#IFeelPathetic

[75734m]

Ifeelpathetic

[flyingtooppaland]

Admin B.Lu is currently crying over the KaixKrystal news and not in a good way... pls send Ben & Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

[elixmillz]

So I just found out one of my faves has social anxiety but....

I dont understand it all. She still has soooo many friends and a really cool and colorful life and can go out and have fun and make more friends in the process and freelance models and....ugh I could go on and on but really?  She has social anxiety?  Am I like a special case or something cause I struggle for only a fraction of what she has. ;(

[bert-is-blazed]

Fuck I miss her

[endlessn0stalgia]

I hate what I have to go through

[meandyourcigarettess]

The more I tell myself that I'm over you, the more I realize that I'm not... Your leaving in 22 days and it's breaking my heart that I haven't talked to you, everyone keeps pushing me onto other guys & it makes it all better until I'm sitting there thinking about how I would rather it be you next to me. I still wake up every morning expecting to have a Goodmorning text from you, but it's been a month since I've heard from you.. I just don't even know what to do, I want to talk to you, I just want to know why... 😔😒

[surrburr]

Things I do to myself

In a way it is as if I find comfort in anxiety because I really don’t avoid it. I let it happen. I knowingly let things lead up to what I know will be me staying awake until the sun comes up and worrying… The desire to change still has not outweighed my allowance of the repetition. When will I snap out of this? I used to be stronger. What happened?

[smileforyourfriends-blog]

I'm not myself these days... Actually I don't think I've been myself for a while.

I'm either finding a way to feel numb or I'm pretending to be happy so my friends and family don't worry about me. I just want to be happy again. I don't want to have to pretend.

[s0uthern-style]

The hardest thing is

Nobody understands how much effort it takes to walk around with my head high and smiling when inside all i feel is like I'm not good enough for anyone And thats sad because these people see me everyday and its like they don't even notice how much pain I'm suffering with I guess I've been doing it for so long that its the new normal for me and nobody that I'm surrounded with can even notice who i really am And that makes me sad.

[xrightbesideyoux]

Why is this so hard for me?

I honestly just want to cry non-stop but I know that would be stupid. I don’t want to talk to anyone but if I do do that then people will ask what is wrong and honestly I just don’t know what is. I want my boyfriend back and my best friend. I miss the boy that I fell in love with. I miss him. I want to be alone. I don’t understand why this is so hard though. I wanna feel happy again.

[comeoniwannalayyou]

My life story

I dont give a fuck what anyone cares about me anymore, whether anyone wants to follow me or even read my shit. Its irrelevant i just need somewhere to vent so that i know its out there but not on facebook or something stupid so my life story in a nutshell is im 20 im a lesbian and i suck at love. 

I am currently still in love with my ex, I have no idea why... She broke up with me, shouldnt i hate her? She left me for a dude, shouldnt i want to slap her? No instead just as of recent i cannot stop thinking about her i cant stop thinking about the way things used to be and how i wish just once more we could be happy. I miss her so much and wish she still loved me. It kills me to think about her with that guy but if there is one thing ive learned about being in love, when you love someone you want them to be happy no matter what even if it means they are happy with someone else. Im still having a hard time accepting that but maybe its for the best right? She can actually be happy and have a normal relationship. Why do i miss her? Why cant i be happy with anyone else? Why is it that no matter how angry i am at her or no matter how much i want to hate her nobody compares. Why is it that i wanted her long before and long after we dated? 

I somehow convinced myself over the past few weeks that i am over her but truth is ive just been too busy to give it too much thought but who am i kidding? I am so in love with every piece of her from her sweet beautiful face to her sassy stubborn attitude. She changed me for the better in so many ways, opened my world up to so many new things and opened my eyes to see parts of myself i had never seen. If i had a last wish it would be to know that she feels the same way but there is a reason its called a wish because its just something you hope for that wont ever happen. I hate her for making me fall in love with her, i love her for loving me for however long she did. I hate myself for feeling this way about her still. I know this is stupid and ignorant but i truly thought she was the one. I thought this was the girl i was gonna get old with and adopt little babies and have our little happy family... 

Anyways, i am exhausted from crying now so i will post more soon....