#IDK WHAT TO SAY!!!! augh
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#IDK WHAT TO SAY!!!! augh#um. shes chillin#i give you guys such a warped perspective of what shes actually like cuz within the story shes a) destroying things or b) dead#but i almost never actually draw that. i just draw thhis#my art#cinder#promethea#uhh on another note im figuring out how to draw planets. so that good#i still have no idea what im doing when it comes to mountains but im TRYING#and hey this looks a lot better than the mountain i drew. a year ago#i CAN with confidence say: ive improved somewhat since a year ago#and i mean those are some good clouds you cant lie#will i ever draw anything other than cumulous clouds......? debatable. theyre fun. and easy#uhhh i was gonna post smthn else but nope you get BIG DRAGON instead#cuz i like her
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YOU THOUGHT PRIDE MONTH WAS OVER? WELL IT AIN’T OVER TIL I SAY SO
#persona 5#p5#ryuji sakamoto#bisexual#uh fuck i dont know what else people use to tag tbh#sorry this isnt mob psycho i swear ive been wanting to post in so long but my brain augh#i need to loosen up and just start posting whatever i say for the 5th time and then i dont do that)#p5 ryuji#ryuji persona 5#okay yea idk what else#toffee art
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so, would you?
nothing important under the cut, you don't need to look haha
#inspired by the random youtube short i saw about how these types of questions are not really about logic but about emotion and reassurance#doesn't matter if the question doesn't make sense. you say 'yes' because you love them no matter what. not because its a worm or a bug or#or anything. its a way of saying 'i will love you when you've changed and when you're different. because it's still *you*.'#idk something about it just felt so gentle and genuine. like a pure display of affection through a silly question...#and of course fnc was the first thing i thought about because i got brainworms#jrwi fish and chips#jrwi riptide#jrwi chip#gillion tidestrider#my art#sketch#also im back from a vacation! and i feel so awful i got sick the first day home and im sitting here at 6am drawing fishes and chips#the dialog feels a little ooc but i cant figure out if it really is or if its because my head hurts and i cant think#tbh it doesn't really matter.......... but it matters to me augh#ALSO yes the under the cut bit is about episode 109. i dont know if its clear or not
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do you ever
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#ava oc#ava the calming effect#i dont know why i think this tbh though i dont know how to fully make it stop either#idk whats up with me but everytime i just.see cool artists as this coool person who does cool arts#i KNOW i should just see them as a normal person and i do that but the admiration still lingers#whats embarassing is that one reason i.changed to anti aliasing is in hopes that my art becomes cooler to look at#this doesnt mean i dont see my arts as cool but. compared to the others theyre also cooler too................. augh#does this.even count as a vent? wait no i shouldnt say that#lilacsart
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who would win, god of the realm or one (1) hog 🐖
#based on the video technoblade vs hypixel btw PLEEEEEEEASE WATCH IT IF YOU HAVENT#also new simon design wooo i had to redo his entire part of this drawing to account for that#i cant believe he's in an official server animation now waaaaaaaa#um. augh idk what else to say IM JUST GLAD IT'S FINALLY DONE I CAN GO BACK TO DOODLES#THE WEIGHT OF AN UNFINISHED WIP HAS BEEN LIFTED IM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#um click for quality or something idk i just like how techno's face turned out in the smaller details hehe.. especially the stripe#and are you proud of me i didnt put the black line under the neck for once. i thought it looked better without it this time#clogging tags to lower visibility dont perceive me outside my circle im scared 🏃🏃🏃#technoblade#simon hypixel#my art
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I miss when cucurucho sent everyone on these little side quests during Christmas and get the reward of seeing their kids in cute christmas outfits </3 - everyone's reactions to their kids all dressed up makes me want to tear me hair out and cry they loved their kids so much :((
#live kai reaction#vod watching but yk#phil immediately cooing and awwing at their outfits#an arrow literally pierced him through the heart with cuteness AUGH THEY WERE SO CUTE#their Christmas outfits PEAKED idc what anyone says#RAMONS LITTLE ELF BOOTS AUAGHHH#LEO'S CUSTOM SWEATER :(((((((#GHRRGHRH I MISS THEM#I also loved how everyone had sorts of challenges tailored to their liking in a way ?#like I know phil had this map where he could fly around and such#and etoiles got to go through a dungeon with pomme too I think#idk it was sweet I miss christmas with them#qsmp
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going to bed but before i do. i'm trying to find a quote that was smth along the lines of "some pokemon having hearts shut up so tight even n cannot understand them", but i dont remember who said that if its even a thing at all. i'm just trying to factcheck for smth i'm writing
#clai speaks#anthea concordia and the shadow triad didnt say what i'm thinking of so idk if i just? imagined it?#AUGH i thought maybe rood was the one who said it but he isnt EITHER. DID I JUST MAKE THIS UP#i need to go to bedddd i have to wake up at like 4ammm i shouldnt be writing fanfic anyway. god#the fic works without that quote but like i can add a little Flavor if its true
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chidori i love u im so sorry i did u so dirty
#masky says#i just wanted a lazy doodle but augh....EUGH....#shes REALLY hard to draw ngl idk what it is with her but shes still rough for awhile#i love her tho#shes wearing 3 dresses on top of each other thats cunty#persona 3 reload#doodles#chidori yoshino#btw sidenote when she said her full name to junpei i lost my shit this game really got me with these two
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okay so you know when takeda manages to get ukai to come watch karasuno play for the first time and kagehina show off their freak quick and ukai is like "sensei how long have those two been paired together" and takeda is like "oh kageyama and hinata? they just met this year i've heard it was rocky at first but they're getting along well now" and ukai is like "what a shame". do you think he goes home and looks into them and finds out that kageyama's the lonely king and that his teammates abandoned him. do you think he looks and looks for hinata but can't find him until finally he stumbles across a no-name school that barely had a volleyball team and their only match lasted 31 minutes. do you think he wonders about how lonely they were. a coach can't replace teammates but do you think he decides to try and make sure that no one on his team feels lonely again.
#hinata shoyo#kageyama tobio#ukai keishin#THAT MOMENT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME LIKE. WHAT A SHAME. UKAI LOOKING AT KGHN AS HE SAYS IT.#i dont even know if it makes sense but like. i was thinking about how ukai does his best to support his boys#like as long as they try he'll try too he'll take them as far as he can as long as they run beside him#but like do you think he looks into the kids and their backgrounds and thinks how can i make this a safe space for them.#do you think that besides his own knowledge of how it felt to be replaced he was worried about isolating suga#do you think he worried about kiyoko and yachi feeling left out#god. im just thinking about ukai and kghn and AUGH i dont even know where im going with this but yeah.#hey yall idk how old this is but i found it in my drafts so congrats! u get it now#lyz speaks
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HELLO FOLKS. part three of the scallisaac au is UP. scott's POV this time! and god was the summary fighting me.
Scott is enough for this, though. Enough to hold Isaac in the dark, and take his pain, and sooth him to sleep.
Enough to love him.
And—fuck, he does. It’s not just attraction, and it’s not just a crush. Scott still loves Allison, but he knows that he loves Isaac, too. He’d hold Isaac in a heartbeat; hold him close with arms and hands and heart alike, but so too would he hold him back from every violence, if only to know it would keep him safe.
Scott’s heart doesn’t do things halfway. It never has before; he doesn’t know why he expected it to start now.
—
In the midst of grappling with the alpha pack, the Darach, and his encroaching true alpha status, Scott falls in love with Isaac—while still being just as in love with Allison. To say the least, it’s confusing.
#magpie writes#teen wolf#teen wolf fanfiction#scallisaac#scisaac#scallison#allisaac#<- last two comparatively minor but they are also there#teen wolf fic#can’t rmr what I’ve been tagging these augh#scott mccall#isaac lahey#allison argent#stiles is also there#and melissa#idk what else to say
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Spamton x mettaton is such an interesting ship to me. Mettaton is everything spamton wants to be. It feels like some weird fantasy. Guy who's unhealthily obsessed with the other x guy who loves the attention. You X the guy she tells you not to worry about. Idk just something about it scratches my brain
They'd love eachother sure but it would be weird. Obsessive. It feels like an obsessive parasocial relationship where the famous one genuinely falls for the weird creep
Something I said to my friend the other day was that a convo between them would probably go something like
"I WANT TO CRAWL INSIDE YOU'RE [skin]"
"Kinky"
Idk. Just something a think about. Btw not against the ship at all I think it's fun just I find it interesting. It's a strange dynamic
#I was about to fall asleep them i decided i NEEDED to make a tumblr post about this#idk how comprehensible it is#mettaton#spamton#spamton x mettaton#mettaspam#look at me im fandom tagging and everything#I've been looking at a bunch of mettaspam art recently :3#ships with mettaton are weird since he is such an egotistical and borderline narcissistic at some points character#i am hopelessly romantically attracted to him#its become an inside joke in my friend group to just say super dirty things about mettaton at any opportunity#“augh my blazers wet” “like me when i see mettaton”#“this level is so hard. almost harder than me when i see mettaton”#once someone overheard me and i heard her mutter “what the fuck”#anyways its eepy speepy time ough
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thinking about the fionna and cake finale and. i've been seeing people upset or annoyed that betty & simon's story focused on how simon had to learn to recognize that what they had was unbalanced and not necessarily fair, because they wanted betty to also realize that she placed too much of her self worth in simon, and they wanted her to learn to live for herself.
i think these people forgot about the episode in adventure time that does this. mainly because, at the end of the episode, it seems like she didn't learn anything at all.
In s10e11, "Temple of Mars," Finn, Jermaine, and Betty have to go through a mind maze to find Jake--and many parts of the maze are relevant to Betty's obsession with Simon/Ice King.
The second room of the "maze" has a chalkboard with a long and complicated equation on it. Betty tries to solve it, thinking it will help, while an Ice Thing messes up the equation as she tries to solve it, preventing her from doing so. It's meant to represent how trying to "solve" the crown's curse is leading nowhere, and that Betty is trying for a hopeless cause.
The last room is the most important to Betty's story, though--it's a window into her past, where she realizes that she needed to take more time for herself. She needed to focus on her, instead of dropping everything for Simon. She makes this realization and changes things for the hypothetical, maze room version of Betty--but naturally, this can't change the past. She's made her choices, and she has to live with that.
I think at the end of the episode, when she takes the "wrong" message away from all of this--she dedicates herself to trying even harder to "fix" Simon--it's mostly because she's scared to accept that she... not wasted, but lost so much of her life because she was so focused on what Simon wanted, or what she thought that Simon needed. She's also still under the effect of the Magic Man hat, so she's still affected by the sadness/madness of that, which likely twisted her view of the situation as well.
But then in the AT finale, she makes her choice to leave Simon. She does it through wishing for his safety, sure, but she still makes the choice to leave him. And in Fionna and Cake, what we see of her--or what's left of her, because we don't know how she's changed, really--is something bigger than what she was before. GOLBetty seems to have realized her own part in the unbalancing of the relationship between them. But that's not what Fionna and Cake is about--it's about Simon, and how he has to move on. Betty has already moved on by the time we see her again. She's showing Simon that, and she's showing him that he has to move on, too. But it's her choice. She could have stayed with him, but...
She takes the bus to the airport. And she takes it without him.
#adventure time#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#betty grof#adventure time analysis#fionna and cake analysis#idk. thinking thoughts.#they're so important 2 me. they are so in love#they had to MOVE ON and they have to LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER and they have to do whats right for themselves and im so normal abt it i swear#and betty made that realization earlier than simon did but she was too afraid to admit it until now#and she was right!!! and simon recognized that!!! and he let her go!!! and she wanted to go!!!! im so. augh.#also hot take but some ppl saying they wanted betty to “realize that she was also at fault” are just taking the whole situation as like#“uwu simon didnt do anything WRONG betty never TOLD HIM how was he supposed to know it was happening so really its HER FAULT” like girl no#they are both at fault. she shouldve done something but he shouldve noticed#augh. im unwell about them. anyways
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“say it for me. just once.”
cross traced a finger along killer’s jaw, drawing him closer with a guiding pressure and he breathed against him, “why?”
killer met him with his own whisper, a kiss of his words on cross’s teeth, “because, if you’re the last one i’ll ever be held by, and kissed by, and if its just us and us by ourselves in this hellhole… i want to hear it. just once.”
the words killer asked for were lodged in his throat, always there lately. on the cusp of being let out, but held down firmly, and ignored. better left untouched, the warmth between them met with accepting silence.
killer’s kiss was simple enough for cross to follow, the minimal space between them warmed and humming with the equal echoes of their magic. sometimes, it felt like cross’s soul was hooked on it, always so eager to answer the call of killer’s magic.
and yet, eager as it was, his tongue was not.
he hesitated.
killer kissed him again, loosening his tongue into a more pliant state.
it wouldnt mean anything, nothing that wasnt already felt, if he said it, it wasnt an earthshattering sentence, but it felt like one. cross opened his mouth, the words there, and lodged again, and killer chuckled, his teeth nipping against cross’s jaw, but it wasnt mocking.
it was fond, unbearably fond, and cross swallowed, still tasting killer on his tongue as he whispered into the warm air between them.
“i love you.”
killer kissed him again, and cross let him, let killer chase the words to their source, and he relished in the feel of him, the taste, the scent, and perhaps it wasnt so hard to say it when it felt so starkly true.
he couldnt give killer the world, no, that was a time lost, an opportunity stolen, but he just knew, from the way their magic sparked together with every kiss, that admitting his love was, to killer, perhaps even more valuable than a world.
the world was theirs already, theirs alone. it felt like that, anyways, less like a gift and more like an inheritance.
killer gave a snort when cross’s finger tickled the inside of killer’s ribs, and cross pressed his face to killer’s shoulder, inhaling slowly.
the world was gone, but that didnt matter as much when he had his own little world, his own home, here in his arms. a world was his and his alone, and he was his, too.
but, it didnt hurt to add a little sugar on top when sweet midnight kisses couldnt be enough for tonight.
cross whispered it again, like it was a secret, and he understood, a little, why killer asked to hear it to begin with.
there was nothing like it, hearing it spoken, such weighted words now that nothing else mattered, and cross got it.
killer whispered it back, just as secretive, just as unsteady, and the warm thrill that spurred in cross’s soul, sending his magic surging with fond affection, well.
he gets it.
…he’ll probably just kiss killer next time he asks for it, because he’d rather occupy his mouth with killer’s voice rather than his own. thats what they did best most nights anyways.
-p anon
OHHHH MY GODDDDDDD
#BANGER!!!!!!!!! BANGER#AUGHH#god#god.#weeping wailing weeping#another p anon banger just dropped oh my god dude#i don’t have anything smart to say about it it’s already everything ever but augh#i love how soft and quiet and tender it is aughhh#like i’m imagining them tucked together in some battered nook. some bit of rubble. somewhere hidden away from everything#pressed and intertwined together#AUGH#fucking when it was like. they inherited the world GOD dude#AND AND and fucking “let killer chase the words to their source” is such a good ass line dude#this isn’t gonna make any sense but this feels like. warm clouded breath on a cool evening#y’know. y’know what i mean#idk. fucking banger#wasteland baby i’m in love with you or whatever /silly#answering asks#anon asks#proximity anon#apocalyptic kross au#and and either today or yesterday i was thinking i was like. “man haven’t got a proximity anon drabble in a while” and WHAM /silly
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Sort of a ramble, sort of me just writing my thoughts out while I'm stuck with writer's block, but I keep thinking about how Fulcrum was in stasis for roughly 3 million years??
Like, that's a long time, even for Cybertronians. Not a really long time, not an entire lifespan. But still, it's a large chunk of a normal lifespan just gone. Poof.
One second you're crawling across the pockmarked terrain of an alien planet, surrounded by the sound of gunfire, and the shouting and screaming before and after each earth shuddering impact of another k-con hitting the ground. And then it's quiet. You're not there anymore. You're drifting somewhere between not alive and just asleep. Preserved somewhere in the background of a doomed body, ignored by time and space, still here, but also not.
And then there's sound. Not gunfire. Not shouting or screaming. Not the sounds that'll haunt you till your dying days, your own death sentence pounding in your head. No. Just voices, talking, standing out against a silent, dead world. Wondering. Joking. Bickering. Familiar. Just, not familiar to you. And you're awake. Pulled back from the nothingness you've been frozen in, consciousness tugged forwards with the yank of a fuel pump and the nearness of life.
These two moments are roughly 3 million years apart, but only minutes, maybe even seconds, to him. From a hectic harrowing battlefield, to an old silent graveyard in one blink.
How long did it take to really sink in? I mean, he seems to just roll with it. He doesn't seem particularly bothered. But like, what happened outside of what we see? How did he really feel?
Also, his body aged without him. While his mind preserved itself, freezing him as he was right then, his body was left to weather Clemency for all those years. No wonder it crumbled to dust when he jumped off the world sweeper. It's probably a miracle of some kind that it didn't just fall apart each time someone leaned on him.
And even after they rebuild him, give him a better, newer body. His spark, it's casing, all the irreplaceable core bits that make up their inner bodies, it aged in the time without him. Does he feel it? Does it make his body even more foreign to him?
Then he's also a technician with information that's 3 million years out of date. Lucky him that the scavengers probably weren't working with top of the line material. But still it's gotta be weird when faced with anything brand new, because a lot can change and progress in 3 million years, and now some of the knowledge he once prided himself in is obsolete.
Besides those things, his view of the galaxy, of the war, of their kind, of other kinds, is one of the few things actually pointed out when it comes to him being stuck in the past. So, how often were his old views challenged? Facts of life he held close proved to no longer true? There's 3 million years worth of new science, new beliefs, new words, new terms, new views.
And sure, some of it can be familiar, because they're an ever evolving kind, and they have patterns, core beliefs, repeating behaviors, but a lot of it's gonna be unfamiliar at the same time, because it's 3 million years worth of catch up, it's not like missing last week's trend.
In a way, it makes him a living relic of a bygone era for Decepticons. It would've been really interesting to have had that explored a little more.
#rq i wanna say i love seeing others thoughts on these if you have them. esp those that have thought about it longer than i lol#like. im still just starting to sink my teeth into the lore and put things together. so your thoughts are much appreciated#sometimes i wish that i could turn these rambles into those really well worded. slightly pretentious. but in a fun way. character metas?#but i dont think i can organize my thoughts that well. so. rambles it is lol#not to say rambling is lesser or smth tho. i love a good ramble. love to read them. i support ramblers#speaking of rambling-#idk why it fascinates me so. but theres just something rlly interesting about fulcrum being somewhat stuck in the past#i think it could've played interestingly into his and kroks dynamic had it been explored more?#like. the past and history play big parts in their lives. krok having studied it. and fulcrum having been fast forwarded thru it#it would've been interesting to see them talk more about it? since logically fulcrum wouldve gone to krok for more of the 3mill year rundow#and its like. krok is shown to be really knowledgeable on not only history. but cultures as well. theres and others.#so certain eras of their own culture would probably be a slight interest of his. esp decepticon ones.#and then theres fulcrum. who pretty much got plucked from the empire era only to land in kroks lap (metaphorically) ((...unless?))#so heres this walking talking piece of history. and a dude that has a sort of passion for history. why not explore it more?#and like. yeah. the ''history'' krok has studied is all mostly shit he lived through. but people study the times they lived through-#-because while they may have lived through it. theirs is only one perspective. a good historian takes into account multiple perspectives#idk where i'm going with this now. smth smth fulcrum relying on krok for future stuff and krok having someone to talk history stuff with#i just. augh. i wanna know what their dynamic is more. what we see in the comics is so back and forth at times#like. they seem to hit it off pretty well. but then fulcrum fucks it up ig by being oblivious and a little too ''i can fix him'' vibey#and his taste in comedy is bad. to say the least. which is apparently grounds for messy divorce#also krok is sometimes cool with selling a whole dude. at least when the dude is their befriended giant killer autobot buddy :/#that is also grounds for divorce. obviously#sorry. this is derailing the more i start thinking about how messy fulkrok could be. like. ough <3#they're a little ''i hate my wife'' coded. but in a greater scav codependent poly way. and it's more krok being annoyed with fulcrum#its like. fulcrum: ''i can fix him bcs i need to feel validated'' vs krok: ''wtf is wrong with this guy?! who does he think he is??''#i think they'd want to pick each other apart intellectually. maybe emotionally. smth smth two officers. both disgraced. and power dynamics#its fun. they're both hypocrites. they'd need couples therapy. its also 4am. shit. ok goodnight
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alright. look, we're going to go into this because i genuinely want to think you didn't mean harm by this, but it's unacceptable to use this sort of manipulative phrasing. especially with strangers, some of whom are kids.
this is not a call-out. i've hidden all names except my own. i just need to address this post i was tagged in, and don't want to add it onto the end of the original post. i could also have done this privately, but i want this to be here for the other folks who were @'d. i won't @ anyone else who was mentioned in this post, but many of us are mutuals, so if you see this post and you're feeling at all stressed out or bad, i recommend just clicking through because i'm going to go into this.
firstly, and i'm going to make this transparent, person who @'d me: i don't think you're being malicious or did anything purposefully bad. i don't think you intended harm or that you are "a bad person". i don't have a single negative thought about you as a person. i don't make this post to be mean. i truly think you made an earnest mistake that could easily have hurt others, and i am stepping in with the hope this can be avoided in the future! per my usual boundaries on reassurance seeking, i will not reassure about this further.
secondly, the post that you tacked this onto IS important and a helpful resource, and it is great to bring attention to it. we should be doing everything we can to not only defend against, but actively fight back against generative AI. many people cannot access the most commonly recommended tools (myself included), so a resource like this is fantastic and i'm glad to learn about it and share it! i don't speak for anyone else, but i've said before that i personally don't mind being tagged in resources that could help me or others and i'm usually happy to share them, especially if i think the latter
but, assuming that you are genuinely well meaning and don't know better, you need to know that this is not the way to go about it. i don't mean mass-tagging, which is fine in times like this imo, i mean your written add-ons that actively guilt trip every single person you tagged.
"if you weren't convinced by the idea of being a good person" and "I do hope anyone I @'d isn't a bad person" in particular.
you may not have realised, but these are profoundly manipulative and cruel things to say. regardless of how you intended them, they are inciting guilt in the reader, and especially in the people who you actively called to come and look at it. here's what it sounds like:
"hey! you! yeah you! come look at this!! come closer! now, do what i ask you to do, or you're a bad person."
there are a million and one reasons someone might not reblog something. being tired, offline, anxious, even needing to run a specifically professional blog with exclusively your art on it for your own financial survival which makes it hard to reblog important posts like this; none of those are bad.
in this case, only one thing makes them a "bad person", and it's "they're pro-generative AI and did not reblog because they want to hide this information to ensure they can continue stealing from creatives".
i'm fairly confident you don't actually think anyone you tagged here has that point of view, or that you really have any doubts about their stances on generative AI. in fact, of the folks i recognise here, they're all independent creatives, sharing artwork with fandom for free on the internet. they are the victims of generative AI, and like most of us, are facing a terrifying future and are already desperate to find a way to defend/fight back.
you do not need to use manipulative language like this to get us to care about this sort of content! this affects us all, content creators and content consumers alike!
in future if you want to direct folks to something like this, which is super helpful and it was good of you to do!, you can just @ them so they see it. you can even say something like "this is important and some reblogs would sure help to boost it!". this is still a call to action, but without the manipulative phrasing, just in case they cannot act for any reason.
in the end, guilt tripping people like this, intentional or otherwise, is dangerous.
at best it will make them feel like shit and they'll feel forced to reblog + share from you out of guilt rather than just believing in the cause. and sometimes it feels like it's most effective, especially when things are urgent; but in my opinion the risk of harm is just too high. because at worst, you could accidentally send someone into a negative thinking spiral. you can never know what people are going through offline, or outside of your spaces, and how something like this will hit them.
#idk what to tag this.#it's not really anything. glorified response. reassurance to those who were @'d.#i'll reblog the actual post with the tool itself after this because it was certainly useful!#please do check it out if you're in need of a more accessible anti-AI overlay tool!#reblogs are off because that's not the point and because i don't want this to... idk. get bigger.#i trust this was an accident and this person meant no harm. i trust they had good intentions. don't be mean. don't be mean.#i just want others tagged to know that they aren't bad people so i needed to address this publicly. it's hard. augh.#i know how this would have hit me a decade ago. i know some of the people tagged here are Going Through It. i know some are kids.#i just felt something needed to be said and i was willing to say it. if this is wrong or something feel free to lmk.
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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