#I've wrestled with the truth for quite some time and I've been drowning in this restless mind | Levi-isms.

[quarryhag]

musing tags pt. 1

[aamphitriite]

pairing — jackson avery x oc!valerie reyes

synopsis — valerie finds out jackson cheated

words — 1,465

warnings — mentions of cheating, kinda sad i guess

notes — i dont have anything, ive been mainly posting c.ai bots but this is a scene from a fanfic i wrote for jackson avery, idk i liked this scene a lot so im just gonna put it here, i didnt proofread, it was written two years ago .. idk enjoy maybe! probably bad writing.

lyrics are "take a bow - Rihanna"

oh, how about a round of applause?

Jackson pushed open the front door with a heaviness that belied the quiet suburban street outside. The familiar creak of the old wood underfoot was drowned out by the relentless thrum of his own troubled thoughts.

yeah, standing ovation?

Tonight, something was irrevocably different. As he stepped into the dimly lit foyer, he felt the palpable tension that hung in the air—a tension that seemed to seep from every shadow, every silent corner of the house.

ooh, oh yeah

In the living room, Valerie stood with her back to him. Though her posture was measured and calm, an undercurrent of seething anger was unmistakable. The soft lamplight revealed the set of her jaw and the glint of unshed tears brimming behind eyes that burned with quiet fury.

yeah y-yeah yeah

The room, once a sanctuary of shared laughter and whispered secrets, now felt charged with the weight of unspoken betrayal.

you look so dumb right now

"Jackson," Valerie's voice, low and trembling with restrained pain, broke the silence. "Is there anything you want to tell me?" Her tone was deceptively gentle, belying the storm that raged just beneath the surface.

standing outside my house

Caught off guard, Jackson hesitated. His mind raced for words that could defuse the situation—a simple denial, perhaps, or a vague excuse. But as he looked into her eyes, he realized there was no escaping the truth.

trying to apologize

Still, the urge to lie, to cover his guilt with another false promise, surged within him. "No," he replied quickly, forcing a smile that failed to reach his eyes. "There's nothing."

you're so ugly when you cry

Valerie shook her head slowly, stepping closer until the distance between them was all too painfully intimate. "There is no point in lying, Jackson," she said, her voice soft but resolute. "I already know. It's better for you to just come clean."

please, just cut it out

The air felt thick with the weight of her accusation. Jackson’s heart pounded in his chest, the silence stretching out as he wrestled with the truth. His eyes darted away as if avoiding the full force of her knowing gaze. "I—I’m sorry," he began haltingly. "It was a mistake. I never meant for things to get this far."

don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not

But even as the words left his lips, Valerie's voice was cold and distant as she replied, "A mistake, Jackson? What you did wasn't a mistake; it was a choice. You chose to betray my trust.”

and baby when i know you're only sorry you got caught

The moment seemed to freeze in time. Jackson's breath caught, and he reached out instinctively, as if to bridge the widening chasm between them.

but you put on quite a show,

He sighed, running a hand down his face in frustration. "I know, and I can't even begin to explain why I did it. It was wrong, and I regret it every single day.”

really had me going

Valerie's eyes hardened as she looked away. "Regret won't change what happened, Jackson.”

but now it's time to go,

His hand trembled with desperation as it extended towards her, pleading for some sign of forgiveness, for any hope of redemption.

curtain's finally closing

But Valerie stepped back, her arm rising defensively. "Don't touch me, Jackson. Not after what you've done.

That was quite a show,

For a long, excruciating minute, silence reigned—a silence that was deafening in its intensity.

very entertaining

"I know I messed up," Jackson murmured, his voice raw with regret. "Every day, I wake up haunted by the choices I've made. Every night, I'm tormented by the ghost of what I did."

but it's over now

His confession was unpolished, each word dripping with remorse, a desperate attempt to make sense of the chaos he had unleashed.

(but it's over now)

Valerie’s face, usually so composed, began to tremble with barely restrained sorrow.

go on and take

"Sorry isn’t enough, Jackson," she replied, her voice quivering as she tried to hold back the flood of emotions. "I trusted you with everything—my heart, my future—and you shattered that trust.. w-without even a second thought. How do we ever mend something so irreparably broken?"

a bow

Her eyes searched his face, desperate for an answer that could not be found.

grab your clothes

The room seemed to close in around them as Jackson took a tentative step forward. "I never meant for any of this to happen," he pleaded, his tone a mix of anguish and longing.

and get gone

"If I could turn back time, I would erase that moment, all of it. But I can't. All I have now is this unbearable regret, and every moment without you is a reminder of the love I destroyed."

you better hurry up before the sprinklers come on

His voice cracked with the weight of his own guilt, the air thick with unspoken apologies.

talking' 'bout, "girl, I love you, you're the one"

Valerie’s gaze fell, and for a moment, the defiant anger in her eyes was replaced by a glimmer of sorrow—a sorrow for the man she once believed in, and for the future they had dreamed of together.

this just looks like a rerun

"I want to believe you, Jackson," she whispered, her voice barely audible, "but how can I when every part of me is screaming at me not to?" The raw pain in her words was a hard punch to his chest.

please, what else is on?

"You promised you'd always be there for me," Valerie said bitterly, her voice rising with each word. "But where were you when I needed you the most? Your promises now lie in ruins, just like us." Each syllable reverberated with the sorrow of promises unkept.

don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not

Jackson’s eyes filled with tears as he tried to articulate the unspeakable remorse that churned within him. "I am so lost without you," he cried, his voice breaking under the strain of emotion. "I lie awake every night, wondering if there's any way to fix this, any way to undo the damage."

and baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

His words were an anguished plea for forgiveness, for a second chance that he knew might never come.

but you putt on quite a show, really had me going

Valerie stepped closer once again, her eyes glistening with unshed tears of both fury and heartbreak. "Forgiveness isn’t something that comes easily, Jackson," she murmured, her voice a fragile whisper. "Not when the very foundation of our relationship has been destroyed by your choices."

but now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing

She took a deep breath, as if gathering the shattered pieces of her strength. "I asked you if there was anything you wanted to tell me, and you lied. I already knew the truth, because I saw it in the way you avoided my eyes, in the distance that grew between us every day. How can we move forward when honesty is a stranger in our home?"

that was quite a show, very entertaining

The raw vulnerability in her voice was almost too much to bear, and for a moment, Jackson felt as if he were drowning in a sea of regret. "I’m sorry," he repeated, his voice trembling with the intensity of his emotion.

but it's over now

"I made a choice, a horrible choice, and I can’t ever take it back. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please know that every day I live with this guilt, I’m paying for the moment I betrayed you."

go on and take a bow

A heavy silence fell between them once more—a silence so profound that it seemed to swallow every word spoken.

oh, and the award for the best liar

"I promised to stand by you, Jackson," Valerie said, her voice wavering but laced with a finality that chilled him to the core. "But you shattered that promise. The ring on my finger, the symbol of our commitment—of our future—means nothing now. It’s a constant reminder of everything that’s been lost."

goes to you

Her hand moved slowly towards the small jewelry on her ring finger, a deliberate and painful motion that signified the end of an era.

for making me believe that you could be faithful to me

Jackson's eyes widened as he watched her retrieve the gleaming ring—a ring that once held the promise of forever. The light caught its facets, reflecting a brilliance that now seemed like a cruel mockery of their lost dreams.

let's hear your speech out

"Baby, please," he whispered, reaching out in a final, desperate bid to stop her, but she stepped back, her expression resolute and filled with an unbearable sadness.

how about a round of applause?

"This is for everything we once had, everything I shattered," she said quietly, her voice carrying the weight of a love now broken beyond repair. In one swift, heart-wrenching motion, Valerie pulled it from her finger and hurled the ring at Jackson.

a standing ovation?

It sailed through the air, a tiny, glinting projectile that encapsulated the totality of her despair and disillusionment. The ring struck him, a sharp, searing reminder of the promise he had so carelessly destroyed.

but you put on quite a show, really had me going

For a long, agonizing moment, Jackson stood frozen—his hand reaching out instinctively to catch the glimmering symbol of their vows, but it was too late.

now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing

Valerie’s eyes, filled with tears and unyielding resolve, held him captive in a gaze that spoke of irrevocable loss. "I can't do this anymore," she whispered, each word a farewell.

that was quite a show, very entertaining

With that final, shattering declaration, Valerie turned and strode past him, her footsteps echoing in the now-empty room. The door closed softly behind her, leaving Jackson alone.

but it's over now

[miasmat]

Tagged for an ask meme - spell out your URL using song titles that can describe your muse/OC/pairings, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL! I got tagged by @laindtt (almost a month ago I'm so sorry ;w; ) thank you so much!

Mountain Sound by Of Monsters and Men - Arcade Gannon

I heard them calling in the distance So I packed my things and ran Far away from all the trouble I had caused with my two hands Alone we traveled armed with nothing but a shadow We fled far away

I Found by Amber Run - Beckett/Seth

I'll use you as a warning sign That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind And I'll use you as a focal point So I don't lose sight of what I want And I've moved further than I thought I could But I missed you more than I thought I would And I'll use you as a warning sign That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

Aawake At Night by Half Alive - Seth Trenton

I've wrestled with the truth for quite some time And I've been drowning in this restless mind I'm sick of being so unsatisfied Tell me that the answer's right God, are you awake at night? 'Cause I've been abandoned by my company I'll search for what's in front of me And hope that I find something new

Shelter by FINNEAS - Ian/Dion

There's no way out, the city sinks into the sea But if we go down, at least I'm in good company They call us hasty, and I think they might be right But I know that I'd be crazy Not to wanna be the one to keep you up all night Give me, give me shelter from the storm Give me, give me shelter, keep me warm Come kiss me by the delta, where the river's torn But I'll be whole As long as I'm yours Mystic by Adam Jensen - Johnny Silverhand

Tell the preacher not to pray There's no angels where I go Only pieces that I broke and Scattered dreams across the floor I'm home

Anti You by Blue Stahli - V

Another command to succumb To sucking you off with a smile A vanity culture like a congregation Identity dogmatism The image is always in style Stroking the ego with media masturbation Conditioning to canonize Gospel of this vox populi

Force feeding Misleading I'm burning the altar And I'll pass right through

Erasing Debasing I want to be the anti you

The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin - Cuthbert Beckett

It is the springtime of my loving The second season I am to know You are the sunlight in my growing So little warmth I've felt before It isn't hard to feel me glowing I watched the fire that grew so low, oh

[allthecastlesonclouds]

wait wait wait do you have any other songs you associate with bad kids/other characters cuz all my friends are dead is. so perfect 👀👀👀

i have full playlists for everyone except adaine so!! of course i do! most of them are vibes though so i can't give everyone a song exactly :')

fabian: Aawake at Night by half•alive

I've wrestled with the truth for quite some time And I've been drowning in this restless mind I'm sick of being so unsatisfied Tell me that the answer's right God, are you awake at night? 'Cause I've been abandoned by my company I'll search for what's in front of me And hope that I find something new

riz: This Will End by The Oh Hellos (and Ramblings of A Lunatic by Bears in Trees!!)

And suffering is all there is to gain in life Then what is all this waiting for? 'Cause I can see how this will end In all its better tragedy I'll give you all I have to spend And you'll give nothing back to me

adaine: Second Child, Restless Child by The Oh Hellos

You've got to go on, further than you've ever gone

and, of course, dear dear aelwyn abernant: Girls Against God by Florence + The Machine

I met the Devil You know, he gave me a choice A golden heart or a golden voice

[totallyramona]

"I've wrestled with the truth for quite some time But I've been drowning in this restless mind I'm sick of being so unsatisfied Tell me that the answer's right God are you awake at night? 'Cause I've been abandoned by my company I'll search for what's in front of me And hope that I find something new My heart is like the ocean searching Searching for the shore I'm learning There must be something more than dreaming"

[nothing-is-safe]

❝My heart is like the ocean searching

Searching for the shore, I'm learning

There must be something more than dreaming

-

I've wrestled with the truth for quite some time

And I've been drowning in this restless mind

I'm sick of being so unsatisfied

Tell me that the answer's right

God, are you awake at night?❞