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crewhonk · 7 years ago

Text

Out Loud

Warnings: angst, swearing

Summary: Reader reflects on her relationship with her boyfriend Billy Hargrove after he leaves Hawkins after graduating.

Words: 3,509

AN: hi, yeah im sorry for this.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat for the third time this hour and coughed over the feeling of It choking you. It was hard to breathe since Billy had left— and his absence in the small town of Hawkins, Indiana was suffocating for you. You looked out the kitchen window for the first time since he had left and the forest surrounding your house seemed slightly more dull and lifeless. There were no deer in your yard, and the grass had begun to brown under the relentless exposure to the hot July sun. You stared at the closed fridge and your stomach turned at the thought of food so you turned away and leaned against the breakfast bar, letting out a dry sob and slamming your fist weakly against the tile.

You had graduated with your boyfriend Billy Hargrove earlier this week, and one day later he had left with no warning. No signs. Nothing. You had been mad for two days before the crippling sadness hit you like a brick and you had been trying to swallow the lump in your throat since.

There was a knock at your door and it echoed throughout your empty house and it took a few seconds to register in your mind that someone was at your front door. There was a second, harder knock that made you look up from the ant crawling on the tile in front of you. You walked to the door and breathed in deeply before opening the door and shielding your eyes against the sun. The air was warm and fresh and it was something you had deprived yourself of for the entire week.

“Hey.” You heard a quiet voice pipe up from the other side of the threshold. You looked down to see Max in front of you, a sympathetic smile on her face and bags under her eyes. Steve and the rest of The Party were in his car in the driveway, and you lifted a hand in some sort of weak welcoming gesture. You had never been worse for wear until now, and there was some part of your that wanted to apologize about your appearance.

“Hey, Kid. How are you?” You asked, wrapping your arms around yourself and leaning weakly against the doorframe.

“I’m alright. Mom hasn’t stopped crying and Neil is a ticking time bomb. I told Steve about him, so he’s been really good about keeping me out of the house. I’m just worried about mom, honestly. How are you? I mean, that’s a dumb question.”

You felt the corner of your mouth lift against your will and you shook your head. “No, it’s okay. I’m better than I was earlier in the week— now I’m just sad.”

“So you’re not punching holes in your closet door anymore?” She jested, trying her hardest to lighten your mood.

“I put a frame around it, so now it’s a new art installation. People are lining around the block to check it out.” You played along and finally took notice of the box she had in her hands. You pointed your chin towards it and furrowed your brows. “What’s all that?”

“Oh, um—“ She began and shifted from one foot to another. “I managed to sneak into Billy’s room before Neil got in there and threw everything out. He wants the room to be his office now. Anyways, it’s just a box of clothes that you liked and some pictures that he left behind. Figured that you’d want it more than a dumpster.”

You blinked rapidly down at the box when she offered it to you. This was all Billy had left you and wherever he was he would have no idea you had some of his stuff to do with what you will. You tucked your unbrushed hair behind your ear and took it from her grasp. She almost immediately began walking back towards the car.

“I’ll see you later?” She asked. You only nodded and offered her a pathetic smile before you closed the door and put the box on the table in front of your television. You sat in front of it for a while, your elbows resting on your knees and your mouth pressed into your fists. This was all Billy had decided to leave you and there was some sort of bittersweet energy flowing from it.

Taking such a big breath that you could feel your lungs stretch, you shifted forward and began organizing what Max had given you. There were three band shirts that still smelled like him, you had stolen them to wear them after nights spent together. You’d tuck the front of the shirt int he front of your jeans and the fabric was always loose around your body no matter what your body shape was.

It was the first warm day of the year, sometime in March, when Billy shook you awake. He had stayed the night, as both of your parents were working the night at the station and you had slept together for the first time last night. The window was open, and when you opened your eyes, Billy was looking back at you (butt naked) with a half finished cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. You buried your face back into the pillow, and you felt the mattress shift before you felt him begin to trace featherlight patterns on your bare back. His hands brushed over your skin from the nape of your neck to the rise of your butt and back up your spine once more.

“Good morning,” He grumbled, his morning voice not allowing him to have much expression behind it.

“G’morning” Your voice was muffled by the pillow underneath you.

“It’s time to get up, Princess.” You only groaned in response, burying yourself impossibly deeper into the bed. He patted your butt lightly and bent over to kiss you, extinguishing the cig on your bedside table. “I’ll be waiting in the car with a coffee and toast. You got ten minutes, Baby.” He had left the room soon after.

You rolled over and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, remembering last night and kicking your legs in unadulterated excitement. He had done it. With you. And it was absolutely wonderful.

It only took you three minutes to get ready, as you didn’t want to put too much effort into your looks today. The energy you had felt had been left in the sheets last night, and the thing that had taken its place was a lusty soreness. A soreness that was welcome, but soreness all the same. You closed the front door behind you, kissing Lucy goodbye and locking the door. You rushed down the driveway to where Billy was parked on the side of the road and you opened the door, taking the toast and coffee he had given you after you buckled yourself up.

“What’re you wearing?” He asked. He pulled out into the road and he was guiding the steering wheel with a barely-there grip. You looked down at yourself and smirked at the black cuffed jeans and the Metallica band shirt he had left on your floor. It smelled like him, and it was something that motivated you to even get out of bed this morning. You had a denim jacket covering you because while it was the warmest day this year so far, it wasn’t actually warm.

“I figured after last night, it would be alright for me to wear your dirty laundry.” You took a sip from your travel mug.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, you know that right?”

“Why’s that?”

“Because when my clothes are on you all I wanna do it take them off.”

You laughed loudly and he smiled back at you, wiggling his eyebrows happily at you. “You’re insatiable, Hargrove.”

“Only for you, Baby Girl.” He hummed, resting his hand on your upper thigh. Yeah, you’d be wearing his clothes more often.

There were a few of his favourite books underneath the shirts which had his shitty writing crammed into the margins that kept the record of symbolism and his thoughts. There were some blurbs he had written at the end of the book that had smudged ink— from tears, you assumed. The facade he kept up at school was never who he actually was— the first time you had seen him cry over a book was the first time you had told him you loved him. He refused to talk to you for three whole days until you finally cornered him at the end of the day.

“What the fuck is your problem, William.” You whisper-yelled as you pushed him against his locker. You shot his posse a dirty look until they left you to deal with your idiot of a boyfriend.

“I don’t know what you're talking about, Y/L/N.”

“Oh? Last name basis again? Real mature. And you know exactly what I’m talking about. You can’t ghost me! You’re my boyfriend, and I’m your girlfriend and we are no longer individuals. We’re a unit, you idiot!” You growled, punching his shoulder lightly. He looked down at you and he rolled his eyes. He was nervous now, and you noticed this by the way he traced his fingers together, writing his name or your name or whatever was on his mind.

“I was supposed to be first.” He mumbled, kicking the toe of his combat boots against your chucks. You squinted at him in confusion, encouraging him to elaborate. “Like, the dude is supposed to say it first, you know? The girls not supposed to do it first— especially when the dud is crying.” He mumbled and stared at his feet.

You let out a loud laugh and stepped closer to him. He looked at you in surprise and he opened his mouth to argue before you cut him off by peppering his face with kisses. He laughed and tried to push you away half-heartedly.

“Hey! I’m serious!” He laughed. You pulled yourself closer to him by the collar of his leather jacket.

“You’re an idiot, William Alexander Hargrove and I love you with my whole heart.”

“I love you, more Baby Girl.”

There was a small smile when you had placed the book down beside you on the couch. You continued digging through the box and you pulled out a small photo album specifically made for Polaroids. Only one or two people other than yourself andMax knew that Billy loved film. He loved film almost more than you and the first time Billy realized Jonathan existed it was because they had run into another in the photography development room. That’s how you had met him, honestly. Jonathan and Billy had become close during their sessions in the Red Room (billy though the Red Room sounded ‘real cool, babe’), and one day Billy had shown up to the Byers household an hour early to pick up Max just so that they could compare films.

Steve, Nancy, Jonathan and yourself were circled around the small kitchen table drinking beers slowly and playing round after round of crazy eights. The kids were somewhere in the woods in the back of the house, and there was a constant stream between walkie-talkies just to be safe. The kids were acting out a campaign of Dungeons and dragons somewhere near Castle Byers, and the Byers family dog was with them for good measure (Lucas also had his Wrist Rocket). Steve had gotten up from his spot to get beers for the group when the bell rang three times, one time, and twice. You excused yourself to get the door, as Nancy and Jonathan were both significantly inebriated. You opened the squeaky door to find none other than Billy Hargrove staring back at you.

“Um, Guys?” You shouted behind you, voice quivering in fear. You had been there when Billy had lost it on Steve and Lucas, and he would have lost it on you if Max hadn’t stabbed him in the neck with the sedative. The rest of the group rounded the corner and Steve were immediately pushing you behind him protectively. Nancy was immediately searching for the baseball bat that was hidden around the corner and Billy had raised his hands in submission. The only one who wasn’t about to lose their shit was Jonathan.

The stepped forward, and took Billy’s hand in his own and shook it. He pulled Billy into the house, offered him a beer (he shyly accepted) and the two sat down with their films and spoke like they had been best friends since they were born.

To say the three of you were confused would have been an aggressive understatement. The definitions of opposites attract were sitting in front of you and Steve had rubbed his eyes to try to wake himself up from the nightmare he was living.

“What the fuck is going on?” He whispered.

“I don’t know.” You and Nancy had answered simultaneously.

It took three more beers for Steve to even sit with Billy in the same room, but once he had, the whole group seemed to relax. You had been passing around photographs and polaroids and complimenting both of the boys on their keen eye for beautiful details. Your breath catches, however, when you had been handed one of Billy’s photos. It wasn’t a creepy picture, it was quite adorable, actually. It was a picture of your Great Dane, Lucy. Her paws were on the white fence that surrounded your house and she had her dopey grin on her face. Her ears were facing Billy in a joyful curiosity and her tail had just become a blur in the background.

“Billy, would you mind if I kept this one?” You asked. His gaze shot towards yours and he squinted at the picture in your hands. He shrugged when he saw it, and smirked.

“You a dog person?”

“This is my dog, Lucy.” You laughed, looking back down at it and brushing your thumb over her happy expression.

“She was a cute model. I gave her a chance of my sandwich for that one. I walk by your house every day, and every day she’s there.” He remarked happily.

“So you’re the reason why she’s gained a few pounds this year?” You kicked his thigh playfully and he shoved your foot away from him. An hour went by quickly, and The Party crashed through the back door loudly, stomping and shouting gleefully at each other. The commotion stopped, however, when they saw who the older grow was ‘breaking bread’ with. Lucas was the first one to break the silence, stepping in front of Max and the rest of his friends. Mike had pulled both Will and Jane behind him, and Dustin looked at Steve asking for answers with his shocked expression.

“What the fuck is going on?” Lucas glared. He had his Wrist Rocket in his hand and it was spinning in his hand ominously.

“Lucas, language.” Steve bit back.

“No! What is he doing here?! He attacked me! He almost killed you!” He raised his voice and ignored when it cracked nervously.

“Yeah, he did. But we’re being adults now.” Nancy piped up from her spot snuggled into Jonathan’s side. You and Billy looked at each other, and you made a move to stand up. You put the picture into your bag and grabbed your keys. Billy stood, understanding that he was no longer welcome and jerked his head for Max to get into the car. She obeyed, hugging Lucas and Jane before running out of the house and to the iconic Blue Camaro. You motioned for Mike, Jane, and Nancy to get ready to go and waited for them outside on the porch as they said their goodbyes. Soon, you were greeted by Billy who offered you a cigarette and lit it for you when you accepted. You hadn’t said anything to each other, and when you opened your mouth to thank him for the picture, everybody poured from the front door.

When you were about to get into your car, you were stopped by Billy calling your name.

“Did you know that dog owners tend to look like their dogs?”

“Excuse you?”

“You have a cute dog, Y/L/N”

You were nearing the end of the box, only a few CD’s and mixtures left when a small object caught your eye. Your heart dropped into your stomach as you reached down to the bottom of it, your fingers wrapping around a tiny, velvet box. You were shaking now, tears spilling from your eyes and trailing down your face. You didn’t wipe them away, however, because your body was entirely frozen in your place. Lucy had heard your broken sob when you opened it and had come rushing to your side, nudging your arm until you had wrapped your arm around her neck.

A diamond ring. He had bought you a diamond ring before he left. There was a note inside, reading the words; ‘After Graduation?”. It was after graduation, now and you were finding out he was going to propose by rooting through a box he had left behind.

The dickhead.

You threw the box across the room, knocking over a glass and sending it shattering on the ground. You began dry heaving through your sadness and grief, crawling across the room to the mess and picking the ring out of the box that lay among the broken glass.

You slid it on your left ring finger and sobbed.

Billy Hargrove was found dead in his home the day after he graduated. He had gotten into a fight with his dad and had been knocked one too many times in the head, developing a concussion. He fell asleep later that night, not knowing his condition and died in his sleep due to a brain bleed Neil Hargrove had given him. You were the first one Max told later that day, and you had punched your closet wall— angry at God for taking away the one thing that was good in your life. Steve came over that night, tears unshed but welling up the entire day. Since Billy had come over that night, the two boys had reached a truce and they had become the yin to each other's yang— brothers on and off the basketball court. He told her that Max hadn’t slept since he had died, not being able to drown out the screams of Susan, and the sound of flesh hitting flesh, and muffled groans followed by doors slamming and cars skidding out of the driveway. Jonathan had stopped taking pictures as well, according to the boy who was laying on your floor next to you. He felt as if all of the pretty things had left when his best friend died, and had been emotionally stumped since, yelling at Nancy that ‘no, he didn’t need to see a therapist!’. You let out a bitter sob when Steve had told you that the Harrington and Hopper families were paying for the expenses of the funeral as the Hargrove family (it was just Neil now, you guessed) wanted no financial loss. You took a large sip of the Russian Vodka Nancy had given you last year and didn’t stop drinking in the days leading to the funeral

The life had been taken out of Hawkins, Indiana the day Billy Hargrove died.

You stood at the front of the church now, looking over at the rows and rows of empty pews and your heart sank at the tiny audience that had attended his funeral. The audience consisted of the Hoppers, the Byers kids, the rest of the Party, Nancy and the Hargrove-Mayfields. You wanted to storm into the school where you had attended and you wanted to shake everyone who said they were his friend. If they were his friends, they would have shown up.

“Billy Hargrove was my One Great Love. His future was saturated with happiness, and with hope, and with a family of his own. He would have been the first to have a flying car, he always said, because he would have been the one to invent it. He was a smart man, he was a kind man,” you said, your voice quaking with anger, and sadness, and confusion. “He was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, and the day he died, life left earth. His life was ended too soon, and whoever took his life away from him, deserves the harshest judgment thrust unto them.” Your eyes locked with those of Neil’s. “The person who did this deserves not to die, but deserves to live with the guilt of taking my soulmate from me, and depriving the world of the magic that was Billy Hargrove.”

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