#IM SOO FUCKING SCARED POSTING A PICTURE OF MYSELF HERE LIKE GENUINELY

[freakinnefor]

was 2day’s fit hard

[lastskiss]

My LA Reputation Secret Sessions Story :D

(i realize that this post is long so i decided to break it into fun little sections with names inspired by friends episodes :D )

The One Where Taylor Nation Attacked Me

On Thursday, October 19th I got the taylor nation dm :D The one that made my heart beat faster than ever. I stared at the blue little “new message” circle for what felt like hours (it was minutes, tops) and it had me crying and shaking at 10:24 am in my school’s dining plaza probably weirding out everyone around me. I was honestly minding my own business freaking out over the Gorgeous announcement when this happened. I could not believe it I couldn’t even breathe properly, but I opened the message and there it was, the all caps CONFIDENTIAL and everything.

The gag is, in the days before that moment i constantly shoved that thought in the back of my head because i didn’t want to be sad knowing that it would never happen to me. Yet even with it shoved in the back of my head I had such a feeling of hope. Sooo many people tried saying 1) taylor loves me 2) they think i’m gonna meet taylor this era or 3) they want me to meet taylor and as happy as that was for me it felt so :( bc it was such BLIND HOPE and i felt like it would honestly never happen for me. Ironically, i made so many tweets being sure that this would never happen to me, for example:

(the amount of old tweets or posts of mine where taylor proved me wrong and has made me look like boo boo the fool is hilarious)

but it wasn’t blind hope :D

Also, three hours before my taylornation message, I randomly tweeted “Don’t you see the starlight, starlight, don’t you dream impossible things!” which is....wild...like i can’t believe the universe works that way.

(point being i hope you guys who haven’t met taylor yet know you shouldn’t ever stop believing that this could happen for you. I know it feels like aimless dreams and impossible wishes but it definitely could happen for you, especially when your idol is trying just as hard to reach you.)

*taylor swift voice* next chapter

The One When It Was October  22nd

i have never felt so many emotions before in my life and i’m literally the most over emotional person in the world. my organs were flipping inside of me my heart was ready to jump out of my chest and there wasn’t enough air. it was such a feeling you guys. I was riding in my car with my parents where they would drop me off and i’d like to first of all thank the world that there is a 1989 secret sessions video out there so I could prove to my parents that this is a thing Taylor does and it wasn’t a scam and i wasn’t going to get kidnapped. My mom was legit scared to let me go and said “Lizbeth if you’re not back by 11 i’m gonna call the police” laasdkljakljs it was so funny (I got back at 11:17 she was scared but she obviously did not call the police she just waited outside the meetup with other worrisome/waiting parents) but anyway i checked in i met up with people and a lot of us knew NO ONe or just made friends with anyone we could find or some people did get to meet up with friends which was so nice ...honestly everyone in that room was just very friendly and very happy for each other and just happy in general. We were all going through the same “i can’t believe this is real and it’s happening to me” thoughts. So we got loaded into the bus and everyone was chatting and excited and nervous and excited and happy and just in shock. 

The One Where I’m In Taylor Swift’s Home

holy fucking shit??!!?!?!?!?!?! it was soo beautiful and big and we stayed in the pool area and were greeted with refreshments and food/snacks that i was too nervous to eat (except 1 rep cookie). When we were called inside, the room was very cozy and warm and there were candles everywhere and blankets and pillows and i loved it it was very intimate. I was so excited for her to just pop up and she did, she came in from the back and we all started screaming :D you can hear people start to sniffle bc honestly most of us were just on/off crying the whole night. She was so cute she did a little happy dance holding her laptop and there was extra screaming when we saw Alana, Jack, Ruby Rose, etc it was just so surreal. You guys...taylor was there..... she was so close and this wasn’t some high quality video interview i was watching her from this was my own two eyes and she was right there. She greeted us and explained how it’s gonna go and told us how excited she was to be doing this for us. You guys she loves us so much, not just the 100 fans in that room but everyone of us on here. She wants to do this, she’s excited to do this. She is also the happiest I’ve ever seen her be. throughout the whole night I just got very emotional at how happy she was and how sure of herself she was and just how cute it was seeing her so :D. Honestly, the fact that I’ve always called her my best friend but this time in that room she was talking to us and sharing stories with us like we were best friends was....wow. I love her. We danced to LWYMMD and it was so fun and the entire room just radiated :D :D :D :D!!!! and everyone was having the time of their lives just dancing with her. She truly wanted everyone to have a good time and made sure everyone knew how happy she was to have you there. Many of us have eye-contact moments and it’s completely amazing to know. Like that’s just how much you can tell Taylor was really dedicated to making this night feel special for all of us. i love her idk if i’ve mentioned this, i love her. fun fact: i love her

The One When I Liztened To ‘reputation’

just kidding i have a few words that i can say :D !

It was so good. It was so so so good. My face went through every emoji possible the whole album through. Sonically and lyrically it stunned us all and it was so enjoyable and full of bops and classic Taylor Swift genius writing, but like on a whole other level of amazing. That’s all I’ll say :D (Also the pre-releases, as much as i love them and would die for them, aren’t the peak of the album trust me, there’s soooo much more)(y’all are gonna be so shook)(i still am)(im also so proud of her you can tell she’s proud of her work and she very much should be)

The One When The Night Was Flawless And It Finally Happened

I have loved Taylor for as long as I can remember. She’s my #1. She’s always been, like she’s genuinely my best friend. Her saying “you are the longest and best relationship that I have ever had” that one time at the 2013 BMA’s was the most validating thing. Because like...i know. She’s been there when I was sad and when I was happy and when I needed someone. I’ve loved and defended that woman to anyone for years and have dealt with sooo many teasings and “she doesn’t even know you”s. So the fact that this happened was........ wow.

As I was getting closer and closer in line the butterflies (the beautiful kind) were going wild inside of me. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe i got to be here. I spent the last three days convinced i was gonna get a message that it was a mistake and she didn’t mean to invite me or it was gonna be cancelled or i couldn’t go or something because i was honestly so in denial. but it was almost my turn and the feeling when it’s hitting you that this moment you’ve wanted for so long is here is the most amazing and exhilarating feeling in the world. 

When it was my turn I walked up to her and was greeted with open arms and said “hi I’m liz” and she goes “Yeah i know you’re lizbeth right’ and i like gasped and was like “omg how did you know” and she’s like “yeah you’re lizbeth” :D :D :D :D (HER SAYING LIZBETH ACTUALLY MEANT SO MUCH TO ME I MADE A POST ABT IT) so i was like “taylor...i have to get this all out because if i don’t i’m gonna hate myself” and she laughed at me. queen of laughing. and then i just went for it and said “taylor, you’re my best friend.” and she said “aww” and I continued “like you are really my best friend. you’ve been there for me in my lowest moments and in my happiest moments. I love you so much. Like i literally sing with you in my car all the time and make sure it’s loud enough so it sounds like we’re singing together” and she laughed and went “oh my god i love that it’s like we’re duetting” and I’m like “yeah we are duetting taylor we honestly go off!!!” and then got serious again and told her about how there was an entire year period where I would cry myself to sleep every night listening to Safe & Sound because that year was so bad for me and it was so comforting to listen to. Then she gasped and said “oh my god” with the most concerned and loving look in her eyes. And i said thank you for everything and she grabbed my hands into hers and said “thank /you/ for everything i love that thank you” and then she went on about how happy she was that she was doing this and how she loved getting to do this for us and even with jack being there how nice it was for them to be seeing our reactions to the work they made. and she goes “and your reactions to eVERYTHING i love that” and i was like “oh my god taylor all those reactions were so genuine” “i know they were!” “because that album was just so so good it was so amazing i loved it so much!” and she said thank you :D 

when it was time for our picture she asked what kind of picture i wanted and i was like a hugging pic but for Reasons. and she looked at me like she was ready to #lizten which i appreciated. so i explained that there’s a picture of Taylena hugging at an awards show i couldn’t remember i probably looked sTUPID when she asked which one it was and i was like guh...idr.... but anyway i was like i wanna be on this side bc Selena was on that said and i was like “taylor i love you and Selena so much you have no idea I literally call myself taylena’s daughter and everyone agre-” and she cuts me off and goes “oh we would definitely adopt you we would totally adopt you she would want to adopt you i can confirm that she would want to adopt you”.... IF Y’ALL COULD SEE THE DUMB LOOK ON MY FACE............. GUH..... every time i call taylena mom now it’s gonna be #legit ....wow....anyway i was shook. so we got into position i was like another reason i wanted to be on this side is because when I met her i was on this side of our pic too and she goes “oh i like that I love your attention to detail”...wow.....queen of compliments. and then we :D (((also quick mention that the fact that she has curly hair again also meant...a  lot to me..not that she doesn’t always look good in any hairstyle ever but i’ve just always been insecure about my curly hair and seeing that she’s embracing hers again makes me emo.))))

so i hugged her one last time and told her i loved her and she told me she loved me and i walked out of the room still looking at her, facing her as i walked backwards and she still looked at me and that was it...I got handed my reputation merch bag and couldn’t stop smiling on my way out. :D

I am so happy and so grateful for her and everything she’s done for me and I feel so blessed to have gotten to thank her for it all.

@taylornation​ thank you for all the work you did to help make this possible for all of us too.

@taylorswift I love you and I miss you already. i can’t wait to see our picture together. you are still my best friend and will always continue to be. i’ll also be sending you the adoption papers for you and Selena to sign soon. :D