#I've just been super sick o7

[murmuringbug]

I watched episode 4 of whitepine a few days ago. I'm still incredibly unnormal about it it's so good btw

[etinceelle]

Hey, you don't have to answer this, it's not even an ask I just wanted to tell you a few things.

Know that what you feel right now is totally justified.

It's not being broken or sensitive. People have unjustifiably attacked you out of nowhere because that's what those people there do. They wait for someone to slip up or give them a false opening so they can bring them down and feed whatever sick satisfaction get out of this. No what you did wouldn't even be considered wrong and if the butterflies of Twitter really think it was, well that's their problem and they should probably come out of their little bubble and look at the difference most couples dating in real life have.

The label RWBY artist is thrown on anyone who happens to draw a fair amount of RWBY pieces but I understand why it can be frustrating. Only you are allowed to specify if you are a mainly RWBY artist and none should jump to such conclusions although it's easy to happen.

Pressure and personal struggles can be carefully locked away and forgotten or ignored as much as possible until something comes crushing down letting it all spill out. Venting and speaking about what's bothering you it's a necessity, none should bottle up in favour of not seeming overreactive, sensitive or soft but people do tend to prey on those who show such "weakness".

I've been part of this community for far too long and I can confidently tell you I've seen it all. I am sorry for the sudden pressure tossed on you and I really hope things get better soon.

Know that this really wasn't your fault.

Draw what you like, ship what you want, surround yourself with people from the nice parts of the communities you are in and muffle out those who wish to take a bite from your happiness. I know people who really loved your kofi requests and you are a very talented artist with a cute and beautiful style.

So whatever your next step is and whatever you choose to draw just make sure it's something you like and block those who try to get under your skin.

Take care and I hope you feel better soon.

I'll still answer to this because you took the time to write me this, and I appreciate it a lot.

Thank you for reaching when I expressed really obvious signs of not being well here, when I'm in this dark bubble I really tend to go wild spiralling so cleaning my head with reason and comfort is probably what helps me the most. So thank you ♥

I really want to work on my ability to endure these moments because I get super nervous and stressed and base my self worth on how people perceive me which is bad obviously-

I won't go in details or share too much of me but yeah, I'm grateful to everyone who sent me some nice words and support o7

[icyfox17]

WAIT now I’m curious :0

How would you rank all the Lovejoy songs, from best to worst? I’m incredibly interested to see what you think of them :00

Ooh man this is tough . Look I love asking these questions to OTHER ppl but when I get asked them I panic /lh /j

1. It's Golden Hour Somewhere

2. Model Buses

3. Cause for Concern

4. Consequences

5. Everything else /hj

I'm ngl king I am STRUGGLING I REALLY WANTED TO TRY, I EVEN PUT ON MY LOVEJOY PLAYLISR BUT EVERYTIME I WENT TO COMPARE I LOVED THEM BOTH EQUALLY 😭😭😭

so uh o7

5. Scum, Poabs, Sex Sells, One Day, Taunt, Perfume, Knee Deep at Atp, Call Me What You Like

6. You'll Understand When You're Older, Oh Yeah You Gonna Cry, Concrete, Warsaw, The Fall, Posg

7. Perfect Pair (IM SORRYFUFJF ITS REALLY NICE I JUST DIDNR VIBE WITH IY)

8. It's All Futile It's All Pointless

Okay after listening to all of them I actually ranked quite a few higher than I used to. I used to really not like Posg or The Fall bc of the shouting (I am a sensitive soul and don't really like shouting in my music dhfkfk) but I've gotten a lot more used to that type of music so I actually vibed with them super hard

And uh yeah iafiap is still my lowest 😭 which is ironic bc the og is one of my fav songs ever. I just... it has way too much going on, it's so overwhelming for me shfjgkfkfk

But yeahhh jazz hands, ik it's not a super proper ranking but I am physically incapable of ranking them 😭😭

Besides those top 4 ☝️ (honestly idk if consequences is above all of 5... sex sells is sooooo goooddd but yeah for now it's there bc it makes me the happiest when it comes on)

Model Buses used to be MY Lovejoy song (it just... really resonated with me I dunno, I feel like it's my Vibe) but then It's Golden Hour Somewhere came out and it knocked it out of the park LMAODJFJGKG

I still adoree model buses eueueue but golden hour is I think more of my Vibe nowww, y'know? Ive grown. Model Buses was younger me, Golden Hour is present me (wild how much one can change in a couple of years). Model buses is still my baby tho ❤️

Also my ranking for Aya has always been all over the place but cfc being that high up compared to all of the other Lovejoy songs is definitely a newer thing. I just.. I love the trumpets in cfc so much. It makes me feel an emotion none of the other Lovejoy songs do. It honestly might one day get above Model Buses. It makes me so happy. It feels truly the epitome of an Indie Movie and that's my fav vibe ever.

OGOGIGOHIGIGUHOH I PUT ON GOLDEN HOUR AND YEPYEPEYEEPYEPU IT STILL REIGNS SUPREMEEEE THAT BASS JUSR DOES SOMETHIGN TO ME ALSO THE HARMONIESSSS I LOVE THE HARMONIES SO MUCHHH AND THE WAY THE CHORUS BUILDS OHMUGOSSHDJDJFKFKDJGKDKDJFJJFJDJDJFJDJDHFJGKFKDJFKGKGKFKFKSHFJFKDKFKFJDJDKJGKGKDK THE OOOOOOOOSSSS I CANTTT I CANTTT!!!!! GOLDEN HOUR IS MY SONG!!!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! IT IS JUST PERFECT FOR ME!!!!!! AND THE TITLE TOO??? LIKEEEEE THATS SO MY VIBEEEDHFJKG

The funniest part is like. I tried SO HARD to go into wu&io blind. I avoided every concert video like the plague. I scrolled past all those clips on twt. I even debated not listening to cmwyl but . I didn't want to be that left out so I did listen to it (which predictably made me feel sick of it by the time the album came out 😭) but seeing the titles of all the wu&io songs I got attached to golden hour 😭😭😭 and was already being like "I bet u that's gonna be my fav" but I was like no. I will not be biased. And the first time I listened to wu&io I actually liked poabs the best but I think that's just bc of how fucking shook I was by it being the first song I listened to and when I told my friends that it was my fav they all were like "damn I thought golden hour was gonna be ur fav" but then . I relistened to it again (bc for me it honestly takes at least like 3 or 4 listens for me to properly rank bc I am often someone who will just like the song I hear first, same thing goes with covers. It's rare for me to like a cover more than the og song if I heard the og song first. But if I heard the cover first?? I will most likely prefer that one) and then I was like Oh. Oh it's Golden hour is good. Oh. And then I literally looped it like 5 times in a row 😭😭 leaving poabs in the dust LMFAOFJJFKGF and then as I started to listen to it more Consequences just started vibing w me more than Poabs

But yeah lmaoooo, apparently it's not just me who thinks golden hour is my song but I had like 3 or 4 diff ppl instantly clock it as my fav before I even told them/listened to the album 😭😭😭

Ough,,, I love golden hour sm,,,

Anyways thanks for the ask, I had an existential crisis over it LMFOAJFJGKGK tho it's only fair since I made April do it lolll

I'm so bad at ranking stuff 😭 but feel free to ask me more bc this was fun!! U just might have to deal with a lot of ties ^-^

[shoehedd]

So fucking long 2023!

o7

This year was super hard. We lost our home after the winter eviction ban ended. We had plenty of notice and started saving for a home and got stuff together for a mortgage app last year. Which is when we discovered my boss wasn't paying any tax at all. (here your employer pays your income tax on a weekly or monthly basis, it's handy because you don't have to file yourself... as long as your employer isn't on the take).

It wasn't the best news.. it led to a lot of bullshit. The boss, she tried to get me to quit, went on a full offensive. Suddenly I was shite at my job, I had extra work, I wasn't allowed leave despite being there voluntarily for 0 pay some days, I was barred from doing commission work while in the shop (again despite being unpaid and not under contract), she took my desk away, and a heap of other things. The boss stopped speaking to me for weeks at a Time, she'd take clients away from me, she would order replacement gear that was incorrect, she complained that I took 4 days off (unpaid again) to move my stuff out of the apt and into storage. She told me I should sleep in my storage unit, she got blood on my table and some of my gear and I had to throw it all out, shed often berate my clients for showing up early, write their appointments on the wrong days or the wrong times or not at all or at times, triple book a slot. All because I had the nerve to bring this to her and say "hey this is your responsibility to put right, please do the right thing for all of us".

That's when the gaslighting started, she"d always, apparently, been totally upfront with how much fraud she was going to commit on our behalf. Fuck off.

It was a dark time. I just needed to save enough to leave. I had a tentative brush with a bigger shop in the city, but it didn't work out. Self esteem was gone. Stopped drawing entirely, stopped programming. Real dark night of the soul shit. I was quickly losing options, and hope. People were getting sick of me. Every waking g minute was spent in agony. Obsession, anger and betrayal, failure and defeat. My future disappeared, id wasted 10 years if my life, my career was over, my home was gone, my savings were illegitimate, my pension, I don't even want to think of my public pension, probably not happening.

I was left to sort my own taxes. Paying late fees can really fuck you over. I've experienced that now. lucky me! Looking that scumbag in the face every day after that was a crash course in self control.

Anyway, so the boss couldnt keep it between just me and her and lashed out at the entire staff. Eventually my apprentice piercer walked out. It wasn't warning enough for the boss so she continued. Eventually she fucked over our tattoo artist and apprentice, got called on it and started freezing her out too. for a period of time she would ONLY COMMUNICATE WITH THE TATTOO APPRENTICE AND NO OTHER STAFF MEMBER. So the artist quit. And seeing as the artist was teaching the apprentice, she also left. Which left me alone with her. FOR MONTHS

more dark night of the soul goes here.

But this is where my story looks up, lads. See the 3 of us were conspiring. We know how to run a shop together, between the 3 of us. And so the plan was put in motion. 2 weeks after she quit the artist was jn her own brand new studio, 3 weeks later the apprentice had arrived. And then finally, finally, after ten years of working in the shop, in November I handed in my notice. 100% staff attrition in 2023, every single employee had left.

I'm renting a spot in that same new studio now. Been 5 weeks so far and... well I make less money atm, but we are hoping people find out we've all gone and come over. We're in the same town which is apparently a fucked up thing to do but.. now I think about it, the person who told us that was that scumbag ex boss of ours.

I'm drawing again, which you can probably tell from following this tumblr. I'm programming again. I have shower thoughts about OCs and monster design instead of hopeless, desperate plotting or seething anger. My mind is healing. I've also stopped bloating horribly and I haven't had an anxiety attack all month.

Good news :D. Thanks to me finally sorting the tax situation myself we finally applied for the mortgage. Results soon, so here's hoping. I'm staying with my wife in my parents house, who have been very kind to us. My wife, after years of us trying is now pregnant with our first baba. A boy. Due in February, so after setting up the business we are prepping for him. There's a lot of work to be done, but after floundering for years and, imo actively drowning for most of 2023 I can finally say things are actually hopeful now. We might still be able to rebuild both of our lives after this fucked up person just kind of... arbitrarily decided to fuck it up for her own benefit and hoped we wouldn't find out.

2024 is gonna be weird and hard, but I'm looking forward to it.

If you've read this far thank you. It was a stupid year. It was a painful year. And now it's fucking OVER.