#IM ALREADY RANTING BUT THERES SO MUCH THATS ENDING MY EXISTENCE WHICH IS THE EXACT /OPPOSITE/ OF WHAT ADDY WANTS BUT AAAAAAAAA

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[tfw-no-tennis]

hhhhhhxh

more abt hxh bc my last post was too long n i had to split it off holla

so i left off talking abt when gon woke up....i love how polite gon is to pretty much everyone - hes such a good lad all the time. s/o to his aunt for raising him right (tho i think hes also just a rlly good boy inherently too)

also is he named gon bc ging was like ha ha im boutta be GONe lol seeya kid!!!! like ????

i find it interesting that kurapika and hisoka fought....we really havent seen them interact at all yet. also hisoka is so smirk-y i hate that bitch...what did he say to kurapika?????? 

this poor red shirt old guy lmao hisoka is SO clearly uninterested in fighting him and then he fucking dies. rip mdude

what did hisoka whisper to HIM??? guess we’ll never know #RIPLegend

oh mannnn if killua had just won against pokkle then he wouldnt have had to deal with illumi doing That to him :( my smug son......

leorio is such a good dude....also its so funny to me how tall and lanky leorio is, espec compared to the other 3 main characters lmaoooo

or maybe those 3 are just rlly short??? i mean gon and killua are literally 12, but whats kurapikas excuse

GODDDD I HATE THIS BIIIIITCH. FUCK OFFFFFFF tho the evil piano music slaps. but jeeeeesus illumi is so creepy and awful, and seeing him take off his disguise is not any better a second time...he and hisoka truly deserve each other wrow

does illumi have hair powers??? cause it kinda looks like it. or maybe hes just gay and dramatic 

ok but the sick electric guitar riff (?) that played when illumis face was revealed was lowkey kinda hilarious

man i was so wrong abt killua knowing that that was illumi :( poor kid

killua is immediately freaking out and meanwhile illumi looks bored as hell. dude ur the worst 

killua: [freaking out] illumi, completely blank-faced: hey 

I HATE HIMMMM even tho his catman design is regrettably kinda cute

why do illumi and hisoka both have such snatched waists i hate this

wtf so killua has another different brother??? i assumed he attacked illumi....how many fuckgin zoldyk sibling are there?????

leorio ur too normie for this conversation lmao. also wow fucked up family huh

killua looks so like...small and helpless, which is so at odds from what we’ve seen of him so far :( this poor kid

illumi totally has some weird brain powers man callin it now 

gon: wow killuas family sounds wack...  satotz: oh lmao you havent even heard the rest 

KILLUA ;_; 

this poor baby assassin :( :( :(

IMMM INCONSOLABLE. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS W/GON.......ARE YOU KIDDING....AUGHHHHHHHH

meanwhile gon decided he and killua are BEST FRIENDS like 10 mins after they met. GOD 

like in the recap ep he called killua his best friend ;_; and meanwhile killua doesnt even think they ARE friends god destroy me 

this calming classical music is throwing me off vbhjfjhbsdkgndks

i sense that leorio and kurapika are rapidly acquiring a new son

DAMN THIS IS SO FUUUUCKEDDDDD illumi is such a crusty bitch wow. leave killua alone asshole 

all that stuff abt killua like, only thinking he wants to befriend gon but really wanting to kill him....that sure sounds like some ‘worst fears’ type of shit for someone like killua....illumi is such a classic abuser wow

i have 2 know is satotz like, repeating this entire conversation verbatim in a calming monotone to gon rn. like....

LEORIOOOOO I LOVE UUUUUUUU AUGHHHH him telling killua it doesnt matter if illumi is his brother, fuck that guy, beat him up as usual and leave.....ooooughhhh leorio is such a good dude ;_; 

and the OF COURSE him saying the obvious - that gon and killua are ALREADY friends....i love this, i feel like leorio said all the exact things the audience is thinking...yet it still didnt get thru to killua bc hes so rattled by illumi appearing, and the abuse in general 

i think if gon were there things wouldve gone much differently 

of COURSE crusty bitch illumi is like oh ok now i have to kill gon.....biiiiitch i hate uuuuu 

also that just shows that hes lying to killua (which we already knew obvs), bc if it were inevitable that killua would kill gon to like, test himself or w/e, then why not just wait for that to happen? that would have a much bigger impact on killua than illumi killing gon....its obvious that illumi is just manipulating him, but killua is too BSOD to be able to tell (also, hes 12)

ok bitch illumi is preaching abt not needing friends but he and hisoka are definitely fucking and theyve been teamed up for the entire hunter exam it seems.....what a hypocrite. hate this guy

god im so glad we didnt rlly get to see whatever the fuck illumi did to that random hunter examiner guy’s face. jeeeeesus. also i cant tell but i wonder if him forcing that info out of the guy was the result of his freaky mind powers or if the guy was just like oof ouch pins in me face

LEORIO AND KURAPIKAAAA THE PROTECT GON SQUAD!! and joined by new member hanzo!!! who ironically beat gon up for 3 hours str8 like, a very short amount of time ago lmao. but still i love that sm

illumi u dumb bitch.....tho i dont buy for a minute that he didnt already realize that killing gon would disqualify him...he defs just wanted to get under killuas skin even more :^( 

KILLUAAAA ;_; when he goes to step back from illumi but illumi tells him not to....ughhh HATE this guy, leave this poor kid alone. no wonder he wanted to leave

illumi saying theres only 1 way that killua can stop him - does he mean by killing him, or something more specific, like some forbidden zoldyk murder technique? 

‘your beloved gon’ wow gay. theyre 12 and theyre dating ok. killua is literally that kid whos like wow i wonder if gon likes me...and meanwhile gon is like wow cant believe me and killua have been dating for 3 months now

leorio saying ‘we wont let him kill you or gon’ ;_; leorio ily sm...thats like the exact right thing to say - hes offering protection and reassurance as an adult figure...unfortunately killua is clearly too freaked out to even process anything outside of illumis gaslighting and abuse 

also illumi is defs doing something to killua w/his eyes via his freaky mind powers. js

illumi i hate you stop being weirdly cute. augh 

classic abuse tactics, being like ha ha nvm i wasnt gonna kill gon! jk!

killua just shutting down completely after that :( :( noooo

and then he kills that old guy and leaves, ‘proving’ that illumi is right....noooooOOOO

and now we boutta see gon go FULL shounen protag for the first time, oh FUCKKKKKK yesssss

this is the first time we’ve seen gon angry oooh man and of COURSE its on killuas behalf,....im so fuckign emo already looooord

god ok the episode preview where its gon saying ‘do leorio and i look alike?’ YES U DO LOL youre father and son so jot that down 

oof, gon and illumi have such fundamentally different POVs on like, family and life and morals, and you can tell by their 4-line exchange before gon does the ICONIC one-handed grab’n’fling

AUGHHHH gon saying hes gonna rescue killua....SO good...he recognizes that killuas family is wack as hell and killua shouldnt be w/them - the classic ingrained ‘found family is more important than blood family’ stuff

tho thats an interesting contrast to gon himself, whos looking for his deadbeat dad

‘but it wasnt his choice’ that so good ily gon BEST boy, hes so perceptive and good......he knows that killuas hand was forced and that he needs to be RESCUED (love that word choice) from his shitty abusive family

of course kurapika and leorio voiced complaints ;_; best parents 

kurapika should be a lawyer tbh 

leorioooo ;_; such a good dude, saying he should be disqualified instead 

HOW is leorio a stronger combatant than that old dude hvbajufjbsja that guy had some moves it seemed, and leorio has,....a knife? a briefcase? the classic premed attitude of ‘fuck it, i could die anytime, lets do this’? like.....cmon vhabjdfjbhsf i refuse to believe this man is of any use in a fight. ill believe it when i see it

pokkle pls ur not plot-important enough to be jumping into this convo rn

tho i am curious abt what hisoka said to kurapika. tho i agree that thats irrelevant to the discussion 

gon repeating satotz’s wisdom :’) and saying that killua will definitely pass if he takes the exam again...ough

gon is SO GOOD i cant get over it !!!!!!!!! AUGHHHH....recusing killua from his abusive family and making it so killua never has to see them again is like...so good. what a good good perfect boy.

also thats like, the perfect response to this. killing illumi would just start a ton of drama, and killua would be conflicted abt that....but removing killua from his situation is perfect 

ok ive ranted a lot ill talk abt the rest later woohoo

PREDICTIONS: 

i predict that hisoka will show up in this upcoming zoldyk arc somewhere bc illumis gonna be in it (i assume) and theyre dating. also hisoka is a central character so itd make sense for him to show up in the second major arc. tho tbh this could end up being completely false and i wouldnt be that shocked lmao

i think leorio is gonna get Big Sad someday bc hes like, so normal compared to the other MCs, and also hes suuuuch a bleeding heart (i love him....) so i feel like thats gonna lead to some sadness for him once his friends start doing crazy shit or w/e 

also i predict that if he gets nen itll be like healing nen or st. does that even exist??? idk jack shit abt nen lmao 

i think that illumi has hypnosis powers or something, even just based on design alone. it could defs be for aesthetic (character design in hxh is wild), but his eyes look noticeably different from any other characters. also he was doing some freaky shit to killua. also i held this prediction before seeing the part where this is brought up so we’ll see if its right lmao 

as for this upcoming arc -  ruth and i are wondering if itll be similar to the vinsmoke drama in one piece - character goes back to abusive family, squad goes to rescue them...and then character refuses to be recused. w/sanji it was partially bc the vinsmokes threatened to kill zeff, his TRUE dad, but i predict in this case it could be more like the zoldyks saying ‘look killua these 3 weirdos showed up looking for you, convince them to leave or we’ll kill them’ and killua will be like, oh shit bc like.....think abt it. the vinsmokes targeted zeff (and not the strawhats) bc they knew they could easily kill him. same goes here, i assume - a family of trained assassins vs Good Good Fishing Rod Smell-Power Boy (who hasnt thrown a single punch yet), Lanky Dr Man With A Switchblade We Havent Seen Him Use Onscreen, and Mx 2 Wooden Sticks, Bloodlust, and Arachnophobia - 3 For 1 Deal! its a no-contest. so thats one thing i could see happening, potentially 

im way too tired to remember my other predictions rip lmao

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Persona Problems: Apathy Syndrome, Mental Shutdowns, and Reverse Cases

Sooooo uhhh I can’t sleep so might as well ramble about this.

Comparing and contrasting the 3, ranting on why Mental Shutdowns are called Mental Shutdowns and why it’s stupid, and trying to fix PTS’ Reverse Cases.

An issue I’ve had with P5 tbh (I think I’ve talked about this before), but while thinking about it I realized that......my own idea of fixing P:TS’ Reverse Cases instead....made me realized some complications (I mean the complication was there to begin with but I’ll get to that). 

Anyway I’ll save Reverse Cases for last since I’m sure most of you are only here for P3/5. 8U

So one thing that bothered me in P5 is.....the fact they call Mental Shutdowns well...Mental Shutdowns. I mean because....it’s just Apathy Syndrome (or at least, how it’s called by the public, “Mass Lethargy Syndrome, which we find out in P4D, as a similar case is happening there).

Well let me explain what each one basically is.

Apathy Syndrome. is basically when a person’s shadow goes on vacation in P3, and Nyx/Full Moon bosses be giving out those vacation tickets like Oprah when well....the Full moon comes around. 8U I mean technically the person’s shadow gets “eaten” by a Dark Hour Shadow (and yes it’s their shadow, MegaTen says “psyche” but it’s clarified more that by psyche they mean shadow). Basically, while there are technicalities in HOW the shadow isn’t in the person’s body, the fact remains it happens because the shadow is not in the body. As for what happens to the person, they usually go into a coma/vegetative state and will die without medical help.

Mass Lethargy Syndrome: 

Now let’s look at Mental Shutdowns. It happens when a Shadow Self is killed.....ok.....so basically that means the Shadow is not there anymore. The Shadow is not in the body. Basically the same exact thing as Apathy Syndrome. What happens to the body? Same exact thing as Apathy Syndrome, they go into coma/vegetative state and will die without medical help. I mean sometimes they’ll die right on the spot for no good reason(ok maybe not RIGHT on the spot, stupid delay reaction Okumura....fudging things up), but of the 3/4 we saw, we know 2/3 (dunno if I should count train guy, but Wakabe and Kobayashi def count) died because they fell in traffic and not by whatever Okumura conveniently got. Also this doesn’t count Ichiko’s friend who was just in a coma, so it seems Okumura’s reaction is.....VERY rare. Btw fun fact, in P3′s 1st movie, something similar happens at a train station that mirrors Wakabe/Kobayashi, someone gets Apathy syndrome and falls in front of a train (I know it’s the movie, but the game DOES say there was a delay and the movie spells it out for us it’s cause of a body on the train tracks so.....there might be some weight to the movie). 

Now PTS....I’m....I’m mostly gonna focus on Reverse Cases, I mean this anime has Apathy Syndrome but I don’t recall it (or I didn’t get that far into it), and the wiki states it’s when a Persona is taken or destroyed, while Reverse Cases (as well as Kagenuki) specifically mention Shadows....and I dunno it could be P:TS being weird again and not knowing how the relationship between Personas/Shadows work, but then again Kagenuki was used so that people could tell if that person has a strong shadow and thus strong Persona and....basically I don’t think the creators through it through or the wiki is missing some info. ANYWAY, Reverse Cases are similar, it’s where a Shadow is forcibly taken by another Persona user for a certain goal of summoning something more powerful by gathering those Personas (if any of you Arena/Ultimax fans feel like you might’ve heard something like this before yeah I think they repurposed P:TS’s thing), and when that happens the person is turned inside out! Whoops! Well that’s a bit different, but hey same concept, shadow leaving the body (THAT BEING SAID it’s understandable why it’s called something different, the outcome is different compared to AS and MS). (btw Kagenuki is where you pull a Shadow/Persona out but it’s used to relieve stress or some BS, it’s temporary and....it’s kinda more like you are forcing someone to summon their Persona rather than take it....unless you are discount Strega aka Marebito then they are trying to actually take it).

Fun Fact: P2IS I believe is the first place that showcases Apathy Syndrome (or whatever we wanna call all 3/4 of these things), as the character Yukino experience similar symptoms when her Shadow Self commits suicide. P2IS didn’t have a name for it but....just a fun fact. 8U

Anyway before I pick apart P:TS’ mess, lemme get back to P5. Why the fudge do they call it something different? Like I GET MS’ process is a little different, but the outcome is pretty much identical, esp to the public....who are the one’s naming the phenomenon. Like us the players know it’s different, one is caused by the Dark Hour and is temporary, the other is caused by Goro being an asshole and it seems like this one is a bit more permanent....BUT THE PUBLIC DOESN’T KNOW THAT! To them it should be “Apathy Syndrome/Mass Lethargy Syndrome has returned and a new phenomenon ‘Psychotic Breakdowns’ has emerged!” you could possibly connect them due to both showing up at around the same time, but calling AS something different? No, to the public it’s pretty much the same, people are becoming vegetables and we dunno how to help them. In all honesty, just because the way shadows are leaving people’s bodies are a bit different, I don’t think it warrants a new name...in fact I think it can be confusing “Wait isn’t it basically the same thing? How/why is it called something different?” it just raises unneeded questions. And no you can’t make the argument that ‘maybe AS wasn’t well known’ because 1) it’s mentioned later in P4D (and I think even in Arena), albeit by a different but similar sounding title and 2) even a small town like Inaba’s murder mystery was still being alluded to in P5 about 5ish years later in-game....and Iwatodai is a city and it was being talked about on the news A LOT.....so no it’s not a small town/city thing.

But...”Well why aren’t you complaining about P4D’s re-name?” Probably cause the rumor of knowing the cause of MLS vs AS/MS. MLS is associated with the cursed video, while AS/MS are unknown to the public..... Or maybe AS was just known as MLS to the mass public or it’s a phenomenon where a bunch of people fall to AS, I need to replay P4D tbh if there are additional details I’m missing, but the fact remains that, to the public, MLS has a possible root cause while the other two do not so it’s possible to let that slide....tho it brings up the fact MS should either be called AS or MLS.... Esp because there’s also the fact that P4D is probably taking place in Tokyo (P3/4/4D basically just call it “the city,” but I think it’s heavily hinted to be Tokyo, heck a quick google search lead me to a LMB festival look alike, aka Tokyo Idol Festival so....yeah 8U). Which makes it even more jarring for P5 since WE KNOW it takes place in Tokyo so why are they using two names for the same thing??? It’s like.....calling the Chicken Pox something like “Polly Pocket Pox,” same symptoms, we just feel like calling it something totally random and new now for no reason even tho it’s literally the exact same thing in everyone’s eyes. 8U 

Anyway end rant on P5′s annoying alt naming, now for P:TS.

So.....Reverse Cases are a bit of a mess....both in the show (damn it be bloody) and.....lore wise (not new to P:TS bless its soul....haha soul....pun not intended). Lore wise it doesn’t make sense. I mean P3/4D/5′s way of doing it we basically have different ways of doing X1+A/B/C but we still get the same Y (basically X+A=Y, X+B=Y, and X+C=Y for P3/4D/5 respectively, X=a shadow leaving, A/B/C=the different forms aka Full Moon/Cursed Video/Goro-murders). RC is different, it’s end result is different even if say.....it’s the same as P5 (P5 involve another human harming another Person’s shadow so yeah). So with PTS, instead of X+C=Y, it’s now X+C=Z (Shadow leaving+basically stealing and absorbing the shadow=a person explodes).....so with PT X+C≠Y.....and that’s.....that’s some problems. Because PTS equates the shadow leaving with the person exploding (we’re ignoring AS in this universe cause....we don’t need more problems).

So....to fix it.....I originally thought “maybe add one more thing to the equation!” Have it be X+C+D=Z. With D= maybe the shadow goes berserk before it’s eaten and that’s how the person is exploded. Kinda similar to how Personas can turn on their user in P3 and strangle them....or in P4 the Shadow Selves....do something that kills them. I mean they both try to kill their hosts and seem to do different things to get the job done, and how they do it could result in a different outcome (P3 it’s strangulation tho not sure if traceable, P4 it’s unknown, PTS it’s explosion). There fix right? Nope.......I realized, thanks to P4 esp....there’s an issue....And this exists with how RCs already operate not just my fix it tweak. The issue is that.....once the person is killed, the shadow self (and by extension the Persona) disappears with it.... 

“Ok how is that bad?” Well the point of the RC are that the Marebito are gathering Shadows(/Personas) to make themselves stronger (and so that what’s his face can summon something, keeping it vague for spoilers but hey already dropped a spoiler so whatevs). But.....as soon as the Person explodes that Shadow should cease to exist. Rendering everything moot.

Which means we need to change PTS again, and we can do it a few ways thankfully! I mean you might have to rewrite PTS for some of the options but.....like it already needs rewrites so klnvkds;vna Anyway here’s what we can do:

No RCs! Instead it’s just Apathy Syndrome a new wave. What ain’t broke don’t fix it. Personas/Shadows are still stolen, but we just keep the symptoms as AS and just call it AS (or MLS, I’m down for either)

Might be an issue with getting the police involved, so either with the revamp have Shadow Ops be involved 

Or make it so the police think AS in PTS has a different patter compared to P3′s so they think it might be a group or some BS.

Keep the RC, but don’t make it about stealing shadows/personas to make something stronger or summon something. Instead just make it about a (or a group of) serial killer(s)! 

Either they just use their Persona to explode people

Or they utilize the Kagenuki to draw out the shadow self to do it for them!. 

Use both 1 and 2, by which I mean I guess pull a P5 (aka have two going at the same time like P5 has with Mental Shutdowns and Psychotic Breakdowns, and RC could be the reason the police get involved), AS is when they steal the shadow, RC is when they wanna kill a person without the weird as time delay MS has at times. 

I feel like I had more to say but it’s late and.....I think I’ll just end it here. 8V

[ahnamission-blog]

the truth

im supposed to stay strong, maybe im supposed to say nothing. it’s odd because i can rant and type and talk about anything but when it comes to you its a different story. i doubt you’ll ever even read this, but in the rare case you did- i would hope i had taken the chance, taken a risk to actually put out there what you mean to me. you will know exactly who you are if you ever read this, there could never be another you. the truth is im scared right now, even typing behind a computer screen, wondering if you could hear this, wondering if you heard all of this. i just want you to know i did it all for you, and i would do it all again. im still holding back, i guess this is what they talk about when i read all those inspirational quotes (and yes im procrastinating) those quotes that say, your life begins at the end of your comfort zone. well talking about you, or to you, or the possibility that you could hear or read this is definitely way past my comfort zone so i figure, i have nothing to lose. i already lost you being in my life, even as a friend. and im 29, everything has changed....life completely changed and its been a massive, overwhelming blessing to know this all wasn’t in vain and to know that im part of something bigger than myself and to know that you helped me learn so much and see past the blinders i had on. and i can never repay you for that. and the truth is, even though this path has been hard, trying, lonely, confusing at times and ultimately life changing...., honestly earth shattering in some parts of it, to learn that the majority of my existence was a lie and a sham, that i was the last to know everything, that at 29 im just starting to see what reality is...and all these people say im so green to it- im thankful to know it finally, the curiosity was within me for a reason and you gave me the truth i needed, you gave me my life, but when i found out....it wasn’t my life, it was a lie- but then to learn that you were always the truth....and that now i have the chance to actually live, and love, and choose kindness rather than anger like you always did for me, and be a good person, and try to help wake people up - just trying to do something that extends beyond myself. ....despite all the ups and downs of all of it, and this unconditional love that my heart feels for yours, and the fact that you have someone else and the fact that i am truly happy for you as long as you’re happy because truly that’s all that matters to me is that you are happy. i would do it all again in an instant, no questions asked (this time), no matter what this world sees or thinks or perceives us as can never take away the fact that you were the one real thing that existed in my life- and i lost you, because of myself. i was selfish, unkind and so crazy. you helped me through the darkest parts of my life and myself, my mind could not comprehend what my heart was experiencing from you. i had been in relationships for a decade, long term and they always failed, i was always chasing something that wasn’t meant to be and then outta nowhere there was you and you were and are to this day the kindest and best person i ever knew. but, through the darkest parts of myself...the parts i didnt even know existed- you stayed through those. for some reason, you did. my family didn’t even stay through those, relationships i had put years into didnt stay through it....friends i had known since i was 7 didnt stay through that shit. but you did. you should know undoubtedly you are and were the best thing that happened to me, and there hasn’t been one day since meeting you that i have went without you in my mind. after knowing you, i didn’t honestly care what happened to me, i fell back to what broke me and let it break me even worse- i just needed something, anything to avoid the reality that i fucked up and lost my best friend. the fact that you weren’t in my life anymore was - well, it still leaves me speechless. i know you want space, i dont want to disrespect your wishes, but something is different about today, actualizing that i could have died that day- what would i want to say? i would tell you all of this, that youre the best person i ever met, that i dont know why you stayed with me, that i am so thankful that you fought to teach me to love myself, im so thankful for everything you taught me, the power of now, reincarnation and twin flames and soul mates and you started my soul on this journey that i cant get enough of, i only wish you were part of it. this is my most vulnerable, this is the real me and this is my heart and its still yours like its been since the first time you drove on that blunt cruise and i looked over at you and for the first time in almost a decade i felt safe and comfortable with a man, and you were just so different. and i never thought you would ever see beauty in me. i have written poems, endless diary entries about you. your eyes. and just your presence, i wonder what youre like now. i wonder if you still play the dijiridoo, if you moved, if youre happy, if you like your job whatever it is, how your family is, if you still wanna be a shaman, if you can hear all this, if this consciousness is really real and im actually not batshit crazy, if were twin flames, if you care, if you don’t. if you’re listening, if you’re sick of hearing me talk if you can hear this at all. i hope youre still happy and silly and fun and living a life you absolutely love. i hope everything is working out for you and that the universe has blessed you with all the happiness you deserve. i wonder if you have these intense dreams and what it all means, i wish i could just listen to you and learn like it used to be. i hope its not weird to say things about relationships its just that i say it out of context, like “wow i spent blah blah years with so & so and in 2 months this guy (you) had me completely unraveled, wrapped around your finger” i can honestly say i never loved anyone the way i loved you, i only wish that maybe i could have shown my insecurity as that, my inability to accept true love because i didnt think i deserved it, rather than driving you up a wall. but i honestly hope you are happy now. i miss you, more than i ever knew i could miss anyone. but once again, you are just you and always take me by surprise. idk i guess i was just hoping after all this stuff thats happened that we were meant to be together, star crossed lovers and that you could look in my eyes again and it would just be like it was when we were laying down in your bed and you looked at me and asked me if i ever felt this way before and i said no and we just kissed and it was indescribeable, like home. and i just miss you so much, it feels like the best part of me is gone. and i would give anything.....its like the better half of me is just somewhere out on this earth and just knowing you exist and youre out there, i feel so lost without you. and this is where people say or think oh you’re substituting someone else for a deficit of self love but its not true. i love myself. and i love you, unconditionally. i love you unconditionally and there is no condition in which i couldnt love you or wouldnt, there is nothing you could do or say that would make it not be so. it is, what it is and it will always be there and as long as you are a happy man my heart is happy that yours has found contentment. though i miss you more than there are stars in the skies and grains of sands in the ocean, there is nothing that is more important to me than your happiness and i wish we were in each others lives so i could look in your eyes and say that all to you, that i am so endebted for all you taught me and gave to me, and that you’re such a strong person and i look up to you so much and im sorry i wasnt better and i was so broken and i never meant to hurt you or anyone at all, but especially you when all you did was try to fix me. im so sorry i went back to him, it was idiotic and theres no logic to it. but all i ever have done since you is compare everyone to you and no one has come close. i wish you were here, i wish we could text like that one day when the car was stranded and you were so nice still. and you always are. but i am just so surprised because i just thought we were a perfect fit and i just thought we were just destined to find each others eyes again in a crowd and that we would be like those songs that say climbing every wall to find you and all those songs you gave me that helped me through all the hardest nights, and i dont know what im doing but i hope im doing an ok job and i hope its helping and making a difference. and i wonder how long you knew about all this stuff when we were together and i knew about none of it, the left side and the right side and all the lies, and all the pain and the boundaries of the mind and spirit we have to surpass. and my life has changed 180 degrees since you and i just wish you could be here to share it with me, even as friends and just give you the biggest hug because youre such a wonderful person. and so many people think im crazy and mentally disordered and all of these things just for loving you or caring at all or not giving up. should i give up? because ive been trying to fear not, and keep calm and carry on and the best is yet to come and saying all these positive quotes and stuff, because its like honestly duolingo is the best part of my day and how do you make me laugh when im so down and how do you always know the exact right song i need and all those basshunter songs and the CD you made and all the time you put into the description of each song and just smiling as i read it and looking over at you and you were just snoozing. and just being at lisas and waking you up because i was afraid of ghosts and you were angry and a little grump but you got your little bag of some prescription drug manual that was like pocket sized and was grumbling in the car and upset but you went with me to make me happy and you were just the sweetest thing in the entire universe and the wine and the roses and i just didnt think all of this could have so many deeper meanings and the synchronicities and im always in these dreams trying to find my way back to you and there was that dream and you were a phoenix. i miss you. i am so sorry i hurt you. i am so sorry i was so stupid and reckless with your heart when you never were with mine, i just dont understand why things are this way right now what about liesl and po and all the bunnies and all the stuff you help me see and all the random times you hop around and do things and then youre gone again and then i thought we were finding our way back to each other and then you have a girlfriend and i just was beside myself and took sleep medicine and i know attachment is like something were not supposed to be having or doing or i should be evolving past it but dont we love each other like more than all of this bullshit thats around us? i mean i tried to stab myself to get home to you because i thought that was what was happening, and then im still here and the light playing when the phone was underwater when i was going to stab myself in the bath and im not trying to guilt trip you or say you owe me anythjing but i just thought loki and mia. pepper. hops. tortuga. conejo. mi corozon. was i wrong? was this all in my head? did i just make a fool of myself to wake up the world and end up alone? idk cuz i guess then at least other people are happy and awakened and get a chance to find love and someone who completes them and i mean that. i would be happy for them. but its just all thats been happening this past year,all the dog comments and fat jokes and stabs at my weight, or my face, or an animal comment or the sloppy joe comments or the cupof joe commetns or the half price book comments and im just fighting for us, im fighting for you, i would do anything for you, i would die for you. am i supposed to live for you or something like in the joker and harley quinn thing when he says wuld you die for me, no no no thats too easy, would you live for me? and she says yes and jumps in the ACME bowl of random goo or something. what am i supposed to be doing? because im trying to do whatever my purpose is but i have no idea what that is and i thought because of duolingo that you were like maybe into me or something or maybe just messing with my head but asking me to play along so you could get peoples attention and wake them up and all this stuff but i dont know youre a really confusing person and idk, i just wish we were talking thats all. i was so happy to talk to you in the at&t store and i told you i still love you and you never replied and i was just wondering what you thought about that and then we started talking when i got a new number and then you went away again and im not trying to be disrespectful of your requests and im kinda over tired and maybe this is sounding over needy or selfish or annoying or like a broken record or something that makes you feel like you cant be free or like im trying to force something but its just that arturo was like, its like he was you in a different form. and then angie and it was like you were there and i dont let anyone see me like this but you and now everyone knows and its like have they always heard? did they just hear us through everything? when were intimate? in duolingo? in prayers? when we or you wanna play? has the whole world or all the awakened people just heard everything thats between us and idk now youre with somebody else? i just dont know i was hoping you would think i was pretty or interesting or have some reason to look my way or take a second thought that i might be different and changed and actually good for you or something. but its like you helped me through everything, and the stabbing and everything changed after that and all the noises in that big tv and i dont care what they think they already think im a loose cannon or some schizophrenic biatch who needs to be put in a padded room but its like ive been in the hospital 4 times and like isnt that because we share dual consciousness or something? duality? like the something masculine and feminine, the divine feminine and masculine. and all the stuff about twin flames and soul mates and the incense and the candles lighting up and the songs adding to the play list and the rift in the space time continnuum and all the people on bikes down lake shore drive and all the music that night and the power of now adding more pages and all the visitors of moths and signs and synchronicity and the left sided people and the right sided people and like how i wrote all those things but it wasnt me it was like you or something and then you fuck with me sometimes and i dont know if youre just using me to wake people up or youre hoping i trust you or the universe or something but im sorry that im such a neaurotic and paranoid person and am so used to being fucked over and talked badly about and talked down to and i expect lies and to have my own back. but to be honest i have no idea what im doing all i know is i thought i would stab myself and we would meet in heaven or something but im still here and theres all these signs of you around but youre not here and does your family still hate m? i have changed. i hope youll give me a chance one day or something even as friends and im sorry this is so long its way longer than i meant to go and youre probably annoyed or asleep or upset that i didnt respect your wishes to leave you be because a friendship just wont work out and isnt worth it to you right now but - where did you go. whrerever you are i hope its better than my life, i tried to start over but it seems so many people hate me or are rude to me from my past and im scared to meet new people because most of them seem to already have some idea of who i am or think im an asshole when all these thoughts just barrage my brain and i cant control half of them but they’re all mean cruel judgments and i feel like im disappearing into one big collective ocean and my little wave is just a little itty bitty dude and hes about to just become this massive ocean and i dont know which way is up without you. i miss you. i wish you would give me a chance to see im different. i wish you could come over to the apartment and i would make you bacon and just listen to you or something and we could just cuddle and be close and look into each others eyes and be happy because the worst is over and we can finally be free and be ourselves and be together and know all the songs really were for us and we made it and we won because we got each other. i dont know why youre not here, im sorryi try to be strong but i miss you and your eyes and your feets and the song screenshots and our late convos and making love in random places and you bringing me a dandelion and sharing headphones on a hill and even our stupid fights and you throwing your phone at the computer chair cuz of snapchat and kara saying we have to find better things to fight about, idk its stupid but i would rather fight with you then be with anyone else. but i would never fight with you. idk. maybe i said too much but i gotta have a backbone and post this because everyones already heard it and this can affect more than us and maybe in some weird way this will help wake people up idk all i know is my left and right sides of my body seem at war and i love you.