#IM YOUR MAN FOR JOEL TO TESS

[mariatesstruther]

this new mitski album is so miller family coded

[bluebeary-jay]

Let me (put my lips to somethin')

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: 5 times you wanted to kiss Joel, and 1 time it actually happened (or: your relationship with Joel over the years)

Tags: 5+1 babeyyy, VERY self-indulged (i just want this man to call me his babygirl 😫), FLUFF, tooth-rotting fluff even, a bit of angst, age gap, PINING, i could write several fics out of this but no we're doing 5+1! also reader has she/her pronouns (i tried not to but at some point it was getting difficult not to use any :( sorry guys)

Warnings: descriptions of violence and wounds, cursing, getting drunk, David (which is a warning in itself), allusions to SA (but nothing happens)

Word count: ~9.4K (jesus i really got carried away im not doing that again for at least some time)

A/N: i am baack!! i finally had time to finish this monster and i guess it's ready to post <3 i absolutely ADORE 5+1 fics and always wanted to write one on my own. so here it is!! hope you enjoy because i loved writing it

1. boston qz

You bit your forearm harder, trying to hold back the tears of pain. The man kneeling in front of you glanced up.

“Bite the sleeve of your jacket. Otherwise they’re gonna think you’re infected and shoot you on sight.”

You didn’t answer but nodded, knowing that he was right. Holding your breath for a moment, you took a handful of the material and bit down on it, shutting your eyes tightly. The excruciating pain in your leg was hard enough to endure, but for the first place with it competed an absolutely unbearable look of poorly concealed pity (which you initially took for irritation) on the face of Tess’ friend.

It was through her that you met Joel. At the beginning he wasn’t very keen about letting you work with them but slowly warmed up to your presence – at least as much as a man like Joel could. Most of the time he was grumbling and, in all fairness, looking slightly angry but you’ve soon understood that he’s actually a pretty good guy. Caring. Funny, if he lets you see this side of him. Also really fucking handsome, but that was beside the point.

The job was supposed to be an easy one – just meet with a couple of Zeke’s people, pick up the smuggled items and exchange them for some meds and ammunition. However, none of you expected some random rogue group to ambush you on your way back and attempt to steal the cargo.

Tess has managed to get away just before soldiers showed up, alerted by the sound of gunfire way past the curfew. Before they could spot any of you, Joel quickly pulled you into one of the nearby buildings after one of the strangers slashed your thigh, leaving you unable to run.

So now here you were. Bleeding from your leg and making a pathetic crybaby out of yourself before the very eyes of the man you respected and lowkey had a small crush on.

Speaking of whom, Joel gave you a look of sympathy before squeezing the stapler handle again, ejecting another staple into your skin. You tensed and a broken cry escaped your lips, your breathing rapid.

“It’s alright,” he murmured, putting his other hand on your knee and rubbing slightly. “Just two more and you’ll be good to go.”

You breathed out a humorless laugh and wiped your face, sniffling.

“Just get on with it. This is way more embarrassing than it should be.” In the corner of your eye you saw him look up. He didn’t move the hand in which he held the staple gun yet, so you took this moment to steady your breath and slumped against the wall. “You probably think it’s pretty pathetic, but in my defense I never had such a gash closed with staples like that.”

“M’not thinkin’ that,” he retorted and you blew a raspberry.

“Sure. Tess told me about some of your forays, you know? You could probably get run over by a damn tank and walk it off like it’s nothing.”

Joel was silent for some time. You wiped your cheeks and motioned for him to eject the last staples at the edge of the deep cut in your thigh. He mumbled to you to get ready and you took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the pain.

It hurt like hell and you couldn’t help the tears flowing from your eyes, but soon enough it was over.

The sound of shouting from outside drew your attention from the pain in your leg for a couple of seconds. You tensed up, listening intently if the soldiers weren’t busting in the building you were in, but the noises soon went past you.

“Y’know, if my brother was here, he’d have told you about the first time I had a wound stitched outside of the controlled conditions,” Joel spoke up unexpectedly, unpacking his backpack in search of clean bandages. “I nearly bit off my thumb when he was tryin’ to sew my foot back together.”

You couldn’t help but snort at his confession and he glanced at you from the corner of his eye with a slight smirk.

“Is that true?”

Joel huffed with fake indignation and lifted his left hand to your eyes, twisting it so that the dim light from outside illuminated the side of it. Above and below the small bone at the base of his thumb appeared very light and irregular lines. You looked at his face with an unbelieving smile.

“When was that?”

“Ah… Just before the outbreak, I’d say.”

“And what happened to your foot?”

“Construction work. I don’t remember exactly what that was.”

“But how hard did you have to chomp down on your thumb for it to be still visible?” you asked, laughing, to which he chuckled and shrugged.

“Hey, don’t judge. If it was Tommy who was fixin’ your leg, you’d probably end up without a couple of fingers too, just for good measure.”

He found the bandage and motioned for you to straighten your leg at the knee. You watched him carefully as he looked over your bare thigh and the (not very pretty to look at) sutured wound. The leg of your pants was cut and tossed away earlier so that Joel could stitch you up freely.

“So you have a brother. Is he really that bad at treating wounds?” you asked to distract yourself from the awkwardness of the whole situation, though Joel seemed surprisingly calm.

“He got better with time,” your colleague answered and then looked up at you. “But I didn’t tell you this to bitch about Tommy’s skills.”

“Oh?” you nudged him with your other leg. “So what moral should I draw from this story?”

You clearly saw him suppressing a smile when he shook his head lightly.

“Don’t feel bad that it hurts,” he murmured and the snicker disappeared from your lips. “I’ve seen looks like the one on your face plenty before. It’s a fuckin’ big gash, I’d be worried if you didn’t show any signs of pain.”

You couldn’t come up with any snarky remarks and just blinked when Joel sent you a quick, if not a bit self-conscious, smile, like he wasn’t used to reassuring someone else.

“The fact that you let your tears flow doesn’t make you any weaker,” he said even quieter than before. You still weren’t answering and he cleared his throat, apparently growing uncomfortable with your silence, then grabbed the bottle of alcohol. “I’m gonna pour some of that shit over your wound again. It’ll sting a bit.”

You observed without a word how he cleansed the gash and started to wind the bandage around your thigh.

Weirdly enough, you also noticed that you couldn’t stop glancing at his lips.

*****

2. bill and frank’s

“No. I said no, come back here!”

Giggles erupted from you as Joel tried (and failed) to grab you when you jumped over the couch. He sighed deeply as you made eye contact with him and, with a provocative smile, drank up the rest of the bottle before putting it down on the nearby table. The man looked so disappointed and done with you, it only made you laugh louder in your drunken state.

You two were staying for a couple of days at Bill and Frank’s heavenly place, which you looked forward to for weeks now. Originally Tess was supposed to go with you but there was a last-minute change of plans, and you made the journey alone with Joel. Not counting a few infected you stumbled upon on your way here, your venture was quite nice and after a delightful dinner with your hosts, you sneaked into Joel’s room with the bottle of wine Frank gave you and the stuff you smuggled yourself.

Joel didn’t seem to be having as much fun as you, though.

“I’m never drinkin’ with you again,” he muttered, sitting heavily on the couch with a grunt. You faked a pout, leaning over his head upside down and almost losing your balance.

“You’re grouchy because the stuff you brought tasted like shit.”

“And yet you drank most of it.”

“I didn’t,” you slurred, waltzing round the couch and grinning. “I’m feelin’ great.”

“Be careful or you’ll pick up my accent you so like pokin’ fun of.”

You snorted and flopped on the seat next to him. “Mhm, m’feelin’ fine and dandy,” you grumbled in the deepest voice you could make, ridiculously imitating his Texas drawl. “Yee-haw.”

“You’re the fuckin’ worst,” sighed Joel with exasperation but you could see a crooked smile tugging on his lips. You beamed and plopped down, laying your head on his lap. He peeked at you with his brows raised. “What are you doin’ now, you little devil?”

“Just resting,” you answered. The lamp behind Joel was blinding you with its light, so you covered your eyes with your hand to shield them. “Is that uncomfy for you? Do you want me to get up?”

“Nah. You can stay for a minute.”

As if wanting to make sure you won’t try to stand up, he laid his hand on your hair, brushing some of it to the back. You hummed and shivered when he gently scratched one specific spot on your scalp, and instinctively tilted your head, chasing his touch.

Joel snorted.

“You look like a goddamn cat.”

“Shut up,” you murmured in response, a small smile adoring your face. “It feels nice.”

You opened your eyes and once again shielded them from the lamp. Joel moved his head slightly to the side to block out the bothersome stimulus, causing you to giggle again.

“It looks like you have a halo ’round your head.” You lifted your arm and made a circle, brushing the side of his face when your hand plopped back down limply on your stomach. The older man huffed a smile, looking away to glance around the room.

“I’ll be really surprised if you remember anythin’ of what you’re sayin’ tomorrow.”

“Gimme a break,” you grumbled with a smile, not taking your eyes off him. Your hand raised itself to his face again, as if on its own accord, and brushed lightly the corner of his mouth and the stubble on his cheek. “It looks pretty.”

His brown irises flickered to you before he averted his gaze. With a hum you withdrew your hand and closed your eyes, your mind getting woozy from alcohol and tiredness.

Joel’s fingers were still running through your hair gently and you really hoped you’d remember it in the morning.

*****

3. road, somewhere in missouri

You had no idea how long you had been driving.

Ellie was asleep in the back seat and Joel was getting some well-deserved shut-eye after you volunteered to sit behind the wheel several hours ago. The clock on the dashboard was showing 4:07 and you planned on driving until the sun started to rise, then switching places with Joel.

That is, if you manage to stay awake.

You tried to drink some of the coffee Joel prepared beforehand to wake yourself up but it tasted horrible, leaving a too bitter taste on your tongue. Once you catched yourself closing your eyes for a second longer than intended and the car started to veer off course before you corrected it.

Yes, you were aware driving in this kind of state was extremely stupid, but you knew Joel was anxious to find his brother and drop Ellie off with the Fireflies as soon as possible. And you knew that if you wake him up he’ll insist on driving for the rest of the way himself, ignoring his own needs and exhaustion.

You risked a look to the side at his sleeping form. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his head propped against the headrest. Honestly, it looked like the man was just pretending to nap – his body seemed uptight, as if he was ready to spring into action at any second.

And he looked beautiful with his face bathed in the gray light of early morning. Like a painting you’d gladly admire for hours.

You sighed and cracked your neck, focusing on the road ahead of you. Several more hours to go. There was a gas tank in the back of the car, so you didn’t have to worry about that, and if you remembered correctly the map you and Joel studied earlier, you should get close to some bigger city in the late afternoon. Joel wanted to take the side roads and you agreed, but your supplies… Did you have enough of them? And what was the name of that city again…?

A hand grabbed the wheel and gently straightened the course when without you noticing the car started to veer too much to the left again.

You emerged from your reverie immediately and looked to the right at Joel who was now wide awake.

“You alright?” he asked with concern, and his voice had this enticing, raspy drawl to it that told you he really dozed off for a while.

“I’m so sorry,” you said quickly but quietly, not wanting to wake Ellie up. “I’m fine, promise.”

He eyed the tiredness on your face and the tight grip you had on the wheel.

“If you need to get some rest–”

“No, no, no. I can go on. Sorry you had to wake up.”

Joel grunted and stretched in the small space in the front seat and you tried really hard not to stare at how he craned his neck or at the way his muscles tensed, or at the strip of his skin revealed when his shirt rolled up…

“Pull over.”

You snapped out of your thoughts. “No. I told you I’m fine.”

“C’mon, darlin’, don’t make me wrestle with you in a movin’ vehicle.”

Either he had a clue about what this nickname was doing to you, or he was still half-asleep and it simply slipped out; but whether it was intentional or not, you couldn’t dream of opposing him now and with a defeated sigh (and burning neck) you pulled over, slowly bringing the car to a halt. You glanced backwards, but miraculously Ellie hadn’t woken up yet.

Joel looked you over with concern and you shut your eyes, laying your forehead on the steering wheel. “I’m sorry,” you repeated. “But I really can keep going, at least until the sun goes up.”

“We’re switchin’,” he just said, unfastening his seatbelt.

“Joel, no!” you hissed, but he ignored you and went around the hood of the car, stopping at your side and opening the door for you. “I’m not moving. You need to get some fucking rest.”

“I already did. Now scoot over.”

“No, I told you–”

“What’s going on? Are we there yet?”

Both of you looked back to see Ellie sitting up and rubbing her eyes. In a split second she went from half-awake to alert, and she eyed you and Joel suspiciously. “What’s going on?” she asked again.

“We’re switchin’ places,” Joel spoke up before you had a chance to answer the girl. “Our current driver is pretty tired.”

“I’m not!” you protested, glaring at him.

“You almost drove the car into a ditch.”

“Woah.” Ellie lifted her hands and puffed her cheeks in a nervous manner. “Just this time, I second Joel. I really don’t want to end up in a ditch, thank you very much.”

“You see?” Joel looked at you expectedly. “Outvoted.”

You squinted in the rearview mirror at the teen. “Traitor.”

Ellie just shrugged. With a heavy sigh you unfastened yourself and exited the car, but before you could go around it and take Joel’s previous place, he stuck his arm out, stopping you.

“Actually, Ellie, do you want to ride shotgun now?” he asked and nodded in your direction. “It’d do her good to lie down for a bit.”

“No,” you said firmly at the same time when Ellie agreed with an enthusiastic “hell yeah!”. You crossed your arms over your chest and glared at the pair. “You guys are in cahoots.”

“Boo-hoo,” Ellie had a mean smile on her face. “Get in the backseat and cry about it.”

“She’s so cheeky,” you murmured to Joel, trying to hide your smile, and by the look of it he had trouble doing that, too. You sighed and lifted your hands in surrender. “Alright, you two. You won.”

“Great.” Ellie grinned, then started walking off the street. “But give me a moment, dudes, I gotta pee,” she said before marching further into the field on the side of the road.

“Don’t go too far!” shouted Joel after her.

“Don’t drive off without me!”

With that Ellie disappeared behind a small hill and you turned back to your companion, scrunching your face at him. Joel shrugged and walked past you.

“C’mon. I’ll find you a blanket.”

You huffed but didn’t argue further, knowing nothing will change his mind. He could be stubborn as a mule sometimes.

You climbed into the backseat and waited for Joel to take out the blanket you took from Bill and Frank’s house from the back of the car. He opened the door next to your head and handed it over, waiting for you to unfurl it. You expected him to go take the driver’s seat right away, but he stayed in place. Only then you noticed the folded jacket he was holding in his hands.

He didn’t react at all to your raised eyebrows and questioning look, and just casually laid his jacket under your head to serve as a pillow. The gesture was so sweet it made you melt inside, and you just couldn’t stay mad at him.

“Promise me you’ll get some sleep.”

“Only if you and Ellie aren’t too loud,” you teased, trying to settle down the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “If you start arguing about some stupid shit again, I’m taking the wheel from you by force.”

He smirked and squatted next to your seat, looking down at you with an amused expression.

“I’d like to see you try.”

You had to be really fucking tired, because for a split second you thought that Joel has just flirted with you. You hid your face in his jacket to partially conceal your smile, but it only made your face hotter because the material smelled of him so much.

“I could. You’re lucky I’m deciding to show mercy.”

“How gracious of you. I’m honored.

“But we’re swapping places when I wake up,” you added, looking at him as sternly as you could. He raised his eyebrows with a half-smile when a yawn escaped you immediately after. “I’m serious, Joel.”

“Sure, darlin’.” He leaned in and kissed your forehead before standing up. “Now sleep.”

You could only stare into space as he carefully closed the door next to your head and walked around the vehicle with heavy steps. The spot on your head where his lips touched your skin was tingling and you inhaled deeply to calm yourself down before he entered the truck again and fastened the seatbelt.

Joel put some cassette into the tape deck and turned the volume down even before the song started to play.

You closed your eyes and wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself, hiding the lower part of the face – and a blush spreading on your cheeks – under the cover.

*****

4. jackson

You looked out the window at the children pulling their sleds behind them and smiled at how happy and carefree they looked. Down the road you could just barely see the big Christmas tree in the square and for a moment it felt like the apocalypse had never happened.

“They’re pretty lucky to be growing up here,” you said quietly. Joel was closing and opening cabinets behind you, clearly looking for something.

“Not sure about it. But I guess it beats growin’ up in any of the QZ’s or Fedra’s barracks.”

After Joel’s sudden change of heart and Ellie’s confident decision that she’d rather travel with you both instead of Tommy, the younger Miller convinced his brother to stay one more day in Jackson. It was honestly a good idea because you doubted any of you three got any rest the previous night. You certainly didn’t, tossing and turning the entire time from worry.

Joel chuckled and the sound pulled you out of your thoughts.

“What did you find?” you asked. He was kneeling in front of one of the cabinets, holding a small box.

“Old cassettes. You want to listen to some music?”

“Sure.” You stood up with a smile. “It’ll be pretty atmospheric.”

Joel gave you a dirty look.

“I’m not putting on Christmas carols.”

“I don’t want to listen to Christmas carols. Find something good.”

He sighed and took out a carton box from the cabinet, and then started to rummage through it. “Alright, so what do you want?”

“You can choose. Pick something you think I’d like.” A thought struck you and you glanced around the living room, furrowing your brows. “Is there even any tape player in here or something like that?”

“Upstairs,” Joel mumbled absent-mindedly. “In Ellie’s room. We can go see if it works.”

Ellie was out exploring Jackson and you doubted she’ll be back very soon. You knelt down next to Joel, looking at him with a grin as he inspected the box, pulling out and reading some of the cassettes before putting them back down. You rested your chin on your hands.

“Just get anything,” you ushered after some time, to which he chuckled.

“You said to pick somethin’ you’d like. Gimme some time.”

“Do you think I’m that picky?”

“Of course you are.”

You rolled your eyes but didn’t have to wait much longer before Joel stood up with a grunt and held out his hand to you. In the other one he held a white cassette.

“C’mon. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna love this one.”

You took his hand with excitement and let yourself be pulled to your feet. It’s been so long since you’ve been able to listen to some music – well, maybe not as long, but you missed it regardless – that you felt a bubbly joy at the thought of hearing something new.

And more than that, something that Joel has picked specifically for you. Doesn’t matter that you had to ask him.

You went upstairs to the room that was currently Ellie’s bedroom and Joel bent down, inserting the cassette into the tape player. He looked over his shoulder at you with a small smile and you beamed right back.

A loud, scratchy sound rang out.

You winced and Joel furrowed his brows. He took the cassette out, checked the empty slot and the cassette itself, and then made sure the power was on.

The first notes started to play, but they sounded distorted, like a scratched record. Joel cursed and tried again, but there must’ve been something wrong with the device, because no matter what he did, the music didn’t play right.

He tried again and again, and finally you decided to put a stop to it. You placed your hand on his shoulder.

“Leave it, Joel. It’s okay.”

“Just my fuckin’ luck,” he muttered, not turning around. “Of course Tommy gave us a place without a working cassette player.”

“It’s okay,” you repeated. You wanted to say something like ’the song probably isn’t even worth fussing over’, but the words got stuck in your throat. He picked it for you to listen to, of course it was worth it. “Maybe I just wasn’t meant to hear it.”

The man worried his lip and you quickly averted your gaze. He straightened up and put his hands on his hips, sighing.

“Nonsense,” he answered, looking intently at the device like he wanted to get it to work by sheer willpower. “You wanted to hear it.”

“Well, I did.” You got embarrassed for whatever reason, not knowing what to say. “But there’s not really anything we can do about that. It’s no big deal.”

Joel’s jaw twitched and he turned to look at you thoughtfully. You offered him a lopsided smile, but he didn’t move a muscle and you could almost imagine small gears turning in his head when he had this expression on his face.

“You okay?” you asked with a stifled laugh.

“I… have an idea,” he said slowly, almost hesitantly. Then he focused his eyes on you again. “Just… trust me for a moment.”

Your gaze softened and you took a step closer to him.

“Joel, of course I trust you. I trust you with my life.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed but his brown irises haven’t left yours for even a second.

“Close your eyes.”

“What?” you asked with a crooked smile, but he just shook his head.

“C’mon, close your eyes. And promise you won’t laugh.”

Confusion washed over you but you closed your eyes as requested. You heard Joel sighing and then he took your hand in his calloused and rough one, slowly putting it on his shoulder. Your neck got way too hot but you tried not to tense or flinch in fear of making him back out.

“Promise you won’t laugh,” he repeated and you just now realized you haven’t answered him. He put his hand on your waist, very, very lightly, and your other hand was raised to  shoulder height, cradled in his warm one.

“I swear I won’t,” you whispered, your heart beating so damn loud you were scared he was going to hear it with how close you two were.

Joel exhaled heavily and you felt his breath on your hair.

And then he started to hum quietly and sway you gently from side to side. You desperately tried to remain calm, but how were you supposed to do that when your body felt so hot and he was so close–

“I reached inside myself and found nothin’ there… to ease the pressure… of my ever-worrying mind, hmm…”

Joel’s voice was deep and harsh right in front of you, and it sounded more like he was purring than singing. You suspected he slowed down the pace of the song significantly to match his movements and your heart swelled with warmth and adoration. The smile on your face widened and you took a step to the left, then to the right, gradually engaging in your dance more and more. You wanted to make it less uncomfortable and awkward for him and it seemed to have worked a bit because the next lines were much more confident, and his voice steadier.

“All my power wasted ’way, fear the crazed and lonely looks the mirror’s sendin’ me these days, hmm…”

His hold on you tightened slightly and you held his hand a little more securely, unable to hold back a goofy smile on your face.

“Touch me… how can it be? Believe me… the sun always shines on TV.”

You were falling for him all over again and it was not fair that he made you promise to keep your eyes closed. Though if he didn’t, you’d probably end up doing something dumb.

Like kissing him.

Fuck, you wanted to kiss him so bad.

“Hold me… close to your heart. Touch me… Give all your love to me. To me…”

Did he just pull you closer or was it you that took a step forward? It was hard to tell without seeing where you step, but you suddenly were very aware of the material of his shirt under your chin and the smell of shampoo he used to wash his hair, the pressure of his hand on your lower back and his quiet, drawling voice right next to your ear.

You were positive you’re about to pass out.

And it felt blissful.

Joel kept humming the chorus of the song, his voice getting softer and lower with each word. You relished in the warmth of his embrace, begging any higher power that he won’t let go of you immediately once he stops singing.

He didn’t.

Instead you two kind of naturally came to a stop but neither of you moved, still standing chest to chest and breathing a bit shakily. Your palm – or maybe it was his – was sweaty, but you ignored the unpleasant feeling, wanting to stay like this as long as possible.

“The original is much more lively,” Joel spoke in a soft whisper after some time and you smiled lightly.

“Well, I really liked your version,” you answered just as quietly, not wanting to disturb the intimate atmosphere in the room. “Joel?”

“Yes, darlin’?”

“Can I open my eyes now?”

A moment of silence.

“Yeah.”

You did so, but didn’t move your head, still keeping it on his shoulder and breathing in his scent. “Thank you for that,” you whispered and you felt him nodding.

“Anytime.”

His fingers crept a bit higher up your spine, but still his touch was so light and unsure.

You realized with a flicker of hope that he wasn’t pushing you away. He was pulling you closer.

Careful not to move too abruptly, you lifted your head and turned it to look him in the eyes. They were already on you, so very close, warm and hesitant, but also not showing any signs of discomfort or regret.

“Joel?” you asked again and you were so close to each other, it came out less as a question and more like a quiet breath. He heard it, though.

“Yeah?”

“Can I–”

Suddenly the door downstairs slammed extremely loudly and you both jumped when the noise broke the heavy silence.

“Hello! Is anybody here?!”

Ellie came back.

Both of you automatically took a step backwards, letting go of each other. Your face was scorching hot and you couldn’t force yourself to look at Joel. With a deep (hopefully unnoticed by the man standing right in front of you) breath, you quickly tried to get a grip on yourself when you heard Ellie running up the stairs.

“I was calling you, guys!” she panted and looked from you to the older man. “What’s up?”

“We…” Joel cleared his throat. “Tried to put some music on. The darn thing isn’t workin’, though.”

“Ugh, that’s a bummer.” Ellie turned to you and tilted her head. “Were you out, too? Your face is all red and shit.”

Even if it wasn’t before, it certainly was now. All attention shifted to you in a second and it made you want to cry.

“Yes,” you uttered quickly, “and… I’m actually going out again. I wanted to ask Maria something.”

You didn’t wait for any of them to stop or question you further – you all but ran down the stairs and bolted outside without even taking a jacket or a hat.

Fuck…

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

*****

5. basement, somewhere in colorado

He was dying.

Joel was dying and there was nothing you could do to help him.

You tried your hardest, though, to take care of both him and Ellie. You went out hunting so she wouldn’t have to starve, you encouraged her to get as much rest as possible while you watched over the unconscious man during the night, and not once did you show any doubt that Joel will get better.

But you had a feeling she knew why you were so reluctant to stay behind while the girl took her turn looking for food.  The truth was, you were starting to crack if you sat for too long at Joel’s side, letting the intrusive thoughts take root in your mind. You needed those moments outside, because they were the only ones when you let your tears flow.

So when it was only you and him in the basement, you spent this time brushing the hair out of his face and coaxing him to drink. You checked his wound every so often, trying to keep it as clean as possible. You held his hand, humming to him that one song he sang for you in Jackson, though you didn’t know the words.

It was painful, to just sit in place and be unable to do anything to help, but you tried not to break down. Not when both of them counted on you.

So you stayed strong, hoping it’ll all turn out alright.

But luck still wasn’t on your side.

The men Ellie encountered the day before were here now, looking for you and Joel, and hungry for blood. She told you all about her interaction with them and since yesterday you were ready for a fight in case they showed up, but somehow it still surprised you and made your heart hammer in your chest in fear.

There wasn’t anywhere you could run to, and Joel wasn’t even able to keep his eyes open, let alone walk. You didn’t really have any other options.

So there was only one thing you could do, and that was to protect those closest to you.

You quickly took your backpack and passed Ellie your gun, closing her fingers around the cold metal.

“I’ll barricade the door, but if anyone comes in here, you blast their skull open, you hear me?” you whispered urgently and the girl nodded. You took Joel’s rifle from the floor and hung it over your shoulder. “I’ll try to take them out and lead them away. I’ll be back.”

“You better come back,” Ellie muttered and you looked at her softly, nodding. Then your gaze involuntarily shifted to Joel.

You didn’t know how many people were outside – if there were three or four of them, you should be able to shoot most of them before they notice you. If you don’t miss, that is.

But if there were more…

Choking back a nervous sob, you knelt next to the mattress and took Joel’s head in your hands. His eyes were only half-open and his forehead covered in sweat. Your heart clenched painfully at how weak he looked.

Acting on impulse, you leaned down and softly kissed the place above the corner of his mouth.

“Wake up,” you said to him firmly, brushing his cheeks with your thumbs. “Please, Joel. Ellie and I need you.”

You knew you had to go. You had to go now and make sure those fuckers outside don’t find Ellie and him.

But you stayed just for a second longer to press your forehead to his.

“I love you,” you whispered, so quietly you barely heard yourself.

And then you pulled away and ran upstairs.

From then on it was all a blur. You managed to kill one of the men with a clean shot between his eyes, but the other one ducked out of the way when he noticed you. Turned out there were six of them – too many – and what’s worse, one of them came up behind you, forcing you to flee sooner than you’d planned.

It would probably be wiser to take the horse but you didn’t want to endanger the poor creature, so you ran on foot.

You didn’t get far. One of the men managed to shoot you in the leg, making you keel over onto the frozen ground with a scream of pain. You turned around and saw him lifting his gun again before another voice yelled that he wanted you alive.

No. No, no, you weren’t about to let them take you.

You crawled towards where your rifle lay in the snow but just before you could reach it, it was kicked away by a heavy boot which then dealt a severe blow to your stomach. You doubled over, wheezing and coughing for air. By the time you managed to somehow catch your breath, someone pressed their foot on the gunshot wound in your calf, forcing a scream of agony out of you.

“Now, stay calm. I don’t want to shoot you.”

You clutched at your leg, glaring up at the ginger man who you suspected was the same David Ellie has encountered.

The man grinned nastily at the state you were in, and you didn’t like his expression one bit. He must’ve noticed that you were ready to lunge at him at any moment because he swiftly lifted his gun to your head. You froze.

“Where is your friend and the girl?” he asked quietly. You sneered at him, baring your teeth.

“Fuck you. I ain’t telling you shit.”

“David, she killed Paul,” spat another, younger one, looking down at you with hatred. “If that bastard has already died, let’s at least kill his bitch.”

You tried to think of a way to get out of this situation, but both of the men had their guns pointed at you and you knew you wouldn’t be able to move quickly enough with the gunshot wound.

You tried to move slightly but David pressed his foot harder on your leg, causing more blood to flow from your wound and you cried out, the pain clouding your vision.

“Don’t try anything, sweetheart,” he murmured in a warning tone. “You might bleed out.”

Your eyes were full of hate and rage but you didn’t dare to move again just yet.

“Where are they?” David asked again and you huffed a humorless chuckle while trying not to show how much pain you were in.

“You know that it was me who killed that idiot?” you asked in the most mocking tone you could muster, in the meantime desperately thinking how the fuck you were going to get out of here, preferably alive. “And your friend over there.” You nodded in the direction of where the body of the man you shot was lying. “Which one of you stood next to him? Was it you?” you asked the younger man who shot you in the leg. “I hope I hadn’t splattered you too much with the remnants of his brain.”

“You little bitch,” the other man sneered, lifting his gun again despite David’s stern order to back off. “I’d love to see the face of your friend when I blast your–”

“Leave her alone, you fuckers!!”

All of you turned your heads and your stomach churned when you saw Ellie on the horse you borrowed from Tommy. More shots rang out in the air when she blindly fired at the two men standing above you, and then the rest of the strangers who emerged from between the trees.

“Alive!!” David yelled after his men when they started chasing Ellie who grabbed the reins and cantered in the opposite direction. Then the man turned back to you. “We will catch her. Then we will find your friend, and he’ll pay for his sins.”

You growled.

“I told you it wasn’t him who killed that man.” He shook his head and you fumed with anger. “You don’t think I’m capable of that?”

“Oh, I think you’re capable of a lot.” His stare slid down your body, from head to toe, and terror gripped your heart at the sadistic excitement in his eyes. “And I think you must really care about him if you’re ready to trade your life for his. Such loyalty is admirable, but your love is misplaced.”

The snow around you was getting more and more red and you really started to worry that the bullet might’ve hit an artery. David’s eyes shifted to your leg as well, and he hummed.

“We’ll take care of that, don’t worry. You’ll be well taken care of in our community.”

“I don’t want to be any part of your fucked up sect.”

“You will. You just need a father to lead you to the right path.” He leaned over you in such a manner that it made your blood run cold. “I’ll teach you personally.”

Suddenly a shot echoed in the air and you heard a distant neighing of a horse. Your head automatically turned in the direction of the noise and David took advantage of your moment of distraction to strike your temple with his gun, thus knocking you unconscious.

*****

+1. silver lake

Joel woke up.

And he felt like he was made out of pure adrenaline and rage.

You weren’t with Ellie when he found her staggering through the snow, the face of the teen terrified and covered in blood. He comforted her as best as he could, relief and fear fighting inside him as he held the girl in his arms.

But she didn’t know where you were held. If you were even alive.

And that was a thought that Joel couldn’t bear. He wouldn’t even allow for the possibility that you were no longer…

He vaguely remembered you stroking his cheek with slow and delicate touches, and your humming while he was laying on the mildewed mattress in the basement. Maybe it wasn’t even a memory, but a dream – it was hard to tell in his delirious state.

But he was pretty sure he wasn’t hallucinating when he felt soft, cold lips right next to his and heard your voice – he knew it was your voice, he’d recognize it anywhere – whispering the words he never let himself hope you’d say to him.

Words he would be damned if he didn’t say back to you.

And that’s why he was merciless with the men he encountered on his way to you and Ellie. His own tiredness and pain piercing his abdomen didn’t matter – nothing mattered when you two weren’t with him, when he didn’t know if you were hurt or even still breathing. The desire to help and protect his girls numbed the pain in his stomach so much that he almost forgot he could barely stand just a few hours ago.

Once he found Ellie and took her to a safe location, he went back to look for you. He didn’t want to leave the girl alone, but she seemed terrified at the prospect of going back and through the buildings, so he left her his gun, promising to be right back.

One of the bastards Joel ran across on his way back was helpful enough (after being shot in both knees and having his forearm broken) to direct him to the place where you were supposedly being held – a small building hidden behind the still burning dining room.

No one else stood in his way when he cautiously reached the structure. He went in and started checking every single room, getting more and more anxious every time he found them empty. At one point he was ready to tear the walls apart and go back to see if there was anyone left alive who could tell him where you were – but then spotted a hidden, smaller metal door, which apparently led to the basement.

It wasn’t locked and Joel didn’t hear anything on the other side so he opened it slowly, quickly walking down the stairs and scanning the room for any enemies, but there were none. Half of the room was enclosed by a chain-link fence and the entry to the cage was slightly open.

And inside sat you, with a cloth around your eyes and hands tied above your head.

His knees almost gave way under him from relief when you perked up at the sound of his footsteps. You were alive. You were–

“If you fucking try to touch me again, I’ll break more than your stupid jaw!” you yelled out of the blue, starting to struggle and kick haphazardly, though the placement of your wrists was forcing you to stay in a sitting position. “You motherfucker, don’t come any closer!”

The fear and desperation in your voice broke Joel’s heart in an instant and made him stop dead in his tracks.

“It’s me,” he hurried to say, but his voice was weak and the next words got stuck in his throat when he saw your bloodied nose, bruises on your face and neck, as well as a dirty bandage tied around your calf with a seizable crimson stain on it.

He ushered inside, opening the door to the cell wide open with a loud scraping. You started panicking even more, cursing and kicking when he crouched next to you, intending to untie your hands.

“I said don’t fucking touch me! I’ll kill you!” you screamed and Joel actually had to back away a little to avoid getting kicked in the ribs.

“It’s me!” he said louder, but it was clear you didn’t hear him. In a quick movement he reached out, yanking the blindfold off your eyes, and put his hands on both sides of your face. “It’s me. Joel.”

In the first moment his touch made you recoil and the look of fury deepened on your face while you continued to scream bloody murder. Your eyes were so wild and terrified, Joel wanted nothing more than to pull you close to his chest and never let go. 

“Look at me, baby. It’s alright,” he whispered soothingly, brushing his thumbs over your cheekbones like he vaguely remembered you doing when he was unconscious. “It’s me. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

Your eyes slowly started to focus on his face for the first time since he took the blindfold off, and Joel felt like something was tearing his chest apart at the sight of fear and disbelief on your face.

“It’s okay, darlin’,” he muttered in a strangled voice, trying not to show he was close to crying, too. “It’s me. You’re safe now.”

A broken sob issued from your throat when you took in the sight of him, your eyes lingering on his face and stomach where the wound was.

“...Joel?”

“I’m here,” he said softly, quickly cutting the ropes binding you to the indent in the wall and wincing when he saw the red and purple marks around your wrists. “It’s okay.”

It wasn’t okay, not for you and not for him. Your body was trembling when he finally cut your hands free and without hesitation gathered you in his arms. It seemed like all the bottled up stress was pouring out of you now with the tears as you cried into his jacket and he held you tighter.

“J-Joel…”

“I know, babygirl,” he whispered into your hair, rocking you both back and forth slightly. You were clinging to him almost desperately and it pained him physically to see how scared you’ve been this whole time, but you were safe now, you were back with him and you were alive… “I know. I’m so sorry.”

You pulled away abruptly and looked over his shoulder, your face crumpling in despair when you saw no one there.

“They took Ellie, I don’t know where–”

“She’s safe,” he quickly assured you. “She got out and I found her just before comin’ here.”

You nodded with a sigh of relief, and he shifted his gaze to your calf, gently laying his hand just above the bandage.

“How’s your leg? Can you walk?”

“One of those fuckers shot me,” you murmured, not moving or attempting to stand up, which concerned Joel. “I didn’t really have a chance to see if I’ll be able to stand on my own but they sewed it up provisionally.” Your eyes flickered to his and you smiled softly, brushing your fingers over the back of his hand. “Not as well as you, though.” Then your smile disappeared and your hand grabbed his in a firm grip, like you wanted to make sure he was really here. “How are you, though? I was… Shit, I was so afraid I’d lose you.”

Joel could only stare at you, having no clue what to say.

He was not good at talking. He knew what he should do, though – he should examine your leg and make sure it was alright, he should go back to Ellie and get you two out of here, he should calm down his goddamn pounding heart so that he doesn’t pass out and cause you any more trouble.

But he couldn’t will his muscles to move. He couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t think about anything at all – not when you were sitting in front of him, looking at him with those tearful, gorgeous eyes of yours, holding his hand so tenderly but firmly, your touch so soothing, so familiar, and he remembered vaguely the same fingertips caressing his face.

And your voice, those words…

You said his name haltingly, but he didn’t register any of that, instead letting the overwhelming feelings of relief and fear, and – and adoration – take hold over his body, and he affectionately took your beautiful face in his hands.

Your eyes widened slightly but then these irises he dreamt about so often flickered to his lips and your own parted slightly, and that was all he needed before he leaned in and kissed you deeply.

There was a moment of hesitation on your part during which Joel began to worry that he didn’t read the situation right after all, but then you cupped his cheeks, too, and pressed yourself closer to him, letting him envelop your form in his arms with a quiet sigh.

It was better than he could have ever imagined. He could taste a hint of blood on your lips and hot, blinding rage surged through his veins at the thought of those bastards hurting you. His kiss turned harder and more desperate – he needed to make sure you were really here with him, he wanted to feel your every breath in his own lungs. You didn’t pull away, only tangling your fingers in his short hair, and the small noises you were making were driving Joel crazy with lust and relief. He felt dizzy, like he was going to faint again but he pushed through it, keeping his attention solely on you.

The second you two parted, even before you had a chance to catch your breath, the words started spilling out of his mouth fumblingly.

“Listen, I… I heard you,” he whispered, panting like he just ran a mile – and his heart certainly acted like he did. “M’pretty sure I wasn’t halucinatin’, but even if– doesn’t matter, I want… no, I need to tell you this, I…”

He exhaled nervously and shook his head, avoiding eye contact with you because he was damn sure he'd burst into flames if you looked at him like that again.

Fuck, he was really not good at this.

He cursed under his breath, missing a concerned look you gave him, and felt your hand covering his where it was still situated on your cheek. He knew that with this gesture you wanted to make it easier for him somehow, but it only caused his chest to get even warmer and tighter. “Joel, slow down–”

“I… I love you,” he finally choked out, softly brushing your cheekbones with his thumbs. And damn his old, faulty heart, he wanted to gaze into your eyes again, even if it was going to kill him, so that’s exactly what he did. “I loved you for so long, darlin’, and I got so fuckin’ scared that I won’t be able to tell you and, and it’s okay if I only imagined you saying that and you don’t feel that way, but I needed to tell you, I…”

All strength left him when he paused to draw a breath. His vision was becoming blurry and for a second he was certain he’s losing consciousness again, but it turned out they were only tears filling his eyes, blurring your form before him.

Which was even worse, somehow.

“I’m sorry.” He intended to sound reassuring and strong but it came out more like a broken whisper and he hated himself for feeling so weak and helpless when you and Ellie needed comfort and strength. He couldn’t help it though – all this time when he was looking for his girls the only things that kept him going were anger, terror and regret. Now there was relief, yes, but… he felt so very tired and old.

You turned your head slightly to plant a soft kiss on the inside of his palm, and Joel’s head snapped up. Tears were filling your eyes and he immediately scanned your body for other injuries, any signs of damage or pain, but then this gorgeous smile he so loved illuminated your face, and it put all of his anxieties at ease.

“You weren’t hallucinating,” you said quietly. “I did say that. And I love you, too, Joel.”

He couldn’t help a short, breathless and broken laugh that escaped him when he really heard you speaking those words, this time as clearly as day.

You sniffled and mirrored his smile, and in the next second Joel was kissing you again.

He knew you two had to go, had to get back to Ellie and leave this god-forsaken place, so he tried to be quick, but you – your smile, your touch, all of you – were so distracting and not eager to help him pull away in the slightest.

“I love you too, babygirl, love you so much.” He peppered your face with kisses, ignoring tears running down his cheeks and disappearing into his beard and under your hands. “So fuckin’ much… Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

“Because your old heart can’t handle it?” you teased and he huffed a laugh. A damn tease in every situation, he wanted to say, but before he had a chance to chide you, you pulled him in for another deep kiss. Joel decided you’re off the hook this time.

“Exactly, darlin’. Now hold onto my arm, we’re gonna see if you can stand, and then we’re goin’ back to Ellie.”

A hiss and a grunt of pain escaped you when he attempted to pull you to your feet, but you gritted your teeth and shook your head quickly when he froze, worry evident on his face. Turned out you could stand on your own and even slowly limp forward, but clearly had to push through intense pain to do so. Joel offered you his shoulder (against which his tired body protested immediately) but it made walking easier for you, so he sucked it up.

“I got you,” he whispered when he helped you up the stairs, keeping an arm around your waist for support. You whimpered every time you had to climb up a step, and Joel took hold of your hand, brushing his thumb over your skin lovingly. “That’s a good girl. Just a couple more.”

You didn’t let go of his hand even after these ‘couple more’ steps.

He kept his hand on your shoulder when you finally got reunited with Ellie and tears of relief spilled out of your eyes.

You tangled your fingers with his when the three of you were leaving this cursed, cruel place.

You all held each other when Ellie broke down and you both hugged her tightly, trying to make her feel safe again.

He hooked his little finger over yours, not wanting to drag you down when he started to lean on you, getting significantly weaker from how far he traveled and how hard he fought in the state he was in.

You grasped his hand again that night when you laid down next to him in his sleeping bag while Ellie was curled close to the two of you on Joel’s other side.

He didn’t let go when he leaned in to kiss you again, keeping his touch soft and gentle, and pulled you as close as he could, murmuring words of love and sweet promises into your hair.

Both of you knew you had a lot to talk about in the upcoming days – and probably even weeks. All three of you needed time to heal, physically as well as mentally.

But just for this moment, Joel couldn’t be happier and more relieved as it was slowly dawning on him that after this horrible, hellish nightmare, he had both of you right next to him, breathing and alive, and not chased by anyone for now. Two persons he loved in very different ways, but who were his entire world, whether he was ready to admit it or not.

As if reading his thoughts, you shifted slightly and kissed the edge of his jaw sleepily. His eyes closed, hiding the wetness in them.

He really couldn’t believe his luck.

[heartpascal]

FATHER FIGURE JOEL, I’M LOVING IT. Can you make some comfort from father figure joel, pleaseeee???

so far from it

▹— joel miller x platonic!reader

▹— summary: you get into some trouble, luckily, you know who to call for help.

▹— a/n: aghhh i don’t like it!! but gotta give yall something while you wait for the part two’s! ALSO IM SORRY THIS ISNT AS MUCH COMFORT AS I MEANT FOR IT TO BE

▹— warnings: father figure joel, violence, blood, swearing, reader gets attacked, needles, stitches, a smidge of comfort at the end

masterlist

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Ever since you had joined Tess and Joel’s operation, things had been going pretty smoothly. Though they had argued on multiple occasions over your age, having various disagreements over your capability in this job, you had proven yourself time and time again.

It didn’t faze you. Nothing did, really. You could shoot an Infected point blank in the head without batting an eye, could dig through dirt and muck to find supplies you needed, could travel for hours upon end and Joel and Tess wouldn’t hear a peep coming from you.

That was life in the apocalypse, you supposed, the complete lack of any remorse for what could’ve been had you just been born a few decades earlier. This was your life.

Sometimes, it was a life you didn’t particularly want, but you continued, especially after working with the adult duo for so long, it had become increasingly clear that they needed you. You could get into places they couldn’t, your small size allowing those tight squeezes, and the strength in your arms helped towards moving things away from blocked entrances.

In return for your services, Tess had formed an agreement with Joel, that you could stay at their apartment with them, sprawled over their couch, and they’d provide you the ration cards you needed to survive. A roof over your head and food was more than generous, and you had known even back then that you’d be an idiot not to take it.

Especially when considering the power that Tess wielded in the QZ, with a network of informants spreading all throughout it, and with Joel, you knew nobody would dare look to steal from you. Everybody who was anybody in the QZ knew what the two of them were capable of, and considering your affiliation with them, you were sure nobody would even attempt to come for you.

You had prided yourself on being smart for a very long time, smart enough to survive in this world, smart enough to escape FEDRA school despite having no parents, smart enough to team up with adults who held some sort of power. You had never considered that that pride would be a bad thing.

But today, whilst out with Joel and Tess, you had decided to head a little further away from them than you would usually go, determined to use your ration cards for something you wanted. It was stupid, really. You wanted a dumb book, and thought your smarts were enough to trade the dealer for it, thought you were smart enough to avoid any tricks or cheats.

You knew there was something very wrong when two men stood behind you, one leering over your shoulder as you looked down at the object of your desires, and you repressed the urge to turn your head towards him.

Instead, you kept your eyes to the table, and shoved your hands in your pockets, one going to grip on to your ration cards, the other holding the handle of the knife Tess had given you.

It was when the seller nodded at the two of them that you knew you were fucked.

Trying to pull the knife out backfired, and the blade ripped your coat as the man on your right grabbed your arm, twisting until you felt your grip involuntarily weaken, and then the seller snatched it from your hand. The man on your left grasped your other arm, squeezing so tight you felt the bruises forming beneath his hand already.

It didn’t take a genius to realise you were in some deep shit, especially after being disarmed so quickly, and so you did the first thing that came to your mind.

“Joel! Joel, help—” Your yells were cut off by the left man slapping his hand over your mouth, and you bit his fingers, spitting as he hissed and pulled his hand away. You struggled, opening your mouth once more, but you were stopped before you could even begin again, as the right man grabbed your head, slamming it into the rickety table below.

Your vision swam, and you could only just register being pulled away from the street, down an alley nearby. Your ears were ringing, like they did when you fired your gun, and you weakly tried to reach up and hold your head, stopped by the hands grasping onto your arms even now.

The duo dropped you to the floor, and you just about managed to put your arms out to stop a second blow to the head, that would most likely have ended in a concussion.

Hands digging into your pockets were the next thing you became aware of, and your attempts of pushing them away went pretty much unnoticed.

“Fuck you, man.” You spat out, your voice garbled as you realised your mouth was filled with blood, and you could feel it oozing out of your lip and cheek. The metallic taste was disgusting, and it made you feel sick.

The two men pulled you to sit up against the brick wall, and you spat at the one you recognised to be righty, a glob of bloody spit landing on his knee as he crouched beside you.

“This fucking bitch,” He began, but was cut off by lefty, who shook the man’s shoulder with a sense of urgency as he looked towards the end of the alley.

You drew your gaze in that direction with some effort, and felt a grin light up your face. “Oh, you’re so fucked.” You laughed, blood still dripping from your mouth, and even the dizziness that overcame you couldn’t wipe the smile off of your face as the two men realised they’d dragged you into a dead end, and their only way out was blocked.

The fighting was a blur, if you were honest, the adrenaline leaving you as your body recognised that you were safe, Joel was here. It was only when his face was looming in front of you that your awareness came back, blood still pooling under your tongue.

“Shit, c’mon, kid. Let’s get you home.” Joel murmured, hands placed on your cheeks as he looked at your head injury, a wince on his own expression. Your head lolled, about to fall towards your chest if Joel hadn’t been holding it up, the weight feeling impossible all of a sudden.

You tried to help them stand you up, Tess having arrived at some point during the commotion, but you were likely more of a hindrance than a help. With an arm over either of their shoulders, you stumbled your way out of the alley, the FEDRA guard across the way turning his head to look away from the three of you.

You couldn’t remember much of the journey back to the apartment, which was probably good for your pride, as you could imagine it wasn’t easy. You probably looked like an idiot, unable to keep your own head up half the time, but Joel and Tess got you back safely, which you had never doubted.

“Concussion?” Joel asked Tess, after the two of them had settled you down on the couch, your neck resting against the arm of it, holding the weight of your head up for you.

“Let’s hope not,” Tess replied, handing Joel the bottle of alcohol and the rag that was left on the counter for times just like these. “I’m going back out, gonna go find those pricks and see what the fuck they were doing.” She announced, shouldering her backpack once again and frowning at you, before she turned and made her way out.

You could almost see the anger rolling off of Joel, the one emotion he never bothered to shy away from, and even as he tried to be careful, you still cringed and pulled away from the rag he was attempting to disinfect your injuries with.

“Sorry, kid, it’s gotta be done.” He grumbled, sounding the slightest bit sorry, and pressed the rag against your forehead, wiping away the blood that was still weeping from there.

You sighed, the taste of your own blood still lingering in your throat, but the wounds in your mouth had stopped flowing now. You couldn’t recall spitting out the rest of the blood, but you figured it must’ve happened on the journey back.

“Got me pretty good, huh?” You asked, your words slurring even though you were thinking of them with no problem, and you blinked your eyes shut in annoyance.

“Could’ve been worse.” Joel muttered, his hands moving your face to check it over for any further injuries. You could feel your eye and eyebrow swelling up now, and frowned at the sensation.

You should have never gone to buy that stupid book. It wasn’t smart, and you were always smart, so you couldn’t quite understand what had happened. That was childish, you realised, the feeling dawning on you suddenly, the shame, the embarrassment.

That was one thing you had always made sure to deny yourself of, those childish feelings, the spontaneous decisions that came with naivety, those were things that you couldn’t risk in the apocalypse. You couldn’t afford to — clearly, you had gotten too comfortable here, the impending doom that came with living in a world like this had started to feel far away, with Tess and Joel at your side.

It was embarrassing, having shown such a weakness, and for a moment you were worried it was going to cost you everything, but Joel finally returned to your side, having been to put away the alcohol and rag he’d used to disinfect your injuries. He was quiet for a few moments, and then started pulling something out of his backpack, the crease between his eyebrows deep.

You looked over at him, your brows drawing together when you saw the book he’d pulled from his pack, the blade of your knife stuck between the pages like some kind of violent bookmark.

The two of them were far too observant, and you swallowed nervously, frown growing deeper as you looked away from the book you had wanted so badly. That part of you, the childish part, the one that got you into this mess in the first place, wanted to reach out and pull the book from his hands, but you pushed that desire away like you should’ve done to start with.

“What? This not what you were after?” Joel asked gruffly, something like confusion catching in his tone.

“It was stupid,” You said in response, feeling anger warm your chest the longer you thought about the whole thing. From here on out, you were never gonna give in to such childish wants. “I was stupid.”

Your admission seemed to surprise Joel, if the way his eyebrows raised told you anything. He remained in silence for a few moments more, before he put the book down on the table to the side, and turned back to you. “You weren’t stupid,” Joel denied, about to continue before you cut him off.

“I was!” You said loudly, the words the clearest of any you’d said since getting back to the apartment, and you blinked away tears, blaming the head injury for making you more emotional. “I didn’t think. I put myself in danger because— because of what? A damn book? How childish is that—”

“You are a child.” Joel said, stopping you before you could continue your rant, your words getting more intelligible as you went on. You stared at him, the tears filling your eyes once more, and he carried on at your expression, “That’s not a bad thing. You’re allowed to want things.”

“I want to stay with you.” You told him, voice shaking and watery, “I don’t wanna have to leave because I act like a kid.”

“You ain’t goin’ anywhere, kid.” He spoke firmly, and with a bit of a hesitation, he reached out, moving the hair on your head away from the cut that had started to bleed once again. “Swear it. We’re gonna sort those guys out, and nobody’s ever gonna come after you again.”

You nodded, feeling the slightest bit relieved at his words, though no less ashamed of yourself.

“Alright?” You nodded once again, “Good. I’m sorry for this, kid, but that’s gonna need stitches.”

Your face fell, and he sighed through his nose, understanding your pain. He held the suture kit in his hand, and you realised he must’ve gotten it when he put the alcohol away earlier on.

He grabbed your hand, squeezing slightly, and kept his grasp on you when he started stitching, letting you grip on to him tightly each time he pushed the needle through your skin. “I hate getting stitches.” You murmured, when he was finally done, letting him take his hand back to put the suture kit away.

“I know.” He acknowledged, and ruffled your hair as he stood up. “Sit up.”

You did as he told you, swinging your legs so you were sat only on one side of the couch, and you furrowed your brows as Joel got comfortable on the other side. You finally realised what he was doing when you watched him reach over to the rickety wooden table and grab the book he’d taken from the seller.

“C’mon, let’s see what this fuss is about.” Joel grumbled, pulling the knife out of the pages and handing it to you, making you smile lightly even despite the pounding of your head.

“Thanks, Joel.” You told him, eyes still watery.

“S’alright.” He responded, letting you settle at his side as he looked through the book that had caught your attention. “Puns, really?”

You laughed at his less than pleased reaction, setting your head against his arm as you looked at the jokes in the book, laughing to yourself over some of them.

He just shook his head, pushing down the smile that wanted to rise to his lips as he listened to you laughing.

[peterparkersnose]

Give In

pairing: Joel Miller x reader

word count: 2.3k

warnings: suicidal thoughts, pining possibly one sided, ANGST (just a large angst piece, i wanted some joel angst so I made it), description of depression, emotional dependency on a person, arguing, fluff sprinkled in, implied age gap not specified, reference to pregnancy, mentions of substance and alcohol abuse, joel is lowkey toxic and uses reader

a/n hi loves I wrote this after the first episode aired, so if anything contradicts anything in the future in this story that is why. also, i didnt know how to end it so im sorry if the ending is a bit choppy. happy last of us sunday!

summary Y/N has feelings for Joel that she can’t control anymore

Part 2 here

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read time: 8 min 33 seconds

The harsh chill of the autumn afternoon swept your hair off your shoulders. The ration line was as long as ever, but seemed to be moving quickly. A stray dog barked as others murmured on the street. Staring down at your boots, you bit at your chapped lips.

“You’ve been avoiding me,”

His voice sent chills up your spine. He was behind you, must have slipped in line without the other person noticing. Of course now was the time he decided to confront you. And he wasn’t wrong.

Straightening your back, you turn towards him.

“Have I?” you asked, raising your eyebrows slightly. The line moved forward and so did you.

“Tess said you weren’t feeling well.”

She was partially right. It was the blatant lie you were telling the very few who were close to you. You were physically fine.

“I’m fine, Joel.” you said promptly, turning a cold shoulder to the older man.

“If you need any meds or anything…” he began. You knew Joel had anything you needed. Quite literally.

“Next!” The FEDRA soldier called, motioning for you to get in the final line. You gave Joel a tight lipped smile before disappearing in the crowd.

Back at your sad excuse for an apartment, you poked your fork at your stale meal. You tried to think about todays’s job but the thought of Joel Miller consumed you.

How his hands felt on your skin, how soft his hair could be, how much he respected you in private. Flashbacks of previous nights where he had snuck over and stayed with you burned in your brain.

You never thought the hookup would turn in to feelings. Especially in this world. Feelings you were sure he wouldn’t reciprocate. Joel wasn’t a very emotionally available man. And he had Tess- rumors of them being together had been going on for years. Sure, they deny it. But you see the way he looks at her sometimes. His eyes burn with the lust you want from him, but there staring at her.

Tess was friendly and all, you got along quite well with her in fact. Jobs worked with Tess usually went better than others. But the knowledge that she goes home to him every night almost ate you alive. You felt used every time you would watch her turn the alleyway to their apartment.

Roommates my ass.

It had been over a month since the last time you saw Joel.

He was right, you were avoiding him. Taking the jobs you knew he wouldn’t dare go by such as childcare. Taking a different route home to avoid any run ins. Leaving your lights off and sitting in the dark to possibly deter him away from your place. All your little queues worked.

And the pain grew day by day.

You layed in your mattress with your face buried in your pillow. It stopped smelling like him weeks ago, but you liked to pretend it still did.

You couldn’t live like this anymore.

Pills weren’t numbing enough. Alcohol wasn’t as fun as it used to be. The constant state of depression in this damned district was enough to make you want to end it.

But seeing him across the alleyway talking to a group of people or in the line for rations was enough to keep that tiny spark lit inside of you.

There wasn’t much else to look forward to in this world besides others. Living the same day your whole life is miserable without your spark of joy in it.

Sleep was close, you could feel it. Your thin blankets were just cutting it for the night. As the dreams began to dance in your head, you were awoken by a quiet knock on your door.

“For fucks sake,” you groaned, flipping over in bed. You ignored the knocks. They became more persistent.

The old doorknob then dropped to the floor, startling you awake. You didn’t even have to guess who it was. The door slowly creaked open as you heard him curse to himself.

“I’ll fix it later,” he sighed, picking it off your floor and placing it on your countertop. He pushed one of your folding chairs next to your table up against the door to keep it sturdy.

“So your just breaking into apartments now?” you snapped, sitting up right in bed. “I needed to see you.” he protested.

“I never knew Joel Miller to need anything.”

He sighed and rested against your countertop. “I need to know,”

“Know what?” you asked, wrapping a blanket around your exposed shoulders. A tank top wasn’t ideal to sleep in, in these conditions.

“What’s wrong.” he said bluntly. “I said there’s nothing wrong. What the hell are you doing walking around freely at night?” you yelled, realizing the time was way past midnight. The sounds of soldiers a few floors down outside your apartment began to yell. How did he move past them?

“You sick?” he asked in a more hushed tone, walking towards you. “Respiratory? Head pain? Joints? You pregnant?” he somewhat joked, looking over you in bed.

“Shut up.” you said coldly. “Can you please just go?”

You knew Joel wasn’t a good listener. “What is it?” he said sternly, sitting down next to your body in bed. He grabbed your wrist ever so slightly. Your pulse was shaking in his grasp.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

You looked at the other side of your apartment, out the window. Rain had began to slowly plague the window. Ignoring Joel’s touch, you watched as the few drops raced to the bottom of the window.

“After everything I’ve done for you?” Joel sighed, not letting go of you.

“Stop, please. J-just stop talking to me.” you said, lying through your teeth. He could sense the pain hiding behind those eyes. “I’m not leaving.” he protested.

“Look at me.”

You turned to face him. His eyes were locked on yours. A genuine worried look was on his face. He looked softer, nothing like you had ever seen before.

It was almost as if someone asked you if you were okay when you were very obviously not. Silent tears rolled down your face as you tried to catch your breathe.

The man who you couldn’t love was staring in to your soul. There was no way you ever could love him. He was too mean, too stern, too old, too angry for you. The two of you were polar opposites. But as the saying goes, ‘opposites attract’.

Joel was unsure on what to do. Tess never cried. Hell, you never cried. He racked his brain for something, just something to soothe you.

He offered out a hand. Against your better judgement you took it. Connecting his other hand to your cheek, he tried to wipe away the streak of tears silently leaving your eyes. He held you tightly in your bed, stroking your hair as your head quickly made contact with the crook of his neck.

“I wish I didn’t have these feelings,” you cried into his embrace. Joel was confused on what you were getting at, but he ignored it. He tried to shush you in a soothing way.

“No, please. I wish I didn’t have these feelings… but I do.”

Joel froze. “What?” he asked, holding you in place.

You pulled back and looked at him. It felt like the first time over again. “Look at me and tell me you don’t feel a thing.” you hiccupped.

“I…” Joel sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and letting a breathe of air go.

“Say it.” you demanded.

The silence in the room was deafening.

“I can’t.” Joel said quickly. He looked down at his knees on your mattress.

“I think you should go.” you sighed, laying back on your side and facing the opposite wall.

He listened. Finally, Joel caught a hint. The sound of him walking away made you long for him more than ever. But it was good. The feeling of him leaving, knowing you were right. Joel Miller wasn’t a man who could love. At least not anymore.

Your sudden pride stopped when you heard his boots thud against the floor. Then the all familiar zip of his jeans followed by the hit of him placing them on your wooden chair next to your bed.

He rested a hand on your thigh as he peeled up the blanket that was stuck to your legs. Slowly, he moved down next to you in the tiny space you were leaving him.

“You don’t listen.” you huffed, still not giving him enough space on the bed.

“When do I ever?” he chuckled, wrapping his arm around your waist.

Fuck it. You gave in.

You allowed his arm to move closer to the underside of your breasts. Scooting over in bed, you gave him more space for his legs to entwine with you. His boxer’s material rubbed against the back of your thigh. It smelt like him; Wet grass and expired generic soap scent had never smelt better.

Sleep kindly greeted you once you felt his breathing slow. Trying to match his, you fell into the deep sleep you had been yearning for, for what seemed like weeks.

-

The absence in the morning was startling.

You struggled to move, hoping that the previous night was just a horrifying dream. A sigh escaped from your lips when you saw his boots sitting against the wall where he placed them last night.

The clanking sound of tools made you turn. On the other side of your small studio apartment, there he sat at your doorframe attempting to fix your door handle.

The overcast sky stayed, but you could tell it was early morning by the chatter outside.

“Shit!” Joel hissed, grabbing his finger in pain. “Damn fucking…”

He looked up and noticed you watching him.

“You alright?” you asked, watching him in amusement as he attempted to fix your door.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, sucking the tip of his finger. “Haven’t fixed a door in a good twenty years.” he muttered, wiping off the excess blood on his already dirtied jeans.

“Go back to bed, It’s still early.” he suggested, going through the tiny tool kit he had given you as a previous gift.

“This is more entertaining than sleep,” you chuckled, placing your feet on the cold ground and getting out of bed. “You want any breakfast? I don’t know if I have anything good here but…”

“Nah. Tess’l be expecting me.”

The sheer thought of Tess waiting at their home for him was enough to ruin the whole night you had before.

Joel looked up to you after your lack of a response. He noticed the demeanor change in your face. “Everything okay?” he asked, turning back to the doorknob he was almost finished fixing.

“You seem to go sour every time I mention Tess.”

“I wonder why,” you muttered under your breathe, attempting to open a tuna can for breakfast. You tried not to dry heave as the scent of the old fish met your nose. Tuna was never a favorite meal, especially for breakfast. But, it’s all you had.

Joel pretended like he didn’t hear you, but he heard you loud and clear. “We have a run to do today. You understand that, right?”

A bitter ‘mhm’ came from your lips as you shook the prepackaged coffee in your hand before ripping off the seal.

Joel sighed and placed the screw driver down dramatically. Joel’s knees cracked as he got up from his position. “You always gotta fucking act jealous. Don’t you? Ruinin’ a nice morning.”

“Jealous?” you said, raising your voice.

“What the hell do you even want from me?” you scorned, on the brink of tears. He could see through you like glass. You hated to admit it, but he knew you like the back of his hand.

Joel wished he could shout out the answer, but his ego kept it in.

You froze with your back turned to him and set down the brittle coffee mug. “Your always leaving me to go to her…”

“Because we’re business partners, Y/N. Don’t you get it? Don’t you hate livin’ the same damn day over and over again? It’s why I come to see you.”

“Stop,” you whispered, now face to face with him. “Stop yelling. Please, it’s too fucking early to get into that shit.”

“Really? Tell me you don’t loose your mind living the same day, same drama for years!” he yelled. “Always you being jealous. Don’t you ever get sick of it?”

Anger consumed you. Proof that the two of you would never work. He’s just a bitter old man.

“You know I would give anything to leave this damn QZ! To live a normal life, not fucking be here.” you yelled, with a finger now pointed at his face. You were avoiding the original accusation. Jealousy.

“Tell me.” you said, with a quieter but angrier tone. “Am I really just your fuck toy?”

Joel stepped back for a moment, stunned at what you just said. Guilt seemed to wrack his nerves as the realization hit him.

You were in love with him.

“Is that what you think?” he asked, approaching you with a sorrowful more soft look. “What else am I supposed to think? You come here, use me, and leave and go back to her.”

The feeling of letting go of all that emotion felt healing. The sudden aftermath of realizing what you just had accused him of made you feel somewhat guilty.

“No,” he sighed, grabbing your hand. “That- no. Absolutely not Y/N.”

His other hand reached for your chin, and brought your face up to his gaze. You could feel his heat on your skin.

“Understand…” he began to say. “Understand what?” you whispered back. A sly smile came to his lips.

“Give in,” he whispered, dropping your hand and wrapping his around your waist.

You melted into his grasp as he kissed you. Joel hadn’t kissed anyone in years. The hesitation from him only brought out the dominance in you.

As the two of you mutually pulled away, you wanted nothing more as to be back where you were just seconds ago.

“Understand that it’s hard.” he said, still holding you close. “I…”

“I know.” you said, cutting off his words.

You were an anxious, sorrowful over-thinker and he was the bitter, closed off introvert.

“I’ll be back,” he said, with a slighter more chipper tone. “Tonight. We have to get this damn car battery and…”

“Stay safe,”

“I promise.” Joel said. He really did not want to leave you. The thought of the two of you spending today lazily in bed was very tempting.

“But please believe me Y/N when I say, you are and never have been just a ‘fuck toy’.”

He squeezed your hand once more and then dropped it. Silence filled the apartment after he left.

The thought of how you tasted haunted Joel Miller’s mind the whole day.

Part 2

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @samanthacookieone @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry @scoliobean @avengersfan25

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Chapter 1

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: Joel is a simple man. He goes to work, he takes care of his kindergarten age daughter, he tries to make sure Tommy doesn't die and occasionally Tess comes over. He works on Frank and Bill's farm with Tommy, Tess, and another coworker, Max. For his birthday, Tommy drags Joel out to a local grunge band's show, music he knows Joel hates. Joel is surprised to find Tess's girlfriends best friend, a girl they all call Blue because of the blue in her hair, has caught his attention.

What he doesn't know is she is trans. When he finds out, he's very confused, not because he judges her, but because he's not sure what it means for him. Does it make him gay? What does trans even mean? He's very confused. Still, despite all the confusion Joel has an open mind and he just knows that he has a lot of feelings for you and he wants to try. Joel goes on a journey of learning, not only what your trans identity means but also how to take care of himself, how to set boundaries, and learning he doesn't need carry the whole world on his shoulders.

Joel loves country, is as yeehaw as they come. Blue loves grunge, and looking as edgy as she can get by as a school teacher. Can you and Joel make it all work with the one thing that bonds them both together; flannel?

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

A/N: I am not a trans woman, but I am trans. I am doing my best research! If I got something wrong or accidentally say something offensive, please tell me! Same with Sarah's hair. I learned a LOT about black hair care from living with my black roommate for 2 years, and watching a lot of youtube. Again, if im incorrect or offensive, let me know and ill correct! I just want Joel to care about his daughters hair <3

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

It all started with Tommy, as most adventures do. Joel was certain Tommy would make sure to mention that fact during his best man speech.

“You have got to get out more. You’re making me stir crazy just watching you sit at home.”

Joel rolled his eyes, packing Sarah’s lunch. He was happy to throw in some plums, Sarah’s favorite fruit, that he got from the food pantry. Since Sarah started kindergarten and he didn’t have to pay for nearly as much childcare, things had gotten less horrifically tight financially but now he was playing catch up. Catching pneumonia last winter had drained his little savings with an ER visit. Joel desperately wanted to not rely on charity, but he also didn’t want Sarah to go without. 

“How would you know, you’re never even home.” Since getting out of the army, Tommy has not adjusted well. Joel was happy to let him live in the house he built for his ex-fiance on his parents land they gifted when Sarah was born. Tommy was a help with Sarah and was good company when he wasn’t out partying.

“Hey.” Tommy looked a little offended. “I’m here plenty. Just ask Sarah.” Sarah adored her uncle.

Joel sighed. “You’re right.” He wasn’t. “But I ain’t going. I can’t afford that, and I’d like to spend my days off with Sarah.”

Tommy tossed a cosmic brownie from the box he bought into Sarah’s lunchbox. “Come oooooon. Sarah loves the babysitter, and one night out won’t traumatize her forever. I’ll pay for the sitter, I already got tickets and I’ll even cover your drinks.”

Joel would rather the money go towards Sarah’s next dental appointment, but he couldn’t tell Tommy where to spend his money, and he knew there was no saying no to his brother when he gets like this. “How many bands are playing? I ain’t sitting through three openers, Tom.”

“Just one! You’re coming!” Tommy ran out of the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time before Joel could protest. “Sarah! Guess who gets to hang out with Jessica tonight!” Joel could hear the sound of springs bouncing as Sarah cheered and called out if the bed breaks, Tommy’s fixing it.

After getting Sarah dressed, he sat her down on a chair in the kitchen and looked at the clock. “Only got time for a ponytail, baby girl.” Joel had figured out some simple hair care for thick hair he wasn’t quite equipped to work with. Before Sarah was born, he didn’t know how to do a single braid. Joel had practiced a little before Tommy had to chop off his hippie curls for the army but he still was lost in a lot of ways. 2 years ago, Joel must’ve looked particularly lost in the ethnic hair aisle with Sarah in the cart and a kind woman guided him to some hair gel, argan oil, and an edge brush, scribbling a few instructions on some scratch paper. That’s what's gotten him through this far. Joel kept thinking he needed to reach out somewhere or maybe find a book… but with what time? 

Kayla, Sarah’s mom, wasn’t much help either. Kayla was mixed and absolutely inherited the polish side as far as hair, where Sarah got her late grandma’s genes. Kayla wanted to chemically straighten Sarah’s beautiful curls last year when she had her over Easter, but Joel put his foot down. When she was older, if she wanted to do whatever she wanted with her hair, braids, relaxed, wigs, she could but there was no way he was letting all those chemicals into a 4 year olds head just to make it “easier.” Joel could handle it.

She looked cute with her little puffball on the top of her head, anyway. 

“TOMMY! LETS GO!” Why was Tommy harder to get out the door than Sarah was?

Little hands tugged at his shirt. “Daddy I want coffee.” 

“No baby”

“Why?”

“It’s not good for little kids.”

“Uncle Tommy lets me have coffee.”

Joel sighed loudly. “Of course he did. Well, Sarah, that’s an uncle thing, I don’t know what to tell you. TOMMYYY!”

Tommy’s heavy footsteps clomped down the steps, dashing out the door. “Come one Jojo, whatcha wait’n for?”

*

How did little kids have so much energy in the morning? Tommy included. Sarah was chatty as ever on her way, talking excitedly about the eggs in the classroom's incubator. He tried to pay attention, he really did, but he was busy trying to figure out what bills he still owes. It was only September, one month into not having to pay out the ass for Sarah’s daycare. Was he even gonna be able to catch up at all before the summer comes? Her mom said she wanted to take her for the summer, but she was single right now and slightly more involved. When she finds a new man, she suddenly becomes much less interested in her child. Joel didn’t want Sarah around strange men all the time either.

“Daddy? Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?”

Tommy nudged Joel, calling him name for Sarah’s attention.

“What?” Joel said, not unkindly but perhaps a little too harsh than he wanted to speak around his daughter. 

“Happy birthday daddy.”

Joel closed his eyes briefly, wincing at his prior tone. “Thank you baby. I’ll bring home a cake, how about that.” He felt like he could cry, snapping at his sweet girl for trying to wish him happy birthday. He was so bad at this.

Both children in the car cheered.

Joel dropped Sarah off with several kisses on her forehead, then ran off to the truck. He might just be on time if he speeds a bit. He didn’t speed with Sarah in the truck, he was less careful with Tommy. 

“Just in time!” Tess’s voice greeted them in the farm house. “You guys eat?”

She knew the answer. Sarah’s kindergarten had a free breakfast program, leaving Joel and Tommy on their own and god knows they didn’t take proper care of themselves. Luckily, they had great bosses.

Joel, Tommy, and Tess all worked for Bill and Frank on their farm. Joel had stumbled on this job shortly after Kayla left and God, what a blessing. Bill and Frank had trouble finding help being the only gay farmers on the planet to felt like, but Joel wasn’t really in a position to deny a good paying job, not in this economy, not with a baby who barely had a mom around anymore. This was before Tommy came back from the army, and Joel’s parents dead a few years prior. He was alone.

That’s where he met Tess. She was something else. A woman working as a farm hand alone was surprising enough, but she was the first openly bisexual person Joel had met. Hell, she was the only the third gay person he knew of and the first woman. He’d lived a sheltered life. Still, Joel didn’t really see an issue with none of it. Wasn’t his business what two grown adults did, that was his thought on the matter. Not that he really had enough time to have thoughts on much of anything other than keeping Sarah and Tommy alive. When Tommy came back, he started working on the farm too.

Tess slid the men some pancakes, stating she knew it and went ahead and made extra.

Frank entered the room with something in his hand. “Wait!” He placed the item, which Joel saw was a candle on the the pancake.

“Oh, no, you guys don’t gotta-”

“Shut the hell up, Miller.” Bill entered the room with a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a lighter in the other. He lit the candle, and then a cigarette. 

Frank took it out of his hand, putting it out under the sink. “If you absolutely must smoke, you’re not smoking inside our home.” He then turned back to Joel. “Happy birthday, Joel.” The forth employee, Max, enters the farmhouse and then embarrassingly, Franks leads everyone (except Bill) in a very shitty rendition of happy birthday.

*

“Hey,” Tess nudged Joel as she attempted to fix the clutch without calling Bill up. “You coming tonight?”

Joel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Tommy convinced me. He also told Sarah it’s my birthday so now I gotta bring home cake and do a bit of the birthday thing with her. I was hoping to avoid it another year.”

She laughed at that. “Ah come on! It can’t be that bad.”

“She’s not, it’s my birthday that is.” 

“I know.” Tess patted his back.

Joel and her worked in silence for a moment, but he figured this was as good a time as any. “Hey uh… so. You and Tommy.”

Tess smirked, but didn’t look at him. “What about my dear friend?”

“Well uh, that’s just it…” Joel cleared his troat, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just, you guys been spending a lot of time together, and I’m just… well you know he’s at tough spot right now…-”

“When isn’t he?”

“Right. Well. I’m just wondering… Well.”

With a chuckle, she put down the wrench and turned to look at Joel with a smile. “You’re wondering if Tommy and I are an item.”

Cringing hard enough his eyes were closed, Joel nods.

“Don’t worry about your baby brother, he can handle himself.”

“Can he?”

“Joel. Look at me.”

Joel forced his eyes open.

“Tommy and I fuck sometimes to blow off steam, don’t act you’re much different.”

“It was one time!”

“It was 4 times, glad to know that I’m that forgettable.” Tess continued with her teasing before Joel could protest. “Listen, I know you’re worried about him, but Tommy and I aren’t interested in dating each other. It’s just for fun sometimes. Tommy puts up a tough front but I’d eat that boy alive.”

Finally, Joel laughed. Yes, she would.

Tess went back to work. “Besides, you’re meeting my new girlfriend tonight, birthday boy.”

*

Joel was exhausted, washing his hands and forearms and face before leaving to get Sarah. He tried to stay as clean as possible for Sarah. She didn’t need to know how hard he worked for her.

“Hey Joel, I get to watch Sarah this fall don’t I?” Frank asked as he sauntered into the kitchen. 

Joel tried to protest, as he did every year, but it was merely a formality to be polite. He couldn’t afford childcare in the late hours it took to get harvest done. Hopefully it wouldn’t be so bad now that Max was hired on, he didn’t see Sarah hardly at all harvest. Joel would come back to the farmhouse to find Sarah asleep on the couch with Frank, who was no help with farming. He handled the finances and paperwork, and functioned as a babysitter in pinches. Joel was forever indebted to the couple, inclduding Bill despite his facade of toughness.

“Nonsense Joel. I look forward to seeing her every time.” Sarah fucking loved Frank. He was teaching her painting and how to have a proper tea party, real tea and all. But with a lot of sugar. 

Speaking earnestly, Joel tried to express his appreciation. “Thanks, Frank. I appreciate it. I couldn’t do this without you.”

Frank clapped Joel on the shoulders, sliding him a card. “Thank you for everything you do. We really value you. I know Bill doesn’t say it much, or at all, but we appreciate you here.” He walked off, knowing Joel would protest the $500 cash inside the card.

*

“Daddy! Daddy! I made a friend!” Sarah exclaimed excitedly, running up to her father still covered in her paint smock that quickly transferred the red and blue onto Joel’s jeans.

“Is that so? Who is it?”

Sarah pointed to a little brunette girl sitting in time out. “That’s Ellie! She’s in trouble because she pretended a block was a gun.”

“Oh.”

*

At home, Joel went through the evening routine with Sarah, Tommy having gone with Tess to pre-game. He fed her as much of the macaroni she’d eat, bathed her and made sure to make things as easy for the sitter as possible. When Jessica came over, a nice local teenager that was great with Sarah, he briefed her as he tried to clean up the kitchen. 

“Daddy? Where’s the cake.”

Goddammit of course he forgot something. He just can’t do anything right, can he? He was a shitty dad, a shitty brother, a shitty boyfriend, a needy employee-

“Where's the birthday boy!” Tommy burst in, followed by a group of people, some he knew, some he didn’t. With him was Tess carrying a cake.

“TESS!!!!!!” Sarah shouted, but went more for the cake she carried.

“Hiya, love bug!” She patted her ponytail. “Ready to sing happy birthday at the top of your lungs?”

Hadn’t she had enough happy birthdays? She must’ve known he’d forget the cake. They hadn’t been pregaming at all, they were making him a cake.

Tess hands the cake to Tommy, then gestures to the women next to her. Dark skinned, tall, her hair in… locks? Were those called locks? He was cooked. He needs to learn hair. “This is Talia, my girlfriend.”

Talia smiled brightly, extended a hand which Joel shook. “So nice to meet you, Mr. Miller. Tess talks a lot about you Tommy and Max, it’s nice to put faces to the names.”

“Please, Joel is fine. I may ache like an old man, but I’m not one yet.” Joel joked with a soft but tired smile. He turned to tess. “Max coming?”

“Yup.” She shot him a look to be nice. Joel wasn’t fond of max. Good worker, shit head of a person. Joel knew he couldn’t really blame all Tommy’s shit on bad influences, but Max didn’t help. “And this,” She gestured over to another woman who he had just been too flustered to notice until now. “Is Talia’s best friend.”

You were absolutely fucking stunning, unlike anyting he’d ever seen in his life. Tight white tank top, tight leather pants and a leather jacket. In your hair was a streak of vibrant blue. Your eyes connected with his and for a moment, he forgot about all the other people in the room. 

“Oh, um, hello,” Joel shook your hand when he snapped out of it, repeating your name.

You smile at him. “Actually, most people just call me Blue.”

A small voice from Joel’s hip. “Is that because of your hair? Why is it blue? Are you sick?”

“Sarah! Don’t be rude.”

Chuckling brightly, you promise it’s okay and crouch down to Sarah’s eye level. “I’m not sick. I actually dye it like that.”

“But why?”

Internally, Joel groaned, thinking you’d take offense at the line of questions Sarah’s certainly had ready, but you just answered. “Well, I think it makes me look pretty, just you’re cute hair style makes you look pretty.”

Sarah lit up at that. “My daddy did it!!!”

“He did? That’s so awesome! You have such a nice daddy.”

Sarah nodded in avid agreement. “He’s the BEST!”

Joel couldn’t help smiling at that. He always felt like he was failing her, but she loved him regardless. “I can’t do a lot, but I’m trying to learn. I can do a mean ponytail.” Joel caught Tommy smirking at him.

Once the babysitter took Sarah to wash up for cake, Talia quietly spoke to Joel, still attached to Tess's arm. “Tess told me her mom isn’t really involved. I’d love to help you learn how to care for black hair.”

Joel felt his heart drop. “Oh shit, does it look terrible? I really tried but I don’t even know where to go and-”

Talia cut him off with a laugh and a hand up. “No, not at all! It looks very healthy. I just mean if you’d like to learn how to do more, especially as it gets longer.”

Always embarrassed to ask for help, he always swallowed his pride for Sarah. “Yeah, yeah actually I’d really like that… I’ll play yuh, don’t worry I wouldn’t make you do it for free-”

She attempted to say he didn’t need to pay, but Tess told her it was useless to try and fight. Joel figured the bonus from Bill and Frank could pay for Sarah’s dentist cleaning and the rest he could pay Talia. 

After a terrible happy birthday and saying goodbye to Sarah longer than really necessary, Joel was dragged out of the house to go to some shitty local grunge bands show for his birthday.

Joel fucking hated his birthday.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! I can't beleive people actually wanted to read this!!! We need more trans rep in this fandom <3

First chapter setting things up, then one chapter per week for 6 weeks for my Oscar/Pedro pride event!!! each chapter 2-7 will follow themes of the week until the happy end <3

MEET THE OC'S

Talia Monroe

Tess's girlfriend, Blue's bestfriend. Talia is joyfriend and high energy. She offers to help Joel learn black hair to properly care for Sarah.

Max Waltz

Works on the farm with Joel, Tommy, and Tess. Tommy likes him, Joel hates him, Tess ears towards liking him but tries to keep him in check. Max is a generally barzen man, hates his wife, is loud and annoying to Joel.

Kayla Carter

*no face claim right now*

Joel's high school sweetheart and ex-fiance, Sarah's mom. Kayla is in an out of sarah's life, lives out of town and is only around when its convinient, leaving Joel with alone.

I don't do tag lists for one shots but I do still for series so

How to keep up with the series:

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I really enjoy writing this series so I hope you like it too <3

KISSES

Please remeber to reblog or comment or engage in some way <3 community keeps us all writing and drawing

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @ashleyfilm @bumblepony @snnyc @casa-boiardi @del-ightfulling @joelsoftie

[sweetlummie]

Sad Little Girl

Mood board by my lovey love @iamasaddie tysm 💗

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Joel Miller x fem!plus size!reader

A/n: hello everyone! I’m back with an actual fic! This one is near and dear to my heart and very personal to me, I hope you enjoy it! Big s/o to @xdaddysprincessxx for proofreading! Ilysm mama 💗💗💗 This fic was made with game!joel in mind! As always constructive criticism is welcome! Enjoy! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! 🫶🫶💗💗 (reupload to see if it shows on tags bc tumblr is fucking me hardcore rn.)

Warnings: mentions of SA and heavy trauma, age gap (reader is in her 20s Joel is in his 50s), death of a loved one, also David is mentioned. If I missed any lmk!

W/c: 1.5k

* ・‥…━━━━━━━ *˖◛⁺♡ ━━━━━━━…‥・

Growing up during the apocalypse wasn’t fun. There were many horrible, disgusting men that would do whatever they wanted. The need to survive set aside, they fucked with other people, especially women to get their twisted pleasure. You had fallen victim to that terrible abuse, but out of some sick and twisted mercy the most that had been done to you was being touched inappropriately and had a man expose himself to you. Worst of all? It was in your own home.

Your dad was a part of the smuggling circle and would often have his colleagues over to discuss routes, plans, and merchandise. One of his least trusted associates was the one that tortured you to no end. Because of that you didn’t feel like yourself, you didn’t feel like a girl. As the days passed you wore baggier clothing, you cut your hair to your shoulders, you bound your chest to get rid of any semblance to a woman. What also helped was that you were bigger than the average girl, you thought that maybe you looked broader, more like a male. This was how you coped, how you pushed everyone away.

When you found out your father died it was like a bucket of cold water to your skin. You didn’t know what you were gonna do or how you were gonna get by. A few days after you received the news about your father, there was a knock on your apartment door. Grabbing one of your father’s weapons you hesitantly opened it to find Joel Miller, your dad’s most trusted acquaintance. You lower your weapon and stepped aside to let him in.

“Hey bunny..” Joel began, you never understood why he called you that, based on your appearance you were nothing like a bunny. Not cute, not soft, not friendly.. You were the opposite. “Sorry ‘bout your dad.. Look, your pa on one occasion told me that if anythin’ were ta happen to ‘im for me to take care of ya.. Now I know you're a grown woman that can make her own decisions and take care of herself but I still wanted to offer ya a place to stay.. I know how awful solitude can be and I really care ‘bout ya..”

You had to process what he was telling you but you liked Joel, though you had some very negative interactions with men in the past, he was the only one you trusted aside from your father. You nodded your head in agreement and as the days and weeks progressed you moved your things little by little to his and Tess’ apartment.

You kept to yourself most of the time, mostly passing your time by drawing, reading, or listening to music when you didn’t work. Tess and Joel would sometimes let you go with them to their smuggling jobs but Joel would keep you close.

Joel noticed something was up with you, he noticed your change from the beginning. While your father thought nothing of it he noticed when his cheery-eyed bunny lost the spark in her eyes and became dull. He wanted to talk to your father about it but he felt like it wasn’t his place to say anything. He noticed how you presented yourself, manlier than you used to be and more quiet. Now this change he mentioned to your father.

“Hey man, I noticed somethin’ up with bunny.. Why she dressin’ like that suddenly? Seems like a drastic change..”

But your dad always brushed it off saying it was a phase that you were going through but Joel knew it was more than that.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

It had been a few months that you had been staying with Joel and Tess when one day after Joel and Tess went after Robert, Joel came back with a 14 year old girl named Ellie. You looked at Joel surprised and he pulled you aside to a room to talk about what was happening. He and Tess were going to deliver this girl to the fireflies at the capital and it wasn’t going to take them long.

“I wanna come.” you told Joel, he shook his head “Nah, just me ‘n Tess.. Too dangerous..” That answer didn’t satisfy you. “I’m coming with you. Whether you like it or not.” and you left to go where Ellie was. Joel chuckled lowly and shook his head again, he knew better than to argue with you, you were a little spitfire, just like your dad.

When your journey began you kept to yourself and only spoke if you heard something or needed something. Ellie tried to talk to you but you would only respond with a nod or a shake.

“What’s up with her.. Him? Nah her?” she asked Tess and Tess chuckled. “I don’t know, kid, she’s a nice lady, just quiet is all.” Joel took that chance to check up on you.

“Ya alright? Need anythin’?” you shook your head and Joel left you be.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Your trip had gone sour, Tess was dead and now you were on route to Lincoln. Tess’ death hit you hard but you know you have to be strong for both Ellie and Joel. After you had all processed her death you figured it would be best to open up now since it was only the three of you left. You began talking more and found that you shared a lot of things in common with Ellie. You two became quickly attached and while Joel did his best to ignore you both, being the ever stoic and grumpy man he is, he was still really happy that you opened up.

Little by little Joel noticed a positive change in you, the sparkle in your eyes was slowly returning and now you openly were conversing and laughing with both Joel and Ellie. Your progress was quickly squandered though when Joel got hurt and by events with David, a creepy school teacher turned psycho cult leader. You took care of Joel while weeping silently, you were scared you were gonna lose the man you trusted, the man you felt safe with. You know you should’ve gone hunting, you know what happened with Ellie is your fault. You both scrambled as you tried to lead David and his men as far away from Joel as possible. But in the end you both got caught. You and Ellie were held in different areas but you panicked as you saw the disgusting look in his eyes. You knew exactly what he wanted to do with you and especially Ellie.

After what happened with Ellie it triggered your PTSD and you just held Ellie as you both wept. You both had been fairly quiet on the trip to the hospital. It killed Joel to not just see one of his girls be quiet and devoid of life but both of them. Especially since you had come such a long way.

That night when Ellie slept he approached you and asked if you both could talk. You agreed and followed him a little away from the camp not to disturb Ellie’s sleep but still keeping a close eye on her.

“Bunny… I’m sorry ‘bout what happened.. you ‘n Ellie didn’t deserve that.. I shoulda been there to protect y’all..” of course Joel blamed himself when it wasn’t his fault at all.. with a sigh you begin to speak. “It’s not your fault Joel.. it’s mine.. I should’ve been more careful towards Ellie.. she.. we..” you burst out crying and for once you felt the warm embrace of someone who loved you. You would cry by yourself at nights, not wanting to disturb your dad with your seemingly insignificant issues.. but for once you cry and you just get held.. you craved that more than anything else.. as much as it pained you, you told Joel everything that happened in the QZ for years before your father died.. he clenched his jaw and held you tighter..

“I wish ya woulda said somethin’ bunny.. never liked that freak anyway.. woulda killed ‘em for ya..” Joel whispers as his lips pressed into your hair. You chuckled and just let the tears fall. It felt good to get it off your chest, to let Joel in.. you felt safe, you felt secure in his arms.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

When you return to Jackson, you’re a whole new person. You and Joel live together in a house while Ellie lives in her shed. You’ve begun to let your hair grow out again, decorating it with cute hair accessories you would find, you’re wearing pretty, fitting clothing, even dresses! Joel sees how brightly you’re shining. No longer are you the shy quiet girl that people assumed was a brute boy. You changed totally. You were truly beautiful in his eyes. You were thankful for Joel, he made you feel safe, he made you feel true peace. Enough to where you felt like you didn’t have to protect yourself anymore, enough to where you could finally be yourself and not worry about getting hurt. He would protect you, he would be there for you. You were his bunny, you finally felt at home.

* ・‥…━━━━━━━ *˖◛⁺♡ ━━━━━━━…‥・

[gh0stsp1d3r]

“She was my daughter too.”

ANGST ANGST ANGST.

Takes place in Episode 2

“We’re not gonna shoot her, joel. No!” You whisper yelled, while she went to the bathroom.

“What if something does happen? What if she does turn?” He argued, Tess was on your side.

“Joel, clearly she hasn’t. She’s fine-“ Tess said.

“Stop talking about her like she has a life in front of her.”

“She’s a kid.” You said sharply. “She does have a life in front of her, more of a life than us. She’s probably about the same age as Sarah was, if not maybe a little older!”

“Don’t. Don’t do that.” He said quickly.

“What? Don’t what Joel? She was my daughter too.”

He opened his mouth to say something but stopped when he saw Ellie leave the bathroom.

———————————————————————

“We should talk.” You said, while Tess searched the place.

Ellie sat across from you both, she threw her knife.

“No.” Was all he grumbled.

“Joel.”

“Not in front of her. When we’re alone, then we will talk.”

He said that all the time.

“God damnit joel. Why do you have to be like this? This isn’t the man I married. You’re not the man I married.” You said, tears threatening to spill.

That comment stung a little bit.

“We will talk later.” Was all he said

Ellie watched, slightly amused at you both.

——————————————————————

You didn’t tell him you got bit, you didn’t say anything until you made it to the museum.

“Show me.” He said, once he noticed something was off.

You showed him the bite, he stared at it and walked towards you.

You wiped away some tears, and Joel was now in front of you. He was crying too. He put his hand on your cheek, caressing. He put his forehead to yours.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You muttered, voice trembling.

“No, no, this is my fault. It’s my fault.” He muttered.

“No-“

“It is. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about earlier. I’m sorry-“ he said, but was interrupted by growling. Without thought, he shot it.

Then he realized, and Tess ran outside. She heard them coming.

“Joel, joel, they’re coming. We gotta go.” Tess said.

He took his forehead off yours, he didn’t want to leave you.

“Im sorry- I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’ll be with Sarah, right? I love you, so so much-“ you sobbed, Tess pulling him away as they got closer.

He cried out your name, yelling it as you were left alone in the museum.

[pettyprocrastination]

Hi!! How are you?

I would also love to hear/read more about Tess x Joel x reader!! ❤️❤️

im great!! I hope you are doing well too darling <3

___________

For the longest time, you think Tess and Joel are married. It's an honest mistake, really. Seeing the way they work together like a well-oiled machine and have done so for years leads you to think there's more to their relationship.

Which there is. But neither of them will admit it.

Tess is easier to talk to. Not to say she isn't scary as well because christ, you know the things she's capable of and make sure to never short her on a trade or a cut of the profits, but its different. She speaks. Even as she's looking over the haul from your last run to make sure you aren't skimping her out, she talks to you. Little jokes injected into every few sentences while looking over stock, the occasional remark in awe of "you were able to find this?" that filled you with pride each time in that raspy voice that kept you up at night.

Joel is silent.

He sits in the room and watches. Rarely uttering a word unless its to shoot down an idea for your next run because "FEDRA is getting antsy, unless you want to be on the execution list tomorrow I suggest you wait a few days." or to raise his nose at the oddities you've collected.

Like a proper guard dog, he watches and waits for a command.

The first time you speak to him alone, without Tess, is when it happens.

You had just told him that you were planning another run for tomorrow after making connections with another smuggler who wanted to meet. But the location was at least a two days walk from the QZ.

"You can't possibly be that stupid."

"Excuse me?"

His eyes narrow and he leans in. On instinct you shrink back and curse at yourself for doing so.

"You plan on meetin' somebody you've never worked with before and never seen in person, alone because of what? Blind trust?"

"Because of profit."

He snorts. "Yeah well somethin' tells me 'mutual profit' isn't what he has in mind. The answer is no." Your face grows hot under his criticism, his patronizing fucking voice and that stupid southern accent to the point where you grab at his shoulder when he turns away from you.

"I wasn't asking for permission, man. I was telling you. Just make sure that your wife knows I'm-"

There.

His head snaps back as if you had slapped him, staring at you with in shock before his eyes narrow into slits.

"What did you just say?"

His voice rumbles a low, warning timbre that makes your hands begins to shake despite your intentions of looking strong.

"I said-" the room suddenly feels smaller. Corners all too tight and the door too far for your liking because its hitting you know that youre alone with him and just how many times Tess has sent this man out to break some bones on her accord without a second word of it.

"I said." Your throat tightens and you force the words out. "I said to tell your wife-"

"She isn't my wife."

Oh.

"Oh!"

Joel shakes his head. His face scrunches up and shoulders pull in, you realize then that he isn't angry.

He's uncomfortable.

"Oh, I uh. Didn't know." The floorboards groan beneath you as you shift your weight from one foot to the other. "I just assumed that-"

"Well we aren't, alright?" He holds out a hand to stop your further explanation but it does nothing to hide the red tint creeping up his neck and ears. "She's just my-"

His voice fails him as he struggles to find the words to properly explain just what Tess is to him and him to her. The silence becomes all too consuming as he makes a vague gesture in the air. Flitting his fingers and waving his hand up and down in a way that perfectly encapsulates just how fucking complicated it is.

"I understand."

The situation has gone from terrifying to awkward so fast you could have laughed as you now try to soothe the nerves of the same man you worried was ten seconds away from snapping your wrist like a twig. "It's none of my business, really. Just-" You turn on your heel and cringe.

You'd rather him just break your wrist, honestly.

"Let Tess know when I'm leaving for the run, okay?"

"Push it back a week and we'll join you."

Your hands freezes, hovering over the doorknob and you look over your shoulder. Joel stands behind you, face in his hands.

"I'm sorry?"

He takes a deep breathe and looks at you with tired eyes. "If you can contact your man and get him to push the meeting by a week, Tess and I will go with you, alright? You need to have somebody there with you in case something happens."

He takes a step forward, broad shoulders boxing you in and he leans over and opens the door for you.

"Besides, you're the only one in the QZ who specializes in weird shit." Joel pulls back sighs. "Tess wants to keep the connection."

You don't bother hiding your smile from him.

"I prefer the term oddities." "Yeah? Well, I prefer the term headaches. Now fuck off so I can go talk to her."

Joel watches your form dash down the hall and disappear from his sight. He pinches the bridge of his nose and groans. His thoughts wander to you, then Tess.

Then you and Tess.

"Fuckin' moron."

[dylansslutt]

not forbidden / j.m

 authors note// this show has had a grip on me & so have bella and pedro... so this could not not be done. enjoy my loves ( all work is mine, i dont own the show or characters tho)

warnings: age gap (reader is in their late 20s) , violence, death,

 summary: being involved with Marlene and the fireflies leads you to take Ellie with Joel…

 after being stuck with joel and tess, to protect ellie on this trip to get her to the other location. due to marlene getting shot, and now being with them things have been something...

   you were younger than joel and tess, but not a teen or anything. seeing how him and tess were towards each other you didn’t even bother trying. even though at any chance your gaze shifted onto the man near you. yet deciding to just prove yourself smart and worthy.

 after tess’s death it left the two of you with ellie, things have changed dramatically. you were protective of ellie in your own way, but being alone now with joel the atmosphere shifted. more for you since he was off standish.

   about a week of being out in the wild has gone by; a fire was going and ellie was snug in her sleeping bag asleep. as you watch her, the similarities of your younger sister, who was about her age when she died, and ellie we very much the same.

 gulping that thought down, your eyes shift and catches joel’s who eyes were already on you. clearing your throat, you sit up more.

 “get some rest, i’ll take first watch.”

 you hope he doesn’t argue with you since the idea of sleeping made you sick. shockingly he actually agrees, before heading over across ellie on the other side of the fire. you shift your gun before walking around slightly, checking the perimeter before getting comfy by a rock.

 hours pass and you strolled around atleast 6 times, until settling back in your spot. eyes shifting on joel who was facing toward you, he looks peaceful. not scowling or seeming stressed or tired, something you weren’t use to seeing.

 glancing over at ellie who was still in deep sleep, you bit your lip. thoughts creep in... your sister died almost a year ago, with you being the one to have to do it.

 you escaped FEDRA with lara, after your dad passed from one of the guards doing. being only about 17 and your sister was 13, you two found marlene about two weeks later.

 until then things were good; you two were together, fed and somewhat safe. you did runs with marlene but you made lara stay at base since it was too dangerous. till one day your sister who thought since she was getting older insisted on coming...

 “i told you no, i don’t give a fuck it’s already dangerous enough.” you glare at her, tired of her trying to be reckless. running your hand over your face in annoyance.

 “marlene said i can so i’m going. you cant treat me like a kid forever!” she yells at you, your eyes snapping in her direction furiously. stalking forward giving her a huge shove, she stumbles back in shock.

 “im your sister! i fuckin’ look out for you, so don’t you ever tell me what the fuck i cant do. until you stop acting like a child, i’ll keep treating you like one.” your anger was obvious but you try to retain it the best you can.

 her face matches yours, chest heaving with resentment. “i’m going.” she shoves you back softly, you giving a warning look.

 “if ya’ get in trouble don’t come screaming for me. i warned you once.” with that you grab you pack, stalking out the room. your eyes find marlene’s and anger courses through you.

 “if anything happens, i sw-”

 “she’ll be fine, she’s ready.” you scoff, ready your ass. “she’s fourteen!”

 “and you were only a few years older, if i remember correctly.” you glare at her, sighing in annoyance. “i swear marlene, anything.”

 -

  “y/n!” the violent scream echoes as you round the corner shooting the clicker in the back of the head, making it topple over on the side of lara.

 “lara!”

 rushing forward as she sobs reaching out to hold onto me, “it’s okay. it’s dead- it’s dead.” trying to reassure her, as you gently pull her up in your arms. eyes watering at the look on her face.

 “i-im so sorry.”

 you push her hair out of her face her face scrunches in pain. “ow.ow...” she moans out clawing towards her shoulder, as your eyes follow on the deep bite mark on her.

 your heart sinks, shaking your head in disbelief. this is your fault. this is all your fault.

 her eyes glance down at it before her lips start trembling, “i’m so sorry y/n/n...” shaking your head at her.

 “shhh... im so sorry i yelled at ya’ earlier. i should’ve never left you alone.” eyes water as you pull her in tighter, rocking back and forth anxiously.

 you should’ve never left her alone, your baby sister.

your responsibility.

 “please, pl-please don’t leave me alone.” her voice breaks and it hit you, the roundness of small baby fat still lingers on her filth cover cheeks. her small frame of being so young, so young...

 “no, no you’ll be just fine.” wiping her tears you pull her into your arms like a child, and she clings to you in pain. “it hurts so bad. y/n/n im so scared...”

-

 “no! no!” the voice pulls you out of your thoughts, joel sitting up gasping. true fear shown across his face, the way his hand shook as he brought it up over his face.

 his eyes roam around and catch yours, shuffling under his gaze. deciding to air out the silence, “i get ‘em too.”

you confess which didn’t help much. he nods keeping quiet before looking around.

 “how long was i out for?”

you hum softly, “only a few hours.”

 he nods stretching his body slightly, “here, i’ll take over. you go ahead.” you shake your head, “it’s okay. i can’t sleep tonight anyways.”

 he looks at you confuse, “i bet if ya’ try-.”

 “when you do this long enough, you’ll know when those nights come.” that’s all was said before you look away, focusing on the tree line.

  joel attempts small talk after 10 minutes which shocks you slightly, but the question made everything else disappear.

“you mentioned before you had a sister, is she back at fedra?”

 “uh, no sh- she’s dead.” you clear your throat, looking at his reaction. which was unreadable, “sorry to hear.”

 “same to you...” it was hesitant and small,  “i never got to say it, but im sorry about ya’ girlfriend. tess.” his eyes flicker over to you, he shakes his head.

 “she was my friend, not my girlfriend.” you give him a look but leave it at that. he looks like he wanted to say more, but as time pass you ended up falling asleep.

 with it cold out, joel places his bigger coat over you in attempt to keep you warm. he could tell there was a lot to you, been through some shit. he wanted to know what exactly.

- 

 you woke a little later, joel still on look out. ellie was still asleep, as you grab your pack and hand him his coat back. “thanks.”

a small smile toys your lips as he stares down at you with a nod.

 you walk off around some trees that were out of view. opening your bag, grabbing out another shirt. one you were able to wash in a creek a few days ago. dropping the bag onto the ground, tugging your shirt off.

 throwing it on top of your bag, leaning down grabbing the new shirt. flipping it from inside out before your name was called out.

 “y/n!?” joels voice rushes from the corner, you barely having the shirt on.

rushing to tug it down your eyes connect with a shocked pair. “What?”

 “i-i, my bad i thought-“

His eyes look elsewhere but he never leaves.

 “it’s fine.”

you shrug still a little shocked he caught you shirtless, but you lean down to get your bag. “it’s boobs.”

 he swallows thickly at your blunt answer, only being able to nod slowly. with a small smirk you walk past him, “we need to stock up again soon.”

He grumbles something under his breathe following behind you.

-

 “okay let’s clear through here.” joel stands in front of the door staring ellie in the eyes. “behind me, don’t touch nothin’ either.”

 you snicker slightly, “joel can you just go in?”

ellie gives him a pointed look as he just sighs. he swings the door open quietly, all of us fall into hush silence.

 his gun is held high as he steps inside, ellie following behind him. gripping your gun tightly as you step forward. making it further into the house with no sign of anything. joel looks back at us.

 “alright look for anything important and only of what ya’ can carry.” his eyes fall onto you and you know its because you had to unload your bag after the first raid. you stuffed everything you could find in it.

 walking down the hall you pass by a room. swinging the ajar door open, you scan the room. a crib with a few baby toys and stuff display all over the room, making you swallow.

 you look around finding two small blankets and some rags. deciding those would be useful in future times, you roll them up and shove them down inside the bag.

 the sound of footsteps makes your head lift up. they were coming from upstairs, you didn’t even think to check there.

 heading down the opposite side of the hallway, turning at the corner the stairs come into view. just before you reach them ellie comes out, “imma check upstairs, find anything yet?”

 “yeah a few things, i’m gonna check the garage.” you nod at her as you walk up the steps, wondering if joel found anything up here.

 not even hitting the top stairs, a yell rings out from downstairs follow by a loud thud. your eyes widen as you go to move back downstairs, but you halt at the sound of footsteps coming your direction.

 “scott?” the mans voice made you freeze as he comes into view. his eyes narrow onto your figure as you step down one of the steps cautiously.

“fuck!”

 another yell rings out before a gun shot, the man in front of you rushes forward. his body hits into yours making you slip and fall down the stairs. landing at the bottom with a harsh groan.

 your gun slide across the floor, unable to move for a second since the wind was knocked out of you. registering his footsteps coming down the steps, you push yourself up.

 struggling to move quickly to where your gun was, the man grabs a hold of your hair. “you’re a pretty one.”

 your elbow flies back into his ribs, him releasing you slightly. you move forward ignoring how it felt when some of your hair pulls out. “fuck you.”

 kicking his knee he stumbles, before spitting in your direction. your eyes flicker down the hall as another gun shot rang out. in a split second his left hand met your jaw, leaving you to stumble almost falling.

 your ear rang as your hand cups your cheek, blood lingers on your tongue. his hands are on you again scooping you up and tossing you onto the ground like a rag doll.

 wheezing as you scramble to move, but his foot connects with your stomach. you hunch into a ball as his knees drop on the ground beside you.

hands grabbing onto your arms holding them as he tries straddles you. your heart sank as he his free hand starts lifting your shirt, unable to breathe or get out of his grip.

a gun shot rings out and his blood splatters onto your face. his body lands halfway on you and the ground beside you as you struggle to inhale.

 joel throws him off of you, his harden expression drops at the sight of you. eye swollen, the side of your face bruised and bleeding. “y/n.”

 he lifts you into a hug feeling how your body was shaking. you grip onto him tightly as your eyes land on ellie, who is only staring at you in worry. your ribs ache horribly making you wonder if any of them are broken.

 “he-he t-” joel pulls back pushing my hair slightly out my face.

 “hey, it’s okay. he’s dead-he’s dead.” you nod slightly as his eyes connect with yours, him unable to know exactly how you feel.

“You’re safe.” He reassures and you stare down at your shaking hands.

 -

 you three made it to a small house that was checked by joel alone. him not wanting a repeat, trudging in slowly you take in the place, small but warm.

you felt how tired you were and how everything today took a toll.

 “there’s two beds.” ellie sings out almost as she comes back into the living room, your bag was now on the ground. your hands held a spot on your ribs as you nod.

 “go ahead and get some rest.” you motion to her to go grab one and she nods rushing off.

 “you should too get some rest, i’ll take watch.” you didn’t care to argue with him. you head in the back checking out what room, seeing ellie on a twin size bed and seeing there was a king.

 you turn back and into the living room where joel was checking his weapons. “can you check this out?” your voice was hoarse as you lift the side of your shirt up slightly.

 the red and purplish splotchy color kisses up and down the side of your ribs. joel’s shoulders felt heavier as he goes to speak, “definitely bruised, doesn’t look the best but it’ll heal.”

 you nod, “thanks.”

you walk past him grabbing your bag off the ground.

“there’s a huge bed in here, if you get tired... i stay on my side.” you offer out to him not really knowing what to expect.

his eyes linger on you for a moment, “thanks.” he clears his throat.

 pursing you lips you move forward, “goodnight joel.”

 “goodnight, darling.”

the nickname wasn’t unusual but it was rare. It felt like something shifted inside the two of you.

you drop your bag on the ground beside the bed, pulling out some of the band aids and the small mirror you found a few months back.

switching your flashlight on and setting it where it faces you. You analyze your face, a small cut was open on your cheek. sighing softly feeling everything replay back, your eyes start to water.

blinking rapidly so you wouldn’t cry, you grab one of the little cleansing wipes out the box of bandaids.

hissing in pain, you bite your lip as you clean it. opening the bandage and putting it on, you hear footsteps head towards the room.

joel walls in almost hesitantly as he notices what you were doing. “decide to rest after all?”

he lets out a breathe maybe one of a laugh, as he sets his stuff on the ground. “something like that.” he mutters.

you move your stuff over to the side of the bed scooting yourself over. shoving everything back in the box, leaning off the side of the bed to set it in your bag.

he sits on the edge of the bed. sitting back and laying your pillow down, he takes his shoes off. “are you...” he starts shifting himself to look at your sorta.

 “are you a virgin?”

the question was random to you, but not to joel. he saw what that guys intentions were for you when he was sliding your shirt up. he wanted to know if you ever lost it or that was something that he almost took.

 “i’m not try-”

 “no joel, i’ve had sex before.” your eyes narrow at him. he looks like his mind was racing but not in a sexual way. was this about earlier?

deciding to drop it he stands up, “you uh sure?” he motions to sleeping beside you, leaving you to nod in response.

 you honestly didn’t wanna be alone. “after earlier i don’t really wanna be alone.” the confession was nice because after earlier he didn’t want you out of his sight.

 your shiver as the blanket does nothing for the cold air. joel slips in beside you moving his pillow slightly, you turn the flashlight off. the moonlight shines through the window as joel shifts getting comfortable.

 you turn to face the wall as he faces you, another shiver runs down you. “here, i can’t deal with that all night.”

 he moves his arm around your waist, pulling you back slightly in his chest. his body heat hugs you making your eyes widen slightly. “oh.” was all you could say.

 “thanks.” you mumble actually enjoying how you felt wrapped up in his arms. you don’t know what exactly shifted between you two. maybe seeing how he was with ellie, or how you were slowly starting to care for him.

 his other arm lays out flat, “lift your head.” he mumbles out as you do what he says. feeling his arm slide under you, you lay down more in his embrace this time.

 “thank you joel, for saving me earlier.” your hand wraps around his forearm softly, he rest his head softly onto you.

 “i’d kill anyone who would try to hurt ya’.” he confessed and you went quiet. not knowing what to say you allow yourself to slowly drift to sleep.

-

the next few days were a little awkward. you two talked and what not but never mentioning that night. you were so close to where joel’s brother was suppose to be at.

 “alright let’s camp out here tonight. where about less than a day away.” joel looks around as ellie shrugs her bag off. 

 “fine by me.” she mutters and you look around. the sun was setting soon, “no one should be around this part, so we can build a fire right?”

 it was freezing and you hated the cold. joel nods, “well i’ll gather fire wood then.” you drop your bag on the ground beside ellie, stuffing your gun in your waist band.

 you walk around the woods, gathering a big pile of small sticks and a few leaves. joel gets them together and starts working on the fire.

 leaning down you shuffle through your bag, pulling out a few granola bars you found. you hold out one to ellie, “here.”

 she takes it reading what it says, “thanks.”

 you smile softly as you open yours up, “there we go!” ellie exclaims as the fire start. you sigh in relief pushing yourself up and over closer to the fire. ellie does the same, as you drop your bag on the ground. bending down you pull out your sleeping bag.

 laying it out, you sit down before looking over at joel. “here take this.” you hand over the last unopened one and he looks down at it.

 “haven’t seen these in years.”

 “good, enjoy.” you joke as you finish yours. the sun went down as you three talked softly, joking about a few things.

 eventually ellie passes out with her book and you glance over at joel.

“hey, i’ll take watch first. you did it last night.”

 he shakes his head, “it’s fine i got it.”

you give him a look.

 “we’ll both stay up then.”

you mutter standing up. he gives you a questioning look.

 “im going pee.”

with that you walk off in the dark. trying to see your way through. a few more feet you end up tripping over something, letting out a shriek as you fell.

 hitting the ground with a thud, you groan softly.

 “y/n!” joel yells from not too far behind. you lift yourself up seeing the big root you fell over.

 “i’m fine.”

 you call back but he appears in front of you, gun held tightly in his grip. he notices you on the ground, you giggle softly.

 “i fell.”

“jesus, you scared the shit out of me.” he glares at you, letting his arms fall from their stance.

 “that’s why you pay attention! your damn yelling is gonna cause infected to come crawling this way.” his voice was harsh, not as the tone before. you stand up, glaring back in his direction.

 “fuck off joel, i fell it’s not like i purposely tried to do that.” you step closer to him as you start to get angry.

  “you think they care when you get ambushed and bit, because you didn’t pay attention?” it’s like he’s trying to scold a child. or give a damn lecture.

“i already know, jesus your not my father and your not my boyfriend.”

the last part sent a feeling over joel who moves closer to you. “i can’t keep worry about you and Ellie, damn it.”

“never said you have too! Jesus, why do you care joel?” tired of him trying to argue.

 “because i care about you!” it slips and you feel yourself tense up.

  “no you don’t.” you mutter out, going to walk past him. giving up on your idea of peeing at the moment. joel says stuff but he doesn’t mean everything. besides this wouldn’t be what you wanted.

 you were younger, he made sure you knew with his constant scolding.

 his hand wraps around your bicep stopping you from leaving.

 “i-” you cut him off before he gets to speak.

 “look i don’t know what you want joel, but i’m not interested in having my emotions toyed with so j-”

 he cuts you off with his lips landing on yours, feeling his beard scratch against your bare face.

 his tongue licks across your lips, before your tongues touch. his hand slips up into your hair, the other around your waist pulling you closer. you pull away breathing heavily, eyes gazing in each other.

 everything was dark but the moon was full only letting you see the outline of each other.

 “i don’t wanna mess with you darling, i care about you y/n.”

 his hand comes up and under your jaw, his thumb rubs over your bottom lip. your stomach flutters as you push yourself up to kiss him again. this time he pushes you softly against the nearby tree.

 “oh gross.” ellie says from behind you two, waking up from the yelling she came to check out where you two went.

 “i thought someone was attacked, now i see it’s you two attacking each other.” she groans making you giggle softly into his chest.

 “oh god..” he mutters in your ear.

[kamakazih8syou]

"There you are." Joel Miller x GN! Reader

PREMISE: Joel comes back after a long day to find you sleeping:)

PAIRING: Joel Miller x gn!reader

WARNINGS : mentions death :(

AN: HEY GUYS!! IM BACK ON MY BS ARE YALL READY? SORRY ITS A LIL SHORT

Joel had known nothing but loneliness for years, and he was content with that. After Sarah passed in the initial outbreak, he had closed off his heart and learned not to trust. Trust was too risky and Joel needed to survive and protect. He needed to protect Tommy, and Tess, and later on Ellie. His entire life he had only known to fight to make sure the people that game him sanctity and security were safe. Until he met you.

Joel had refused to open his heart to anyone, it was a risk he couldn't take after Tess, he couldn't bare to lose sleep over another person. He was willing to spent dreamless night after dreamless night if it meant that he and the people he loved would be safe. It had been months since he even tried communicating to a person other then Tommy or Ellie in Jackson when you came along. Things were.... rocky at first to say the least. Joel outright refused your attempts at friendship, but you were persistent and it eventually paid off. "Why do you keep on pushin huh?" "Because I can tell you have a story you need to tell." Months passed and soon enough he began to cave. How couldn't he? After that you moved in, not just into Joels home, but into his heart. He couldn't help but fall for you, you were the sanctuary he didn't know he yearned and craved. Today, he came back home from patrol. "Honey? I'm home! Im sorry its late im-" And there you were, asleep on the couch, peaceful. You had waited for him to come home, it gives you peace of mind to see him walk though the doors of your house. Joel gazes upon you. He never realized how safe he felt around you. He had realized that the second you came into sight he was more relaxed and felt a feeling of... calm surrounding him. You were his home, you were why the house never felt empty, or why days didn't seem so long. Joel bent down, and picked you up as carefully as possible, and walked you to the bedroom when you stirred. "Joel.... it's so late..." "I know baby I know, ill be in bed soon don't even worry" "I was gettin worried...." "Im here now, get back to bed." He crawled in with you, enveloping you in warmth. This is where he felt safe. He couldn't imagine living life without you, he didn't even what to fathom a reality in which he kept up his "grumpy old man" facade so much that you just gave up on him. You instinctively leaned into him, pressing your back flush against his stomach to be closer to him. He just held you a little tighter. They say home is where the heart is. Joels heart was with you

[ephemerensis]

Here You’re Safe // Joel Miller x GN! Reader

another platonic gender neutral dad joel moment. TRIGGER WARNING DEATH like of a major character please proceed with caution !!! anyways this took me so long skkshd and the ending is rushed and rlly bad im sorry its 2 am :/ not proofread ALSO!! if i published a poetry book would yall read it :/

—

“Anything bad down there?” Ellie jutted a finger towards an empty hall, lined with lockers.

Outside, the wind screamed its grievances, making the old building creak whenever a particularly cruel gust swept by. It was winter in the middle of the country, and as much as the three of you adored the idea of camping outside, the snow violently pouring from the skies argued otherwise.

Thankfully, Joel found a school building nearby before the storm. A high school, it looked like. On the way in, you saw traces of the treacherous cordyceps roots intertwining through the doorway and walls. But you didn’t have much of a choice with the weather, and they were dry. Hardly anyone lived in the area to get infected anyways, and winter seemed to slow them down; the infected. Not the fungi itself. It grew just fine. Thrived even, in colder climates.

“Just you.” You bit back a chortle as Ellie scrunched her nose, almost peeved.

“You know that joke gets fucking old, Joel. I’m not even in there yet.”

The burly man just shrugged, adjusting his rifle strap as he slowed his steps to a halt, “isn’t a joke.”

“He can’t help it, he’s like eighty. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” You shrugged your pack off your shoulders, setting it on the floor to get situated for the time being. The man just grunted in response, glancing around the building before taking a seat at one of the long tables that littered the room. They were askew; clearly a struggle took place there sometime, but judging by the copious amount of dust that coated the place it couldn’t have been all too recent. Joel was sure it was clear, otherwise they would’ve heard you by now. The school wasn’t all that large after all.

“Whatever,” piped Ellie, rolling her eyes. She reached for your sleeve, tugging you towards the hall. “Cmon! I wanna explore a little!” Giggling, you let her lead you off, throwing a glance back to Joel before the two of you rounded the corner. His brows were deep set, almost furrowed above his eyes, as they usually were; but he looked about as relaxed as you imagined the man could manage.

“Hey!” he called after you. “It’s mostly dry, but you watch your step, understand? Haven’t cleared it completely.”

The two of you hardly heard him, though, distracted instead by the rows of little blue locked cabinets you’d only read about in passing. A lot of the world before was a wonder after growing up in the QZ. It felt like rediscovering a myth.

“This is so fucking cool!” Ellie ran her hand along a row of them, rattling the metal doors against their frame. It was a wonder they weren’t rusted after all these years, but they seemed almost untouched if not a little dusty.

“Didn’t you go to high school? In the QZ?” You didn’t get to. Before Joel and Tess you were a well kept secret, and after that didn’t change much either. They’d let you out as you pleased after awhile but you never went to school; ‘don’t need to be feeding you FEDRA propaganda,’ so they homeschooled you instead. Mostly Tess. Joel quipped in every now and then but he didn’t usually have the best wisdom to impart onto you. Aside from bedtime novels, that was always his specialty.

“Yeah but it was tiny. Just a gym and some classrooms.” Ellie had her head under a drinking fountain, staring at the pipes as she mashed the button. “This stuff is so metal, literally. It’s like your own little room at school!” Abandoning the fountain when no water emerged, she turned her attention back to the paint chipped lockers, “you think they left shit in here?”

“Like corny love letters maybe,” you tugged on one of locks to test it. It didn’t budge, as you’d assumed. Thoughts of life before were so enigmatic. They were more scared of the math test next class then when their next meal was gonna be. It almost made you jealous. It would if they weren’t probably dead. Better to grow up in hell then suddenly get thrust into it.

Behind you, metal squeaked as Ellie got one of them open, “Oh shit! Wait wait wait, Y/N check me out!” You turned around, lips pursed together in a crooked smile when you saw her. She’d found someone’s baseball cap and sunnies. Ellie flipped the bill back and slipped the sunglasses on, forcing a deeper voice as she swaggered in your direction. “Yooo what’s up bro, you going to my place tonight? Throwing a huge party!”

She pressed her hand into the locker, beside your head, leaning in. The moment your eyes locked eyes behind her darkened frames you both burst into laughter. Shaking your head, you took on a dumb expression before replicating her tone, “man, is Britney gonna be there? She’s a total babe!”

Ellie snorted, sending you both into another fit of toe curling laughter. It was all so absurd. You pushed off the locker when you’d regained your bearings, walking backwards as you tugged on the locks to see if any would pop.

“Is that really how they talked back then?”

Ellie shrugged, tugging on locks on the opposite wall as the two of you ventured forth. “Gotta be, that’s how it is in books.”

One of the locks you tugged on gave way, making you grin as you pried it open. Pulling out a binder, you thumbed through the pages before a little booklet caught your attention.

“Here, catch!” She caught it with ease as you tossed the comic book over.

“No way! Batman!” Ellie flipped through the pages with fervor, pausing in her pursuit down the hall. You, however, continued slowly wandering backwards.

You giggled, shaking your head at her glee.

A sickening crunch wiped the smile off your face.

Ellie gasped, staring at you with wide eyes as you muffled a scream. Looking down towards the source of the noise, you see it.

The semblance of a hand disintegrated under your foot. The body it belonged to seemingly dried out long ago, pressed flat against the wall of lockers it clung to.

The both of you stared a moment, as you slowly backed away in relief. Until you saw the tendrils lurking in the undergrowth, reaching towards you. Worse still, the rumbling sound that suddenly emerged from the upper floor made you blood run cold.

Shit.

Ellie saw it too, bolting first but you were quick to follow.

“Joel!” You called, turning the corner, almost colliding with him. “We have to run!”

“Y/N! Ellie! What’s going on?” The man was already ready, bags slung over his shoulder with a look of bewilderment embedded on his features.

Ellie pushed Joel forward, “Not fucking dry!” The three of you ran, making your way back the way you came. The thundering sounds of footsteps hitting hardwood grew nearer. Joel lead the way, rounding every corner with his shotgun raised.

“Why didn’t they hear us when we came in?” You choked out in a panicked whisper. Normally they came bolting at any noise you offered.

“It’s winter, were probably huddled to keep the hosts alive. Mushrooms can take the cold, but the bodies can’t.” Joel whispered back. The timbre in his voice was almost enough to soothe you, he sounded more tired than distressed as he pressed on.

“What do we do?” Ellie piped.

“Gotta get outta here first.” The three of you cleared another corner, sprinting down a hall. A violent thud against one of the classroom doors made you lose your footing, sending you plummeting towards the ground. You gasped as three runners pounded aggressively against the door, piling and clawing at the ancient thing long enough for the rusted hinges to give way.

“Shit!” Somewhere out of the corner of your eye you see Ellie pull out a knife as the three infected tumbled forward. They piled on top of each other, all scrambling to gain their footing and lunge at the nearest person in the room; you. You shuffled panickedly backwards, working to get up and kick the topmost one off your leg.

Ellie stabs one in the head, making the arm fall limp and successively freeing you. You managed to stand upright, the other two still clawing but trapped under the weight of the first. Joel fires a bullet, ceasing another one’s movement as they three of you back away from them.

Before he can shoot the third, the rumbling gets louder.

You’re all sprinting before you can fully gain your bearings. The burn in your lungs was starting to settle in, but the echos of clicks and groans mixed with the pummeling of foot steps filling the halls kept you motivated. Your heart beat so quickly in your chest, you thought it might burst out.

The doors leading out were in sight, though. The wind that bashed against it was less than inviting, but beyond that— the worn mahogany didn’t budge when you shoved. Ellie reached it first, nearly falling as she bodied the double doors. The snow must’ve piled up outside.

A glance and a nod were all you needed before the three of you charged against it unanimously. Once. The doors shook and the sound resounded, seemingly worsening the agitation of the horde heading your way. A second charge made it squeak open, the biting wind flaying your skin as it made contact. The first of the infected rounded the corner, running at you full force before you’d managed a third charge against the doors.

They burst open, giving way to a powerful gust that hit you like a wall. Joel made sure you both got out before he followed, pressing against the wind to get away.

The infected fared worse. Clickers wouldn’t be able to hear with all this noise, and runners couldn’t manage to fight the wind. Most of then fell behind, the few that persisted did so slowly; sinking perpetually deeper in the plush snow in their pursuit.

Fighting against the biting currents of the frigid wind, the three of you paved a way into the tree line. Immersed in forest, the storm felt better. The trees blocked off some of the wind to an extent, and as far as you were concerned no infected seemed to have tagged along thus far.

The ache in your bones was starting to settle as the storm did. You were deep in the woods by then, no sense of direction or time— but with the way the moon hung so high in the sky it couldn’t have been close to daybreak. Joel slowed to a halt, nodding at both of you before you and Ellie breathed a collective sigh.

Ellie dropped her bag to the ground, almost falling over. Your knees felt a surge of weakness too. The snow looked so soft you could sleep in it. You bent forward, heaving, hands on your knees. If you were born before the whole thing went down the cardio alone would’ve been enough to kill you, it was much better to be born into the apocalypse, you decided.

Thankfully you didn’t leave too much behind. A sleeping bag and more cans of food than you would’ve liked were lost, but you’d find more food and you had two sleeping bags still.

Everything settled enough for you to hear again. Between gasps of breath you could hear the crickets chirping. It was almost tranquil.

Ellie seemed the first to recover, standing up and stretching her arms overhead before stilling. She stared ahead at nothing in particular, cogs processing the monstrosity you’d just escaped.

“That was fucking brutal.”

You looked up to offer a laugh. Her dry humor in times like these were enough to send you into orbit sometimes; but that was when you saw it.

The lone stalker that lurched for her before you could yell a warning. Before you could think you reacted. Grabbing Ellie by her collar, you yanked her forward and out of its path.

Instead, if collided with your arms pushing against its chest with all the force you had left in you to muster. It was stronger, of course, knocking you down almost immediately as it clawed at you. You screamed as it opened its mouth, long tendrils extending themselves towards you, wriggling morosely.

Ellie was still in the thralls of scrambling up, but Joel took notice. A well aimed bullet made it collapse. Joel rushed to help haul it off you as you screamed from the pure terror and adrenaline coursing through your veins, clamoring as far away from it as your shaken body could manage.

He looked at you with a concern you hardly recognized, not that you even looked to see it. Everyone was still a moment until Ellie said your name.

“Y/N…” she said it uncharacteristically nervously, a shaky finger pointed towards the shining red that stained the snow beneath your palm.

You raised your hand to your face, barely able to see in the moonlight, but the indentations of teeth on your marred flesh was unmistakable.

Ironically, your veins felt icier than the frost covered leaves as you stared at it; shell shocked.

This was never supposed to happen. You’d always made it through before, why now? Not you. It could never have been you.

Ellie fell to her knees, fists bunching the fabric of your shirt as she shook you, tears in her eyes threatening to fall. “Y/N what the fuck! Why’d you do that!”

“No. No no no,” you murmured.

“I’m immune!” She was screaming at you now. “I’m fucking immune! I would’ve been—“

The older man cut her off, pushing her hands off you but not with more force than was enough to make her release her grip. He looked at you with the same shock that gripped your eyes. His hands hovered you, hesitant, but the gentle movement broke your stupor. Looking up at him you quivered under the weight of it all, “Joel.”

He looked at you with something you couldn’t quite grasp. It was pity and shock and hurt and all of it but none of it. Somewhere in the confines of his empathy and loving was a deep rooted instinct to compartmentalize. What was done was done. But you needed him now. The bullet was shot, but the dust hadn’t settled.

“Joel, I’m so scared.” Tears were already streaming, and you knew he couldn’t do anything about it; both of you knew. But as his weighty arms wrapped taut around your shoulders, it was good enough a cure. You inhaled, letting his familiar burnt wood settle in your lungs as it’d done a thousand times before.

“Shh, shh. I know baby, I know.” His hand pat rhythmically against your spine.

It’s over. It’s really over.

That’s all you could think. Behind Joel, Ellie just stared silently. It wasn’t out of anger or guilt or even pity. None of these things ever seemed real, and the three of you had been doing this together for so long. You’d survived so much of it all, and she was the cure. The hopeless, helpless cure. What else could she do?

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. You’re okay.” Joel wasn’t one to sugarcoat or lie. So often he said so little, every morsel of information or sentimentality you could pry from him felt more satisfying than a warm shower on a cold day. Maybe it wasn’t because he didn’t know what else to say. You were in hysterics and at the end after all.

But it felt true.

Your hand throbbed, but not more than the feeling of the ache in your bones— something you’d gotten used to after years of running. The air was stiller than it was before, it didn’t hold the bite of bitter wind it had moments earlier. In fact, after all the snow, it felt clear and crisp in your lungs. The birds cooed their grievances to the world overhead, never ceasing their song even in the middle of night. And the stars were so beautifully bright, it was enough to feel enveloped. Here, in this moment, in Joel’s arms, you were okay.

He’d only pulled you closer, almost swaying you with him as he kept the rhythm of his hand against your spine. You could hear how fast his heartbeat, “You remember that toy rabbit you had as a kid? What was his name? Pete? Peter?”

“Percy,” you whispered after a while. Rabbit was a strong word to describe it. It might’ve looked like one before, but by time it got to you it was anything but. Discarded and trampled on as people rampaged out of cities and infectious conjunctions. It was a mottled gray little thing, with an ear and both eyes missing. The other ear consistently found itself, for the better half of five years, securely grasped in your little hands. Regardless, you loved it. You named it the way you would’ve named a real rabbit, if you could’ve had one before all this. You held it the way you would imagine your parents held you, before all this.

“Yeah that’s right,” his chest vibrated against the side of your face as he chuckled. “You used to carry him everywhere, didn’t you? Thought you were gonna kill me when I took him to wash. Would holler bloody murder, it was a wonder the neighbors never complained.”

The wind settled earlier with the storm, and eventually so did the pace of your heartbeat. You smiled at the memory, strangely bashful. It’s almost an insult to Joel and Tess to say Percy was all you had. They gave you food, shelter, company on some days. But for the first few years he was all you had. He was promised and he was yours. Percy was the first you could ever call your own. It felt often like he was all you had. Especially on nights when the two of them were on runs, and the Fireflies would stir fights against FEDRA outside. Percy shielded you from the sounds of gunshot then.

“Course eventually you outgrew him; which was never bad! Used to get jealous of how often you’d hug it and not your old man.” He sounded wistful. You calmed down enough to pull back, now suffering from a bout of hiccups and sniffles as you tried to regain your bearings. Joel didn’t let you go, though. You stayed in his arms. You couldn’t bring yourself to respond, offering a small smile in its place.

How could he be jealous of a silly little rabbit? Percy was all you thought you had then. But you knew better. Joel was all you had ever. He was all you would ever have again.

“Then there was that kid, down the street. Darwin or something?”

Damian. An awkward, lanky, 8 year old boy, with sand colored hair that never lay flat and a tooth that was perpetually missing. Of course, you were 9 at the time and you didn’t want to play with “little kids.”

Joel really sucked with names. You knew that. He was getting on in his years, but even when he was younger— they never stuck for him. People were untrustworthy and irrelevant, it was hard to want to try. So it meant a lot anyways when he halfway blundered the names of your childhood acquaintances. To you what was so fleeting was important enough for him to commit to memory, as cold as he could be. You never thought he’d cared so much.

“Brought you sidewalk daisies for months! Damn near ripped his head off, was about fed up with his yapping and stammering around you.” You smiled at that. Damian’s crush on you was so annoying then, but sometimes on longer days you’d wished someone would love you with the same persistence— even if it was a silly boy a year younger than you. “But you were always pretty, anyone could see it. No one will ever be good enough, though. Or, would be.”

Joel said the last part almost as a whisper. It felt like a death sentence, though you all knew there was no hope for you. A silence settled over your heads, you could feel it in your lungs as you inhaled the air that felt so crisp and clean and clear. Lungs that were still alive and well.

It would be dawn soon. And they had to go. The world was cold and bitter; they needed to get to shelter and then continue to their agenda. They. Joel and Ellie.

And when they went your lungs would still work, and you still breathe in clean crisp air. But they wouldn’t be breathing for you.

So, pulling far enough away from Joel to look him in the eyes you plead wordlessly. They darted between his, begging him to understand their request and praying for him to accept it.

It took a moment, confusion crossed his face before it dawned on him. Though he should’ve known what you wanted.

He shook his head, holding your gaze. It was a cruel thing to ask. To want. How could he when he raised you? When he loved you?

But you just nodded. He had to. It was all you wanted. So the two of you just looked at each other and pleaded. You knew you were going to win. Joel always yielded for you.

Your eyes shifted for a moment to lock with Ellie’s, offering her a small smile. She looked confused, looking between you and Joel as the pieces started to fall into place.

You looked back to Joel again, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him for the last time. Your eyes fell shut and you felt him squeeze you back. It was so warm here.

“Love you, Dad.”

You were safe here.

And that’s the last thing you knew before he pulled the trigger.

—

likes and reblogs appreciated !!

[aliorsboxostuff]

When I tell you that the Joel miller x trans!reader fic was the best thing I’ve read in a while I mean that. The way you just integrated the character into the already existing storyline without really changing it was absolutely everything. If your up for it I was wondering if you could write a fic about Joel and trans!reader knowing each other in the QZ and what it would look like to have a relationship with him there or before the relationship. Maybe some Tess too? I completely understand if you’re not up for this request but if you are thank you so much. 😊

AGHH this turned out so short but I didn't know what else to put im so sorry anon!! I really love the idea but I think building the whole backstory before Joel and Tess got out of the QZ is a bit hard. As usual, please excuse my writing if there were any mistakes, I do hope you enjoyed it anon! 

Hounds

Tags: Joel Miller x ftm!Reader, Tess, Before leaving QZ, Tess being the badass she is, Tender Joel, bind safely everyone!, Tender Lovin’, Mostly Fluff, a bit of smut, just dirty thoughts tho, Established Relationship, Bisexual Joel, Bisexual Tess

Tess and her hounds. They follow as her shadow. Pick a fight with her, you pick a fight with all three of them. Tess has always been seen with those two, even walking into the same apartment where they all live. But behind closed doors, no one knows that Tess lives alone while Joel stays with his boyfriend. 

3rd POV

Tess was popular amongst the Boston QZ. Not popular, per se, but known for her strengths and determination. For her headstrong and immovable demeanor. Another thing that boosts her status are her hounds. 

Joel Miller was one thing. Stone cold, dead eyes. Picking a fight with him is the same as picking a casket, according to those who have seen his combat with their own eye. His threats are not to be taken lightly, because when that man says he’ll break your jaw, he’d do just that in the next second. People have seen a fair share of his skills with a gun, and it's not to be messed with. Rumour has it that he’s the one burning infected kids, not a shadow of a doubt in throwing a human into the fire pit. 

The other guy, he's another thing. Don't underestimate him as Joel's shadow, because he might as well be standing at the same podium Joel does with his strengths. He smiles and waves, acting as the good guy for the two of them, but behind those sweet eyes are thoughts malicious enough to be kicked out of the QZ, plans that would impress even Tess. He might not be a stud but he’s the one doing the slippery parts. Countless times, Joel always ends up with the upper hand in a situation with his help. Body as agile as a deer, he’s the hands of the operation. If anyone dares to mess with him, you can bet Joel is right behind them with a gun cocked.

Tess and her hounds. Her boys, the ones that help her operation. Not that she’d need it, but it makes clean-up easier. No one dares to keep Tess away from them, unless she says so herself. Only the most ballsy illegal sellers are brave enough to negotiate with her, because most of the time they'll give her the thing she wants just like that, out of fear and respect.

—

How you first met Joel was through Tess herself.

You were notorious for stealing small but valuable things from FEDRA agents. A stash of guns and bullets, cards and drugs inside your home. Most of the things you don't even use, but due to your ability to pickpocket most if not all of the gullible FEDRA agents, you’ve gained an abundance of them. Your most prized possessions were the firearms you managed to steal or negotiate off of agents. Those are located under your bed, in an inconspicuous box, loaded with extra bullets on the side.

Tess had apparently caught a whiff of your gossip around the QZ, of the ‘Invisible Pick-pocketer’ the agents are having a hard time looking for. As much as she hates to admit it, her strong suit is negotiation, and Joel wasn't exactly the sleekest person for a job like stealing small shit. 

So, one Wednesday morning, in one of the food stalls in the QZ, Tess approached you. 

“Sorry I don't work with anyone,” You were focused on the bowl of food in front of you, scarfing it down because you missed your dinner.

“You might wanna look up first,” A voice of a woman you didn't recognize. So you placed the bowl down, putting on your stone-cold mask before looking at the source of the voice and you almost shit yourself. The most feared woman is standing in front of you, arms crossed with a brow arched. You gulp, trying to salvage what that hardened demeanor you could. 

“I’m- Tess, right?” The edge of her lips raises.

“So you’ve heard,” She leans into the small table, her hair covering one side of her face. Your eyes widen, fear shoots up your spine. “And I’ve heard about you too,” 

“Oh- uh- really?” You cough into your hand, avoiding her eyes.

“You’re the pickpocket, right? The ones FEDRA can't seem to find?” Her grin becomes dangerous. “I have a proposition,” 

She crosses her hands on top of the table, entwining her fingers. “You know me, I know you, we both know what we can do,” 

“Yeah,” You arch a brow, curious. 

“How about you join me? We could use a hand like you, literally,” Her eyes fall to where your hands are, old scars from the fire incident still evident on the back of your hands. It took a second for you to consider before you realize—

“Wait, we? You and… Miller?” 

“Yeah, who else?” Tess leans back into their chair, her arms crossed again. 

“You won't mind? I thought you two worked together, ‘cuz y’know…” You tilted your head, hoping she would take the hint, which she does and immediately cackles, covering her mouth to the side. 

“Me and Joel? Fuck no! I don't swing that way,” Then she seems to retract herself. “Well, I do, but he’s not my type,” 

“Oh, okay, cool, I'm cool with that…” Tess rolls her eyes at your answer before she stands, mumbling something about ‘youths’ and saying ‘cool’ under her breath. She turns towards you, inclining her head towards the street. 

“C’mon, you have to meet Joel.”

—

“Maybe should've taken that break earlier,” You groan, lifting up your shirt as you rubbed at your sides.

“Told you should've taken it but ya’ didn't, now-”

“Look what happens, yeah yeah I know,” You huff, Joel's disappointed stare burning at your back. Feeling the relief of finally taking off your sticky shirt, you stood by the bed as you began to peel off the body tape, taking lungfuls after the busy day. The tape at this point has soaked up most of your sweat, disgusting as it is. When it's at its last loops, calloused hands find its place on your waist, then Joel's comforting weight as he settles behind you.

You feel his coarse beard against your nape as he places a kiss there, his warm breath makes you sigh. Careful, shaking hands replace yours and continues unwrapping the body tape until it falls in a heap next to your leg. Joel places one hand on your stomach, the other rubbing circles on your waist.

“Thank you,” You smile, leaning into his touch as Joel murmurs his answer. He runs a calloused hand up to your shoulder, then between them, pushing slightly until you arch under his touch. He presses another kiss just above where his hand is pushing, before he relents and both of his hands fall to your waist.

“Tess is coming for dinner,” He says, voice ghosting at the shell of your ear. You suppress a shiver, gulping instead.

“Then let me get ready,” You smirk, feeling Joel's hand releasing you as you slip away from his grasp. You turn, placing a short kiss on his cheek before patting it twice. He raises his brow, which makes you grin. “Go wash up,”

Dinner went on as usual. For the past months, Tess, Joel, and you have been planning on escaping the QZ in search of Tommy. He hasn't been replying back Joel’s messages and knowing you and Tess won't be leaving Joel to go out by himself, Tess has been going around looking for information and parts.

“I got a trail. Some guy got the battery we need for the truck. I can track him down this week but I need you to cover my shifts in the afternoon,” Tess points her fork at you, which you instantly nod at. “Joel, keep gathering cards. I have a bad feeling we might need to bribe our way out,” 

Joel hums his answer and that's the end of the dinner. While it worked more as a meetup hour for the three of you, the little bits of food are enough to simulate what it would be like if the world wasn't like this.

As you begin to wash the dishes, your mind wanders to a simple, easier life. Tess would come over, maybe bring her partner, to have dinner together. You’d cook something for the group, something you and Joel enjoy. Wine would be involved, sweetening the night, and there wouldn't be talks about truck engines and unresponsive brother. Maybe Tommy would come over too, have dinner with Joel and he can meet his boyfriend. Then once dinner is over, you and Joel can take the leftover wine and bring it to the porch, settling side by side as the night sky flies by. A simpler world, a better world-

“Hey, you okay?” Joel's hand stops you from jolting, a grounding weight on your arm.

“Y-yeah, sorry,” You dry your hands on the dish towel, noticing the slight quiver it holds. You could practically feel Tess’ eyes on your back. You inhale, straightening yourself before you turn. “I got your shifts covered Tess, don't worry,”

“Make sure that trail isn't some bullshit, yeah?”

“Always do,” She nods, gulping down the last of her drink before she stands. 

“I’ll take my leave, good night boys,” She smiles, before you walk her to the door and shut it behind her with a last wave. You place the lock in its place, standing there just for a minute. Joel makes his way behind you, a reassuring hand on the small of your back.

“Let's go to bed,” You find yourself nodding. 

After washing up and clearing the table, you change into a simple shirt and briefs while Joel changes into his sleep clothes. He usually falls into bed with his day clothes on if he’s too tired and cares far less, but by your request, he changes to a shirt and pants when he can. 

As you pull back the thick excuse of a blanket, the bed creaks when Joel lays down and you follow suit, leaving the blanket at your feet knowing how hot the night could get. Joel turns and you instinctively wrap your arms around his middle, the man buries himself deeper into the pillows. 

“What were you thinking about?” Knowing your boyfriend, it’ll take a while for him to fall into slumber. He slowly laces his fingers with yours and you feel the brush of his lips against your knuckles. You tighten your arms.

“You ever wanna…” You blink at the small stars above. “You ever thought of living a different life?”

“Have a ranch somewhere, and we can… We have a normal dinner, and we’ll invite Tess and shit…” You feel your lips quirk before a beat of silence, then another kiss pressed on your knuckles. 

“Yeah, I do,” Joel turns slightly, looking out the same window into the same night sky. “We can raise sheep,”

You let out a chuckle, nuzzling into Joel's short curls when he only huffs, quietly rolling his eyes. The idea of farmer Joel, tending to his little sheep as they run around him. An image of him wearing nothing but a stetson suddenly flashes across your eyes, quickly killing your laugh, making you hide your red cheeks into Joel's nape.

“What?” He gruffly asks, unable to turn because of your arms.

“Nothin’,” You mumble, still hiding behind your boyfriend at which Joel only huffs before settling back to bed. The blush finally ebbs away and is replaced with a smile instead as you take lungfuls of Joel's scent, lulling you to sleep.

“Good night, Joel,” Joel tightens his hold on your hand.

“Good night, darlin’,” 

Requests are opened! Reblogs appreciated <3!

[pedrospatch]

me again ฅ•ω•ฅ hai, based on your recent raider!joel fic i can only imagine how violent and cruel joel was, especially with how devoted reader has become, but im also so interested in how tess is gonna be now... ugh your mind is perf

i think i’m late answering this sorry non

exploring joel’s dynamic with reader before she starts to form an attachment is…challenging to say the least

tw: dark content, violence, noncon mention

don’t get me wrong, joel IS cruel for what did and for making her his prisoner, and as mentioned in previous works, him touching her/sex was not consensual. but i will say, he would never hurt her by striking her, hitting her, etc

in my mind, and this is something i’ve been thinking of trying to explore by writing a little drabble of his first time ever even seeing reader, joel is a very fucked up man but i think of him laying eyes on her and he instantly sees her as something he wants to ‘protect’ which is why he takes her in the first place vs killing her along with her group

obviously what he does to her is fucked up, but i can absolutely see joel as taking her as a means to feel like he now has something to take care of, if that makes sense?

we know as an audience that he’s doing her incredible harm, but he probably sees it as doing good

[ellies-little-thing]

Life goes on (e.w.) part 5

*not my images, but i edited them

My masterlist <3

pairing: ellie williams / fem!reader

Warnings: fluf; reader is referred to as she/her; mentions of trauma; angst; mentions of violence, homofobia, killing, death; ptsd; Kind of proofread, English is not my first language.

Author's notes: Hi! This was a request but im having a blast writing it! I hope you like it, I really liked writing it! Feedback is always welcome and likes and reblogs are always encouraged! Thank you! Enjoy!  This is the last part of this series. I hope you liked it!

word count: 1.1k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

18 years old - Part 5

One year later you were still together as an official couple. You've never felt so happy. And neither did Ellie. She wasn't alone anymore. You started to sleep at her place most nights and spend most of your time together. You would never be away from her again. Nothing could break you apart.

Ellie started to paint canvases and you were still her favorite subject. You had found a stray cat one day and you both decided to adopt her. You gave her the name Laika. The same name of the first dog to go to space and come back alive since Ellie loved space so much. You loved the name and she used to always get into your lap when you were reading. It was really cute actually. She always purred when she was with you, but she liked to sleep with Ellie. She always cuddled her before falling asleep every night. 

Life was beautiful with Ellie by your side. Everything felt easier somehow and she was always there for you even in your worst moments. Your father didn't accept that you were queer and had a really nasty argument with you about it and about Ellie. Your mother tried to reason with him but there was nothing she could do. Your mother grew to like Ellie very much and supported your relationship, but you didn't feel comfortable in your house anymore. Ellie never left your side and was there when you came out to your parents holding your hand. She defended you like any good partner would. You were grateful for her. 

You did all sorts of things together. Went for hikes, went hunting together, went to all the movie nights in town and Ellie was able to become friends with Dina and Jesse eventually too. You went out on double dates a lot of times together, the four of you. You were happy. Happier than you had ever been. Ellie never felt alone or unwanted. You were there for her during the good and bad times.

She told you she was immune and why she didn't talk to Joel anymore. At first you didn't believe her but one day you saw her breathing in spores and you couldn't believe your eyes. Eventually she told you everything. All the things she had done before coming to Jacson for good and you just held her as she cried. You never once judged her, never once thought badly of her or her actions. Now you understood why she was the way she was, and it all finally made sense. Ellie felt so light after telling you everything. She never wanted to hide anything from you ever again.

Ellie had never told these things to anyone before. But to you, she told you everything. From her days in the Boston Q.Z. where she grew up as an orphan; and how she got bit with Reiley; the Fireflies; Joel and Tess; all the nasty things she had to do through their journey to Wyoming; the man she had to kill because of the unspeakable things he wanted to do to her, while Joel was sick and she had to take care of him through the winter, she thought he wouldn't make it, but he did; all the people Joel killed in the hospital; all the close calls she had with infected; all the trauma she had made sense now. All her fears, you finally understood them. 

You loved her. All of her. Good and bad. Some days she felt like she didn't deserve you, but you stayed with her through all her hard times just like she stayed for yours. You felt like you were soulmates. You never wanted to not have her by your side. You couldn't imagine your life without her anymore.

You lived your days calmly and enjoyed life together. Some folk in town didn't like the two of you two being together but they were afraid of Ellie after one tried to hurt you and she intervened. She missed Joel very much but wasn't able to forgive him. At least not yet. She wrote a lot of songs, some for you, some for her, mostly to stop thinking of the bad things. To keep her demons away.

She had constant nightmares but you held her all night long if she needed you to. She wasn't the best cook in the world but enjoyed helping you in the kitchen and stealing some kisses here and there. Life wasnt perfect but with Ellie by your side it was so much better. She started patrols before you and was almost all she did because of her skills. You liked teaching the kids and were training to be a teacher. You tended to her wounds when she returned from patrol, she always told you you didn't need to but you helped her anyway. 

Some days her PTSD was so bad that she would dissociate completely from her body and you would take care of her. Make sure she ate, and that she slept. You even gave her baths when she couldn't do it herself. She was so grateful to have you. She had never known so much kindness was possible in such a world.

One day you and her were on patrol together, as you pass by the abandoned town Where you found that comic book all those years ago. As you saw the bench where you read it together. You get off of your horse, Gem., you walk up to it and sit down looking at the view. Ellie stops and looks at you as she realizes where you were, and gets off of her horse Shimmer as well ,and sits next to you. As she sits she holds your hand. “It's been a long time since we were here last, hum..” She says in a sweet and soft voice. “It really has…” You say as you lean your head on Ellie’s shoulder. You admire the view over the valley together for a few minutes. Then Ellie gets an idea. She takes her switchblade out of her pocket and walks up to the tree on the right of the bench you were sitting on. She craves yours and her initials inside a heart. “There.” She smiles as she finishes and admires her work. You get up and walk to her. “What's that for?” You ask her sweetly as you smile. “So the world never forgets about us. Our love shall never be forgotten.” She says as she hugs you. “I love you so much, Ells.” You say to her as you're still hugging. “And I love you Y/N, more than anything.” She looks into your eyes and kisses you gently as she smiles slightly. You kiss her back, getting on the tips of your toes to reach her. You then sat down and watched the sunset together. Everything was alright in the world as long as you have each other.

[lover-girl-estxx]

hey! i saw you were taking asks for joel and i have MANY horny thoughts about that man

age gap jackson era joel meeting reader and the first time they get a little frisky he cums in his jeans ��� (but it’s hot asf)

any dads best friend joel or neighbor joel fixing something for you in your house and then BOOM sex

boston qz joel where reader is always around and tess thinks she’s useless but doesn’t know that she is VERY useful to joel (in the bedroom ;))

anythinf that has to do with first times is always great, im not a huge fan of established relationships because I LIVE for tension

thank u 🙏

Shouldn't

2. I added an age gap of course( J 56 R20) , dbf , daddy kink, choking, P in V , oral M!, No outbreak , degrading!, and praise

*not my gif*

I hear a knock at the door I stand up and fix my leggings and over sized shirt. "hey darlin' " Joel said with smile "hey Joel thanks for coming on short notice" I smiled back leaning on the door "not a problem if it's for you" I blushed "come in, i'll show you where" I opened the door wider for him.

I took him through my room to my bathroom "my sink just stopped working I don't know why" I shrugged "alright i'll have a look at it" "thanks!" I smiled. "you want music Joel?" I asked from my room standing by my CD player "you have old country?" he stuck his head out of the bathroom"Hank Williams or Johnny Cash?" "Hank" I nodded putting it in. I mean of course i'd have Joel come fix it, i've thought hes hot since I was 14 and I was horny and couldn't wait for him any longer"

"it's hot in here" I whispered turning my back to Joel before slowly putting my leggings down showing my pink thong then I pulled my shirt over my head my matching lace bra "you have a rag, " he asked then turned "oh okay" "what? you've seen me in a bikini it's the same and it's to hot to wear anything else" "um- yeah" he scratched the back of his neck, I got down on my knees in front of him then leaned forward on my hands opening the bottom drawer grabbing a rag. I reached up hand it to him slightly nudging his bulge.

"you know Joel i'd really like to give you a tip for all your hard work" I put a hand on his belt "yeah?" he licked his lips putting his hand on the back of my head, I nodded looking up at him starting to unbuckle his belt "Y/n I don't know" he said still pushing my head towards him "I know you want to by the way you look at me....and how hard I make you" I pulled his jeans down rubbing him on the outside of his boxers.

I stroke him licking his tip "you want this daddy?" he nodded throwing his head back "you know i've wanted to do this Joel" his breath hitched as I took him all the down my throat.

"Y/n fuck I'm close" he leaned his head on the doorframe, I pulled off him "take your shirt off I want to all of you daddy" I said running my hand up and down him which my hand could barely fit around him his eyes closed taking a deep breath before taking his shirt off.

He came down on my chest before he grabbed my neck pulling me up to him bring my lips which I moan into my hands on his stomach.

He kicked his shoes and pants off before walking me backwards to my bed. He laid my top of me my legs around his waist "you gonna fuck me or what?" I said breathless "who knew you were such a whore" he kissed my neck.

He turned me around on my hands and knees, he pushed my head into my pillow "Joel please" I ran my hand my his lower stomach. He pulled my legs before no warning pushing into me "oh fuck!" I moved my hand to grip the sheet.

Joel moved his hand up my back, putting his hand over mine gripping the sheet. "you're so fucking tight" he said kissing my cheek putting his other hand in my hair "Joel..harder" "no come on you know what to call me" I smirked "Daddy harder". He was going so hard I was seeing stars "i'm so close!" "Coat my cock Y/n" my legs shook around him while he groaned "fuck," I moaned into the bed "stay inside I wanna feel you for a little longer".

"Y/n! is Joel still here?!" My Dad yelled from downstairs "Shit" Joel said.

[write-and-buried]

I'm thrilled that you're enjoying all of us spiraling down the tlou rabbit hole but also-- may we hear your thots ? 👀👀

FUCK YES

So, spoiler free. After i finished the episode i went grocery shopping and accidentally bought fifty bucks worth of comfort cheese.

TLOU SPOILERS (EPISODE ONE & GAME) BELOW THE CUT

OK, In no particular order;

The way they introduced the concept of a fungal pandemic was amazing, the absolute dread that opener inspired was absolutely amazing, and I really commend them for adding that little bit of world building.

Speaking of dread - the way we just follow Sarah about her day, the little hints of the world rapidly going to hell around them with her being an innocent child who is none the wiser, was amazing. The old lady twitching out of focus in the background was hella effective.

Oh god. Joel & Sarah. Their relationship is perfect. The way they caught this sliver of one day of their lives and you already know so much about them, that Sarah has definitely been raised in a loving environment, feels comfortable and safe with her dad, and that they are extremely close. It's magnificent.

Im gonna jump around a little here, but the bookend deaths in this episode were EXTREMELY effective. Joel killing his neighbour with a wrench out of necessity, the way Sarah reacts (reasonably and terrified) and almost looks at her dad differently. Ellie, who watches Joel brutally murder someone with his bare hands, which it could be argued he didnt have to do (this guy could have been bribed) and she looks like she trusts him more.

TESS!! Oh god. TBH I never really paid her much attention on my playthroughs, but MAN they did us a favour by fleshing her out - the softness and intimacy she displays with Joel, the sarcasm.

THAT scene; I knew it was coming. I knew I would cry. I didnt know id cry so hard id have to pause the show, get up and have a cigarette to calm down.

ELLIE;

Bella Ramsey is perfect in this role. They have such a command of the character, the sarcasm, you already get the feeling that she knows she is alone in the world, and is trying to hide it as best she can. But Ellie is just a kid.

The scene of her immediately getting yeeted into a wall was absurdly funny and shouldnt have made me laugh.

She places her trust in strength, and that's going to come back in Winter.

JOEL;

Oh god Joel.

Lets talk about two BIG changes they have made, right off the bat. He is more sympathetic, and more unhinged.

The drugs, was a surprising choice, but one that makes complete sense. He is truly a wounded animal, medicating and lashing out at any given opportunity.

I love that they have him as Tess's attack dog - because thats exactly what he is. A German Shepherd with PTSD.

His blunt, dont give a fuck attitude is absolutely spot on, and the way he carries himself, single minded and focused is so spot on.

THEY HAD NO RIGHT FOR OUR FIRST SHOT TO BE OF A SHIRTLESS SNUGGLER - THAT WAS RUDE AS FUCK

LETS GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY - ALWAYS KEEP HIM WET. THE SLICK BACK HAIR, THE WHORE STANCE, THE ABSOLUTE FERAL LOOK OF RAGE ON HIS FACE, I AM DESPERATE TO FUCK THIS MAN.

POSTCARDS;

RATION CARDS AND PUBLIC EXECUTIONS THAT'S WHERE MY BABIES LIVED I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

In short, I loved it. I thought it was a wonderful first episode, with enough nods to the game for people who have played it, without leaving those who havent completely in the dark.