#I've gotten my heart shattered enough time already for this very reason，when will i ever learn

[love-toxin]

cw: injuries, yandere tohma, gn! reader

"so...how long do I have to play along with this little game of yours?"

the question spills out of his mouth without warning, yet each word is methodical, careful, like he's practiced it a thousand times before. the teapot clutched in your hands nearly slips out and shatters over the table you've laid out for the two of you, but the warmth of the porcelain fortunately keeps you steady enough until you can set it down in the space between you two. Tohma was kind enough to bring you a gift after spending awhile away, tending to his duties--so it's only natural that you would take him out for some tea in exchange. it's courtesy. it's expected.

but his question certainly is not.

"I...I have no idea what you're talking about, Tohma."

"really?"

he's sat cross-legged for some time now, waiting as you ordered the tea and offering you some idle chit-chat befitting a pair that haven't seen the other in a while. Tohma has always been your friend even when you were young, but as is custom in a place like Inazuma, your relationship has evolved throughout the years. there are things you can't say anymore, things that would ruin your life if you were caught doing them...and now, you fear, the glint in Tohma's eyes may be an omen that he's about to commit one of those unholy acts.

"come on now, sweetheart, everybody can see the truth for what it is. there's no need to hide it any longer."

he's purposely tiptoeing around the question, waiting for the pieces to click in your mind. he need not say anything at all, however--the way he looks at you in this moment, and the purpose with which he stands from his place at the tea table is enough to set your jaw tight and your eyes to darken.

"you know that I was always meant to be your husband. to be there for you through thick and thin, to care for you when we're both old and gray-"

he takes a few quick steps around it to get to you, to kneel at your side and reach out his hands to pull yours into them, and it's all you can do not to flinch away and risk the image of impropriety. but you've endured this lecture before, and the only thing screaming inside your head is for you to resist--just resist, don't listen to a word he says, and bite your tongue of any insult until he finally gives up and gets the hint.

"Tohma, stop."

"-to treasure you like no one else will. I understand your point of view, I really do--we're still young, and the world outside of Inazuma seems so big and grand...but you have to realize that the time to settle down is coming for us."

he rubs his thumb over your hand and smiles in your direction, but you can't meet his eyes. and then it's slipping out of your grasp and raising up to your face, and you feel yourself stiffen all over as Tohma gently cups your cheek, his gaze lowering towards your mouth as if he has an idea of what he wants to do. but that would be grounds for you to shriek for a guard, and you're entirely certain that that's the only reason he bites his lip to stave off the desire.

"you were always meant to be mine. you believe in fate, and you've always put your trust in me...so why not let me help you?"

that last part comes as a whisper, the tearoom private but the walls still thin. one of the many secrets you've entrusted to Tohma over the years is your disagreement with Inazuma's strict laws, as well as the etiquette that comes with being a member of the higher class. you've always despised being noble, and Tohma has always understood you, at least you thought so....but ever since he's gotten this ludicrous idea in his head, you've known even less peace than usual.

"I've said it a dozen times, Tohma, and I won't say it again. I'm not marrying you."

you do your best to spit the words out with as much venom as you can muster, yet you still feel the twinge of anxiety at snapping at him so informally. it could spell the end for you quite easily, but when your eyes are drawn back to Tohma's expression, all you can see is bliss written all over his face.

"...even laced with contempt, my name sounds so sweet on your lips. you've so much wit, so much grace, and your beauty leaves me breathless...I know how little you think of me, but-"

fury shoots through every vein of your body, and you know it's the wrong move when you slap his hand away from your face, the smack like a thunderclap in the small space of the little tearoom.

"enough, Tohma! enough. do yourself a favour and stop speaking to me--in fact, I dearly hope you never say a word to me again."

each finger on his hand twitches, only to close in a tight fist and sink back down to his lap. you try to avoid his gaze in this moment, but even turning your head away you can still feel his eyes staring right into your soul.

"you know I can't make that promise. you know that I love you."

that word makes you stiffen, your grip lock on your noble dressings, your blood turn to ice in your veins. you've avoided that for so long but it follows you like a demon, and it's eyes glow a verdant green as Tohma's words melt into your skin and eat you alive from the inside out.

"this feeling of yours....it's not mutual, Tohma. just leave it, and leave me."

you say so, but you're the one that stands from the tea table in the end, and Tohma jumps to get to his feet to follow you. he trails on your heels as you step with purpose towards the door and slide it open, the cool chill of Inazuma city in the night prickling your exposed skin. the blond hurries to get in front of you, and the moment you spot a few other citizens on the path this late at night, you tilt your head down and pray to the gods that Tohma won't force you into impropriety.

"...I see. you won't budge on this, then...I will have to accept that. but may I at least escort you home? I can't in good faith allow you to wander alone in the dark. I still care for you."

he looks down on you with a softness to his features, and you hate how easily you buckle under any sort of pressure from him. you prided yourself on not giving in before, but when you're not alone it's not nearly as easy--you have to piece your words so carefully together, and by the time you think of an excuse it will already be too late for you to reject his offer. so with as subtle of a huff as you can manage, you speak softly under your breath that you suppose that's fine, and grit your teeth as you thank him for the offer. and Tohma is all too relieved to stand beside you as you walk down the hill and leave the prying ears of the city, the silence near unbearable between you as you meander through the path cut down the middle of the farmer's fields.

"seems there's no one around. not a surprise for this time of the night."

it's not a terribly long walk back to your family's estate, but Tohma still evidently feels the need to speak up as you reach the end of the gently sloping hill. Konda village lies within sight in the distance, and you feel the tension weigh heavy on your heart as you count the steps closer and closer to safety. relative safety that is.

you're so focused on paying him as little attention as possible that you don't even take notice to his hand drawing closer to yours and his eyes wandering up and down your figure, practically salivating as the flames in his chest burn hotter and hotter, until the moment he can't take any more and he grabs you by the shoulders to stop you and force you to look him straight in the eyes.

"now, you're going to listen very closely. I'm going to give you a little gift, because I love you so very much. you get a minute's head start."

the shock catches you off guard to the point that you bite your own tongue, fear and panic shooting through you like icicles that make you freeze in place. Tohma's expression is so intense he nearly appears feral, pearly teeth glimmering in the light from the moon as he grins down at you like a predator examining their prey.

"here's the deal, sweetheart--if you can run all the way past Konda village, you win. but if I catch you, I win, and you must uphold your promise and marry me in a month's time. and if you win, you'll get your wish--I'll never speak a word to you again."

terror grips you even harder than Tohma is, and at his proposal you whip your head towards the village in the distance and then back to him. if he's seriously not making some kind of sick joke, then there's absolutely no way you would ever make it. you're not a fighter, you don't even know how to hold a sword much less have a vision, and you've seen the kinds of things Tohma is capable of....he'll catch you before you make it anywhere close.

"Tohma-"

his gaze lingers on you for a moment, before he turns you in the direction of the village and pushes you forward, only hard enough for you to stumble a bit. you want to question him, to try and talk him down from such an insane idea, but once you hear him start counting down aloud your feet move on their own and you take off in a pitiful run down towards your target. the night air whips by your face as you try to sprint as best you can, yet your robes that give away your nobility get caught on your sandals and trip you up enough that it makes your heart jump into your throat. your heart pounds in a cage that feels too tight, the air heavy and raw in your lungs the longer you fumble your way forwards in the night. even your tears feel cold as they stream down your face, and if speaking wouldn't expend your precious energy then you would surely be wailing for Tohma to stop, please, he's scaring you. especially once you hear his footsteps take off, and it feels as though his warm breath is right on the back of your neck.

but even so, you look up within moments to find yourself in the middle of the quiet little village, the lanterns dim and only the glow of the moon casting light on the humble little buildings. the panic ceases but resurges just as quickly when you remember that you're not safe yet, that the entrance to the village is still a few hundred metres away--and you can hear Tohma panting now, at a distance close enough that he'll make a grab for you long before you'll ever get there. but there's something you know that he probably doesn't remember, and it might just be your saving grace as you duck into the shadows and skirt around the mayor's house just as he skids into the path of the village. you fear in the pit of your stomach that getting the top off the well that you used to play near as children would make a great deal of noise, but you hurry forward and find it open--and just as you swing a leg over to climb inside and pray that Tohma doesn't think to look for you here, your foot slips on the stone that's still damp from the rain and your world is overturned as you fall through the air. it's not far enough that you can scream or grab for purchase on something, but when you land you hear the sickening crack of something breaking and pain that shoots through your leg so quick that it almost makes you black out.

but something worse is yet to come, and it's Tohma's voice calling out your name, before you look up to the sky and your heart just sinks as you watch his face pop into view over the side of the well.

"oh, archons--baby, are you all right?! did you hurt yourself?"

he hops over the edge quite easily and falls steady on his feat, not even having broken a sweat from chasing you as he hurries to your side and props you up in the crook of his arm. and despite still feeling that twinge of discomfort and panic from him touching you, the agony sets in so deeply that you cling to him without realizing as tears pour down your face and you struggle to breathe.

"let me see...yeah, that's definitely broken. c'mere, I'll help you up.."

just brushing the pads of his fingers over the rapidly-swelling skin of your calf makes you flinch and cry out with pain, and it's obvious by the deep bruising how bad you've hurt it--you wouldn't be able to climb out of here if you tried. but Tohma finds so little trouble in heaving you up into his arms that it's laughable....it would be funny how sincerely you thought you could get away in the first place, if you weren't experiencing the consequences now. and only now is it starting to sink in that you lost, even though he isn't rubbing it in your face. yet.

"poor thing--that was scary, wasn't it? aren't you glad I was here?"

despite how despairing you look, he rubs his cheek against yours as he holds you tight. you realize now how much he's always wanted to do this, and how he's dragging this all out while he has the chance to do it without anyone watching....it's such a rare opportunity, but you don't feel nearly as lucky as he does.

"I'll always be here, sweetie....in sickness and in health, right?"

he murmurs into the shell of your ear, before pressing a kiss to it right afterwards as he reaches out to get a foothold so he can lift you out of here. all you can think about now is how your chance of escaping him has slipped away....and now, your status is a death sentence in the hands of the man who saved your life, and will ask for nothing in return but your gentle hand in marriage. how romantic.

[fe-semi-decent-scenarios]

Hi!! I've just found your blog and really like how you write! If it's no trouble, how would either the blue lions or black eagles react to an s/o that wants to drop out of the academy? Like, would they try to stop them or let them go? (pre-timeskip of course lol)

[Hello and welcome to my blog! Thank you for the compliments, they truly mean the world to me. For this i’ll write for BE considering that I haven’t gotten a request for them in particular recently.You can always tell which characters I write for first because the imagines gradually get longer as I become more invested lol. Hope you like it!] 

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR BLACK EAGLE RUN BELOW

Edelgard: 

Edelgard would approach the situation cautiously. She will not act until she somehow pries every detail out of you.

“I understand my dear...but may I ask why?” - Will lead you through a roundabout interrogation. If there’s any possibility that you’re being cohered to leave by an external source she will find out

Hubert may receive a mission to do some digging

Her course of action also depends greatly on timing. If this issue suddenly appears around when she plans to invade the monastery then she will let you go with a grain of salt. She does not want to fight you in battle if you decide to side with the church 

If she is already certain that you are on her side then she will offer you refuge in Enbarr before the war begins.  

Is also very understanding if one of your reasons for dropping out is not wanting to fight your friends and/or develop emotional attachments 

Whatever you decide will not change anything. One way or another you’d be leaving Garreg Mache, who is she to call the shots on how?

Dorathea:

“I will not stand to let you go without an explanation” - Please do not let her find out through a secondary source 

Seriously. 

Dorathea is not the loose girl that people peg her to be. She is kind, headstrong, and will whip your butt if you plan to just up and leave her 

Depending on your reasoning she will try to stop you. It’s such an effort to earn a place at the academy, and leaving is truly a waste in her opinion 

Might actually drag the professor into the conversation if you don’t convince her fast enough. Yes, she will resort to any tactics necessary

Being away from you might actually break her heart. She knows it’s selfish but if you leave then the chances you’ll ever be together are slim 

In the end she’ll give in, saying that she loves you. If you end up staying she’ll be overjoyed

If you leave...well, she won’t change. To the average eye she’s the same person but to those close the fire behind her actions is gone 

Find her after garreg mache falls. Please, don’t leave her wondering if you lived  

Bernadetta:

She’s at a loss. One of the closest people she has is leaving and she can’t do anything

The only way she finds out is through the professor. There’s a knocking on her door that won’t go away, and on the outside there they stand. They ask her to try and convince you; naturally, she attempts to get out of it

“Me?! Isn’t there someone better you could ask?” Initially she’ll freak out before the realization sets in. 

“I can’t do anything...they won’t listen to someone like me”- and with that she’ll hole herself away from everyone. In her mind there won’t be a need for a goodbye if you two don’t meet 

Even if you come to her door every day she won’t open it. Instead she’ll cling to her bear stuffie with bated breath until you walk away

Until one day you don’t show 

She waits, and waits, and waits, and waits. She waits till the sky is dark yet you still haven’t come

Then she’ll creep out of her room, maybe you fell asleep outside while trying to trick her out? When she sees an empty courtyard her stomach drops

She’ll walk to your room in a haste only to see boxes stacked outside. Her heart shatters

“W-w-wait! P-please, please d-don’t go” - Hear her out and talk. She’s sorry for ignoring you, just don’t leave 

Petra: 

Her position is one that doesn’t offer much freedom.

Not enough to travel Fodlan, not enough to help her country, and not enough to follow you. If you leave then that’s it. You’re gone 

Petra will listen to your argument in full. She knows the feeling of being somewhere you do not feel welcome. She wants you to forge the path you wish to walk

“If this is not the place of being in which you call home, then you must do the leaving. I will not be stopping you” 

Petra will want to know what your plans are after you go. Where can she find you? Would you perhaps like to come visit Bridgid after she graduates? 

Petra does not view it as an end, but as a path to a new beginning. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise then she will honestly fight them. They will not take away your right to be free and make your own choices

On the inside she is hurting, greatly. There are not many people at the academy that made her feel at home, with you gone there will be even less. 

She plans to send you letters often. On pen and paper she conveys her thoughts easily, and it will be good practice for learning the language of fodlan 

If you end up staying she will reveal how you leaving would have hurt her, but if you go the relief is still there. 

Knowing you were far from the monestary during the fighting puts her at ease. 

Caspar: 

“You can’t leave! We’ve worked so hard here, and there’s people that need us! Why give that up?!” 

Caspar is not happy. In fact, his entire day is completely soured. When you tell him he won’t even take it seriously at first. He’ll laugh like it’s some kind of ‘twisted joke’. You know, give you a pat on the back and continue talking about something else. Basically he avoids the conversation lol give dima a run for his money why don’t ya

Then he gets defensive. Why even bother enrolling if you’re just going to give up half-way? He honestly rambles so fast that getting a single word in is harder than convincing linhardt to train 

Just let him get it out.

 When he’s done listing off all the reasons you should stay he’ll be out of breath and leaning against one of the nearby tables. Hopefully you chose to have this conversation in private because he does not control his volume

It’s best to not say anything more. When he sees that you’re not swayed he’ll leave to go be alone. Give him some time and then go talk again 

You’ll most likely find him sitting with his head in his hands by the peer. Very ‘uncaspar’ behavior 

“I know it’s your choice- I do, but...I don’t want you to leave” 

This is when you can explain your reasoning to him. He’ll just sit there and take it in silently. Though at the end he’ll reinstate the points he brought up before, and ask you to rethink the situation again. He knows that he makes rash decisions, but that doesn’t mean you have to 

If you decide to stay he’ll try his best to help remedy any issues you have while at the academy, and beyond that he’ll ask you to stick by him during the war 

If you leave he still won’t accept it, but he knows that it isn’t his choice. Just be safe. 

Hubert: 

Hubert knew of your plans long before you brought it up. The moment you two entered a courtship he did an extensive background check, and now constantly keeps track of anything you’re involved with 

Some call it creepy, he calls it safety 

Just so happens that a little birdie told him about you sending in an inquiry about withdrawal papers. First he notifies Lady Edelgard about the possible prospect of losing an ally, and then he approaches you personally 

“Did you really think you could let this sneak past me?” -He’d ask once sure that you two were alone. While improper, he would sneak into your dorm past curfew. He’d find you sitting at your desk as if you were expecting him 

“No, I only wanted to test how your ‘research’ skills are fairing. This must be a new record,”- You’d reply with just as much attitude. A smirk would crawl up his lips at it. You always have something to say 

Before expressing any personal distaste he has with the decision, Hubert’s first priority is to find where you stand with regard to Empire. He’ll snoop by asking your opinion of the church to deduce if you’ll be a possible enemy. His duty comes before his personal opinions 

Then he will calmly ask for your reasoning, and attempt to come up with a different solution. If there is one he will do all in his power to convince you of it. You are a respected ally and cherished companion of “the empire” (we all know he will not say you’re important to him this early on in the relationship. Give it another six years)

If deemed trustworthy, he will take similar action to Edelgard. He offers you a home in Enbarr located near where he will be stationed. When the time comes you can choose to either fight with the army, or do as you wish. There are many less dangerous positions he knows you are well qualified for

Linhardt: 

When he wants to care he will do so. We’ve seen it with how he treats crest research in comparison to something like daily lessons. Linhardt is extremely intelligent and can even outsmart someone as wise as Hanneman if he wants to

He treats his partner like how he wishes for them to treat him: with trust. If there are rumors of your planned departure floating about the monastery he will ignore them. Gossip has never proved to bare no consequence

To be persistent in such a situation holds no merit in his eyes

That does not mean he is not curious. From what he gathered you seemed to be living a pleasant life here at the monastery. There should be no probable cause for departure unless he’s missing something 

Linhardt is the kind to patiently wait. He will not seek you out or ask any of the professors. Instead he will spend his days with you as usual until you bring up the topic in question

This is where it is a battle of wits. He can be quite persuasive when he wishes to be, and right then he’s extra motivated. Though one look at the stressed crease of your brow dials down his normally paramount nature 

He will suggest that you humor him with a list of pro’s and con’s of leaving. Afterwords he’ll throw in his own two-cents and leave you to think on your own 

“If I were you I would not be so hasty. The human lifespan is brief and to dispose of an opportunity of this caliber could prove detrimental to your future” -way to pile on the stress Linhardt 

Just remember that you love him and that he is only thinking in your best interest from a statistical standpoint. On the inside he really is afraid of what might happen to you when he is not around

The boy already hates bloodshed, but your injuries in particular are ones that make him blanch

Ferdinand:  

Lorenz brings up a rumor of you withdrawing during their annual tea. He doesn’t do so out of spite, but merely out of concern considering that you are a good friend. He assumes that if anyone should know it would be your boyfriend 

He did not

Not even a bit 

“You must be mistaken my friend. If such a thing ere to transpire (Y/N) would have informed me immediately” - He would brush it off, but internally his nerves are fried. He decides to see you out once his evening duties are finished 

The entire day he’s anxious to hear from you. It shows in how he completes his tasks. Oh, the shame. What proper noble cannot properly re-shelve library books? 

When he finds you he cannot hide the anxiety in his voice. You instantly pick up on it and address the topic. Ferdinand does not take it well

“Do you hear yourself? To give up on such an opportunity as this is utter foolishness! I thought the rumors were preposterous, but to hear they were true?” - he would be flabbergasted. Dorothea has made it prominent that he tends to push his ideals onto others, but this was completely different

His words hurt. You were already struggling enough as it was to come to a decision. He of all people should be supporting you 

You just leave midway during the conversation. After a moment of recollection he regrets what he said. That sort of treatment is not befitting of a noble...or anyone really 

He’ll go find you and apologize. It doesn’t matter if you’re alone or beside some of your monastery pals, he will beg for forgiveness and will not leave you alone until you give it 

Then he completely butts out. He makes his side of the coin apparent but leaves the ultimate decision to you 

“I apologize. I unfairly lashed out at you after you spoke to me in confidence. I was hurt that you desired to leave everyone...and me. No matter what you decide I will support you”  

[the-final-sif]

listen i would love to see more of the whole "katsuki's been kidnapped multiple times" bc it's one of my favorite headcanons i've seen for him. i love ppl adding layers to his character and his experiences and i wanna know what you have planned past everyone finding out

Okay, I’m gonna go off of the “they found out after Katsuki was kidnapped again and they only knew that it happened when he finally showed back up to school.” route.

Katsuki gets kinda weirded out by how everyone’s reacting so weirdly, he doesn’t understand why Aizawa is asking him so many questions or making a big deal out of it. Sure, he’s kinda guessed by now that it’s not normal after all, but that doesn’t explain any of this.

They’re in Recovery Girl’s office now, Aizawa has already been fussing at him and gotten a report on his injuries. Recovery Girl is out at the moment but she should be back soon. Katsuki has already tried to argue that he bandaged all his injuries up himself, but the glare he got from his teacher put a stop to that.

Now they’ve moved on to Aizawa questioning him on his previous kidnappings and his teacher just seems to be getting more and more stressed out. Katsuki doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong, but it’s freaking him out because he’s been rationalizing and dealing with all of this for so long. Finally, he snaps.

“Why do you care?” And he meant it as a sarcastic remark, but Aizawa can hear the tremor in his voice, can see the minute shake of his shoulders, how Katsuki won’t meet his eyes. 

“Kid, you got kidnapped. Of course I care about that, I’m your damn teacher and part of my goddamn job is keeping you safe.” He wants to say more, wants to say that Katsuki is a fucking child, and that on it’s own should be reason enough for him to care. That it’s not just a part of his job, he cares about Katuski himself. But Aizawa knows better then to say that. Maybe one day, but not today. Not when Katsuki’s already trembling and exhausted. Not when his pride couldn’t bare the insult of care, of being seen as the child he is.

“I mean, yeah, I guess I can kinda get you asking questions about the shit that went down this weekend, even though I had it under control, but what’s up with asking all these fucking questions about me being stupid when I was younger? None of it matters, I got out, I dealt with it, I learned from my shitty mistakes and I moved on. It doesn’t change anything. I’m fine.”

Sometimes, Aizawa wonders if Katsuki says these things because he genuinely believes them, or if he says them because if he doesn’t, if he didn’t dismiss the pain and shrug off the weight of his fears, then he might shatter under the burden of it all.

“Katsuki,” and that one word holds too much fucking emotion in it for Katsuki to take, he wants to curl into a ball and go to sleep, his heart is still to raw and his brain too messed up from having chains on his wrists and a muzzle forced into his mouth again. “Just because you aren’t dead or maimed doesn’t mean you’re fine. This stuff, it hurts. It leaves scars. I don’t know what the fuck was going on in your childhood that you were left to deal with that by yourself, but you aren’t alone in this anymore, okay?”

It’s been a long fucking weekend, and Katsuki is so tired that he can’t keep his walls up. Not quite. So he doesn’t argue, just ducks his head in a half nod as he tries to pretend there aren’t tears welling up in his eyes.

Aizawa can’t help himself then, he sighs, sitting down beside Katsuki on the bench and slinging an arm over the kid’s shoulders. It’s a gentle motion, a light squeeze, but Katsuki leans into it just a little bit and that’s enough.

Recovery Girl gets there soon after, and Katsuki protests healing at first, he doesn’t have much stamina left and there’s no way he can go back to class afterwards, but Aizawa tells him on no uncertain terms that he is not going back to class today, and so he relents.

That leaves Aizawa with a sleeping teenager who he doesn’t want to leave alone and 19 worried teenagers waiting for him back in his classroom.

In the end he sends Mic to tell them class is canceled today. None of them were going to be able to focus anyways, and they need some time to recover from the shock anyways.

All-Might finds out not too long after that, and his mind flies back to Katsuki on that night when he fought Izuku. He struck suddenly, by how it wasn’t the kidnapping itself that upset Katsuki. It wasn’t the villains that could’ve killed him, could’ve done all sorts of awful and terrible things to him. It was seeing someone else hurt trying to rescue him that upset Katsuki. That he was unable to understand.

Izuku put it together too. They both understand and can’t understand at the same time.

Katsuki wakes up, and he’s still freaked out by how much people care, but he accepts it with time.

Things settle down eventually, they go back to normal, but not really. Not quite. There’s a new normal now.

Katsuki isn’t left alone much anymore. Not unless he’s in his room and he’s kicked everyone else out of it for some peace and quiet. If he’s going out somewhere, it seems at least one of his classmates is following after him. Most often it’s some subset of the bakusquad. If he’s going home it’s almost always Izuku. He’s surprised by how often it’s people outside of that group though. All of his classmates have gone with him at least once. Even though he bitches about it, he doesn’t mind that much. 

There’s a new set of rules for students too, when you leave the dorms you give an estimated return time, and if you’re more then an hour late and you don’t text your homeroom teacher to let them know you’re okay, they start looking for you.

Katsuki was annoyed by the new rules until some gen ed kid with a rich family actually got their lives saved by it. It makes the whole system feel less targeted, so he settled down about it. 

Aizawa doesn’t follow the kid around, god no, he’s not going to invade a student’s privacy like that, but he makes it more of a point to know where Katsuki is. To know when he’s going home, or just going out.

It quickly becomes apparent and then suspicious to Aizawa that Katsuki never goes home. Even Shouto goes home sometimes, he has siblings he likes to visit apparently. Katsuki doesn’t.

When Aizawa had asked if Katsuki had ever talked about the fact he was kidnapped with his parents, the teenager had laughed. Then quickly shut his mouth when he saw Aizawa’s worried expression. What kind of parents don’t notice their own damn kid going missing? Aizawa had been wondering for months now.

Summer break is coming up, and most of the kids are supposed to go home. Katsuki is one of the few that isn’t excited for it.

After getting approval from Nezu, Aizawa approaches Katsuki two weeks before summer starts. He’s staying at the dorms over the summer, for safety reasons. Aizawa already got approval from his parents. They didn’t even question it. Didn’t seem to care much. Katsuki is wide eyed, but he doesn’t protest, not even his usual bluster. He just agrees, muttering that it’ll be nice to keep up on his training, and that’s that.

It can never be quite that easy though, and that very fucking weekend Katsuki was in such a good mood that he went out with a few of his classmates to the mall. All it took was him getting distracted by something in a shop window, he pauses for a moment to look at it, and then the assholes were on him. Something’s over his mouth, and he’s slipping into blackness.

He wakes up chained up with a headache, and he’s fucking tired, but he knows the drill.

It doesn’t take him long to pick the locks, doesn’t take him long to dispatch the guards and tie them up. Doesn’t take long for him to find the dumbass behind this whole thing and start a fight. Every bone in his body aches, but he keeps fighting.

The whole thing can’t have taken him more then two hours, so he’s fucking shocked when just as he takes a nasty blow to the shoulder, the front door of the place is broken down and there are people rushing in. He’s still kinda drugged out, so it’s surreal for him as suddenly Aizawa is there and has hands on his shoulders, and he’s being steered outside.

His classmates are there. Some of them anyways. Izuku isn’t. He’s apparently inside, having only just been hauled off the now unconscious villain.

It’s like he’s been teleported to a new world, and it’s confusing and strange, the idea that people noticed he was gone. That they cared enough to come get him, when they probably knew he could handle it on his own.

He must’ve said that last bit out loud, Aizawa’s grimacing now.

“Just because you can handle it on your own, doesn’t mean you should have to kid. You deserve some goddamn heroes in your life too. Now sit own here and let the paramedic look you over.”

Katsuki does, he answers the paramedics questions as best he can, and they take some blood and tell Aizawa something about sleeping it off.

Sleeping sounds awfully nice right now.

The adrenaline is fading, and some part of Katsuki screams that he needs to stay awake. That he needs to get himself home or they’ll catch him again. That this is do or die.

But that’s not right. Aizawa’s here. His classmates are here. Other people are here, and for some reason they’re helping him.

Even if Katsuki’s brain is still worried, his body knows it’s safe, that it doesn’t need to keep pushing and pushing anymore, and so he fades out. Trusting for once in his goddamn life that he doesn’t need to save himself. For once in his life, it’s okay to let someone else do that for him.

When he wakes up, he’s in the infirmary, and he can see his classmates scattered around the room, Aizawa in a chair to his side, Mic leaning on Aizawa’s shoulder and All-Might to their left. Everyone’s asleep. It’s like 3 am in the morning.

One deep breath in, one deep breath out. Katsuki lets himself relax on purpose this time, and as he falls back asleep he does it knowing for a damn fact that everything will be okay when he wakes up. He’s not alone anymore.

[shawnpetermuffins]

How's It Feel (CG pt 2 again)

A/n: I'm reuploading this because something when wrong when I did it the first time.

Summary: Shawn's starting to feel how you did for way too long and he's realizing he can't cope with the pain.

Requested: yes, by so many of you for god knows what reason

***

The hole in my chest had only grown since y/n walked out of our apartment. I tried texting her, calling her. I tried everything until eventually my messages didn't go through anymore. My calls went straight to voicemail. All of her stuff was gone when I got back from the studio one day too, and if it was even possible, my heart broke all over again seeing that.

And as if not being with her wasn't already messing with my head, having to tell my family was even worse. Mum was pissed, didn't talk to me for three days, Aaliyah over a week. (I’ll be honest, she probably still wouldn’t be talking to me had I not broke down in front of Mum when I went to go work things out with them.) It was torture not being able to talk to two of the most important women in my life, about the other other single most important girl in my life. One who no longer wanted me.

I knew I fucked up, there was no denying that. But I never intended to hurt her the way I did. I took her love for granted, I know that now, but knowing that just makes it hurt worse.

So I spent almost every night following our no-so mutual breakup at the bar, drinking the strongest liquor I could get my hands on because beer just wasn't going to cut it. If I was going to drown in anything, I'd rather it be in alcohol than in my own self pity. And it worked… until I met her.

---

Jordan's presence slammed into my like a ton of bricks. She was everything that the media thought I should be with. Long, flowy blonde hair. Legs for days. That "natural glow" that very obviously was just a dewy foundation - something y/n never wore because she thought it made her look more oily than dewy. By all means, she is who I wanted. Or more accurately, she is who I wanted to want.

Jordan was probably the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. There's not a doubt in my mind. But she wasn't y/n. She didn't stay the night. She hardly ever called, not unless I had promo events or award shows. So I guess lucky for me, it was award season. But these were the only times I'd see her. Only times I'd talk to her. Not that I didn't want to. I did, and I tried. But my messages would go read and unanswered. She never wanted to hang out with me and my friends, and on the ever-so rare occasion that she did accept my offer, it always ended with a quick fuck and she was out the door. There were no cuddles, there was no snuggling. I didn't get to wake up to make her breakfast like I used to do for y/n before I let things go so wrong.

I wonder if this is what y/n felt when I was out the door before she ever got the chance to open her eyes. I wonder if she felt this every morning for the last eight months of our relationship. That's how long it was, I realized when it was much too late. I blew off plans, and I didn't come home, and I didn't talk to her for eight months. But I still expected her to do things for me. Go to my awards shows even when I know she told me she had things she needed to do for work. I called her unsupportive more times than I can count and I unintentionally, but somehow knowingly let her slip through my fingers.

---

Come over???

Jordan read the text three hours ago and still hasn't bothered to respond. Not that I was expecting her to anymore. Unless I ask her to come to an award show with me, I won't get a response for days.

So I'm here, logged into Brian's Instagram looking through y/n's most recent posts because she blocked me on literally everything, not that I can blame her. She knew me well enough to know that after the way we ended things I would want to check up on her. Even though I didn't do it enough while I had her.

Kinda_yourname

7,421 likes

Kinda_yourname Carnival nights call for impromptu photo shoots

📸: @connorbrashier

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I throw my phone onto the coffee table, suddenly sick to my stomach.

Connor. She still talks to him. They still hang out. I knew they had gotten close on the SM3 tour but I'd never realized that they were still close. It shouldn't bother me - she's, in fact, not mine anymore no matter how much I wish she were - But it does. It bothers me so much. Because who is he to be taking pictures like this of the girl I used to call my own? How is someone I considered a friend going to betray me this way?

I want so badly to throw something, to scream, and punch and kick like a dramatic child who's just been told he can't go play outside with his friends because it's far too hot. Other than the fact that my phone is no longer in my hands, and that my fingers are pressed firmly into the denim encompassing my legs, anyone watching me wouldn't be able to tell that I was in such serious turmoil.

I want to go back to feeling something. Even if it is just contempt for myself and the way I let things get so out of hand. But something inside me won't let it happen. I've become nothing but a hollow shell of what I used to be. I feel nothing. I want for nothing. I do nothing. It’s been hell on my music, too. Selfishly, I thought that being heartbroken would help me write another album, but now I have no inspiration. My muse is gone.

---

I'm sitting in the dining room with my mum who seems to be a little on edge while I'm talking to her. She keeps looking toward the door when she thinks I'm not looking, but I can't bring myself to ask why she's acting so weird. I should have.

"Where's Liyah?" I asked.

"Getting ready. She's going out with a friend."

I nodded, "Who?"

Mum shook her head and dismissed the question with wave of her hand, "You don't know her."

Ouch.

"Now, uh, what's going on?" She clasped her hands together.

I furrowed my brows, but shrugged off the uneasiness radiating through her body language. "I uh… I messed up."

"What do you mean?"

"With y/n."

She sighed, "Shawn. It's been three months."

"Yeah. And I haven't been able to write a song since we broke up."

"I thought you said you were dating that new girl."

"Jordan," I mumbled.

"Yes, her."

"It's complicated." I took in a deep breath, "Every time I try to make an effort, it's never reciprocated. She never texts me back, or calls me. She only ever wants to get together when I tell her I have an award show to go to or like I'm doing press. And I don't get that same feeling that I used to get when y/n would look at me. I don't love her, mum. Hell, I don't even know if I really like her or if I'm forcing myself to because I'm trying to compensate for what I don't have with y/n anymore."

Mum didn't say anything, but the look in her eyes told me everything.

"What?"

"It's nothing."

"It's something. What? What are you thinking?"

"Now, honey you know I love you. And I will support you through anything." She took my hands in hers from across the table. "But it sounds to me like you're getting a taste of your own medicine."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't get upset, Shawn. But that's exactly what you did with y/n. She texted and she called and you only wanted her when you needed someone next to you. You didn't treat her like your girlfriend. Not even a little bit. She was 'arm candy.' And that, it pains me to say, is what you are to this Jordan girl."

I run my hands through my hair, frustrated. "I don't want Jordan anymore. And it's clear she doesn't want me. I have to end things with her."

"If that's what you want, then I support you."

"I want y/n, mum… What do I do?"

"There's nothing you can do... Y/n isn't going to take you back."

"You don't know that," I said desperately, even though I knew she was right."

“Sweetheart, you know I love y/n. We all do. And you also know that I wouldn’t be telling you this if I thought that she would take you back. But Shawn… you hurt her. No, that’s not right. You broke her. That whole last year of your relationship shattered her into a million pieces. She’s trying just as hard as you - if not harder - to pick herself back up after this.”

“She’s hanging out with Connor. Did you know that?”

“And what does that matter? You’re with someone else.”

“It’s Connor! He and I are friends!”

“Shawn -”

"Karen! I hope you don't mind. I used my key, is Aaliyah -"

I stilled at the sound of the voice of  both my dreams and nightmares. A voice I never thought I'd hear again. I slowly turned around and was met with her frighteningly pale skin, she looked like she'd seen a ghost, and I knew I probably looked the same.

"Hi," I said like an idiot after a minute of full on staring at her, taking in every single thing I could.

She didn't say it back, just shook her head and averted her eyes and cleared her throat. "Karen, is Aaliyah ready?"

"I'm ready!" My little sister beamed, entering the now overly tense dining room. “Oh... Hey, Shawn.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked, only to y/n.

“Liyah, you got your stuff?”

She nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.” She crossed the room and pressed a kiss to Mum’s cheek. “I’ll be back later.”

“Is it cool if I take her out to dinner?” y/n asked, still not looking at me. "There were a lot of people at the mall when I passed by, we might be longer than expected.

“What the hell is going on?” I exclaimed, and I knew eyes were on me now, but not the eyes I so desperately wanted to be on me. "Did you know she was coming over?" I asked my mom.

She didn't answer me and that was response enough. “That’s fine, honey. But come back for dessert, okay? Manny and I were thinking sundaes with all the fixings.”

“You know the way to my heart, Karen. We’ll be back by eight.”

Aaliyah was now standing next to my ex-girlfriend once again and my heart ached watching them. They started walking toward the door, and I was going to leave it alone. Let them walk out the house without a problem, but my body reacted before my mind could catch up. “Y/n, wait.” When she didn’t turn around, I took her wrist. “Baby, please. Can we talk?”

“Let go of me, Shawn,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

“Not until you look at me,” I said, desperation lacing between every word.

She sighed and fished her keys out of her pocket, “Hon, can you wait in the car? I’ll be right there.”

My sister nodded and walked out of the house without so much as a glance my way. And when the door shut behind her, those y/e/c eye finally met mine, breaking me even more because they didn’t hold that light they used to.

"What, Shawn? What could you possibly want?"

I open and close my mouth like a fish gasping for water.

"Well?" She arches an eyebrow at me, making me feel small beneath that stare that I desperately wanted just minutes ago, but now I wish she would look away. Because seeing that hurt and hatred behind her eyes is killing me. "What do you want?" She asked again.

And I broke. "You. Always fucking you!"

She scoffed, "No you don't!" She exclaimed. "You don't want me, you're lonely! I'm not your pet, Shawn! I'm not gonna come at your beck and call. I'm a human being. A human being with real feelings. A human being still trying to fix what you broke," her finger jabbed into my chest. "You don't get to say that you miss me after the way you treated me."

"I know, but-"

"Do you seriously think you can defend yourself here?" Y/n crosses her arms over her chest and it only makes me more upset.

"What makes you think you have any right to defend yourself?"

"Excuse me?!"

"Yeah, you're out there fucking around with one of my close friends, right? What? Are you gonna say he's just a friend? That he's just looking out for your well-being? Because that's definitely not the case."

"WHO?! Which of your 'close friends' am I supposedly fucking around with?"

Hearing her curse that way reminds me that we're in my parent's house and I suddenly feel really bad for causing this scene in front of my mum, but we're already too far gone.

"Oh, don't play dumb!"

"Enlighten me." She won't budge from her spot, but I've paced so much and so quickly that I was starting to leave a path in the carpet.

"With Connor. I saw you were together on your instagram."

"How could you even see that if I blocked you?"

"Are you gonna deny it?"

"Am I not allowed to have friends, Shawn? Because last I checked, you weren't my boyfriend, and you sure as hell weren't my 'keeper.' You don't have any right to tell me who I can and can't hang out with. So what if I'm hanging out with him? We got close on tour." She said with a shrug, "not that it's any of your business, but we are just friends"

“I haven’t written since you left,” I said lowly, suddenly much too tired to continue this screaming match that literally just started. “And I’ve been seeing this girl,” I said and tried to find some type of emotion behind her eyes, but there was nothing.

"Then why the hell should it matter if I'm with Connor? Even as friends?"

I couldn’t answer her yet, so I continued, “She never wants to hang out. She’s only there for awards and stuff. It kind of sucks actually.”

She scoffed, “That’s funny. Because that seemed to be exactly what you were wanting while we were together.”

“That’s not what I wanted, y/n. I just lost sight of what we had, my feelings got confused, and they shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean to hurt you that way.”

“But you did! And now you’re complaining for what? Because she’s not waiting around for you like I was?”

“Honey-”

“No! You don’t get to call me that anymore! You have no right!”

“Okay,” I hold my hands up in defense. “I’m sorry. I just, I don’t know what to say to make this better. I didn’t realize that you felt this way until it happened to me. And it’s the worst feeling. I feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough.” I sigh, “and I’m miserable without you,” I confessed.

"I'm sorry to hear that. But that's not my fault. You made the decisions that you did and you lost me in the process. That was all you."

"I want to go back. Forget that it's over."

"But you can't," she said, finally uncrossing her arms.

"But if we could?"

She shook her head, "even if we could. I'm not willing to forget."

"Will we ever be okay again? Be the way we used to be? Before we started dating."

She sighed and her gaze dropped once again. "As far as I'm concerned," she started. "You and I were strangers before we got together… and we're strangers once again." With a heavy sigh and a quick run of her fingers through her hair, she turned her attention back to the door that my sister walked out of just minutes ago. "I have to go. Your sister's waiting."

Don't go, I think to myself. Let me fix this. Let me try. But of course I don't say this. I watch her fingers curl around knob and my own fingers twitch, just aching to reach for her. But then the door closes with a soft click behind her and I find myself leaning against that same hard wood, tears blurring my vision.

I slide to the floor, my head in my hands, shoulders shaking with my uncontrolled sobs.

I never thought I'd feel this heartbreak. It's even worse the second time, somehow. Maybe because I know now that this is it for us.

Because I was always the master of words, and her of action. But in this moment, there are no words to save me, nor weapons to save her.

We are caught, defenseless, on seperate sides of the door.