#I've never made a comic before please don't laugh at it :P

[tilde-me]

2Jae coffee shop AU! I didn’t plan on posting this, since it’s kind of an experiment, but here it is.. The fanart literally no one asked for. cx Also, I’m pretty sure this’ll be my first original post, so hurray~ cx

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

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🐖 A tiktok that really resonated with me this week and why 🐖

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So, since I've been sharing a lot of traumatic memories lately, I'm posting a few funny memories. The first has to do with this TikTok.

I'm not a teacher, but I've been a nanny for like three and a half years and worked with kids from all walks of life of varying neurodivergence. And none of the kids I've ever cared for have been my nemesis. I really don't believe in difficult or bad kids. But WHEN I TELL YOU IVE HAD KIDS WHO TRIED TF OUT OF MY PATIENCE 😂😂😂

One time, it was like 9 am and I had been babysitting an 8 year old girl, P, and a 9 year old boy, G, since 7 am. There were still like six hours left to go. P was working on crafts (she was a big craft girly and at 11, she still is lmao), and G was playing video games.

G was on the spectrum, and honestly one of the most hilarious kids I've ever worked with. He also made me start wondering if IM on the spectrum, to be entirely honest. I really loved this kid despite how often he tried my patience 😂 it was hard to get mad at him because his actions were always just so freaking funny.

Anyways, I hated him sitting by himself playing video games all day. So I'd try to play the games with him (this is how I learned to play call of duty and Fortnite as well as Minecraft---I only do Minecraft well. The other two, I honestly think he just liked playing with me because I was so comically terrible at the entire premise of either game). At one point, I got up after an hour of being positioned in various places by him, only to be shot immediately afterward in Call of Duty to go check on P.

She's still crafting. G gets up too and he's like what craft do we have today. He hates crafting and no amount of adjusting it to his interests would make him like it. So I was pretty surprised he asked. I told him and he sat down to work on it.

NOT TWO SECONDS IN, he goes "what if I poured this entire glass of water on this like what would happen" 😭😭😭😭😭 I was like please don't

And he goes gah okay

And then he stands up and truly by accident spills it and he's like, "Oh no, oh no, oh no!" And I facepalm and his sister is like Oh, come on! She said not to pour it!

So, logically I'm like, "G, here's a towel to wipe it up." And so instead of wiping the table down, he just goes, "Okay but what if I poured this out too like this one already spilled" and before I can even think to respond, he pours a glass of paint water onto the table.

And I can't even get mad because in the same instant that he pours it, I can see the thought process very quickly finally add up on his face as he connects the very clearly bad idea he engaged in and the consequences of said action, and he starts screaming, "WHY DID I DO THAT WHAT DID I THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN" And so he's like screaming and trying to scoot the water back into the cup with his hands but instead of it going into the cup, he just spreads it around 😂😂😂 and like half of it drenched the floor, while the towel literally sitting there, dry and waiting.

And honestly, all I could do was watch. I was just in tears from laughing so hard. I was like G don't worry about it. You're not in trouble just....that's what happens when you pour a cup of water onto a table. Please don't do it again. And I will say this: he never did that again.

But he also had a talent for just doing the most insane walking shitpost antics I've ever seen.

My personal favorite was when he said, "What would happen if I ran my head into the door" and I was like bestie for the love of god

And he just goes at it 😭😂😂😂 like full force and knocks himself off his feet. And im like Jesus! Are you okay?

And he's like yeah!! And DOES IT AGAIN.

I told his mom about it on the way back to my house and she was like, "This is going to sound really really sad, but I remember wondering the exact same thing at his age and doing it the exact same way" 😂😂😂

My first day babysitting them, G threw a fucking ROACH on me and he was like "THINK FAST" and I just flicked it off my arm and I was like "Is that supposed to scare me? Come on. You can do better than that."

I earned his respect that day 😂😂 I'm the queen of delayed reactions with everything from trauma to happy news to having bugs thrown at me. So I just reacted first and gagged later when he walked back inside, stewing over this reaction (apparently no other babysitter reacted like that LMAO).

Anyway, so yeah, that TikTok brought back memories 😂😂

[apoptosisaon]

July, 14th, 2017

Dear Mallory Clemane,

You have eyes of most beautiful sapphire

And it will be my joy and pleasure to relieve you of their brilliance

Sincerely,

Flesheater

July, 19th, 2017

Dear Mallory Clemane,

I apologise for not complementing the way you groom your hair

The short cut suits your wild curls, and I would love to add them to my collection

Your scalp would fit in perfectly among the rest of my dolls

Sincerely,

Flesheater

July, 25, 2017

Dear Mallory Clemane,

Are you frightened of me?

I'll be honest

You should be

But don't worry

For you I'll make an exception

Sincerely,

Flesheater

July, 27th, 2017

Dear Flesheater,

I'm sorry for getting back to you so late. Getting my thesis in order is quite a ride, but I do have until September off. I'll be honest. I've never had an internet penpal before. (Is that what it's called?? I dunno.) But you seem to have an interesting view on the world, so I'm more than happy to talk to you! :)

Thank you for your compliments by the way. I wasn't so sure about getting my hair cut after wearing it long for more than twenty years, and it's awesome to know you like it! Can I ask where you've seen me? Was it at a convention? I go to a lot of those. Gotta keep my nerdom up! ;)

What kind of doll collection do you have? Are they made of cloth or porcelain?

Talk to you soon! (Hopefully)

Mallory.

P.S. You can just call me Mallory btw! I like your formality but it seems so painful even from behind a screen. ;P

July, 31st, 2017

Dear Mallory Clemane,

Please allow me to clear your obvious confusion

I am not a penpal

I am not a potential friend

And I most certainly don't appreciate your enthusiasm

I do not generally enjoy inflicting pain on my prey

But you seem to be all but asking for it

One day I will wear your teeth in a crown around my head, and you will know that I am a blight upon this earth.

Sincerely,

Flesheater

August, 5th, 2017

Dear Flesheater,

How have you been? I went to the beach on the night of the full moon and it was so beautiful I had tears in my eyes. I don't know. There's something about being alone with nature that relieves me in a way. Do you have this too? Or are you a people person? You seem so serious, so I hope you have people around who make you laugh!

And I'm sorry if I came across as making fun of you for being so formal. I guess I'm just so used to leaving all of that for school and stuff. But I do appreciate it! You're so different from most people I know.

Are you making a crown of teeth? That's so cool! That would be awesome on a badass warrior woman who kicks ass and takes teeth. ;)

Can I ask if you're a woman? It's just, I'm getting a vibe from you and well... I don't want to be presumptuous or anything, but I'm a lesbian, so if you're not. I guess we could be friends? But you seem to be reaching for more, so I dunno.

I see you haven't told me about your doll collection yet. Is there a reason? Are you shy? It's alright. I collect videogames like there's no tomorrow, so I can understand.

Let's talk soon, yeah?

Mallory

P.S. I'm pretty sure your not a blight, Flesheater. Whoever told you that should be kicked in the teeth. :)

August, 7th, 2017

Dear Mallory Clemane,

I will make this clear one final time

I am not your friend

Indeed, at this very moment

I am your greatest enemy

No one wants you to perish as I do

And yes, I am a woman

That changes nothing

I do not tell you of my dolls because I want them to be one of the last things you see before the earth takes whatever I wish to share with it.

Sincerely,

Flesheater

P.S. I am the greatest blight to walk this earth Only a fool would not fear me

August, 10th, 2017

Dear Flesheater,

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. It's almost enough to make me blush! I'd love to see your dolls btw! Do you want to meet up? There's a local comic con on August 25th in San Diego, and I'd love it if we could go together! It's a small one but that'll make it even better because we'll be able to spend a lot of time just talking. I'd really like that. :)

Are you also an environmentalist? Cause giving back to the earth is something my grandmother ingrained to me as a kid. It's why I have my own gardens. If you show I'll bring you flowers from my own shed. ;)

You're not a blight, Fleshy. I enjoy talking to you and that's as far from being a blight as you can get! No, you can't change my mind.

Please get back to me soon,

Mallory

August, 11th, 2017

Mallory,

What in the ever evolving hell is wrong with you?

You're insane! There is no other explanation for this!

No

I'm not meeting you anywhere

You're not worth the hassle

Flesheater

P.S. DO NOT CALL ME FLESHY!

August, 13th, 2017

Dear Flesheater,

I'm sorry you feel this way. I thought it would be cool for us to hang out. But it's okay. Take care of yourself, yes? Feel free to keep sending letters though. I do enjoy talking to you.

Mallory

August, 20th, 2017

Dear Mallory,

Can you please let me know the location of the con?

Perhaps it will be easier for me to convince you of the terror I am in person.

Sincerely,

Flesheater

Writing Prompt

You are a serial killer who sends calling cards to your victims. Your latest victim is largely misinterpreting your threats.

Tag your responses with #wordsnstuff // Ko-Fi