#I've said this before but I'll say it again it's going to be personal

[sanjarka]

not to be a broken record but it's not quite fair to use the line but peeta wanted them so badly as proof that katniss was forced into having kids, or of her having them for all the wrong reasons. it exists within the context of not only the epilogue but an entire story before it. and i'm not here to convince you to like it. but to try seeing the point at least.

to expand on something i've spoken about before - in the epilogue their children are playing in a meadow from a song she sang to rue, a song that she now sings to her kids, in a meadow not unlike the one she dreams about after the beach kiss (as i drift off, i try to imagine that world, somewhere in the future, with no games, no capitol. a place like the meadow in the song i sang to rue as she died. where peeta's child could be safe)

so the tone in the epilogue can not be tragic and it is not regretful. it is hopeful.

the infamous line previously mentioned is not about katniss's lack of consent in being a mother but about the amount of trust she has in peeta as her life partner, as someone she loves. it's nothing but a connection to another line in the epilogue (where katniss is expressing her worry over teaching her kids about the games and her and peeta's role in them) → peeta says it will be okay. we have each other and the book. we can make them understand in a way that will make them braver.

it is about there not being another person who could've made this decision, this choice, safe (no one has held me like this in such a long time. since my father died and i stopped trusting my mother, no one else's arms have made me feel this safe)

it's about how his his hope made her wish safe (isn't it the thing i'd dreaded most about the wedding, about the future - the loss of my children to the games? and it could be true now couldn't it? if i hadn't spent my life building up layers of defenses until i recoil at even suggestion of marriage or a family?)

it's about how only peeta can give her that (what i need is the dandelion in the spring. the bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. the promise the life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. that it can be good again. and only peeta can give me that)

the choice to be a parent is not easy and careless and it never will be. she's absolutely honest about being terrified of her kids learning about the games, of them being scared and forced to harden like her and peeta were. the pain of the past is not ignored, it is not glossed over, and the nightmares never go away. but there's something else in the epilogue too.

when i first felt her stirring inside of me, i was consumed with a terror that felt old as life itself. only the joy of holding her in my arms could tame it. carrying him was a little easier, but not much.

how is this katniss being resentful and if she is why would she then have another kid? i've seen some people focus on the terror as it's this ugly thing proving her regret but is it not an entirely realistic feeling to have when carrying someone's life within you and understanding the neverending responsibility in keeping said life safe? there is such beauty in the phrase old as life itself. because it suggests the idea that this is something that isn't inherently tied to katniss's life, to her trauma and to her pain but to lifekind in general. and then the joy! how that terror is only settled when seeing your child eye to eye, seeing them breath and cry and live. it's such a gorgeous, intimate passage trying to let you in the love katniss has for her kids. it's not hiding away the sacrifice and the fear but it's also not hiding away how worth it it can be to make choices that scare you.

I'll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in anything because I'm afraid it could be taken away. that's when i make a list of every act of goodness i've seen someone do. it's like a game. repetitive. even a little tedious after more than twenty years. but they are much worse games to play.

how is this supposed to be so much more bitter than sweet, how is this anything but a love letter to peeta, to her kids, to everything she gained after everything she lost. why would she be so afraid of losing it all if it doesn't matter and why would she make a choice to believe in the kindness of people if the life she has now is something she has no say in and something that at best she feels ambivalent towards to?

and obviously you have a right to feel whatever it is that you feel. i hate even having to say this cause who am i to give you a right to feel any type of way. i'm not trying to push my feelings onto you and tell you that this story must work for you, that it must make you feel hopeful. that if you're not satisfied you just have to read it again. stories don't work that way.

but to imply that the intention of the story is for the reader to be left hopeless is wrong. and sure, maybe that intention doesn't seem that profound you, maybe it is not interesting and maybe you think is boring. and maybe you think that katniss and peeta wouldn't realistically have this life path, or have kids, and maybe you think the end is to predictable and too expected. and that's okay. whatever life you have lived is going to affect what stories you find deep and what stories you find shallow and so maybe, this is that story for you. the story that you don't get. the story that doesn't work for you. and that's okay too. but to be so convinced that the its intention is to present katniss's life as something so very miserable that she didn't choose but just let happen around her is wrong.

[epickiya722]

I love Bakugou with all my heart. He's one of my favourite characters. But it's always kind of hard to interact with a lot of his stans because of how overly protective they are of him, to the point where they mischaracterize or slander other characters when they dont do something in favour of bakugou. They act like hes a baby at times. Ofc not all of them are like that, butbits always the vocal ones that stand out and theyre many.

Unpopular opinion but I also dislike the "bakugou is a damsel in distress" thing they say, mainly the dk//bks. Cause that title should be given to no one, they're all bamfs.

The release of 431 basically had half the bakugou fandom burying Midoriya alive and even saying things like how Bakugou should start hating on Midoriya. Or that bakugou should have died so that Midoriya can live a life of suffering. Acting like Horikoshi did Bakugou a disservice when imo Bakugou had the kindest, most well written character development given to him.

To be completely blunt, in all my years of being in this fandom I've never encountered such a rabid group of people who will literally shit their pants because other characters or the author (in the final chapter) weren't kissing their ass for more than 2 minutes.

I do feel you on that, Anon.

I said it before, Bakugou is my guy, my boom boom boy. I like him as I do many other characters in the series. He has a good storyline, he is a great character on his own.

And that what infuriates me about some other Bakugou fans.

He is already such a good character, so why is there a need, a must, an urge to bash and mischaracterize other characters just to put him down?

Part of what I'm going to say is my bias because you all know Midoriya is my favorite tied with Miruko, but the other part of me is someone coming from a Bakugou fan standpoint. And you know what, feel free to be mad at me, but I just can't anymore!

The fandom over the past year or so has done nothing but disappoint me. Truly and at this point, I feel like I have to let out everything.

A lot of the reactions I saw towards Midoriya in the epilogue was absolue bullshit.

"He should give Bakugou back the suit!"

"How dare he turn down Bakugou!"

Bakugou was not the only fucking person who put in on helping with that suit and he damn sure wasn't the only person who saw Midoriya as the hero he is. Midoriya does not owe Bakugou any, let alone be an EMPLOYEE at his agency.

Like, damn, can he actually get used to some Pro Hero work in before he makes such decisions?

And I'll be honest, him not working at agency actually gave me joy. I actually like that idea. It reminds me of Miruko.

Him being a solo type hero allows Midoriya to be flexible with his routine. I guess they forgot he is a teacher. They must not have realized that Midoriya can and will fight by Bakugou's side in the field. Who said they needed a fucking agency to do all of that?

In fact, them being separated and not working at the same place would allow them to be more happy to see each since it's like "I didn't get to see you all day! I've been waiting to lay my eyes on you, I was counting the seconds till we meet again". I like that scenario, can we jump on that?

Like, what if Midoriya said no because he felt like Bakugou had done enough for him? Huh? How would he know Bakugou would want him at the agency and why even spring that on him being so cryptic about it in front of Kirishima? Sorry but Bakugou went about it the wrong way.

Midoriya can be oblivious but he's also not a mind reader. And sometimes, Bakugou is not that transparent, let alone someone who is right all the time himself.

I feel like that a lot of the fandom just wanted Bakugou to tie Midoriya down. Want him to own Midoriya like he's some fucking pet.

I thought they were supposed to be equals, but clearly I was lied to!

Like, when I say I was so disappointed in some fellow BakuDeku shippers, I was probably beyond disappointment. I couldn't follow anymore of some of the blogs because of the things they were saying.

I know Bakugou's hair is golden, but he is not some golden child. He is not some fragile little baby that some of the fandom treats him as such while also thinking he's so perfect.

They're doing exactly what lead to his terrible behavior in the first place, now that I'm thinking about it! Oh, I thought we were supposed to learn from that, HELLO?!

He is not perfect. That's what makes him a great character. A character with flaws makes for an entertaining one, but in this case, not for Bakugou! How I cannot believe!

That's why I also enjoy Midoriya. He has flaws, but the bad thing is how most of the fandom amped them up to 100 to make him seem more terrible.

I really hate how some of those same Bakugou and BakuDeku shippers reduce Midoriya into someone who can't do everything right, or he was like vindictive in the epilogue.

Like, some of you was so quick to say that the epilogue was so out of character, so why even go along with the notion that "Midoriya doesn't care about Bakugou, he betrayed Bakugou"?

Easy, because you don't care about Midoriya which is absurd to me given that if you're a Bakugou fan, Midoriya is the last character you should be hating on. Bakugou would hate you for hating Midoriya.

(Getting flashbacks to that one post about how the OP was mad at Midoriya for making Bakugou cry because he didn't tell him about OFA... in season one... WHAT?!)

I'm jumping on that unpopular opinion with you because my gosh. "I hate it when Midoriya is the damsel in Tddk fics and Bakugou is the bad guy".

I see why, but then why turn around and treat Bakugou like he's a damsel? To give more Midoriya stress? I'm all for angst, but I do feel like some people just want Midoriya to suffer like "see how you didn't appreciate Bakugou enough" and out of some hate agenda.

Listen, I know the pair are like the "don't separate at all costs" type, but again, it should be equal.

Yes, they care deeply about each other. But they're still their own separate characters.

Flaws Horikoshi's writing may have, but it damn sure ain't that flawed to not make sense of some of these characters.

I'm sorry (not really), but I feel like that some truly don't get Midoriya at all and don't want to take the time out to understand him. An injustice really to being a BakuDeku shipper. You won't see the harmony within that ship.

[fizzing-imagines]

Hi love how you doing?

I was wondering if you could write NSFW Alphabet for Billy or Robin

- Bubbles

Hey Bubbles!! Thank you for the request! I did Billy for this one, I'll write Robin soon :) I hope you enjoy!

‼️MINORS DNI‼️

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

On the premises that you two are a couple, he does go a little soft and pulls you into his arms. Billy lights a cigarette for him, and if you smoke for you as well, and kisses the top of your head while both of you calm down. If he's been especially rough with you, he checks for any marks or bruises first so he can take care of those before laying down with you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Billy Hargrove is an ass man. His hand is always on your ass in some way, may that be his hand in your backpocket or squeezing it while you're watching a movie together.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves cumming on your ass. It feels like he's truly claiming you in any way, plus, he loves your ass.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He'd love to have a threesome with you, but he doesn't trust other guys around you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

His bodycount is high, so is his experience. He had more to teach you than you could teach him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He has two favourites - doggy and cowgirl.

Doggy because, you guessed it, he has a perfect view of your ass and can watch it bounce while he thrusts into you.

Cowgirl because he likes for you to think that you're in control, but in the end he's the one grabbing your hips and controlling your movements. Billy loves being in controll.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's rather serious. Making you and him feel good is his priority. He wouldn't get frustrated if you were to make a funny sound or if he bumped his head, but he would play it off and continue thrusting into you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He shaves. It makes him look bigger, and it makes it easier to shove his entire length down your throat.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It's kinda hard for him to be romantic in the moment. On the very rare occasion that he's feeling soft, he'll tell you how much he loves you while slowly moving inside you. But besides that, sex to him is to make both of you feel satisfied.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He jacks off a lot. That didn't die down when you two became a couple, but now he wasn't looking at his magazines anymore while pleasuring himself. He only had to think about you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Spanking and choking, occasionally both at the same time. Billy loves being in controll, and he loves how much you show your trust by letting him do that to you.

Prolly also has a thing for anal, but he doesn't know how to bring it up.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere, everywhere, anytime. The back of his car is a personal favourite, especial when parked and you two could get caught.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

I've said it once and I'll say it again: Your ass. The way it bounces, how your pants hug it just right, how touchable it is. God, he loves it.

He also loves your thighs. Having them around his head while he eats you out? There's barely anything better.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

There's very few things he wouldn't do or try. I think his limit is at body fluids other than cum.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He likes giving, but loves receiving. Having you choke on his cock, with teary eyes because you're struggling to take it? Sign him up.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Billy is fast and rough. There's barely any instance that you wouldn't describe as "being fucked through the mattress". Holds you down and basically slammed into you like it's his last time ever getting to touch you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Big fan of quickies. He's had multiple with you at school, at parties, Lovers Lake, in a pool AT a party. But his favourite will be at your home, right before school.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Loves risks. If he could, he'd show everyone how good he makes you feel. Has definetly done it in the shower at school, the locker room, the pool after closing time. Anywhere he finds convenient. So what if you get caught?

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Billy can go on forever. 3 extensive rounds are pretty normal for him, but he has done 4 before. If you need or want a fifth, he does need a short smoke break.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Big fan of toys. Owns a few he bought for you. Whips and ropes are a given, also has a plug for you and some dildos in various sizes.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Lives to tease you. Your begging for him to stop and just fuck you already is just too cute. Teases in public, teases more in the bedroom and loves edging or denying you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He groans and commands you around. Moaning isn't really his thing, unless you're sucking him off.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Once he gets his hands on a camcorder and a polaroid, you can bet he's making multiple at-home tapes and pictures.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Above average, both in length and thickness. It's almost too big for you to handle, but Billy made sure you know how to take him. Also veiny, and when you do it raw it gives you some extra stimulation. But there's no curve, it's perfectly straight.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Has always been very high, stays really high. But now you're the lucky one who gets to be railed by him. If you're alone on the weekend, you barely get away from underneath him.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It takes him a bit. Billy wants you to fall asleep before he does, so while he's stroking your head and telling you how good you did he has a cigarette or two. Stays up a bit longer after you're sleeping, but eventually does.

[vi-is-badass]

No worries. I get that we're both writing essays while still having life responsibilities haha. I don't expect an immediate response.

I think everything you said about what you would have wanted makes a lot of sense and echoes many sentiments I've seen floating around online.

I enjoyed reading the hypotheticals presented. It's broad strokes but it makes it no less interesting and I think it points to just how at odds Viktor, Jayce, and Mel's storylines in season 2 felt with the momentum that season 1 built towards certain "inevitable" conflicts.

I actually think Ambessa is easier to tie into the conflict between Piltover and Zaun and Jinx and Caitlyn than the Viktor, Jayce, and Mel storylines. Jinx knows how to create hextech weapons and can be the key to what Ambessa wants, so in helping Caitlyn she helps herself. I was shocked that never became a plot point.

I would definitely have to think longer and harder to give my perspective on these what-ifs you presented, but you've given me a lot to think on and I find what you presented to be fascinating.

On a little side note: I will admit I'm a sucker for the Act 2 storyline between Jinx, Vi, and Vander-- like it's easily my favorite part of season 2-- because it's so intensely focused on what I love most about Arcane; The Vi and Jinx dynamic, the tragedy of their past, and how much "what could have been" hangs over them. It really takes a look at who they were before they lost their parents-- the core of their characters-- and how it informs who they are now. How trauma and hardship shaped the two of them and who they want to be vs who they were forced to become. It does a lot of heavy lifting to explore their characters and trauma in a quiet and subtle way that the rest of season 2 lacked, especially for Vi. So, I have a personal bias toward keeping it haha, but your presented structure makes sense.

I would definitely be up to beta read. I'll shoot you a message tomorrow about the possibility.

Back to Caitlyn again! (wow, we both have a lot to say about Caitlyn haha)

Yeah... there's a lot that just doesn't work with Caitlyn's arc. Again, it's a compelling arc on its face with a fantastic build-up (seriously the character writing for her in Act 1 might be the strongest in the season for me), but I think we both agree on where it fell short.

Now that you've mentioned Maddie I have a lot to say about her.

I definitely agree with the strange framing of their relationship. When I first saw Maddie with Caitlyn I had the same thought that you did about the nature of Caitlyn sleeping with a younger subordinate. That's something that I just knew wasn't actually going to be addressed due to time, but that actually brings me to a point about the relationship I learned later from interviews with Amanda Overton about why they chose to have Caitlyn have this relationship with Maddie: Caitlyn "dating" Maddie was supposed to be an extension of her desire to try and be the "perfect Kiramman heir" after her mother's death. Maddie is supposed to be the type of person her mother would have approved of her dating.

Again, this is an idea that on its face is very interesting. Caitlyn spent the entirety of season 1 chafing against her role in life. She didn't want to solely be the Kiramman heir and wanted to make a name for herself. It's part of what got her to fall for Vi. Vi treated her like any other person-- she didn't see her for her name-- and showed her a side of life everyone else protected her from. And Vi is the exact opposite type of person that Caitlyn would have likely been expected to date and eventually marry.

Now that her mother is gone she would embrace the Kiramman name and try to be the perfect heir she knows her mother wanted her to be, including dating someone closer to what her mother would have wanted.

I think this base idea could have been fascinating for act 2. Show Caitlyn trying to be a perfect leader, a perfect heir, a perfect daughter, while on the inside it's making her miserable. This isn't what she wants. It's not what makes her happy. That time with Vi did.

As an idea, this is incredibly interesting for Caitlyn's character and her relationship with Vi, but it absolutely does not come through in the finished product. Caitlyn's side of the story in Act 2 does not get across that this is what she's trying to do. It doesn't lead to a contrast between Maddie and Vi or some self-reflection on Caitlyn's part that would adequately convey this. That idea is clearly a victim of what was left on the cutting room floor and as a result it ended up being messy in its presentation and execution. (now was watching the reaction to Maddie's death at the LA premiere really fun despite this? Absolutely.)

I do think this idea is also muddled by the fact that she's a dictator, which is clearly not what her mother would have wanted if the "they deserve to breathe" line is anything to go by, and the fact that the relationship is (like you said) with her younger subordinate. It feels like they ultimately tried to stretch Cailtyn's story in too many directions for the time they allotted to it.

I wanted to note that I really like the suggestion you made about Vi playing a bigger role in Caitlyn's shift and having it happen over a prolonged period of time and I wholeheartedly agree with this idea.

I think that's what the confrontation between Vi and Caitlyn is supposed to be. Vi asks Caitlyn an armor-piercing question "Who decides who gets a second chance" and this forces Caitlyn to confront her actions and reevaluate how she's been seeing Jinx this whole time (an irredeemable monster). This is what's supposed to spur her change of heart and, at least in part, motivate her decision to let Vi free Jinx. Vi is meant to be a moral center, her good heart changing the people around her in Act 3, but it doesn't get the focus it needed for that to have the effect I think was intended. Again, it's a victim of time.

You definitely hit the nail on the head with your statements about Caitlyn’s arc and her relationship with Vi having an incredibly compelling backbone that was ultimately hampered by time constraints.

I think my issue with Vi not running after Jinx has more to do with the way it's framed. What she tells Caitlyn makes it sound like she believes that Jinx has gone back to her old ways and she was a fool to believe she'd changed and... I just don't get how she came to that conclusion after their interaction in the cell, especially when the end of that interaction is her asking Jinx what she's going to do (clearly concerned for Jinx) and Jinx responds "Break the cycle". I felt like there needed to be a scene or moment of Vi in the cell alone to get this change in perspective across to me. I can see what they were trying to do, I just think Vi was the biggest victim of the limited time in Act 3. I think the way you presented your point of view on the moment was what was intended, it just didn’t work for me and I acknowledge that’s a personal problem.

We both clearly had a lot of thoughts on season 2 that we needed to get out. I know this has helped me a lot. So many of these thoughts were stewing in my head with nowhere to go and getting them out has made it so I can focus on what I love about Arcane a lot more! So thanks for this! Hopefully, this was helpful for you too.

I actually think this video is really interesting. Not because I fully agree with it (there are a lot of points in the video I don't agree with and a lot that I do), but because I appreciate its intent.

I also fall in the same boat where I really liked the second season, but I didn't love it like I did the first and I appreciate that this is a video that wants to start a conversation. He wants to talk about why things didn't necessarily work for him, why it didn't seem to have the same impact as the first, and about how he wants to hear why those things might have worked for others.

So much discourse about this season has framed it as either the best thing ever, above any criticism, or the worst thing ever with no redeeming qualities and it's made it very frustrating and demoralizing to try and talk about it online.

I want to talk about how I loved aspects of this show and that I was also let down by certain aspects of the show as well, but anytime I try and talk about criticism it's rarely met with a genuine conversation.

I would love to hear how people interpreted things differently from me, why they felt that way, how it connected with them, because I feel like that's the purpose of stories. It's never going to resonate with anyone the same way and there may have been things I missed.

I also know I haven't always worded what I've wanted to say and my criticisms the way I want to get across what I mean. It has never been my intent to sound like I wasn't open to discussion, different interpretations, or counterpoints. I would like to actually talk more about this season and hear other people's thoughts as well.

[windandwater]

do not fucking get me started on this place's inability to apply "separate the art from the artist" appropriately

[unfinishedslurs]

gay bar (steddie)

“Well, well, well,” says a voice from behind. “Steeeeeeve Harrington. I must be dreaming.”

Steve turns around to see a guy, dressed in black and chains. Rings decorating his fingers, studs in his ears, curly hair pulled back in a ponytail. He’s hot, yeah, but something about him has Steve squinting, trying to figure out why he looks so familiar. 

“I know you from somewhere,” he says, pointing out the obvious. The guy knows his name.

The not-a-stranger snorts. “Of course you don’t remember me. Why would the likes of King Steve stoop to—“

As soon as the nickname leaves his mouth, Steve’s brain lights up. “Munson!” He exclaims, snapping his fingers. “You used to climb on the lunch tables to give speeches.”

It was so obnoxious, too. The kind of thing that had him and Robin reminiscing late at night, celebrating some of the weirder shit about Hawkins that didn’t come from monsters, or Russians, or government conspiracy. Remember that one asshole? Yeah, he stepped on my lunch one time!

Condolences to Robin’s pb&j. She never sat at that table again.

Munson’s whole face turns pink. “Seriously? That’s what you remember?”

“It was pretty fucking memorable, dude. Like, gross, doesn’t this guy know not to put his feet where people eat? Dustin thought you were so cool for it too. I had to nip that in the bud before he started imitating you or some shit.”

“Oh,” he says, voice gone flat. “Because God forbid some poor kid try to immolate the freak.”

Steve gives him his bitchiest, most deadpan stare. “Feet,” he says slowly. “Nasty, fifteen year old boy feet. On my kitchen table. He almost slipped and cracked his skull, and I would have sent you the hospital bill.”

He had to get creative to make him stop, too. Stood there, hands on his hips, and made Dustin tell him exactly how many germs he thought were on his shoes. Then when he tried to do it barefoot, decided the only course of action was to stuff Dustin’s abandoned sock in his mouth and ask if he wanted that shit with every meal. Erica still has the photos. 

Munson has the decency to look embarrassed, face flooding an even brighter red that wouldn’t be out of place in a tomato patch. “What are you even doing here, Harrington?”

What does he think Steve’s doing here? It’s a fucking gay bar, it’s pretty self explanatory. “My friend is here somewhere,” he says, waving out at the crowd of people. “She’s going through a dry spell, so…”

“Right,” Munson says. Steve squints at him. Does he look disappointed?

Eh. Doesn’t matter. 

“You gave my kids the best freshman year of their nerdy little lives,” he tells him, because he knows Dustin would want him to. Plus, the guy was Mike’s gay awakening. He should probably get some credit. “So thanks for that.”

He lights up. “Yeah! How was Hellfire in my absence?”

“I had to hear them bitch and moan for months about how it ‘wasn’t the same,’ but it’s doing pretty all right. Erica Sinclair is running it now.”

“Erica Sinclair…” Munson mutters, snapping his fingers. “Lucas Sinclair’s little sister? Lady Applejack?” He beams when Steve nods. “She kicked ass. Best finish to a campaign my entire high school career. How’s Lucas, anyway? And the rest of the runts.”

“He’s doing great,” Steve says. “College basketball at Yale. Pretty sure he’s dying under the workload, but that’s what you get for majoring in physics. Dustin’s at MIT, and Mike’s taking a gap year.”

He whistles lowly. “Yeesh, I don’t blame him. How about Byers?”

“Which one?”

“Zombie boy.” Steve’s hackles raise, but Munson just grins. “God, that nickname was badass.”

“How do you even know about that?”

Munson taps the side of his nose. “A magician never reveals his secrets. Besides, all it took for you to remember me was calling you by your high school nickname.”

“That wasn’t my nickname.” Steve rolls his eyes. “Literally three people ever actually called me that, and you were one of them.”

He has a feeling it was Tommy who started it, bitter and vicious. Told himself Steve was self possessed, high and mighty, above it all. That’s why he left his old friends behind. Not because he was in love, or because he wanted to be better. No, King Steve just sits alone in his castle, looking down on the peasants with contempt. 

Billy must have taken his angry ramblings and run with them. After all, what better way to get a start in a new town than declaring yourself royalty? Never mind that Steve hadn’t cared about anything like that for almost a year by then. 

Munson had just been a drama-loving asshole. 

“That can’t be right.”

“I stopped being popular in junior year. Why the hell would anyone call a sophomore King?” Steve points out. 

“You were Prom King.”

“Again, in junior year. Pickings were slim. Who else would it have been? Tommy?” He has to laugh. 

Luckily, Munson takes the hint and swerves the conversation into new territory. “You know, I always figured you’d be homophobic.”

Steve snorts. “What, and get kicked out for nothing?”

Munson stares at him, and Steve furrows his brow, looking into his glass like it will have the answer to why the hell he said that to this guy he barely knows. He just decided he wasn’t going to spill all his daddy issues to a near-stranger in a dingy bar, dammit. Is he already on his fifth drink?

Actually, this might be his sixth. That tracks. 

“What?”

“My dad caught me kissing a boy,” he says. If he’s going to give Munson his life story, he might as well commit. “Can you believe that boy ruined my life in three different ways? Two of them didn’t even have anything to do with the gay thing.” 

Maybe four ways, if you accounted for the way he broke his goddamn heart, but everyone and their mother saw that coming a mile away. Even Steve. Especially Steve. 

No offense to Jonathan. None of those things were really his fault. Or actually life ruining, but it sure fucking felt like it at the time. 

He should give him a call soon, actually, see how he and Argyle are doing. He misses the guy. Maybe he and Robin should save up for a visit to Cali. Get Nancy on it. They could see San Francisco while they were there, that’d be cool. Apparently it was the queer capital of the country. 

He’s thinking about asking the bartender for a napkin and a pen to write down the plans he’s forming when Munson speaks up again. Steve honestly forgot he was here. 

“I thought you said you were here for a friend.”

What?” Steve blinks, confused, and then catches on. “Yeah, to get her laid. I’m not in the mood right now.”

Munson cocks an eyebrow. “Wearing that? Could’ve fooled me.”

Steve looks down at his Springsteen T-Shirt that Robin cropped, and picks at the frayed hem of his shorts. Okay, yeah, they’re on the skimpy side, but in his defense it’s summer and even if he’s not cruising Steve likes being looked at. “Yeah, yeah. What about you? Here for anything in particular?”

“Just to talk to some pretty boys,” Munson says, leaning on the bar to flag down the bartender. Steve smirks, reaching out a hand to tug at the hanky in his back pocket. Pinned, damn. 

Munson whirls around, a flush starting to crawl onto his ears. 

“Wearing that?” Steve echos snarkily. “Could’ve fooled me.”

He swears that for a minute Munson’s eyes darken. 

He’s almost tempted to follow through, high school reputation be damned, when someone crashes into his side and nearly sends him careening. 

“Steeeeeve,” Robin yells happily into his ear. “This is Bernie, she’s gonna take me home, see you la—oh, hi!” She says, noticing Munson. “I know you from somewhere.”

“Eddie Munson,” Munson greets. “Steve and I went to high school together.”

“Munson! That’s it, you climbed on tables and had shit music. I’m Robin. Okay, I’ll call the apartment and leave a message when we get there. Bernie’s waiting on me, it’s-nice-to-meet-you-bye!” Just like that, she’s gone. 

Munson’s mouth has dropped open. “You told her I had shit music?” He demands. “Wait, you talked about me?”

“She went to school with us, dumbass,” he says, as if he can talk. He still barely remembers her as more than a vague, glowering figure in his peripheral. “It’s not my fault you blasted your screamy music for everyone in the parking lot. Such a fucking headache, God.”

Munson turns his nose up. “Sorry for having offended your jock sensibilities.”

“Oh, I don’t play anymore,” he says, and knocks on his head. “Concussions, yanno. Apparently brain damage will fuck you up. Who knew?”

“What, like the fight you had with Byers? He did you that bad?”

“He did me just fine,” Steve blurts out, before he can stop himself. Munson chokes. “Shit, sorry, I’m kind of a horny drunk.” Weird thing to say, Steve. “Also, I cannot stress enough how much I needed to be punched in the face. It was a monumental moment for me, you know. Started me on the path for changing my entire worldview. Plus, he was my first guy crush.” He swirls his empty glass, lost in thought, before brightening up. “I should call him!”

Munson is staring at him, mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

“What?”

“You’re drunk.”

“Well, yeah. Duh.”

“I should probably stop you from booty-calling the guy who punched you in the face.”

Steve wrinkles his nose. “It wouldn’t be a booty-call,” he says. “He and Argyle are happy together, man. I’m not gonna ruin that.”

“Oh, so you’d call him because…”

“I call him all the time,” Steve says, confused as to why this is such a big deal. “We’re friends.”

“Jonathan!” He yells happily into the pay phone. Munson is standing to the side, looking on in annoyance. Whatever, it’s not like Steve asked him to do this. “Jonathan, man, how are you?”

“…Steve?”

“Yeah!”

“It’s like…” he hears something clatter in the background, like Jonathan is looking for something, “two in the morning there. You okay?”

“I’m doing great!” He exclaims. “How about you? It’s been ages, man, I miss you.”

“This is so fucking weird,” Munson whispers behind him. Steve ignores him. 

“Are you drunk?”

“No,” he says. “Well, maybe a little. Do you not miss me too?” He pouts, and Jonathan sighs loud enough he hears it over the phone. 

“I just talked to you yesterday.”

Steve frowns. “Yesterday? That can’t be right, it’s been, like, forever. Oh, hey, have you heard from Nance lately? How’s your mom? I love your mom, she’s so fucking cool. Does she know I think she’s cool? How’s Will? It’s been so long, is he taller than me yet? How’s Argyle doing with his degree? I miss you guys.”

“We miss you too, Steve.”

“Awww, Byers, getting soppy on me? Gross, man.”

“You literally just—yeah, okay. Are you alone?”

“Nah, I’ve got this guy with me, he’s walking me home. Oh! Dude, do you remember Munson?”

“Munson?”

“Yeah, Eddie Munson! From high school! The one who used to climb on tables and shit, remember him?”

“Jesus Christ,” Munson groans. “Please let that die.”

“No one is dying,” Steve informs him seriously, and turns back to the phone. Munson sighs. 

“Wasn’t he a drug dealer?”

“Yes! Yeah, drug dealer Munson! Did you ever buy from him?” He turns to where Munson is looking around furtively. “Did Jonathan ever buy from you?”

“How about we not talk about this here,” Munson says through gritted teeth. Steve sighs and turns back to the phone. 

“Never mind, he says he doesn’t want to talk about that. Not like we can judge him, but whatever. Maybe the guy’s turned into a prude—“

“Okay, give me that.” Munson wrestles the phone out of his hand, and Steve whines at him. “Hey, Byers,” Munson says. “Yeah, it’s Eddie. Or Munson. Whatever. Listen, I’m getting kind of sick of standing here watching Harrington slobber all over the receiver, can he call you tomorrow? What? No, I don’t sell anymore—yeah, total bummer, whatever. Listen, I’ll get him home safe—no, I’m not going to serial murder him. He’s gonna be fine, he’ll call you tomorrow—Nancy Wheeler? Like that girl he dated? Didn’t you—shoot me? Jesus, okay! I’m not gonna kill the guy, Christ. He’s gonna be fine, oh my God. He’ll call you tomorrow. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. Bye.” He slams the phone into its holder with more than a little contempt. 

“Hey!” Steve protests. “You didn’t let me say bye.”

“You can call him tomorrow and apologize,” Munson says. “Now c’mon, Harrington. I’ve been tasked with getting you home safe, and if I fail, apparently Nancy fucking Wheeler is going to shoot me in the balls.”

“Oh, yeah, she’s really hot when she does that,” Steve says fondly, and Munson splutters. 

“What, does Wheeler just go around shooting people? Does she even have a gun?”

“Of course Nancy has a gun.” Steve frowns. It was one of the sure things in the universe at this point. The sky is blue, Hawkins is fucked up, and Nancy Wheeler has a gun. “And she doesn’t shoot people, stupid. Well, she shot at Billy, but he deserved it.”

“Billy?” Munson mutters, starting to usher Steve in the direction of home. “Who the fuck is Billy?”

“He was trying to kill her first!” Steve defends. “I hit him with a car before he could, so she was okay.”

“Okay, yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t you hit some guy with a car? 

“It wasn’t some guy,” Steve says. “It was Billy. He was, like, possessed or some shit. Oh, and he beat me up. Total psycho.  And that was before the melted flesh monster.”

Munson stops and stares at him. “You know what, sure. Demonic possession. Yeah, okay. Some guy named Billy kicked your ass—wait, are you talking about Billy Hargrove?”

Steve lights up. “Yeah! You remember that? That’s one of the concussions I was talking about. I gotta wear glasses 'cuza that shit. Man, fuck that guy.”

“Didn’t he die?”

“Oh, yeah,” Steve frowns down at the ground. “Shit, I’m, like, speaking ill of the dead, aren’t I? Max wouldn't like that. Unfuck him, or whatever.”

“You wanna come up?” He asks. “For old times sake?”

Munson stares at him like it’s the craziest thing he’s said all evening. “‘Old times’ was your asshole friends calling me a satan worshiper and pushing me around in hallways, Harrington.”

“I know.” He grins. If he was sober he’d definitely feel worse about that, but as it is he’s pretty single minded. “Don't you kind of want to make me cry about it?”

Deer in headlights isn’t usually a good look, but Munson’s got the eyes to make it work. Or Steve is drunk. Either way, it’s kinda cute. 

“You’re drunk,” he finally says, stumbling over the words a little. If Steve pays close attention and ignores most of reality, it almost sounds like he’s trying to convince both of them. “You’re so incredibly drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk.” He totally is. 

“I just had to supervise you calling Jonathan Byers so you didn’t say something you’d regret in the morning.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve asks, offended. “I love Jonathan! I tell him all the time. Just because I said he ruined my life—“

“That was him?”

“Did I not say that? Huh. Whatever. Point is, I’m not that drunk.”

“You’re definitely drunk,” Munson says. “I’m not—yeah, no. I’m not coming up.”

“Damn.” Steve shrugs, not too put out about it. It’s a bummer, sure, but he handles rejection like a champ. Just ask Robin. “Worth a shot. See you ‘round, Munson.”

“Don’t kill me,” Steve says. 

“Oh, god, did you punch him?”

“No, I, uh.” Steve rubs the bridge of his nose. “I think I tried to fuck him.”

He has to hold the phone away from his face so Dustin’s screeching doesn’t break his eardrums. 

“Your exes are weirdly protective of you,” Munson says blandly. “Also, didn’t they date?”

“Yeah,” Steve shrugs, not exactly eager to start spilling his life story again now that he’s sober. Munson doesn’t need to know more about his dating history than he already does. “We’re all a little weird about each other, sorry.”

“Weird about your exes,” he hums. “No wonder you’re single.”

“Oh, fuck you. It’s not like that.”

He raises an eyebrow. “No?”

“Are you always this nosy?” Steve asks, a little waspish. 

“Absolutely,” Munson replies without hesitation. “I’d say sorry, but I’m not. When did you even date him?”

“Dude.”

Munson just cocks an expectant eyebrow, hip resting against the bar. He can’t imagine why someone would be so interested in the romantic lives of their old high school classmates. It’s not like Steve is about to ask what was going on between him and Chrissy Cunningham. 

“Well, Harrington?”

“First grade,” Steve answers, deadpan. He grins when Munson chokes. “Nah, it was actually after he and Nancy broke up. Fall of ‘86.”

Arms squeeze him from behind, and Robin slides into view, leaving one hand wrapped pointedly around Steve’s waist. She gets clingy when she thinks someone is bothering him, or when she’s just on the side of drunk that she gets possessive. She told him, embarrassed and hungover, that it’s because she registers someone he’s getting along with as infringing on “her Steve time.” Steve thinks it’s hilarious and kind of sweet, an obvious lesbian trying to pretend he’s her date. Especially because he gets the same way when he’s tipsy and feels like he doesn’t have enough of her attention, so she can't yell at him for being a cockblock. Cuntblock. Whatever the lesbians call it.

He wonders what category she thinks Eddie is. Of guy, that is. Not block-anything.

He'd actually be pretty damn happy if the guy miraculously changed his mind and decided to sit on his cock instead.

“What’s going on here?” She asks, almost cattily. He loves when Robin gets bitchy. It brings him back to their Scoops days, except he gets to see it turned on someone else. 

“I’m telling Eddie my life story,” Steve says blithely.

“Ugh. Who would want that?”

Eddie grins. “I’m curious about the adventures of a former king.” He dips his head in a bow, waving his hand in a flourish. “I don’t know if you remember me from last time, I’m Eddie—“

“Munson, I know. You stepped on my lunch in junior year.”

Eddie turns beet red in record time. 

“Aww, Robbie,” Steve almost coos. “Leave him alone. I wanted to be the one who made him blush like that.”

“It’s not my fault your boy’s easy.”

“Not my boy, clearly,” he mutters under his breath. “And if he were easy, I’d have gotten fucked by now.”

Eddie’s mouth drops open with a choked little sound. Whoops. Steve forgot volume control again. 

Robin takes one look at Eddie’s face and bursts into cackles. 

“He was asking about,” he waved a hand in the air, “the whole Nancy-Jonathan thing.”

Her eyebrows jut up. “You told him about the threesome?”

“The what?”

Steve sighs. “No, Robin. I did not tell him about the threesome.”

“…oops.”

“When?” Eddie demands. 

Robin gives him the evil eye. “Why are you being weird about this? It’s not gonna make him fuck you.”

Steve wisely keeps his mouth shut. 

Eddie does not. “Your boy here already asked,” he smirks, leaning closer. “I said no.”

Then, as an added punch to his ego, he twirls a strand of Steve’s hair around his finger and tugs slightly. Steve’s too stunned to protest. 

Robin watches the exchange. “Oh, no thank you,” she says. “Nope. I’m out. I don’t want to see whatever this is. Ugh, stop making me hear about your sex life.”

Hypocrite. “We have thin walls, Buckley,” Steve reminds her. He turns to Eddie and stage whispers, “She likes her girls loud.”

“Steve!”

“You do!”

“Oh, because you’re so quiet,” she snaps, smacking him. “How many times have I had to bang on the wall because you couldn’t keep it down? You wanna talk about loud? I know more about you than I ever wanted to.”

His mouth drops open in mortification. “You know it’s rude to be mean to the man who told you how to eat out,” he hisses. 

“I’m not dying without fucking Eddie Munson,” he declares. “I mean, his high school nickname was literally ‘The Freak.’ He’s got to be good in bed, right?”

“I think that was mostly because everyone thought he was communing with the Devil or something.”

“Maybe the Devil gave him sex magic.”

“Of course he thinks I’m cute.”

“I do?”

“Do you not?” Steve turns to him, widening his eyes in the same pout that always has Robin throwing something at his face, or the kids reluctantly agreeing to do what he wants. He’s found it’s useful for guys too, especially if he ducks his head to seem smaller and looks through his eyelashes. Makes them imagine him looking like that on his knees. 

Munson is no exception. He melts faster than Steve can say gotcha. “You’re very cute, Harrington,” he purrs, and Robin snorts into her drink. 

“You’re a weak, weak man, Eddie Munson,” she tells a blushing Eddie. Then she kicks Steve. “Stop bringing out the ‘fuck me’ eyes when I’m around, I’ll gag.”

“You could leave.”

She gasps, affronted, and kicks him harder.

“So you would fuck me if I wasn’t drunk?”

“Uh…” he looks everywhere but Steve’s face, which is just rude. He has a very nice face. He’s been called dreamy before. 

Which made Robin laugh so hard she fell off the couch when he told her, but he’ll take the lesbian’s opinion with a grain of salt. 

He makes his way onto the dance floor. He’s not a particularly good dancer, but he shakes his ass like he means it. Gets up close with a guy, stares at Eddie the whole time. Keeping eye contact as the guy puts his hands on his hips. 

Look, he means to say. This could be you. You could lose your chance if you’re not careful. 

From the burning in Eddie’s eyes, he gets the message. 

The message is a bunch of bullshit. It’s been over four months, he’s in too deep to go fuck off with someone else now. Still, he enjoys the way Eddie’s hands flex on his thighs, like he had to stop himself from reaching out. 

The thing is, Steve’s not an asshole. He can take a hint. No means no, and all that jazz. If Eddie really didn’t want him, he’d fuck right off and find someone who did. He even started to.

Except Eddie pouted up a storm when he flirted with someone else. Got even clingier when Steve tried to back off. At this point, he’s accepted that Eddie does want to fuck him, and maybe even be more (no one flirts with someone as long as they’ve been doing without wanting something like a relationship out of it. At least, he hopes there’s something more on the horizon), but has some weird hang up about Steve being even a little bit buzzed when it happens. Even though they only ever see each other at this fucking bar.

The problem is Steve has no idea when Eddie will be at the bar. He’ll stay sober one night, hoping to see him, and then go home alone only for next time to be when he sees telltale curls and a wide smile. It’s driving him up the wall. 

Robin has been similarly affected.

“It’s been six months,” she growls as Steve looks eagerly around. “Six fucking months of you two dancing around in the worlds most annoying mating ritual. I’m going to kill both of you.”

“We’re not that bad,” he says absently. 

“You don’t even have his phone number. It’s pathetic. I swear to God, if you see him again and don’t get laid I’m reviving the scoops board. I will go out and buy a whiteboard to keep track of all the times you strike out with a man who used to walk on tables. He stepped on my lunch, Steve. Do I need to keep bringing up the fact he stepped on my delicious, nutritious PB&J? I can’t believe that’s the guy you decide to be obsessed with, that’s so fucking embarrassing for you.”

“Embarrassing? You mean like your crush on my ex girlfriend?”

She screeches wordlessly, pulling her keychain off her belt loop and attacking him with it. 

Naturally, that’s how Eddie finds them. 

“I swear you guys get weirder every time I see you.”

Steve grins guilelessly at him, holding a flailing Robin in a headlock. 

“Eddie! Hey! It’s been a minute.” He hasn’t been able to come in a month, and it’s been longer since he’s seen him. It’s honestly one of the deciding factors on whether it’s a passing fancy or a full blown crush. He still went to sleep every night thinking about Eddie. It didn’t even have to be about sex. 

Although maybe not sleeping with anyone else for half a year should have tipped him off sooner. 

“Sure has, big boy. I was starting to think you were getting sick of me.” It’s a joke, but Steve catches an undercurrent of insecurity. 

“That’d make my life easier,” Robin snorts. She finally wiggles her way out of his hold. “I saw Arty somewhere around here, I’m gonna see if I can crash at her place tonight.” She levels Eddie with a look. “He hasn’t had anything to drink. If you don’t put him out of his misery, I will. And it won’t be the good kind. It will be the bad kind. With bad screams. Lots of screaming, and someone will call the pigs, and I’ll be arrested and jailed for life. Do you want me to go to jail, Munson?”

Eddie shakes his head dumbly. 

“Good! Then do something about it.” She slaps Steve’s back, a mocking echo of his jock days. “Go get ‘em, slugger!” 

With that, she’s gone, disappearing into the crowd. 

“She is,” Steve remarks with amusement, “the worst wingman on planet Earth. Mars too, probably.”

“I dunno, I think it might be working.”

“I’m not doing anything without a condom,” he says, eyes narrowed like he’s waiting for an argument. 

“Me neither,” Steve agrees. “Robin has, like, this big fear of diseases. Totally got me with it. She pulled out the library books, those pictures were fucking disgusting. Shit showed up in my dreams, man. Neither of us do anything without protection.”

“I’m going to be totally honest with you, because I haven’t been and it’s starting to eat at me,” Eddie says, hovering above Steve. 

Steve wrinkles his nose. “What is it? Are you a spy or something? Are you Russian? Do you have superpowers? Is your name not actually Eddie?” He pauses. “Oh, God, you’re not even Eddie Munson, are you? I’m just some asshole who’s been calling you by my old classmates name and you were too embarrassed to correct me. Shit, we made so much fun of you for walking on tables too—“

“What?” Eddie covers his mouth, expression hovering between amused and baffled. “What the fuck, why would I go along with that? No, Jesus, I’m Eddie Munson. Moved to Hawkins when I was eleven, took senior year three times, walked on the fucking tables, could you let that go?” He moves the hand covering Steve’s mouth to play with his hair, looking annoyed for a minute before it smoothes to trepidation. “No, I, uh, I just felt like I needed to tell you that I used to have a hate-boner for you in high school. Like, I used to jack it to the thought of kicking your ass and making a mess outta you. In more ways than one.”

Steve stares. 

“Also, that’s kind of why I approached you in the bar in the first place,” Eddie blabbers on. “And then you said you were just there for a friend, and I was disappointed but it’s whatever, yanno? And then then you told me about your dad, and threw my expectations to the fucking wolves, and then you asked me to come up to your apartment except you were drunk and you probably didn’t mean it. But then the next time I saw you, you kept flirting with me, which you were not supposed to do, and I kept pretending that wasn’t the reason I even talked to you in the first place, and, uh, yeah.” He smiles nervously. “Surprise?”

“I mean, not really.”

“You’re such an asshole, fuck off. At least pretend to be shocked.”

“It’s not my fault you stare at my legs all the time,” Steve says, affronted. “I know I didn’t do too good in school, but I’m not dumb enough to miss that. Like, hello, my eyes are up here.”

Eddie lets his arms give out, flopping on top of Steve heavily. Steve wheezes. “Am I really that obvious?” He whines into his shoulder. 

“You got sad and pouty when I even looked at another guy.”

“You could’ve fucked him,” he mumbles. “The guy you were dancing with. It wasn’t any of my business. I’m a big boy, I can deal.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t want to fuck him,” Steve says. “I wanted to fuck you. Can we go back to that please?”

“Thought I was fucking you.”

“Someone’s getting fucked or Robin will kill both of us. I’d like to live tomorrow morning. And not have to deal with any more of her teasing for having no game.”

“You have unfortunate amounts of game,” Eddie sighs, tracing the side of Steve’s neck. It tickles. “It’s kind of embarrassing for me.”

“Yeah, yeah, are we using those condoms or not, Moodkiller?”

“Oh, I’m the mood killer?”

“Yes,” Steve says matter of factly, and pulls him in for a kiss before he can protest.

[amethystina]

Hello, hope you're feeling even a little better.

This is going to be a kind of rant about the AMAZING chapter you just posted of WHTD lol.

First, I loved loved loved the scene between Gaon and Elijah. They are so cute!!!!! However, as I was reading it and enjoying every second of it, I don't know why I had this sort of apprehension. I felt like we will loose this kind of easy bond for a short time in the future. Wether this is the case or not, you can totally ignore what I said lol.

I love how Elijah is written. It is a perfect balance of all the reactions and choices someone who has gone through so much like her would have. Not to mention that she is a teenager nearing adult life, which a struggle of its own even for people who had a non traumatic life.

I am very interested in the case and how it will be solved! Hopefully, Mrs. Thongsuk doesn't suffer any more than she already did.

Now, coming to what I really wanna rant about. The scene between Yohan and Gaon!!! It was so beautifully done. It broke my heart in several places, for both of them.

Yohan obviously wants to be there for Gaon, to help him and be in his life but he doesn't want to make Gaon uncomfortable and burden him because he knows that Gaon has a lot of mental health issues at the moment. However, when talking with Gaon and them somewhat behaving like they normally would before the rejection, he started to slip into his old self with Gaon. And he is afraid to show any emotion or be vulnerable in any way, which would make it obvious to Gaon how much Yohan still loves him and that would result in Gaon feeling even more guilty. And, of course, Yohan also wants to protect himself from any more heart break.

Gaon is obviously devastated when he finds out how hurt Yohan is and how much he's trying to hide.

When I tell you, I was smiling and crying at the same time. But I loved it, because Gaon needs to be pushed like this so he can change his perspective and see how him rejecting Yohan was a wrong decision for both of them. Gaon thinks that he was doing it for Yohan's and his sake but I feel that he will see that isn't the case in the near future.

We have weeks of Yohan and Elijah still in Korea with Gaon, so hopefully Gaon will find a good therapist and start sorting through everything he's feeling. Add to that all these revelations he's been having in the last few chapters, I hope they'll have sorted what's happening between them to a certain extent.

I'm just a little anxious and excited about what will happen after Gaon acknowledges that he made the wrong choice and starts rectifying it. Yohan will obviously not believe him so easily, and I feel like Gaon will get hurt in many instances before they fix stuff. Both of them have insecurities that will make it difficult for Gaon in the future. However, when that happens I will enjoy it fully like I've been enjoying every chapter of this amazing fic.

Sorry for the rambling 😭. I just felt the need to send this to you and ask about your health. I know things are tough, but I believe in you and your strength. I may be a stranger on the internet but I've been following you for a while and have seen how much shit you've had to endure, and how you always persisted and came out of it victorious. Everyone has lapses and times that test us, but the people who win are the ones who stay after going through every test life throws at them. You have won many times, and you will win in the future.

Take care and try to be kind to yourself 💜.

Hello!

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! And yeah, I just love that scene with Elijah and Ga On! They're so sweet together! And I guess that you should expect a bit of a hiccup eventually since Elijah is going to need a moment to get used to Ga On and Yo Han being in a relationship. But that's still far away at this point and the biggest issue the two of them will have. So I don't think you need to worry too much?

I think one of the important things about Elijah (if one wants to keep her in character) is that she's still just a teenager. A teenager with a lot of problems and trauma, like you say. And while she's very intelligent and quick-witted, she's not particularly charming? She can charm people, sure, but that's not the same as being a charming person. If she's being her genuine self, she's abrasive, straightforward, and determined. And I really like that about her. She's not some cardboard cut-out of a teenager who's quirky and playful — she's an actual person with both good and bad sides. And trying to handle her is a handful sometimes, as many people can attest to xD

I admit that I might put more effort into the cases than strictly necessary sometimes. I mean, they're important for the plot, sure, but they're not meant to be the main focus as such. But this time the progression of the case is tied to Ga On's progress in gaining more confidence, so it's featured a little more than usual. And I hope the conclusion won't disappoint!

The scene between Ga On and Yo Han was such a mess, but in a necessary way, yes. Because even if it hurts for them both, Ga On needs to realise just how wrong he was, thinking that Yo Han is somehow able to just shut everything off. Because of course he's not. Yo Han desperately wants to be there for Ga On but he's been told that he can't, so he's trying not to overstep. But the moment he begins to relax? It comes creeping back. Because he's just helplessly attached to Ga On at this point. He genuinely can't help it.

And Ga On is going to realise his mistake pretty soon. He will need another couple of pushes, but I'm going to make sure that he gets them. He's been working up to this slowly but surely and the therapy will help even more. As will a couple of conversations he's going to have with both Elijah and Yo Han in future chapters.

As for how Yo Han will react when Ga On changes his mind? He's going to be pretty suspicious, yes, and he's not going to be able to simply brush off all the pain he's been put through. But, that said, he's also too in love not to feel hopeful. So he won't be unreasonable or vindictive. Just... understandably cautious? And, in all honesty, pretty fascinated once he realises that Ga On is actually serious xD

So while it will hurt, it's also going to be something to look forward to, because there will be flirting — mutual flirting this time. And Yo Han is going to have the time of his life because Ga On is going to have to be the one to initiate it. And, as we all know, Yo Han loves watching Ga On's embarrassed fumbling.

And is going to make Ga On's life even harder by flirting back, which just makes Ga On even more flustered.

So you can look forward to that, I guess? xD

Thank you so much for the ask! Not just for the lovely comments about the chapter, but also for caring so much about my health. I admit that things haven't been easy lately and I'm very annoyed with how tired and unfocused I've been. I had high hopes for this year — especially when it came to Who Holds the Devil — but life just kept throwing me curveballs and I'm frustrated to find that I haven't been able to write nearly as much as I would have liked. But that's just life, I guess?

My plan for the rest of this year is to focus on finishing things that I'm really close to completing. That unfortunately means that Who Holds the Devil might be taking a backseat for a couple of weeks, but I know I'll feel better if I'm able to finish some of my ongoing projects. The fewer things I have to distract me, the better. Not to mention that finishing things gives me a feeling of productivity and satisfaction that I deeply crave right now.

So yeah. I'm sure I'll get through this as well in the end and, for now, I'm going to focus on finishing half-finished projects and goals.

[cranberrymoons]

.

[swordluck]

Laurentius has never put much stock in holidays. Well, that's a lie - distantly, he's always enjoyed the spirit of it all, the colors and scents and air of celebration. He maintained this mild appreciation even if most Christmases and every New Year were spent by himself, or working.

Christmas with Anri, then, had been a revelation - he'd given her the little bear, of course, but her gifts to him had been so numerous and kind he half-wondered if he should get her a second, more luxurious bear to accompany the first. There was what they both affectionately now called The Mistletoe Incident, typically on the back end of a grumble when discovering yet another bit of the plant hidden in some as-yet-unexplored corner. There was waking up next to her on Christmas morning and feeling, not for the first time, he had been gifted beyond measure all the way through morning coffee and watching the snow fall outside.

Now it's New Years' Eve, and midnight approaches, and he finds himself once again surprised to discover she's tucked up under his arm, listening to the countdown on her television. The fingers on one hand are twined with hers, and his cheek is nestled into her hair. Their first NYE together. The first of many, he hopes.

When the ball drops, she kisses him - first a little, teasing brush of her lips across his throat before something more focused and intensive as her mouth meets his. It might be the longest kiss they've shared yet, and by the time she finally pulls away, blushinng and starry-eyed, he swears he has discovered that the bounds of sensation - what he thought he could feel for a person - have yet again, expanded. They've grown a lot since that first little visit in her flower shop. They'll grow further still. He will be shocked, again and again, at just how much he can love a person.

He'll be shocked right now, when she murmurs something about maybe moving in with her.

"Gods, yes," is about all his mind will cohere into sound and breath in the instant after. "Of course. Of course."

It was a wonder she lasted until midnight.  Leaning against Laurentius, the heat of his body radiating into her, she listened to the steady beat of his heart – a sound she had come to cherish above all others.  Utterly relaxed, warmed inside and out, her belly lined with eggnog, she felt at peace.

Beyond the comforting rhythm of his pulse, the countdown chanted softly from the television speakers.  Anri could feel the weight of the years she had endured pressing against her chest – yet tonight, there was something different.  Something lighter, something hopeful.  She had never been one for extravagance, and the simplicity of this evening with Laurentius felt like the highest blessing.

Fingers, smoky and warm, interlaced with hers, holding her close as though he knew this moment, too, was both fleeting and full of promise.  The faint scent of him filled her nose with every languid inhale – his cologne, the same that clung to Ren’s plush fur – and her heart skipped.  This was not the solitude she had known before, but something else, something they had built together, piece by tender, intentional piece.

At midnight, she kissed him.  It began at his throat, soft and sleepy, before her lips climbed to find his.  Mouths met with such slow, smouldering intensity that it seemed to press every thought from her mind.  Anri melted against him, caught in the fire of desire – take me to bed, she almost whispered – and the deep, sweeping wave of affection that filled the chambers of her heart to bursting.

“Would you like to move in with me?” she murmured, her voice a quiet offering.  As the invitation to share not just a life but a space hovered between them, she saw something in his gaze shift and soften.  Laurentius was surprised, perhaps even stunned, but not uncertain.  He would not balk.  Instead, he would hold her hand and run with her into this new year.

His answer came swiftly, an earnest burst that sent a radiant smile spilling across her lips.

“Yes?  You will?”

As the newborn seconds of the new year ticked by, Anri understood that love was not a static thing; it swelled, roiled, and carried them both.  She could feel it already, could see how they would grow together, entwined. How the years ahead would be theirs.

“Welcome home, darling,” she whispered, and kissed him again.

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

[airenyah]

dunk saying he's never met anyone who likes hugging as much as joong does is making me laugh really hard as a very touchy-feely person myself bc like yeah. dunk has clearly never met me (and that's probably a good thing dfkkjdfkjd)

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[stinklebug]

new trailer: good, fun, cool!

but also, not excited about the immediate feeling of how the kale chai shippers will likely be annoying about it...

[coockie8]

do u think antis have no place in the storm hawks fandom?

While I believe pro-censorship ideology doesn't have a valid place anywhere, unlike some people, I don't have delusions of grandeur telling me I'm some kind of fandom God who can dictate who is and is not allowed to participate in a given fandom ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[constellationcrowned]

((I want everyone to keep something in mind in regards to this blog and this is going to sound like a general, common sense post (and in a way it is) but it's also hi I'm in your house, whispering into your ear, telling you to call ga//amestop and ask them if they have bat//tleto//ads---, blah blah, basically it's personal too:

With me, regardless of blog or content, both communication and engagement go hand in hand. Communication and engagement needs to go both ways.

I love posting and reblogging memes and calls and will continue to do so but you folks---old mutual or new mutual doesn't matter---need to take the initiative yourself sometimes too. Be enthusiastic. Be spontaneous. Be proactive. I don't want to ask people to write with me all of the damn time nor do I want to chase after people all of the time because if I have to do that constantly over and over again it starts feeling incredibly one sided even when it isn't (because ofc people have lives, specific interests, anxiety, and whatever else which are all things that I deal with myself and I understand how that can stop someone from doing something, but that's how it feels especially over an extended period of time) and I don't need to explain how disheartening and draining that can be.

My seeming to interact with only one person---and for both of my blogs it's @magioffire and we all know that---it's not because we're being stuck up, elitist or whatever inane and incorrect term people want to throw at our feet it's because we engage and communicate. The give and take between us (both from an ic and ooc standpoint) never feels imbalanced or even transactional (I really hate using that word but, again I gotta stress this, that's how this makes me feel) and I have never felt like I needed to chase them down for an interaction or had to fight for a scrap of their time---which feels like a feat bc Blair has a lot of people scrambling at their door---and I cannot tell you how huge that is. That sounds like a huge sweeping thing to say, I know, but I mean it in all of the little ways too. I could post some stupid bullshit on here; not a starter or a meme just a little random muse thought or observation, and 100% of the time here comes Blair telling me what they think or adding on to it or just...whatever. They're here for both me and my muses for the big and small things, whenever I've asked and, more often than not, when I haven't (or couldn't) and that's incredibly important. It's that kind of stuff that makes what we have special and that's putting it super lightly. And yes, our relationship both as friends and as writers has developed over a long time, and we did click immediately that's true, but there's never been any doubt to cast upon the work and effort both of us have put forth.

And this post isn't to say that I'm demanding constant or immediate attention from you all---because, again, we all have lives, health issues, etc, etc, and all of that takes precedence over a hobby as I've said before and will say again and again---but....put some effort into it when you have the capability. Yes, like the calls that I post or send a meme in, absolutely, but also message me on your own and ask a question or shoot a muse a random prompt or just @ me in a post. Show me some enthusiasm and engagement on your end because right now it feels like I'm doing all the work all of the time and that's tiring. I'm tired of handing stuff to people all of the time---I'll keep doing it, obviously, because I need and want to engage on my end and love throwing stuff at people and providing opportunities---all I'm asking for is understanding and reciprocation.

If you can't reciprocate for whatever reason? Tell me.

If you're unsure about something, no matter what that something is? Tell me.

If you need help or even a specific kind of accommodation in order for us to start interacting or continue interacting? Tell me.

Don't just assume that I don't want to write with you or that you can't ask me for things. Don't assume that I'm being a snob or whatever else just because I seem to be paying attention to a certain mun full time because do you know what that actually is? That's friendship. That's effort. That's me giving back what I've been given. That's me reciprocating the enthusiasm, love and creativity that I've been handed, nothing more. There's nothing unobtainable or gatekeep-y about that either, you just need to be earnest and forthcoming with me and I can assure you that I'll return the favor in kind.))

[maddy-ferguson]

is having a friend crush more embarrassing than having a real crush. maybe