#I've crushed so many people's dreams and at least once a week someone tells me I'm destroying the only way someone can feed their families

[ordinarytalk]

The plan is to stay in this hell job until I get public service loan forgiveness but damn if I'm not having a month that's making me consider just quitting right now and having all $50,000 of that debt fall right on my head just so I don't have to be here one single solitary second longer

[joy-drops]

this mf long so don't tell me i didn't warn u

been in a rut for over a year

something something autistic burnout

idk the cause or the solution

just trying to survive each day as best i can

easier said than done when everything that brings me joy (ha) is behind a pay wall

that's capitalism baby~

found out fauna is going to the only anime convention i can attend on a reasonable budget.... but im already so broke....

I'd shell out the cash (debt) if it meant guaranteeing a spot at the meet and greet but they might not release info until too late when plane tickets are unaffordable ;_;

i wanna look forward to something because sustaining my sanity on retail therapy and getting high definitely is losing its effectiveness

brain always returns to the loneliness. i know its crippling but how much of my struggle is from that and how much is from my disability... they're both invisible which makes it hard to tell

would having a partner help that much? my gut tells me yes since ill have motivation to live if i have someone to share existence with but that feels like putting all my eggs in one basket and setting myself up for an unhealthy relationship

i like to think i won't fall down that path of toxic codependency like i have in the past tho im not crazy confident based on my track record

Which reminds me I've realized how appealing polyamory sounds to me but I'm terrible in groups I feel like I'd be overwhelmed with more than 3 (including myself) tho who knows what can happen

REGARDLESS i guess i gotta talk to people and make friends since i am incapable of socializing with the intention of dating (trust issues yippee)

i wish i had a crush at the very least. i bring this up often but i fucking miss the feeling of legitimate interest and attraction towards someone

How do I meet someone, become comfortable enough with them, and ultimately find a partnership that satisfies my insane desires???? maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse? Tackling too much at once? Something like that...

Imma be real the only reason I'm active on here is another mechanism to cope with this loneliness (akin to listening to asmr for instant happy brain juice + with the added benefit of "putting myself out there")

My strange fantasy that I'll meet people on here like I did years ago and magically hit it off

AAAAAAUGGHHHHH how did I do it back then it seemed so easy what happened to my social skills (trauma, probably)

How is it I work 2 days a week and am still drained constantly? when will I be free from sleepy bitch syndrome? it's like I've been running on fumes for the past year WHEN WILL I HAVE THE WILL TO LIVE AGAIN

i miss having someone to talk to frequently about everything

i have my besties but unfortunately knowing there's no sexual or romantic attraction there makes it hard for me to get past these barriers?? Is that weird? I wanna be able to be intimate with someone and close but for me that's intrinsically tied to sex and romance. I'm overflowing with platonic friendships to the point where I had to cut off a bunch and leave many people I care about hanging because I simply have no energy to exist anymore

I've been doing my best each day but it only gets harder

The only thing I have energy for is getting high and living inside the fantasies my brain can muster as a means to cope with how lonely I am

I dream of being hugged, of someone touching me, of being accepted for all my flaws and reassured that my existence isn't shameful. I live for the day these might become reality

Since as long far back as highschool I've yearned for intimacy

Physical intimacy specifically since the most I've done is hold hands and lil cute things like that I CRAVE SKINSHIP UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE

Anyway if anybody made it this far hi feel free to confess ur undying love 2 me

[xinambercladx]

Dreams are rough sometimes.

The one I had last night was... doomful. There just was this unshakable sense of dread. It started off as if I was at one of those comic book conventions... but not really? Maybe it was a halloween festival. It was night and there were festival like decor around, with orange lanterns and booths for throwing rings on bottles. The festival was half-hearted. It was a distraction from the rising tensions over the Government's latest radical movements... and no one was happy about it. I ran into various friends I've had over the years. Then two different guys show up.

One was someone I had been interested in once. I'll call him Chris. I thought he had been interested in me too a couple years back, but when I made myself... available, and I gave him plenty of signs letting him know I liked him, he... retreated and ignored me. To see him show up was both disappointing and... confusing. Somehow he had heard I had a crush on Cad Bane. And he cosplayed as Cad Bane. It wasn't the best costume, but at least his 3D printed LL30's were perfect af. He fumbled around but again, retreated and never asked me out. Maybe he sensed my anger. Now you're chasing me? When I no longer have a thing for you?? The second guy (Let's call him Jack) was someone I knew during college. We were buds at the time. We hung out a lot. For some reason, he had also dressed up as Cad Bane. Jack always did have a thing for trench coats, now that I think back. He wasn't romantically interested like Chris, but his ego was.. well... let's say he was in love with himself, and he fancied himself as the badass bounty hunter. I rolled my eyes and simply said, "No... you'll always be a final fantasy guy. Like Vincent. Putting on a mask won't change who you are on the inside. Don't kid yourself."

Jack refused to accept that, as if dawning the look of a badass bounty hunter would empower him in some way. "No. I'm tellin' ya," he said in his New Orleans accent. "Just you wait." Leave it to Jack to ruin himself like he ruined his marriage, I thought. Maybe if you paid her as much attention as you do your costumes it wouldn't have ended so poorly. He always had a bad habbit of putting all his energy into things that ultimately didn't matter, as if the fantasy world was more important that real life. I wonder what that says about me, having dreamed all that. The evening fun ended, and the wind was hot, rising from the desert burnt pavement. I started walking home. In the crowds, I heard a boom. It was far away, but there was no mistaking how loud it was, as if a mountain fell. "What was that?" I asked, wide eyed and searching the distance. A woman replied gravely, "The Station. The military is coming." The Station. It was the first of the land-based aircraft carriers. The crowds became uneasy. "I thought the troops weren't coming until next week," someone said. "Since when does the Government tell the truth?" Another replied. The next morning the booms were much louder. The people who overcame their dread gathered to the edge of the city. Off in the desert, far too large for the road, a mass of steel loomed like a giant beatle. If an aircraft carrier and a tank had been kit-bashed together and then given legs... well. That's what I saw. It wasn't an AT-AT by any means. There was nothing elephant or likeable about it. It was a moving air base, nothing more. America was being occupied by it's own military. Ours just happened to be the first of many cities. Rumors were all we had to go on as to why it was happening, why the citizens were no longer trusted with their own safety or to run their own lives. Freedom was at an end and now we saw it coming with our own eyes. Ahead of the monstrosity were thousands of troops, America's own sons and daughters. They walked towards us through the desert like a monsoon dust storm. How the military would go along with this change in policy was baffling. Apathy was the worst kind of hatred. It was a self hatred. What else could it be? I stood there a long time watching the advance. I wanted to see their eyes, I think. When the troops were close enough, I found that I couldn't. All their eyes were covered in sunglasses. No-eye contact. No windows into their souls. ----------------- This dream has been bothering me all day. What the hell is it suppose to mean? I'm afraid of looking up any dream-interpretations. I know my subconscious is trying to make sense of my waking world, maybe trying to warn me of things as it always does. I just don't want to listen to this one. I'm scared.

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

The Night of the First Mistake

Sequel to

Synopsis: pre X-orcist, almost a year after Nightmare's death, Dream is still not on top of his grief and causes him to resort to desperate measures.

Tw mentions of death/dead loved ones.

X-orcist au belongs to me and @zu-is-here

Dreams, Demons and Desires is by me.

Enjoy

Almost a year had past since he'd last seen Nightmare. The skeleton couldn't say he had mourned him, but the news of his death had been unfortunate to say the least. Who could have seen someone like Nightmare dying in such a preventable way? Not him, that's for sure.

He was a friend... Or at least a friendly acquaintance, clearly he'd not been quite close enough to Night's inner circle to be invited to the funeral. He'd never even met Night's brother. Despite that, the news of his parting had deeply saddened him and every so often, he thought of him with a sigh.

A good customer and a good person.

This evening, Nightmare played at his thoughts again, probably drudged up by the anniversary of the accident approaching, he hadn’t meant to make note of the day, but he had. a few weeks would be the anniversary of the day he heard the news. 

He thought back to a year ago, a few weeks before his death. The words he’d said about his brother and the increasing frustration about his sinful thoughts. Killer didn't judge him for such feelings, he was no stranger to sin.

Other then that, there was nothing at all strange about this night.

Tonight, just like any night, he was in his shop and the counter. It was a cold October and pretty soon he'd be closing up.

It was dark and chilly in his shop and had a strangely pungent smell, which hit the moment you walked in. A mix of crushed herbs and spices, old books and stale coffee.

An old set of scales sat on the counter top in front of him, as did a till, several glass jars and containers and a large collection of dirty coffee mugs.

Behind him there was a large book case full of many strange books. Ones with faded titles, ones with thick leather bindings, some with large strains spreading across the covers or pieces missing. If you asked him, he'd liked to have said that he'd read all of them... But there were a few he hadn't. He wasn't much of a reader outside of this collection.

As he nursed yet another cup of coffee from the café next door, he tapped his slender skeleton fingers on the counter top. He was bored.

With a glance at the clock, he decided today that he could close up early. It was his shop after all, he made the rules. A small collection of trinkets and charms hung around his neck and clinked together against his old coat, as he got to his feet.

Just as he prepared to take today's earnings from the till to count it, he heard the door and a jingle of the shop bell, indicating someone had entered.

He set an empty eye socket in their direction as they froze, looking nervous.

The person was new, but also something about them was strangely familiar. After scanning them for a moment, his face twisted into a sly smile upon realising who the new comer could be. He turned his face to them fully, staring his pitch eyes right through them. They tensed, which amused him slightly.

"well hello Little Light.... How may I help you"

Dream seemed taken back slightly by the pet name. It wasn't something he was used to. His hands fused with the fastening on his coat.

"uhh Hello.....I’m..... Uh.."

The shop keep chuckled again. Such nervous behaviour wasn't something he saw often from his customers. Looks like it was going to be an interesting night and to think, he was going to close up.

"nervous Lil light?"

Dream once again tensed and shuddered slightly.

"Please.... Don't call me that" he stammered slightly before taking a breath "My name is Dream"

The shop keepers grin got even wider and it made a chill run up Dream's spine. There was something extremely unnerving about this skeleton. Maybe it was the emptiness of his eyes or the strange carvings around them, but Dream was sure that it was more then that.

The atmosphere of the shop was very unsettling and kind of cramped in Dream’s opinion. There were many trinkets, stones, crystals and small animal bones stacked neatly on the shelves. It was this, along with bags of salt and bundles of sage and garlic, that reassured him he was in the right place for what he needed. 

"Dream huh?.... Thought so" he said in a low tone "I'm so glad to finally meet you"

The nervous shifting of his hands continued, as Dream once again tensed even further. He was acting friendly, but it still felt ever so slightly...off.

"h-how do you know me?"

"I knew your brother and I'd recognise that pendant I sold him anywhere" he said, with his eyes looking at Dream's chest.

Dreams fingers quickly shot to the star charm hanging from his neck, and gripped it tight. Looks like this was the right place.

"Not to mention there's your golden eyes" he  continued, shifting his gaze straight into Dream's eye sockets. It was strange how Dream knew where he was looking, even without eye lights.

"he often talked about them......He was right when he said they were very beautiful if I do say so myself~"

Dreams face blushed slightly, but he felt a familiar twist in this chest at the mention of Nightmare and a sinking feeling when he was reminded how Night felt about him. His brother had often complimented his eyes.....

He'd just never really understood it was more then brotherly affection. At least until now.

"I.... Uh" Dream said before clearing his throat "You're Killer.... Aren't you?"

Flexing his fingers, Killer nodded. The grin didn't leave his face.

"looks like my reputation proceeds me"

Dream let go of his necklace and a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "I thought it might be you.... Based off something he wrote in his diary".

Before Night's accident, Dream had never even considered reading his diary. That was just a basic code of conduct. However, after his death, it became something Dream had often thought about. The diary, and everything else Nightmare owned, now belonged to him. For that reason he'd taken the book out of Nightmare's room.

However, he'd just kept it on his bedside table for almost a year before he finally had the courage to read it.

It had mostly been a fond look over some old memories, some good and some bad. But there were also passages about his feelings for Dream, sometimes written confessions addressed him. Every word was full of truth, longing and pain. Dream had felt it all.

Those had been hard to read, but he'd not skipped a single page and read them each through several times.

Nearer the end of the book, Nightmare had started talking about his interest in the supernatural. Dream remembered his twin getting fascinated in that and spending long evenings talking with him about it over tea and biscuits.

One thing Dream hadn't known about, where his trips to the next town over, where he wrote about finding this shop and the shop keep. This had been where the interest started. It was this that had lead Dream to come here.

"right..." Killer said, downing what was left in his coffee mug and setting in on the counter top.

"well.... What can I help you with?"

Yeah.. Nightmare had written that Killer was always one to cut to the point. Dream knew that what he was going to ask sounded insane and he wasn't even fully sure if Killer was the right person to ask. But at this point he was desperate, he just needed to know. With his grip returning to his brothers pendent, he remembered who he was doing this for.

He took a deep breath.

"Can you bring people back from the dead?"

Killer didn't react visibly to that. But he drew out a long silence. After a little Dream was sure he saw his jaw clench. The silence was completely deafening, broken only by the sound of Killer's fingers tapping the counter top. Dream figured that he was probably struggling to think what to say. After what felt like a life time, he spoke.

"I specialise in charms and equipment for preventative measures to stop spirits inhabiting homes....I do not....." he paused

"I don't try and bring the dead to the living realms".

Dreams face fell. He really shouldn't have been so disappointed, it was a crazy ask. But with the way Killer spoke and what he sold in the shop, he'd felt so close to what he wanted. But maybe it really was just impossible.

He felt tears threatening to spill, he just couldn't take all this guilt anymore. All he wanted to do was tell his brother he was sorry. That night. That kiss. That dam horribly wonderful kiss...and that car. 

"however...." Killer continued.

Dream felt hope flush through at those words and stood up slightly straighter. Killer turned his back to dream and started looking over the bookshelves behind the counter.

He didn't say a word, as Dream curiously watched him. He ran his thumb across the spines of several of the oldest and most dusty looking of them, eventually plucking out a large leather bound book with silver straps.

He walked back over, blowing dust off it as he did, and set it down on the counter with a light thud. The cover was extremely dusty and the leather was cracked and split in several places, yet the title still read fairly clearly and Dreams felt his heart skipped a beat.

The Practice of a Necromancer. Vol one of three. Summoning, Controlling and Banishing.

"I've not read this one fully, but it's been in my collection for years.... I suppose this would be the right place to look"

With that, he slowly opened the book and very carefully started to turn its pages. The paper was completely yellowed and clearly very fragile. There were no photographs, only hand done drawings of various items and also what looked like people, but with strange and uncanny faces. There were also other frightening images that Dream was trying not to look at.

Killer eventually stopped and ran his finger across a page.

"ah ha" he said "to summon a spirit into the living world"

He read over the text for a moment, as Dream watched impatiently. Killer knitted his non-existent eyebrows and narrowed his eyes.

"this stuff sounds overly complicated to me..... so I guess I'm not sure really"

But Dream didn't really seem to be playing much attention to Killer's words now. He was so desperately trying to read the text upside-down. Reading was something that Dream always struggled with anyway, so reading upside down would be near impossible. He reached forward to try and pull the book to him.

But he jumped back in surprise as Killer slapped his hand across the book, sending some dust into the air.

"now now now not so hasty Lil Light" he said returning back to a sweet tone, as he said the a pet name that made Dream's toes curl.

In his haste Dream had forgotten that this was a shop, not a library, so of course he wouldn't just hand it over.

The smaller skeleton knew that the book was probably pricey so it's not like Killer would just let him have it. It was clearly very old and Dream worried that he wouldn't have enough for it, but if he had to pay all the money he had to buy it. He would.

Reaching inside of his pocket, Dream pulled out a bundle of paper money and placed it on the counter and next to the book. Killer looked at it for a moment, before he took it and counted how much money was in the bundle. He ran his fingers across the notes, looking as if he was very tempted and contemplating his next move.

But then, much to Dream's disappointment, he put it back down on the counter.

"I don't want your money dream... That's not what I meant"

An unhappy wine left Dream's mouth, as Killer proceeded to hand his money back to him. Just as he was about to ask why, Killer cut him off.

"it's not for sale"

"but what if I just borro-

"or for rent or loan"

Dreams soul twisted. This felt so Incredibly unfair. He wasn't ever one to really get angry or feel hatred for people. But why had Killer gotten this book down if he didn't intend to sell it? Was he just trying to mess with him?

It was that moment that he wasn't sure he really liked Killer all that much.

He sighed.

"h-how come? Can I do anything to change your mind?"

Killer sadly shook his head.

"Dream....... I like to read the stuff for research purposes not for a practical use"

Dream opened his mouth to object, but killer silenced him.

"and I don't care what you say... but I don't think you're just interested in the topic"

Dream tried very hard not to show disappointment on his face, but of course Killer picked up on it. It upset him that his intentions were so easy to guess. Then again he'd opened with 'can you bring people back from the dead'.

He really should have asked in a different way. Feeling like an idiot, he tried to say that he wasn't intending to use the book in practice. But Killer once again shook his head.

He stood up slightly and gave Dream a sympathetic look, or a sympathetic as he could make it through his cold eyes.

"look....I know you miss him and that's ok I've lost people myself to" he said in a uncharacteristically gentle tone, which sounded fake. 

Dream looked at his feet.

"but the dead need to be left dead. Trying to bring them back never ends well, Nightmare wouldn't want you to get hurt trying to help him"

Dreams eyes stayed fixed on the floor, not wanting to look at killer any longer. He didn't want him to see him cry. He didn't want to look like a baby. Just as he was going to try arguing again, behind him he heard the shop door open and the bell ring

He looked back at Killer seeing he'd straightened up.

"K-killer...." came a soft but slightly panicked voice.

Curiously, Dream looked over his shoulder at the source of the voice. It was another skeleton stood by the door.

In all his life, Dream had never seen someone look to tired. They seem to be slightly younger then Dreams age but it was hard to tell how much. Their appearance was clearly young, but the huge bags under their eyes aged their face several years. The most notable thing about them was that their eye lights where small, indicating that they were on edge.

They were wearing a oversized cream knitted sweater and had a maroon scarf decorated with a paw print pattern tide around their neck. They fiddled with it as their eyes a looked at Killer and then to Dream.

From where he was, Dream could also see them wearing several of the necklaces and charms that Killer a sold, as well as a few layers of bandages around their arms.

Killer hastily exited from behind the counter and approached them.

"Hey Cappuccino......." he said, trying again to sound soft.

Ccino wasted no time in burying his head to Killers chest and wrapping his arms around him.

In response, Killer stumbled slightly and looked momentarily taken back and very uncomfortable. After a moment he sigh, before gently placing an hand on his back.

"hey.....it's ok ya wimp... I'm guessing they're back right?"

Ccino simply nodded, Killer sighed.

"Dream can you show yourself out? I've got to take care of this, we're closing anyway. I'm sorry I couldn't help you better"

As Killer attempted to comfort the shaking skeleton, Dream turned his attention back to the book in front of him. It was just within his reach, the page was tantalising.

It was so clear, a set instructions of the exact thing he'd need to do to reach his goal. 

Killer's warning played in his mind. 

But he knew what he was doing right? It was his brother, what did Killer really know about what Nightmare would have wanted. He didn't know how.... Close... They were. At least he thought he knew.

It was a split second choice.

As Killer continued to try and comfort his companion, he saw Dream hastily exit the shop without saying another word. He stared at the door.

It didn't feel right. 

He narrowed his eyes and stepped back from Ccino slightly.

"hang on"

He walked back to the counter and was relieved to see that the book was still there, however a moment later he noticed something else that make him freeze and curse under his breath.

"what's wrong?" Ccino asked, walking up next to him.

Killer didn't answer and instead picked up his book and looked at it closely to confirm what he saw. When he saw he was right, he near growled.

"Killer?" Ccino asked not seeing the problem.

"look....."Killer said quietly.

He ran his finger down the spine where the pages joined together. Once you looked closely you could see the remnants of torn paper sticking out.

"he took the page"

references coming soon.

[notfeelingthyaster]

Imagine (based on the incomplete fanfic Son of the Underworld) (Son of Hades! Percy AU) (5/5) or (5/10)

Hey so, this is the last part of PJO - I follow into HOO, so before you read this, check on the masterpost - and read the warnings before proceeding :)) Good reading!

Annabeth comes to him, at the end of his fifteenth birthday party, and shows her Daedalus laptop. There's a document open in it, and it's labeled Achilles' Curse.

Percy doesn't read it - he hates reading, in any way or form or language - but she does, out loud.

"I'll think about it"

They have a year. Most of them, even those who aren't year-rounders, are going back to camp, to draw battle plans and stock on the armory.

He feels kinda selfish - for a whole five seconds before he remembers he'll probably die next summer, so he just shrugs it off - Percy deserves this year.

They all leave to go back to camp. Nico seems conflicted over something - but Perseus doesn't question it, there's enough bad blood between them.

Paola is really cool - and Sally really loves her. It's kind of bizarre at first, to see his Mom dating his teacher - and of a subject he hates - but Paola is calm and well-tempered and she laughs at his stupid ass jokes.

He visits Persephone afterward - and it really feels like he has three moms to fulfill his lack of a father - well, he is absolutely grateful for the women in his life.

Percy isn't truly in good terms with his father. The man doesn't really seem to care much for him as a person - he is much more of a trophy son.

Perseus loathes being a trophy son, but at least he has someone to help with his powers - not something a lot of half-bloods can claim.

So he goes back to school with Rachel, and they pretend everything is normal. He tells her about his quests - all three of them. He thinks she understands him better now.

He opens up to her. Tells her about Annabeth - the adrenaline-fueled kiss - and Rachel stops talking with him for a week.

She apologizes when she comes back. She needed to figure some things up - firstly, the redhead tells him she is probably asexual - and maybe aromantic too, but she is not certain because the internet wasn't really clear about that.

Then Rachel confesses that she is not jealous of him in a romantic way - she is envious of his friendship with Annabeth. Percy is her first genuine friend that really appreciates her.

This is the first grudge Perseus lets go for real before it even takes place - Rachel didn't leave him because of teenage drama, she ignored him out of confusion. Everyone is allowed space - he knows this better than anyone.

They don't kiss anymore. Not because Rachel doesn't like it - no, she is all for it - but because Percy is starting to think kisses should mean something - he is saving them.

They kiss once - when Rachel father calls for the first time this year - not to ask about her, but to tell Rachel he found this amazing all-girls school. To Percy, kisses mean comfort.

They cuddle a lot, though. These past few years of fear have made Percy very touch-starved.

It's sophomore year - and Percy is in five AP classes: Macroeconomics&Microeconomics, Statistics, Calculus AB, Physics 1, and Comparative Government and Politics.

He is planning on taking both AP Computer Science classes, Psychology, Physics 2, and Calculus BC next year; leaving only Electricity&Magnetism, Mechanics, Chemistry, and World History for his senior year.

If he lives, he is working on a tight schedule here. He doesn't know what he wants yet - and if he is in constant danger, it's already pretty lucky he can do high school - but probably something with Math.

Rachel says fourteen AP courses are ambitious - that he'll burn out. But math comes to him easily enough - it's in his blood.

She is also overworking: She is taking AP Environmental Studies, Art History, Drawing, 2-D Art and Design, and English Literature and Composition.

They complete each other. Rachel is planning on taking as many Art, History, and English courses as she can - he is taking as many Physics, Math, and Science as he can handle.

(She is also going to take on Japanese studies for some reason - probably for her GPA, but Perseus just teases her that she is getting too invested in anime)

Perseus doesn't care about languages anymore - the only languages that matter to him are C++ and JavaScript now.

They study together, they take naps together, they climb to the roof together, they flee school to visit Sally together - he is the Pinky to her Brain, the Scooby to her Shaggy, the Lois Lane to her Superman, the Robin to her Batman.

They look like troublemakers - They are honor roll students, but she is always with ripped pants dirty with paint, and he is always full of flowers everywhere, even in his muddy converses - a cliche to kill all cliches.

They're both nerds - he is the classic one, all polo shirts now, the first chair for every number-related class - and she is the artsy one - there's a brush behind her ear and her hair is so messy that half the time it covers her face.

Paola gifts him a pair of cheap frames without lenses once - saying it adds to the aesthetic - he totally uses them.

Persephone just makes him flower-crowns, and giggles when he matches them with his polo shirts.

When winter comes, he goes back to his hoodies and sweaters and gloves - to find out he doesn't miss them a lot.

Rachel introduces him to polaroids - and they look eerily pretty in the winter, her hair looking like blood spilling over the snow - and he loves it.

If he survives - he can feel Rachel slapping him - when he survives, his college credits will be remarkable. The idea of doing SATs makes him want to cry - reading always does - but he'll get somewhere good - he knows it. Perhaps Stanford. Or NYU. Or the dream of his life, MIT.

He is living his life to the fullest - he starts reading comic books, he gets really (really) into Tony Stark once Iron Man 1 comes out (even if he has to kill at least three monsters just to go to the movies), he plants trees and Rachel starts teaching him how to play her ukulele - but half his mind is still on the upcoming war.

Christmas vacation comes - and he goes to visit Camp Half-Blood, before heading back to his mom. It's quite memorable, if only by the fact that Nico Di Angelo freaking betrays him.

He tells Percy to come to the Winter Solstice with him. Most of the campers are not going - the war effort is in an all-time high - but Percy has never gone before. Hades will be there - it'll be great!

Perseus should absolutely be less surprised with the outcome - seeing that Nico is inviting him in Cabin 1, post-dinner, and they don't even stop to talk to Chiron about it.

But Percy goes. Because Percy wants to make amends.

There's no time to really talk to anyone. They travel in Blackjack for the Empire State Building - and it's fine.

They go up to Olympus, Nico shows him everything in the god's land, the temples are a work of art, if not kind of old, and the meeting is kind of okay, even if the gods are squabbling children.

Then the gods leave, and Perseus thinks they're leaving too.

"My father needs a word with you"

Perseus feels the betrayal claw on him. There are no shadows in the white hall, there's no way for him to escape. Nico looks apologetic - Percy wants to clock him in the face.

"He promised to tell me more about my mother" Nico pleads "He will tell me more about where I've come from. Please, Percy."

Nico is cute. He is, for a soon-to-be fourteen-year-old. But his pretty face and exquisite white eyes don't make him any less of a freaking liar. All his handsome male straight friends betray him - it's a worrying pattern now.

He muses for a second that they also all have a crush on Annabeth - gods, the blonde attract the worst types.

It's double-crossing - Percy ends up in an all-white cell that burns his retinas without any weapons because Zeus wants praise in the middle of this freaking war - doesn't matter if a hundred demigods die, if he only has the glory.

Nico ends up with barely any information - Zeus didn't promise anything. The god of the skies is a lying-ass motherfucker - literally.

And Zeus justifies it - He says Perseus is a criminal because he awakened Typhon. So Hephaestus issues a quest so he can save a hundred demigods, he destroys a powerful titan weapon of doom, and he is the villain? Sure, Jan.

Perseus writes this grudge in his heart - that's where trust will take you. To a cell. Betrayed by a "friend". Again.

He flinches when Nico comes into his cell, pins him to the wall and promptly begins to try and strangle him. He wants to melt in the boy's shadow - to go and never give him a chance to explain - but he looks so guilty Percy waits for his repentance.

The son of Zeus saves him, but Perseus is still pissed off. The god of thunder has threatened to kill him off at least two times now, what is to say he wouldn't have killed off Percy for the sake of glory?

He half hopes Zeus had killed him off. The war is close, too close - Nico wouldn't be the Prophecy's child. There would be no child. Olympus would fall - and Percy would have seen it all from his very comfortable couch in Elysium.

He wants Kronos gone - but he kind of wants Olympus to fall with the Titan.

Nico flies him down to the Earth - the elevator is monitored. Zeus has left, like many others - not to bother with the war effort against his main enemy, but to go to the human world mess with people.

Some gods are doing something - He has heard from Annabeth that Artemis is leading the widest hunt ever, with her brother by her side; Hermes (with Hephaestus help) is delivering Celestial Bronze, other metals, old schematics and a whole lot of fuel to Camp Half-Blood every few weeks; Poseidon is fighting his own war, in the ocean; Dionysus is at Camp - and this time, he is really helpful with the battle formations; Demeter is on the Underworld - Chiron seems to think his father is preparing for war, but Percy sorely doubts it.

Percy is taking some people with him to Sally's Christmas dinner. Just Annabeth, Clarisse, Rachel, Connor, Travis, and Charles - people who don't have a present family to celebrate it with.

Grover is coordinating the dryads up in San Francisco with his second cousin, Gleeson Hedge - they are the first to fall if anything goes wrong in Mt. Othrys.

"I think you should stay." He tells Nico.

"You don't trust me anymore." It's not actually a question.

Percy doesn't trust the boy. Not at all - it's the third time he does something shady to achieve his ends based on emotional turmoil. But he is a good person - it's just his father's cursed temper and his grief.

"It's not that. You're needed for the war effort."

Both of them know it's a lie. Percy doesn't care - he deserves to be bitter a little longer.

Percy goes back home. Christmas is amazing - even if Rachel asks him where Nico is because he is talking about making amends with the boy for a while now.

He goes visit Persephone - but she is occupied, so he wanders through the Underworld after Bianca di Angelo - someone he, for some reason, never been able to reach. It's a pointless endeavor by now.

He finds her. Or else, he finds a shadow of her - she is blocked from his view. Bianca doesn't talk to him - they weren't close - but she guides him to a girl.

Her name is Hazel Levesque.

She seems lost - like most ghosts - but something in Percy calls for her. It's the color of her skin and the sparkle in her golden eyes - Hazel remembers him of himself.

He promises to visit more - even though he doesn't think she'll remember it - and leaves to go back to the surface - he will finish the sophomore year.

And Percy does. After a very distressing break, he is doing his best. His grades drop a little in English because he can barely focus - half his mind is on the war and Nico's betrayal and Hazel Levesque's golden eyes.

Miraculously, his GPA doesn't fall - he still is taking a ridiculous amount of AP classes, and barely has time to breathe - dark circles grow under his eyes, and he looks like a mess - but now he is a Junior.

That's why, as soon as the year ends, Rachel takes him on a road trip with Connor. They go all the way to Boston, then Portland, Quebec, Montreal, Ottawa, Syracuse, Baltimore, and Filadelfia, before going back to NY.

They are stopped five times by the police - because Percy is black, and it's Rachel driving the Camaro, because she has a learner's permit and Connor is, somehow, an approved license holder.

They are on a pier, enjoying the view of the beach. They did the last week alone because Connor wanted to go check on one of his cousins - at least, that's what he said, with an over-exaggerated wink that both Percy and Rachel ignored for the sake of their sanity.

She tells him about Clarion Ladies Academy - but that her father is at least mildly happy with her GPA this year, even if he disapproves of her Art focused AP classes. Percy thinks Mr. Dare would love him, with his APs on Economics and Politics, if only he was rich. And white.

This time, when Charles Beckendorf arrives in a Pegasus to tell him it's time, Rachel doesn't kiss him - she justs hugs him and makes him promise to call her.

Perseus doesn't go to the Andromeda Ship - he is needed in Camp. He is useless on the water - but they do need him to improve battle strategy.

Charles Beckendorf is dead. Thalia is the one to tell them - she was in her father's palace helping with a monster under her Lady's orders - he went on the mission alone.

Percy talks briefly with Beckendorf's ghost - is his worst developed power, and he can barely hold the "seance" for more than a few minutes. He does it with only Nico di Angelo for witness - the others are the way to close to the situation.

There's a spy passing information to Luke.

They look at him. Doesn't matter how much he does, he is always the first suspect - he is a son of Hades. He was friends with a lot of people on the other side. He was gone for a year and a half, who knows where.

Perseus wants to say that he has helped to save their asses four times now - that without him in the Labyrinth, they would all be dead right now - and that Charles was basically his older brother.

Then he points out he wasn't even here - he had no idea of any plans of anything - and he told him about the spy, so he is not the freaking spy, go point fingers at each other instead of him.

When they start yelling, he stops them - this is not the time, he was just angry at their accusations. They have to burn Charles shroud. Silena is inconsolable - Percy is not very far from it, but he is not a public crier. The last time he cried in public, Luke was dead on a cliff.

Percy speeds up the line for Elysium to Beckendorf - his brother deserves it.

They read the prophecy together - Perseus already read it last summer, he doesn't even care anymore. They look at him anxiously - no one has forgotten that he abhors most of the gods.

Clarisse and Michael Yew fight, but Lee Fletcher - with a mechanical arm built by Beckendorf himself, still re-learning how to shoot arrows and forever incapable of playing the guitar again (but the keyboard is not ruled out yet) - stops them: They can share the chariot. The war is more important - is not the time for petty fights.

Chiron shows them Typhon - and Perseus has a sliver of hope that they can destroy Kronos and be free of the gods at the same time - It's a horrible hope, because he loves Persephone and some of them are even okay sometimes, but he really wants Zeus to go to Tartarus for at least a century, so Perseus doesn't meet him again in this life.

But he also wants the gods to win, because there's a lot of dead people - innocents, people who have nothing to do with this war.

He dreams of Rachel. Rachel is painting Luke - and Percy wakes up crying, for the boy the gods took away.

Annabeth takes him aside and reminds him of Achilles' Curse. He is off to May Castellan's house - the last place Luke has been - for it's his best and only chance, its what Annie thinks. And she is scarcely wrong.

Perseus hates the gods. They wrecked a family - and for what? May Castellan - forever waiting for a son that will never come back, haunted by visions of his future, plates of burned cookies everywhere.

Perseus doesn't pity her - he rages against the gods, who brought madness upon this woman and then left her to it. Where was Apollo, the god of health? Dionysus, who is supposed to control mental health? Artemis, whose job is to protect women?

Hestia is kind - but she is still a goddess. She could've prevented this - but she hides in her hearth and abstains - and that's enabling. Hestia enables the other gods to do as they please, even when she is the oldest. She says they ignore her - oh well, she ignores them right back! He has no time for the laments of another all-powerful being.

So he goes to his mother and asks for her blessing. Then, just to be sure, he asks Persephone's too.

He thinks about his anchor - where does he want it to be in his body. He doesn't want somewhere in his back - where he can't see it - or in his gut - where anyone can stick a sword. He settles for the bottom of his back - where he can at least touch it and it's well protected by armor - and dives.

Perseus hates water - and he has an uncanny fear of drowning. He feels pain - everywhere, horrible pain.

His vision now doesn't have Annabeth's face - the blonde is his link to the demigod world, Persephone is his link to the Underworld and his mom is his link to childhood - but the person who grounds him is Rachel.

He is stronger. He feel his powers at his fingertips - Perseus feels the Underworld as a whole, and it's overwhelming.

Green flames explode from his hands. Flowers made of shadows curve around his ankles - he has been training since he was 12, but now his body can sustain all of his power. This is all his.

He goes meet with his father - Perseus manipulates him. He tells Hades he'll be the hero, but the god himself can be praised for more than being his father. That he should join the battle against Typhon - That's his chance of proving himself. Also, there's less paperwork for him if there are fewer dead people.

His father is amused with his blatant bribing, but he thinks about it, Percy can tell. In a way or another, he excuses himself and goes back to the surface where he is needed.

Persephone stalls him. She asks him to stay, just for this night. He can go back in the morning - he sleeps, and dreams of Rachel again, drawing in the sand. In greek.

He is scared for her - she is having demigod dreams, but she is mortal. Something is wrong.

Typhon is getting worse - and Kronos draws closer to NYC. It's time - he calls for Blackjack and leaves - Mrs. O'Leary, who has become more or less of a mother to his own hellhound, follows. Persephone promises to convince Hades.

They have about sixty campers able to fight heading for the Empire State Building, and five healers. The ones too young to lift a sword or string a bow stayed back at Camp with Argus - fifteen children between 5 and 9 years old.

Percy knows he looks different - he looks just like his father. He has gained a godly aura - he has no scars anymore, no imperfections. Perseus looms over all of them - he went from 5'7'' to 6'2'' - it's a weird view, from up there. It's still strange when they look at him with a mix of fear and admiration.

Perseus Jackson is officially their leader. He hates Olympus - but he will give his life to defend every single one of his demigods.

The vision Hestia shows him just makes him want to tear this throne room with his bare hands - Luke was a kid. He was a kid - and the gods corrupted him. Thalia was a kid - and the gods took her life, twice. Annabeth is still a kid - they all are - and she is here planning battle strategies.

Annabeth missed an extra year of formal education - while Percy is a Junior, Annabeth barely qualifies for a Freshman - because the gods took this from her too.

Percy rages. The ground of Olympus trembles beneath him - he wants to kill something.

Then Hermes appears - like this whole war is not his fault in the first place, the literal bastard - just to relay a message from Athena that gives them a plan that Annabeth was already putting into works and tells Percy to stay away from Annabeth.

Like she cares. Like Athena has ever, ever, done anything for Annabeth.

Perseus can't punch Athena, so he punches the messager (also, because he freaking guilt trips both of them about Luke). He has nothing to lose - he is going to die by the end of the day anyway, and they need him too much.

He has punched a god before - Ares, in a desert in the middle of Los Angeles - but this time, it's satisfactory. He feels good after it.

Hermes seems strangely resigned - He feels guilty about Luke too, but Perseus doesn't think it's enough. It'll never be enough, not while the gods leave their children to rot in a cabin of rejects and May Castellan bakes cookies for a son that will never come back.

Hermes leaves, ashamed. It's only fair, Perseus thinks. They all should be ashamed.

They see the city asleep - the prophecy is in the works.

Perseus executes their strategy - every cabin is covering a tunnel, with the exception of Dionysus, because Pollux is with the Demeter kids, and the Hecate kids stay behind to use spells to overlook the city. Lincoln Tunnel is getting covered by Ares - who, this time around, is actively participating.

The undetermined who didn't desert are with Hermes - and the minor god's children are divided by specialty - most Hypnos and Morpheus children follow him directly, but the two sons of Iris go with the Apollo Cabin.

Annabeth executes Plan 23, automatons, mounting on Mrs. O'Leary (who has strict orders to take Annabeth anywhere she wants without stopping to play around) - she doesn't need his help with this, and Percy has a tunnel to defend.

That left the rivers uncovered - until Thalia appears, with magical sand money, and made the rivers cooperate.

The hunters join the Aphrodite kids - who are half a dozen children between 11 and 19 - the oldest being Silena Beauregard, who uses a crossbow that looks exactly like her immortal half-brother's one.

His bridge is completely covered on skeletons - but no monster comes, even if he hears explosions. He leaves an English Lieutenant from the Battle of Yorktown in command of the bridge - with Tyene, the oldest daughter of Morpheus, to be in alert and don't let Clovis sleep through the battle. Because he did it before - and while it is funny, it can't happen right now.

Perseus mounts Blackjack - and go see where the noise is coming from. It's the Williamsburg Bridge - where are most of Apollo's Cabin.

They fight - and Percy almost cries when he sees Luke, who is not Luke anymore. Luke, who is a puppet controlled by Kronos.

Perseus kills the Minotaur and the weight of his stone spikes collapse the bridge - and Michael Yew dies. This time around, the bridge falls silently into shadows, and he doesn't bother about searching for the corpse - he saw the boy falling, and his screams will haunt all of them, forever.

This time around, Annabeth is not there to protect him - Ethan also doesn't try to kill him. The Son of Nemesis doesn't leave Kronos side for a second - but there's regret in his eyes.

After the bloodlust is gone, Perseus collapses - Will has to bride carry him back. Overuse of his powers - he summoned skeletons and produced shadows, melted enemy swords (with the bonus of incapacitating them without killing), and sprouted stone spikes everywhere - there's even a vine or ten that he used to hold his friends from falling.

Perseus doesn't sleep quickly enough to not hear the yell of anguish that comes from Lee Fletcher - the pain of losing a brother and not being able to fight beside him.

But he does sleep - and he dreams. He dreams of Hades killing Maria Di Angelo, not Hera, like Zeus told Nico. He dreams of Zeus cursing the Oracle - and he seethes, because he also sees what happened to May Castellan.

He keeps getting angrier and angrier at the gods - it's building inside of him. But his friends are still here, still fragile. He can't let them suffer more.

Perseus wakes up, checks on everyone - most everyone is either injured and/or exhausted, but he checks on every camper. He knows all of their names, their ages, their cabins. - and promises to sit up to talk with Thalia and Nico - war makes him prone to peace - and promptly goes back to sleep.

He dreams of Rachel. He wants to scream for her not to come: but she'll anyway.

Perseus dreams of a boy. He is his age - maybe a little younger. His hair is blonde and his skin is whiter - but Percy glances at his eyes, and there are waves in them.

There's a girl by his side - she is familiar to Percy, somehow. They're climbing a mountain.

The dream ends and Percy can't make heads or tails of it. He asks Thalia if she has a brother, but she says that she doesn't, looking wistful.

Prometheus is tempting - but he knows there's no Luke anymore, there's only Kronos. And the gods are horrible, vile and immature - but they never killed any of Percy's friends. Some of them died for the gods - but never by their hands, so for now, Perseus would toe the line.

He does want to punch Hermes again. He takes the Pythos - if everything goes wrong, he will not hesitate in going down for the sake of his friends - but there have been six deaths, and it's enough.

"Was it worth it?" He asks Ethan.

"Alabaster is alive" And it's all the answer Percy needs.

He dreams of Ethan and Alabaster. Alabaster is alive, yes, but he is missing half a leg - courtesy of Clarisse herself. Luke - Kronos - is indifferent, and Ethan curses the daughter of Ares - "The sword that took from us will take from you"

He contains Hyperion with his shadows. Then he helps Grover (who was half asleep, because of Morpheus) to make the Titan into a tree. It's a pomegranate tree - then he sets hellish fire to it and sacrifices it to Hades and Persephone.

A pig is in the sky - this time around, Annabeth and her frightening army of automatons kill it with Nico's help.

Perseus laughs - because Annabeth has about two hundred automatons under her command, Martin Luther King and Alexander Hamilton leading the charge with a giant bull being ridden by the Mad Hatter behind them.

It's weird to see historic figures Percy admires - like Jane Bolin, Sylvia Mendez, or Abraham Lincoln - fighting alongside people he downright despises - Thomas Jefferson and the goatfucker, herpes-ridden, Colombus. His Comparative Government teacher would have a field day.

Annabeth and Nico's pair up is amazing - They fight alongside like they have been doing it all life.

Nico is a force of nature, flying and commanding the winds to do his bidding - His eyes shine in the midst of the stormy clouds. His specialty is weather manipulation - he hasn't had much success with direct energy or electric discharges.

Annabeth has her mother's tenacity for war - and her clever mind for strategies. It's clear in her eyes - she is racking the weaker points of the Clazmonian Sow in her mind and destroying it. The automatons hold the pig in place - and she makes bacon of it.

Hercules couldn't do it. Nico and Annabeth can, because they have the power and the mind.

Perseus is still fighting off monsters - but they're too widespread, so they retreat to the doors of the Empire State Building.

Percy does a mental tally: of sixty-two campers, six are confirmed dead, twenty are injured and nine are out of commission on exhaustion. There should be 27 orange shirts here - but there's only twenty.

Percy wonders if the seven missing are injured, or dead, or under a pile of rubble somewhere with no one to help them. Is there someone being slowly eaten by monsters? Is there someone alone and injured and abandoned? He doesn't know.

He prays that those seven deserted them - at least that means they probably are alive and well.

Perseus looks at Phoebe's grief-stricken face, and he knows it's not probable - she had almost three dozen hunters with her, and now there's barely fifteen still fighting, Thalia nowhere to be seen.

They prepare for their last standing - Percy keeps conjuring skeletons, but they're no match for the sheer strength of the hyperborean giants. Nico is shoulder to shoulder with the Stoll brothers against a group of telkhines - Clarisse is bringing down a whole giant by herself.

After the Party Ponies save them - Chiron leads the charge against his own father, and Perseus is so proud of his mentor he can't even put in words how much - he goes to sleep. Fighting gets him tired quickly, and they'll come back.

He dreams of Dionysus. Perseus is not fond of any god who is not Persephone, but Dionysus is mostly okay sometimes. He seems to care about his children.

Perseus couldn't care less about the Western Civilization - but he'll care for Pollux. It's one of his demigods, after all, and Underworld people are possessive of theirs (i.e. Hades and Persephone).

He dreams of Thalia, in her father's palace, begging Poseidon to leave the underwater war and help with the invasion - His wife is none too happy with the presence of his immortal bastard daughter.

He wakes up to Rachel's helicopter falling - how is Rachel even awake, is a mistery.

The improbable pair Nico and Annabeth strike again: The girl knows how to fly helicopters, and the boy can fly himself. They save the redhead and the pilot - everything is fine.

"You're not the hero"

"Why did you risk yourself to tell me something I already know?"

Rachel doesn't explain - she can't. But she has a vision that says that he is not the hero. The hero of what? Perseus has no idea. But there's no way any of his cousins is dying for this stupid prophecy.

Suddenly, there's a drakon there. Rachel has another prophecy - Perseus fears she will walk the path that led May Castellan to destruction - that only a child of Ares will be able to kill it.

Bad news: All children of Ares are otherwise out of battle.

Clarisse is resting after a nasty concussion - and her brothers and Apollo's children are fighting yet again because Lee Fletcher is in no condition to stop them and Michael Yew is dead. Ares' side refuses to fight without the chariot - which Cabin 7 has hidden somewhere.

The best they can do is fend the drakon off until a miracle occurs. And it does: Clarisse, in full armor, manages to lead her brothers into battle.

Clarisse is dead. Something shatters inside of Perseus - and he leaves the drakon for the Ares' children to solve - he can't kill it anyway - and starts to vaporize the army behind it.

He is so caught up in bloodlust, that he almost misses Clarisse slaying a dragon. Clarisse, who has no armor. Clarisse, who is alive.

Ethan's curse rang true - Clarisse's weapon took something from her.

Silena is a traitor. She is also dead - which makes her a martyr, and probably going to reunite with her boyfriend in Elysium.

He remembers how easy is to fall for Luke's charm - he was - is - still in love with the guy. Percy thought the son of Hermes could do no wrong - and he wonders how much of his rage against the gods sprout from his influence.

Something evil inside of Perseus's mind tells him she deserved it. It tells Perseus that better her than Clarisse - but he shuts it down, and concentrates on his shining red friends.

He hates Ares. But he might just have an okay side if he can produce such a magnificent daughter.

Silena is the Patroclus to Clarisse's Achilles, and the Drakon is Hector - and the daughter of Ares is sure to parade its dead body.

It's the first time they feel like they are winning. It doesn't last - but as he hugs Clarisse tightly, he thinks he might cry of relief.

Clarisse looks tough - but she is a wonderful human being. She loves Silena with her whole heart - even more than she loves Chris, her best friend. Silena might've been in love with Charles - but she and Clarisse? They are soulmates.

The damned Pythos is following Perseus - and he is done with it. He knows where hope will survive best. Rachel wants him to give it to Hestia - but he owns the fire goddess nothing.

She has never interfered, not once, to help the dozens of demigods with no family that is abandoned in Cabin 11, and he won't forgive her for it.

He sacrifices hope to Persephone because that's what spring is. Spring is the hope of a new life. Maybe, Perseus thinks, it'll convince his father to come.

They go down to make their final stand against the forces of Kronos. There's not a lot of them - but they're not getting through those doors.

Well, his father doesn't come. But Poseidon does, with his whole army, Tyson and Thalia behind him, and the scales seem to turn.

And then Kronos cuts the barrier. Perseus can see his Mom (why is his Mom here with a handgun?!) and Poseidon fighting against the monsters under the eyes of extremely confused mortals.

Some are trying to break the barrier - but it's futile. Kronos has corraled them like sheep for the slaughter.

It's just him, Grover, Annabeth and Nico, fighting against Kronos vanguard - which is big, but not as strong as they are.

Kronos passes him without resistance - Ethan follows, but there's anger in his eyes - not for Percy, but for the monster he is leashed to. Alabaster is not there.

As soon as Kronos powers stop working on them, the four follow the titan - and some things never change, no matter the universe.

This time, it's Nico who falls because of Hera - it's her curse over all of her husband's bastards.

Ethan takes one look at Perseus, and they don't even need to fight. They have been friends for longer than they have been enemies - and they both loathe the gods, but Kronos is as much of an all-powerful controller being as any of the Olympians.

They battle against Kronos - Perseus has only his ax against his scyther - a true Underworld fight.

Ethan dies. And Perseus bloodlust consumes him - it clouds his eyes and he can only keep fighting.

"If... if we've had cabins... and they had thrones"

It's true, and more than ever, Perseus wishes Kronos wasn't such a bastard. He wouldn't bother killing the gods - but the titan is a way worse option.

"LUKE, PLEASE" It's Annabeth. He doesn't have her faith - she didn't saw his transformation. But he tries anyway because he loves Luke just as much as he hates Kronos.

"Luke, remember our summer" But his words are caught up in his throat when the titan throws him against the wall.

But the amalgamation of his friend and an all-powerful being looks confused, so props for his genius best friend.

Kronos shows them a rainbow message of Typhon - and that's where Perseus it's pretty sure he starts liking his father.

Because the Lord of the Dead opens up the earth and gets out in a black chariot guided by skeletal horses like a king. By his right side, is Persephone, in armor battle as a queen should be. By his left, is Demeter, who looks every single bit like the matron she is supposed to be.

Behind him, a hundred thousand dead roars. Charon is mounting Cerberus - and literal hell is unleashed upon the Father of Monsters.

The gods strike down Typhon, sending him back to be locked away - this time, in the depths of Tartarus instead of Mount Etna.

Kronos gets mad. Utterly, undoubtedly mad. He talks about burning Luke's body. Then he hurts Annabeth and breaks two promises in one fell swoop.

"Luke.... remember family" It's what Annabeth utters, but Perseus, already certain of their own demise, is crying now.

"That summer Luke, you promised to never hurt her again. You remember it? YOU PROMISED LUKE!!"

Annabeth's promise was already broken - he had hurt her, all those years ago, in Mt. Othrys. But the promise he made to Percy - that he would never hurt her again - is new and broken, in the river Styx no less.

Luke regains his own body, for a minute, and Perseus runs to him like a man in a desert with no water.

"Please, please tell me there's a way to undo this, Luke, please, please"

"There isn't one, Percy" And it's the first time he hears Luke call him Percy, Percy and not Perseus, in his own voice, in two years. Percy cries.

"We... we don't have much time, hellebore. Give me Annabeth's dagger. Before he... before he takes back"

Luke calls him hellebore and it makes him start crying all over again. He gives him the dagger - and Luke kills himself, taking Kronos out with him.

Luke doesn't need to ask if Percy has ever loved him - Percy kept loving Luke, one-sided as it was, even when Kronos was there.

He still crying over Luke's body when the gods arrive. Luke is dead. Ethan is dead. Silena is dead. Michael Yew is dead. Charles is dead.

He lost three of his best friends in two days. Ethan is dead. Luke is dead. Luke is dead.

Perseus can't stop crying. They take Luke's body away - but he can't stop. Annabeth explains what happened to the gods - most of it, anyway. Apollo says he is in shock - his father says he is a hero.

Perseus doesn't feel like a hero. Was this all worth it? Was it worth it the pain and the death and the suffering?

Persephone touches him - and he has no tears to cry anymore. She can't hug him here, but she'll do so later.

He stares at the walls, listening to his friends being awarded - compensated by their siblings and friends' deaths - with a blank stare. Perseus wants his mom.

They call for him. He raised his head but doesn't bother getting up. He just saved their asses - for the fifth time in a roll. He deserves to grieve.

They offer him immortality. A place between the gods.

He laughs. Zeus looks murderous, but he can't stop laughing.

"My apologies, but I have to refuse," he says. But in his mind, he is thinking about how could they even think he might want to sit between them and be an all-powerful being, be another god ignoring his children and messing with mortal lives while thousands die for him.

"Promise me, on the river Styx, that you'll give me the wish that I want."

They promise him, that if it's within their capabilities, they shall grant him his wish.

"I wish for every child at the age of twelve to be claimed. I wish for cabins in Camp Half-Blood, for every single minor god, and my own father. I wish for Calypso to be free, and to the demigods from the opposite side of this war to be given amnesty. It's not their fault. It's not any of our faults."

"You dare to-" Zeus begins, but Percy is really tired of Zeus.

"We fought your war, we won your battles. We, the unclaimed and rejected stowaways of Cabin 11. We, the children of minor and Underworld gods. We deserve respect. Just like my father deserves a throne, just like the minor gods deserve justice."

"Don't you fear us?" Athena asks, something weird shining in her eyes.

"I thought I would be dead today. At least if I die now, I'm dying for something I believe in."

It stays unsaid that he doesn't believe in them. The other demigods look at him worried - but he is not afraid of the gods.

They grant his wish. Some of them aren't happy with it, but they have to do it. He meets Calypso at the front gates of Olympus - and her smile can brighten the pits of Tartarus. He sees Alabaster talking with Lou Ellen - they are both crying.

He thinks it's the end - it's not. Thalia tells him Rachel left for Camp in her Pegasus - and his father has lift the curse, the Prophecy is gone, but he fears for his best friend.

Perseus is too tired for shadow travel - he does it anyway. He flickers, but anyway, he is too late.

It works. Rachel - his best friend - is the new Oracle. Someone jokes they can't be together anymore and Rachel lifts an eyebrow.

"We never were. Didn't you see the last few hours?" Well, he did out himself. Mostly - they might say it's just friendship, and he will hate the way they twist it. Luke wasn't a villain, and Perseus isn't a pure hero with a heart of gold.

Perseus is healing from lost love - and Annabeth is too. His crush on her was only a crush, he thinks - She is his best friend first and foremost. They cry together at the bonfire that burns away the shrouds of 43 demigods - from both sides - and 16 hunters of Artemis. Their souls all rest in Elysium now.

Alabaster comes back to Camp and helps his siblings to build the new Cabin for Hecate, full of spelled blocks and magic chimneys. Clovis and Tyene have their hands full with their own cabins - it doesn't help they keep getting sidetracked with naps.

Somehow, Nico, Thalia, and his bond over helping construct Cabin 13 - They are both way too invested in the goth vibe, mostly because Cabin 1 looks like a temple, and Cabin 3 looks like a beach cabin. And both of them are so over it.

Perseus doesn't want a goth cabin - he is fighting against the aesthetic for years - but sometimes, there are no arguments. His Cabin is made of black marble, and there are skulls everywhere, with torches shining with green fire. Outside, at least. Inside, it looks like Persephone's garden, with input from the queen herself. It's ready just shy of the end of summer vacation.

Rachel tells the next Great Prophecy. Perseus isn't such a positive person to think it won't affect him - he hopes at least it'll wait until he is done with High School.

That night, he dreams of the blonde boy again - it's his first night without nightmares since the battle. He has a scar in his lip, and his green eyes pierce Percy's soul. Perseus wonders if they'll ever meet, wonders if this boy is one of the Seven of the Prophecy.

But alas, Perseus lets it go. The summer is over - he is sixteen, somehow. He is alive and going to go back to his mortal life and his junior year, and grief. Not everything is fine - but eventually, it will be.

It's not the end. Not yet.

[iceslushii]

So, I'm writing this to document what I can only assume is my sudden descent into insanity. I can't possibly be THAT bad a navigator, and yet as I write this I've been trapped in Ikea for 2 days. I haven't seen another person in the entire time I've been here. I thought it was a prank at first. Turn the place into a maze, get all the people out and see how long it takes me to get lost, then everyone has a good old laugh. Realised that wasn't the case when I tried to backtrack. Everything had changed, so I ended up lost. Instead of the exit, it was just row after row of bookcases.

So, I'm trapped in Ikea. Sounds like the setup for a bad joke. The lights went out at 10pm. Nearly gave me a fucking heart attack, that loud electrical THUNK sound and then pitch blackness. Place is full of beds though and my phone has a torch on it - but no damn signal - so I found a bed and went to sleep. Spent most of the next day trying to find my way out with no luck. Did find a restaurant serving those meatballs though, so at least I won't starve. That's probably the punchline to that joke. Anyway they were still warm and fresh, but I haven't seen anyone around who could have cooked them. Made my way back to the beds before the lights cut out again since it's too dark to search with them off.

It's 9.10am now, the lights came back on a little while ago. I'm sure I've searched the entire area around where I came in now and the exit obviously isn't here, so I'm going to pick a direction and hope for the best.

Day 3 of my magical Ikea mystery adventure. If I wasn't sure that there was something seriously weird about this place before, I am now. Walked for 3 hours in a more or less straight line (insert Ikea joke here) before I came across a ladder next to one of those huge stock shelves they have here. Climbed up to get my bearings, and it looks like this place just stretches on forever. Like that scene from the Lion King, except instead of trees and grass it was all shelves and tables and crap. I did see a person moving not too far away though, so I headed over.

Thought it was a staff member at first - it was wearing the uniform. And hell maybe it was, maybe freakish 7ft tall monsters with long arms, short legs and no faces are just the kinds of thing they want working at Super Ikea. Damn thing completely ignored me though, and with no eyes or ears I can't even be sure it knew I was there. Thought about shoving it or something to get its attention, but its hands were big enough to crush a water melon so I decided against it. It just kept moving along and eventually I lost sight of it so I decided to carry on the way I was going.

Anyway, no comfy bed for me tonight. Looks like I've entered the Improbably Hard and Pointy Table section of the store. Guess I'll have to make do with some bunched up tablecloths. Phone battery died during the day too. Didn't work anyway, but I feel like I've just lost some vital lifeline.

You ever see one of those cartoons where they're going through doors in a hallway and they just pop out of another door in the same hallway? That's how I feel right now. I've seen nothing but the same identical bookshelf for 2 days now. Just row after row after row of them. I mean, come on. I love books as much as the next guy, but this is excessive. I'm obviously still moving forwards though, I can see the signs hanging overhead passing by. Too bad none of them say "Exit".

Not sure who I was addressing that question to. Lets just say it was practice for the autobiography I'm going to write when I get out of here. I'll call it "My perfectly normal trip to a regular old Ikea".

If I ever get out o

Finally found some other people! Yeah, turns out I'm not the only poor bastard trapped in here. Lucky for me, I guess. My 6th night here, 2 of those staff things came at me in the dark. Different from the first one I saw, but still messed up. Heard them coming, they were saying that the store was closed and I had to leave the building, all nice and polite like. I'm not sure which part of that was weirder, that they don't have mouths or that they were apparently trying to kill me while they were saying it. Came at me like rabid dogs.

So, I legged it. Sprinting through ikea in the dark like a fucking madman. I saw it when I cleared another stand of those giant stock shelves, all lit up with torches and floodlights. They've built a whole town in here! Got a massive wall built out of shelves and beds and tables and whatever else. I swear to god it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Anyway I guess they saw me coming (or maybe they heard my girlish manly bellows of fear), because they had a gate open and 2 people were there waving me in. Heard the staff things slam into the gate behind me after it closed, still politely informing us all that the store was now closed. They wandered off eventually though.

They call the town Exchange, because that's whats on the sign hanging from the ceiling directly above it. Exchange and Returns. All lit up against the night using lights they've found and plugged into the power lines. And there are beds and food and people. Over 50 wonderful people with regular sized limbs and a full set of facial features. It's now my 7th night here, and the first one not spent in darkness. A full week living in Ikea. There's probably a TV show in that somewhere.

Now that I'm around other people, I'm starting to feel more normal. Maybe normal isn't the word. But after a week with only the sound of my own footsteps for company, I was becoming increasingly sure that I'd just gone nuts. That I was tied up in some padded room somewhere, banging my head against the wall. But no, I feel quite sane now, thank you very much!

Apparently there are other towns out there. Some with more people, some with less. I found that fairly mind-boggling - how can that many people go missing with no one noticing. Surely someone would have noticed that everyone who goes to ikea seems to fucking vanish. Or maybe it's not everyone. Maybe we're just the lucky ones.

The people here just call those staff monster things the Staff. Apparently they are fine during the day, minding their own business walking the aisles. As soon as those lights go out though, they go fucking bonkers. So during the day people go out to find food, water and whatever else they need. Apparently there are restaurants and shops around that randomly get restocked. No one knows how. Maybe the staff do it. Apparently they aren't very good at their jobs though because the restocking sometimes takes a while, which means the food needs to be rationed. Maybe if they weren't so busy chasing people around in the dark they'd get more done.

Anyway when night comes the staff go nuts and everyone holds up inside the walls. Apparently it's the same everywhere in this place, whatever this place is. The Ur-Ikea, from whence all other Ikeas sprang. Or maybe we're all still just in the regular ikea and this is all some fever dream brought on by mind-numbing boredom. Who knows.

Been here for 10 days now. Most of the people I asked said they stopped keeping track a long time ago and one guy, Chris, said he'd been in here for years.

Years.

[ILLEGIBLE SCRIBBLES]

Apparently there are rumours of people who do manage to get out. And of people who see the exit, only to have it vanish before their very eyes. I get the feeling not everyone believes that, but I do. Explains how we got stuck in here in the first place (sort of). And I mean, come on. Staff monsters, row after endless row of high quality Swedish furniture. I don't know why they would find a disappearing door so hard to believe in.

Anyway, I went out scavenging for food at a nearby shop with Sandra and Jerry today. Once you learn the landmarks of this place it's not so hard to navigate. The overhead signs help a lot, but there are others; not too far in the distance a huge section of those giant stock shelves has collapsed against each other and way off in the east (we all assume it's east anyway - apparently Ikea doesn't sell compasses) is some kind of tower that looks like its made of wood, reaches all the way to the ceiling. Maybe they were trying to break out through the roof. Lights up at night so there must be people there, but its apparently a few days walk (which means it must be miles away) so no one here really knows for sure. Apparently I got incredibly lucky sleeping out in the open for a week without getting ripped to bits by the staff. That's me. Lucky lucky lucky.

We found some food in the shop. Guess the staff restocked it during the night, which was nice of them. There was a telephone on the wall, so I figured I'd try it out. There was a voice on the other end, but they were just talking nonsense. Random words strung together with no real meaning. You ever see a video of someone with aphasia? Kind of sounded like that. Didn't answer me when I spoke to them anyway. Sandra says all the phones in here are the same.

Oops, asking the journal questions again!

I was thinking last night. The ceiling on this place is pretty high and as far as anyone can tell it goes on forever. Shouldn't there be some kind of weather in here? I'm sure I read about some NASA building that was so big it had its own weather patterns, with clouds and stuff. This place is definitely bigger than that, but now that I think about it I'm pretty sure I've never felt so much as a temperature change in here.

I'll add it to the Grand List of Weird Bullshit.

The staff attacked the Exchange last night. Must have been 20 or 30 of them all just asking us to leave the store calm as you like, while trying to smash the walls down with their bare hands. Apparently this happens pretty regularly, so everyone is prepared for it. Knives from the restaurants, lawn mower blades made into hatchets, a fire axe. One guy, Wasim, even made a functional crossbow. Anyway the walls have holes in them, which I hadn't noticed before, specifically so we can stab out at the staff when they attack. Took a couple of them down myself. They don't seem to bleed, which is weird, but they go down as easy as a regular person once you start sticking holes in them.

We had to haul the bodies away in the morning. Apparently the dead ones will attract more during the night, so we had to get them away from Exchange. We have a couple of those trolley things they use to move big boxes around, so we loaded them up and took them over to Pickup. Apparently people just name everything in here after whatever sign is hanging overhead.

Pickup was grisly. There were hundreds, maybe thousands of dead staff all piled up. There was no smell, which was a blessing. Apparently in addition to not bleeding, these things don't rot either. My curiosity got the better of me while we were unloading them, so I took a look at one of the more cut-up ones. They're just skin, or something that looks like skin, all the way through. No muscle, no bone, no organs. Are they even really alive in the first place? They certainly seem like they have bones when they are moving around, pounding on the walls. And I'm sure I felt more resistance than just skin when the knife went in during the night. Maybe something happens to them when they die. Just one more thing on the ever-increasing list of Weird Shit that goes on in here, I guess.

Something occurred to me, after the staff attack the other night. Every time you see a situation like this on TV or in a film, like its the end of the world or everyone is trapped on an island or whatever, once groups like ours start to form people always seem to turn on each other. Fighting for food or dominance or whatever else. That hasn't happened here. Apparently people from other towns come by from time to time, just to check in or occasionally to trade if they are short on something. But everything is always cordial. Friendly, even. Maybe its the threat of the staff, or perhaps the constant restocking of supplies in the shops means there's nothing much to fight over.

Maybe people are just better than they are generally given credit for. That's a nice thought. I think I'll go with that one.

A dozen people showed up at the gates this afternoon from a town called Trolleys. Apparently the staff broke through the walls and tore the town apart during the night. These 12 are the only survivors out of over a hundred. We let them in, obviously. One more point in the human decency column. Later, I asked if anyone knew how many of these towns there were out there. Between us and the new folks, we managed to come up with over 20 names. 20 towns filled with people, and who knows how many beyond that.

The motto for this place should be "How Is That Even Possible". Surely someone, somewhere must be looking for the thousands of people that must be in here.

I've been here for a little over 2 months now. Not that much changes, as it turns out. A couple of new people showed up, same story as the rest of us. Nice little trip to Ikea and suddenly they're trapped in Billy Bookcase's House of Faceless Weirdos. The staff attack the Exchange once or twice a week. We kill them and haul their bodies off, sometimes they hurt some of us first. They killed a guy called Jared a couple of weeks back. It was awful, frankly. Turns out regular humans still bleed in here, even if the staff don't. We tried our best, but none of us are doctors.

Jared was a good guy. He deserved better. We all do.

It occurred to me a couple of days after that, none of us were really looking for a way out of here. I don't even know where we'd start.

One of those quad copter things with a camera attached buzzed passed Exchange today. I thought it meant that someone was finally looking for us, that help was on the way. Apparently it's not the first time this has happened, though. Same thing happened a few months ago, and everyone is still here.

No idea if it saw us, it didn't stop if it did. Just kept flying until we could no longer see it.

Note: Based on recovery time of the journal, this entry appears to line up approximately with our first successful test piloting a drone inside SCP-3008-1. Analysis of footage shows a walled settlement under a sign labelled "Exchange and Returns". Attempts to relocate the settlement failed. Origin of previously sighted drones is unknown.

I started talking to people about the stuff they miss from home during dinner today. Probably not the best idea I've ever had, everyone seemed pretty down after. A bunch of people here have families. Husbands and wives, kids. Dogs. Franklin apparently has a pet llama, though I'm not sure I buy that.

But apparently some of the people here have some seriously odd gaps in their knowledge. 3 of them had never heard of the International Space Station, 2 of them seemed to think █████ ███████ was the Prime Minister, and one of them had apparently never heard of the Statue of Liberty. I believe them, too. They seemed just as confused as the rest of us.

The more I thought about it though, the more it started to explain a few things. What if the reason no one is looking for all us missing people is because we haven't all come from the same place. This is going to sound weird (maybe that should be the motto for this place) but what if all the people here have come from different dimensions? Realities? Whatever you call it. I've seen enough TV shows to know the drill. Sarah comes from a place where there is no Statue of Liberty. They didn't launch a space station where Wasim is from. If everyone here came from different places, even from ones that seem identical, there'd be no huge missing persons panic. No mass search. We'd just be a blip, a single missing person in a world of non-stop news.

Well. That was a fun train of thought.

Just realised that yesterday was the six month anniversary of my arrival here. I wonder if Ikea sells party hats. The routine around here has remained more or less the same. More new folk show up, one every couple of weeks or so. Food supplies go up and down, but we've never actually had a major shortage. Occasionally we get a visitor from one of the nearby towns, usually Checkouts or Aisle 630. We check in with each other from time to time, occasionally trade supplies if someone gets particularly low on something. It's comforting, in a way. A reminder that we aren't alone in here, some small glimmer of civilisation. Sometimes they bring medical supplies. Apparently there's a pharmacy a few towns down from Checkouts that gets restocked every now and then, so they share out what they can. I've never heard of an Ikea with a pharmacy before but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if someone stumbled on an Ikea Organ Harvesting Lab. Would certainly explain the staff.

Speaking of our faceless jailers, their attacks have been getting worse lately. 3 or 4 times a week now, with twice as many staff as there used to be. No idea where they all come from, or why the attacks have increased. We tried following one of them during the day a few weeks ago, me and Sarah. Wanted to see if they lead back to a staff room or something. Didn't seem to go anywhere though, just randomly walked through the aisles. We had to turn back before we found anything.

We've been reinforcing the walls, trying to arm ourselves better. Certainly no lack of materials to use. Wasim has been making more crossbows, but it's pretty slow going.

Too bad Ikea doesn't sell guns.

Note: No new personnel have entered SCP-3008 at Site-██ in the time span indicated in this entry.

The attacks are getting bad now. Almost every night, and with so many staff that the bodies almost pile high enough for others to climb the walls. I think we're in real trouble here.

Exchange is

I think Exchange is done. We got hit pretty bad last night. Not many casualties, but the wall is wrecked. We finally figured out why the attacks had been escalating, too. A box of supplies had a chunk of one of the staff in there. No idea how it happened but apparently a piece of one will draw them as well as a full body. Too late now in any case, there's too many bodies for us to haul away and still have time to fix the wall before night. Candace has called a meeting. I suspect there will be talk of abandoning Exchange, maybe try and get shelter at Checkouts or something.

It's already getting late though. I don't think we'll have time to make it. Maybe some of us will. I was fine for that first week out in the dark, after all. But then, how often can I keep getting lucky.

I'm only writing this for a sense of closure, I guess. For me, or for anyone who finds this. If this is the final entry here, I hope whoever is reading this is doing so from outside of this place.

My biggest fear? If I do die tonight, I'll just wake up here again in the morning.

Note: This is the last entry. It is assumed that while attempting to reach the "Checkouts" settlement he was separated from the rest of his group by a pursuing SCP-3008-2 instance and happened upon the exit.

We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye

[orange-waterfalls]

May I Have This Dance?

Yancy x gender neutral!reader

@speedyprofessionalpandaweasel ty for the request

A/N: Idk if anyone actually reads these. I don't. Reader is a shy little bitch. Like me! Yancy is a COWARD w/feelings. Mark is the best of wingmen. No cursing. I've been pretty good about that recently. Rated G because literally NOTHING happens besides a dance and the mention of a shank once or twice. This is a soft one, I think. Enjoy!

Word Count: 1.9k

--

You leaned your cheek on your hand and gazed at Yancy from across the cafeteria. You traced his features with your eyes, implementing them into your brain. He laughed and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

You had fallen in love with the prisoner over the time you’d been at Happy Trails Penitentiary. You and your friend Mark had spent your first few weeks trying to escape but gave up after some guards threw you in solitary. Who knew the box would have a fairy in it? And who knew she’d be such a chatterbox?

You both decided it wasn’t worth the effort to try and escape, and that you might as well stay in prison. It wasn't so bad. The staff seemed to like you guys, and you had each other. 2-5 years didn’t seem that long.

Then you met a prisoner by the name of Yancy. He had greeted you two a couple of weeks after you showed up. He showed you around the prison, introduced you to some other inmates, and gave you both prison shanks, just in case. You didn’t think much of him.

Then you heard him sing.

And he was suddenly the love of your life.

You were in solitary(you’d picked a fight with a guard who made fun of Mark) when you heard something. Someone, actually. You heard a beautiful voice singing nearby, and you wanted to know who it was. You leaned your ear against the wall, listening. It was better than sitting in silence. Eventually, a guard came and got you. You looked around and saw a door to another cell. It seemed to be where the sound was coming from. You asked the guard who was in the other cell.

“There? Probably Yancy. He gets thrown in there a lot.” he explained. “I feel kinda bad for the kid…”

You started to pay attention to Yancy. He was smart, funny, caring… at least, that’s what you saw. He did have a few anger issues, but nothing really severe. You began to develop feelings for him. From a distance.

“Can you not stare at your crush for five seconds?” a voice snapped you out of your trance. You pulled your head up and saw Mark looking at you weirdly.

“W-What?” You stuttered, embarrassed at being caught. Mark rolled his eyes.

“Are you ever gonna tell him you like him?” He asked. You looked back over at Yancy.

He smiled at something someone else said and you got a warm feeling. He turned to you, catching you staring at him. Your eyes widened and you flushed, turning back to your food. You looked up at Mark a few times and he sighed in annoyance. He looked over where Yancy was for a second before tapping on your tray. You took that as a “he’s not looking anymore” and looked at Mark, who was still waiting for you to respond.

“Uh… probably not…” You answered. He sighed.

“You are the most awkward person I know… and I’m me!” He teased. You both laughed. Mark looked back at Yancy and smirked. “He’s looking over here…” the YouTuber said in a sing-song voice. You tilted your head a bit before looking back at the group. Sure enough, Yancy was looking over at you two, but he looked away and pretended to laugh at something when he was caught. You blushed and turned back to Mark.

“He probably just… thinks I’m weird for staring at him…” you mumbled. Mark raised an eyebrow.

“We’re in prison, Y/N. If he had a problem with you staring at him, we’d probably be in the infirmary right now,” He claimed. You shrugged. He saw your sad face and sighed. You looked up at him, frowning.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing…” He sat his chin on his palm. “Just thinking…”

--

Yancy stood in the yard, shank ready in case he needed it. One of the more recent inmates said they needed to talk to him. Privately.

Now, in most cases, he would’ve denied this request. He didn’t know them, he couldn’t trust them. Might as well not even bother. But this inmate was different. This one was friends with someone he intended to get close to. Someone he’d started to like over the short months they’d been there.

He figured that was a good enough reason to take the chance.

He did keep Jimmy nearby in case things got bad.

Yancy heard a noise and turned towards it. Mark entered the yard and walked towards him. He puffed up his chest, trying to look intimidating. Yancy found it funny.

“Ight. What’d youse wanna talk about?” He asked. Mark cleared his throat before speaking.

“Yancy, do you like my friend?” Mark asked. Yancy’s eyes widened for a moment before he re-composed himself.

“What’s it to youse?” He said, his face tinted pink. Mark rolled his eyes.

“They like you too. They’re just too shy to admit it,” He explained. Yancy smiled slightly at the news. “And, apparently, you’re too much of a coward to admit it…” Mark said under his breath. It wasn’t very much appreciated, and Yancy frowned as he took a step towards the other man.

“Now, hold on, youse thinks youse can just--” His intimidating speech was cut off by Mark groaning.

“Yeah, I know, you’re a tough guy, I can’t talk to you like that, blah, blah, blah…” He said, annoyed. Yancy flushed. “I’m only telling you this so that Y/N can stop feeling so depressed and you can stop being so weird around each other.” Yancy scoffed and crossed his arms.

“And how do I know youse ain’t jus’ trying to embarrass me?” He glowered. Mark sighed and looked at the ground, shuffling his feet.

“I just… want my friend to be happy…” He mumbled. Yancy’s face softened as he watched the man. He exhaled through his nose.

He seemed to be genuine, but Yancy was still worried. What if this was all a trick? An elaborate trick to embarrass him in front of his friends? His family?

But… what if it was real? What if you did like him and he could finally do all the couple-y things that people do? Holding hands, cuddling, kissing…

Oh, God, how long had it been since he kissed someone?

“Alright…” He growled. Mark looked at him and smiled. He lunged forward, hugging Yancy. Yancy, who thought this was a fight and had brought out his shank, froze.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Mark asked as he pulled away. Yancy shook his head.

“I’m fine,” he insisted. “Did youse have a plan or somethin'?” Mark smiled and started to giggle.

“Oh, I’m glad you asked,” He giggled, “Just leave it to ol’ Markimoo. I'll talk to you tomorrow.”

--

“This… isn’t exactly what I had in mind…” Yancy said carefully as he looked around the room.

Mark had somehow convinced the warden to let him have candles, rose petals, a record player?! How much did he suck up to these people?

“Yeah… it is a bit much…” He admitted while scratching his head. “But if I know Y/N, and I do, they’re a sucker for serenades.”

“You… You want me to serenade them?” Yancy said in disbelief.

“Yes! They love your voice, it’s the reason they started paying attention to you. I’m sure they’d be happy no matter how you confessed, but this makes it more special!” He explained enthusiastically. How many rom-coms did this man watch?

Yancy groaned and looked at the room again. This seemed… a bit much…

“I don’t know…” he sighed. Mark frowned.

“Yancy.” He said sternly. Yancy raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you love Y/N?”

“Yes…” Yancy responded hesitantly.

“I said,” Mark raised his voice, “Do you love Y/N?”

“Yes!”

“Do you think they deserve love?”

“Of course!”

“Do you think you’re good enough for them?” Yancy paused.

“Uh…”

“Good enough,” Mark patted Yancy on the shoulder, “Just… do your best! It’ll be great!” He jogged to the back of the room and ducked behind a box. Yancy squinted at him and furrowed his eyebrows. Mark waved his hands, urging him to pay attention to the entrance. Yancy rolled his eyes but turned towards the door. You walked in about a minute later.

“So, Mark, what did you-” You froze when you saw Yancy standing in the middle of the room.

Rose petals covered the floor, along with a few boxes. A record player sat nearby, and it started playing slow jazz music when you walked in. The only light source was a few candles that illuminated his face with a dim, yellow light. It looked like a dream.

You hoped you would wake up before it got too weird.

“Hi,” Yancy greeted, his hands behind his back.

“H-Hi,” You said quietly, keeping your arms straight at your sides.

Yancy looked back at Mark, who gave him a thumbs up. The song’s lyrics were about to begin, so Yancy took a deep breath. He saw your confused and kind of scared face and exhaled all of his breath, missing the lyric cue. This wasn’t gonna work. A serenade would be too much, too fast. For him, at least. He wanted to save that. So what was he supposed to do? He could feel Mark glaring at him, and you were shuffling in place awkwardly. Yancy looked down at his feet, wondering what to do.

Then, an idea popped into his head.

“Youse ever… seen me dance?” Yancy asked suddenly. You blinked, not exactly processing the question at first.

“No… I can’t say that I have, no…” You said.

He smiled and walked towards you. You were a bit worried about what he was going to do. You were in prison, after all.

He held his hand out to you. You looked at it, and then at him. You tilted your head. He chuckled and shook his head as you blushed.

“May I have this dance?” He asked and bowed, hand still extended. You hesitated for a moment before slowly taking his hand.

He gently tugged you to the center of the room. He laid one hand on your waist and moved one of your hands to his shoulder. He interlocked both of your other hands. You blushed and looked down, making him chuckle.

“Hey, no need to be shy… it’s just us here…” He consoled. You looked past him at Mark, who quickly ducked behind the box. “Well, yeah, he’s here too…” You both laugh a bit.

The two of you didn’t exactly dance. Moreso, you rocked back and forth on your feet. It didn’t really matter to either of you. You spent most of the night just talking about yourselves. Learning about each other looked like the best thing to do. You talked, you joked, you gazed dreamily into each other’s eyes…

It was wonderful.

When the night was over, you walked Yancy back to his cell.

“I coulda walked youse back to youse’s cell…” He murmured. You laughed.

“Yeah, but… I figure you get in enough trouble as it is… I wouldn’t want you getting caught…” You explained. He blushed at your thoughtfulness. “You can walk me next time.”

“Uh… th-thanks…” He stuttered. You took his face in your hands and looked into his eyes. You didn’t move for a moment, waiting to see if he’d pull away. He didn’t, so you went ahead and gave him a small peck on the lips. He stared at you after you pulled back.

“Goodnight, Yancy…” You smiled at him as you walked away. He gave you a small wave before walking back into his cell and flopping on the bed. He smiled up when he thought about what you said.

Next time…

God, he hoped there’d be a next time...

I finished this at 11:00 pm I'm so tired

[bizarrewritings-blog]

Better Man - B.B.

Youngblood Series

Bucky Barnes x reader

'Darling, all of my wrongs, they led me right to you. Wrapped in your arms, I swear I'd die for your love.'

Modern Day!AU

Word count: 2,789

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Very light smut

The cool air hit his skin as he watched the smoke leave his mouth and slowly fade away into the night. A view on his watch told him it was already past 3am, 'The best time.' He thought to himself, pressing his cigarette out with his foot before stepping back into the nightclub. It's where he spend most of his weekends, getting wasted before a night of fun with a random women, sometimes even man, if he was drunk enough. It was his getaway, it was what he needed. He accepted it as his life.

"Thank god Barnes, I thought you've already left!" The bartender, Dean, called as Bucky neared, a grin on his face. "You see a girl on my arm?" He held up his right arm to demonstrate the lack of company. "I'm not leaving without some fun." The bartender gave him a knowing grin, pouring him another Whiskey.

Bucky turned in his chair, taking a sip from his glass as he let his eyes wander across the dance floor. Many people always left around 2:30am, leaving only the ones who could handle a lot in the club. Those were the ones he lusted over.

His gaze landed on a brunette, dancing with a couple of friends. She wore a tight, strapless dress which showed the perfect curve of her ass and boobs. Her make up was a little much for his liking, but he didn't really care. Bucky bit his bottom lip, smiling. He found his victim.

After downing his drinks, he made his way over to the women. The bass was strong in his ears, his vision a little blurry thanks to the alcohol pumping through his veins. There was still a mass of people he had to push through until he arrived his destination, his hands immediately landing on her hips as he pressed himself against her. A faint gasp left her lips, barely audible over the music, making him smirk. Thankfully, she didn't seem to have anything against a stranger so close to her, moving their bodies to the music together. She suddenly turned around, her arms snaking around his neck as she grinned at him. Damn she was a bold one and Bucky couldn't help but lick his lips.

Their dancing quickly grew into something more as one of her hands knotted itself in his long locks, tugging lightly, making him groan. She was already rubbing her crotch against his thigh lightly and his pants got tighter by the second. Then her lips found his and he kissed her hungrily, they're tongues fighting for dominance as they still ground against each other. His lips left hers, leaning to her ear. "Yours or mine?" He asked, his teeth grazing the skin of her neck. "None of that." She answered, making him look at her in confusion. She just bit her lip and grinned, pulling him from the dance floor and out of the club.

She led Bucky into a dark, narrow alley right beside the club. Without a word she pressed him against the wall, her lips landing on his again. But he pushed her away lightly by her hips. "You want to do it here?" He asked, not sure if he wanted it or not. But the possibility of denying her wish vanished as he bit her lip and nodded. He growled, turning them around to shove her against the wall before he picked her up, her legs around his waist as they made out again. Bucky ground himself against her crotch, both of them moaning quietly at the friction.

"Veronica?!" A horrified voice made them break away from each other, the girl almost falling to the ground in the process. A group of girls stood infront of the alley, all of them shocked expressions. "We searched everywhere for you! You can't just leave!" The same girl said, still shocked. "Especially not with him." Another girl added, a disgusted look on her face as he eyed Bucky. His jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring. "Im sorry." The girl he just made out with simply said, flattening out her dress before leaving with the rest of the group.

Bucky groaned in annoyance, shifting the crotch of his jeans to make his erection less obvious. As he turned to leave the alley, he was met with one of the girls from the group which apparently hasn't left as she leaned against the wall, a grin on her face. "What's so funny?" He snapped, his eyes narrow. She chuckled. "I've seen you a couple times here. Fun to see you not succeed for once, Barnes." He looked at her in suprise. "You know my name?" She nodded. "Everyone knows your name. The first person they have to go to when they need a simple fuck from a guy who doesn't care about them. The mysterious, long haired man with the prosthetic arm." She shrugged. He narrowed his eyes again, his arms crossing in front of his chest as he stared at her, a grin forming on his lips. "You're one of those?" That made her laugh.

"No, no definitely not. You have to take me out on a date at least once before getting into my pants." He bit his lip, still grinning. "Deal." She just shook her head, smiling. "Never gonna happen, Barnes. I only sleep with real guys, not the ones trying to lift their ego by sleeping with strangers." She waved off, turning away from him, ready to leave. "Wait!" She stopped, looking back at him. "You know my name. It's only fair if i get to know yours as well." He grinned. She rolled her eyes, but smiled. "Y/N." She left without another word, leaving him alone in the dark. He shook his head, laughing in disbelief before lighting a cigarette. He made his way home, no desire in trying to get another person to go home with him after what just happened.

~

After another week of pushing through his work, he found himself back in the club, sitting at the bar. But this time, he was searching for one exact person. "Everything alright with you?" Dean asked. "You already waved three girls off. They were practically throwing themselves on you. Do i have to call a doc?" Bucky chuckled, nipping on his drink. "I'm waiting for someone." Deans eyebrows raised high. "Do not tell me James Barnes had found the woman of his dreams." Bucky cringed slightly at hearing his real name, but played it off by smiling and shaking his head. "It's not that. She interrupted me and a girl last weekend and she acted all bold and stuff. I kinda liked it." He shrugged. "So you 'trynna get in her pants?" Dean asked grinning, making Bucky laugh. "Always do." He lifted his drink before taking a sip, letting his gaze wander across the room again.

Then he spotted you. You were sitting on one of the small leather couches in one of the corners with a guy very close to you. You looked uncomfortable, trying to shove him away while he tried to get closer. "Time to play the hero." He said to himself before getting up to walk up to you. He could here you say "Fuck off, i mean it." as he neared, but the guy wasn't buying it. "Come on, don't tell me you don't want my face between your legs." The man said with a dirty grin as your face scrunched up in disgust. "Hey, she told you to get lost." Bucky yelled over the music as he stood infront of you. The guy immediately looked at him, pissed off at the interruption. "What do you care?" He snapped, standing up to look intimidating. Bucky only chuckled, the guy was half a head shorter and not nearly as broad as him.

"Just making sure girls don't get hit on by Pervs like you." He explained, making the other man laugh. "Who are you do judge, Barnes? You even fuck guys. At least I'm not a faggot like you." Buckys jaw clenched as he tried to ignore the last comment. "At least, I make sure the people I fuck are okay with what I do to them." He challenged as he stepped closer, now towering over the guy while staring down at him. "Now get your ass away from that girl, or I'll kick it out of here if i have to." A grin formed on his face. "Or maybe I'll fuck it. You're quite my type." That was a complete lie, but it was enough to earn a disgusted "What the fuck." from the guy before he left.

Bucky looked down at you with a smile, only to be greeted by an annoyed look. His smile fell. "What? I just helped you get that dude off you." You rolled your eyes. "I was fine." "No you weren't." He argued, his left brow rising. "Come on, let me get you a drink." He stuck his hand out towards you. You just scoffed at him. "You think just because you got that guy away from me I'll sleep with you, mh? Because men can't help a woman just to be nice." You stood up, ignoring his hand as anger pumped in your veins. You stormed past him, not noticing that he was following you until you were outside.

"Hey, wait. Please." Bucky carefully took your arm, making you turn around to face him. "What's your matter with me? What did I do for you to hate me so much?" You bit your lips, your eyes on the ground. You couldn't tell him that you had the biggest crush on him since you first saw him, and how he broke your heart by leaving with a different person every weekend. "I just can't stand people like you." You shrugged, making him furrow his brows in confusion. "People like me?" "Yeah. People, guys like you. Who have Sex with complete strangers and feel like they're the King of the world." You took a breath, still not meeting his gaze. "You don't care about love and emotions. All you know is Sex. And it pisses me off." Bucky still stared at you in disbelief. "Why do you care? Did we have Sex and I forgot about you? If that's the case, I-" "See, all you care about." You interrupted him, rolling your eyes. "Everything seems to be about Sex with you. Everything else is unimportant." He huffed out a laugh, making you look at him.

"I've just never found the right person." He shrugged, making your jaw slacken a little. He smiled at you before pressing his lips together. "No drink, i accept that. Maybe dinner? Tomorrow evening?" You let your gaze drop again, debating whether or not it was a good idea. "Come on, give me a chance. Just one. Please." He begged, a pleading look on his face. You sighed; You would never win this.

"Alright." A bright smile formed on his lips. "Awesome! Here's my number, just text me your address and I'll pick you at six." He winked at you, turning around to enter the club again. "Wait, you're not getting in there to get another girl, are you?" You asked, trying not to show how disappointed his actions made you. He just chuckled. "Nope, just downing the drink i payed for and Dean looked after. Not gonna talk to a single woman on my way, i promise!" He called before disappearing into the building. You bit your lip to prevent yourself from grinning in relief.

~

The Date went great. Bucky actually picked out a nice restaurant, nothing too fancy but not too casual too. This was the first time you saw him in something other than a T-Shirt as he wore a black, buttoned up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. You didn't even think he owned something like that.

You also found out that he could talk about other things apart from Sex and Woman. He joked a lot, almost making you choke on your Spaghetti one time because you laughed so hard. The look on his face when you talked about your family and pets were pure fondness, the soft smile never leaving his lips. "You look especially pretty when you talk about things you love." He pointed out, grinning as you blushed.

When you both finished and he payed, you told him you needed the restroom. Bucky nodded, telling you he'd be outside and wait. When you joined him shortly after, he had a cigarette between his lips, smiling at you. When he saw the distressed look on your face he took it back in between his fingers, blowing the smoke in the opposite direction of which you were standing as his brows furrowed. "Is something wrong?" You shrugged, your eyes on the item in his hand. He followed your gaze, lifting his hand. "Not a fan of cigarettes?" You shook your head. "My dad used to smoke around me all the time. It was disgusting." Bucky just chuckled before shrugging. "Alright." He let his cigarette drop on the ground, stepping it out before reaching into the pocket of his leather jacket, pulling out the half full pack to throw it into the garbage can behind him. You just stared at him while he grinned at you. "Don't need them." He shrugged as you just slowly shook your head. "You really want to get into my pants." You murmured. His face fell at your words.

"You still think it's just about Sex?" You instantly regretted your words as you saw his disappointed face. "No, no, i swear. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I was really suprised that you would just throw them away like that." A grin made it's way back onto Buckys face. "I want to prove that I'm serious about this. About you." He smiled softly, making your heart flutter.

The two of you continued talking as he drove you home. He was so sweet and polite to you, and you really didn't want to get out as you arrived at your apartment complex. "The evening was nice. Thank you." You smiled at him. "Anytime." He smiled back. Then you just looked at each other, neither of you wanting this day to end.

"Am I allowed to kiss you?" He suddenly asked, a slight blush covering his cheeks. You chuckled at him. "Do you always ask for permission?" He shook his head. "But I don't want you to think I'm moving too fast or something." He smiled slyly. The gentleman-like Bucky was a whole new experience, but you loved it. "You're allowed to." He smiled in relief before leaning over to you, his lips inching closer. "Tell me when I'm going too far." He whispered and you nodded. Then his lips touched yours, and your eyes immediately closed as you leaned in to kiss him properly. You sighed into the kiss as his right hand fell to the back of your head, his metal one searching your own on your thigh to wrap his around it. Goosebumps covered your entire body as a firework of emotions went off in your stomach, and you couldn't help but smile into the kiss.

~

Half a year later, the Bucky you used to know was gone. He hasn't been to a club in months, spending as much time as possible with you. He had only smoked two more cigarettes after he had thrown his away infront of you, but soon enough he had stopped completely. He also didn't drink alcohol every weekend, maybe a beer here and there but nothing too much. He had changed, for you.

"You know, I always thought my life was perfect." He said one night while you were at his apartment, cuddled up together while watching some movies. You lifted your head from his chest to look at him, his eyes still on the TV. "What do you mean?" "Going out every weekend." He continued. "Hooking up with random people, drinking and smoking. I thought it was great." He stopped to look at you, the soft smile you loved so much on his lips. "But then I met you, and i know i lied to myself the whole time. This right here, having you next to me. That's the perfect life I was searching for all this time." You smiled brightly at him, pushing yourself up to kiss him passionately. He had become a better man, thanks to your help. And he had no desire to go back to how his life was before you met.

[ghost-btch]

He Could Be The One~ 5 Seconds Of Summer

(Chapter Three: The Park™ )

[Not my gif]

(Other chapters and the prologue are under 5sos on my blog. I'd link them but then it wouldn't show up in the tags.)

Rating: literally for everyone

Warning: none besides the fact there may be grammatical errors, oops lol

Word Count: 889

************************************

3rd Person P.O.V

Phoenix was lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling. The memories of the last night played in her head. She had met and became friends with one of her favorite bands, you can't blame her for still freaking out.

She had by now checked her phone for the numbers many times to make sure it wasn't just a dream. It really was dream like. 'Like some fanfiction I could have read.' Phoenix thought.

****

It was now about a week later and everything still felt surreal. Her and the boys had almost nonstop been texting back and forth, they were really good friends. One of them sujested to all meet up at one of the parks around L.A. They all agreed. So that's where Phoenix was heading now.

She had practically jumped out of bed when she realized what day it was. Though she tried her best to put down her fan side and try to be normal. She accomplished this on the outside, but in her head she was kinda screaming still.

When she arrived she noticed four grown men playing on the playground. A very hilarious sight to see but probably not to anyone else.

"Aren't y'all a little old to be playing on a playground? Then again I can't say much cause I want to swing on the swings." Phoenix laughed.

"I think we're very much still a bunch of kids." Luke replied.

Then next few minutes consist of five "adults" acting like a bunch of five year olds. Probably confusing anyone who went by.

"Hey so are you ever going to tell us who you ment at your show?" Michael questioned.

"I will not, well at least as of right now I won't. I don't know about what'll happen in the future." Phoenix replied slightly blushing.

She was very confused as to how none of them had figured it out yet. It was quite obvious to her, she wasn't the best at hiding things.

Though in reverse Phoenix was also the clueless one. Someone themselves thought they were making it obvious their feelings. Phoenix being one to overthink at wrong moments and be oblivious at others had no idea.

If only they both knew the truth.

The five of them, once they were done on the playground, made their way to one of the picnic tables.

"Whens your next show again?" Calum had asked.

"This Saturday, I think. Wait ya Saturday. Y'all may have realized by now I have a bad memory at moments." Phoenix replied.

Luke had laughed at the sentence.

"What are you laughing at Hemmings?"

"You say 'y'all' a lot. 'Y'all', funny word." All the boys laughed.

"Well when you say it by itself yes it doesn't sound weird. But in a sentence it seems find to me. I've heard many people say it before all over the place so." Phoenix replied jokingly sarcastic.

The five talked about the stupidest things, jokes, old stories, music stuff, and more the rest of the time. All agreeing the music business was absolutely insane. Good and badly.

"So you're never telling us?" Ashton asked.

"I don't know. I things the way they are now. I've had my fair share of accidentally ruining friendships in this type of situation. Though I honestly don't know how none of y'all figured it out yet." Phoenix knew she messed up as soon as that last sentence came out of her mouth.

"I shouldn't have said that." She said sighing while closing her eyes.

"It's obvious? Well I guess we are clueless." Ashton said.

"You're not wrong."

"Hey!"

"Well you said it yourself." They all laughed.

"Anyways I guess talk to you guys later." Phoenix said as they were leaving the park.

They all said their goodbyes as they left and went their separate ways. Phoenix immediately lightly slapping her face for;

1. Saying too much

2. Not saying enough, by that meaning not saying the truth

Phoenix seemed confident in the way she talked or performed, but at some moments she was absolutely anxiety filled. She knew all of them are some of the most nicest people on the planet but she just had that fear. The fear if embarrassment if thinks toke a turn. But in the other hand there had been times where she didn't say something and then she regretted that. This was not a very good situation as of then.

Then it hit her! She wasn't good when it came to talking about her feelings but she was good at writing them. For example she once wrote a note in middle school instead of telling her then crush she liked him in person. She then got home as fast as she could to start writing.

As soon as she opened the door she ran to her room. Then ran back because she forgot to lock the door. But then she grabbed her songbook and started writing. With in an hour she had a finished song. Well almost finished. It might need finishing touches before it was a perfect as she could make it. But she was happy with it.

She planned on singing it at her show Saturday since the boys would be there. She tried not to think about the possible conversations after the show. Which she sorta failed at.

....

Tag list: @rip-lukes-balsamic @ts-and-5sos @agirlruinedbybands //just comment if you'd like to be on my tag list//

[imjustaboredfan]

I guess this is kinda like a secret letter

Hi love,

don't know when you're reading this or if you're gonna read it at all but I'm writing it anyway because I need to get this off my chest. Also you're the only one who knows about my Tumblr so you know this is for you.

(besides, this app is dying so who cares what I post).

Where to start? I guess that trip to Rome was the beginning of everything, even though you'd been in my mind for months before that. Seeing you in every other class (because your attendance was pretty much non-existent tbh) made my day. There were days in which my anxiety was so bad the only reason I wanted to go class was because I would (or at least hope to) see you. I'd spent whole lessons just fantasising about us talking or discussing some thoughts on philosophy class. Even the tiniest interactions made me so happy, you don't even know.

That's why I still wonder what would have happened if I had never got on that plane, or went up to your room on the last night or agreed to that coffee on a Saturday afternoon.

Those days in the Italian capital now genuinely feel like a dream. I spent the seven days with butterflies in my stomach for just having you closer and noticing something was going on between us.

I'll never forget that feeling.

You already know I had that fanfic kinda dream where there was some problem with our hotel rooms and we had to "sadly" share one and we ended hooking up on the shower. I'm not proud, ok? But don't dare deny it's not funny to think about now.

I was so so nervous when you walked me home after that coffee and you stayed on my building entrance. The thought of you just being polite and the fear of making it all up in my head crossed my mind like a thousand times. I kept repeating myself "nothing's gonna happen, he's just making sure you get home safe, it's all in your head".

Until it happened. You just stayed there, staring at me, slowly approaching me, reducing the distance between our lips, your hand grabbing my hip. I don't know if you noticed but my hands where shaking. When I went up the stairs I stayed there for a while before entering my house because I just couldn't believe it. You, you of all people, just kissed me on my front door. You, the boy I had had a massive crush for months. This wasn't the kinda thing that happens to me. I pinched my skin a couple times searching for proof that I was dreaming it all, that it all was another stupid dream. But it wasn't, it was pretty damn real.

Since that 30th of March I've realized some things. I've realized how cloudy the sky is usually and how difficult it is to see the stars. I've realized that I actually like bad bunny's music and how much peace it brings me to just lay down with you and run my fingers through your hair. I've realized I'm actually into Tarantino's films and how pointless it is to tell you to not tickle me because you do it anyway (although I do the same thing to u so I actually kinda get it bc I love your laugh when I tickle u).

I've realized how songs can remind you of someone and teleport you to some places (your dinning room for example). I've realized I need to express my thoughts, that it is ok to say no, that I shouldn't always agree to whatever the other person says, that I don't have to use sex as a reward (which are things I didn't do before and put me in some bad situations I'll explain to you someday). Basically I've realized what a healthy relationship is. And how much better and happy I am now.

I've realized how funny and embarrassing it is to drink peach licor at seventeen. I've realized it's not that hard to make friends and to be more open and friendly. I've realized I love going to museums.

I've realized what intimacy truly is. I had never been so comfortable with anyone ever (I'm not just talking about sex but on all levels). I've realized it is ok to cry, even in front of people, that I should talk about my feelings as a way to let the crap go away. I've realized how insane it is that you talk about me with the people in your life (kinda normal since I'm your girlfriend but it is still crazy to me).

Also, as dumb as it may sound, I've realized that I am lovable. Yes, it still crosses my mind the thought of you getting tired of me or meeting someone much more interesting or prettier or smarter at any time. It's not a secret how insecure I can be sometimes. But you've proven to me more than once how much you love and value me and I think it's time I start truly believing it.

And most important, every day I'm realizing how much I love and care about you —It's really gonna sound cliche but the more days that pass the more I love you...— staying away from you for a few weeks has really proven to me how important you are in my life and how much I care about you. I'm having fun here but there's been too many days without your kisses and hugs already and I can't wait to get home.

Yes, it hurt me a little to know you thought me cheating on you was some kind of possibility and that's what made me wrote this. I wanted to emphasize what I told you the last night we spent together. When I'm with you I forget about anything else. My feet rise up from the floor as if I am flying in some kind of dream.

Because that's what you look like to me still. A dream. Something unbelievable. I still find hard to believe you choose to spend time with me and you having me as your girlfriend honestly feels insane (maybe that's why I asked you to repeat it for me on the phone the other day, hearing it in your voice is priceless). I would never betray your trust like that. "Impossible" I told you, and that answer hasn't changed.

I've also realized how seeing you smile and laugh and feeling joy, makes me feel it too. I want to experience all kind of things together. I wanna really get to know you. When I'm with you life doesn't seem so scary anymore. You make me wanna be reckless.

I'm writing this in Asturias, 762 km away from you, holding one of your T-shirts and counting the days left to see you again.

Love, Sara