#I've gotten much better at making phone calls to solve things

[thatdisasterauthor]

If hold systems can be set up to call you back (which never works, but that's not the point) there should also be a button I can push that is, like, "switch the hold music to my spotify until someone on your end picks up because I do not want to hear the same tin-can quality elevator music and endlessly repeated spiel about your website for the next two fucking hours."

[dumb-phone-diaries]

So It's been like 2 months now since I started using the dumb phone. I had a few teething problems but I've actually solved a lot of the issues I mentioned in my last post. I've gotten much more used to the keyboard now and I've found a lot of shortcuts that i didn't realise were there at first so I'm now texting like a pro again.

The audiobook situation is not perfect but i've loaded this thing with a 32 gig SD card, and I found a wonderful opensource program called Libation, which scans my audible account, downloads my books and spits them into chapters all in one step. The bonus side effect of this is that I now have all of the books I've paid for stored on my computer hard drive where they won't disappear is audible changes their minds about hosting them.

This is probably very illegal and you should definitely not download it here: https://getlibation.com/

Granted, the books I'm currently listening to have chapters that are an hour long or so, and I can't exit out of the mp3 player without losing my spot. This has honestly been a blessing in disguise because it forces me to not be distracted every time I get a text message. have to wait for the end of the chapter before I can look at it. I can answer the phone without losing my place.

So yeah. the MP3 player could be better, and honestly there's no reason why it shouldn't be, I'm certain this thing has the capability, it's just shitty programming. But I'm dealing.

More significantly though. I've honestly been surprised at just how quickly my need to scroll has just gone. there wasn't even much of an adjustment period. for a couple of weeks I'd find myself occasionally picking up up my phone, unlocking it, and then locking it again and putting it down cuz there's nothing on there. But very quickly I just don't do that anymore. I don't even think about it that often. All the anxiety that I thought I was soothing, all the noise in my head that I thought i was turning off by scrolling, has just gone. The call was coming from inside the house, guys.

About once a week I come to my laptop and scroll tumblr for a few minutes, maybe half an hour, and I'm using pintrest very rarely if it's the best search engine for something I'm looking up, and I use facebook only for marketplace and my business page, and instagram again only for my business. It's forcing me to be very intentional about those things.

I've also rediscovered my ability to sit and stare into space. I haven't had the brain capacity to read a book with my eyes recently, so over breakfast I'm just... sitting and eating. Which I suppose is quite mindful. but also I'm just spacing out so maybe not. But that's something I haven't been able to do for a long time. It's nice.

I do need to get a camera though I think. I do need it for the business, I can't keep stealing my husband's phone to take pics, and sometimes he's not around when I want to make a post. Also I just like taking photos. The camera in the phone is sufficient for sending pics of things I found in the shops to my husband and sister, or sending my timesheet to my boss because his shitty software won't let me clock in on PC. But it's not good enough for product pics or anything like that.

I'm also now carrying my planner/journal/filofax thing around with me which is something i've been working toward doing for a long time. I don't have access to google calendar while out and about now so I need to write down my appointments properly. I bought a new bag that fits my journal, purse and book. I feel very cute using my planner in public.

So yeah. It's going well so far. I think this may be feasible as a permanent change.

[9leaguesofmirrors]

Weekend Comfort (a Ross Gaines x Joseph Lisgoe fanfic)

Not sure what else to say, just had this silly idea of Ross having an awful day and Lisgoe trying to make it better - despite being awful at comfort

Lisgoe could tell Ross was out of it the moment he walked through the door and fell into the sofa, eyes closed and head leaning against the backrest. Not a word was spoken until Lisgoe said something:

"You alright?"

Obviously not, you daft twat, look at him!

"Just tired..." came the reply "I'll live."

"You look like death warmed up if I'm being honest."

"I'd rather you didn't."

"You love my honesty-"

"Not when I feel like this." Ross groaned as he sat up, massaging his temple "I've got a throbber."

Confused, Lisgoe's eyes dragged down, much to the chagrin of his partner

"In my head, Joseph."

"Seems alright to me-"

"My other head."

"Oh."

Watching his partner tut with annoyance, Lisgoe realised that this problem needed solving fast. So he stood up and headed for the kitchen, rummaging around in the fridge mumbling to himself

"Joseph? Need a hand in there?"

"What do sick people have?"

"You should've said," Ross stood up and joined him "I'd have gotten you some tablets or-"

"Not me, this is for you."

"I'm not sick."

"No, but you have a headache." Lisgoe took some milk out of the fridge and went over to the counter, taking two mugs and boiling the kettle "This might help."

Ross sighed, leaning against the counter

"You don't have to."

"Maybe not. But I want to."

"I'm fine, Joseph-"

He was interrupted by Lisgoe holding his upper arms firmly

"Ross. You're not well."

"I've been worse-"

"That's not a fucking good thing! Christ, you need to sit down. Or take a shower, do something to freshen up."

"Need to stay here," Ross gestured to the kettle "make sure you don't burn the house down."

Lisgoe furrowed his brows, jaw tightening in irritance. Eventually, Ross sighed

"OK, fine, I'll take a shower." He rested his hand on top of his partner's, running his thumb along it "This... thank you. It's nice."

"Will be if I don't burn the house down."

That made them both laugh and Ross moved his fingers under his partner's chin, tilting his head towards him and kissing him gently

"I'll be alright Joseph, I'm just-"

"Fucking hell, just get in the shower!" Lisgoe laughed

Ross went to leave when he heard a phone ring, he watched as Lisgoe picked his up, reading the name

Cameron Bell

"That someone from work?"

"Yeah," Lisgoe declined the call and went to message the person "started recently. I'll get back to him." He put his phone back in his pocket, focusing on making the tea "You're my top priority."

"I'm not fragile, Joseph." His partner teased as he made his way upstairs

Lisgoe ran his tongue along his teeth

"We'll see about that!" He called back

*********************************************

Ross wasn't surprised to hear the bathroom door opening while he was inside, he figured his partner was either peeing or just wanted to be his usual self

Taptaptap

Lisgoe was stood in front of the shower door, thunking his knuckle against it

Right. He's being his usual self then

He opened the shower door with a tired yet slightly playful smile

"Can I help you, Joseph?"

"I just realised something. You never really talk about that Pauline."

Ross sighed

"Joseph, can we talk about this later-"

"I mean, was she really that bad?"

His eyes narrowed

"Yes. Yes, she was."

"You say that, but I'm not sure. I mean, apparently she got married."

"To Mickey," said an impatient Ross "but she died."

"Apparently she faked it. Ran off."

"What is this about-"

Lisgoe took off the ring on his index finger and moved it to his ring one. He smiled softly at Ross

"Joseph, please, I'm not in the-"

"Nine years. That's how long she was destitute for. Because of you." Lisgoe went over to the window and pulled a padlock out of his pocket, locking it tightly "Nine years, she suffered."

"I have no sympathy."

"Maybe not." Lisgoe reached into the shower and turned the temperature up to its highest setting "But I knew I couldn't let you get away with hurting my fiancèe like that so I sought you out. Let you live happily for nine years."

For a moment, Ross was stunning into silence. Suddenly, he jolted back with a yell as Lisgoe yanked up the pressure on the shower

"Why, Joseph? Why didn't you just leave me?"

"Because I want your last moments to be spending wondering what's worse: nine years of hell, or nine years of bliss being stripped from you."

Ross watched Lisgoe shut the shower door. He gripped the handle, desperately trying to tear them open. By the time Lisgoe pulled away, there was already a padlock in place

All Ross could do was scream. Scream and slam on the shower door as hot steam scorched the room. His partner, the man he told all his secrets to, all of his darkest parts, left the room and locked the door behind him

As his body got weaker and weaker, Ross slumped against the moist wall behind him. The world closed into him in a haze of translucent heat. His eyes remained fixed on the door, clinging onto the pathetic hope that Joseph would have a change of heart. That his partner was still there, somewhere

Cameron Bell...

Cam Bell

Campbell

Have a shower, Ross... freshen up...

Joseph...

"Ross?"

Upon hearing his name, he jolted slightly looking around the room

His living room

He was in his living room

Lisgoe was next to him, looking slightly confused

"You alright? You kinda... went off."

Ross looked at the TV as credits began rolling

"Told you it was a great episode, second favourite one." Lisgoe said "Private View's better though. But you might like Riddle Of The Sphinx."

That's when Ross started to connect the dots

"You alright?"

"Just tired... I'll live."

"You look like death warmed up if I'm being honest."

"I'd rather you didn't."

"Alright, alright! Tell you what, we'll see what's on the telly. Pretty sure Inside No. 9's on tonight."

"That's the Black Mirror-y one you like."

"Yeah, there's a rerun of the season 8 finale tonight. Last Weekend, that's what it's called."

"Still can't believe he'd do that to his own partner, fucking hell!"

Ross looked at his partner in silence, not sure what to say after... whatever trick his mind had just played

"You're clearly out of it." Lisgoe went to stand up "I'll boil the kettle and-"

"NO!" The volume surprised them both "I mean. No. Thank you. I'll make it myself."

"O...kay?" Lisgoe nodded, trying not the laugh "Go ahead!"

Ross nodded, getting up and making a beeline for the kitchen. He chose to ignore Lisgoe when he said:

"Slow down! Christ, you'll end up scalding yourself!"

A/N: ... Happy April Fools :)

Hope you enjoyed this little prankfic, be sure not to spoil it in the comments! Promise my next one will be genuine

[pistachoz]

legally blonde, tenth doctor

pairing: tenth doctor x fem!reader

synopsis: between trips and adventures with the doctor, you finally find the perfect timing to change your look. with no pointless dress codes to follow anymore, you try dyeing your hair on your own, ending up in a string of botched outcomes and unexpected confessions.

wc: 3K

warnings: none, mild cursing maybe??

author's note: oof, this took me more than i expected and it definitely ended up being waaay more. anyway, this is my first piece of writing for the doctor -also in general- and what a better way than start with a fluffy one! i hope it turned out decent! my first language it’s not english, so you can expect some -more like a lot of- writing mistakes.

also, a big shout out to @plxstic-rose​ bc she has been my biggest supporter when i felt like i couldn’t do this, she has helped me so much ily 🥺 💞

(GIF IS MINE)

A grimace appeared on your face as the sour taste of the coffee filled your mouth, you definitely needed to bring yours the next time you stopped on earth because the alien version of it tasted like stomach bile. You weren't even sure if it had proper caffeine or it was drug-fueled tea.

With a resigned sigh, you put the cold mug in the mirrored vanity table in front of you and checked your phone. Five minutes more and you would be rinsing the red dye out of your shower cap covered hair. You lift the right side of the cap slightly, trying to peek at your tinted hair, the pale red -almost blonde- pigments made your breath hitch in a halt.

Was it supposed to look that light? Oh crap, you should have gone to the salon.

That was actually going to be the original plan. You had been procrastinating changing your look; nothing wrong with the colour and length you normally had but since you started travelling with the doctor, you didn't count with office regulations to follow anymore so you considered shaking up a bit your aesthetic. Yet, it seemed as you could never stop to take a breath and the times you did, was always on strange-named planets where your peaceful state of mind lasted a couple of minutes. So, you took it upon yourself to change your look on your own. You knew it could have any sort of downfall, but you didn't really want to nag the doctor into making a 'short' stop on earth -even though you knew he wouldn't mind- just for a date at the salon. He needed a well-deserved rest after all the uncontrollable lifesaving shenanigans and every time you came back to earth, somehow you ended up enticing some sort of trouble.

Besides, how hard could it be, right?

You barged into the installed bathroom connected to your room and locked the door as soon as you stepped inside. The last thing you needed was for the doctor to burst in looking for you while you were in the middle of this crucial transformation, and even though he was probably too distracted tinkering around the console of the TARDIS, you knew how intrusively spontaneous he could be when he finds something new. It wouldn't be a first to hear him enter your bedroom in a spur-of-the-moment with enthusiastic hand gestures and euphoric rants about alien-y stuff.

You grabbed the light blue hand-sized towel that rested upon the toilet tank and draped it around your shoulders. A jittery feeling building up in the pit of your stomach at the prospect of how your new hair would look like.

You weren't particularly bold when it came to your style, always stuck with what you could call an average look, to be fair, before the doctor, your whole life was just brimming with a never-ending stodgy routine that encased every aspect of your life. You didn't see the point of making more than few changes in your image and it was not like your office let you go too risky either.

This was going to be the first radical change in your appearance, and you were lying if you didn't say a fit of excitement was already bubbling up your throat. You didn't know what exactly had gotten into you, but you were so adamant to do something. Perhaps it was the stockpiled adrenaline from all those adventures catching up on you, perhaps this was something you were going to regret later. Either way, right now, you could only think of how satisfying it would be to finally match your current lifestyle. New and thrilling.

To be completely honest, you were also eager to see the doctor's reaction. Of course, you were not doing this because of him…well, not for the best part, but a piece of you wished it would have some sort of effect on him.

You knew this regeneration was cheekier and maybe you were reading too much between the lines but sometimes you could swear there was something more in all those subtle touches and lingering hugs. The shared gazes that let you wonder if this was just some friendly treatment or if he really meant something deeper made your mind go into a frenzy.

You also knew that appearances didn't really matter to him but the need of looking bolder and more luring was still there. You wanted, for once and for all represent how traveling with him had changed you into someone who would risk more than just a ‘change of look´. You were becoming the best version of yourself and you wanted to show him that in more than one way, but one step at the time.

Warily, you lifted the plastic cap; your sticky hair popping in every direction. Without a prior look, you stooped over the sink and manoeuvred your head under the sprout. After some unsuccessful tries, you managed to open it and began massaging your scalp with your fingertips.

After swilling away the shampoo and applying the conditioner; you grasped the towel laying around your shoulders and swaddled your hair up in a turban.

You straighten your back and stroked your hair through the towel, trying -quite poorly- to pump it dry. You didn't anticipate it to be this gruelling. In fact, you thought this would be some sort of restful hiatus from your general tense state, but apparently, this had drained you more than expected.

Resignedly, you undid the coiled towel on top of you and let your new dyed hair fall freely behind you. The air fell out of your lungs and your stomach dropped when you stared at the sight of your reflection.

You were blonde. Blonde.

What in the name of god did you do? You were so sure you followed every instruction of the flipping tint box in lockstep- well, judging by the results, you obviously had made a mistake at some point, maybe even skipped one, but how catastrophic had it been that you ended up looking like a defective version of a Weasley that had awfully light shrimp coloured hair.

A trembling neigh-like sound left your mouth when you touched the ends of your hair. What were you supposed to do now? You didn't even have any dye left to apply another layer and asking the doctor for help was ruled out. He couldn't see you like this. Nobody could see you like this, for your dignity's sake.

This was all on you. You needed to think of something. Anything.

Hats, of course! The TARDIS must’ve a good stash of those, you knew you could find something in the never-ending wardrobe. That thing was three times bigger than your flat.

Well, problem solved. You were going to use a hat until your hair grew enough to cut it or until you stopped on earth again and got the chance to go to a proper hairdresser.

Good god, who were you kidding? This was a mess.

With shaky fingers, you fumble your way out the bathroom and dashed out of your room, in search for your only resource.

---

"You won't believe what I found underneath the floor panel!" You heard the doctor's elated voice buzzing through your room before he could even fling your door wide open.

All you managed to convey was a muffled hum through your pillowed-smashed face. Too tired sulking the crime you made to your hair to turn around from your current position. Your limp body was sprawled all over the bed; arms and legs stretched at your sides with your face buried deep down the mattress.

Without waiting for a proper response, he roved across your room and resumed his explanation of his oh-so-great discover with a shit-eating grin.

You didn't need to see him to know the already too familiar gestures he was making. You could picture with the most minimal detail how his eyes would sparkle with wonder and how a contagious gleam dotted the signature boyish grin he always wore.

You smiled fondly.

You could still remember thoroughly the first time you saw him in all his glory, ranting about scientific stuff you could not understand and even though you had never seen the man before, the brightness on his eyes and the insatiable curiosity he radiated made you grin almost immediately.

You sat up slowly; grunting when you stretched your arms upwards. You moved your head from side to side, trying to stir yourself up completely awake.

"…So technically, it should be able to make the TARDIS' chameleon barrier unfroze. Well... the possibilities are thirteen out of a hundred, but I-" He stopped mid-sentence when he turned around and saw you sitting on the edge of the bed.

He tilted his head slightly to the side and a puzzled look crossed his face like he was trying to figure out what was out of place with you.

Your heart skipped a beat.

Thankfully, you had managed to find a Kangol black bucket hat. It was pretty simple; a small metal fuchsia arrow was stamped on the front and the brim was big enough to fit all of your hair inside. Still It was just not your style. Well, the other option was an animal print floppy one, the type that Lady gaga would wear. So, you had to settled with the e-girl-angsty-teen looking.

"That's new" His left eyebrow quirked curiously.

"What?" Good job; try playing dumb and maybe like that he won’t notice it.

"The hat, I- " he made a circular motion around his head "I don't think I've seen you wear one before"

"Oh, I um- wanted to try something different?" You stated but the wince in your voice made it sound more like a question.

“Right, yeah” he rushed "It's not like it doesn't suit you"

"Right" You fidgeted absent-minded with the hem of your sweatshirt, trying to think of something to break the awkwardness “So… you were saying?”

"Oh yes!" a playful glint overtaking his features “I think I found a way to repair the malfunction on the chameleon circuit and hopefully it will be better than that time I tried a block transfer computation. I was so close, well- not that close but at least I managed to build a part of the outer plasmic shell. Anyways, if we are lucky enough, we could stop travelling around looking like a 'blue box'" he raised his eyebrows, a devilish smile gracing his lips.

“Hold on, didn’t you say it was kind of unsafe?”

"Oh no, don’t worry! It’s danger-free… for the most part, well actually, it’s a 4 out of ten, maybe 5. But I’m sure the old girl can handle- "

A shrilling alarm started echoing through the TARDIS’ walls and you almost fell out of the bed when the floor started shaking uncontrollably. The doctor stumbled upon his own feet and with strained struggle and held out his hand to help you up.

"You were saying?" You muttered, sarcasm dripping from your voice.

With one hand locked onto the doctor's and the other extended to keep balance in the middle of the tremble, you managed to head out of your room. As soon as you stepped outside, you were greeted with red flashing lights going off all around the TARDIS.

"Careful" You heard the doctor called out, his voice barely perceivable. You had to double check to understand his next words "We need to get to the console"

Both of you tried the hardest to advance without falling or tripping over. The din of your footsteps lost in the middle of the shrieking noise. You could feel the vibration of the walls crawling to your brain and rumbling. The longer you spend running, the sharper the dizziness became.

You felt his hand clasp yours tighter when you decreased your speed; a warm feeling squeezed its way through your chest instantly. He looked down at you, a small reassuring smile on his lips; he was going to solve this.

When you finally reached the control room, the doctor leaped his way towards the console. A string of garbled mumbling fell under his breath, which you were more than certain you wouldn’t understand even if he spoke up. You saw him go around the panel, flicking switches and pressing buttons but it didn’t lessen a bit the state you were in.

You stood next to the entrance holding onto the railing for dear life. Maybe you should have been trying to do something useful, but quite frankly you had no clue as to what was going on. And even if you could have done something, there was no way of giving more than a few steps without falling.

After several confused exclamations and scrunched up faces from the doctor, he stumbled his way to the other side of the room and kneeled next to an opened floor tile. He plunged into what used to be a makeshift storage and with a newfound enthusiasm, you heard him shout. "Found it!"

He reappeared back on sight and held a small cassette-looking thing, his hair sticking up in a messier way than usual and a triumphant grin spreading on his features "The resetting format key should be able to stabilize us."

With a quick motion, he stood up but before he could head back towards the console to plug it in, an abrupt shook threw the both of you across the room. You saw the doctor’s figure fall hovering over a coral column next to the panel as you held tight on the railing stronger, attempting unsuccessfully to stand still.

Maybe if you hadn't been distracted watching how the doctor got up and toss his weird-looking key into one of the TARDIS’ inputs, you would have noticed how your apparently well-put-cap was now laying on the floor a few meters away from you. And maybe, if you hadn’t been so awestruck at how quickly the room returned to its normal state with golden cozy lights shining from the ceiling, you would have notice your now-bright blonde hair flowing behind your back without a care in the world.

"Right, so it looks like the TARDIS went into some sort of safe mode." He spoke a little out of breath, arms still hunched over the panel "but it's okay now. Apparently, it was a defense response, she thought it we were under a- "

He turned around slowly but stopped dead on tracks when his eyes landed on you, or more specifically- on your hair. His once furrowed eyebrows were now raised, almost touching his hairline and open awestruck eyes were looking at you like you were an unknown species. A breathtaking unknown species.

He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Every part of his body was just not responding, it was like he had stopped functioning properly. His unblinking eyes were glued to your face and his agape mouth looked almost comical; you would have taken out your phone in that moment just to snap a picture if your brain hadn’t been dozing off at the reason for his reaction. Because what could possibly- Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

You moved your gaze to the ground, eyes falling on the discarded hat near the entrance. You pursed your lips, thoughts running a mile per hour. When did it fell? Why weren’t you careful enough? This was the doctor’s fault. Yeah, all his fault. He had to come with his incredibly soft hair and that flipping sweet smile that made your toes curl up and your heartbeat race like there was no tomorrow. He had to come and distract you, oh and of course, bringing a mess along the way.

God! This was not helping.

“You- um, you are…blonde” Yeah, no shit, sherlock.

“I-…am I?” The breathy words rasping out, your mouth felt as dried as the Sahara and you were surprised a sound came out at all.

“You look-”

“I know” You close your eyes and shook your head, praying to whatever entity out there to swallow you up and throw you to the Bahamas “it wasn’t supposed-“

“I like it” he blurted out “I know you don’t need any sort of validation and I’m not trying to- what I-” He starting flapping his hands around in a cartoon-like gestures “you look stunning… truly stunning; not that you weren´t before. I mean, the colour really does suit you but I’ve always thought- blonde, not blonde, you’ve always been beautiful… Guess what I’m trying to say is that when you love someone, there’s really nothing that can make you look at them differently. Did you know that As’urs considered blonde people holy? Well they would if there were blonde people. Sorry, totally off topic, but they do. Everyone there is blue-haired. And there’s a lot of mystical myths and clergy influence involved but basically everything golden is sacred for them. If we go, they might even crown you as their queen.”

He looked like a deer caught in headlights. You could imagine the red alarms in his brain going off, trying to process what fell out of his mouth moments prior and desperately attempting to conjure something up but instead just causing a short circuit in the process. To be completely honest, you weren’t any better.

You felt your heart bumping up your throat and your skin grew hotter and hotter per second. You swore you could feel the maniac rhythm of your pulse piercing through your head and you were quite sure you looked like a pop-eyed toy from one of those claw machines at the funfair, with eyes nearly falling out of your skull.

Because he didn’t really say that, right? Your mind must’ve been playing some sick game with you. There was no way, he really-

“What?” It was all you managed to muster; your small voice barely hearable.

“Huh?” You saw the redness from his cheek expand through all the visible skin.

“What did you just say?”

“That As’urs would consider you a goddess?” He asked hesitant with a guilty expression.  

“No- before that”

“That the blonde hair looks good on you?”

“No! I-“ You took a small breath “Do you love me?”

You could sense the confidence returning to him like a tidal wave, a serious expression overtaking his features, but with a softness you couldn’t comprehend. “I always have”

Your legs seemed to move on their own, carrying you towards him. You stopped when your noses were almost touching and you could feel his hot ragged breath fall on your eyelashes. With hesitation, you placed your hands on his arms and looked up, letting yourself fall on those brown pools you have grown to love.

“Doctor…” you whispered

You had no idea what made you do it, but you moved your hands to his cheeks, and you kissed him. It was impulsive and stupid, and something you’d expect a sixteen-year-old girl do on her prom night. But you did it without a second thought. And for a moment you felt the doctor grow incredibly still, mouth unmoving and eyes wide open, until you placed your soothing fingers on the back of his neck, thumbs caressing and drawing invisibles circles on his sideburns.

And so, he gave in; firm hands grasping your hips and pressing you flush against him. His mouth spilling raw passion and his insides melting at the soft contact of your delicate lips. The tenderness on his touches and intensity of his lips drawing out all those words that didn’t need saying, because you knew. He was so sure you knew.

An involuntary whimper left your lips when he broke the kiss and intertwined his hands with yours. He brought your joined hands nearer and placed a light kiss to your knuckles.

“Did I mention I like your hair?” A husky laugh fell from your lips and your eyes sparkled when he gave you a soft smile that would be imprinted on your brain for the rest of your life.

When he looked at you with those old eyes that sung you stories in the most beautiful way imaginable and his swollen lips ghosted a smile you knew things were going to be better, with new adventures and new experiences awaiting on your door. And you had the whole time and space at your disposal to face it together.

author's note pt.2: OK that was a lot, honestly the ending got sloppy and there’s probably a lot of bad editing, but I invented a whole new alien species, so hey! kudos for that I guess. anyway, i hope you like it! and as always, feedback would be really appreciated, a comment or a like would mean the world to me! like my description says, requests are open! but It would probably take ages for me to finish it, so please patience. right now I have some more doctor who drafts and also some marvel ones!

-love, rina xx

[pink-peony-princess]

I'll Always Protect the People I Love

I really couldn't tell you how it happened, one minute I was hanging up washing on the line and the next I was on the ground in a load of pain. It had been one of those days, you know the ones where everything goes wrong? First I woke up late and missed an important virtual meeting,then I somehow managed to knock over a massive glass of water,the contents going absolutely everywhere. All over my bedside table, my phone (luckily it was waterproof) and several important pieces of paper which I'd been reading for the very meeting I had missed.

Maybe this was the universe's way of telling me I shouldn't have even bothered with today? Maybe I'd have been better if I had stayed in bed. One thing was for sure, I'd be in less pain right now.The only good thing was that my husband who usually worked as a doctor in the local hospital's E.D had taken an annual leave day to get the filing done which he'd gotten behind on.

"Crap," I hissed as I lifted my arm to inspect the massive scrape that had resulted from the fall.

Everything hurt, my arm, my legs which I could see from the droplets of blood falling onto the concrete had also copped a nasty whack, even my side hurt. I could feel myself getting nauseous at the sight of the blood, I'd never been any good at anything to do with medical stuff, it just made me want to vomit. What Shawn got from it, I wasn't sure, but he was passinate about medicine and was always so good. Not only at solving the actual issue at hand, but at making connections with his patients,at gaining their trust.

I tried to stay calm, to take a few deep breaths, but I could feel my composure crumbling as all the day's events caught up to me.

"Shawn!" I called out,voice shaking with the effort of trying to hold back tears. "Shawn," I shouted a little louder when there was no response. Finally I was met with the sound of his footsteps on the stairs.

"April, what's the matter, I was in the middle of a -" he stopped dead in the middle of the yard when he saw me.

"What happened?" he asked, recovering his composure quickly and rushing over to me.

"I tripped," I sniffled, as he bent down,noticing the blood on my hands and knees, and the way I was holding my aching side.

"I can see that baby," he spoke softly, lifting the hem of my dress up just enough to see how far up the wound was.

"This looks nasty and sore," he commented, pouting,causing me to whimper. That was the last thing I wanted to hear, especially from him,someone who spent his days seeing gross wounds and abbrassions.

"It hurts," I cried reaching for him out of habit,only to have my hands sting in protest. I couldn't help the tears that came steadily now, rolling down my face and clouding my vision.

"Oh, honey, please don't cry," he shushed me, reaching up to wipe them away. "It's okay, I'll fix you up, I promise,"

"I'm sorry for being a cry-baby," I muttered scrubbing at my tears with the back of my hand.

"You're not a cry-baby Honey,you've just had a tough day is all," he replied,pressing a kiss to my forehead. I sat there for a minute forgetting the pain,just resting my head against his chest, letting him hold me. He was the one person in the world, who could always make things better.

"Alright Princess, do you think you can stand up?" he asked,taking hold of my upper arms, supporting most of my weight. I stood slowly,my entire body felt as if it was simultaneously being set on fire and hit by a truck.

We made our way inside. Slowly. Incredibly slowly, but Shawn was patient as I hobbled along beside him.

"Here, sit down here," he told me, helping me onto one of the dining room chairs.

"But what about the blood?" I pointed to the blood which was still flowing slowly from several of the wounds.

"It's okay, the chairs can be cleaned," he replied clearly unphased."I'm going to get the first aid kit, stay there," he told me.

"Not like I can go anywhere," I retorted making him laughed as he ran off in the direction of the bathroom.

He came running back less than a minute later, "I'm okay Shawn," I laughed,going to lean back in the chair, but the contact caused the grazes on my back to sting furiously. "Ah," I hissed, leaning forward again.

"Yeah, you look fine," Shawn sassed back, placing the large box of medical supplies on the ground and opening it. It was overwhelming just looking at all the different things. I had no idea how Shawn knew what he was doing, but he obviously did, because he pulled about 5 different things out, before looking up at me.

"Alright sweets,I'm going to wipe off your hands and knees first,it might sting a bit, just tell me if it gets too much and I'll stop okay?" he told, looking up at me as he pulled the wrapper off an antiseptic wipe and gently wiped it across my left knee.

"Ahh," I hissed, fresh tears coming to my eyes,my hand flying to his, stopping him from what he was doing.

"I know it hurts baby," he moved his other hand up to rest on my thigh comfortingly. "But if we don't get this all cleaned up then you risk getting an infection,who knows what sort of stuff has been on that ground, especially with Tarzan out there now,"

At the sound of his name Tarzan came running, tentatively putting one paw up on my lap.

"Aw, Tarzan,good boy, you come to look after Mummy hey, you know she's sad," he cooed,wiping my knee again. It hurt as much as the last time, but I tried to stay still and let Shawn do what he needed to.

"And I'm done," Shawn smiled five minutes later, stepping back from your hands as he gave them one last wipe.

I sighed, feeling relieved, but then I remembered he still had to deal with my side and back, and I knew that would be worse that both my hands and my knees. I'd really done a number on myself there,having landed with most of my weight in that one area.

"I think we're probably better off going to the bathroom for your side, from what I saw outside I'll need to give it a proper rinse out before I do anything with it," he spoke,causing me to groan.

"I know honey, but I promise once I've dealt with it you're all done then how about we have snuggles on the couch and other a take out?" We didn't often get to spend a truly lazy night together with both of our jobs being as crazy as they were.

Really?" I asked, smiling properly for the first time all day.

"Really," he smiled back "Work can wait till tomorrow, my poor invalid baby is more important," he pouted, causing me to laugh, as he helped me to the bathroom.

"That's my favourite sound you know," he told me as he helped me undress and get situated in the tub so he could use the detachable head to wash out the wound.

I smiled, feeling suddenly shy, even after being married for a year, and together for 4 he still had that effect on me.

He spent a few more minutes getting everything set up, towels,bandages, antiseptic wash, tweezers, before he finally turned the water on low, being careful not to get any water on the wounds he'd just dressed.

"Can you turn around for me April?" he asked, helping me to maneuver my body the way he needed it."I'm going to start washing it out now baby, there's a fair bit of dirt and crap caked in there so I'll need to give it a good rinse out. Do you wanna hold my hand?" he offered, extending the hand he wasn't using which I took immediately. "Ready?" he asked. I nodded squeezing my eyes shut in anticipation.

As soon as the water hit it, my whole side felt like it was on fire, the tears that I had managed to hold at bay until now, flowing freely. "I know Princess," he soothed, "One more minute okay," I nodded, opening my eyes, watching as he skillfully flushed the wound. "Can you arch your back for me a bit?" he asked stopping the water momentarily. I did what he asked, leaning over, seeing for the first time just how much blood was coming from me. The bathtub had streams of red water that just seemed to keep coming.

"Shawn," I squeeked, the blood.

"It's okay, Honey,I promise you it looks way worse than it actually is," he tried to console me continuing to work on my wound. I sat there, like I had outside trying not to focus on it, but I could feel the familiar twist of my stomach as he nausea set in,waves of dizziness washing over me like the water.

"Shawn, I-Im going to be sick," I gasped, holding my bandaged hand over my mouth. He was quick to act, switching off the water immediately, and reaching for the trash can that sat next to the toilet, holding it under my chin.

"Deep breaths, April," he spoke softly,pushing some of the hair that had fallen into my eyes out the way.

"You must think I'm such a whimp," I groaned, head still over the bin as I tried and failed to take steady breaths.

"Not at all," he promised, "You're just not good with blood, lots of people are like that, hey, at least you haven't fainted," he laughed trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"I feel like I'm going to," I whispered.

"It's okay, just breathe, that's it, nice long breathes," he coached still holding the bin patiently.

Finally after five minutes of sitting like that, the feeling started to lessen and I was able to sit up again. I must have looked like a complete mess, because the look of pity on Shawn's face was ridiculous.

"Feeling better?" he asked as he placed the bin down beside him and took my hand.

I nodded still not entirely trusting myself.

"Ready to get out and I'll fix the rest up out on the couch?" he asked offering me his hand again.

I nodded again,allowing him help me out of the bath and wrap a towel around my body.

We made our way back to the loving room slowly where he deposited me onto the couch, before running back to get the things he needed from the bathroom.

"How bad is it?" I asked, as he sat down beside me.

"I've seen better I've seen worse, it's not as bad as it probably feels though," he added in sympathy.

"What do you need to do?" I asked, turning to look at him. He frowned, obviously weighing up whether to tell me or of it was better to keep me in the dark.

"I need to get this gravel outta the wound before I dress it," he answered carefully. "Why don't you turn the T.V. on while I work?" he suggested quickly when he saw my face fall. He grabbed the remote off the table and handed it to me.

"What do you want to watch?" I asked when the screen came on.

"Whatever you wanna watch babe, I'll be focussed on this."

I nodded,turning on Once Upon A Time, immediately being pulled into the fantasy. The story helping to distract me. He kept a hand on my good shoulder the whole time he worked, occasionally squeezing it when I let out a whimper at a particularly sore spot.

"All done," he announced as he stuck the adhesive strip down half an hour later.

"Really?" I asked, turning to see he was indeed done, already in the process of picking up all the trash, going to dispose of it safely in the bin.

When he came back he had a glass of water, a bottle of Tylenol and an ice-pack in his hands.

"Here babe, take these,it should help with some of the pain," he spoke, coming around the couch to hand them to me, before sitting down next to me.

"What's the ice-pack for?"

"For your back, it'll help to stop the bruising," he lifted me onto his lap confusing me slightly.

"Won't you be cold?" I questioned as he placed the ice-pack between my back and his chest, pulling me back

"I could never be cold with you around baby," he murmured kissing my head, leaning back into the sofa.

"Thank you for looking after me," I spoke after a few minutes of comfortable quiet in which we were both focussed on the television.

"Of course baby," he replied, running a hand gently through my scalp. "I'll always protect the people I love."

[pinkpeonyprincessblog]

I'll Always Protect the People I Love

I really couldn't tell you how it happened, one minute I was hanging up washing on the line and the next I was on the ground in a load of pain. It had been one of those days, you know the ones where everything goes wrong? First I woke up late and missed an important virtual meeting,then I somehow managed to knock over a massive glass of water,the contents going absolutely everywhere. All over my bedside table, my phone (luckily it was waterproof) and several important pieces of paper which I'd been reading for the very meeting I had missed.

Maybe this was the universe's way of telling me I shouldn't have even bothered with today? Maybe I'd have been better if I had stayed in bed. One thing was for sure, I'd be in less pain right now.The only good thing was that my husband who usually worked as a doctor in the local hospital's E.D had taken an annual leave day to get the filing done which he'd gotten behind on.

"Crap," I hissed as I lifted my arm to inspect the massive scrape that had resulted from the fall.

Everything hurt, my arm, my legs which I could see from the droplets of blood falling onto the concrete had also copped a nasty whack, even my side hurt. I could feel myself getting nauseous at the sight of the blood, I'd never been any good at anything to do with medical stuff, it just made me want to vomit. What Shawn got from it, I wasn't sure, but he was passinate about medicine and was always so good. Not only at solving the actual issue at hand, but at making connections with his patients,at gaining their trust.

I tried to stay calm, to take a few deep breaths, but I could feel my composure crumbling as all the day's events caught up to me.

"Shawn!" I called out,voice shaking with the effort of trying to hold back tears. "Shawn," I shouted a little louder when there was no response. Finally I was met with the sound of his footsteps on the stairs.

"April, what's the matter, I was in the middle of a -" he stopped dead in the middle of the yard when he saw me.

"What happened?" he asked, recovering his composure quickly and rushing over to me.

" I tripped," I sniffled, as he bent down,noticing the blood on my hands and knees, and the way I was holding my aching side.

"I can see that baby," he spoke softly, lifting the hem of my dress up just enough to see how far up the wound was.

"This looks nasty and sore," he commented, pouting,causing me to whimper. That was the last thing I wanted to hear, especially from him,someone who spent his days seeing gross wounds and abbrassions.

"It hurts," I cried reaching for him out of habit,only to have my hands sting in protest. I couldn't help the tears that came steadily now, rolling down my face and clouding my vision.

"Oh, honey, please don't cry," he shushed me, reaching up to wipe them away. "It's okay, I'll fix you up, I promise,"

"I'm sorry for being a cry-baby," I muttered scrubbing at my tears with the back of my hand.

"You're not a cry-baby Honey,you've just had a tough day is all," he replied,pressing a kiss to my forehead. I sat there for a minute forgetting the pain,just resting my head against his chest, letting him hold me. He was the one person in the world, who could always make things better.

"Alright Princess, do you think you can stand up?" he asked,taking hold of my upper arms, supporting most of my weight. I stood slowly,my entire body felt as if it was simultaneously being set on fire and hit by a truck.

We made our way inside. Slowly. Incredibly slowly, but Shawn was patient as I hobbled along beside him.

"Here, sit down here," he told me, helping me onto one of the dining room chairs.

"But what about the blood?" I pointed to the blood which was still flowing slowly from several of the wounds.

"It's okay, the chairs can be cleaned," he replied clearly unphased."I'm going to get the first aid kit, stay there," he told me.

"Not like I can go anywhere," I retorted making him laughed as he ran off in the direction of the bathroom.

He came running back less than a minute later, "I'm okay Shawn," I laughed,going to lean back in the chair, but the contact caused the grazes on my back to sting furiously. "Ah," I hissed, leaning forward again.

"Yeah, you look fine," Shawn sassed back, placing the large box of medical supplies on the ground and opening it. It was overwhelming just looking at all the different things. I had no idea how Shawn knew what he was doing, but he obviously did, because he pulled about 5 different things out, before looking up at me.

"Alright sweets,I'm going to wipe off your hands and knees first,it might sting a bit, just tell me if it gets too much and I'll stop okay?" he told, looking up at me as he pulled the wrapper off an antiseptic wipe and gently wiped it across my left knee.

"Ahh," I hissed, fresh tears coming to my eyes,my hand flying to his, stopping him from what he was doing.

"I know it hurts baby," he moved his other hand up to rest on my thigh comfortingly. "But if we don't get this all cleaned up then you risk getting an infection,who knows what sort of stuff has been on that ground, especially with Tarzan out there now,"

At the sound of his name Tarzan came running, tentatively putting one paw up on my lap.

"Aw, Tarzan,good boy, you come to look after Mummy hey, you know she's sad," he cooed,wiping my knee again. It hurt as much as the last time, but I tried to stay still and let Shawn do what he needed to.

"And I'm done," Shawn smiled five minutes later, stepping back from your hands as he gave them one last wipe.

I sighed, feeling relieved, but then I remembered he still had to deal with my side and back, and I knew that would be worse that both my hands and my knees. I'd really done a number on myself there,having landed with most of my weight in that one area.

"I think we're probably better off going to the bathroom for your side, from what I saw outside I'll need to give it a proper rinse out before I do anything with it," he spoke,causing me to groan.

"I know honey, but I promise once I've dealt with it you're all done then how about we have snuggles on the couch and other a take out?" We didn't often get to spend a truly lazy night together with both of our jobs being as crazy as they were.

Really?" I asked, smiling properly for the first time all day.

"Really," he smiled back "Work can wait till tomorrow, my poor invalid baby is more important," he pouted, causing me to laugh, as he helped me to the bathroom.

"That's my favourite sound you know," he told me as he helped me undress and get situated in the tub so he could use the detachable head to wash out the wound.

I smiled, feeling suddenly shy, even after being married for a year, and together for 4 he still had that effect on me.

He spent a few more minutes getting everything set up, towels,bandages, antiseptic wash, tweezers, before he finally turned the water on low, being careful not to get any water on the wounds he'd just dressed.

"Can you turn around for me April?" he asked, helping me to maneuver my body the way he needed it."I'm going to start washing it out now baby, there's a fair bit of dirt and crap caked in there so I'll need to give it a good rinse out. Do you wanna hold my hand?" he offered, extending the hand he wasn't using which I took immediately. "Ready?" he asked. I nodded squeezing my eyes shut in anticipation.

As soon as the water hit it, my whole side felt like it was on fire, the tears that I had managed to hold at bay until now, flowing freely. "I know Princess," he soothed, "One more minute okay," I nodded, opening my eyes, watching as he skillfully flushed the wound. "Can you arch your back for me a bit?" he asked stopping the water momentarily. I did what he asked, leaning over, seeing for the first time just how much blood was coming from me. The bathtub had streams of red water that just seemed to keep coming.

"Shawn," I squeeked, the blood.

"It's okay, Honey,I promise you it looks way worse than it actually is," he tried to console me continuing to work on my wound. I sat there, like I had outside trying not to focus on it, but I could feel the familiar twist of my stomach as he nausea set in,waves of dizziness washing over me like the water.

"Shawn, I-Im going to be sick," I gasped, holding my bandaged hand over my mouth. He was quick to act, switching off the water immediately, and reaching for the trash can that sat next to the toilet, holding it under my chin.

"Deep breaths, April," he spoke softly,pushing some of the hair that had fallen into my eyes out the way.

"You must think I'm such a whimp," I groaned, head still over the bin as I tried and failed to take steady breaths.

"Not at all," he promised, "You're just not good with blood, lots of people are like that, hey, at least you haven't fainted," he laughed trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"I feel like I'm going to," I whispered.

"It's okay, just breathe, that's it, nice long breathes," he coached still holding the bin patiently.

Finally after five minutes of sitting like that, the feeling started to lessen and I was able to sit up again. I must have looked like a complete mess, because the look of pity on Shawn's face was ridiculous.

"Feeling better?" he asked as he placed the bin down beside him and took my hand.

I nodded still not entirely trusting myself.

"Ready to get out and I'll fix the rest up out on the couch?" he asked offering me his hand again.

I nodded again,allowing him help me out of the bath and wrap a towel around my body.

We made our way back to the loving room slowly where he deposited me onto the couch, before running back to get the things he needed from the bathroom.

"How bad is it?" I asked, as he sat down beside me.

"I've seen better I've seen worse, it's not as bad as it probably feels though," he added in sympathy.

"What do you need to do?" I asked, turning to look at him. He frowned, obviously weighing up whether to tell me or of it was better to keep me in the dark.

"I need to get this gravel outta the wound before I dress it," he answered carefully. "Why don't you turn the T.V. on while I work?" he suggested quickly when he saw my face fall. He grabbed the remote off the table and handed it to me.

"What do you want to watch?" I asked when the screen came on.

"Whatever you wanna watch babe, I'll be focussed on this."

I nodded,turning on Once Upon A Time, immediately being pulled into the fantasy. The story helping to distract me. He kept a hand on my good shoulder the whole time he worked, occasionally squeezing it when I let out a whimper at a particularly sore spot.

"All done," he announced as he stuck the adhesive strip down half an hour later.

"Really?" I asked, turning to see he was indeed done, already in the process of picking up all the trash, going to dispose of it safely in the bin.

When he came back he had a glass of water, a bottle of Tylenol and an ice-pack in his hands.

"Here babe, take these,it should help with some of the pain," he spoke, coming around the couch to hand them to me, before sitting down next to me.

"What's the ice-pack for?"

"For your back, it'll help to stop the bruising," he lifted me onto his lap confusing me slightly.

"Won't you be cold?" I questioned as he placed the ice-pack between my back and his chest, pulling me back

"I could never be cold with you around baby," he murmured kissing my head, leaning back into the sofa.

"Thank you for looking after me," I spoke after a few minutes of comfortable quiet in which we were both focussed on the television.

"Of course baby," he replied, running a hand gently through my scalp. "I'll always protect the people I love."

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

These Violent Delights Ch. 3

Hidden in Plain Sight

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x OC

Word Count: 4.2K

Warnings: None that I can think of?

Author’s Note: I know, this one is late. But at least it’s done, right? XD Anyways, we are about to get into things. 

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. ♥

<< Chapter 2 || Series Masterlist || Chapter 4 >>

The moment Adriana sat down in the booth with Bonnie and Elena, it had been evident that the main reason for being there wasn't there yet. As her brown eyes scanned the room, she couldn't help but speak her mind. "I see that Caroline is running late."

Elena sighed as she placed her hands on the table. "We've been under surveillance since Damon was arrested. Seeing as what is being given to you today, she needed to make sure that she gave them the slip before making her way over to us."

Adriana nodded her head in understanding. While it was news to her that they were being watched, it wasn't unusual. For as many times a black card was dropped off with her, they were usually late. 

"Are you sure this is something you want to do?" Bonnie asked, looking over at Adriana.

It wasn't until recently that they had found out who Damon's go-to was. Once the Salvatores were sent to Prison, Elena and Caroline were in charge of the simpler things. Including knowing the details of who to call when something, or someone, needed to be taken care of. 

When Elena found out Adriana had been 'Rosa', Everything had seemed to make sense. With as close as Giuseppe and Victor had been, it wasn't a huge surprise to see that Damon and Adriana had become close in their line of work just as their parents had been. At least Elena knew it was someone they could trust and not some hired contract that could turn on Damon or even Stefan. 

Adriana huffed a laugh. "This is Damon we are talking about. I don't think I'd be able to walk away from helping him. With as much business he's sent my way, I'd feel like if I'd be betraying him if I didn't do this for him." A thought crossed her mind. "Any idea who is on the card?"

Elena shook her head. "Damon didn't say. Mostly because it's hard to get any information out without it being overheard. I would say Caroline would know, but she only knows how to get the encryption onto the card. Whoever is on the card, Damon made them a top priority. We are supposed to help in any way that we can."

"Even though you guys are supposed to help, there isn't much that you guys can do once I start." Adriana said, looking between the two. "I don't want you guys anywhere near where it is going to happen. Especially since you have ties to Damon."

"We definitely have a plan." Caroline said as she plopped herself into the seat next to Elena. "Damon and Stefan want us away for the weekend. So we are going on an all-girls vacation. Which you are required to join once things are done."

Adriana rolled her eyes. "Typical Damon and his weekend getaways for his girls."

She wouldn't say it out loud, but that meant there would be a double with the girls until she joined them. But at Least Adriana knew there was a plan in place to protect her friends. With this one being close to home, Adriana wouldn't risk anyone that she knew. It would make things a complicated mess.

"Anyways, here are the plane tickets, and hotel key for that weekend." Caroline said as she handed Adriana an envelope. As Adriana took it, she knew that the black card was hidden neatly within its contents.

The contents felt heavy in Adriana's hand as she pulled it closer to her. This was something she wouldn't be letting out of her sight any time soon. While the card wouldn't look out of the ordinary to anyone else if she had left it out, she still wouldn't take the risk. 

"When are we leaving?" Adriana asked.

"In a week." Caroline said with a nod. "Though there is a two day period that we are expecting delays."

That had confirmed what Adriana knew. She'd have a week to go over the information she now had and make her plans. In a week, her friends would be leaving, and Adriana would have her cover story. The day after they left, she'd make her move. While most clients put a rush on things, Damon made her timeline more relaxed. It made it easier to get the upper hand she needed. 

"That gives me plenty of time to pack without you hating on every piece of clothing I own." A smirk grew on her lips as Adriana began to joke.

It was a way to ease the tension she was beginning to feel. A coded discussion wasn't what they were used to having with each other. They were used to being carefree in their conversations. Now that it felt off, Adriana wanted to fix it. 

Caroline rolled her eyes. "You better have at least bought some amazing swimsuits while you were out and about. Otherwise, I will judge the whole time."

Bonnie and Elena laughed at the two. The conversation that followed had made them feel as if they were back in High School. The flow of conversation came so naturally to them. They talked about their lives after high school. Ten years of their lives, they hadn't known what Adriana had been up to or vice versa.

_____

The moment Klaus's phone went off, they knew their night out at the bar was about to end. Even though it was their night off, it seemed that it wasn't going to be staying that way. Once Klaus answered the phone, Marcel and Elijah waited to find out what they would be assigned to. 

Klaus' eyes widened as he listened to the voice on the other line. He turned in his seat, his eyes landing on the table where the women were sitting. He watched as they were laughing at something that had been said between them. 

"I understand." He mumbled into the phone, turning his attention back to Elijah and Marcel. He could easily see the look of curiosity displayed on their faces. "We'll bring her in for questioning." Without another word, he hung up the phone. 

"Who exactly are we bringing in?" Elijah asked, already reaching over and grabbing his jacket. 

Klaus shook his head. "I will be bringing in Caroline for questioning. She made the drop earlier, and they want her down the at the station for questioning. You and Marcel will be sticking together. Rosa is officially in town and if she has her mark, it wont be long before you are potentially at risk."

Both Marcel and Elijah rolled their eyes. "How the hell did I get stuck on babysitting duty?" Marcel asked. 

"If you'd like to get the death glares by taking Caroline in, be my guest. I can stay here and be sure my brother isn't used for potential target practice." Klaus said with a raised brow.

"How about we not talk as if I am not here?" Elijah asked as he looked between the two. "I do know how to protect myself."

"I'm sure her long list of victims said the same thing." Marcel noted. "Right before she took their lives without ever laying an eye on her."

"We don't know for sure if I am even her intended target." Elijah said with a shake of his head.

"From what Rebekah said," Klaus stood and collected his things. "Caroline handed an envelope to a woman before getting into her car. The team that watched her believed the woman was Rosa and followed her, losing sight of Caroline. The moment that woman knew she was being followed, she made damn sure she wouldn't be able to give up any details."

"Meaning in the process, Caroline was able to give the real Rosa the black card without anyone knowing when or to who." Elijah shook his head. If he had been there, he would have sent one team with Caroline and another with the woman to ensure nothing was a miss. 

"Looks like it will be a few days of us sticking together." Marcel said, giving Elijah an apologetic look. 

Klaus walked away from the booth as Elijah began muttering about making Marcel's life hell at work. An amused smirk had been on his face as he walked away. His brother never did like just sitting around when he could be at the front of the action. 

As he reached the table, he could hear the women laughing at something Elena said. As he came to a stop at the table, he cleared his throat, getting their attention. The moment Klaus had it, he didn't miss the glares he got from three of them and the shocked look he had gotten from Adriana. 

"It's good to see you, Adri." He said with a nod of his head as he looked over at Adriana. "I hate to break up the chance of catching up," he turned his attention towards Caroline. "unfortunately, duty calls and this isn't a friendly visit. I'm going to have to ask you to come down to the station."

"What the hell, Klaus." Bonnie said, shaking her head. "She hasn't done anything but sit here and-"

"It's okay, Bonnie." Caroline cut her off. She stood up from her seat, knowing that it would be easier to just go than make a scene. "Just call your dad for me?" She turned her attention towards Adriana. "Welcome to our knew normal."

"What is this about?" Adriana asked, looking over at Klaus."

Klaus sighed. "Just some routine questions. She'll be free to go later this evening."

Adriana stood up in front of Klaus. Compared to the man, she was shorter than him. But the way Adriana currently held herself, it almost made Klaus want to shrink in size. She had always kept her ground, and it was a reminder that she never took any shit from anyone.

"Routine questions as in you have something against her?" She questioned as she looked up at Klaus. "Or routine questions that help you solve a case?"

An eyebrow raised on Klaus' face. "You know I can't discuss it."

Adriana laughed. It was unsettling to Klaus and the others that were there with the two. "We both know there's a fine line on what you can and can't talk about. In case you've forgotten, I've been on the other side of a Mikaelson questioning for years. There are ways you can discuss it without jeopardizing whatever case you are working on."

"Adriana, he's just doing his job." Elijah's voice filled the air. 

Adriana never took her eyes off of Klaus. It surprised her how much her heart picked up at the sound of Elijah's voice. But as much as she wanted to turn and see him for the first time in ten years, she wasn't about to back down.

"Adri," Caroline said, coming over to stand beside her and placing a hand on her arm. "Elijah's right. This is just their job. I'll be out of there in time for dinner. Plus, you don't need to make things harder on yourself if they drag you down there with me."

Adriana looked over at Caroline, her face softening. Sighing, she reached over and picked up her bag, pulling out a business card. "While I know Bonnie's dad can do one hell of a job," she handed the card to Caroline. "call this lawyer. Let her know Adri told you. She'll be there in record time."

Caroline laughed. "Leave it to you to have everything on stand by."

A smirk pulled at Adriana's lips. "It's kind of my job to be that person."

The girls watched as Caroline left with Klaus out of the bar. There was a bit of guilt going through Adriana. She knew what this was about. Caroline was going to be questioned about the drop she made at some point today. And while it was unknown to Adriana as to the details of earlier events, she felt like this one was going to come back and bite her in the ass.

"Well there went that." Elena said as she stood up from her seat. "I'll see you both tonight?" She asked as she grabbed her things.

"You don't have to leave, yet." Adriana said, looking over at Elena. She didn't want to miss the chance for them to enjoy their time together.

Bonnie sighed. "We've got a few things we need to go take care of. But we'll be there for dinner. " Bonnie pulled Adriana into a hug. "Plus, by the look on Elijah's face, it seems like he wants to speak with you, and I'd hate for us to get in the way of that conversation." She whispered. 

For the first time that night, Adriana looked over at Elijah. While patient as ever, Bonnie had been right. She could see it on his face that Elijah wanted to speak with her. But Adriana also didn't miss the way her heart picked up once more as she took in his appearance. 

Time had been kind to him. If she once believed she enjoyed how he looked, now that seemed to be intensified. Where he had one wore jeans and shirts had been traded for a suit that looked amazing on him. 

There had been so much left unsaid between the two of them. Ten years' worth of words could have been said between them if Adriana had just stayed.  But since she left without saying a word, it made it difficult to even get the first words between them started. 

"We'll give you two some space." Elena said, giving them a small smile. "I'll call when Care is out."

Adriana nodded her head and watched her friends leave before she looked back at Elijah. She tried thinking of something to say. After a moment, she had it. "Can I just say that I was a horrible best friend?"

A small chuckle passed Elijah's lips. "I agree. There is quite a bit you've left me out of."

"How about a drink?" She asked, gesturing to the now empty booth. "And I'll try and make up for it." 

_____

Her fingers ran over the rim of the wine glass in front of her. "Do you remember what it was like to be kids?" She asked, looking over at Elijah for a moment before looking back towards the glass. "Where we weren't defined by the actions of our parents?"

Elijah sat back in his seat, lifting his glass up to his lips to take a sip of the wine. "It was easier to believe that we could get away from the world that surrounded us. If only it had been that easy."

She shook her head and smiled. "You managed to get out of Mikael's shadow. He never made detective. He was just a cop, not afraid to do anything to get what he wanted."

He shook his head. The thought of his father's days as a cop had been a long-forgotten memory. Adriana had brought those memories to light so easily. He could remember there was only ever one family his father kept harassing the majority of the time. And he was currently looking at a member of that family. 

"You've managed to get out of your's as well." Elijah noted. "You haven't been home in years, traveling the world from what I hear. What your family was responsible for was never something you took on. Continuing the family business, as they say."

"Imagine if I did?" She asked. "The two best of friends on the opposite sides of the law. Your dad would throw a fit." A smirk pulled at her lips as she said the words. If only Elijah knew how wrong he was. 

He chuckled. "He would have thrown a fit over several things if he had only known. Aren't I right, Rosa?"

Hearing the nickname come from Elijah had hit differently. She had heard it several times from other people over the years. She heard it every time someone hired her. But hearing it coming from Elijah, it always felt different.

"I'm surprised you remember that." She said, giving him a smile.

"How could I forget?" He asked as he leaned forward in his seat. "I was the one that gave you that nickname."

"I feel like I was a different person when you gave it." She admitted. "I haven't been home in so long that the Adriana Vega that loved this city looks like a distant memory."

"Whatever happened at your mother's must have been one hell of a visit." He noted. He could still remember the day he heard that she left for her mothers. 

Adriana sighed. "I never went to my mothers." The look she got from Elijah at that moment hurt her. "After she left us, I hated it. She never accepted my calls or even checked in on me. After graduation, a family friend invited me to work with her for the summer. I loved it so much out there that I couldn't bring myself to come back."

"You had us worried when you didn't." There was hurt in his voice that she hadn't missed. "I thought for sure you would have come back. "

"I wanted to." She nodded her head. "But I couldn't bring myself to come back. I kept telling myself that I would go home and see everyone and explain why I left, but I couldn't bring myself to. Eventually, a letter just seemed like the best way to say goodbye to an old life."

Elijah nodded his head in understanding. Adriana had wanted an out from the world that she had been a part of in New Orleans. Even though he understood, it still hurt him that she left without telling him. 

"Has this new life of yours been kind to you?" He asked. Fishing for information that he wasn't sure he wanted to hear. 

She shrugged her shoulders. "As kind as it can be for someone that travels a lot. " She picked up her glass, taking a drink. "Work keeps me busy enough, the pay is great that I can retire soon." She chuckled slightly. "But it's lonely compared to the life I had here."

It was the first time she had ever said that out loud. But speaking with Elijah made it so easy to come up. He used to be the person she could say anything to. They could talk about any of their problems out with each other. It seemed that aspect hadn't changed after all those years. 

Adriana missed that. Being a mercenary meant having little to no friends or connections. The less that people knew about her life, the better things were. Settling down wasn't an option. Not when a target could be placed on them for some of the jobs she had done. 

Elijah sighed. "I take it there was another reason for you coming home? Otherwise, I believe you would have been back sooner if you missed the people." 

A small smirk pulled at her lips. "If you are trying to ask me if I missed you, the answer would be yes." 

Elijah chuckled as a small smile formed on his lips. "Good to know. Though if that was the case, why not just tell me?"

Adriana sighed as she looked down at the glass. Several things crossed her mind at that moment. She turned down a different path than Elijah had when she left home. He chose the career he always wanted while she followed a darker path. How could she ever explain that to him?

"You were the first person I wanted to tell." She admitted as she looked over at him. "I wanted to tell you that I was packing up my bags and leaving."

"Why didn't you?" He asked curiously.

"You would have stopped me from leaving." She hadn't missed the shock and confusion that played on his expressions at her words. "Rebekah told me about your summer plans for us."

Elijah's shoulders slumped slightly. His mind quickly jumping to conclusions. He had always believed that there was a reason she didn't tell him she was leaving. He felt at that moment, with those words, he had gotten his answer. 

Seeing his face, Adriana reached over and placed her hand on his. "I would have stayed and enjoyed that summer with you. Life would have been different.  And I did want that. I could have told you about the job and we could have worked something out. But what would have happened to us once I decided I wasn't coming home?"

"We'll never know since you made the decision on your own." He said as he looked her in the eye. 

A huff passed her lips as she pulled her hand back. "Would you have left your family for years at a time?" She asked, watching his reactions. "Or handle the fact that I was traveling more than being at home? And you can't say that you would have tried the traveling life. Because I know you, Elijah. You wouldn't have been here to protect your siblings from Mikael."

Elijah looked away as he took in her words. She wasn't wrong about anything she had just said. Adriana knew him well enough that she knew his thought process without ever needing to speak with him. 

If he had left with her, he wouldn't have been there for his siblings. His father had taken plenty of his anger out on his siblings. It was Elijah that tried his best to keep them safe. And if he stayed, he wasn't sure if he could take Adriana being gone for as long as she been speaking about.

"Maybe it was for the best that we hadn't." He said with a nod of his head a moment later. "I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if you had stayed and given up the opportunity you've had."

Before Adriana could voice her thoughts, her phone went off. Her eyes drifted to the phone screen, seeing Elena's number pop up. She was able to scan the message before the notification closed. 

 "Caroline's out." She said softly. "We're still meeting for dinner. I know our conversation is probably far from over..."

Elijah nodded his head. "Go. I assure you it is still rather easy to get in contact with me. " He reached into his pocket, grabbing his wallet and pulling out his card. "But just in case, here's my card."

A smile pulled at her lips as she took the card. "Never thought I'd see the day where Elijah Mikaelson has his own business card."

He chuckled softly. "It's a good thing you've come home, then." 

Adriana's smile grew a little more at his words. "I'm happy to be home, even if it's only for a while." She got up out of her seat and collected her things. "I'll try not to be a stranger."

"I hope not." He said as he stood as well. Since she was leaving, he had no other reason to be there. 

With one last smile, Adriana walked away from the booth and out the door. Elijah had watched as she had, hoping that this wasn't the last time they spoke. He'd hate for things to be left as they were. 

"Well," Marcel said as he came up and patted Elijah's back. "You could feel the tension from the other side of the place."

Elijah rolled his eyes. "Say another word, and you'll be buried in paperwork. "

Marcel raised his hands in surrender. Though a smirk played on his lips as he did. 

_____

The moment Adriana got to her car, she pulled an encrypted tablet out from the glovebox. The moment it was powered up, she pulled the envelope out that Caroline gave her. Just as she expected, the black card had been hidden within the pocket meant to hold the hotel key. 

Removing the small SD card that had been hidden in its side, Adriana popped it into the tablet. As the tablet worked to unseal the files, her eyes wandered. As they did, she watched as Elijah and Marcel began to walk out of the bar, a small smile pulling at her lips. 

The ding that came from the tablet made her look down at it before her eyes widened. Her heart dropped as she took in the information on the screen. A moment later, her head shot up, her eyes scanning the area until landing on Elijah getting into the car with Marcel. 

She watched as they spoke to each other for a moment before driving away. As they did, Adriana was beginning to hate that she took this job. She never wanted her work to interfere with her past. And yet it was about to do that. 

She could only hear her father's words as she looked back at the screen. I understand the thrill of it all. To want to be able to get the money and have power all at the same time. But one of these days, you'll mess up in a way that you can't come back from. 

On the tablet, there was an image similar to what she had seen moments ago. Elijah and Marcel holding coffee in their hands and smiles on their faces as they were getting into the car. At the bottom of the image was writing that was clear as day. 

Elijah Mikaelson. You have a week, Rosa. Use it wisely. 

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[citrinekay]

I've had a prompt rolling around in my brain the past couple of days, I keep thinking of Holden's car breaking down in the rain, and he has to make his way to a payphone, and he calls Bill, because he doesn't know who else to call. I keep thinking about Bill being worried he'll get sick because he's soaking wet. Sorry if this is disjointed sending asks gives me anxiety >>

Nothing to worry about at all, hon. This makes perfect sense to me! Here you go, hope you enjoy 💕

Holden’s father had instilled a healthy respect for car maintenance in him from a young age, and he considers himself a responsible person when it comes to his possessions; but some things just can’t be foreseen. There were no warning signs, no little lights popping up on his dash to tell him that something was wrong, but still, as his car sputters out on the side of the road, he figures this is somehow his fault. 

It’s late evening on a Friday, the ragged conclusion of a long week out of state on consult. It’s no more than a thirty minute drive between the airport and his apartment, but his little Nova, which up until this very moment had been trustworthy and faithful, couldn’t make it that far. On top of everything else, it’s raining. Not a mist or a drizzle, but a deluge that rolls from the rumbling sky in unrelenting gusts that don’t appear to be stopping anytime soon.

 As the engine clicks and dies on the gravel shoulder of the road, Holden leans his forehead against the steering wheel to brace back a wave of tearful dismay. Not only does he usually leave car repair up to knowledgeable professionals, but he’d also been looking forward to crawling into his own bed after an arduous week spent tracking down a pedophile and murderer. 

A rift of anger rises up from his sudden despair, and he leans back to strike the wheel with the heel of his hand. 

“Fuck!” The curse chokes from his throat, punctuating the steady drum of rain against the metal exterior of the car. 

He breathes heavily into the silence for a long moment until the initial rush of panic and alarm fades. He tries to think clearly about his options. He should call someone. But who? It’s much too late for shops to be open, and he doesn’t want to call the police department and create a scene. He could call a cab, but that might take awhile. And before he can pursue any of those options, he has to find a phone to even call from first.

Holden rubs his tired eyes, and scans the street. 

He knows where he is. Just think … Payphone. The corner of Mission Street and Jackson Road. Two blocks away. 

“Fuck.” Holden says, aloud, again. 

He’s exhausted, and he doesn’t want to walk two blocks in the pouring down rain; but what other choice does he have?

Gathering his collar up around his neck, Holden draws in a deep breath, and shoulders his way out of the vehicle. The rain is coming down so hard that he’s almost instantly soaked, his hair drenched and plastered to his head, his trench coat barely concealing his shivering body from the biting gust of cold wind and stinging droplets. 

For a moment, he thinks about climbing back into his car and waiting it out, but he doesn’t want to face the possibility of the rainstorm persisting through the night. Putting his head down, he trudges away from his car in the direction of Jackson Road. 

The shoulder of the street is washed out in the rain, creating a treacherous obstacle course of sliding gravel, loosened rocks, miry sludge, and muddy puddles, two of which he manages to step directly into. It’s difficult to see with his eyes squinting shut against the driving rain and the scarce streetlamps lining this particular strip of deserted asphalt. 

If his car had broken down just two blocks later, he would have been in a much better position. There’s a tavern and gas station at the intersection along with the payphone, some sign of civilization that this forested stretch of road where he’s abandoned is absent of. 

Holden clenches his jaw and drags his coat more tightly around himself as a fresh clench of frustration seizes his chest. Part of him wants to sit down on the side of the road just to rest his trembling legs, but he pushes on, determined to get to the payphone in as little time as possible. 

Eventually, he approaches Jackson Road, a darkened street of shops with only the neon blow of the tavern sign smudged against the black sky in rain-drizzled reds and greens to light the way. Across the street, the gas station with two sad pumps is illuminated by a few overhead lights that attract more insects than people at this time of night. The phone booth stands like a beacon at the corner of the intersection, interior lit by a single, bare bulb. 

Holden rushes to the payphone, relief washing through his chest. The sliding door protests on rusty, jammed hinges as he grabs the handle, and it takes a few forceful pulls to get it open far enough for him to slip inside. 

The steady, cold patter of rain on his cheeks cuts off abruptly as he stumbles into the glass enclosure. Bracing a hand against one wall, he draws in a shuddering breath and tries to subdue the bone-deep, chilled shiver running through his body. 

His relief lasts bare seconds. Now what?

Turning to the pay phone, Holden tucks his hand in his pocket to search for coins. As he sorts out the quarters, he bites anxiously at his lower lip. The booth has no telephone book, and he doesn’t know any numbers for a cab off the top of his head. Nervously jostling the quarters in his hand, he glances down at his watch. 

10:35. Christ, it’s late. 

Holden presses his eyes shut as a solution rises in the back of his mind. He can feel rain dripping from his hair and sluicing down his cheeks, absorbing through his clothes to chill his skin. His belly shudders from deep inside and his feet hurt, cold and miserable from the long walk in the storm. He’s stranded, and he doesn’t have any other choice. 

Shoving aside his nerves, Holden feeds the quarters into the narrow slot and listens to them fall to the bottom with a metallic clatter. He picks up the phone, and slowly dials the number he knows by heart. 

As he listens to the shrill ring of the phone, he feels a sudden wave of emotion crawl up the back of his throat. He’s thinking rapidly and all at once: Please pick up. Please don’t be mad. Please help me. And finally: Well, this is just fucking pathetic, isn’t it? 

The phone rings six times, and he thinks about hanging up. He could call the operator and get a cab service. He could call the police and they would be more than happy to send someone out - it’s their job after all. His anxiety is about to overwhelm him when the repetitive tone cuts off, and the line rustles with movement.

“Hello?” Bill’s voice is muted and raspy with confusion. 

“Bill.” Holden says, pressing his eyes shut. His cheeks flush with heat that competes with the chill of the rain. 

“Holden?” Bill’s sleepy confusion quickly breaks out into concern. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m sorry it’s late. I didn’t know who else to call.”

“What’s going on?”

“I, um … I just got back into town, and my car broke down, if you can believe it.” Holden says, a nervous chuckle rising from the back of his throat. 

“Oh, man, talk about shit luck. Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine. I just …”

“Where are you?”  

“Well, my car broke down back on Ellis, but I’m at the payphone at Mission and Jackson.”

“Shit, it’s raining cats and dogs. I hope you didn’t walk all that way.”

“How else would I have gotten here?”

“Jesus, you must be freezing.” Bill says, his tone taking on a note of worry. “Stay inside. I’m on my way.”

“Thanks. And I’m really sorry about this. I know it’s late and it’s an inconvenience and-”

“Don’t worry about it. Now the sooner we get off here the sooner I can come pick you up.”

“Right.”

“Okay, stay put. I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes.”

“Okay. Thanks, Bill.”

“Yep.” Bill says, quickly, before hanging up. 

Holden puts the phone down, and leans back against the cold glass partition. Relief surges through his chest at the prospect of not having to walk one more foot in the rain, but despite Bill’s eagerness to help, he’s still anxious. Ever since Atlanta, they’ve been walking around on egg-shells with each other. Holden doesn’t want to intrude on Bill’s privacy as he goes through his divorce, and Bill seems too focused on his own problems and work to regard Holden’s tenuous grasp on his panic disorder. He’d never wanted to be a nuisance or create problems he couldn’t solve on his own. He’d never wanted to be babysat, or for anyone to think he needed supervision - but apparently he had; and now he’s facilitating yet another situation that Bill is required to pull him out of. He wants to pick the phone back up and call just to say “You’re not mad about this, are you?” But Bill has probably already left the house. 

Drenched and shivering, Holden cowers in the phone booth for the next fifteen minutes until he sees Bill’s car through the smudged pane of glass. 

Bill pulls up at the curb, and climbs out of the car. Rain dampens his hair and the shoulders of his trench coat as he pulls a blanket out of the passenger’s seat and carries it across the sidewalk to where Holden is slipping out of the booth. 

“Thanks for coming.” Holden says, blinking against the surge of rain. “You brought me a blanket?”

“Yeah. Jesus, look at you.” Bill says, his brow pinching with worry as he unfurls the blanket. 

Lowering his head, Holden revels in quiet disbelief as Bill drapes the blanket around his shoulders, and draws it closed at his chest. 

“Come on, you’re going to catch a cold.” Bill says, his hand bracing against the middle of Holden’s back to lead him towards the car. 

Holden quietly lets Bill guide him to the passenger’s side and hold the door open for him. Slipping into the vehicle, Holden lets out a shuddering sigh of relief at the warm air blasting from the dashboard vents. 

Bill jogs around the hood of the car, and climbs behind the wheel. When he pulls the door shut behind him, the interior falls into silence except for their muted, heavy breathing, and the quiet sound of Holden’s teeth shivering against one another. 

“You okay?” Bill asks. 

“Yeah.” Holden whispers, his voice unsteady with a chilled tremor.

 He slips his eyelids open to peek across the car at Bill. His face is illuminated in the pale light from the dashboard, rain-slick lips pursed into a grim line of worry, his usually perfectly combed hair flattened with the rain. He doesn’t look angry.

“I’m really sorry about this.” Holden whispers, drawing the blanket tighter around his shoulders. “It’s so late-”

“I said not to worry about it.” Bill says, firmly but gently. “Frankly, I’d be more upset if I found out later that this happened and you didn’t call me.”

Holden glances back down at his lap where his numb fingers are white-knuckled around the blanket. It has that foreign smell of someone else’s house lightly concealed by the ashy sting of cigarettes. Abruptly, he feels like crying again. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Bill asks. 

Holden nods, pressing his eyes shut. “I’m just really tired.”

“Okay, let’s get you home.” 

Holden turns his face toward the window where the storm outside continues to rage. The car softly lurches into motion as a tear stings the corner of his eye. He lifts his chin against his cheek to let the emotion absorb into the soft microfiber of the blanket along with the rain. It takes him just as long the drive back to his apartment for him to realize that he isn’t just overwrought or extremely tired, but relieved - as if he’s been holding his breath since Atlanta, waiting for everything to spill over between them, waiting for Bill’s disapproval to come crashing down on his fragile shoulders. It hasn’t come, and apparently it never will; he’s been shadowboxing with lying ghosts. 

At his apartment, Bill shuts off the engine, and climbs out of the car. Holden steps out onto the street on the other side, letting the blanket slide from his shoulders. 

“I’ll walk you in.” Bill says.

“You don’t have to do that.”

Bill circles around the car, his expression determined and unwavering. He waves a finger at the drooping blanket. “Come on, put that back on.”

“It’s yours, I don’t want to take it.”

“You know how long that thing has been sitting in my closet for?” Bill asks, pulling the blanket back up around Holden’s neck. He nods toward the building. “Come on, the blanket is the least of my worries. I don’t want you getting sick.”

Holden doesn’t protest again as Bill leads them across the street to the lobby. He punches in the door code with cold, shivering fingers that he quickly sticks back underneath the blanket when the door unlocks. 

In the elevator, neither of them say a word, but Bill’s hand is tucked loosely against Holden’s lower back. It’s not grabbing or forceful, just resting there almost protectively. When Holden closes his eyes, he can feel the weight of it more than the bone-chilled shivers running all the way to the core of his body. 

Holden leads the way to his door, and drags his keys out of pocket with numb fingers. 

“You should get out of those wet clothes right away.” Bill says, quietly.

Holden nods. “I will.”

“Good. The last thing we need is you catching a cold or pneumonia.”

“Yeah.” Holden mutters, jiggling his key in the lock. 

“Hey,” Bill says, touching his elbow. 

Holden glances up from the lock, and Bill’s eyes are soft in the low light of the corridor, worried and unaccusing. 

“We need you.” He says, “So take care of yourself, okay?”

Holden’s throat tightens, and he nods. Shrugging his shoulders to indicate the blanket, he says, “I’ll get this back to you on Monday.”

“Sure. Keep it if you want.” 

Holden frowns softly as Bill gives him a pat on the back, and moves past him back in the direction of the elevator. 

“Let me know if you need a ride to work on Monday.” He says. 

“Thanks, I will.”

“Okay, see you then.”

Holden stands with his key in the lock as he watches Bill amble down the hall back towards the elevator. A slight smile tugs at his mouth. 

When Bill is out of sight, he gets the door open, and slips into his apartment with a sigh of relief. 

First, he drapes the blanket over the arm of the couch, and takes off his wet clothes. When he’s in clean, dry pajamas, he goes into the kitchen to boil water for tea, and as the kettle warms, shuffles into the living room where the discarded blanket is lying. Picking it up, momentarily holds it to his nose, and closes his eyes as he inhales the lingering, warm smell underneath the rain. If he washes it, that scent will be gone. 

Carrying the blanket into his bedroom, Holden uses clothespins to hang it from the curtain rod to dry. Faint light from the streetlamp filters through the microfiber, casting a soft, pinkish glow across his room. The cold in his bones is almost entirely melted away, and he feels warm again. 

[imogengotdrunk]

Sooo I've been lurking around your blog for a while and your Love, Simon post has finally given me courage to ask about Gavin and RK's wedding (because honestly, I've been wondering for a while). Please tell me it would be incredibly sappy and induce a lot of happy tears.

Hello, Anon! Never be shy to ask! I’m normally slow to get around to answering, but I will answer eventually. And this is definitely something that I’ve thought about, as well!

Short version: Gavin would be in a gay panic for the entire time leading up to the ceremony, Tina would be on ‘keep-everyone-in-line’ duty, Hank would probably spend at least some time at the open bar, and the whole day would run smoother than clockwork because R.K is painstaking when it comes to having a schedule of any kind.

I’ll put the more detailed version under the cut, because I may as well have written a fucking fic – and I still might, at that. But I hope this answers your question for now, Anon!

(I warn you and apologise – this is seriously fucking long because I like weddings. Sue me. And I wanted to include a few headcanons that I don’t think I’ve mentioned before, and this seemed like a good opportunity)

THE VENUEThey probably wouldn’t get married in a church. I know that loads of churches offer services to same-sex couples nowadays, and I hope that by the 2030s-40s, this has only expanded. But human/android weddings might still be a touchy subject in a lot of places, even years after the revolution. Plus, I’m not sure whether Gavin or any of his family are religious or not (I HC his mother as being quite traditionalist and conservative, but not for any religious reasons I don’t think).

So I think they’d get married somewhere relatively familiar and probably understated. Gavin wouldn’t really give a shit at the end of the day, though, let’s be honest; he’s getting fucking married, who cares where, right? And as long as they’re not eloping to Las Vegas or anything too spontaneous, R.K’s content with whatever venue Gavin decides on.

And they don’t need anywhere huge, because they’re both pretty private and tight-knit people – guests would be family and close friends only.

-

THE GUESTSGavin’s dad is the first person to be invited. The poor guy’s had to stand back and watch his only son get his gay heart broken time and time again. But now Gavin’s finally bagged himself a fiancé – a 6ft tall, well-spoken, model-handsome, police officer fiancé, who looks ready to straight-up murder anything that might pose even the slightest threat to Gavin Reed. So, naturally, Mr. Reed’s the one who gives Gavin away on the big day, and is very, very happy to do so.

Tina Chen’s the maid of honour, of course. They don’t even ask her – she just immediately assumes the position and drags R.K away to begin the wedding preparations.Every cake-maker, florist, and bespoke tailor in Detroit are now terrified of the two of them. While Tina and R.K are quite different people, when it comes to Gavin Reed’s happiness, they’re similarly and meticulously ruthless. On the actual day, Fowler’s tie clashes with the colour of the roses, and he only needs to glance at the expression on Tina and R.K’s faces before he’s subtly tugging it off and hiding it away in his pocket, where it will not make an appearance again today, so help him God.

Connor is ringbearer (he’s the only one R.K trusts not to lose them), and Hank is R.K’s best man. Everyone expected it to be Connor seeing as they’re practically brothers, but R.K asked Hank specifically. When asked, spluttering and incredulously, ‘why in hell d’you want me to do it’, R.K simply replies, ‘because you’re the best man I know, Lieutenant.’Hank spends the rest of the day in a stupor before making a silent vow to be the best goddamn best man in wedding history. He even gets a hair cut when the big day comes around – and Connor can confirm that he looks very dashing in formal attire.

The Jericho crew – Markus, North, Simon and Josh.Something I haven’t touched upon yet in any of my trash – I headcanon R.K and North to be very good friends. R.K has a rocky relationship with Markus (Markus overrode his programming to make him deviant, and R.K punched him in the face in response), but he absolutely adores North. They’re both candid, no-nonsense, and have the same kind of dry humour.In-game, North’s always been the most forthright of Markus’ companions – she wants to get the job done in the most straightforward and efficient way possible, and this is definitely something that she and R.K have in common. So R.K wants her at the wedding, but he knows that by extension, he has to invite Markus, Simon and Josh as well, because they’re kind of a package deal (I HC something polyamory going on between Markus, North and Simon, and Josh is Markus’ right-hand man in almost everything). R.K likes Josh and Simon well enough, and can be civil with Markus when the situation calls for it.

Kara, Alice and Luther – Another thing I don’t think I’ve mentioned before, I also HC Connor staying in touch with Kara following the revolution, since he seemed to genuinely care about her and Alice after he became deviant.They’re still living in Canada, since I can’t see them moving back to Detroit after everything they went through to get across the border. But I think Connor would have wanted to check up on them somehow, to make sure they were all right, and I can see them becoming friends over time through various calls and visits. This of course means that Connor introduces R.K, and eventually Gavin, to them.R.K and Kara get on strangely well considering how different they both are, Alice learns her first curse word from Gavin because the man can’t control his mouth around anyone, and Luther is possibly the only android who can intimidate R.K just by standing in the same room with him (that gentle giant is very tol).

Their close colleagues at the DPD would probably be invited, too. These include Fowler, Ben Collins, Chris Miller and his family, and probably Wilson as well.

Gavin’s mom is NOT invited, but she brings that on herself. When Gavin and R.K get engaged, Gavin tries to get back in contact with her over the phone, and after some polite and uncomfortable small talk, Gavin tells her that he has a male android fiancé. A lot of old wounds are opened up (they argue about Gavin’s sexuality, about it meaning that there would be no “proper grandchildren”, that adoption doesn’t count, etc, etc, all stuff that Gavin’s had to hear before when he was much younger and cared much more about her opinion of him).It goes on for a while, and eventually Gavin just hangs up. He’s not too bummed out about it – he pretty much expected that reaction – and least he tried. But sometimes trying just doesn’t get you any new results, especially with someone so set in their own views.

-

THE WEDDING

Yes, to finally answer the question, it would indeed be the sappiest wedding to have ever sapped. For Gavin, anyway. He’s never let himself think too much about marriage, because he’s a realist (or a cynic) and he just always assumed that it would never happen for him. But suddenly here he is, at his fucking wedding, and R’s waiting for him all dressed up in a nice suit and he’s smiling and looking at Gavin like he’s the whole world, and they’re getting fucking married.

Gavin’s a nervous wreck when the ceremony actually starts; they might be surrounded by friends, but it’s still a public fucking thing and he could trip over or say something wrong and embarrass himself, and his hands are shaking the entire way there. But the second he and his dad reach R.K, the android reaches for one of his hands, and squeezes, and Gavin stops giving as much of a shit about anything else in the room.

He’d probably be able to hold it together, through sheer nerves, until the vows. Words are something that R.K’s very good with, so of course he’s written the most perfect vows ever, and Gavin would be a choked-up mess afterwards trying to get through his own. It makes him feel better to know his dad, Tina and Josh are emotional messes by the end of it as well, though. And he does see Hank getting teary-eyed, even of the old man tries to hide it behind a fucking cough.

Although, I’m tempted to have some kind of crime happen during the wedding, or at least during the after-party. If anyone’s ever watched the 3rd season of BBC’s Sherlock, then you know how problematic it is to have a hyperfocused detective solving crimes at a wedding. Imagine Gav and R off on their first murder investigation as a married couple, five fucking minutes after they’re actually married. Classic.

 -

I think that’s enough for now, though. Let me know If you want any more in the future, I’d be happy to include some other HCs in another post, but this has gotten seriously long and I need to be stopped somewhere.

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

05 - I’m drained

Chapters songs:

Pope is a rockstar; SALES

I don't know you; The Marías

Coax & Botany; Gus Dapperton

—

- Y. L. Perspective

       'Shit, I'm late.' I told myself, while a hand searched every corner in my school bag for my phone. Yet, it was nowhere to be found. Without my phone, I couldn't tell Suga that I was a little behind time. I told him I'd meet him in the gym around the end of his practice, but it was now 20 minutes after, and I couldn't be more stressed about my phone missing.

       "Y/n, I'm sure he'll come looking for you right after," Giki says, putting her hands around her love handles, leaning against the wall. "If you two made plans to walk home, then he won't bail. He doesn't seem the type to do that. And besides, he knows where to find you, doesn't he?—"

        I shut down any idea she gave that would help me calm down. "It's not just that! I need my phone, I can't go home without it. Fuck, this always happens!" I pull my hands out of the bag, and run them through my hair, looking around for a solution. "Dude, what the hell do I do?! He hasn't gotten here yet, and I really don't want Suga being angry at me!"

       "Now why would I be angry at you?!"

      Someone calls out from the doorway, catching both Giki and I's attention. There stood Koushi, with a cheeky smile plastered on his face, and one hand held up. "Missing something?" He said, as my phone stood between two of his fingers.

       At the sight, I sigh, in relief, happy at least one of my issues was solved. "Thank you, so much," I say, as he smiles down at me, passing it. Honestly, I couldn't be more thankful for him; if it wasn't awkward, I could've even hugged him.

      Gathering my things, I throw on my bag, and I'm able to become poised, instead of seeming like a mad man. "That's my queue. See you later, Giki. You have a ride home, right?"

      She nods. After our goodbye, I leave the band room, then begin my walk with Suga. My hands ran down my blazer, hoping that it would warm them up a bit. Tonight was chilly, possibly the coldest night of the week. But that was okay, because cold, rainy nights were what I lived for; nothing felt better than sleeping during them. The only thing I was worried about was if I'd get home in time before the storm starts.

      "Why are you so stressed out? You didn't seem this way during lunch. Is something bothering you?" Suga asks in his calming voice, interrupting my thoughts. Though, it wouldn't be bad to let them run freely from my mouth. The only thing I worried about was that I'd break down if I were to talk about everything that was on my mind.

       But it wasn't like I was uncomfortable talking with Suga, so why not. "It's nothing, really. I think I've just recently been on the edge about everything. It's like, if some teeny thing goes wrong, I become a complete mess. But it's probably just because I'm still processing the fact that everything is happening so fast." I explain, rubbing my left temple while closing my eyes.

      "I get it. That's how I feel, too. But I can't imagine how it must be for someone as busy as you. But if you wanna talk about it, I'm all ears."

      I feel his eyes on me, as well as his hand on my shoulder. It laid comfortably, lightly squeezing it. At the action, I immediately open my eyes, nervous as to any movements, and hear almost my heartbeat through my ears. Honestly, I cursed myself for feeling so giddy inside just because he was being friendly, but I also cursed myself for thinking it meant something. That's what having low self-esteem means, thinking he likes me because he's nice. "Yeah, it's okay. Besides, I think all I need right now is to get home and rest. Maybe that would help me a bit— you know?" My voice cracks at the end, and the pressure of tears building up in my nasal passage, which came before a good cry.

        'No, because I KNOW I'm not about to cry in front of Sugawara. That would be the worst situation.' I thought to myself, feeling my eyes burn. No way in hell I would do that purposefully. That would look as if I'm seeking attention like a lost puppy, which is exactly what I didn't want to seem like.

       But sadly, a sniff from my nose reveals me completely, making him turn my shoulders towards him. His eyes looked worried, seeking reassurance I was ready to cry. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

     'There's the magic word.'

     Now, a few tears escaped my eyes, quickly being cleaned away by my sleeve. But after a few seconds, it felt pretty pointless to try and hide them. "I— I'm sorry. I've just been keeping it all in till right now—God, this is really awkward." I say, giggling in nervousness on the last part, before placing both hands over my face and look down. The clouds growled above us, giving me a sense that they were about to pour as well.

     "That's okay. I didn't mean to go over boundaries with your personal life— I'm sorry." He says, now putting both of his hot hands on my shoulders. "It's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes, and it's okay to let your feelings out. But it's not okay to bottle up your emotions. I would know, wouldn't I?"

      I nod, swabbing more tears before looking towards him. "Yeah, I know. I just don't really talk about it, especially now that my schedule is packed and all." I say, clearing my throat. As much as I hate to say it, Suga was right; nobody knew what keeping your feelings inside felt like the way he did.

      And so, I kept crying, and stood in front of him for a good minute, just letting it out. He wasn't sure what to do at first, but then he put his arm around me, then another, and trapped me in a hug.

      My head laid against his chest, and his hands wrapped around my neck, while he laid his head over mine. Although I felt truly humiliated and like a complete child, I guess a hug from a friend couldn't hurt. Honestly, I'd expected myself to break down sometime soon; Undergoing so many things can be stressful. Moving to a different country soon, graduating in only a year, and trying to drift from close friends was hard. The only thing is that I didn't expect to cry in front of someone I wasn't completely close with.

      "What's going on, Y/n? If you don't mind me asking." To my surprise, his hand gently runs through my hair to comfort me and hums in worry. "I hope you know you can talk to me."

     As much as I appreciated Sugawara trying to make me feel better, I still felt completely inhibited. But as much as a hated this moment, I just needed to let my feelings out. And now, I couldn't control when or where I'd do it, I just needed it to happen. Silently sniffing, a response later to his question. "I'm just realizing so many things are happening, and I'm feeling overwhelmed about it. But I'll get over it, don't worry." My stiff body pulls away slowly, and I hastily pick myself back up from my breakdown.

     "Oh.. well, I understand that. You know I've got a lot on my shoulders, and I've had a lot of time spent in that corner of panic. I guess your third year comes with many burdens, doesn't it? But it'll be okay, Y/n. Your feelings are completely valid, don't feel bad or ashamed about them. And besides that, you should appreciate yourself for getting yourself through them, okay?" His hand strokes my jaw, raising it to meet his bright eyes, while an unavoidable smile of his appears. "You're gonna be okay."

     As predicted, I felt a tad better than I had before. It seemed Suga found the exact words I had needed today, ones that no one ever told me. I wasn't so used to people comforting me this way in person, therefore making me uneasy when having this conversation with him. But I was glad that I did because now the knot between the two of us untied if only a little.

      I nod, looking down towards my shoes again, as his hand leaves my face and travels back into his sweat pants pocket. "Yeah, I know. Thanks, by the way, "I mumble, before sniffing once more, and turning towards the direction we were walking in before I had started crying like an idiot. "I know I'm not supposed to apologize, but still, I'm sorry for making this awkward. Usually, I'm not the one to embarrass myself in front of somebody like this."

      "Oh, don't fret. I've had my share of embarrassment, and probably the one with more shame than ever between the two of us," Sugawara replies, clearing his throat. "And I should be the one to give you an apology, It wasn't my place to be nosy and make you cry."

      "Don't worry about it, I was bound to weep like a baby any time soon." A small chuckle leaves my mouth, lightning the heavy mood I'd created. "So, Suga, what makes you think you're more shameful than me?"

    He too, laughs a bit, before answering my question. "Well, for starters, I've cried in front of Daichi, one of the most indestructible people I know. Not only was that embarrassing, but it was because I was too weak to face my problems. And second off, as you know, I don't handle them properly. Not at all."

     "I don't know. Mind explaining to me?" I ask him, observing his reaction to my question. Thankfully, he wasn't too uncomfortable about it, but he was still hesitant to say much.

    He sighs, running his fingers through his silver hair, and clarifies to me briefly. "N-nothing. I just used to have a bad perspective of everything; not trying, careless about other people, and dull. Really, really dull. I've made a lot of mistakes throughout last year, and ones that you can't fix easily. But I'm not like that anymore, at least I hope I'm not."

A part of me mourns for Suga. I knew exactly what that feeling was like, except it was around my first year of high school. For him, this only happened recently. "Well, I would know that. You don't seem very inconsiderate, more like a gentle guy." I say as we get ready to cross the road to our neighborhood.

"I hope so."

As we walk across the small road, I still feel a small portion of myself regretting ever crying in front of Suga. Yes, it wasn't that big of a deal and I would probably get ever it tomorrow, but that could have changed his perspective of me forever. I wouldn't want to seem like a little cry baby like I was before, if it seemed that way, he might have thought I haven't had any growth.

    The rest of our walk is neutral, and none of our conversations include whatever unpleasant situation happened, thankfully. But throughout it, I couldn't help but think thoroughly through the information Suga had told me. I know he went through some shit bad, but I didn't know he was so down that way. I'd see him in hallways looking gloom and gummy, and rumor had it he was sleeping around to deal with it.

      'Poor Koushi.'

      Finally, the two of us reach my street, and my pace starts to pick up, as I turn behind me to say my thanks to him. "Thanks again, Suga. You know, for keeping me company and all."

     The silver-haired boy smiles, looking up at me with his large hazel eyes. As he nods, his position slowly turns around, and he begins to walk away with his head down once again, making his way home. I for one, jog the rest of the way to my house.

     It wasn't much— just a two-story that looked a tad more modern than the others around us. It had rectangular windows with a black windowpane and a tall dark oak door with small rectangular windows trailing down. Its brick was stained a light, dusty brown, which complemented the rest of the house nicely. The roofs were black as well, giving off an industrial theme. But besides that, the house was built like the rest that sat next to us.

    I walked towards the oversized doors, fitting a key into the lock above the handle. It twists, making a 'click!' sound, and I walk past the entrance, closing the door behind me. It's nothing much— only as modern inside as it is outside. My mother had no struggle with making enough money to keep her house nicely decorated, even if she barely use it.

Honestly, being home made me sad sometimes. At school or friends' houses, I could be alongside someone. Even if we were doing nothing, I would still appreciate their company. But here at home, there was nobody, just like always.

It had only been this way after they'd both found jobs and began working so hard. Up until I was around five, there were distant memories of the three of us— me, my mom, my dad— living in a small apartment downtown, where a one-bedroom in the middle of high crime was all my parents could afford. But once they got their job, it was all nannies and more money. It wasn't later after that they got divorced after discovering that they didn't need each other anymore. Yes, I was proud my parents got back onto their feet after such dark times, but not if it meant that their kids had to raise themselves. Me being an only child, I grew up around teenage girls being paid 50$ an hour yet glued to their phones, while I would play with shit I probably shouldn't have. But it wasn't like it mattered, right? Soon I'd be able to leave Japan and start a new life, instead of being trapped under my parents' absent wing.

"Hey, Astra," I mumble to the small house pet, reaching my hand out to touch her while I slid my shoes off, placing them into the basket that held many others. Then I take off my blazer, hanging it up on the black metal coat rack, and stretch out my hands and arms. The cat under me escapes from my grasp, running into the kitchen for dinner.

Astra was one of the only things that helped me de-attach from reality for a second, and remember that it'll all be okay. That, and guitar. The only thing with playing guitar when you're stressed is that the anger only builds up if you can't get a note right. With Astra, she was a simple white cat who lounged around all day, and may I say a great cuddle buddy. But besides that, she was something I'd had with me for my entire childhood; she's always been my comfort corner.

      The cat circles around my legs as I pour kibble into her small bowl while looking up at me, and down at the bowl. After I stand back up, she begins her meal, and I still stay starving. Lunch at school isn't very enjoyable, and my bento didn't have much today, so I guess I had to make my food tonight.

      And so, disappointed, I open the fridge to scan what I could shove down my throat before bed. 'There's nothing but vegetables and expired yogurt once again. Gee, I've gotta go grocery shopping sometime soon.' My brain thinks when I suddenly find a small blue container sitting against the inside of my fridge, with a yellow note on it.

'Brought you your favorite. See you tomorrow morning. I'll drop you off at school- father.' My heartbeat comes to a halt at the words 'father'. Was he really here? Possibly for long? I hadn't seen him since about eight months ago, because as always, his job is more important than his daughter. Still— I wasn't completely comfortable with knowing he was here in Miyagi Prefecture, probably in a late business meeting. No way in hell he would ever come to see me volunteering. It must have been a job trip and I was on the way there. Besides, I wasn't sure if mother was okay with me seeing him so suddenly. But knowing them, they probably arranged for this to happen.

     Was dad back in town?

—

Hey guys. I'm sorry I'm taking so long to update my chapters, I've just been super stressed out and kind of working myself a little too hard on many things. As always I love you all very much, and please don't forget to vote!!

- estrxlar

[itheclumsymillentialblr]

How I regretfully lost my first girlfriend, the first person I truly loved.

I love/loved her so much, but its my fault why we are over.

Just like how most couples meet, we met online thru a dating app. I admit I kept in contact with her during that time because I’ve got nothing else to do, until I asked her if she wanted to go out with me. I think asking her out was our first disagreement because I was bothered with her curfew, but in the end I was the one who adjusted because she is a super cute human being.

I.

On our first date I took her at Wagging Tails cafe at maginhawa street Quezon City. The first thing I noticed about her was the visible scar in her chest, I still find it kinda cute though. We shared each others thoughts during that day, I was happy when she smiles every-time I try to pull something funny.

Ever since that day I committed myself into pursuing her, because she’s a catch.

II.

Weeks and months after she was fully confident around me. I knew most of her secrets, her thoughts at work, her past which she did not deserve, and that made me fall into her more. We pursued what we have and I can already tell she was falling in love with me, I can see it through her actions.

III.

She did something she’s not supposed to do and I caught her. It really bothered my why she did what she did. “Can I still trust her?”,“is she gonna do it again?”. But that was the day that she admitted that she loved me. I forgave her and I said I love you back. Why shouldn’t I say it back she was my perfect little angel, until I destroyed everything.

IV.

Despite not having a label after admitting that we love each other already. We had a lot of struggles during that stage. Her work hours was one of the toughest because she goes out of work very late and it shortens our dating hours. I complied either way, for quite sometime. I loved her so I drifted apart/sacrificed some of my friends, I didn’t regret it at that time. As a couple our biggest struggle was being cyber-bullied/harassed by toy collector fanatics. Although its was my fault they fired at us, what they did was too far and below-the-belt. We were both bothered by that incident but being together solves everything.

V.

One evening during ber months 2018. She admitted she’s having mental issues. I was mad at first because the process of explaining what she’s going through is making me a punching bag for her. But I reconciled with her that night and I promised her to always be there when she needs help. Apparently I failed that part.

VI.

The day she made it official and I get to personally meet some of her family members. I still can’t feel my face remembering that day. I mean-- I finally have a girlfriend after existing 23 years in God’s Grace, and God provided me a beautiful little angel that I did not deserve.

VII.

She’s experiencing a loss and I tried my best to cheer her up, at some point she did. That was a good month for us. Little do I know I’m gonna fuck things up for us, for her.

I really don’t know what gotten into me but at some point my temper shortened and I get annoyed so easily. It bothered her. But I did something that made her have doubt about me.

VIII

One night after a video call. She messaged me about a girl I added on facebook. Annoyed, I told her that was nothing. I wasn’t able to go back to sleep that night which resulted me staying home not being able to work. I bombarded her with text messages to make her feel bad about that matter.

I realized it was wrong and I am very sorry for it.

IX.

After that I kept messing things up, until we had that talk and told me she needed some space because I changed. I obliged, said my I love you and let her rest. I wasn’t expecting her to contact me the day after but she did. She regret having a heavy discussion with me. She gave me her another chance. Unfortunately I fucked it up again because I’m a piece of trash that doesn’t do good things in life.

X.

Our last date. It was a rough start for me that day, because I didn’t get a heads up from the office that work is canceled so my mind is ticked off. She’s not doing well on that day also because she’s experiencing pain through her lower abdomen. I’ve made a comment about that I have regret saying ever since. She kept silent about it until the day after tomorrow.

XI.

The day we(she) broke up(with me). I thought it was gonna be another normal day for me, for us. She woke me up so I won’t be late, I made my deposit for the hotel for our LU trip that not gonna happen anymore. And I’m gonna go to Eastwood to spent time with you. But then before my office shift is about to end she sent me a text message saying she wanna talk about something later. I already knew what it was, I felt it. Upon meeting her and saying the reason why she wanted it over I was falling apart. I am losing her for the things that I did. Unintentional or intentional it was my fault. I haven’t been the same since. I wandered and met a friend thinking it could help, it didn’t I lost everything that day.

XII.

I have been begging her to come back to me but all the things I said made her drift away from me even more. I have been drinking re-connecting with old friends, trying a lot of new shit thinking it could mask up the pain that I caused I didn’t I will never be the same without her and I am responsible for that. You were the best thing that happened to me. Even if it was unintentional how could I push you away.

XIII.

It was a Sunday morning I lack sleep and drunk as fuck. I lost my 3-year-old crappy iPhone the night before due to drinking. She was one of the few people to know first, But I told her even more. I told her that I realized it now, the way I took you for granted, how I prioritized my temper rather than her well-being. I told her I lost an angel and the most beautiful girl in Antipolo. I heard her crying on the other end of the line but I didn’t mention it to her because she’s just one emotional and kind human being that I unintentionally took her granted.

We talked for almost an hour. I told her the things I mentioned above, I asked her if what if we didn’t broke up and she gave me one last final chance and I’ve been good? I’ve said some inappropriate stuff too, but what if—just what if we didn’t break up and things became better.

XIV.

I fucked up again. This time a lot.

It was very late and I was still outside, doing some intoxicating things with a stranger who is going through the same pain as I am. I was sad because I didn’t get to meet my ex after almost weeks of talking online. I wanna apologize to her with all the additional things that I’ve said in the process of me trying to fix it.

It’s not an excuse but I let the alcohol control the words that are coming right out of my mouth. As I wonder the streets of cubao just thinking about her. I became the selfish person she says that I am. I begged her to come back to me to let me fix it, or else I’ll “end myself”. After going back to my normal state I immediately realized how selfish I was how she was right all the time. How could I do this her, she already experienced enough pain and I even hurt her more. There is no excuse to what I did, once again I unintentionally scarred the most beautiful angel I know.

The morning after was the worst. Once again, just when I was making amends to my sins to her I further pushed her away.

She told me she was moved by the things I've said on our call after the night I lost my phone. She told me she saw or heard rather the man she fell in love with by realizing my mistakes. She saw the light in me again.

But because of being too pushy and being stupid she drifted away from me even further.

 I am just so sorry.

K.J.D.P.

I don’t know if you will read this or not. But if you are, I understand if you don’t wanna see me anymore or at least for a while. I messed things up again, I took you for granted again, I became insensitive. I wasn’t aware you have your own problems too. I just wanted you to know I am so sorry for everything. 

I know you are furious and angry to me as of the moment, I don’t know when. But someday, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and start over again. I hope the light you saw on me when I called you after my other phone was lost will go shine in your eyes again one day.

I didn’t mean to throw everything away, I promise starting today I’ll be a better individual. I just hope you can witness my transition.

*Photo not mine*

Months or years from now, I am still hoping we’ll have another shot. You did promise to give what we had another shot if the timing is right in the future.

In the mean time love yourself and focus on your career, that’s what you keep on telling me after everything.