#I've been trying to remember where I wanted to go with this but failing miserably so I'm just posting it

[lawofangie]

Hello. I just saw your post about your manifestation journey while struggling with depression and I’ll probably just be another rant about “how difficult it is to manifest”, but honestly I just want to talk a little bit.

I’m at work right now. I’m a trainee in a law office and my relationship with my boss is deteriorating gradually.

While I was at school, I would always think that I would be happier at a job, because I like to feel useful and competent. But now that I have a job, I just feel miserable.

I already received complaints twice about “being distracted” and “not doing my best”, which came as shocking because I’ve been doing my best. I have two bosses and while one looks like she really appreciates me, the other one might be the contrary.

I always fails to do what she wants me to do.

So I have been having really tiresome dreams. I had one where they asked me to type a document and after a while it turns out it was a “you are fired document” and asked me to sigh it.

They laughed and said that “I wasn’t doing enough” and “I wasn’t attending my classes at college” which I WAS but it didn’t matter.

I actually can’t imagine my life better. It’s like my mind just blocks it from me. I feel like I can’t delude myself even if that’s what I want the most.

I really want to just escape and live happily but I just feel trapped and miserable. I think I can predict what you are going to advice me but…I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared.

this is actually kind of relatable. i've felt similarly at many points in my life, i struggled to function, i thought external things would make me happy, applying the law was difficult. i couldn't imagine my life any better either. i understand where this is coming from, i'll try to give less generic advice, but i'm going to be brutally honest, and, this still won't be anything special. its important to remember that regardless of what i say here, manifestation is still just assuming you have your desire and persisting in that fact.

anyways, it honestly gets to a point where you have to realize that you're just wasting your time feeling trapped and scared. you're doing yourself a disservice. no one and nothing can save you, nor is anything or anyone going to. as unfortunate as your circumstances are, you have to do it yourself.

you have to take what you want and prioritize that above how you feel, anyone's made you feel, and how anyone feels about you. your life is meant to revolve around you and no one else. its YOUR life for a reason.

you SHOULD NOT waste the best years of your life being miserable, feeling like a failure, like a victim, like you can't change, like you're trapped like this forever when that's completely illogical. everyone and everything changes. people change in age, appearance, personality, sexuality, preferences, etc. it's physically impossible to be incapable of change unless you're not alive. people change all the time.

you genuinely do not have the time to be so self loathing and miserable, not when you're going to literally grow old one day. and according to those who've made it there already, that day comes fast. do you want to look back at your life at 80 and see what you wasted it doing? when all this information was right in your face? when all you had to do was take a chance and have some faith in yourself?

changing yourself isn't impossible, you're just too scared to assume anything good about yourself, perhaps because you've gotten so used to being miserable. "changing yourself", by the way, just so we're clear, simply means to assume something new about yourself. for example, you already believe you are a failure, and to change would be to simply assume you're successful. that's quite literally it. you just believe in something without physical proof, that's assuming. we assume all the time. you're just assuming about yourself now. the law is extremely simple to utilize, but it's the simplicity that leads to people overcomplicating it themselves.

also, delusion is, by definition, a false belief that is resistant to change, even when presented with evidence that it is not true. an assumption, by definition, is a belief that is taken as true without proof or evidence. you need to realize the difference here. we are telling you to assume, not to delude yourself. we are promising you that the "proof" comes after you've fully accepted it as true. we're not telling you to actively deny something despite accepting it as true. what would be the point in that? if we're telling you that your assumptions, aka the things you believe to be true without proof manifest, why would we tell you to continue to accept something you don't want as true? does that make sense?

being delusional and making an assumption may seem similar in theory, but in practice, they are completely different. one is literally the result of a mental illness, the other is a very normal, very human behavior that we do every day. we make assumptions about ourselves, people, and situations. all. the. time. it seems like it's only a problem and called "delusional" when it's about yourself, and it's something good.

it's like being confident in yourself, believing in your abilities despite what others have to say about you. for example, you have a great confidence in a talent or skill, and the you believe that you will get better as you get older/more experienced/more knowledgeable, and you'll make it places and have great opportunities in the future. let's say some random person decides to insult you and say that you'll never make it anywhere in life. would it be "delusional" to not listen to them? to not let someone else dictate your future? or would that simply be having some faith in yourself and not letting others define you?

this is literally all we're telling you to do, believe in yourself even if your reality seems to be against you. don't fight it, just accept that the unfavorable isn't true and move on. continue to believe in yourself.

and besides, if any person successful to date operated with that "i don't see it so it's not true" mindset, they wouldn't have become successful, would they? would anyone accumulate any kind of success with a mindset like that? the people who have came from nothing and made it to where they were now, had an unwavering confidence in their abilities and the fact that they'd be something one day. despite what anyone's told them, or tried to project onto them, it didn't get through to their unwavering sense of self.

the point is, we are promising you something. all it takes is for you to have some confidence in yourself. to quit hurting yourself. is that so hard?

anyways, the point of manifesting is when you change yourself, the things in your external reality change.

assuming is easy. believing things to be true without proof is easy. you just have to get comfortable with the fact that you need to change before anything changes externally. again, instead of believing you are a failure, that you are trapped, you simply assume you are successful, and you are not trapped.

people also change their minds all the time, they grow to have a different opinion, they realize they were wrong, they want to give something else a chance, or without a reason, they simply change their mind. these things are not impossible, they happen all the time.

i'm saying this to say that manifesting isn't being delusional. to be delusional is feeling stuck and like things can't change, when they so clearly do, all the damn time. you're not special enough for the concept of change to not apply to you. for instance, you are certainly not the same person you were when you were 6 compared to however old you are right now. you changed, therefore you are capable of changing, and i proved it to you with that simple example.

you only feel stuck because you decided you are, you decided that you'll never be unstuck, and so you haven't been. the law is working, just not in your favor. everything you see in your reality right now, perfectly matches whatever you've assumed to be true. that is not a coincidence. it's important to remember that the law isn't a thing with feelings, it does not care about you or your situation. all it does is continue to operate. it's up to you to use the law's indifference to your advantage.

also, you seem to have a victim mindset. it's very obvious in the way that you try to explain yourself, that you were doing as you were supposed to, but it still 'didn't matter'. you're putting so many things (your job, your bosses, proving yourself) on a pedestal, over what really matters, which is yourself. do you even like your job? did you pursue something you were passionate about? because if not, then you have no business subjecting yourself to any kind of mistreatment, not when you didn't even want to be there in the first place. you should be putting yourself and your desires before even thinking about pleasing anyone or meeting any kind of requirement.

your own standards and requirements should come first. remember : you chose to work for them. you have a choice. you also need to remember that your bosses and colleagues are regular people. outside of work (and in the workplace if we're being honest) they have no kind of power over you. you shouldn't be letting such irrelevant people in your life have the power to instill so much fear in you, to the point where you're having literal nightmares.. about typing a document incorrectly.

also, about feeling useful and competent, that's something you have to decide about yourself. are you useful? are you competent? do you honestly feel this way about yourself? definitely not, which is why you're seeking validation from others. but at the same time, it is what's made you so miserable, because you're definitely not getting that validation. and any you get only gives you a short lived feeling of satisfaction. your opinion on yourself matters more than what anyone has to say. that's literally why confidence and insecurity exist. and either way, you still feel a certain way about yourself that outweighs anything anyone has to say about you.

here's another example, let's say you've been insecure about your looks from a young age. if one day, someone randomly tells you you're beautiful or they think you're pretty, is all the insecurity you've felt for years suddenly going to go away? or will your mind find reasons to reinforce the fact that you don't feel beautiful? and if someone confirmed your insecurities, saying you weren't their type, they didn't find you attractive, wouldn't you just justify that reaction in your mind since you feel that way about yourself already?

with that in mind, how much does anyone's words really matter? do the words of others honestly have any significance when they aren't reinforcing something you already believe about yourself?

your reality works in a similar way. whatever you decide to assume/ accept as true/ shift your awareness to/ decide is true/ feel is certain, your reality will reflect. as well as a bunch of reasons to continue believing whatever it is is true. the law is very indifferent and has no bounds. it does not care about your feelings, your specific circumstances, and so on. that's why i'm telling you, you only feel these ways and experience the things you do, because you decided you were. this goes for being miserable, being stuck, feeling useless, feeling incompetent and living in fear. there are no exceptions.

so, with all that said, what do i suggest? first off, you need to practice being secure in yourself. work on being confident in yourself first, then work on your self concept. i say "confidence" as in feeling secure in yourself within the 3d. so, your looks, your body, your social skills, your physical skills, etc. because "self concept" has to do with having confidence in your manifestation abilities. find a helpful method that works for you, like affirming, visualizing, scripting, rampaging, or just simply deciding something new about yourself and accepting it.

self confidence has to do with things like liking yourself, being your own validation, having optimistic thoughts about yourself, and self efficiency. you can't care about what others think, you have to put yourself first, and you can't let anyone dictate your future. be selfish. the only thing that should matter is you and how something makes you feel. nothing bad comes from putting yourself first and not worrying about others.

once you feel confident in yourself, or even while working on your confidence, practice using the law. you could start by manifesting something small, something specific that would prove to you that you can manifest, then work your way up. manifest bigger things or just a large quantity of things, just to prove to yourself that there aren't any limits. remember, manifesting is just assuming: believing something to be true without proof. i mean that in the most literal, simplest way possible. like the example of success i used earlier.

once you've proven to yourself that manifestation is indeed real, play around with it. also, work on your self concept. decide that things always go well for you, that you deserve good things, you're the creator of your reality, learn to mentally reject unfavorable things in the 3d, and so on. this is what i would do if i were you.

i know this was kind of long, but i hope you understand my words and find them useful. feel free to dm me or send another ask if you have anymore questions. 🩶

[rogueddie]

When Steve wakes up, he is very confused. His room looks very different and unfamiliar- but he knows it's his. It still has the plaid wallpaper his mom had picked out for him (he hadn't liked it, but there was a lot of lines and pretty colors).

The toy car his babysitter, Sarah, had gotten him for his fifth birthday isn't on his dresser anymore. He knows that she'd left it there for him last night, playfully insisting that he couldn't play with it until his actual birthday.

He'd been so excited to play with it. He wants to cry, and wail. He wants to run to his parents and scream until they give it back.

But they aren't home. That's why his babysitter had been over the previous night. They have a very important business trip that they aren't allowed to miss, not even for Steve's birthday.

The pictures in the hall look different too. Sarah had put up some cool pictures for him. She'd done the same for his fourth birthday. They had to take them down at the end of the day, but it had been nice to have family pictures up. Even if it was just for a day.

Sarah isn't downstairs.

He almost does scream this time. She'd promised that she'd stay the night, sleeping on the sofa, so he could have pancakes for breakfast. It's one of the many things that he can't, or isn't allowed, to make on his own.

His cake isn't in the fridge either. He even pulls a chair over so he can climb on it, to see if she'd hidden it on one of the higher shelves.

He sits on one of the dining chairs, watching the clock, and waiting.

After two hours pass, he gives up any hope he has.

Sarah, just like his parents, is probably too busy for him. He reasons that she probably just forgot to tell him. His mom had done that one time- it had stung, but he couldn't blame her. He forgot lots of stuff, even if it is important.

The only cereal in the pantry is some plain, corn brand that he doesn't recognise. It tastes just as bad as it looks, but there isn't a lot of food anymore.

At least, not a lot that he can make.

He has a second bowl, putting a few spoons of sugar in. It's not much better, but he doesn't feel so hungry anymore.

The TV looks different too. There's weird and new things playing. It's fun, interesting, and distracts him well enough that he's able to keep himself from worrying about how long he'll have to be alone again.

The next day goes the same.

The third day, he risks cooking. It ends up a little burnt, but it's better than cereal all the time.

The fourth day, he can't eat the food he tries to cook. It smells too nasty. He has to have cereal again. The sugar helps.

The fifth day, he doesn't risk cooking. His parents have never left him alone, without a babysitter, for more than a week, so he'll have a nice meal soon.

The sixth day, he checks their voicemail. There's a few odd messages from grown up sounding people, asking about how he's feeling, but he doesn't recognise any of their voices. He doesn't know what numbers he should try calling. He hopes they try calling again.

The seventh day, he sits at the bottom of the stairs. He stares at the front door, ready to jump up and give his mom and dad a warm welcome home.

The eighth day, he's starting to worry. Surely his parents will remember to call a different babysitter?

The ninth day, there's a key in the door. He almost misses it, sat in the kitchen, glaring at his cereal.

"Steve!" Someone calls. It sounds like one of the nice, unfamiliar grown ups who left a voicemail message. "Stevie! You here? How are- oh my god."

"Hi," Steve greets. He waves, tries giving his most polite smile. He almost forgets to keep his lips shut- his dad told him that his teeth don't look nice enough for a grin that big yet. "You're one of the nice people who left me a message, right?"

She stares at him for a long moment, mouth hanging open. "Steve?"

"That's me! What's your name?"

"Robin."

He sticks a hand out to her. "I's nice to meet you Miss Robin!"

"Yeah," she replies, voice high and thin. Her hand is trembling when she gently shakes his hand. "I'm... gonna need to use your phone. Real quick, ok?"

"Um... ok. But you can't make long distance calls, mommy will be very mad at me." He bites his thumb nail, following her into the hall. "Are you a babysitter? Is Sarah sick?"

"Sarah?" Robin echoes, questioningly. She's only half paying attention though, pushing in a phone number.

"My babysitter. She was supposed to be here for my birthday."

"It's your birthday?" She chokes out, spinning around so fast she stumbles. She looks heartbroken.

"Not anymore! It's ok, you don't need to be sad. She gave me my present early too, so it was good."

"Wait. How long have you been... what have you been eating?"

"Um. Cereal, mostly. All the food is different. It's weird."

"That's not- oh, hi," she turns away slightly, talking to whoever is on the phone. "Yeah, I'm at Steve's right now. Gather, like, everyone. We have a major emergency."

"No!" Steve quickly says. He tugs at the bottom of her top. "Not an emergency! You can't say that, you'll get me in trouble!"

"You don't understand, this is-"

"No, please," he pleads. He can only hope he won't get in trouble for talking back to her. "I'm sorry."

"Ok, ok, alright," she agrees. She pauses for a second, listening. "No, that was Steve. Yeah, exactly, that's why-"

"Tell them it isn't an emergency. Please. If dad hears, I'll be in big trouble."

"Ok, big guy. It's not an emergency. Just... yeah, do that. Yeah. Alright. No, I'll be fine. I can deal with it. Ok, see you soon."

She hangs up with a sigh, turning to look at him. She still looks sad.

"Are you ok, Miss Robin?"

Her laugh sounds strained, but she laughs. "I'm alright. How are you?"

"I'm ok. Do you know when mommy and daddy will be back?"

"I don't. I'm sorry, Stevie."

"It's ok. It's only, like... I can't really, uh, cook."

"I can make you something. What's your fave? It was your birthday, you said? Let's get you something special! How old are you?"

He stumbles a little, trying to keep up with her fast talking as well as he long strides. "I'm five. Sarah was going to make me pancakes."

"We can do pancakes." She searches the cupboards and fridge, frowning. "Where is anything?"

"I dunno. I looked but everything is all gone or weird."

"Well... we'll just have to have pancakes later. Special pancakes, for the special birthday boy."

"I guess."

She steps close, putting her hands on her hips as she looks him over. "Are you sure you're five? Did you hit your growth spurt early? You're getting real big."

"I dunno. Mommy says I'm gonna be tall and be a real ladies man, or something."

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Not really. Mommy thinks it's cool though."

"Hm. Are you too big to pick up?"

"Oh, you're not supposed to. Daddy says I'm a big boy now. Big boys don't get picked up."

"Your dad's an asshole."

Steve giggles, quickly covering his mouth with both hands. "You're not supposed to say that! It's a naughty word!"

"Supposed to do this, supposed to do that," she tutts. She leans down, scooping him up into her arms, resting him on her hip. "Your five, stop being so boring!"

Her hand feels so big on his back, like there's no way he could fall with her holding him. She doesn't even seem to mind his hand automatically grabbing the collar of her shirt.

"Daddy doesn't like it when people pick me up."

"What do you like? Hm? Do you want me to put you down?"

"... No."

"Then I'm not putting you down. Daddy isn't here to tell us off, is he? And what he doesn't know, can't hurt him."

She bounces him a few times, making him giggle. Judging by her satisfied grin, that was her aim.

It confuses him, a little. Mostly because she keeps doing that- little things, little comments, trying to make him laugh. Trying to make him smile. Even just listening to him talk about things. Little things. Silly things. Like she isn't annoyed when he goes on, and on, and on.

By the time another person comes in, he's decided that she's the best person in the whole wide world. If she puts him down or tries to leave, he's going to throw a tantrum.

He knows it's bad, but he doesn't want her to leave too. She's cool.

"Oh, God. Robin, please tell me that the baby isn't Steve."

"He's five," Robin corrects. "And yes, it's Steve. I checked, it's him."

"What the hell happened to him?"

"I don't know, I called you!"

"Is something wrong with me?" Steve asks, voice quiet and timid.

"No!" Robin quickly tries to say, at the same time the man says, "yes, obviously."

"Dustin!" Robin scolds.

"What? Lying to him won't help!"

"Neither will being a dick about it!" She tutts at him, adjusting Steve in her arms when she looks to him. "It's nothing, like, bad. It's just kinda weird. See, when we saw you, a week ago... you were a little bit older than me. And now you're five."

Steve stares at her for a moment. She looks too serious, too honest.

"Weird," he says.

"Exactly," she agrees. "From what you've said, though, it's not that bad. You're still you, and you're healthy. You're just... not so big."

"Maybe El can fix him," Dustin mutters, squinting at Steve. He leans close. "When did this happen?"

"He's been like this for a week," Robin tells him. Her voice is quiet, almost scared- it doesn't help that Dustin looks horrified too. "At least."

"Who's been taking care of him?"

"No one."

"What the hell," Dustin turns his frown on Steve. "Why didn't you call anyone?"

"Not supposed to unless it's a real emergency," Steve says. "Mommy says she has a repo... rep... rep-yuh-tay-shun. It's a big thing."

Dustin looks heartbroken, turning to Robin, who shrugs back at him. He groans after a pause, frowning at Robin. "Shit. You can't drive."

"Oh, shit."

"I'll call Eddie," Dustin sighs, already heading to the hall.

"Who's Eddie?" Steve asks.

"Eddie's a friend. He looks a little scary, but don't worry. He's a big softie, an absolute teddy bear." She leans close, whispering loudly with a grin. "Don't tell him I told you, though. He likes to pretend that he's all tough and mean."

"And he's... not mean?"

"Not a cruel bone in his body."

"Ok," he bites at his thumb, frowning when Robin gently pulls his hand out his mouth. "You won't leave though, right?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You gotta promise, though! Pinky Promise!" He lifts a hand, sticking his pinky up- Robin almost immediately wraps her own around his.

"I promise I won't leave you. Who knows what could happen if I leave you alone with the gremlins." She pretends to shudder. "Oh, the horrors.."

"He'll be here in five minutes," Dustin announces.

"That's... quick."

"Yeah. I barely got out 'Steve is in trouble' before he hung up."

"Maybe don't start like that next time," Robin rolls her eyes. She adjusts Steve again, trying to sit him higher on her hip. "He's probably breaking at least, like, five speeding laws or something."

"I don't think that's how it works."

"Whatever." She huffs. "Jesus. Steve, bud, I might need to put you down for a sec."

"Oh... um... do you have to?"

"My arms are really starting to hurt, bud," she says. She looks as upset at the idea as he feels. "Maybe we could sit down together. Would that be a good compromise?"

"Yeah!" He grins. "What's a comp- compa-"

"Com-pruh-mise." She says it slowly, careful to sound it out, as she sits down on the sofa. She pulls Steve around so he's sat on her knees, facing her. She keeps one hand on his back, supporting him.

"Com-pa-mise," Steve repeats.

"Oh, that was great!" Robin encourages, laughing at how big and excited Steves responding grin is. "Well, compromise is when..."

Robin is so patient with him, taking her time with him, making sure he understands what she's saying- before easily jumping onto whatever tangent he brings up.

It feels like only a few minutes have passed by the time the doorbell rings. Dustin stands to answer- Steve had completely forgotten he was there the whole time, too caught up in his conversation with Robin.

He doesn't come back for a moment. Steve can hear muttering, straining to hear what they're saying, but the living room doors shut.

A man follows him inside. He's tall, with long hair and dark clothes. He looks different to anyone Steve has ever seen before. He looks scary.

"Oh god," he mumbles, frowning at Steve. "You're not joking."

Steve tugs at Robins sleeve, leaning close to her, whispering, "who's that?"

"Oh, right!" Robin groans when she stands, lifting Steve with her. "Steve, this is Eddie. Eddie, this is Steve."

"This is Steve," Eddie repeats. "Jesus Christ."

"Why do you look so scary?" Steve blurts out. He slaps a hand over his mouth, horrified.

But Eddie just laughs. "Damn, Stevie, tell me what you really think."

"You do!" Steve snaps, face warming. "All the black and chains and stuff."

"Robin is wearing 'black and chains and stuff'."

"Yeah, but Robins cool."

"You wound me," Eddie gasps, slapping a hand to his chest. "I'm totally cooler than Robin."

"Nope," Robin quickly cuts in. "Steve said I'm cool, not you. It's been said, declared- no, decreed! Facts are facts, Eds, suck on it!"

"Ew," Steve and Eddie say in sync, grimacing.

"Alright," Dustin interrupts, hands on his hips. "You're introduced, now can we go? Now?"

Part two

[changetyre]

How long? II Lando Norris X Reader ⓈⒾ

SUMMARY: Finding your soulmate doesn't always include a happy ending.

WARNINGS: Angst Angst Angst with a sprinkle of fluff. Sickness, death.

A/N: This is a story I wrote a while ago for Wattpad and which I always loved but reading it back now there's been things I've wanted to adjust which is what I chose to do here ;)

Lando POV II 

"Tell me about her," she asked me passing me back our photo. 

I looked at it, my thumb grazing over her in the picture I kept in my wallet.

_____

Y/N POV II 

Lando and I've been together ever since I can remember. We met when we were only toddlers and became inseparable ever since. We both knew in our hearts how much we meant to each other, we knew that we couldn't live without each other. However, another part of us, and everyone around us, told us there would come a point where we'd meet other people.

And we did meet other people, in fact when I went to college and Lando joined F1 we both decided to try to date others and it was the most miserable time in both our lives. Which only reinforced our feelings, we were irrevocably in love.

We were aware that we were a very cheesy couple, the kind of people who just didn't care when people were around us and loved to show our love for one another no matter the time and/or place. We were the kind of couple to gift each other little things and have dinner dates every week. Land never failed to bring me flowers every weekend since we started dating.

Life felt like a dream when we were around each other, we literally felt like we were in the clouds, floating in our own bubble of love. But it didn't take long before it burst. 

Given the amount of time Lando and I had spent together we had discussed anything you could possibly imagine and despite some thinking this was a horrible and selfish thought, when Lando and I talked about losing one another, we always thought he would go first...simply because of his job.

What Lando didn't know though was that every night and every time Lando went on track I would pray, pray for his safety, pray for his health, pray that if one of us had to go...for it to be me...because I could simply not live a life without him...the single thought made me choke up. 

'Be careful what you wish for.'

One year ago I was diagnosed with Breast cancer. For some reason the news didn't come to me as much of a shock as I thought, it was like something in my mind and body had expected this, had somehow mentally prepared me for it. On the other hand, I could tell how much this devastated Lando, so much he'd set his mind on quitting F1 to care for me which I had to practically force him not to. 

We had caught it early on and I only needed a few weeks of chemotherapy. Luckily the news came at the end of Lando's season, he would be home and he wouldn't get distracted on track.

Chemo was worse than anyone had ever described to me, it felt like I'd been completely stripped away from my own body and I was miserable but I knew I had to get through it, I tried to keep a smile all the way through it, for Lando, but I knew he could see right through me and he had as many sleepless nights as I did through it all.

Finally the last week of Chemo, everything was better. Lando was certainly brighter than before although I could tell he was still worried, I could see it in his eyes. Every time I'd say I was tired, huff, breath abnormally, or complain about any sort of pain I could tell Lando's heart skipped a beat.

It annoyed me at first because he constantly hovered, but I never said anything and eventually, I understood. I knew that if I was in his shoes I'd be exactly the same and now I found myself wondering whether I'd wished for the right position to be in because even though I was in pain physically...Lando was in pain too, even more than I was...and it broke my heart to see him go through it.

Now I wanted the season to start more than ever so Lando could put his focus and worry somewhere else other than me, and even though I worried that he might have an accident because of all this distraction I knew how much he adored driving and it was what he needed. 

The start of the season went well, not as good as we expected but it was good enough and the boys still had the rest of the season left.

I was with Lando in Monaco for the race, I was so excited about having him race here in Monaco since we'd recently bought our apartment here and we hadn't been able to enjoy it because of my treatments. 

It seemed like things were finally getting back to normal, Lando and I were floating back up in the clouds again and we were finally finding our rhythm again...it was almost too good to be true. 

I was home making dinner for Lando and me, he'd texted he was almost home and I'd decided to make some food for us. The whole day I'd noticed I was particularly exhausted and I kept running out of breath doing simple things. I had just set the table when all of a sudden it felt like my lungs had disappeared.

I dropped to the ground in pain gasping with all my power for some air. I thought I was going to die right there and then all until I heard the door open.

"Y/N!" I heard Lando's panicked scream. "LOVE!"

He pulled me up and turned me towards him, I clutched my chest. "I can't breathe." I wheezed.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" He screamed out.

And eventually, for me, everything went black.

__

I woke up on an all too familiar surface. I was in a hospital bed, all sorts of tubes and needles attached to me. I looked for Lando and saw he was outside talking to the doctor, I could see him through the window.

Lando was facing my way while the doctor's back was towards me. I could tell it was a serious conversation and as much as I tried to deny it I knew what was happening. The cancer was back...and this time it wasn't going away.

I saw the anger and pain in Lando's eyes as the doctor spoke to him, he argued. I imagined he kept asking for a solution that simply didn't exist. Lando held his tears in all until he locked eyes with me. I gave him a look letting him know it was okay, I knew and that was enough for him to break down.

The doctor simply patted his shoulder before walking away. Lando walked to the room wiping his tears away as best as he could. Once he came in I could tell he didn't know what to say.

"It's back-" he spoke in barely above a whisper. 

"I know baby." I opened my arms for him and he broke down in tears again. I cried with him, not because of my pain but because of his.

"How long?" I asked him after a few minutes.

Lando kept his head buried in my chest but I could feel him shaking his head.

"Baby how long?" I repeated the question.

His head finally rose up, his eyes were swollen and the tears just kept coming. "They're not sure, he says it could be 6 months or a week." Lando's voice broke at the last words before he buried his face in my chest once more except this time he wrapped his arms around me holding me tightly as if I could slip away at any second.

"I love you..." he wept "I'm so sorry." these last words shattered me.

"I'm sorry too...I love you." I whispered to him as I kissed the top of his head.

"Baby I'm scared-" he whispered into my chest. 

I didn't exactly know how to comfort him, I let Lando cry it out as much as he needed to while I tried to remain strong, I found myself pondering over how I felt, I wasn't scared but I was in pain, and I was so miserable for leaving Lando like this, we definitely didn't have enough time together.

___

The next morning once Lando had come back into my room with a cup of coffee I decided it was time to talk about the next step. I knew deep down Lando still wanted to push for a cure that simply didn't exist but I also knew I didn't want to spend another second stuck in these hideous grey walls.

"Baby I want to get out here," I spoke. I was prepared for a discussion.

Lando simply looked down and gave a shaky sigh. "I know...and I'll get you out." his lip quivered and I could see tears brimming up in his eyes again.

"You're not going to ask me to stay?" I needed confirmation.

Lando got up and walked over to me, he scooted me over and sat down on the bed. "The day I met you-" he took a deep breath trying to keep himself together. "I made a promise to myself that I would do everything in my power to make you happy no matter what-" a tear slipped down his cheek. "I hope you know that if it was possible I'd take your place right now because seeing you like this..." another tear fell down his cheek. "it's been hell." I placed my hand on his cheek caressing it, I was crying too. "But I know you better than anyone and I know that you're not the kind of person to go out in a hospital room and I know you want to do as much as you can before you-" he stopped himself and his breath hitched. He couldn't say it.

"You're right." I quickly said not wanting him to finish because I could tell how hard it was for him. "I want to spend every second I have left with you, with the people I love, out of here." His lip quivered again as more tears left his eyes.

"Let's go then." Lando got back up starting to pack my things.

The news spread through the F1 world fairly quickly and I was flooded with pitiful messages all over my social media. Lando's friends from work who I'd grown close to didn't know what to say when I showed up in the paddock with them for the Monaco GP. Most of them simply gave me glances that spoke a thousand words.

Carlos, Alex, George, and Charles had all been incapable of holding their tears back as they saw me, giving me a hug that only existed for these situations.

After the Monaco GP, Lando and I found ourselves going to our favorite spots within Monaco, I was tired, so tired and I could feel death inching closer every day but I held on, I held on because...I knew he wasn't ready...I wasn't ready.

One morning I woke up to find Lando had planned a whole day for us and it all started at home. I'd walked to the living room to find Lando had prepared a very scrumptious breakfast. And he'd decorated our balcony with roses and candles.

We walked to it and there Lando got down on one knee, pulling out a small black box, which he opened to reveal a ring. My hands flew up to my mouth, I had always dreamed of this day but certainly not like this.

"My dearest y/n, I've imagined this very day over a thousand times in my head and I've come up with hundreds of speeches for this very occasion but it seems none of them would work for what we're going through now." His voice broke. "You have been the first and only woman in my life I have ever loved, you have been my best friend since day one, you've been my rock, my world, my everything and I simply do not want to spend another day not being able to call you my wife...so y/n, my love will you marry me?" I could tell he sped up the last bit to hold his tears back.

"Yes." I let him slip the ring on my finger before he rose up and we engulfed each other in a deep kiss.

"Propose...check" he pretended to hold a list and checked off the first point making me laugh.

"So what's next my fiancé," I asked him.

"Well, why don't we get going and I'll show you...my fiancé." he gave me another kiss.

Lando took me shopping for a bit before he drove us both back home. I'd noticed something else had been set up and once I walked into our room I found a wedding dress hanging in our closet. I gasped admiring the dress, it was simple but beautiful.

"Pietra helped me pick it out for you, we tried getting a more over-the-top one but apparently you can't just buy dresses like that overnight." he shrugged.

"It's beautiful." you admired the dress.

"Well you better get dressed, and I'll do the same. I'm going to get dressed somewhere else and when the time comes your driver will be here." he winked.

"Wait what?" I was confused.

"Just be ready in 2 hours...I love you." he gave me a quick peck on the lips before walking out. I got dressed and ready as best as I could with the time I had left, I did a simple hairstyle, partly because I was never good at doing my hair and partly because I barely had the strength to keep my arms up for longer than 3 seconds. 

20 minutes before the 2 hours were up I heard a knock at the door. I opened it and Pietra, Alexandra, Lily, and Carmen were all standing there in matching dresses. You looked at them confused but on the brink of tears because of how beautiful they looked.  "Did I die already?" I joked, and they laughed but I could tell the thought pained them. 

"You look beautiful." P had to pat her eyes as she looked at me. I had naturally grown closest to her because of the brotherhood between Max and Lando. 

"Thank you for doing this?" I had to hold my tears back too. 

"Let's go." Alex and Lily extended their hands out for me and I took them walking out with them. We walked downstairs and Carlos was waiting in an Aston Martin DB6 Volante, that had been decorated with white flowers. 

We arrive at the beach to find it prepared for a ceremony, all of Lando's friends from the paddock and his friends from Quadrant were there, as well as both our parents. I just about started crying there and then. 

I got out of the car and Carlos stood there offering me his arm guiding me to one end of the carpet that had been rolled out. I saw Lando at the other end and tears quickly brimmed my eyes. As soon as he laid eyes on me it didn't take him half a second before he started crying too, Max Fewtrell quickly stepped in to hand him a handkerchief even though he was shedding a few tears too.

Without You by Harry Nilson started playing, and it was enough for me to let my tears run free. Carmen handed me a bouquet of roses and I began walking down the aisle, and for some reason, all my strength seemed to leave me right there and then. 

I stumbled causing everyone to try to jump forward to grab me, My mom caught me, I could see the concern and the pain in her eyes but she also understood I needed to keep going. She wrapped her arm around my waist and helped me down the aisle. 

And now it's only fair that I should let you know what you should know...I can't live, if living is without you...I can't live, I can't give anymore. 

The song reached this part just as I reached him, he wrapped his arms around me, letting his forehead rest on mine. 

"You look beautiful." he sniffled. 

I placed my hand on his cheek before placing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Let's get married," I whispered to him. 

The ceremony was short, Lando had wanted to arrive at the vows quickly and once we did he pulled out a sheet of paper, a tear was already rolling down his cheek. 

"My best friend, my rock, my first love, my only love, my life, my world, my everything, these words don't come remotely close to describing what you are to me. I hope you know I consider myself the luckiest man on earth to have met you, to have loved you, to have cared for you, and to have married you-" he chocked up. "But although I thought it was impossible...as much as I feel the luckiest man...I feel the unluckiest too." he looked up to meet my eyes completely distraught. "It's unfair the world is taking you away from me when our love story has only just begun, all the dreams, all the plans, all the promises I have yet to fulfill to you will stay here while you will go." he gulped down, he had a knot in his throat. "I will cherish, love, and protect you for the rest of the time we have left together, I will continue bringing you flowers every weekend, I'll wake you up with kisses in the morning, I'll make you smile and laugh every day, and most importantly I will, with all my power, do my best to keep you happy." he finished. 

I leaned forward giving him a long kiss on the cheek, now it was my turn and since this was all unexpected I hadn't prepared anything but already had enough to say. 

"My Lando...you have made me the happiest woman on earth since the day I met you. You are the most loyal, hardworking, loving, fun man I have ever known and I consider myself the luckiest woman on earth to have fallen in love with you. And the luckiest woman for you will be the first, last, and only man I will ever love." Lando's lips quivered as I said those words, a sob escaping his lips. "I will forever be sorry that we didn't get more time together, that I couldn't give you what we had so long hoped for, a life, kids, to grow old together." I cleared my throat having to compose myself. "I wish there was more I could do to keep you happy in the time I have left my darling, I can't promise you much, but I promise that I will love you with every fiber of my body and soul until my last breath." I ended. 

We were pronounced husband and wife and Lando pulled me in for a long deep kiss, mixed with both our tears. 

It was the most perfect day of my life, surrounded by so much love from our families and friends, surrounded by so much happiness. Once the moon was out and the tide started rising things started getting packed up but Lando and I decided to take a walk along the beach. 

We walked in silence, simply appreciating and cherishing each other's company. Once we were nearing the end of the beach I had to speak about what was on my mind. 

"Lando." I started. 

"No." he immediately replied. 

"Baby-" I was going to keep going. 

"I know what you're going to say and you can't ask me that-" he spoke softly but I could hear the anger and hurt in his voice. 

"Lando listen to me please-" I stopped making Lando turn to me. He looked down and he was crying silent tears. "After I'm gone I need you to promise me you will keep going no matter how hard or painful it is...I want you to give your career 1000% percent like you always have...and someday whenever you're ready I want you to find someone who will make you happy, who will take care of you, who you will fall in love with and start a family with-" I spoke clearly, this was a thought I'd head since the first time I'd found out I was sick. 

"No, I can't." He replied sniffling. 

"Yes you can and you will," I assured him. 

"How will I ever love someone as I love you..." he locked eyes with me. 

"I'm not asking you to love someone as you love me. But you will learn to love again, I just want you to promise you will not shut yourself out, you need to keep going...for me." I walked up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, with one hand I wiped the tears from under his eyes. 

He looked at me unsure and simply nodded, I knew he didn't mean it right now but it was as much reassurance as I would get from him for now. 

"I'll never find anyone like you." He spoke once we'd started walking back. 

"Maybe not, but you will find someone, there's plenty of women out there Lando, amazing, beautiful, incredibly talented women and I'm sure there's someone else for you." the mood had livened up a little bit. 

____

LANDO POV II 

The next morning I woke up...she didn't. She'd passed in her sleep, in my arms. A smile was still on her lips. I knew she was gone but I still tried to wake her, I still needed her to wake up.

I was inconsolable for months after her death, and my friends and my family had to help me back to my feet. Literally, because it was as though all my strength, all my will to live had died with her that day.

"She made me promise her that I would find someone else, that I'd fall in love again." I stifled a laugh remembering our walk at the beach. 

"She sounds like an amazing woman." She commented. She had a very genuine smile. 

"She was...I never met anyone like her." I sighed, that ache in my heart was still very present but bearable now.

_____________

Bonus A/N: 

If it serves as any consolation I cried my eyes out writing this story. . 

[surielstea]

Ballroom Secrets (pt. 11)

Based on this request.

Read pt.I here.

Pairing: Eris x Fem!Reader

Summary: Cassian finds out about readers secret relationship with the High Lord of Autumn.

Warning: Angst | Slight description of depression | hurt/comfort | happy ending

5.6k words

A/N: Sorry this is so long 😭😭 I just really wanted to get the angst right so it got long quick, hope you enjoy! :)

I sat in the sitting room of the river house cuddled up next to Morrigan who was splitting a bottle of wine with me.

"Where'd you get this?" Mor asks, pinching the silk of my new dress between her hands. "Oh I'm not sure, it was a gift." I smile, remembering the way Eris handed it to me for no particular reason other than the fact that he wanted to take it off of me. "From who?" Feyre asks in her own chair, Rhysand standing beside her, leaning against the arm rest. My mouth goes dry.

"It's a male, look at the way she's blushing." Azriel hummed, leaning back against the wall. I cast him a glare but he only returns it with a soft smile. "The same male that gave you this?" Mor points to my neck. "Gave her what?" Cassian perks up from his sprawled out position on the couch, Nesta's feet in his lap. "Yeah, what?" I look to Mor confused. "A hickey." A smirk curves her lips and I slap my hand over where the mark lies.

"By who?" Nesta sits up, gods even she was interested. "No one, I don't know— just some guy." I stumble over my words, cursing myself for my horrible lie. Azriel nearly laughs and rightfully so, his shadows were probably picking up on every nerve that tensed in my body.

"Is that why you've been missing training?" Cassian raised a brow and I can't will the words to leave my mouth. I've always been a horrible liar, Eris has tried to teach me his ways of deceit but it was no use when every time I tried to be quick witted or malevolent it failed miserably and I made a fool of myself. "I've been missing training because you schedule it for the asscrack of dawn." I grumble, half truths however were my forte. Cassian narrows his eyes on me and I swallow thickly. "Oh leave her alone already, let the girl have her fun." Amren speaks up and I silently thank every god I can think of. "Cauldron knows she's had the three of you Illyrians hovering over her shoulder since she was born." The eldest of us finalizes and the conversation thankfully ends there.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

I was in the middle of reading a novel in my bedroom of the river house when a note fluttered down onto my chest, appearing from thin air. A soft smile comes to my lips as I close the book and pick up the note, recognizing the handwriting immediately.

Will you be home soon?

I twist my lips to the side and dwell over the question before flipping on my side to grab a pen from my nightstand. I quickly write back and watch the note disappear from my hands.

I'm waiting for everyone to fall asleep, we're all night owls evidently.

It takes only a minute for him to reply and the words on the paper make me audibly giggle.

Drug them. I miss you, and I'm tired.

Can't sleep without me?

Apparently not. I smile widely at the sentiment. I'll leave soon, just for you.

Soon isn't soon enough

I roll my eyes at his childish impatience but a smile forms over my face as I write out my retort.

Shut your whining up, I'm trying to read

You're so mean to me (I like it)

I don't write back, deciding that if I say anything else he might winnow here himself just to take me back, which wouldn't be good. I opened my book back up but as soon as I was getting back into the story there was a knock at my door. I sigh and use Eris' note as a bookmark before shutting it. "Come in." I call, sitting up.

Cassian enters, taking up the whole entry way as he shuts the door behind him. I smile at my brother as he looks to me with his warm hazel eyes. "I thought you were going to bed?" He creases his brows skeptically and I roll my eyes. "I say that, and then I read my romance novels." I lift up my book and it was his turn to roll his eyes, taking a seat on my bed.

Cassian isn't my brother by blood, but he might as well be. I can't remember a time when he wasn't taking care of me. When he was only seven years old he offered me shelter in his tent. I was six and lost, my parents deserting me, or so I presumed. He tucked me under his wing and shielded me from the rain until arriving back to the tent. He snuck me food from Windhaven and even stole maids clothes off of laundry lines. If it weren't for him I most likely wouldn't be alive today, ever since then he's been particularly protective of me, even towards friends from other courts. I wasn't Illyrian either, but he always said I acted like one. Perhaps that was an insult, but I took it as a compliment.

"What's up?" I shift in my bed so my legs dangle over the side and he's right beside me. "We haven't talked in awhile, I miss you." It was true. It feels like it's been months since it's been just him and I. Realization dawns upon me that all of my free time has gone to Eris, he's my mate sure, but that doesn't mean I want to leave the rest of my family in the past.

"I know. I'm sorry." I lean my head on his shoulder. "I've been busy." I murmur, fiddling with my hands.

"Alright, Who's the lucky guy— or gal, I don't discriminate." He hums and my heart drops. Gods I did not want to expose my relationship with Eris right now. Not ever. "Can we not talk about this right now?" I say, my voice gentle and pleading. "C'mon, you used to tell me everything." He groans and I lift my head from his shoulder, my hands coming to my knees to stop from fidgeting. "This is different." I shrug.

"How so?"

His question is met with silence, I was weighing whether or not I should just kick him out and tell him I'm tired. He'd leave if I asked. But I didn't want him to, just didn't want to talk about this.

"I'd like to meet who's got my sister glowing like this." He bumps my side with his. "Doubt it." I grumble, then curse myself for letting that slip. "What's that supposed to mean?" He snorts a laugh and I look at him nervously, gripping my knees tighter as his smile slowly drops. "I've met him?" He arches a brow and all I can do is slowly nod. Is this it? All that sneaking around summing up to this very moment? "Do I like this guy?" He guesses like this is a game and the health of our friendship isn't in my hands. "Not really, no." I answer honestly, lying is impossible and staying silent will only cause his thoughts to drive him mad.

"Well if he's got you this happy, I'm willing to reevaluate." He shrugs, carefree. He clearly doesn't understand the situation. "It's not that simple." I shake my head, looking away from him and back to my lap. "Talk to me, I won't judge." He reaches over, placing his calloused hand on my clenched ones. "Promise." He gives them a reassuring squeeze. A pit forms in my stomach. My nails dig into the skin of my knees and he understands, pulling his hand away. My eyes widen and I can only pray he doesn't hate me for this.

"Before I tell you, try not to be too mad okay?" I crease my brows, swallowing thickly and looking to him. "Uh, okay?" He looks at me foolishly. "I'm serious." I stress with wide eyes. "Okay, okay, I won't be mad." He promises and I force myself to take a deep breath. This truth that I've been hiding for nearly a year now about to be exposed. All because I forgot to glamour a fucking hickey on my neck. Gods how could I have been so stupid?

I realize the quiet has been dragging on for far too long and that if I don't tell him now I never will.

"Eris."

Silence. He doesn't make a sound and he doesn't move. A weight lifts from my shoulders and for a second it's bliss. "What?" His voice lacks emotion and a new weight envelopes me. Fuck. "Eris is the male I've been secretly seeing." It comes out in a pitiful whisper. "Are you mad?" I was quick to ask, but he doesn't reply for a long moment. Allowing me to think of everything I've done. All that I've risked just to be with my mate, to be happy.

"Please tell me you're talking about another Eris." He tries to remain calm but I can hear it, the quiver of his voice, the clenching of his fists. I shake my head no and I swore I could feel the heat radiating off of him, pure anger. "You promised you wouldn't be mad!" I stand to look at him, a fire in his eyes that is pure rage.

"Well that was before you let that bastard into your bed." He stands and my neck cranes up to keep eye contact, the power dynamics making my legs wobble. Gods I felt useless.

"It's not like that—" I try to defend but he doesn't let me finish. "What? Don't tell me you think he's in love with you?" He scoffs like it's the most improbable thing on the continent. Tears well in my eyes at the idea. "You don't know him." I defend. "I don't want to, for all I know he's probably using you for a good fuck—" He starts. "Stop it." I demand and he clamps his mouth shut. "He's better than you think." I will my voice not to break. "Has he brainwashed you? You can't be serious." He nearly laughed at the idea. I don't say anything, allowing him to get his anger out before I plead my case.

"Or have you forgotten what he's done to Morrigan?" A shutter racks through me and I can't bring myself to look him in the eyes. "That story isn't true." I rasped but I doubt he hears me. I must sound insane to him. "Do you know who his parents are? How you'll be treated if you ever married him?" He goes on but it's not true, none of what he says is true. "You'll be a fucking brood mare, forced to give sons over and over again. Do you understand that?" His hand comes to my shoulders, squeezing tightly. "He's not Beron. We've talked about it, he doesn't even want kids unless I'm willing to give that to him." My words are just above a whisper and he lets go of my shoulders like he's repulsed, as if I hold a virus and he doesn't want to get infected.

"It doesn't matter. Eventually you become parents." He whispered. "You really believe that? Tell that to Rhys. To Morrigan, or Azriel. Tell that to fucking Nesta." I grit out, whipping my head up to look at him and his hypocritical statements. I allow him to see the fury in my eyes, the tears streaming down my cheeks. "Leave her out of this." He narrows his eyes on me.

The first argument to this level we ever had was over his mate. I hated her, loathed every part of her and what she made my brother go through— and now she's one of my most trusted friends and one of my favorite people. A laugh escapes from my body. I must've looked crazy finding amusement at a time like this. "It's the same thing." I bring my hands up to wipe my tears. "Gods were so fucking predictable." I sigh out. He looks at me confused, eyes analyzing my body language. "Nesta is just like him, and you know it." I narrow my brows at him. "This is different." He clenches his fists at his sides. "How so? Give me one good reason as to how this is different?" I will him. "Eris hurt Mor." He says the crime like it's dirt in his mouth. "Nesta hurt Feyre." I reason with him. He grits his teeth. "He hates Illyrians. He hates you and I because of where we come from, do you understand how fucked that is?" His hands come to my wrists, as if pleading me to listen.

"His father hates Illyrians." I correct. "And stop saying I'm an Illyrian I'm not." I pull at his grip but it's iron. "Fine. But he hates me, are you picking sides right now?" His brows crease like I've betrayed him. "No! I—" My breath gets caught halfway up my throat. "I don't want to pick sides, I want both." Tears continue falling and I don't bother wiping them away anymore. "And Nesta hated the Fae entirely, don't be so certain that makes them different." I seethe out at him and he narrows his eyes at me. "We're mates. Nesta and I are cauldron willed, you can't ignore something like that." He says and I stare at him unwavering, not bothering to say anything but rather dropping my glamour around the mating bond connected straight to the high lord of Autumn.

His eyes widen and his grip on my wrists loosens but I don't pull away. "No," His voice is a whisper. I nod. "Reject the bond, you deserve better than him I don't care if you love him." He rules. "I already accepted it, nearly half a year ago." I expose. If I was going to be honest I might as well lay it all out. "Half a year?" He rasps and I nod gravely. "You've been lying to me for half of a fucking year?" His tone is louder, more angry. "I don't understand why you care so deeply, I gave you my reasons now leave it alone." I match his lever of voice. "Why I care? I've always cared, you're my family—" He begins and I tear my wrists from his grasp. "You're not even my real brother!" I yell at him and I swore the world stopped spinning. Pain flashes across his eyes and he stumbles back, his mouth falling open before he clamps it shut and swallows thickly.

"Cass I didn't—" I try. "No." He looks at me like he's never seen me before. "You've made your point clear." He walks to the door. Every fiber of my being wants to beg him to stay. But my feet can't move and I stare aimlessly as he leaves, the door clicking shut with a gut wrenching softness. Leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I use whatever remaining energy I have left to winnow back to my apartment. Where I knew Eris impatiently waited for me to return. I land wobbly on my feet, tears slowly cascading from the wells of my eyes. Eris who was laid on the couch with a book sat up alarmed. I remove the walls around our bond and allow the misery that overwhelmed me to flood into his end of our connection.

He rushes toward me alarmed, fire raging in his eyes but not toward me, toward whoever made me feel this way. "Eris," I murmur, I was sure I was going to collapse. "My love," He brings a hand to my waist, keeping me steady but that didn't stop a choked sob from escaping me. "What's wrong?" His other hand comes to my cheek, wiping away my tears. "Talk to me." His brows crease and this feels so wrong, seeking comfort in the very reason Cassian is mad at me in the first place.

"He knows." I whisper. "Who knows?" His brows crease in confusion, before they relax with realization. I grip his shirt in my fists, looking up at him like a lost animal. "I'm a horrible sister." I confess, my voice breaking on the final word. "No," He shakes his head, pulling me into his chest, holding me close and warming me up. "No love, don't say that." He whispered into my hair, his arms tight around me.

Another sob racks through me but he doesn't shush me, he allows the dam of tears to break and every emotion I've kept bottled up for the past half year comes flowing out.

I tell him everything. From the moment Mor noticed the hickey to the point when Cassian left my bedroom. My voice shook when telling him of what I said to my brother. "And now I'm here and, and I don't know what to do." I sobbed, looking up at him as he ran a hand through the ends of my hair. "I see." His voice is soft, caring. "I was so mad, I wasn't thinking and with all the words he said about you I just— I hated him at that moment." I cup my mouth at the realization. I never wanted to hate anyone, especially not someone I love so much. I never want to feel that uncontrollable emotion ever again.

"It's not your fault." He stresses. "We'll figure this out together alright?" His thumb traces along my cheek and I nod, blinking away my final tears. "But what if he never wants to talk to me again?" I whisper. "What if he hates me?" My lip quivers at the thoughts, I don’t know how I’d live with myself if Cassian ever hated me. "Your brother loves you too much to ever consider that. Alright?" His hands grip my face slightly as if to stress his point and I nod meekly, slipping my hands around his waist again and hugging him tightly.

He releases a deep sigh and hugs me back, his touch warming my skin in a way that comforted me more than he could ever know. In the hug I begin to wonder how he feels about the world knowing. I hoped he knew how much he’s helping me, how much I appreciated that he’s here for me. Then I realized that he might be thinking of leaving for my benefit, so I can return to Cassian and tell him everything he said about Eris was right and I can stay with my family. I didn’t want that. Gods, why can’t I have both? The cauldron must’ve been playing a cruel joke on me. "Please, don't leave." I beg of him. He bends down and places a hard kiss to the temple of my head. "Never." But he would, if I asked.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The next few days were long. I barely slept, every time I tried I'd be reminded of the words I spat at Cassian. I couldn't face him, didn't dare go back to the River House, much less the House of Wind. I stayed in bed, staring out the window of my bedroom, watching the sunset shining against the Sidra, the water refracting in rainbows as stars awakened in the sky. Another day passes.

I felt hollow, my limbs heavy and my stomach a pit. I knew I'd have to face Cassian soon, see him and the others. I wonder if he told them, warned them all to no longer speak to me. All because of who I'm in love with. Anger consumed me for a few days, thinking him deserving for what I said. Who was he to pick who I can and cannot love? I spent hours cursing him as a hypocritical bastard, spewing lies to convince myself I was in the right.

I slowly came to, deciding I needed to stop avoiding my own fate and face what truly lies at the root of the problem. The rest of the days of my solitude was spent in grief.

Feeling sorry for myself wasn't any better than the raging nights. It was truly pitiful how I ended up here.

There was a knock at the door frame. I didn't have to look to guess it was my mate. "I'm not hungry Eris." I say plainly, continuing to stare out at the river. "Have you eaten today?" I don’t expect his voice to be behind me as he slithers into the bed beside me, curling an arm around my waist. “I had a bowl of soup not too long ago.” I answer, flipping onto my side to look up at him. His golden eyes that rolled with sadness, he couldn’t help blaming himself for my situation and I hated that he did. “Okay.” He pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I have to return to Autumn later tonight, high lord stuff.” He grumbled and I groaned, tucking closer to him. “I’ll be back in the morning.” He promised. I huff, wrapping an arm around his torso and burrowing into his chest. “Unless, you want to come with me?” He arched a brow and I look up at him, my head propped up on his chest. “To the Autumn court?” I ask. He nods, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

I haven’t been to my mates court since Eris’ coronation because it’d raise suspicion if a girl from Rhysand’s inner circle began to roam the markets of the foreign court. But I suppose that didn’t matter now if our secrets out. “You think your people will react well?” I ask anxiously. “After my father ruled over them they’ll take anything they can get, and if a pretty high lady is an option I think they’ll be over the moon.” He offers me a gentle smile. “High lady?” I can’t help but smile at the idea of ruling a court together. He nods. I fantasize about the idea for a moment, until the thought of Cassian finding out about me proudly wearing an autumn court crown settles over me. He’d fall into a fit of pure rage and I’d never forgive myself. “Can we wait?” I ask. “Just until all this is resolved with Cass, and then yes. I’d love to be your high lady.” I nod. He gives me a comforting expression. “Of course my love.” He leans down and presses a gentle kiss to my lips. I him against the action and kiss him back. Wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him impossibly closer. His lips slotted perfectly against mine and the feeling that bloomed in my chest when kissing him filled the pit of my stomach and the hollowness of my heart. I felt lighter. A knock sounds at the front door, loud and demanding. My ears perk at the sound and I pull back, he seems to want to chase my mouth back to his but he freezes too when another impatient knock rings through the house.

I sigh and sink down into the bed. "You can answer it." I say, removing my arms from his neck. "Are you sure?" He asks, his own warm arms slipping from my waist and I wished they didn’t. "They all know by now, what's the point of hiding it?" I grumble, and he nods as he stands from the bed, my eyes watching him as he does so. "Alright." He nods. “If it’s not Cassian I’m not interested.” I voice. He glances to me and only nods in reply.

He leaves the room and my eyes go back to the window. I strain my ears to hear for the voices in the living room but I can only hear Eris.

"She doesn't want to see you." He said. A mumble of a voice replied, it was soft, must be female. My hope diminished when I realized it's not my brother. "In the bedroom." Is the next thing I hear from my mate and I mentally prepare for whoever is about to walk into my room.

The door creeks open but I don't move. I stay looking out the window, watching as dusk now takes over the sky. "Gods its dark in here." Nesta.

I don't have the energy to reply, giving her enough of an answer with my silence. "Look, I know I'm not who you want to see, but he's in a similar state as you." She hums and that fact settles deep into my bones. I adjust, sitting up and facing her, leaning back against my headboard.

"He throws up every night too?" I ask with a wry sense of humor. Nesta tossed a glare toward Eris who stood at the doorway like a guard.

"No, much worse. He won't stop training." She hums, crossing her arms and sitting on the edge of the bed beside my thighs. Her eyes go distant as she thinks about her mate. "He's spent more time in the training ring than sleeping as of late, he doesn't joke anymore, and I haven't seen him smile in a week." She confesses, her brows creased in concern.

"Are you telling me this to try and make me feel better?" I murmur, avoiding her gaze.

"You know me better than that." She scoffs. It was true, Nesta is one of my best friends. The three Valkyries all are, but especially the eldest Archeron. I remember all the things I said about her, how I boiled her down to all of her faults. The hollowness returns and another thing I will never forgive myself about forms. "I care about you, but I care about him more." She stands up, Eris growls from the doorway but I wave him off, understanding what she meant. "And I just need the two of you to figure your shit out so he goes back to his usual self, it’s so quiet at the house." She crosses her arms over her chest defensively but her tone is soft. "He misses you." She reveals. "He won't admit it but he wants to see you, stop by the house, please." She finalizes, before turning on her heel and walking towards the door.

"Nesta," I call, she whirls around to look at me. "Thank you." Is all I can get out. She nods, then turns back around and exits the way she came.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The house of wind was emptier than I expected it to be. Eris offered a dozen times to come with me last night, saying that he’d cancel his meetings in the Autumn court so he can offer some sort of support but I told him he had to tend to his own court, that I had to do this on my own. So here I was, about an entire day after Nesta's speech, ready to face my brother. Or at least I hoped I was.

I wandered the halls, stretching ny hearing for any sound but I was met with nothing. I remember Nesta mentioning the training ring so I ascend the steps to the roof.

The clang of metal swords clash loudly as I welcome myself onto the landing, staring at my brother and Azriel who were sparring just to get frustration out. Cassian was sloppy with his moves, not breathing through each step the way he usually did. And Azriel was going easy on him. It was rare for the competitive shadow singer to sympathize but in this instance he was working Cassian like a charity case. The general knew it too and only fueled more of that anger he held in each of his swings.

Azriel and I make eye contact and his movements freeze, shadows pooling at my feet as Cassian struck him down and pinned him with his sword. "Again." My brother demanded, reaching his hand out toward the spymaster. Azriel remained looking at me and with the distraction, Cassian whirled around to look at me with narrowed eyes that quickly turned wide.

His sword clattered down onto the mat as he let it slip from his hand. "Cass." My voice is a rasp. He takes a step out of the training ring until he's right in front of me and I'm looking up at him again.

Tears well in my eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said I just—" I tried to speak but was cut off by his large arms wrapping around me tightly into a warm hug. I melt into it, releasing a soft sigh of relief and hugging him back. "You were right." He confesses. "I was just hurt and wasn't thinking about how you might be feeling." He mutters into my hair. "No you were right to be mad," I shake my head. "I kept it a secret from you for a long time, I should tell you everything." I admit and he backs away from the hug.

"I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things, I reacted poorly." He sighs. "I did too, the things I said about Nesta were uncalled for. You know I love her." I say with tearful eyes. “I know, it’s okay.” He reassures, squeezing me tighter and lifting me up off the ground slightly with his height. "But, I'm not sorry for being with Eris." I assert as he places me back on the ground and he backs away. His eyes soften and he wipes a stray tear from my face. "I know, it'll take some time for me to get used to but I want you to be happy." He utters and that's all I needed to hear. "I can't promise he'll be invited to all the family dinners." He scratches the side of his neck and I offer him a relaxed smile. "That's okay," I nod my head. "I doubt he'd want to come anyways." I shrug. "The prick should consider himself lucky for even being able to look at you." Cassian grumbles. I give him a reprimanding look and he puts his hands up like he's been caught for a crime. "Sorry, I'll be better." He promises. "Thank you, brother." I pull him closer into another hug. "Means the world to me." I mumble and he presses a kiss to the crown of my head the way he's always done for the past five hundred years.

"You're sweaty." I grimace, breaking away from his hug. I lean to the side of him to see Azriel waiting impatiently for him to return to the training ring. "Do me a favor?" I look up at him. "Anything." He hums without hesitation. "Kick Az's ass for me?" I arch a brow and a menacing smile curves his lips. "I heard that!" Azriel calls from a few yards away, dammed shadows.

I look at the blue siphoned male glaring at me as Cassian retreats back to his sword. I blow the spy master a kiss and he waves me off. I smile contentedly and winnow back home.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Eris leaned against the kitchen counter with a furrow in his brow, waiting impatiently for me to return. I was surprised at his early arrival, he said he’d be home tonight but the sun had barely left the horizon. I suppose he wanted to return as soon as possible. He pushed off the counter and looks at me expectantly. A bright smile curves my lips and I jump into his arms, he catches me without so much as a stumble back, his warm hands coming under my thighs and heating me up like a cozy fire. "Everything's okay?" He asks worriedly, I don't reply and instead bring my hands up to his sharp cheekbones and pull him in for a kiss.

It was soft and lasting, like he was afraid I was going to tell him to leave after this ends. That Cassian somehow convinced me my mate was some maniacal creature who didn't deserve love. He wouldn't blame me, he'd go if I asked him and that fact is tearing at me. So I deepened our kiss, pulling him closer with a hope to reassure him.

"Please tell me everything's okay." He begs against my lips and I nod. "Everything's okay." I whisper with a small smile and he releases a hefty sigh, the weight of a world lifting from his shoulders. "Cass said he'd try his best. But then he followed up by saying you're a prick so?" I scrunch my nose at the way it sounds and he grins widely. "Sounds about right." He nods, placing me atop the countertop.

"Thank you." I say, wrapping my legs around him. "For what my dear?" His brows crease. "You took care of me when I was at my worst, I appreciate it." I softly say, his eyes glaze over for a moment but the sheen quickly disappears after he blinks. "You would've done the same thing for me." He shakes his head, leaning closer and pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of my lips. "I think I'll miss sneaking around with you." He admits and I chuckle. "Me too, but think about all the things we can do now that we don't have to be a secret?" I grin wildly at all the possibilities. His eyes light up and a smirk curves his sensual lips.

"What?" I ask him nervously when he doesn't say anything. "How would you like to be crowned high lady now?" He suggests and my cheeks heat. "But you've already been crowned, can we still do that?" I tilt my head. "It's my court love, I can do whatever I want." His arrogant tone makes me roll my eyes. "And what do you want?" I tilt my head, running my hands through the tufts of his deep auburn hair. "I want you on my throne." He purred, pressing a kiss to my jaw. "That can be arranged." I grin, throwing my arms over his shoulders.

"Anything else high lord?" I give him a seductive smile and he gets the hint. "I also want to fuck you by the fireplace." He confessed, pressing light kisses up the side of my face. "Then what are you waiting for?"

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[winterrrnight]

prompt 21 and 23 with rafe pls🙏🏻

thank you for the request anon!! Can't believe it took me this long to write this, but here we finally have it! I hope you like this and it is up to your expectations <3

cupcakes

PAIRING: soft!rafe cameron x gn!reader

SUMMARY: rafe has a little fun with you as you are baking cupcakes

WARNINGS: fluffy fluff fluff!! + I do beta read my fics but sometimes I miss little errors so if you see any grammatical/spelling error(s) please ignore them :)

EDITH SPEAKS: so I've been getting so late with the celly requests!! The celly ended days ago and I have quite a few requests in my inbox at the moment. I hit a little rough patch and didn't have much time to work on my fics, but I'm doing okay and I'm here to continue writing!! I hope you all like this <3

PROMPTS REQUESTED: "put me down!" "I'm not putting you down." "Put. Me. Down." "You're enjoying it, I know you are." & "Am I your lockscreen?" "You weren't supposed to see that."

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Wheezie's birthday is coming up and you wanted to make cupcakes for her, just as a little gift. You had initially decided to make those on your own, but when you shared the idea with Rafe, he insisted he helps you.

Knowing the last thing he would do is help, it took a lot of convincing from his side to get you to say yes. You finally gave in and said yes, but you definitely weren't happy about it.

And now here you are, glaring at him as he stifles his laughter, because he successfully applied the cupcake batter to your nose and cheeks, putting a cherry on the top of your nose, making you look like a clown.

You aren't very sure how it happened; one second you're searching through your spice drawer to find the cinnamon powder and just as you turn around the next second, you're basically being attacked with food.

"RAFE!" You yell, the coldness of the batter on your cheeks causing a very small shiver to go down your spine.

He can't keep his laughter in, so he bursts out laughing, but you don't know why he's finding it all so amusing, especially your angry expression should be making him scared.

It takes a few moments for Rafe's laughter to calm down, but when it does, he gently removes all the batter from your face and also gives you the cherry to eat.

Another few minutes later you have your cupcake batter filled in your moulds and are ready to go in the oven.

"Could you set a timer for 20 minutes?" You say to Rafe, handing him your phone as you're busy keeping the cupcakes in the oven. He takes the phone from you and just as he turns it on, the lockscreen grabs his attention instantaneously.

It's a picture of him smiling as he's looking up at the sky. He has no idea you took this picture of him, but he does have to say, he looks so good in it.

"Am I your lockscreen?" He says, and you look up at him, suddenly remembering about it. You feel your cheeks heat up as you walk a little closer to him.

You both haven't been dating for long, it's barely been a complete two months, so even when you do the little things for each other, it tends to send little firecrackers in your stomach each time.

"You weren't supposed to see that," you say, your face still red as you try to grab your phone from Rafe's hands. But you fail miserably, as he starts to run away from you with your phone still in his hand, his giggling not stopping.

"Rafe!" You call out as you run behind him, trying to catch ahold of him but he's had a headstart and he's a good distance ahead of you. You've completely lost track of him and you're calling out his name, trying to figure out where he is, but you don't get any response back.

After a bit more of searching, you spot him on the balcony, his back towards you. You walk up to him and whisper, "boo!" in his ear. He turns around with the biggest grin on his face, and he gives you your phone back.

"I think that's pretty cute," he says, as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You smile into his chest, thinking about all the times you've stared at his picture on your lockscreen without realising how much time has passed.

Suddenly, he picks you up off your feet and you let out a scream at his actions, you being hoisted up on his shoulder now.

"Put me down!" You say, as he takes you both out of the balcony and back into the house.

"I'm not putting you down," he states.

"Put. Me. Down." You say, more sternly this time, but he doesn't listen to you.

"You're enjoying it, I know you are." He chuckles. Well, technically, he isn't wrong, but you would never admit that to his face because that would just only boost his ego a lot more.

When he reaches the living room, he finally puts you down on the couch, and gently gets on top of you, careful enough to not exert his complete body weight on you.

"Hey," he whispers, moving his face closer to yours, and nudging your nose with his.

"Hi," you giggle, feeling his hair brush your cheeks which creates a tickling sensation. He smiles, and presses his lips softly against yours. His lips move slowly, trying their best to show you how much you means to him. You sigh with satisfaction as you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer.

You gently pull his entire body weight on you, allowing him to rest properly. His head rests on your chest and your fingers massage his scalp gently, causing his mind to gradually feel more sleepy.

You gently smile at the sight in front of you, and you move your fingers to brush out the hair falling in his eyes. He gently shifts at the movement, moving his face a little closer to yours.

"I'm not too heavy right?" He mumbles sleepily, his eyes still closed.

"Oh no baby, you could never be heavy," you whisper, resuming running your fingers through his hair. Very soon, your boy has drifted off in your arms.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

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[hai7ani]

CHERRY BLOSSOMS haitani rindou

sfw, nothing happens

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part ii / i just want you to take me where your heart is.

Rindou is having trouble falling asleep.

He's got a 10 o'clock with the higher ups first thing in the morning. Rindou vividly remembers asking his direct supervisor, Kimura-san on what the meeting is about as soon as he was notified about it.

He’s thought it through -- there is no reason for them to want to see him personally (he’s sure he’s never given them one), nor does he remember doing anything that might have seem out of line, or perhaps appeared a little too out of place in the company. A meeting of only him with the higher ups? It's scary even for someone like Haitani Rindou to face.

"That's exactly it, Haitani. You've been a bit too out of place lately."

Fuck-

"And by that, I mean, you've been showing off brilliant work."

" . . . Excuse me?"

Kimura-san chuckles and brings a wrinkled hand up to pat his junior's back as they walk side by side together through the long corridor that leads to the break room. Rindou fixes his tie out of habit and holds a sealed envelope tight in his hand -- the paper almost crumpled -- as he brings himself together to listen to his senior's words.

"You've been doing great, Haitani. Awesome performance, extremely satisfying work and you're very punctual. Believe me, I'm glad I chose the right person to nominate for this promotion. I've been watching you ever since you started working here as a clerk, and I have to say, I'm proud of you, boy. You've been working hard every day for . . . How long has it been? Five months? Your dedication is worth congratulating. Keep it up, young man. And don't worry about the meeting, it's all part of the promotion process. You'll be fine."

Though Kimura-san's attempt at comforting him worked that day, it certainly failed miserably today. It's less than 7 hours to when he'll soon be standing in front of a conference room facing the Chief Executive and his subordinates, and he doesn’t know why.

What if it goes bad and it's not the kind of meeting that Kimura-san said it would be? What if they're there to tell me I'm rejected for the promotion? Or even worse, fired and-

Rindou suddenly hears a certain conversation of Ran and himself echoing in his head. The loud yet timid 16 year old Rindou and the childish and arrogant 17 year old Ran, that is.

"Keep up that long face and I'll smack you right square, bro. I've taught you better than this. Stop doubting everything and believe it'll go well instead. Determination pays off, you know."

"Idiot. You think everyone in the world is capable of chasing a girl their first time? Especially someone like me?"

"Why wouldn't they? Why wouldn’t you? Look, I've made sure that she likes you back. Shion even told her about how you'd waited 2 hours for her to get off work jus’ to walk her home the other day. Trust me, shitty brother, she's definitely into you too."

"Shion did what?" "You heard me."

"And about that, of course everyone is capable, because I did it." Ran proudly flashes a hardcopy of him and a girl hugging with a cheeky grin. The older boy never misses a chance at showing off, especially to his younger brother who is absolutely sick of him. Rindou moves closer to get a proper look and immediately recognises her as the girl in Ran’s class he’s been courting for months. They’re high school sweethearts now? Unbelievable.

He scoffs at the older boy, "you really did it, huh?"

There’s a certain warm and proud feeling swarming in Rindou’s chest as he gapes at the lovesick grin stuck on Ran’s stupid face. It’s what he deserves, Rindou thought. Ran’s been through hell and back trying to court this girl.

Neither young Ran nor young Rindou knows that in 15 years time, Rindou would be calling Ran's high school sweetheart his sister-in-law and stealing recipes and life hacks from.

"Fuck yeah, dude. So like I said, just do it now or you'll miss your chance and regret it for-fuckin'-ever. Also, just for your information, 'cause I'm Haitani Ran and I'm also your big bro and feel the extreme need to tell you," Ran nods his head to the direction behind Rindou. "There's a guy hitting up your missus at the counter."

Rindou has never snapped his head back so fast.

He sees a man who's about a year or two older than him holding a piece of paper and pen to you by the counter, his mouth moving a lot and you’re listening intently.

Rindou immediately regrets not learning how to lip read.

Though he is certain the man must have said something out of line because he sees you adjusting the collar of your uniform and you’re biting your lip nervously. He knows you by your habits and by looking at that, he's sure you’re feeling uncomfortable by the man’s presence. Rindou wants nothing more than to smack the sly smirk off the man’s face right away, so he stands up.

He'll win this fight.

The loud creak of the wooden chair sliding against the marble floor catches your attention and you shake your head at him with a frown.

I’m fine.

Rindou understands that much from your eyes and sits back down again, with Ran who has an arm hooked behind the chair observing he situation with an amused smirk.

The idiot lives for chaos. "Maybe this'll teach him a lesson." Ran murmurs beneath his breath as he observes how Rindou's leg is bouncing anxiously against the marble beneath his shoe, watching you and the man like a hawk.

You have a soft smile plastered on your lips as you bow at him politely, rejecting his advances.

"I'm sorry, sir . . .

But I already have someone."

Lovestruck Rindou witnesses your pretty little face look away from the man to him. You with the pretty glint in your eyes, staring deep into his surprised purple ones and him who is now a blushing mess as he fakes a cough and push his round metal glasses higher onto his nose. You see his reaction and it almost makes you giggle but you remain collected as you try to get the man in front of you to leave the store, telling him you're not interested and you have to get back to work.

And it's when he finally does, all beat and ruined, when Rindou's legs moves over to the counter -- to you -- almost automatically. He stands in front of you and suddenly it’s blank in his mind. His mouth is ajar as he tries to remember what he's came here to say.

(Rindou to this day still argues and swears it was your overwhelming presence and especially your pretty smile that's made him forget his words while he fiddled with the hem of his black turtleneck like a damn loser.)

Come up with something, you idiot. Quick.

"Rindou-kun?" Oh, good fucking gracious. That voice. The sweet voice that will be the absolute end of him.

He musters up everything in him to speak.

" . . . D'ya wanna go out with me? For lunch tomorrow. I’ll pick you up and we’ll go together. Anywhere you want . . . As boyfriend and girlfriend, that is."

You're silent for a minute, and Rindou feels his heart race. It’s hot and humid all of a sudden and he feels like digging a hole and jumping right into it and he doesn't dare look at you and he’s afraid of what's to come. But you call for him again.

"Rindou-kun, please look at me."

The boy wipes his sweaty palms on the dark denim of his Levi’s 501 and chews on his lip. He's so nervous he's certain his mother would be making fun of him when she finds out. Unlike his brother, he’s never been good with girls and has never gone to this extent at courting one. Hell, he’s not even sure if he’s been this nervous before. He’s done loads of illegal things, almost landed his ass in juvie multiple times, fought countless of gangs (both big and small), and none of them could compare to what you’re making him feel right now.

You've got a very, very wide smile ready for him when he finally looks up.

“Ask me again, Rindou."

Get yourself together, prick. Be fair to her.

“Do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

.

.

.

"Okay."

Rindou thought he’d ascended into heaven.

Today, the same young boy who is now 31 in age and an expecting father, grins at the memory. He's glad he took Ran's advice the other day. As stupid as his older brother can be sometimes, Rindou cannot deny that Ran is always helpful when he needs to be. Always there for him. Otherwise, he wouldn't be having your worn out figure sleeping beside him in your shared bed, the beautiful band on your ring finger shining brightly at him as the moonlight shines in through the curtains he’s forgotten to shut before bed.

He stares at you as you sleep peacefully; the steady rise and fall of your chest indicating that you're feeling comfortable again. It's been difficult for you to fall asleep these days, the kicking getting harder and more frequent.

"She's so impatient to come out." You pout sleepily at the father of your child as you place a hand on your bump and rubbing slow circles, trying to get her to calm down in your belly. "Just another month left, my baby."

He eyes your stomach and leans down to press a soft kiss to the skin, suddenly feeling a kick to his lips and he airily chuckles. It’s almost like the baby in your stomach recognises him . . .

Her father.

"Don't kick your mom so much, girl. Be nice to her." Rindou tells his kid in his heart.

Another kick.

Brat.

You start stirring in your sleep. Shit. You're waking up after finally falling asleep and it's all because of the father and daughter that's ganging up on you. Talking together behind your back. Destroying your sleep.

Absolutely foul.

There's a frown on your face as you move around beneath the blanket, trying to get comfortable again when your husband runs his calloused thumb over the crease between your eyebrows, gently coaxing you back to dreamland.

It's then Rindou hears it another time.

"Stop doubting everything and believe it'll go well instead. Determination pays off, you know."

He reminds himself to give Ran a call when he wakes up.

Rindou has survived the 10 o'clock. It is now 12pm in the afternoon and he's standing in the middle of a fairly new and empty office room with a woman in her early fifties who he recognises as the Operations Manager, Hasegawa Keiko. Everyone calls her Hasegawa-san despite her constant reassurance that simply calling her Keiko is fine.

Rindou directly reports to her now instead of old Kimura. Although being congratulated and trusted deeply by the company, he still feels a bit strange, standing in an office room two floors above his previous one that now has a floor to ceiling view of Tokyo city. He's also been introduced to many new faces that he'll be working with from now on. No more shitty Ito flirting with Ishikawa-san in public and harassing him on going out for drinks or the really irritating habit of the woman clacking her nails on the desk opposite of him, but he supposes he'll adapt sooner or later. He will; Ran told him that he'll be just fine earlier on the phone. He believes in his brother (and you) more than anyone in the world.

"This will be your new office from now on. Feel free to take some time and explore around, make yourself feel comfortable with the environment and so on. And as always, you can ask me if you're unsure about anything. I'll be in my office most of the time down the hall if you have any further questions." The corners of Hasegawa-san's eyes crinkles and Rindou instantly feels more at ease at her warm welcoming. She reminds him a bit of his late mother.

"I'll leave you to it now. Looking forward to working with you, Haitani-san." And with that, she shuts the door behind her, leaving him alone inside.

The silence is overwhelming.

Rindou immediately fishes out his phone in the pocket, dials in the familiar digits he's long memorised and presses the gadget to his ear.

You pick up after the third ring.

"Baby? How'd it go? Are you okay?" He smiles giddily as he pictures the worried expression on your face and you’re probably sitting on the couch watching TV.

(Everything he’d pictured is exactly what you’re doing, by the way. You've also just finished two bowls of plain white rice fresh from the pot without yourself knowing due to how anxious you felt on behalf of him.)

Your husband simply brushes you off. "Whatcha doin'? Are you eating?”

"Answer my question, Haitani!" He laughs at your tone, "take a guess, babe."

"Well, I’on fuckin' know! That's why I'm asking you.”

He thinks of how to put his words into a statement without sounding too overly happy.

"I've got it, you know.”

You have big, red question marks hanging on top of your head as you wait for him to continue on the other line.

"The promotion . . . I've got it."

Rindou spends his lunch break on the terrace talking to you on the phone. He’s eating the bento you prepared this morning before he left for work. "Finish it, 'kay? The broccoli is expensive." You nagged, knowing how much he despises the said vegetable, but it's included in the new diet he's been keen on trying so he's fine with it. He has you to keep him on track, after all.

He picks up the miserable vegetable with his chopsticks and pushes it into his mouth. Jesus- He closes his eyes as he forces it down the throat.

"Fuck, this is so painful." He coughs when he finally swallows it. You hum from the other line, "what is?"

"The broccoli. Fuckin' hell."

"Sucks to be you. Broccoli's so delicious I don't understand why anyone even hates it. You're weird. Rin."

"Says the person who doesn't eat egg whites."

"Egg whites' got no taste. It should be inedible. It's disgusting."

"And I'm the weird one."

Rindou's been so immersed in talking to you that he doesn't hear the door to the terrace opening and closing. He thought it was just him there, considering everyone else has already went out for lunch and some still remained in their respective offices finishing up paperwork.

He doesn't hear the click of a lighter and cigarette paper burning behind him as he continues to bicker with you on the speaker about why egg whites are delicious and broccolis are not.

"Anyway, I've had 'nuff. I'll be confiscating your watch-Gilmore Girls-with-me rights tonight if you don't finish your broccoli. Your daughter agrees wit' me."

"You know damn well I never miss an episode.”

"Sure, we'll see. I've got clothes to fold now, mostly yours. Bye, weirdo."

"Have I told'cha how noisy you are, mama?" He complains and you laugh and hang up after Rindou reminding you for the third time to take your daily vitamins and wear your grippy socks. That's when the eavesdropper decides to make their presence known.

Rindou nearly chokes on his food when he hears a deep voice speaking behind him. "Your wife?"

He turns around with a mouthful of rice as he takes in the situation. Oh, it's him.

The man who he recognises as Sakoda-san is sitting on a chair with his hands tucked into his pockets, a burning cigarette hanging from his lips.

The same guy who frequents a whorehouse all the way in Kabukichō. Yeah, that one. The one who keeps a polaroid of his children in his wallet on the bedside table while he fucks other women in their rooms, telling them he loves them when he doesn't even mean it.

Saying things for the sake of saying it; Rindou doesn't like that.

He decides to keep his distance as he swiftly finishes the food in his mouth. Of course, he didn't forget his manners.

"Yeah, my wife."

Sakoda-san observes Rindou from the corner of his eyes. How the young man is feeding himself spoon after spoon of the bento, especially the broccoli while he scrolls through his phone, catching up on the latest news and watching random videos that appear on his feed.

"How far along is she?"

Rindou doesn't feel like replying. He's always been a private man who keeps matters to himself, but he thinks it's not fair to the baby in your stomach, his daughter, who he feels her existence should be made known. She's not a secret and shouldn't be kept as one.

"Roughly 8 months. She's due in September."

"A girl?" "Yeah." "What's her name?" "Sakiya." "Sakiya for cherry blossom?" "Yeah." "Your wife picked it?" "We picked it."

Okay, he decides this is as far as he'll go. He starts clipping on the lid of the bento and wiping his mouth with a napkin, ready to leave the terrace (of course he doesn't make it obvious) but Sakoda-san speaks again.

"That's nice. I have a girl too. She's 11 this year. And also a boy who's turning 6." Rindou simply nods and wraps up the bento in the fancy cloth you bought at a bazaar in Harajuku. "Would you like to see a photo of them?"

He stops moving. Rindou thinks of all the options, and the one he feels like picking the most is saying no and leaving.

But he shouldn't be cruel. As much as the man he's talking to is a bad person, a bad father, a bad husband, the children have done nothing wrong. He shouldn't be cruel. It's just an innocent picture of two young children.

"Sure." He agrees out of courtesy and Sakoda-san instantly slips out the polaroid from his wallet and hands it to him. Rindou takes and looks at it carefully. They don't look too happy in it.

"I always keep this with me. Gives me a little push in life, you know?"

A little push? To do all those things to his family?

Rindou is instantly reminded of the many ultrasounds of his daughter attached on the fridge with cute bunny magnets that he glances at every day when grabbing milk from the fridge before leaving for work. He figures that a little push in life contains different meanings to both him and Sakoda-san. It makes him feel sick to the core.

"Nice photo." He hands it back to the man after he finishes looking and stands. Rindou grabs the bento by the handle and is ready to leave, when Sakoda-san stops him once again.

"How good of a drinker are you?"

"I don't drink." Liar. He was fucking Haitani Rindou of Roppongi, for fuck's sake.

"Smoke?"

"I quit."

"Why?"

"Wife's pregnant."

The older man laughs at his blunt responses.

"Your life must be pretty boring, huh?"

Rindou doesn't look back at him when he mutters these words.

"At least I am not you."

It is now past lunch break and back to working hours that Rindou finds himself standing outside of Hasegawa-san's office. He has been for the past few minutes now, actually. Thinking about what to say and what to do; if she’ll approve of him or get pissed off.

He doesn't have the courage to go in.

Rindou had contemplated on keeping the topic away from his boss for now and simply bring it up another time, but he knows that it's not possible; it's only a short time away to when you're due and it’s also not fair to you either.

Finally, after making up his mind, he musters up all the courage in him to knock on the door. He waits for the faint come in and twists the knob.

"I was wondering when you'd come in."

Shit, it was that obvious?

Hasegawa-san closes the file she was working on and leans back in her chair while gesturing to the one in front of her desk. "Have a seat, Haitani-san." He immediately follows with a creak echoing in the room, not wanting to waste more time than he already has.

"You're nervous." It's not a question, it's a statement. And Rindou knows it as he feels himself growing hot and he coughs and sits up straight. "Sorry."

"What is it you're here for?" Hasegawa-san breaks the silence first. Rindou looks down at the half crumpled envelope in his hand, thinking a little before laying it flat on her table and pushing it forward with the letters on it facing her.

She stares at the envelope before swiftly opening it up to read. Rindou watches intently as her eyes go over the letter word by word, before finally folding the paper back to it's original form and laying it down on her desk.

You don't know about this, Rindou reminds himself as he waits patiently for Hasegawa-san to process his letter. You don't know about this, so he has to be serious. He has to be straightforward and sure. He can't be leaving you alone at this time because he doesn't have the balls to request for something that will mean the world to you.

The woman leans on her elbows and looks at him with an unreadable expression. He can't tell what’s going through her mind right now. Is it good or bad? Oh, she's squinting her eyes now. Do I need to say something? Fuck, this is so confusing.

"So, according to your letter, you will be away for . . . 2 months? That's a pretty long time. And it's your first day in this department."

The atmosphere is intense.

Thinking that he needs to speak up, Rindou pulls himself together and starts explaining to his boss.

"I know it may seem unacceptable, considering that I am just only in charge of this position. I am also aware that there will be no one to take over my duties when I'm away due to a short of hands, but my family is important and-"

"-tell me, Rindou." She cuts him off with a stern look. "How much does your wife matter to you?"

He doesn't hesitate in answering. It's immediate. Quick. Determined. Sure.

"Everything."

The tension in Hasegawa-san’s face loosens and she smiles. "Then there's no reason to further explain yourself. It’s all written clearly in your letter and letting you go to be with her is what a decent human being should do.” She pauses, “I wish my husband did that for me as well. I'm a woman too, so I know how it must feel to want her husband with her at this period of time.”

To say Rindou is shocked is an understatement. A higher up that doesn't ask questions? Doesn't make you wonder if your decision was right or wrong? Doesn't shame you for having different priorities?

No. It's not because she's being soft. It’s not because she’s biased. It's not because she doesn't care.

It's because she understands.

"I wish for her a safe delivery. Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A girl."

"How nice. I have three sons myself, I wish I had a girl too, to accompany me and so on. Boys grow up a lot faster than girls do." She laughs.

Rindou places both his hands on his knees as he lets out a breath of relief. Other than the meeting earlier today, letting his boss know that he will need to take some time off is also what's been clouding his mind for the entire week.

Your due date has clashed with the moment his work became much more serious and now he has to pick between the two: to stay with work and continue to fulfil his new duties and responsibilities while pouring his heart and soul into his shitty company or to stay at home and take care of you when everyone else is busy taking care of the baby.

And the answer is clear, actually. He'll never let anything, especially work, get between him and his family, and he's never let himself be placed in a position where he feels obliged to choose between the two. If he is, then you and the baby will always come first, no matter what, and he'll quit his job if he has to.

Letting Hasegawa-san know about this is just for him to find out if he has to quit his job to stay with you or not.

And luckily, he doesn't have to. Because Hasegawa-san is an angel in disguise and he feels so terribly relieved. God, he misses you so much. He really wants to go home and kiss you right now.

"You can go now. I'll sort things out with HR. You should take the rest of the day off, too. Go celebrate with your wife and spend some time with her. And please don't worry about work, I'll have a substitute soon for your position."

"Thank you, Hasegawa-san."

"You're welcome, and Keiko is fine. You remind me a lot of my second boy, by the way."

And you remind me of my mother.

"I'll see you soon, son. Take good care of your wife, yeah?"

"I will, Keiko-san."

You are in the midst of hanging up his clothes in the closet when Rindou arrives home.

"ただいま."

"Huh? Why are you home at this hour?"

He kisses your forehead and takes the hanger from your hand. He tells you to sit down and you listen and . . . Great. He's taken charge of hanging his own clothes now.

Rindou is always doing the chores whenever he can now that you're too pregnant to move around even when you insist to him that you can do it. "I like to move around, Rin. 'Don't like to sit around 'n daydream all day, it's boring."

"Boss' let me off early." He states nonchalantly and you raise a brow. You see your husband organising his clothes by colour and you suddenly feel some kind of warmth blossoming in your chest. Much to you and his brother's demise, Rindou used to be the kind of person who doesn't hang his clothes and just throws it in his closet when he's done with the laundry but that changed drastically when he met you. You always nagged at him to hang them up and sort it out by colour, by shirt category, so it'll look more organised and neat when he opens the closet.

"Why?" "I'll tell you later." "Why can't you tell me now?" "It's a surprise." "Huh?"

You're so confused.

Rindou is facing you now. "Have you showered?" You shake your head and remove the claw clip from your hair, scratching at your scalp. "Not yet. I needa' wash my hair, though. It's kinda itchy."

"I'll wash for you." He leads you to the bathroom slowly and helps you into the shower when you both are stripped off your clothes.

You're standing on the non-slip mat and adjusting the water temperature when Rindou joins you in the shower. "I'll take you out tonight. What'chu feel like eating?" He rinses through your body and you hum softly as he starts lathering shampoo on your hair. "Dunno, but I don't feel like eating something spicy, though."

"You want western?" You let out a sigh when he scratches at the itchy spot just above your ear, "sure."

The both of you don't speak after that, choosing to relish in the comfort of the warm water running down your bodies but you're suddenly reminded of it. Cheers to him for managing to butter you up successfully.

"Are you gonna tell me why you're home early?"

"'Told'cha, boss' let me off early." "Yeah, but why?" "I'll tell you over dinner." "You're pissing me off, Rin. Tell me now."

Okay, you're getting mad.

He's grown used to your mood swings over the course of this pregnancy and after so long, he's figured that the best way to deal with it is just by simply accepting it. It'll go away eventually and he should be patient with you and your emotions. After all, it's harder on you.

But he can't deny that it's a bit funny, though. You're getting mad at him because he won't tell you the actual reason he's home early while he's busy washing your hair yet you're purring whenever he scratches at a certain spot on your scalp.

"I got some time off. You know, when you give birth then I'll get to be home 'n take care of you 'n 'Kiya."

"Oh, so you're a romantic."

"Of course."

You feel so happy after listening to him that you turn around (slowly) and pull him down for a quick smooch. "Here's one from 'Kiya." And you kiss him harder this time, "'n one from me."

Rindou is dumbfounded when he looks at you who has literal hearts in your eyes as you hold his face in your hands like he's fragile porcelain, like he's some fine china. You run your thumbs over his cheekbones and pinch his cheeks.

(Doing that made you remember the times you liked to pinch his chubbier ones when you were still teenagers.)

"'Love you."

You with soapsuds in your hair proclaiming your love to your husband for the nth time over the course of 15 years (before and after marriage) and him with his fingers tangled in your hair as he continues scrubbing.

He smirks handsomely, "you tryna skimp out on the kisses, mama? I know my daughter ain't so stingy with 'em," he removes his hands to touch on your bump, "gimme one more, baby."

A kick.

"She jus' said no."

"She said yes, you brat."

You hold him by the neck and softly inhale the scent of his musky body wash that you've grown to find comfort in. He's so endearing that you don't want to let go.

You never want to let go of him.

Rindou lands two strong and assuring hands on your waist and keeps you close to his body.

"Quit sniffin' me, I still need to wash your hair."

You suck on his neck and he squeezes your ass in return. It's nothing sexual or anything, you just like sucking on his neck randomly and Rindou never passes up the chance to grip on your fat.

Some of the foam from your hair has gotten to his face and he simply washes it off with water, though you still don't let go of him.

"Never change your body wash, babe."

"I know . . . You tell me that every day."

Rindou is helping you pick out your outfit as you sit by the dresser doing your makeup. He's holding two dresses in his hands,

"Do you wanna wear this?”

Option A: a long red floral one that he bought for you while away at a business trip in Kyoto. He saw it while passing by and immediately stopped the car to cop it from the old lady. It wasn't for a special occasion or anything, he'd just seen it and felt like buying it for you and you haven’t got the chance to wear it until today.

"Or this?"

Option B: a shorter navy blue sundress that is obviously a little too tight and small for you right now.

“Baby, please. You know I can’t fit in that.” “I know. ‘Was just foolin’ wit’ ya.” “I’ll bite you.” “Go 'head.”

He lays the red dress down flat on your bed and plops down beside it, waiting for you to get ready. “I’m still halfway done wit’ the nursery. I’ll have more time to work on it now that I’m home.” Rindou says and you finish clipping on your right earring. “It’s just the crib and rocking chair left now, right?” You’re referring to the unfinished pieces of furniture that’s sitting in the nursery room next door and he hums as a response.

"Are we finished buying Sakiya's stuff? We can get the remaining later when we’re out. Settle it sooner, you know?"

“No, we’re finished. Ran ‘n Miwa have already bought tons for us.” You think of your sister-in-law who seems more excited for Sakiya's arrival than you, constantly buying you gifts like clothes and toys for the baby whenever she and Ran comes over for dinner together. “Auntie Miwa and Uncle Ran are so excited to see you, girl.” Miwa squeals as she touches your baby bump, feeling a soft kick to her palm.

“Ran is helping us save money now?” You laugh at his joke, “he seems enthusiastic to do so.”

In another city all the way in Ikebukuro is Ran in his home office sneezing with Miwa standing behind him massaging his back. “You’ve got a cold too? Everyone around me is getting a cold and it isn’t even flu season. I’ll have to stay away from you now, Ran. I don’t like getting sick.” She blabbers along and Ran simply hushes her down with a hand to her mouth. Miwa licks it and he retracts his hand away with a scowl, “you’re nasty, love. And you talk too much.” Miwa places a hand on her hip as she looks down at her husband like a mother scolding her son, “I’m not the one sneezing and at a risk of falling sick.” “It’s just Rindou talkin’ ‘bout me, wifey. I know it, I can feel it.”

Back home in Ueno is Rindou sneezing again. “Stupid Ran, he talkin’ ‘bout me too? Asshole.” “Huh?”

Neither Ran nor Rindou stops sneezing for the next five minutes and you and Miwa are left confused, wondering about just how strong these two brothers’ telepathy senses are.

You are actively ignoring your husband’s mumbling and cursing about stupid Ran this, stupid Ran that while combing your hair and Miwa isn’t even in the room with Ran anymore.

“Stop sneezing, Rin.” “Then tell Ran to stop talkin’ ‘bout me.” “Shaddap, you’re just makin’ things up.” “‘M not.”

While blowing his nose on a tissue you handed him, Rindou hears you humming along to a song playing on the radio and he instantly feels at peace.

He's home, you're sitting pretty on the stool, you'll be enjoying Western food together at a fancy restaurant downtown later tonight, and Sakiya will be here anytime soon.

Everything is calm and fine,

and Rindou thinks he will never be giving up this serenity for the world. He'll burn it up if he has to; if it guarantees his family forever peace and happiness.

There can only be his family.

His love. His heart.

reblogs are appreciated & i hope you guys enjoyed this! ૮ ˶´ ᵕˋ ˶ა

ending is a bit rushed cus idk anymore he's successfully rotted my brain and i have fallen onto my knees for this man

[backgroundagent3]

for the character ask, daisy johnson!

Thank you so much for the ask! 💜 I love any excuse to talk about Daisy Johnson.

First impression: I'm trying to squeeze my brain here, but all I remember was trying not to like her at first because I knew se was a double agent for the Rising Tide. It goes without saying I failed miserably about three episodes in.

Impression now: She is my favourite character of all time.

Favorite moment: I really can't choose, but one that comes to mind was the final fight of season 5. I think it's a very underrated fight scene, because it's the end of the world, her dad is dying, she has been recently betrayed and tortured by her friend, and she still goes into battle BY HERSELF against Talbot, and if that wasn't bad enough, when she's about to die a horrible death she realises that the only way she can save the world is if she takes the serum and basically condemns the person she loves most to his death. It's so heartbreaking and poetic, but very cool to watch, and I just love so much it, idk.

Idea for a story: This is angsty but I would love to read something where the events of 5.14 are properly dealt with. May watches the security cameras and goes ballistic on Fitz, and Daisy gets time to grieve and heal. They get Coulson back and he's horrified, and Jemma is so conflicted but she's there for her best friend.

Unpopular opinion: Since apparently I can't stop thinking about season 5, here's some more. I think she actually did a good job of leading the team in season 5b. Especially if you consider that she's been recently tortured, her family doesn't seem to care, she has no experience, and hasn't gotten a good nights sleep in about 5 years. She might be tough, but hello? IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD?? You have to be at least a little bossy if you wanna make it through that. Also if you're gonna be a baby and call her a hard ass maybe you should have thought twice before joining SHIELD.

Favorite relationship: If it's romantic, then Sousa. I love them so so much, they're literally perfect and despite my obvious outrage at season 5, I will forever love the AoS writers for somehow pulling that off. As for platonic relationships, I'd say May. She's the perfect mother figure for her, and I love the parallels between them. I think Daisy has the best relationships in general, but this one is my favourite. Honourable mentions go to Coulson for being the most unhinged dad ever, and to Jemma for being the sweetest friend in the earlier seasons.

Favorite headcanon: before she goes off to space at the end of season 7, she rebuilds Afterlife with the help of Sousa and Kora. I've said this before, but I think they are actually the perfect team to do this. Kora has lived in Afterlife her whole life, she's seen Jiaying help people go through Terrigenesis, and she's been though it herself in a much healthier and safer environment than Daisy. Sousa is reasonable and calm, which are good qualities to have when you're helping someone who's terrified and potentially dangerous. He has experience leading people, which I think would make him a good mentor for the Inhumans. So Kora has the experience, Sousa has the qualities, and in my opinion, Daisy has a nice combination of the two. She has a different and much more horrifying experience of Terrigenesis that people who accidentally go though it can relate to, and she has spent years exploring and controlling her powers, so she knows what the deal is. And she's also a good leader, so where Sousa can help the Inhumans pre-Terrigenesis, she can train them after if that's what they want. Because that's another thing, SHIELD may be funding Afterlife, but they've learnt their lesson and they're not sticking their noses where they shouldn't. They accept new recruits and help train them, but if that's not what the Inhumans want, then SHIELD helps them get settled back into their normal lives. Anyways this got long but it's one of my favourite headcanons, so there you go.

Thank you so much for the ask! Sorry for rambling, but I have a lot to say about Daisy. 🌼💛

Character Asks.

[seiya-starsniper]

2. Eye contact across a crowded room

From blossoming romance writing prompts!

Friend I've been waffling on this ask for days because I had way too many ideas and couldn't settle on just one ahahha. I hope you enjoy the one I did eventually pick! blossoming romance writing prompts

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Morpheus absolutely hates flying.

The seats are too small for his long, spindly legs to comfortably stretch, the food options are limited and often terrible, and there is almost always a crying child somewhere on the plane.

But flying is a necessary evil for a popular book author, especially when he goes on tour promoting his latest novel across the US. His agent tries her best to book as many trains as possible for his trips across various cities, but the Amtrak only goes so far, and for some cities, it is even more expensive and longer than a flight.

So Morpheus grumbles and complains, but ultimately goes where he’s told. 

He is on his last flight, the one that will take him home to New York City, and he is miserable. His initial flight was too early, and then later delayed, which caused him to miss his connecting flight. It is hours before he is able to board the next one home.

When Morpheus finally lands, he is itching to leave the plane. The itch grows and grows until he is finally in the terminal, bleary eyed and under caffeinated, wanting nothing more than to drop dead in the passenger seat of his agent’s Prius and slumber until she drops him off at his condo. 

But as Morpheus exits the terminal, he does not see Lucienne anywhere. He looks left, then right, then out past the areas where she would normally be.

Panic flares in Morpheus’s mind. Where is she? Is she all right? Is it possible she got held up in traffic? But no, even on the worst of days, Lucienne has never once been late to meet him in his arrival home. Morpheus frantically scans the airport lounge once more, anxiety building as he continues to fail to see her.

But then his eyes land on Hob Gadling, and Morpheus’s entire world halts to grinding stop. 

Hob is another agent at Lucienne’s agency, and Morpheus knows that he and Lucienne are close. Morpheus and Hob have spoken a total of six times, all at publishing events at Lucienne’s behest, and Morpheus guards the memory of each interaction like a dragon jealously guarding its hoard of gold.

Hob does not see Morpheus right away, but it is clear that he is looking for someone. Morpheus tries to remember if there were other authors on his flight, wonders who it is Hob is waiting for, fighting back the urge to fantasize that Hob is here for him. 

When their eyes finally meet from across the terminal, Morpheus feels as if a live wire has run through his whole body. 

Hob has always been an expressive person, and even from more than 20 feet away, Morpheus can see the other man’s surprise slowly morph to recognition and then finally into unrestrained delight. He raises a hand to wave at Morpheus, clearly trying to get his attention, as if Morpheus hadn’t already spotted him. As if Morpheus could possibly ever miss the most brilliant and shining man he’s ever met. 

The rest of the airport fades to background static as Morpheus glides through the crowds of people, determined to move his feet to get to Hob, to reassure himself that this is real and not a dream. 

When they finally reach one another, Morpheus practically folds himself into Hob’s open arms. The other man smells like aftershave and coffee, and it’s only then that Morpheus realizes Hob has a to go cup clutched in one hand. 

“Car service for Mr. Endless?” Hob asks cheekily, handing Morpheus the to-go cup. Morpheus takes a cursory sniff before sipping cautiously. The coffee is hot, but not so hot that it burns his tongue, and it has just the right amount of milk and sugar in it. 

“You are not Lucienne,” Morpheus notes, his own lips quirking upwards, not quite into a smile, because he is still exhausted and miserable, but somehow, Hob’s smile is keeping the worst of it at bay.

“Yeah, about that…” Hob trails off, then sighs. “Her sister went into labor about 3 hours ago. Bit earlier than expected so she had to leave suddenly. She was trying to arrange a car to get you, but well, I happened to be around and I remember you hate getting in strange cars so, here I am.”

“Here you are,” Morpheus says, voice full of wonder. 

Hob’s returning smile is brighter than the sun. “Let’s get your bags sorted then, shall we?” he asks. “I’ll take you to breakfast too, if you’re up for it.”

“I would like that,” Morpheus answers, already planning for how he can convince Hob to take breakfast at his condo instead.

[two-sides-halved]

Continued | @erisdiamas

"Oh?? If it was that specific gem only, then why did your feelings for your own Jasper bleed into your opinion of my own? I mean, yes, she's dedicated, she was made to be, she's still kinda unlearning the homeworld propaganda that she's had ever since she popped out of her exit hole." He explained. "She still carries those feelings so failure from failing to protect her Diamond from being shattered, despite how it was faked... then despite how she fought during the war, fought on the side of Homeworld in Pink Diamond's name, despite being in Yellow Diamonds court now." Gem Steven replied. "She still carried those feelings of grief... she still does... so does Iris. Old habits die hard and all that..."

"I enjoy Jasper's company not, because she's dedicated to me, but because we share those feelings of failure to protect the people we swore to protect... I see myself in her... every flaw I have she also has... and I know you probably don't like hearing me compare myself to someone you deem a mutt, but that wouldn't be the first time I've compared myself to something akin to an attack dog."

He let out a low sigh. "I know that you don't need me... and I think that's why it hurts so much when you left the first time... because I know everyone's going to out grow me one way or another... hell Steven planned for his own cross country trip and all I could think of was... "of course he's leaving me... he doesn't need me any more no one does, I've become obsolete. I'm off color, overcooked, a mistake that no one wanted to deal with because everyone wanted Rose back and they got stuck with me." His tears started flowing over his cheeks, notably these tears didn't sparkly or fizzle away, but flowed down over his chubby cheek and onto the ground surprisingly no ill effects followed after.

"So when you came back I was so relieved to see you were ok, but then wracked with guilt that I didn't try harder to find you... that I when I was told she was going to be fine, I just believed you would instead of hunting you down like a bloodhound and making sure that you would never had to deal with any of this shit you had to deal with." He huffed a bit, as he pushed away the finished charcoal drawing, and wiped the dust on his pants before sniffling like a miserable kid huffing and puffing about a bad dream he had.

"By the time you left the second time I had figured... yea she can handle herself, she's proven to me she's been through hell and she can handle it, but I don't like it, I don't like leaving that up to chance... but I know the more I push you to stay home the more you're gonna feel like a fish inside a bird cage... longing for the open waters to explore the world, yet in an environment that's suffocating the longer that you're away from it." He huffed, and sniffled.

"I don't wanna make you feel like I'm suffocating you... I don't like feeling like I'm this massive problem that everyone has to deal... I don't like being constantly reminded of my past failures and mistakes...you're asking what I want... what I want is to forget about the past and have this fresh clean slate where I only remember being here on this Earth and not having to remember all the bad things that happened that caused me to be here in the first place." He shield himself. "I know everything that mom did albeit very fuzzy now, what she was thinking, why she thought it was the only way or a good idea... how she tried her damnedest to make things right... she never wanted to hurt anyone and she only ended up hurting everyone with her good intentions." He huffed as he made another few smores for the both of them passing her a few while eating one of them.

"I can't speak if your version of Rose was the same way, or even if Classic's version of Rose was that way, but I'd like to think that all these Roses are all cut from this same cloth of being underappreciated, rebelling against the idea that she's lesser than to everyone's failure to realize that she was unhappy, worked to make it so she could be happy, and only found happiness when she met someone like dad... who pushed back these feelings of superiority, who made her realize that what the diamonds did to her was wrong, but also that she was doing the same god damn thing and not realizing it until finally realizing that she was the problem and solving it by getting rid of herself..." He huffed, flopping down on the ground with his arms under his head looking up at the eerily green sky, with the shimmering starts peaking through, he was getting better but he wasn't quite there yet.

"To think all of this still stems from that movie is downright laughable if it weren't so emotionally draining." Gem Steven replied with a soft mumble due to his mouth being full.

[ch3rryc4ndy]

Bad Idea

Relationship - Hyuck dom! X Fem reader

Genre - smut

Summary - Trying to tease your boyfriend turns into you giving in once again

Warnings - bondage, choking, degrading, praise, edging, language, unprotected sex

Hyuck’s been playing his games more often than usual which always leaves me either frustrated or desperate, mostly both if I'm being honest

I've been planning on getting him back but let's just say I'm one to give in easily. But I'll try today since it's a perfect day to do so. I have plans with Yuna and ningning so that itself will give me a push to leave when I'm done with my games

"where are you going?" I hear hyuck yell from our bedroom as I change into my outfit inside our closet "I'm going out with the girls today" I reply as I put on his favorite matching panties and bra

"and why do you need to wear that out?" I hear him hum from behind me, I turn around and see hyuck leaning on the door with his arms crossed and a sly smile plastered on his face "because the dress is also black" I reply in an eye roll

"ok" he replies as he sits down on the chair in front of me watching me put on my dress and heels "you can't see my panties right" I say turning around and adjusting the dress a little bit higher than its actual length, exposing my ass slightly

He sits there arms crossed and watching me intensely, almost as if he knows exactly what I'm doing “does it fit right? I think it might be too tight" I reply as I fix my dress and cleavage

"do you need to go out with them today?" he purrs now standing up and looking down at me "yes I do, I need to be there by 8" I reply "that gives us 10 minutes" he groans into my neck "no hyuck me and you both know those 10 minutes will turn into an hour" I chuckle as I push him back slightly

"do you think the heels are too much? I feel like I look too tall" I hum as I look at myself in the mirror, dropping my bag purposely onto the ground bending down, picking it up

I look back at hyuck and see him undressing me with his eyes as he leans back onto the chair, letting out a slow sigh as he watches me in frustration

"the heels look fine" he replies now staring at my legs and stopping at the hem of my dress "what bag should I take" I say holding up 2 bags in front of him casually

“I know what you're doing y/n" he purrs with a smile "the last time you tried to tease you failed miserably. It ended up with you begging me to fuck you for 2 hours remember ? All Tied up and needy" he replies slyly

"I don't know what you're talking about" I say turning around and regretting this plan of mine now. Within seconds he's standing up, cornering me into a wall "what will you be doing?" he hums into my neck, kissing it sloppily as his fingers run up my dress

"dancing" I pant out as I feel his hands snake their way onto my ass "dancing mmh, In this?" he replies as his fingers run up and down my slit through my lace panties.

I let out a quiet moan as he lifts one of my legs up slightly, moving my panties aside and rubbing his thumb onto my clit "I should stop, the girls are waiting for you" he smirks as he drops my leg down and licks his fingers. I stand in agony as I feel myself wanting more, knowing the game I was trying to play would end horribly for me

I fix myself up in the mirror and walk into the bedroom, seeing him sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for me

I sit on his lap, kissing his neck and rubbing myself against his sweats “don't you need to go and meet Yuna and ningning? What about the girl's night out" he chuckles as he plants his hands onto my waist, grinding himself harder onto me

"I can call them and say I'll be late" I whimper out as I feel him growing harder please hyuck" I moan into his neck "what? I couldn't hear you" he replies "please hyuck fuck me please" I pant out in desperation and embarrassment

"as you wish" he chuckles as his hands trail up my thighs, playing with the hem of my dress, pulling it over my head and scattering kisses onto my breasts "mmmh" I purr out as I feel his teeth bite onto my skin as my hands run through his hair

He lifts me up throwing me onto the bed, running his hands up my torso and up to my neck, gripping it tightly "I don't appreciate you trying to tease me but as always you failed" he hums as he gets off me and rummages through his cabinet

"You already know what happens when you try and out-tease me" he purrs as he pulls a tie out of his drawer

I whimper as I know the edging and teasing will drive me to the brink “I didn't mean it please I'm sorry" I plead as he gets back on top of me, tying my hands over my head in a tight knot

"me and you both know you aren't sorry" he hums into my ear as he unclips my bra straps and back strap followed by my panties on the floor “I know you love being a brat, and so do I” he purrs.

His lips crash onto mine as I wrap my legs around him, pulling him onto me roughly causing him to throw my legs off his waist as his head drops onto my boobs sucking and biting my nipple "I'm a very lucky man" he purrs as his fingers make their way onto my clit

"all soaked and ready for me aren't you?" he chuckles as his skilled fingers rub my clit faster causing me to squirm under him "sh- I-" I pant out as his other hand pushes 2 fingers into me as he lowers himself in between my legs

I feel myself already reaching my orgasm but feel hyuck pull back causing me to whimper in frustration knowing this was just the beginning "please hyuck” I beg as I see him enjoying himself as my legs stay spread wide open for him

He drops his sweats and boxers onto the ground climbing back onto me, kissing my neck as I feel his hard cock grinding against me, bucking my hips for any form of friction 

"Always so needy" he purrs as he makes his way back in between my legs "fuckkk" I moan out as his skillful tongue runs up and down my cunt

His hands pin my legs down as I try and move from the overwhelming need rushing through my body "sh- shit" I moan out as his tongue flicks my clit, sucking in need "yes yes“ I moan out as I feel him yet again pull his head back in accomplishment

I groan out in frustration throwing my head back onto the pillow as I hear hyuck lick his lips clean "you taste so good" he purrs as he leans down forcing me to look at him "are you sorry?" he hums in a sly smile

"yes, yes I'm sorry hyuck I'm sorry" I whimper out in desperation "sorry for what?" he replies as he wraps my legs around his waist, rubbing himself in between my folds " fuckkk" I groan out as his tip hits my clit continuously

"I'm sorry for trying to tease you it won't happen again" I plead as my wrists start to burn from the constant turning and tugging "please hyuck please fuck me" I beg

"my sweet girl, you know you have to beg better than that" he purrs "please I need you in me, I want to feel you pounding me into the bed" I whimper out

I feel his tip sliding in and out of me causing me to throw my head back "not yet, you aren't ready" he hums as his hands snake back in between my legs, pushing 2 fingers into me, pumping them out slowly as he makes sure I hold eye contact with him

I feel tears running down my face as the constant edging is taking a toll on me "please just fuck me" I beg him

“no" he hums as his pace quickness, I feel my orgasm starting to form causing me to smile as I feel his pace lasting longer than usual "yes please yes" I moan out before feeling him pull back yet again "FUCK YOU" I yell as his eyes light up with satisfaction "I know you want to" he chuckles

After what felt like hours of teasing and edging I lay there worn out and unsatisfied. I twitched and whimpered as his tongue continues to tease "please hyuck" I whimper out in agony

"I love you" he purrs as he lifts his head up from between my thighs and rubs himself in between my folds yet again as he grips my neck tightly

I throw my head back in desperation as I feel his throbbing cock rubbing against me "listen to how wet you are" he hums as he looks me in the eyes "so fucken pretty" he chuckles

I lay there in agony letting out a loud moan as I feel him thrust into my roughly taking me by surprise "you've been a good girl, I'll reward you" he groans in bliss

I grip onto the tie wrapped around my wrists as his nails grip onto my thighs, piercing my skin and causing a euphoric moan to escape my lips "yes" I purr out in pleasure as I hear my name being moaned out in a low whimper "fuckk y/n" hyuck moans as his lips crash onto mine

"you feel so fucken good" he purrs as he holds onto my neck, pinning me onto the bed as he roughly pounds into me as I let out a moan of relief feeling myself clench around him "hyuckkk" I whine out in pleasure as I shake under him, riding out my orgasm "that's it doll, let it out" he moans

His pace doesn't slow as he looks me in the eyes loving the look on my face, a mix of pleasure and lust as his smile grew on his lips

I see his eyebrows scrunch in pleasure as one last thrust hits deep into me, letting him fill me up with his warm seed as he lets out a loud moan as he grips me tightly, riding out his orgasm.

All that can be heard are pants and heavy breathing as he falls onto my chest "lesson learned” mutter out as I run my hands through his hair

"looks like you won't be going out with your friends, maybe this was a bad idea" hyuck chuckles " I can always make other plans" I reply

"maybe I'll try harder to tease you next time"

[rivalry-trope-enjoyer]

An Unexpected Confession (Leviathan x Reader)

Summary: Leviathan has confided in you for as long as you could remember. It's been an equivalent exchange for the most part, until the topic of relationships come up...

Tags: Romantic confession, mutual nerdy pining, fluff, a dating sim get's a little too real

"Ugh, this lead doesn't like any of the gifts I give her!" Leviathan complains, begrudgingly handing the controller to you.

"The Childhood Friend doesn't like sweets anymore, Levi. You'd know this if you actually paid attention during the dialogue," you chuckle teasingly, giving the character a gift that made the video game character swoon.

"Urghhh I'm a failure of a pro-gamer..." Leviathan groans in annoyance, folding his arms as he watch you continue to play the game.

You and Leviathan started playing a dating sim that he failed miserably going in blind the first time. He hated to admit it, but considering the experience you've had with dating sims was a little bit more than him, he reluctantly asked you for your assistance.

All of this struggle towards trying to woo the video game character made a part of Leviathan feel a little bit somber. As you silently cheer after successfully raising the character's love meter, you could see the demon's mood progressively sour.

"Levi, what's wrong?" you ask reluctantly. "We don't have to keep playing if you want."

Leviathan look away from you, trying his best to mask the rock you feel sinking through your chest. It was inexplainable, but you were the last person he would want to bring up such a problem to.

"N-Nothing! We can keep playing, it's okay, we're almost at the first good ending," he denies, looking at the monitor of the paused game.

You frown at his response, clearly not buying his sad attempt at covering up his emotions. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" you put the controller down and shift to your side to face him. "So what's on your mind, Levi?"

Leviathan takes a long pause, his eyes shifting around the room, anywhere but meeting yours. He was having an internal dilemma as he opened his mouth to speak, but words continued to fail. He wanted to run out of his room then and there, but where would he go? Outside?! He'd rather die...

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he takes a deep breath and decides to let out what has been bothering him little by little. "You might think I'm a loser, o-or maybe you already think I'm a loser... but I don't have any experience at all when it comes to romance," he sighs out, his hands shaking slightly as he spoke.

You listen to him intently, but your gaze makes Leviathan much more nervous than he started out.

"I-I just wonder when I'm gonna be able to have an experience like this outside of 2D, y'know?" he continues, his head feeling light, like he could pass out at any second.

You took a pause before you could say anything to Leviathan, just beginning his messy ramble that stemmed from a bad ending of a video game...

"Ah, forget it... Y/N I don't know when it'll ever be my turn. Maybe I'm just unlovable. Like the no-good loser I've always been meant to be," Leviathan was slowly slipping from a stable state of mind and started to spiral into madness.

"Levi don't say that," you quickly prompt before his thoughts would get any worse, your own nerves settling in watching him talk down to himself like this.

"B-But what if it's true?" he panics.

"It's not," you respond quickly.

He senses a sudden urgency in your voice and quickly tries to stop himself from talking. "I'm so sorry, Y/N... I didn't mean to start acting like this," Leviathan quickly doubles down.

"It's okay," you reassure. "Sometimes I wonder the same for myself," you speak while letting out a soft chuckle.

Leviathan looks up at you in curiosity. "Y-You? A normie like you has to worry about that?" he asks in a state of bewilderment.

"Well, yeah I guess everyone does at some point in their lives." As you spoke, Leviathan's panic tones down slightly. "But it's what you decide to do about that. If you really think you're doomed to be alone, then I guess there's no harm in trying, right?"

"H-Huh?! Like a confession? I don't think I can do that...," Leviathan's constant stammers descends into an incoherent language.

You encourage him with a sweet smile on your face, scooting to him closer on the couch, making him nearly melt from the action.

"Would it help to lead by example then?" you ask in an innocent voice.

"I-I guess..." Leviathan closes his eyes and nods rapidly.

"Well," you begin, putting on a brave smile for the anxious demon in front of you, despite you feeling embarrassed from what you were about to say.

"Leviathan, I like you! How about a date to the arcade sometime?" you follow up with a wink, watching the demon's face turn into one of perpetual shock.

"Woah Y/N that almost sounded real... I-If I didn't know any better I'd say you were actually confessing to me! Haha...," he blurts out in a fit of anxiety, the palms of his hands sweating as he spoke. He wonders how it came out of your mouth so easily, was it so impossible to think of dating someone like him?!

"Oh that was an actual confession," you smile mischievously. "I really do like you Levi!"

*Leviathan.exe has stopped working.*

You watch him freeze in his spot, his entire body shutting down as you spoke, wondering if he was so consumed in digital media that he confused the art of dating sims for reality.

"Now your turn," you tease, anticipating for Leviathan's response.

You would not be able to get a response from Leviathan for at least minutes as he continues to recover. He has an internal battle of whether or not to say something, his words possibly being utter crap, or to sit there and look even more like an idiot in your eyes.

"C-Can I have some time...?" Leviathan pleads, hiding his face in his hands, close to tears over this reciprocation.

You nod in agreement. "Sure, but in the dating sim there would be a time limit~"

"This isn't that!" he retorts quickly, his voice muffled behind his hands.

Each word comes out of the shy demon's mouth slowly, but surely, a coherent sentence of "I like you, too" came to fruition. Despite being broken up by complaints of frustration and nerves rising to his throat, the message came across to you clean and simple.

[yuseirra]

***onk spoilers!!!***

I think Kamiki may be trying to find something precious enough to trade with Ai's life, may it be his own or someone else's???

Coming to think of it, he met Ruby at the shrine (ch147) and something about a "wish" came up. The way he speaks with ruby, it seemed like he also had his own wish that he's put a lot of thoughts into and came to accept

Mephisto and Fatal both mention about wishes and wishing.

And those wishes have to do with wishing Ai back, are they not??

I'm sorry, I've been repeating the same idea in several posts now but I JUST remembered about that chapter. He's the one that brings the idea of gods back onto the table may it be brief. He talks like he knows about their nature, so he probably is aware of gods or their significance at least, that they actually ARE capable of doing supernatural things. However, Fatal and Mephisto also mention about wishes having failed to come true. That ALSO aligns with kamiki's attitude in that particular chapter saying that gods don't really give out answers and you have to come up with your own. Whatever he's up to, the gods might not have accepted it, or are even against it.

perhaps he's wished to bring Ai back but had been failing miserably, so he's becoming more and more reckless about it.

what he says there makes me wrap my head a little, it sounds like he's been where ruby's been. He might be talking about himself and trying to convince himself of his own resolve

He says he doesn't mind rotting away himself, but there's still something he has to do before that happens. I think that'd have to do with about a wish, he has a goal to fulfill.

I found the full lyric for Fatal(the new op) and it had lyrics like

あなたがいないと生いきていけない

眩まぶしさでこの身みを照てらして欲ほしい

あなたの愛あいがまだ足たらない

ただ一ひとつのアイに近ちかづきたい

I can't live without you

I want you to light up my body with your dazzling glare

I still lack your love

I want to get closer to the one and only Ai.

Aqua wants to get Ai's "revenge", he'd want to see Ai once more, yeah, but that isn't his goal, he doesn't work to meet her again. He plans to fulfill what Ai's really wanted by listening to what she's wanted to say

but the person in Mephisto (who is HUNGRY for Ai's affection) and Fatal actually WANTS to see Ai again, present tense.

あらゆる望のぞみの総すべてを叶かなえたら　ああ果はたせたら

あなたに会あいたい

If I could fulfill all my hopes, all my wishes, all my dreams, if I could make it all come true

I wish I could see you

But how IS this person going to make that happen?

I feel like finding someone that outshines Ai would have something to do with it, coming from how his reactions when he saw ruby having a chance to outshine Ai-

He feels happy about her possibility of her life having even more value than her.

He could just be being a proud dad there (I'm not taking that out of the possibility).. but you see where I'm trying to get at, right? He probably needs someone like that in order to fulfill his wish. Likely their life.

I think those lyrics from mephisto and fatal were there for a reason, those two songs are WAY too similar to each other in terms of the theme and the vibes they're giving. This speaker hasn't given up on the possibility of having Ai back, they talk like that is a thing that CAN happen, they keep.. talking towards them, even when the one they're talking to's already passed long ago. Look at me, You gave me time, Let me hear your voice.. stuff like that. That kind of attitude is more like Kamiki than Aqua. Kamiki talks about rotting away, he's never moved on from Ai's death, has he? It's like she's still alive for him?

Idk, I just really like those two songs. I have been repeating Fatal nonstop ever since I first listened to it yesterday and I can't get this thought out of my head. I'll keep thinking like this until I'm proven wrong, I guess o<-< I keep finding more stuff that may back it up and I can't stop...

[nyrasbloodyclover]

a real fucking legacy (a. k. vornsky)

a/n: stop asking why because i REALLY DON'T KNOW. my fav book, my fav fictional man, i am literally an anna karenina bible

I entered the ballroom that glittered with golden lights from the crystal chandeliers. I felt dizzy from all the excitement that was following me throughout the whole day, making sure my posture was perfect, dress unwrinkled and smile bright, just as everybody expected.

It was my third year after I came out into society, and no matter how many balls I attended, each one of them held a special place in my almost empty heart. Especially the ones I went to in the last 3 months.

All because he looked at me. He danced with me. And then decided to sneak out and find a place where no one would see us. We spent hours together on some deserted balcony. He was a good man and as much as I wanted to, he wouldn't lay a finger on me let alone, touch me the way he was wasn't supposed to.

Count Vronsky had many qualities that made him different from other gentlemen I've met, but the one I loved the most was that he was an amazing storyteller. He's seen so much, he's been everywhere and as a girl who practically did nothing my whole youth I was a great listener. He painted landscapes to me with his words and even when he thought some things he said didn't make any sense, I understood it all.

As he was older and much more mature, I made myself remember the way he formed his sentences and try to use it while telling the story of us.

I wore a maroon dress, not wanting to stand out, though the patterns on it were granular.Black lace was covering the edges while the corset was tied enough to make my breathing almost painful. My hair was pinned up, making my scalp hurt, but I somehow got used to all of it.

I saw some of my friends not too far from me, but a tall figure appeared before I could approach them. A younger man. I knew him. His name was Ivan-something and my mother would be delighted if  I decided to marry him. I fake smiled at him as he asked me for a dance. He absolutely blended in with all the other men I knew. I had to say yes. They couldn't suspect me and Vronsky, It was never going to happen, so why make fool of myself?

I inhaled sharply as he took my gloved hand and led me to the center of the ballroom. I loved to dance, but with an awful partner, even life could be miserable. I felt despondent as he spun me around and stepped on my feet continuously. Music ringed in my ears.

Even if I adored this piece, I couldn't stand it at the moment. I looked around and I felt like my gown was blood-soaked. My lungs were bleeding. I needed air. I wanted to go away, far, far away. Everyone was either dancing or talking and smiling, having much better time than me. Everyone except one person. And that person was approaching us right now. His pace was fast and strong and confident, everything I wasn't right now. He looked resplendent. I was counting seconds and begging him silently to end this torment.

He heard and answered my prayers.

Ivan suddenly stopped and I couldn't be more grateful. I wanted to hug my savior and thank him properly, but the only thing I could do right now was smile and slightly nod. Enough for him to understand. Vronsky's eyes went over my figure. His expression was flat but he tried to act polite. 

Ivan and I separated and Vronsky took a chance to whisper something to him. I couldn't make out any of the words, but I could see Ivan't expression change immediately. He tried to act friendly but miserably failed and excused himself. I tried not to laugh at him and couldn't stop wondering what had Vronsky said to him to make him leave without any protest. Vronsky turned to me.

"Good evening," he smiled,  "It looked like he was bothering you?" Did we actually look that bad? I thought I put on a great performance. 

"I don't think it was that miserable. He only stepped on my shoes three times."

Vronsky let out a rich laugh that I adored and It reminded me how much I miss him. I wanted us to sneak out like before. And I wanted to listen to him talk. But most of all, I wanted to dance with him, and feel his touch even if it was minimal. It was the most I'm ever going to get from him.

I took a step closer and he noticed. I wanted him to read my mind and do the right thing. He looked hesitant. Too hesitant. I looked up at him through my lashes and he tilted his head backwards. Not too much, it was the smallest movement but I noticed. 

"I should g—" 

"Ask me to dance," I blurted out.

He practically whipped his head in my direction and I felt blood rushing into my cheeks. If he refuses I'll leave. I'll leave immediately. And die of embarrassment, while we're at that.

He looked like he was fighting with himself, trying to do what he wanted and what was expected of him. But what I said was painfully forward and I should be ashamed of that. And I would be if it was someone else. With him I felt completely different. A moment passed.

"Very well," he said as he reached for my hand.

I tried to hide my face from him because I swear it was the color of my gown. Scarlet — practically maroon.

He placed one hand on my hip as his other took mine and I forgot everything else. 

His touch burned on me as Vronsky held my gaze. His eyes were mesmerizing and I ached to be closer to him in any possible way. He led me through the ballroom as we moved to the rythm of the soft music that was not so irritating now.

His fingers traced the laces on my back, toying with them. I inhaled sharply and he smirked at me, but we didn't stop dancing. I felt like we were the only ones in the entire room—I couldn't see anything except him. And I wanted it to stay that way.

I was dazed for a couple of seconds before he let go of me and stepped away.

I felt empty and for some reason exposed without his body shielding me from the people in the room.

"I'll bring us something to drink." It was a simple offer and it made me realize how thirsty I actually was. I nodded and moved to the side, so I don't bother anyone. My face was burning. Because of him.

Vronsky appeared seconds later with two wine glasses. Smiling up at him, I reached for one glass but instead of taking it like a normal person I managed to spill it all over my dress. I wanted to cry but he didn't look like it bothered him that I was practically ruined now. I tried to not cause a scene but it was hard. That was my favorite dress.

Tears prickled my eyes, but he didn't let me roll in self pity. "Don't worry. We just need to go somewhere more...private and I'll fix this. But look, now the dress completely matches your face." And he left without letting me respond to his comment. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but instead I waited for him.

He came with napkins and took my hand looking awfully suspicious. But I wasn't sure why. 

He looked around and saw that nobody was paying attention to us, though that was unexpected. Alexei smiled like he won the biggest prize and quickly led us through the backdoor of the ballroom. The rest of the house was empty and I swear he could hear my rapid heartbeat along with pulsing in my ears.

I knew what he wanted and where he was going. I was glad I knew his mind so well that he became predictable to me. I knew his desires and dreams and I couldn't help but wish I was one of them.

His white uniform matched perfectly with my much darker dress. Though Alexei was perfectly put together, while I was...the opposite.

We entered some dark room I didn't recognize. It was large but almost empty. It looked like someone's personal gallery. There was a desk in the corner along with some bookshelves. He closed the door. Then locked it. 

My head immediately turned to him, "There is no reason to lock the door, Alexei," I smiled innocently. "We aren't doing anything wrong." 

A moment passed between us. I scanned the shelves and touched the hard spines with golden embroidery. I tried to act like a fool, but I knew.

"We are about to."

And that did it. It made me completely lose my self control as I was throwing away the last pieces of dignity I had tonight. He practically marched towards me and grabbed my neck as he gently placed his mouth on mine. He knew I had absolutely no experience with men, so he was going easy on me. For now.

My whole body was on fire while he almost unnoticeably squeezed my neck. I moaned into his mouth and Vronsky towered over me, leading me back with his body. I was going backwards until I hit the large shelves. 

"Stop me before it's too late," he gasped into my neck. It was intoxicating. Everything about him, about the way he moved to the way he touched me was addicting I wasn't sure I would be able to stop.

"I won't," was all I said, but it made him aware that I was willing to give myself to him completely.

"You said you will take care of my dress," I added, still playing innocent, even if what we were doing was far from that. 

"And I'm planning to do just that," he said as he turned me. I was now facing shelves, my back to him. It gave him complete access to my corset. Which he began to untie immediately. He was skilled with his hands, I realized just now. It made my stomach turn in very unfamiliar way. I didn't know what kind of influence he actually had on me, but I liked it. It made me careless and stupid, but I was in control my whole life. It was nice to give it to someone else now.

Corset was down and my whole body felt hypersensitive for whatever reason. I wanted him to do so many things but I didn't know how to ask or if I was supposed to anyway. So I let him play with me.

"Turn, dorogaya," he whispered from behind and I obeyed. The nickname made me want to grab him and kiss his whole face. Then he went down. "I'm going to make you see stars." 

That was the last thing he said before taking down my skirt and the rest of the undergarments until I was stripped bare in front of him. But I was surprised I wasn't the least bit ashamed. Somehow, this felt completely ordinary with him. I was scared to move. I didn't know what or how to do anything. 

He naturally noticed and smiled, but not in a mocking way. His smile was so sweet I melted. 

"Touch me wherever you want. And however you want. Don't be afraid." That gave me a bit of confidence, so I looked down at him, on his knees. The image before me made me feel things I didn't know I was capable of feeling. I ran my hand through his hair and he closed his eyes, while his eyelids fluttered. 

It seemed like I had the same effect on him. Then I did something that made me question myself. I led his head down, in between my legs and I saw him smirk, but he knew what to do. 

The first time I felt his tongue on me was the closest I'll be to setting myself on fire. I gripped his hair on instinct. 

His mouth was doing wonders to me. I felt every sensation of it through my entire body. My head fell on the shelves and I had to press down a moan. Was this supposed to be this intense? He stopped using his mouth and continued with fingers while continuously kissing my lower stomach.

Vronsky did everything with patience and commitment. I didn't know why I thought this would be any different. I made a noise that sounded painful, but only because he was moving so slowly and torturedmewith his fingers. He shot me a concerned look, "Should I stop?"

"No, no, nonono," I cried out. I felt hard pressure building in my lower stomach and I grew dizzy. He went faster but then stopped and my hips buckled, while I was fighting the urge to do something myself. "Please continue," I pleaded.

"How could I not when you beg me so pretty?" He cocked his head and continued working me much faster this time, but still gentle. He took his time with me, looking at my reactions to certain movements, the sounds I was trying not to make, my face expressions. He knew what he was doing and he did it so well that It actually made me see stars. I choked on a scream as I was trying to catch a breath. My knees buckled and I felt I was closer to the edge.

He switched to his mouth again and Alexei's tongue finished the job. He put my leg over his shoulder to get better access and that completely pushed me.

I finished on his mouth and seconds later went down with him. He held me as I was trying to even out my breathing. "Can we do it again?" I surprised myself by asking.

He smiled down at me, "When you become countess, yes."

[finn-m-corvex]

Hey, hey @alastair-1205 you want a nice meal? Cause you've got spicy Jaya incoming.

"I am not drunk," Jay slurred, barely able to hold up his own weight. Nya sighed, readjusting the hold she had on him and tugging his arm over her shoulder.

"Yes, you are."

"I am not! Would a drunk person be able to do this?" and Jay pulled away from her to try and walk in a straight line, failing miserable as he wobbled from side to side. His shirt was all sorts of messed up, tie askew and the top two buttons undone to expose some of the sinful acts he and Nya had already partaken in. Nya's heart fluttered when she took in his hair framing his face in just the way that made her head spin, but she just shook her head at her Yin's antics.

Oh well, she could humor him tonight. "No, honey, a drunk person would not be able to do that."

"See, I told you!" Jay said smugly, his cheeks a rosy red from all of the alcohol. He was entirely too drunk, but at least he was a happy drunk. "Say, would you happen to have a boyfriend by any chance?"

Nya wanted nothing more than to have her phone out and recording. "What would you do if I said yes?"

"Tell you that you can do so much better," Jay mused. "Cause there's no way you look this good hanging around him."

"You would be surprised," Nya said, incredibly amused.

"I think you should come back with me tonight," Jay said, flipping his bangs out of his face and lighting up the hallway with one of his thousand-watt smiles. The sight made Nya's heart ache with memories from when they were younger, "cause I would be honored to show you a good time."

"I've already shown you a good time," Nya chuckled, pointing to the bruises and bite marks littering his collarbone, "who do you think gave you those?"

Jay stared down at them in amazement, looking back up at her and then down and then up again. "We've already made out?"

"Yes, Jay."

"I scored you?"

"Yes you did, Jay."

"And your boyfriend won't be mad?"

He was too fucking cute. "No, honey, I don't think he'll mind all that much."

"Good, cause I don't want to waste my chance with someone as beautiful as you." Jay held out his arm as if he hadn't just been clinging to Nya a few minutes prior. "Care to come with me, ma'am?"

"As long as you're showing me a good time," Nya took his arm, curious about where he was going to bring her. Was he even going to remember that they were sharing a hotel room?

To her surprise, Jay did remember, directing them to the elevator and pressing the right floor. She wanted to say something but let him continue to do whatever he was thinking about doing, but was very surprised when he pinned her against the wall of the elevator. Nya knew she wasn't in any danger, and was perfectly content to watch as his bloodshot eyes glued onto the marks he had left on her neck, his tongue flicking over his chapped lips.

"Did I do that?" He asked breathlessly, leaning down to peck her cheek and then her lips. Nya kissed back, smiling, hand squeezing his hip as she pushed forward with her tongue. He moaned in surprise, eyes sliding shut as she tugged his hair and fingers fluttering over his neck. That was her Jay.

She pulled back for a moment to admire the lovestruck look on his face. "Oh you did it, sweetheart, but I think I can do better."

"Please do," he said, and Nya was quick to reverse their positions as she grabbed his wrists and held them against the wall. Jay gasped, tossing his head back as much as he could when Nya kissed his Adam’s apple. He whined when Nya's mouth wandered up to his ear, and Nya was disappointed to hear the elevator ding when they arrived on their floor.

"Which room is yours?" She whispered into his ear, revelling in the way he shuddered. Jay forced his eyes open to look at her with a glassy stare.

"640."

"Lead the way then, Romeo," she giggled, letting his hands free. She was amused by the sight of his legs jiggling like they were made of Jell-O, taking his arm again when he offered it. Jay was somehow walking better than he was before, but that was probably because the blood was rushing to some place that wasn't his head if looking at his pants told her anything.

"Your boyfriend is so lucky to have you," he mused, lacing their fingers together. Nya rubbed across his knuckles in just the way he knew he liked.

"Yes, he is."

"It should be me," he muttered, and Nya was pretty sure that she wasn't supposed to hear that.

"Maybe after tonight, it could be you," Nya winked, and Jay flushed an even deeper shade of red. "You're certainly handsome enough for it.

He started flapping his hands with a giddy smile on his face. "And you're so gorgeous. I would be so damn lucky."

Coming up to their room, Nya took out her keycard and swiped, and Jay didn't seem even a little bothered at the fact that she opened the door to his room. They walked in, Jay throwing his suit jacket onto the floor and unbuttoning his shirt. Nya marveled at the roll of muscles across his back, the scars zigzagging across his spine.

She snuck up behind him, kissing the nape of his neck and trailing her fingers across his skin. "Look how pretty you are."

"Look how pretty you are," Jay countered, and his eyes glued onto an object on the far corner of their small wardrobe. His half of the Yin-Yang medallion. "D-do I already have a girlfriend?"

"I don't know," Nya said, sliding the straps of her dress off of her shoulders. Jay’s eyes widened. "But you told me you were going to show me a good time, right?"

Jay took one look at her, another look at the medal, and threw it aside. "She couldn’t be that important if I don't remember her."

There were so many flaws in that logic, but the alcohol was starting to kick in for Nya. "Exactly, babe. And if she isn't here, well, what's stopping you?"

"Absolutely nothing," Jay said, trailing kisses down her chest as he worked to get her dress off. "Cause I've got way too pretty of a woman in front of me to care."

Nya's last coherent thought of the night, right after Jay had pushed her down against the bed and kissed her senseless with the whiskey still on his breath, was that maybe they should get drunk more often.

[crocheting-cupio]

Recently I remembered the ONE time another kid tried to bully me (this happened only once because I was homeschooled) and how he just... failed so miserably because I did not care and was not intimidated in the slightest. And I also may have changed the course of that kid's life. Bit of a long one just because I like telling detailed stories.

So the town I lived in was throwing a Canada Day celebration in the park behind town hall. And by park I mean it was a rectangular clearing in a forest. Anyway, they got a water slide, a bouncy castle, a guy doing balloon animals, a stage to play music that evening, fireworks, and my Mom was doing face painting. There was like around 30-40 kids at the event.

Almost every kid wanted their face painted, so my Mom was pretty busy that day. But this one kid around my age (9) was, for some reason, very insistent on getting his face painted before everyone else. When it was his turn, he was really unhappy with my Mom's job and demanded she redo it. And when she refused, I think he punched her in the arm (although obviously not very hard) and his dad took him away to give him "a talk" and told him not to bother her anymore.

A little later that day, he's just kind of brooding with his arms crossed near our tent. Then he walks up to me and asks if there's anything I can do to change my Mom's mind. I was like, "No???? Why would I help you? You hit my Mom!" I think he offered me all the change he had in his pocket, but I refused. Then he threatened to steal my lunch money or something next time he saw me and I said, "I don't even go to school! Let alone YOUR school." Then I pointed out there's other fun things still available to him that he could be doing, but chose to keep bothering me and my Mom. And he just... walked away looking defeated.

As the day went on I noticed he kept getting himself into trouble by being rude or trying to get into fights. Although the fighting thing didn't work out because, since we were in a big clearing with plenty of adults present, the other kids could just run away. I think he got himself kicked out of the water slide as well.

By this point, I was very overwhelmed and drained by sound, so I wandered off to a quieter area to enjoy an orange soda in peace. As I finished it off, the kid comes back and says, "Do you wanna fight?!" and I'm like, "No why would I want to fight you??" But he didn't wait for an answer and managed to punch me twice, but not very hard. Even as a 9 year old it didn't feel like a strong punch. I dropped my empty can and grabbed both his hands so he couldn't keep swinging and said, "HEY! If you keep fighting me I'll tell my Mom and your dad and he'll take you home for being bad! You've been getting in trouble all day! Then you won't get to hear the music OR see the fireworks! And is that what you want?!" He didn't answer, but the answer was clearly no.

He stopped trying to fight me and I let go. I didn't try to push him away or anything, I didn't even take a step back and simply stood where I was, and this seemed to confuse him. Like he was anticipating that I would want some kind of revenge or want to "win" the fight. But truly I did not want to hurt him, I didn't even dislike him. I had also had bad days where I wanted to fight everybody, but I knew that sometimes when you're angry you say things you don't mean and hurt the people that you care about. I felt he did not actually dislike me (or anyone else at that event) but was just frustrated and didn't know how to deal with that feeling.

Then he tried to insult me, but that also didn't work. It went something like this:

Him: "You're STUPID." Me: "Well, I don't think so because I read a lot of books. I've read every science book we have at home and most of the ones at the library." "Well, you're UGLY." "I look just like everyone else?? Besides, there's not really any ugly people." "Well, your FACE is stupid!" "My face can't be stupid? Only our brains can be stupid." "Well, your mom is FAT!" "That's only because she had me and my siblings. Getting fat after you get pregnant happens to a lot of women. And there's nothing wrong with being fat." "Well, your outfit SUCKS!" "I like my outfit and it's comfortable for me to wear, and that's all that matters to me. You're the first person to say you don't like my outfit, most people like what I wear." "You're so WEIRD!" (It was clear to me at this point he was running out of insults.) "Well, my whole family is weird so that makes sense. We don't think there's anything wrong with being weird because everyone is a little weird. You're weird too, and that's okay. :)"

I had noticed that he didn't seem angry anymore, but just confused and trying to figure me out. And he asked very genuinely, "Why don't you care...?" And I said, "Well, I don't really know you because we just met today, I don't go to your school, and unless they have another event like this again then we're probably never going to see each other again. Why SHOULD I care what you think?"

And he looked completely defeated and like he had never considered this. I had laughed because it was funny to me how I couldn't be bullied despite his best efforts, then he walked away. I caught up to him and tried to apologize for laughing, because I didn't want to make him think I was laughing AT him, but he brushed me off and said it was fine. So I let him go on his way.

Later, during the mini concert, I saw him again with his dad. The dad had stood near-ish to us without realizing it, and I heard the kid say to his dad that he didn't want to be near "the scary girl." I was very confused by this as I thought I was very unintimidating and approachable. But it was kind of funny to me that he found me scary.

Hilariously, I DID see him again about two weeks later at a different and much smaller community event. When he saw I was there he ran up and asked if I remembered him. I said, "No, are you a friend I made before?" and he was aghast that I didn't remember him. Then I mentioned that I'm terrible at recognizing faces so this wasn't usual.

He had jogged my memory by describing what he did that day and then I was like "Oh yeah, I remember you now! :)" Then he asked with genuine curiosity, "Did you cry when you got home?" and I was like, "No? Because your insults didn't hurt me? When we got home we had supper and then I went to bed, just like any other day." This baffled him. He asked if I really wasn't hurt, and I once again confirmed that I was completely unaffected.

I think at this point his dad had come over and asked if his son was bothering me, and I told him that no, we were just talking.

After his dad was gone, I asked him if he was doing okay. He seemed very angry that day and I wanted to know if he was feeling alright. Turns out he was doing poorly in school and was also being physically abused by his father (which I was actually aware of because I'd seen his dad hit him on Canada Day). So I was like, "Oh no! That's awful. Do you want a hug?" He did take the hug after I convinced him that hugs are not inherently romantic and we shouldn't care if other people think we are dating because WE know we aren't, and it seemed like he really needed that hug.

Then he started asking me big questions. Like how do you just not care about what anyone thinks? Why are you nice to me even though I was mean to you? How do I become smart like you? And I gave him the best answers I could: Because other people's opinions are not nearly as important as they seem, because I'm just nice to everyone and you seemed like you were in a bad spot, and because I read a lot of books and watch educational TV shows. I even offered him some advice for how to manage his anger because he had said he got into a lot of fights a school and at home and always felt angry. I told him to just rip up a box or punch a soft toy when he felt like fighting because that's what I did. Or spend some time alone to cool down. And the classic take some deep breaths.

After that, we did the whole event thing that was happening. I'm pretty sure I did say goodbye, though.

I saw him another time a few months later, and he excitedly told me that my advice really helped and he hadn't started a fight in several weeks. He had also been reading more, was now taking regular trips to the library, and said his grades had improved a lot. Like, from getting a D on average to a B or B+ in almost every class kind of improved. And his parents even bought him an expensive toy that he always wanted as a reward. Most importantly, he said his dad almost never hit him now. I gave him a celebratory hug, because that's such a huge improvement and he seemed genuinely a ton happier. He wasn't a bully now, he was just a normal kid. And arguably he was better off in some ways than the other kids.

I hope that guy is doing okay now. I really do. He seemed like he just needed someone to talk to and who would listen.

[albertasunrise]

Trust Issues - Only You

Masterlist

Summary: Having spent most of your life in relationships that went nowhere. You struggled to trust that this man… this ray of sunshine… wouldn’t leave you eventually. (18+)

Relationships: Reader x Ben Miller

Notes: So I know this update has taken a while and I'm sorry. Work and life have just been a little crazy and I've not had a lot of time to write. I am on vacation now so I will try to get some updates out before I jet off to Rome next week. Hope this was worth the wait! ❤️

Series Masterlist - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

You and Ben took things slow.

You had hurt him and you knew that it was going to take time to fix things but the baby certainly helped. He delighted in learning where they were in their development each week. Now at 20 weeks, the baby was the size of a banana according to the pregnancy book Ben currently had his nose shoved in.

"Apparently, our little peanut could be sucking her thumb right now, learning how to suckle, ready for feeding." He chuffed and you grinned at him.

"Could be a boy ya know." You replied and Ben shook his head as he continued to read.

"Nah, it's a girl. I just know it!" You chuckled at his reply "Felt any flutterings yet? The book here says you might."

"Yeah, a little." You beamed back at him as your hand unconsciously rested on your bump.

"Can't wait to feel her moving around." Benny sighed as he closed the book and placed it on the coffee table.

"Or him moving around." You added and he rolled his eyes at your determination.

"I guess we'll find out next week hmm?"

"You sure you don't wanna wait?" You asked, nervously chewing your lip "So many people have said that it's nice to be surprised."

"We will be!" He blanched "I already got a whole plan!"

"Plan?"

"Well… I was gonna get the doctor to put the sex in an envelope… Wanted to do a little gender reveal thing with the guys and a few friends." He confessed "Got a friend who said she'd make us some cupcakes. Pink filling for a girl, blue for a boy… ya know that sort of thing."

"That sounds-"

"If you hate the idea then that's fine. We can just learn it at the scan and that'll be that. Tell the guys when we next see them or whatever."

"Benny!" You laughed, endeared by his obvious panic "I love that idea."

"Yeah?" He breathed, eyes wide as he watched you walk over to him.

"Yeah." You confirmed with a sweet smile and a kiss on his cheek.

Your lips lingered, your eyes fluttering closed as you inhaled Benny's scent and revelled in it. Yes, you and Benny were having a baby together but any romantic entanglements had been put on hold. It had been Ben's idea to focus on the baby. Your relationship could wait according to him but the truth was that you were struggling to spend all this time with him without acting on the feelings you had for him.

Pulling back, your eyes locked with his and you felt the air between you crackle with the pent chemistry the two of you shared. You don't know where the confidence came from but in the blink of an eye, you had closed the distance. His lips were soft and exactly like you remembered. Humming softly you smiled when he deepened the kiss, his hand lacing in your hair so he could pull you closer.

Then it was over and Benny was pulling back. His eyes closed as he let out a sigh that was hard to translate.

"We shouldn't." He said softly, a look of regret crossing his face and you felt your heart squeeze.

"Right." You replied, trying hard to keep your tears at bay but failing miserably.

"Stitch I-"

"It's fine, honestly." You replied, holding your hand up to stop him "Save me the rejection."

"Stitch-"

"Damn these pregnancy hormones… Making me see things clearly."

"Will you stop for a second!" Ben groaned as he cradled your cheeks with his large hands "I'm not… It's not that I'm rejecting you. I just… I don't think we should be starting anything up right now."

"Ben-"

"It's not that I don't want to." He continued, shutting you up "I do, lord knows I do. You know how I feel about you but things are just so complicated right now with the baby and-"

"Wouldn't you rather her mum and dad be together when she comes?" You questioned, pulling a sigh from him.

"Of course I do but…" He trailed off, scraping a hand over his face as he tried to find the words "I just, you hurt me Stitch."

"God seriously!" You snapped "I am trying Benny… Been breaking my back trying to prove to you how sorry I am!"

"I know that but I'm scared okay." He snapped "Scared that once the baby comes, I'll lose you."

"What?" Your reply was barely above a whisper.

"I don't wanna… I don't-"

Your heart ached at how visibly he was struggling to tell you how he was feeling. He had never struggled with his words before. Always able to tell you exactly what he was thinking or feeling but now. Now he could barely look at you.

Had you really wounded him that badly?

"You said her." Ben then piped up out of the blue, giving you a shy smile that seemed to clense the tension that was hanging over you both.

"Slip of the tongue." You replied, smirking at him.

"It's a girl and you know it."

That night went unspoken about in the days that followed. They weren't tense though. Not like you had expected them to be. Instead, they seemed to be lighter. You understood better how Ben was feeling, and despite how much it hurt that he'd ended up rejecting your advances. You understood why. You still had work to do to build his trust. Work you were more than willing to do.

Fast forward to scan day and Ben was practically squirming with excitement. You grinned as you watched his knee bounce, eyes darting up every time someone entered the waiting room.

"It'll be our turn soon Ben." You said, playing your hand on his bouncing knee and giving it a friendly squeeze.

'Just excited ya know." He replied "Didn't get to go to the last one. Can't believe I'm gonna see my baby live."

"It's not a TV show." You chuckled.

"You know what I mean… I'm just so stoked I get to be here!"

Your surname echoed through the room and you both looked up to see a doctor smiling down at you both. You raised your hand like a child at registration before getting to your feet and clinging to Ben as the two of you followed the doctor to the examination room.

Then, you lay on the bed as they ordered, lifted your shirt and watched as they prepped the machine, ready for your scan. Benny was sat beside you, his nervous energy filling the small space and you took his hand in yours and squeezed it. A silent conversation passed between you both.

"So how is mummy feeling today?" The doctor asked, "Any pain, bleeding?"

"Nothing." You replied "Just lots of fluttering in my belly. Think this little one is going to be constantly on the move like their dad." You chuckled, rolling your head to look at Ben.

"Well, that's good." They replied "Let's take a look and see how they're getting on shall we?"

"Please." Ben almost pleaded, pulling a smile out of the doctor and a chuckle from you.

They got to work then. Squirting the gel on your swollen stomach and placing the probe, they started to search for the life inside of you. Finding it quickly.

"There we go." They said, beaming at you and turning the monitor slightly so you both could see better.

You watched in awe as the doctor did their checks. Making notes of everything and taking pictures as they went.

"We want to know the sex?" They asked and Ben sat up straighter as he went to answer.

"We do but… Could you put it in an envelope? We wanna do one of those gender reveal parties."

"Sure thing." They replied with a smile.

The doctor finished their checks before sending you on your way with a new set of photos and advice on what you needed to look out for in the final months of your pregnancy. You thanked them, cleaned yourself up and left with Ben. Arm looked through his as you walked to the car.

"Fancy getting some lunch?" He asked and you audibly moaned, the sound making him twitch in his pants.

"Oh my god, yes." You replied "I'm starving."

"Burgers?"

"I love how you just get me." You replied as you gave him a goofy grin "Daddy is so good to mummy." You cooed as you looked down at your bump and cradled it with your free hand.

You calling Ben daddy affected him in a way he wasn't expecting. He was suddenly spinning you around and pinning you to the side of his truck, lips devouring yours.

"Say it again." He purred as he pulled away, eyes locked with yours as you panted.

"Say what."

"What you just called me."

"Daddy?"

Ben kissed you hard. Drinking in your moans and whimpers as he just allowed himself to just give over to the desire he felt.

"Has someone got a daddy kink?" You chuckled as Ben finally pulled away. Your lip trapped between your teeth as you looked up at him through your lashes.

"No… I… I just…" He was struggling to find the words. Something that seemed to be a regular occurrence of late "I just can't believe you're making me a dad." He choked "I can't fucking wait, baby."

Your eyes widened at the term of endearment but Ben didn't seem to notice. He leaned in and kissed you again, not thinking twice about it. It all seemed so natural. Kissing you as his hands cradled your growing belly.

"Ben." You whispered against his lips, not needing to utter another word. He knew what it meant.

"We'll figure it out." He replied, his lips brushing yours "We'll figure all of this out."

You looked around at your lounge. Frankie had done an amazing job with the decorations whilst Maria had made enough food to feed a small army. You turned to see Ben walking through the door, carrying a large box filled to the brim with cupcakes. You were about to speak when a woman appeared behind him with another box and your brows drew together as she giggled as she spoke to him.

A surge of jealousy zapped through you. You didn't like how he was so relaxed with her or how he looked at her. It was clear he knew her well, but how did he know her?

"Looking great!" Ben beamed as he looked around before placing the box of cupcakes on the table "Maria this spread looks incredible!"

"Thank you, Benjamin." Replied Maria as she grinned at him "These the cakes?"

"Yup!" He said, throwing his arm around the woman's shoulders "Baked by this wonderful lady right here!"

"Who is?…" Maria pushed and Ben jumped back as he realised his mistake.

"Shit, right of course." He bumbled "This is Ali. Ali this is Maria, Fish's wife."

"Lovely to meet you." She said, holding her hand out for Maria to shake.

"Over there in the battered cap is Fish." He said as he pointed at the man in the corner that was arranging presents "Blonde over there is my brother Will and then this lovely lady…" He said as he walked over to you, wrapping his arm around your waist "This is Titch!"

"So lovely to meet you." She said and she enthusiastically threw her hand out to shake yours "Ben's told me so much about you!" She said gleefully "He's so excited about the baby. Never shuts up about it."

"And how do you guys know each other?" You asked, turning your head to look at Ben a moment before returning your attention to her.

"Oh, he trains me at the Gym!"

"Does he?" You asked as you pulled yourself from his grasp "Well aren't you lucky to have an MMA fighter as your personal trainer." You said as you grabbed your lemonade from the table beside you and took a long pull.

"Definitely lucky." She replied, just as you caught the way she looked at him.

There was something else going on with her. You could feel it.

Ben winked at her before heading over to Will, patting his brother on the back before helping him assemble the last of the furniture he'd brought over for the rest of the guests that were due any moment.

"Anything I can do?" You asked, desperate to distract yourself from the jealousy that bubbled inside you.

"Put your feet up?" Maria replied with a smile "You look like you need to take it easy. We've got in hun. Go get ready."

…

An hour later and the party was in full swing. The present table that Frankie had been organising earlier was now a mess of gifts. You'd seen the pilot's distress as it had grown messier and messier with each gift. His need for tardiness and order was one of the things you loved most about him.

"So, I think it's time for the reveal!" Piped up Will as he and Maria grabbed a plate of cakes each and started to hand them out to the guests "Now no one eat their cake yet. Everyone needs to take a bite at the same time so on the count of three." Will stated as he placed the plate down and grabbed his own cupcake.

"One… Two… Three!"

The room went silent as everyone bit into their cakes and then pulled them back to see what colour the inside was.

"PINK!" The room roared as cheers and clapping erupted and you felt yourself tear up as you looked at the baby pink buttercream inside the cupcake and then at Ben.

"Told you so." He grinned widely at you as he pulled you into a sideways hug before grinning at Ali as she practically skipped up to him.

"God I'm relieved you know now!" She chuckled "That was the hardest secret to keep from you. Almost slipped up a few times last night."

"Last night?" You questioned as your brows drew together.

"We had a training session yesterday." Ben replied "I told you that's why I couldn't come over."

"Right, of course." You replied, shaking your head "Excuse me, I require a refill." You shook your empty glass at them and quickly made your way to the drinks station, internally scorning your reaction.

"You okay?" Asked Maria when she noted how you weren't as excited as she'd expected.

"Mhmm." You replied, downing the ginger ale you'd poured and silently wished it was something stronger.

"This about Ali?" She asked and you groaned.

"That obvious huh?"

"A little."

"It just seems like something is going on there." You grumbled, "She's obviously into him."

"And he's into you!"

"But we're not together so…"

"Look I know that those pregnancy hormones are squirting all sorts of loopy juice into that brain of yours… trust me I've been there… but you need to trust Ben!"

"I do." You squeaked "I do it's just… Well I mean look at him! And look at her. They look way better together than we ever would."

"Now you're just being ridiculous." Maria snorted and you sighed.

"Perhaps." You replied glumly "I just… I find it hard to believe that he won't get bored of me eventually."

"He's about to become a dad hun…" Maria chuckled "He's not gonna have time to get bored of ya!"

You chuckled at her reply before allowing her to pull you into a friendly hug. Perhaps you were overreacting. After all, just a few days ago, Ben had been practically devouring you against his truck. Telling you that you were gonna work whatever this was between you out. You had to trust that you would.

You moved on to the presents then. You and Ben were handed bundle after bundle. Some you recognised from the book Ben had been reading religiously and others you weren't so sure about. The one that had made you almost sob was a breast pump. It seemed silly but you had found it whilst researching online and had mentioned it in passing to Maria. You, personally, had decided against it simply because of its heft price tag. Seems that Frankie and Maria had other ideas.

"This is… Shit this is-"

"Just what you wanted right?" Frankie interrupted. Giving you a friendly nudge with his elbow and a wink.

"Thank you." You all but choked, smiling sweetly at the Morales couple before looking at Ben.

"How many more we got?" You chuckled as you wiped your tears.

"Oh… Only that massive pile right there."

…

"Happy with everything?" Maria asked as she sipped her coffee, sitting cross-legged next to you.

"Yeah, everything was great!" You replied, smiling sweetly.

"Get everything you wanted?" She chuckled and you nodded.

"And some!" You rolled your head to look at Frankie who was busy shoving the paper and rubbish into a bin bag "You guys did such an amazing job organising this!" You gushed "Thank you for this… and for everything you've done for me… And for Ben!"

"You're family!" Frankie piped up, beaming from ear to ear as he walked towards you and his wife "What family does!"

"Wow!" You breathed, feeling tears start to burn in your eyes "I need a refill!"

"I can get that for you." Frankie said as he reached for your glass.

"You have done enough." You assured him "I'm not so pregnant that I can't pour myself a drink."

You made your way to the kitchen, smiling to yourself as you rubbed your bump. Then voices stopped you dead in your tracks.

"Thanks for the cakes Ali." Ben piped up, the sound of dishes clanking against each other alluding to the fact he was doing the dishes "They were exactly what I'd hoped for."

"You're quite welcome, hun." She piped up and you felt that jealousy start to bubble again "Anything for you."

That was the moment you decided to walk in. Your eyes grew wide as you saw Ali's lips connect with Bens and your hand flew up as you tried to stifle the sob that slipped from your lips. Ben's head snapped to face you upon hearing your whimper and his eyes grew wide as he pushed Ali away and took a step towards you.

"Stitch I-"

You didn't give him a chance to answer. You simply sprinted from the room, tears streaming down your cheeks and then you all but collided with Frankie in the hallway.

"What happened?" He asked as he held you tightly.

"I knew I wouldn't be enough." You all but sobbed into his shirt "I knew it."

"Stitch, please." Benny all but pleaded as he stepped into the hall, only to be greeted by you crying in Frank's arms.

"I can explain." He said when he saw the expression painted on the pilot's face.

One he'd never been on the receiving end of before.

"Well then… You better start now!"

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