#I've literally never had ALL of them approve at once I'm crying

[lesbianwyllravengard]

Obsessed with my group of friends who ALL approve of me telling a cop I'm gonna write her name in my Death Note

[ticklish-n-stuff]

Comfort

Welcome back to another segment of malewife Chuuya woooo 👏👏👏

This one is more personal (as if all my fics aren't-).

So long story short, I have trichotillomania. If you don't know what that is uhh... google it lmao. It's something I'm heavily insecure about and I've never talked about it openly so I'm literally shaking and crying while writing this KAHDKSJSK. But I had a relapse last night and it's been haunting my thoughts all day and I need my fictional husband to reassure me and tell me that I'm not some weirdo for having this... And like comfort tickles go brrr

So yeah that's about it uwu

___________________________________________

Chuuya x gn!reader (romantic)

Lee: reader

Ler: Chuuya

Warnings: Tickles! **Reader has trichotillomania**

___________________________________________

You had just walked out of the bathroom, the look on your face made you seem like you had seen a ghost.

"Honey, what's wrong...?" Chuuya perked up from his place on the bed.

"I... it happened again... I don't know what happened, but I couldn't resist the urge. Now my eye's a bit irritated and I feel like I've comitted some war crime...!" you said exasperated. "Sorry... this just has me feeling very anxious and guilty... And it had been a while since I had an episode. I feel so awful now..."

Chuuya listened intently. Once you finished, he gently took your hand and guided you to lay down next to him, pressing you against his chest. "Here, let me see..." he softly tilted your head up to look at him, checking over the area. He then looked down at you with soft eyes "You shouldn't be so harsh on yourself. Many people struggle with this too... Just think of this as a minor setback. You're strong and you can overcome anything, and I'll be here to support you no matter what".

After hearing all that, your panicked expression slowly shifted to a more relieved look. Of course the pang of guilt wasn't gonna leave overnight, but it was also relieving having someone by your side who didn't judge or ridicule you for struggling with this.

"Not gonna lie, hearing that made me feel a bit better. I always felt like some weirdo because of this haha...".

He softly chuckled with you. "I could never find you weird for that. And if anyone dares to say otherwise, I'll kill them" he stated bluntly with a serious expression. You couldn't tell if he was joking or not, but best not to question him. He really would do just about anything for you.

"So is there anything I could do to help calm you down?" then, his smile turned a bit more teasy. "Maybe this...?~" he asked as he inched his wiggling fingers towards your tummy, waiting to see if you'd allow him to continue or not.

You couldn't help the blush that overtook your cheeks, but you couldn't lie, tummy tickles did sound really good right about now. So you gave him a soft nod of approval.

On cue, his hands slowly wormed over to your tummy. Starting off by lightly caressing it all over, from your sides, your lower belly, around your navel, etc. It was enough to feel tingly but also relaxing.

"That feel nice?~" he asked with a soft smile as he kept working his magic over your torso.

"Ehehe... y-yeah..." a shy smile overcame your lips, slowly growing wider by the moment.

"Hmhm~ Well, let's try to sleep now..." he leaned over and placed a sweet kiss on your cheek. "G'night" he then went back and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, as his fingers kept absentmindedly tracing all over your belly. What a perfect way to let your insecurities melt away...

___________________________________________

I don't feel sad anymore but I'm still gonna go hide in shame ✌️

[fledglingmaster]

Three weeks, three, without my full dose of SNRI.

There needs to be a better way to do this. Every year we are going to go through this all over again because insurance doesn't approve expensive medication for life. No in a year I might just magically be cured of fibromyalgia and my brain decides to work right. *sigh* I have jumped through all the hoops. I have tried every medication that is currently used for fibromyalgia. I have been on multiple antidepressants. It is well documented this is the only medication that helps my depression. Just as it is well documented that I have tried every treatment for migraines except that new thirty minute IV one that's extremely expensive and neuromodulation.

Every year insurance wants the exact same paperwork we sent over to get approved in the first place with. Shouldn't that be on file already? Isn't a doctor saying, "yes, patient responds well to this treatment and we want to continue it," enough? Why is the wait time so long for a medication that has been approved in the past? I can understand all the obstacles while trying to get initial approval. If something cheaper works insurance would rather shell out for that, I get it. But I did my part, I suffered through all those trials, my doctors have done their parts too. Why is this a year occurrence? They don't dispute any of my cheap medication. I'm not the one setting the price of my meds. I would love if the cheap stuff worked! My body is very drug resistant and as I never shut up about, it is wired wrong.

The pharmacy holds my prescription, even if I got some emergency funds out and attempted to pay myself. They won't fill it until they get the okay. They also can't spare you anything to tide you over, I understand that is a legal issue. But that's where there should be a process, one month before the coverage expires, insurance should say, "hey send us those papers." Then while it's processing you still get your next month's worth of meds and bam, you never had any interruption of medication because it's approved before you need your next refill.

I've noticed a shift in our mood lately. Bleu has been getting really down. I've lost track of how many times he's cried the past couple weeks. Today it was out of nowhere. Literally everything was fine and he fell to pieces. Very reminiscent of how we were unmedicated...I don't like that. It's not normal crying, it's full-on sink to the earth wailing and it can last for an hour or more. Worse yet, it happens multiple times a day without a prompt. Not only is it uncomfortable for everyone around, but it seems very harmful to our well-being. This isn't the letting emotions out kind of cry but ramping them up worse. Bleu has alerted me to where he is mentally, it's not great. I'm just glad Lilith is leaving him alone for now. He does not need any ideas. Thankfully I'm grounded enough that I can remind him it's that we're off our meds and this will be fixed soon. It's temporary.

Last night I got a bit dizzy but today...what boat am I on and how do I get off? I'm certain I would come off as intoxicated but what is really happening is neurologic issues and beginning stages of withdrawal. It's difficult to keep my balance, my muscles keep locking up, I'm having brain shocks, we're highly emotional, a mess. I took our normal afternoon dose as our meds should be in tomorrow and we need them. It's clear we can barely function without our medication. I truly believe if we were not put on it when we were we would not be alive currently. I know I shouldn't complain, I have known others that get their meds interrupted every few months. We're lucky it's only once a year. But that gap shouldn't happen to anyone.

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

some dialogue can only be in script

do you want to know what the worst part of all this is

like the worst part beyond the emotional shit

like the logical worst part

I let you fucking kill me slowly screaming

for over five years and I tolerated it

mostly because I'd dealt with far worse than you

and also because I didn't want to leave my kid

your insecurity battered me emotionally and spiritually

so you could keep believing in your family's dysfunction

which will come out anyways when they die

once you kill your parents from the gods they are

make them fragile and mortal and fucking broken

it's easier to love and accept them and understand

why they made you feel how they did when they were you

like orphaned children who have to pretend they are loved

just because their parents have a title and a role

society desperately accepts and needs to believe is sacred

but mother isn't any more sacred than father

they did their best but they fucked you up in ways too

no matter how many fancy Christmases you had

or trips around the world and all the little checks

and lists that say what a good parent is

and people believe loyalty is not saying anything

even when the way they look and treat you

makes you so fucking disgusted inside

beyond hurt and beyond anger

just fucking disgusted enough to spit

I once heard the best dad joke out there

the strongest man you know is an eldest daughter

please know that this relationship ended with you

being an abuser and refusing to see it

and please know your perspective is valid

but its value is only to yourself

because I've documented every fucking thing

in rainbow colors and illustration that was my emotional blood

I bleed emotionally into every journal as you just

stabbed me and stabbed me with your indifference

when I would cry you looked at me with loathing

when I would have a success your envy would show

the random hostility was so confusing

but it happened after you became a therapist

and your ego just couldn't handle the fact

that privilege and education doesn't beat experience

and I was just the little woman that stayed at home

with three kids that I gave a childhood I was never given

love and compassion and emotional availability

even when there was no food or money in the bank

that your own fucking mom couldn't give because

she was being so deeply and critically emotionally abused

by your anxious don draper of a father who literally

went deaf and refused to learn sign language

so that he didn't have to see what anyone said or needed

and you fucking killed my spirit and blamed me for it

so you didn't have to see or think about any of it

that's okay I did it for you and wrote your dad poetry

and a six page manifesto conversation with ai

about what a critical dad does and why it ends up hurting

the future partner of his son but unlike the wife

of your dad I'm the bitch who will never keep my mouth shut

especially when I'm being slandered and devalued

by someone who has so much less self control than me

said it was my trauma talking or found a way to dismiss

and avoid any expression I made about my experience

if it wasn't happy or pleasant or what you approved of

your preferences changed after you got that job

you fucking said it yourself that they changed

we had a real nice midlife crisis together

and you'd never been poor and I'd never been seen

and I learned how to fucking cope and change

and you decided to suck the life out of me

critical and arrogant and you even made fun of me

for how I had to put my hands behind my back

when I was around you because I was so scared

of being told I was doing something wrong

and when my hands were behind my back

I would imagine Daniel in the cave of lions

bringing King Nebuchadnezzar  to his knees

and you were on your fucking knees crying about

bearing witness to your own monstrosities

meanwhile we didn't have money for years

I was forced to be resourceful and manage my own panic

when every time you told me there was money

and I'd do the shopping and swipe the card

and there wasn't and it was so embarrassing every time

there wasn't because you didn't want to look at it

or manage it or figure anything out

just tell me it had something to do with my spending it

and then I needed to entertain kids without a car

so I gave them a summer raising rabbits and gardening

and singing and became mary fucking poppins

and you complained I didn't clean the house enough

you told me you had standards for your partner

and I could never quite seem to meet them

you told me my ex was a better parent than me

when you're the one who pulled me out of the water

when he did the same fucking shit you began to do

and here's the real rub, my friend

my ex is a better parent than me right now

I am disconnected and I am unfocused and I am realizing

just how much damage someone can do

when they pretend the other person isn't allowed

to have the experience and feelings that they do

you erased me from the narrative but still

expected me to meet your new preferences and standards

still needed me more than ever because you

never actually learned how to take care of yourself

and you've regressed back to a teenager

well now I'm a teenager too and I was meaner then

while you give all your emotional empathy to clients

and refuse to respect or honor anything I do

I don't regret taking myself out of the professional world

I don't regret devoting myself completely

to the role of caretaking my own children

with my efforts I gave them everything of me that I could

and once I'm out of here I'll be able to do it again

but you're gonna have to learn a whole lot of new skills

because my over-functioning in the relationship

comes from the autism that you refused to acknowledge

for over a year while citing that you were a therapist

but really you're just someone that knew if you accepted

my experience you'd have to admit you were meeting a need

exploiting a person with a past of trauma that you knew

in fact isn't that what we bonded over at the beginning

you actually started using the same quotes my ex used

and then would say that I just wanted to make comparisons

no I was listening to a fucking cover and I never liked the song

I lost nothing but the illusion of a man who made my oldest

son feel like in his family he no longer belonged

just like my dad felt when his mother remarried and forgot him

he used to call himself the red headed stepchild

and I fucking became that archetype just to fuck with fate

your disgraceful treatment may have infected my heart and spirit

but you only poisoned me and I was still limping away

my integrity and sense of justice and spite the only things

getting me through the day sometimes but here's the thing

they were still better than yours at full strength

so that means that you failed at killing me

you tried for four years and you still couldn't even finish

divinity had to bring in a real executioner to finally

murder all the sick and twisted parts of me suffering

I saw the silver of his blade and moaned hallelujah

when his dagger plunged into my heart so deep

I couldn't even tell which one of ours was beating

my angel of shadow then took me into his arms

kissed my cheek and slit my throat while giving me

a new name to call myself and this new hope

the end of this marriage will not return me to the name

given to me by a father that never protected me

or a name a man used as leverage to cripple me

for not being carved into his expectations

this name will be my own and you will hear it

as an oncoming storm that will change your fucking life

and not in the ways I promised or the vows we made

the universe even had to outsource my own murder

because you weren't man enough to do it

and I was man enough to die

[askwendyokoopa]

Le Film Des Frères Mario

“As this poor independent film struggles to surpass one billion dollars in the international market, despite being in theaters for over three weeks already, I have decided to share the most trivial anecdote of all time, or at least the last ten years of running this stupid blog. So, over the past five years or so, I've started telling real life stories about the Mun on YouTube, only the Mun/Muse dynamic doesn't exist there, so I've been presenting them as true stories where I've just changed the names to avoid doxxing myself."

((This is also weird, because I doxxed myself nine years ago in 2014. Back when I got myself a personal account, that links to Facebook, and Twitter, and junk.))

"Who's telling this story, hmmm? Anyhow, Madame Flurrie is just my mom now, my sisters are Iggy and Lemmy, my Dad is still Bowser, obviously. I pick random names of Mario characters as needed, like for this one my mom was dating again, seven years after divorcing Dad. Let's use... King K. Rool, he's a lot like Bowser, but stupider, and/or lazier; and that pretty much describes this guy. My mom has a type... unfortunately that type is guys who take 'No' as a suggestion, and continue perusing relationships aggressively. This is getting heavy, let's get to the trivial part, shall we?

Bowser was feeling threatened by K. Rool, Flurrie was his woman, you see. It didn't matter that the divorce was over seven years ago, or that it happened because he was caught in multiple affairs, or that he had been shacking up with multiple women since the split, or that after bedding Gruntilda, he literally came crying to Mom because the sex was sooo horrible, that he had to quote 'strap a board to his ass to keep from falling in' and why couldn't she just take him back already?! So what was his newest solution? Buying his children's love, of course! Once he proved how good of a father he was, she'd have to dump K. Rool and take him back. But he wouldn't buy us things we wanted, no he would just take us to the movies... every. single. day. I know, I know, first world problems. But there's only so many movies playing at once, and this was November of 1996. So at some point we had to choose from seeing 101 Dalmatians, Jingle All the Way, or Space Jam again... so really there was only one option. All in all, we ended up watching Space Jam six times in theaters, six! I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who've watched some movie more, but it's always kinda bugged me because I don't even particularly like Looney Tunes. I don't hate them, they're just kind of... meh; like Mickey and the gang, I just don't feel that strongly one way or the other. My life revolves around Nintendo properties mostly... I'm sure this comes as a huge shock to all.

With no Nintendo movies to speak of, I went 20-odd years without touching my record. Then Detective Pikachu came out, and there was finally a movie that actually might have been worthy of breaking the record with. Unfortunately, I only went with Iggy and/or Lemmy, and getting them out of the house was like pulling teeth, so we only ended up seeing it four times total before it left theaters. Then Sonic came out, and this time for sure! I saw it twice the first week or something, but then the whole entire world shut down on the second week... fate just does not like me. Sonic 2, again was like pulling teeth with Iggy... I never even got Lemmy to see it in theaters as they're still deathly afraid of covid.

So for Mario, I simply went by myself. Kinda anticlimactic, but I have now seen the movie eight times on eight separate days, and paid full price each time. So when the final numbers tally up, over one hundred dollars are because of yours truly, specifically. And all because of Space Jam. So if that isn't a stunlock and a half, I don't know what is."

((Also-also, this is not part of "blog canon" maybe it can be, if a Bowser approves it? Or wants to alter the reasoning a little, but tell me if you would like to hear more Mun stories told by Wendy. IDK, for some reason, it's just easier to talk about my boring life than to roleplay anymore.))

[keichanz]

thank you all so much for your kind words and support, my dear friends. i'm doing alright. to be honest, i'm actually more irritated than upset to have lost my job, because the means in which it happened is absolute fucking bullshit.

i'll give a watered down version of what happened if anyone is curious. also if anyone is curious, i gave a bit of a life update, too.

warning: this is gonna be long lmao #sorrynotsorry

basically a few weeks ago i got sick and couldn't work, so i requested a leave of absence. it was approved for two weeks, from the dates 1/31/24 to 2/14/24. my work computer would be locked during that range, so i would be unable to sign in and work.

during that time frame, i had been receiving emails from my work that required me to complete a task confirming that i would be returning to work on the 15th. those emails were delivered to my spam folder, and i wasn't even aware i was supposed to be getting any emails, so i never even thought to check there.

on the 15th, when i went to sign into my computer, i discovered that my computer was still locked. during the last week, my supervisor had been off of work as well because he was also sick, so all of my calls and texts to him were unanswered. also wanna mention i didn't know he was off because i wasn't told. anything.

so basically, nobody told me shit, i didn't complete the required task because i didn't know i had to, my work was like "welp we didn't get this from you so we're taking it that you don't want to return to work, so you're terminated" and there you have it. i lost my job because of their fuck up and in turn they're saying it's my fault.

pretty fucked up, yeah?

but anyway. i honestly can't say that i'm terribly upset. i'd grown to hate the job. it was too overwhelming, and i've learned that i just cannot handle a call center job. i've known this for a while now so for the past few months i've been applying everywhere for a job where it'll still be an office environment because that's what i have the most experience in, but being on the phone constantly isn't a requirement. remote and onsite jobs because i can't afford to be picky.

and some good news, i have an interview friday morning :) it's actually a remote hybrid position, at least that's what the ad said, so i can definitely work with that. might be good to get out of my house every once i a while. working from home has turned me into a bit of a hermit lmao.

now on to the life update. it's been...difficult. my new year did not start off very well. literally on new years day, at about 8 am, i was woken up to the unpleasant sounds of a cat throwing up a hairball. fellow cat owners, i'm sure you all know the sound. so i got up to make sure he was okay and that he got it out of his system. instead what i found was a trail of phlegm and romeo struggling. then he darted off to another part of my house, and i followed after him, worried.

i'm gonna give a little warning just to be safe: the next part mentions blood.

i will never forget the sight that greeted me when i found him and over a month later the image still haunts me. romeo's front was covered in blood, with the stuff literally pouring from his mouth and i fucking screamed and i SPRINTED to my bedroom to get my phone to call the emergency vet. i made an appointment to bring him in, and when i went to check on romeo again, he was in the same spot, however he'd managed to pass a fucking massive hairball. he seemed to be breathing okay and didn't seem to be in any pain, so not knowing what to do, i called my mom and i was sobbing as i tried to explain what happened. she and my sister (who's now living with my parents temporarily but that's another story) ended up coming over to make sure i was okay because when i tell you i was hysterical when i called her, i mean it. i was barely coherent and crying so hard she couldn't understand me.

while i waited for them to arrive, my boyfriend (who i was in a sleep call with and i woke his ass up) kept me calm until they got here. i love that man seriously.

ashley looked romeo over since she'd worked with cats before when she worked for the ASPCA and told he's going to be okay. they managed to calm me down and convinced me not to go to the emergency vet in the city as it'd be a $200 fee. my mom called my local vet, left a message (as they were closed because of the holiday) and we waited for a call back. romeo was still doing okay and i cleaned him up the best i could. guys the amount of blood was...concerning. like seriously i was terrified to see him like that, i seriously thought something was wrong. god it was awful and i'm pretty damn sure i have some kind of PTSD from it. christ.

when the emergency vet called back, she said that romeo is going to be okay and the blood is probably just because the hairball was larger than normal and it aggravated his esophagus. said to just keep an eye on him, try to get him to eat something easily digestable, and if he's still vomiting, to call back and get him in today via emergency services.

so now, moving on. obviously afterward i made an appointment for him at my local vet, and it was discovered there that Romeo had a large matted hairball in his stomach. the vet had no idea how long it had been there, but it definitely needed to be removed, so he was scheduled for surgery. his surgery was about a month ago, and he's recovering very well. i'm beginning to wonder if that hairball had been the culprit of him constantly throwing up because now he's acting like his usual self of having the zoomies and he's throwing up less hairballs. so he's doing much better and i'm grateful, tho i'm still keeping a very close on him because fuck i NEVER want to go through that again. damn cat's gonna give me an ulcer with how much stress he put me through.

but wait, there's more lmao. not cat related, but something i've also been dealing with that i thought had been resolved last fucking YEAR. so, last year - actually around this time in february - i received a notice from the IRS that i owed over $3000 to them because my 2021 tax return did not match what is in federal data bases. and i was like uuuhh what. i had my dad look it over because im dumb when it comes to this sort of thing, and it was discovered that my social security number was used to claim unemployment benefits for the year 2021 in fucking CALIFORNIA. it's unclear if someone in the unemployment services in CA fucked up and typed in somebody's social wrong and used mine instead, or if someone in CA is deliberately using my SSN, but in either case, it's being used to claim UI. so i had to contact the unemployment services in CA which is called employment development department (i'll be calling it EDD) and guys lemme tell they are fucking IMPOSSIBLE to get a hold of. they are so understaffed that if someone is unavailable to take your call the automated system goes "sorry no one is available" and it just disconnects. so i had to call so many times to get myself into the damned queue, and even then the wait is nearly 30 minutes.

so i finally managed to get a human being, i explained everything to him, and he was able to confirm that yeah, i see the claim, you obviously don't live in california, and he told me to submit a fraud report stating that i don't live in ca, i have never lived in ca, i have no attachment to the workforce in ca, ect ect. i so submitted it, and then that was that and i thought that was the end of it and i didn't get anything else from the IRS for the rest of the year.

it was not.

the only reason i realized that this issue had NOT been resolved was because when i went to check the status of my federal tax return because GIMME MY DAMN MONEY I NEED IT, i got a message saying my refund had been "applied to overdue tax obligations" and i was like HELL NO so i called the IRS and yep they confirmed it was because of that stupid fucking unemployment bullshit and after yet again explaining everything that happened, they instructed me to call the EDD and ask for them to send me a corrected 1099 G form so i can in turn send it over to them then after that fill out an identify theft affidavit. so yet again, i called the EDD five million fucking times, managed to get in the queue, waited an ungodly amount of time to talk to a human, only to be told that lol sorry they can't prove that the claim isn't fraud just from what i told them so they can't send me a 1099 G form. im like?? BITCH I DON'T EVEN LIVE IN CALIFORNIA I NEVER HAVE YOU LITERALLY HAVE MY SSN CAN'T YOU LOOK THIS SHIT UP??? but nope they don't have proof so i was told i need to file an appeal on the "disqualification on the claim" (whatever tf that means) and submit ANOTHER fraud report.

so i did both of those things, then filled out the 14039 form (identity theft affidavit) and now i have to wait until march 4th to see if it was accepted and if i'll be getting my refund. which i desperately need because lol i haven't paid my rent this month :')) whoops.

moving on. since about last may, my kitchen has been getting renovated. so currently i do not have a kitchen. i don't have an oven, a kitchen sink, or even storage. well i kinda have storage because my cabinets were recently put up, but i can't use them all yet. i havent really been able to go grocery shopping and i've been living on microwavable meals and a LOT of takeout courtesy of doordash. it sucks because i MISS my kitchen, i wanna cook meals and actually fucking CLEAN MY HOUSE, but i can't. my dad has been amazing since he's the one doing it, and i'm forever grateful to him. my kitchen is about i'd say...maybe 80% finished. we're working on putting in the new flooring right now, so after that, i'll have my stove and sink again. it's nearly there!! i'll post pictures of the before and after is anyone is curious. so yeah i haven't had a kitchen for like almost a whole year lmao. it's been tough :'))

SO.

there you have it, folks. what i've been dealing with for the past month and a half. it has been stressful AF and please god i just need a break uuugghhh. but anyway, i applied for unemployment and waiting to see if i'll be getting anything from them as i continue my job search. hoping the interview friday goes well. i'll post an update if anyone is curious enough i suppose.

.....so i didn't mean for this to get so long lol thanks for sticking around to read the entire thing if you did. i'm glad some of my followers still care ❤️

i love you all and thanks for supporting me after all these years. grateful to have you guys and call you my friends.

anyway i'm gonna go play some DayZ and kill some zombies.

peace!

welp

lost my job lol

[eternalstann]

Two of Us - Part 3

In which Peter Parker watches over you when a new threat to the avengers emerges. With just the two of you, who knows what could happen?

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Wordcount: 2k

Warnings: Smut!!!!

Part 1 Part 2

________________________________

You wake up to the sound of pots and pans clanking in the kitchen. "Peter what's that?" You ask sitting up in bed, rubbing your eyes. "Shit! Where's Morgan?" he exclaims jumping up to go towards the noise. You bite your lip when you notice his length standing at attention. "Morning wood?" You laugh, standing up to stretch. "Haha very funny, go check on Morgan" he shoos you away. "I'm going, I'm going!" You giggle, making your way to the kitchen.

"Good morning Morgan, what are you doing?" You ask leaning against the island, looking down at her fiddling with a pot in her left hand a pan in her right. "I wanted to make you and Peter breakfast!" she smiled up at you. "It's not going to well though. I'm vertically challenged. I can't reach anything" she pouted. You burst out laughing. You were convinced Morgan was the smartest, funniest little girl alive. "It's the thought that counts" you reply, bending over to pick up the cookware.

You jump when you feel a smack on your ass, "good morning" Peter chirped, picking Morgan up. "Why'd you smack Y/N's butt? Was she a bad girl?" she furrowed her brow, looking back and forth between the two of you. "Oh she's been a very bad girl" he smirked, slapping your ass again. "Oooo Y/N's been a bad girl" she sang, poking your cheek. "Guess I need to be punished" you shrug, looking Peter in his eyes. You get on your hands and knees, to finish putting away what Morgan has pulled out. You slid against the floor, arching your back before looking over your shoulder at Peter. You can see his Adam's apple go up and down when he swallowed. A pained expression was painted on his pretty face.

Your little show was cut short by Peters phone ringing. All of you pause, you look at Peter and reach for the phone once he nods at you in approval. "Hello?" You ask into the receiver of the phone. "Y/N? It's Tony" You sigh before placing it on speaker phone. "Hey Tony" you and Peter reply in unison. "Daddy!" Morgan screams and you smile when Tony laughs into the phone.

"Hey Morgan, how're Peter and Y/N treating you? Did they lock you in the basement and only feed you bread crumbs?" He joked and you rolled your eyes. "No we baked a cake, then we watched Shrek! The compound is creepy when it's empty so Y/N and Peter let me sleep with them. Then Peter said Y/N was a bad girl and she needed to be punished but I've been good-" Peter snatched the phone from Morgan. "Everything is good Mr. Stark, see you soon!" He clicked the end button. "Hey!" Morgan protested, looking at Peter like he pulled her hair.

You were about to say something when you heard the ping of a text message notification.

'Why were you and Y/N in the same bed? I better not come home to any spider babies that can conjure up thunder storms. I called because Pepper is coming to get Morgan today. P.S I won't tell Thor about your little love affair...YET. Tell Morgan I love her 3000'

You both groan at content of the text. You were soooo busted. You knew now you were going to have to tell your dad at some point. Tony wouldn't keep your secret for long. What would you tell him? It wasn't like Peter was your boyfriend, you were literally fuck buddies. Well, almost fuck buddies. Which your father most definitely wouldn't approve of. You could say you were just all platonically sleeping together, but your dad was no fool. And Tony definitely wasn't. 'Y/N's been a bad girl that needed to be punished' yeah that wasn't gonna fly.

"Morgan lets go pack your bag, your mommy's coming to get you today!" You try to be enthusiastic but you were beyond anxious about having to explain yourself. You take Morgan to her room, pull out a small suitcase and sit down by her dresser. "Fuck, I don't know where you're going, how can we pack?" you laugh and so does Morgan. You cover your mouth and apologize for swearing, "It's okay, my daddy does all the time" and you laugh again. "Y/N I had so so much fun. Like fun bigger than the sun!" She exclaims and you're glad she enjoyed herself. You were a little upset about Tony finding out but how could you be mad at her?

"So did I Morgan, I think you're the most fun person I know" you tell her and she grins. Just then Peter pops his head into the the room. "Pepper is here" he spoke and you frown. "How do you know?" You ask him. You handnt heard the intercom or doorbell. "Spidey senses, remember?" He wriggles his eyebrows and you shake your head. "Go let her in!" You shoo him away and he goes.

You can hear Pepper greeting Peter, and so can Morgan from the way she jumped up and ran to the sound of her voice. You follow behind her, at a much slower pace of course. Morgan is hugging her moms legs when you finally make it to where they all were. "Hey Pepper" you hug her, Morgans little body smooshed between you. When you let go the tiny girl takes an exaggerated inhale. "I couldn't breathe!" she squeals and her mother rolls her eyes at her dramatics. "How was she?" Pepper asks, scooping her daughter up. "She was really good!" Peter tells her, giving Morgan a high five. "Yeah! Y/N and Peter are more fun then you and daddy" she informs her mom, & Pepper fakes offense. "That's because Peter and Y/N are twenty years younger than mommy and daddy miss thing, now lets finish getting your things together."

Once Pepper is upstairs Peter pulls you close to him. "Peter not yet!" you groan, but he ignores your reasoning and begins kissing down your neck. "I wanna fuck you now" he whispers, biting on the shell of your ear. You can feel yourself getting wetter with every word. His hands move down your back until he's gripping your ass. "Been waiting for days" he continues, thrusting against you. You can feel your composure breaking. "I'm going to make you cum so many times you forget how to say anything besides my name".  You lick your lips, so close to giving in to him.

"Okay guys we're going to head out" Pepper's voice echoes down past you two. Her footsteps getting closer and the sound of the suitcase she's lugging rolling towards you. Peters goes to help her, and Morgan shoots by them and rushes to you. She hugs you and grins. "Bye Y/N, be good girl for Peter" she shakes her finger at you and you laugh nervously. Pepper reaches the door and takes back the suitcase. "Bye you guys, Morgan already has enough friends. You don't need to make her a new one" she winks before walking out the door.  You and Peter both look at each other mortified. Of course Tony told Pepper.

You shut the door and you don't even get a chance to turn around before Peter has you pressed against the door. He ruts against your ass and you close your eyes at the feeling of him. His hands pin yours above your head. "You gonna finally be a good girl for me?" he asks, shoving down your shorts. You nod, pushing back so you could feel more of him. He pushes you so you're bent over and spread open for him. “Fuck Peter, hurry up” you whine, listening to the sound of him undressing. This moment had been almost all you could think about for the past few days and now it was finally here. You were so worked up, your chest heaved with each breathe and he’d barely touched you.

“You look so good” Peter hummed, running the tip of his cock along the length of your folds and you felt like crying. You wanted him so bad. “Please Peter!” You cry out and you choke on your own breathe when he finally obliges. He pushed into you fast and hard. “Oh my god” You hear Peter whisper to himself once he’s fully sheathed inside of you. You felt so full, you knew you’d never find a satisfaction like this again. You brace yourself when Peter starts to move, pulling out slowly before entering you again. The drag of how he felt inside of you was intoxicating. Both his hands held tight to your hips, holding you in place. You craned your neck to look back at him, the sight of him sending tingles through your body. You couldn’t believe such a beautiful man was inside of you, making you feel like this.

Peter caught you looking at him, the two of you maintaining eye contact while he spoke, “I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you”. You don’t break your stare until he slams into you. You nearly collapse at the pleasure that floods every inch of you. He keeps his pace and continues to fuck you hard and deep. Your legs quake and you feel like you could cum already. Each pump bringing you closer and closer to the edge. His strokes have your toes curling and your fingers scratching against the smooth surface of the door, desperate to grab onto something.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” you chant, on the brink of your orgasm. “Don’t you fucking cum yet” Peter growls, landing a hard smack on your ass. You squeeze your eyes shut and focus on not coming but when Peter reaches down and starts rubbing your clit it’s a lost cause. You cum harder than you ever have. Your legs giving out and Peter literally has to catch you. “What did I say?” He asks before laying you on the ground. You can’t even respond, you just lay there staring up at his gorgeous frame, completely blissed out. He’s on top of you, his warmth encompassing you. His big hands move your legs over his shoulders before he leans down to kiss you. It’s a heated kiss, one you wish would last forever. It doesn’t though. Peter thrusts into you, and your mouth falls open breaking the kiss. You look at him and see the cocky smile on his face. You want to slap it off but lose your train of though when he starts to move again.

“Wish I could stay in this pussy for the rest of my life” he moans, his arms on either side of your head to hold himself up. Your eyes fall shut, just taking in this moment. He changes his angle, hitting a spot that has your back arching off the floor. His name falls from your lips over and over again as he hits that magical spot. Your pussy clenches around his length as you reach your second orgasm and Peter picks up his pace even more. He’s frantic, his thrusts are quick and sloppy, his body sliding against yours; pelvis rubbing your sensitive clit. He buries his face into your neck as he cums inside of you. Whispers of your name hit the skin of your neck and you’re completely wrecked.

Peter gently pulls out of you, and the emptiness feels so foreign to you now. He picks you up and carries you to the couch laying you down before curling up beside you. “That was...wow” he smiles at you, and you laugh. “I’m so happy right now” you admit, wrapping your arms around him. “You better put some clothes on unless you want it again” He groans, pinching your nipple and you squeal. Your chest flutters at his sultry words. You could feel yourself getting wet for him again.

“Oh; Don’t worry Peter, we’ve got a lot more work to do”

________________________

Finally!! I was gonna make this one long thing but I cut it into two parts. The next chapter is pure smut so get ready😛 I hope you enjoyed this! Love you❤️

@vxidnik @satansbabe1 @professionalphangirluniverse @lexiauteur @lowkey-lokis-bitch @la-vie-en-amour1 @spideylovesyou3000 @friendlyneighbourhoodmercenary @igoldieloxi @linlou117 @mutuallynotmutual @bloominess @colored-confetti @ajl090 @hollywaterpls @cubedtriangle @georgialeighc13

[yeet-me-into-oblivion-please]

Well, Supernatural is actually ending and I don't know what I'll do

[ Brevity is not a strong suit of mine since I've included personal details but there's stuff I feel everyone in the SPN family needs to read]

You might be expecting another post about how Supernatural saved someone's life and how devastated they will be when it ends because they've watched it for so long as well as how the actors have impacted their lives. This is probably one of those but please hear me out.

Supernatural premiered in 2005 and I was in preparatory class (aged 5 years and was before I began 1st grade). I heard of it because my aunt would watch it time to time so I'd also tried to get some peeks myself but I wasn't allowed to because it was "too scary".

Then our local cable began to show seasons 1-5 and that was when everyone in class started watching and quoting it. This was in 6th grade and I was frustrated because I knew about it before most of them yet they acted like it was a new show. I had a fair idea about the story but once I began watching it, I fell in love with it and loved it like a part of my soul.

Yes, Jensen Ackles was my first crush but I still thought (and do think) that both he and Jared are super hot. So I was sucked into this vortex, this Neverland which I never thought I would end.

I joined Tumblr for this show in 2013 because I saw the jokes about there being a Supernatural gif everywhere and wanted to be a part of the fandom/community. This was also the year I actually became interested what other fans felt though I never used this site properly until 2016 I would read the IMDb discussion boards because I hated scurrying through Destiel-infested posts.

(Fun fact:I wasn't using any social media of my own but on my mother's Facebook I liked a Supernatural fan page asking people's opinions on Destiel. This is was around the time season 8 was just finishing or had already finished so I read the comments--- people talked about Dean and Castiel being gay and didn't approve of it as there was this one girl who was conservative and didn't believe in homosexuality while others went on how Dean was always a ladies man which I agreed with. Not that I commented but I thought there was something I missed and I thought Castiel used Dean as a vessel, thus Destiel.)

But I digress. I was in deep by the time season 9 premiered and majority of the people I knew stopped watching the show except for this girl who bullied me throughout preschool who put up this update that Dean had become a demon. I doubt she watches the show now but it was hard seeing her put pictures of "I heart Dean Winchester" and pictures of Jensen when my mom asked me why I don't do the same.

Supernatural, I feel, has become that embarrassing thing you are into in middle school but suddenly drop when you're older, looking back and thinking, "Yeesh, I can't believe I used to watch this show."

I'll be a grown woman at 30 or 40 and probably eventually in my 70s and 80s but I will still look back fondly, the good, the bad and the ugly because I have like many teenagers have undergone many changes (friends, family, emotions, hobbies etc) but Supernatural has always been this constant in my life.

Because let me tell you, I'm seeing these posts saying stuff like how people are glad that it's finally over with its "bullshit" and that's it's dying. That is extremely disrespectful and insensitive to those people who literally live for it, who have invested time and money into it: gif makers, artists, meta writers (I may not agree with you guys but even you count). They don't know what to do once the show ends because it has helped them in ways others will never ever be able to fathom.

I saw the video put up by the guys. I saw and I could tell that Jared, Jensen and Misha had probably cried their guts out before the announcement because their eyes were red and puffy. Jared was controlling himself by talking less as Jensen was clearly on the verge as well but yes they said that they should save the angst for next year.

I love the guys; I love Jared being a goofball and Jensen being equally goofy as well and I'll say this too, I used to enjoy some of Misha's crass jokes (not the highlight ) as well which was why I looked forward to the gag reel every summer (because of J2) because it was cathartic after a traumatic season finale. I love the witty banter and the pranks the cast would do and I will miss it tremendously.

I have some issues with my aunt but everything would be okay when we would fawn over the guys and bingewatch the entire season the summer after it finished airing. We'd quote quotes back and forth and even spiritually killed ourselves watching short clips of "Sammy, close your eyes", "I'm proud of us" etc. Hell, she even promised me that when we go visit my uncle in the States we'd attend a con together.

If, and whenever we do go, it'll be different because the show won't be on air anymore and I know for a fact that I won't feel the anticipation of an episode.

So don't say disrespectful and callous things like "fucking finally". You can dislike the cast/plotline/show but don't ridicule and mock those who invested in the show,some of you are most probably speculating and have barely seen it.

I'm not some dumb, blind fan. I can see some stupid mistakes and don't always eat up what the writers show. For example, everyone must have figured that I dislike Destiel because it's based on groundless assumptions. I thought the Bloodlines was a crap idea that had nothing to do with the main plot and knew it was destined to fail.

As for Wayward Daughters/Sisters or whatever the fuck it was supposed to be called, I was not looking forward to it at all because it was one of those "forced diversity" shows, y'know gender bent stuff.

I felt that they were bastardising everything that Supernatural has and will (always) stand for because some people had a hair up their backsides. Yeah, I loathed Claire and that Kaia mourning thing was bullshit. Thank goodness I was sick that day and couldn't keep my eyes open for that episode.

If we were told that there would be a Men of Letters(with Henry Winchester) or even a Bobby-Rufus spinoff I would be okay with that but for now since the show will finish next year let's the wounds heal first, shall we?

I hope that Jared and Jensen get some offers once the show is done and I will pay good money to see movies, TV shows of them etc but for now I will keep quiet since I hope we get an ending we (and the boys) deserve.

Yes, the writer situation scares me and I think they should call Eric Kripke for a last hurrah. I mean, it is his baby and he should get to have a say in the series finale as well as J2.

Will one of the brothers die and the other will live (I'm worried we'll get a reverse Swan Song)? Will they both die leaving Cas behind and Jack as some sort legacy who trains future hunters? That would be a possibility since the sheriff in 14.16 asked the Winchesters why they don't tell people about monsters. What happens to Baby?

I seriously doubt the ending will be happy(maybe not 100%) but the best thing would be if they go driving with Baby into the sunset...

Dean at the steering wheel with Sam riding shotgun, where they should be ---- where they will always be, home. Dean plays his "mullet rock" as Sam would playfully mock his brother's musical choices. No chick flick moments. Just the Winchesters.

The boys need to lay their weary heads to rest, so they can cry no more. Because they are the legendary Winchesters, the hunters who saved the world countless times unbeknownst to many. I don't think their work will ever be done but there will be peace when they are done and how they will reach that point we'll never know till 2020.

Everyone will hear "Carry on wayward son" for the last time ever in Supernatural over a painful montage of "Dad's gone on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days" and "Saving people, hunting things, the family business". Now who in this fandom wouldn't be wracked with pain?

This is the show we all joked about that made a deal with the devil to never go off air but I did expect this a long time ago. Only thing was that I didn't know how I'd treat the news. I was that person who would go, "pfft, of course Supernatural would get renewed". Then again, this was the show that an ending was imminent and the whole season 4 debacle about Misha and the angel storyline saving the show blah blah blah.

So next year, everyone will flock to see the finale and epic conclusion to the Winchester saga whether they stopped at season 5,6,7 or 10,12. Diss it all you want for the shit show it may have become but wherever you left off, you may still want to know what happens to Sam and Dean Winchester in the end.

Once Supernatural ends, I'll turn 20 next summer and I would like to think of it being poetic that I end my adolescence with a show I have loved when I brave the cold, ruthless world of adulthood. I'm a picky person and can't say what's my favorite xyz is but you know what I'll say about my favorite TV show.

We will have completed 327 episodes which is the highest for a scifi TV show so I do hope the boys get some sort of recognition. It was us crazy bitches and jerks that gave the show the mileage and it was us that gave Jared and Jensen faith that they could carry on so for the remainder of season 14 and for 15,support these guys. Support these annoyingly sexy and ridiculously hilarious dudes for this show. I'm sure Jared and Jensen love the show like it's their kid practically but I wish everyone would just shut up, tinhatters, bronlies, stans, destihellers because we are all fans of the one show so let's ease the time we have left.

But seriously imagine Sam and Dean on a desert highway, the orange and yellow rays of the setting sun make Baby shine in all her splendor which makes Dean swell with pride. He starts the engine with a low rumble and they're off. They might to California to feel the sand beneath their feet or to Disneyland. They're living the "apple pie life" and this is their personal heaven : with each other.

I wouldn't mind this playing in the background if the ending is the inevitable and unspeakable you know what :

It's wishful thinking, since I wish they'd actually play some Zeppelin instead of song titles being used as episode titles but I wish they could use some Queen or Guns n Roses and stuff before 1979 because everything sucked ass afterwards according to Dean.

I want the classic rock resurgence in the show as well but I know they'll end up using the cash elsewhere. I wouldn't mind a body swap episode but if wishes were horses, right?

[asroarke]

Hey Alex. Your fics completely cheer up whenever I'm in a depressive state. I've read them all so many times. They're incredible. Unfortunately, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago I guess hes an ex now and I'm confused and broken and Ive been listening non stop to ed sheeran's song "Happier". I was wondering if you could write post break up bellarke fic based kinda on the song, but with a happy ending from bellamys pov? I need a pick me up and a little bit of hope in my life tbh..

I’m really sorry to hear about your break up! That’s rough. Also, side note, that song made me cry. I had never heard it before. So, the happy ending is kind of ambiguous in this fic, but I fully intended for you to assume that the last conversation goes well and they end up back together. I hope you like it! It ended up being more angsty than I had originally planned. [ao3]

He wasn’t planning on stopping by Octavia’s party, using thefact that he was working late as his excuse. But when Pike announced thatBellamy could clock out early, he knew that he had to at least swing by. IfOctavia found out that his schedule opened up and he didn’t stop by, he’d neverhear the end of it.

It wasn’t like Clarke ever stayed at parties long, anyway.He probably wouldn’t even see her. She likely left an hour ago, since she was probablytoo tired from a shift at the hospital or had one early tomorrow morning. So,he took a few deep breaths before heading over to his sister’s apartment.

The party was still raging on when he walked through the door,and Miller immediately put a beer in his hand. “How have you been?” he asked,and Bellamy just shrugged. Miller looked over at Jackson, and Bellamy didn’tmiss the concerned look they exchanged. Yeah, they were worried about him, buthe was fine.

“There you are!” Octavia shouted before he heard the soundof her loud feet rushing toward him. He turned to be ready for her hug, chucklingquietly at her excitement to see him. “Isn’t this a fun party? You’re so happyyou came, right?” she asked, her words slurring together, and he had to fightnot to roll his eyes. She was drunk.

“Yes,” he replied, patting her on the head as he surveyedthe room. No sign of Clarke, thank God. He wouldn’t know what he would say toher if he saw her again. It was inevitable that he would, so he probably shouldfigure something out. But he needed more time to get over the sting of losingher.

He plastered on a smile as Octavia dragged him through theapartment by his hand and introduced him to all her work friends he hadn’t metyet. She ditched him to go whine to Lincoln about something, and Bellamysettled in next to Murphy as he downed the last of his beer. He looked over hisshoulder into the kitchen, spotting those fake margarita beer drinks that Octaviahad recently gotten upset with and let out a sigh. “The good stuff is out onthe patio,” Murphy explained, and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank God,” he muttered before making his way out there.

He probably should have known that there would be one or twopartygoers who would be out there. It’s the only quiet place to be at anOctavia Blake party. Bellamy had ducked out here enough times to know that.

But nothing could have prepared him for finding Clarke andRoan out there together.

He freezes for a moment at the sight of Clarke curledup against him with her legs in his lap. It took him a moment to realize thatshe was asleep, and he probably would have laughed at the fact that ClarkeGriffin fell asleep at yet another party if it weren’t for the fact that shewas literally sleeping on Roan.

He clenched his jaw as he fished out a beer from the cooler.He shouldn’t actually be surprised. He and Clarke broke up. She was going tostart seeing other people. He couldn’t have pushed her away any harder, if hewas being honest with himself. But Bellamy had somehow put the prospect ofClarke moving on out of his thoughts, meaning he was blindsided by this.

“Oh hey, man,” Roan said, tearing his eyes away from hisphone to nod at Bellamy. Bellamy nodded back, grinding his teeth together as hedid. Without a word, he walked back into the apartment and took a seat at theempty kitchen table, one of the few spots in the room that gave him a decentview of what was happening on the patio. Maybe he just wanted to torturehimself, but he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off the two of them as Roan’shand traced up and down Clarke’s back.

“Didn’t you start this whole thing?” Jasper asked as he saton the table, swinging his legs back and forth so that he occasionally hitBellamy.

“Yes,” he huffed, and Clarke started to stir outside. Sherubbed her eyes as she pushed herself up, and Roan put his phone down to saysomething that caused Clarke to erupt into laughter. His chest panged as he sawher bright smile. He couldn’t even remember the last time he saw her smile likethat.

“So, why are you acting like she broke up with you?” Jaspermuttered, and Bellamy took his eyes off Clarke for a moment to glare up at him.

“Jasper, I’m not in the mood,” he snapped. When his eyesreturned to the window, Roan and Clarke had stood up and were facing away fromhim. Both her hands were braced on the railing in front of her, but Roan wasstill rubbing her back.

The fact that it was Roan shouldn’t have surprised Bellamy.He had always had the suspicion that Roan was attracted to Clarke, and it wasn’tlike he could blame Clarke for becoming interested in him once she becamesingle. He was an attractive guy, one that her mother would definitely approveof. He’d probably fit more into Clarke’s world than Bellamy ever did.

Jasper was still mumbling something when Bellamy pushed awayfrom the table. He wasn’t going to sit there all night watching theex-girlfriend he was still in love with flirt with Roan, so he ducked into thekitchen, which was empty. He hopped up onto the counter and let out a breath.

He tried to distract his mind, but the image of themtogether kept popping up in his head again. Bellamy could see them together soclearly, now. Roan didn’t pick fights with Clarke like Bellamy did, no, he wasfar more relaxed and easygoing. He was also not the kind of guy to screw aroundwhen it came to talking about how he felt. Clarke must love that since shedoesn’t have to guess what Bellamy’s thinking anymore or deal with his freakouts when things got a little too serious. She found herself someone who wouldbe upfront with her, and it’s what she deserves.

He pressed his lips together as he heard the patio doorswing open. “Jasper, are you ready for more shots?” he heard Roan tease, andBellamy threw his head back. God, Roan was even more fun around Bellamy’sfriends. “Clarke?”

“Oh, God no,” Clarke giggled, and it was such a sweet, happysound… and why wouldn’t it be? Clarke seemed to be happy, probably happier thanshe had been with Bellamy. There was a quiet mumbling out there as Bellamyheard Jasper skip after Roan. “What?” he heard Clarke say, and he hit his headagainst the cabinet behind him.

He fucked up. God, he fucked up. He was falling too hard andfast for her and got scared. Everything with Clarke felt so natural and normal,and it scared him how easily he could get comfortable with her, especiallygiven how things went with Echo and Gina in the past.

All he could remember was how much he hurt before, and hisstupid, stupid self did what healways did: pushed her away before she could push him away. And now she was gone.He couldn’t blame anyone but himself for the way he picked that fight.

He was taking another swig of his drink when Clarke strodeinto the kitchen, freezing as soon as she saw him. Her brows furrowed as shegave him a once over, and his heart pounded as he waited for her to saysomething.

“Octavia said you had to work tonight,” she finally settledon, and he fought not to roll his eyes at the fact that the two of them couldonly seem to make small talk now.

“My shift ended early, so I stopped by,” he shrugged, andshe nodded along. Her brows were still furrowed, and he could tell that she hadsomething to say to him. But of course, his jealousy was still festering underthe surface and he said, “You seemed to have a good nap outside.”

Her eyes widened at him, and he immediately regretted it.She was free to do whatever the hell she wants, after all. He shouldn’t try tomake her feel bad for moving on. But of course, he always said the wrong thingat every given opportunity.

“It was a long day,” she settled on, and he nodded along, keepinghis eyes fixed on the almost empty beer in his hand. “Actually, I was just aboutto leave. I should go find your sister before I go,” she muttered beforeturning to leave, and Bellamy hit his head on the cabinet again, cursinghimself for pushing her away again.

He listened as Clarke gave her goodbyes to their friends. Montysaid something to make her laugh, and he found a smile tugging at his lips whenhe heard that beautiful sound. She talked with Harper, he thinks, for a minute…and the ease with which she speaks to everyone causes his chest to pang. Sheused to be able to talk to him that way.

Maybe he should find a way to be happy for her. After all,she seemed happier now with Roan. And Clarke deserved to be happy. He wantedher to be so happy.

When the front door shut, he let out a breath. He survivedseeing Clarke tonight, barely. The panging in his chest probably wouldn’t goaway any time soon, though he wasn’t sure if it ever left.

He was coming up with excuses to leave the party too whenRoan came into the kitchen. “What’s wrong with you?” Roan snorted.

“Nothing,” Bellamy lied.

“So, it has nothing to do with the fact that you saw me withyour ex?” he asked, raising his eyebrows as he filled a cup with ice.

“Clarke can date whoever she wants,” he replied.

“I’m not dating Clarke,” Roan corrected, and Bellamy hatedhow easy his own face gave his reaction away. Roan smirked at him, pleased thathe had finally broken Bellamy out of his fake indifference. “I don’t make ahabit of dating girls who are still in love with their exes.”

“Clarke isn’t—”

“She is,” he interrupted. “It’s annoying, honestly. Fulloffense intended, you were a dick to her in the end.”

“I know,” he huffed, throwing his head back. He didn’t needthis lecture from Roan when he had been giving it to himself all night. “It’show I know she isn’t still hung up on me.”

“Interesting,” Roan muttered as he walked back toward thedoor, “then, why is she still in the parking lot, crying in her car?” Bellamy’shead snapped up to look at Roan, whose eyebrows were raised at him as he lookedover his shoulder. “Don’t fuck it up this time,” he huffed before walking backout to the party. Bellamy jumped to his feet, abandoning his beer on thecountertop before striding toward the front door. He didn’t bother tellinganyone where he went. Everyone was too drunk to notice he was gone, anyway.

When he got down to the parking lot, he found Clarke’s carin the very back. He jogged toward her car, and as he got closer, he could seeher talking on the phone as she wiped a few tears from her cheek. He felt sickat the realization that he was the reason she was crying. He never wanted tohurt her. After all, he loved her… probably a little too much. He was justscared.

Clarke’s eyes widened when she spotted him, and she said goodbyeto whoever she had been talking to. He stood still as she pushed herself out ofthe car, her brows furrowing in confusion as she looked up at him again. “Whatare you—”

“I miss you,” he interrupted, and her eyes softened. “I’msorry. I know I don’t get to just… Fuck,” he mumbled. He hadn’t thought throughwhat he would say to her at all. He hadn’t been thinking when he rushed downafter her. All he heard was that she was upset because of him, and he couldn’t stayaway.

“I miss you too,” she said before he could stutter anythingelse out. Her blue eyes were staring back at him, still a bit red from crying.All he wanted to do was close the distance between them and pull her to hischest.

“Can we talk?” he asked, and she bit down on her lip. Herchest was rising and falling slowly as she took a few deep breaths.

It felt like hours had passed before she whispered, “Yeah.”

A flicker of hope scorched through him as the two of them satdown on the curb. He was going to tell her everything that he didn’t saybefore. He was going to make it right. And maybe, just maybe, she’d let him tryto make her happy again.

[sadieanne]

Why can you not get it through your head that some people with mental health problems NEEDED 13 reasons why. Like I've seen so many people explain that seeing something they could relate too personally was very important to them. Maybe for others it was hurtful but that doesn't change the fact that some people with real mental issues also benefited from it. If it wasn't that way for you then great. Also I'm sure if Demi lovato was promoting it you'd be all for it, and that's just the tea.

Here’s the ~tea~. The show still would have helped people without those god awful graphic scenes. As I’ve said before, the show had great writing and great acting. It is based on a book that actually helped me a lot about ten years ago when I was first realizing some of my own mental health issues.

Had they not included some of the triggering material in that show, you would not have noticed the difference. You would not be on the internet complaining about the fact that you didn’t get to watch a girl literally cut herself and bleed to death. The story and acting would have remained intact and people still would have been helped by it. The only difference is that fewer people would have been HARMED by it.

My concern is not just with my own experiences. My concern is for the experiences of others. Why did nobody think about a situation where the parents of a child who died by suicide might watch this program? Why did nobody think that parents who never got a reason why may decide to watch this show in hopes of finding one? Why did they show Hannah’s character displaying symptoms of PTSD, but not think about how their show would trigger suicide survivors or parents who found their dead child in the bathtub? 

I don’t only speak from my own experiences with mental health and suicide (although I do have PLENTY to draw from). I speak taking into account the experiences of others. I speak taking into account the opinions most mental health professionals would have if you told them about a show that included such graphic material. I speak taking into account the parents and little sister of my classmate who killed himself when he was 14. I speak taking into account every person who has ever had to find somebody’s corpse after they committed suicide.

If you’re only concerned about how something affects YOU, then you’re missing a huge part of the story. Everything affects everything. The butterfly effect. So the show helped you (or the other people you’ve read about)... is your life worth more than mine? No. Is my life worth more than yours? No. So what is the solution? A middle ground.

And here’s what the middle ground would be: The same exact show. The same exact story. The same exact actors. The very small changes that could have made all the difference include: 

- Actually including a trigger warning on EVERY episode- Providing a link on the warnings that would include a more detailed discription of the graphic material (including time stamps) for anyone who wanted to skip over those parts- Not making the trailer seem like it’s going to be some sort of murder mystery drama- Including actual resources for people struggling with self harm, suicide, sexual assault, etc. IN THE SHOW- Actually making mental illness a part of the show. Mentioning at least one mental illness. Educating their audience.And here’s the big one...

- Respecting their audience enough to NOT make us watch a girl literally die and her parents find her body in a pool of blood. Have the camera zoomed in on her face, in pain, while she cut herself instead of making us watch the blood poor out. Use wide angles and silhouettes. Choosing to leave out graphic, triggering, and harmful material is not censorship. It’s respect. 

My life and my experiences are not more important than yours. I’ve spent the last ten years of my life trying to speak out about suicide, self harm, and mental health/illness. I have never said (and would never say) that a show such as 13 Reasons Why should have never been made. 

We do need shows and artists out there that get people talking about such important issues. But we need shows that are safe places for people who are dealing with similar issues. Not everyone gets triggered by graphic material, but we need those people to be empathetic towards those of us who are. 

That’s what’s really important about these shows: The aftermath. The conversation. Listening to the opinions of people who are dealing with those issues. Asking ourselves “Okay, this show started a conversation, now how can we continue it? How can we help people who are dealing with suicidal tendencies?” 

And you now what the answer to that could be? Making more shows that they can watch and relate to without getting so triggered! Copycat suicide is a real thing and it’s a serious issue. People see self harm on TV and no matter how gruesome it is, they often start doing it themselves.

Someone suicidal may watch 13RW and think “Wow, so many people cared about Hannah and it’s so sad she’s gone. I don’t think I want to kill myself anymore...” OR they may think “Wow, nobody cared about Hannah until she was dead. The signs were right under their noses and nobody did anything. People finally loved her once she was gone. Maybe they’ll love me too once I’m gone”. YOU NEVER KNOW HOW SOMEONE IS GOING TO REACT TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND IT’S IMPORTANT FOR CREATORS TO REALIZE THIS. NOBODY IS CENSORING THEM. THEY HAVE A CHOICE AND IF THEY ARE TRUE ARTISTS, THEY CAN GET THE POINT ACROSS WITHOUT BEING GRATUITOUS. 

Please start listening and understanding people. Have empathy. Understand that (as I have already said) this is not a personal attack. Plenty of shows that are favorites of mine (My Mad Fat Diary, Degrassi) have made mistakes like this too. I like to openly discuss those mistakes while still appreciating the shows that changed my life.

And as for what you said about Demi - that is absolutely not true. I have no trouble calling out my faves when they do something I don’t approve of. That’s why I’ve taken a break from Taylor Swift. It’s important to acknowledge when someone you love makes a mistake or does something you don’t approve of, and to realize that it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to stop loving them. Demi has done so much for the mental health community and I love her for that. She has definitely done more to raise awareness for self harm, mental illnesses, mental healthcare, etc. than Selena or most of the people involved on the show. But here’s the thing - it’s not a competition. The more the merrier. We need multiple voices on multiple platforms. But despite everything great that Demi has done, if she fully backed a show like this, I would lose most of my respect for her as a mental health advocate. She could tweet about it, watch it, enjoy it, say it made her cry, whatever... and that would be okay. But if she tried to say that there was no issues with it? I would never respect that, especially coming from someone so deeply involved and educated in the mental health community.