#IM IN DENIAL IM TRYING TO PREPARE CAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I ALSO WILL PROBABLY CHEER AT SOME POINT

[todayisafridaynight]

Literally going to need to be kept in a locked, padded, and sound-proofed room for the summit... last summit I SCREAMED when I saw Masato in Ishin And I Will Do It Again whether or not there is even a single crumb of my main predictions

i have faith i can be normal during the summit i mean...................... what else can they show yk............... the bar's high after ichibuns..........

[keitorinrose]

OOH OH OH what if trolls x su au takes place after world tour or in trollstopia when branch is finally started to move on but come across the rejuvinator (made by the funk trolls btw cause who else would be technologically advanced to create a device like that) and I don't know if he decides to forward with the plan like spinel or if there's an external force in this

I was so focused on the su part of the au that i completely forgot what to do with the trolls timeline whoops 💀

I might have a potential way of how the timeline goes.

So we know in tbt that the hideout was something branch and floyd were gonna make when he came back. In this au the hideout was already made and it was where brozone hung out the most. It's also where the break up happened and where floyd asked branch to stay until he returned. Only brozone knows the location of the hideout so when the escape from bergen town happened the village didn't know branch was living there so they assume he died.

The first movie and world tour is probably going to be mostly the same minus branch being there.

(Maybe a bit after world tour)

John dory discovers new pop village. He comes across peppy who tells him the news of branch's death. After that JD searches for his brothers to tell the news. Because of the news brozone decides they should try to be a family again because they feel guilty for branch's death, thinking if one of them had stayed they could've protected him or if they had talked it out the break up never would have happened and branch would still be alive. So they talk it out and learn to forgive each other.

Maybe some times passes and that's when poppy wants to make trollstopia. When they finish it (which probably took a few months) they're going to throw a party to celebrate the start of trollstopia and brozone is gonna perform after 20 years. In the beginning they weren't so sure about it but in the end agreed to do it for branch. So poppy starts spreading invitations all over troll kingdom. While she is doing that, branch is foraging for food (it's the only time he goes outside and when he is, he tries to go back to the hideout asap just to make sure he doesn't miss floyd when he returns) and discovers one of the invitations. This is how he finds out that floyd was never going back for him. So while they're preparing the party that is when branch shows up.

About the injector and rejuvinator. Yeah they're definitely created by the funk trolls because I don't know who else could make something so advanced. The problem is that i have no idea yet how branch would know that and how he would take it. So im gonna have to figure that out.

The rejuvinator is probably going to be made out of some special gem because we know that in ttbgo they have some very strange gems in their world (an example the switcher-ruby).

And there is no external force at play here. Idk if I'm going to be able to explain this well. branch has been suffering severely mentally (being isolated for 20 years and staying in denial that floyd would return really messed him up) so when he finally has a confirmation that floyd will in fact not return, all these emotions just come crashing down on him. So what he does is let out all his anger and pain onto his brothers. He is not at a good place rn in his mind. He's feeling all that pain that he's been trying to repress for years. It's after the final fight with floyd when he tired himself out that he has the realisation of what he's doing. (I'm sorry if this isn't right I'm not really good with mental health stuff)

[akiology]

Hello, Are You There? || Part 1

Minako tries the number neighbor thing. Thinking it was an inactive number, she decides to vent and express her frustrations, turning it into a sort of mini diary. What she didn’t expect was somebody was actually on the other line and decided to send a message back.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Word Count: 3.4k+

Pairing: Akihiko Sanada x Minako Arisato

Note: alternate universe where there are no demons, no dark hour and therefore no SEES. also, minato and minako are twins :3 this was something i started writing out of nowhere, so please tell me if there are any spelling errors!

Minako was the type to be able to handle herself. She is always there for her friends, giving them support when needed and cheering them on. However, when it came to herself, she didn’t like opening up. It wasn’t because she didn’t trust her friends, or secretly hated them. No, that is not the case. She is simply afraid because she believes that opening up and telling others about her deepest, darkest fears will make her vulnerable and weak. She didn’t like that one bit.

She believes that she always has to be strong.

Being the older sister(by five minutes), and the one in charge of taking care of Minato because her parents are working abroad, she thinks that she always has to be strong.

Of course, sooner or later she will have to realize that she can’t always be strong.

/./

Classes just ended, and Minako decided to have a cup of coffee at Chagall Café along with Yukari and Fuuka for some quality girl time.

“Have you heard of this trend? It’s an old one but I found it interesting.” Yukari asks, shoving her phone at Fuuka and Minako. The latter shakes her head, while Fuuka studies the image on Yukari’s phone.

“What is it about?” Minako inquires, seemingly uninterested. Yukari didn’t notice it though.

“Basically, get your phone number and change the last digit into the neighboring numbers. And then you send a message.” Yukari answered, taking back her phone.

“Oh, what happens next?” Fuuka asks, not quite understanding the purpose.

“Well, they’ll reply. And maybe you’ll get a new friend.” Yukari states, with a big smile on her face.

“Oh… that’s quite... um...” Fuuka trails off, not knowing how to finish her sentence.

“Lame.” Minako interjected.

Yukari laughed. “Of course you would say that! But why not try it? You may get something out of it... like maybe a relationship?”

Minako scrunches her eyebrows, absolutely weirded out by how the thought of that idea did a big jump. “That seems like a reach. But anyways, I don’t need to be in a relationship! I’m already happy I got you guys!”

Yukari snorted, while Fuuka gave a big smile, “I’m happy I have you guys, too.”

“Okay but I want to try it at least once.”

“Then you do it yourself, Yukari.”

“No! I want to do it with you guys! What do you think, Fuuka?”

“It wouldn’t hurt to try…”

“Seriously Fuuka?”

“Fuuka already agreed! Two against one!”

“Fine… But only once, okay? If they don’t reply, then that’s it.”

“Pfft, sure!”

/./

Of course, Minako didn’t really expect a reply. After all, who in their right minds would reply to a random number texting ‘Hey there number neighbor!’. She is sure as hell she wouldn’t. Thinking that her number neighbor might be an inactive number, she decides not to dwell on it anymore as she prepares dinner for her and Minato.

At the sound of the door opening and some keys being carelessly thrown somewhere reaches her ears, Minako smiles at the thought that her younger brother is home. She puts on a big smile to greet her brother, “Minato, welcome home!”

Minato just grunted in reply. She knows this mood of his. He probably had a bad day, and when Minato is having a bad day, he doesn’t have the energy to talk or interact with other people.

“Can you please set the table? I’m almost done with the food.” Minako pleads, hoping that he isn’t too tired. Minato didn’t reply, however he did start on setting the table.

As Minako served the food on the table, Minato decided to go back to his room and change. When he came back down, they started eating.

“Tough day?” Minako tries starting up a conversation with his brother. Minato nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Minako asks again, and Minato shook his head no.

And they ate in silence.

/./

The next day, it didn’t seem like Minato’s mood changed. As they were going to school, Minato was quiet and didn’t seem to acknowledge her presence. Minako knows that even if her brother is acting cold, he still loves her so. But that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. All she could do was sigh and turn her volume on to the highest level, drowning out the rest of the world.

As they were walking through the school gates, some girls blocked the way, not caring if they were causing a big inconvenience to the other students.

Minako, curious with what was happening decided to lower her volume and listen.

“Akihiko-senpai is most likely coming soon! He usually arrives at this time!” One girl said, smiling huge, jumping up and down.

“O-M-G! I hope he looks our way!” Another girl squealed, and Minako swears that her eyes were shaped like a heart.

“I am like, so proud of him for winning that competish! I’m going to ask for an autograph!” A third girl chimed in, flopping her arms around.

Minako rolled her eyes. It wasn’t of any importance. Some girls just bothering a poor, helpless guy. She sighs once again, maxing out her volume and silently walking to class.

/./

This day isn’t being kind to Minako.

And that was sugarcoating it.

The teachers dumping a bunch of work on the students, just a week before the finals. The volleyball club members fighting with the leader. Obnoxious and disrespectful customers at Minako’s part-time job. Minato still not opening up.

This day was absolute shit.

After dinner, Minako decided to head straight to her bed and lock her door. She flopped herself on her bed and released a big sigh. Her chest feels tight and she feels worn out. She’s read somewhere that crying is a good way to let out your feelings, and it might make you feel a whole lot better if you let it out.

However, nothing was coming out.

She blinked a few times. Nothing.

Suddenly, the feeling of anger is overpowering her. The frustration of not being able to cry is getting to her, and she decided that the best way to go about it is to scream in to her pillow.

That still didn’t help.

She decided to grab her phone. Another thing she read is that opening up might help. She didn’t like the thought one bit, but she knows that she can trust her friends. She scrolled through her screen, Yukari? Fuuka? She decides to go through their group chat, and although they are both online, they seem to be talking about something happily and she didn’t want to dampen the mood.

Maybe Rio? But she’s got her own problem with the volleyball team. Probably best not to stress her out anymore.

Minato? She knows damn well that her brother won’t judge her no matter what, but Minato is probably asleep already.

She sighs yet again, until she comes across her number neighbor.

Hey number neighbor!

Still no reply. Maybe it really is an inactive number.

It’s perfect.

I mean, it’s still sort of opening up to somebody, right?

Plus, she won’t be bothering anybody and she’ll be able to express her frustrations.

Win-win.

She decides to start typing.

Minako: hey there number neighbor

Minako: i know this is really fucking stupid but today was really shitty

Minako: and im telling this to you because i know nobodys there

Minako: but basically what happened was the teachers decided to drop every fucking major requirement the week before exams, and then my part-time job is so demanding, both my boss and the customers

Minako: my boss kept dumping work on me and he did say he would pay me extra but it was still pretty fucking tiring

Minako: and then today the leader of my club expressed her frustrations on said club

Minako: and my brother still wont open up…

Minako: and… i don’t know… i guess it just sorta sinked in to me all of a sudden that im tired..

Minako: and sad… and lonely…

Minako: i

Minako: wow

Minako: that got too real too fast

And a tear fell down her cheek. Minako blinked a few times, and more tears came down.

She was crying. And she couldn’t stop, and she decided to let herself feel this.

She fell asleep crying.

/./

“Shit!” Minako hurriedly put her textbooks in her bag, panicking as she realizes she woke up late. She is usually the one who wakes up first, and then she will be the one who will wake up Minato, who is a heavy-sleeper.

Today, Minato was the one to wake her up, but because Minato isn’t a morning person, they are both late.

When Minako finally finished her packing her things, she put her hair in a bun and washed up herself really quickly.

“I’m really sorry, Minato! You can go on without me!” She shouts from her room, suddenly having trouble putting on her uniform.

“No.” Minato answers back simply. Minato was a man of habit and if he got used to something, he’d want to keep it that way. So going to school without Minako is going to feel weird.

“I’m done!” Minako quickly grabbed her phone and her headphones while going down the stairs quickly. “Let’s go!”

/./

They both managed to snag a seat on the train, and Minako decided to check the time on her phone. It wasn’t time yet, but they are most likely be late since the train hasn’t left yet. She notices two notifications on her phone. One from Yukari, containing the words, “wer r u and minato?” and another from an unknown number.

She decides to open it and her blood ran cold.

It was from her number neighbor.

She remembers clearly how she decided to vent to her number neighbor, thinking it was an inactive number.

It was an inactive number, right? Still in denial and thinking it was her phone glitching, she decided to open it anyway.

???: Hey, I am sorry for ignoring your message. I thought you were a prankster, but I can tell that you have been having a hard time. Prankster or not, I want to make sure if you’re okay and not doing anything bad.

???: If it helps you even just a little bit, you can continue venting to me. :) I do not mind at all. I have heard that venting to a complete stranger is much easier than venting to a friend, since there is no judgment. And that’s completely true.

???: I won’t judge you.

Minako was dumbfounded. Is this guy for real? She thought she was going to get told off by the guy, but he seems really nice.

Minako: omg im so sorry my friend told me to do this number neighbor thing

Minako: and when you didn’t reply i thought it was an inactive number

Minako: last night i was really frustrated and nothing was helping

Minako: so i decided to vent to this number because i figured no one was gonna read it anyways

Minako: i am really sorry if i disturbed u

Minako sighed to herself. The train finally started moving and she decided to play music to get her mind off of it. What she didn’t expect was that she was going to get a reply so soon.

???: It is fine.

???: I told you, I do not mind. You can vent to me anytime if it helps you. :)

Minako didn’t know how to react. This guy is too nice.

Minako: um ok

Minako: thanks ig

Minako: u can do the same if u want

Minako: u can vent to me as well

The guy stopped replying. Probably became busy. Minako sighs in relief, she is embarrassed to say the least. She probably won’t talk to the guy for a while. Or you know, ever. That is probably it, she does not need some random stranger knowing about her problems. She decides to spend the rest of the ride listening to music and looking at the passing scenery.

/./

After school, Minako, Yukari and Fuuka decided to go to Chagall Café once again. Yukari suggested a ‘study group’ to help each other understand unclear terms and also a way to finish their projects. Fuuka and Minako agreed that it was beneficial.

After ordering their drinks and desserts, Fuuka started teaching Yukari the recent Math topic. Yukari couldn’t wrap her head around it and no matter how hard she tried to follow the discussion, she still couldn’t understand. Minako understood the lesson very well, so she was finishing one of their other projects instead.

“Okay, so first you have to write the given…” Fuuka started, while Yukari stared at the problem.

Minako was getting her things ready, when her phone vibrated. She opened it to see a message from her number neighbor. He still replied?

???: Hey, sorry for not replying. Today has been hectic.

???: But thank you! I’ll be sure to keep that in mind. :)

???: How are you feeling today, though?

Is this guy… actually concerned? Minako knows that it is rude that she is questioning and may or may not be judging the guy when she absolutely knows nothing about him. But same goes for the other guy, they do not know anything about her and yet they are concerned?

Minako: im okay today

Minako: thanks for asking

Minako: hbu?

As she finished setting up her things, she got a reply. That was quick.

???: That’s great. I am glad you are feeling better. :)

???: I am good, too. Just a little tired. But I can manage.

Minako stares at the message. Is she supposed to reply to that? Nevermind that, she is supposed to be studying right now. She decides to instead text Minato to eat outside already, as she will be home late. And then she put her phone in her bag and concentrate on her project.

/./

When Minako finally got home, the house was eerily quiet. There were no lights on either. “Minato?” She called out, no answer. She puts down her things and went to knock at his door.

“Minato?”

Still no reply. She tried opening the door, but it was locked. She went back down and checked to see if his shoes were here, and it wasn’t. He wasn’t home yet. Where was he?

Minako tried calling his number, but there was no answer. She started texting his friends, Junpei, Kenji and Kazushi. But none of them knew where he was. She was starting to get a little worried.

No, screw that. She IS worried as hell. Where could he have gone to?

She decided to get her jacket and find him herself but just before she could do that, the front door opened.

It was Minato.

She felt relieved, but at the same time she was very angry.

“And just where have you been?” Minako tried to stay calm, but her tone was harsh. Minato flinched.

“With the boys.” Minato answered, not looking at her and removing his shoes.

“Lies. They told me they didn’t know where you were.”

Minato finished with his shoes and walked past by her, seemingly ignoring her words.

“Minato, I am talking to you.”

“What?” Minato answered indifferently.

“What? What?! What do you mean ‘what’? I was worried sick! You didn’t answer any of my calls, and your friends didn’t know where you were! Not to mention that it’s late, who knows what kind of criminal could be lurking around the streets at this moment!” Minako said exasperatedly. It frustrated and angered her that her brother doesn’t seem to be thinking about what she was feeling.

“Calm down, I got home safely didn’t I? It’s fine. You’re worrying over nothing.” Minato proceeded to go upstairs to his room, not daring to look back at his sister.

“Minato Arisato, come back down here! I am not done talking to you!” Minako shouted, but it fell on deaf ears as he did not come back. Minako felt frustrated and angry and sad… She stormed into her room. Her chest was tightening and she did not like it one bit. She tried screaming into her pillow, but it did not ease her pain.

She faced up and stared at the ceiling. What was going on with her brother? Is there a problem at school? Is he being bullied? Was he having a hard time? They were in different classrooms, but even so it was just next to eachother. Yet somehow it feels like she still cannot reach him.

She unknowingly reached into her phone and started typing. She didn’t want to do this, but it feels like her hands has a mind of their own.

Minako: hey number neighbor

Minako: are u there?

Minako feels weak, vulnerable, and pathetic at this moment, but she doesn’t know what else she can do. After a minute, her phone vibrated.

???: Yes, I am.

???: What’s wrong? Did something happen?

Minako: i just

Minako: im sorry for disturbing u once again

Minako: but nothings calming me down again

Minako: i thought today was a nice day because i just hung out with my friends

Minako: but when i got home, my brother wasn’t there

Minako: i got worried and started calling

Minako: he didn’t answer so i texted his friends and even they didn’t know where he was

Minako: i was just about to go out until he came home

Minako: and i asked him where he was, wanting an explanation

Minako: but he just ignored me

Minako: and it fucking hurts because i was worried sick and he didn’t even try talking to me

Minako: im so fucking frustrated and angry and sad

Minako: its like i didn’t matter

Minako: he used to share a lot with me, i am his bestfriend

Minako: well, was, as it seems like now

When Minako finished, she put her phone down and stared at the ceiling. She started contemplating whether she did something to make her brother act like this. When she heard her phone vibrating, she quickly got it.

???: Hey, don’t jump into conclusions. Although I understand where your frustration is coming from. It is valid.

Minako: if its valid they why didn’t my brother talk to me???

???: Perhaps your brother is going through something, and he isn’t ready to talk about it. He just needs some time to figure it out himself and then he will approach you.

Minako: then what should i do????

???: Just continue loving and supporting him. Let him know you are there. And when the time comes, he will approach you.

Minako: do u think i scared him off when i got angry at him

???: I believe not. You were only being a concerned sister. And I am certain he knows that too. Like I said, what you felt is valid. It is normal, I would probably be the same if I was in your position.

Minako suddenly started crying. She closed her eyes and cried. After a few minutes, she decided to reply back.

Minako: thank u number neighbor

Minako: hey is it ok if i call u by another name or something

Minako: number neighbor is too long and it feels a bit weird

???: Alright. What do you suggest?

Minako: well when i call u by a name then u will most likely call me by a name too

Minako: is it ok if it’s a code name or a nickname

Minako: i don’t feel comfortable saying my name

???: That is fine by me. :) What kind of name will it be then?

Minako: is it ok if i call u by my favorite thing

???: And that would be?

Minako: headphones.

???: Fine by me, pancake.

Minako was surprised. Why the sudden endearment?

Minako: im sorry what?

???: Pancake. You will be calling me by your favorite thing, I’ll be calling you by my favorite thing too. :)

Minako: oh

???: Why? Is it weird? Do you want me to change?

Minako: um no

Minako: its fine

Minako: just surprised

???: Alright, pancake.

Minako couldn’t explain why she was suddenly blushing. It’s just their favorite thing. Nothing more. She decided to shake it off and proceeds to change their contact name into ‘Headphones’.

Minako: im feeling a lot better now

Minako: thank u again headphones

Headphones: I am glad I was able to help. :)

Minako: im gonna sleep now

Minako: nanite

Minako: ttyl

Headphones: Sleep well, pancake. :)

[spacejew]

oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

[noona-la-la-la]

Tell me if this is bad question bcus its been ignored by couple ppl. Im aguy into cuckolding. My girl is into it but as soon as she realizes its me cucking her she flips. I said u can cuck me 1st to be fair. But still arguement about fairness. Like ill suck her toes but ill ask her to suck mine just to piss her off (cus she knows i dont rly care to have mine sucked) but i have to put my feelings aside to suck hers? (Not that i have any feelings abt it) it feels like she takes advantage of that.

I’m confused.  Like, I’m really wondering if you know what the word cuckold means.  Also wondering where the toe-sucking thing comes into play.  But I’ll try to give an opinion based on what I think you are asking.

So, usually when a man says he is into “cuckolding” it either means he wants to be a cuckold by his wife having sex with other men or he wants to cuckold other men by having sex with their wives.  Feel free to replace wife with girlfriend here.  But part of the sexual kink of it all really is playing with the traditional sexual/gender power dynamics.  For thousands of years, women were expected to remain sexually faithful to the man in their life while it was considered completely normal for the man to sleep around, take mistresses, concubines, additional wives even.  It’s still that way in many cultures/subcultures.  Thus, the deviance of “cuckolding” is by flipping that dynamic.

I’ve seen people talk about “reverse cuckolding” or sometimes “cuckqueaning” to refer to women who want their man to have sex with another woman.  So… there’s that.

In any case, cuckolding as a fetish is different than people having open relationships, or partner swapping, or simply bringing in a third (or more) sexual partner into a relationship for a night. The big difference is that cuckolding is very much about power play – how deep that goes depends on the couple, but there tend to be elements of jealousy mixed with arousal, or for the more intense, there may be active elements of humiliation, degradation, denial, sexual servitude and sometimes even extended chastity on the part of the cuckold.  It all varies depending on what the primary couple want and how they have decided to manage their relationship and all of it needs to be done with mutual agreement of the two primary partners and they should also get clear consent from whatever third party they bring in to be a part of this dynamic.

For one couple, cuckolding could mean, “I want to watch you have sex with another man while I jerk off in the corner” and for someone else it might mean, “I want you to lock up my dick, make me sleep on the floor, stop having sex with me altogether while you engage in a long term, loving and sexual relationship with another man who actively belittles and demeans me.”  That is a WIDE spectrum there and you need to be extremely clear about what it is you want from this kind of relationship. I’m not kidding, everything needs to be negotiated and made incredibly clear, limits set, rules defined and abided by everyone, and there should probably be frequent renegotiation of the relationship taking place.  Is this working?  What works and what doesn’t?  What should we add and what should we take away?  Does everyone feel safe and loved and happy?  If not, what do we need to change?

You need to be extremely clear about what it is you want and I would suggest you don’t use the word cuckold when you are asking for it.  Be explicitly clear and detailed with your partner.  Do you want her to have sex with other men?  Do you want to be told about her sexual escapades?  Do you want to observe her having sex?  Do you want to help find her other partners?  Do you want to participate in her sexual encounters?  In what way do you want to participate?  Etc…  And if you also want to have sex with other women… then you need to be equally explicit about what you want there, too.   

Once you put it all out on the table, it’s up to your partner to say what she is willing or not willing to do.  And you need to be prepared for the fact that this is a negotiation and she may not want to do everything you want to do.  And that might include her being okay with having sex with other men (something you said you wanted) but not okay with you having sex with other women (a different thing you said you wanted).  If you are only okay with her having sex with others is if you get to do the same, then you were never really into cuckolding in the first place.  If what you want is have an open relationship where both of you have sex with other people or you want to start inviting other people (both men and women) into bed with the two of you – then that’s what you need to ask for.  If it’s something different from that, say it! Be clear!

And be prepared that her answer may be no.  Respect her decision.  It’s up to you to decide if you are okay with the state of your relationship and whether or not you want to be in the relationship – but it’s not okay to try to coerce or badger someone into doing things they don’t want to do.  

As for the toe sucking example… I’m a little concerned.  It sounds like she enjoys having her toes sucked and you don’t mind doing it even if it’s not something you would naturally do on your own.  You ask her to suck your toes, something you don’t particularly want and something she doesn’t want to do, simply because you think sex is only “fair” if you make her do everything you do.

That doesn’t seem healthy.  

When we are children, we think fairness is all about making sure everybody gets treated exactly the same in every situation every time.  It’s about making sure that you get the same number of cookies as your brother and you better be damn sure that all those cookies are the same size and the same flavors and you might even count the number of chocolate chips in the cookie to make sure they come out the same.  But then we grow up and realize that fairness is more about making sure everyone has the option to have cookies, but only people who want them eat them and you only eat enough until you are full and that is going to be a little different for every person.

In sexual terms, fairness is making sure that you are your partner are both feeling satisfied with the sex you are having.  That includes doing things that you might not particularly care for one way or the other, but it makes your partner happy.  It also means not being forced to do things that are actively upsetting or cause distress.  

So if she likes having her toes sucked and you don’t have any real objection to doing that, then suck her toes.  If you don’t really care about having your toes sucked and she doesn’t like doing it – then why are you trying to make her suck your toes?  Chances are she might already be doing something that you like and she doesn’t care about just for your pleasure.  And even if she isn’t… are you dissatisfied with the sex?  If so, ask for what you want!  Don’t go around asking to have your toes sucked when that isn’t what you actually want.  

It sounds like you are playing games when you should be having an open and honest dialog.  

[waitinginthedarke]

Ex’s and Oh’s

A BTS/Min Yoongi Fanfiction

Summary: When its over, its meant to be over; it should be finished, and you should move on. But when paths continue to cross, and the fires reignite, you’re going to need to prepare yourself to perish in the flames, because you’ll never make it out unscathed.

Type: Angst/Smut

Prologue Part 1 Part 2

Chapter 3

It was as you were half way through a new television drama one evening a few days later (one that Jisu had managed to coerce you into watching with her, despite the hard headed nature that you’d developed over the past few days of working until exhaustion over took you and you fell asleep)...that the first text comes through.

[YG: I miss you.]

‘Are you okay?’

Your best friend’s quiet question causes you to jump out of your skin where you’d been frowning so hard at your phone beside you, although the second you look over to the opposite side of you to catch her eye you force a smile onto your face and nod, proceeding to snuggle further under the blanket you were sharing, before focusing your attention back on the television screen and the handsome face of Woo Bin as he runs to save the lead actress from some horrific life or death situation... you were sure.

However, at the exact second you see your phone light up once more in your peripheral vision and you glance over at the new message waiting for you, you make one key realization.

[YG: I just want to see you already.]

[YG: I’m happy when im with you.]

Yoongi…was drunk.

...or at least he had to be...why else would he be sending you these messages?

‘Are you sure you’re okay? You’re really tense; you’re not as comfortable to cuddle with as you usually are.’ Jisu complains, frowning at you, her eyes flickering down to your concealed hand on the other side of you as she tries to work out what you’d been looking at. However, some part of you immediately flinches back from allowing her to know about what was going on, and so you quickly shove your phone into your pocket with a sly grimace before feigning a yawn and pulling yourself into a stretch.

‘Actually, I think all the work I’ve been doing lately is getting to me…I might have to hit the sack early-‘

‘Hey! No! You said you’d watch this with me, Y/N!’ she immediately complains, grabbing at your arm to stop you from leaving and pouting at you like a puppy. In any normal situation the expression would have been enough to have you flopping back down beside her with a sigh and a secretly fond smile as she’d resume snuggling into you, but with the way your ears were ringing and your heart was pounding in response to Yoongi’s texts (that may or may not be sincere; you still weren’t sure), you couldn’t risk her cluing into what was happened.

‘I’m sorry, hunny. But I just cant manage to keep my eyes open tonight.’ You apologize sincerely, gently peeling her firm grip from your arm with a sympathetic smile, before getting to your feet and slowly beginning to shuffle off to your room, your phone seeming to you like it was burning a hole through your pocket as you continued to feel it vibrating with new messages.

You didn’t even look back to see the expression of concern Jisu was watching you with, before close your door firmly behind you.

[YG: I miss your stupid jokes about animals.]

[YG: I miss the way you used to pat my head when I was tired but couldn’t get to sleep.]

[YG: I miss how you used to send me pictures of your pout when I told you I couldn’t come over...]

[Yoongi is typing.]

You felt like you couldn’t breathe as you read each message, all the voices of denial that had been keeping your head above the tide of missing him receding quicker than the setting sun as you crumble against the wall beside your door, and slowly collapse in a desperate mess of longing.

[YG: Please tell me you want me to come over.]

Your vision is blurring and the blood is roaring in your ears as you stare at the typing bubble that reappears beside his name, the barely audible voice of logic in your brain that was telling you to throw the phone away and go back out and tell Jisu everything, becoming smothered in memories of what it used to be like with him as your conviction of him being drunk becomes less and less sincere…

[YG: I cant stop thinking about the way you used to stare at me like I was magical every time I’d kiss you.]

‘You should probably answer that.’ You chuckle, biting your lip as you flicker your gaze from his phone on the table in front of you, to his hand as his fingers began to interlace themselves with yours, up to his wicked smile as it grew up his cheeks, bringing your attention to his mouth as a tumult of need to touch your lips to his washes over you.

‘I should…’ he murmurs in his semi-deep baritone, glancing down at the device before moving his free hand to tap a finger against the screen and decline Namjoon’s call, ‘…but im not going to.’

Its at the exact second that a quiet snicker passes your lips and you flicker your eyes down bashfully at his response, that he suddenly leans in and touches his lips to yours, letting his mouth linger against yours, and allowing you to sink into the feeling, before his breath washes over your chin as he pulls back the tiniest fraction to gauge your reaction, his eyes so close to your own flickering up to yours and causing you to go cross-eyed.

‘Was I wrong to do that?’ he asks quietly, his question drowning out the thunder of your heartbeat in your ears, and any remaining noise from the little park you were in that hadn’t already been cast into silence the second his lips had touched yours.

‘What?’ you ask, your voice cracking on the single word as you try to calm the shivers that run up your spine, and attempt to refocus your mind on what he was saying.

‘You’re holding my hand really tight…did I do something wr-‘

‘Oh…sorry.’ You hurriedly apologize, instantly uncurling your fingers from his, and almost immediately regretting it when you see the way your hand looks so small without his. However, its just as you go to try and stutter an excuse in an attempt to get him to kiss you again, that you hear a small chuckle escape him.

‘You’re so cute when you’re flustered.’ He mutters, his expression when you look up at him appearing endearing, and without you realizing you end up staring at his mouth once again, subconsciously leaning closer, and after a moment, Yoongi was quickly leaning in to kiss you once more, not being able to resist the call of need in your eyes as you’d stared at him.

‘You’re so hard to resist.’ He whispers as his lips mold themselves against yours, his heavy breaths carrying the statement to your ears as you quietly drown in the kiss, your hand by-passing his this time to clutch itself into the front of his tshirt- which was all well and good in his books- as his arm makes its way around your waist instead, allowing him to grasp you close to him and become overwhelmed in the smell of your perfume.

All you can answer with is a nibble on his lip as you allow the world around you to melt away and become completely consumed by him, seeing white behind your eyelids as your tongue begins to timidly and gently dance with his, before you’re jolted out of the moment by his phone vibrating once again on the table next to you.

You barely catch his murmured chuckle at your response with the way your head and your limbs felt so light, however, the time it takes for you to blink your vision clear and loosen your grip on his tshirt slightly as he continues to hold you securely, is enough time for him to reach for his phone to read the message, whatever he sees causing him to groan in annoyance, before he begins to tap a reply.

‘Whats wrong? You ask timidly, not wanting to pry into his business, whilst also fearing that whatever it was was going to cause him to leave. He glances back at you as he sits his phone back on the table, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as he sees the way your face had become drawn in anticipation of his departure, that you somehow seemed to already have guessed. Without wasting a second of time, he quickly pulls you back into him and crashes his lips to yours, raising his hand up to cradle the back of your neck, and causing your skin to burn from your skull to your toes.

‘Can we go out later? Will you wait up for me?’ he asks in a hushed voice as he pulls back from the kiss, leaving you light-headed and dizzy, staring at him as you nod your head dumbly, feeling like you wanted to give him anything as long as he kissed you like that again, and the response causes him to chuckle once again at your cuteness.

‘Do you even know what I just said, Beautiful?’ he asks, bringing his finger round to tap your cheek, which in itself causes heat to creep into your cheeks and a smile to pull at your lips, before you’re left staring at him as he gently dislodges himself from you and stands up, shoving his phone into his pocket before looking down at you and the puppy dog expression you were shooting him.

‘Babe, if you want me to walk you home, you have to stop staring and come with me.’ He teases, winking at you as you bite your lip in embarrassment, before he reaches down to grab your hand from your lap and proceeds to pull you back down the path with him, tucking you under his arm as soon as your brain had stopped scrambling itself so much and could function enough to allow you to catch up with him.

He turned up at 11:59pm that evening…and didn’t leave till 3:00pm the next afternoon.

[YG: I can’t stop thinking about you in my Knights jersey. Baby, you look so amazing in that.]

‘Yoongi, I can’t stay! I have to shower, and I have nothing to wear! I can’t just wear the same clothes for 3 days in a row!’ you complain teasingly as he continues to curl his arms around your waist in an attempt to stop you from leaving his bed. You cant help but chuckle at him as you look behind you to see him still with his eyes closed, a slight frown pulling at his brow as he concentrates on not letting you go.

‘You have work to do too, cutie.’ You murmur quietly, reaching back to push his fringe gently from his eyes, and not controlling your giggle as he peeks an eye open to look up at you, pushing his lips out into a pout.

‘I have until the end of the week to finish those compositions; that’s ages away.’

His retort makes you roll your eyes before you go to attempt to stand up once more, only to be quickly forced back onto the bed, a sigh of annoyance escaping you as you go to scold him for being such a child. But, before any words can leave you, you’re left watching him as he shuffles out of the covers and stumbles off of the bed, cracking his back momentarily, before stepping over to his shelves and pulling out a drawer, rummaging for all of two seconds before you’re suddenly hit in the face with something light and soft.

‘Will that do?’ he asks, barely giving you time to look down at the red basketball jersey he’d thrown at you, before he’s stood toe to toe with you, watching you with a calculative look.

‘As?’ you respond, already knowing what he was referring to, but wanting to tease him for being so needy in his pursuit to get you to stay. Although your question leads to him pushing on your shoulders to cause you to fall back against the mattress, before he’s suddenly leaning over you, his body pressing against yours forcing a thrill to run through you as you stare amusedly back at his determined gaze, waiting for him to speak, but ending up being the first to give in.

‘I can try it on.’

You chuckle as you push on his chest to roll him off of you, shoving yourself back to your feet in just your pair of underpants as you grin stupidly at the shirt he’d given you, before unfolding it and raising it up to shrug yourself into it, reveling in the feel of the fabric as it slides over your skin and allows the smell of him to begin to embed itself in your pores.

Stepping over to the mirror on the back of his wardrobe door you become aware of the silence that fills the room, wanting to admire the way your complexion complimented the bright red of the shirt but ending up feeling nervous as you become aware of the feel of his eyes on you, ending up slowly turning to face him, and biting your lip shyly as you do so.

‘What do you think?’ you ask quietly, chewing on the inside of your cheek and standing on the edges of your feet as you struggle to look at him, stomach too full of butterflies to see his reaction with the way your brain was screaming that this was a big deal’ that this was what only serious boyfriends did for their girlfriends.

Its after what seems like an eternity that he finally answers.

‘I think you need to take it off right now.’

Your eyes snap up to his then, the tone of voice he’d used surprising you in its intensity, but rather than the angry expression that the gruff timbre had suggested, instead you’re greeted with a fire burning in his eyes, drawl practically leaking from the edges of his mouth, and his hand gripping the edge of the mattress like his life depended on it as his eyes rake over your body from your legs up.

‘Why?’ you ask, struggling to smother your smirk at his reaction, but before you can even enjoy the sight of him breaking apart in front of you with how turned on he was at the sight of you in his jersey, he’s jumping up from the bed and striding over to you, hands immediately crawling beneath the hem of the fabric to touch you, and his response becomes smothered by your answering gasp.

‘Because you look so good, I need to fuck you right now.’

[YG: I can’t stop thinking about how good you feel, Y/N. I need you so bad.]  

The first time was unbelievable.

The second time was almost romantic.

But the third time…

…the third time was your favourite.

‘Hush, baby, the boys are here. …we cant disturb them whilst they’re sleeping.’ He growls quietly in your ear, his hips pausing temporarily as he speaks the words, following them with a gentle, yet prolonged, kiss against your cheek, and he barely lets his lips leave your skin before his hips are snapping into yours once more. The wall and thin shelving unit you were balanced precariously on cradles your back as gently as it could as he huffs his need against your skin, the fingers of one hand knotting in your hair, whilst the others sink into the flesh of your hip, providing a simultaneous amount of pleasure and pain as he pins you down.

‘Yoo-Yoongi-‘ you keen quietly, the whimper being an automatic reaction to his intensity and the way he felt inside of you- the feeling sending your thoughts into disarray and causing a fire to burn across your skin. Although subconsciously, you also knew the way you said his name during sex drove him wild, and so, as expected, the moment his name on your lips registered in his mind, the shelves began to creek under the dominating movements of his body upon yours, and within a few minutes you were tying your arms suffocatingly tightly around his shoulders, trying to stop yourself from sinking your nails into the skin of his back and failing miserably as you smother your cries of pleasure in his neck.

The feel of his pulse beneath your lips as you pant into his throat, mixed with the overwhelming pleasure brought on from the feel of him filling you over and over again, and the sound of his grunts in your ears as he grips tightly to your thighs where his hands had moved to gain more purchase on your body to keep you steady under his ministrations, has you falling apart in his hands, the slick layer of sweat that covered your body glistening like crystals in the soft light from the moon outside as it spilled through the window and lay witness to your love.

‘I love you…I love you more than life itself…I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved, baby-…I swear I’ll never let you go.’ He pants, burying his face in your neck as the two of you slump against the wall afterwards, the feeling of him still within you as he speaks those words causing your throat to close up as you become overwhelmed by emotion, and so all you can do is tiredly pull his mouth towards yours to set your lips against his, pouring as much meaning into the action as you could, before the two of you end up simple panting against one another.

‘Forever, Beautiful...you’re mine.’

[YG: I dont want this to be the end.]

Your skin was crawling with goosebumps as the cool night air whipped against your skin, lashing out at you for what you were about to do, and trying to make you turn back after you’d snuck out of the apartment an hour after you’d left Jisu to go to bed.

But it was too late; you’d already made up your mind.

It was all too familiar to you as you climbed the marble steps inside the building, having already pinned in the  passcode that Yoongi had told you the second your 3 month anniversary had passed, before proceeding to make your way up to the level 4 dormitory that bighit had commandeered as the perfect place for the boys.

The voices in your head were still arguing between one another, the intensity of your thoughts almost causing you to feel dizzy as you stumble up the last step before the corridor that housed their front door, the accidental trip making you pause as you stare down at a place you’d been so many times... but that now appear alien to you.

‘What the hell am I doing?’ you whisper, feeling your palms grow sweaty as you continue simply glaring at the door, trying to decide if the feeling in your stomach was nausea, or excitement, and finally gaining enough common sense to figure out that you couldn’t just turn up at their door once again, almost having convinced yourself to turn back and go home-

-just as your phone vibrates in your hand...

…and you look down to see Yoongi’s face filling the screen as your phone rings quietly in your palm.

It was an instinctive response that has you automatically sliding your thumb across the screen to answer it, before lifting it to your ear.

But the second you hear the whisper of his voice in your ear, you’re only too aware of your inability to turn back.

‘Where are you?’

His question echoes down the corridor as its spoken into your ear…

…and you watch as the door 12ft in front of you opens to reveal him shrugging into his jacket.

His eyes- even from this distance, you could see- were painted in hues of grey and rimmed in red, and you watch as he traps his phone against his shoulder to continue putting his coat on, looking- apart from his haggard appearance from an obvious lack of sleep- exactly how you’d left him the night you’d ran away.

‘I’m here.’

Even if you would have only mouthed the words, Yoongi would have heard them as though you’d shouted into his ear. Your quiet whisper as its duplicated behind him causes him to spin so fast that his phone drops to his feet milliseconds after he’d caught sight of you, your disheveled appearance and the broken look in your eyes not for a second taking away from the usual beauty that seemed to radiate from you.

He’d missed you so much.

There isn’t time for questions as he finally finds the ability to make his legs move, striding as fast as he could towards you, before crashing his mouth to yours once you were within reaching distance, his arms trapping you almost painfully tightly against him as he cradles your neck to hold you in place, wanting to fool himself into thinking that you weren’t going to push him away.

…but after a solid minute of his lips molding themselves to yours, its only when he feels the dampness of your cheeks against his, that he becomes aware of the way your small hands were clutching his sides... like you were clinging on for all your life was worth.

‘Why-‘ he goes to ask as he breaks apart for air, staring desperately down at you as he begins to wipe away the tears that littered your cheeks, but you’re quick to stop him as you manage to raise your gaze from his mouth…to his nose…to his eyes-

-before whispering the most broken sentence he’d ever heard you utter, and instantly causing him to crash his lips back against yours without thinking any more.

‘Don’t ask questions. …I miss you too much tonight.’

(T.B.C)