#I've been watching what might as well be food porn

[chibinightowl]

"Okay, hear me out..." Jason says earnestly, nudging the paper-lined basket of his newest creation across the bar to his partner. "They're really good."

"That's sacrilege." Tim doesn't sound convinced in the slightest and glares at the unoffending plate between them. "You put cheese in them!"

"Yeah, I did. Havarti, which goes really good with dill, which is why those are dill pickles."

Tim makes a face. "And what did you do to the aioli?"

"Sriracha ranch."

Down the way, Colin glances over and snickers just loud enough for Jason to hear. "I even had Colin try them since you were out of town forever."

It's a low blow since Tim really hated being gone as long as he was, but that's what happens when you're running a biotech company. "What about Roy?"

"Roy has the palate of a college frat boy so nice try. He inhales everything."

"They're really good, Tim," Colin says. "Would Jason lead you wrong?"

"No," Tim replies slowly, though he's still giving the pickle spear deep fried in a wonton wrapper the evil eye. "It just feels like sacrilege."

"One bite," Jason encourages. "Just one bite and if you don't like 'em, you'll never see 'em again."

Gingerly, Tim picks up the new version of his favorite deep fried pickle and dabs it in the sauce. Then, looking like he's been asked to spend time with Damian, he takes a small bite.

He chews. Swallows.

Jason waits, then grins from ear to ear as Tim goes in for a second, much larger, bite. "Told ya," he laughs.

"Shut up." Tim takes a third and final bite, then pouts when he realizes he's only been given one pickle. "Do you have any more?"

[twig-tea]

With 23.5 finally coming out, the people are rejoicing at finally getting a high profile gl from GMMTV. But there have already been several gls airing this year, including my fav TsukuTabe, that have been flying under the radar with fandom, and in general there are more gls already out there than folks seem to think. I just know you have a list of all the gls we should be watching, please share with the class!

Thank you for the ask! How did you know I had a draft of GL recs to make at some point? [Trick question, I mentioned it to you.]

It may seem like I'm out here hating on GL because i've made a couple of negative reviews of recently airing series recently (Love Senior and Chaser Game W in case you're curious) but I actually have lots of GL that I love and that I wish were better known! Thanks for sending this ask so I am inspired to actually finish it! I've limited myself to series so that I could keep the list and this post to a reasonable length. Where possible I've listed where you can find each of these and included a link. And I've included an 'elevator pitch' summary but I am NOT in marketing for a reason, so please don't roast me too hard for my terrible comparisons. Alright, enough waffling!

Twig's GL Rec List

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat S1 & 2 (Japan, 2022 & 2024, both seasons fansubbed by @furritsubs; if you need help accessing this show feel free to DM me!)

Elevator pitch: Our Dining Table with lesbians and an even slower burn. Watch for beautiful food, acespec rep, mental health and therapy rep

What might turn some off: Extremely low heat, and quite slow-moving; warning for a disordered eating and family trauma plot (v gently handled)

Let's start with the one you've already mentioned. This is a heartwarming slice-of-life slow burn in which an autismspec-coded woman who likes to eat is invited by her neighbour, a femme acespec woman who loves to cook, to come and eat her food. It starts from a very practical place (when you love making food you need someone to help eat it), but their relationship grows as they spend more time together. The story follows them as they both move towards self-actualization in several ways: as a lesbian, as asexual, at work, with their families, with their friends, with each other. This show is so careful to say the important words aloud. And there is so much delicious cooking! Each episode highlights a particular recipe, and the food porn is real. Do not watch while hungry, but definitely watch. The found famiy vibes in this one one are also immaculate.

She Makes My Heart Flutter (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Younger lesbian friend group tries to help out (slightly) older lesbian bar owner with mixed success. I can't think of a good BL equivalent, The Moment Since feels the closest with its similar bartender/patron romance

What might turn some off: Comedic tone; short runtime; struggles with being closeted

This is a gem of a miniseries about a bar owner and an interior designer who smoulder at one another while an intrepid group of younger bar regulars (including the bar owner's neice) meddle. This series is really cute, solid, and full of sapphics! Once again found family vibes are immaculate (you may sense a theme in my faves). Run don't walk.

Fragrance of the First Flower (Taiwan, 2021, GagaOOLala)

Elevator pitch: Right-person-wrong-time/second chance romance; tonally is a little like We Best Love 2: Fighting Mr. 2nd but with an ambiguous ending.

What might turn you off: Medium heat, second chance romance means they break up once, internalized homophobia, adultery/cheating, at one point there's a creepy dude, child with autism (depicted well), ambiguous ending

At its core this is a story of a woman who can't stop getting in the way of her own happiness. This series is a little more sad than the rest of this rec list but I couldn't not include it because this relationship is so poignant. Plus there's a s2 that supposedly is to come out in 2024 so maybe we'll get our happy ending after all?

Love Greater Than or Equal to 70 Degrees C (Korea, 2019, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Ingredients but with lesbians staring at one another over beautiful tea pairings! What more could you ask for?

What might turn you off: Low heat; short runtime; ambiguous ending; like Ingredients this is essentially a long ad for the café it's filmed at.

This is a Korean miniseries about passionate tea sommeliers making really fancy tea while staring at one another a LOT. Perfect sapphic representation, 10/10 no notes. This one packs a lot of the drama tropes into its short runtime, so even though it's short it's full of butterfly-inspiring moments.

Sleep With Me (Philippines, 2022, GagaOOLala/iWantTFC/Netflix w/VPN set to Philippines)

Elevator pitch: The Truth About Cats and Dogs but the self esteem issues are handled without catfishing. BL equivalent: Hmmm. Closest I can think of is Gaya Sa Pelikula.

What might turn you off: There's some ableism (treated as such) in this show; Open ending.

Stellar GL between a late night radio DJ and an insomniac who listens to her show. One of the main couple is a wheelchair user and the show tackles ablelism and navigating disability in relationship as well as feelings of inadequacy in a relationship and how that manifests as interpersonal conflict.

Our Relationship Ended Before it Began (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Along the lines of I Cannot Reach You; the show gives both perspectives and they are held back by queer angst.

What might turn you off: No kiss (but they make it very clear both want to kiss), internalized homophobia

Really sweet miniseries about having a crush and being afraid of being hurt so you don't actually make a move. I really like the way the girl who has not dated a girl before defaults to gender roles and it throws the more experienced lesbian lol I also really like the way this show makes clear that both of them are waiting for a kiss, and that if you get in your head about things, it can get in the way of your own happiness!

Pearl Next Door (Philippines, 2020, Youtube)

Elevator Pitch: Gameboys but with lesbian vloggers.

What might turn you off: Love triangle, lots of teasing but low heat in the end, a lot of (good) conversations about mental health issues, ambiguous ending

This is the GL spinoff to Gameboys, starring Pearl from Gameboys. Pearl ends up being fought over by the two gorgeous women in the gif, an old love and a new. I love the queer friendships in this story as much as the relationships. I will say it's an open ending (that felt a bit like the showrunners didn't want to decide between ships) and definitely the love triangle features prominently but even in the face of these aspects that would normally turn me off a series I had a good time. The characters and interpersonal conflicts feel very real, and are allowed to be complex even when the show tone is comedic.

Dear Uranus (Taiwan, 2021, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Schoolgirl ensemble GL; a little like My School President but without the singing.

What might turn you off: Short runtime; ambiguous ending; a little bit of bullying; very standard romance trope execution

The first Taiwanese GL miniseries, this series was produced by a Taiwanese lesbian couple (Rabbit & Wolf)! Lots of excellent drama tropes, and incredibly gorgeous women (I think the entire watching audience fell in love with Erol.

Lily Fever (Korea, 2015, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Complete crack; YYY but with more kissing and frankly an even less coherent story.

What might turn you off: The lack of coherent plot; less a romance and more a very thirsty lesbian kissing everyone she can

This miniseries is utter chaos. Nothing really makes sense, it's all just random excuses to cause very suggestive moments (and kissing) to happen. I love so much how this series depicts women being so absolutely thirsty for one another (and yes that date isn't a typo, this series is ~9 years old). Not an "happy ever after" ending but it really isn't that kind of story.

Chasing Sunsets (Philippines, 2020, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Ocean Likes Me with lesbians. Resort romance with a mental health twist.

What might turn you off: Some of the mental health stuff gets intense, this was filmed in 2020 so the pandemic features heavily; hopeful but slightly ambiguous ending.

A complex story from the Philippines covering mental health and finding yourself. A woman shows up to a resort and befriends one of the women running the resort. They get closer as they spend time together, and the resort owner realizes something is off. There's also a BL side couple in this series.

Show Me Love (Thai, 2023, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: A little like My Day the series with lesbians, in that they work together and fall in love and it's full of tropes

What might turn you off: The advertising for the Miss Grand competition, there is some bullying and cheating (though way less than I was expecting tbh), not a lot actually happens, the editing gets a bit wonky at the end

This is essentially a massive ad for the Miss Grand Thailand competition; this GL was produced by the same company that produces that competition, and the stars are mostly Miss Grand competitors. The main pairing were shipped in the actual competition, and the company decided to make a GL about them. It's very slow paced and low-stakes, and there are better kisses than I expected considering everything I just said about where this show came from. There are a lot of cute moments!

Girlfriend Project (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Love Class with lesbians

What might turn you off: One of the leads is kind of mean in that pgitail-pulling way? It ends abruptly (but happily)

This is a short miniseries about two girls paired in a class that are assigned to "date". The chemistry is chemistrying. And there is a kiss (a good kiss, and a tiptoes kiss at that!). This show also has one of my favourite tropes, in which someone who seems like a pushover stands up for themselves and their partner finds it very attractive. For the record, in this show they are watching another GL by the same company, Love Tech.

Lulu (Philippines, 2022, Vivamax/grey)

Elevator Pitch: Present Perfect with lesbians (but with a better ending).

What might turn you off: Depictions of panic attacks, brief depiction of drowning, pandemic lockdowns, illness, exes, waffling, happy but open ending (which I actually liked for this story)

Two women trying to move on from the garbage in their lives meet at the beach of a B&B (where one saves the other from drowning) and become one another's company during their escape and then something more. They both have baggage that seems determined to keep them apart even as they continue to be drawn together. In the end, they decide to stick it out and see where they end up, with no guarantee of happily ever after, which I found very sweet. Requires either a VivaMax account or searching the grey for it, but it's worth the effort (check MyDramaList comments for suggestions on where to find it). Plus one of the leads has a cactus as a pet.

Welcome to the Lesbian Bar (Korea, 2023, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: A little like Fudanshi Bartender but without the fudanshi bartender and all of the bar patrons are lesbians lol

What might turn you off: Short, can get a little bit preachy, abrupt ending

Cute short series with different very stories every episode as different patrons visit the bar. The stories range from women who have been together for awhile, to people meeting from an online app for the first time, to someone visiting a lesbian bar for the first time; and yet the story all weaves together in a way that's satisfying though ends abruptly. Includes some solid marriage equality propaganda.

GAP the Series (Thai, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Kind of the vibes of Together with Me but lesbians and in an office instead of school. Angry boss falls for charming new intern and

What might turn you off: This one is the highest heat of all these recs; homophobia especially amongst family, brief depictions of death by car, brief mentions of suicide, cheating, bullying, abuse of power in the office.

A list would not be complete without this one! Honestly the plot is a bit wobbly but the show is a lot of fun. The girls are very cute, the feelings and tension builds really well between them, the friend group is excellent, and in the special we get a wedding.

---

The rest of these have caveats of one kind or another, but i couldn't leave them off a rec list, so here are the side couples and censored stories that are still worth your time anyway (I might do a separate more detailed post for these, as well as for films, one day if there's interest):

Nevertheless (GL side; Korean, 2021, Netflix) Not sure it's worth watching a whole kdrama for side lesbians? Search soljiwan on youtube. They are great. Even the Netflix account stans them. I watched this (ngl, I watched the SolJiwan cut) as it aired and was constantly braced for it to let us down but it did not! A really good friends-to-lovers story.

Friend Zone 2: Dangerous Area (GL side; Thailand, 2019, YouTube): These sapphics are messy and I love them. Decent conversation about dating someone with mental health issues in this series, and they're one of the only couples in this ensemble to get a happy ending. If you're just watching the lesbian couple (which you can, their story is pretty self-contained) you don't need to have seen s1.

Six Survivors (GL side; Japan, 2022, Viki) This show is a horror comedy and it is SO MUCH FUN. Warning for zombies and blood, but way less than you might think. One of the eponymous 6 survivors is a lesbian who keeps trying to convert them to veganism lol. If you watched Chaser Game W you'll recognize one of the actresses in this, the lead actress is from Kamisama no Ekohiiki, and one of the guys is from the prequel series His as well as I Want to See Only You! And yes there is a kiss. Also a surprising number of Mallrats references. Not for people who can't handle gore or relationships being complicated/not a "true love" story/ambiguous ending.

Kamisama no Ekohiiki (complicated question of is it GL in parts, Japan, 2021, furritsubs once again coming through to save the day) This one is a bit complex because there's bodyswap, but the girl who falls for the bodyswapped boy-in-a-girl's-body is clear that she is only interested in the girl. One of the better bodyswap stories because the bodyswap is not a secret for very long, so instead there's a lot of introspection about what gender means and who/what they are attracted to. Feels wrong to call this GL, necessarily, but it's very queer.

Couple of Mirrors (Censored GL, China, 2021, Viki) Story of a rich girl and her assassin girlfriend. This production did an amazing job getting away with what they could, just don't watch the last five minutes and we've got essentially a happy lesbian family.

Legend of Yunze (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) Very cute very low budget xianxia miniseries with two seasons and a special. The special is set in modern times in a future lifetime so if you want a cute censored-but-clearly-a-soulmate-love-story this is the one for you. Don't be thrown off by the weird cuts/abrupt episode endings, that's in line with cdramas in general.

Led Astray by Love (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) A very fun and adorable isekai story in which a modern day girl is transported to a wuxia novel setting and has to figure out how to get home, and gets romanced by the princess along the way.

And a few additional links for people who even more content:

My Indian sapphic webseries rec list

My suggestions for content with toms (Thai category that's similar to but not exactly the same as butch lesbians) in response to this post.

This really good GL MyDramaList list (not made by me!) lists what seems to be everything I've mentioned and about 200 more. Even I haven't seen a few of these!

My YouTube playlist of sapphic content: This includes anything I stumble across or find in my searches, a lot of music videos and random shorts as well as some microseries and miniseries that I don't consider GL but are WLW/sapphic in addition to true "GL" content. For serialized content, I add just the first ep. A complete mess, but you can trawl through to find stuff to watch, like Hetero!

SOONOTSUE: The same producers of She Makes My Heart Flutter have other short series on their channel worth checking out; if you liked that one, try Out of Breath!

Shakeshoulder: Thai YouTube producers of very pulpy (read: low budget and dramatic plots) shorts

FuFuKnows: This YouTube channel is owned by a gay Taiwanese couple that produces shorts every week, including some with GL mains and sides. These are very low budget but cover a whole swath of queer themes.

@douqi7s is a godsend providing subtitles for all kinds of content, including sapphic shorts and more series than I've listed here. Check their tumblr for links to all of their content; A Practical Guide to Being a Superstar's Assistant has one of the best setups to giving us great moments in the guise of something else so that they get past censorship I've ever seen; I also recommend The Vampires if you're into genre fiction, as well as Legend of Yunqian if you enjoyed the xianxia parts of Legend of Yunze. @wlwcatalogue did an excellent summary of many of the non-wuxia options here.

Quick pitch for the streaming platform GagaOOLala; it's affordable, has a ton of content, including a whack of GLs (originals, license series, and a ton of shorts), and is run by queer people out of Taiwan who care about good quality queer content being made and having an audience, and using the soft power from those successful series to support social change. And if you can't afford a subscription it's worth checking out what they have for free, they open up temporary free access to some things for various events throughout the year.

In searching for gifs for this post I found fellow tumblr user @drowningparty 's WLW compendium list; they've listed more series and films so check it out if you still need more content!

*wipes sweat off brow* that should be enough to be getting on with, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg! If there's something specific you want to see with sapphics let me know and I can tell you if I know it exists. Anyway, I hope this gives you and everyone else a taste of what all is out there! I of course always want more, I am serious about being a sapphic dragon hoarding every crumb i can get my lizardy hands on, but I do think what we have should also be appreciated more. If I missed one of your faves, please tell me!

[goddessofroyalty]

The Arrangement

Like I mentioned, watched the live action One Piece. This should not be a surprise.

Summary: Sanji’s method of dealing with his heats to date has been to find an alpha willing to help him out. His options are a little more limited now he’s joined the Strawhats.

Pairing: Zoro/Sanji

Tags: omegaverse, friends with benefits

I've just included the porn under the cut so if you want to read the two scenes before it (or subscribe to get notified when I post the second part) go read on AO3.

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Luffy and Usopp are both sleeping deeply when Zoro slides out of his hammock. Their Captain’s snores more than covering any sounds of Zoro moving across the room and opening the door. The night air cool on his skin as he makes his way across the ship to the kitchen.

He knocks on the door because Sanji probably locked it when he shut himself in there after they had finished eating. His steadfast refusal for any help with the dishes the only hint that his heat was hitting him more than he was letting on.

“It’s me,” Zoro says, despite not knowing who else Sanji would think it could be.

Probably Luffy actually – coming to steal a late night snack.

The door doesn’t open and Zoro finds his apprehension quickly replaced with annoyance.

“Oi are you going to let me in?” He swears if this was just some sick joke of Sanji to have him looking desperate on the other side of the door to the omega’s heat he’s going to kick his ass. Probably how the cook gets his pleasure – cock-teasing alphas right before his heats claiming he wants their company only to then keep them locked out of his room for it.

The door to the kitchen practically slams open to reveal an annoyed Sanji wearing only his shirt and boxers.

“Are you trying to wake the ship!?” Sanji snarls at him, tugging him into the room before slamming the door behind him.

“You weren’t opening the door!”

“Whatever,” Sanji snaps, walking over to his pants to fish out his pack of cigarettes, easily lighting one with practiced ease.

Zoro takes the moment to look around the room. It’s not all that different to how it looks normally which somehow surprises him. He supposes it does make sense though – this is Sanji’s space more than anywhere else on the ship so he probably doesn’t need to do much to it to make it feel safe and comfortable. Even what Zoro assumes to be the ‘nest’ built on couch looks more like a haphazard pile of clothing and blankets than a carefully thought out creation.

He catches Sanji watching him from the corner of his eyes.

“It wasn’t like I was inviting anyone in I wanted to impress,” Sanji says. “It does the job.”

“Just figured you would be the kind to make it look nice for yourself.” Considering how much the cook cares about the presentation of the food he makes them despite how Zoro and Luffy gobble it down as soon as it’s put in front of them.

Sanji shrugs.

“It’s just going to end up a mess anyway by the time we’re done.”

“Right.” Because the whole reason Zoro is even here is to fuck Sanji through his heat.

“You have done this before right?” Sanji asks, watching him closely.

“Yeah.” Zoro isn’t about to have their omega cook running around thinking he’s some kind of virgin. Or was a virgin until now. “Just normally I’m the one with the urges that need tending to.”

Ruts are frustrating more than anything. His body hijacking his focus and making it much easier for him to be distracted. He found the fastest way to work through them is to find someone willing to let him fuck them. Something that hasn’t been hard to do for many years now.

“Well then,” Sanji says, moving in closer. And suddenly Zoro is hit by how much his scent has been taken over by his heat, the cigarette scent only slightly covering the sweetness of it. “If this goes well I might be willing to return the favor.”

“So this isn’t going to be a one-time thing?”

“We’re part of a pirate crew now. We’re going to be spending a lot of time away from land and there isn’t anyone else on this boat who would be interested,” Sanji says, sitting on the edge of his nest and letting out a breath of smoke. His assessment of their situation blunt but accurate. “Unless you don’t want to-”

“It’s not that.” It’s that Zoro doesn’t actually mind the idea of a mutually beneficial relationship like that with Sanji even if he can’t stand the omega most of the time. “How about we get through this first.”

“I suppose I should make sure you’re not completely selfish in bed before I offer my body to you again,” Sanji agrees in the most annoying way he possibly can because apparently even when he’s invited Zoro to help with his heats he still can’t help but be an asshole.

Zoro waits for Sanji to do something, anything, to indicate how he wants them to progress. Instead, the omega just stays sitting on the edge of the couch-turned-nest letting his cigarette burn down.

“Well?” Sanji asks once it’s nearly burnt to its butt.

“Well?” Zoro asks in response.

“Aren’t you going to do anything? Or do you just plan on watching?”

That is a tempting idea that Zoro tucks away for later. If this is a trail for possibly getting Sanji’s help with his ruts as well that doesn’t seem like the best way to impress the omega.

“What do you want me to do?”

“What?”

“It’s like I said, I’ve only done it when it was me needing the help.” Zoro says, scratching the back of his head and ignoring the burn of humiliation at admitting he isn’t as experienced in this as Sanji clearly is. But he also isn’t going to let the cook come to any conclusions that aren’t true. “You’re the one that knows what your body wants.”

“Ah,” Sanji says, his cigarette hanging from his mouth as he does and his expression one like he’s tucking some information away for later not that Zoro knows what that means. “Come here.”

Zoro takes the hand Sanji offers, allowing the omega to pull him close. His head falling into the crook of the cook’s neck as he kneels between his parted legs. The strange sweetness filling his lungs with every breath and he feels himself start to harden in response.

“I want you to fuck me,” Sanji tells him and Zoro nuzzles against where the sweetness is strongest. “As hard as you’re able to.”

“Then why are you still dressed?” Zoro’s wraps his arms around Sanji, pressing up on his knees so he can push more into the omegas space. Enjoying the little huff of breath Sanji lets out when he presses his erection into his thigh.

“I don’t know – why haven’t you undressed me yet?”

Right. So that was meant to be Zoro’s responsibility.

“Do you want it all off?” He isn’t going to be yelled at because Sanji wanted to keep his shirt on.

Sanji licks his lips at it. Reaching around to pull the cigarette from his mouth and pressing it against the wall above the couch to put it out before throwing it to the ground.

“Whatever you would prefer,” he says, a shyness Zoro didn’t think possibly for him in his voice.

“Idiot.” Why would he think Zoro would prefer him with any clothes on? What was even the point of doing that?

“Oi!” Sanji goes to protests but Zoro doesn’t pay it any mind, instead grabbing hold of the shirt and tearing it off him, sending buttons flying. “Hey! Careful!”

“You said you wanted me to fuck you as hard as I was able,” Zoro says, tugging the sleeves of Sanji’s shirt off him and tossing it to the ground. “And that’s what I’m going to do.”

Sanji gives a definitively swallow at it, staring up at him in surprise and what Zoro hopes is arousal. But this is exactly what he asked for and Zoro is going to give it to him.

Zoro doesn’t waste any time before tugging Sanji’s boxers off and getting out of his own clothes. Pushing Sanji further into the couch-turned-nest and following him in.

He only stops when Sanji’s foot comes to rest against his stomach. The omega’s eyes looking him over.

“Like what you see?” Zoro asks when they clearly settle on his dick.

Sanji twists his head as if he’s literally sizing it up.

“I’ve had bigger,” is what he apparently decides on as his final assessment.

“You should know better than to say that to an alpha!” Zoro snarls, grabbing hold of Sanji’s face to hold it in place.

“Yeah? And what are you going to do about it?” Sanji asks, looking entirely too smug.

There’s a lot of things Zoro thinks about doing about it. Some more likely than others. If he actually believed he could, he would get up and leave Sanji to handle his heat by himself, but he’s accepted that at this point it would as much torture for him as it would the omega. He could go find something of a similar size and shape to a dick in the kitchen and refuse to fuck Sanji until the omega brings himself off on it.

Instead he surges forward. Connecting their mouths in a dominating kiss as he hikes Sanji’s legs over his hips, rubbing his erection against the wet mess between them.

“If you’ve taken bigger I don’t need to worry about prepping you right?” He means it as an empty threat more than anything. Means for it to make Sanji back down and the moment to de-escalate and it to get back under control.

Sanji meets his eyes with a determined gaze.

“Do it.”

Zoro looks for some sign of doubt or joke in the cook’s eyes but they are set. Apparently it’s what Sanji wants.

“Fuck.”

Zoro’s hand fumbles as he lines himself up properly with the wet, tight entrance. He cautions another look at Sanji to make sure the omega hasn’t changed his mind but when he’s met with the same resolved gaze he pushes in. Cursing at the warmth that envelops him and trying not to go too fast especially with the lack of preparation.

“Shit!” Sanji curses, his head hanging back. Zoro immediately freezes in case it is too much for him and he needs to somehow steel himself to pull out so he can actually finger the bastard to stretch him out. “What are you doing!? Keep going you idiot!”

“Right.” Zoro keeps pushing in until his hips rest against Sanji’s skin. His head falling down to rest in the crook of the omega’s neck where Sanji smells the sweetest, focusing on the sound of Sanji’s panted breaths to resist the urge to just keep thrusting like he wants to. They’re doing this for Sanji after all.

Zoro’s muscles tense when Sanji’s legs wrap around him to lock behind his hips, earning him a huff of a laugh from the omega.

“Just me,” Sanji says softly, one of his hands coming up to run lightly through Zoro’s hair. It all bordering on too intimate for what this is meant to be.

“I know that.” He would know if some threat had come into the room with them or if another member of their crew had decided to try and sneak in for a midnight snack.

Sanji lets out another huff at that before shifting his hips and arching his spine. Somehow pushing himself even further down on Zoro’s dick as he tenses and releases around it. Zoro having to grab hold of the omega’s hip and leg to stop himself from starting to thrust at it.

Zoro’s grip goes tighter when Sanji grinds against him like he’s trying to force even more of Zoro inside him despite there being no more dick left to go in.

“Move would you!”

With the permission he had been waiting for Zoro immediately complies. Pulling out as much as he can with Sanji’s legs locked around his hips before thrusting back in with all the force he can. Forcing a moaned-gasp from the omega.

“Fuck- that’s it!” Sanji says as Zoro finds his rhythm. His hands coming to dig into Zoro’s shoulders, the bite of his nails helping to keep Zoro grounded in the moment and not lose himself to his instincts as well.

“More!” Sanji gasps out. “Come on I know you have more in you than that!”

Zoro does but it’s kind of hard when he’s got Sanji practically wrapped around him. His range of movement limited by the ankles locked behind his thighs.

Another demand of it has him taking action. Grabbing hold of Sanji’s calves and forcing them back towards the omega, practically folding him in half to the point where it if it was anyone else he’d worry it’d be painful. He knows Sanji’s flexible though and there’s no pain in the louder moans the omega gives out as Zoro finally can thrust into him fully.

“Shit. You feel amazing.” Warm and wet and the right side of tight where his grip on Zoro’s dick is firm but not suffocating.

Sanji huffs out a laugh at it.

“You’re not bad yourself.”

“Just not bad?” Who the fuck had Sanji been getting to help him out in other heats if this was just ‘not bad’?

“Fuck!” Sanji moans as Zoro thrusts in him harder.

“Still only not bad?” Zoro leans down so his face is right next to Sanji’s to ask the question.

“Ah! Shit! Alright! Maybe halfway decent,” Sanji relents, his face screwed up in clear pleasure as Zoro reaches up with an arm to brace himself against the back of the couch so he can thrust as hard as he can. “Keep doing that!”

Zoro is more than happy to comply with that command.

“Not gonna’ last much longer,” Zoro warns as he feels the pressure in his stomach building up.

“Oh thank fuck,” Sanji says and when Zoro glances down he’s clearly not got much longer in him either. His dick hard and leaking where it’s pressed between their stomachs.

Zoro reaches down to take hold of it. Enjoying the gasp Sanji gives.

It only takes three strokes for Sanji to tense up and spill into Zoro’s hand. The way he clenches up at it making Zoro only last a handful more thrusts himself before he’s pushing in as far as he can, letting his knot tie them together.

“You okay?” he asks when Sanji’s face grimaces at it. The omega had said it was okay to knot him back when they agreed upon the ground rules of this deal but he might have changed his mind.

“Yeah. Just should have prepped before we started.” Sanji says with a breathy laugh, collapsing back against the couch and letting his limb splay. “It’s fine though. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

“Right.” There isn’t really anything Zoro can offer to help. He can’t exactly take it out until the knot goes down and Sanji clearly isn’t looking to be soothed, not that Zoro would know how. Sanji’s expression is already relaxed as well so whatever discomfort it had been was apparently fleeting.

Zoro isn’t surprised when Sanji reaches under one of the blankets of the nest and pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lighter. Resting the pack on his chest as he pulls one out to light. Taking a drag before letting his hand fall off the edge of the couch as he breaths out the smoke of it.

Zoro shoves the packet aside before collapsing against the omega’s chest causing him to grunt. Careful that the action doesn’t cause his dick to move too much where it’s tied them together.

“Really?” Sanji demands as Zoro does his best to find somewhere comfortable to rest his head on the omega’s chest.

“Arms were getting tired.” It would still be a little before the knot went down and Zoro didn’t plan on holding himself up for the whole time. Might as well take a nap while they wait.

He feels the muscles in Sanji’s chest shift as the cook brings the cigarette back to his lips. The scent of sweetness and smoke oddly comforting as Zoro drifts off.

[doyou000me]

Fic Author Self Rec

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to other writers. Spread the self-love~ 🫶🏻

@dropthedemiurge tagged me in this, and since I do love me a fun tag game, I have no reason to refuse! I did purge my ao3 recently so I don't have a whole lot of options, but here we go~!

Luca Knows [Vincenzo, LucaxVincenzo, fic series] I am cheating right out the gate, because this is not a fic but a series of oneshots that I've written for the kdrama Vincenzo, and I love every single one of the six installments! This series starts out Mature, then dives into dead dove and veers into religious trauma - all with a hearty serving of horniness and smut! "It's an interesting exploration of what kind of show Vincenzo might have been if it had leaned in a grittier, bloodier direction." is one of my all time favourite comments that I am proud of getting, especially considering they torture people in canon. I wholly expect I'll eventually write more for this series - I have notes for at least 2 more oneshots!

The Look [My Personal Weatherman, MizukixYok, oneshot] This came about thanks to the lovely @candidamay! A certain picture that I came across thanks to her was very inspiring, and then I had a great time brainstorming a pairing that would fit the dynamic of the picture - and we settled on Mizuki and Yoh as the perfect couple with just the right combination of power dynamics, horniness and kink. It's sweet, unapologetic smut served with feels and a pinch of food porn. (The picture is in the fanfic on ao3. Just click the title to satisfy your curiosity, my fellow heathen.)

Moth to Flame [Kinnporsche, Gen, KinnxPorsche, oneshot] When inspiration hits, it hits hard. This time the idea of pyromanic Porsche hit me over the head and left me no choice but to pour this oneshot out onto the digital paper. Something about a young Porsche entranced by the heat of a bright flame really speaks to me - and then the idea of that same Porsche in a tiny restaurant kitchen spoke to me some more, and it has since become the first part of a series of fics. So far there's only two of them, but as always I have ideas.

Impulse Control [Kinnporsche, KinnxPorsche, oneshot] Smut! This is one of those that I started writing, forgot about - and then completed 2 years later. My story outline was intro/smut/smut/smut/smut/outro (with smut) which should tell you all you need to know about it! Porsche is the delightful little shit that we all love, and Kinn tries his very best to keep his new bodyguard in line. It works about as well as one can expect.

Held [The Sign, PhayaxTharn, TharnxPhaya, multichapter] The Sign was a wild ride and it was great fun sharing that ride with everyone! Writing as each episode came out and using the fic to delve deeper into the characters' thoughts and motivations made me appreciate the series more than I would have by just watching it, and I also had the opportunity to try a few new, fun writing tricks along the way. Be warned: chapter 11 is some of the most efficient writing I have ever written.

Now I'd like to hear which of your fics are your favourites @7nessasaryevils, @xagan, @luckydragon10

[onlyonewoman]

One good thing about getting older and having grown up partly without the Internet - and certainly without the extent of social media we have now - is that you could watch and read stuff with flawed characters without immediately jumping to the conclusion that:

The creators thought the bad traits of a character were morally good.

You should equate shitty behavior from a fictional character with a prompt to act like that yourself or excuse that shitty behavior in others in real life.

You should police and shame other people's personal preferences in media consumption publically, like a fucking HSA during the satanic panic, only ramped up like a squirrel on speed.

I have no problem with content that is clear about consent and who's good or bad, sometimes that take fits the story and characters well. A clear "this good, that bad" story is like comfort food or following a nice evening routine.

It serves our need to stay grounded and relax, which is very important, especially in a world where we're exposed to more daily impressions and personal choices than ever before in history.

I wish more young people kept in mind that ONE of the reasons why we're stressed, distracted and easily feel alone and/or watched, is that the consumation of literture, movies, tv shows, music etc. now almost never is a solo experience, which in turn robs us of some of the joy.

What I'm trying to say is that while it's good to reckognize shitty behavior in fictional characters - kudos to you youngsters who discover it earlier than we did - it doesn't make the one reading/watching/listening to a promoter of sexual assault, murder, gas lighting, bad sterotypes, shitty friends, non-existing communication etc.

Like, the worst "crime" I've committed is getting absurdly high library fines due to forgetting to return books in time. My worst behavior includes yelling in complete frustration and possibly tossing my own possessions around - which happens like once every five years. (Thanks emotion regulating meds!)

I'm a trusted animal caretaker and sometimes supervisor for minors. I'm on the organ donor list, I do volontary work, loves Studio Ghibli movies and if I see a cat, I stop dead in my tracks, hoping it will grant me the honor of petting it.

I also write hardcore porn sometimes.

One of my favourite movie characters of all time, is the killer Bill in Kill Bill and the fact that David Carradine died from erotic asphyxiation only makes him hotter.

I loved Marilyn Manson as Ron Tully in Sons Of Anarchy, because the role was just small enough to leave all the room for excellent prison fanfics - and I will go to my fucking grave claiming that Jax Teller was a way worse person than Ron Tully, without claiming that Tully was in any way a good person.

I can't watch the scenes in either Casino or Goodfellas, when Joe Pesci's characters die, because while his absolutely horrendous characters definitely deserve to die, the way it happens in both cases, plays with my own fear of betrayal.

I fear that plenty of younger people have been robbed of the wonderful experience of realizing they can't despise a bad character with the same ease they could as kids.

Yes, some films, movies, books etc. are like comfort food: no resistance, no surprices, less thinking and more feeling. And we need them!

We also need the type of media that shows grim reality with an easily defined enemy, like the nazis in Schindler's List, where there's no way we can identify with the nazis, but still have to balance on the edge with Schindler, who didn't care about the Jews at first, only his business.

We need characters like the despicable yet somehow also caring Aunt Lydia in The Handmaid's Tale, who in her own twisted way cares about the women she's set to control and keep in line. I myself find it impossible to wish her dead, not because she deserves a second chance, but because her lack of cruelty just for the sake of it, has shone through enough times to reveal she might be a vital key for the good in the end.

By being exposed to morally grey characters, we learn about ourselves and what we, as human beings, are capable of in extreme circumstances, whether it's good or bad.

I believe that with the literal fear of coming across as "toxic" or a promoter of shitty behavior by loving characters with awful behavior, makes people less interested in challenging media and thus, not building up an inner understanding for and capacity to deal with bad things and shitty people in real life.

And if you find yourself in a position where you feel like you can't handle characters who can be both monsters and human beings, it's no longer a content problem, it's a YOU problem.

Maybe you're not old enough to connect with certain characters or stories. Maybe you're not in the right mindset to watch/read it right now. Maybe it's simply not something you find enjoyable at all.

All three are valid reasons to stay away from this kind of content.

What it isn't, is a reason to try and shame other people for taking a liking to it. Don't spend your 20's playing moral police online, pretending to be judge, jury and executioner for some stranger enjoying fictional criminals consentually fucking their rival criminal in chains in the basement.

We already know it's fiction, know perfectly well it's not an advertisement for healthy relationships and if YOU didn't understand that, you're simply not old and/or experienced enough to partake in that sort of content.

And if you ought to be old and mature enough to understand this, yet still get your panties in a twist when you come across, lets say, the vegaspete tag: just remember that had Scorsese wrote Kinnporsche, most of the characters aside from Porsche, would've ended up:

buried alive

shot in the neck

blown up

mutilated or, at best:

living under secret identity for the rest of their lives, on the top of the Bangkok mobster death list

Goodfellas is still one of the best movies ever made and if the young people in the 90's could go and watch it without leaving the theatre thinking "yeah, lets start money laundring, doing blow and shooting friends in the head", I'm pretty damn sure today's youth can do the same.

[ask-hannah-blog]

Honkers hiiiiii!!!! 🤡🤡🤡🤡 It's ya girl Pretzel!!!!! 🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨 Just had the craziest dream the other night! I think I've found my calling!

So, there I was, at a carnival like I used to go to as a kid, just walking around, enjoying myself. Then I started to smell the most wonderful thing: Delicious delicious food! Warm, salty, mouth-watering smells of freshly prepared junk food!

I notice myself drifting off toward it in a daze, literally lifting off the ground like a cartoon character, and when I get there, I realize something. No one is manning the stand!

Oh no! We can't just leave all this food unattended! Luckily, there's an employee uniform on standby for me to take over. I hurriedly put it on, not questioning why the shirt just had a gaping hole where my tits would be, or why my huge weiner was hanging out of my skirt. The shoes were weird too, they were big long sneakers with a hole for my toes to pop out of, so they're just wriggling around waiting for a customer to suck on them. Soon enough a bunch of other guests (they're probably fellow clowns to be!) show up and I start serving food! I'm so good at juggling different orders all at once and making the guests laugh with my antics! Then someone shows up, a bloated thing I only recognized as a fellow clown further along on her transformation, and asks for the "special menu"...

A switch flips in my head and I present myself to her. She starts sucking my dick and I watch her visibly swell from how much I unload into her. A bunch of other clowns start to surround me and get working on my toes and tits. Sucking and licking, sucking and licking. Gosh, I was in heaven! I couldn't stop farting, and to my surprise, I realized that my farts had the exact same smell as that of the food stand.

I woke up with my bed covered in mayo jizz. I tend to sleep naked so there was absolutely nothing to protect my stuff from the onslaught of my shower of cum. If my plushies weren't cum stained before they sure are now. I was too groggy to get myself ready to lick up that much jizz on all my babies so I resolved myself to give them an actual cleaning later on. The thing is, I tend to get thirsty when I wake up, and as I got up to grab a drink, I realized that my tits were audibly sloshing. Weird! I figured,

"Well, I already ate my own cum, why not sample my breasts too?"

To my surprise, it tasted like cola. You'd think the carbonation would be uncomfortable, but no, it feels kind of fizzy and silly! Gives me the giggles heheheh...

So yeah, it was a pretty wacky start to the day for me. I read what you said about my previous messages by the way and if you guys have any advice to get rid of that lady's pictures I'm open!

(I'm also open to some good foot porn suggestions! Hannah hit me up with your faves, I can tell you're a woman of culture. I'd also be very interested in seeing Brittany's tootsies up close, but I understand if you're a little possessive with them!)

Also, love love love love the shirt hahaha! I was laughing so hard when I saw it, I let out a gas bomb of a fart, it smelled like nacho cheese all over the flat! I would totally get one IRL if I could, you're the funniest girl I know!

BTW If you're looking for bigger feet, take it from me, you can get your toes to grow a bit by just really pulling on them when you're sucking them, same thing with your soles! Just give your foot a nice longggg drag of the tongue and it grows for the gag! Saw a clown do it in a video and I've been thinking of trying it out for myself soon! I might record a vid, I dunno. It's the exhibitionist urge giving me ideas.

Lots and lots of love and kisses and hugsssss!!! Love ya lots Hannah!🤡🤗🤗🤗😘💖💖💖💖💖💖💗💗💗💓

Uh oh! Look out! Incoming message from Pretzel! Gotta prepare myself.

*closes door*

*sits down*

*pants off*

*cuts cheese*

*Starts masturbating*

🥨

Oh my god Pretzel you greasy little freak you’re becoming so hot! What an amazing dream.

Normally I would warn people against those circus dreams, but your was just sooooo perfect for you, and those shoes sound hot!

I think what we need to do is set you up a snack stand in front of my office or in my lobby so you can entertain my guests before they get in!

Hehe Hyuk!

Gosh so hot. I’m imagining your big musky wiener turning all red and ruddy, a proper hot dog, hyuck!

And UUUUUUUUUGH you feeding that clown your mayo until she was a flat bloated whale? That’s so perfect for a junk food clown like you! The whole circus is going to be filled with fat lady clowns if they don’t keep you on a leash! Hehe, I’d like to keep your greasy ass on a leash, my little wiener dog…

You may want to consider sleeping with a condom on, or an empty condiment bottle hyuck! If you’re having night emissions. Should make clean up a lot easier.

If you even want to clean up! Having a bunch of crusty stuffies with matted fur seems perfect for you! Give them a smooch for me, or a good fucking, whatever you think I deserve!

And I know I’m not the only one thinking about what a funny clown mommy you’d be! Filling your babies up with soda, making them the gassiest little cuties on the fair grounds! Hyuck if nothing else I want to grab those tatas and shake em up real good until they speeeeew!

As for foot porn? Gosh where to begin. Kink dot com has some great stuff, ever since I woke up in a nylon bodysuit I’ve been really into encasement, mmmmm yummy yummy nylon. Socks, shoes, ughn I just can’t choose I’m a total foot freak, I’ll take it all honk honk! Hehehehyuck!

And it is so great that you’re thinking of filming yourself and posting it! When we first started talking a month ago you were too shy to even leave your room, and had to perform for your stuffies, now you’re thinking of licking your feet in front of the whole internet! So proud of you!

Make you a deal, I’ll send you pics of me swallowing Brittany’s feets if I can get pics of you licking yours!

Toe Clevage better look out, next time that that slut flashes her feet in public she might just get a gallon of mayo dumped on her feet from our small town clown! Our pretzel is going to be a loud and proud exhibitionist!

Can’t wait to hear more of your adventures! I love ya girl! Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re just such a great low class clown. Just a perfect gross little greasy freak for me to add to my stable. ❤️❤️❤️

Oh yeah advice… hyuck!

Um I dunno…

Oh wait!

Keep being gorgeous!

- Ms. Hannah

[its-blip-on-the-radar]

I was curious, are you in any fandoms? Or in general like a thing a lot.

oooohkay so. I'm not in any fandoms really, I don't watch online media enough to really say I'm in a fandom

HOWEVER

I am a HUGE science nerd. Especially about biology. I am constantly researching animals and their behavior especially with ocean animals and reptiles. I also really love insects. I'm planning to have a reptile/insect keeping room one day because I love them so much. I have literally told my girlfriend I rather have a blue tegu than a dog. I don't really like furry things all that much if I'm being honest, I relate a lot more to the types of animals people claim are unable to love. Like yeah they probably don't get the burst of oxycotin that humans get about things, but getting a lizard or snake to trust you enough to be held without pitching a fit is amazing!! They're demonized so much in media and I adore them. My main special interest is also sharks so take that for what you will. I relate a little too much to animals that people make out to be "evil".

I also have a big interest in psychology. My brain is ten different levels of fucked so I kinda like doing research into how brains normally function or hell, even how my brain functions. Like the fact that people with schizophrenia are (I think) 80% more likely to experience insomnia than the average person! I just thought I was bad at sleeping but no there's a reason for it! But I'm also a big fan about the science behind human sexuality. I won't get too into the facts of it cuz a lot of it is NSFW, but looking a the science behind getting it on and how it affects the brain and how fetishes and kinks form, ITS SO COOL. I also collect vintage erotica and gay porn because of this gkjdkjlkfldkgl.

I also just generally have a big love for queer history, learning about the aids crisis and the struggles that our community has faced but also just the fact that we've ALWAYS been here... It makes me feel less alone.

And like the last main thing I'm into is spirituality type stuff. I'm actually a certified pagan priest irl, but my disabilities and life circumstances have made me need to take a really big step back from the work I've been doing. But I've always fueled my work in this with the fact I have seen SO MANY people do it the wrong way, that I want to be a guiding force in doing it the right way.

Besides that, I'm really big into the punk anarchist scene, I like the vulture culture community on tumblr here and have a few specimens myself, I build legos and models a lot, I like art (obviously), I'm learning how to do leather, metal, and wood working, and also building costumes or restoring old clothes/shoes. I like music and singing a lot now that my voice has dropped from testosterone, I play Minecraft and the Sims a lot in my free time, I'm not big on video games but I'm trying to get into TF2 again. I'm getting pretty good at the Pokemon Trading Card Game, as well as Magic the Gathering (Magic is much slower than Pokemon TCG if I'm being honest, that game is complicated.)

To be honest most of what I watch on youtube is documentaries, food reviews, and reddit videos, haven't found any youtubers I'm particularly into. Honestly, I spend most of my time scrolling through tumblr and listening to rock music because I'm two weeks away from finally getting to go home after getting stuck in Texas for seven months and I'm kinda stuck in wait mode. Hopefully once I'm back in Chicago, I'll be doing a lot more hobby wise. I might even share some of it here if I get my old camera back.

But yeah, that was a big old ramble, I know it's weird for me to be on the fandom website and not be in any fandoms but it honestly takes a LOT for me to get into series of any kind. 100% of the series or fandoms I'm "into" it just cuz I have an alter from their source. Either way I hope this accurately answered your question! I appreciate being sent stuff a lot!

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

Well, if you don't usually reblog lewd asks... don't mind if I do take advantage of that.

3. Any unusual kinks or fetishes?

4. Weirdest place you've had sex in?

5. Favourite sex position?

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

11. What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

15. Most embarrassing thing that happened to you during sex?

26. Something that never fails to turn you on?

28/29. Favourite body part of the same and the opposite sex?

34. A food that you would use during sex?

38. Best sexual compliment you have ever gotten?

39. Favourite foreplay activity?

41. First time you masturbated and how did it go?

50. How do you feel about taking someone's virginity?

53. Do you watch porn and if yes, what's your favourite?

55. Are you comfortable going out without underwear?

57. If you could give yourself head, would you?

60. If you were a guy for a day, what are the 5 things you would do?

72. Which part of your body that is neither pussy nor boobs, do you enjoy having touched the most?

74. Can you have an orgasm solely from playing with your breasts?

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got turned on and masturbated over them?

ooohhh so many 🫣🫣🤭

3. hmmm I don't know about unusual, still exploring the world of kink honestly and finding things that I like

4. again probably in a car lol, not very weird but not the normal of mine or my partner's apartment/place

5. I feel like I might invite something I don't want if I answer this lol 😅, but mating press is always a good one, face off/cowgirl, and ya know... sitting on someone's face is always a favorite 😌😉

10. answered previously 😊

11. These really cute see through ruffle black panties

15. don't know that I've had anything embarrassing so far... at least not that I'm embarrassed of lol

26. teasing and banter 🤤🤤, always such a turn on, I think that's a good determiner of chemistry too. Also voices, 🥵🥵 huge voice kink🫠🫠

28/29. Same sex: tummies and thighs, opposite sex: hands and arms (also a good ass 😉)

34. Chocolate syrup sounds fun 🫣🫣🤭

38. Hmmm, I could think of a few lol. But I've been told I taste good and that I have a pretty pussy, also this one isn't so much a verbal compliment more of a reaction, but I've had a couple partners that were just absolutely dazed and blissed during and it was honestly such an ego boost 🫠🫠🫠🤭🤭

41. Oh gosh lol, i think I was a teenager and i had no clue what I was doing, and I remember almost getting there but then I stopped and couldn't figure out how to get there again (thank you terrible sex ed and religious sheltering)

50. Well I never have up to this point, but I regard it as something special and something to be dealt with a lot of care and intention. I would do my best to make sure that person felt safe and cared for before during and after.

53. honestly not really anymore, it doesn't really do it for me (there are of course things I see when scrolling through tumblr, but I don't really intentionally look for it anymore) but audios....audios are where it's at, Quinn app is my best friend

55. I haven't before, but I'd do it. Might be fun 😌😉

57. lol I don't know maybe, I think I might be weirded out though 😅

60. Go for a walk after dark, go shirtless in public, masturbate just to see how much easier it is, see what it's like to have facial hair (maybe), helicopter dick 😎

72. answered previously😊

74. Haven't tested it honestly, they are super sensitive though so there's potential

88. lol no 😅😅

[hotelofheroines]

B E A N Y for Bean

B - Bondage (do they like it? do they not? do they prefer to be the one being tied or the one doing the tying?) 

"...Yeah. Look, being tied up with my mouth gagged and something in my ass have given my some of the best orgasms of my life. So, yes: I like being tied up.

E - Extra info (any other fetishes? feet? leather? role playing? blood? fantasies that they might want to experience not on this list?)

"Ehehe...Um, speaking of my ass...I've said this before, but while I don't like getting fucked in my ass, having it toyed with by beads, or plugs, or hooks, or whatever is amazing."

A - Alone time (how do they get off when they’re all by themselves? do they watch porn, is it all in their imagination, do they jerk off, do they use toys?) 

"Well, we didn't exactly have a lot to choose from in Dreamland. I was usually stuck with my fingers or the handle of a hairbrush. Here at the hotel, there's hours of porn, plus I got a vibrator egg and anal bead dildo from Tenten. There have been a few days where I've just held up in my room and masturbated all day."

N - Not yet (orgasm delay? orgasm denial? do they tell their partner not to touch themselves for a certain amount of time or under certain circumstances? do they delay or deny other things like bathroom usage or food? do they need to beg first? do they like being denied / delayed?) 

"I've done that a little with Lilith. Not for me. It requires way too much self-control and I prefer...orgasm torture? I think that's what it's called. Cumming so much it starts to hurt."

Y - Yes, Master (what kinds of names are used during sex? do they like being called master / mistress, daddy, etc…? what names do they call their partner?)

"Well, Lilith calls me Harlot and I call her Sister Lilith. Besides that, nothing normal. Fuck me good enough and I'll call you whatever you want."

[inevitably-johnlocked]

jamielovesjam said: What a knowledgeable and compassionate reply, as always, Steph! When we think about it, there are many activities that people enjoy watching but have no intention doing them personally. I think the most common one is wilderness survival, and extreme sports on general. Cooking is another one. People enjoy those exquisite foodporn videos greatly but have no intention to recreate the recipe at home.

aveline-amelia said: Thank you for this, Steph. Thought I should let you know this reply made me feel so seen. You put some things into words for me that I've never looked into myself. I am bi ace, but I always focused any identified with the bi part way more. I was simply singled out and erased for that, so I never even looked into acephobia that much, as I am grateful to have never faced it.

Specifically that part about masturbation through fictional characters! And being smut minded. So, seriously, thank you.

bewitched-bullet said: 💚🩶🤍🖤💜 🥰

=======

@aegosexual-moments thank you so much for going a bit more into it, yes, you are correct; I kind of got excited to talk specifically about my brand of asexuality I kinda got carried away! And THANK YOU so much, I'm glad your blog can also be a resource people can learn more from as well! <3

@pageofheartdj Nope! As I mentioned, you can have any opinion on sex, it's all just a matter of how you feel spectrum-wise. For me personally I'm not adverse to the idea of sex, but I'm more comfortable with fobbing that off onto fictional characters. I get my joy from that. :)

@jamielovesjam Thank you Lovely! And so true! Listen, I love a good food porn video UGGHHHH. But yes, exactly!

@aveline-amellia: You're so welcome, and I'm glad you don't feel so alone. The aphobia seems to be ramping up lately online; I've been avoiding the sexuality tags on Twitter specifically because of the aphobia. And the "aphobia" I've experienced in real life was more ignorance than anything, one of them being the incident I mentioned in the original post, and the other with a doctor who was convinced that my lack of sexual interest was because of my mental health issues, when it might be a PART of it but I've felt ace WAY before those started up.

@bewitched-bullet: 💜🖤

I’m so sorry if this question is ignorant or stupid I really just want to understand so I can become educated. When someone is asexual would they still gain something from reading explicit fic scenes? Again sorry if I’m ignorant

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

SO SORRY it took so long to reply to this one... Kind of started and then it got forgotten, and I am sorry for that. No better time than Ace Awareness Week to help you understand!!

So, short answer to your question, is YES, SOME aces do, whether to facilitate in self-pleasure, or because seeing their faves happy, or as placeholders because some aces take pleasure-by-proxy, or a variety of other reasons, it just simply makes some of us happy. You'd be surprised how many of those smutty authors are actually ace themselves. It's one of those funny misconceptions that aces are all woobie-uwu-innocent-pure-thoughts-only magical creatures, and I'm here to shatter that illusion... Aces are some of the smuttiest-minded people you will ever meet. Why, I have no idea, maybe it's because we don't fantasize about sex the same way allos do that we can come up with increasingly hornier ideas? LOL No idea.

The thing about asexuality is that it's a HUGE spectrum, and no one ace is exactly the same. A sex-negative ace might get something out of reading smut because it's not involving them. Or they might not at all. Same with sex-positive/neutral aces. It's ALL a matter of what makes us tick.

BUT here's where I go into my LONG answer, and get you REALLY into the Ace Lore™.

I want to introduce you to the microlabel of Aegosexuality (formerly autochorisexuality), which is a term that loosely translates to "sexuality with oneself". The expanded definition, from the Sexuality Wiki, bolding is mine:

It is [...] a disconnect between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacks desire to be an actual participant in the sexual activities therein.

Aegosexuals are known to:

Become aroused by sexual content (at times) without wanting to personally engage in sexual activities.

Masturbate, but feel neutral or repulsed by the idea of having sex with another person.

Fantasize about sex (with varying frequency), but envision people other than themselves, and/or view it in third person, as if watching it on TV, instead of imagining it in the first person, through their own eyes.

Predominantly—or exclusively—fantasize about fictional characters or celebrities in place of people they know personally.

Identify as asexual, feeling little-to-no sexual attraction to people though enjoy masturbating (with varying frequency), are aroused by sexually explicit content, and/or fantasizing of such.

[/end quote]

====

Basically, smut turns them on, but some aces don't want to engage in the smut for-reals. This microlabel makes it ESPECIALLY confusing for newly-figured-out-aces because there hasn't been a lot of information about asexuality's huge spectrum until recently. Aegosexuals can initially believe that they AREN'T ace, BECAUSE they get turned on by porn or smutty stories, but then they're SUPER confused because the idea of having sex themselves is appalling or undesirable. It's a bizarre contradiction, understandably, to outsiders, but it makes COMPLETE sense once an ace figures this out, I promise you.

This is the microlabel I myself fall under. It's not from any trauma or past problems or medical issues. It's just me. That's it. And because of the confusion that this sexuality can bring, it often takes us a LOT longer to have ourselves figured out. For me, it was an accidental stumbling upon the "autochorisexual" label (before it became Aegosexual) and reading up on it that EVERYTHING fell into place. Before that, I thought I was maybe demisexual. After learning about it, I felt okay FINALLY calling myself ace, that I finally found the "right fit" for me. It was the piece of the puzzle that I was missing. I felt really liberated of my self-doubt after that.

And, of course, aros have their version as well called Aegoromantic, which is exactly the same but in a romantic sense.

Here are some more resources for Aegosexuality, if you'd like to learn more about this lesser-known branch on the spectrum:

What Does It Mean to Be Aegosexual? (Cosmopolitan US || November 24, 2022)

WHAT IS AEGOSEXUAL? MEANING, HISTORY, AND USAGE. (Gayety.co ||July 11, 2022)

History of Aegosexuality (The Michigan Gayly || February 1, 2021)

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TOO KNOW ABOUT AEGOSEXUALITY (Live Love LGBTQ+ Blog || October 27, 2017)

VIDEO: 5 Signs You Might Be Aegosexual (Lynn Saga, YouTube || August 6, 2022 || 6m20s)

VIDEO: What is Aegosexuality? | Aspec 101 (Slice Of Ace, YouTube || July 15, 2022 || 3m54s)

VIDEO: Asexual Identities: Aegosexuality (Ace Dad Advice, YouTube || May 22, 2022 || 12m27s)

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AGAIN, I'm SO sorry I put this ask off for SO long, but I'm glad that I did, so that I could educate you guys on my brand of Asexuality during Ace Awareness Week!

And, finally, no offence taken at ALL! I LOVE educating y'all about stuff I learned through my journey, and you were very respectful in your ask :)

Hope you are well, Nonny, and hope you're still here to see this 🖤💜

[ssahotstuff]

Aaron Hotchner Playlist Collection 💕

All Too Well Part 6

The final Chapter

Part 5 can be found here

Warnings for the series: drinking, cursing, mentions of food, mentions of pregnancy and allusions to fertility issues, abandonment, SMUT pretty early on(readers first time, choking, penetration, oral f&m receiving, breeding kink with the intentions of pregnancy, birth control slip up, spanking, squirting, slightly dom Hotch, bondage, use of a vibrator, masturbation, Somnophilia, watching porn, use of a Polaroid camera to take nudes, having sex on camera, facefucking, brief sir kink, cockwarming kind of, if I missed anything let me know) mentions of food, vomiting, pregnancy

Word count: 11.6k

The day of your housewarming party was upon you quickly. You and Aaron had worked all night prior to make sure everything was in order, cleaning and rearranging furniture so there was more space for company. The next day, Penelope came up around noon to help you with preparing the food and Aaron went into town to grab the last minute items he thought you might need.

"He's awfully helpful," Penelope noticed as he pulled into the driveway, unloading everything he'd bought in one trip. You opened the door for him as Penelope left to go get ready, leaving you alone with him for the first time all day. He was putting things away when he stopped to come up behind you, wrapping his arms around your body. You turned to meet his arms, hugging him closely.

"I've missed you today. We've been so busy, I haven't really seen you," he told you, and you'd felt the weight of his distance all day. You knew there was still a lot to be done but you hated being away from him on the weekends when you had him selfishly.

"I know, I'll be glad that it'll just be us tomorrow. We can be lazy and eat leftovers and watch our show," you were already making plans for the next day, excited to lounge and be cozy with him with no prior obligations.

"That sounds perfect to me. I'll let you get ready and I'll put the finishing touches on everything," you left him to figure the rest out while you fixed your hair and put on your dress. You applied a face of light makeup and made sure you smelled nice before you went back down the hall. Aaron was already dressed to match your in a black button down shirt and black slacks. It was one of the colors he looked best in; it made him look broad and lean, toned in all of the right places.

You had just begun to admire him from your place in the hall when the doorbell rang 30 minutes early. You assumed it was Penelope and came into the kitchen quickly so you could see her, but instead, someone with a head full of dark hair stood on the porch instead. As you came closer, you became enraged. Beth was standing on your porch, her arms crossed over her chest as she gawked at Aaron.

"I don't know what you're doing here but you should go," Aaron encouraged her, but her sights were set on you.

"I thought you were better than this, Aaron. Is this what appeals to you? Someone younger, more entertaining?" Her eyes were filled with tears and you almost felt bad for her, except for the fact that she'd been ruining your week steadily and now she'd showed up at your home and crossed a line.

"You're not welcome here, Beth. Stay out of our lives," you spat, looking between the two of them as if her going away could make her infatuation with him disappear.

"I just want to know what makes you so special!"

Aaron took a step forward, guiding her off of the porch with his intimidating frame. She backed away slowly, until she had reached the ground. She stopped, still waiting for Aaron to answer her. You realized why he might've been attracted to her—she was pretty, with deep, discerning eyes and long, full lashes. Jealousy seethed from every inch of your body as Aaron looked between the two of you, perplexed.

"I love her Beth. I'll always love her, and there was never space in my heart for anyone else. You won't ever be her, and that's all there is to it."

She wasn't done by a long shot. She was frantic, talking with her hands, but mostly pointing in your direction as she called you every obscenity in the book.

"You don't deserve him! He left you once, and he'll do it again. You'll never be enough."

Aaron didn't say anything, he let her turn on her heel and leave. You were bewildered as you watched her drive away, wondering why Aaron didn't try harder to defend you, or how she knew where you lived.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I had no clue she'd go so far. I don't know what else to say."

You hugged him back weakly, to stunned to speak. Your guests would be arriving any time, so you put on a smile and assured him that everything was okay.

"I know you're trying to keep a level head because everyone will be here soon but please remember that I love you, and I'd never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. I'm sorry she showed up but I don't think we'll have to worry about her anymore. Please don't be angry with me." You could hear the tension in his voice, the worry.

"I'm not mad at you, Aaron. I'm just pissed that she keeps ruining my week."

You tried to calm your nerves with a glass of wine, snacking on some crackers so you weren't drinking on an empty stomach. Penelope and JJ showed up first, asking you for a tour almost immediately. You showed them around, the two of them applauding all of your hard work. Rossi and Derek showed up shortly after, and when Dr. Reid arrived, Dave made a toast and everyone was in full celebration mode. You had too many glasses of wine, due to Penelope's bad influence, but you hadn't told any of them about your pop up visitor; you were trying to keep the mood light. You wanted Aaron to have a good time since he'd been so excited about the party, and you were trying your best to enjoy it for his sake. You hadn't stopped smiling all night. You made sure if he was looking, you appeared as happy as possible.

The truth was, the party went by in a blur. You could only replay the events of the week in your head and wonder how you'd gotten so caught up in finding out things that hurt you. You regretted digging deeper, because it only left a harsh sting afterwards. Now that Beth had invaded your safe haven, you were in a slightly off mood. You weren't in the mood to socialize, but you didn't mind the small talk and the simple chatter. Aaron had kept the men entertained all night, so it was just like catching up with your friends.

✨✨✨✨✨

Dave was the last to leave, so you took the opportunity to change while Aaron walked him out. You'd put up the food and cleared the dishes, and you were ready for the day to be over with. You wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and forget the day you'd had; it was obvious Aaron had enjoyed himself, which somehow made your misery worse. He had the ability to be fine all while knowing you were crumbling from the mental and emotional exhaustion you'd been dealing with. You crawled under the covers, hoping some mindless television would take your mind off things.

When he joined you, it seemed that he had nothing to say. He quietly got undressed and stripped down to his black t-shirt and boxers before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry she ruined your night and that I couldn't do anything to stop it. It's my fault she even knows where we live. I left my forwarding address in the mailbox. She must've looked. I know you're beyond upset right now."

You nodded, sitting up against the headboard. You let your eyes close, your fingers massaging at your temples. His hand brushed your leg before settling on your knee; he was unsure of your mood and how he should react.

"I'm sick of her. She's ruined my entire week! You just let her walk away, you didn't even defend me!"

The tears came like a flood, misting your vision as you furiously tried to wipe at your face. He moved to sit in front of you, taking your hands in his.

"I didn't know what to say, baby! I was just as shocked as you were. I'm sorry—I just didn't know what to do," he was frantically reaching for you as you fought his grasp, momentarily blinded by your emotions. He had no clue how badly you were hurting. He managed to get you calmed down enough to wrap you in his arms, shushing you as you cried against his chest. You let it out, everything you'd been bottling up for the last couple of days, relieved that you were no longer carrying it around.

"I'm so sorry baby. I had no clue it was bothering you so much. I'll do anything I can to fix it," he promised you, kissing your forehead as he dabbed at the tears on your face, wiping them away.

"I'm okay. It's just been a bad week is all," you sniffled as you put your head in the crook of his neck, trying to calm yourself down. You'd be okay, you just wanted to put Beth and her memory away in the past and lock away the key.

You let him hold you for what felt like hours, until there were no tears left to cry. His hand ran soothingly along your hair and back as he whispered nothing but sweet words to you, trying to get you to calm down. You felt a little better, peering up to look at him.

"I love you Aaron. I'm sorry I'm so emotional," you started, but he cut you off with a kiss.

"I love you, sugar. You don't have to apologize. It's my job to make sure you feel good all the time. I want to make it better, baby. You'd do the same thing for me." He laid you down, letting you rest your head on his shoulder, your leg tossed over his. You wanted to sleep and forget about the day you'd had, and you hoped tomorrow would bring something good.

When you woke up, nothing felt right. The house was too quiet, you didn't feel his weight on the opposite side of the bed. You put on your robe and went flying down the hall, the house eerily silent, and empty. His car wasn't in the driveway either. You rushed to the bedroom for your phone, calling him immediately, but he didn't pick up. Your nerves were immediately on edge as you double checked the house to make sure you hadn't missed him, but it was just as empty as it was a few moments prior. Your next call was to Penelope, who was equally as concerned to hear from you so early.

"What's going on? Are you okay?"

You weren't sure of the answer to either question.

"He's gone. He's not answering his phone. I was just wondering if they had a case and he left without telling me," it was the most rational explanation considering how he'd been acting the night before. It wouldn't be unlike him to just leave without telling you.

"I'm at home, so if there's a case, I haven't heard anything about it yet. I'll call JJ, okay? Don't worry yet," she promised to text you as soon as she knew something, so all you could do was sit on the couch and worry. What you hadn't noticed before now was the piece of paper folded up on the end of the couch with your name on the front. Your stomach sank, you didn't even have the courage to open it up, you were rushing to the bathroom to empty the contents of your stomach. You felt pathetic for not being able to look at a piece of paper that could have anything written on it, but your mind fluttered back to the past, and you were in a panic all over again wondering.

You splashed your face with some cold water and braced yourself for what it could possibly say as you drug yourself back down the hall to find out. You were instantly flooded with an insane amount of relief.

You looked too cozy sleeping for me to wake you up. I went to get breakfast, I promise I'll be back soon. Find us something to watch and I'll meet you in bed :)

You felt an insane amount of stress leave your body all at once as you heaved one last heavy sigh and took Aaron's advice, heading back towards the bedroom. You curled up on his side of the bed to wait for him, a sliver of doubt in your mind simply because he hadn't answered your phone call, and you had no clue how long he'd been gone. You found a show to watch to pass the time, watching the clock closely as you fought every insecurity you had. You tried to think logically—all of his stuff was here, things had been going fine—you didn't have any real reason to stress, but you couldn't help the invading thoughts that told you he wouldn't return, even if he said he would.

You sat for another thirty minutes before you tried to call him again, with no such luck for a second time. The same thing had happened when he left last time; your calls and texts went unanswered no matter how many times you tried to reach him.

By noon, you were convinced he wouldn't be returning. Penelope had confirmed there wasn't a case, and his phone stopped ringing and went straight to voicemail when you tried to call again. You tried to preoccupy yourself with the show you'd picked, but the main character was dealing with an intense heartbreak and it was making you sad, so you switched it to something more upbeat to try to lift your spirits.

You didn't move until you heard the undeniable sound of him pulling into the driveway. You flew to the door, the majority of your concerns alleviated for the time being as you opened the door to greet him.

"You don't answer your phone anymore?" You couldn't hide the emotion in your voice, the fragility.

"I—What?" He looked flustered, annoyed even. He held a bag of food in one hand and his cell phone in the other, so you knew he had it on him the entire time, he'd just chosen to ignore your calls.

"I called you three times. What if something was wrong?"

He made his way past you to come into the house, sitting the bag on the bar before he said anything else.

"I haven't even been home for five minutes," he huffed, separating the to go containers, his back turned to you. He was avoiding your questions, and you weren't sure why it was such a big deal to just pick up the phone when you called.

"I just—I woke up and you weren't here and I was worried." You felt ridiculous explaining yourself, but waking up alone had taken you back to a dark place mentally, and his lack of communication skills weren't helping any.

"I left you a note."

You scoffed at his short, curt responses, crossing your arms over your chest.

"Yeah, as if the last note you left me wasn't enough to traumatize me for life." You weren't even hungry, you were too upset to eat anything.

"I wasn't thinking about that. You've really got to let that go."

He said it like it was the easiest thing in the world to do. You'd been so filled with anxiety at the sight of his letter that it had stolen all of your excitement to spend the day with him. It had stricken you with instant grief and now your mood was thrown entirely.

"I—okay." You didn't bother arguing with him, it wouldn't lead anywhere good. His phone began to ring, and he took one look at the caller ID before sitting down his fork and showing you the screen.

"This is what I've been dealing with all morning."

Beth was calling nonstop, giving him more grief to handle. You weren't surprised, and you assumed that's why he hadn't answered the phone all morning—he'd been preoccupied with someone else.

"Give it to me."

He handed the phone over without another word, letting you handle the situation.

"It's about time you answered," she spat, her words like venom to your ears.

"Expecting someone else?"

She was taken aback by your voice on the phone instead of his, which you were hoping to use to your advantage. Aaron watched you put the phone on speaker, so he could hear the entire conversation.

"This is between me and him," she told you, but as far as you were concerned, any business of his was your priority too.

"There's nothing to talk about. He didn't want you then and he doesn't want you now. If you call again, we'll report you for harassment, and I swear to God if you ever show up at my home again, you'll leave in a cop car, because I'll have your ass arrested. Do not play with me, Beth. I'm over your shit and so is he."

She was quiet for a moment, leaving you to wonder what sort of secrets she'd tell you now that she had you on the phone.

"I just wanted his attention," she sobbed into the phone, and you felt yourself rolling your eyes at the lengths she was willing to go to get it.

"You have got to stop this."

Another moment of silent deliberation on her end.

"I'm—I'm sorry. You must think I'm insane," she wasn't wrong, but you didn't want to tell her that.

"We just want you to leave us alone."

She hung up the phone after that, and you hoped she was ashamed of herself for the way she'd been acting. You hoped that was the last you'd ever hear from her, but Aaron took it a step further and blocked her number, with your help, because he didn't know how.

"You don't have to deal with her anymore," you said weakly, handing his phone back to him. Now the only person that could get on his nerves was you, but you weren't planning on doing that any time soon.

"Thank you, baby. One less thing to worry about," he continued eating his breakfast, and you tried, but you didn't really have an appetite. He noticed that you didn't seem any happier, his shoulders sank in defeat as you pushed your food away.

"Where are you going?" He was questioning you as soon as you stood up to leave the room.

"I need a shower."

You needed to clear your head, to think without his influence. You didn't expect him to follow you to the bathroom, shedding clothes on the way.

"Can I come too?"

You weren't going to stop him when he was already undressed. You let him climb in first, his body mostly blocking you from the spray of water. He adjusted his body so you could both stand under the stream of water, his arms opening up for you to walk into.

"You're tense," he felt the muscles in your back, stiff and knotted up from the stress of the last week.

"This has been the worst week I've had in a long time," you confessed, and his arms tightened around you. You tried to reach behind you for the shampoo but he stopped you, turning you around so he could lather your hair up, his nails lightly scratching your scalp. He let you rinse as he washed his own hair, trading places when you were done. He repeated the process with your conditioner, making sure he combed it through your hair with his fingers. He'd done it exactly like you would've, and you applauded him for paying attention. While it soaked into your hair, he was bending down to wash your body, starting with your feet. You kept the water from splashing in his face as he worked his way up, taking his time as the loofah travelled over your chest and stomach, his eyes glued to your body. He let you rinse off while he finished up, so you had the chance to watch the suds puddle on his naked body, paying close attention to the way he touched himself, even in the most innocent way.

He stepped out first, wrapping a towel around his waist before he draped yours under your arms, securing the corner inside the top of the towel so it would stay around you.

"Don't even bother getting dressed, not until I deal with your back," he nodded towards the bedroom, so you dried off as quickly as possible as he slid on a pair of boxers and patted the bed for you to lay down. You laid on your stomach, letting his sit on your lower half, his knees supporting most of his weight. His fingers began to work into your flesh, and you hated to admit how badly you'd needed him to do this. You held all of your tension in your back and shoulders, and rubbing your back was something he always made a good time out of.

"Feels better already," you assured him as the palms of his hands pressed into your shoulder blades and rubbed in a circular motion, making you groan into the mattress.

"Baby, some of these knots are massive...I'm so sorry, sugar. We don't have to worry about that anymore. It's just you and me, forever."

You knew by the pain you'd been feeling that it would be bad, but you didn't realize to what extent. Your stress was physically affecting your body in more than one way, and you were growing tired of it.

"I know. I can't help it," you replied, sinking further into the bed as his massive hands worked on your body, slowly relieving some of the pain.

"Shhh, I know, baby. I haven't helped very much and I'm sorry. I promise I'll do better, okay? I don't want you to feel like this again," you wanted to tell him that it was okay, that everything would be fine, but all that came out was a whimper as his thumbs circled your shoulder blades and worked the kinks out of them. He let out a chuckle at how much you were enjoying his fingers, moving a bit lower, his thumbs on your lower back and on either side of your spine, moving upward. You folded your arms and rested your hands on them, your eyes shut in serenity.

"You still awake?" Although you were comfortable, you wouldn't dare fall asleep and miss a second of his sweet behavior.

"Mhm," you hummed, unable to say anything more. You were in a daze, finally unwinding after a week of being on high alert.

"Feel better?"

His hips shifted, his dick throbbing against your thigh. You moved too, pressing into him slightly.

"I feel great," you told him, rolling over as he lifted his hips. Your first instinct was to palm him through the fabric of his boxers, watching his cock twitch with anticipation. You sat up, kissing his chest, dragging your fingertips along his sides. All it took was you batting your lashes at him for his mouth to crash against yours, teeth clashing together suddenly, his tongue dominating your mouth. You'd longed to have your hands on him; you hadn't touched him in days and you were reeling with anticipation.

"I've missed this. Feels like I haven't touched you in weeks," he whispered, his cock straining the fabric of his boxers, begging to be freed. Even barely clothed he was wearing too much, so you toyed with the waistband until he got the hint that you wanted them off. He stood up so he could undress, and you moved to the edge of the bed so you could take him in your mouth as soon as he was naked.

"Impatient girl," he teased, bunching your hair into his hand so it wasn't obstructing his view of you. You let your tongue lay flat as you took all of him, slowly, inching him into your throat. You made sure to breathe through your nose, a trick Aaron had told you about when you first started getting comfortable with one another. You were gagging on him in no time, his hips with a mind of their own as he fucked your mouth. The slick sounds of him entering your mouth echoed throughout the room, making you clench your legs together tightly.

"Fucking hell, baby. Your mouth feels so good," he cupped your face with his hand, patting your head lovingly as you choked on his member, saliva dripping on his member as you bobbed your head. You used your hand on his length, your touch light, ghosting over his skin as his legs shook. Your tongue swirled around him before thick ribbons of cum sputtered into your mouth, taking you by surprise. You swallowed every drop before peering up at him; his eyes were mysteriously dark, mischievous almost.

"You're such a good girl, baby," you sat up on your knees so you could kiss him, wrapping your arms around his waist. His mouth was loving against your own, his fingertips holding tightly to your chin. His grip on you was possessive, a side of him you had been dying to see—you'd always wanted to experience the more demanding side of him, but he hadn't opened up fully, not yet.

"Give me your hands," he muttered against your lips, pulling one of his ties off the bedpost. Your wrists were restrained after a moment of work, secured tightly by a knot on either side. As if his eyes could any darker, you realized quickly the two of you had the same thing in mind. You wanted to be powerless to him, and he was ready and willing to make that happen for you.

"You remember our safe word, right?"

You'd never needed to use it, but you nodded anyway, your hands bound, sitting in your lap.

"Good. This is how tonight's going to go. You don't do anything without my permission. No touching, no kissing; you won't even cum without my permission. Do you understand, sugar?"

You nodded again, but his hand gripped your throat and made you rethink being verbal.

"Use your words, baby," he swatted your ass playfully, causing the heat to spread from your stomach throughout the rest of your body.

"Yes sir," you remembered how much he'd liked it before, and it was making him giddy now; he felt especially in charge as he gripped your bindings, tugging you forward.

"Such a good girl; you're learning quick," his hand was wrapped around his cock as he touched himself; you were close enough to watch, but you knew better than to try anything else. You felt your lips pout as he deprived you of himself, and just as quickly he was ducking down to peck your lips, a sly grin on his face.

"What's the matter sugar?"

"You just look so good, wanna touch you so bad," your nails skimmed his thighs, but he was swiftly pulling away, his hand connecting with your ass once more as he glared down at you.

"I've done all of this bragging and now you're breaking the rules, baby. I was going to let you touch, but now you'll have to wait," the tip of his cock glistened with precum, his thumb swiping over the tip, red and angry as he slowly pumped himself up and down. He brought his thumb to your lips, looking at you curiously.

"Suck," he commanded, his eyes going hazy as you did as he asked, making a show out of sucking his finger. He pulled it from your mouth with a cute plop, grinning wide as he patted your head.

"You're so fucking adorable, you know that? Open your mouth sugar, no hands yet," you opened wide, taking as much of him as you could, tears already brimming your eyes as he hit the back of your throat. He began to buck his hips into your mouth at a slow, steady pace, enough for you to catch your breath as he used your face to fuck.

"You're mouth feels so good but I can't keep my hands off of you for another second," he guided himself out of your mouth, laying you down flat on your back. His hands spread your thighs before he hovered over you, adjusting your hands so they were above your head.

"Listen to me, baby. You keep your hands right there. Don't move, or I'll stop."

He sat in between your legs, propped up on his knees. He squeezed your thighs tenderly before reaching up to cup your breasts, rolling your nipples between his fingers. You let out a soft whimper, your hips wriggling beneath his waist.

"Stay still, impatient girl," your hips went stiff but not for long as he tweaked and toyed with your breasts. His hands left your body, as he tsked down at you, licking his lips at you sprawled on display for him.

"Naughty girl, you gotta keep still," he slipped momentarily, his stern tone faltering as he ran a finger through your center, collecting your arousal on his digits. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, making you quiver. You tried your best to behave so he wouldn't stop.

"You're soaked, baby. You love it when I boss you around? Make you feel like my dirty little plaything?"

"Yes sir," you whined as his fingertips collided with your clit, his fingers slick as he rubbed circles on your delicate flesh. You watched him lower himself between your legs, parting your lips with his fingers as his tongue latched onto your clit. You cried out, your hands flying to the back of his head blindly without thought. You were punished by the withdrawal of heat as he stopped, glancing impatiently up at you.

"What did I say? I'm desperate to touch you and you can't even behave for two minutes," he groaned, eye level with your aching core.

"I won't do it again baby, please," you begged, spreading your legs wider for him.

"You sound so sweet when you beg," he licked a stripe up your center, sucking your clit between his lips; you struggled to stay still, but you fought the urge to move. He tossed your legs over his shoulders, his nose brushing against your bundle of nerves as he devoured you, his tongue rolling slowly against you. You felt the pressure start to build, your thighs clamping around his head like a vice. Just as you were about to hit your peak, he stopped.

"You're forgetting the rules, baby. You can cum, not yet. You didn't ask," you gazed down at him, putting on your most innocent expression as you tried to get your way.

"Can I please cum, baby?"

He dove headfirst into your center, lapping at you hungrily, bringing his fingers to your entrance. He slipped his fingers into you while his tongue flicked at your sweet spot, making your eyes roll back and your body go rigid. He made a satisfied hum as his fingers pumped in and out of you, your walls clenching around them.

"You can cum sugar, you've earned it," he chuckled, and you saw stars, your eyes squeezed shut as you found your release. He retracted his fingers, sitting up so he could ease into you. You felt the familiar stretch of him filling you, the way he took his time with pushing into you. It took him a moment to bottom out completely, and once he did, he just sat there, looking down at you.

"Should I fuck you, or just use you to keep my cock warm? You feel so fucking good, could stay just like this all day," he sat back, a teasing smile on his face. You tried to buck your hips but you couldn't in the position he had you in.

"Please fuck me, baby! Can't you feel how badly I need you?" You were clenching around his cock, trying to convince him to give himself over to you. He began to move, just barely, enough to drive you fucking crazy. He sped things up slightly, developing a steady rhythm as his hips slammed into yours. He used your legs to pull you into him, pounding deep inside of you as you screamed his name. You weren't sure how you'd stayed still so long, but you were patting yourself on the back.

"Don't you dare cum, not yet, sugar. Wait on me," he pleaded, his authoritative tone almost gone entirely as he got closer to his release. You shut your eyes tight and tried to focus on obeying him, but you were so close you could almost feel the euphoria beginning to take hold of you.

"Aaron, please, I can't—" you couldn't even form a sentence as he straightened his posture so he could ram into you with force, making your entire body buzz internally. You weren't sure how he'd managed to stay upright in his current state— pupils completely blown out, his hair a mess, he looked so properly fucked, drunk on you.

"Yes you can, baby, just a few more seconds. You're doing so good, sugar, I know you're so close," his deep, rumbling voice was enough to make your chest heavier, your impending orgasm on the brink of toppling over any second. He fucked you like a beast, slamming into you with so much pure, raw passion that you were itching to come undone. Just as you thought you couldn't wait any longer, he gave you the green light, and your legs trembled as you soaked his cock, your walls clamping down around him continuously as he filled you up. You were both covered in sweat and arousal, your previous shower proven futile after only an hour of taking it.

"Give me your hands, baby. Let me untie you," he was still throbbing inside of you, but he wasn't ready to slip out of you just yet. He got you untied, kissing the spot where both knots had been before releasing you. He slid out of you before collapsing next to you on the bed, rolling to his side so he could wrap his arm around your middle.

"I love you sugar. You're incredible," he mused, his fingertips dancing on your sensitive skin.

"I love you. I hope you're always my biggest fan," he kissed your cheek before assuring you that he'd always be crazy about you. It was barely 3pm, and you were making good on your promise to spend the day in bed. It had been exactly what you needed to get things off your mind completely.

"We can spend the rest of the afternoon just like this. You don't even have to put your clothes on," he giggled, kissing your shoulder, his leg tossed lazily over yours.

"I wasn't planning on it," you said sweetly, turning to kiss him, his mouth meeting yours expectantly. His hand held your face in place, palm pressed gently to your cheek. You already wanted him again, the heat pooling between your thighs as his tongue invaded your mouth.

"I'm obsessed with you," he said against your mouth, making a smile break onto your face. You'd forgotten how good it felt to belong to him completely; to have every ounce of his love. Now that you had it again, everything felt different. You had a more positive outlook, despite the struggles of the week; you were starting to get to the point to where it wasn't bothering you as much.

"I hope you always love me like this," you had no doubt that him being back was a good thing; you'd been waiting for so long and everything felt too right to ignore. It was hard to be fearful of the future when you had him in the present, and focusing on now took priority over the 'what if's'.

"Forever. I promise," he replied, and believing him had never been so easy.

✨✨✨

A Few Months Later

You were in absolute disbelief as you dialed his number, knowing he was at work, but you didn't care. You absolutely couldn't wait, and a phone call simply wouldn't suffice.

"Hi, baby. Are you alright?" His voice was thick with concern because you never called him during the work day, because you knew he was busy.

"I need you to come home."

You offered no explanation and you prayed he didn't question you further. You knew you sounded urgent, and you hoped that was enough to get him to leave work early.

"Please tell me you're okay. I was going to leave at lunch anyway but now you're starting to scare me," you could hear him shuffling around in his office, gathering his things. It was 11:30, close enough to lunch that no one would miss him.

"I'm fine, Aaron. I just—I need you home," your voice quivered but you ended on a strong note, not even a tiny sliver of emotion in your voice.

"I love you baby. I'll be there as soon as I can."

It was finally warm enough that you could sit on the porch, letting the sun kiss your skin as you waited for him in the driveway, your cheeks covered in tears. You couldn't help but cry, you hadn't stopped for 20 minutes, and you knew it would only get worse when Aaron arrived. You wondered what he was thinking—you assumed the worst. You could hear his tires screeching across the pavement of your road and his car came into view, coming to an abrupt halt next to yours.

He ran to the porch and was taking you in his arms instantly, brushing the tears away from your face.

"You have to talk to me, baby. Tell me what's wrong," he urged but you shook your head, tugging him into the house.

"Nothing's wrong. I just have something to show you."

You led him to the bathroom and watched him pick up test after test, all four that the small store just outside of town had. It took him a moment to realize what was happening, what the bright pink plus sign meant. Once it clicked, his hand flew to his mouth in shock as he stared back at you.

"Oh my god," was all he managed to choke out before he was hugging you, no doubt to conceal the tears you knew were on his face. You knew it was too much for a phone call, and it couldn't have waited until he got off work. You had to tell him the minute you found out. You wouldn't have known if not for getting sick a week prior, and being sick everyday after that. You didn't have the flu or anything contagious because Aaron was fine, so that morning after you lost your breakfast, you drove to the gas station at the bottom of the mountain and bought every test they had.

After the fourth, you were certain.

He unwrapped his arms from around you to look at you, his eyes misty and his face wet. The smile he wore was brighter than any one you'd seen so far, so you knew he was just as thrilled as you were. You'd only been moved back in together for four months, but somewhere along the way, you'd gotten it right.

"When can you go to the doctor? We need to find out his far along you are," his hand fell to your stomach, as if he couldn't believe it himself. You'd felt the same way, which is why there were so many tests taken. You needed to be absolutely sure before you told him.

"They're fitting me in today at 1. I've already called," you couldn't contain your excitement, you'd called as soon as you got off the phone with Aaron to try to get in today, just so he could go too.

"Today? So I can go with you?" You gave him a nod and he was ecstatic, picking up the phone to make a call. You weren't sure who he'd be telling already, but he stepped into the hall and you followed him furiously as he stood against the wall, reaching for you immediately.

"Dave, I won't be back in today, but we're still coming tonight," you raised your brow at him because he hadn't discussed any plans with you, but you listened anyway, hearing Dave talk excitedly on the other end of the line. He covered the receiver with his hand and quietly asked you if he could tell him, to which you nodded your head, and he pulled you closer.

"We're going to the doctor. Y/n is pregnant! Don't tell anyone else though. We'll tell them all later," you had no doubts he'd be telling everyone at whatever you were attending in the evening, so you let him gush to his best friend and went down the hall to the bedroom to find something to wear. Soon enough, your clothes wouldn't fit anymore, and the nursery would no longer be empty. You tried not to get your hopes up too high until you found out if everything was alright, and how far along you were, but other than being sick, you felt great.

You had noticed your boobs looked a little bigger when you took a shower the day before, and you'd been craving some questionable things, but you assumed your missed period would be paying an ungodly visit, but they'd quickly become irregular after you quit the pill the first time, so you hadn't thought anything of it because you felt perfectly normal. A few weeks prior, you'd noticed some changes in other places. Your hips seemed to be curvier, and your skin seemed a bit shinier, but you assumed you were gaining some weight back because you were finally happy again, and that your skin was clearing up as a result of less stress. You'd never guessed one time until today that you might be pregnant.

"Dave could barely speak English he was so excited. I'm sorry, I just had to tell someone—you can tell everyone else tonight," he beamed, and you agreed as long as everything was okay at the doctor.

"Deal. Because if we don't tell people soon, I'll cave. I can't keep a secret like this, sugar. I just can't," he laid back on the bed as you raided the closet, settling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Your jeans were already a little tight around the hips, and you knew then you hadn't imagined anything before with the slight differences you'd noticed; that had been at least 3 weeks ago.

"Aaron, I might be crazy but I think it might have worked pretty quick this time. I— I guarantee you I'm at least 6 weeks along. Easily."

"You're serious? When did you start feeling different?" He sat up abruptly, loosening his tie before taking it off completely and rolling up his sleeves.

"A few weeks ago. I thought I was just gaining weight because I'd lost some before but—oh my god. It's baby weight!" You did a double take in the mirror and looked hard for a bump. There was nothing there yet that you could tell, but you had no doubt it would come soon enough.

"It is taking everything in me not to text the group chat."

You couldn't help but laugh at him as he tossed his phone behind him onto the table, and moved far out of its reach. You knew he'd be thrilled but you had no idea exactly how much.

"We can tell everyone tonight. I'm so excited! Can we get lunch before we go to the doctor? I'm starving," you hadn't kept anything down all morning but you were starting to get an appetite now that you knew why you were sick to begin with.

"We can do anything that'll keep me busy until 1 o'clock. Come on," he was already heading for the door, so you put your shoes on quickly and joined him in the car. His hand found yours across the console, his fingers lacing through yours for the duration of the drive. He couldn't stop talking about the baby, when you'd be due, how you were feeling. He was full of questions and you were happy to answer them so long as he found you somewhere to get a milkshake.

"Tell me what you've been craving, has it been weird?"

He quickly pulled into a drive through and ordered you a milkshake, putting the car in park as you waited in the line.

"Do you remember that pasta Dave made with the chicken and all the peppers? It was really colorful," your mouth watered at the though as he nodded; he didn't remember the name but he remembered what you were talking about.

"You've been craving Dave's cooking? Do not tell him that; it'll make him gloat the rest of the pregnancy," he joked, pulling up to the window, handing you your milkshake. You still had to find lunch, but you couldn't wait for a milkshake.

"I want fruit in the morning. I had strawberries yesterday and pineapple this morning."

"What do you want for lunch?"

You shrugged, thinking about all the different options before you told him to choose. He always took you to this cute little Italian place that Rossi loved, because it was quick and delicious. They ate lunch there all the time.

By the time you'd eaten you felt much better and it was time to head to the doctor. You filled out all the paperwork and the two of you waited until your name was called. Aaron had to sit in the hall for the first half, but they were doing an ultrasound to see how far along you were, and you wouldn't let him miss that.

He sat on the bed next to you, his eyes glued to the screen as the doctor placed a sticky substance on your stomach and began to move a cold paddle around on your flesh. It wasn't long until you heard the rapid thump of their heartbeat and saw the tiny little speck surrounding it—your little baby.

"You're nearly 12 weeks. I'd say 11 and 4 days best guess," the technician told you, telling you that your baby was about the size of a pinky and would only continue to grow. The heartbeat was strong, healthy. All of your exams came back perfectly normal and there was zero cause for alarm. You still couldn't believe you'd managed to make a baby so quickly, and it only solidified your belief that being back with Aaron was meant to be. Things had been going so well that it was almost as if he'd never been gone. You did the normal day to day with him just as easily as before, only he got to be home every night.

"We'll see you once a month, but I'm scheduling you three weeks from now because most likely, I can do a growth ultrasound and get you a gender that day," she said cheerfully, noting that the weight and length was perfectly normal, and that you should be due the week of Christmas.

"Christmas?! That's so exciting," Aaron mused, as you sat up, his hand on your back to help you. You were in a gown, but she was fixing to leave so you could get changed and go, and you could tell by the tapping of his foot and the way he constantly had his eyes on the clock that he was silently counting down the hours until everyone knew your secret. You'd have to keep him as busy as possible for the next couple of hours.

"I'll let you get changed and we'll schedule your next appointment up front."

She left you and Aaron alone after handing you a set of photos showing you the baby, what you could see so far. Aaron held onto them while you changed, looking them over while you got dressed.

"What do you think it'll be? I'm thinking a girl," all things pink would match his cheeky grin well, and you knew at that moment what he was hoping for.

"As long as they're healthy, I don't mind either way," it was the truth, you'd be happy no matter what as long as the baby remained okay.

"You know what we're doing as soon as we leave?"

"Are we shopping?"

He nodded, and you couldn't help the squeal of excitement you let out. You couldn't wait, and neither could he apparently.

You were in the car after scheduling your next appointment, on your way towards the mall. You only had a couple of hours to waste and you could do that easily shopping for the baby.

"Do you think I'll jinx us if I buy something pink?" He was navigating the parking lot for a space closer to the door.

"Maybe we can buy one pink thing and one blue thing, just to even it out," you suggested, and he was satisfied with your answer, because it meant picking things out with you, and you'd been waiting years to do this.

"You're a genius, baby. The smartest woman I've ever met," he parked the car and leaned across the console to kiss you, tugging your chin to meet his face. You would never grow tired of kissing him, having his love. Things were changing rapidly for you, because now you'd have a child and you wouldn't be working anymore. Aaron didn't want you working anyway, but you took jobs a couple days a week just so you wouldn't be bored. He wouldn't let you work now, it was a fact. He wouldn't want you on your feet, even though you'd be tirelessly preparing for the baby from now until they arrived.

"I can't believe this is really happening," you said against his lips, and he nodded in agreement.

"Almost twelve weeks. It has me thinking that it was supposed to happen, perfectly timed."

You were glad he felt the same way. You had always imagined the two of you becoming parents, and now it was finally a reality.

"I'm so glad I get to do this with you," you told him before spending an obscene amount of money on the baby. It was nearly 5 o'clock by the time you searched every store top to bottom, and wound up with more than plenty of stuff. You got to choose the boy outfit, deciding on a little blue gown with matching hat. You talked about name suggestions the entire drive home, and even while you unloaded everything. By the time you got dressed, it was time to go to Dave's. You wore a tight black dress in hopes that it would show off your new curves and Aaron dressed to match in all black. Judging by the look on his face when he saw you coming down the hall, you wouldn't be leaving if he weren't so excited about sharing the news.

"You look so gorgeous. I can't wait to go show you off," he took your hand, spinning you around so he could get a good look at you. He pulled you in for a quick kiss before you were on your way to Dave's.

"I can't wait to tell everyone. Penelope is going to be so happy," she'd warmed up to the idea of you two being together again after Aaron apologized to her for having to take care of you during your worst. He sought her out and thanked her, but he was sad that she'd had to do it in the first place. They had long since settled their differences, and you were thrilled about it.

"This means we have all sorts of stuff to look forward to, like a baby shower and especially Christmas. Can you just imagine being in the hospital on Christmas? Wouldn't that be amazing?" It was all the two of you could talk about the entire ride down the mountain, arriving at Dave's just as the sun began to set. Everyone was outside in the back, JJ and Emily greeting you first.

"You look so good! Let's get you a glass of wine," you shot Aaron a look before he went to find Dave, and as you came to the drink table, you stopped the two of them.

"I can't drink," you said quietly, earning a shocked look from the two of them in response.

"Wait—you're pregnant?!" JJ's excited whisper kept the news contained for now, but no one else was outside to hear it. You had no doubt that Aaron was inside bragging about all the things you'd bought, and when the baby would arrive. When Penelope arrived, she immediately questioned why you weren't drinking and asked if Aaron was having you drive.

"I've been so excited to tell you," you started, but you didn't even get the words out, she was already hugging you, tears of joy streaming down her face.

"Oh! So that's why you look so good," she mused, her eyes scanning the crowd.

"We have to find my little love button so I can tell him the good news," she purred but you had suspicions that everyone in the house knew already. She drug you in the direction of the kitchen and your mouth began to water at the smell—you hated to admit how much you loved Dave's cooking.

"There she is," Aaron wrapped a secure hand around your waist as the conversation buzzed about your Christmas baby.

"Do you have any names picked out?" Dave asked, and you shook your head. You'd barely discussed names; it used to make you sad to do it. The first thing Aaron had put in the cart was a book of baby names and their meanings.

"We're still working on that," Aaron chimed in, but you had plenty of time to decide. Dave and Penelope tossed out a few suggestions but none of them really spoke to you. You knew that was something for you and Aaron to figure out together, the perfect name for your perfect child, conceived in love and raised around nothing but soft spoken words and gentle parenting.

"You've got to let me help with the baby shower. I was practically born to throw parties," Penelope gushed, sitting beside you at the bar. You'd taken the chair next to Aaron so you could watch Dave cook.

"Where's Reid? We need to get a betting pool going on the gender," Derek rubbed his hands together before he took off to find the doctor, leaving you and Penelope giggling.

"I hope it's a girl," Penelope said finally, and Aaron nodded in agreement.

"I'm thinking boy. What have you craved so far?" Dave asked, and Aaron groaned before you told him that you'd been wanting his cooking specifically. You described the dish and his eyes closed briefly as he nodded his head.

"My mother used to make it when I was sick. We called it 'the healing meal'. I'd give you the recipe but there isn't one, so just give me a call when you want some. I actually think—" he paused long enough to open the fridge and take out a few different vegetables.

"I've got everything I need to make it tonight!"

No one enjoyed dinner as much as you did. The baby was the popular topic of conversation, even Dr. Reid was excited. He offered you a helpful list of books you could read out loud to your baby, because his mother had read to him a lot. He told you the things to avoid and how he'd memorized the pregnancy handbook and delivery instructions when JJ was pregnant, so if you had any questions you could always ask him.

The support overflowed throughout dinner and beyond that, with everyone promising to keep in touch and asking you to do the same since your free time would be dedicated to preparing as much as possible for the baby. You could tell what a big deal it was to Aaron that his team was the first to know, he had been so excited to share the news with everyone.

"As you can see, everyone is thrilled," he said as he helped you climb into the car. You hadn't needed help before, but he was already in overprotective mode and you knew it wouldn't slack up any time soon given your condition. He went around to climb in on the drivers side so he could take the two of you home.

"Three weeks seems like forever to wait for my next appointment," you sighed, wondering how your body would change in the passing weeks until then. His hand found yours as he started the drive up the mountain, the roads empty at this time of night. It would be an easy drive home with zero traffic.

"I'll make sure I'm off work so I can go too."

You hoped he'd be able to make it to most of your appointments. You knew he wouldn't let you lift a finger from here on out, so your days would be fairly mundane without work to keep you occupied. You wished more than anything that he could be around during the day, so you weren't so lonely. You knew he'd never go for retiring now; you'd just got back into the swing of things, and having him home every night was enough for you to be satisfied. You knew better than to press for any more than that.

The ride home went by quickly, the two of you going inside so you could get ready for bed. You found your way into his t-shirt and crawled into the bed, waiting for him to strip down so he could come cuddle. You turned off the lamp as he climbed in next to you, his hand coming to rest on your stomach.

"Can't believe we finally did it," his voice was rough and sleepy, you could tell he was seconds away from slumber.

"We did it."

✨✨✨

Due to a series of unfortunate circumstances, Aaron had been gone four days. He'd been out of the field for a long time but his team desperately needed his help, and he'd made the decision to go despite your upcoming doctors appointment. You'd been upset the first couple of days, but it quickly turned into something more when your appointment came and he still wasn't back. You'd held onto hope until you slipped on the gown and felt the cold goo touch your stomach.

"Do you want to know the gender?"

She was beaming happily back at you, but you shook your head and produced an envelope from your bag.

"Will you put it in here instead? I want to wait to find out," she understood and did as you'd asked, and at first, the suspense was almost too much to bear. You drove home and hid the envelope on his side of the bed and found anything to occupy your time. You took a walk, something you did often, watching as the seasons changed, the trees and flowers all blooming with life. You walked for what felt like an hour over the entire property and beyond, only walking back towards the cabin when you started to get hungry. You hadn't even heard Aaron's car pull in. He was standing on the porch, his phone to his ear, no doubt calling you to figure out where you were.

"It's about time you made it back home," he heard you before he saw you, coming back down the stairs to greet you in the yard. His hands were instantly on the small bump that had began to form weeks prior, his mouth on yours as quickly as he could pull you close.

"I told them this was the last time I could do it. I don't want to be away from you like that again. It's been driving me crazy," you hugged him tightly before taking him inside, retrieving the envelope from the bedroom as he made himself comfortable on the couch, removing his tie and his dress shirt.

"Guess what I have?"

He stared at the envelope in your hands before patting the empty space next to him, urging you to come and join him. You scrambled onto the couch and handed it to him, letting him do the honors while you watched anxiously. You knew before you saw it judging by the dazzling smile on his face that he'd gotten what he wanted.

"She's a girl! Can you believe it? We're getting a baby girl," he showed you the pink writing, confirming your suspicions. You couldn't help the tears that welled in your eyes; you were getting a daughter, and she was perfectly healthy.

"I had a feeling," you told him, but secretly, you'd hoped it was a girl for his sake, because you could tell just how badly he wanted a daughter.

"God, you're glowing. You look so good! I've missed you so much," he pulled you into his lap, placing both of his hands on your stomach as you straddled his waist.

"I've missed you more. Been lonely without you," Penelope had kept you company the first couple of days, but then her presence was needed at work, so you'd been by yourself for the remainder of the time.

"It'll never ever happen again, sugar. I swear," his disdain for the field had only grew stronger, and this case solidified his intolerance for it once and for all. He hated the unbearable weight he had to carry after it was all said and done. You despised how miserable it made him.

"I was thinking after you get some sleep, we could go shopping," if there was one thing Aaron Hotchner wouldn't be able to resist, it would be shopping for his daughter. He'd already been so thrilled to shop for what you'd bought already but now you could get serious about it since you knew the gender.

"I'm not even that tired," he started, but you shook your head at him and his dark circles, signifying that he hadn't slept in god knows how long.

"Nice try. You can lay in my lap and sleep," you offered, and he made a thoughtful face before he let you lead him to the bedroom. He sat down on the edge of the bed, so you removed his tie and started working on the buttons of his shirt, rolling his sleeves off his arms so he could be left in his t-shirt. Your hands moved to his belt, unclasping it so he could let his slacks fall to the floor.

"Come on, let's get you in the bed," you laid down next to him, instantly warm by his firm grasp. He hadn't forgotten about your offer to lay in your lap, so he climbed between your legs, cuddling up to your thigh.

"I missed this so much. I uh—I wanted to talk to you about something," he didn't bother looking up at you, so you ran your fingers through his hair and made a soft hum to let him know that he had your attention.

"I...I want to be done, for real this time. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I hate living with this stuff in my head, and I don't want to be distracted at home, not when my girls need me," your heart fluttered for a moment as you processed his words, but your mouth betrayed you when you let out a resounding no.

"What do you mean 'no'? You don't want me home with the two of you?" He sounded hurt, which had you backpedaling quickly.

"I'm sorry baby, of course I want you home with us. It's just—I know what happens when you get idle hands. You love your work. I know you don't feel like you do right now because you've been in the field, but I can't imagine you without it, Aaron. I know what I signed up for when I came back. You don't have to quit for me again."

Truth be told, you wanted him home more than anything. Filling your days was sometimes a chore because you felt so lonely. You knew that would change when your little girl arrived, but for now, you were often alone during the day unless Penelope was around.

"Things are different now. We're going to have a baby; I want to experience as much of it as possible and retiring would give me that."

You sighed because there was no way to win; you didn't want to lose him again because he decided being home was too much for him.

"I just—you're right. Things are different. I just don't want you to get tired of being home all the time."

You couldn't say what you really felt—you didn't want him growing tired of you, of being with you everyday.

"How could I? I'll get to spend everyday with you," he seemed decided on the idea, so you tried to be happy with him, tried to celebrate, but you were worried things would end just like last time.

"I know why you're so afraid. I promise that's not going to happen again," he assured you, kissing your cheek. For now, you'd just have to trust that he'd do the right thing for you and your baby girl.

✨✨✨

You had been wrong.

In the months that he'd been away from work, you'd never seen a more attentive man. Spending everyday with him had only brought you closer than ever—you got to fall asleep and wake up with him every single day, and nothing could've made you happier.

You were nearly 6 months into your pregnancy, and you were convinced he loved you more everyday. On this morning in particular you hadn't made it out of bed yet; your little girl was tossing and turning wildly in your stomach, and Aaron was in awe, watching her every move.

"I bet she'll be funny and sweet, just like her mama," he whispered, his hands on your belly as she flip flopped around, making the two of you giggle like crazy.

"I hope her hair is dark like yours. I bet she'll get your eyes," it made him blush to think that he'd created life with you, and you got to sit and have these conversations. Little talks that would keep you occupied for hours on end, tucked between the sheets together.

"I can't wait to meet her," the two of you had been counting down the days. It almost seemed like it would never end, the waiting.

"Won't be too much longer," you reminded him, running your fingers through his hair. You thought for certain he'd regret retiring, but it had proven so helpful for your relationship that you couldn't imagine a world where he went to work everyday. He still assisted occasionally if the BAU had private consults they needed help with, but it never took too long.

"I never thought I'd enjoy pregnancy as much as I do with you," he admitted, and although you'd only ever been with him, you couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else. Obviously Aaron was who you were meant to be with, and you weren't going to argue that.

"You've made the whole experience so much easier. I'm so glad I have you," he had been so helpful, always offering to do things for you, or just doing them if he knew you'd be stubborn about it. You still tried to be fairly independent, but he was so overprotective that it was hard to be; he'd even help you get dressed in the morning, as if you'd forgotten how the second you got pregnant.

"I couldn't picture myself doing this with anyone else. I—I was going to wait until Christmas but I have something for you, and I just don't want to wait anymore."

You laid on your back while he rummaged through the closet. He found what he was looking for and crawled back onto the bed, but not before grabbing your left hand so he could slip a ring onto your finger. He held up your hand so he could admire it, before turning to you.

"All you have to do is say yes."

You sat up, profusely wiping away the tears that came after. He knew your answer would be yes, but hearing you say it out loud made him happier than you've ever seen him. He was pulling you in for a hug, trying to wipe away tears of his own.

"We're really doing this," he said finally, his thumb tracing the ring on your finger.

"You and me forever," you confirmed, kissing him once more, your hand slightly heavier from the massive diamond you'd be carrying around for the rest of your life.

"Forever," he promised, and you knew in that moment that his heart belonged to you completely, and despite the obstacles you'd faced together, his love for you was one thing that would never change.

Taglist: @wheelsupkels @ssamorganhotchner @rousethemouse

[whumperooni]

Lately I've been obsessed with step-bro Tenko suddenly having to deal with his step-sister moving back home

(tw stepcest; tw drugs; tw shitty moms)

And being kinda standoffish at first. Not friendly, but not an asshole and he doesn't really seek you at first.

But, like, he notices how obviously miserable you are to be back home with your mom constantly nagging you. He comes across you late at night eating snacks that you can't eat when your mom is up lest you hear a lecture about how you need to lose weight and how are you going to get a husband when you "eat like a pig." He catches the way you flinch whenever your mom makes disapproving noises over your appearance. He sees the way you get quieter and quieter with each passing day.

And, well, Tenko doesn't feel sorry for you, but it's the first time he's felt some kind of empathy- you've got a bitchy mom and he's got a shitty dad. He gets it.

And maybe it helps him feel more comfortable around you. He'll hang out silently in the living room with you, play games on his phone while you work on your course assignments. He'll give you a nod whenever he passes by you sitting on the couch at midnight eating your contraband snacks while on the way to get his own.

And if the two of you get the house to yourself? He might ask you if you want to order in some food. Maybe you two watch a movie together, have some casual conversation.

And you're not as bad as he thought you might be. You're pretty chill, less of a preppy bitch than he had predicted. The two of you have some common interests and you're not so annoying so, hey, Tenko doesn't mind when you offer up the idea of playing a game together sometime.

And I'm imagining the two of you growing closer, talking to one another and hanging out. Having vent sessions while smoking weed and drinking booze. Playing games together and sneaking out at two am for a snack run to the closest gas station. Sending each other memes and texting each other under the table whenever you're forced to go out to eat with the family.

And he didn't expect to grow close to you, but it's nice? It's weird, though, because he still doesn't think of you as his sister- you're more of a friend than family and, well, he tries not to think about it but...

But Tenko can't help watching you out of the corners of his eyes whenever you stretch. He can't help noticing how soft you are whenever you press against him to grab the bong, how nice you smell too. He can't help sneaking glances whenever you bend over and he can't help the way he gets rock hard the first time you call him nii-san- your eyes red and gaze fuzzy, laughter spilling from your lips and soft breasts pressing against him as you collapsed in a weed induced giggle fit.

He doesn't feel bad about it- you're only his sister in name so what the fuck does it matter? (And the taboo is hot anyways- it's a favorite porn genre of his) But he knows it's not going to happen so he's not going to make things weird when you don't even know how long it'll be until you can move back into your dorms.

So, he doesn't make a move and he jerks himself off at night instead to thoughts of you- thoughts of eating you out on the living room couch and thoughts of you warming his cock while he games; thoughts of fingering you under the table while your mom is complaining about her day and thoughts of fucking you in your parents' bed and making you cry his name while he creams your cunt.

Giving into the temptation makes it harder to be around you, of course. And it doesn't help that you start getting more physical with him- leaning against him when the two of you watch movies, fixing his hair and his clothes before the two of you have to meet your parents for lunch, ruffling his hair when you pass him.

And it starts to happen enough that Tenko starts thinking that maybe you're into him too. He tries matching you- throwing his arm around the back of the couch when watching tv with you so you can curl up against his side; offering his lap as a pillow and casually rubbing your back; grabbing your hand on snack runs to get your poor, weed wrecked focus back in check- even laying his hand on your thigh as he drives, smoothing his thumb along your inner thigh and hiding a smirk whenever you shiver, let out a soft noise.

So then it's just a matter of bravery. It's a matter of Tenko growing the balls to make a move.

And I'm thinking about the two of you drinking one night, smoking each other out and enjoying a weekend with the house to yourself. I'm thinking about Tenko listening to you ramble on about a secret dungeon you found in a game and how you'll show him where it is and just. Stating at you because you're high and smart and so fucking pretty and, dammit, so fucking irresistible.

And he can't stop himself from your cupping your face and kissing you speechless. He can't stop himself from groaning in approval whenever you gasp and then absolutely melt into him.

It's so much better than his fantasies- you're so soft and warm and the noises you make?

It's a miracle he doesn't cum in his pants.

But there's no way he's gonna waste a load spray painting his boxers when he can put a load in you.

And, god, you want it- you whine that to him as you grind against him on his lap and beg him to fuck you- that you've wanted it for so long now and that you promise you won't tell anyone and "Fuck, nii-san, please"

It's almost too much, really- the way you arch up into his touch and mewl when he nurses on one of your tits, thread your fingers through his hair. It's overwhelming how you absolutely fall to pieces when he falls to his knees and begins to eat you out- your cries get desperate, your thighs shake, you gush on his tongue whenever he runs it through your silky folds and laves it over your clit. Sinking his cock into your warm, velvety cunt has him seeing stars, but it's whenever you whimper out a soft, needy "nii-chan, please?" that Tenko truly gets in over his head in pleasure.

God, just thinking about him spending the entire weekend creaming your pussy and eating his own load out after; just thinking about him bending you over the coffee table and recording the way your ass bounces whenever he slams his cock into you; just thinking about him sitting in his dad's study with you on your knees gagging and moaning around his cock while he smokes a joint-

It would be such a delicious weekend- full of sex and defilement and fun. And when your parents come back, that's a disappointment but it's not too bad of one- that just makes it hotter when you sneak into the bathroom whenever he's in the shower to suck him off.

And it gives you a sense of vindictive satisfaction, too- sneaking around and doing something that would give your mother a heart attack is exciting and wickedly fun.

Mm. Just...step-bro Tenko. ❤️

[sandsorghum]

Kinktober Day 20 - Adult Toys, Part One

#Smuterdays

Hope you like Fluff with your Filth, you animals.

So you want to spice things up in the sheets with them? Let's see what they make of your suggestions. Also, I've included specific types of toys for...inspiration but no, this is not sponsored by any adult toy company teehee.

Characters aged up: Yuuji, Nobara and Megumi. Find the 2nd Years here

YUUJI

How they react: When you initially suggest it, this sweet summer child is totally flustered, although you and Yuuji have been physically intimate for close to a year now. You’re not each other’s firsts, but he’s still relatively new to sex, you might be only the third or fourth person he’s been with so there’s a bit of a learning curve, but you’re happy to teach him! Yuuji confesses that he’s always found it hot when porn actors use them and you admit that you already own a rabbit vibrator. He doesn’t know what that is so you pull up a Google picture for him. He asks you how it works and blushes so hard (!!) when you promise to give him a demonstration one day. But right now, what you want is something you can share together, to explore how much more fun you two can have. Yuuji is eager to please, everything you’ve introduced him to has always turned out to be really rewarding, both in and out of bed; whether that’s a new TV show, street food snack or edgeplay. Turns out, this is no exception. He leaves the recommendations up to you, but insists on ordering it online since he’s still too shy to even think about sex in public.

What you get: A clitoral suction toy, because he’s always wanted to try multi-tasking by fucking and sucking you off, and seeing your expression. This way Yuuji doesn’t have to choose one over another. It takes some practice to coordinate the perfect amount of pressure, but you love every single step. Since you started using them together, Yuuji cums extra hard in you and his loads increase, much to your pleasant surprise. Over time, you two build an extensive and diverse collection of sex toys. Even if it’s technically not your favourite anymore, you still retain a soft spot for the toy that started it all and Yuuji tends to use it when he’s feeling particularly romantic.

NOBARA

How they react: She thinks they are redundant, and she has multiple nights of evidence to support her case. “Well my fingers have always been more than good enough for me. For you too, by the way.” It’s not that her confidence is unwarranted, but you want to try something different. You secretly suspect you’re not as skilled as her, so this is you compensating and trying to close the gap. She’s reluctant but also kinda curious, wondering if it’s anywhere close to being as good as it sounds in those videos she uses a VPN to watch. You know about them, but don’t say anything. It’s never been a problem and it seems she learns a couple of useful things from them. Nobara might retain her pride until you bribe her with a new pair of shoes or matching jewellery set. ("How about wearing just this next time we have some fun?" Her smirk is all the promise you need.) Even when she finally agrees, there’s a condition that she gets final say on what you buy. She has no compunctions about browsing for something like that in public, but you end up ordering it online since there’s more variety. Plus, Nobara has ultra specific tastes.

What you get: She realizes she’s really glad you goaded her into this though, as she lays gasping on her back, trying to have some semblance of thought despite the consecutive orgasms wrung from her body thanks to your tongue and the recently bought glass wand. The temperature play is new and exhilarating, you alternate between the warm strokes and cool, gentle puffs of air against her clit, with the occasional kiss thrown into the mix for good measure. You can taste more of her than ever, but you want to push her past satiation. Not only are you about to break the record for the combined number of climaxes you share in a single session, but for the first time Nobara is the one who’s come the majority of the times. “Look at you, you’re so beautiful for me,” you murmur. You found out pretty early on about her praise kink, which she didn’t admit to so much as announce it. But you genuinely mean every compliment. Nobara glances down at the steady slide of the toy in and out of her, face flushed. She sees the glass glistening with her juices, firelight reflecting from the scented candles decorating the room. You knew she was nervous about trying something new tonight, so you were determined to go the extra mile to set the mood. You lick the wand, relishing in Nobara’s taste, a string of spit replacing the shine on it, suspended between the rod and her cunt. Of course the original source is far superior, and the enticing scent emanates from her folds, which she is trying to spread in order to cram her fingers in. You laugh at her impatience and she shoots you a deathly glare. “Baby, that defeats the whole purpose of tonight,” you tease prying her fingers away and committing her whine to memory. Your name substitutes a plea. “What’s the matter, regretting I didn’t convince you to try this earlier? Well, better late than never, right?” Her hands fist against your scalp. “Same’s true for cumming. Put your mouth to better use, you’re ruining the mood.” You smirk, aware that the dirty talk has the opposite effect on her, as much as she denies it. But you acquiesce, you can never really resist, not for long. Besides, you’re intent on breaking that record, and even more eager to learn how she’ll return the favour soon.

MEGUMI

How they react: Megumi is surprised at first when you raise your request, and feels a flicker of insecurity. Is he not pleasing you enough in bed that you need…supplements? You know him well enough to address this concern before he expresses it, and tell him that it’s not the tool but the person handling it, that you’ve never been closer or trusted any other partner enough to ask for this, and you’ve never known if they really cared to prioritise your pleasure over their own. But with Megumi this is as obvious as his smooches up your thigh in broad daylight during the mornings, when he wakes you up with little licks to your nipples and nibbles over your collarbone. You can't seem to mind getting up early as much now. Megumi is reassured and convinced after that conversation, plus pretty excited to do some research and get closer to you during that process. When it comes to actually buying them Megumi would much prefer to purchase them online, but you tell him you want to get the vibe (literally) of a particular toy, to see how strong it is, if the size would fit, etc. Megumi will give in and you two make a date to head to the shop that has garnered lots of good reviews in the forums you looked up.

What you get: Something simple and subtle, like an egg or bullet vibrator, with a generous variety of settings. It's so like Megumi to (want to) be prepared for every possible situation in love or war, or want as many options as available. You teasingly make the cheeky observation that he shouldn't expect a single sex toy to function like his Shikigami, or is he gonna amass a collection so he can summon an orgasm from you in any scenario?

"Ever think maybe all I need from you is your Great Serpent, hm?"

Yea..he's gonna be too embarrassed by the association to get out Orochi for a while, oops.

Extended Smutty drabble below, because I love how Humiliation looks on him:

On the Saturday that you’re going to make your trip, Megumi greets you at the front door and his style is…surreptitious, to say the least. Your boyfriend usually wears two colours at most, or typically dark clothes. But today he’s dressed head to toe in black, with a large hoodie over his head and sunglasses so dark and opaque you can’t see his eyes at all. By contrast, you’re wearing what you usually would on any other date, a brightly coloured sundress or maybe a cute crop top that bares your midriff just a little, paired with high-waisted jeans. You can’t help but laugh at the fashion choices Megumi has made. “Babe, you’re going to look like a stalker or something! And isn’t it 32 degrees outside?” “ ’S fine,” Megumi mumbles, pulling you through the door. “Let’s go.” His hand is wonderfully warm, though you’re not sure if that’s the weather or his shy disposition today. It feels good, either way. You do get a few stares on the train, the old saying ‘opposites attract’ is probably proving true for a lot of the strangers who glance curiously at you. From the outside you two may look like an odd couple but Megumi is definitely yours and you’re his, and you’re determined for the world to know this. So you lean your head on his shoulder throughout the ride, or clasp his hand, and even give him a peck on the cheek when you arrive at the appropriate station. It’s not a far walk to the store from where you alight, but Megumi keeps casting about furtive glances like he's on the lookout for enemy combatants or sneak attacks. At least until you reach the shop entrance and he hurriedly steps inside. You notice his quick, tense movements and decide you’re definitely going to tease him in bed later about this. As you wander the aisles looking for what you want, Megumi sticks really close to you, like really close. He’s not very clingy per se during your regular dates, but really likes to be touching you one way or other, by linking pinkies for example or having his arm draped around your shoulder. Now, however, it’s like you have a literal shadow following your every step. You pick something off a shelf and ask Megumi what he thinks of it. When he responds it’s in a low hush. You know it’s not intentional but you feel a shiver down your spine, his voice can get so sexy when it’s deep and quiet. After maybe about 20 minutes since your search began, Megumi seems to relax a little - that is until a friendly shop assistant comes over and he seizes up completely. “Hiya! How can I assist you on your journey of self-discovery or on your couple's carnal quest today?” You giggle at the unusual phrasing and the employee smiles, explaining it’s the company's code of conduct tagline they greet all customers with. “So do you two need any help or recommendations?” “Ah yea, we’re experimenting for the first time,” you ignore Megumi’s squirming and soft embarrassed whine by your ear. “Actually do you have this item in stock?” You pull up a picture on your phone. “Ah good choice! That’s one of our most popular products, great for couples just starting out and exploring how to incorporate toys in their sex life. Let me see, unfortunately I think we just sold our last one, but I can suggest a similar model. It’s in the Ladies Only Browsing section though.” “That’s all right. Mind waiting here for me, Megu- sweetheart?” You catch yourself before using his real name, suspecting that that might be a step too far, even though you have him whipped and wrapped around your finger. You know he minds from how he’s fidgeting but he nods, muttering “Don’t take too long, please” and returns his gaze to the floor. You give him a quick kiss to thank him for his patience before following the shop assistant to a curtained off area of the store. When you emerge ten minutes later, you spot Megumi holding a box in his hands, inspecting it. You sidle up to him, whispering “Whatcha got there handsome?” and he startles at your sudden presence, dropping the box. Faster than him, you scoop it up and examine it before he can grab it back. Cat

ears and…a tail? You look closer. Oh, it’s actually a plug. You smirk at your flustered boyfriend as he wrests the box back from you and dumps it back on the shelf. Stepping close you whisper, “Hmm, so you want to make me your little kitten, Megumi? If I had nine lives I’d spend them all with you, cause I know you’d make me purr in each of them.” Megumi grips your wrist and growls, “Are you done?” You grin at him, all his shame has dissipated, you know you’ve succeeded in tipping him over the edge from agitated to aroused. With any luck you’ll be disciplined for this when you two get home. You nod and head to the counter together, joining the queue. “Did you find what you were looking for?” “Close enough.” You hold up a navy blue bullet vibe with lilac detailing “Pretty isn’t it? Kinda reminded me of that one shirt you have.” You’re sure you can feel the heat radiating off Megumi’s cheeks as he squeaks, “Yea I know which one.” He tries to bury his blush against your shoulder, mumbling, “That the main reason you got it?” You chuckle, threading your hand through his. “Sure, and it was on sale.” “Oh.” “You sure you don’t want to pick up anything? They’re having a membership promotion with a minimum purchase deal.” You see him consider it for a moment before shaking his head. By now you’ve reached the front of the line so you fish out your purse. “I got this,” Megumi says with a small smile. Your heart skips a beat. His wallet is bulging and looks bigger than usual. You realize that’s because it’s stuffed with at least thirty bills, of varying but large denominations. The cashier shoots him a quizzical look. “Sir, just so you know we do accept cards, both credit and debit.” “Ah sorry, I left mine at home,” Megumi responds nonchalantly. Liar, you think. He had used one for the metro. “We also have mobile payment options.” “Phone’s dead.” he says shortly with a shrug. “I see. How unfortunate. We actually have a 30% discount for customers who pay via this app,” the employee elaborates, gesturing at a nearby sign. You recognise that app. Megumi recognises the app. He uses it quite frequently actually, especially on grocery runs. He looks at you for a moment but you don’t say anything, curious about his reaction. You're betting it's because he doesn't want a paper trail. Your shoulders shake as you hold back an internal giggle, amused at the lengths your boyfriend is going to to be sneaky about this. You're both adults, he could afford to be a little more upfront or confident about his desires but still, you think it's endearing to be the only one he really shares them with. “Oh, that’s too bad,” Megumi answers, turning back to the counter. He spends the next several seconds painstakingly pulling out cash. The cashier shoots him a dirty look as she starts counting out his change. It’s taking too long. “Sorry I don’t have anything smaller.” You lean in so only he (and just possibly the cashier) can hear, “Mmhmm, yeah you don’t. You’re always such a tight fit, baby.” Megumi turns scarlet and you laugh as he drops half the coins before he can put them back in his wallet. “Sorry, sorry. Sorry.” He mutters at the customers behind him who start to grumble at him holding everyone up. “Maybe you guys should have a self checkout counter,” you suggest, smiling politely at the cashier. “Maybe your man should move on with the times,” she retorts drily. “Next!’” When you finally escape the shop, it’s started to drizzle. You squeeze against your boyfriend under the narrow awning while he retrieves an umbrella from his backpack. He’s always so prepared, you think fondly. He deserves everything.

“ 'Gumi?” “Yea?” he looks up from pulling out the umbrella from its plastic case. “About the…those cat ears?” His cheeks colour again a little. “W-what about them.” “You sure you don’t wanna get them? They’re kinda cute.” “It’s fine, let’s take things a step at a time,” he says, clicking open the umbrella. “Anyway, you’re plenty cute enough.” It’s your turn to blush uncontrollably. You may have been

the one to initiate flirty and naughty comments in this relationship, and it’s super rare for Megumi to say such things, so when he does it’s way more effective than anything you could throw at him. You think you might melt before you get home. “Besides,” Megumi adds, a strong arm circling around your waist as you both step out into the downpour, safe under the umbrella’s arch. His voice dips low, breath hot on your ear against the chill in the air. “I already own a pussy.” Thanks to Megumi, you don’t get caught in the rain, but you still end up a drenched mess that afternoon.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

an anon in the midst of depression

something that really sucks is that rn i'm going thru The Depression of My Life and my parents don't seem to get it. i wish my mum would try to listen to what i say and not just make everything about her, you know? ever since she divorced my dad, everything bad is somehow about him and she is always the victim. it's really tiring. i am tired, really fucking tired. i try to see the bright side of things, but even reading fanfiction is hard for me right now. fuck, i can't shower or eat or even sleep right. i legit don't know what to do, how to go on. alone. if this is life, how do i live it? if this is how it's gonna be, i'd rather just drop dead.

idk just felt like letting this out of my chest. it's not your responsability.

(i've been watching euphoria and jk's euphoria started playing and my brain did a whole thing and i ended up here)

bye 👋🏻👋🏿

I'm writing this while listening to Spring Day.

I know what you're going through right now is not my responsibility. I know you didn't ask for advice. I don't think you sent this to even get an answer. XD I simply felt like saying something, so I hope you're fine with that.

To be honest, life doesn't have answers. It has a fucking lot of questions and you can choose to find answers too them... or not. You're not required to have an answer to everything. And you won't. That's the nature of living.

I wish I could tell you someone will "get it". It would be nice if someone could understand. Truth is, no one will get it. That's because there's only one you and only one life you live in your own way. No one can live your life for you. When you are no longer here, no one gets all the "good" or the "bad" you left behind. It simply disappears into nothing.

Your mother went through a divorce and the way she copes is to complain about her ex to her child. You happen to be there; you have familial ties / a sense of responsibility / financial needs / etc, so you are forced to listen. It's probably not the best thing for her to do, but it is easy. Everyone wants to take the easy way out. It's easy. Right or wrong, the path of least resistance usually wins. I don't know your mother. I don't think she's a bad person. She's tired, like you.

When I was going through the darkest time in my life, I too felt alone. I was alone. When you're there, you don't want anyone else to be there with you, in fear of lashing out at them, in fear of them feeling what you feel, in fear of believing that this is it, that you will never have the strength to walk forward again. Was it you who made yourself this weak, surely not, and you think it's something else, it has to be, but deep down you fear - what if this is me, what if this is all I am?

It's so hard when you realize that you are, indeed, alone.

But, you know, I'll tell you a secret.

Even if all these things are true, even if all these shadows are within you, it means that you can also be the light. The concept of darkness wouldn't exist unless the concept of light is true. Winter comes. It is freezing, everything dies, but spring will come too, and everything grows back, slowly.

I know it's true, because I was there too.

I'll tell you though, the light that you find is yours, well, it might not be what you expect. It might not be that grand. It might just be the simple happiness of eating the food you enjoy, playing video games you love, writing porn about seven guys in Korea that don't know you exist! XD

It's okay to live a simple life, to have your own morals, to feel happy or sad when there's no reason to, to laze about and feel not so great, to feel what you feel right now. Funnily enough, there might come a point to where you're tired of being depressed. At least that is what happened to me. I got to a point where I thought, what am I doing, so what if I'm weird and not quite right in the head and don't have any big aspirations? So fucking what? You can make mistakes, you can feel like shit, you can make bad choices and eat a whole box of family size Cheez-Its by yourself in only two days.

I mean... maybe don't let that be your brand...

But, also, I can't really stop you, can I? XD

You can just be, whatever you want, however you want, whoever you want. And maybe you are not where you want to be right now, but you can be tired, you can be sad, you can try again tomorrow, or in a couple hours, or whenever you're ready.

You can.

(I hope you heard that in Yoongi's voice. :D)

I made it. I think you can make it too, if you believe a little more. And, anytime you want, you can come here. We can watch the snow fall as we wait for your winter to pass, little by little.

[doorbloggr]

Sunday 22/8/21 - Media Recommendations #16: Top 3's of Right Now

In terms of new media to recommend this week, there is none. So this week I'm gonna do a bit of a recap/best of media thing. From the categories of Music, Anime, and Videogames, I'm gonna list my top 3 of right now.

What do I mean by Top 3 of Right Now? Well, personal taste in consumable media is very malleable and subject to change over time. So today, I'm gonna quickly highlight what I can declare my Top 3 Favourite Songs, Anime Series, and Videogames are, as the Mitchell of August the 22nd, 2021.

Some of these things I'm recommending I will have discussed in a previous Media Recommendations post, but my discussion of each of the things I talk about today will be very short. So without further ado, let's start with music.

● Top 3 Favourite Songs

▪︎3rd: Caramelldansen - Caramella Girls

I can't really explain in words why I like this song so much, but it's just really good. I am not fluent speaker of Swedish, so I do not understand much of anything in the lyrics, but that's the magic of good music, you don't have to understand. If a song bops hard enough, the lyrics can be complete nonsense and still make worldwide charts even outside their native tongue. Caramelldansen also manages to capture that quintessential excitable weaboo nerd energy that I've come to accept is definitely part of my being.

This spot was the hardest to place out of any other placing in this post. There was about 6 songs I could declare as being my 3rd favourite song of all time, but at the very second I'm writing this, midnight on Sunday, I decided that Caramelldansen is my third favourite song.

▪︎2nd: Foolish Heart - Nyanners

One thing that will always make me enjoy a song is a funky beat. Music that just pumps and jams. Foolish Heart is fun to groove to and there's not much more to it. I also have a soft spot for bitter-sweet lovesongs, and there aren't many songs I know that are as bitter about the sweetness of love than this. I follow the artist who does this song on many of her socials and I was a fan of it the second it came out, and it will probably stay in my regular rotation for a long time.

Honourable Mentions:

Old 45s - Chromeo

A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton

Mr Blue Sky - ELO

Mansion Party - Ninja Sex Party

Roundabout - Yes

▪︎1st: I Want You - Savage Garden

I had actually heard this song a bit when I was much younger, but it was only recently I became obsessed with it. It is the song used in the closing credits during JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 4, and I instantly fell in love with it. It's just so funky and goes so damn hard. It's a soft song, but also very powerful. The vocals are so smooth and the instruments are so sexy. It's been my favourite song for many years in a row now, and I think it's gonna keep that number 1 spot for a while longer yet.

● Top 3 Favourite Anime Series

▪︎3rd: Darling in the Franxx

Darling in the Franxx just vibed with me on an emotional level. My very soul was touched by how much love this anime exudes. Studio Trigger are known foremost for their intense action and over the top characters, and sure this anime has those in spades. For someone who hasn't watched it, it may appear to be a cosmic mecha anime, but in fact, it is a romance story first. I can't really explain it well, but Darling in the Franxx just punches you right in the soul with how much emotion there is. It is a beautiful anime.

▪︎2nd: Food Wars - Shokugeki no Soma

There's just something fun about rooting for a snarky protagonist who is overconfident. Especially when, most of the time, they are precisely big enough for their boots. Food Wars is a complete 3 course dinner that fills many different niches of anime. It's a lesson in many different cultures, it is food porn, it's a battle shonen, it even has light romance, but never lets that take centre stage over the journey of the protagonists. I'm admittedly a lover of tasteful fanservice here and there, and Food Wars delivers just the right amount of echi to entertain those into it, but no more than necessary. Food Wars is just... a lot. And it's great.

Honourable Mentions:

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku o!

Dagashi Kashi

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime

Log Horizon

▪︎1st: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood

FMA is just such a full package. It has a fun and interesting cast of characters. A complex and vast setting that is neither overexplained nor underexplained. A cast of villains that are all unique and the perfect balance of sympathetic to hateable. And most importantly, it does not outstay its welcome. I was very much considering putting JoJo's Bizarre Adventure up here, but the issue is that like, many other series, a series can be too long. A good anime has to be long enough to sink your teeth into, but if drags on for too long, it can become exhausting. FMA spends the perfect amount of time building up the plot and ends where it should. Edward and Alphonse Elric are the perfect dynamic duo, and every character has such fun designs and personalities. I could blab on for ages on why I love Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood, and I have in a previous post. So go search that up in my pinned post if you want a longer breakdown. It is an anime MUST WATCH.

●Top 3 Videogames

▪︎3rd: Super Smash Bros Ultimate

The very idea of Super Smash Bros is something that appeals to gamers everywhere. A suite of characters from all over gaming that are all playable in one huge game. You get to play that classic "my favourite character could kick your favourite character's butt" in real time. I'm not a big fighting game guy, but Smash has a very accessible jumping off point, simple controls and a system of combat that's only really as deep as you need it to be. Smash Bros is also a very important game to me socially, since I owe all my current closest friends to meetings I had interacting with the competitive scene. I used to be really into competitive Smash too, and Smash Ultimate in particular had a fairly balanced cast, in that if you were committed enough, you could dominate with any character. But even if I've grown exhausted with that scene, and only ever play the game casually now, I owe a lot to this series.

▪︎2nd: Animal Crossing New Horizons

As of right now, Animal Crossing is not a game I play.... at all. But for the few months after the game released, ACNH was a religious dedication. I'm in a pretty shitty place these days. Can't see friends, can't even go to work, the world is falling apart as our leaders can't get Covid under control. But while I was playing ACNH, it brought structure and purpose back into my life for a while. I had villagers depending on me, museum collections to complete, flowers to breed, an island to transform into my vision of a nice place to live. It was nice. This number 2 spot might be taken by a different game in the future, but this year, Animal Crossing New Horizons was a very important game for me.

Honourable Mentions:

The Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess

Pikmin 3

Jackbox Party Pack (the whole series)

Shovel Knight Treasure Trove

Pokémon Soul Silver

▪︎ 1st: The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild

Despite Zelda being a huge part of my identity, I didn't actually get into the series until my mid teens. By that point, most of the later games were very formulaic and linear. And sure that can make for a very compelling story and experience, but BotW just threw that idea out the window. Breath of the Wild is a game you can just get lost in. Spend an hour just dicking around in the middle of nowhere and it's a blast just to move around. The world is tranquil, and also exciting. The game is gorgeous and fun to play and there's just too much to talk about. I've played the game from start to finish at various levels of completion about 5 times now, (one playthrough being a 2 hourish speedrun to the final boss) and every playthrough I found new locations, puzzles, interactions that I never encountered before. It's a game that just matched my being perfectly and I doubt a game will leave an impact like that for many years to come.

[toast-the-unknowing]

HI! I wanted to say that I really love your writing and I get really excited to see notifications that you've posted new work! And I was just curious if you worked in an office of some kind, and if so how do you find the time/motivation to sit in front of the computer and write personal work. It's just something I've been struggling with myself, and I wanted to ask if you had any similar experiences. If the answer is no, then no worries :) Thanks again!

Oh, that's a tough one, Anon.

I do currently work in an office -- as An Adult I've had an array of jobs, all of them either retail or customer service or "office assistant in a field I don't care about." And I’m sure that every job has the power to take away from your creative work, just as a simple matter of resources -- time and energy spent working can't be spent writing -- but there's something extra challenging about jobs you don't like, jobs you're doing just because you have to. They take so much out of you.

Motivation is one of my personal crosses to bear. I don't have it. I consistently struggle to find the motivation to do basic life tasks. So I don't know that I have answers for you, but I definitely have sympathy.

I also have, like, so many more words than I thought, so they’re going behind a cut.

When motivation is in short supply, the stuff that has to happen or you will literally die comes first. That's okay. It gets to come first. If I put on clothing and show up for work and eat some kind of food at some point, I got through the day. That's an accomplishment. And sometimes doing that uses up all my motivation for the day. Sometimes I can't even get up that much motivation, let alone do anything else. That sucks, but it happens.

But it doesn't happen every single day.

Some days have more motivation than others. Some seconds have more motivation than others. Why can I do the thing in this one second when for weeks it's been blocked like a grayed-out option on a computer menu? I don't know. But I could. Motivation is weird like that. You never know when it will show up, so you have to give yourself opportunities.

You know your office better than I do -- is the culture "get the work done on time and we don't care what you do" or "YOU MUST PERFORM 'PERFECT EMPLOYEE' AT ALL TIMES"? What's the layout of your desk? Can people read over your shoulder? How nosy are your bosses/coworkers? How strict are the internet controls your IT department uses? How busy are you? What are your own particular psychological quirks and philosophical attitudes? What's your anxiety look like?

It may be that "work on my writing while on the clock" is not an option for you. I get that; in the time I've been an office worker, I've been all over the place, from "my own writing is what I spend the majority of my time on while I'm at work" to "I won't even touch my writing on a company computer." Right now is closer toward the latter. But, if writing at work is an option for you, now, don't lose out because your current project is saved to a .docx file on your home desktop. Make it so that if you had to, you could write under literally ANY circumstance. I carry a Chromebook with me everywhere. Before that I carried a composition notebook and a pen at all times. I know people who write fics in draft emails or the notes app on their phone.

When time and motivation are scarce, you have to build in the opportunity anywhere that you are able to. Those might not be the same opportunities that work for other people. I've heard established writers say things to newer writers like "if you don't have the time during the day, just wake up earlier," and that's so discouraging and heartbreaking for me to hear. "Wake up earlier" isn't an option for me. "Wake up on time" is barely an option for me. Getting out of bed is a bottleneck for all of my motivation issues to all run into each other at the same time. But "work on the bus" does work for me. Not every single day. Maybe one day I'm tired. Maybe the bus is really full. Maybe the person I'm sitting next to looks like my mother and that makes it weird to write about boys kissing. Maybe the one fic I really really really want to work on that day is porn, and no I'm not going to do that on the bus/at work/on my lunch break. Maybe I pull out my Chromebook and open it and look at my fic with every intention of working on it and just.....nothing happens, for forty minutes, and then I'm embarrassed and put it away. That's fine. Because if I do write something on one of those commutes or lunch breaks or "just gotta kill time" evenings even once, then it was worth it. If I give myself lots of opportunities, then even if I don't take most of them, I still get stuff done I wouldn't otherwise.

Little bits COUNT. If all you manage to write is "in this scene the characters argue" THAT COUNTS. You wrote a thing. Because the next time you write, that can become "in this scene the characters argue about money and Adam storms off". And then the next time it can be "the characters argue about money and Adam storms off and Blue says something really cutting to Gansey and Gansey is crushed." And then, and then, and then.

It sucks to write a story one tortured sentence at a time, but it can be done, and sometimes that's the only way that it does get done. Some days all I do is turn [gansey says hi] into "Hello," Gansey said, and you know what, that counts.

Sometimes when writing has been hard or impossible for me, I've done writing adjacent tasks. Maybe the motivation isn't there, right now, to get writing done. Can you daydream about something you know you'll never write in a million years? Can you spend your commute, or the time you spend watching paper feed through the scanner, or that awkward minute in the break room when your boss is getting coffee at the same time as you -- can you spend that time thinking about a Hogwarts/ABO/vampire/fake dating/rock band/Groundhog day/all-of-the-above fic that you would never write? Because daydreaming and dicking around can be very helpful for getting your brain in gear to write. And if you daydream about the story you're actually writing, or one you'd like to write, (a) you get caught up in it needing to be GOOD ENOUGH which is anathema to free wheeling fun times, and (b) you run that risk of coming up with that PERFECT bit of dialogue that you aren't able to write down and then you forget it. If you forget that really funny bit of dialogue for the Declan/Henry soulmate alien abduction shapeshifter fic you were never going to write, well, what does it matter?

I've done this before when I've been in a place where I'm not writing, and there's something about being able to say, "okay, I didn't write anything, but I came up with five different fun little stories that I can go back to, in my brain, any time I feel like it." And I've discovered things about the characters that I do then want to use in a "real" story . Maybe you will stumble across an interesting dynamic or interaction in that OT6 West Wing crossover you were never going to write, but it's worth revisiting in something you do want to write. When you're able to.

The ways of motivation are mysterious. I don't really know why it's easier to find the motivation now than it's been at other points in my life, in other fandoms. I think part of it is momentum, from accepting "okay I'll just try to do a little bit of writing" and then the little bit happens and keeps happening and becomes a big bit. There's been so many times now where my bus pulls up to my stop and I go "ugh I have to put the laptop AWAY and GO HOME why" and I just try to race home so I can sit down on the first chair I find and keep writing.

Are there some places, or times, or situations, or writing mediums, where the motivation comes a little easier? If you don't know of any can you pay attention for those? Is there any way to capitalize on that? If super boring meeting where I don't have to do anything but I'm not allowed to skip is a great time for day dreaming about your writing, is there anyway to take your lunch/a coffee break/a really long bathroom break where you hunt & peck type into your email drafts right after that?

I tried tracking my writing once, on the suggestion of a very convincing essay by an author who promised that only good things could come from meticulously noting where the writing happened and when and how many words. The result was that my word count dropped to zero. Very easy to track! Not so great for literally any other goal I had. But I've learned a lot about my process since then, not from spreadsheets and journals but just from...paying attention, and asking myself questions, and thinking back on all the thinking about writing I do, and it's become easier to make words happen. Not a guarantee, but -- easier. So I think the most helpful thing is just to give yourself opportunities, even little ones, to write or create, and then just...pay attention. To your process and your words and your motivation and your situation, and try to work within those and not against those.