#I've seen so much meta about it but

[tavina-writes]

briefly going hnnnnnnnng at people misrepresenting genre norms and tropes re: wuxia, but this is tumblr so I am merely going hnnnng and getting on with my day.

But god it does make me tired to behold these misconceptions with my eyeballs sometimes.

[thethiefandtheairbender]

my most underrated Kataang take is, I think, the inclusion of Katara's epiphany in The Fortune Teller at all. We've talked ourselves hoarse about how it's the clear turning point in how she consciously thinks of Aang (I will always mandate that she was just unknowingly down bad since the pilot because Look at her behaviour dear god) and how it's important that she has this epiphany even after knowing Aunt Wu's predictions 'aren't real' or necessarily set in stone.

What I want to talk about is why I think it's important that THIS is the moment she sees Aang in a new light amid his previous attempts to have her think of him 'differently' than she did at the beginning of the episode.

When Aang is being sweet to her (making her a woven accidental-betrothal necklace that she happily accepts), Katara is appreciative and responsive, but still says "he's just a good friend, a sweet little guy, just like Momo".

When Aang tries to flirt with her under Sokka's aloof guise, it falls flat. When he tries to get her attention in general (and when having parallels with Meng), it likewise doesn't work.

Finally, he tries the flower but it falls into the lava (symoblism, anyone?) and they have bigger things to deal with, like making sure the town isn't completely wiped out by the volcano. It's also worth noting that after Aang's conversation with Meng:

He never actively tries pursuing or wooing Katara in the same way. He's still kind towards and supportive toward her, of course. He, at some point (probably after the 2nd cheek or third cheek kiss) eventually starts to think (understandably) that Katara has feelings for him. But as of The Fortune Teller, he's stopped trying to have her see him in a new light or do a big romantic gesture.

And that's exactly when she does, consciously, fall for him.

Not when he's trying to woo her in failed, false personas, not when he's being his sweet romantic self, but when he's being the most himself all episode: Aang, "the bravest person [she] knows, who's done nothing but help people and save lives" since she met him (1x12).

He's not paying attention, he's not trying to impress her. He's just being a good, determined Avatar. A good, helpful person. A powerful bender, completely in control of himself and his element. Being himself.

Her Aang.

[stainedglassthreads]

One thing I think I just realized is, in addition to being dissatisfied with how stories deal with Toriel’s grief compared to Asgore’s and Asriel’s, and how I don’t see many instances of Toriel and Asgore’s quarrel being addressed in a way that satisfied me... I don’t think I see that many AUs that quite get the responsibility Asgore feels... right.

Yes, I’ve seen several that portray his grief, depression, and how badly he doesn’t want to be in this position well, even if it’s disappointing how not everyone seems to be aware of what you learn about him in a Neutral run where you’ve previously killed Flowey. A lot of people can get aspects of his characterization very well, the broken man, the goofy dad, the intimidating monarch. But I think the reason I don’t see people capture the weight of his responsibility quite as well in fanfics and comics is... well. Oddly enough it’s in the way the monsters treat him.

It’s not just the fandom that has issues with idolizing or demonizing characters. It’s also the Kingdom of Monsters themselves--and they all idolize Asgore. Yes, he’s a very grounded and compassionate individual who invites his subjects to share all their problems with him, and who Papyrus insists will just let you pass through the Barrier. But he’s also a bit of the subject of a cult of personality for his subjects. When they say he’ll absorb seven souls and become a GOD, it’s not an expression of his arrogance, but rather their own adoration. While out-of-universe the Angel is generally agreed to be either Asriel or Chara(or us), in-universe I wouldn’t be surprised if Asgore was considered the Angel.

It’s not long now. King Asgore will let us go. King Asgore will give us hope. King Asgore will save us all.

Yes, individual monsters may want to collect a human soul for their own individual wants and desires. But it’s only the capture of a human soul, or using a single soul for their own benefit, that they really aspire to. (With the exception of Toriel, who wants no souls, and Flowey, who is Flowey.) Of those area bosses who earnestly try to take just one soul, Papyrus and Undyne both want to hand you over to Asgore, and Mettaton wants to protect humanity FROM Asgore. Literally everyone in the Underground seems to fully believe that Asgore will be the one taking all the Souls and fulfilling his promises, and all are content. (Again, barring Toriel, MTT, Flowey.) No one seems to ever doubt he’ll do as he says, even his ex-wife, and no one’s greedy to take the power for themselves or take the burden of being a savior for themself, except his kid who has both a God Complex and a Savior Complex.

With Chara, and with Asgore. They take a person and turn them into a representation of something More than any singular person could ever be. And then in the worst route Chara does it again, to themself. Asgore is freedom and salvation and retribution itself, and everyone including the woman who was once married to him agrees and reinforces the role. Chara is the feeling of a number going up, and the fandom agrees and reinforces the role.

And I dunno. There are fics and AUs where Asgore never lost his kids and always remained an affable, friendly guy. There are AUs where Asgore is the main antagonist and an awful villain with few redeeming qualities. There are fics and AUs where Asgore gets to recover in a post-pacifist setting. But I’m not sure any fics or AUs have ever quite captured how everyone else just talks about the guy, for me. Toriel is simply ‘intimidating’. But Asgore is a GOD.

[secriden]

so i wonder if anyone else has thoughts about mame's choices regarding sky vs tongrak's stories and how she tackled the complexity of loving and being loved.

when i first heard about love sea, i saw a lot of people say that fortpeat were just re-cast as sky and prapai but with tongrak being older and richer than mahasamut. personally, i think that's a pretty reductionist view because mame explored the idea of being afraid to love and be loved from very different angles and perspective in these two stories.

i will give that there are some similarities on the surface - peat's character does that whole 'pretends to hate it but secretly loves it' thing; the cat-like 'push and pull' thing and fort's character is still a overly excited, loveable golden retriever of a human being with a strong sense of self; also both sky and tongrak have had experiences which make them both fearful of 'love'.

but i think while sky's main fear is being loved, tongrak's is very much a fear of loving.

like, sky's story is very... raw. it's an exposed nerve, tender and painful and present. sky's fear is so immediately tied to his trauma which he's still in the throes of. the betrayal he faced was from the one who claimed to love him and it's telling that sky's first flashback is not triggered by his feelings FOR prapai but by prapai expressing his 'love' for him. this trauma is intimate and physical and close, but that means that the start of his healing journey can begin because of an external force (prapai) giving him that safety but also physically removing the threat. when sky begins to feel safe again, he is able to begin healing.

in contrast: tongrak's trauma is relatively... hmmm, separated (? not the best word but...) on a physical level. it doesn't make it less or even less painful (or more, or more painful), but his fear of love largely stems from how he sees the people immediately around him being hurt by love. he's internalised the idea that love doesn't last. mahasamut starts confessing his feelings pretty early on; like episode 4 mahasamut straight up goes, 'well you can't stop me from loving you' and tongrak's disapproving but he's not triggered. what's the difference between this and episode 10, i think, is that tongrak's actively fighting his own awareness of his feelings for mahasamut. it's why his fight or flight response is triggered by vie calling him out about his feelings in episode 8 and also why he tries to force parameters back into their relationship (my take: i don't care if you love me but i won't love you) in episode 10. but it's also why his healing doesn't actually come from an external force - yes, vie kind of knocks him out of his depressed stupor by hiding the bracelet, but note that tongrak's has that breakdown realisation ('please come back, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, can't you please come back to me? i'm afraid you'll end up hating me (emphasis added) if you love me') before he has that chat with vie. he's already realised that the root of his fear of mahasamut's love isn't the love itself, but the fear that if he admits his own love for mahasamut, it will eventually get betrayed. it's also why even after he resolves that he wants to try at a relationship with mahasamut, he still can't say it. at this point, his father's a non-entity in terms of the fear of him going after his loved ones - he's already been proven a weakling and a coward and also they're physically on the island so removed from jak that it shouldn't be an immediate fear anymore. no; this struggle is completely internal and it's why we linger on his heartbreaking attempts to confess (also, love sea had some pacing issues but i'm so so grateful they took time to show this part; bless fort for insisting on it!). tongrak's afraid to love but he pushes and pushes himself, and finally breaks through and its entirely on his own terms because of his own strength.

i'm not saying sky's weaker for (in a sense) needing someone else to rescue him before he could heal, but i think it just speaks to mame really telling quite a different story of healing with tongrak.

like... have you ever thought you'd healed from something and then it comes back in an unexpected way but then your response to the trigger is also different? the pain is there but it's... at once deeper but also more distant? a deep pulse rather than a high pitched shriek? and the way you go about beginning this new phase of healing is also different? i think that's whats happening here.

it's fascinating how us humans can fear vulnerability in so many ways, so many forms, on so many levels but i think the lesson mame's stories tell is that sometimes it really is worth it to become vulnerable. not with everyone, and not all the time (goodness, that would be foolish). but also, keep holding onto hope. keep looking for that right person, keep being kind to yourself and others. know that it's ok if your healing feels different, if you didn't catch it some point in the past, its not too late.

you'll be ok.

[disposal-blueeee]

doodles

edgar vargas and squee by johnen vasquez

scriabin by zarla-s

[detectiveneve]

Please,,,, please more rambles about astarion and him healing and his slowly changing relationship with (-tav-) Sex and intimacy and choice and-

LISTEN BUDDY...

Okay gonna talk about the Grave Scene. this scene truly lives in my head rent free. I've been rewatching it a few times and every way it plays out is so touching. Especially the way he.. hmm... expresses himself here? There's such earnestness to him that frankly is unimaginable to the person we met in act 1. He really went from being both so sly & yet obviously lying ("[you trusted me...] an objectively stupid thing to do.") to someone who admits and lists the way Tav makes him... feel.... SAFE? and held? and I understand why it's not something a lot of people focus on but I actually am so heart-touched by how complex and intricate his journey to reclaiming sex and desire is at the end of this conversation. None of it is gratuitous. None of it is for show. The blending of the nonsexual intimacy, and openness (the grabbing of the hands, the showing of the grave, the raw admittance of so much vulnerable material he gives to Tav; all things he would never have even CONCEIVED of offering up in even act 2.)

("I've been dead in the ground for long enough. It's time to try living again." ... "With everything that life has to offer.")

It's an extremely nuanced and thoughtful approach to an SA survivor rediscovering & reclaiming what they want to make of their desires, their sexuality, in the aftermath of what was done to their bodies without their consent. It's so thoughtful & beautiful imo. Finally here at his grave, he tells Tav that they're someone he feels safe & accepted with, & he can experience intimacy on both sides with someone who has put forth the effort, the time, the willingness to learn and wait and watch and care for his own desires in a manner no one else EVER has.

("I feel safe with you. Seen. And whatever the future holds for me, I don't want to lose that.")

It REALLY... gets me in the heart here. It doesn't avoid the difficulties of sexuality in the aftermath of abuse, and it ultimately shows one individual's journey toward reclamation and reconciliation with autonomy on their own terms. That's so vital here, that he reaches out, chooses to make the step forward, HIS choice. There's no lingering gratuitously on the trauma, if that makes sense? the descriptions and vulnerability are raw; Tav is grounding person here, Tav gives him room to speak. The true balance of intimacy in verbalizing his feelings, intimacy in being close physically with Tav, intimacy in discerning for himself what he desires, intimacy in accepting touch, contact, affection, togetherness. It's all so... [BITES INTO FIST SCREAMING]. And the ending. Where he and Tav get to set off on another adventure. Get to explore who they are truly now, with each other, without any higher powers looming over and putting a yoke around their necks. I'm personally partial to the "finding a way for you to be in the sun," ending myself but all of them are just ... so delightful. He really SHINES in a way that exceeded my expectations so completely in act 3. he went from totally closed off and locked away and unaware of how to navigate his own personal relationships, no idea what a "relationship," even was, no idea how to express boundary or unravel his complicated ideas and feelings around his body, what it was forced to do for Cazador, to:

("For nearly two centuries I stalked the streets like a ghost while the person I was lay here, dead and buried. Now I need to figure out who I am. What I want.")

also laying a flower on his grave and all he says is "cute." but there's such a minor moment of tenderness there. I weep I wept I will weep.

[goodoldfashionednerd]

Elias Mannix is such a tragic character, when you think about it. He was doomed from the start. Either he accepts to go with the time loop and

a) has a shitty childhood (shitty to the point of not thinking anyone ever loved him and to the point of accepting to sacrifice hundreds of thousands of lives to feel that love he was promised)

b) has to go through with the killing of hundreds of thousands of people! And I know future!Elias doesn't really show any remorse about it, but it has to fuck up a person. Especially when his decision was made pretty spontaneously in the moment, without really thinking about the consequences (I personally think that he wouldn't have done it if he had taken the time to breath, calm down and think about it). And especially knowing most of these people didn't just die at the time of the explosion, but had to suffer a slow and painful death, that Elias probably heard about/saw pictures of on TV. We don't see him as a young adult, but those years must have been tough.

c) has to make sure his childhood is shitty so that he can keep existing, and become his own abuser!!

His only other option is to not do any of that, choose to not make the bomb explode, to do the right thing, and what does he get for that? Nothing! He stops existing!! And it's not just as if he dies, he will never have existed, no one will know he ever existed, no one will remember him! Can you imagine that??

His own life is dependant on a cycle of abuse and death he created himself and it's SO. SAD.

[naranjapetrificada]

Thinking this midday about ofmd AUs and what it means for someone to be "out of character". I've talked about this here at length before, but today I'm thinking about a different aspect of it. Namely that I wish people thought more about their goals when writing and recalibrated their relationships with canon as a concept.

We all know by now how contentious a certain late first mate (what is the opposite of "qepd" lol) is. When writing him in fic, some people seem to have this (inexplicable to me) urge to show him behaving in ways that the canon version of him would hate (outwardly nice, polite, kind, open, etc). And while not everyone is open to direct feedback about their writing, I've seen discussions a handful of times in ao3 comments and more commonly over here between readers about how in or out character potrayals of him are, and something occured to me today.

When there are opposing sides on the core question of whether or not a portrayal is in or out of character (vs people who agree on that question but may have quibbles about the reasons why they came to their conclusion), the sides tend to be "here's why this was in character" and "here's why this isn't in character". And while that gap will always exist because there are as many readings of a text as there are readers, there's a reason the concepts of "canonical" and "non-canonical" exist. There are things that are canon and things that are not and there is disagreement about which things are which but like it or not, there are some people that are more correct about canonicity.

The thing about fan works is that people should always create what they want, and will do so according to their interpretations of source material, and the question of being in or out of character should, at the end of the day, come down to your goals. We all have more goals in our creative work beyond "finish" or "do it well" and we may not consciously consider them, but they're always there. Those "alternate" goals may be different from work to work, but they exist are influenced by our experiences and inspirations and aren't ever going to be 100% impartial or canon-aligned, because the former would be boring as hell and the latter is neither possible nor desired in what's supposed to be a transformative work.

Everyone who creates anything wants it to be "good", but measures of quality can change from work to work the way goals can. For many writers, how "true" their characterization feels can be one of those quality measures that relate to their goals. Probably in most cases tbh, and especially in AUs. But it isn't always part of the equation because other writers have other goals, and it's usually pretty obvious when those goals haven't been examined.

Some of y'all think Con O'Neill/Izzy Hands is hot, and just wany to imagine his character in various sexual situations with other characters you find attractive (or at least narrative useful) in some way and you know what? That's perfectly fine, and despite not comprehending that impulse at all I understand the importance of creative freedom in fandom enough to want people who write that to write it without hesitation. In these cases we often just tell people to be "proud villainfuckers" which is easy, straightforward, and usually has less contentious discourse around it.

But some of y'all find Izzy to be the most sympathetic character in the series, and while I have enough of the acquired (and healthy) suspicion as a black person who has spent decades in fandom spaces to not want to touch that tendency with a 10 foot pole, those same decades of fandom experience make me understand that there will always be people who glom onto antagonists and secondary characters like that. Even when if I wonder about the motivations behind such an inclination, I understand that y'all are usually part of the ecosystem too.

But the thing is: if you're motivated to write Izzy as outwardly nice or kind or as some kind of hero vs the antagonist he canonically is, or gravitate toward reading those kinds of portrayals, why argue with people about what is or isn't in character? If something in you is drawn toward that kind of Izzy and wants to sympathize with him, why not just own it? There's no easy "villainfucker" way of making peace with this though because it's much more likely to make you want to think about individual morality.

No one who is partial to Izzy wants to be called racist or femme-phobic etc, and I'm not here (on this post at least) to litigate whether or not those accusations would be fair or not (although my opinions are probably obvious). But isn't it exhausting to have to put canon through so many refractions so you can insist that what you like seeing and/or writing is canonical? I understand that being able to point to canon can make it feel easier to stand by your preferences, but is all the bending over backwards to make it fit worth it? What if you could just acknowledge if your goal is to persuade others to see him the same way you do, or see him getting cared for, or whatever else you get out of it? I wish more of y'all had the courage of your convictions and were willing to just say "I like seeing Izzy this way" or "I sympathize with Izzy" because you would probably be having more fun.

[demon-country]

I've read a lot of great meta on here about Blitz's pov around the roleplay thing and his need for processing time following that, which he did not get. And I love Blitz to death, he's tied with Stolas as my favorite character and honestly I relate a lot to him, so it's been a huge relief that I've seen so many posts that are fair and sympathetic to him and everything he did, including his anger at the end there. He's an incredibly nuanced character who has been deeply traumatized, and all of his actions in The Full Moon make perfect sense when you put his specific traumas and trust issues together with his avoidance of anything that might make their relationship "complicated", up to and including his own feelings and the mere idea that maybe all the ways he's noticed Stolas showing that he's interested in more than just sex means that Stolas is interested in more than just sex.

That being said, I don't agree with the argument that Stolas was in the wrong for not giving Blitz time to process his confession before walking away. Sure, maybe that's not the ideal response speaking as an outsider looking in, but of course he didn't stick around, practically no one would've. Even without all the evidence he had that Blitz might reject him, even without his depression and fears that he's a monster, it is soul crushing to confess something important that leaves you vulnerable, and have it be (seemingly) mocked by a person whose opinion matters a lot to you.

And I get why Blitz did it, I'm not trying to put the blame on him or anything; it was very clearly a defense mechanism influenced largely by his self-esteem issues and inability to believe people could love him (the light literally leaves his eyes when the doubt creeps in and that fucking kills me). But there's hardly anyone who wouldn't cut and run after that. If Blitz had asked for time, demanded Stolas explain, or even just ran away himself, Stolas very likely would have gladly given him the time he needed to process. Stolas' part of the duet shows that he was expecting rejection even if he forced himself to believe there was hope he might have a positive reaction, so Blitz saying "wait what? Hold on, are you serious?" to start with wouldn't have been a bad thing to Stolas, because at least it's not a flat out no. But by the time he does get around to asking that, it's too late. Because we've seen that Stolas has had his feelings mocked before by Stella, his decades-long abuser, so it must have cut even deeper for Blitz to seemingly make fun of him when he poured his heart out to him.

Almost no one likes to cry in front of other people, because it feels awful and humiliating, and even less people would feel okay doing it in front of someone who just hurt them. Stolas very politely excused himself, even thanked Blitz, and left to probably go cry his guts out. But Blitz followed him. He understandably wanted to talk about things, but the fact is he just really hurt Stolas. It's completely fair for Stolas to not want to talk to him right then after his feelings were just trampled over, because he needed space even if Blitz needed to talk. Blitz didn't mean any harm by his roleplay bit, because he didn't believe Stolas was serious, but his actions were still hurtful. Blitz had every right to ask Stolas to stop and talk things through with him, and his abandonment trauma was already in full affect by that point, but Stolas also had every right to walk away when his own abuse trauma had just been triggered hard.

The whole situation was, start to finish, one big horrible clashing of trauma responses, which only got worse in the ballroom. So I'm not saying that Blitz was "in the wrong" here either, it certainly wasn't malicious, and moreover he didn't even know Stolas could be hurt emotionally. But holy hell, pretty much any reaction would have been better than (accidentally) making a mockery of Stolas' feelings after his confession. There's probably not a person alive who would take that well if it came from someone they loved. It probably would have hurt Stolas less if Blitz had actually stabbed him with a holy knife, given the way Stella had abused him in the past. It was never about Stolas expecting Blitz to reciprocate his feelings right away, it was about how viscerally awful it feels to put your heart on the line and have your feelings be made fun of, accidental or not.

They both fucked up in this situation, there's no denying that. Stolas was clearly using a script to power through a nerve-wracking interaction, but it was poorly worded at first and he tripped over several of Blitz's trauma landmines as a result, accidentally making him panic. But walking away when he did and later kicking Blitz out were not him fucking up. He definitely could have said something like, "I don't want to talk right now, you really hurt me and I'm very upset. Please come back later and we can talk then" or something in the hall instead of what he actually said which was easily misconstrued, to make Blitz know why he was leaving, but not many people would think to do that when they're that upset, they just want to get away from whoever hurt them.

So no, even though it ended with both of them in tears and even more hurt on both sides, I don't think it was wrong of Stolas to walk away when he did, especially because he did try to explain himself as Blitz followed him (he just wasn't like, great with his wording. Understandable really, most people aren't super articulate when they're deeply upset). And probably it was even a good thing he did, in the end, because it finally clued Stolas into the fact that how he's been treating imps needs to change. I dunno, it's just something I haven't seen talked about yet, and thought it was worth saying.

[itachanta]

While having in mind everything I've analyzed and read about Vash loving and wanting humans to have faith in him, despite being distant to them at the same time, this scene came to my mind. And I couldn't stop thinking about Vash's scared and ashamed face when Nai talks about the chance of Meryl and Roberto finding out about his guilt, and implicitly leaving him.

THAT. FACE. THE MOMENT OF REALIZATION. I JUST-

That Knives, who is deep in Vash's mind, trying to erase and modify all of his most important memories, pulls out specifically those two while saying that, and while psychologically torturing him, is only further proof to me that Vash really cares about them deeply, Meryl specially, being his embodiment of all his hopes in humanity, of Rem's dreams, the one who followed him and was there after waking up from one of his worst moments.

And I will never fucking shut up about that.

[hellofeternity]

ORV transcends language | how ORV is kind to readers (1.1k words)

the difficulties in analyzing text are already numerous without a language barrier, the way one word can mean 5 things and when you put it in a sentence suddenly it can mean 50 things and put that sentence in a paragraph? go further and put that paragraph in a page? construct a whole world around it, weave it into the fabric, and suddenly you are painting with words.

ORV is a daunting text, it calls and references so many mythos world wide, greek, roman, indian, chinese, japanese, it plays with meaning and intent and uses gaps in our knowledge like weapons, making us extrapolate our own meaning between the sentences, it is a tome of knowledge when it comes to histories and philosophies it feels at times like I will never understand all these things inside it.

One of the difficulties of reading a translated text is that when we analyze a text the authorial intent weighs very heavily in our minds, sure we can immerse ourselves in the world but once we start picking apart at the threads we hit a wall pretty soon when we start asking ourselves "what did the author mean by this?" however in a translated text there is an obvious gap, a game of telephone, did the translator actually capture the authors intent? or are we just reading the translators perception? sadly I don't know korean, and I cant say I have the drive to learn it, as such I know there will forever be a side of ORV that I will never be privy to - however I am bilingual and had the pleasure of reading two translated versions of ORV, an English translation and an Arabic translation, I didn't finish reading the said Arabic translation but a couple things stood out to me when I briefly did ORV is very kind to readers, following along in other stories can seem confusing at times, the pacing might be too fast and you might miss some details in a characters actions, the wording might be too vague and ah damn 20 pages later you realize you don't actually know why the characters are doing what they are doing. A big writing adage that you will see a lot is "show dont tell" and it holds merit, but ORV doesn't subscribe to it, because ORV shows AND tells. ORV built a world around readers and reading, and it makes sure that there is clarity every step of the way on what is happening, first by starting out as a homage to the isekai genre, and not deviating too much at the start, making the readers feel at home in a worldview they are familiar with, systems, leveling, videos games etc, and when it starts deviating it explains things with clarity that no matter how bad the translation is you understand the general intent, and secondly by being VERY blatant about the names of things and having a built in "story" system that is built on common story tropes and names the themes for you! take for example "unbroken faith" and "Blade of faith" both of these are two translated versions of dokja's sword. I will never know which one is closer to the original authorial intent, but I can tell you something, dokja's sword is symbolism to the faith he is wielding. (CH386 vague spoilers) or the entirety of "the great war of saints and demons" being about the concept of good and evil fighting and how kimcom aren't just above being good and evil, they are both. By using story tropes that we are familiar with to explain the complexity of situations in a simple forms you no longer have to worry about losing you readers understandings through language barriers. Every story in the world in every language knows what good vs evil is, every language has the words to explain them. and therein lies the beauty of ORV. But of course this isn't to say translations don't matter, it does speak to the strength of an original texts clarity when it accounts for the big things by making them simplified, but when we get down to the nitty gritty it starts to lose form take for example

"Tell me, you fool. If I continue to regress, will I ever get to meet you again?"

this person here has a great write up explaining the translators thoughts behind this specific line

but it has spawned a lot of debate in the English speaking fandom, as to the strength of its translation, I remember when I first saw someone claiming that its a mistranslation and "you fool" isn't part of the original, my first thought was "and so?" I do not mean to be dismissive to the original text, but I do not exist in a space where I can appreciate it in the original korean, I do not exist in a worldview where I can understand the historical implications of a lot of the characters, and even when I try to research it in English sadly the resources do not exist yet and its even more laughable to think of finding these things in Arabic. (Goryeos first sword doesn't have an English wikipedia page as a clear example) a lot of people have issues with the most popular English fantranslation of ORV - and I can understand why, being bilingual I have a lot of opinions on how a lot of things SHOULD be translated most of the time, and have done my own translation work but as I sit and think about this popular translation I cant help but just feel love for it, it might be lacking to some, it might be inaccurate at times to others, but its just enough for me to paint the gaps in the text with my perceptions, the words used are tied to my affections the Arabic translation of ORV is clunky, it is messy, it doesn't have as much grace as the English translation of ORV does, the words barely string together cohesively, but it has enough clarity, enough intent, and enough love for its readers, to catch their hearts, their attention and their energy

and so I want this to be the first post on this blog because, the author is dead here, not because I buried them, but because the tower of babel fell down a long time ago, and all we have is rubble and each other. a lot of the analysis on this blog will try to be respectful to the korean original wherever it can, however my words will be coming from an anglosphere perspective, and build on other English reader's perceptions of a text translation that a decent amount of people don't think is adequate, but just like ORV is kind to us, we can be kind back, I will quote the most popular version because its what connects us together, and while the authors intent might be lost, we can share our own meanings with each other, and build our own intent from the rubble.

[karmaphone]

people really be like 'death note is a metaphor for addiction' before they'll be like 'the police are not to be trusted with life and death'

[junonureyev]

Season 1 thoughts, initially: (partially/a lot of anaylsis and partially just... rambling. I talk a lot.)

When I started this relisten I listened to the murderous mask and then thought "this'll be easy, I remember how the murderous mask functions I was 16 and I was amazing at understanding this podcast, evidenced by how well I rped at Juno at the time" and I did rp Juno well. I have no evidence of this but... take my word for it.

I think where I personally struggle the most is the individual plot story lines, because it's true. I do understand the characters boarder functions more than I do individual plotlines. I think (especially because of how Juno is written) it's incredibly well conveyed how Juno as a character (and also Nureyev) functions, in season one our protagonist is more of a mystery in the sense we don't know why he functions the way he does whereas with Nureyev we eventually do find out. The character writing is so stellar, and unique, and colourful, and immediately vibrant that it makes sense the thing that drives the story is obviously the character. The plot takes a minor backseat to that.

I fucking love Nureyev as much as I did when I was 16 and it was 2019 and he's completely earned the title of "my favourite fictional character of all time" when he got it without a doubt and remains at that level even now. I love the angel of brahma as an arc, I think it's my favourite season one pair of episodes. It's the perfect cocktail of Juno and Nureyev getting tortured, Nureyev comforting Juno (holy shitt) and character development for the both of them. I feel it's a arc fully-hellbent on conveying their romance to the audience and it makes me feel like what I imagine people who really love romance in stories feel like all the damn time. I also love the conclusion, that the people of brahma rely on Nureyev as a robin hood boogeyman because being a comfort to people who need it and scaring people who suck, it makes me think that Peter Nureyev would really love the role he's played in real peoples lives outside of his fiction. (And the role he's played in my life.) And that weird parallel brings me a lot of joy.

Peter Nureyev is an incredibly good person regardless of whether he likes to acknowledge it or not. He has a very interesting relationship to the concept of being a saviour, because Juno fully has a saviour complex, but Nureyev doesn't seem to realize that he does default to being a good person with an incredible amount of patience and a saviour figure. (Which is something he at least subconsciously wants to be) He just doesn't let people in, and so maybe his lack of self awareness in regards to his not-saviour-complex-in-the-way-juno-has-it, comes from his lack of experience with intimacy. He wants to be with Juno and has decided that Juno is a good person and will do anything to compensate for that, but Juno is way more complicated than both he and Nureyev would like him to be at the moment, and so it fucks up and Juno takes advantage of his kindness. Peter Nureyev deliberately presents himself as the guy of your dreams to take advantage of people, yeah, but for Juno it's all genuine. So inexperience. (He doesn't even realize what he's doing when Juno points it out. He is not self aware about it at this period of time)

I think this is what makes the ending interesting is that Juno is absolutely being selfish and terrible to Peter, (taking advantage of him and ghosting him) because Juno anticipates that someday this will all go wrong and is too afraid of that so cuts it off before it happens (BPD behaviour. Do not get me started) but narratively it makes sense because Juno absolutely is not ready for a relationship at that point and had been genuinely way too mean and non-communicative towards Nureyev to ever even remotely start a healthy relationship. Nureyev couldn't compensate for Juno's behaviour forever so, it was a good decision to cut it off. Not for those reasons or in that way, it was a total fuck up indicative of Junos most intense neuroses, but still. Juno at that point did not deserve that man. In my opinion. Although I can see an argument for otherwise, I think Juno leans too heavily on the explaination that they're on other sides of the law for his distrust even though it's mildly unclear how much he actually cares about being on the right side of the law. Considering. I personally don't think he cares that much and this is a case of him justifying his distrust by going for a more surface level explanation than what is truthful (deep seeded mental health issues and trust issues)

I personally find this last scene truthful to the core of their characters and the relationship they've built, and I think it does a wonderful job portraying the types of mental health issues Juno has.

I think he's insane for leaving Peter Nureyev in a hotel room after he just said "I'm in love with you" but I get it. (If I was in that situation I don't even know what I'd do, but the likelihood that'd it'd be something similar is... a lot, I'll admit) The writing is so good and that scene goes so smoothly it doesn't feel unjustified at all and I think we can attribute that to how well written Juno is. Nureyev also presumably had some inkling that Juno was going to pull this, since he can read Juno and also confirmed twice in-ear that Juno was okay with this. But he believed, because Juno was communicating otherwise, which is what makes it such a bad decision on Junos part? and why I specify specifically that Juno took advantage of him. It's not like he didn't have an out to communicate like a normal-ass person. He was given at least 1 onscreen and we all know how comforting and needy Nureyev is.

It's why I'm so compelled by them, and why they're my favourite fictional romance, is the entire latter half of season 1. I stopped in 2019 (so the beginning of season 3) and I hope they resolve what happened late season 1 well, as I never got to that.

My urge now to listen near constantly is going to be at an all time high even though season 1 took so little time because you think "oh I have so much podcast left" when in reality you have like 5 days of podcast left and I'm not going to survive the next 5 days because stopping feels like letting Juno rot in that grave he dug on purpose 'cause he's a fucking idiot. I love him and I can't leave him in there for long. I need to get him out.

[purble-gaymer]

compilation of gsa headcanons i’ve been slow cooking over the past few months

[secriden]

i've been thinking and thinking about the significance of the sunflowers parapai sends sky after their first face-to-face meeting post-one night stand and it suddenly hit me why it made such an impact on sky.

prior to this point, sky's attracted to prapai, no question about it. the physical attraction is there pretty much as soon as they lay eyes on each other. even at their one night stand, regardless of the reasons why (tbh my read was that sky wanted it in the moment to feel like he had a way to wrest control over (a) his own body and (b) the situation), sky at least physically seemed to enjoy himself. but its the lack of emotional connection, after the endorphin rush is over, that makes him feel like crap, makes him second-guess his worth and leave feeling used and hallow (and boy oh boy does peat manage to show that so well - he's so so good at wounded).

but then prapai comes back 3 months later, teasing and playful and flirty and still so attractive. sky recognises his own attraction (his self-talky bits are cute but they break my heart), but the one night stand was good enough physically for him to know he doesn't want just that. he doesn't just want to just feel physically good. and he's stuck in the thought that he can never have anything more.

when prapai tells him he's going to pursue him in sky's dorm lobby, he's startled but not shaken. he goes up to his room, essentially tells himself to get out of fantasy land, peeks out the window - but he still fundamentally doesn't engage with the idea that there could be anything real between them.

but the sunflowers and "remember that this wind's watching over the sky". it's protection; its safety.

sky's visibly shaken (peat, oh peat, the vulnerability you managed to convey) and i think this is probably the first time prapai actually manages to get a little bit past the wall sky's already put up between them. and prapai's such a flirty idiot i 100% think he didn't have a clue what he was saying, really. he just thought he was being clever with the unusual flower choice and playing with their names, but in a way that's what makes prapai so perfect for sky.

he's... well, guileless. he's almost accidentally exactly what sky needs to even consider falling in love after everything that happened to him. there's something very clumsy about the charm prapai has and i suspect it's because he's never really had to work to charm anyone before - his looks, money, and status do most of the heavy lifting for him. the fact that he isn't an absolute jerk is pretty much enough for most to be pulled into his orbit. but this works so well for sky because i think someone more suave and actually adapt at wordplay/flirting would have made him run for the hills, because it would have come across as manipulation given his trauma. but prapai is so bad at it (prapai: 'if you don't try it, how do you know?' sky: you absolute fucking idiot did you forget how we met?) that it actually sounds genuine. it makes it safe.

fuck, safety. i feel like it's something everyone wants on some level, but when you've gone through something like that... something where you're betrayed on such a fundamental level by someone you trust, safety becomes the core of what you need. i can deal with hunger, with pain, with loneliness, with being overworked, with being called names or scolded by others - as long as i can maintain that safety. and for sky, that safety always came when he was in his own hands. the only one he could trust with his safety was himself (even as a child, he had no one; alone in Bangkok with a mother who left and a father who cared but was too far away). its why sky isolates; why he'll help his classmates but never ask for help; why he takes the bullying som dishes out without a word.

then prapai comes in and takes care of him when he's sick. his safety is outside of his hands - terrifying. but... also such a relief. i cannot stress how much this was exactly what sky needed. if rain had taken care of him, he would've kicked rain out the second he became conscious. rain doesn't have the backbone/will/character to force the issue. but what prapai did was prioritise sky's safety (health) and for the first time in years, it didn't have to be in his own hands...

(prapai then goes on to makes a lot of other accidentally good choices - comes to Last Cheer and gives him medicine, a place to rest his head, and a quiet space so he can do what he wants (stay to the end, not worry his friends). care, offered at sky's terms. even the bits where prapai's a visibly horny idiot, nearly edging past sky's boundaries but not is counterintuitively perfect because sky sees that prapai's going against what he wants to make sure sky's expressed boundaries are honoured and sees how it costs him something - but, also, i think that speaks more to (a) prapai's growth as a character now that he has a focus that goes beyond the instant gratification of physical release and (b) mame knows her characters and prapai is built to be perfect for sky. honestly most of the skill in writing prapai was the change was gradual enough to be believable in the context of this world. but i digress.)

i just... really adore what prapai did for sky here. like, utter relief that comes from having someone take care of you when you've had to take care of yourself for so long. like a heavy burden suddenly rolling off. and the sunflowers are cheesy but they're the first real hint that this is what's going to make prapai succeed with sky. its not (just) that he's attractive and persistent - that wouldn't have been enough ultimately. (for eg. had phayu pursued sky, he would've also been attractive and persistent but boy would sky have run for the hills with that kind of pursuit. phayu's hot but the manipulation in how he got rain... sometimes i'm baffled by this fandom's take on phayu vs prapai because it's always prapai that everyone calls shady/problematic when he's actually very transparent and honest with his intensions with sky vs the mind games phayu played with rain. i don't have an issue with it because of how rain's character's written - he needed a phayu to get past his internal hang ups - but still, baffling.)

but its how he continually offered to take on the burden of care from sky. so sky could finally actually address the other things he needed. sky didn't have the (physical OR emotional) bandwidth to even consider a relationship until prapai because no one was taking those things off his plate (feeding him, making sure he rests, making sure he took care of himself. like - even when prapai just reminds sky to take care of himself, that's taking some of that mental load off sky having to remember for himself).

honestly this is why when in the scene when sky opens the door to prapai when he's half asleep and then lets prapai feed him, and lets him put him to bed, undress and dress him (all things that would have triggered sky to hell before) - I actually believe it. i believe that sky feels safe around prapai because he's done nothing but actively, persistently offer that to sky over and over again by this point.

anyway, yes, i just really love the sunflower scene for how it gives us that first real glimpse as to why prapai really was perfect for sky.

[babacontainsmultitudes]

[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.