#IDK IM ALWAYS SO ANXIOUS ABOUT CHANGING STUFF YKNOW

[shepscapades]

new pfp soon me thinks!!! sweats

[skyeateyourdonuts]

peaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa s and nuts

[regina-cordium]

me? responding to a post i got tagged in? wild!

got tagged by @renninflight

Rules: always post the rules. answer the questions the person who tagged you has written and write eleven new ones. tag 11 new people and link them to your post. let them know you’ve tagged them

except. i never know who to tag for these. if u see this tagged ur it. ill put questions at the end

under cut, because as yall know im a Yapper

What's your favorite band/musician? (And tell me why! And if you've seen them live!)

I'm a Hozier girlie thru and thru. he was in boston in march AND HAD NOAH KAHN AND I COULDNT GO AND IM STILL SO DISAPPOINTED. A N D HE WAS AT BOSTON CALLING AND I C O U L D N ' T G O auuuuugh

What's something you're proud of?

i dont mean this in, like, a self deprecating way. but i honestly dont know what to say. i got dean's list a couple times in college. i won some kinda award and now my name is on a plaque in the english department, thats kinda dope (i, to this day, have no idea what it was for)

What's something you like about yourself?

i do tell my parents they overestimate how smart i am, but i will say i am p good with trivia/knowing random things. nothing better than getting most of a jeopardy board right (<- needs to go outside more)

What's something you would like to do, if money weren't an obstacle?

i would literally never leave school. i love learning things (see above)

What's something you do when you're anxious or stressed to calm down and relax?

listen to music, sometimes Very Loudly

Do you have a favorite author? (If so, who?)

im totally blanking, but i dont really think so? theres not really an author that i see and immediately go "oh i gotta read ALL of their stuff RIGHT NOW" yknow?

Do you have a favorite poet? (If so, who?)

emily dickinson. yes, i am gay, how'd you know?

Do you have a favorite artist? (You can probably guess the rest of this question!)

van gogh!!!!!!! i know its such a basic bitch answer, but i L O V E the impressionists

What's a movie or TV show that had a big impact on you? (Could be something you watched growing up, a movie you saw recently that made you emotional, something you've seen a lot, something you quote with friends and family, etc)

i would watch beauty and the beast on vhs CONSTANTLY growing up. tv show wise, definitely buffy and angel and charmed. watched them with ma growing up and they have absolutely shaped my interests since then. also, and i swear im not being sarcastic, supernatural. ma and i watched every goddamn episode together since the pilot and look at me now.

What's something you wish you could forget? (Could be something personal, or it could just be a gross or weird fact)

not to get Very Fucking Morbid, but my dad almost died when i was 12 and i'd super love to forget that, actually

What's something you'd like to change about the world?

I Cannot Emphasize Enough That You Should Care About Other People

okay here're my questions. if u got this far, u are doubly tagged. idk i never know who to tag.

Song you've had on repeat lately?

Favorite play/musical (or both!)?

Book/movie/show you think somebody should read/watch to understand you better?

What's your favorite poem?

What's immediately to your left?

Favorite dessert?

Somewhere you'd love to travel, if money/accommodations were no issue?

Tv show currently/last watched?

Do you think aliens are real?

Do you think ghosts are real?

Do you have overly specific requirements for a room when you're trying to sleep?

[nerves-nebula]

idk why but im kind of jealous? of people who can remember their experiences of csa/rape well. i just know that it happened, i dont know when or how or anything but just. i dont know.

at least i know someone wanted me when i was younger lmao

regardless i think i need to be vivisected and. bled out.

Yo vibes. Vivisection would do me good, clear out the gunk.

Anyway I personally prefer remembering it too. Though some people are jealous that they can’t block it out so yknow, you take what you get, the grass is always greener on the other side, etc etc.

Anyway I’m gonna talk about personal trauma now

Remembering can be helpful. I’m sure the memories have changed with the context I have now but the feelings or the memories of the feelings stay the same.

I didn’t really know what was wrong with it most of the time. Like I knew it was taboo but I didn’t know why I’d feel bad, or good, or why I’d stay up all night hoping someone would come into my room and touch me.

one of the worst memories I have was when an older kid wanted me to do something and it was such a sensory ick that I couldn’t. Like I refused at first and was badgered into submitting and then it was so disgusting that I gave up almost immediately. And they were sooooo mad at me hah. And I hated myself, not for letting myself be pressured into trying it but because I couldn’t do it right. I couldn’t do it at all. I had failed again, was useless again.

context: I was an incredibly anxious kid who already hated myself for constantly being too scared and timid to do anything right. My second guessing and hesitation made me fuck up a lot of stuff and miss out on even more. And I cried all the time too, so I felt weak and stupid and useless.

So to me this was just an extension of that. Even worse tho, since it was with someone whose opinion super mattered to me, and who already kind of bullied me and clearly thought of me as emotional and weak. and who was giving me this weird vulnerable chance to just follow orders. And I blew it!

Sad. oh well.

[windmills123]

what if... you told me all about your fansession (i would love to learn more about it)

no way the real moss guy in my inbox... heehe... im actually really excited to ramble about this!!! =D back when i first read hs i made many fan characters but i got an idea to make a fansession where, instead of the 12 zodiac signs it was the 22 major tarot cards..... and it kinda went from there!

because obviously 22 character session would be insane i at some point formed out 6 kids who were having The Session, and the rest of the characters were "npcs" made by sburb. but yknow, more humanlike than the carapacians, so kinda akin to the trolls. oh yea i changed some of the sburb worldbuilding for this, so i suppose its an alternate version of the game.... ;p also the session would take place around 2019.

okeeey anyways heres the players!

ester olsen (the star) is a knight of hope from sweden who's foolish and hyperactive but also very hopeful and loyal like a dog, she's internally a deviantart kid who draws exclusively on ms paint and sburb's quest for her is to become a typical hero. her land is a field with a country town inhabited by animal people.

her older brother emil (the chariot) is a rogue of breath who moves trough life very fast and always thrives to make progress by any means, and also takes care of ester... because hes awesome... his land is a giant sea of energy kind of similar to terezi's.

elio cassini (the sun) is the heir of light, he's just a really lucky boy who likes jrpgs and magic spells. he's anxious and keeps to the rules but well meaning; best friend of ester. he learns to accept the dark sides of the world instead of escaping from them. his land is an orange desert full of broken glass, ancient bones and mysteries.

elio's sister is nastia the maid of space (the empress)! she's kind of a snarky girl next door who likes art, gardening, fashion and baking but she struggles with persistence. her land is a field of giant flowers.. and frogs of course ;p

selene's the mage of void (the moon). (no surname i thought of for these two..... whoops....) she's the oldest one and also very lonely, although she isn't expressive she tends to cling to other people. she used to like weird and fascinating things, her land is a broken apart mountainous area flooded by dark water!

then selene's younger brother rasmus the prince of time (the emperor)! hes your average delinquent scriptie kid who tends to get into fights (usually with ester), but he's never completely malicious. his land is a fiery lava pool that's hard to navigate.

the goal is still to make the next universe via a frog, but theres no derse and prospit and instead dreaming just teleports your ghost self to a random location. there's still a fight between dark and light though, but this time it's the magician card (light) and the high priestess card (dark) who have their forces battling it out, which is pretty much everyone else, on a skaia stand in which is no longer a chessboard and now just a black and white planet. they're also the final bosses in place of king and queen, and they get stronger the session goes on so the party needs to act fast!!!

idk how to summarise the whole duration of the session to be honest because too much stuff gets involved.. but basically they do make it out in the end! (with some major character deaths though... hehh..)

well uhh this makes wayy more sense in my head lol, but i hope you like it! =D i have some drawings but i havent really made anything properly rendered that has all of them... also i would love to hear about your fansession!

[ghost-of-the-machine]

ramble about my aromantic tendencies cuz im all. confused im SURE theres a word for this i just think im not ready??? i think like. not in a personal way, in a PHYSICAL way like something needs to change before id ever CONSIDER IT, makes me sick otherwise like theres so many things!! so many hurdles and stuff that would deter me from all that nonsense but i still like the idea of it like the idea is so sweet, its why i enjoy it so much in fiction but. in execution? IDK MAN.. freaks me out for so many reasons

romantic love is so cute bro like. its genuinely adorable to me, i love listening to love songs and just feeling the emotion and passion behind all the words, but ummmmmmm. i think realistically im capable? i just think that any attempt wouldnt go well, i dont think i can give someone what they might need, its always been like. okay 1. im going to be OBSESSED with you ill do anything you say ill let you mistreat and abuse me ill do anything for you okay which is not ideal!! not ideal, made for bad people dont want bad people. but?? on the other hand its also like i cant imagine loving another person more than i love my friends, but thats whats expected of me isnt it? i think they wouldnt like it very much if i had an equal amount but like. is it even possible? I REALLY DONT KNOW.. i know ive said it before, i just feel like. love, not platonic not romantic just LOVE pure unlabeled love. what kind of treatment would i give to a partner that i dont already give to my friends? itd go really wrong there im sure, i dont wanna hurt anybody yknow

idk its like such a cute little fantasy tho isnt it? maybe i meet someone and we become friends and then it leads to something more, is going on dates fun? maybe it would be but. i go on dates with my friends!!!!!! like is it different? i guess, but im out with someone i love i dont see how it could be much different

sometimes it feels like people like me dont get that. its hard to be good enough for someone else, like. i know theres like 8 billion people in the world but its always. im too fat im trans im not hot enough im too mentally ill im too awkward too. TOO EVERYTHING!! so on top of like. how can someone possible be more than what i already have, i have to be good enough too!!!!! so much work, i honestly. after brian, i was so content to just fall back on fictional characters, i know it sounds silly but self shipping LITERALLY saved my life i was hanging by a thread after him and then i found a coping mechanism that made me feel so good

i think its uncertainty, when it comes to fictional relationship? i make the rules, the scenarios, its perfect for me but. in real life you cant do that, im thrown in BLIND. i know its part of life, you learn and grow together but erm... im autistic please dont do this to me PLEASE if i plan out my conversation at a grocery store with the clerk and im STILL THROWN OFF... yeeowch!!

thats the thing im very offputting to other people like. something about me, i can see it in their eyes, see the way they kinda. like im. somethings all wrong with me!!!! they dont like it, i cant imagine myself being charming but.. maybe if i start T, ill be less. dreadfully anxious about seeing other people, then maybe ill flourish a little more. we'll see, it still freaks me out the thought of loving someone more than my friends like TO ME i dont think its possible and i dont want to find out about it okay it makes me sick it feels like betrayal, never tell me otherwise or ill feel awful, its betrayal to me!!!! cuz i want to give my friends the most i can give, they deserve it, so like. what, am i supposed to give less? give someone else more?? like ew who are you1!!! i dont need you i just need my besties thats all i need :] but its still a nice thought isnt it? its cute

i think i just have like a limit on the amount of people i can know at one time, ive always wanted more friends and i have more friends now!! sooo i dont realy need anyone else then? its very easy for me to feel satisfied with what i have, of course i am!!! grateful even!!!! so im like. it just doesnt matter so much to me. nice thought but i dont see it happening like i dont really WANT it to happen like i do but also. like. listen.

am i still gonna throw down to little love songs? absolutely yes sir!! to me tho like its feelings i can easily project onto my friends SKFJS like how me and my bestie kiss eachother on the head okay. because i loooooove them, its so easy because i love them!! its a love song, i dont care what kind of love its made for, i feel love and ill hear it how i want :] ITS. its some weird social bullshit okay, who says we cant? who says we cant go on little friend dates and kiss and hug and be in love with eachother while also being JUST friends? WHO SAYS!!!! its what i dont get, theres some disconnect between romantic and platonic love that i dont see at all. why should one be more valued than the other? hogwash okay its gobbledygook its. nonsense!!! im glad i dont see it that way, the hard part is finding other people who also dont see it that way, i realize my feelings on it arent STANDARD.. still, im satisfied. i have a lot of love to give and im always allowed to give it, isnt that so wonderful?

[angeltism]

OH YEAH YEAH DONT WORRY ABOUT THAT i have also been doing stuff for new years I UNDERSTAND!!!

YAHOO WE ARE MUTUALS FR FR!!! yeah im really comfortable with the way we are talking rn, theres still the fear that you May be disappointed with how much i have been faking my way of speaking just to not raise suspicion (i even changed the way i keysmash good lord) but idk! its really fun this way! the hopeless romantic that im displaying is still there im just showing it way more than i usually do SHAJHSJSHS you just gave me the perfect opportunity for that hehe YEAH YEAH im reaaaally enjoying getting to know each other better before actually. knowing who i am HEJSHSJSHS kinda makes me a bit less anxious about revealing myself honestly. gotta build up that familiarity before anything else yknow, specially considering how anxious i used to feel about the idea of directly talking to you, i just always end up seeing others as. unreachable? that if i say something in their askbox they wont like me? so having anon on while talking to you has helped. a lot. unfortunately makes things a bit more complicated but its still soooo fun hehe ALSO awesome joke you got there. happy new yuri brought to you by valentin and loveletter anon! (we are barely even girls)

- 💌 anon

aah I'm so happy uu feel comfortable,, I know a lot of beings ?? seem to think I'm scary . which . thank uu but also I promise I'm silly just like the rest of uu . heart hands . and aughh I get it sometimes when I go on anon w others I change my typing style a ton . like obv no "nawt" "purrfect" "purrobably" etc bc that's a dead giveaway that tis me !!!! the fool !!!! but also like . in general other stuff too .

n honestly as long as uu aren't outright changing uurself into an 100% different being like . I don't think I'll be disappointed or anything . in the end there's a sweet romantic being behind these asks even if uur typing style is different n that's what matters !! <3 <3

and yeahh I get that . . . I used to be suuuper socially anxious around my nyeow adored mewtuals n barely able to send an ask . . . tbf I still barely send asks I just . if I want to , I can without like . dying as much as I used to lol .

but um yeah I don't mind uu being on anon fufufu,, like it's fun and we're getting to know eachother and if uur more comfortable this way I don't mind staying this way for a while y'know .

and YESSSS ty somebun who recognizes my comedic genius ehehehe . happy new yuri from both of us teehee !! 🫶

[indistinct-office]

tw // uh nsfw mentions and suicide and general mental illness stuff idk

-

i love fukuzawa sm but idk if id rather him mentor me or fuck me

i think i should die to be honest im sad dude ill cry i wonder if i have a dissasociativive disorder like. depersonalisation seems concerningly familiar well like it makes sense of course derealisation and deperasalisation

idk how to spell but they make so much sense. on the other hand one must consider that i am evil and pathetic and dont deserve an explanation for my feelings nope im jsut bad and should die. but apart from that

im tired man. im very tired i want to cry. i also. cant seem to move



so idk if i have dpdr or im just tired or have executive dysfunction everythings very confusing im trying

why

and is it unreality or is it me philosophising or

whats going on i know no one else knows i dont i feel like i have never been a person i feel like a mirror more than anything i dont know and feelings are so complicated i want to cry and i dont understand whats going on and im so sick of myself but i cant seem to stop and everything i say feels like a lie and i cant remember anything i feel like im fading also how is it almost 11pm

i feel like i dont have any agency and

like if someone has moved the content of this image way to far off the edge

and i dont know if the whole "i dont feel like a person" thing is dpdr or succh strognly engrained self loathing or a combination of both or me making excuses for being lazy or i dont know and it always has always felt like there are too many people in my head. whcih sounds yk. not great. and it isnt but then what if ive convinced myself that i have dpdr/whatever because i just want a label and something solid or i dont know but no i think i do and who is i anyway who am i referring to ive been through this so many times before and nothing changes nothing has every changed and nothing will help

and i know it sounds like im having a panic attack because i am but this is how it feels all the time

oh

i used to joke to myself that my brain was either so full of thoughts it hurts or completely empty and full of fog but that might be dpdr

like, anxiety/trauma or dissacociative

oh no

but idk i havent really had an trauma what if im making this up just because i want my friend to know whats wrong with me and me to get better and have a nice little storyline and get better

it feels like whenever im lucid im in pain

ha. well. thats a thing now i guess

im so tired of this. but its all good its fine. i cant even self harm properly

what if the reason im so anxious all the time is because im scared of why im doing something

it feels like im comingn to some big resolution but what if im just convincing myself of that so i can feel good but everything will stay the same? there are dried tears on my laptop and they look like stains of cum

oh no i think i might be dpdr. like. when /that/ happened. i distracted msyelf and felt "usual" and then i was reminded of it and it hurted so much

oh no oh fuck what

well. theres that i guess

yeah no im pretty sure i have uh depersonalisation/derealisation disorder. it makes a lot of sense. at last the puzzle of the self is completed and im better and everything is fine /s

no wonder i relate to will wood and jreg so much.

there is now the issue of

a) who the fuck am i

b) what the fuck do i do now

uh i need help i think ( yeah no shit )

it really does feel like there are hundreds of people living up in my brain

im scared about what i should do next.

i have to go to london tomorrow

no wonder i find it so hard to explain my thinking process and emotions. of course. it makes sense now

im posting this so theres some external record of what happened today. but this is basically a diary entry so yknow.

[stimmypaw]

Stimmypaw reads Darkest Night! The fourth text post!

Back with these uh live reading comments! Remember those? yeah! I'm on the fourth book of Warrior Cats: A Vision of Shadows :D I read The Apprentice's Quest and Thunder and Shadow and Shattered Sky and now!! I'm here :D and boy did I have a time. Click read more to see it!

NEEDLETAIL?????????

Needletail???????????

What?????

OH???????

Wh THIS GUY IS TALKIN 2 DEAD PEOPLE????

HOW WHO IS THAT

OH MY GOD

These guys are weak and dumb skyclan is epic and sharing the territory with them is good, but of course sparkpelt isn't dealing well with change wink wink nudge wink nudge nudge huh???? (this is a nod to how I project into her and say shes autistic)

I am getting anxious for tinycloud SERIOUSLY how much longer until those kits??? Everyday you show up and its WOW my tummy ssure is HUGE AND BULGING I just Wonder Oh When They'll Be Born, probably pretty soon!!! :) and then they arent!!!! Birth dammit!!!

Cherryfall cut the sick and hurt cats some slack jeez youre Fine, youre not feeding half the forest and you have THREE medicine cats ready to help you if youre not feeling well

Bastard Cherryfall I hate you /lh

Dovewing and Tigerheart have relationship drama again. What is UP with those two I simply do not understand them

Watching Bramblestar trying to control this bizarre situation is actually funny he is so close to screaming "PLEASE dont be mad :c"

SOON WHEN???? JUST KIT THOSE KITTENS DAMMIT

Get her, Alderheart

They LITERALLY said something about sharing the territory, they were like "Stars have five points baby and we need those 5 clans togetherrrr" what else do these cats want??? I know its a big change but its necessary

Wait everyone shut up that cat is named Podlight this is so important to me

Dang these cats are really still struggling :c I wish they didnt blame each other

Harestar is so cool

What the FUCK mistystar????

God what a disaster of a gathering Starclan is gonna be so pissed everyone is doing the opposite of what they should

I was holding my breath oof

I hope thunderclan gives some territory too thats too small a space for Skyclan

Oh boy oh boy oh boy i am Anxious for these Kitties

Violetpaw is me having nightmares every night

Macgyver is a heavily gringue name and I have No Clue how to say it how the hell do you say it

Update its either Mick Guyver or Mac Guyver apparently

Its fun to see how different the sisters are from one another, I love them both

I also love their mom with the name identical to puddleshine wish I got to meet her

IM CRYING BRO........M...MDB.....NFBANN.....VIOLETPAW BELONGS MY DARLING MY DAUGHTER

Sadly Twigpaw is for gender binarism 😔 /j

Twigpaw is often in her thoughts and doesn't pay attention to anything around her and I love her for that

Bad news Finpaw is gonna lose his tail, good news I can draw his tail fin-shaped

Puddleshine surgeon moment!!!

I love Graystripe and Millie

And I love that being flirty is a part of Sparkpelt's personality, I don't know what Alderheart is talking about she's always been dandelion-headed

Ok this is epic, I’m glad we’re breaking gender roles in Warrior Cats my heart dropped when the books called Briarlight cr*ppled, that’s the thing they promised not to do anymore recently right? I’m not sure but, I could use some uh less ableism on my Warrior Cats, the series is old but the newer books should be better, so yeah, good modernize these cats babyyy

OH COOL Skyclan journey!!! Fun I hope they find someone :] also fuck Molewhisker and Cherryfall bastards.

Jayfeather is gonna miss Alderheart too much for him to leave hehehe

ALL of Starclan showed up just to call out Riverclan pahahah

oooo is shadowclan haunted?????

FINALLY TINYCLOUD IS KITTING YES GOD YES GO QUEEN GOOOO!!!!

I wonder why Twigpaw wants to stay behind, there has to be more than just the camp stuff

"I wish I were more positive like Twigpaw, but at least I'm just as scarred by the death of my loved ones as my dad :] I like being like him"

Violetpaw witnesses a car crash 😔 that was a bit messy what happened to those cars also why the hell was one of them smaller was it a bike??? Or ???? Idk what's up with it!!!

Needletail just happens to have slow-down turned on for her on the discord chat so she can only say like a few words each hour :/ why the hell is she here tho Violetpaw needs to get OVER your death!!!!

This short exchange has made me love Dewpaw

Also, I love Twigpaw, I still wonder why she stayed behind tho

Ahh, is it cus she feels too estranged from her family :c ? I wish her mom was around maybe that would help

Jee Twigpaw be a tad more empathic, I can see Twigpaw struggles with that sometimes

You can't cheer him up right now he's grieving, just find him on common ground, talk to him, don't try to make him happy just try to keep him company

Oh wow finpaw that's a dangerous thing to say I hope Twigpaw doesn't crumble under the pressure to never be sad because people like her because she's happy and her being sad would be bad

ALSO I JUST REMMEMBRERD UH TWIGPAW MENTIONED BRIARLIGHT BUT BERRYNOSE IS RIGHT THERE???? HE IS RIGHT HE DIDNT DIE OFF SCREEN IM SURE OF IT WAIY

BERRYNOSS IS RIGHT THERE I CHDCKED!!!! HE LOST HIS TAIL TOO AND HES A GREAT WARRIOR, TWIGPAW!!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED IT ITS MORE RELATABLE

Okay I'm glad they're getting along this is nice

Oh look twigpaw you Are like your father :] this is cute

Skyclan begins to fish competitively I'm glad

I like it when medicine cats bicker about their leader's behaviors ehheheh, Jayfeather talking about how weak Shadowclan is, Alderheart being annoyed at his father for wanting to stay silent, the others worried about the tensions this is all cheff the kisser

Jayfeather spitting the truths about how Starclan doesn't know shit, and he is very much one to speak

Puddleshine: Rowanstar stepped up the patrols :c

Leadstar: He has warriors enough for that?? Damn good for him

Dang poor Skyclan I hope they manage stuff better soon

Oooo the girls are fighting!!!

Alderheart starclan anxiety time dang

Sheep :]

Needletail :[

I'm sad Ravenpaw isn't here, this is a lovely reunion scene but knowing Barley will be alone when they all leave breaks my heart

Oh, maybe not, but if they stay I'll be sad also cus Skyclan needs its warriors

Aw man, Twigpaw is struggling :c

OUCH

I WANT SKYCLAN 2 SWIM THO......

Omg crimes

That sounds kinda possessive twigpaw!

DOVEWING?????

T

WhHAHAGAHAHA WHERE DID THAT COME FROM

omg tigerstar 2 real

Whats he gonna do to rowanstar???

ALRIGHT THATA OVER THEN PAHAHA

Aw, I'm glad they're having fun tho, and that twigpaw sees herself as skyclan

Alderheart, as he meets someone for the first time in a while: ARE YOU OKAY???

Blackstar protagonist moment

The medicine cats: our gods are toying with us again and destiny is uncertain

Leaders: I cannot DO this right now PLEASE leave and let me care for The Real Issues

Alderheart: YOU WILL hang out at my house Willowshine this isn't up for debate

Riverclan suffered enough and it's their turn to throw a tantrum about it, honestly good for them hsghahah

Alderheart asks his father to go on a quest to check people's feet

WHAT THR HELL IS A CANTANKEROUS

Alderheart and Willowpelt sitting there watching Shadowclan fight

This is really funny

HEWWO????

Puddleshine, in his eyes: help help

I love Skyclan

Ok this sounds like it's gonna be very very fun

Mission impossible: Escape From São Paulo

Oh, is Fallowfern deaf? That's so poggers omg I wanna see more of her

Edit: fallowfern is an elder that lost her hearing with age and retired after that happened :/ boring

I love leafstar so much

Juniperclaw: aren't you gonna punish her????

Leafstar: why

Juniperclaw: when I tell rowanstar he's gonna be pissed

Leafstar: don't tell him

Juniperclaw: the fuck is wrong with you and your clan??? Where is everyone???????

Leafstar: busy

Icon

I don't trust abled people specially able-bodied people telling disabled people they just have to train harder and feeling sorry for yourself won't help.

But this is the closest to a positive message to disabled people we have ever had in warriors so I guess I'll take it but I want better

IVYPOOL!!!💖💖💖💖💕

Dang ivypool what a way to show someone you miss them hahaha

Twigpaw: uhhhh how's dovewing?

Ivypool: what do you mean did she do something illegal I'm sure she did

Ivypool is a seriously funny character WHY are you yelling at the young adult about your sisters illegal activities she doesn't know anything about it!!!!

Alderheart goes on an adventure

Feet inspector on the road!!!!

Jasper is so funny I love him

Omg what's he got against clan cats??? What's his sad backstory????

YEESSSS SPARKPELT MY LOVE 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕💕💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕

Sparkpelt your opinion sucks but I love you

I'm really really glad they had this moment this is really sweet, they hadn't talked for a while but this is genuine like, we hadn't had this sort of relationship in so long in the books with just, dialogue yknow??? THEYRE TALKING ABOUT THINGS

And the pause Sparkpelt takes between her speaking to fix what she's saying "I'm sorry for saving you :c no wait uhh not exactly but like" this is so good so natural so fun I love you sparkpelt

I get why she has a diferent opinion on Skyclan it's good for someone close to Alderheart to have a different mindset from him and for him to have someone like uh be opposites from him a lil yknow contrats his characteristics makes both siblings fun round and full of kitty do you get what I'm saying???

I love this

I love Sparkpelt, love her lil anxious moments, love her, love that she just wants to fool around with toms and enjoys Larksong but doesn't want to get serious you go girl

They wanted to write smart-ass they wanted to write smart-ass so bad

They're doing this in the rain?????

I'm quite certain Violetpaw is a young adult by this point its valid for her to go

Wh why did you let your cat out in the rain dude!!! When it comes back it's gonna dirty up the whole place it's wet out there!!!! And the cold is gonna get in the house!!!!!!!

I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH OH LORD

That was SO INTENSE AND SO FUNNY AND SO MUCH, IM SO GLAD SHE MADE IT I GOT SCARED

Oh this is so epic

That moment when your cat nearly dies and then it runs off and you go after it and then a bunch of other cats show up and start running with it

I hope Twigpaw can see the others soon

Glad to see her keeping her medicine cat knowledge ehehehe

???????

Sandynose I hate you you are so abled

Sandynose: I don't want my son to feel distanced from his peers so I'm distancing him from his peers

DOVEWING???

SANDYNOSE SHUT UP IM GOING TO KILL YOU ANS MURDER YOU

I'm so upset with Sandynose WHY isn't leafstar seeing this WHY DOESNG ANYONE SEE THIS SOMSONE PLEASE CONFORT AND LOVE MY CHILD TWIGPAW DOESNT DESERVE THIS

Angry sad upset why

Piscina

Thanks graystripe

Ok who's dying this time

Ok no one just a background cat got hurt he will survive otherwise it would be relevant

This was intense though what will happen now???

YES FINALLY

Oh this is lovely so good they're here!!! The rest of skyclan has arrived and we are all happy together

That dream felt good

NEEDLETAIL??? AGAIN

Where were you at!!!!

What!!!

Check this man's feet how many toes are there this could be good

What

Hegshahwha what the fuck is up with this guy

Okay I like him

Ohhh THATS tree

Change your name if you don't like it you sound trans already

Yeah nothing makes one smarter like dying

This is very fun I'm excited for more of whatever happening

Twigpaw :c

HIS SNIFFLES

Oh no

Hhhhnn I want Twigpaw to be happy so bad, I hate seeing her struggles

Sandynose you are so evil and very detested by me

You can and you SHOULD feel angry at Sandynose he SUCKS and he is being needlessly mean at you!!!!! There are much better ways to bring up the possibility that maybe you'd be happier with thunderclan!!! Fuck off Sandynose

Oh so Snowbush hasn't improved, maybe he will die?

Poor Alderheart

Oh fuck there he goes

Yeah

Aw man, rip to the background cat

That was a heavy death too

Aw, I was hoping the rest of Skyclan would show up before the gathering, maybe just after it???

I wonder what's going on in Shadowclan

TIGERHEARTS MISSING HUH???

The couple was kidnapped

HUH????

Oh my lord oh fuck

Can't anyone step up to lead why do they depend on Tigerheart so much???

Jesus christ

Alderheart kills his gods

This is so chaotic and funny I'm worried as hell for shadowclan but excited a lot is happening

HI TREE AGSGAHAH

Tawnypelt >:(

Puddleshine: WAIT DONT KICK HIM OUT, CHECK OUT HIS FREAKY FEET INSTEAD

Oh dear

Twigpaw :c

TWIGPAW :CCCC Man rememebr when I said I hope Twigpaw doesn't crumble under the pressure of being happy for others? yeah

GET OUT SANDYNOSE I DONT CARE YOURE BEING REASOMABLE FOR ONCE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN LATER

:C

I'm so heartbroken for them

Uh pdhsgahab okay then

Bye finpaw

Wow that was easy for him

This is fun

I'm still sad as hell

Okay there's a lot going on right now wow

The owl scene was funny as hell to picture, this dramatic prophetic moment and the cats just "uuggh is that a prophecy??? Nooo"

Okay so

There's some shadowclan cats missing, considering the many sleekwhisker maps I'm sure she's up to no good but I have no clue what happened to the others and I hope they're okay

Wow! That was really something

Fantastic ending to a very good book its, definitely a different energy from the third but I'm really enjoying this I'm still excited as hell!!! I got worried things would get kinda bad from here but nope!!!! Very fun stuff for now this is very very good and I am enjoying it

This is definitely one of the most fun arcs I've read so far!!! The drama the stakes the little moments everything is tying together really well into a very fun story I'm enjoying a lot!

I worry for Twigpaw and hope for her happiness, and Violetshine too, hope her and Hawkwing deal well with missing her. Tree is being interesting. Alderheart wasn't much of a focus here but always fun to see him trying to solve the damn prophecy no leaders seem to care about. Mousewhisker was okay??? Lots of very fantastic turns for all events and uh let's see where this all goes next!!!

[papasbabymommyslittleone]

Why do you regress Vee?

uh big questions today huh

i mean first of all i didnt choose to regress it's literally always been a part of me and idk how to feel about that but its not changing so yknow.

i guess ive always been super anxious and my brain thinks this is how to cope with it? and yeah it works, so id say anxiety is a big reason

i'm.. okay like the thing is we all came into existence at different ages being thomas' sides? like it depends on how he views our functions sort of. dad was created as a 13 year old, ten yrs older than thomas at the time because thomas views him as someone who can look after him (we all age normally tho). anyway basically i'm the only side who was created as younger than thomas is. i was created as 4 years old when he was 9, so im kind of 5 yrs younger than him (but also kind of 9 years younger technically??) so idk i feel like that might have something to do with it? i have no idea how its just a theory

and idk. i guess some stuff wasnt easy in my childhood so theres that too - 💜

[honey-baes]

ALL THE EMOJI ASKS PLS RACHEL

I DONT THINK U REALIZE HOW MANY THERE BLOODY IS THIS TOOK ME SO LONG AHGSJHAGSJHAGSJ

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? @occultlike she looks like she’d be soft n squishy n im here for that

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why? litwick!!! idk its just so pretty!!!! i also love darkrai n jirachi cus those were two of my fave pokemon movies as a kid!!!

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like? p fucking gay ig uhh there would be flowers every fucking wear for sure

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had? i dont dream much?? the last dream i had all i remember is like,,, somebody ik dying?? idk

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend? idr have a best friend BUT i love all my friends for being the most TALENTED N CREATIVE people ever im. gushing

😘 talk about your crush or partner - dude i have a new crush every week but uhh but i kinda have a thing for my friend ajhdahdha

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back? def not!!!!! i hate confrontation n i usually just stay silent (although that never fuckin works n i really need to stand up for myslef ahdgahd) tho if its playful ill def be a bitch

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!) I’ve gotten through so much n im still here!!!!!! // i try to be kind to the people around me // 

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it? uhh this is dumb but really myself??? like, my paranoia is really shit n it makes me scared of alot of shit im fully aware isn’t a threat or anything 

🎁 what never fails to make you happy? flowers!!!!!!!!!!!!

💙 what annoys you about some people? people who are rude for no reason!!!!! it just annoys me when people say something in a rude tone for literally no reason yknow

😤 do you get angry easily? uhh yes unfortunately!!!! i have alot of pent up anger ahdhaajsdhasd

🐇 what do you always daydream about? alot of things!!! i’ll often daydream about mundane stuff like what i’m gonna draw later n that

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change? 

✈️ what is your dream city and why? hmm vancouver looks pretty cool!!!!!! idk im a lil bit sheltered n a lil bit bad at georgraphy

☕️ talk about your ideal day - i’d wake up n make some green tea and honey and then do some painting in my room, n have pasta for dinner!!!! i love pasta jadhajsdja

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert? introvert definitely!!! i love my friends but being around people, especially outside is really draining hh

💧 when was the last time you cried? uhh yesterday hjdgasd i cry p much every day HhhhH

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment - wetsuit // a lack of colour // drop pop candy // talk too much // if you’re over me

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why? i’ve always thought itd be awesome to be able to read peoples mind!!!! ig i really just want to know what people think of me?? ahdhags

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? please for the love of god don’t eat that much icing at once it won’t end well

💚 who are you jealous of and why? idrk um i’m naturally kinda jealous of loads of artists??? just cus i think my arts been p bad recently n im really envious of others art hhh 

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why? kindness!!! i’m none of those things except for kind so i might aswell go that route yknow ahdhadgaj

🙊 what are you ashamed of? dude alot of things honestly most things i do adjhadhass 

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn? i know english and welsh!!!!! i don’t think i’d be able to learn another language tbh hh

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be? hmm i love tomoyo daidouji n i’d love to be her friend!!!!! (she’s from cardcaptor sakura!!!)

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today? i’m in the proccess of drawing something for someone!!!! n fufilling reqs!!!!

��� if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why? a siren bcs theyre pretty and murderous n i like that

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike - ash she’s a real dumbass yknow

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately - everything tbh hh ive been going thru a rlly shit rough patch atm but!!! im still here so 

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now? i wanted to be a artist, n i didnt for a couple years but i do again!!!!

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods? chocolatechocolatechocolate 

🍑 what are you obsessed with? currently bnha n kiribaku!!!!!!!! n uhh kamideku/tododeku/kamisero/ashido and happiness

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed? i uhh cry hh

😪 what are you sick of? it being so hot!!!!!! gahh

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker? nO

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person? i’m definitely trying!!!!!! i don’t know if i really am yet though ahah

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies? painting!!!! video games!!!! i love doing sumi-e/oil/watercolour/digital painting n i love nintendo games!!

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself? i sang Hot n Cold ahddgahdajadh

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it? me being a bit of a pushover hadahdsjjah im trying to stand up for myself but it usually just ends up in more grief HHH

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored? eyes!!!!!! i draw eyes all over my school books, and bloody hands!! // i like doodling blood hh

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams? i’m like uhhh 2 years old ig

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you? i havent,,, done that hhh

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why? off the top of my head i love jenna coleman cus uhhh shes a pretty lady

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person? o fuck yeah

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them. alices adventures in wonderland // ‘she generally gave herself very good advice, although she very seldom followed it’ | through the looking glass and what alice found there // ‘Thy loving smile will surely hail the love-gift of a fairy tale.” | the lion, the witch and the wardrobe // ‘She did not shut it properly because she knew that it is very silly to shut oneself into a wardrobe, even if it is not a magic one.’ 

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help? i listen to music!!!! 

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad? def my friends!!! i don’t acc like talking about things that are bothering me but i know they’d all be willing to listen and care about what i say n that makes me happy ahhh

🌍 which country do you live in? wales!!!!

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words - salty, tired, TIRED

💭 do you keep a diary? i have tried but alas i cant keep up w that shit

💫 who inspires you? so many people!!!! my science teacher is p cool n i wanna be like him!!

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why? idk but uhh i like buzzfeed unsolved so

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like? black, hoodies n sweaters n LEGGINGS

🎬 what are some of your favourite films? the captain america movies!!!!

[evieoftheisle-remade]

for the honesty hour thing, do all the even number ones 😎

AAAAAAA ily thanks for all the questions, now hopefully all my answers make sense pff

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Depends on who I’m with! If it’s a small group I can be really outgoing, and especially around my friends. In school I tend to be really quiet and hardly talk at all.


4. Are you easy to get along with?I like to think so? Sometimes I could see myself being a little overbearing or disagreeable.


6. What kind of people are you attracted to?NICE PEOPLE, if you’re nice to me I’ll cry.


8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?Hmmm dunno, my ex I guess tbh.


10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?My best friend Talia! We hung out at lunch today which was rad bc we hardly have time, and we talked abt feelings.


12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?-Cry Wolf— The girl and the dreamcatched-Howl— Florence and the machine (Oh my gosh wolf theme here jeez)-Rainclouds— The arcadian wind-No guts, no glory— Cassio monroe-Jump into the fog— The wombats


14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Kinda, yea!


16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Bruh


18. Do you still talk to your first crush?HOoh man who even was my first crush? Nah i dont think so


20. Do you like your neighbors?OMG my neighbors are a nice elderly italian couple whos son still lives w them, and he talks rlly loud and gruff and loves comic books and is like a friendly lumberjack and theyre great


22. Where would you like to travel?Anywhere sounds nice w friends! Road trips are def my style, just place to place yknow.


24. Favorite part of your daily routine?The couple hours before my sister and I go to bed, when we just chill in her room and draw or talk!


26. What do you do when you wake up?Bathroom probably lol


28. Who are you most comfortable around?My sister 100%


30. Do you ever want to get married?Maybe, idk


32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?NAH


34. Do you play sports? What sports?I dont play sports lol


36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?YA


38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Idk, someone nice who makes me smile and I can make smile. Idc


40. What do you want to do after high school?cry


42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?I’m probably in a mood, sometimes I just detach bc something minor upsets me and it takes me a while to find a voice/personality again


44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?BOTH SOUND TERRIFYING but im gonna say ocean yea ill stay on earth thx


46. What are you paranoid about?My dad finding my blog or hearing me talk abt really personal stuff he wouldnt approve of


48. Have you ever been drunk?Nupe


50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Grey


52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?Make my voice normal lol


54. Favourite store?BARNES & NOBLE OMg


56. Favourite colour?
ALL maybe pastel purples/pinks??!!


58. Last thing you ate?
Pasta lol


60. Ever won a competition? For what?Cant remember asdffg. I won a camp competition and the trophy was an old icee machine theyd spray painted silver. my teams names all got written on it.


62. Been arrested? For what?NO OMG


64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?I have two tbh. My technical first kiss was this girl who sprung it on me w/o asking, i was still dating another guy at the time. it was surprising and a little intense, it freaked me out and i hate remembering itWhat i like to call my real first kiss was w the guy id been dating at the time, he kissed me after band practice and both our dads were in the room but it was really cute and sweet


66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS and i love them all so much. All my real friends ive known for so many years, and most of my tumblr friends are pretty new but i have so much love for all yall


68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr. twitters cool but it confuses me haha


70. Names of your bestfriends? Katie, courtney, chris, stef, & talia !


72. What colour are your towels?Uuuuh is it bad i cant remember? Red? We have a few colors cuz their all old and dont rlly match


72. How many pillows do you sleep with? (??? theres two 72s omg lol)HELLA


74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?I have a pillow pet and a toothless build a bear lmao, and theres probably like 4ish other merch plushiss that i love


76. What colour is your underwear?pink pff


78. Favourite ice cream flavour?coffee!!


80. What colour pants?Dark blue denim!


82. Favourite movie?Hmm Descendants probs heheh. Or HTTYD!


84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Ive only seen mean girls, and that was like years ago hahaha


86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?NEMO


88. Last person you talked to today?My sister ;3;


90. Name a person you love?YOU BB


92. In a fight with someone?Na bro


94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Like 5ish that i use regularly, probably more tho


96. Favourite actress?


Hummm Dove cameron lol


98. Do you tan a lot?YES in the summer yea


100. How are you feeling?Tired & a little anxious


102. Do you regret anything from your past?YA always


104. Do you miss anyone from your past?A friend i used to have in middle school and freshmen year lol, but he moved


106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Not that i know of. maybe.


108. What should you be doing?ENGLISH HW ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ WHAT CAN YA DO


110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Mmm


112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?Katie (My sister), I bet. Yikes.


114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?YA


116. Are you listening to music right now?Radio in the car! Idk the song, its pop but its new so i dunno it yet


118. Do you like Chinese food?Yea


120. Are you afraid of the dark?SOMETIMES BRO


122. Is cheating ever okay?NO??? NO!!!


124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Not really


126. Are you currently bored?Luckily anxiety is occupying me idk if “bored” is quite the word for it


128. Would you change your name?Hmmm maybe maybe not, idc. 
If I changed it it be to something like peter or even nico

130. Do you like subway?Eeeeh


132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?This questions repeated i think but my friend Talia!


134. Can you count to one million?WH i mean theoretically… ye..s?


136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Open, so the cat can get in/out


138. Curly or Straight hair?Mines p straight


140. Summer or Winter?Summer


142. Favourite month?March


144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?MILK CHOCOLATE


146. Was today a good day?It was pretty good yeah!!


148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Comparison will kill you” idk who its by


150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line“He didn’t have the time to dawdle here like this now”

[sakura-boi-san]

Thoughts day 2

I dont know why but this week is being really diffiucly for me. I layed in bed most of last night somehow keeping my head screwed on during an intense sort of emotional conversation with someone ive started to really care about. were ok, and im glad i still have her but it was just a bit difficult. I laid awake thinking of different ways i can bind my chest and then getting depressed because my chest is so big ill never be able to fully compress it, but im still gonna try. I have some KT tape on order which should be arriving tomorrow so hopefully i can bind my chest for pride on saturday. Its gonna be my first pride, and my first time binding my chest, im excited but also terrified. this weather is making me so depressed and i keep just randomly crying, i was going to go out earlier with just my shirt buttoned up in the middle, but my mum and nan said i was too fat for that, but i done it anyway and got halfway to the train station and made my nan take me to asda so i could buy a new t shirt to change into so that my femeninity wouldnt be on show. speaking of asda, whilst i was in there waiting to pay this woman called me “young lady” and its just made me so triggered since. like it set of my anxiety and then this man started talking to me telling me to go ahead of him in the queue and then got salty with me when i refused and said id feel bad if i pushed in, after than this I was just surrounded by some oldish people jsut staring at me and glaring, i get that i have rainbow hair but its honestly no reason for you to be staring at me. and then there was the train, it was ok going to bury, but on the way back i dont think ive ever been watched and stared at so much by one person in my life, what made it worse is that i left my headphones in the car so for the first time in over a year i went out wihtout my headphones and honestly it was awful, idk if my anxiety and paranoia was higher on the train because of the heat or because i didnt have my headphones, i hate not having my headphones wiht me, i use them to block out the sounds of all the people and the noises of the environment that make me anxious and honestly it was horrible without them and i hope to god im not an idiot and end up doing it again. at the moment ive ended up walking round my family home in my underwear and ive been downstairs once and had comments form both my mum and my nan about my weight, at that moment i didnt care cause i am literally melting but sitting down now and writing this and seeing my stomach like those comments are killing me and not really helping my urges of self harm. but this situation at the moment the conversation, it jsut make me think of what was said to me before christmas about why B left me. my mum liked to tell me how much she liked B and just general stuff about how she was great, but then i think of the other stuff like, oh its no wonder she left you, your gonna end up on your own anyway, no ones ever going to want to marry you. it just eats at me, because everyone i like/love/have feelings for always jsut leaves me. B blamed me for everything that was wrong with her, she blamed me for her 3 suicide attempts and just her MH in general, i know it wasnt my fault but it just gets to me cause i adored her and done everything for her but still wasnt enough. my MH always holds me back in some way shape or form and im sick of it. I came out as Non-Binary nearly 2 months ago now and its been a bit easier since, but also not really, it makes me think of the 2/3 years that i had been regressing it maybe even longer to be honest. A lot of the regressing was due to B, at this point i was kind of debating whether i was transgender or not (honestly im still debating but yknow) and i would ask her what would happen if i was and she would just saty that shed leave me because shes not into males and shes only into females, and i think that jsut scared me right back to not being happy and i think it was at that point that i started getting depressed again to be honest. I just want people to accept me for me and not question the way that i am feeling whether its about myself or towards someone else. im a very emotional person and this just makes me more emotional and make the urge to self harm even greater. She tells me Im doing so well and that i shouldnt break that streak but honestly i dont know how much longer i can hold out because that urge is there, and once youve got that itch, its hard to get rid off wihtout satisfying it.

25-07-2019