#IM SOOO INSANE ITS BAD. ITS SO BAD
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So unfortunately the guy that made me realize I like men is the most boring, generic man I've ever created. I looked at this guy who says shit like "alrighty" and "hold on there buddy", and my honest to god response was to become so attracted to him that it rewired my entire brain. You have no idea how many office romance type scenarios I have imagined myself in with this guy. I drew him in a slip dress once
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absolutely agree with u on everything. would like to go on a toxic bender with oliver in the way that we dont leave each other alone for 30 days and 30 nights straight though (an exaggeration but u know!) and have the most messy situation ever so i can go back to being sane and he can find somebody else to bother. i fear a single hookup is not enough once u and him both get a taste
u and oliver have a toxic domesticity period where u lowkey live with him for like two weeks while he's in japan and u fuck nonstop and spend a lot of time together but if anyone asks either of u if ur taken u BOTH say no but u literally sleep in the same bed and share clothes and it's the most messy situation ever and neither of u can leave each other alone
like its so bad you'll flirt with other people all night and then go home together anyways and fuck about it like clockwork he literally has to get pried away from u bc of his job and even then u obsesses over each other its bad. calls u around other women so you'll slap him when he comes back it is soooo awful
#return to sender#he gets insanely jealous when other guys flirt with you and vice versa but its just an exscuse to fuck in a club bathroom#long suffering sigh. i want him im afraid#toxic cw#like sooo toxic its so bad#tw oliver aiku
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can i confess that i can cum just from kissing...........
#and no like. not necessarily dry humping i mean....... just making out#kissing is insanely stimulating for me its so bad like sooo sensitive . barely need any friction otherwise#i get kissed for like 3-4 mins im cvmming in my pants rip#its soo bad kdjfgh#sora.txt#KISSING IS SOOO NICE .........#sora being tmi challenge impossible#SOMETIMES I MUST OVERSHARE ITS AN URGE
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God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????
#have u considered not constantly comparing me to ur abusive husband who hit u??????#since i was like 8 its really fucking weird#like who in their right mind tells their child theyre naturally destructive just like their father and then says ohhhhh but i didnt mean it#are u fucking insane#doesnt help that i look like him too everyone tells me that#and now she acts like me raising my voice once means she needs to walk on eggshells around me wtf#what about how u treated me from ages 13-16#freak#i cant believe this shes treating me like im some scary stranger as if shes not the one with full financial control and that im this horribl#person go kill yourself omgjdjsjsjwjwwhwhhw#fuck u#last year was the worst year of my life and that was wholy bc of u you showed me what place i really have in this family and that it was not#hing. how is sveryrone so ready to throw me away??#yet everyone else gets to say shes sooo proetctive and loving fuck off you wouldnt even tell them youre treating me badly diedie diediediedi#i want to cut so bad bro#but i promised myself i wont so#i mean i dont even have any way of gettibg blades so whatver#just remembered her reaction to me cutting#nothing. yeah absolutely no reaction. i thought the worat thing that could happen was her gettjbg mad at me again but no#i realised there was somwthing worse. she just straight up doesnt care#useless mother#im fine w u treating me like shit ive accepeted it that i have no place in anyone's life unlesss i hive into this but at least#at least stop trying to confront me like this#just let me rot in peace#i really dont want to do this anymore#any time now she'll ask me if i was pretending to cry so i wpuldnt have to go out w her now#as if that isnt insulting#and then she'll say i wasnt trying to be rude!!! as if she hasnt always treated me like none of my feelings r real. i only ever overeact. ok
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OUOUOUOGHGHHGHUGGHH IT'S OOOVVVERRR!!! THE ALTER EGO EVENT STORY IS OVER NOW WAAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS EVENT SO MUCH!!! And also, the ending to this event seemed way more bittersweet than the other AU events, like it's painfully bittersweet maaaaan my heart--
The lighthearted atmosphere from chapter 14 is such a huge contrast to everything that happened during the first half of chapter 15 uouououoghghhghhghhhh... I love this event, this event is second to Pararoid so much. I love it.
Caiowe moment of chapter 14 oooouououoghghhgjjghghjg CAIOWE!!! I LOVE CAIOWE SO MUVH!!!
Owen kicking Cain will always ALWAYS be my favourite thing he does, it's so good. He loves kicking Cain sometimes and it's always during moments where Cain is either showing Genuine concern for his wellbeing or being Like That. It's so insane honestly, like oKAY, kick the guy that's so close to making you Feel things. Oh terrifying person capable of killing people you don't like, yea sure just kick him like that--
STAAAAAARRRRSSS!!! WHAT! DO! YOU! MEAN! OWEN?!?!?!?!?@? Staring into the eyes of a stranger while you're on the verge of death LIKE OKAY OWEN! NOT GAY OF YOU AT ALL OWEN! Oh my gooooooddd brooooo Owen-- Owen wdym the only other memory you actually have now is that moment of staring into Cain's eyes-- OWEN!!! And the universe said "These two are so fated for each other."
#aria rants#hitting my pillow out of excitement during that moment so badly like STAAAAAAARRRSSS CAIOWE IS SO INSANE#im still laying in bed but the caiowe has energized me. im now ready to start my day. those two are SO UNBEARABLE I HATE EM (affectionately)#honestly so insane of owen to just lightly hit cain sometimes cuz he only ever does that to CAIN its only HIM that gets hit like that#OH OWEN!!! you like cain sooo bad its making you look stupid. affectionately and unbearably so.
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#i am the most neurotic person i know its actually fucking insane how aggressive and horrifically bad it gets for me i feel fucking insane#my intrusive thoughts got so bad today its driving me insane im actually losingit#just the most horribly disgusting horrific aggressive thoughts abt myself screeching in my head all day#i feel like a pacing zoo animal or parrot that plucks itself of its feathers#i am full of sooo much fucking rage and anger and all of it is directed towards myself in My Head#its unbearable#been digging at my scalp sm as a stress response its overr i stopped doing that for a hwile but im doing it again#this isnt just anxiety this is well its ocdLOL its so fucking bad evil evil evil its horrille itds torture oh my god#nobody understands how bad it is#fucking hell!!#i wish ppl could understadn how severe this is for me god Damn#poasting
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im very excited to try and analyze guilty and interested in the story tho i wouldnt say its like. as fun to watch as other videos. it doesnt have that same strong aesthetic that he usually does (& i also cant see a damn thing which is my film pet peeve), i like the song its very different. if i'm being full critic its not his best & he definitely hasnt topped himself yet, but its definitely carved out some corner that he hasnt yet explored, & for that i think its quite cool. at the end of the day its better to try new stuff & hit and miss than to do move and want 100x... even if we might want him to
#99.txt#my full toughts i think#i will give more thoughts on the actual video when i see it more times#definitely stalker & kidnapping stuff.. thats obvious#idk if there was lesbians in there or im crazy#ALSO YEAH#CAN WE ALL PLZ LEARN TO FILM DARK SHOTS WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING THEM BE DARK#it drives me insane actually. movies used to be so much easier to see and now its SOOO just like. black screen. and this also did that#which is too bad. I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE VIDEO
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(i KNOW im late to the party sorry)
so uhhhh that trailer huh???? it just fucking appeared. out of nowhere.
anyway. i have no explanation for this than ‘net looks like a guy who would ramble about fnaf lore passionately and get into heated debates with felix about the timeline. all while nika has no fucking idea what is happening’’
#fnin#felix net i nika#my art#this is so stupid#oh well#i got into fnaf during the pandemic bc i was bored lol#and now theres going to be a movie. thats insane to me.#i never actually played the games i just watch a bunch of letsplays and lore videos...... im too much of a coward to play horror games:(#i WANT to go see the movie. i INTEND to. but im going to regret it sooo bad#doesnt matter if its a good horror movie or not. im still gonna have nightmares for a week after seeing it propably#im a baby who cant watch horror movies BUT i rlly want to see the animatronics........ and shaggy william afton ig#we'll see how it goes!#sorry for this i know this is rlly random............
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yesterday i spent 45 minutes of my life watching a video essay criticising the use of cheap shock values and crossing of taboos for a video game and i went from "he has a point even if he's explaining it in a really inflammatory way" to "oh umm... i can see how he thinks that way even if i don't agree" to "oh this guy's just straight up using people on tumblr as material for an audience to get mad at like other outdated people on the internet. nvm he's just an asshole"
#yuu rambles#it was about the coffin of andey and leyley btw - i agreed w him on the first half of the video about how it felt rather noncommittal to it#concepts and themes but i recognise its not really *trying* to be serious which means its not a reasonable#framework to judge the intention and execution of its work - an apple pie does use butter in it but just bc it does#doesnt mean you get to compare it to steak; a dish that also uses butter. this is intuitively easy to understand for me#but nonetheless it was like 3 am i had stuff to do so i just put it on my background to listen#he makes a diss at “people on tumblr” early on that i just raised my eyebrow at but shrugged it off bc its such an old joke#its lost its zinger; and im p sure its just confirmation bias from going into the tags of the thing you dont like lol if you use tumblr#normally you wouldn't come across things you dont like bc you'd have blocked them. But Anyways#then at the end he got sooo self righteous about how people on tumblr are insane and weird and showed screencaps about how twisted everyone#who likes the game are. there were some screenshots of people's post that were like “incest is bad and shouldn't be explored in media.#paragraph break‚ me who is an incest survivor and finds it helpful for working through my trauma: lol”#those types of post. but then lmfao he started going out of pocket and just mentioned the lists of other people he doesnt like which are#a screenie of a video essay about how kink is important at pride#and then some other stuff i dont remember anymore w the tumblr screenies#it was very mockingly written and said and at the end of it i felt sad i couldnt#block people on youtube lmao. like its not i dont want this guy to comment on my videos. i dont want to see his channel involuntarily#recommended to me ever again. just resorted to the most base sort of trolling behaviour he accused and judge other game devs for in his#video essay. good fucking god. the psychological projection is unreal#i dont have any strong feelings towards the game at the end of it even though i thought i would be like Eugh at first#but my bleh for any cheap gimmicks is overshadowed by my disdain for this guy's reliance on self righteous rhetoric#i discovered another new channel i really like tho after that vid!! bc i had to watch smth else to cleanse my palate lmao#they're jacob geller and freddydude! ive only seen one vid from freddydude about his essay on#detention‚ the horror game set in taiwan during the era of white terror under new cn leadership after ww2#im personally quite jumpy so his humour and the way he edits his videos to make it silly even though its Scary#made me like it a lot!! im going through jacob geller's other vids but ive watched three specific types of terror#and the one about pinocchio which made me go :00 wow his scripts are super good!#again everything at your own discretion esp w the whole james somerton shit‚ but i enjoyed what I've seen so far#i just wanted to end this in a somewhat positive note JSHDKSJDJD the ramblings Continue...#theres a pedantic error in one of ky tags but im gonna update it when im on comp bc mobile sucks smh my head
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something that remains so fucking insane to me is the amount of engineers i know who work for f1 teams who just.. don’t watch f1. it’s absolutely mad. utter devotion to the concept of engineering and nothing else. honestly you have to respect it
#three guys from college (2 work for RB and one did an internship with merc) genuinely couldn’t tell you the first thing about f1#but are so obsessed with aerodynamics that it borders on insanity#its sooo interesting to me bc i feel like people who study… idk sports science or sports physio therapy usually fell in love with a sport 1s#but for engineers it’s either the other way around or they don’t fall in love with f1 as a sport at all#maybe it’s not a bad thing tbf like it removes biases etc and means a lot of personnel move teams with little fuss#NECESSARY CAVEAT: there are all irish people im talking about and there isn’t a Huge f1 culture here
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sigh. i dont know if this is popular opinion or not but i love AKverse babs. she caught me so off guard, ive never read or watched or played anything where i felt like she had a personality that wasnt just "the girl" or "insufferable bitch (but the writers think they wrote a #girlboss)". shes cute and smart and passionate. i might love her a little bit. on one hand i wish she did more in that series but on the other hand literally every other female character in AKverse has such dogshit writing that they mightve ruined her if they did more lol
#i was sooo excited when she replaced alfred as the home base/intel person towards the end of knight#SUCH whiplash tho. at best i Strongly Dislike her in every other media shes been in. but she was fun a the arkham series#which is insane bc have you seen what that franchise does to women. its so annoying and bad all the time except with babs#other female characters get like one personality trait each its so weird#theres also only 3 other women. 4 if u include nyssa but i think shes dlc tied#anyways its 2am im on a walk and writing a tumblr post about how down bad i am for Fictional Woman#nyssa wasnt too terribly written tbh#but again shes just tied to one side quest. less opportunity to screw it up
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istfg eddie calls him cowboy ONE time and bucks immediately like "you're so attractive I'm taking my own life" and when that doesn't work he kicks his feet and giggles about it in his fucked up little dreamland
#my sense of humor is broken but this is driving me insane of you haven't noticed#feeling a lil violent after that clip im ngk#he wants eddie SOOO bad its painful to watch at this point#they're so in love its actually physically sickening#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 spoilers#911 6b#911 fox
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I gotta play fire emblem path of radiance... but as someone who is bad at Recent fire emblem games on easy mode and my characters not permanently dying, does ANYONE have any tips
#fire emblem#fe path of radiance#im like so so so so so so sooo bad at video games but i love fire emblem#but ive only played since awakening and ik path of radiance and other classics do not have the baby gamer options#its why i havent played them personally but my dash is making me insane about ike and soren... so i might as fucking Well
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Im SORRY… my katniss and my peeta
#hunger games#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#sorryyyyyyy first book katniss and peeta in 12 and in the capitol 🙂🧡#this is how they look in my miiiiind#PEETA WOULDNT SHAVE HIS UGLY LITTLE MUSTACHE#aaaaaand he would have the most awesome bad haircut hes sooo cute to me#ALSO their matching outfits in the capitol 🧡🧡🧡#important that you know in my mind peeta is wearing a white tshirt and katniss has a dark green long sleeve shirt it’s important#also so important to me that they had to cut peetas hair in my mind hed be soooo sad about it but literally no big deal#and i just thiiiink that after the war peeta would grow his hair out and katniss would have hers short like maximum shoulder length#shed brush her hair and make peeta cut it straight across#to me katniss has thick slightly wavy hair but she wiuld BRUSH IT so its like straight but frizzy (important to me for no reason)#sorry im like actually insane 🙂🧡🧡🧡
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this semester already feels so different from the last one bc i dont have a parasocial relationship w any of my instructors so im like who cares why even go. that post about mild horniness as a motivator for life
#turns out hes a psycho creep so oops that ones on me but i still had a good time.#its so insane like on paper last semester was terrible my anxiety was sooo bad#i was like puking all the time and hated myself so much#but i got a lot of good work done n was having a good time regardless so im like wow we need to go back.#mosquito just bit my face im killing myself
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shows loooove to try and have musical motifs as another storytelling device but the truth that we all must accept is that nobody can match rwby's motif game
#like say what you will about the show but by GOD. the way Every Single Character Idea Theme Concept Relationship#is represented by motifs in the music that change and develop over time with the characters ?????? god. god god god god.#fun enrichment activity for the local music geek is listening to rwby soundtrack and Absorbing the motifs#if youre familiar with the motifs and what they represent you dont even need to WATCH THE SHOW to know whats happening#you can just listen to the motifs interact with each other. its that fucking good.#IM JUST!!!!!!!!!!! MUSIC WHEN IT HELPS TELL THE STORY MUSIC WHEN IT CAN ALMOST STAND ALONE AS A STORYTELLING DEVICE#ET CETERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#winter speaks#rwby#the thing that always makes me so so so insane is when the score interacts with jeff and casey's music too....#like when qrow had an Established Motif in the score that later turned out to be the main melody for bad luck charm....#MAN when bad luck charm first started playing onscreen the SCREAM I SCRUMPT#and with the arkos theme later turning into the melody for forever fall in v6......SCROMITING....#gah. anyway. im sooo normal about music and motifs and themes i prommy i prommy <- blatant lie#orchestral music tag
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