#I've only really talked to one friend about it

[district4loading]

Under My Spell

Kiss of Life Belle x Male Reader

5K Words

Content Warning: smut, hypnosis, use of handcuffs, praise, a little bit of degrading

Minors DNI

A/N: I got the request to do this almost a month ago but back then I was really busy and I had other requests to get to first. Now that my writers block is partially gone, I'm ready to write and work on everything else I've been requested. This was supposed to come out two days ago but I ended up getting sick and I couldn't finish it lmao.

This is my first time writing something like this, I know I probably got some aspects of it wrong so just vibe yeah? Hope you guys enjoy this one!!

The request: "would you be open to writing a smut about hypnosis? like where the reader and idol decide to try out hypnosis?"

-

Maybe hypnosis is real

-

You're laying in bed when she brings it up.

She just came back from the nail salon, her purse slides off of her arm and onto the dresser when she asks you "Babe, what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?" She peels herself out of her denim jacket, the one you bought her recently that she called 'ugly.' You fail to mention it though because you begin to question the context of her inquiry.

"Probably like... bondage stuff" You look up from your phone, "Where's this coming from?"

Belle only begins to strip herself of the remainder of her clothing before muttering "I'll get to that." You watch as she throws the worn garments to the side before digging through the dresser for something more comfortable "Wouldn't you find it hot to have complete and utter control over someone, tell them to do something and they're on it with no hesitation or thought behind it" She steps into a pair of shorts "No matter what you ask, they do it mindlessly"

You tilt your head, trying to follow wherever she's going with this. There's a smile on her face but it's not just any smile, it tells you that she's testing the waters, trying to gauge whether or not you were into whatever the hell she was getting at now. "I mean... I guess? I'm not sure"

"You guess?" She gives you a look before pulling an old, loose black t-shirt over her head. She then crawls into bed and you're not surprised when you find her straddling your waist with her hands snaking underneath your shirt. "So... you wouldn't mind putting me under your spell so you could get me to do whatever sick shit you want me to?"

"That sounds like some weird MK-Ultra mind control shit" You chuckle, then wince after she pinches your abs with her sharp nails.

Belle hums "Yeah that's exactly what I mean..." You watch as she backs up a bit, then she begins to think, "well actually I was talking about hypnosis but you get the idea... kinda sorta"

"You want me to hypnotize you?" She nods and now you're confused "You can't actually believe that works babe..."

"It works" She insists, then slaps your chest when she sees the unconvinced and almost judging look on your face.

That's when you realize she's dead serious about it "What makes you want to try hypnosis all of a sudden?"

"Well" She begins tugging at the hem of your shirt "A friend of mine told me about how she and her boyfriend tried it and it sort of inspired me"

You stay silent for a bit, reminding yourself not to say anything slick so she doesn't get upset with you. "So how does it work? Do I get a pocket watch and swing it in front of your face or something?" You end up snickering a bit, still finding this conversation to be more humorous than serious.

Belle gives you a look, trying to hold in her own laugh "No, you idiot! I'll send you some videos later and.." She smiles mischievously before sliding off of you then she goes over to the dresser and digs her hand into her purse. You quirk your eyebrow and sit up to better see what she's doing. The moment she pulls a pair of hand-cuffs out, your eyes widen.

"We're gonna need these too"

-

So after watching countless videos, you finally think you've mastered the art of hypnosis.

Maybe not "mastered" but you got the gist of it. You've got no clue why you agreed to this in the first place because there was still something in the back of your mind telling you that this would never work and if it somehow did, she'd only be pretending. It's probably the boring pessimist in you that makes you think that way but this seemed interesting. So you keep your questioning thoughts to yourself as you reach into your drawer for the handcuffs.

Belle smiles at you in your dark bedroom, the warm light from the lamp on your nightstand is on the dimmest setting. It makes her naked body look so perfect, highlighting each and every one of her beautiful curves. You walk over to her, putting the cuffs on the bed before you take your hands in hers. "Ready?" She hums and nods her head.

"Now, I want you close your eyes to take a deep breath" She does as you say and you can hear the sharp sound of her nostrils taking in the cool conditioned air, her chest rises with it. "Now slowly exhale" and her chest falls gently "Now breathe as you listen to my voice, focus on it and allow everything else to fade away"

You keep your tone gentle and soft to put her at ease "The faint hum of the air conditioner, the rain outside, the cars passing by, block it all out" You notice that she's still taking those deep breaths, then exhaling them with soft grace. "Just focus on me, allow that tension and stress to melt away. No work, no schedules, just you and I"

"Now listen to my words" You pause for a moment "You'll do as I say, be subservient to me" You begin pulling her into a mindset crafted and molded by you "You want me to handcuff you" At this point, Belle holds a straight face, she doesn't even flinch or cringe at your words. Not even a smirk or a giggle, like you've actually got her in some sort of trance. "You feel the urge to do anything to get me off" and "You will not want us to stop until I say we do"

"Keep your breathing steady and at the snap of my fingers you will awaken with all of these desires"

You raise your hand and put your thumb against your middle finger, then *snap* and her eyes immediately open. There's something about her gaze that you immediately observe, it's kind of dark and empty and she's got a completely blank expression on her face. "What do you want?" You question her softly.

Belle looks over to the handcuffs and picks them up, then she holds them in front of you "Please" She says it with her voice just above a whisper "Please cuff me"

You swallow, not at all recognizing the tone in her voice. It has a chill running down your spine because it sounds almost desperate, like she's really begging for it. You begin to think that maybe this hypnosis shit is actually real and it scares you a bit. But you still take the handcuffs out of her hands as she puts her hands out for you.

It takes you a moment cause you're not used to this but you manage to get them on her. "Knees, princess" You order and just like that, she's dropping to her knees in front of you "Good girl" You mutter under your breath as you look down at her with nothing but lust in your eyes.

It's weird, this was actually turning you on more than you thought it would. Having so much control over her without a fight for dominance or her usual bratty attitude.

No doubt it already has your blood rushing.

So you don't waste any time to pull off your shirt then you unbuckle your belt and you take your jeans off. You take your hard cock into your hand and you pump it slowly "Open" Her lips part and her tongue pokes out "Suck" Is the next thing you say as you guide the head into her mouth.

Almost immediately, she begins bobbing her head mindlessly. Her warm mouth is so wet and welcoming and the feel of her fleshy, slippery inner cheeks and her smooth velvety tongue has your nerves so sensitive. You groan deeply as you allow your hands to run through her scalp then your hips start thrusting forwards because she's beginning to swirl her tongue and it feels incredible. She doesn't even need her hands, so much control, so disciplined and obedient for you. Belle takes your cock like a pro, sucking and slurping it tightly to provide the utmost pleasure and its fucking perfect.

She makes enthusiastic noises as she sucks your cock, like she's been starving for it, like your pre-cum is the best thing she's ever tasted.

You stop for a moment and hold her head still, then you push all the way in so her nose is pressed up against your base. Almost like you're a sadist, you hold her there, watching the way her eyes well up with tears. "So beautiful" You compliment, admiring the look of her glossy eyes. Her throat squeezes you as she gags "Ah fuck" You moan, pushing your hips just a bit deeper and Belle swallows, nearly making you dizzy. So you loosen your grip on her head and she continues to bob her head wildly.

It's like she has no gag reflex with how fast she's going and how deep she's taking you. Each drag of her mouth has you stuck just staring into her eyes, those dutiful brown orbs that tell you she's not going to stop until your cum is shooting down her throat. At this rate, it may not be too far away. "Oh—fucking god" You bite your lip, muscles clenching as she continues to suck you off.

All she can really do is hum and moan with her mouth stuffed full with your cock, the sticky noises only adding to your arousal. You can feel it coming already. She's ruthless with it, flicking her tongue in ways she never has before. "I'm going to fucking—" You can't even finish your sentence because she has your needy cock throbbing in her perfect mouth.

It's muffled, but you can hear it when she moans and starts bobbing her head quicker, like she wants nothing more than to get you off. You don't even realize it when you grip her hair tighter because you're too focused on being at the edge. Usually, when Belle would do this, she'd stop at the last second just to tease because like the brat she is, she enjoyed seeing you squirm. However, it didn't seem like she'd be doing that now. By the look in her eye, you can tell she's going to fucking milk you for all you've got.

Now you're starting to really get the idea of this whole hypnosis thing, even if she's just faking it. You place your hands on her head because even though you know she won't go anywhere, it feels right. You take a deep breath and then "I'm cumming" you announce with a low and long groan escaping your lips. Your eyes shut so tight you can see spots behind your eyelids and in a flash Belle's taking it all down her perfect throat.

It's almost like she can't get enough of you, the way she keeps on sucking she pulls out any bit of semen you have left. She swallows it all and you pull your hips back weakly when she tries to get you back in her mouth "Okay, thats enough" You chuckle tiredly and then she sits back on her heels.

Now the deadpan expression on her face is gone and it's replaced with an eager smile. There's still something off about it but you can't exactly pinpoint what "Did I do good?" She asks, waiting for your response with some drool at the corner of her mouth.

"Yeah, baby" You sigh "On the bed, on your back, now" Another order comes out of your mouth, and you sound more natural about it.

Belle licks her lips then stands up, it takes a little more effort for her to climb onto the bed because of the handcuffs but she does it eventually. "What do you want, princess?" You ask the question again, because you're intrigued about what she'll answer.

"Use my body, please sir I want it so fucking bad—I need it. Need you to use me until you're finished I won't be satisfied until you're done with me" There's this genuine yearning in her tone, something that you almost don't recognize at all.

You go with it though "Lift your arms until they're above your head" A smirk grows on your face as you get a perfect view of her tits. You climb onto the bed and you get on top of her, positioned so that you're almost sitting on her stomach "You gonna let me use these perfect tits?" You ask as if she has any choice in the matter.

Still, she nods her head frantically "Anything" She whines as you grab a hold of her breasts in your big hands. You cup and squeeze them, like always, they're better than fucking pillows, so soft and squishy. You place your cock in between them and press them together on it, you groan immediately when your feel the perfect warmth.

"Fuck yeah" You groan as you begin to move your hips back and forth. She only looks up at you with that lustful look in her eyes. You gather some saliva in your mouth, then you lean over and spit it out. It lands on her boob, then it trickles downwards and you spread it around as you keep fucking her tits.

It was always something you wanted to try out, but you hadn't gotten the chance to ask yet. You were kind of afraid she'd laugh at the idea and you didn't exactly know how she'd take it. Belle would probably be down for literally anything you wanted to try out and it was the same for you—which is why you agreed to do this hypnosis thing in the first place—but you could still do without the teasing that'd come with it.

Your cock slides between her breasts without any resistance whatsoever, it's all smooth and slick and it feels so fucking good. With her hands over her head she just lets it happen because she's fucking loving it. The almost harsh grip you have on her tits has her squirming because she wants to be touched and used in other places, obviously.

You keep the pace though, wanting to stay in this moment for just a little bit more before you move on. "How does it feel baby?" She gives you those expecting eyes, like she yearns for your approval.

So you don't hold back your praises "Incredible, your tits are fucking amazing Belle... I could do this forever" You sigh, listening to the slick sound each of your movements make.

"Why don't you do it forever then? I wouldn't mind" She teases but her tone tells you that she's not really joking.

Maybe hypnosis is real

A small chuckle escapes your lips as you stop your movements "If I did that, I wouldn't be able to get to the best part"

"Which is?" She figures she can let her hands rest on her belly.

You reposition yourself so that you're in between Belle's legs at this point "Right here, princess" She hums when you place your palm on her soaked cunt. It's all slippery and slick with her arousal, she's been absolutely aching to have you inside of her. Your cock throbs at the mere thought of it.

"Please sir"

The way her voice sounds in your hears has you smirking, so fucking desperate. Normally, Belle had far too much pride to beg like this but now that she's under your control things are different.

You might actually prefer it this way

"Please what darling? You want my cock or what?" You mock, wrapping your fingers around your cock so you can nudge it against her entrance. You don't put it in though, you merely slide it up and down her slit slowly, lathering your swollen cock head up with her wetness.

A choked moan forces its way through her throat "Yes! I fucking need your cock—fuck—just inside please just...use me, fucking own me"

"Jesus, you're a fucking slut" You bite your lip, slapping your tip against her needy cunt just to get her that much more riled up before you begin.

"Your slut" Belle corrects, bucking her hips up like she really needs you.

So you stop messing around and you slide your thick cock into her hot entrance. Her walls pull you in immediately, hugging your cock so tightly that you have to stifle a moan "Fucking hell" you whisper instead. Belle exhales softly as you make eye contact with her then you slide yourself in all the way until you reach the hilt.

The look on her face is pure content as you begin to move inside of her. She watches you, not missing the subtle ways your facial features contort from the pleasure. "Fuck me" She begins to pull at the cuffs, fingers trying to grasp at anything while you pick up the pace.

If she wants to get fucked, I'll fuck her—is what you think to yourself as you lean over.

You're moving faster now, hearing a jumbled up mess of words that escape her lips as you do. She's saying your name like its a prayer, begging for it deeper, faster, harder all at once because she wants you to give her everything. "Fucking—please!! more..more..more" It sounds like she just might die if you don't. So that's exactly what you do, you give her probably more than she can handle.

The quiet bedroom now has the sound of your skin slapping against each other echoing throughout it, then there's that filthy sound coming from between your legs—her arousal is audible especially when you bottom out. It's almost like a splashing sound over and over again occurring fast with your punishing thrusts.

"You feel so fucking good, so fucking tight and wet for me" You spit, watching in real time as you dumb her down with your cock. She's blabbering about something, something about how your cock is too good, how she can't get enough of it. That's about all you're able to make out because she's cutting of her own sentences with loud moans then seemingly forgetting whatever she was going to say next.

You smirk a little because you've whittled her down to this complete and utter embarrassing mess. She wants to touch you—to feel your body and you can tell by the frantic way her hands are moving. You almost snicker at how pathetic she looks right now. "What's wrong? Gonna cum already?" Is the question you ask upon noticing that familiar breathing pattern "Go ahead, do it" you grit through your teeth.

She's gasping for air deliberately, like she has to remind herself to breathe. Still she's able to chant "yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes" right before the poor girl stops breathing all together. You keep it hard and deep as she goes silent, your grunts being the only other noise that can be heard over the filthy noises of your sex.

Her body stiffens, only moving from the impact of each of your thrusts. Then finally she exhales, legs shaking as she cums all over your cock like she's been longing to. Her cunt clenches around you so tight that it has you not too far behind her. You let your body fall onto hers so she can feel you close as you ride her body through her orgasm, your hips rolling forwards all slow and calculated. "Good fucking girl" 

When she's finished you pull your hips back to slip your cock out of her. She whines, not liking the feeling of being empty but she doesn't say anything about it. "Where should I finish?" You question her, lifting your body off of hers. You get off of the bed and reach for the nightstand where the keys to the handcuffs are.

You grab them, then you un-cuff her "I'll be happy with whatever you choose, sir" she whimpers, breathing heavily as you move to flip her over.

It's a bit difficult to get a good grip on her sleek skin, but you're able to do it so she's flat on her stomach "Hands and knees." Belle immediately finds the strength to do so, pulling her body up so that she's in the position you've asked her to be in. You get behind her and your hands find her waist "I think I wanna cum in this tight pussy" You mutter, guiding your sensitive tip to her stretched cunt. 

It's begging to be filled again, to be pumped full of your seed.

"Then breed me babe" She breathes, pushing her ass back in an attempt to get you inside when she notices that you're teasing. You only smirk, then you part her lips with your tip, gathering up all the clear slick between her legs. "Come on" Belle moves her hips side to side.

First you run your palm over her soft, round ass and then you slap it harshly. She lets out a pleasureful shriek as you watch the red shape of your hand form on the pale skin. You run the same hand up her hips and stop at her waist which you grip tightly before slip your cock back into her needy cunt.

You put your other hand on her waist, holding her in place while you push your hips forwards. "Christ" You groan because she's way tighter in this position. Starting off slow seems like the right move at first because she's whimpering, so you do.

Until she lets the side of her head rest on the mattress, so she can look at you the best she can in this position. "Don't be afraid to get rough with me babe, I can handle it" She bites her bottom lip so hard you fear she might draw blood. "Use me" She begs you for the nth time with that perfectly seductive voice of hers, making it so hard for you to hold back. You weren't even sure what you were even holding back for anyways.

So while keeping a good grip on her waist, you begin to jackhammer your cock into that wet warmth. "Fuck!" A broken scream tears through her lips and it almost worries you but the lust takes over. You keep hearing it in the back of your mind. use her, use her, use her. So much that you don't care if you're going too hard "Yes! you're fucking me so... fucking good sir!" She keens.

You lean over and reach your hand to find a grip on her hair. She gasps at the sweet pain that comes with the rough pull of your fingers and she's forced to hold herself up with her arms again—which she can barely do. "You're fucking dripping baby" You grunt, getting off on the sharp crack that booms each time your hips come in contact with her round ass. "Such a good slut... taking it so well for me"

"Please" She whines, and you're not entirely sure what she's begging for "Please"

"Please what princess?" You almost growl, feeling your abs begin to burn.

She swallows thickly, moaning like she can't control herself. "f-f-fill me up.. I fucking—God—I fucking need it" 

It's coming, you can feel it in your balls. Her cunt is gripping you so perfectly, so smooth and slick that every drag has your jaw clenching and your mind going blank. You're so unbelievably close to stuffing her full of it--it's the only thing you can think about right now. "Yeah... Belle, gonna fucking... cum in you" Your breaths are labored now because the force you're fucking her with is tiring you out.

"God I'm gonna fucking-" Belle squeals, then a rush of clear liquid begins to spill out from between her legs and her mouth hangs open. The pressure almost kills you right then and there but you keep moving, you can't get enough of her. Even when another—more powerful—burst comes out you only grunt as it runs down her legs and stains the sheets.

"Ah...look at you—squirting for me" You'd chuckle if you weren't so close right now. You end up slowing it down, thrusting hard and deep into her cunt slowly. One. Belle shrieks. Two. She moans deeply.  Three. She bites her lip. Then four and your cock is pulsing and throbbing wildly inside of her the second you bury it inside of her on the fourth thrust. You moan loudly as you fill her needy cunt with your seed. There's so much that it's dripping down the side.

You can only sigh the little bit of breath you have left as it continues, your voice too broken and fucked up to do anything more. She only hums sweetly, giggling as you let go of your grip on her hair and your body collapses onto hers so you lay flat on the bed.

"Holy shit" You swallow, then you gather up the strength to sit yourself up and you put your hand on her now red ass, rubbing the cheek as you catch your breath. "Good girl" Then you remember that you should probably pull her out of her hypnotized state. "Sit up and close your eyes" You breathe. It takes her a moment, you watch as she sort of struggles to do as you say but eventually she does. "At the snap of my fingers, you will wake up"

You snap your fingers and her eyes open "Oh my God" is the only thing that comes out of her mouth. Her expression is unreadable and you're not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing for a second. Then Belle smiles and she climbs on top of you. You're surprised, but you allow it because the second she leans in to kiss you it just feels right. She pulls away "What the fuck? That was so hot" It's like she herself is surprised that it worked too.

"You remember?" You ask, knowing that sometimes people lose memory after they've been hypnotized, but it seems like Belle didn't.

Belle nods her head "Every second" Then she kisses you again "Especially when you fucked my tits, you could've told me you were into that" she teases, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth.

"I know you, you would've laughed at me"

"But I still would've let you do it" She nods

You tilt your head playfully doubting her words "Sure" Is all you say before she pushes you back so that you're laying down.

"Shut up" She mutters before putting her lips on yours again and you're both smiling into the passionate kiss, feeling that familiar fluttering feeling in your stomach. "Thank you for trying this out with me" She seems genuine about it.

You shake your head "I'll try any kinky shit you throw at me"

and there's no doubt you would

[roanniom]

hi issa! i hope all is well and im so glad you’re back! you are literally one of the best writers ever (and literally my favorite person who writes for eddie) ! i hope you’re day is going good 💛

i would love to request cute; needy eddie phone call (you can make it spicy if you want), maybe the reader went on a girls trip and the reader calls him once at the hotel and he is just miserable 😩

Hi there anon! I'm doing okay, but writing is making everything better. Super happy to do this request.

On the Line

Eddie Munson x fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, NSFW, phone sex, dirty talk, masturbation

"Eddie. I've been gone for half a day. I was literally with you this morning." You try to make your voice sound reproachful, but your smile cannot be hidden. You're in your hotel room getting ready to go down for dinner with your friends.

"I knowwww, don't remind me. It has been AGONY!"

You hear a muted thump which you imagine to be Eddie throwing himself on his couch near the landline.

"Well what are you doing to distract yourself from this agony?" you ask with amusement.

"I tried touching myself, but I'll be honest, it's more effective now that I can hear your voice, babe."

"EDDIE MUNSON!"

"Whaaaat? What else is there to do?"

"I don't know. Go outside? Maybe touch some grass, you fucking horn dog," you laugh, laying back on the hotel bed.

"I can't exactly go jerk off on the grass, Mrs. Jenkins said she'd call the cops if she ever caught me doing that again - ,"

"Eddie. I will smack you."

"Ugh, don't make promises you can't keep. What do you think I've been imagining?"

You slap an exasperated hand over your face and Eddie moans.

"What was that? Smacking your own ass to give me some auditory stimulation, princess? Do it again!"

"No, that was me covering my eyes from the shame of having such a perverted boyfriend."

"Don't pretend you aren't just as perverted, sweetheart. Even Mrs. Jenkins knows, with how loud you usually are - ,"

"Edward. Munson."

"Mmmm yeah. Say my name, baby."

You can't help but dissolve into laughter at the absurdity of it all.

"Are you actually touching yourself right now?"

"Think about that question for a second. Really let that simmer for me."

Suddenly you hear the most obscene, wet squelching coming from the phone. It's so sudden and so rapid that you pull the phone away from your ear for a second. Clearly Eddie had put the receiver down where he was...taking care of himself.

"Eddie..." you say, but this time it is less reproachful and more breathless.

"Princess." His voice is less humorous now. A little deeper. A little scratchy.

"I have to go in a few minutes..." you trail off wistfully. You've begun to tune into Eddie's more labored breathing.

"Sure about that?"

His voice is gruff. You want to laugh but suddenly find that you can't.

"You know I can still smell your perfume in this fucking trailer, right? Like a god damn temptress. Why would you do that to me, honey?"

The phone is clearly by his lips as you can hear him loud and clear. But similarly loud and clear is the sound of his hand on his cock. Now moving furiously.

But you're not the only one hearing new things.

"I can hear you breathing heavier, baby." Eddie says it conspiratorially. There is the distinct sound of a smile on his lips.

"Yeah well you're turning me on. I'm only fricken human, you know."

"No. I don't know that. Pretty sure you're a goddess." Eddie finishes his statement with a groan. "So what are you wearing...my goddess."

You clutch the phone to your ear and look down at your outfit.

"Well, we're all going out tonight so I'm wearing that sparkly top that you said was too sexy for The Hideout."

"Are you fucking with me right now, sweetheart?" Eddie chokes out. You imagine that he's gripping himself, trying not to cum at the mere image of you in the revealing garment. "You mean to tell me...we've been talking all this time and your tits have just been...out?"

"I'm not naked, Eddie. It's just low cut," you argue, but your body begins to heat up all the same.

"Low cut, huh?" he asks gruffly. "Why don't you reach into that low cut top and touch yourself for me then."

"Oh...kay." You don't even fight him. Your hand cups your breast under the fabric.

"Make sure to pinch and twist your nipples a little. For me."

As if pleasuring yourself will inherently bring him physical pleasure. Which you guess it does, because when you inhale sharply at the feeling, Eddie lets out a moan. You hesitate for a second.

"Is Wayne - ,"

"At work. Don't bring up that old man when I'm so close to cumming." Eddie barks with frustration. You release a breathy chuckle.

"You're already close?"

"Babe. I've been touching myself for hours. I've been on the edge this whole conversation."

"Yeah?" you ask, egging him on.

"Yeah, baby. I'm about to blow hearing your sweet voice."

"Well....you should know that I'm wet." You're being honest. The idea of having to go downstairs in a few minutes is becoming less appealing by the second.

"Oh fuck."

"Yeah. I really want to touch myself, baby."

"Do it." Eddie practically orders.

"I can't," you say, though one of your hands does begin to slide south, between your breasts, down the plane of your stomach, to cup yourself beneath your skirt. You keep the phone cradled between your ear and your shoulder so you can keep one hand on your breast, fingers tweaking your nipple.

"I need you, baby." It comes out more submissive than his previously demanding tone. You lower your voice to match.

"I know, Eddie. Can you cum for me?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah? You'll cum for me?" You hear his breathing pick up. From the sound of his stroking, he's right there. You rub your palm over your clothed pussy, feeling your clit ache with need.

"Fuck. Yeah I'll...fuck."

"That's it baby, cum for me."

The gasping and sputtering on the other side of the phone overwhelms you and you find yourself grinding against your hand in vain. You won't be able to take care of yourself. Not yet at least. But you know that when you get back to your hotel room later tonight, one of those pillows are really in for it.

"Fuuuck, princess."

"That good, huh?" you ask, cheekily.

"Don't act all proud of yourself," Eddie admonishes playfully. "There's nobody here to clean me up."

Your heart (and pussy) pound at the reference to the way you usually lick up the evidence of his pleasure.

"I'll be back before you know it, handsome."

Eddie sighs.

"You have to go now, don't you." It isn't a question. You laugh.

"I had to go fifteen minutes ago. But I guess you had to cum first."

~*~

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Thanks for reading! Please let me know what your favorite part was!

[earthchica]

why don't we fall in love?

aaron pierre x black, fem! reader {actress}

summary: you have a massive crush on your best friend and co-star, Aaron. When you tell him about your feelings, he respectfully wants to stay as friends, but he soon realizes that it might have been a mistake.

warnings: FLUFF, friends to lovers, first-time kissing, light angst, rejection, actor/actress, not real life, movie set, original characters, use of Y/N, words: 2k

note: I was so anxious about writing this, but here it is..it's something short and sweet. Let me know if I should do part 2; please enjoy, but there may be some errors.

-

The neon lights flickered playfully above the packed venue, casting a warm glow on the faces of the cast and crew celebrating the halfway-through wrap-up of the film.

Laughter echoed as glasses clinked, the atmosphere electric with relief and joy. In the corner, you leaned against the bar, swirling your drink, your mind caught between the celebration and anxiety that's been building for weeks.

“Girl, go talk to him!” Your co-star, Tess, nudged you with a playful grin, her voice slightly slurred from the champagne. “This is your chance! You can't keep waiting forever.”

You have known Aaron for two and a half years and have worked alongside him on three movies, including this one. You both have become close friends and developed a strong connection.

You glanced at Aaron, his tall, muscular frame standing out among the crowd. His light caramel skin glowed under the lights, and he calmly recounted a story, laughter spilling from his lips like music.

The way he commanded the attention of everyone around him made your heart race. “I don't know, Tess… what if he doesn’t feel the same?” You replied, biting your lip, the remnants of your country accent softening your words.

“Please! He looks at you like you’re the only person in the room. Just go for it!” She insisted, raising her glass in encouragement. Taking a deep breath, you let the liquid courage settle in your veins and headed over to him.

The closer you got, the more your heart beat against your ribcage. Aaron caught sight of you, his eyes lighting up in recognition, and he stepped away from his group, his smile widening.

“Well, if it ain't the beauty of all this party!” Aaron said teasingly, his deep british voice wrapping around you like a warm blanket.

“Hey, Aaron,” You started your voice with a delicate mix of sweetness and nerves, looking around at the party. “Can we chat for a minute? Somewhere a bit quieter?”

His eyes were still on you, and he nodded with a light smile. “Of course,” Aaron replied, his brow furrowing slightly with curiosity as he led you to a more secluded corner.

As the music faded into the background, you felt both exhilaration and trepidation surge within you. “So, I’ve wanted to tell you…for a long time that...”

You paused, gathering the courage that felt so difficult to muster. “I really like you, Aaron. Like, a lot.” You said, and Aaron looked down at you with admiration, surprise, and something else.

“Wow. I…I’m flattered…Y/N Really. You’re amazing, you know that? and I care deeply about you.” Aaron started, and you felt your heart sink slightly, but his tone was gentle and respectful.

“But...uh...I see you as my dear friend, and right now, I don’t think it’s the right time for me to get involved with anyone.” Aaron said honestly.

“Oh!” You murmured softly, your voice barely above a whisper as you fought to conceal your disappointment. A delicate smile played on your lips, masking the tsunami of emotions churning within.

“I completely understand; it’s just that I've been holding on to these feelings for you, and I wanted to tell you," You admitted, glancing down at your fidgeting hands briefly, feeling vulnerable under the weight of your honesty.

As if sensing your uneasiness, Aaron gently squeezed your shoulder reassuringly. The warmth of his touch sent a shiver through you, a reminder of the connection you both shared.

"Hey….I hope this doesn’t change anything between us.” Aaron said softly, his voice steady and comforting. His words hung in the air, filled with hope and concern.

"It won't, Aaron I promise." With a nod, you tried to shake off the feeling of rejection, forcing yourself to enjoy the remainder of the party.

-

The days turned into weeks, and you and Aaron continued to share a platonic friendship filled with laughter, deep conversations, and mutual respect.

You reveled in the banter and effortless moments spent together, both on set and off. Lately, however, Aaron has noticed a change. You seemed to be spending more time with Kenny, a castmate.

On one scorching afternoon during a break in filming, you found yourself in your trailer with Kenny. As the sun blazed outside, you and Kenny were sprawled on the floor of your trailer, giggling and pretending to throw punches at each other.

In between bouts of laughter, Kenny leaned in closer, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Hey, have you talked to Aaron lately?” he teased, smirking.

“You two are a soap opera waiting to happen.” You rolled your eyes, trying to suppress a grin. “Kenny, chill! I’ve told you before, stop with the Aaron jokes!”

Kenny feigned shock, his mouth dropping open in disbelief. “Wait, why? I thought you were all lovey-dovey with him now. Didn’t you tell him how you felt?”

Sighing, you leaned back against the couch. “Well, I did, and.....it turns out he doesn’t feel the same way. So…yeah.”

Kenny’s eyes widened in surprise. “No way! For real? That’s so lame, he's a lame!” He threw his hands up dramatically, exaggerating the situation.

“Hey! Don’t say that about him; he's not a lame!” You exclaimed, playfully smacking his shoulder.

"Sorry, friend! Look at you, taking up for him; you down bad," Kenny said with a chuckle, returning the light hit without missing a beat, grinning even more expansively.

"You're gonna stop talking shit." You laughed, shaking your head, and both of you began playfully wrestling, ending up on top of him. There was a knock on your trailer door.

You didn't hear the voice over you laughing and just told them to come in. The door opened, and there stood Aaron, staring at you and Kenny in a position that could be taken out of context.

Your smile faded as you processed his expression. Instantly, you pushed yourself off Kenny, your instincts urging you to create distance.

Aaron's gaze was intense on Kenny, and he sensed the tension in the air. "Uh…I think that's my cue to leave; I'll see ya later, Y/N," Kenny said quickly, excusing himself.

Kenny hurried away, eager to escape the charged atmosphere, leaving you with a whirlwind of feelings and an unsettling silence that hung heavy in the air.

“Aaron…” You started, hoping to explain to him but you really didn't have to because you weren't his. Aaron cleared his throat, the frown deepening as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I need to talk to you...” His voice was firm, potentially masking a vulnerability you could sense but couldn’t pinpoint. You nodded, waiting for Aaron to settle into whatever he wanted to say.

“I’ve been watching you and Kenny, and it’s been real hard just to watch,” Aaron said with his brow still furrowed, and you could see the conflict in his eyes.

“I know I told you I see you as my friend, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings for you.” Aaron started, and your heart raced, feeling a mix of surprise and something you couldn’t quite place.

“What do you mean, Aaron?” You asked softly, your sweet southern accent tinged with concern. You were trying to get a better understanding of what he meant.

“I mean…I’ve been trying to ignore it, but I can’t anymore. I like you, and it’s not just a little. When I saw you and Kenny together, it stung.” His voice was deep, resonating with sincerity and frustration.

"It made me realize how ridiculous it would be to pass up on such an amazing experience of being with you." His honesty hung heavy in the air between you. You felt your cheeks warm, your heart battling hope and confusion.

“That's sweet, and If it makes you feel any better, Kenny and I are just friends…we were joking around, but I thought you didn’t want anything serious right now.”

Aaron took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving yours as the weight of his feelings hung between you. “It’s complicated,” he replied with frustration.

“I’ve always valued our friendship, but when I thought of you with someone else, I realized that what I feel runs deeper,” Aaron added; you felt a rush of conflicting emotions.

You were thrilled to hear him express this, but another part felt cautious. “I appreciate you telling me how you feel, Aaron, but I guess I need more convincing,” you said, barely above a whisper.

His gaze softened more as he looked down at you. “I’ve always admired you, Y/N—your kindness, humor, beauty, passion for acting, and everything that makes you great. You make me feel things I never thought I could feel.”

You took a moment to digest his words, the flutter in your chest growing louder. “Wow, Aaron.” A rush of emotions washed over you, disbelief mingling with hope. “Are you serious?”

“Completely,” Aaron stepped closer, his sincerity cutting through the tension. "I want to explore this feeling I have for you. I really would love to take you out on a date.”

The intensity of his conviction hit you like a wave. “You really mean it? You want to try something more?” you asked, searching his eyes for any hint of hesitation.

“Yeah, I do, Y/N,” Aaron affirmed, a quiet resolve settling into his expression. “This may sound cliché, but we could be great together as a couple. I’ve thought about what we could have, and it terrifies me how much I want it.”

A smile blooming across your face, you nodded. “Okay, Aaron. Let's give this a try.” You said, and his expression eased, relief washing over his features.

Aaron reached for your hand, intertwining your fingers in a simple yet profound gesture. “Fantastic. We can take this one step at a time.” He said before lifting his hand to kiss your hand.

-

Your first date with Aaron was perfect, just as you had imagined. While you both were still filming for weeks, you shared moments like lounging together after long days on set. Each of these moments felt increasingly intimate.

You sat cross-legged on the couch, scrolling through your phone on IG, while Aaron leaned back, arms stretched along the top of the small sofa, his gaze focused intently on you.

“Y’know, you look real pretty in that soft light,” Aaron finally said, his deep, british accent fluttering your heart whenever he spoke. You looked up, meeting his soft, light eyes.

“Aaron, you’re just saying that ‘cause you’re sweet on me,” You teased, your southern drawl lacing your voice with a playful charm that made him laugh.

“Maybe I am,” Aaron said with a slightly shy smile creeping onto his face. "Can you blame me? You’ve got that glow about you, babe.”

“It’s this light,” You replied, waving a dismissive hand, but you couldn’t help but feel your heart flutter into your chest. “Besides, you know I love it when you compliment me,” you added.

“I mean every word,” Aaron said earnestly, leaning forward slightly as if the distance between you was an invisible barrier he wanted to breach.

“You’re so captivating, it’s hard not to stare,” Aaron whispered; there it was—how he looked at you as if you were the only person in the universe.

It sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You could feel the tension in the air, a beautiful electricity crackling between you both. Aaron's eyes searched yours, his voice lowering.

“I want to kiss you real bad right now,”

You chuckled lightly, feeling warmth across your chest at his admission. “What are you waiting for, then? I’m right here, darlin’, I reckon you could keep up.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Aaron countered. “It’s just…I don’t want to jeopardize doing something that might make you uncomfortable. Not until I’m sure you feel ready.”

Your heart raced at the mix of his shyness and honesty. “Aaron, no need to overthink it, I'm ready.” With that, the tension in the room shifted.

You locked eyes, and the playful teasing ebbed into something more profound. Aaron leaned slightly closer, his eyes darting between your lips and your eyes, the desire palpable in the air.

“I…I’m glad to hear that, Y/N,” Aaron murmured, his voice thick with relief. “It makes the idea of a kiss less terrifying.”

“Babe, you act like this is your first time kissing...there's no need to think about it too much,” you encouraged, a smile blooming on your lips, your heart racing in anticipation.

“Now, come here and kiss me already.” Aaron’s nervous laughter filled the space as he moved closer, his large hands gently resting on your waist.

The way he respected your space yet tried to close it felt like a dance—a delicate balance between desire and respect. He paused just a breath away, his warm breath mingling with yours.

“You’re sure about this?” Aaron asked, still looking back and forth between your eyes and your lips. “Come here,” You whispered, your voice thick with conviction.

In a heartbeat, the distance vanished. His plump lips brushed against yours, soft and tentative at first, as though he were afraid he’d break the spell that had settled between you.

But the kiss deepened, a flood of emotions swirling around as those initial nerves gave way to something beautiful, something real. His hands tangled in your curly hair as yours reached his strong shoulders, grounding you both in the moment.

It felt like the universe had shifted, aligning in a way that was meant to be. As you pulled away slightly, both of you breathless, you couldn’t help but laugh softly, your hearts buzzing with the thrill of what had just happened.

“Well, that was definitely worth the wait,” you said, beaming with delight as a broad smile spread across your face. The excitement from the moment lingered in the air around you.

“Indeed it was,” Aaron replied, his eyes sparkling with affection as he looked at you, clearly sharing in your delight. The warmth in his gaze made your heart flutter.

“This is just the beginning, isn’t it?” you asked, your voice brimming with excitement and curiosity. As you leaned forward, your eyes sparkled with the thrill of the possibility of wanting more than just a kiss.

“Yes, it is,” Aaron responded with a look of desire, like his Gemini twin switch, and you could feel your whole being swell with arousal and excitement for what lay ahead.

part 2???

[svetamillss]

Could you do squid game x emo reader? Like she dresses in like 2000s emo style and they’ve never seen anyone like her before

Headcanons: their reaction to the fact that you are emo🖤

Featuring: Thanos (Su Bong) x Reader(f), Nam Gyu x Reader(f), Cho Hyun Ju x Reader(f), Kim Young Mi x Reader(f)

A/N: It was very interesting to work on it, I hope something good came out!

🖤🖤🖤

Thanos (Su Bong) and Nam Gyu

You were sitting in the common room, after the first game you were very tired, so decided to rest all the rest of the time, although you were very restless. Suddenly you saw two tall figures walking towards your bed. They were players 230 and 124, you recognized the first one, because in the first game he behaved very loudly and carelessly. They sat down on the next bed and started a dialogue.

- What a beautiful angel came down from heaven straight to me. - player 230 said with a wide smile.

- Did you call me an angel?

- Yes, baby, I'm a rapper Thanos, who couldn't resist your beauty, it's like you're from another planet.

- He wanted to say that you look like an alien. - player 124 replied. By the way, he was hit on the back of the head by Thanos for this words.

- Don't say such shit to this beautiful lady. - he said irritably, then looked at you and continued. - Don't listen to him, your style is beautiful, what's it name?

- Emo. - you answered briefly.

- Well, that's all, Emo girl, the great Thanos will protect you and now you're in my team! - he said with a wide smile, his friend is completely shocked.

- Why are you taking her to our team? Why the fuck do we need girls at all?

- Shut up, my friend, I've already decided everything. - they both looked at you waiting for your answer.

After a little thought, you decided to join. After all, you can't handle alone here, and these guys are fun, especially Thanos, who really liked your style.

As it turned out a little later, after the second game, player 124, whose name was Nam Gyu, was somehow not against your style, he quietly approached you and quickly said:

- You look pretty sexy. - and then left you.

If only he had seen how you blushed from his words, you haven't been complimented for a long time.

Cho Hyun Ju

The was second game, you had to assemble a team of five people, but it was a big problem for you. After all, everyone rejected you because of your style, someone even calling you a stuffed, which hit you hard. You didn't do anything wrong, you just dressed as you like, why are you don’t liked?

You were already completely desperate, but suddenly you saw a beautiful and tall girl who, like you, approached many and was also rejected. You thought it was fate and decided to act.

- Excuse me, would you like to join my team? - you asked her a little embarrassed.

She smiled softly and agreed to your offer. Soon you found three more people. A mother with son and a shy sweet girl.

You were able to win and after the game you decided to learn more about each other. Everyone told own story, why he is here, but most of all you were touched by the story of Hyun Ju. It turns out that she was transgender and she needs money to finish the transition to a girl, she also wants to go to Thailand and start all over again. When you listened to her story, you fell in love with her more and more, it looks like it's love at first sight.

When night came, you couldn't sleep, as it turned out, Hyun Ju's bed was next to you and you saw that she was awake too.

- Fate seems to have decided to bring us together. - she said in a whisper so as not to wake anyone up.

- What are you talking about?

- We united into one team, were able to win, and now it turns out that our beds are quite close.

- Yes, it's really interesting. - you answered with a slight blush.

- You know, don't listen to anyone, your style is incredibly and unusual, you look like a fairy and you are very beautiful. - after these words you realized that you finally fell in love with this gorgeous girl.

- You are also very beautiful, Hyunnie. And don't pay attention to others either, they don't understand anything. They can only say how strange we are.

- We'll be weird together. - it seems that she hinted to you about the continuation of your communication or the beginning of something more. Well, you really hoped for it.

- Yes, let's be weird together.

Kim Young Mi

The food in this place was just terrible. You were very hungry, but you only got a small bun and a bottle of water for breakfast.

- How rotten it all is. - you were about to start the meal, when you saw the girl who was sitting and crying, you decided to approach her and find out what happened.

- Hey, why are you crying? - you asked carefully, but she was still a little scared of you, you hoped it was from surprise.

- No, everything is fine, really. - It was clear from her voice, she was very nervous.

- I see that something happened, tell me, I won't make fun of you.

- Really? - then you were shocked who she even took you for.

- Of course not, why did you decide that at all?

- Your appearance..you look like..a bitch. - she said the last word very quietly, as if she was ashamed to think so.

You were a little offended, but you decided not to show it to the girl.

- So what happened?

- The hooligans took away my food, and I very hungry. - she pointed to a group of guys, from them you recognized player 230, who was already very noisy.

Without thinking twice, you handed her your breakfast, she was sincerely surprised by this gesture.

- What? But why? I can't accept it!!

- Take it, you need to gain strength before the game, and a piece doesn't fit in my throat, there's nothing to lose food, take it. - she took food from you with slightly trembling hands and wanted to say something, but you already left, leaving her alone.

But who knew that in the second game fate will bring you together again and you will play in the same team? And it is after the second game that you will get to know each other better and she apologized for calling you a bitch.

🖤🖤🖤

[xclowniex]

Anon is showing their arse. They really do assume that everyone who speaks out about antisemitism is Jewish. All it means is that a person is normal about jews, which anon very much isn't.

"Sure some people have pushed their hate for jewish people to the extreme"

The majority of people either participate or are silent about antisemitism. Silence allows people who participate to continue.

I lot around 7 friends I knew for 10 years due to antisemitism. I watched in real time as they crossed the line from criticism of Israel to antisemitism.

I had my tinder account reported by someone because they asked what my weekend plans were and I mentioned going to shul. Whilst it sucked at the time as I was messaging someone else who I really liked, it's now a funny little story between us as she is now my girlfriend.

I had to stop wearing my magen david for my own safety as I would get harassed every time it was visible in public. I still get harassed but not as often as I have very jewish features.

I was almost attacked at a Cafe by staff when having coffee with a friend from shul as we had talked about jewish stuff and they overheard.

Someone spray painted "free gaza" on the pavement outside my synagogue using a stencil yet there was no other duplicate of that stencil anywhere else in the city. Whilst the spray paint isn't inherently antisemitic, only doing it outside of a synagogue is.

I was harassed by a homeless dude for being jewish when I didn't give him any cash (I don't keep cash on me and usually get people a supermarket voucher instead if we are near one and I have extra money, but everything was closed as it was Christmas day)

And that's only the tip of the iceberg.

I know that statistically, it's not the majority of people in my city who have been antisemitic towards me, but i also know statistically that it's usually only a small percentage of people who harbour a negative opinion who take action.

Plus no one around me has ever done anything to help. when I've experienced antisemitism.

And the sad thing is, NZ isn't the most antisemitic country currently.

Multiple synagogues in Australia have been vandalized, including one which was set on fire.

A 12 year old girl was raped in France because she was jewish.

I honestly could probably find a post word limit if I mentioned every antisemitic event since Oct 7th.

As you can see, none of those things are "speaking out about Israel". It's about hating jews. It's about punishing jews for being loud, proud and visibly Jewish.

We must be ashamed of our jewishness because of Israel's actions. We must hide it and practice it only in private. Which is very reminiscent of the lead up of multiple genocides against jews. Soon being jewish in private will not be enough, we can't be Jewish at all.

And this isn't even touching on how people fail to critique Israel and instead just recycle antisemitic tropes like jews control the world is turned into Israel controls the world. Jews want world domination turns into Israel wanting world domination and starting with the middle east. The famous Nazi octopus with its tentacles wrapped around the globe meant to represent jews controlling the world has had the Israeli flag slapped onto the octopus and rebranded as "not antisemitic just antizionist". And this image has made the rounds in a positive way in multiple huge antizionist circles.

But it's not antisemitic right? It's just criticism of Israel isn't it? Totally no dogwhistle right? Those people who created and spread the image as commentary on the truth totally love jews don't you think?

Because the thing is, you can criticize Israel and not be antisemitic. But too many people fail to do this. Which is where people then call it out.

In the book "Contemporty Left Antisemitism" by David Hirsh, he calls this the Ken Livingstone affect, popularized by the UK labour politician. It's where people are blatantly antisemitic, by failing to criticize the Israeli government and their policies and instead are bigoted to jews, and instead of apologizing when called out, they double down with an antisemitic conspiracy theory. That jews en masse have decided to weaponize our trauma to silence critics of Israel. Which is simply false. That would require some secret jewish organization pulling the strings of all jews - which most can hopefully understand how that is antisemitic.

Anon, you hate jews. Whether or not you want to admit it, you hate us. It cost 0 dollars to unlearn your hatred.

Respectfully, Do you even realise you are not the minority in this situation? Sure, some people have pushed their hate for Jewish people to extreme levels, but just looking at the map, Israel is not the victim here. Innocent civillians in Palestine, including children, are dying slowly every day. As a Jewish person, you should know what it feels like to be discriminated , and sadly this is a case of victim turning abuser with Israel. Have you even tried to analyse the situation critically outside your biases? Can you not see that this "rise in antisemitism" is most of the time people speaking out saying you can't defend what Israel is doing? Sure, even if it isn't "their native territory" is it then justified to fucking wipe them out like a smidge on the map to reclaim it???

I am not Jewish.

The fact that you assume I am is pretty telling, because the utter indifference toward what you so glibly describe as

Sure, some people have pushed their hate for Jewish people to extreme levels

by the non-Jewish vast majority has been terrifying to me. People shrug off attacks all over the world against Jewish civillians just trying to live their lives, or worse they try to justify it as political action or as something the perpetrators just can't help.

Have you even tried to analyse the situation critically outside your biases?

Have you? I'm not the one trying to press a complex and decades (centuries) old, deeply protracted problem into a simple frame of good and evil or "victim and abuser". (Nice, trying to turn the history of antisemitic persecution into a teaching moment that Jewish people just failed to learn from.)

Come back when you can explain to me how hunting Jewish children in Berlin, pelting them with rocks in London, violating them in France or burning their facilities in Australia is helping children survive in Gaza. I'm sure it's going to be riveting, seeing how me sharing (a very few) posts calling out antisemtism already provoked you into going "but Israel!!!!"

Stop trying to pretend away or ignore the very real and terrifying danger people face just for existing as Jews everywhere, and maybe I'll find your humanitarian concern credible or consistent. As it is, I'm seeing a hypocrite coming into my Inbox to complain that I am sullying their feel-good morally pure middle eastern political cause with dirty dirty nuance. For asking them to care about maybe addressing that negligible issue of hatred of Jews being "pushed to extreme levels" (as opposed to the normal and acceptable levels, I presume).

[torturedtypewritersdept]

blue eyes + bruises - part one

✯ pairing:

doctor!rafe cameron x fem!reader

✯ summary:

a tragic car accident looks like it'll be the end for you, but dr. cameron is here to make sure that doesn't happen.

✯ warnings:

mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, and fear, car accident, death of a spouse (not rafe or y/n), major surgery, injuries, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, etc.

✯ a/n:

nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity back in 2021/2022 and i have rewritten + reshared it here :)

—

Sarah doesn't have lunch often with her brother, but she does today, placing the responsibility of taking care of him on herself, as she always does. Her latest manifestation of this fact is you – her best friend since her college days. He doesn’t know it, but she’s coming to him with a proposition; your sweetness and his intelligence – she knows they’d meld together like a puzzle and that’s precisely why she’s set up a date between the two of you for this evening. She enters the hospital cafeteria slowly, spotting him from across the gigantic space. His shoulders are slumped and she clocks a limp in his step, instantly sure he’s been on his feet for far too long. She smiles softly as they lock eyes and notices his are far more sunken in than she’d like them to be; in fact, they almost resemble the dark black holes of a skull missing its skin and as he makes his way feverishly through the cafeteria line, she wonders if he’s okay. 

“Rafe – you look like you haven’t eaten in six days.” 

She scolded as the older Cameron made his way to the table and sat his tray down across from her. 

“I eat.” 

He grunted in response, rolling his blue orbs into the back of his head at her incessant need to pick him apart in the form of worry. This was why he didn’t return to North Carolina after college, after all. Though he couldn’t in part blame it all on his baby sister, the discontent of his father and the enthralling energy of the city had wooed him and his bride. 

“Yeah, okay, hot shot.” 

She replied, laughing, throwing a french fry in his direction.  

“You’re gonna be mad but I've promised your hand to someone for the evening.” 

She said, giggling. 

“Dammit, Sarah!” 

He replied, the huff that escaped like that of an agitated dog.  

“Come on, big brother! Please – she’s my sweet friend from college and she’s nice and shy and she –” 

“I don’t care. I’m not going.” 

Rafe interjected aggressively. 

“Well, too fucking bad. I already told her you agreed and I’d really hate it if you stood her up. It was like pulling teeth to get her to agree to even give you a chance.” 

“Too. Fucking. Bad.” 

He gritted out. 

“No – don’t play with me, I know you. Rafe Cameron is a lot of things, but he isn’t cruel and it took a lot of convincing for her to come out anyways, so please.” 

Squinting her eyes in annoyance and shaking her head, she waged her war with him blatantly, tired of his bullshit only five minutes into the conversation in only a way that he could ignite.

“Tell that to Molly. She thinks I am.” 

He whispered. 

“No she didn’t – doesn’t.” 

She caught herself, two years later still not used to talking about her sister-in-law in past tense. 

“Just go – please. Get out of this hospital and those fucking ugly scrubs.” 

She pleaded, her soft blue eyes always something he had to give into. 

“Fine, Sarah, I’ll fucking go.” 

He growled, jerking his plate closer to him as he began munching on the chicken tenders that sat in front of him.

— 

Rafe was dreading this date, he didn’t know you or what you were even like and let’s be honest, he hasn’t dated in literal years, hasn’t even given it a thought. After Molly departed from him, he ate, slept, and breathed life in the hospital, too afraid to be in his home alone – too afraid the silence and lack of love would swallow him home; death by a thousand cuts. He felt like that was probably normal for the situation he had found himself in; divorce in the form of death. He stared at himself in the mirror of the locker room, being sure he was ready as his hand tousled through his unruly hair. 

“Sarah’s right – I do look like shit.” 

He muttered, suddenly wondering what this unknown woman would think of him.

 He made his way down the linoleum lined hallway and out of the hospital door a few moments later, the familiar red shine of ambulance lights just out of his peripheral and the screech of the alarm coming from the rig coming to a stop. He watched carefully as they pulled a young woman from the back, her limbs splinted and blood covering her. He wasn't sure what it was; fate or an uneasy stomach, these days he hardly had the capacity to tell the difference. But, whatever the force behind it, she pulled him toward her and as he got close, the date he had planned for suddenly slipped his mind. 

— 

Everything hurt – that was the first thing your brain registered as you pulled your eyes open, the sound of a siren and the beat of your heart blaring simultaneously in your ears. The siren was close, you could tell, but you seemed so distant from it at the same time, so far away and fleeting. You closed your eyes, the darkness overcoming you. It only felt like they had been closed for five seconds, but you were sure it had been longer as you heard the sound of a man’s voice and felt wind around you, signaling your brain that you were moving by the sound of rickety wheels beneath you. The man sounded handsome and kind, his voice deep as it bellowed in the air around you. 

“What do we got?” 

He asked with urgency, looking pointedly at the paramedics, a team of doctors surrounding him. 

“25 year old female, car accident. She went through the windshield – crush injuries, concussion, internal bleeding – she’s barely hanging on.” 

He gingerly nodded at the words of the paramedic and brought a pen light from his pocket, pulling your eyelids back and shining it into them. A groan escaped your lips at the intrusion. 

“Sweetheart, can you hear me?” 

His voice penetrated your ears and for some reason unbeknownst to you, your brain pulled your eyes open, fighting to get to whoever the voice belonged. As you took in the blue eyes that stood over you, you registered who the voice belonged to – sounds and words you could barely register coming from his mouth again. 

“I’m Dr. Rafe Cameron, I’m gonna take care of you, okay?” 

He spoke, sliding his hand in yours, giving you a kind smile. 

“Can you squeeze my hand, for me?” 

Your senses weren’t intact, numbness infiltrated your being but you could feel his calloused hand as it slipped into yours and with all the energy that remained in your body, you squeezed his hand weakly. He smiled – bright and breathtakingly beautiful, teeth so perfectly in line that you were sure he had orthodontic work at some point. You noticed the crinkles by his eyes as his lips parted and his lips turned up. You suddenly regretted not shaving your legs this morning, taking in his handsomely sculpted jaw as he turned his head sideways, stretching his hands across you. You were unsure what was happening until you felt him unhooking the straps that you now realized were draped across your body, securing you to the bed you laid on.

“Move her on three – one, two, three.” 

He chanted out, voice bellowing as his words controlled the move of every person in the room. You weren’t sure what kind of doctor Rafe was, but you knew he was important, that he was a leader, as every nurse and bystander operated under his sole instruction. You closed your eyes as the hands of the people around you lifted you from one bed to another, the jostling of your body breaking through the heavy cloud of numbness and what started as a whimper but quickly turned into a full-fledged bloody murder scream escaped your lips. 

“Easy, sweetheart. I know it hurts.” 

His hands made their way to your hair, pushing the blood-stained strands away from your forehead. His touch was gentle and calming, you had never been touched by a doctor like this, you thought to yourself. 

“R-Rafe?” 

You croaked out, eyes pleading. 

“Hmm?”

He questioned with all his attention on you. His blue eyes raked over your form, studying your face, taking in the distress and the pain that laced it. 

“Gonna die?” 

You questioned, mumbling, incoherently and before he could even respond your eyes rolled into the back of your head, your back arching off the bed as you your body shook into a fit of convulsions. 

“She’s crashing!” 

One of the nurses yelled out.  

“We’ve got to get her to the OR now, get me a neuro consult and page Dr. Richardson, I have no doubt in my mind she’s hemorrhaging.” 

As soon as he muttered out the words, Rafe was straddling you on the gurney, legs on either side of your hips as his palms laid flat against your chest, fingers interlocking with each other as he violently, urgently pressed up and down in an attempt to restart your heart. 

“Not today, sweet girl. Not today.” 

He whispered, continuing chest compressions as the nurses and doctors wheeled the gurney the two of you were on into the operating room. 

—

masterlist:

as always, if you'd like to be added to or removed from the taglist, please shoot me an ask or comment on this post so i can keep track <3

@maybankslover @inthelibrarybtw @luvrcndy @silkylovey @yagirlwrites @obxbabygirl @rafeecameronsbitch @klutzy-kay24 @roseczbalt @akobx @allsmilesreally7

[leviackermanscleaningbuddy]

SKZ DRABBLE-OT8

The one where finding how you fit is a little like a puzzle-the 100,000 piece kind, not the 100 piece kind. or The twenty-seventh installment of the SKZ!Pack Prequel series

Tags: Skz, Stray Kids, Stay, SKZ!Pack, Pack!Prequel, Skz!Pack Prequel, ABO, A/B/O, Omegaverse, Series, OT8, Bang Chan, Lee Minho, Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin, Lee Felix, Han Jisung, Kim Seungmin, Yang Jeongin, Fluff, Angst, Skz imagines, Skz scenarios, FemReader

Genre: Light Angst, Fluff

A/N: I'm back! Sorry guys, I know it's been SOOOOO Long and yall have probably forgotten/given up on me, but I had to take a little sabbatical to keep my head above water in real life. But I've been here! Stalking and reading and checking comments and reblogs and messages. I love yall! <3 Thanks for being so patient with me!

Title: Call Me Anything at All, Just Don't Call Me Yours

“Dude, your fucking beta is killing me here.” 

You glance up as Jisung joins the cafeteria table, plopping down between Changbinn and Hyunjin, clearly frustrated about something, his voice a plaintive whine.

Changbin’s brow creases in slight confusion. “My beta? What, you mean Seungmin?” 

“Who else would I be fucking talking about?” Jisung grumbles, shooting a glare in the alpha’s direction, as he rips open the packet that contains his silverware with a little more force than necessary. 

“You, technically.” Felix points out helpfully from further down the table, giving Jisung a slightly teasing grin. 

“Yeah, ha ha, I’m killing myself, real funny, Lix.” Jisung mocks back, though his tone softens a little as he addresses the omega, because that’s just the effect Felix has on everyone. 

Jisung turns back to Changbin, slapping his palms down on the table. “But seriously, he’s weird as shit. Hot and cold all the time, man. I don’t ever know where I stand with him-not really-kind of like with Minho-hyung.” 

Beside you, Minho snorts softly. “Please, you’re always on thin fucking ice with me, Han Jisung. You know that.” 

Jisung shoots Minho an annoyed look, but continues badgering Changbin. “You gotta tell me the secret to crack the code, hyung. One second, I think we’re friends, the next, the guy barely has two words to say to me.” 

Changbin gives a slight shrug. “That’s just how Seungmin is.” 

You nod in agreement. “Yeah, trust me, Sungie, Seungmin is a tough nut to crack. We’ve been friends for a long time-study partners for longer-and there’s still days I think he’d rather murder me than be sat across the table from me. He’s hard to read, he keeps his feelings close to his chest.” 

“He’s also a slow mover.” Changbin points out. “Really takes his time to think things through, all the pros and cons, before he acts.” 

Minho snorts again, not looking up from his food. “Maybe he’s deciding the cons list is longer than the pros when it comes to being packmates with you, Jisung.” 

“Plus, he’s not all that affectionate. Skinship is kind of a struggle for him.” You remark thoughtfully, an observation you’ve had the longer you’ve gotten to be around Seungmin as a packmate, and not just a library buddy. 

He really only lets Changbin touch him openly. Maybe it’s a side effect of the whole moonmate thing. 

Biology. 

Jisung takes a swig of his soda and considers for a moment, furrowing his brow. “Well, have you guys been-” He clears his throat, motioning slightly with his hands in a flapping motion toward Changbin. “-you know, intimate?” 

You clear your throat at that, interjecting, trying to save Changbin the embarrassment of answering that question. “Intimacy can be a lot of things, Jisungie, you know, like when you and I and Seungmin showered together, or when Chan scents us, or trusting someone enough to talk to them about difficult subjects-” Hyunjin leans around the beta and stares directly at Changbin now. “No, he’s asking if you’ve fucked.” 

Down the table, Chan chokes on his food, and Jeongin openly covers a cackle with a well timed cough. 

Next to you, Minho mutters beneath his breath, “Jesus Christ.” 

Changbin clears his throat hard, and you note the tips of his ears going a bright red. “Well, yeah.” He gives a shrug, as if it’s not a big deal, but the way his muscles stiffen tells you he’d rather be anywhere but here right now, talking about this.

“You don’t have to talk about this, Bin-” Chan starts softly, shooting Jisung a warning look that practically screams head alpha.

Changbin waves him off, and Chan’s hackles visibly relax a little.

“He likes you, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Changbin assures Jisung, throwing an arm around his shoulders and ruffling his hair with a large hand. “All of you. He’s just a little more cautious when it comes to showing it. With me, there’s the weird biological pull of moonmates or whatever, but with the rest of you, you just gotta be patient. But he likes you. He’s told me.” 

Jisung sighs, relaxing slightly at the alpha’s touch. “Fine. As long as there’s hope that one day we can fuck in your studio, I can live with that.” 

Changbin removes his arm so quickly from around the beta’s shoulders that it’s like he’s been burned. “Please don’t do that.” 

Jisung shoots him a wink. “No promises.” 

“Apparently he’s into degradation in bed if that makes you feel any better.” Hyunjin remarks offhandedly, picking at his salad with his fork. “You probably couldn’t handle that anyway.” 

Changbin chokes a little, glaring over Jisung’s head at the luna. “Hyun, you promised me when I told you that in confidence-” Changbin’s voice drops to a hiss. “-that you wouldn’t talk about it!” 

Hyunjin gives a slight shrug, glancing around at everyone’s stunned reactions. “What? There’s no secrets in the pack right?” 

Jisung’s jaw is on the floor. 

“He what?” 

“Oh my god.” Chan groans from down the table, fingers already kneading between his brows, staving off an oncoming headache. “This is not appropriate lunchroom conversation-” 

“Okay, okay.” You wave your hands. “You’re gonna give Chan an aneurysm. Let’s table the kink talk for a more private time and location, okay?” 

“Hah.” Jeongin snorts softly. “Table.” 

Minho elbows him hard. 

******

You’re watching Jisung practice something on his skateboard in front of the dorms-a kickflip maybe? You can’t remember what he called it-chin in hand, open textbook unread in your lap. 

“Shit.” Jisung swears as the skateboard clatters away from him once more, and he sighs, tucking it under his arm and coming to sit down beside you on the cold concrete of the steps. 

He bumps his shoulder into yours. “Why the long face?” 

You glance sidelong at him, wrinkling your nose slightly. “I don’t have a long face. I’m just thinking.” 

He arches a brow. “Okay, so what are you thinking so deeply about then?” 

You sigh, running a few fingers over the page of the textbook in your lap, considering for a brief moment. “I was thinking about Seungmin.” 

“Ah.” Jisung nods, tilting his head slightly. “What, about the fact that he’s into being called shit in bed? Because I for one did not see that coming.” 

“No!” You say a little too quickly, cheeks heating even despite the cool nip of the air. “No.” You repeat, a little more levelly this time. “Just-about how I relate, to what you said. I never really know how he feels about things.” 

Jisung leans back on his hands beside you, staring out at the campus for a moment. Finally, he says, “Yeah, he’s kind of a weird dude, huh? I mean, I know he’s into Changbin, but I don’t really know if he’s that into the whole idea of the pack.”

You glance sidelong at the beta sat beside you, and you note the way he bites his bottom lip, fingers drumming along the skateboard held in his lap. 

“I was kind of excited to have another beta around.” Jisung admits a little softly with a sigh, glancing down at the chipped orange paint that adorns his nails currently, courtesy of Hyunjin. “I dunno, until I moved to university, I never really spent a lot of time around others like me. And it’s nice, the dorms and the friends, but there’s something about having a potential packmate who just gets it that’s comforting, you know?” 

You nod, reaching out to put one of your gloved hands over his. “Yeah, I do. I know you’ve been through a lot, with the whole beta thing, and I was hopeful Seungmin could help you through some of the stuff you’re still dealing with.” 

Jisung gives you a slight smile, but it’s tight and doesn’t quite reach his large dark eyes. “I don’t even know if the guy likes me, noona, or if he just puts up with my company because of Changbin.” 

You sigh, glancing down at where your gloved fingers rest over Jisung’s chapped, red ones. “Well, at least he didn’t straight up tell you that he didn’t feel like that about you. That’s something.” 

Jisung snorts. “That’s because I didn’t ask like you did.” 

You swallow. “Yeah, well, I’m an idiot.” You huff out, glancing over at him and it’s your turn to give him the hint of a smile that doesn’t quite feel completely real or genuine. “I mean, I told him I loved him, and he didn’t say it back. So maybe his feelings really haven’t changed.” 

Jisung gives a slight shrug, and then knocks his shoulder into yours once more. The smell of detergent is strong in your nose, as if his beta is subconsciously trying to put out pheromones to soothe your obviously agitated alpha. 

“Hey. You said it yourself-the guy’s an enigma. We just gotta give him the time and space to figure it all out on his own.” 

You sigh, long and hard. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

Jisung leans his head on your shoulder, and you bury your nose into the soft knitted fabric of his beanie, breathing him in for a lingering moment. 

He squeezes your fingers. “If it’s any consolation, I said it back, remember? And it’s still true.” 

You give a little laugh at that, kissing the top of his head. “Yeah, I know. I love you too.” 

You squeeze his fingers back in return, and then nudge the round, reddened apple of his cheek with your shoulder with a slight hint of a smile. 

“Now c’mon, that kickflip of yours isn’t gonna learn itself.” 

******

“I dunno, maybe I’m pushing too hard. Putting expectations on everyone that are unrealistic.” 

Yeosang glances over at you, breaths coming in harsh little pants in the cold morning air, his hands on his hips as he walks a few loose circles around where you stretch. 

“Betas are tricky. When Mingi joined the pack, I swear to god, the hyungs almost drove themselves crazy trying to figure out what he was thinking.” 

He drops down beside you on the sidewalk, leaning over to stretch out one long arm along the line of his leg, before he switches to the other side effortlessly. 

He’s barely panting from our run, skin glistening with a light sheen of sweat in the early morning rays of weak sunlight. 

You blow out a breath, leaning your head back slightly to stare at the sky. “Jisung is losing his mind. He had this whole grand vision of what having another beta in the pack would mean, and Seungmin’s just-” You hesitate, considering for a moment, before you sigh again. “-not that.” 

Yeosang’s gaze flicks over to me, and he makes a little sound of understanding under his breath. “Mm. Yeah, when we all study together, I can tell the kid’s a little harder to read than most. Even for a beta.” He shifts, coming to his feet again as he rolls his ankles a little, then his arms and his neck, glancing down at me. “But he seems nice. And he seems to be into Changbin, so that’s a plus.” 

“That’s the thing though-” You admit, standing up too now, rolling your shoulders for a moment, before you tuck your earbuds back into your pocket. “-he likes Changbin, but does he like the rest of us?” 

Yeosang moves to stand in front of you , reaching up to push some loose strands of hair back from your jaw with a long finger, chilled from the morning air. He gives you a slight smile. “Wolves aren’t solitary creatures, babe. You know that. And with how smart Seungmin is-and how obsessed with biology-he knows that too. Just give him some time to warm up. It’s probably overwhelming, especially for a seemingly solitary guy like him.” 

You groan. “Fuck, you’re right, but do you have to be?” 

Yeosang chuckles at that, moving to bump his shoulder into yours as you turn to follow the sidewalk back toward campus and the bus stop. 

“Yes. It’s one of my many talents.” 

You arch a brow at him. “Being right?” 

Yeosang grins. “Never being wrong.” 

You roll your eyes and elbow him in the side. “They’re the same thing, idiot.” 

He laughs in response. “Trust me, they’re really not.” You walk in silence for a few moments, shoes scuffing the concrete, hands tucked into the pockets of your jackets, and then Yeosang asks, “Have you tried talking to him about all of this?” 

You scoff a little, shaking your head. “No, because what the hell am I supposed to say?” You move to walk in front of him, taking backward steps as you face him, pitching your voice into something akin to a fake version of your own. “‘Hey, Seungmin, weird question, but like, are you into us? Also, just wondering, but have your feelings changed about me? Oh, and Jisung would really like to fuck you, but he’s nervous you don’t even really like him, and by the way, Changbin totally told everyone you like to be degraded in bed.’” 

Yeosang’s eyes widen at that last part, his mouth dropping open slightly. “Wait, really?” 

You wave him off. “Yeah, well, technically Changbin told Hyunjin, who told everyone else, but that’s beside the point.” 

Yeosang whistles beneath his breath as we continue to walk. “Shit. Okay. Didn’t see that one coming, but good for him.” 

His tone is laced with slight surprise still, but mostly just open admiration and appreciation. 

You pull your phone from your pocket and glance at the time, groaning slightly. “Fuck. I have to go. I’m late for a lab and then I have a study session at the lib.” 

Yeosang arches a brow at that, a slight smirk coming to his full lips. “Oh, with you know who?” 

You stare him down, expression and voice deadpan. “No, I am not meeting Voldemort, The Dark Lord, for a study session, Sang. That’s just stupid.” 

Yeosang rolls his dark eyes, reaching out to shove you, but you dodge the halfhearted attack easily. 

“I’m talking about a certain beta.” 

“I know that.” You retort back, rolling your own eyes now. “Besides, even if Voldemort went here, he’d never be in the sciences department. Probably like arts and humanities or something.” 

“Or dance.” Yeosang points out thoughtfully. 

His suddenly wide eyed gaze meets your own, his mouth in a small ‘o.’

“Minho.” You both say together. 

Yeosang grins as you both laugh, reaching the bus stop. He bumps his shoulder into yours once more affectionately, as you separate to take different buses. 

“Good luck with your study session, babe.” He points a stern finger in your direction. “Talk to him.” 

You roll your eyes and wave him off. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll consider it. Say hi to Voldie for me when you pick up Hwa, will you?” 

Yeosang’s grin widens as he gives you a little salute. “Will do.” 

*****

“You’re staring again.” Seungmin comments without looking up from the page he’s working on, his pencil scratching rhythmically in the quiet of the library. 

You clear your throat, dropping your eyes back to your own textbook. “What? No, I’m not-” 

Seungmin sighs, shutting his notebook, and pushes his glasses up on top of his head as he angles to face you, expression unreadable. 

“All right. Out with it.” 

You’re taken off guard, glancing up at him in a slight panic, like a deer caught in headlights, eyes going wide as your mouth opens and closes a few times before you finally manage to choke out, “Out with what? I’m good. Fine even.” 

Seungmin snorts at that. “You haven’t stopped rereading that same page for the last half an hour. And I’m pretty sure you’ve been studying me more than anything else.” 

“Plus your scent is all wacked out.” He says with a slight wrinkle of his nose. “Even my limited faculties can tell that much.” 

You sigh, glancing down at the open book in your lap before you close it and set it aside, tapping your pen along the table for a brief moment as you consider how to word what you want to say. 

Finally, you get out softly, “Jisung is worried.” 

Seungmin’s brow ticks up a bit at that. “About me?” 

You give a slight shrug, not really looking at him, gaze on the pen flicking between your fingers. “I guess? He’s just worried because he doesn’t really know how you feel-” You glance at him then, and then away again. “-none of us do.” 

The eyebrow goes up another notch. “How I feel? About what?” 

You sigh, a slight sound of frustration now. “About everything? About him, about us, about the pack, about-” I throw a hand out. “-all of it.” 

You tap the pen down a little harder than necessary to punctuate the end of your sentence. “In case you haven’t noticed-” You point out in a mutter beneath your breath. “-you’re not the easiest guy to get a read on.” 

There is brief silence for a moment, and then Seungmin admits quietly, “Yeah, I know.” 

You flick your gaze up to his then, and see a hint of vulnerability in the depths of his dark eyes before he reaches up and scrubs across his face with the palm of his hand. 

“Look, (Y/N)-” He says on a sigh, and you tense up, preparing yourself for what he’s about to say next. Judging by the slight hint of burnt bitterness that now mars his orangey citrus scent, it’s probably not going to be what you want to hear.

Great, can’t wait to break the news to Jisung that the only other beta in the pack doesn’t even wanna be here. 

Seungmin smooths his palms on the table in front of him, staring at the pages of notes scrawled in his messy handwriting. “I know there are expectations. I knew that coming in. I know Jisung has expectations especially, and from what he’s told me about his past and how his parents wanted an alpha for a son, and all the struggles he went through as a beta to try and fit in, I don’t blame him. But I-” 

Seungmin gives a little shake of his head, and his gaze meets yours once more, lips pulled into the hint of a thin line. “I never went through anything like that. I was a beta, born into a family happy to be betas, and I never even thought twice about it. Never felt like I was somehow lacking, or less than, because it was all just biology. Nothing more. So I don’t really know how to-” He hesitates, seeming to struggle with his thoughts for a moment. 

“-relate.” You finish for him softly, and he gives a slight jerk of a nod. 

“Yeah.” He agrees. “But I’ve found I’ve had that problem all my life, not just with Jisung, not just with this, with everything.” He gives a tiny shake of his head, and a humorless sardonic smile curves his lips in the slightest way. “I don’t know how to relate to people. I never have. Maybe I’m missing some integral part of my own biology, because I know better than anyone that wolves are not loners, they’re pack oriented, but I’ve always always preferred to be alone. A lone wolf, I guess you’d say.” 

You study him for a moment and then you say softly, “There’s nothing wrong with that, Seungmin.” He heaves a sigh and leans back, staring up at the ceiling above us. “I guess not, but I guess, what I’m trying to say is-” He glances at you, expression going flat. “-I don’t know how to let you all in to understand me, if I don’t even understand myself.” 

Before you can second guess yourself, you reach out and cover one of his hands on the table with your own. “Hey.” When he looks at you, you give him the hint of a smile. “We’re all figuring this shit out, just the way you are.” 

He blows out a breath through his nose, almost like a sardonic sort of laugh. “Yeah? Well, you guys seem to have shit pretty figured out from my viewpoint.” 

You shake your head. “We don’t, trust me.” Your lips curve slightly as you stare at him, holding his gaze. “We’re a mess, we’re just pretty good at hiding it. Well, most of the time.” 

Seungmin stares at you for a long, silent moment. 

“I want to be what Jisung needs.” He finally admits, so softly it’s almost just a breath. “I want to be what Changbin wants. I want to be-” He blows another harsh breath out through his nose and drops your gaze. “-pack, but I’m just not sure where to begin. This is all new territory for me, and while I’m all about new discoveries in the scientific fields, my personal life is another matter entirely.” 

You give a little laugh at that, and note that he hasn’t pulled his hand back from your touch yet. 

That’s a good sign. 

“You don’t have to have it all figured out today. Just one step at a time.” You encourage softly, leaning down so you can meet his ducked gaze. “You can do that, right?” 

Seungmin sighs, but he nods anyway. “Yeah, I can do that.” 

“Good.” You sit back and blow out a breath, glancing down at your study materials spread out before you. “Now I don’t know about you, but I can’t study anymore tonight or I might go blind.” 

Seungmin nods, surprisingly, and begins to pack up his materials. 

After another brief moment of silence, he asks suddenly, “What about you?” 

You shove another handful of pens and papers into your backpack without looking up. “What about me?” 

Seungmin makes a noise that clearly signifies he thinks you’re being obtuse on purpose, and you can feel his annoyed stare burning holes in the side of your head. 

“You know, don’t you wanna know how I feel about you? Now that I’ve had some time?” 

You freeze, swallowing, and then force yourself to resume your previous activities of packing up and getting ready to leave. 

“I mean, not really. I figure you’ll tell me that when you’re ready.” 

Lies. 

You wanna know so bad it’s driving yourself and your wolf crazy. 

You busy yourself with lining up your highlighters back in their designated case, just so your antsy fingers have something to do. 

“You know-” Seungmin states suddenly, voice even, tone neutral. “For a long time, I thought I was asexual.” Your eyes jerk up in surprise to meet his own, lips parting slightly. 

“You don’t have to-” 

He waves you off, pulling his glasses off his head and carefully folding them to stow in their case as he talks. 

“No, it’s fine. I want to.” He glances to you then, a slight smile curving his lips. “I’m supposed to be pushing myself right? Opening up so you can get to know me better?” 

You swallow and give a slight nod. 

“You know, the whole lone wolf thing from before? I didn’t really ever feel the need to be involved with anyone like that. Didn’t think I needed it, felt complete without it. And then-” He sighs, and a slight flicker of annoyance crosses his pretty features. “I met Changbin.” 

“Changbin.” You breathe in slight agreement, and your lips twitch upward a little at the other alpha’s name. “Yeah, he tends to have that effect on people.” 

“Mm.” Seungmin nods in slight agreement. “So then, I thought, well, maybe it’s just biology, but maybe I don’t really want to be alone, not quite like that. But then I think-” He considers you for a long moment. “-I met you, and we became friends, and I liked your company, but then you asked me if I could ever like you like I liked Changbin.” You cringe slightly at that. “Oh god, can we just pretend that conversation never happened?” 

“No.” Seungmin responds back immediately. He arches a brow. “It made me think you know. About myself. About what I wanted. It was good for me.” 

“Glad to help.” You mumble back, your cheeks flushed slightly in an irritated sort of hot feeling blush. 

“I considered that maybe, after you asked me that, that I was just into guys.” Seungmin admits in a softer sort of voice, but still matter of factly. 

“Oh, so it’s my gender, got it.” You retort back, avoiding his gaze. 

“No.” He shakes his head at that. “I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really care about gender, not in the long run of things. I think I’m more into people themselves, their personalities, and how they handle mine.” “Great, so it’s just my personality then.” You blurt out, throwing out your hands now. 

“No.” Seungmin repeats a little bit more firmly, sharper. “You’re not listening to me.” 

You give a little sharp laugh at that. “It’s really fucking hard to listen to you when we’ve been studying shit that turns my brain to mush for the last four hours.” 

Seungmin’s hand covers your own, and you freeze, gaze flicking to him, mouth slightly agape, words instantly dying off. 

“I-” He says firmly, taking in a sort of shaky breath, his fingers still resting a little bit awkwardly on top of your own. “-like you. You, (Y/N). I like the way you make me feel accepted, I like that you listen to my ramblings about scientific findings, I like that you don’t push me to go further than I’m comfortable, and I like that we started as friends first, and you’ve given me time and patience to explore where this could potentially go. At my own pace.” 

You stare at him for another beat and then, “I’m sorry. If what I said in the shower made you uncomfortable.” 

His lips curve slightly at that, his nose wrinkling with the hint of a smile. “It didn’t. In fact, it kind of surprised me that I liked hearing it. Just-” He blows out a breath. “-give me some time to figure out my shit okay?” 

You nod, curling your fingers around his own. “Yeah, I can do that.” 

Seungmin nods, and removing his hand from yours, begins to move to pack away the rest of his things. “Now c’mon, I promised Jisung we’d be in time to watch a movie with him.” 

You grin, standing up and slinging your backpack over your shoulder. “It’s gonna be one of those cheesy action flicks he loves, you know that right?” 

Seungmin sighs, but his voice is filled with affectionate amusement. “Yeah, I know.” He glances at you with a lift of his brow. “But anything for our boy, right?” 

You grin back at him, knocking your arm into his as you walk. “Anything for our boy.” 

As you walk down the stairs that lead out of the library, shoulder to shoulder, he slides his hand into yours. 

[honeyhonest]

minors do not interact, 18+ only

✧˖°. doctor's orders

hey guys. did you know that medieval doctors would prescribe orgasms as medical treatment, as it was believed that a buildup of sexual desire would cause illness?

you know who would know this?

warnings: afab!reader (they/you pronouns, I say cunt a lot), fingering, humping, praise, usage of "little one" bc guhhh, biting, medical kink if you squint, long

It was of the opinion of your dear friends that you had fallen very, very ill.

There could be no other explanation; the pleasant, thoughtful prefect, their beloved friend, had become disinterested and grumpy, isolating themselves in their room and dismissing any attempts to talk.

You complained of being dizzy. You always looked as if you didn't quite sleep enough the night before, or the night before that. And you were distracted, your mind clearly on something else.

And despite the best efforts of your friends, you refused to see the nurse.

"I've never seen them so stubborn," Vil complains. "It's as if they want to suffer."

Leona scoffs and kicks his feet up on the table. "I say let 'em be. They're going through a phase. Can't do anything about that,"

"Was this really important enough to meet over?" Trey asks. "I have to take batter out of the fridge in fifteen-"

"Yes, we heard you the first time. And yes, it's important. They've become an absolute hermit," Vil says.

Cater leans into his elbow on the table, smiling. "And aren't they like, a little old to be going through phases?"

"My thoughts exactly,"

Each of your friends exchange glances. All have their theories, but none are willing to share them in the dim lighting of the classroom. Leona sighs.

"As much as I hate to ask, can't you just have your little lapdog figure it out?"

"Rook?" Vil asks. "I've tried. He smiles at me, as if he knows, and then says he hasn't a clue and walks off."

"Psh. Typical,"

"What're we talking about?"

Lost in thought and tense conversation, no one had noticed the door to the classroom opening.

Perhaps they wouldn't have noticed even if it was quiet, since the fae standing at the mouth of the room with his hands folded behind his back and a curious smile on his face was known for surprises.

"...Good evening, Lilia," Vil says. "We were only having a conversation."

His eyes light up at the trepidation in Vil's words. "Ooh, gossip?"

"Nothing of the sort,"

Cater grins, and leans further against the table. "Uh, kinda, tho. A certain someone's been weird lately, and it's freaking everyone out,"

"Oh," Lilia says, raising his brow. "That's unfortunate. Are they unwell?"

Cater shrugs, and Vil rolls his eyes.

"Yes. But they refuse to be tended to,"

The fae hums, the same curious smile on his lips. He's obviously not too worried. "Perhaps I can help. I've treated some illnesses in my time. What are the symptoms?"

Vil seems reluctant to share, as if he doubts Lilia's word, but then he sighs.

"Fatigue, shortness of breath, and they complain of feeling lightheaded. They've also taken to isolating themselves in their room, and their attitude has..."

"They're a huge dick now," Leona grins. Vil glares daggers at him.

Lilia hums again, cradling his chin in thought. "I see... if that's all, then I think I know what's ailing them. I'm afraid it's rather serious,"

And the room goes silent, everyone's attentions drawn to the small fae. Some suddenly look quite nervous, and others- Leona- roll their eyes.

"Woah, Lils, how serious are we talking?" Cater asks, sitting up straight again.

"I read of it in a Briar Valley medicinal tome some time ago. It's quite common in mature humans," he explains. "Some cases have been deathly. Luckily, there is treatment... ahem, but it must be given by another person."

"Like an injection or something?" Cater asks.

"Khee hee. Yes, something like that,"

Vil puts his hands on his hips, still looking skeptical. "And I suppose you'd like to give it?"

For a fleeting moment in that dark room, in the flicker of candle, Lilia's smirk sharpens, a knowing, sly gleam in his eyes.

Then, as if it had never happened, his cute, jovial expression returns. "Of course. I am the expert, after all,"

.

"Knock knock~"

Lilia is, perhaps, the last person you want to see right now.

Between your friends pestering you and the dull, unrelieved ache between your legs that you can never seem to rid yourself of, this week has felt like twelve of Lilia's lifespans combined.

The door opens without a response from you.

"There you are!" Lilia beams, as if he'd been looking for you all day. As if you'd been anywhere but in your room...

"Hello, dear. A little birdie told me you weren't feeling well."

You suppress a groan of pure, tortured anguish. "Listen, I know you're just trying to help, but I'm really not in the mood for visitors,"

"Aren't you?" he says with a tsk, tsk, slowly closing the door behind him. "I think a visitor is just what you need. I know just how to make this go away, after all."

You almost roll your eyes. He's just like the others- no amount of soup and bed rest was going to help you.

"Aww, don't give me that look," Lilia smiles, delicately sitting at the end of your bed. "I can tell this isn't a stomach bug or a cold. I'm not witless like the others, you know. Now, we're both adults here. Would you like to tell me about it, or shall I guess?"

You blink. No other option. You want to believe that he doesn't know what he's talking about, but he's Lilia.

Your refusal to answer only sharpens his grin.

"Guessing it is. Let's see," he says, his eyes lingering on your body for a moment too long.

"Khee hee. Seems like someone is a little overdue for some fun. Frustrated, are we?"

"Lilia!"

You throw your pillow at him, and he catches it with a giggle, setting it beside him and leaning over you.

"I'm right, then? Oh, don't tell me. I love the suspense. But you do know it's unhealthy to abstain. Lethal, sometimes. Back in my day, it was called womb sickness. Now it's... what, going cold turkey?"

"Lilia,"

He giggles again. "Oh, I apologize. Too lewd?"

He's not sorry in the slightest. If anything, he seems to be drinking in your frustration and embarrassment, and he has that glint in his eyes- that fiery sort of look he has before a competition.

"It's not that," you huff. "And I'm not... abstaining. I just... I've... I've had trouble... getting there."

Lilia doesn't seem surprised. If anything, his smirk only sharpens, and his eyes lower to your body again, lingering far too long on the exposed tummy visible between your shirt and your pants. His fingers, cool and almost calloused, brush against your cheek as he tucks hair behind your ear.

"Hmm... that is unfortunate, isn't it?"

"Very," you say, plainly.

There's a moment of silence, his eyes dragging down your body, shamelessly admiring you with only a look.

His hand snakes from the sheets beside you to your thigh, fingers pressing into the plush and thumb languidly stroking along the warmth of your inner thigh. There's nothing shy or gentle about the touch.

"Let me help you,"

"Excuse me?"

He bursts into a fit of giggles, his fingers digging into your thigh.

"Khee hee. My apologies, what I meant was, it is quite unhealthy to go so long without proper release. But there are... treatments,"

His thumb presses into your inner thigh for emphasis.

"So... let me help you. In a strictly professional, medical context. Of course,"

"Of course?" you repeat.

"Of course,"

His hand slides up your side, and he gives you a firm, reassuring squeeze before sliding back to your thigh, coaxing your legs apart.

Lilia stills, taking a breath and enjoying the look of you on your back underneath him. Then, he cozies himself up next to you, resting his head on your shoulder.

"This'll be better if you relax. Doctor's orders," he says. You can hear the smirk in his voice.

His fingers dance along the hem of your pajamas before sliding between the fabric of your pants and underwear. He traces a line up your clothed cunt, feeling for arousal, and then, without warning, he pushes his thumb against your achey clit, hard, making you jolt.

"Khee hee. Couldn't help myself,"

You don't have the mind to curse him out now, not even in your thoughts. His mouth finds your neck, and he presses kisses to it as his thumb moves in deep, languid circles over the pearl of your cunt.

"O-oh,"

"You like?" he giggles, fangs grazing against the tender flesh of your throat. "Don't get too cozy. We're only starting."

Every few seconds, he changes the direction or pace of his thumb, stroking your clit in circles or moving up and down, both agonizingly slow and agonizingly fast, never giving you a moment to breathe, and certainly not to cum.

"That's it," he murmurs against your neck, lowered, crimson eyes watching your chest rise and fall with each breath. "Aren't you a brave little one? Getting so wet for me..."

As if to emphasize his point, two fingers make their way beneath the thin fabric of your underwear, dipping between your folds and dancing in your slick. The cold of his skin makes your hips jolt again, and he giggles.

"Mmh. You weren't kidding. You're desperate, aren't you?"

He takes your flustered silence as a yes, and withdraws his fingers from between your legs, holding them to the light, playing with the glistening strings of slick between his fingers.

"...How cute,"

He's been torturing you for so long, you'd nearly forgotten... everything. The time, the place, your own name...

Only the absence of his hand from your cunt reminds you, and you meet his eyes with a pout.

"Lil-"

"Suck," he commands, holding his fingers to your lips. The warmth of your own cunt meets the warmth of your tongue as you let him in, and he hums happily. Once, he presses down on your tongue, making you gag, much to his delight.

He withdraws the hand and uses it to hold your face, smearing your cheek with your spit as he guides your lips to his. Lilia kisses you hard, tasting yourself on your tongue, almost moaning into your mouth when you do.

Then, he pulls away, his eyes lowered, fangs pressing into his lower lip in a grin.

"Ready?"

"Ready?" You repeat, watching him rest his head on your chest as he lays himself beside you again.

His fingers slip beneath your underwear again. "For your treatment, silly thing. Ready?"

You can suddenly feel your heart in your throat, and as soon as the word leaves your mouth, there are two nimble fingers breaching your cunt.

"My, my," his giggles almost drown out the sound of your moans. "Don't worry, little one, I'll take good care of you."

He scissors his fingers, stretching you out as if to test how much you can take, which is pleasurable in its own way, and then he begins moving. He pumps his middle and ring finger in and out, shallow at first, but going further with each noise of yours. He curls his fingers the deeper he goes, forcing more moans and whimpers and incoherent babbles out of your throat.

Though you can't see his face as he focuses solely on the place between your legs, you can tell he's enjoying this... if only because he's been grinding against your thigh since before you kissed.

"That's- that's it, just like that, you're doing so well, little one-"

The speed of his hips quickens with the speed of his fingers, filling the room with the sound of your desperate moans, his whines, and the squish of his fingers thrusting into your slick hole. His ankle hooks around yours, locking your bodies together as he humps your thigh. The heel of his palm grinds into your clit as his fingers push deeper.

You're convinced he can feel your orgasm coming before you do, because as soon as he hits the perfect spot, he sinks his fangs into your neck, overwhelming you with pain and pleasure and making you cum, finally, all over his hand.

Your vision goes white, and his soft praises sound distant until you can feel your fingers again.

And his, as he pulls them out, admiring the way they're wrinkled from your wetness and covered in slick.

"Mmh. I'm impressed. You must have been truly desperate to cum like that- or perhaps you just like me? Khee hee,"

You can't seem to speak, your body still numb and tingling with pleasure. Lilia grins at the state of yourself and leans up to kiss your sweaty forehead.

"All better, I take it? I knew I always had a knack for medicine," he says, sitting up.

You watch as he licks his hand clean, savoring the fruits of his efforts.

"I'm sure your friends will be pleased to see you in good health again."

Your eyes widen, and your lips finally part- "Don't-"

He chuckles. "I won't say a word, don't worry your pretty little head about it. It'll be our little secret, Prefect~"

Lilia looks away for a moment, seemingly lost in thought, and then he smiles again.

"...That was a close call, though. It would be just terrible if something like this happened again. I'll have to return in a few days to make sure you're taking good care of yourself- doctor's orders."

[crescencestudio]

2024 Recap & 2025 GOALS

I'M BAAAAACCKKKKKK

Well, well, well.... Look who it IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello my friends.

It is I!!!

To say it's been a while since we've really talked would be an understatement. This bitch rly went fckn off the radar that second half of 2024. But I'm happy to say I am making my debut once again and I am back on the scene!!!

I hope the start of 2025 has been going well for you all <3 I'm happy and excited to say that after a grueling 2024 and relaxing holidays, I'm finally back and ready to get to WORK on Alaris! I thought a nice way to get back into things would be a big 'ol yappy post in true Crescence fashion so that you all know exactly where I, and Alaris, are at as we enter the new year :')

I'm excited to say that while I don't have a set date yet...

Alaris WILL be releasing this year even if it kills me.

Just as my big year goal in 2024 was to graduate and I used every ounce of inner strength to make that happen, finishing and releasing Alaris is my big goal this year. I've kept you all waiting long enough, and I'm confident that Alaris is at a point that we'll be able to do a release this year. Of course, if this changes, you all will be the first to know. But I'm very hopeful that we can make a 2025 release happen ^^

That being said, I think it might be nice to do a 2024 recap so we can see just how far the project has come, even if I was shoved off the face of the earth in the later months of 2024 \o/

Last year, we actually finished ALL the writing for every route except for Aisa's! Meaning we reached 300k words of writing for the game and only have 50k words left YEEAAAAAA. And all routes are written up except for one! This was a huge milestone for me since I still remember when I finished the first 50k for the game with Kayn's route all the way back in the beginning. And we're finally nearing the end.

I've always considered writing the hardest part of game development so to have finally reached a point where almost all of the writing is finished was a huge achievement for me last year.

We also made HUGE progress on the art front last year ^^ Not only did we finish all of the backgrounds for the full game, we also got a new GUI, updated sprites and CGs, and a new promo piece in anticipation for the release of the new demo.

We also made progress on CGs for the full game, which I will not be showing because spoilers and those are special nuggets Patreon and Kickstarter backers get access to hehe. But we made about 16 finished CGs last year, getting us to a total of 22 CGs and about halfway through our CG count!!

Last but definitely not least, we actually had a good amount of releases last year (considering I got fckn bodied in the second half of the year) ^^

a moment for Van

In 2024, believe it or not, I actually released the extended version of Intertwine! It featured new music, slightly more polished programming, and almost double the writing :') And with this release, we saw Intertwine get a lot more love throughout the year and actually reached 200k plays and 1k ratings (crazy numbers I never thought I'd see in all my days). So thank you all for continuing to love my fated child <3

a moment for my whore child

We also released the enhanced demo for Alaris last year, featuring a polished script (with some revised dates), partial voice acting, custom OST, new GUI, new BGs, updated sprites and CGs, and much more! This was an exciting milestone for me since it felt like we finally were approaching a release that reflected what the full game would feel like, and I couldn't have been happier with the release :') It meant so much to me that old and new players enjoyed it as much as they did and really gave me the motivation endorphins to keep chipping away towards full release

HE.

And then, perhaps the most exciting of all, Alaris entered its BETA ROUTE ERAAAAAA!!!! We kicked it off with Kayn in honor of hot girl summer, but made our way through half of the LIs with Kayn, Fenir, and Druk each getting their own moment to shine \o/ The reception to these routes was super motivating since players finally got to experience content I'd been working on and keeping to myself for almost a year, and I've been so happy seeing people fall in love with the LIs in in different ways :')

Usually I do a little recap with fanart I make of games I played throughout the year as well, but this year I wanted to do something different and dedicate this little section to YOU ALL!!

In 2024, the Alaris community was blessed with fanart, memes, character questions, and more :') For some reason, 2024 was the year a lot of you decided to really show your love for the game, and it's one of the biggest things that's maintained my sanity, and the reason I love working on the game. While I can't show all the fanart everyone made, I wanted to take a second to show some love

credits to: @/egginthepit, @/nanapop, @/stimulatory, and @/dreamtydraw for cracked fanart

I know I dropped the ball near the end of 2024, but I hope you all know how much seeing fanart and people engaging with Alaris means to me. Every time I see a new piece or a new character ask in the inbox, it genuinely makes my day. I hope this year I can be better at recognizing and fostering the love in the community for all of our LIs, and I can't wait for another year with you all!

credits to: lily of @/lavendeerstudios, bestie maguna, @/starlitplum, and @/fignia-kakay-to

Here's to a new year that is hopefully filled with more excitement for Alaris, progress, and an eventual release (eek!!!!). Thank you all for sticking with me for another year!

[scp035sdiscordkitten]

In the SCP sedition tapes, 049 talks about an ex-apprentice Jolanda. I never really thought about her until a couple months ago, and now I'm OBSESSED WITH HER. I've written so much lore about her in my AU of the sedition tapes when all I've had to go off her was 3 minutes of 049 speaking about her. And now, since I am attached to her, I ask of you to please take 049 being a Father lore. This post specifically is about her childhood and centers around her relationship with 049. Her adulthood will have it's own separate post, and is also more heavily influenced by 035. 0-6 Years: The only child to an immigrant couple in Europe. Her childhood is fuzzy, but fine. Sickly, impoverished, and dirty, but fine. The town she lived in was large, so it was a prime target when war broke out. Her village was attacked. Everyone but her died, whether it was by murder, burning to death in the fires, or smoke inhalation, they were dead. 049 had been following closely behind the attacking armies to ensure 035 wouldn't track him down, as 035 was stalking 049 through Europe at this time, and after every raid there would also be fresh bodies to experiment on. 049 found Jolanda in the remnants of her families home. She was uninjured, but absolutely distraught mentally. 049, out of pity, took her under his wing as his apprentice 6-12 Years: Jolanda bonded to him like a duckling. She was always at his side and looked up to him. 049 was hesitant at first, only caring for her out of necessity. But the more he taught her, the more genuine love he felt for her. She was a child prodigy, and took to the craft of medicine and the pestilence as if it was in her nature. His mentor role soon turned fatherly, even though he never wanted to and never knew how to be one. For the sake of Jolanda, he learned. They travelled side by side, 049 teaching her how to spot and cure the pestilence, but also how to go about life. She considered him her father, and she his daughter, though it was always unspoken. They referred to each other by name, they didn't have to say it to know. In these years, 049 also warned her about 035, showing her drawings and telling her tales about the shit he's caused. He knew 035 would be back at any moment, and Jolanda would be his first target if he found her.

12-16 Years: Around this time, Jolanda began to develop survivors guilt for the attack on her home. She couldn't remember her family as vividly as she used to and she felt horrible, especially with how quickly she got over her fathers death and clung to 049. She confided in 049 about this, and he'd comfort her, but also feel bad. Like there was something more he could have done to save her father or that he shouldn't have stepped into that role in the first place. This put distance between them for a bit, having shame on both sides, but they were able to recover after so many talks and time away from the medical table spent together. 16-18 Years: Smooth sailing, best father daughter duo you've ever seen!! 18-21 Years: Jolanda had begun to expand her circle. Making friends, falling in love, all that fun stuff. 049 however believed she had grown uninterested in curing the Pestilence. That she would, as all his other apprentices had, go on to cure broken bones and sore throats. He told her about his growing disappointment that she wasn't spending more time studying the pestilence, which caused her to sneak out and be more curt with him. She felt unwanted and disheartened. She still believed in the pestilence and wanted to cure it, but 049 didn't seem to see that, did he. 049s old delusions were coming back to him, even though 035 had lost his track long ago. He would see 035 in the corner of his eye, or hear those whispers when he was totally alone. He and Jolanda had to keep travelling, but she didn't want to, she had now formed a community. Resentment built and built between the two of them, even though 049 tried to fix it, and it all came crashing down when 049 kidnapped the pestilence infested boyfriend of Jolanda's lady crush, tied him up, and pressured Jolanda into curing him. Jolanda jumped in to defend the guy, putting herself between 049 and him. 049s delusions came back harder than ever, and it was a blur after that, but when he came to his senses, Jolanda was half dead. He had cured her, basically killing her in the process. Out of shock, horror, and shame, he cast her into the snow and left her for dead, immediately returning to his endless run through Europe to cure the pestilence. Nothing could wash off the guilt he now bore, and it drove him even further into insanity. After being cast into the snow and abandoned, Jolanda should've died. But she didn't. Her conscious was still intact, even after having the cure inflicted on her. Half of her body was beginning to rot, and she had intense urges to find and kill anything that moved, like every other carcass 049 cured felt. But Jolanda kept it within, and she turned that urge into the need for revenge. Ty for reading I hope my yapping was enjoyed 🫶🫶🫶like I said, her adulthood will get its own post, but lord knows when that'll be.

[rosaeh]

writer!jason x actress!reader

kind of la la land au

words = ~ 1.800

Being Bruce Wayne's son, Jason should not have any trouble publishing his book. Hypothetically. But Jason wants his book to be published because it's his, not because it's Bruce Wayne's son's.

But he is really starting to consider this idea when his manuscript is denied for the fourth time. He does not understand what he is doing wrong. He truly thought his first manuscript was good. Flawless even. He graduated from the literature course of Gotham University with honours, meaning he knows to write. He does.

So why on Earth is he sitting with his head in his hands, the refusal email displayed on his laptop's screen ?

Being Gotham's daughter certainly did not help you in improving your acting skills. Or it seems to be what the people at the audition thought, at least. Working at a dinner since you were 17 in order to pay for your acting class, you know what making sacrifice means, what being hard-working means. And you certainly know your acting skills are good. Excellent even. You do your best to be in character, learning about them, taking notes, acting as if it were you.

Which is why you do not understand why the phone has not rung yet, as you are waiting for the call that could start your career.

He needs to change his mind. And even if he does not want to, he will -he also has to- go to this gala Bruce is hosting. Being with his siblings might soothe him. Being in an event that pisses him off even more than those stupid publishers, will definitely make him forget about it, even if it's just for a night.

So he finds himself standing awkwardly near a table on which rest a feast, a champagne glass in hand. He looks into the void, reminiscing about his book. Being at this gala did not actually help, because for once -once- no one is trying to bother him tonight, and his siblings are all caught up with someone. God, for once, he wished someone will talk his ear off about anything.

Crying in your bed tonight because of the rejection you feel within your bones, was not an option. You had promised your friend Esme you would work with her tonight as a waitress because she was afraid to go on her own among the socialite. You did not have the heart to tell her no one would pay mind to either of you, being only little people at their feet. So you had agreed.

Now here you are, pacing through this room, a plate full of champagne on your flat hand, hoping -praying- you won't drop it. A man even tried to put a tip in the pocket on your heart as if you were some kind of stripper for him to look at.

He needs another drink. If now one was going to make him forget about the book, then he will do it himself.

Barely even looking, he reached for a glass a waitress is offering. Rude. He looks up quickly to thank the person, knowing how shitty working amount socialite was. Hell, even just being around them was a pain.

As he was about to speak up, he looked at the woman and found himself scanning her face, feeling like he had seen her before. He still worded his gratefulness, "Thank you." he breathed out as he tried to figure where he has seen her before.

You were about to turn around and keep on pacing when the man's voice stops you.

"I feel like I've seen you before." he said, gaze fixed on you.

And you felt your cheeks getting hot and surely red as well. -Not only because this man is undeniably handsome, and you feel like a bug under is scrutinising green eyes.- But really because you know what he meant. You had been scared anyone would bring this up tonight, but the knowledge that no one would actually talk to you won out on the fear.

And here he is.

"Must've been someone else, surely." a polite smile is on your face, trying to play the perfect waitress. After all, playing pretend is what you do for a living, or at least try to.

His brows furrowed and his eyes narrowed, and your smile felt more awkward than anything now. It is as if he could see right through you, which made you feel even worse about your acting skills. You really should not have come tonight.

But, obviously, he had to figure it out.

"I saw your face on a poster, in the metro. The ads for-"

Jason decided to cut himself off because now she really looked mortified that he was talking to her, and he did not even notice since he was so focused on figuring out who she was.

The woman's cheeks were crimson, and now he felt bad.

"I'm sorry, I- Shouldn't have brought that up, you- Please, keep on going with...serving." Great. Now he felt even worse because he was so awkward as if he had never talked to another human being before that, and he was sure he made her feel worse by extension as well.

He dared meet her eyes again, and he was struck. -Not only because she is gorgeous, and that he was so set on trying to find her face in his memory to notice.- But really because she seemed less creeped out now. As if seeing him makes a fool of himself appeased her. Also because the woman's focus was now on him, and as if she were reading his mind, she said :

"There's no problem, really. It's okay." She offered a soft smile, that appeased him too.

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable." He apologised again.

"You didn't, it's alright, I promise. And… I am, indeed, the girl from the whitening toothpaste." She sighted, as if the mention of the ads itself was a curse upon her.

You had no choice but to accept this ad, really. Because when you don't get any audition nor roles, and that you need to eat, you take anything. And honestly, at first, it did not bother you. It was just a simple ad, a picture of you holding the toothpaste in your hands with a bright smile. Easy. But they had to whiten your teeth.

And you can tell he remembered, because his lips were pressed in a thin line as if he was holding himself from grinning, God, maybe even laughing.

You knew you would not be able to take it if a man so handsome -and a socialite at that- laughed at you. You would just have to bury yourself 6 feet under.

"I'm not-" he cracks a chuckle, "I'm not laughing at you."

But you knew for sure this was a lie and knew you should feel ashamed, perhaps, but you do not. Because you felt like he was actually telling the truth, and was not laughing at you.

"What are you laughing for, then?

"My brother bought it, and his teeth were so white we could see 'em in the dark." He fully laughed now at the memory, and you were in awe at how gracious he made laughing seems.

You cannot help but crack a grin at his words.

"Thank God, I didn't actually have to use it."

He saw her smile before. A few times, when he would walk in the metro, the posters plastered on the dirty walls. But for some reason, seeing it for real was, actually, breathtaking. Like, breathtaking. Jason even stopped laughing at Dick's expense, to admire her smile. He hoped it did not come off as staring because he wanted to keep doing it.

"Are you telling me this was a misleading ad? Your teeth were not that white?" He smirked now, feeling weirdly more comfortable.

She scoffed, mouth agape, pretending to be offended. "I would never participate in that kind of masquerade."

He was amused. Actually amused, and the thought of his manuscript, of everything he had to change about it for the fourth time. But of course, fate was not on Jason's side -or so he thought- and a man approached the both of them. He said her name, and Jason kept repeating it in his mind, as if to carve it there.

"You can't speak to the guests, you have to work."

Her eyes widen, and she was red again, apologising throughfully to the man -whom she called Max- and turned her heels, not even daring to spare Jason a last glance.

And of course now that she was gone, someone came to talk to him. He should not have prayed for that before, he should have known it would come at him and bite him back.

There is a feeling of soreness in your arm for holding stuff all night long, but it was finally over. Max kinda scolded you for speaking with the socialite, but acted as if he felt bad for it and acted friendly again. You wondered if he was flirting with you. You were almost certain he was, but it was so badly handled that the doubt lingered.

It did not linger much longer, though, when he proposed to drive you home. And Esme was nowhere to be found. No excuse for you to avoid it, no matter how hard you tried to. You insisted on taking the cab, and he reminded you of how dangerous Gotham was. As if you didn't grow up in Crime Alley. You know how dangerous it is. But you are still testing your odds.

"It's really not necessary, Max. I'll be fine."

Max opened his mouth to argue with you furthermore, when you saw your light in the dark, your way out of this situation. The guest you talked to, and from afar you can now see how good his suit looked on him.

Not taking any chance to let this timing go to waste, you quickly cut off Max.

"Actually, someone's already driving me home." And with that you called him out, until his green eyes -that you were so grateful to see- were on you. "I'm here !"

He furrowed his brow in the exact same way he did when you two talked, and you cannot help but think it is cute. The man seemed to examine you, and when his eyes landed on Max, he finally understood what the look on your face meant. He nodded is head, telling you to come, and you obliged, thanking whatever deities were watching over you.

She quickly walked over to him, as if she was eager to come to him. As if. She was eager to get away from the other guy. Still, Jason felt a twitch in his stomach at the smile she wore on her face.

"My hero." She breathed out when she stopped right in front of him.

His gaze rested on her face for a moment longer, before he blurted out. "Jason."

She furrowed her brows as he suddenly speaked up, but the smile remained on her face. "Jason?"

God, his name on her lips.

"-Yes, I'm no hero. Just Jason."

considering writing this as a series tbh but i'll see i guess

[dtupdating]

DREAM replied to another Reddit post!

Transcript under the cut!

Ludwig slightly misremembered, and didn't explain in a super fair way imo it makes me sound way worse than what actually happened

tldr;

I dmd ludwig suggesting he make a video, and offering myself for questions

ludwig replied and eventually said that I jokingly called one of his friends a whore

Due to the fact that a friend of Nicolas Cantu's had recently falsely said that "I got slapped at a party for calling a girl a whore", I asked him if that's what it was about.

He said no, and that he can't tell me more information because he doesn't think it's worth resurfacing it for her sake

I replied with a message about that, and then said I'd also provide context to the other situation just in case he was just telling me it's not about that situation (to "protect" the person's identity) even though it was, because I had no idea about any other situation.

Here's the important parts of that message that I sent him:

oh well unfortunately I guess I can't talk about this because I don't know what you're talking about at all, but I will say this as a general statement; A lot of people spread false stuff about me, or exaggerate, and have done it a lot ESPECIALLY during all of this stuff going on, as it's easy to sensationalize things because of how "hated" I seem. Intentionally, OR unintentionally. I have had to clear up so many different false stories of me being weird, or just a total shit bag, because the rumor mill runs super fucking strong when you're getting shit on 24/7. And every time it's just "oh okay that makes sense". It's not always someone lying, but it's almost always someone not realizing that exaggerating and mischaracterizing what they're saying can be a big deal, and isn't something they should do. I have never randomly called someone a whore, I have never called someone a whore derogatorily, and I would never do that.

I will completely and fully say that I have called friends of mine jokingly whore's / sluts / whatever, GUYS ANDS GIRLS, but only with people that joke along with it, or have expressly said they don't care, and again, only with friends of mine. This situation has been a lesson to just never say it at all though, because it's being used to make me out as a bad person. I would never use it that way, never ever meant anything negative when I've ever said it, and never have used it to insult or demean anyone, in any way.

I don't know the situation you're talking about, and obviously it's seemingly a bad look to have "multiple instances" where I called a girl a whore lmao, but I just cannot fathom that I called a stranger a whore, even jokingly, regardless of whether I was drunk or not. If I actually did, I would absolutely want to apologize and clear up anything that I possibly can with them, because it's upsetting to know that I made anyone upset or made them feel badly. I would like to say though, that it's not unreasonable to think that it is a misrepresentation of what actually happened, or is being looked at through a negative tint given recent events, when if this wasn't all going on, it would've been viewed as "oh that's obviously a joke". Given the fact that I have been a bit of a punching bag for a bit online, and you never know what motivations people have to spread things. Idk when this would've been as well, because like I said, the Nicolas stuff was pretty eye opening in a lot of ways, including specifically how people feel about those words in general. Which I never really thought about, and again, I've always been extremely careful and delicate with how I interact with anyone I've just met.

I NEVER would demean or speak down on someone like that. If that did actually happen, it was naivety on my part and not malice, and it's a word I'm removing from my vocabulary, and I hope I get a chance to apologize to them. But again, I have no idea what you're specifically talking about, so I probably won't get a chance, or even confirmation that it happened.

Either way, I understand why he didn't reply (I sent walls of text) and don't fault him for it. Although, the way this was said is annoying!

[makeitmakesomesense]

Lessons in Networking

Angelina Jolie x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: Day 12: I've merged a lovely request from a very lovely friend. Also the @taylorswiftmicrofic prompt for the 12th of January, which is 'thigh'.

The first time you saw her, she became embedded. 

You were a small part of a big movie. A well reviewed movie. A talked about movie.

You found yourself on a sudden award season treadmill. A thousand parties, a thousand opportunities to network. The string of scheduled get togethers that everyone referred to as ‘doing the circuit’.

You weren't made for this world. You were terrible at networking. And circuits made you think of racecars. 

You knew you wouldn’t be here again. You knew it was the movie that had brought you here, the unexpected artistry of the director. The project had been exceptional, not you.

You knew that you’d most likely only have a single lap of this ‘circuit’. 

You didn’t mind. You enjoyed savouring the ridiculous world you’d briefly entered into. Rooms full of ego, and name dropping and mind numbing small talk from people obviously scanning the room for someone better to talk to. 

You didn’t mind. Not at first.

It turned out that this was a very long circuit, very intense circuit. You were starting to feel exhausted.

.

You found yourself at another party. Another thinly veiled excuse for the most opportunistic to network and the largest egos to be catered to. 

It had started as a seated dinner thing. The food had been pretty good, even if you didn’t recognise what the dishes were supposed to be. You’d been at a secondary table for the movie you’d been a part of. Seated with people you’d made too much small talk with already. 

Everyone else had been excited to get up and mingle as soon as the meal was over. There’d been a steadily growing group of people congregating by the open bar. 

You stayed sitting. You sipped a glass of water and stared into the mid distance. The hum of so much talking was giving you a headache. You couldn’t decide if you were doing the right thing, just sitting here. If you should be forcing yourself to mingle, to make acquaintances and exchange numbers.

A producer gave you a friendly wave as she walked past, arm in arm with a famous actor that you recognised on sight. You could tell she didn’t really remember you. You’d noticed that a lot of people waved just in case. Better to be over friendly to the nobodies than be called impolite. You waved back, trapped by social convention. 

As they walked past, the producer glanced over to another table, then back to her actor friend. You caught the exchanged look of silent derision. 

You followed their gaze over to another almost empty table. Just like yours. 

Angelina Jolie sat alone.

She was taller than you expected, holding herself with unthinking excellent posture. She was sipping a glass of wine, a neutral expression barely covering her obvious discomfort. You glanced around the room, wondering who she was meant to be with. An A-lister alone at a party like this. It never happened. 

You tried to understand. 

You caught sight of a few people at the bar, looking in her direction with an obvious longing. But there was no-one who seemed to actually be going over to talk to her.  You chewed your lip.

You looked back at Angelina Jolie.  She was running her thumb absentmindedly over the crystal wine glass. Her silver dress glittered like it was made of starlight. She looked otherworldly.

You wondered if maybe she didn’t want the attention, if there was some unspoken rule to leave her alone. She was the one choosing to stay seated, after all. You tried to imagine what would happen if she joined the people at the bar, if she would be subsumed into the crowd?

You and her were the only two left still sitting at a table. 

You watched a short, awkward moment when her eyes filled with optimism as a person walked past and gave her a brief wave. You caught the strange, pained, neutral expression that returned to her face when they didn’t stop to talk.

Angelina Jolie.

You tapped the side of your glass. It felt reckless. Almost criminally reckless. It also felt obvious. You wouldn’t be at another party like this. There was only so much damage you could really do. 

You took a deep breath and got to your feet. You picked up your glass of water with a thundering heart and walked over to her table. 

Angelina’s face shuttered with momentary surprise. Her mouth moved automatically to a polite smile.

‘Hello.’ She said in a voice much softer than you expected. ‘I don’t think we’ve met?’

Briefly, you forgot how to process the English language. Her unfiltered attention was completely overwhelming. You felt a strange mix of self loathing and panic as you tried to recollect yourself.

‘No.’ You said finally, brain on auto-pilot. ‘I don’t think we have.’ 

Angelina gave you a look full of patience and you wondered mortifyingly if this happened often. You felt like the eyes of everyone in the room might now be trained on you. You didn’t dare look back to the bar. 

Angelina’s hand stretched out towards you.

‘I’m Angelina.’ She said with a friendly smile. ‘But a lot of people call me Angie.’

‘Y/N’ You shook her hand cautiously. Her skin was much cooler than you expected. Or maybe you were just feeling very warm. ‘Do you mind if I sit?’

‘Not at all. Please. Yes.’ Angelina gestured to the empty seat beside her. Her long blonde hair fell over her shoulder as she moved. 

There was something clumsy about her phrase and the accompanying gesture. You watched a flicker of self consciousness as she registered it too

‘Thank you.’ You gave a tentative smile as you took the seat. 

You felt the horrible threat of a lingering silence as you both hesitated. Then, you both tried to speak at once.

Angelina laughed suddenly. The melodic sound sent a jolt right through you. 

‘You go first.’ She nodded at you.

‘I was just saying. This is my first time at a party like this.’ You stammered out. ‘I don’t know if I like it.’

Angelina’s mouth stayed closed but her lips twitched into an amused smile. The spark in her eyes encouraged you to go on.

‘Everyone is so-’ You hesitated, suddenly aware that you were talking about a room full of her peers. Possibly her friends. Then you remembered that she was sitting here completely on her own. 

‘So-?’ Angelina prompted teasingly, elongating the sound.

‘So focused.’ You answered unsurely. ‘On careers and networks and really boring small talk.’

Angelina laughed again and then she shrugged in agreement. Her fingers tapped the side of her wine glass.

‘You only have to stay for the first 45 minutes.’ She told you. ‘That’s the secret. You can sneak out after that and people barely notice.’

You felt your eyes roll automatically. ‘Oh sure.’ You couldn’t help smirking as you took a sip of your water. ‘I’ll remember that for all my future tours of the circuit.’

Angelina nodded again, and you caught the playfulness in her gaze. She copied your action, taking a sip from her wine. 

‘The networking doesn’t really get easier.’ She said simply. ‘There’s just more to remember, more -’ She paused as her eyes flickered over to the crowded bar behind you. A heaviness returned to her expression.

‘More baggage.’ She finished carefully. 

Her eyes returned to you, the full force of her attention made you a little dizzy. 

‘Tell me about you?’ She asked with a simple curiosity. 

You did. 

A relatively succinct history of the life that had led you to here. Of your very limited resume and the reasons that you had enjoyed your last role. As you trailed off, Angelina smiled.

‘See.’ She said, clinking her glass lightly with yours. ‘You are good at networking.’

You pretended to check the time on your phone, balanced precariously on your thigh. 

‘Well that’s a relief.’ You grinned as you looked back up at her. ‘Because I’m scheduled to leave in 12 minutes.’

Angelina laughed loudly again, and for the first time since you’d first seen her across the room, she looked genuinely happy.

She clinked her glass with yours again. There was something almost goofy about her wide smile. You matched it automatically with one of your own.

‘What a coincidence.’ She teased dryly. ‘So am I.’

.

12 minutes later, you left a party alongside Angelina Jolie.

Her number was already in your phone, saved as 'Angie'.

.

You wondered if maybe you should give lessons in networking.

.

.

Requests are still very welcome for future January fics. More info in the pinned post if you're interested in requesting. <3

.

[genderqueerdykes]

Have you ever spoken to fully or otherwise visibly black people in person, not online, about how they feel about 100% white passing people presenting themselves as “mixed black” or (more importantly) JUST “black”? because I think you should care even if you disagree with their opinions and ultimately disregard them. I say that with a clear assumption because even if you find people online who agree with you it is absolutely not the norm offline. Like, half is one thing, but being 1/4 and fully white passing is something it is dishonest to not clarify when discussing your race. When people see “black trans lesbian” they are expecting to help a visibly black or even just visibly nonwhite person, not someone who could live a 100% white life if it didn’t bring up a grandparent. When it comes to poverty and race, your appearance is everything, hence why you even bring it up when explaining your plight to people. Regardless of how you personally identify I think you need to be extremely open about HOW black you are when using it to encourage donations. I’m not here to tell you how to identify (I am not the previous anon but we came from the same place, to be clear) bc I think it’s within your right to identify with a part of yourself but you don’t seem particularly concerned with how race actually works irl beyond a cultural identity

oh so now we're doing the blood quantum thing now like it's a good thing? you get to pick and choose when blood quantum is good and bad, now? that's really what you're doing?

you do realize black people exist in real life and are very easy to encounter and talk to, right? why are you acting like black people are so rare you have to go out of your way to find one, are you okay?

i have black friends & family, and i encounter lots of black people every time i leave my house. i live in a very racially diverse area, it's nice. every single black person i've talked to about this off the internet has been understanding and accepting. one of my good friends is an older white woman who has had numerous black partners and has mixed black sons. when i told her i was mixed, after she got a better look at me and felt my hair, she told me there was no way i was 100% white and that i reminded her of her sons. i've never been questioned or told to shut up. i've never been told that i'm not black by a black person. it's always non-blacks who do this.

why are you speaking for black people as though we're a monolith? you do realize other mixed black people exist, right? you do realize individual black people are going to have individual thoughts, feelings opinions, right? i'm not sure why you have such a shitty view on black people, but i promise we are not that hostile and aggressive.

"visibly black", yeesh. why does it terrify racists so bad to realize that mixed people have mixed traits from both/all of their races. the only thing you're bugged about here is my skin tone. that's it. nothing else. just my skin tone. none of my other facial features or my hair. you're just stuck on my skin tone and that's it. do any of you realize why the term white passing was coined or do you care more about telling mixed people what to do?

you're correct in that you're making massive assumptions, that is quite literally the only thing you got right in this ask. you, much like the previous anon, are proudly wearing your racism on your sleeve. i'm not going to pretend my dad and grandma and the rest of her family don't exist. just don't exist because you're offended that mixed people can be light skinned and that's literally it.

i'm not sure how to tell you that you really don't earn any extra money on this website for being black. i haven't received any extra money because sometimes i label my posts like that. i'm not meticulously picking what words i use. i'm not sure how to break it to people that you don't just magically earn more money for being black on tumblr, but you don't. you can dig your head out of your ass, now. you think you're being progressive but all you're doing is being racist. you HAVE to care about mixed people and yes that includes light skinned, white passing mixed people. cope.

[atxxzist]

to the only boy i've ever loved | 02

prev // series m.list

pairing: choi san x f!reader

word count: 652

-- the first meeting

january 1, 9th grade

hi san,

it's a little past 12 a.m. so it's finally new year. i wonder if you have any goals you want to achieve this year? i'm not so sure myself but i think i want to take school more seriously and improve my grades and gpa.

i got a 'c' on two of my classes: science and spanish, and it's not even that i didn't understand the materials, more so that i procrastinated so much until the last second and wasn't able to turn in some major assignments. i'm going to do better this upcoming semester, hopefully.

(recently, my dad has taught me to stop using probable but not certain terms like maybe, probably, hopefully... and to be more sure and confident in myself. i'm learning but it's still a habit)

i'm writing this because i don't have anything better to do this late and i can't sleep. it's also new year and because i have a laptop now, i figure i should probably write about some things i would be able to look back to in the future if my memory starts losing itself? perhaps like the first time i ever met you.

i think that's a good start if i'm going to be writing about you for a long time.

but it was in the 6th grade and you just transferred from another school. i remember thinking you were so cute (you still are) when you first walked into our classroom. you had such big eyes and a cute little nose. because of this, you got popular among the girls pretty fast and even got yourself a girlfriend not too long after.

granted, i was a tiny bit jealous even though i was really good at acting like i didn't care about you and the only time we interacted at all in 6th grade was when we were assigned in line orders and i was put right behind you for a week and accidentally stepped on one of your shoe laces.

you wouldn't even be able to tell at all that every time we got in line for lunch, my heart and stomach always felt funny for that entire week. i was both sad but also relieved when the teacher reorganized the order.

just thinking about it now, you've changed quite a bit in comparison to my very first impression of you. you looked so timid and overwhelmed by the attention at first, i couldn't have predicted you would be best friend with wooyoung jung to this day.

he has always been loud, silly, and a bit disruptive in class from time to time, i for sure thought there was no way you two would get along. i was very wrong because by the time we were about to go to middle school, you two became two peas in a pod.

(wooyoung really only knew i existed because before you came, i was 1 of the only 4 asian students in there and the only other korean besides him)

from then, you started hanging out with the popular crowd and i felt the gap between us grow wider.

i never planned on asking you out and i don't plan to, but it was just a feeling that was hard to ignore, even now.

sophie asks me all the time if i don't plan on doing anything about my crush then why do i still keep doing the things that i do, such as writing these letters and always talking about you.

honestly, i don't have an answer right now either. maybe i enjoy the feeling of liking someone? that there's something to look forward to when i go to school? i don't know, but hopefully my future self will know the answer haha. (sorry dad, i used a maybe and hopefully).

this is getting a bit too long, but i hope you have a good new year and again, i'll see you in less than 2 weeks!

sincerely, y/n.

taglist: @brown88

[burning-academia-if]

Hello and welcome to me yapping about BA. I know this is late, but better late than never! (I have been sick since the end of November, so I also didn't get anything done during December fasdfja). This is pretty long, and I mostly wrote it for myself, since I like giving myself something to look back on in the future + reflect on my work. Feel free to skip this, especially because it is over 2k words LMAO

Brief content warning, there will be a very brief mentioning of health at the end. It won't go in to any detail since it is personal, but it is present! There will be a warning right before I talk about it, but I just wanted to give a head's up! Now onwards, to my 2024 look back: Burning Academia edition.

But first 14 years ago

It's the summer of 2011 (or 2010), and you've just discovered the Persona series for the first time. One day, at the mall, you see a copy of Persona 3 Portable on the shelf in the store, and you beg your very Christian mother to buy it for you, watching as she gives a very hard stare at the blatant "M" rating on the case. By some miracle, you manage to convince her to buy it for you, and then proceed to binge and finish the game in 5 days. Your mom promptly takes away your PSP, which is fair enough in hindsight. You'd played at least ten hours of it each day.

It's the summer of 2011 (or 2010, my memory is Bad), and you also discovered flash dating sims on DeviantArt, which also led to your discovery of otome games in general. Both this and P3P merge together into a story idea. One that you note down in a document full of other story ideas. The notes look like this:

Back then, thirteen year old me imagined an otome game mixed with the classic turn based RPG combat system, but made at a much smaller scale. There were 7 boys, and whoever you romanced changed what the final boss looked like.

It was also centered in a high school, and MC was a lot more of a blank slate sort of character, with no real background. They just happened to find a Weird Book at their private high school and got dragged into nonsense. There were still Wraiths (originally called Night Specters) who you fought during the three month span of the game. Said Night Specters were also controlled by the Resident Voice, who was not a love interest in the original.

Baby Em daydreamed about this idea a lot, for most of summer and throughout eight grade honestly. But it fell to the wayside for things I could actually do (basically, just my writing) and that was pretty much the end of that.

Until it wasn't

Flash forward to 2023, where I was having a rough time and unemployed and to give myself joy I went back through a lot of old files on my Google Drive. I'm not really someone that's ever been ashamed of my creative work, and questionable stories and art I drew are things I'm more fond of than anything. When I stumbled upon this, my brain latched on to it, so I took it, and ripped out it's guts to create the current version of Burning Academia.

Rook and Beck are the only "original" ROs from all that time ago. But even then, they've been changed A Lot, to the point where the two of them are completely different from what they used to be. Rhea was always a character (originally named Wish), who acted as the Best Friend/Guide for MC. She also completely changed to the point of being unrecognizable to the original. And Zoe was a random NPC who worked at the library. I took them, reworked them, and decided on these four as the love interests. Four was a perfectly manageable number, and BA had also changed a lot storywise that romance wasn't even the point anymore.

Of course, there clearly isn't four ROs LMAO

So, the Voice. They were also in the OG as the Villain controlling the Specters and manipulating your heart as a means to get whatever they were after. I'll be honest, I don't remember what they were originally after. But I've always liked villains whose connection to the hero is one where they dig their claws deep into them. It's how I got the idea of making them essentially 'haunt' MC. Then, the more I developed that, the more it just made sense for them to be an LI to me. The reason they're the only gender selectable one is because they're the one most reflective of MC (and the one who would change the least regardless of gender). And then that was it! We had five, I was done.

Which leads to Lars, I guess.

He ended up becoming a RO at the last minute, as in, a week before the launch of the blog last minute. He was kind of just this antagonist asshole whose primary job was to make sure you didn't do anything too stupid and who hated your guts. I'm going to be honest, I'm not that big of a fan of the asshole archetype, especially as a romance option. But then I got to chapter 5 in the outline of the story and it objectively just made sense. I can't say why because of spoilers, but I think I've mentioned all the ROs and MC are interconnected with each other and are meant to reflect certain aspects of each other in some way. With Lars, it would have felt off to me not to add him in, considering the type of character he'd grown into. So, with a sense of reluctance, I threw him in.

I think Lars is the funniest RO to me, because there was a point in time where he was the most popular on the blog, and I was like 'woah, him.' asldfakjldfjka. Over the past year, he's definitely grown on me in ways I haven't expected, and I think I almost find his awfulness endearing somehow. (To be honest, I think writing the scene of punching him in the face did wonders for my own perception of him).

As for the story changes, this clearly isn't set in a private boarding school ft teens. The original idea was just Persona 3 Portable all over again, because 13 year old me had a problem (I would proceed to replay the game over a dozen times over the years, so I still have a problem). And while I love the themes in P3P, I also feel like some of the things I wanted to write about just made a lot more sense with people within the college age range. I also decided to tie it in to a long standing world of mine, so that way I already had a solid basis of world building and lore. Placing it in what I dub the 'World of Fairytales' really anchored the story in my brain. I looked at all the other stories I'd written or developed that took place here, and I realized I'd yet to write one about death. And that's the focal point of BA:

It's a fairytale about death.

The Reception

I'm going to be honest, when I released BA I just expected it to get the same reception as anything else I'd written up to this point. I think when the demo dropped back in October 2023, I'd released two games, a game demo, and I think my novella and short story collection were out at the time. I'm terrible at marketing myself because I'd much rather vibe and make things than have to talk about it online, which is definitely part of the reason most of my work didn't even hit five hundred plays, save for one which had hit a thousand at that point. But you know, that does make it easy to keep making things when you don't feel like you have a bunch of eyes watching. (At least, for me. I know a lot of creatives feel the weight of loneliness of creation, especially when you pour so much into something only for no one to pick it up. I personally tend to release things on a whim though lol there's plenty of finished works I have laying around that I have no intention on sharing.)

Anyway, I thought Burning Academia was going to be much the same. So imagine my surprise when I post the intro post and I got eight hundred followers in a week.

My immediate thought was "I'm deleting the blog." After a year of making things no one paid attention to, eight hundred followers in a week for something was an overwhelming jump. At the time I'm writing this, we have apparently just crossed two thousand followers(???), which again, I was not expecting lol

I've been reading IFs for years now, dating back to about 2015. I was aware of the general community and vibes, although I wasn't fully in the community and just followed authors I liked. Still, I didn't realize how quick word gets around for a new IF. Especially when all I had was an intro post. Granted, I'd at least already had most of the prologue written and just needed to figure out Twine to code it in, so there was a sense of relief there that I wouldn't keep people waiting. But I did genuinely want to close up shop as quickly as I started.

Part of me is still a bit surprised I'm at where I'm at. I don't really care about numbers, be it mine or others, but I think at this point I'm closer to a mid sized author(?), which I can't comprehend. BA is more of a vibes story, with heavy themes that aren't for everyone. I also know there are certain aspects of BA that just aren't appealing to the overall IF community (it not really focusing much on romance, or the RO options being what they are, or just how bleak the first few chapters are).

I don't necessarily think it's like a niche idea, since it's just a fantasy dark academia, but I just assumed some of the details would make BA not noticed.

Anyway, clearly I'm normal about it now and my blog still exists. I do think if I knew where I'd land at, I might have waited longer to post everything, so I had a bit of backlog and more for people to play in the long run and it would have felt like a shorter wait on the player side. But also, in my defense, I did not expect 2024 to go the way it did.

What I wanted to achieve vs what I actually achieved

So, I wanted to have chapter 3 done before the end of 2024, and maybe even have chapter 4 started. It was a perfectly reasonable goal for me, in any other year where my body was better at being a body. I won't go into detail with health since I know it's a heavy topic for some, but I will briefly mention it since it was a major component to my creative output. Just skip the next paragraph if you don't feel like reading.

//

I got sick pretty much every month in 2024, with multiple of them being pretty bad infections. The second half of the year was a lot worse than the first half of the year, and that's why if it seems like everything slowed down after June/July, it's because of that. From November to now, I've been sick to varying degrees. It's why I did nothing in December because I spent it split between working still, the holidays, renewing various certifications for work, and trying to get some degree of rest between it all. My sister in law is a nurse, and she said I probably have an auto immune deficiency. Whether it's that or not, I'm going to get some tests done, and hopefully 2025 is a better year for me health wise!

//

Of course, I'm not upset with myself. Perhaps a little annoyed because I could have hit the goal I wanted if I hadn't been feeling awful for so much of the year, but I'm not annoyed with myself. Just the circumstances. I'll always be the type of person to take care of myself instead of forcing myself to do anything. Especially with something like this, which would just last to potential burn out.

So, I released 2 chapters of BA, a handful of the RO backstories, and a little short about MC's sister Marlowe. Including the unreleased chapter 3, I managed to write over 150k last year for BA. Which is a pretty solid number, honestly.

Depending on how life goes, I'll be aiming for up to chapter 4 this year. It'll also be a shorter(?) chapter than 3, or at least a little more manageable since chapter 3 just ended up having a decent chunk of branching. I won't give any estimates for chapter 3 since when I did, I missed all of them LMAO It'll release when it's ready, and I'll be chipping away at it during the times I feel alright.

Final Thoughts

This is already pretty long, so I'll bring it to a close here. If you read this far, thank you for listening to my yapping. And also just thank you to anyone whose played BA and decided to follow along for the ride!! I love BA a lot, and its both very fun and amazing and weird to see others enjoy it with me. The fact I've gotten so many asks, or fanart (please know if you drew fanart, it has been imprinted in my brain forever and also saved in a little folder on my desktop lol) is still a little surreal. So uh yeah, thanks for being here.

For my last trick, since you made it this far you can have an assortment of mindless doodles I have made of BA in questionable quality because I'm bad at photographing my art LOL

(Some of the few digital art doodles I haven't shown. Ft. mirrored Rooks and an unfinished comic page of Rhea)

The Rook pages

The scribbles ft Beck and Lars

The kinda mirrors ft Beck and Rhea

Aaaand that is all because I hit file limit (sorryyyy to Zoe I think I've already shared all the doodles of them I liked throughout the year sjsjsk)