#IM STILL going to respond to things with simple screenshots because i dont want this holding me back

[hamadacare]

ooh you all like my edit? (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

i tried playing with filters and the outcome (right) looks so good! downside is that it's going to murder me to go through all of the screencaps and do them one by one OTL

[flamingo-writes]

Bro I love your writing! I’m a new fanfic writer and was wondering if you can pass down your knowledge on writing lol

BRO!! I AM SO SORRY I TOOK AGES TO RESPOND!! I WANTED TO RESPOND SOONER BUT I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY AND I HAVE TO RESPOND THIS ON DESKTOP AND  NOT ON THE STUPID APP

LISTEN, I LOVE YOU AND I’LL GLADLY PASS DOWN SOME KNOWLEDGE. I may not be the best writer, but it’s honest work ok dhusihncs

keep reading under the cut bcs Long Post

Some time ago, someone asked me to share some tips, and to this day, I still agree/follow the tips I posted back then. You can read them here. 

There’ this post I once reblogged some time ago, and I do this SO MUCH like, no kidding. There’s this fic Im currently writing (surprise ruined uhdfciusfc dont ask me when, I am half way through, my writing speed is UNPREDICTABLE even for me) and it looks like this (parts blurred out bcs spoilers, and I dont wanna spoil who is this about)

[fun fact: I almost spoil who this is about, I forgot to blurr out the last patch of purple, I dare you all to guess who this is about ecughishc hint: is a fandom I recently joined]

Something specifically I do, i don’t know if others writers do it to, is start with the dialogue (pretty much like you see in the screenshot above) mostly because most of my stores start with dialogue. I write the main dialogue alone, and then add details as who said what, how they said it and details like describing actions and places.

(it’s also important to figure out how your writing process flows. I varies from writer to writer. Mostly bcs you understand how you work, and you stress less about your writing bcs you understand how it works.  My writing process is basically:

can’t sleep bcs of idea

write down dialogue

add details as to who said what, how they said it

add paragraphs describing the setting (sometimes this one comes first, then the dialogue)

editing

contemplating how good this is, maybe suffer a little

post it 

BONUS: my quality standard is: if I were a random reader, would I like this story? if the answer is FUCK YES then I post it. If it’s nope, or eeeeh, or its a pretty ok story, then no. If it’s good but not the best, most likely, I’ll post it. This also can happen at any time in my writing process. 

Its  not necessary to have a quality standard kinda checklist like I do. I’m just very strict with my work :( this is why about 10% of everything I write ends up being posted, and why I take ages to post something in this blog. 

I’m gonna add a few ss from a conversation I once had with a friend here on tumblr, where I mentioned some things about writing details without cluttering the text and make it sound robotic/boring. (please ignore the typos, I type v fast on my phone and ALWAYS have typos)

this is an example of what I mean (bellow the red line is a different way of writing the first paragraph)

note how I also managed to mention another details about the weather. 

Another tip I have, and I think I mentioned it in the ask I linked in the beginning is to read other people’s work. Not only you’ll learn new words, you’ll learn ways of describing things. 

Each writer has a unique style and voice, and most of it comes from writers absorbing little things from other writers. I hope I am making sense hcksfhcs like, there are 3 writers I read a lot when I’m trying to write smut bcs I love how they write it. I don’t straight up copy what they write bcs thats not cool, but not only they inspire me, I’m like: ooooh, this phrase in particular sounds very cool. Or “the way they describe this action is real spicy” and so on. 

Even the wording of things. I once read in some fanfic I can’t remember, but I read the phrase “[piece of clothing] hung from [their] waist” its a pretty simple phrase, but by how it’s written, I swear to god, it immediately presses buttons in my brain that make me go:

and since I first read that phrase I was like “OHOHOHO I HAVETO INCORPORATE THIS INTO MY WRITING” and stuff like that. 

Tiny details you can add into your style. And if its coming from several writers, in the end, your style is defined by the writers you like and read. And its not bad, every artist style comes from the influence of all those people the artist looks up to. 

And that’s about all I can think of right now. I might as well make a masterpost with all the posts I find with writing tips, and my own writing tips. bvfsdvbhsfj

Thank you for dropping by, and I’m sorry this turned out very long, and so late fichighvshs BUT BETTER LATE THAN NEVER ANSWERING RIGHT

[shattered-catalyst]

So this  isnt for anything other than just to say what happened just so I feel heard and I can explain why I cant be as energetic and socially active on here. Its not a callout post or to be reblogged/shared by people. Its not to get anyone in trouble or to cause any reaction. It’s just for me to let it out and reclaim this space again. Its been a year since it happened and I guess I’m just still noticing how badly it has impacted my PTSD. How much its changed me as a person both online and off, and this isnt a woe as me thing either this is just me feeling a need to be heard and explain my own behavior over the year and also to make one simple request of you guys: no matter what you do, always treat your rp partners as people first and writers second.

Because I feel myself becoming bitter and that isnt who I am and I dont want to be someone like that. Or like this. I want to be me again

The person who did this wont be named mainly because they dont deserve it and yall dont need to know. Their behavior when I confronted them more than cements the impression that they dont see any harm in what they said and how they reacted. And again this isnt about them though In A Way I suppose it is? it takes two to tango but it takes one to encourage someone to kill themselves.

This is going to be long because I need to inform on the activity that lead up to this  because it didnt just happen over night- though in a way it did. But you need a better picture of this person because apparently they present a really great face that only a few of us see the manipulative and toxic side of.

This person was always very judgemental and hyper critical. I witnessed a lot of very negative and toxic behavior from them but I was naive and just hoped they would mature as they grew older and gained more independence. I thought it was just a toxic friend group and that perhaps she would recognize her self destructive and immature behavior and grow from it. 

My first red flag should have been when they accused me of being their ex girlfriend SOLELY because I was living in PA. I hate to break it to yall, but PA is a big ass state and has a lot of comic book loving ladies. Thankfully I have never met this person IRL and I hope I never do.

They tried to pull me into making fun of other muns on discord, including mocking sensitive pictures from a mun’s personal blog. I blatantly said it wasnt okay and made me uncomfortable and she continued laughing and making jokes about it with her friend group on discord. She kept trying to pull me into it no matter how often I tried to change the subject.

Her group of friends also did this thing where one of them would go interact with a mun an they would take screenshots of the convo and share it with the group and mock the mun they were interacting with. Whether it be their presentation of character/grahics/writing style/ etc.

The other red flags I ignored? How much she complained and mocked other muns and compared them to me; if anyone did anything or said anything she disagreed with it was an instant blow up. She took EVERYTHING personally including other people writing the same characters she did, having differing headcanons, not knowng obscure details about canon, etc.

She once tried to make fun of a new writing partner I had who was writing the same character, and I had to break it to her that this new person could write in her first language if she wanted to; im being very vague but let me just say if you and your character have the same first language and you want to write in it then its completely WRONG for a white mun to try and make fun of you for it.

She once suggested I had stolen pictures off her pinterest when she sent me a moodboard request for my character. Jokes on her I didnt even know she HAD a pinterest and I had gotten all my pictures from the ‘green aesthetic’ tag on tumblr. Which I told her but she kept pushing the idea on me I had stolen them. I of course dismissed this and put it on the back burner despite the alarm bells going off.

This hyper critical and paranoid behavior continues with everything from other canon blogs making similar head canons/ vaguely similar graphics/ to fanfiction authors having similar head canons/plot ideas.

My penname Citrus? I didnt want one. I didnt want it. She demanded I have a pen name and if not she was going to call me Cat. Now as yall know I dont like being enmeshed with my muse so I keep myself separate from them. I didnt like being called Cat and I told her that explicitly. She kept doing it. So I had to make a pen name because she refused to respect my boundaries.

When the Deadpool movie came out she DEMANDED I change my FC to reflect the movie Despite Not Changing Hers to reflect her own characters new look - which might i add is fat erasure. It was clear then that the rules and standards she held other people to didnt apply to herself. I was labeled problematic for not giving into her demands to change FCs (which I have a literal logical reason for not changing and im not explaining that here)

So I shouldve left. Long story short I didnt because every friendship I’d been in until around this time had been abusive and toxic. I thought this was all normal behavior for people to have and I was convinced I was just being critical of someone elses opinions/ insensitive etc. Thanks to my colleagues in graduate school and to several of you on here I learned that ‘hey dumbass friends dont treat your ass like this’.

Im leaving a lot out about the shit she did/said to me but those snippets give you an idea of things.

Leading up she decided to leave fandom and asked we didnt talk about marvel I said cool okay and didnt talk about marvel with her. If I did I would ask first if she was okay if we talked about one small aspect I thought might excite her/ she would like to know about but it wasnt often that happened because she began ghosting me. Hard. She stopped replying to me at all over discord when I would try and talk to her how we used to about our lives. She didnt answer any asks for munday or character development, in fact she blatantly ignored me.

I checked in a couple times with her to make sure I hadnt done anything to make her uncomfortable and she said no. May I emphasize she said no here. Im emphasizing it right now. She said no. She said everything was fine. So when I was like hey dude this is super triggering for me can you send me like a hi every once in awhile just so I can know we’re okay because its super triggering for me. Yall know what she did? She ‘lmao’-ed. she thought that was hecka funny. Yeah triggering ‘Citrus’ is hilarious isnt it? No it isnt and I shouldve cut her ass off right then and there.

Heres where shit gets confusing: she kept fucking talking about marvel to me. Id get messages at random times about marvel and then silence for weeks. I vividly remember during this period I was cleaning the museum vault and she kept messaging me about her marvel fc’s and how she wouldnt get a plotline and how characters were wrong etc.

I remember being REALLY confused because she had said NO MARVEL. But here she was bitching at me about marvel. In fact thats all she did when she did talk to me. Which was only like three or four times during the ghosting time period. She’d bitch about marvel and then vanish.

Shed make claims about not watching her dash and thats why she never responded to me/ interacted with me. She’d say she wasnt talkng to anyone while I see her on the dash TALKING TO PEOPLE and Id like to point out Ive told her I would be fine ending anything as long as she let me know.

but she followed me on every blog and throughout this time period she made and followed me on numerous ones. She kept reaching out sporadically to bitch about her fcs/how horrible marvel was/ and thats it. 

It was extremely confusing because if someone doesnt want to talk to me I assume they will; 1. unfollow 2. block 3. say goodbye 4. ghost and stay ghosted.

Not cycle through behavior rapidly. I asked her a few times if we were good and that I was confused and I got another ‘lmao’ reaction so I assumed we were good. At this point I still have no idea what was going on/ what message I was supposed to be receiving other than confusion.

So following this is heavily suicide tw and I encourage you not to read this part and to scroll down until the suicide tw is over which is highlighted in bold- if you’re triggered by that because I care about those who follow my blog.

So thats when this shit happened. I had tried reaching out to her on a different fandom platform to try and maintain the friendship. Because she said numerous times that we were friends. So like I reached out thinking maybe she just didnt want a marvel blog period.  It wasnt too long after that that she suicide baited me.

I was in a really bad place and had been for awhile and when I posted about how the only thing holding me on was the new comic coming out and specifically said “im seriously suicidal and this comic is the only thing giving me hope #idk what to do anymore ”. I was surprised when she liked the post.

I was three steps into a four step plan. I had everything but the method planned out and was just waffling along with that. Because yknow its complicated and you do it you make it count amiright. Right. I was in a fucked up place. I had just realized I was gay, I was horrendously depressed, I was in considerable physical pain, I was working 70 hours a week, my OCD was at an all time high and the only thing that kept me on this earth was a fucking comic book. You hold onto what you need to yknow?

WELL APPARENTLY NOT

Because this person who doesnt read her dash? This person who doesnt want to talk about anything? Liked that post where I specifically stated I was suicidal and sent me a discord message saying “dont have hope”.

Thats all it said “dont have hope”

Now I know what youre thinking but hold on because it gets worse.

I said something about being confused I dont really remember because I was pretty out of it. I do remember she kept going on about how horrible the comic would be and that it would be a piece of trash. I remember telling her I was really numb and in a bad place and couldnt feel anything. I remember her sending me screencaps and continuing to go ON AND ON about how it wasn’t worth reading.

I remember with gross intensity how someone who said they were my friend was taking away the only thing that was keeping me alive.

I dont remember how the conversation ends. I called out of work for the next three days. I was catatonically depressed and unable to really move. I didnt eat either. I went to internship, work, and school in a state of dissociation.

 I took screencaps of everything and set them aside for later. IDK what I was going to use them for but I set them in a folder on my desktop, looking back I regret what I did next; because I deleted them. I deleted them because I thought maybe she had been manic or drunk and hadn’t realized the scope of what was happening. I wanted to talk to her about it and clear things up because I believed in her. I believed there was no way she would be so callous as to do that on purpose. No way would someone try and get someone they called a friend to kill themselves. So I deleted the screencaps and my post on tumblr. I deleted all evidence to protect her and I encourage you all never to fucking do that even if you think that person misunderstood the gravity of your situation. Because if you’re wrong no ones going to believe you.

I remember shifting between intense depression and total denial.

I spent the rest of that month in and out of intense dissociative states when I wasnt in class or working with my clients.  During the middle of October my sister sent me pictures of a litter of puppies and I was like ‘well, i really need to either kill myself or make sure i dont’. I spent a few days continuing to waffle with that decision but then i remembered my mom cosigned my loans and I cant leave her with that debt because fuck we cant even afford my funeral to begin with. So I adopted a dog, I named him Julio to remind me to keep living and he finally came to me on halloween.

He was the only reason I left bed on my days off. I tried not to think about it but I did.  

I continued to spiral with heavier dissociative episodes and vivid nightmares about it.

SUICIDE TW OVER

I waited until Christmas to ask her to clarify the situation and let her know I no longer felt comfortable writing with her. I reminded her what happened and told her to check her discord if she wanted to see for herself etc.

She sent two long asks of combative, emotionally abusive, and gaslighting accusations. The first thing she did was say I needed to provide evidence if I went around making accusations like that. Then she cascaded into how I always talked about marvel *points up to where i explained what happened earlier*.  She tried gaslighting me like a champion and tried turning me into a horrible person the only problem is everything she was accusing me of doing was the shit she was doing to me. Everything. 

Even if I was bad at any time I had given her numerous chances to tell me I was overstepping a boundary- she always said no. I gave her numerous times to unfollow me if she wasnt interested in interacting with me- she never did. In fact I had unfollowed her that month because of her behavior towards me and she hadnt even noticed.

I let her know I could tell she was angry,  and that I didnt take receipts of private conversations because I believed in settling things like adults, and that if she ever wanted any proof it was all in her discord anyway. I let her know she could contact me to apologize but otherwise I didnt want her on any of my blogs and I told her the first thing she should have done wasnt demand receipts but she should have asked if I was okay. Its a real reflection of where her priorities were when she demands evidence rather than checks to see if a writing partner is okay.

Even if I did something horrible it doesnt warrant someone trying to get me to end my life. 

I was notified she put a post on her blog apologizing to her followers for being a bad friend and that she was a horrible person and ofc everyone was like ‘noooo youre perfect’ and its like ya thats not for me who hasnt followed her in months- thats to save face.

Her friends blogs kept visiting my profile and going through the month where this happened.

Everything she did and said was to save face. Her blog and her reputation are the only thing she cared about. She has never approached me to apologize or anything of the sort and I doubt she ever will. I would hope she would never do this again and I hope she has grown as a person since. That her life is better and her mother is okay, that shes happy and learning. 

 I know by posting this I will never receive an apology- then again i never expected one to begin with. I could go through all the trouble of restoring the deleted files but to be honest it isnt worth it because theres no room in my life for that type of toxicity.

Since this happened I:

I have stronger episodes of depression and dissociation since.

My PTSD has increased and I have week long spikes in anxiety attacks, depression and decreased self worth if I even see her around the rpc despite being blocked, blacklisted on xkit etc.

Have more difficulty completing basic self care tasks due to an increase in depression and a decrease in self worth.

I have nightmares about this event and her to this day a year later.

I cannot interact with the RPC how I once did as I fear seeing her on my dash or any sort of information getting back to her about me.

It took me half a year to see the character she wrote as as safe again and for awhile I couldnt even look at him without experiencing an anxiety attack.

I keep having nightmares. Its been a year and I still have nightmares about this.

I find myself having more difficulties connecting with people online especially on this blog. I’m constantly on edge when interacting with people and I feel spikes of anxiety at the merest thought of someone talking about me to her.

I find myself unable to have confidence as a writer or creator online because I have been reminder of the cement wall between oc characters and their canon counterparts.

I cannot go out and just follow anyone and be friendly and trusting with them anymore, even with people I already know. In the back of my mind is a constant reminder of how she and her friends used to check up on people and pretend to write with them/ interact with them just to take screenshots of conversations to share with the group. I have become a paranoid little bitch in the past year is what Im saying. like theres 0 need for that shit.

I blocked most of the people she interacted with simply to save myself from being triggered by her blogs/ mentions of her and that isnt fair to those people.

I remember the photo incident and how people derived such joy from mocking someones body. I can think of so many incidents of them making fun of others and I remember how that could be happening about me rn, and I wonder if anyone would stick up for me like I did for the other mun.

 I hope by posting this I can try and return to the person I was before this happened. I can try and not be so bitter and reach out again to others. That somehow I can continue working on making tumblr a safe place for me again and not a PTSD laced minefield.

I would like to remind this isnt a callout and I request if you know who this is about you dont say anything to them. This isnt for them. They have NEVER reached out to apologize for their actions. They have NEVER checked to see if I was okay after that. They have NEVER shown any remorse for encouraging me to kill myself and while I hope they’ve grown from the situation and will never do it again I doubt I will ever get closure from such an event. But i DO hope by writing this I can take this place back.

Consider this my first step towards bringing this up to a therapist.

 Consider this another step to me taking this blog back and feeling safer here; and maybe just maybe Ill make up a cool pen name for myself and own that shit.

If you’ve read this far thank you for your patience with me, and I request you always treat your writing partners like the people that they are. 

This post is not intended or written to leave this blog and therefore I request you not reblog it or share segments of it with ANYONE. If I find you have shared anything on here without my explicit permission I will block you.

‘Citrus’

[blogbykatie-blog]

Love, Simon:

Summary;

The film starts with Simon  telling us about himself. His parents are former quarterback Jack and valedictorian Emily. His younger sister Nora  is an aspiring chef. Simon spends time with his three best friends - Leah , Nick , and Abby . He considers himself fairly normal, other than his one "huge-ass secret": he's gay. 

Before he heads to school, Simon sees a man he finds attractive working with a leaf blower. He tries to talk to him but ends up being awkward. The only openly gay student at school is Ethan, who is picked on by the school's resident jackasses Aaron and Spence. At home, Simon is watching TV with his family when Jack makes an unfortunate joke about a guy on "The Bachelor" looking "fruity".

Later, Simon gets a FaceTime call from Leah, who tells him about the school's blog where an anonymous student going by "Blue" has come out as gay. Simon decides to start e-mailing Blue under the name of "Jacques" (as in "Jacques a dit", which is French for "Simon says"). Blue responds to Simon, and the two continue sending each other messages and forming a strong connection. Simon is at the school library where he accidentally leaves his e-mails open. They are found by his classmate Martin, who has a reputation for being extremely weird and annoying. Martin approaches Simon and reveals he took screenshots of his e-mails and is effectively blackmailing Simon to set him up with Abby. Simon is upset but also isn't ready for everyone to know he's gay, so he goes along with it. At lunch, Simon's friend Bram invites everyone to his house for a Halloween party. Simon starts to suspect that Bram could be Blue, based on their interactions and hints dropped in the e-mails. Simon and his friends meet up at his house. He invites Martin, to the chagrin of his friends. On their way to the party, Martin ends up trying WAY too hard to talk to Abby, and she is clearly more interested in Nick. At the party, Nick tells Simon he is thinking of asking Abby out, but Simon comes up with a lie that Abby is seeing an older college guy. Simon is then invited by Bram to play beer pong and gets Martin and Abby to play against them. Simon later goes upstairs to find Bram making out with another girl, to Simon's disappointment. To make things worse, Martin blows chunks on Simon after getting too drunk. Leah walks Simon back home as he wears her cardigan. They go to his room where Leah talks about loving one person for the rest of her life, meaning Simon himself. He doesn't get it and instead just goes to bed, and she sleeps on the floor. Martin urges Simon to move faster with Abby, or else the e-mails get leaked. Simon gets Abby and Martin to go with him to rehearse lines for the play at a Waffle House. Meanwhile, Simon becomes attracted to their waiter, Lyle, who Simon now believes could be Blue. Martin then tries to get Abby to say her name and say she deserves a "goddamn superhero". Martin goes as far as to get the attention of everyone in the restaurant until Abby says it, which she does so he'll shut up. Simon walks outside as Lyle is sending a message on his phone. They chat briefly until Lyle goes back inside, and Simon gets a message from Blue, who is planning to come out to his father. Simon later takes Abby home and comes out to her. She says she is not surprised, even though she never suspected it, but she still loves Simon. Martin starts hanging around Simon and his friends, but is closest to Abby. This bothers Nick, who still wants to ask Abby out. Simon tells him that Leah has a crush on him and that he should ask her out instead. The students go to their homecoming game. Simon sees Lyle and chats with him, but learns that he's straight and interested in Abby. As Simon walks away, he's approached by Martin, who's the school mascot. He asks Simon if he should make a romantic gesture for Abby, to which an apathetic Simon responds "Go big or go home". Martin uses this as an opportunity to  interrupt the National Anthem so that he can ask Abby out in front of the entire school. Embarrassed, she gently tells him that she's just not into him like that. Martin walks away, humiliated. Over Christmas break, Simon tries to call Martin to see if he's okay. Leah then calls Simon to tell him to go on the confession blog. Martin, trying to throw attention away from his homecoming debacle, ultimately posts Simon's e-mails, outing him. Nora sees the post and asks Simon, but he coldly turns her away. Simon goes absent from his friends during the break. He comes out to his parents on Christmas, and they appear okay with it, but Jack makes another bad joke, and he and Simon don't speak for a while. To make things worse, Simon speaks to Blue one more time, and Blue chooses not to continue sending messages. Simon spots his friends on the street. He goes to talk to them, but Nick and Abby are mad at him for making up lies to keep them apart. Simon admits what was going on with Martin and he apologies, but they leave. Leah also admits to Simon that she was in love with him and would have been fine with him being gay, but she is still mad about the lying. Upon returning to school, the other students all gawk at Simon after what happened. He approaches a student from his drama class, Cal, whom Simon thought may have been Blue, but Cal denies it. During lunch, Simon sits alone when Aaron and Spencer call out him and Ethan and mock them in front of the cafeteria. Ms. Albright steps in and amazingly shuts the two bullies down and sends them to the principal's office. Simon and Ethan are forced to go as well so the boys can apologise to them. Simon talks to Ethan, who says that although he is open and confident about his homosexuality, it isn't at all easy for him, and his mother still pretends for the rest of his family that he is straight. Afterwards, Simon is going home when he is approached by Martin, who is very apologetic, but Simon tells him to fuck off. Simon talks to his mum, who has no problem with him being gay and says he should be free to be himself and saying "Mum, I'm still me." He later talks to his dad, who apologies for all the times he's made dumb jokes, and he lets Simon know how much he loves him. Simon then helps Jack come up with a good slideshow for his and Emily's 20th anniversary. Simon finds Leah walking her dog on the street. He apologies to her for lying and admits that he has fallen in love with Blue. She forgives him and asks to know more about Blue. Simon then posts a confession to the blog where he accepts himself and also apologies to those that he hurt. Just about all of his classmates and teachers read it. He adds an invitation for Blue to find him somewhere after the school's play. The students at school now have a greater respect for Simon. After the show, Simon's friends invite him to go with them to the carnival. Simon takes his entire stash of tickets and uses it to ride the Ferris wheel in case Blue shows up. All of his friends and classmates stand by to see if he will arrive. After a while, it appears hopeless, but Martin shows up and tries to make it up to Simon. First he pretends he was Blue, but admits that's not true, and he gives the ride operator a few extra bucks to keep it going. Just then, Blue finally arrives, and it turns out to be... BRAM! Simon realises who he is, and Bram admits that what he saw at the party was a drunk moment that ended quickly. When they reach the top, Simon and Bram kiss, and everyone cheers. Later on, Simon picks up his friends from school, now including Bram, as they have begun dating. 

Link?

I bet your wondering how this film/book links into my research. well... it’s simple. its about the struggle most gay people have, and gay rights is an issue...still. 

opinion:

I love the fact they made a film/book about gay struggles mostly because I’m bisexual, and before coming out it felt like i was lying to my friends, family, classmates, and even myself. Don’t get me wrong, the way it came out to my family(the ones that know) isn’t the way i wanted it too. But it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. another reason is that you don’t just learn one story, but two. which means learning more sides to ‘coming out’.

But this film/book helps those whom don’t need to ‘come out’ understand whats it like. including how some of us struggle and how most gays feel before coming out.

[sadrien]

Ok so YES I love the long distance internet friends au but consider! Long distance wrong number au

honestly anon, thank you so much for this tonight. 

i took long distance and made it loooooong distance to the point where it probably doesn’t make sense, but ~~suspension of disbelief~~

texts between adrien and the mystery person (wow i wonder who) are in italics because theyre in french. also i didnt want to bother anyone so ‘numéro inconnu’ is from google translate so im sorry for….that

finally i tried to streamline how i do texts for this just because the way i do texts is usually a lot clunkier? so it looks more like wanna chat but isnt in like….the contact names are still what the other person would see? like when it says pretty boy thats ninos contact name for adrien and—

frick just tell me if its too confusing and tell me how to fix it im really tired

[on ao3 in case the read more is a butt and wont open]

2:51 PM unknown number: Did this work????? unknown number: a;slkdfjadj its me btw unknown number: I mean duh its me who else would it be unknown number: If you screenshot this conversation al I swear to go d Ill kill you

Adrien squints at his phone. Not only does he not know this number, but the text are in French. That’s…unusual. He thinks that it’s a lucky coincidence that his father is from France and insisted he learned the language before replying.

2:52 PM numéro inconnu: I think you might have the wrong number. numéro inconnu: Sorry if my French is bad I don’t speak it often and I write it even less

unknown number: Ohmogd unknown number: IM SOSO RRY  IDNT MEAN OT unknown number: AHHHHH I MUSTCE TYPED IT IN WRONG???????? unknown number: Im sorry IM osrry Im sorry Im s orry Im sorry!!!!!!!!!! ; ^ ;

It takes Adrien a minute to translate the texts with the typos. He’s not nearly as fluent as he thought he was. His dad will be thrilled about that. Maybe he needs to mention to Nathalie that starting Chinese has left him a little rusty with his French…

Not that this is going to be a thing. Because it’s not. He’s not going to keep texting some random stranger from— Wait a minute.

2:54 PM numéro inconnu: On the off chance of sounding really stalkery numéro inconnu: (I’m not sure if that’s the right word, I had to use Google Translate) numéro inconnu: Do you live in France?

Yup. That question is just as creepy as it sounded in his head. Adrien spins slowly in his chair as he waits for a response, completely disregarding the homework he needs to have done before he leaves for fencing.

2:57 PM unknown number: Ummm unknown number: I dont know if i should be telling you this random stranger I texted by accident unknown number: But seeing that its a big country unknown number: ANd idk how youd find me to like murder me or something unknown number: Yes. Im from France unknown number: Why??

3:01 PM numéro inconnu: It’s just that numéro inconnu: I live in the United States so… numéro inconnu: I’m trying to figure out how you got a wrong number that…wrong numéro inconnu: That sounded mean I’m sorry!!!!!!!

Adrien puts down his phone and groans. Scaring people off from literally an ocean away. He’s always known he’s not the greatest at socializing but this is some next level shit. He stares at his darkened phone screen for a minute before deciding that whoever he’s been texting is probably extremely weirded out and won’t be replying.

He’s strangely disappointed by that.

And while he could go back to doing physics work, he’s not going to. Because now he’s distracted and he doesn’t really want to be thinking about sound waves right now. Maybe in like fifteen minute, because sound waves are cool and add a whole new layer to music that he kind of loves, but not right this second.

The next time his chair spins past the desk, he grabs his phone and pulls up his conversation with Nino.

3:09 PM pretty boy: Have you ever been texted by someone who has the wrong number before?

duuuude: yup duuuude: it was weird af duuuude: didnt turn into a full convo cause they never responded

pretty boy: What did they send?

duuuude: a rad horse painting and the message ‘jen painted another horse’

pretty boy: Ok wow yeah that is kind of weird

duuuude: yeah i didnt respond duuuude: but then the next day they asked about florida?? and flooding??? and were like yo have you seen or called anyone and i was like oh shit i should probably respond because this seems important incase theyre looking for someone

pretty boy: Yeah that sounds like a smart move pretty boy: Did you ever hear back from them

duuuude: nah duuuude: unfortunate too i wouldve loved to see more horse drawings duuuude: anyway that was kinda a random question any reason why you ask?

pretty boy: I got a text from a wrong number pretty boy: From France

duuuude: what the fuck duuuude: bruh international texting fees duuuude: good thing youre rich my dude

pretty boy: Nah it’s ok it was all iMessage

duuuude: bless duuuude: so was it like duuuude: in french

pretty boy: Yup

duuuude: aw man you lucked out duuuude: is it like a full conversaiton??

pretty boy: Idk they haven’t responded in like 15 minutes pretty boy: It was nice while it lasted

duuuude: :/ rip

Adrien blinks in surprise when a notification from the unknown number pops up at the top of the screen. He clicks it immediately, not even reading any of the text before he does.

3:27 PM unknown number: I dont?????? KNow???????????? unknown number: My friend got a new phone and wrote her number on my arm but her writing is always kinda a mess and also I smudged the numbers because IM a mess and I unknown number: Somehow???? unknown number: PLUS I managed to add the us country code????

numéro inconnu: Well I’m pretty sure that’s just a 1 so that’s understandable

unknown number: And any other numbers I needed??? Hwo did I?? unknown number: I don t know how I did it D: unknown number: Ohmy god and I just realized you probably dont want a million texts from a total stranger in a language you barely speak?? unknown number: IM SO SORRY ILL STOP NOW unknown number: YOU SEEM REALLY NICE SORRY FOR WASTING YORU TIME unknown number: OK BYE

3:36 PM numéro inconnu: It’s fine! numéro inconnu: My dad is actually from Paris so I do know French numéro inconnu: I can’t really say I’m totally fluent in it but I spoke it a lot when I was little numéro inconnu: This is good practice! numéro inconnu: And you’re weren’t wasting my time at all, I promise

Good going, Agreste, he thinks to himself. Over enthusiastic and weird. He tries not to think about it too much and goes back to physics. Physics with its constant equations and complex numbers and waves and waves and waves and waves. It gets a little easier when he’s able to connect it to something he knows. He can hear frequency in his music and beats when he tries to tune instruments. He finds his fingers itching to spread across the black and white piano keys and lose themselves in the music.

By the time Nathalie is calling him for fencing, he’s mostly forgotten about the conversation he had with the stranger across the sea. Not entirely, it’s still in the back of his mind, but he’s moved past the disappointment of likely never speaking to them again. While he’s fencing, his mind has no room for those thoughts and he throws them away. He won’t be needing them again.

When Adrien checks his phone after practice for schedule updates from Nathalie or texts about the weekend from Nino, he finds a single text in French at the bottom of his pile of notifications.

He can’t stop himself from smiling as he opens it. He’s not exactly sure what time it is in France right now, he assumes it’s fairly late and doesn’t expect a response anytime soon, but he replies quickly anyway. His reply is short and simple, but he doesn’t know what else to say, so it’ll have to be enough for now.

Maybe this is a one time thing. Maybe it isn’t. He’d like it to be the latter, but right now, he’s just winging it.

4:02 PM unknown number: Well if youre really really sure… I mean I wouldnt be talking to you often obviously!!! But it might be cool to know more about America? Ive always wanted to visit and wow this probably is super weird and Im so sorry for that like this conversation hasnt been weird enough already ahahahhhhhhhhh but um. I just mean to say that if you wanted to maybe keep talking I wouldnt mind?

5:19 PM numéro inconnu: I’d love to keep talking if you want to! :)