown so much whether it was tbz kids x tbz kids or tbz kids x yn or tbz kids x chang

but what i loved most of course was hyunjae x changmin

i mean i wouldn't have ever guessed that all throughout the fic we'll be focusing on just one kid and then the rest is yn x changmin but

it made everything and yn's and changmin's relationship more connected WHICH made the death hurt a lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot more

and the ending <///////////////3

I HATE TO BEAK IT TO YOU BUT i can really imagine hyunjae and the other tbz faces as kids in this one asdjklajl

SO WHEN HYUNJAE SOBBED SOBBED SOBBED when that mf left him in the daycare IN HIS BDAY WTF and when this bitch changmin left at the end ,.,,,,,, MY HEART IS IN SHAMBLES

i really dont think theres much more to say but again, for the nth time, i wont ever get tired of saying this but your works are masterpieces.

they really strike to the heart if it needs to, melt your heart and everything that needs to be felt.

THIS WAS NOT DRAGGED ON TOO MUCH. if anything this was such a nice flow ???????????? I MEAN ????????? i didn't even realize i was reading a 40k fic

everything was just so so so well written and ofc i noticed the part where the line gave was there too

WAIT

WAIT LEMME JUST

THERE'S THIS ONE LINE THAT STRUCK ME LEMME JUST THINK

IT PASSED MY HEAD FOR A SECOND WHAT THE FUCK WAIT

He wishes there was more to read, more to hear from you, but this is the most he’s ever going to get.

THAT ONE literally had to scan the whole fic again and i managed to cry again because i STILL see images of changmin and hyunjae crying

THAT LINE HIT HOME

okay anyway

i cant explain it but here

the wc for fluff = the amount of angst

DID YOU GET IT AJSKDNAKJ

IMMA TRY TO EXPLAIN ANYWAY

EVEN THO THE AMOUNT OF FLUFF >>>>>>>>>> IS SOSOSOSO MUCH GREATER THAN THE ANGST ,,, like angst happened in a second

IT BALANCES

YA GET ME

IT BALANCES!!!!!!! THE AMOUNT I MELTED FOR CHANGMIN X KIDS X YN IS THE AMOUNT I HURT FOR CHANGMIN X HYUNJAE X YN AT THE END

and it makes me wonder now that i've typed that out

what are the other tbz kids reactions when............................... <///////////////////////////////3 LITERALLY NO WHY DID I THINK OF THAT IT HURTS SOSOSOS MUCH MORE NOW

vae you have officially put a scar on my heart that will never heal

i just kep on blabbering now but i have more to blabber

that mf

SHE CALLS HIMSELF A MOTHER WTF

okay so

when hyunjae kept on sneaking on yn

i had an idea that maybe this would happen like hyunjae sneaks out from his mother and then anything happens

THEN

suddenly it was changmin holding hyunjae AND MAYBE i thought they were the ones going to die

that driver just ,,,,, !!! why didn't he turn towards the mother /j ??!?!?!?!?

im enraged when i say i hate that mother

hyunjae doesnt deserve anything he's been treated at home <///3

it still hurts vae

how ,,,

im just ,,,,

good morning ,,,, i guess ,,,,, good evening ??? good afternoon ????

everythings just <///3

watch me wail to sleep

watch me not listen to my physio class today

watch me be crying for changmin and the boyz whenever i see them

WHEN I SAID TRY ME I DIDNT KNOW YOU'D GO THAT HARD

i regret it

i regret saying iw as ready

i wasnt ready

THINKING OF IT ,,,,,,,,,

what if i relate this fic to my hyunjae fic hmm

ANYWAY that's such a wishful thinking i wouldn't want to alter your beautiful wonderfully created fic

overall this was such another surge of emotions

something i'd love to read again BUT only if i'm already heartbroken

not when i'm fully functioning

i hope you're having a nice sleep after hurting us

again

i just want to say

thank you for creating this and for pouring so so so much effort in this. i hope you know how much i'm proud of you for pulling this off and i know it will reach milestones you deserve. you're an amazing writer and i'm so glad you believed in yourself. thank you also for constantly telling me how you feel about the fic and i can't be more than touched that you trust me with trying to cheer you up.

i love you

but at the same time i hate you for hurting me

^that was a joke

i love you,, the only one i hate is hyunjae's mother and father

i didn't really give a feedback didn't i ???????? BECAUSE YOU DONT NEED IT

this was just a rant and i know im sorry ))):

aight imma head to sleep with tears in my eyes and with a broken to pieces heart

KIDULT 2/2 | J.CM

꒰ synopsis ꒱ changmin always believed he was never fond of children, especially when he took the job at your daycare. little did he know the child in him was playing hide and seek, finally revealing itself after growing to love the kids. oh, and you too

꒰ pairing ꒱ daycareworker!changmin x genderneutral!reader

꒰ genre ꒱ strangers to lovers, daycare au, slow burn, fluff, angst, features hyunjae and the rest of the boyz as children

꒰ warnings ꒱ children, car accident, major character death, descriptions of blood, sprinkled bits of profanity and capitalization, and an overall merry bad ending

꒰ word count ꒱ 41.2k+ ( 14.3k+ )

꒰ perspective ꒱ 2nd person omniscient

‘ playlist two ›› spotify, youtube

‘ author's note!! 🍃 — this fic is for @junjungsunwoo 's merry bad ending collab!! biggest thanks to @pjmaparty , @fullsunfluff , @bbanghoonie , and @heejojo for beta reading!! this is the second part out of two <3

‘ taglist ›› @nilesig @reniqt @sunfics @wooyoung-a @kimaya2209 @frickyratz @deputyjuyeon @stealanity @hwallswrld @kyu-rious @changminurheart

NAVIGATION | TBZ MASTERLIST | PART ONE

The jingle from the front doors makes your ears perk, rushing out the playroom and into the entrance. The sight of Changmin never fails to bring a smile to your face, and you immediately wrap your arms around his waist, greeting him with a kiss on his nose.

“You’re here later than usual.”

He sets down his umbrella after closing it and returns the kiss by pressing one onto your cheek. “It’s only 6:10am, dummy. I was struggling to find my umbrella.”

“It just felt way longer since Hyunjae has been here for an hour.”

The statement causes Changmin’s smile to vanish, his lips being slightly parted due to the shock.

But before you allow him to speak, you release him from your hold, dragging him inside the playroom to say hi to the eight-year-old.

“Teacher Changmin!!” the boy squeals, dropping his pencil onto the table before running over to the taller male, engulfing him in a life threatening hug. “I was so bored.”

The statement makes you scoff loudly, standing by your desk as you watch the two. “I said we could watch a movie if you wanted to.”

Hyunjae happily allows himself to be brought into Changmin’s arms, giggling at how he’s now taller than you. “We can’t watch a movie without popcorn.”

Changmin nods, shifting his gaze from Hyunjae over to you. “He’s right, you know. No movie is ever good without popcorn.”

All of a sudden, the male gasps loudly, remembering the plan he had for the day. “Hyunjae, want to go shopping with me? Let’s get some popcorn.”

“Shopping?” Hyunjae’s eyes light up, struggling to remain still in Changmin’s arms after hearing the suggestion. “Shopping??” he repeats.

“Yes, shopping.” Changmin laughs at Hyunjae’s enthusiasm, the corner of his lips tugging slightly upwards. “Teacher Y/N can’t come though.”

He looks over at you, fully expecting your eyebrows furrowing at his response.

“Why can’t I come?”

“The daycare’s opened, remember?” He sets Hyunjae on the ground, urging him to clean up his belongings. “We’re going to be gone for a while.”

“I’m assuming you’re not just going to buy popcorn, are you?” A frown makes its way to your face, slowing your breathing in the process.

“Perhaps.”

You sigh, not wanting to question him any further. You know Changmin has his reasons; he always does, and regardless of what explanation he gives you, you’ll still have to stay within the daycare to look after the other boys.

“You’re going to miss what I have planned for this morning, though…” Your words trail off, your gaze falling to the ground. It’s an understatement to say that you were excited for what you had planned, especially since it relates to one of your ‘dates’ in the past.

“We won’t be gone for long, okay? I’m just going to be stealing him for a few hours.” He cracks a smile and goes to stand in front of you, taking your hand in his. Changmin easily reassures you with a kiss on the lips while his thumb unconsciously rubs the back of your hand. “We’ll be back before you know it.”

Feeling his plump lips gently pressed against your fingers is what convinces you to let him go for the time being, nodding. “...Okay okay, don’t take too long. I’m going to miss the two of my favorite boys.”

“We won’t.” A cheeky smile is brought to his face when he goes back in to kiss you once more, subtly linking his pinky with yours. “We’ll miss you more.”

The kiss would’ve lasted longer if Hyunjae didn’t finish cleaning as fast, running over to Changmin with a loud ‘I’m done!’.

“Have fun, okay?” You wave Hyunjae goodbye as Changmin picks him up again, walking the two outside the daycare.

//

“My butt hurts,” Hyunjae whines, desperate to leave the car.

“A thirty minute ride is not that long,” Changmin mumbles, unbuckling the boy out of his seat.

“Yes it is!” he counters, stretching his limbs. “If my butt hurts, that means the car ride was long!”

“Your butt is fine.” Changmin gives Hyunjae’s butt a gentle pat after helping him out of the car, closing the door shut behind him.

“We could’ve just walked to get popcorn,” he huffs.

Changmin looks up at the sky, glad they no longer need an umbrella due to the rain lessening immensely. He takes Hyunjae’s hand into his, tightly holding onto it as they cross the street over to the line of stores. “We’re not only here for popcorn, you know.”

“Then why are we here?” Hyunjae asks, looking up at the male.

“To buy a special something for a special someone.” A smile grows onto Changmin’s lips when he gives the explanation, not including any more hints for the sole purpose of wanting the boy to figure it out himself.

It finally clicks when Hyunjae is brought to the outside of a jewelry store, shaking Changmin’s hand aggressively while jumping up and down. “Are you buying a ring for Teacher Y/N??”

Changmin laughs, pushing the door open for the two to enter. “Bingo.”

Hyunjae bites back a squeal, letting go of Changmin’s hand to run over to the shelves of rings displayed behind glass panels.

Changmin heads over to the counter, greeting the worker with a warm smile before explaining his situation. Meanwhile, Hyunjae is busy roaming around the store in awe at the amount of diamonds he was seeing. Constant oohs and aahs are heard from the child while the two adults are conversing about the upcoming planned proposal.

“When do you plan on proposing?” the young worker asks, resting her chin in the palm of her hand as she looks at Changmin dreamily.

“Soon, actually. Maybe next week? This kid’s birthday is soon, and I want it to be sort of a gift to him, you know?” Changmin gestures over to Hyunjae before peeking over his shoulder, seeing the eight-year-old on his tippy toes with his face pressed up against the glass.

“That is soon! I hope you find your special ring here, then.” She follows his gaze and spots the boy, her lips forming into an ‘o’. “Is that your son?” she asks, her gaze flickering between Hyunjae and Changmin to see if she could spot any resemblance.

The layer of pink forming on Changmin’s cheeks show how much the question caught him off guard, stutters falling past his lips. “Oh- uh, uhm, n-no, no he isn’t.”

“Teacher Changmin!!” Hyunjae exclaims immediately after, waving to the teacher to come over.

The worker is able to connect the dots after hearing the call and nods, the smile on her lips never faltering.

Changmin goes over to Hyunjae and crouches down by his side, peering into the glass. “What’s up, Hyunjae?”

“Look! That ring reminds me of Teacher Y/N!”

The worker behind the counter joins the two boys, checking to see what the little boy was referring to.

“That one?” Changmin asks, pointing to one of the rings.

Hyunjae shakes his head, adjusting Changmin’s finger by taking it into his own fingers and pointing to the one he was talking about. “That one! The one with the twisty thing.”

Changmin lets out an ‘ah’ at the sight of it, admiring the ring for a few seconds before speaking.

“It’s simple. I like that.”

“That’s our twisted halo ring,” the worker introduces, grabbing the two boys’ attention. “I’d love to bring an extra out to show you if you’d like.”

Changmin puts his hands on his thighs and stands up, nodding. “That’d be wonderful, thank you.”

Hyunjae begins to tug on Changmin’s hand, pulling the teacher back down to his height. “Halo ring??” he whispers.

When Changmin shows his confusion by tilting his head, Hyunjae moves to reach for the paper in Changmin’s back pocket, knowing that it would be there. Ever since he received Hyunjae’s painting from you, he makes sure to always bring it everywhere with him, considering it good luck. Hyunjae only found out about it recently when Changmin flaunted it off one night, saying that the painting is why he won a certain carnival game.

Considering it’s been two years since Hyunjae has painted it, some of the paint has definitely chipped off, but the halo continues to remain on the top of your head, always managing to bring a smile to everyone’s faces at the sight of it.

Hyunjae unfolds it and points to the halo, shoving the painting in front of Changmin’s face. “See? Halo!!”

“Some things are just meant to be, aren’t they?” Changmin sighs, taking the paper into his own hands. He admires it and the little details Hyunjae has managed to add, reminiscing the day he saw it for the first time ever. Little did he know he would actually get to be with you. “Dang, Hyunjae. I can’t believe you painted this when you were six.”

“Can I paint a better one?” he offers. “With a brush? That one looks terrible because I used my finger.”

Changmin ponders the idea, tucking the piece of paper back into his pocket after refolding it. He decides to mess around with the boy, patting his head. “I don’t know, Hyunjae,” he murmurs, cupping his cheek. “This one means a lot to me…”

It hurts his heart when he sees Hyunjae’s face fall, but he keeps up his act, grazing his thumb over his skin.

Shortly after, the worker returns with a box in her hands, placing it onto the counter, and before it could drag Changmin’s attention away, the teacher goes to lean into Hyunjae’s ear.

“A new painting would make a great wedding present, by the way,” he whispers.

And with a wink, he leaves the boy to head over to the counter, unable to stop smiling after seeing Hyunjae’s happy demeanor return.

//

“We’re back!!”

Although Changmin announces it to the class, his eyes are strictly locked onto you. You’re sitting by the teacher’s desk, writing something. You don’t pay attention to him whatsoever, the pen still moving in your hand.

Hyunjae greets the other boys and runs over to Juyeon’s table, joining him and Hyungseo to see what they are doing.

Changmin frowns at the lack of a reaction from you and makes his way over to your desk, but by then, you are hidden, doing something fairly quickly below the desk before revealing yourself to him.

“It’s about time you noticed my presence,” he huffs, setting the grocery bag on the table.

“I was doing something, Jichang.” You roll your eyes and sit up from your seat, eyeing the bag Changmin just sat down. All it has is a box of popcorn packs inside, making you raise a brow. “It took you five hours to only buy popcorn?”

“Let’s just say we got distracted.” He grins, turning his head to face the other children only to realize the amount of flowers within the playroom.

The counters with sinks are decorated with flowers in vases while the rounded tables are full of scattered petals and leaves. The boys are playing with the flowers, some of them making flower crowns while the other ones are sorting the petals into piles by their colors.

Younghoon grins at his finished product and rises from his seat, walking over to Changmin. “I made this for you,” he explains. He brings the linked daisies up into the air, revealing a flower crown with the heads tucked into the stems.

“You made one for Changmin and not me?” you gasp, dramatically throwing a playful fit that Younghoon was surely used to.

“Chanhee is making yours right now, Teacher Y/N. He broke it, so he’s restarting.”

Changmin leans down and tilts his head forward, allowing Younghoon to crown him with the daisies. He gives Younghoon a tight hug and whispers a thank you before waving him off.

“Still can’t believe you got yours first,” you mumble, and Changmin chortles. He leans in to kiss the top of your head, unable to go ten minutes without showering you with affection.

“You’ll get yours soon. Don’t worry, honey.” He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, humming.

“Honey? That’s a new one.”

“It’s cute. I’ll try to use it more for you.”

You smile, resting your head against his shoulder as you gaze at the boys, all ten of them doing something completely different.

“You know, I was going to have them clean up for lunch, but they all wanted another half hour to finish.” You reach to wrap your fingers around his pinky, holding onto it. “They wanted to wait for you and Hyunjae.”

“What did you have them do? Make flower crowns?” He uses his free hand to play with your hair.

“Kind of.” You look up at Changmin while wearing a crooked smile, one that made his heart burst. “See the vases of flowers on the counters? The boys made those themselves. I actually got a majority of the flowers from the field a few miles away, remember?”

He raises a brow, letting his hand drop to the side. “The one where I got stung?”

“Precisely. Also!!-” You remove your head from his shoulder and move behind your desk, bending down just like you were earlier. You take out a white vase with purple flowers shoved into it, and the sight almost makes Changmin laugh.

“I may or may not have cheated a bit and bought a few extra purple flowers from a nearby flower shop, but I’d say it’s worth it, don't you think?” You smile at the assortment of flowers, but when you turn to look at Changmin, he has a hand over his mouth, truly trying his best to contain his laughter.

“You can laugh, you know,” you sigh, setting the vase onto the table. You fully expected this response from him, especially with how messy the assortment came out to be, so you aren’t at all offended.

“I’m sorry it just- Y/N did you make that?”

“Kind of? The other boys helped me with it, and we all kind of struggled, but purple is your favorite color, right?”

He nods, bringing the vase into his own hands.

“In all honesty, I would’ve fixed it, but the messiness is kind of what makes it- special. It reminds me of how we met too.”

Your sheepish tone softens Changmin immediately, gazing at the flowers. “How so?”

“Well,” you begin, “if you think about it- our first impression of each other wasn’t the best. I thought you were incompetent.”

He shoots his head up to look at you, snorting at the comment. “Then why did you hire me?”

“I was desperate, but that’s not the point,” you grumble, taking the vase from him. “It’s just….the way we met- it’s like, well, it wasn’t perfect, but it...it was real, nonetheless.” You started playing with the petals, running your fingers across the smooth surfaces. “Just like these flowers. They’re not the best looking bunch out there, but they’re real.”

You set the vase aside. “I considered buying fake ones so they would last longer, but I decided against it.” You then look at him. “They look pretty regardless, don’t you think?”

He looks at them and smiles. “They do.”

“But, all that aside, what had you gone for five hours, Mr. Ji?” You look at him skeptically, teasing him through your tone.

He grins, playing along with your words by teasing you in return. “Nothing in particular. Why do you ask?”

“You’re not keeping something from me, are you?” You cross your arms over your chest, pouting.

“Hm...maaaaybe.” He has his arms behind his back, looking at you like a kid that’s hiding a secret from their parents.

“Teacher Y/N!!” Chanhee interrupts, erupting from his seat. He waves the chained daisies in the air. “I finished your crown!!” he yells.

Changmin urges you over to the boy, forcing you to forget your previous conversation.

“Don’t think I’ll forget about this,” you mutter.

“I’ll tell you in a few days, okay? Now go over to him to be crowned the love of my life.”

//

The day has finally arrived, and Changmin’s worry is constantly bubbling up within him, unable to stay in one spot.

While the rest of the kids are in the parking lot, you, Changmin, and Hyunjae are in the playroom to gather last minute items.

Well, only you are doing so.

Changmin is busy pacing around behind you, gaze constantly shifting between the box in his hands and your back turned to him. He’s always been confident in whatever he did, but to be proposing was just on another level Changmin wasn’t used to.

Thoughts flooded his head, clearing his throat every few seconds. You would turn around to see if he was alright, but he would shrug it off, saying that he was just excited for Hyunjae’s birthday.

Hyunjae snorts loudly when hearing Changmin’s lame excuse, leaving the round tables to grab Changmin’s hand. He pulls Changmin away from you and to the other side of the room, explaining that he needed help with putting on the party hat.

He brings Changmin over to your desk, making him crouch down before asking him the question he refused to stop pestering Changmin about.

“You have the ring, right?” he asks, furiously shaking his hand. The excitement radiating off of Hyunjae causes his whisper to be way louder than intended, making Changmin’s eyes widen.

The teacher hushes him, praying that you hadn’t heard what Hyunjae ever so carelessly asked.

He looks at you standing by the sinks, and thankfully you haven’t reacted whatsoever. You are too busy moving around the playroom to even care about what the two were talking about, much less doing, taking the utensils out of the plastic bags you put them in.

“I do, Hyunjae, and no, I’m not showing you for the nth time.” He rolls his eyes, tightening his grip around the navy blue box.

Hyunjae frowns, taking note of the fist Changmin’s creating in his right hand. The teacher grabs one of the party hats off of your desk and snaps it onto the birthday boy’s head, eliciting an ‘ow’ out of him.

“It’s your birthday,” Changmin reminds, booping his nose with his finger.

“Yeah, but-....but still!!” Hyunjae begins to whine, throwing an unnecessary fit.

Throughout the two and a half years of knowing Hyunjae, Changmin learned that Hyunjae doesn’t really make a fit out of anything unnecessary. It was a change from the other boys you two watched over, but it didn’t settle correctly within him.

So despite how loud Hyunjae got with his whines, Changmin could only smile, glad that the boy is comfortable enough to throw a playful fit over something that doesn’t even have to do with him.

He sets the box onto the ground to cup both of Hyunjae’s cheeks, leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead. Being with the young boy really calmed his nerves, especially when he takes the box back into his fingers with ease.

“C’mon Hyunjae, let’s go outside. The other boys have been waiting for you for a while now.” Changmin extends his left hand, wiggling his fingers.

Hyunjae grabs it after sniffing loudly, adjusting the hat on top of his head as the two begin to make their way to the door.

Changmin peeks over his shoulder to look at you, his eyes becoming locked onto your figure. His heart is pounding against his chest as he’s reminded of how today is the day. The day you’ll become more than a tango duo that has been sharing sweet little nothings and kisses for the past two years.

You’re dressed beautifully, as always, but your fits for special occasions never fail to make him extremely flustered, truly taken aback by your beauty.

“You coming, Y/N?” he asks, garnering you attention by amplifying his voice.

“One sec!” you call out, informing the two. You dump the remaining utensils into the paper plates and rush over to the boys with the stack in your hand. You reach out to hold onto Hyunjae’s other hand, looking down at him with a warm smile that has resided on your face. “Excited?”

“More than ever,” he responds, nodding furiously. He then resumes to pull the two of you out the playroom and outside the daycare, harshly tugging onto your hands.

“Let’s go!” the now nine-year-old commands.

With how much Hyunjae is tugging on your hand, it almost makes you drop your plates, and Changmin laughs at how cute you are when you stumble over your feet.

“Careful, Hyunjae,” Changmin warns when beginning to cross the street, constantly looking both ways before allowing the boy to walk over to the parking lot.

Hyunjae continues to lead the two teachers to the nine other boys occupying themselves by the tables in the parking lot, loud music blasting through the speakers you displayed earlier.

Hyunjae releases both of your hands when Youngjae tosses a balloon at his face, charging at the six-year-old when the younger boy cackles.

“Can you lower the music? I’ll light the candles.” You approach him with a gentle kiss to his cheek, setting the plates down by the cake Sangyeon helped you place.

Changmin does exactly as you say, and by the time the music is lowered, you have gotten all nine candles on the cake to light up. Sangyeon is the one who initiates the birthday song, singing it very loudly for others to join in.

And unlike Karaoke Sundays, you join along in the singing, clapping your hands along to the rhythm while you’re watching a bouncy Hyunjae make his way over to the cake.

He blows out the candles once the song ends, causing everyone to clap.

“Should we do cake first or presents?” you ask, letting the birthday boy decide.

“Cake!!” Haknyeon shouts, bringing the attention over to him.

You’re playfully sending a glare towards the interruption while Hyunjae smiles brightly, agreeing. “We can do cake,” he affirms.

As you’re busy cutting the cake, Changmin has unintentionally drifted to the opposite side of the parking lot, resuming his pacing in his spot. His fingers fiddle with the box in his hand, wondering how he should come across this proposal. It doesn’t help that he hasn’t even asked you (much less anyone else) out before, so to be proposing gave him another level of anxiety.

Changmin has already celebrated Hyunjae’s birthday twice in the past, but this one certainly proves different. This one is special. The present he has for Hyunjae is something he’d never be able to outdo in the future years to come, and even Hyunjae knows that.

So it explains why the youngster sprints over to Changmin instead of standing in line for his slice, tugging on his shirt rather aggressively.

“Now??” he whines, practically begging Changmin to get it over with.

Changmin feels his breath hitch in his throat, growing hesitant with every passing second. His mind is running with countless thoughts, unable to organize them. This causes his brain to malfunction, realizing that this maybe wasn’t a good idea after all.

“Hyunjae, maybe-...maybe this isn’t a good idea. I haven’t even asked Y/N out. It’s too early, I don’t think I can do this. I’m- I don’t know, I’m sorry Hyunjae. Maybe another time?”

But Hyunjae completely disregards every word that leaves Changmin’s mouth and reaches for the male’s closed fist. He pulls the teacher’s fingers open to retrieve the box, running away with it in his hold.

Changmin stares at him in disbelief, his arm still being extended outwards with his hand empty of the box. Changmin has been holding onto that box ever since he arrived at the daycare, and for it to be taken from his grasp for more than ten seconds made his heart plummet. He wants to chase after Hyunjae, to take it back, and never show his face again due to the embarrassment shooting up his neck.

Hyunjae’s party hat falls off his head when he reaches you, but he doesn’t care, panting as he reaches to poke your side.

“Hyunjae!!” you yell, flinching at the touch. “You can’t surprise me when I have a knife in my hand,” you frown, setting it aside after handing Haknyeon his rather large slice of cake.

Without saying a word, Hyunjae raises the box into your view by presenting it in the palm of his hands, looking at you with wide eyes.

Meanwhile, Changmin’s suffering in the background, his feet unable to move as he bites on his fist. His mind is constantly running with thoughts of grabbing Hyunjae and tossing him across the world for doing such a thing. He wants to reverse time and never have bought the ring in the first place, the idea of rejection stabbing at his heart repeatedly.

You raise a brow at the sight of the unfamiliar navy box, bringing it into your hold.

Changmin starts to sob internally when seeing you open the box, moving to hide behind one of the set out unfoldable chairs. And just like a kid, he brings his hands over his ears, preparing himself for the worst possible outcome with his knees pressed up against his chest.

But his self-deprecating state doesn’t falter Hyunjae’s smile in the process; if anything, it only made it grow impossibly wider, bright eyes anticipating your reaction.

All the boys have stopped whatever they were doing to look at you, only now realizing what was happening.

Your eyes finally fall onto the ring in the box, and your heart nearly stops in your chest. Although your lips are parted, you’re left with no words to speak.

You have no clue what to feel.

But you know your answer. Your mind is chanting ‘yes’ repeatedly in your head as you think of the future the diamond ring holds, but the most important man is missing from the scene.

You scan the parking lot for Changmin and spot him instantly behind one of the chairs.

If it wasn’t for his white shirt flowing through the breeze, Sunwoo and Youngjae pointing at him definitely gave it away.

With shaky fingers, you close the box. You’re nervous yourself; hell, this is the last thing you were expecting on a day like this. You make your way over to the chair with slow steps, Hyunjae quick to tail after you.

You’re finally able to bring the entirety of Changmin into your view when you approach him. His eyes are closed incredibly shut with his arms wrapped tightly around his legs, slowly rocking back and forth in his spot.

The sight makes you melt in your spot, and seeing him only confirms the fact you want to be with him. You want to be with him until the end, until your very last dying breath, and you need him to cooperate with you. Just like the day Changmin confessed, you are now basically begging for a response from him, wanting to hear that he does want to get married to you.

He senses your presence and peeks an eye open at you, closing it immediately after at the sight of you holding the box.

“Peek-a-boo,” you whisper, removing the chair so you could see him clearer.

You can hear Sunwoo snickering in the background, but it quickly turns into wheezes when Chanhee elbows him in the chest.

Changmin opens his eyes again at the sound of your voice, slowly allowing his gaze to meet yours. He smiles warmly, slightly waving his hand up towards you. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” you laugh, grabbing one of his arms to pull him up onto his feet.

He immediately breaks out into incoherent rambles, fixing his dress shirt. “I- uh, well Y/N, heh, you see, uhm...funny story, actually-”

You cut him off by waving the box in his face, handing it to him. “I’m assuming this is yours.”

Changmin drops it like it’s fire, raising his hands up in the air defensively. Hyunjae groans at the teacher’s stupidity, and Youngjae is giggling in the background, shortly joined by Sunwoo and Juyeon.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about!! That- that isn’t mine, uhm, yeah. Who-...who told you it was mine?” His nervous laughter trails off when he scratches the back of his, his cheeks being completely flushed with a bright shade of pink.

“Who knew Teacher Changmin could be this embarrassing?” Haknyeon grumbles, shoving a forkful of cake into his mouth. Sangyeon reaches over the table to slap the blonde boy’s head, telling him to shut up.

You’re sending daggers towards Changmin’s way through your gaze, bending down to pick up the box. Thankfully, you’re easily calmed down by Haknyeon’s comment, laughing to yourself.

Changmin has his hands dropped to his sides, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he eyes the box in your hands. He doesn’t say anything else, knowing the situation will only turn out worse if he utters another word.

Because of this, you understood that this won’t be going anywhere. Changmin will continue to deny his possession being his, and it would be no use just standing there, trying to hand the engagement ring back to him.

So you take matters into your own hands, heart racing as your mind impulsively makes you move down onto one knee.

You certainly weren’t expecting to propose on Hyunjae’s birthday, but regardless of that fact, your hands move on their own accord, opening the box to present the ring to him.

Hyunjae is holding back squeals in the background, you could tell, and he’s grabbing onto Juyeon’s hand, holding it tightly as he anticipates what’s going to happen next.

And with a whisper, you finally ask the awaited question.

“Changmin, will you marry me?”

He, along with the other boys, gapes at your response, and Hyunjae screams ‘YES’, shaking Juyeon by his shoulders.

The smile lingering on your lips shows Changmin that you already know his answer, but you continue to stay on one knee, waiting for a reply.

Changmin feels like screaming, wanting to say ‘yes’ instantly just to reassure you. He wants to pull you up onto your feet and press his lips against yours, keeping you in his arms until the world ends. He wants to scream ‘we’re getting married’ and show you off to the world, but he does none of it as he stands there in shock, growing weak at the ever so pretty sight of your smile.

“Oh brother,” Hyunjae mutters, letting go of Juyeon’s shoulder to run over to the two of you.

He pulls the ring out of the box and knees Changmin’s thighs, getting him to react. “Say yes,” he demands, grabbing his hand to shove the ring onto his finger.

Changmin wheezes out a ‘yes’ in pain, rubbing his thigh as Hyunjae figures out how to get it to fit. The ring was too small for all of his fingers. Well, all but one.

So he slips it onto his pinky finger, giving you a tight hug once you thank him.

He runs back to where he was previously standing, and you get onto your feet, brushing off any dirt that remained on your knee.

You finally look at Changmin and notice the way he’s gazing at the ring. It was meant for you, so to see the ring on his finger only made his mind go dizzier.

Before you could say anything, Changmin looks up and doesn’t hesitate to bring you close against him, linking the pinky with one of yours.

“I’d say yes a million times. Yes, I’ll marry you. Yes, I’ll be your husband. Yes, I’m yours.” He uses his other hand to cup your cheek, making your eyes lock with his. “Holy fuck, I’m yours.”

You laugh loudly, happiness filling up your lungs. You swing your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a quick kiss.

“You’re real,” you whisper against his lips, half hooded eyes looking into his. “You’re real, and you’re mine.”

“I’m forever yours,” he murmurs, “and you’re forever mine.”

That’s the last thing you hear from him before he pulls you into another kiss, pressing a hand up against your back.

//

You have a book in your hands when Changmin exits your bathroom, purposely having his entrance to your bedroom go unnoticed as you continue to ‘read’.

He’s about to flaunt how good he looks after moisturizing when you don’t even spare him a glare, sending him into a pout when he reaches your bed. “You’re not even reading that,” he mumbles.

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re reading it backwards,” Changmin points out, referring to how you keep flipping the pages into the opposite direction. He adjusts his flannel pajamas before joining you on your bed, letting out a content sigh at the fluffiness of your blankets.

“I have powers you’re not aware of,” you hum matter-of-factly.

A ‘hey!’ escapes you when Changmin snatches the book from your grasp, confiscating it for the time being.

He reaches over you to set the book on the nightstand, taking note of the time displayed on the alarm clock.

“It’s-...nine pm, Y/N,” he states before looking back at you. “It’s our first time together in your apartment at this time. I’m not letting you ignore me with a book.”

When you think about his words, he isn’t wrong. For the past year, you’ve been inviting Changmin to stay the night in your apartment whenever it got too late (an example being Hyunjae being picked up in the middle of the night). But otherwise, he’s never been here earlier than 11pm.

The crack of thunder accompanies the silence that washes through the atmosphere, and Changmin moves to bring the blankets over both of your torsos, making sure you’re comfortable. He doesn’t even question your lack of words, knowing you’re thinking about something whenever creases form on your forehead.

He rests on his side with his head propped up onto his hand, waiting for you to notice him staring at you while the rain patters against the windows.

It takes a few minutes before you finally notice him, heat shooting up to your ears when your eyes unintentionally lock with his. He smiles at your shyness, pulling you to lie down with him.

“What are you thinking about, honey?” Changmin has you close to him when he runs his fingers through your hair, fluffing it up.

The pet name never fails to calm you.

“About us,” you respond simply.

“Us?” He helps to untangle the knots in your hair, gently loosening them.

The room is dimly lit, but that changes only for a mere second when the lightning decides to be present. Though, it only adds to your comfort, knowing you’re safe in Changmin’s embrace.

“We entirely skipped the dating stage, didn’t we?”

His movements stutter at your question. “...Kind of? I mean yeah, basically, but I don’t mind.” Changmin pauses, shifting his gaze from your hair and down to your eyes. “Do you?”

You shake your head, pulling his hand out of your hair. “The thing is- I just never really got a chance to call you….my boyfriend.” The last part becomes a whisper, focusing on interlacing your fingers with his.

He gives your hand a gentle squeeze, the sounds of the rain eventually drowning out as he makes you his focal point.

And out of nowhere, he sighs dramatically, letting go of your hand to look at the ceiling. “Alas, it’s a loss.”

You slap his chest for talking like that, a throaty cackle escaping him shortly after. He brings an arm over his forehead, continuing to stare at the ceiling and the shadows of the window panel.

“But honestly? Y/N?” He turns his head to look at you. “I prefer fiancé.”

You giggle at how he’s always managed to be so smooth, rolling your eyes. He goes back to turning his entire body to have it face yours, sticking out his pinky. “Can you believe we’re engaged?”

The question makes you scoff, laughing. “Can you believe we’re going to be married?” you counterattacked, linking your pinky with his. “Us?”

He raises his brows. “Wow, I’m hurt. Personally, I think I look stunning in a suit.”

Your toothy smile shines through the dark when you look at him. “I actually don’t doubt that one bit.”

The playful atmosphere seems to fade when you’re given time to just get lost in each other’s eyes, slowly retracting your pinky from his.

He looks down at his fingers, and reality finally settles in.

“We’re going to get married,” he whispers.

Changmin then realizes there’s something he’s planned on doing yet never did earlier that day, so he gets you to sit up with him. You’re confused, as expected, but you slowly start to understand when he wiggles the ring off of his finger.

He asks for your hand and slowly slips it onto your ring finger, and the added weight takes a toll on your heart. It stops beating in your chest, and only now do you understand why Changmin was looking at his finger ever so lovingly earlier at Hyunjae’s party. This time, you’re the one that’s finally able to admire the diamond and the curves of the ring, finding it absolutely gorgeous.

“When are we going to get married?” you ask, looking up at him. “Where? And our honeymoon? There’s so many things we need to plan-” you pause. “We’re making Hyunjae our best man, no exceptions.”

“Definitely,” Changmin affirms, clicking his tongue. “The boy is one hundred percent mature enough to make an entire speech about our relationship.”

You laugh, agreeing with the nod of your head. “Okay, but seriously, Changmin. How are we going to plan all of this? We’re just- two losers working at a daycare.”

“Two soon-to-be-married losers,” he corrects. He brings you into his lap, allowing you to rest your forearms on his shoulders while he rests his hands by your sides. He then lowers his tone, whispering. “Let’s worry about everything another time, okay? We have so many years ahead of us.”

He continues his rant while his fingers play with the fabric of your shirt. “We don’t have to get married this year or the next. Hell, we don’t have to get married the year after that. As long as you’re always by my side, we’ll be together forever.” He leans in to press a fluttering kiss against your jaw.

“Okay okay,” you murmur, reassured by his words. You bring your hands up to his face, cupping his cheeks, and he immediately falls into the warmth of your palms, an unbearable amount of butterflies forming in his stomach especially when you whisper ‘my fiancé’ before kissing his nose.

The comfortable silence returns, and all you two do is hold each other while the storm crashes down onto your windows. But no single clash of thunder makes either of you two flinch, too lost in each other’s touch to even notice.

“Y/N?” Changmin croaks, voice lower than usual.

“Yes?”

He hesitates, his words coming out breathy.

“Y/N?” he repeats.

“What’s wrong, my love?”

The name causes a smile to bloom onto his face, laughing as he shakes his head. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“So you just like saying my name for fun now?” you tease, squishing his cheeks with your fingers.

The playfulness dials down eventually, and you rest your head against his shoulder with your eyes fallen shut. The tranquility wrapped around the two of you brings Changmin confidence once again, repeating your name for the third time.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“...I lov-”

He’s cut off by your ringtone blaring throughout the bedroom, causing both of your heads to turn to the direction of the noise. You apologize through a murmur after rubbing your eyes, leaving Changmin’s lap to check your phone. You’re immediately kicked out of your tiresome state when you see the caller id, accepting the call.

Changmin watches you curiously, and he doesn’t get a chance to hear a single word from the other line since you brought your phone up to your ear. He shrugs it off as a personal matter but notices how you don’t speak a single word into the call, making him confused when it ends.

Your face is now far from the cheerfulness you were feeling earlier, standing up from the edge of your bed.

“Who was that?” he questions, crawling over to the edge of the bed. “Why were they calling at this hour?”

You toss your phone into his lap and make your way over to the closet in hurried steps, taking out your raincoat.

Changmin grows worried at your silence, and it isn’t until he notices the bright light illuminating from your phone, taking a glance at the caller id.

Hyunjae’s mother.

//

“There he is,” you whisper, freeing yourself from the buckle in Changmin’s passenger seat before exiting the car.

Throughout the entire drive to the daycare, Changmin’s face remained completely void of emotions, his jaw clenched as he sped through the storm.

He slams the car door shut when leaving, and the two of you run across the street without sparing a glance to oncoming cars, racing to the entrance of the daycare.

Usually, Changmin would be complaining about the storm being ever so heavy in the middle of autumn, but with how focused he is on the situation at hand, he doesn’t give one single damn about the rain crashing down onto the two of you.

The boom of thunder doesn’t startle either of you in the slightest; if anything, it was the sight of Hyunjae sitting under the roof of the entrance that makes your heart drop, the boy trying to gain warmth by hugging his legs.

He’s facing the ground until he hears the sound of running footsteps his way, his heart pounding hard against his chest. Maybe it’s a sense of a relief that washes over him when he sees you two, but the tears that were pooling up in his eyes finally rush down his cheeks in streams, breaking the dam that he’s been holding up for so long.

He sobs when you crouch down to his level, quick to pull him into your embrace.

“We’re here, Hyunjae, we’re here,” you murmur.

The warmth of being in someone else’s embrace only makes him cry hard, little fingers clutching onto your wet coat.

After pulling out his keys and unlocking the doors, Changmin nearly breaks the glass doors down when shoving them open, ushering the two of you inside.

He’s the first one to enter the playroom after flicking on the lights, and you pull Hyunjae to the side, making him look at you.

The boy is breaking down in front of you, having his tears fall into the palm of your hands when you cup his cheeks. He’s holding onto your wrists, fingernails digging into your skin as he continues to sob. He’s growing weaker each second, unsure if he’ll be able to stand for any longer.

The sight of seeing your favorite boy like this rips you apart, choking up on your own tears as you do your best to reassure him, reminding him that both you and Changmin are here and that he’s okay.

Through his tears, Hyunjae is looking at you like you’re completely unreal, and his tearful, broken gaze pierces your heart.

Changmin returns with a roll of paper towels and sets them aside before taking Hyunjae from you, one knee on the ground as he makes the crying boy look at him.

“What happened?” he interrogates, showing no sense of pain as he stares at him. Fury continues to boil up within his chest when Hyunjae doesn’t respond, amplifying his voice throughout the daycare.

“What happened, Hyunjae?” he repeats. The question is more of a hostile demand, his fingers wrapped tightly around the boy’s wrist. His tone only makes Hyunjae cry even more, unable to keep himself up for any longer.

You rush over to Hyunjae and take him back into your arms, letting him curl up against your torso while you stare at Changmin.

Changmin doesn’t ease up in the slightest, only growing even more furious as he allows his hands to ball up into fists. His eyes are constantly flickering between Hyunjae and the storm outside, mind running with possibilities of what could’ve happened if you two didn’t get to him sooner.

“M-my m-mommy-” Hyunjae croaks, trying to get words out of his throat before falling right back into his sobs, burying his face in your chest with his fingers bunching up your shirt into a fist.

“That’s it,” Changmin spits, not regretting a single punch of hatred he’s had for Hyunjae’s mother.

“Changmin,” you say sternly in hopes of calming him down, knowing how out of control he could become when unsupervised.

Changmin rises from the ground and makes his way behind the front desk, yanking the drawer open. He flips through the files and comes across the one he wished he never thought he’d have to take out, slapping it onto the desk so hard that it makes your nerves jump.

“Changmin,” you repeat, raising your voice this time.

“No, don’t say another word,” he orders. Just like the storm outside, his voice is thunderous, stinging you with how cold his demeanor had become.

“Enough is enough. How can a mother be so heartless? How could someone leave their son outside an empty building in the middle of a storm?” He flips the file open, scowling. “On his fucking birthday too,” he mutters, pulling out his phone.

He scans the list of phone numbers on the paper before finally catching sight of the one he’s been seeking. Changmin begins dialing in the number, mumbling ‘I should’ve done this two years ago’ under his breath.

You know exactly what he’s doing, and you let go of Hyunjae to stop him from calling Child Protection Services by grabbing his wrist, taking the phone away from him.

“Please,” you beg, desperation present in your tone.

You’re looking at him with eyes he’s never seen before, trying to convince him through your gaze.

But it doesn’t work, and Changmin yanks your arm away just to take the phone back from you. He fails as you continue to hide it from him, eyes frantically searching for a way to have him do otherwise.

Then you give in, remembering all the scoldings he’s given you in the past.

“I’ll talk to her!” you blurted, freezing his actions. “I’ll say something to her, okay? I promise.” You set the phone face down onto the surface of the table, allowing yourself to breathe before continuing. “I’ll work this out with her when she returns. I’ll tell her how this isn’t right, and that we will call if she ever does something like this again. Just for now, let’s just focus on Hyunjae.”

You slip in another ‘please’ after your rant, and it makes him look back at the crying boy in the corner. He looks back at you, and you’re brought to tears yourself, letting one slip down your cheek as you look at him.

So Changmin gives in, finally understanding that Hyunjae deserves to be their first priority at the moment.

The sounds of Hyunjae continuously sobbing is something Changmin has never wished to hear. He allows his shield to lower before rushing back over to him, bringing the trembling boy into his hold. Hyunjae rests his head against his shoulder, having his tears fall onto Changmin’s flannel.

“It’s okay, Hyunjae. We’re here,” he whispers, rubbing his back.

You’ve disappeared into the playroom and come back with a blanket, wrapping it around the two boys after joining them. The warmth and attention brings Hyunjae to ease, his tears lessening as he calms himself down.

Changmin is looking at him with a weak, gentle smile, staying silent when you start whispering little nothings to the boy.

Hyunjae becomes mentally capable of explaining what’s happened after an hour of you two holding onto him.

“M-mommy, she-...she-” he stops when his voice cracks, and Changmin reassures him with a kiss on his forehead, telling him to take it slow.

Hyunjae has a bit of trouble breathing while explaining, but he manages to sort his thoughts. “I-I had a nightmare, and the storm s-scared me…” He flinches at the rumble of the thunder, working up the courage to continue.

“She—she yelled at me,” he whispers, sniffing loudly.

Changmin stiffens with every word that Hyunjae stutters, but he remains quiet, letting him go on.

“She yelled at m-me when I told her I was s-scared, a-and she-” The boy starts choking on his tears again at the memory, and Changmin helps him through it.

Everything clicks for the two of you after that. Hyunjae doesn’t need to say another word for you two to understand what happened, so you convince Hyunjae to take deep breaths.

Another hour passes, but this time you’re with Hyunjae in the bean bags, reading him his favorite book as he dozes off to sleep beside you.

Changmin’s left to clean up the water outside the playroom, tossing all the paper towels into a nearby trash can. He eyes the paper on his desk, staring at it. You’d be too busy to even notice if he calls, but he fights against his own beliefs.

He trusts you. He trusts you and your word, so he shoves the paper away back into its file, putting it back into the drawer.

You’ll finally talk it out with his mother, and things will be better.

//

The playroom is filled with silence once the storm has subsided. The dark clouds still remained in the sky and the winds were still causing the trees to trash around, but the rain had stopped and you could no longer hear any bursts of thunder.

You look over at the two sleeping boys in the bean bags, smiling warmly at them. Although the playroom is dimly lit, you could see Hyunjae snuggling up against Changmin’s chest, holding onto his arms. They looked comfortable, but you haven’t gotten an ounce of sleep.

For the past few hours, your mind has been constantly thinking of things to say to Hyunjae’s mother when she arrives. You’re thinking of the anger she’s given Changmin and the pain she inflicted on Hyunjae, but you’re still left with no words to say.

You hate to admit it, but you came to terms with the fact you’re scared. You’re scared for what’s to come, knowing that she could lash you out at any minute. She’s done it before, and she’ll certainly do it again.

It doesn’t help that she reminds you of your own parents, feeling the balance in power when she stands in front of you. Although she manages to muster up sweet words to you with that warm smile of hers, you knew she was anything but. She is manipulative and easily has you wrapped around her finger.

Hell, she knows she does. It came as no surprise when she called you, stating that she’ll be dropping Hyunjae off at the daycare. She doesn’t ask you because she knows you’ll drop everything for her son.

She knows how much you love him, and she holds that over your head like you’re a little kitty, enjoying the way you try to take away what’s hers.

Your face is buried into the palm of your hands as you try thinking of ways to confront her, but you’re given no more time when you hear her car pull up into the parking lot. Your eyes shoot up to the only clock in the room, acknowledging how it was 3 in the morning. With sluggish steps (and a defeated sigh), you remove yourself from the chair and make your way over to the two boys.

“Wake up,” you whisper, gently shaking the two boys awake.

Hyunjae is the first one to react, rubbing his eyes open with a confused expression worn on his face. “Huh?”

“Your mother is here,” you explain, bringing the small boy to his feet.

Changmin stretches his limbs before standing up. He shoots a look towards you when hearing the jingle from the entrance.

It hurts to see Changmin ever so expressionless, especially when you know what’s about to come; it’s why you prevent him from leaving the doorway of the playroom.

“Don’t- don’t say anything, okay? Just stand here. I’ll work this out on my own.”

He tries going against your words but you shoot your gaze to the ground, avoiding all eye contact with him. “T-trust me for once. Fighting with her will only makes things worse.”

His eyes soften at the sight of you, and he gives in with a nod. He does as he was told, standing by the doorway when you go to approach Mrs. Lee with Hyunjae.

She looks exhausted, but it doesn’t cover up how her eyes are darting into her son’s skull when he walks over to her, showing no remorse for what she had done.

The lady clears her throat and faces you, plastering the same kind smile she’s shown you ever since day one.

“Thank you, Y/N, for watching over him.” She glances over at Changmin, clearly noticing the other teacher in the room, but says nothing.

“Yeah, o-of course,” you whisper, peeking over at Changmin. You’re unsure how to continue, and he could easily tell, but he doesn’t make a single attempt to step in, repeating your words in his head.

“Mrs. Lee!!” you call out, stopping Hyunjae’s mother from leaving. Not only don’t you want to disappoint Changmin, but you know Hyunjae’s well-being is also on the line.

She turns around on her heels, furrowing her brows ever so innocently at you. “What’s the matter, Y/N?”

The question serenades you, making your mind run blank.

Changmin stares at you, breath caught up in his throat as he waits.

“I-....I never got to hug your son goodbye.” Your voice turns into a squeak, and you could feel Changmin’s eyes burning into the back of your head.

She looks down at her son, visibly holding back a scowl. “Well then….you heard them, Jaehyun. Go give Teacher Y/N a goodbye hug.”

Hyunjae stumbles over his feet as he makes his way over to you, hugging you tight. “Goodbye,” he whispers.

“Goodbye, Hyu-...J-Jaehyun.” You pull away from the hug to look at him, brushing your thumb over his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

He nods, repeating you through a murmur. “Tomorrow.”

Mrs. Lee’s phone begins to ring, and she picks it up, glaring at her son. “Let’s go, Jaehyun. It’s late.” She’s the first one to exit the doors, leaving while Hyunjae struggles to follow after.

When the door shuts, Changmin moves to reveal himself to you, and saying that he was fuming would be an understatement.

“What was that?”

You turn to him with your teeth latching onto your lower lip, not daring to meet his gaze.

“Look, Changmin-”

“No, don’t ‘look, Changmin’ me. You said you’ll tell her. You promised you’ll do something about it this time.” His voice breaks at the end of his sentence, disbelief washed over his features. “I-I trusted you, Y/N. I fucking trusted you to fix this for us, and you just let her go.”

He shakes off your apologies, pushing you away from him as he goes to pull the glass doors open.

“An ‘I’m sorry’ means nothing, Y/N. I thought you’d learn that by now,” he scoffs, gritting his teeth. He mutters a ‘pathetic’ before leaving you alone in the entrance, exiting the daycare.

The word takes a stab to your heart, and you feel your entire world crashing down on you. You follow him out, ready to beg for him to come back, but he’s already chasing after Hyunjae’s mother, taking matters into his own hands.

But you two stop in your steps when you see what was happening.

Mrs. Lee is talking on the phone, completely oblivious to how Hyunjae was falling behind her.

The boy is yelling out for her and telling his mother to slow down, but she doesn’t listen.

Changmin spots the car racing towards Hyunjae on the road, and he runs. You tail his steps, sprinting over onto the street to save Hyunjae from the car.

Changmin is faster when it comes to running, reaching Hyunjae in a quicker amount of time. He picks the boy up and tries to run, but it’s already too late.

The sound of the horn blaring fills up his ears, and the headlights blind Changmin’s vision.

He shuts his eyes and holds onto Hyunjae with his life, but nothing happens.

The car had swerved, and it struck you instead.

The vehicle comes to a halt, and the sound of your head colliding with the pavement fills the air.

Everything has gone silent, including Mrs. Lee’s voice when she sees what happened. Hyunjae is left in too much shock to process anything that he just witnessed, causing him to be handed over to his mother shortly after. Changmin no longer cares about what Mrs. Lee does with her son, rushing to the scene with pleas falling past his lips.

The driver has left their car, countless apologies pouring out of them as they stumble to call for emergency.

All Changmin could see was blood covering your figure. The liquid continuously pours out of you and into the puddles left by the storm, coloring the water a dark shade of red.

“No no no, Y/N.” He frantically pulls you into his hold, hugging you close against him with his hand patting your cheek. “Y/N, please talk to me.”

But you’re not moving. He feels for a pulse and finds it wavering, unsure if you were still with him. He begs for you to wake up, and the driver only watches with a hand over their mouth, in complete disbelief at what they had just done while informing the dispatcher.

Changmin is screaming your name, shaking you repeatedly as he sobs into your chest. He’s hugging onto the hand he kissed only hours ago, trying to not only reassure you but himself as well.

“We’ll—we’ll get through this together, o-okay? C-come on, Y/N, stay….s-stay with me. I know you’re there—I know-....I know you’re holding on. I-I believe in you.” His voice croaks as he utters the last sentence, his tears filling up his vision.

He doesn’t curse when blood seeps into his pajamas, praying as he tightly squeezes your hand. “S-stay with me, Y/N.”

//

One of the nurses gives him a fresh set of clothes when he enters the hospital, telling him they’ll do all they can to save you.

He nods and takes the clothes, going over to the bathroom. He locks himself inside and turns on the lights. He refuses to look at himself in the mirror, and he couldn’t tell if it’s because he would see his tear-stained cheeks or your blood drying up in the fabric of his pajamas.

The clothes he was given were nothing too special. It’s just a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, and surprisingly they somewhat fitted him. He takes one last glance at the pajamas before tossing them into the trash can provided within the bathroom.

Changmin tries to calm his anxiety by setting the toilet lid down, sitting on it. Unfortunately for him, his mind refuses to stop racing with possible outcomes of the situation, leaving him irritated.

He stops thinking when realizing he left something in his pajamas, taking them out of the trash. He searches his pocket to find the thing that appeared in his mind, letting out a sigh of relief at the sight of the paper. He takes it out and drops the pajamas back into the can, sitting back down on top of the lid.

With shaky fingers, he unfolds the blood-stained painting. He doesn’t shed a tear at the sight, only praying that you’ll be okay with the luck the painting has always given him.

It always brought him the most luck out of any scenario, and he knows he needs it now more than ever.

After minutes of staring at it, he tucks it back into his pocket. He looks into the mirror and tells himself that everything will be okay. He forces himself to ignore any other signs telling him otherwise, clearing his mind before leaving the bathroom.

His footsteps echo throughout the hallway as he walks past the doors, hating how quiet the hospital seemed to be in the middle of the night.

Earlier, he was told not to enter your door, so when he came across the door numbered two, he sat down in the chair opposite from it.

He rests his elbows on his legs, closing his eyes as he tries to block out any sounds of the incident that wouldn’t stop ringing in his ears.

The sounds go silent at the click of the door in front of him, making him rise to his feet.

The nurse quickly shuts the door behind her, standing in front of it as she’s met with Changmin’s presence. A saddened, solemn expression takes over her features, but Changmin dismisses it when approaching her.

“How’s Y/N?” he asks, desperate to know about his lover’s condition. His eyes have a glint of hope in them, one that the nurse knows will vanish.

She hesitates to speak, fumbling with her fingers as she avoids all contact with Changmin. “You’re-...you’re the one who’s engaged to Y/N, correct?”

He nods, confirming his identity, and her eyes start to fill with sorrow. She parts her lips as if to say something but closes them shortly after to process her thoughts.

“Sir,” she begins. “Y/N-...in the incident, Y/N….Y/N lost a lot of blood.”

Changmin doesn’t hesitate to cut her off from continuing any further. “I can donate mine,” he offers. “We share the same blood type! AB, right?” He thinks back to when you found out about sharing the same blood type, jokingly declaring the two of you destined with fate after squealing about it.

The nurse pauses, and then shakes her head. “I’m afraid that’s not the case, sir-”

“Does Y/N need surgery?” Changmin asks, frantically pushing out his words. “I have the funds for everything, and I’ll pay anything just to make sure Y/N is alr-”

“Sir,” she says sternly, forcing him to cut off. After minutes of avoiding Changmin, she brings herself to have her gaze meet his, and only does Changmin now notice the tears prickling at her eyes. He shuts up, allowing the nurse to speak.

She looks down while digging for something through the pocket of her coat, slowly pulling the item out. “I-I came to return this to you,” she whispers.

“...What?”

The nurse hands the item to the male, and Changmin is finally able to tell what it is.

“...No. No, no there’s no way. Why-...would you give me the ring...Y/N-”

“We lost a pulse, sir,” she whispers, hanging her head as she drops the information.

Changmin’s entire body freezes and the ring in his hands falls, filling the empty hallway with the sound it makes when it hits the ground.

In complete denial, Changmin pushes past the nurse and pulls the door open, bursting into the room. His eyes search the room, and that’s when his gaze settles on the flat line presented on the monitor.

He stumbles back a few steps, and the only doctor in the room turns to look at him. She’s just as speechless as Changmin is, and she steps away from your bed to walk over to him.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” she murmurs, leaving him alone with your lifeless body in the room

Although you’re covered head to toe with a white sheet, Changmin manages to get a glimpse of the blood dripping from your fingers, your now empty fingers, noticing the puddle that has been created on the ground.

The scene makes Changmin dizzy, and he feels like passing out as he uses the door frame as support. Too much is going on in his mind to have him fully comprehend what he is seeing; that it’s your body he’s looking at.

The nurse remains with him in the hallway, picking up the ring he dropped seconds earlier to hand it to him.

Just like the doctor, she apologizes as well, but Changmin doesn’t get to hear the end of it when he leaves with the ring. He storms past the staff walking through the hallways and leaves the hospital, not willing to have strangers witnessing his tears.

All Changmin does is get in his car and drive.

He drives to the daycare, refusing to let the reality dawn on him because when he reaches the daycare, he’ll be able to see you.

He’ll see you working at your desk, planning the activity for a day with a smile on your lips as you think about Hyunjae. He’ll see you twirling around in your swivel chair, telling him to join you.

But none of that happens when he enters the daycare, turning on the lights to the playroom. All he is met with is the vacancy of the room and your raincoat tossed onto one of the round tables.

And for the first time that night, Changmin realizes he’ll never see you again.

//

Growing up, people have always told Changmin to think about what he has rather than what he doesn’t have.

But how could he think about what he has when he no longer has you?

He doesn’t have you sitting in the passenger seat of his car, rating each song in his playlist or your smile that would wish him good morning whenever he enters the daycare. He doesn’t have your hand to hold and caress or your forehead to kiss.

He doesn’t have a reason to smile, so what was there to think about?

He didn’t even get a chance to say I love you.

It was such a foolish mistake to not say it to you everyday. If he had the chance, he would say it whenever you drift off to sleep and wake up beside him. He would say it after you slap him on the back for saying something stupid and kiss him on the cheek to make up for it.

But he never did. He never once uttered those cursed three words to you.

He was too lost in love to even acknowledge the lack of the three words being shared in the first place, and it doesn’t help that the world has taken you from him shortly after.

Changmin walks around the playroom in order to calm down the inferno burning up his insides, but that all fails when he drives his fist in the wall, wishing that the pain will replace the emptiness in his chest. He tosses all of the children’s paintings into the trash, along with the purple flowers you arranged for him a week ago.

With the only light in the playroom being the moonlight, he pulls out Hyunjae’s painting without thinking and tears it into pieces, ripping it until it could no longer be torn. The pieces fall onto one of the round tables like confetti, and his hands meet the table, letting out the sobs he’s been holding in ever since he’s heard the news from the nurse.

This place became his home in only two years, and he blames the stupid smile that would always reside on your face when you greeted him into the daycare. You and the kids were always the reason why he looked forward to waking up everyday, creating memories that would bring comfort to everyone in the room.

He sits down in one of the chairs, wiping away his tears as he pulls the ring out from his pockets, watching the way it glistens under the light illuminating from the moon. Carelessly, he tosses it onto the paper he’s ripped apart, pushing the table away from him.

You didn’t even get to wear it for a day.

Through his tears, he sees a paper on the ground, one that hadn’t been there when Changmin had entered the room. He quickly realizes that it fell out of the vase when he trashed the flowers away, picking it up between his fingers.

He hesitates to read what it says. He’s already dealing with too much pain that his heart is unable to handle anymore, but his fingers can’t help but move on their own, opening the paper to reveal the purple ink written all over.

Dear my (second) favorite person on earth,

I know you’ll throw these flowers away when they die. After all, that’s the classic Changmin I’ve grown to love so when you do, when you find this letter, I hope you read every single word I’m about to write.

I love yow.

I didn’t think my letter would get that fucked easily. Hyungseo tried peeking over my shoulder to see what I was writing, and I accidentally wrote a ‘w’ instead of a ‘u’ because of him. Honestly speaking, I hate it here. (No I don’t).

That reminds me. Did I ever tell you how much I love writing? We should write each other notes while we have the kids do an activity. You know, like highschoolers in love. I think it’ll be cute seeing you get caught writing mid-sentence by Hyunjae.

I should really stop rambling because Haknyeon’s starting to eat the petals from the flowers and Youngjae and Sunwoo refuse to stop hyping him up. Can you believe these boys? This is what you and Hyunjae are missing out on. I can’t believe you’ve been gone for hours now with him,, why’d you have to steal him from me >:( kidding, by the way. I hope you two are having fun without me. (Yes, I’m still petty).

I love you, Changmin. Two years with you, and I’ve never gotten to say it. It’s not like it matters because our love language is anything but, but it wouldn’t hurt to say it every now and then because I truly do mean it when I say I love you. I would say it to your face if I wasn’t such a wuss about it so here I am, expressing my feelings through a stupid letter. You better enjoy reading after this, by the way. I’m not going to write essays about how much I love you just for you to not read them.

Anyways, I bought this purple pen yesterday! It’s pretty, isn’t it? It isn’t the exact shade of purple you like, but the same could honestly be said about the assortment of flowers the boys and I made for you.

….Okay listen, I know you’re going to laugh when I show them to you. I swore the flowers looked beautiful when I bought them, but somehow when I gave them to the kids, they all managed to fuck them up and have them all bent in all the wrong places. So as an apology, I’m hoping this note makes up for it. Shit, I went off topic again.

I love you, Jichang. I love you more than words can do any justice, so instead of writing I love you a thousand different times…

Changmin, would you like the honor of being my boyfriend?

Shut up, I know you’ll say yes regardless, but I’ll still be expecting you to pick me up and twirl me around in the air, declaring yourself as my official boyfriend. It’d be nice, wouldn’t it?

Changmin sees how your handwriting trails off, figuring that was when he entered the playroom with Hyunjae and the popcorn. He wishes there was more to read, more to hear from you, but this is the most he’s ever going to get.

His sobs return, and he’s crying like Hyunjae except Changmin is in the arms of no one; no one to hold him, no one to tell him they’re there for him.

His mind is flashing images of you, reminding him of the memories he’s shared with you.

He’s reminded of the roll of your eyes when he would make a snarky remark and of your cuddles whenever all the kids have finally left the daycare. He remembers the way you would smile at him whenever he’s playing with the kids and how you always manage to unintentionally daydream about him when he’s sitting right beside you.

All those moments that made him fall in love with you are now memories that took turns taking a stab at his heart, crushing the organ until there was no more.

He wanted to scream at the world for taking you away from him so soon, but his throat is raw and he’s barely able to whisper. He’s craving your touch, your lips against his, and he’s wishing he could hear the jingle from the glass doors, signifying that you have arrived.

He wishes he had the chance to dance with you at least once in the middle of the empty playroom, maybe even practice the one you’ll share at your wedding.

The idea of the wedding makes Changmin look at the ring on the table, bringing it back between his fingers.

“I feel so lost,” he whispers, his voice breaking as he clutches onto the ring. “Y/N, what-...what do I do without you?”

He has no one to guide him, no one to tell him to believe in himself, and no one to love.

//

Changmin carries the last box into the trunk of his car, stacking it on top of the others. He wipes the sweat off his forehead, looking up at the sun shining bright in the sky despite it nearing winter. He pulls out his phone to check the time, realizing he has another thirty minutes before he has to leave.

In the past two months, Changmin has closed the daycare and called the dance academy. It took a few paperworks to be filled out before he’s officially accepted, and today is finally the day he’ll be leaving.

Changmin hears a car pulling up next to his in the parking lot, looking over to see who it was.

He regrets doing so, especially when Mrs. Lee leaves the driver’s seat.

“Ch-”

“The daycare’s closing, Mrs. Lee,” Changmin states, closing his trunk shut. “I have to leave soon too.”

His tone would’ve been more bitter if it wasn’t for the fact that Changmin is drained. For the past two months, Changmin has been drained of his tears and pain, causing him to be left with only soreness and a throbbing heartache.

“I know, I know, but Changmin, please listen to me.” She follows him across the street, tailing after his steps to the daycare. “My son keeps getting constant nightmares, and all I ask for is for you to give him all your time before you leave.”

“Your son?” he scoffs, stopping when he reaches the glass doors. “I owe you nothing.”

He wraps his fingers around the handle of the door, ready to push it open before hearing Mrs. Lee.

“Jaehy- Hyunjae. Hyunjae wants to see you. He wants to say goodbye.”

Changmin shuts his eyes at the name he’s been avoiding for so long, turning around in his spot to face his mother.

“Please, Changmin, talk to him one last time, I beg of you.” She’s distraught, not knowing how else to get her desperation across.

His mind runs over the idea of talking to Hyunjae for the last time, heart wrenching at the thought.

“Alright. Tell him to enter alone and make it quick. I don’t have all day.” Changmin’s just about to enter the daycare before realizing something, turning back around to look at the lady.

“Oh, and Mrs. Lee? Don’t bother ever stepping foot into this building ever again. I mean it. You’ve already inflicted enough pain.”

He pushes the door open and makes his way into the playroom.

The emptiness of the room engulfs him as he enters, looking at how lifeless the walls looked after taking down the colored posters that had the abcs written all over them. Truly nothing remained in the room except for the counters with sinks. The bookshelves have been donated along with all of the books, and the bean bags have been given to Sunwoo and Youngjae’s families. He looks around the room one last time, unable to pinpoint how he used to call this dinky place ‘home’.

A few minutes after roaming around the place with a hollow heart, Changmin hears the front two doors jingle, tiny footsteps making their way into the daycare.

Hyunjae peeks into the playroom and when he catches sight of Changmin, tears begin to fall down his face. He runs over to the male, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist as he breaks out into full-on sobs.

Changmin hesitantly crouches down so Hyunjae is able to hug him better, remaining emotionless as the young boy wets his shirt with his tears. His little fingers desperately cling onto his sleeves, and no words are exchanged between the two boys for minutes. Though, to Changmin, it feels like hours, holding the boy in his arms as he stares off into the void.

Hyunjae is the first to speak up, voice quivering. “Don’t leave,” he whispers.

Changmin struggles to find the right words to use in the moment but gives up, deciding to just be blatantly honest with the boy. “I have to, Hyunjae. I can’t stay. I’m leaving.”

Hyunjae looks up at him, redness tinting his puffy eyes while tears continuously pour down his face. “You can’t- you just can’t-” he sobs, going back to hiding his face in the teacher’s chest. “What w-would I do without you?”

Changmin pats the back of his head and thinks, smiling back at a memory. “Hyunjae, do you remember that book you always liked? The one Y/N bought for you two years ago?”

The nine-year-old stiffles his cries for only a second, nodding.

“The main character...He dies in the end, right?”

Again, Hyunjae nods.

“But you’ve read that book how many times?”

The boy frowns. “What does this have to do with anything?” he hiccups, wiping his tears away.

Changmin sighs. “Life is kind of like, well, a storybook. Whatever is written is permanent, and there’s nothing you can change. You can keep flipping the pages back and forth, wishing that you’ll be able to change the outcome, but you can’t because the ink has already seeped into the paper.

So it’s hard to, you know, turn the page when you know someone you loved ever so dearly won’t be in the next chapter, but you do it regardless. You come to accept the fact they’re gone because you’ll have to move on with the story, and eventually you’re able to turn that page.”

He cups Hyunjae’s cheeks in his hands, reassuring him. “You’ll move on, Hyunjae. Just like how you’ve gotten over the boy’s death in the book a trillion times. Trust me.”

“But that’s different,” Hyunjae reasons, removing Changmin’s hands from his face. “I-In the book, they still get their happy ending. In the book, the people still live happily ever after, even with the death of the boy.”

“Yes, ‘in the book’, Hyunjae. This is real life.” He looks at the ground. “Not all couples get happy endings.”

“But we could get ours.” Hyunjae makes Changmin look at him, tears being brought back into his eyes. “You’re here with me right now, and you can stay. You can stay with me, and we could write our own story with a happy ending.”

“I’m afraid it’s not that easy, Hyunjae,” the male whispers.

“Teacher Y/N already left,” Hyunjae mumbles. “I can’t-...I don’t want to lose you too.”

With shaky hands, Hyunjae reaches up to cup Changmin’s cheeks, tears cascading down his cheeks as he tries to speak. “P-please, please don’t leave me,” he hiccups through his tears.

Changmin closes his eyes, preventing himself from falling vulnerable into the hands of a nine-year-old. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep.”

“B-but we’re family, and family....family sticks together, right?”

“We’re not family, Hyunjae.”

Changmin’s words pierces into Hyunjae’s heart, and the boy no longer says anything else, the two allowing the young boy’s sobs to fill up the room.

Changmin opens his eyes to look at Hyunjae, and he knows this image of Hyunjae will forever be engraved into his mind.

And out of nowhere, Changmin smiles. He smiles because he knows they’ll be okay.

“Thank you.”

Hyunjae sniffs loudly, still holding onto Changmin’s cheeks. “F-for what?” The boy is biting back his upcoming batch of tears, but it fails when Changmin starts to speak.

“Thank you, Hyunjae, for being the sunshine that always brightens the daycare’s day and being the shooting star that glitters the dark skies at night. Thank you for your little surprise hellos and your comforting goodbyes. Thank you for the happiness you’ve brought to not only me, but Teacher Y/N as well.” Changmin finally allows his tears to fall, not breaking eye contact with Hyunjae. “Thank you for being so fucking strong for the both of us and growing up to be the angel Y/N will always love and cherish.”

Hyunjae’s sobs even harder after hearing Changmin, unable to contain himself. “Please-...don’t go.”

But the male continues. He removes his face from Hyunjae’s palms and moves to rest his forehead against the boy’s, working his words through his own tears.

“Thank you for being your bestest self in front of everyone. Thank you for bringing a smile to everyone’s faces every single day, and thank you for always giving me a reason to wake up. Thank you for being the first person to give me hugs and loving me when no one else would. Thank you for making me feel like a kid again these past two years. Thank you, Hyunjae, for being the gift in my life.”

Changmin pulls away from the young boy and presses a sweet, gentle kiss to his nose, hugging him tightly afterwards. “I love you,” he whispers.

The teacher then stands up and doesn’t take another glance at the boy he had only broken further, leaving the playroom. He walks out the glass doors of the daycare and heads for his car, looking ahead towards the path he was always meant to take.

The kid inside him once played hide and seek for twenty three years, and during those twenty three years, Changmin refused to play along.

Now, the only person that remains inside the vacant daycare is the kid Changmin grew to love and eventually left behind; the boy that led him to his inner kidult.

Maybe, just like in Hyunjae’s painting, Changmin was the devil after all.

As always, you’re reading a book despite how late it is at night. Your legs are sprawled out on top of the blankets, waiting for Changmin to exit the bathroom as usual.

He’s dressed in his usual flannel pajamas, a bright smile on his face. You close your book and set it aside before spotting a piece of paper peeking out from the pockets in his pants.

“You bring that thing everywhere, don’t you?”

“Huh? This?” Changmin pulls it out of his pocket and waves it in the air, making you confirm his words with a nod.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he snorts, raising his brows. “If you had this gem, you’d bring it everywhere too.”

You roll your eyes and grab a pillow, tossing it at his face. “Yeah sure, but I wouldn’t shower with it, dummy.”

He stumbles back due to the hit and picks it up from the ground, tossing the pillow right back at you. “I don’t shower with it!” he exclaims.

Changmin joins you on your bed after setting Hyunjae’s painting down onto the nightstand, yawning loudly.

“Whatever you say, Jichang.”

You put the pillow back into its spot and bring the blankets over both of your bodies after turning off the lamp, leaving the two of you in complete darkness. Though, the lack of light doesn’t stop Changmin from bringing you close against him, snuggling up to you.

It’s silent, and you would think he’s asleep until he shifts in his spot.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Isn’t it crazy how like...Hyunjae painted that thing when we only knew each other for, what? Two days?” He scrunches his nose at the memory before turning to look at you to see what you thought.

“It is,” you respond. “Kids do the darndest things.”

Changmin laughs at your word choice but agrees nonetheless. “Don’t you think it somehow links with fate? The two of us ending up together?”

“Mmm, perhaps. Depends on how you put it.” You shift in your spot, turning to face him. “Hyunjae’s special like that.”

You reach to hold one of his hands, playing with his fingers. “Together forever,” you sigh, pressing a kiss against his knuckles.

“That includes Hyunjae, right?” Changmin asks, lazy eyes watching your every movement as a cheeky smile makes its way to his lips.

You laugh, nodding. “Yes, that includes Hyunjae. All three of us...together forever....Oh my god, Changmin, remember that pinky promise you had the three of us do before you left?”

He grins at the memory, remembering how grim that day turned out to be until he asked you out. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

He pulls his hand away from you to tuck his nose into the crook of your neck, growing drowsier with each hum that escapes you.

“The three of us and our happy little ending,” Changmin murmurs, that being the last thing he says before drifting off to sleep.

NAVIGATION | TBZ MASTERLIST

[wooyoung-a]

now playing: (because i want to share what i was listening to because IT HURT OKAY)

1. davichi - unspoken words

2. day6 edo - right through me

3. lee hongki, yoo hweseung - still love you

4. ft island - bad woman

5. madison beer - reckless

THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG SO IM GOING TO PUT A KEEP READING !!

BUT PLEASE if you're reading until here now might as well read this masterpiece !!

this is so beautiful in so so so so many ways i cannot explain.

THIS? is a masterpiece. vae, you have no right to disagree with me today, no. YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER and in no way im taking your compliments so easy now. this hurt in every part of my heart and brain.

and the fact that i'm a mirae too, nope. i am NOT moving on from this.

vae, this is so beautifully written. every word? worth the read. i'm positive, every time i'll see hyunjae's face, i'll break because i'll remember this. literally one of the best.

i'm not good with words, vae, i hope you're still here reading my rant but this is just so beautiful.

I CANT THINK OF ANY WORDS EXCEPT BEAUTIFUL WAIT LET ME SEARCH UP SYNONYMS OF BEAUTIFUL NAJKSNDKJAS

HEAVENLY !! MAGNIFICENT !! ARTISTIC !! PULCHRITUDINOUS !! whatever that is sandkja

anyway this really hurt. i really wanted to do a live review since i can't move on from how each word/paragraph struck me but nO i can't stop reading!!

this brought tears to my eyes, yet a painful smile on my face. how do i define beautiful in this? it hurts, yes, but the way the words flow out in the entire fic makes it more painful, but in a sense that it's also something that i don't feel because the words are so reassuring that it makes me just.. hurt. but not like 😩 hurt 😩

DO YOU GET ME? NO? ASNDKJANJSK

anyways i really REALLY love this one, i don't know if its because im hyunjae-biased bUT i know i would still love it even tho if it was any other member or even someone i don't stan. maybe i just loved it even more because it was hyunjae, maybe not, i'll never know too.

at this point i'm just rambling but VAE my heart is still hurting i CANNOT move on D: it is not emotionless (i read your posts beforehand too) IF ANYTHING THIS IS SO EMOTION-FUL(L) IF THAT'S A WORD ANJSKDNAK

lastly, i want to thank you for making this. the time you poured, the effort you had shed on this fic- it made everything perfect.

ilysm, vae! i hope you're having a nice day, having enough rest and sleep and thank you for hurting me <33

OUR BEAUTIFUL GOODBYE | L.JH

SYNOPSIS : y/n makes a decision to call hyunjae, their one and only ex-boyfriend, to escort them to the airport in hopes of getting one last goodbye before leaving the country

PAIRING : exboyfriend!hyunjae x genderneutral!reader

PERSPECTIVE : 2nd person omniscient

GENRE : (strangers to friends to lovers to) exes to strangers, supposed to be pure angst idk what happened, some fluff, tossed in like two sentences of humor take it or leave it, more bittersweet than angst ig idk someone pls save me

WARNINGS : a lot of flashbacks and reminiscing, there's like one suggestive part, whatever's italicized is a flashback of some sort (because the back and forth can get confusing)

WORD COUNT : 6.4k+

우리 아름다웠던 goodbye | NAVIGATION

tagging @nilesig because i'm still expecting haknyeon pics

Usually, on days like this, you’d be able to spot a hint of the soft blue that most claimed as their favorite color through the snow, it being both a calm and comforting day despite the gentle cold the weather brought. There would be no wind, causing the snow to eloquently fall down onto the ground without much movement.

This fairytale-like setting brought families out of their houses, everyone being layered with thick long sleeves and turtlenecks whilst topping it off with a zipped up padded jacket. Knitted hats were snuggly wrapped around the children’s heads and had scarves nearly choking them by the necks.

The kids would be running around in their front yards while their parents lounged out on the decks, conversing with one another as they supervised the running fetuses that were attempting to catch the crystalized flakes with their tongues. Those same kids would also pick up a chunk of snow with their bare fingers before choosing a kid to chuck it at, laughing when their target landed face first into the snow due to the impact of the snowball.

Oddly enough, today was different. When you peered past the translucent drapes and through the window by your seat on the sofa, there was absolutely no one in sight. Cars were the only ones that would be passing by the line of houses, their headlights shining through the flecks of snow.

You figured it was because of it being currently winter break, so it was likely that most were spending their days indoors, spending the holidays with their families.

But you couldn’t help but wonder if the weather was like this because of what day it was today.

You’ve been planning on leaving the country ever since middle school, deciding that traveling the world would be an occupation you’d love to have.

Today would be the day you’d say goodbye to your home and all your close friends, and you had already given your parents a warm farewell before they headed off to work. It was no wonder that the weather had decided to represent the way you were feeling inside. The dream of leaving this country was something so beautiful, but once you stepped out, the coldness and reality will eventually hit you.

You haven’t stepped out just yet though, too afraid for what’s to come. It was planned for you to leave for the bus three hours ago, but with the current weather conditions, you figured that it’d be better if someone accompanied you to the airport instead.

So, you made an impulsive decision to call your one and only ex.

You flinched with each number your fingers pressed into your phone, cringing at how instinctive every movement was. Hearing his number being dialed in made you realize what you had done, and the possibilities of what could happen started filing into your head.

You were calling someone that you hadn’t spoken to in the past three years, and therefore led you to not knowing what to expect. Anything was bound to change in that period of time, and you had no knowledge of his current whereabouts. You were sure he wasn’t even aware of you leaving the country on this very day, and you wouldn’t blame him if he immediately turned down your question with a ‘no’.

Unexpectedly, he picked up, and it instantly created an awkward atmosphere through the call, no words being able to leave either of your mouths. Hyunjae knew it was you despite how hard he worked in order to forget your phone number and was most definitely surprised at the sudden phone call, not expecting you to remember him at all.

But then again, how could you forget the one person that once made you the happiest being on earth?

“Hey.”

The silence continued from the other side of the line, and you wondered if Hyunjae even wanted to speak with you at all.

“It’s Y/N.”

“I know.” His tone was filled with sorrow, making your heart drop into the pit of your stomach.

Your fingers grazed over the red button, realizing that calling him was a mistake, but you stopped when you heard him say ‘hi’.

A smile wistfully found its way to your lips, forcing the corners of your lips to tug upwards. “Guess what?”

“Hm?”

You paused, struggling to let the words slip past your lips. Crazy how it’s only been three years, yet Hyunjae still managed to turn you into a stuttering mess.

Eventually everything slipped out of you, explaining you needed a ride to the airport.

Three years. Three years since you’ve both last interacted, and out of all the friends you had, you called him first.

But Hyunjae didn’t question it.

He didn’t question it because he knew. He still remembered the day when you sat together at lunch, explaining your life goals to one another. A shocked expression took over his features that day, begging you to let him be the one to give you a memorable, beautiful goodbye when you leave the country.

So here you were, seated in one of your parents’ sofas as you waited for Hyunjae to arrive. He stated that he moved a few cities away from where he originally lived, but he said that it wasn’t a problem and he’d be able to make it to you in time. It wasn’t like you’d be late regardless, knowing that your flight would take off in around six to eight hours from now.

With a frown, you rose from the sofa and made yourself some hot chocolate in the kitchen. When you returned, you had a knitted blanket over your legs and a book in one of your hands to distract yourself, allowing the time to pass with ease. Though, the distraction wasn’t able to do much considering your eyes had the tendency to dance over every single sentence within the book, making you unable to focus especially with the bubbly anxiety forming inside your stomach. You closed the book and let it rest in your lap, reaching over to wrap your hands around the mug on the table beside you. Your gaze lingered out the window as you took a sip from your drink, recalling the times you’ve spent with Hyunjae.

A friend of yours was celebrating their 10th birthday, and just like today, it was also snowing. The only difference was that the gentle snow storm held more joy with kids screaming the happy birthday song after being wrapped around the kitchen table. In the middle of the song, a group of boys barged through the front door, scaring absolutely everyone.

Apparently your friend’s brother invited his friends to crash his twin sister’s birthday party, Hyunjae being one of them.

When the group of kids dispersed into the living room, Hyunjae joined you on the couch with his nose scrunched up.

The other kids were distracted with an intense, loud game of mafia, but Hyunjae had his eyes on you, taking in your facial features as you watched the group of kids having fun.

The gaze you were receiving from the strange kid creeped you out, growing uncomfortable with every second that passed. Unintentionally, your body curled up against the armrest of the couch, your hands resting easy in your lap while ignoring his presence all together.

‘I know you’ was what he had said, a puppylike tilt of his head following after his words. He then continued to claim that you were both in the same class, when in reality you weren’t. So you told him exactly that, stating that you had a different teacher.

He refused to listen to your claims, shaking his head while saying you were that one kid who stole his eraser in the middle of a test.

When you asked him what your name was, his face turned pale, frozen as he tried to remember. Soon enough, his eyebrows raised and a string of apologies ran past his lips. He hid his face with the cushions provided, making you burst out in laughter.

It was then when you eased up to him, forgiving him so he would stop apologizing. Hyunjae then took it as an invitation to pester you about your name, asking for it repeatedly as he was truly invested in who you were.

You motioned the zipping of your lips, keeping them sealed as he begged through whines, his bottom lip jutted out in an attempt to guilt trip you into telling him your name.

One of his friends, Jacob, noticed him bothering you and pulled him into the new game of twister they were playing, mouthing apologies your way.

You never really caught sight of him after the event occurred until fifth grade. You didn’t share a class with him, but you noticed that he had recess during the exact same time as you.

He was the one that spotted you on the playground first, running over to you and your group of friends to ask for your name. It caused a mischievous grin to be slapped onto your face, and soon enough Hyunjae would be chasing you around the playground, repeatedly yelling ‘hey!’.

It was all fun and games, really. He knew you were messing around with him and it’d be a lie if he said he didn’t enjoy it, which explains why he never bothered to ask for your name from your friends.

Though, all things come to an end, and eventually you had to say goodbye when recess ended, leaving Hyunjae breathless and without a name.

But instead of the usual goodbye, he’d scream out to you, waving his hands in the air in order to garner your attention.

“See you later, Alligator!” he shouted, earning coos from both of your classmates.

It didn’t affect you at all, especially when you were wearing the biggest smile because of him. You loved the new friend you’ve made even if you didn’t know his name. You only remembered the curls in his brown hair and the smile he’d have adorning his lips whenever his eyes met yours, and those truly meant more than a name you may forget in the long run.

You quickly responded with a “In a while, Crocodile!” before skipping off with your class into the school building, thinking about him for the rest of the day.

As cliché as the farewell was, it became a thing between you two whenever recess ended. He’d be drenched in sweat with how much he ran after you, hands on his hips while he took his time catching his breath. Though, he’d still scream out to you whenever he could, making sure to give you the biggest farewell before your classes parted ways.

If Hyunjae was truly curious enough, he could easily make his way to any of your classmates and ask for your name, but he didn’t and neither did you. It was like the whole world had disappeared when recess arrived, leaving you two exhausted after running around without anyone bothering you guys for thirty minutes.

So this resulted in you calling each other ‘Alligator’ and ‘Crocodile’ whenever you had to address one another at the playground. Even during lunch, if he spotted you, he’d scream ‘ALLIGATOR’ and toss a juice box your way as a treat.

You’d do the same in return, except you expected your bag of cheetos to hit him smack dab in the middle of his face.

You missed every time, but it didn’t stop you from doing it the next time.

As expected, you both drifted from each other when summer break arrived, and you had forgotten about him as you were too caught up in the worries of starting middle school.

You never saw him in the halls, but there was a chance you never even recognized him in the first place considering you both received maturing features when the years passed.

In your first year of high school, you ended up in the same chemistry class as Mr. Crocodile. You didn’t even know it was him when he became your deskmate, both interacting with absolutely everyone in the class except with each other. You were mainly laid back, and it’s what made you so likeable, while Hyunjae was loud and outgoing.

This caused you to always have his back turned towards him, and he never even noticed due to being occupied with all the jokes he cracked during lessons the teacher would give.

There then came a day when you were forced to be paired up with your deskmate for a lab experiment, leaving you to do most of the world while your partner messed around with his friends, once again paying no mind to your existence.

His name would be called out by the teacher and was told that he should be focusing on the experiment and not his friend making continuous spills all over their desks.

With a sullen expression washed over his features, he turned around in his seat, propping his head up in the palm of his head as he looked at what you were doing. His eyes were mainly trained on your fingers, watching you transfer the contents from the beaker into the graduated cylinder. His gaze slowly trailed up to your face, snorting at how immersed you were into writing the details of the experiment into your notes. When the pencil fell from your fingers to pick up the cylinder in your hands, his face slowly morphed from boredom into shock, almost knocking over the beaker you had placed down minutes ago.

You didn’t notice him whatsoever, watching the liquid bubble up within the cylinder before dying down. Hyunjae continued to be left speechless, staring at you just like he did that time he met you.

His eyes traced your movements over to the sink, dumping the liquid into it before making your way back once you had taken your safety goggles off. That was when you noticed him fully staring at you, and you couldn’t help but cringe with the way he practically squinted at you.

“Alligator?” he whispered.

You seemed taken aback by the sudden animal name, snorting as you moved to clean up your shared desk with Hyunjae. “Y/N, actually,” you retorted, placing everything back into the box before turning to Hyunjae, telling him to hand over his goggles.

He stood up next to you and did as you told, handing them over to you. It was then when you gaped at the sight of his face, forgetting to retrieve the goggles from his face to put into the box. “C-Crocodile?” you stuttered, hesitant if he truly was the kid from two years ago.

“Hyunjae, actually,” he mimicked, flashing you the same smile you remembered from all those years ago. He put the goggles into the box yet never removed his eyes from yours, leaving you stunned.

He leaned in closer, his face being mere centimeters from yours.

You stared at him in pure shock, and the students started racing out of the classroom right when the bell rang, leaving just you two and the teacher left in the classroom.

“I finally know your name.” His smile never faltered while his mind kept repeating your name over and over while you analyzed his features before finally accepting defeat.

“I guess you do.”

You made the first move to pull away, bringing your books into your arms before rushing out of the classroom, but you didn’t miss the way Hyunjae called out to you.

‘See you later, Alligator!’ was what he had screamed.

It was funny, really, how easily you managed to capture Hyunjae’s attention after that scene.

He did his best to make you look at him by being an even louder student than the one he was before, laughing at every single joke his friends would make. He’d then peek over at you to see if you’d reacted to the jokes he spurted out himself.

You ignored him to the best of your abilities, but that didn’t stop you from smiling whenever you heard his booming voice throughout the classroom. Even when the teacher assigned different seats for the entire class, he still could make you laugh despite being across the room from you.

Though, you often trained your eyes on something else so whenever Hyunjae looked over at you, he’d frown, believing that you were smiling because of something, or possibly someone, else.

On another note, it seemed lame to know people’s names, especially those who weren’t even your friends, so Hyunjae continued calling you ‘Alligator’ whenever he spotted you in the halls.

You’d respond by calling him ‘Crocodile’, speeding right past him before revealing the smile you’ve been hiding from him. You loved the attention he gave you, as it would always be the smallest things that made your heart race, reminding you of the times he chased you around the playground.

The buzz from your phone shook you out of your wandering thoughts in your memories, making you blink multiple times before averting your attention to your device being faced down on the table.

You were in no rush to check it, bringing the mug to your lips to take one last sip of your hot chocolate before checking what Hyunjae had messaged you.

As expected, Hyunjae stated that he had arrived and was waiting outside of your house.

You texted him back saying that you needed a few minutes to clean up real quick, and he only left you on read without a response.

So you trudged over to the kitchen with the mug in your hand, running it under the hot water. As much as you tried to ignore it, your heart was pounding in your chest at the thought of seeing him again with your stomach churning due to the anxiety the thought had brought.

You wondered if anything about the boy had changed, or if he still had that small car you’ve grown to love.

When you were in a relationship with him, some of your friends would ridicule his car for being too small and broken down. Little did they know it was basically your second home and something that meant the absolute world to Hyunjae.

One day after school, Hyunjae came sprinting over to you after he had spotted you exiting the school, taking your hand in his before having you run with him through the students crowding the parking lot. He dragged you to an old, ragged car, saying that it was his father’s and it was for him to keep.

He was so excited knowing that he had just received his driver’s license a few days prior, making you extremely happy.

Even if it didn’t have the best appearance, it did bring you the best memories.

Being high schoolers in love led to late night drives down the empty streets that exited the neighborhood.

Each night, Hyunjae would appear right in front of your house, spamming you with text messages to come look out your bedroom window. When you did, you’d find him dancing under the streetlight despite the lack of music, urging you to come down and join him.

It was risky, nonetheless, but you were always successful in your attempts to sneak out, leaving through the backdoor and running into Hyunjae’s arms when you made it out.

He would then bring your hands into his, interlacing his fingers with yours before pulling you under the single streetlight that stood in front of your driveway. He’d twirl you around in the worst attempt possible, letting out a loud cackle when you had to clutch onto his shirt after having your feet stumble over one another. You’d shush him with the smack on his chest for being too loud in the middle of the night, reminding him about your sleeping parents in the house you two stood right in front of.

And with a kiss on the nose, he’d rush you into his car and drive you around the neighborhood as you guys reminisced the days where you didn’t know each other’s names whatsoever, yet somehow managed to grow attached to one another. He even brought up the fact you were both seated together in chemistry and didn’t even care to acknowledge each other until halfway into the year, and you playfully slapped his shoulder, blaming him for the lack of attention.

You two were now seniors, and although he hasn’t asked you out just yet, it felt like you two had been dating the past few years. Hyunjae started calling you pet names in private, and always sprinkled kisses onto your face whenever he could.

Hyunjae pulled over into the school’s empty parking lot when the rain started to decorate his windows, continuing your previous conversation. It then led to arguing over who was the more popular student at school, and the bickering led to Hyunjae reaching over to your seat, tickling you in order to shut you up.

You squealed at the attack, grabbing his wrist to stop him before doing the same back to him. He’d scream with laughter, making you feel ever so comforted through the storm happening outside of his car.

The small fight somehow ended up with you in his lap with your fingers entangled in his curls, only being able to focus on the way his lips tasted amidst the rain pelting down onto the hood of the car. He’d then pull away, breathless, officially asking you to be his significant other.

You nodded rapidly in response to his question before bringing him back in for another desperate makeout session, loving the way Hyunjae’s finger sneakily hooked onto the waistband of your jeans.

You shook the cup of its tears into the sink and carefully placed it in the dish rack for it to dry. Your eyes skimmed the kitchen, growing uneasy over the fact you wouldn’t be able to come back to see the place you’ve grown up in.

But you didn’t want to linger in the kitchen for any longer, going back to your spot to fold the blanket. After shoving the book into one of your two only suitcases, you took in a deep breath, still not being able to comprehend the fact you’ll be moving across the world.

After swiftly putting on your coat and your winter gloves, you pulled the door open.

And there stood Jaehyun, or Hyunjae as he wanted everyone to call him, with the little car that you had missed all those years. He didn’t even notice you standing at your door, too occupied with how nothing about the same neighborhood had changed. He was kicking at the snow beneath his feet, eyes wandering all over and eventually caught onto the single streetlamp that stood outside your house.

Even from afar you could see the strands of his curls peeking out from under his beanie, the tall male leaning against the car door with his hands shoved into the pockets of his padded jacket, waiting for you to exit your house.

It was hard to believe he was the one who spoiled your heart with all the love imaginable in the years you’ve dated before slowly choosing to tear it up into pieces right in front of you, leaving it behind in the dust before walking away.

You were the only person able to glue your heart back together, and you were sure you were over your one and only love, but seeing him made you feel the pain it’s been through all over again.

The snow was elegantly dancing in the air around you when you stepped out of your house, pulling your suitcases past the door before closing it behind you. Your footprints followed you through the thin layer of snow as you strolled down your driveway, slowly garnering Hyunjae’s attention.

He looked at you in awe, noticing the small details on your face that had never changed the last time he saw you.

A pang of guilt then stabbed at his heart when realizing that the last time he saw you was when you were on your knees in your apartment, begging for him to stay with you.

You never contacted him since then, leaving Hyunjae alone with his studies.

Truly, you were thankful he ended the relationship rather than leading you on without any feelings to spare, at least from what you presume, but you still wished he stayed and gave you a chance instead of choosing to dump you because of his failing grades.

The sparkle in his eyes disappeared at the realization that you were no longer his anymore. It’s been three years, but Hyunjae’s been so focused on himself that he had forgotten about what love felt like until he saw you walking through the snow.

He became absent as he spoke to you, telling you to get inside the car to warm yourself up while he brought the suitcases into the trunk.

The nostalgic scent of Hyunjae’s cologne invaded your senses right as you pulled the car door open, the warmth enveloping itself around you once you settled into your seat.

Your eyes immediately started to roam around the inside of his vehicle when you closed the door shut, and granted, absolutely nothing has changed even after three years. His dashboard was never cleaned of its thin layer of dust, and the accessory pockets on the car doors were still filled with crumpled pieces of paper and balled up empty chip bags.

Yet somehow you felt comforted in the seat that was always meant for you, missing the way its soft fabric would be pressed up against your back as you conversed with Hyunjae.

Even if it was only Hyunjae’s car, so many memories have been shared in the front two seats. More often than not, you’d decide to mess around and sprinkle a kiss or two on his cheek while he was busy driving, throwing yourself into a fit of giggles whenever he became distracted.

You’d think Hyunjae would at least clean up, but based on the way nothing had changed, it was easy to tell that Hyunjae hasn’t moved on.

Either that, or he had moved on, but only with himself. The dangling keychain that hung from his rearview mirror made it clear that Hyunjae has never had another significant other, especially knowing how much it meant to the two of you.

It was a souvenir that you both had bought at one of those boardwalk shops by the beach you often frequented with Hyunjae. He thought it was cute and even said it reminded him of you.

Knowing that he never removed it made you question if he was just too lazy to do so or if he still had lingering feelings for you. As much as you wanted to believe the latter, Hyunjae was always known to be on the lazier side which explains the state his car is currently in. He was never the sentimental type either, so you were sure it was only seen as a decoration to him despite him always mentioning how much the dinky thing meant to him.

Not to mention, Hyunjae was the one who ended the relationship. He was the one who made the choice to let go of you, wanting to focus on his college studies rather than his already breaking relationship.

The moments he shared with you and you yourself became nothing but a memory to him, ones that he allowed to be faltered in his mind as he continued to move on.

Hyunjae was someone you thought you understood, yet in reality you probably didn’t know him at all.

It left you in shambles knowing that he chose college over you.

You would’ve understood if he told you he was struggling, and you’d most definitely give him all the time in the world.

There’s a possibility he used it as an excuse to cover up his disappearing feelings, and you didn’t blame him. You just couldn’t. Feelings come and go like the wind, leaving the world with absolutely no control over it.

Before you could let your thoughts mindlessly wander off into your breakup for any longer, the car door to the driver’s seat swung open. You hadn’t even noticed the sound of the trunk being closed as you were too lost in your own thoughts and dealing with an aching heart.

Hyunjae pursed his lips after starting the car, choosing to stay silent as he drove out of the neighborhood. He asked no questions about where you’re moving to or what you plan on doing for a career. He didn’t even ask if you plan on keeping him in contact despite already knowing the answer.

Your eyes fixated on the houses that Hyunjae drove by, mentally saying goodbye to each and every single one of them. It was beautiful seeing them adorned with the snow, gentle layers piling on top of one another on the roof.

The snow used to be so comforting to you as it would remind you of the day when you met Hyunjae, but it became something you dreaded, hating the way something so beautiful could become something so dangerous and aggressive.

The only voice that could be heard throughout the car was Hyunjae’s phone due to him pulling up the directions to the airport. It was agonizing to hear with each turn the voice said to take, knowing that you were getting closer and closer to leaving Hyunjae’s life.

Not like he had left you three years ago, but still.

Your eyes were filled with sorrow when realizing that you’d never see him again. When you wave him goodbye and enter the airport, you’d break all contact with him and create a new life for yourself. You’d no longer have to check his instagram to check up on his well being, and you’d no longer have to worry about seeing him again.

As much as you considered him as the main love interest of your life story, there comes a place and time when you have to realize that your high school sweetheart would only remain in a chapter of your book, and he wouldn’t last forever.

When reaching the frenzied streets of the city, you realized that Hyunjae had never taken you on drives like these. The drives you shared with Hyunjae were always under the stars and down an empty road, whispering sweet nothings to one another as you could only fall deeper in love with the man sitting next to you.

Your body was pressed up against the car door with your head resting against the window. Your eyes fell shut as you listened to all the honking and noise that filled the city, only reminding you of the breakup that fell between you and Hyunjae at your apartment.

You flinched with every screech of the tires from outside the car, each and every loud noise representing how you felt when Hyunjae left you. Your hands were resting easy in your lap like always, but your fingers were clenched up into fists, hating how memories from three years ago are coming straight back to you, regretting having even thought of Hyunjae as an option to call in the first place.

It wasn’t hard to notice your broken state, Hyunjae having nothing else to do except drive and occasionally checking to see how you were doing in the passenger seat. He knew you always curled up against something whenever you felt uncomfortable, and you kept your eyes closed in an attempt to calm yourself down from whatever you were thinking about. This often happened when you had nightmares in the middle of night considering you had nothing to lean against besides Hyunjae. He didn’t mind though, gladly bringing you into his embrace so you could rest your head against his chest.

He cared about you so much, and he still does. Sure, there are days that he continues to live on like the breakup hadn’t affected him, but he knew he regretted everything the moment he left your apartment. It was selfish of him to leave you just because he was at the lowest point in his life, and he would’ve taken you back in a flash if you had called him, but you never did.

The air between the two of you was laced with sadness, your legs struggling to find a comfortable position in the spot you were in.

Without even knowing, you had fallen asleep. Hyunjae gently shook you awake by your shoulder, stating that you both were nearing the airport.

You rubbed your eyelids, thanking him through a whisper. He kept silent, and your gaze went back out the window, realizing the snow had lessened. It was still falling, but it wasn’t as heavy as before. Your hands were buried in the pockets of your coat, gazing at your surroundings.

The curved walls of the airport eventually came into view upon arrival, and despite the sun already settling below the horizon, it felt as if it continued to be daytime with the amount of light illuminating from the glass windows.

The car slowly came to a stop in front of one of the entrances. Hyunjae already left the car, but you were still buckled into your seat. Unlike the frantic crowds that you’ve seen while arriving at the airport during the daytime, people were easing into the entrances while sharing casual conversations, their mouths being buried behind their scarves as they held the hands of their loved ones.

The sight was then blocked with Hyunjae’s figure, the boy pulling the door open for you. “Need me to help you?”

You blinked at his question, swearing this had been the most he’s said to you in the past few hours. His eyes were diverted towards your seatbelt and you realized it shortly after, shaking your head in response before removing yourself from his car.

No words were exchanged between the two of you when you walked to the back of his car. You stood there behind his car, waiting for him to arrive. He smiled warmly when approaching you and gently grabbed your shoulders, pulling you back a few steps before allowing the trunk to open.

“You always stand too close to the car,” Hyunjae murmured, pulling out one of your suitcases. You were left in shock at how he remembered how you’d somehow always get hit whenever Hyunjae opened the trunk, his endearing tone making you melt despite the cold weather.

You laughed at the realization, making him smile.

And then it happened.

Him handing you your suitcases was your cue to leave.

Him handing you your suitcases was his cue to hop back into his car.

So why did neither of you move from your spots?

‘I love you’ was what you wanted to say when you noticed that Hyunjae hadn't budged. You wanted to step forward and pull him into your arms so you were able to lean in and mold your lips against his.

But what you feared the most was that none of your actions would be reciprocated. He wouldn’t let his lips dance with yours like they used to, and his hands wouldn’t wrap around your waist to pull you closer.

And most important of all, it would be impossible for him to utter ‘I love you too’.

But little did you know that he would do absolutely everything and more. He would pull you into his chest and allow your tears to seep into the layers he was wearing beneath his unzipped jacket. Even if your relationship wasn’t for forever, he would hold onto this memory, wishing for his last moments to be with you to be something he’d smile yet also cry over. He’d tell you how much he loved and loves you, giving you one last kiss on your lips before you disappeared from his life.

But none of you acted upon your resurfacing feelings after seeing each other, standing there like trees that have been through thick and thin together yet made no actual attempt to communicate or get closer.

You didn’t know what to do. A simple ‘goodbye’ couldn’t slip past your lips, and your feet felt as if they were restrained with vines that erupted from under the concrete, not allowing you to move one single inch from your spot.

Hyunjae didn’t even close his trunk and instead basked in the surrounding sounds of the airplanes taking off in the middle of the night, knowing that you’d be in one of those in the next few hours. You wouldn’t be coming back, and you would no longer live in that very house he visited every single night just to see your smile.

You missed him. You missed his kind appearance that made everyone fall for him and the lips that would kiss the tears off of your face when you watched High School Musical together.

Now, he was deemed a stranger in your eyes, but this was a stranger that you shared countless of memories with. A stranger that you wanted to date again, one that you wanted to be with forever.

But it was already too late. Your flight was booked, and he was no longer yours.

And this was going to be the beautiful goodbye that Hyunjae had always intended on giving you. This beautiful goodbye would be forever imprinted in your mind once you leave, and this beautiful goodbye was going to be nothing.

What hurt you the most wasn’t the fact that this would be your last goodbye towards one another, but the only goodbye you’ve ever received from Hyunjae.

Throughout his years knowing you, he’s never once said goodbye to you.

And you didn’t want this moment to be the first.

“See you later,” you blurted.

You could see him freeze up, slowly shifting his gaze from the airplanes over to your standing figure.

“See you later?”

“Yeah. See you later, Crocodile.”

As much as Hyunjae wanted to look away, his eyes couldn’t move from yours. He saw your eyes tearing up as hands reached for the handles of your suitcases. He knew it was your time to leave, and that this was your way of saying goodbye forever.

“In a while, Alligator.” It was a whisper, but a farewell nonetheless.

So perhaps this wasn’t the beautiful goodbye neither of you had imagined. It wasn’t a kiss on the cheek or a hug with sweet wishes, but it was the one you received, and the moment you turned your back against him with your suitcases tailing after your steps, it became an everlasting memory that couldn’t be altered.

A/N : this was meant as a timestamps to practice using imagery not a 6k word mess of a fic 😭 ALSO I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH THIS RELATED TO GOODBYE BY TBZ??? i only used it for the title LMAO

[wooyoung-a]

okay first things first. this is another whole ass rant about this fic. if you''re reading this, read vae's fic. now.

first, the idea was IMMACULATE. i'm inlove with your galaxy brain vAE

second- this is THE SECOND VAE FIC I'VE CRIED A RIVER FOR WHAT THE FUCK REALLY

SOMEONE GO MAKE THIS A MOVIE OR A FUCKING SERIES I BET I'L BE CRYING EVERY SINGLE MILLISECOND

vae,,,, your mind 😩😩 tbh i was delaying reading this since last night bc i was too sleepy buT NOW I'M-- CRYING,,,, IN THE MIDDLE,,, OF THE DAY,,,,

this singlehandedly became one of my favorites along with that hyunjae fic becAUSE DUH???, YOUR ANGST IS???? GOD-TIER???????!!!!!!!! not that your fluffs/slice of life isn't,, i'm just kinda inlove with the pain angst fics are giving me ANYWAYS

vae,,, masterpiece after another,,, 😩😩 IT IS NOT MESSY AT ALL AND WHAT THE FUCK FIFTEEN HOURS 😩 IM PROUD OF YOU IM PROUD OF THIS WORK IM PROUD OF EVERY WORK YOU'VE DONE 😩

but honestly this was just ultimately good,, the idea itself and everything,, the dialogues,, EVERYTHING.

let me cry myself back to the void this is one of the few fics i've read after a month along with the hyunjae fic because i was so depressed and didn't want to do anything and crammed and depressed again bc college is starting bUT I LOVE YOU VAE THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME CRY

LETTING GO | K.YH

SYNOPSIS : in a world where there’s a limited amount of space for your memories, people get the option to choose the memories they’d like to delete before making new ones. once you’re unable to remove any memories, it’ll be your time to let go

ALTERNATIVELY : the day to delete all your memories of younghoon has finally arrived, and you decide to watch them all one last time before forgetting them forever

PAIRING : barista(ish)!younghoon x genderneutral!reader

GENRE : idk some weird ass memory loss au, major character death, bittersweet ANGST (this is embarrassing if nobody feels anything when reading this), some fluff tossed in, jacob and younghoon café baristas

WARNINGS : this is my first time writing something like this so that's quite the warning in itself, profanities, a majority of this fic is straight up dialogue, i wrote this in like fifteen hours so it's messy please bear with me

PLAYLISTS : spotify, youtube (for niles)

WORD COUNT : 7.5k+

TBZ MASTERLIST | NAVIGATION

A/N : posting this oneshot for his birthday a few days earlier because i don't think i have the heart to actually post this on his birthday. also this fic is basically dedicated to @nilesig (because you're basically the jacob to my y/n in this fic) ALSO tomorrow marks my third month of my first timestamp being posted (which was also younghoon) !! if you choose to read this, please take my heart and run away with it

“How could you remove your memories of me?? Of us?? Are you out of your mind?!?”

The girl’s screech caused you to flinch as you made your steps down the sidewalk, scrunching up your shoulders as you walked past the couple.

“Did I mean nothing to you??”

“Look lady, I don’t know you, okay? Stop bothering me.”

...Well, ex-couple now.

Your feet picked up its pace due to not willing to hear anything more from the two, skidding across the sidewalk before diving into the Jacob’s coffee shop, the aroma of the coffee hitting you right as you entered.

“Welcome to Bae’s Caf- oh, Y/N! Just before closing time.” His warm yet sullen smile welcomed you into the shop, greeting you with a wave from his hand. “Today’s-..today’s the day, isn’t it?”

You pressed your lips together as you sluggishly approached the counter, nodding slowly before wearing a fake, gentle smile. “Yeah. Today’s the day.”

“Tell him I said happy birthday, would ya?”

“Now that, Jacob, I can’t promise you.”

That was his cue to laugh, maybe even chuckle, but he didn’t. He knew the seriousness of what today meant, and he could only watch you avoid his gaze as his fingers tapped against the countertop.

“A-are you sure you don’t want me to accompany you?”

You shook your head, trailing your eyes to the ground beneath your feet. “I think I’d rather...be alone. Just so I can look through everything before deleting them, you know?”

“Yeah of course.” He nodded along with your words. “Just call me if anything happens, okay? Permanently deleting a chunk of memory can cause some serious damage.

“I know I know, I’ll take it slow, don’t worry.” You reached to pull out your wallet, but Jacob noticed, stopping you.

“No need to pay today, okay? Take-...take it as a gesture from Younghoon.”

Your breath hitched up in your throat right when you heard his name, slowly nodding as you shoved the wallet back into your pocket.

Jacob smiles warmly towards you one last time before turning his back to make you your usual drink, leaving you alone in your own thoughts.

You looked around the coffee shop, smiling at the memories you shared here. You were anxious though, scared over the fact you’ll be seeing these memories on your tablet in just an hour or so.

“One free iced americano for my best friend!” Jacob declared, whirling his head around with the drink in his hand. He slid it across the counter, and you laughed, thankful that you had arrived when no one else remained except for him and your drink.

“You’re an angel, you know that?”

“I do.”

You took the drink into your hand and whispered an almost inaudible ‘thank you’, waving him goodbye as you walked out.

“Stay safe, alright?”

“I will.”

“I love you!”

“Love you too.”

It was funny how you still managed to get a whiff of Younghoon’s cologne whenever you entered your previously shared apartment with him. It’s been years, but perhaps he chose to drench all the furniture with the cologne he wore before leaving you.

Or maybe, maybe it wasn’t even there at all. Maybe it was your mind instinctively having you smell it once seeing the place he lived in.

But you didn’t care if it was all in your head because truly, it comforted you.

Yet it also saddened you, knowing the day it was today.

It’s crazy, really, how today was finally the awaited day. The only day that has been on your mind, and the day you wished to never have come.

You’ve been holding it off for so long. Two years, to be exact. Two years and one day to be even more exact.

It’s scary how he left on the day right before his birthday, leaving you alone for when the special day arrived.

Everything that belonged to Younghoon has either been removed or sold while all your items have already been packaged and moved back to your parents’ house.

So the only thing that remained in the apartment was the dust that had been collected the past few years and Younghoon’s memory tablet.

You placed your near empty cup by the door after closing it behind you, making your way over to the item in the corner of the living room.

You crouched down, bringing the item into your hands. The tablet had been loosely wrapped with two stained shirts, ones that you held ever so dear to you, and you admired them, running your fingers over the brown stain over the white cloth. Your fingers slowly removed the two shirts, revealing the tablet underneath.

It was covered in minor cracks, but thanks to Eric, a friend of Jacob’s, he managed to get it working after it had been broken.

You had your own memory tablet, everyone did, but yours was still broken from that time you dropped it into the pool. You decided to have Eric fix Younghoon’s tablet instead of your own because you thought that maybe, just maybe, you’d be able to retrieve a fraction of his memories.

That, of course, didn’t happen, and his microchip was long gone.

You pressed your back against the wall with your knees up to your chest, using the shirts as a blanket while you powered on the tablet.

It’s an extremely old version, but you didn’t mind waiting. If anything, you didn’t want it to work.

You didn’t want to forget him.

But two years and three birthdays without him have already been long and excruciating enough, and you made a promise to him.

The screen that tells you to scan your memory microchip across the tablet finally shows up, making you hover your hand over it. Considering Younghoon’s tablet was an older model, it took a while for it to process your chip, but it managed to work nonetheless.

As you waited for it to retrieve all your memories, your eyes gazed out the window, watching the sun slowly set as time passed.

The last time you properly checked your memories was around five years ago. You never had a purpose to check them every so often, so you never bothered fixing your old tablet.

After it loaded, all the memories you treasured have popped up. You smiled at the sight of a majority of them being Jacob, but it showed nothing else. Nothing from your classes or your life with other friends. The only memories worth keeping was Jacob, the one who’s never once left your side.

So considering the lack of precious memories, it didn’t take long to find Younghoon when you scrolled.

You relied on your brain to remember all of these moments, so to see his smile ever so clearly felt so-...unreal.

You clicked on the date you first met Younghoon. August 4, 2017.

And this is where you began deleting the memories, one by one as they played out.

⠀

Loading › August 4, 2017 | 13:03

Have you met Younghoon yet?

The guy who’s temporarily taking over your shift since summer started? Nope, not yet. I haven't gotten to visit the coffee shop since you went back to Canada. I’m walking there now though.

Great! Say hi to him for me.

Yeah yeah, sure. I’m right outside the shop, so I’ll hang up now. Talk to you later, Bae.

Ew. Never call me by my last name again. That’s reserved for my future partner.

You’re no fun.

Oh just hang up already.

Fine. Miss me!

As always.

…

Hi! Welcome to Bae’s Café.

Younghoon, right? Jacob’s replacement?

Replacement sounds kind of degrading, but yeah that's me. I’m guessing you’re Y/N?

Yep!

Great! Iced americano, right?

Oh? How'd you know? Did Jacob tell you?

Mhm, he told me to look out for you. It's also my favorite drink.

Ah, I see, but yeah! One iced americano, please.

move memory to trash?

Perfect then! One iced americano coming right up.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 5, 2017 | 13:06

So...how is he?

Uh, doing his job?

Well duh, I'd hope so, but do you like him? Is he nice? He's nice isn't he?

Woah woah woah, what's with all the questions? Plus you're the one that hired him, not me. Why are you asking me if he's nice?

I'm just saying...he's a nice guy.

Yeah I assumed after the questions. I don't get why you're asking me though.

Order number 7!!

Oh that's mine! I'll talk to you later Jacob.

Yeah sure, call me later.

Hey Young-...hoon? Is something wrong?

Oh! Uhm, sorry, you just, uh—have a little something there. On your shirt-

What?? Oh my god has that always been there? How'd I manage to pick out a shirt with a massive stain...fuck this is so embarra-...

...

...Younghoon did you just-

...

Why'd you spill my drink on your shirt-?

...Well I didn't want you to be embarrassed alone-

...

move memory to trash?

You know what I'll just—go get you a new drink.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 8, 2017 | 13:01

You got something for Younghoon didn't you?

I did not!

Oh I definitely know that tone. You did! C'mon Y/N, what'd you get him?

I got him nothing, I swear.

No I know damn well you got him something for his birthday. Just tell meeeee.

Jacob, I don't trust you with anything, especially since that time you spoiled the surprise party for Kevin-

That was one time, let me be! Also I'm literally across the world, just tell me what you got him.

You may be across the world, but you're still able to tease me across the phone.

I won't tease you, seriously.

Ugh fine, I got him a new shirt.

Was it because of that time he purposely spilled your coffee on his shirt? He really is the sweetest, isn't he-

Oh my god Jacob, are you trying to set me up with him?

I'm mean you are kinda lonely-

I'm hanging up on you.

WHAT?! NO DON'T-

Y/N is that you?

Oh Younghoon? Why are you leaving the shop early? I thought closing time was later in the evening.

Yeah but Jacob told me to close earlier since it's my birthday.

Gosh how can you say it's your birthday ever so casually. Here! I bought this for you.

…A paper bag?

...You're supposed to look in it-

Right! Sorry....Wait hold on, I-is this a new shirt? Y/N, you didn't have to do this-

Please, I feel like I owe you after what had happened on Saturday.

I was the one who chose to pour your drink on my shirt. Plus it was your drink, not mine. I should be owing you instead.

What?? No it's your birthday, you don't owe me anythi-

Let me take you out on a date.

What? A date?

move memory to trash?

A date.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 9, 2017 | 16:52

NO WAY, you're kidding right?? You guys went on a date yesterday?? AND, NOT TO MENTION, WITHOUT ME?

...Jacob, you're in Canada.

Well you could've updated me through video chat.

Oh shut up, do you want to hear what happened or not?

Yes please. Tell me every single detail.

He suggested a date right after I gave him the shirt. Said something about how I didn't owe him anything- blah blah.

I said tell me every single detail, not 'blah blah'.

Oh my god let me continue.

Okay okay, fine. Did you guys go on one right after?

Yep. He took me back into the shop and made two iced americanos for ourselves. We mainly just talked about each other, but now that I think about it, he let me talk a lot-

Ooo did you talk about me?

Jacob don't even start—

OKAY OKAY continue.

It's not anything special. I don't know, we kind of just got to know each other and then I wished him a happy birthday and left.

That's it? Boring.

I've only known him for four days, dumbass.

Oh yeah you're right. But no cake?

No cake.

How boring can you get??

Ugh shut up, I'll talk to you later.

Later?? Are you busy right now?

...Perhaps he asked me out on another date.

AND YOU DIDN'T BOTHER TO INFORM ME OF THIS EARLI-

move memory to trash?

OOPS GOT TO GO!!

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 9, 2017 | 17:51

There. The shop's now closed. Are you ready?

Yeah, but are you? Aren't you tired after working all day?

Kinda, but you're here with me, so I'm sure I'll do just fine.

Flirting on the first date, huh?

Second, actually.

Right. I didn't take you for a flirt though.

I wouldn't really say it's flirting. Just being honest.

...You're not making this any better.

What?...Are you flustered?

How can I not be? You say these things so casually-

I guess you could call me casual.

Casual? Okay then...How does Mr. Casual sound?

...

Oh my gosh wait are you blushing??

Hey! I didn't laugh at you when your cheeks started heating up!

I-I'm sorry, I can't help it-

move memory to trash?

Stop laughing at me and walk faster before we get hit by a bus when we cross the street.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 10, 2017 | 23:39

Okay I'mma need Younghoon updates.

When have you been so invested in my love life?

Since birth.

Disgusting.

Have you guys been getting closer??

I guess? He- he took me to this park after we had dinner yesterday. I don't know, Jacob...I've been on so many dates before but he's-

...Different?

Yeah, different. We had a lot of talks under the stars. I don't know, I don't think I've ever met someone who was that willing to talk about their feelings for hours and hours on end. Kinda like he wants to know me...for me.

So you are growing to like him like that, aren't you?

Where'd you get that from?

You basically called Younghoon part of your love life.

...You really need to stop paying attention to my rants.

move memory to trash?

Hey! I'm just being a wonderful best friend.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 11, 2017 | 9:37

I can't believe your only days off are on Fridays.

I mean it's only a summer job, so I'm not complaining. When Jacob's back from Canada, I'll be back to studying in college.

What college do you attend?

CKU, you?

...No way, you're kidding, right?

No, why? Do you go there too?

Yeah! Both Jacob and I do.

That's crazy.

I guess we'll be seeing each other a lot more often then.

move memory to trash?

I guess so.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 14, 2017 | 9:37

Iced americano?

You know me too well.

You're acting like I didn't even know your order before we even met.

Okay blame Jacob for that.

You two must be really close, huh?

Mhm! He's basically my twin brother. We've been with each other since elementary school. He's always been there for me.

That's good. Especially since you guys have known each other before you reached eighteen.

Right? We were so lucky.

The memory system is fucked, isn't it?

Honestly, yeah. I don't know how I'd live if I met Jacob after eighteen. I mean I can still delete memories with him in it, but I won't forget about him entirely. That's the only good thing that comes out of the entire memory thing. Only the memories after eighteen are the ones included in the chip.

Mhm. Explains why everyone tried to make a shit ton of friends before getting their chips implanted in their hands.

Same goes with dating too.

Did you ever date anyone before receiving the microchip?

Yeah, but it didn't work out. I think we both just forced ourselves into a relationship because we wanted someone that we'd remember forever.

Do you regret it?

Kind of? I don't really know. At least I'll have some recollection of the mistakes I've made during that relationship, so now I'm able to learn from it and better myself for upcoming ones. How about you?

Me? Uh nope. I've never been a relationship....Here's your drink, by the way.

Really? You're kidding, right? And thanks.

Nope. If I was in one, I probably deleted it.

...Well that sounds brutal.

move memory to trash?

Eh, if it makes things any better, I've never deleted any memories.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 17, 2017 | 9:37

Are you seriously searching up good date ideas?

Shit—why are you looking at my phone?

You went silent, and I just got curious...Wait- don't scoot away from me!!

Shhh let me focus on my research.

Research?? Who are you planning on going on a date with?

...You? Who else?

You could've just asked me what date we could go on and brainstorm from there.

Well, Y/N, what date could we go o-

Nope! It's too late, you lost your chance.

What?? No wait don't get pouty, I'm sorry I didn't ask you.

...Wait Younghoon don't apologize-

I'm sorry. I'm soooo sorry Y/N, please forgive meeeeeeeeeeeeee.

move memory to trash?

Okay now you're just guilt tripping me.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 18, 2017 | 12:37

Younghoon?

Hm?

How did it take us two hours for us to plan a date, and yet somehow we ended up in your apartment with you playing video games-

We're just simple minded people.

No, I'm pretty sure it's just you, Mr. Casual.

Woah don't mock me!

You're ignoring me for your ps5.

...Do you want attention?

We are on a date, aren't we?

...So is that a yes?

...

...

Perhaps.

You could've told me that earlier. I know how to put my controller down.

You shouldn't have picked it up in the first place, and you could've at least let me join in-

Mmmmk, come here then.

What?

Come here.

You want me to sit in your lap??

Well I'm sure it's more comfortable than the ground. I only have one controller too, so we'd be playing together.

I don't think that's how a controller works-

move memory to trash?

Oh just shush and come here.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 29, 2017 | 19:21

I can't believe this. How could you forget about picking me up at the airport??

Listen, it completely slipped my mind, okay?

You're lucky Kevin was able to pick me up last minute...So how was your date with Younghoon today?

You really won't stop bothering me about Younghoon, huh?

Well considering the fact you nearly ditched me to go on a date with him, I'm sure I deserve a full on explanation of what happened.

Well he invited me over to his apartment again. It's—honestly been my second home these past few weeks.

...So have you guys done anything or??

What the fuck, Jacob?? No!

Woah woah, I'm just wondering.

We just have—lots of movie nights. He loves those.

Y/N? Dinner's ready!

Holy shit Y/N are you still at his apartment??

move memory to trash?

Uh....got to go...again!!

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 30, 2017 | 7:13

-re you awake?

...

It's my last day at the café, can you believe that? I know you're asleep and probably not listening to me right now, but I'm going to miss seeing you there.

...

Did your forehead always look this kissable?...Are we even a thing? I kinda hope we are. I still want to hang out with you. I don't know about you, but I love the dates we go on, even if you don't think much of it. It's been a while since I've clicked with someone like this. Is this what love feels like?

...

Gosh I'm so embarrassing. I have to go now. I hope you're sleeping alright.

...

...

Y-Younghoon?

Oh? Did I wake you up? I'm sorry.

You didn't, don't worry.

Oh. Well, I have to go. Gotta make sure I enjoy the last day of my summer job to its fullest. Text me when you get back.

...

Wait Younghoon-

Hm?

Can you come here? I want a hug before you leave.

Of course.

...

Thank you.

move memory to trash?

Anything for you, love.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 31, 2017 | 13:08

I don't know how I managed to find Younghoon. He's kept the entire café spotless, and business has been going really well because of him.

Yeah, that's Younghoon for you.

It's sad to see him go, but hey! That means more time for you to spend with him.

What?? Pfffffft, no.

Pft, yeah. Have you figured out your feelings for him yet?

Feelings?? Jacob you're saying some weird ass nonsense right now.

Please, you make it blatantly obvious over the phone.

...Okay maybe I do like him like that.

You guys are literally made for each other.

Okay now that's actual weird ass nonsense.

No I'm serious!! You guys actually make such a great couple from what I've heard. Hello?? He's cooking for you??

He's being sweet, that's all.

He cares for you.

You care for me too.

I wouldn't even cook for myself if I had to.

...

Okay but am I wrong?

Shut up.

Back to Younghoon. Has there been any advancements besides the entire 'him allowing you to sit in his lap' thing?

I don't...think so? I woke up to him whispering to me yesterday, though. I don't know if I remembered correctly, but he said he wanted us to be a thing.

Do you want to be a thing with him?

...Kinda, yeah.

Then go make it a thing!

Don't you think it's too fast?

It's been nearly a month, Y/N. If you both already have feelings for each other, I'm sure there's no harm in dating. Plus, if anything goes wrong, you could easily delete him from your memory.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

...

move memory to trash?

But I don't think I'd ever want to forget him.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › September 6, 2017 | 14:04

Y/N!

Younghoon is that you??

I told you I'd find you on campus one day! Where'd you come from?

Psychology. You?

English.

Are your lectures done for the day?

Yeah! You?

Yep. I was wondering if you'd like to hang out.

...

...You're supposed to respond, Younghoon.

Right! Sorry, it's just- usually I'm the one who asks you if you'd like to go on a date, not vise versa.

Did I ever mention it was a date?

Oh...so it's-...not a date?

Oh no it's definitely a date, I was just playing with you.

...Wow. Suddenly I don't want to go on that date with you anymore.

We both know that's a lie, Younghoon.

move memory to trash?

I hate how you're right.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › December 25, 2017 | 10:11

I told you to ask him out, not wait three months??

Geez, Merry Christmas to you too.

I just can't believe you both aren't together yet. It's Christmas!! You're telling me you won't spend Christmas with him?

We are going to spend Christmas together, chill. I just—never found the right time to ask him out.

So you're telling me you both haven't kissed-

No we have-

Then what's holding you back??

...I don't know. I'd just rather-...spend time with him than worry about asking him out.

Merry Christmas, you guys!!

Younghoon!!

Hi Jacob, it's been a while, hasn't it?

Yeah, it has. So, two iced americanos for you guys?

Yep that's perfect. Did I interrupt something?

Uh no, you didn't. So, what was the surprise you had for me today?

The surprise is me paying for your drink.

...

I'm kidding! I'm still going to pay for your drink, but!! The surprise is-...shit how do I word this?

What?

Uhm...Y/N...

move memory to trash?

W-would you like to move into my apartment?

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › December 28, 2017 | 9:03

Okay let me get this straight. You're moving in with Younghoon, yet you guys aren't together yet??

I asked you to help me pack my things, not scold me.

I know I know, it's just crazy.

Yeah, but I mean I already spend most of my days at his apartment, so I guess it isn't that big of a deal.

...This isn't an everyday thing, you know.

I guess.

...Hey Y/N is this your memory tablet?

Hm? Oh yeah. I need a new one though, that one is broken.

Right right. Anyway, when do you plan on asking him out?

...I don't know. New Year's, maybe?...

move memory to trash?

I'll ask him out on New Year's.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › December 31, 2017 | 23:58

You can't sleep on me now!! There's two minutes left.

But I'm tireddd. There's no difference anyway.

Please Younghoon, stay up for me.

You wouldn't even promise me a kiss at midnight. I'm this close to knocking out.

Since when did you want me to kiss you at midnight?

...Did I never ask you that out loud?

No, no you didn't.

Well would you give me one at midnight?

I had another plan, actually.

Looks like I'm going to sleep.

Younghoon!!

Okay okay fine, only because you're going to ask me out.

Pfft, what?? You don't know that. Who told you that?

Well it's not like I'm getting a kiss either.

Stubborn fucker.

Shushhhh, countdown is starting.

...

Why do one minute countdowns exist?

Younghoon, be patient.

...

I'm tired. Sleepy. Exhausted. Worn out. Drained. Drowsy. Dead-

It's midnight-....I love you.

...

...

move memory to trash?

I love you too.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › January 1, 2018 | 7:14

Does this means we're married now?

What?? No!

I'm teasing, babe.

Babe? Since when did you start calling me babe?

Since you asked me out.

...I never asked you out.

Eh. 'I love you', 'wanna date me', same thing.

So you're saying this, whatever we have, is official?

...I don't know. Do you want it to be official?

I'd love to be yours.

Great. You're mine...and I'm yours.

...

You know, I've been thinking. Did you wait to ask me out on specifically New Year's?

...God I wish. I was just a pussy that held it off.

Well, I'm glad you are one. Having an anniversary on the first day of every month sounds magical...You're magical, you know that?

What makes you say that, Younghoon?

...Things.

Things??

Just things.

Like what?

I love you.

move memory to trash?

You can't distract me with that!!

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › February 1, 2018 | 16:48

...You know at this point, I'm starting to think we don't need matching anything for our anniversary.

Seriously, Younghoon? Nothing in this store interests you? These matching sunglasses look cute though.

I'm mean yeah, they're adorable. These sky blue sweats are cute too. It's just- nothing beats what we have, you know?

Huh? What's that supposed to mean?

I mean, who needs matching clothes when we already have matching stains?

...

...

...Oh my god I don't know you anymore.

move memory to trash?

What?? WAIT HEY DON'T LEAVE ME IT'S CUTE!!

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › April 29, 2018 | 3:17

It's late, Younghoon. Go to sleep.

If you wanted a goodnight kiss, you could've just asked.

...Where the hell did you get that from?

I love you.

I love you too. Now go to sleep.

I will in a few, I promise.

Mmm is that your memory tablet? Why do you have it out this late at night?

Huh? O-oh, I just- wanted to look through it, that's all.

Do you plan on deleting anything?

Not really.

Oh right, you've never deleted anything before, right?

Y-yeah. Never.

That's fair. It's only been less than three years since you've turned eighteen. All your memories are still fresh.

move memory to trash?

...Yeah, I guess they are.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › June 1, 2018 | 8:22

Good morning, lov- you did not just-

Yes I did. Do you have a problem with it?

You're seriously not wearing that out to classes, are you?

...Why can't I?

Younghoon, the stain is so noticeable. It's in the middle, and it's even worse than the shirt I wore.

So?? It's our anniversary, and I want to wear it.

...But out in public?

If I can show off my significant other, I can also show off the stain that reminds me of my significant other.

...I hate you. Now it feels like I have to wear that same shirt I wore that day.

That was the plan all along.

We really should've bought those sky blue matching sweats.

move memory to trash?

To be fair, we would've stained those too.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › July 29, 2018 | 3:17

So, is there anything you'd like for your birthday?

You.

You're getting me regardless whether you like it or not.

Then it sounds like the perfect birthday already.

Yeah, no. Jacob scolded me last year for not getting you a cake. We're doing something for you this year.

I'm serious, Y/N. We don't have to do anything. Maybe just another date? It's been a while, hasn't it?

Oh. You're right. It has been.

So?

move memory to trash?

A date it is.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › August 8, 2018 | 8:08

Happy Birthday!!

...I thought I said a cake wasn't needed?

Shhh, I baked you one anyways. Blow out the candles before it lights your bedsheets on fire.

How would my bedsheets catch fire-

Oh just blow out the candles.

...

Wait. Fuck, I didn't get to sing the birthday song. Happy birthday to y-

Please no, I beg.

I thought you were Mr. Casual. Isn't singing the birthday song to the person on their birthday casual?

It's been a year, Y/N. Things have changed. I am no longer Mr. Casual.

Then what are you?

move memory to trash?

I'm yours.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › October 29, 2018 | 2:12

Mmm...Younghoon? Are you on your tablet again?

Y/N? You should be asleep.

The brightness of the screen woke me up.

Oh...I'm sorry baby.

It's okay. Is something bothering you? Do you want me to help you delete a memory?

No no, it's not that.

What is it then? You've been staying up because of that tablet for the past few months. You surely can't be rewatching your memories every single night.

...Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry, I'll stop staying up.

It's okay. Please don't apologize. I'm just worried, that's all. I want you to sleep well.

...

Put the tablet down, okay? I'll cuddle you to sleep.

I don't know what I'd do without you, Y/N.

move memory to trash?

I don't know what I'd do without you too.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › December 6, 2018 | 13:19

I thought I told you to bundle up, Y/N.

I did! Well I tried. I just got excited.

Excited?

Excited to see you.

We live together everyday, dummy.

Okay well I'm excited to see you in the snow for the first time, especially since we didn't get any last year. Think about it! It's our first time in the snow together. Your favorite season is winter, isn't it?

Yes, but sweetheart that doesn't mean you can- go out with one layer? It's freezing.

I was just too excited, okay? I'll be fine.

You're going to get sick. Here just- take my jacket. And scarf. You know what, might as well take my hat too-

Younghoon what- no I'm fine I swear.

Baby, no.

Baby, yes.

If you don't bundle up with my clothing right now, I'm going to tell Jacob.

...

...

move memory to trash?

Okay fine.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › December 9, 2018 | 20:18

Well, if you look at the bright side, my angel is the one that gets to take care of me.

I told you you should've kept your jacket on. And your scarf. And your hat.

I'd rather be sick instead of having you be sick.

Why? So you can lay in bed while I feed you soup?

...I love you.

Gosh how did you become like this?

You love me.

I do

...

move memory to trash?

I really, really do.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › April 18, 2019 | 5:11

Jacob, you don't understand. He's checking it way more often now than before. Most people check their memory tablets once every few months. It's become a daily thing for him.

Have you tried talking to him about it?

Yeah, on multiple occasions, but he tends to- push it away and apologize. I don't know, he says nothing's wrong yet he's constantly checking it. You don't think it has something to do with me, does it?

Has anything bad happened in your relationship yet?

Nothing that I know of-

Then I'm sure it isn't you. He really, really loves you.

I know, and I really, really love him too. He's made me so happy this past year and a half. I just- I don't know what's happening, but I know this isn't normal for him. For anyone. It can't be normal-....Jacob, does he plan on forgetting about me?

Y/N, please, it's okay. Even if there's something wrong, I doubt he wants to remove you from his life. Trust me.

...

...

Jacob.

Yeah?

move memory to trash?

I really, really don't want to lose him.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › May 4, 2019 | 18:59

I'm back! Y/N?

I'm here! How's the interview?

I decided that the job wasn't for me...You're washing the dishes again?

I mean it is that time of day.

We have a dishwasher for a reason, at least let me do it today.

You've been busy the entire day. The least I can do is clean after myself.

Shhh I'll take over, okay?

Younghoon...

It is my apartment.

...You're terrible, you know that?

Terribly in love.

Oh gosh, I think Mr. Casual is back.

What's so casual about saying that??

Flirting? Really??

Are you saying I can't flirt with the 'already love of my life'?

Younghoon stop oh my god, focus on the dishes.

I can multitask.

...

You know I do mean it.

Mean what?

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

Mean it when I say you're the love of my life.

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › June 22, 2019 | 17:12

Younghoon, can we please talk about it?

Why does it matter so much?

I'd understand if it was your phone constantly distracting you but your memory tablet? Mine has been broken for two years now, and I haven't touched it since.

What's your point?

My point is that this isn't normal. None of this is! Sure, yes, I really enjoy the time we spend together, and I'm thankful you always give me your attention when needed, but whenever I'm asleep? Busy? You're checking that tablet.

I swear, Y/N, if you think it has to do anything with you, I promise you it doesn't-

So something is up.

...No, I'm just-

No. No, Younghoon. I don't want to hear it. Why can't you just- tell me these things? I'm seriously here for you, and I forever will be. Fuck, I love you so much, but I can't do this anymore if you keep lying to me. And don't- don't even bother apologizing. I've heard it enough.

...Give me some time. I-I'll explain everything to you one day.

...Okay. Okay, that I can do.

Thank you.

I'd do anything for you, Younghoon. I mean it. I can wait. I'm sorry.

It's okay, you were frustrated.

I love you.

move memory to trash?

I love you too.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › July 30, 2019 | 0:45

Goodnight, babe.

Wait- Y/N.

Hm?

I...I think- I'm ready to tell you what's up.

...Oh. Now? Right before we're about to sleep?

I can tell you tomorrow if you're too tired then.

No no, you can tell me now.

No seriously, if you're tired, I can wait. I don't- I don't think this is something that can be taken lightly.

...Alright. Goodnight. Dream of me.

move memory to trash?

I will.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

— proceed to next memory

⠀

Loading › July 30, 2019 | 11:39

Y/N...Please-

No, I don't get you. What the fuck do you mean by your memory storage is full?? It's full?? The hell is that supposed to mean?

There's- there's nothing I want to forget. I can't-...delete anything.

No, that's bullshit. You're twenty two. You're telling me your storage has filled up in the span of four years???

...L-look, Y/N. I didn't-...I-I got my memory chip when I was seven months old.

...What?

I'm sorry, fuck Y/N, I'm so sor-

No tell me, how did you get your memory chip so early?

It was needed, okay? I'm one of the 0.8% that was born without functioning memory, so they decided that they'd give me the microchip early.

Fuck...Younghoon, I can't believe you're telling me this now.

I have no other choice, okay? I can't delete anything from my childhood because it's what made who I am now, and the only options I have left are forgetting you or-... death.

...This- this means we're going to have to forget about each other, doesn't it?

...

...Wait no...Younghoon...don't tell me-...

Y/N-

No, no you can't-

I can't forget you.

Younghoon...

Y/N, even if I do delete the memories we shared, I'll probably still die in the next four years. I don't want to die with memories I don't even want to have- I don't want to keep deleting four years out of my life each time just to relive a life without you. Y/N, I found you. I found the person I want to remember until the day I leave.

Then what about me? What do I do without you??

move memory to trash?

Delete me from your memory.

...cancel.

How is this making any sense?? You want me to delete you, yet you can't delete me??

Fuck Y/N, what are you not understanding? I'm going to die if not now then soon, so what's the point? I want to die happily. That's all I want. You're my happiness. Now you, on the other hand, have many years to come. I'd rather you spend those memories with someone else for the next few decades instead of remembering me.

Younghoon...I can't- No I can't- I'd rather have us both live without knowing each other...

Y/N...No, give me back my tablet.

I-If you can't delete me from your life, I'll do it myself-...Younghoon- wait no-

That's enough!...

Y-Younghoon-...y-you-

The tablet's broken now. You can't do anything about it. I can't do anything about it. It's done.

H-How could you?

I'm not going to live without you. Please, allow me to die peacefully.

Younghoon...I can't- How- how do you expect me to let go of you?

You have to. Please, Y/N. You have to let go. Promise me.

I-I can't...

move memory to trash?

Promise me you'll let go.

memory has been moved to trash ⇶

⠀

Your eyes fell shut after deleting that memory, unable to go further into the last week you’ve spent with Younghoon.

The kisses, the bittersweet smiles, the tears; you didn’t want to see any of it. You just couldn’t. Not with it playing out on the tablet in front of you, reminding you of the way Younghoon looked at you right before passing away.

You knew you couldn’t handle hearing your own pleas and cries when you sat next to his hospital bed, using both of your hands to hold one of his hands.

Younghoon has always been emotional, breaking out into sobs whenever you guys finished your movie nights. But for once, he didn’t cry. No tears were prickling at his eyes, and it was like he ignored what’s about to happen just to treasure the last second he’d be able to spend with you.

He only smiled at you, lacing his fingers with yours before giving your hand a tight squeeze. He reassured you that everything was going to be okay by rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand, but he made you promise something for him.

He knew he wasn’t going to make it to his birthday despite it being only a day away. So his birthday wish was for you to delete him from your memory. He didn’t give into your begging and stuck with what he wanted you to do. He wanted you to live without the burden of him being in your memory, rotting in your storage space.

It didn’t matter when you’d have to do it, but he wanted you to do it on one of his birthdays.

Usually, people get to decide whether they’d want to go through all their memories in their tablet one last time, but since his was broken, all he did was gaze at you, whispering sweet nothings as you cried into his chest.

His last words were ‘I love you’, his eyes staring ever so lovingly into yours.

You kissed him on the lips goodbye, wetting his cheeks with your tears. You wished you could’ve done something to help him stay alive, but you knew it wasn’t possible. You sobbed into his chest, ignoring the sad gazes from the doctors around you. You hated how you could no longer feel his heartbeat racing like how it did whenever you cuddled up against him in the middle of the night, wishing to cling onto him for eternity.

Your eyes were glued onto the icon in the corner of your tablet, it being the trash bin that stored all the memories you chose to temporarily delete for the time being. The more you stared at the icon, the more you realized it was time to let go.

are you sure you want to permanently delete all the memories in your trash bin?

...

…yes.

You hovered your hand over the screen once again, syncing the microchip buried in your hand to the tablet in front of you. The loading process lasted for minutes on end considering you were deleting two years worth of memories, but you didn’t care and neither did you notice.

Tears were streaming down your face and the pain in your heart was unbearable. It felt so surreal to be removing someone out of your life, that someone being the person you thought you’d be with until the end.

When the bar on the screen reached 99%, you closed your eyes with your free hand balling up the shirts into your fist, holding onto them for dear life.

“Happy birthday, Y-Younghoon.”

all memories in your trash bin have been permanently deleted.

A/N : i've never written something like this, like i genuinely only write things that are realistic? so this is out of my comfort zone even if it's not that much of a difference. OH and if you're wondering why there's a delay in dialogue after each 'move memory to trash?', it's because the memory continues to play after you click on the trash button. does that make sense? idk i'm rambling. if anyone actually reads this fic, please let me know :(

[wooyoung-a]

screaming. pain already. i can feel it. in my bones. in my heart. it's already there.

DANDELION WISHES(TEASER)─✎ 배.제이콥

: ̗̀❀’ Pairing; Jacob Bae x Gn!Reader

: ̗̀❀’ Genre; Angst, Fluff

: ̗̀❀’ (Teaser) Words; 0.6k

: ̗̀❀’ Warnings; Major character death, Reader has an illness, children (im kidding KSBKAKDJKS), mild swearing.

: ̗̀❀’ Summary; On your last summer, you dragged your best friend along to complete your bucket list. Unbeknownst to him, that bucket list counts down to your last day.

: ̗̀❀’ A/n; I wasn’t gonna do a teaser cause ever scene is a spoiler but this fic won’t come out till maybe the end of november so imma just put this out here now before i lose my mind. Also, hehe im spoiling the part that i told you @wooyoung-a about😼. Hi @hvae 🙊

: ̗̀❀’ Notes; Teaser for my part in @junjungsunwoo’s merry bad ending collab! So many sexy writers in that collab😩☝️also partially inspired by ‘i want to eat your pancreas’

Keep reading

[wooyoung-a]

all i know

is

pain

😔✋😔✋😔✋😔✋😩✋😩✋😩✋😩✋

LOVE AGAIN ─✎ 숭.밍기

❖❳；Pairing; Song Mingi x Fem!Reader (ft. P1h’s keeho, itzy’s ryujin, and wooyoung)

❖❳；Genre; Greek mythology au, angst, reincarnation au.

❖❳；Words ; 6.2k

❖❳；Warnings; Mentions of death.

❖❳；Synopsis; A mission to find your lover who was reborn in the mortal world became a mission for heartbreak as you watched him fall in love with someone else.

❖❳；A/n; I honestly don’t know what happened near the end, very disappointing but oh well. Not very proud of this so im sorry and don’t get your hopes up.

❖❳； Note; My entry for @/sleepylixie and @/delicatewerewolfsoul ’s hamartia collab. This might contain inaccurate representations of greek gods but for the sake of the story, just go with it. Slightly modernized as well.

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