#IM THINKING OF ANOTHER FIC TOO AGHHHH

[fenharel-babe]

I looked through ALL my drafts on tumble for solavellan fanfic links.

Like all my drafts and found many good ones bUT NOT THE ONE IM LOOKING FOR😭😭😭.

[its-me-im-coraline]

Cry Baby // Ethan Torchio // Playist Fic

words // 1244

warnings // angst angst angst, mentions of struggling with mental illnesses but nothing graphic, but also fluffy caring Ethan

pairing // Ethan Torchio x GN!Reader

author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. aghhhh this is the first fic on my little playlist thingy omg and i am excited although this is v angsty oops. If you don't know what this is supposed to be, i have a playlist tagged on my masterlist, you can send in a song from there or an entirely different one and I use that song, the lyrics and the feeling its music gives me to write a fic.

song is cry baby by the neighbourhood

also, maybe im projecting or maybe im affected by fallon carrington singing her wedding vows lol. also the photo of ethan here, sooooo cute

request // nope

summary // Reader has a hard time trusting people. When Ethan comes into their life it get’s worse. Reader is preparing for unavoided heartbreak but Ethan just might change their mind heart.

They were too stuck in their own thoughts for this relationship. Maybe it started at the wrong time or it was the perfect time but they had the wrong mind. They felt like a narcissist, making everything about them, while having a hard time hearing his side.

He was perfect, too perfect to ever be in this relationship, and maybe that thought scared them. Living around people who only cared about themselves, people who never cared how much they hurt Y/N, they were afraid to admit they might be doing the same to him.

They had not been together for long, only a few months, but the man acted as if he knew them forever. He did not care if they knew each other for a month or five, he was not willing to let them suffer alone. There were the two am panic attacks, calling Ethan at that time, waking him from his sleep, crying about the inability to calm their mind and sleep. He never complained. Or the days he spend at their house, Y/N having a hard time getting off bed, the depressive episodes hitting a little too hard; Ethan spend those days rubbing their back, making sure that they were alright.

Maybe that is what drove Y/N to be defensive, maybe their mind was alarmed by the man’s caring behavior -something so unfamiliar yet needed for them- that they felt defensive every time he was around. Maybe they spoke too much, and they thought the man would be scared away from them. “I’m not going away, Y/N, not for a long time, not at all if it’s on my hand,” he’d say after every fight, when Y/N would say yet another thing they did not mean. He was just too perfect.

“I really meant what I said that, Y/N,” he all but whispered to his lover. “I do love you.”

“Don’t say that, Ethan. How do you even know, it’s too soon!” Excuses, excuses, excuses and more excuses to plain and simple sabotage to themselves.

“You just know, when you know, amore, and I do.”

They could not look at his eyes anymore, afraid that with just one glance from the man their tears would fall, their guards would fall. And, if they let the guards fall even for a moment, it made them vulnerable to twice the heartbreak. So their eyes stayed glued to the floor, never leaving or daring to think about looking elsewhere. Every other place felt like a danger zone.

“You don’t have to say it back, amore, but you can not expect me not to.”

The fear never left, the fear that the young man was lying. He could not actually feel that way, could he?

Just as Y/N spiraled into yet another anxiety attack, there he was again with his soothing words and his soft touch on their face, his breath so close and so fresh hitting their face. “I’ve got you, it’s ok, follow my breath baby, come on, you are doing amazing, that’s it…” It did not take long for them to calm down a bit. Maybe it was the fact that a person finally respected their emotions rather than getting offended by them, but they felt safe even if only for a moment. “I’m here, I love you.”

It kept happening, over and over and over again. The man would profess his love but his love was not ready to believe him. It got him exhausted. He did not mind waiting for them to say the words back, he understood their past and their pain and how hard it is to vocalize something you feel. What he did mind was their active refusal to believe him, so it was the time to confront them.

“Hey, Y/N, do you have a moment?” If a single phrase could put their mind in a frenzy it was this one. The words could not form so they simply nodded their head, moving towards the sitting man.

“Look, Y/N, I-”

“If you are to break up with me just do it,” they said, the words leaving their mouth before even getting the chance to be filtered. They did not want to say that, hell they simply did not want Ethan to break up with them, but the fear was impossible to be hidden.

“What?! Amore, are you even listening to yourself?” He was exasperated. How could Y/N possibly think that, even now, after almost a year together. It hurt the man, it hurt him how much they refused to open up but it also hurt him that someone caused that fear to them before.

“I know what is happening, Ethan. I know I am hurting you with my inability to say those stupid words back. I’ve heard what you said to Victoria the other night -I did not mean to (!)-” “Hey, hey, let’s pause for a second there, amore. I’m not breaking up with you, that is not the problem. But, if you really heard what I said to Vic that night you would not be saying what you are,” he paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, holding his lover’s face between his palms, “I’ve told you countless times I love you, and I will never take that back. I know you do, too. You don’t say it but you show it, but my love, the issue is not the words. The issue is you don’t believe me.”

Y/N was left speechless, not knowing what to say to the man besides that he is right. They’ve been having a really hard time believing that they even slightly deserve this love, the love that the Italian drummer in question has given them more than enough of. He was so kind, so caring, so loving that the more the relationship progressed the harder they found it to believe in his words.

“You can’t possibly truly love me, Ethan,” Y/N said calmly, tears in their eyes, mostly from anger, anger targeted at their mind.

“Then why are you even with me, Y/N? Huh? If you don’t believe that why are we together for almost a year now?!” The high volume of his voice was a stark contrast to the soft and collected tone he usually had, but his emotions were starting to take over and it was utterly obvious at this point.

Y/N did not know what to do, being left speechless for the second time in less than two minutes. Their mind raced for an excuse, a reason as to why they kept being with him if they really did not believe him, until the answer came to them and it was like a lightbulb going off: “Because I know that I love you.”

It came out almost as a whisper, as if the words were trying to not be heard. It was a strain of their voice, a sudden sob accompanying the words that broke Ethan’s heart. His love, his sweet, sweet love, the person he could not stop yearning for no matter how close they were… they were hurt, afraid of being loved - or more so afraid of being lied to. Ethan pulled Y/N into his arms, hands rubbing comforting cycles, lips letting the sweetest of nothings to come out.

“It’s ok, it’s alright, I got you, I’m here, I’m holding you, I am not leaving, I love you.”

tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina @the-killer-queenie @makapaka11

[kinktae]

I’m so proud of you for not only finishing the masterpiece that is Bitchin *chef kiss* but also getting the final chapter out when you were hoping. Every little win should be celebrated so make sure to give yourself some credit x

bitchin 10 asks (finally!)

thefouranemoi said: just finished bitchin! it was soooooos soooooooooo good! im a sucker for a really good slow burn but this wasn't dragged out or overly dramatic. it was perfect and im so glad y/n and jk have each other. thank you for such a series!

sadlemonboy said: i read bitch’n 10 on the bus and was trying so hard to just not cry. i was so good i love it so much. just like thank you

Anonymous said: WHAT'S WITH YARA AND TAE??? ARE THEY TOGETHER??? WILL WE EVER KNOW???

Anonymous said: Buttt just out of curiosity what happened with Yara and Taee, did they became fvckbuddies or smth

forvever-ddaeng said: STOP IM FUCKING SAD ITS OVER :( WHEN I READ “I SLEPT WITH ERIK” I WANTED TO STAB MY EYES OUT LIKE WTF BUT THE PAPER WAS HONESTLY SO FUCKING CUTE IM SO HAPPY WITH HOW THIS TURNED OUT I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BRAIN 🥺 p.s. do you think you’d ever do a drabble or epilogue where we get more of yara and tae? Totally cool if you don’t want to I was just wondering

O.O

Anonymous said: BITCHIN PART 10 WAS SO GOOD!!!! I WAS CRYING LAST MIGHT, THINKING THAT Y/N AND JK WERE JUST GOING TO PART WAYS,,,,HEKDHBFKD FUCKIN HAD ME SCARED. OMG SUCH A GOOD SERIES!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE.

Anonymous said: AHHH I LOVED BITCHIN SO MUCH!!! This has always been one of my favorite fics right from the beginning and probably will always be one of my favorites. You did such an amazing job. I’m sad Bitchin era is over but I’m excited for whatever era that will be next:) Thank you for writing this, ILY

Anonymous said: THANK U FOR BITCHIN IT WAS AMAZING

Anonymous said: Bitchin was one wild ride 😭😭 I loved it and can’t wait for more of your rewind series 🥺💕💕

Anonymous said: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💜💜💜😩😩😩😩- my reaction to bitchin final (for now)

Anonymous said: REST IN PEACE BITCHIN AAAAKAAKK.,?!@ FOREVER IN MY HEART GOD DAMMIT I CANT STOPCRYING ARE U HAPPY ROSE DID U LIKE CRUSHING MY FEELINGS LIKE THIS OIOOHNMY GOD 😭😭😭😭

jessiejellybean said: The only thing I can say about bitchin finale is GAJSOSLALHSISSAOWLLANSHSJAKA SERIOUSLY ITS SO GOOD THIS SERIES AS A WHOLE IS UNBELIEVABLY GOOD 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND

Anonymous said: bitchin was so good😭 i am BEYOND devastated knowing that ill no longer be getting notifs on another update🥺it was so fun to be a part of this journey consisting of having to anticipate for another part to be posted for as long a month! but never have i regretted any second of waiting bcs the result came out so well written and interesting u might as well make it into a hard copy or a movie and get paid loads🤩 keep up the good work❤️

Anonymous said: Funnily enough, you were the first EVER bts blog that I followed because I thought you were funny as hell. Then, you posted part 1 of bitchin and on god I swear I signed my life away for bitchin!jk 🤡. I've officially lived through an era 🥺🥺. I'll miss them but I'll always be the biggest yaraxtae whore 🥵💦 -♒

sydney--chan said: This might sounds totally stupid or whatever, but bitchin' means a lot to me and I'm so happy that you decided to share it with us. Not to get all sad n shit but I started reading this during a really rough period in my life. This story allowed me to forget about all the stuff that was going on, even for just a little bit. This story means so much to me and seeing it end is like making me 😭😭😭 this is the perfect story and I love you and thank you for creating such a beautiful story 

Anonymous said: THAT WAS SO GOOOOOOOD the way u wrote about jungkook’s feelings tugged at my heartstrings like my heart physcially legitimately hurt ur writing was so spot on!! all the details!! Totally worth staying up even though i have class tm

Anonymous said: miss rose i just wanted to stop by and say thank you for always giving us such masterpieces. as a jk whore (ot7 whore in general but ya know) bitchin was just *chefs kiss* i literally looked forward to Sundays bc I knew there was a chance a new chapter would be posted lol. I am sad to see bitchin end but am also suuuuper excited to support your new fics and anything else you come out with. you’re the best. love ya 💕

Anonymous said: Bitchin' 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I'm going to say this for the umpteenth time... IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. It's one of the best fanfictions out there and I'm gonna re-read it at least five more times. Thank you so much for blessing us with this bounty! Take care! 💜💜

koru-rhi said: I should really be asleep but I had to finish Bitchin & I went back and reread it from the beginning to the end and I just want you to know how much I loved it! It was a beautiful smuttyfluffyangsty ride and I can’t wait to read more of your writing! I totally lost it at Everything I Didn’t Say 😫 btw.

Anonymous said: Wow bitchin is over... what is there to look forward to now on this app :(

Anonymous said: I AM NOT CRYING, YOU ARE ALL CRYING I CNA IT THE END DNDMSM MY POOR HEART. AGHHHH SNAMAMA PLEASE,WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME. YOU ARE KILLING ME. I DON'T KNOW IF I AM SAD OR HAPPY OR BOTH.

Anonymous said: UGH! bitchin 10 was amazing *chef’s kiss* I sobbed, I felt their earnest love for each other. A real roller coaster just like my emotions rn. Ngl I sound like a middle aged white mom giving a book review 💀 anygays I just wanted to say that I love ur stories and they’re always so well written

betysotelo18 said: Bitchin'...has me in tears! For some reason I thought this was going to have smut...Who needs smut! This was PERFECT! The damn piece of paper made tears roll down my cheeks! I loved every single chapter. Thanks for sharing

deewhalien21 said: Waiting bitchin part 10 was hell, couldn’t imagine living without them now😔 I’m going to miss them, like a lot. And thank u for good memories with these people mam, thank u for making me experiencing heart break that I could never have. I’m waiting another great stories❤️😔

lalumaia said: That was just perfect, Rose. Thank you, I love you

Anonymous said: hi, bitchin was soooo good and every time you uploaded i felt so happy and excited for the next one, thank you for all your work!

Anonymous said: when i saw the warning said “angst” i was so worried they wouldn’t end up together :( thank you for this rose this was such a beautiful story and experience!!! love u lots angel

Anonymous said: ROSE HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SO GOOD !!!!!!!!

unknowntalesx said: ROSE IM CRYING WHAT THE FUCK I LOVED THAT SO MUCH MY HEART WAS BEING SQUEEZED AND TORN AND I HAD/HAVE LITERAL TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE

Anonymous said: OMG CANT BELIEVE BITCHIN IS OVER 😭😭 i loved everything from the beginning till the end 💜 THANK U FOR WRITING SUCH AMAZING STORY

Anonymous said: On god bitchin is the best series I’ve ever read on this app. The ending was great too! Just sad that it’s over :( thanks for writing it

Anonymous said: FAM YOU GOT ME CRYING IN THE CLUB WITH BITCHIN PT. 10! I absolutely adore your work so much and Bitchin was absolutely beautiful and so fantastic to read. I love it and you so much! Thank you for giving us something so beautiful ❤️ P.S. now take a long break girl because you deserve it

Hi friends! I can’t even begin to explain how much every single comment/like/reblog/ask in regards to bitchin has meant to me

[laurent-ofvere]

So what are your opinions about Game of Thrones S8 now that we are more than halfway through the last season?

Is season 8 of Game of Thrones living up to your expectations? What did you think of episodes 3 and 4? And what about Gendry and Arya?(im just gonna put these together so my answers aren’t redundant, i hope thats cool) (also this is so long why cant i just answer a question and move on)

i uhhh dont know. am i enjoying myself as i watch the episodes? definitely, but i feel likes its more so that im enjoying them for what they are if that makes any sense. i didn’t quite have specific expectations, but what i can say is that i didn’t expect this season and the interactions to feel so fan fiction-ey which sometimes can be great but sometimes not so much, and this felt like the latter at times. now look, if you put together all the different chunks and episodes and out of order sittings then ive probably watched the show 2-3 times, but im not some massive got/asoiaf veteran and im not gonna sit here and claim to have this major insight on characterization or anything, but sometimes…. hm. i might enjoy some stuff while watching it play out (conversations/pairings etc) but it doesn’t feel… authentic? back when i watched certain characters in earlier seasons and thought “i wonder where their storyline will go/end” it feels like i’m not actually getting their grand ending or the culmination that i always theorized about bc this season can feel like, idk, a fan pleaser? so sometimes its hard for me to feel like “ahhh THIS is where that was heading!” bc a part of me just feels jarred/like im not actually, wholeheartedly buying it. which i mean, fuck what im buying bc its happening regardless. but still. 

but thats not to say that its all negative! i honestly am having a really good time with it, and ive re watched every episode at least one and im not one of those people thats like “aghhhh fuck this show already i only care about __ and ___and other than that im over it” i am very much not over it and am still firmly by the balls. 

episodes 1-2 (you didnt ask but ill say just to be collective) i was initially kinda pissy with the first 2 bc even if they had enjoyable scenes in itself, they felt like the kind of scenes that would randomly be scattered throughout an actual potty, storyline moving episode, and i feel like i just got 2 weeks of filler scenes compiled into an episode. but the way i’ve rationalized it to myself is unlike earlier seasons where these kind of scenes are used as additives, the story is essentially over here. we’re coming to the end and there isnt much room anymore for convoluted plot. my younger brother told me i complained about season 7 feeling too rushed and now it took its time more and that also chilled me out, so looking back im feeling better about them.

episode 3: I REALLY LIKED IT OKAY. idk what it is about battle of the bastards but for some reason nothing manages to top it bc that shit really had me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but the battle of winterfell was NICE. i wont lie im a masochist and hoped for more deaths, but i also have this ongoing theory that the show isnt going to end in as much mass death as everyone is expecting (which bothers me lol) so that would explain that. i must say i was pretty disappointed with the white walkers (overarching storyline and also kinda their ending) but i can answer that separately if someone cares bc this is long enough but the episode as a whole still had me like WEEEEEEEE.

episode 4: i know people are up in arms but i liked it?? it was another example of just a lot of conversations and an exciting collection of what is technically not much but like i said for ½, theres only so much plot that can be fleshed out at this point so given that, i was feeling it. (JON AND TORMUND!!!!!) but it was also as a whole often another case of “is this got or got fic” (see: brienne and jamie. i also have Thoughts that i can give if curious) (bronn also came out of literally fucking nowhere but i will suspend disbelief bc i LOVE HIM and i LOVE HIM WITH THE LANNISTER BROTHERS)

gendry and arya: listen, i love them! i really do! i was absolutely giddy every time they interacted in the beginning of the season and i was straight up whooping when they had sex, but for some reason their scene in ep4 just felt like.. a lot. it was really jarring to me and something about it rubbed me the wrong way, even tho i technically do want them together. i actually liked arya’s response (even tho it made me Sad) but i also wouldn't rebel if they somehow still work out in the end, so who really knows how i feel.

im gonna stop here bc you didnt ask for any of this vgbcfhd sorry i ramble

[thespace-dragon]

I just wanted to say that I love your works on Ao3. They are so perfect in so many ways. The combination of fluff and angst kills me. The way you present a darker version of Lance and a more innocent/curious Keith makes my heart pound so loud because it fits so well. I love your ideas and don't get me started with the writing style. I hope you are ok :) (and if you have some advices for a bigginer in the art of writing I am glad to listen) Looking forward to reading more of your MASTERPIECES!

a;skdjgnasg fuck i got so caught up in chores today a;kngadfg, SOOrry this took so freaking long for me to answer jesus fu..

ANYWHOODLES THANK YOU AGAIN FOR LIKE THE BEST COMPLIMENT EVERY JUST AGHHHH i love to really play on how lance can get serious on missions and how keith is a little sheltered and go as far as i can with it. other than that i really try to stick with their canon personalities. (modern aus i dip into their fanon counterparts because theyre memes like holy fuck its awesome) and dude i feel like my writing style is all over the place dont get me started on it xD

but writing tips. gosh this will be long

write your ideas down, all of them, no exception. nothing is stupid, no headcanon not accepted, none of those thoughts. you thought it up, write it down and come back to it one day. who knows you can make it into a fic one day (look at the rift and ruins, prime examples)

write whenever you can, and strive for every day. im a little rusty with writing right now because ive been so busy i crash every time i get home and honestly im a mess, but i try to write as much as i can during my down times. it honestly helps so much.

READ. read a shitton, pick up things from other authors, other fic writers. since i dont necessarily have the motivation to write every day, i make up for it in reading. reading saves lives.

use your own experiences to add another level of depth to your fics. i do it all the time. i adapt some of my life experiences to fit into aus and such, sometimes a whole fic is a result of my life (see displaced)

let art inspire you. there have been so many times that i just let inspiration take me from art that its not even funny (i blame you @thesearchingastronaut

also let music inspire you too! just because song fics might be a little ‘outdated’ doesnt mean you still cant write them. i have a few that are based of songs completely. (which reminds me i still need to finish one of them rip)

scream and scheme. find someone that you scream ideas at and generally just bounce ideas off of them. itll help you find plotholes and what not.

plot your shit out. i cannot stress this enough. there was a time when i didnt plot and looking back on those fics now, theyre all over the place. now i typically have the main plot events all written down, and depending on how previous chapters went, i shore up plotholes in the next chapter. but main plot then break it down into chapters and create events that link everything together

let your characters grow and change. sure fanfics dont offer a lot of room for growht because we all want to remain true to the characters, but that doesnt mean you cant let them grow. its your fic, they will grow in response to how you write it.

let them have flaws too. in ruins everyone has flaws: shiro is terrible with his words despite being a great leader and a warrior. pidge has a one track mind, completely focused on the end result and not letting herself bond with the others. hunk can be timid and it makes it hard to be proud of his work. keith is stubborn, to the point where communication can be compromised because he doesnt want to listen. lance... sigh, lance is many things, the biggest being that he can trust too easily. (shiro and keith were exceptions to his rule of giving the benefit of the doubt because of their previous positions in the galra empire)but what im saying is, let them have weaknesses, let them learn from their mistakes. it makes the characters feel more 3 dimensional

dont give up. ever. if someone leaves a bad review on your fic, dont worry too much about it. you can take some of what they said into consideration, but dont let what they get you too down. on my first fic ever, i got a flame that called my original character for a universe a mary sue. did that stop me? obviously not because here i am still writing fanfics.

join group chats if you can with other writers. theyre always there to help and really give the best advice. ive met some great people by joining discord servers. some really great artists too! dont be afraid to reach out and start talking with people. my ask box is always open ^^

last but not least, and certainly not because 13 is my lucky number, but  DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANOTHER WRITER. just dont do it. it will kill your drive ebcause youre too busy thinking of how youll never catch up, never be like the writer that you admire. everyone starts somewhere, and everyone grows at their own pace. not everyone is going to be spectacular for every fic, or right out of the gate, hell, my first few fics were awful, i hate them, but i keep them around because it shows how far ive come.

oh god, i think thats it. i hope thats it xD but if you have anymore questions, or want to scream in general, dont be a stranger!! Thanks again hun :D