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itstheghostofmypast · 8 months

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🌻Imperfections🌻

Draco Malfoy x (f)Reader (Hufflepuff)

Summary: Perfection is what defined those who were above the rest- yet, she could not be part of the perfection that defined him. Defined his society and very presence- defined her own family but not her. She was the imperfection within his world of perfection, the bright sun in his cool, pale blue sky. For even if she was the warm sun, he was nothing more than the silver moon- both destined to live in the same sky but never together.

Genre: Fluff, Angst

AU: NO VOLDEMORT - Plus Cedric is vibing, I'm sorry he's too precious.

Warnings: suicidal thoughts

Part- 4/?

Masterlist / Previous

28th September

I truly fail to understand how a parent cannot love a child. Is blood not to be thicker than water? A being stronger than a name or title, perhaps these were all metaphoric beliefs passed down by a delusional fool, for my family has, and always will, prove to me that my birth is a sigil of shame on the insignia of our family. A birth that only exists for the family archives, in a file locked away behind the vault.

It is only worsened by the letter I had received today- letters actually, though one hurt me more than the other. Mother really is a work of art. I feel like the only bright side of today was meeting Draco. A bit weird- a few screws too tight but he's alright.

Scoffing at the conclusion, he flipped the page, "Like she's any better."

29th September

I have a feeling that I'm going insane. I've done so much, and tried so hard, but that same nightmare keeps haunting me. The moment my head hits the pillow it starts to manifest around me. One minute I'm up in the skies and the next I'm falling and falling and falling.

1st October

I think I've got it, maybe I've been dreaming of falling off the astronomy tower, maybe because I sit so close to the edge. Draco told me to move too- could be it. Sometimes, perhaps, more often than just some, I do wonder if I were to tip-off. What if the only way to end this curse would be to do

Frowning at the statement he flipped over the page, to find a new entry. Why did she stop, what was the cure? Wait, so there was a way to end the curse- but then again, he didn't know what the curse was in the first place. She just assumed it was the fact that she was a Puff- but technically that's not a curse. Well, it is in its way- but not the hex kind. Maybe if he dug into it a bit- no wait, what was he thinking, not only had he made it clear to her how the two were from two different worlds, but she most probably could not even stand listening to his name, let alone have a whole conversation with him- especially one that revolved around such an unpleasant topic. Sighing he flipped onto the next entry.

3rd October

Draco confuses me, at times I feel like we are friends, but only moments later I am reminded about my status, being put back in place. Like that day he was staring at me in class, I could feel it, and when our eyes met...it was like it was just us, no one around us, nothing stopping us- or perhaps I am but a foolish girl, my own heart has begun to play tricks on me. Or maybe I finally saw someone of the same air not judge me? Not belittle me or not look at me with pity. Then he was upset during practice like I was nothing more than a stranger to him, well, I do feel like he was not upset, but jealous, Zabini had come a bit too close for comfort, and if he had not pulled away the fool, I may have let my intrusive thoughts win, much to everyone’s displeasure- especially Cedric.

Why in the good name of Heaven must she mention that fool? Scoffing he scowled at the name, bloody bastard took most of her attention and time- creep needs to be put- wait, did she just? His eyes scanned through the paragraph once more, again, and again, so it was true then. Zabini was right, this sickening feeling of being choked into ecstasy was not a one-sided curse he was suffering, it was her too- well, probably not anymore, considering he had just been humiliated for the last time. He’d be lying if he were to say he felt any joy in doing so, once again, this was done for two reasons; to preserve his reputation and to keep her out of harm’s way. Only this little tactic had begun to take a toll on him, whether he would ever admit it out loud or not, she had slowly seeped into his being, the essence of his soul- his mind (much like now) had been racing with thoughts of her, his fingers would twitch at the subtle thought of her, or if he’d see her in the hallways, during the time of ‘abstaining from the puff’ as Zabini called it. He was itching to feel her warmth, to feel her soft palm against his cold, clammy ones, using her warmth to put an end to the blizzard that had frozen most of him. These thoughts were nothing more than thoughts though, no good came from acting on them, which is why he held back- in fact, he was surprised that he was able to hold back tonight when she was only a breath away before confessing, his brain had malfunctioned, fixated not on the argument but her lips, noting the slight quiver of her lip, wanting to feel them against his, that would explain how he hand ended up confessing, instead of saying something else, something that would have hurt her less. Perhaps, at the end of it all, he was just a hormonal teenage boy, wearing a cloak of pretence- a mere boy, with no self-control, or maturity; so, was he then, imperfect?

4th October

It disgusts me, no, it haunts me, these feelings, these things swirling inside me. I cannot get rid of them; I cannot get rid of him. I feel as if my own heart has it against me, pulling me towards what I can never have, people who will never love me. I fought with Cedric today, it was awful, I felt awful, especially if I consider our history, how he has been nothing more than readily available to pick me up whenever I fell. A part of me enjoys it, embracing it as some kind of love, such as finding a lost duck or an injured animal, one you only help bring back to its feet and then let go of it. Then I wonder if I am no different than a feral animal. Is that what I am to him? Is that what I am to my parents? Does Draco think of me in such a manner as well? Or perhaps I am a mere jester, he is keeping sound for his own amusement. I think of this, yet, I spent hours begging the same fool I fought with in the morning, begging him to give me the handbook for captains. What's funny is he knew, he knew why I wanted it, and while giving it to me he gave me that look. The last time he looked at me like that was when I almost- I mean I was about to do it. Can't anymore though, the grill is installed pretty well. Once again, it was sickening, watching him care for me, being upset over my actions. I had assumed Draco would have the same look when I handed him the book, no, he didn't. It was different, it made me feel different, like a prickling sensation, one that had my imprudent, immature heart struggling against my ribs, wanting to jump into his breast pocket, to be closer to his own.

Slamming the diary shut he sat up, his own hands covering his face, palms pressing against his warm buzzing cheeks. This may have not been a good idea, but she was so hard to read and the fact that she felt this way about him, his parents were never this excited to see him and then this random puff pixie fluttered into his heart. Sighing he slid off the bed, feet pressing against the cold floor, his body too warm for comfort, the enormous room felt like it was closing in on him. Grabbing his robes, he marched out, taking in deep breaths, he was going to do it. He was going to find the cure, he was going to fix this curse, perhaps only then could he be free to have her- even if she was a Hufflepuff. While on his journey up a flight of stairs, he realized how his muscle memory had led him to the astronomy tower once more, but the bubbling cluster of endorphins left no room for annoyance. That’s what surprised him even more, for months, no almost years, he had been wrapped in the claws of every bitter feeling out there, and here he was, just thinking about her, he was willing to throw to waste the efforts of ignoring her for the past few months, impulsively jumping into a puddle of feelings, an unknown territory.

With a boom the door burst open, feet planting firmly on the floor as his eyes scanned the room, nearly missing the figure standing a bit too close to the edge. Closing the door behind him he walked in slowly, trying not to scare the person- her off, a flinch would have been enough for her to topple off. “Hey- get off from there.” He spat, wincing at his tone, really Draco Malfoy, use that tone with someone who is already at the edge, literally and metaphorically.

Flinching at the tone, her head whipped in his direction, what was he doing her? Bloodshot eyes meeting his, watching his expression morph into one that represented terror that is seen in the eyes of a lost child.

“Y/N”

“What…are you doing here?” she whispered, not moving an inch, standing still at her spot.

“I just wanted some fresh air and- get off, get off from there this instance, I- you-move!” stumbling over his words he moved closer to her, only to freeze when she turned back to look up at the sky, taking in a deep breath, closing her eyes, trying to savour the peace she had lost long ago.

“I’m so tired…I’m going to fix this once and for all, so leave.”

“WAIT!”

Sighing at his tone, she opened her eyes, staring ahead. “I’ve never liked the night, it’s dark, I’ve always been afraid of the dark. It’s so quiet you can hear the thoughts of your thoughts, do you know, the lake over there, you can’t go there at night. They have creature patrolling around it, and even if you do make it to the water, they have night watchers in the water. I tried it you know.” With an empty chuckle she pointed ahead, not that he was looking at it, he was far more bothered for her safety, slowly inching closer to her, “But I’ve yearned for it, the darkness, I realised long ago, that this was the only way, but those bloody fools pulled me to the surface before I could fully embrace the cold.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I am terribly sorry, I was wrong, it was wrong and selfish of me.” Whispering he stood a few steps away, “But I promise I’ll help you find the cure and then we can-“

“THIS IS THE CURE YOU FOOL!” turning around in rage, she almost lost her footing, somewhat glad she wouldn’t be facing her end like that, confrontation was never her strong suit, not was looking at the face of her problems, who knew the person who loved to fly across the skies was willing to fall down from grace within the same space.

Never in his life had he moved quicker, perhaps not even in the field, not while playing against Potter, not while running away from his fears, but for her, at that very moment, he realised he would face death itself, fight it with his bare fists, just to keep it away from her. For once he was glad his mind let his body run on autopilot, no argument, no debate or pondering about the pros or cons, but a quick flip of a switch had led him to grip her wrist, jerking her towards him, her body colliding on top of his. The persistent ringing in his ears slowly faded away, trying to rearrange his thoughts he slowly blinked up at the ceiling, his arms tightening around the shivering figure pressed into him, a hand pressed against the back of her head, forcing her to let it all out, pressing her face into his shoulder. He was unsure of wear he had picked up on this, never really one to receive comfort in such a physical manner, let alone provide it to someone else, but once again, she wasn’t just someone else. His other hand gently stroked her back, and slowly it began to piece together, the grills at her window, the disappointment of Cedric, this wasn’t just a one-time occurrence, how could he have missed the signs? He was reading her diary, but was so caught up in his own little emotions like a little school girl that he had not been able to take in the bigger picture, what she had assumed was the solution was not beneficial for her, but for others around her, her family. What kind of twisted lunatic would come up with such a solution? He understood the whole notion of being selfless, but this was not an act of selflessness, it was mere stupidity, why was she to suffer for the lack of tolerance and abundant ignorance her family possessed? Why was she being punished for being herself? Who were they to punish her for something she had no control over? At this point he wondered if the curse was her being a Hufflepuff or being born in a family of bigots.

“Draco?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can you- I mean, can I- umm…”

“I’m still very upset with you.”

“I know but I-

“What.”

Lifting her head up she stared at him, eyes puffy and a nose as red as a cherry, cute- until she placed her hands on either side of his head, watching a faint blush spread across his face. “I know you like me, but skipping to third base isn’t my style.” With that she pressed herself against him ever so slightly, causing him to shift uncomfortably, slowly pushing her off until she way laying beside him, staring at the same spot on the ceiling with him.

“You’re insufferable.”

“You’re the first person I’ve met who says that but doesn’t let me di-

“Shut up.” Turning his head to glare out her he growled, “I swear upon my own life if you ever try to pull something like that again or even think of it, I’ll” pausing for a moment, trying to think of a threat, “…I’ll…do something.”

“I’m sure you will.” Following his movement she met his eyes, “thank you.” Their words slowly turning into hushed whispers, subconsciously moving closer to one another.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“I umm…kind of found your diary.”

“…”

“I’m so sorry, I- I couldn’t help myself from reading it.”

Sighing she looked away, choosing to look back up at the ceiling once more, trying to hide her flushed face, clearing her throat, “It’s…okay.”

“In my defense, your expression of writing is beautiful.”

“We don’t have to talk about it.”

“You’re phrasing and choice of words is immaculate.”

“Okay. We really don’t have to talk about it.”

“I have similar feelings towards you but I was unable to decipher them, but you, no the way you expressed it all-

“And we’re done for the night, thank you very much, I’d like you to” instantly sitting up she dusted off her robes, “return it to me tomorrow, like a good boy.” Eyes darting to his laying figure, noticing the smile that had graced his lips, not one of the small one’s she had seen before, no this was different. It was one of those boyish smiles, wide and cocky, you’d read about in teen romance novels, those sappy things you’d keep under your bed, one that had the girl’s heart leaping with joy, much like hers did at the sight.

“Or we could,” standing up, much taller than her he peered down at her curious gaze, “burn it together. Write something else, something new, something better.” His hand slowly reached for her face, fingers grazing over her warm cheek, trying to keep the urge of kissing her at bay, “What do you think?”

“I’d like that.” Her words but a whisper, too focused on watching him slowly lower to her level, hovering a mere breath above her face, the puffs of their breath mingling together, “Can I…” his eyes flickered to her lips then back at hers, waiting for her approval, one he’d thought she’d readily give him; he was Draco Malfoy after all and on top of that she did like him- as was proven in many pages of her diary.

“Earn it.”

“Thank- excuse me?” He squawked as she gently pushed him away, licking her lips, teasing him- he was sure of it, as she walked towards the door, turning to give him one last look before leaving, closing the door behind her.

“Earn it, Draco Malfoy, can’t write the climax before settling in with a few establishing chapters.”

Oh, he was in one hell of a ride.

A/N: Well, this took forever. Honestly, I wrote several chapters but nothing clicked, finally wrote something which seems decent enough. I hope you all like it- dw the next one is pure fluff.❤️ If you want to be part of my tag list please fill the form on the Navigation Post❤️ (I've tagged a few people who aren't tagged, so I'm not sure why this happened)

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