#I've been in similar codependent relationships before and they can really fuck you up

[fungalnebula]

I don't think I ever posted these but here's some art I made for Kwite's fursona fanart contest. I advanced to the second round which I'm really proud of. I didn't make it past that but even though I (kinda/almost/it's literally one more class ushdhdkkgh) graduated college and had my art in a show, this is my greatest accomplishment as an artist.

[aihoshiino]

Do you think that Hikaru and Ai can have a healthy relationship if they gave their relationship time rather than speeding up things? Like they knew each other for many years and then moved forward then having s*x only a while after dating and meeting each other(that's what it looks like for me due to the timeline let me know on your head canons on this)?

I don't really think so, at least at the point in their lives they encountered each other. That doesn't mean the relationship was wholly bad and I do think the two of them were really uniquely positioned to understand and uplift each other but they were also both teenagers fresh to adult feelings and serious relationships who were both carrying massive, massive trauma as pertains to relationships in general and romance in particular.

Because of this, I think the speed with which their relationship seemingly progressed is kind of… ultimately irrelevant, I guess? It's not the cause of their issues it's just a symptom of their shared underlying fucked up issues with intimacy and codependency. A version of Hikaru and Ai who were able to have a healthy, slowburn relationship with each other just doesn't exist - the ultimate tragedy of that r/s (at least as it's been presented in manga so far) is that the very things that brought them together were the things that also made their relationship collapse. So even if they had tried to take their time, I think some other issue would have come between them and ultimate driven them apart because the baggage the two of them were both bringing into their dynamic was so deep seated that it was guaranteed to blow sky high if left unaddressed.

In that sense, it's very AquAka, in a way? I've said before that I think HikaAi as presented in the manga thus far seems to be very intentionally paralleling all of the Aqua romances in various ways and that vibe of like "trauma and core similarities both establish and ultimately destroy the relationship" is something very present in AquAka too, at least imo.

[neolxzr]

Literally a genuine question no ill intent

What do you like about Aira? As much as people are absolutely adamant Akira is projecting (I really don't think he is (I'm not saying Akira is innocent) I just think he's trying to address the prejudiced thoughts the average Japanese person will have on the Ainu) Aira's weird comments and behaviour to Hiiro have been there since day one. And I also think Aira being the one who says all this is because he's supposed to reflect the fans and the average Japanese fan probably isn't that educated on the Ainu + there can be a good few racist enstars fans...

I'm not trying to sound heated about this I'm just coming from a genuine place, what appeal is there in Aira?

Also, as much as the Aira fans are talking about blaming Akira, I feel like there should absolutely be a focus on Hiiro right now considering that comment was... yknow said to him. I just think we should actually be talking about the Amagis considering that comment was intended to discuss the Amagis and their culture and the discrimination they go through.

i had someone ask me a similar question once but not in the context of all thats happening currently so you can read that here if youre inclined

buuuut what made me like aira so much in the first place was honestly that his concept as a character is really funny. i made a post a long while back that went into the funny meta jokes that you could make using aira as a character before i really knew much about enstars at all. having a character in your idol series that loves idols and canonically reads fanfic about them is just a funny concept in general. and as i continued to read more he continued to be funny and annoying and endearing (his little mini interaction with midori comes to mind immediately. there is something wrong with him)

also i tend to gravitate towards characters that give me like. little sibling energy. i love having a favorite little guy to dote on

but afterwards what really drew me to him was the main story!! thermometry specifically comes to mind (ouuugh,,,,). his feature scout stories are also great and so is feather touch! i wont like. go into detail really cause my blog is covered in me talking about aira already

his dynamic with hiiro is one of my favorites too, especially in mainstory. their dynamic isnt JUST aira says shitty things to hiiro and thats it. their relationship develops really far to the point where aira admits that he needs hiiro as much as hiiro needs him. they're young and inexperienced and kind of codependent as they're trying to keep themselves from going under in a sort of cutthroat industry. i think thats really neat. their relationship is really sweet to me and aira is a great tsundere type of character. he regularly is shown to actually like hiiro a lot as mean as he can be to him sometimes i.e. here. and you know the whole holding hands thing (which they also fucked up in the climax story but Whatever)

theres also this. which i think about regularly. the hiiai shipping fuel is vast

and additionally i think aira has some really great relationships with other characters too, alkaloid especially. feather touch develops his relationship with tatsumi a lot and its one of my favorite aira moments. i couldnt find my screenshots for this one but basically aira gives tatsumi his unlocked phone (something VERY important to aira since hes a little screenager) and it shows tatsumi just how much aira trusts him and he realizes how important aira is as a friend to him. being someone with a history like him aira's friendship is sort of new to him and it helps them both grow

he loves his friends so so much and he’s had a positive impact on all of alkaloid. he is its heart after all

but in any case i'm not going to like, defend myself for liking aira. i am aware that the shitty stuff has been there from the start but i've said something similar in the past that was like. aira isn't real and he cannot take accountability for what he says. he's a character written by real people who doesn't have any control over how he acts. so i guess that's why when i think the writers write something i dont think he would do or say in my own personal aira opinion i can sort of brush it off as just bad writing.

and not in the sense that i dont recognize that enstars sucks, because it does. enstars can be terribly racist sometimes and not just when concerning aira, and thats important to talk about (i.e. the orient cards, the king of thieves cards, etc). but at the end of the day the most important thing to recognize is the people and company behind the game as well as the real people who play the game and are affected by it. and not like, the specific characters in the game. cause they didn't actually do anything or feel anything you know

[nymph-bitch]

That's Junkie Shit, We Don't Get Involved

I call him my partner.

I call him my partner in theory, we're engaged.

But I've been sleeping on the couch for at least a month. I'm good. I'm over it, I'm saving money

But it's easiest to refer to him as my partner.

And I, despite constantly forgetting to do anything to my profile, am a she/her in a straight cis relationship who calls him my partner. Because fiance? Gross, I'm not marrying him. Boyfriend? Still implies some kind of love or care. I just don't. Partner feels more neutral to me, it feels like something I can swallow.

My partner and I are both resellers. We go to thrift stores, flea markets, yard sales, etc. and find things to flip.

He mostly does videogames, and last night, he got an inquiry from someone. This is an approximation of the conversation.

Customer: Hey, can you tell me more about this item?

Partner: Has the case, includes manual, no scratches, good condition

Customer: I don't know what kind of operation you're running, but I have proof that you/Bowman have been stealing from me for years.

We do not know Bowman. We do no know any Bowman, and we make most of our purchases from thrift stores-they're donated. Nobody's stealing this guys stuff and donating it.

Now, before anybody gets mad about what I'm gonna say, I've been involved in some shit ok? I've worked in almost every strip club in my state. I've won fights with several addictions. I have very few friends, and all of them are addicts who go in and out of homelessness. I've spent days getting fucked up in trap houses and Observing the people, because I do the tiniest amount of drugs now. I just want a little boost, to be on a similar wavelength with the people around me. And I was. I loved those people so much and felt a deep connection to them and their problems. I understand why addicts act out. I understand the paranoia and the fear and the poverty and how awful it is to not be able to trust the people who you love, who you probably adopted as family at one point.

So to me, this looks like junkie shit. This looks like an addict being paranoid because he can't trust his friends.

And it's kinda funny, if I'm being honest, it's just a really odd out of nowhere situation.

And again, I'm thinking about specific situation that people who I care about. In my head, I'm laughing with people who understand what I've been through about this relatable situation.

That's some junkie shit

My partner sends the man an offer on the item, because it's funny.

And then he gets a reply

That's fine but I just want you to know I'm taking my life tonight. Bowman stole everything from me and now I have nothing

the last line is very assumed, because really all I heard before the panic set in was the suicide threat. Correct content. Incorrect phrasing.

My partner was still laughing when he read this out to me.

I got angry. Told him to not tell me about stuff like that if he's not going to do anything about it.

He got indignant and said oh I won't it would be crazy, never letting me finish, never apologizing, never asking any questions.

(hey, just fyi, I lost my virginity to a literal diagnosed psychopath who trained me to be codependent by threatening to kill himself and very damn nearly doing it several times, I do not take this lightly)

So I start looking up the website's policies on relinquishing customer information, and I'm gonna need to call the police to get the man's address to send someone out for a wellness check.

I do not take this lightly.

Me: If you're not going to do anything can I have that guys username so that I can do something

Him, full of disdain: I blocked him and deleted the conversation. What are you gonna do? That's junkie shit, we don't get involved.

I need a break

[female-malice]

What? Because you'd personally rather read a book about two "similar" women, the dynamic between the protagonists in a book you haven't read is automatically fetishy and bad? Like the series very much has other pairings of "similar" women working towards something (Harrow's other "love interest" is, I hope you'll be glad to hear, a ~waifish heroin chic necromancer~... there's another hinted pairing of two "cavalier" characters with very similar goals. The series isn't romance-focused though). Understandable if you're not that interested in talking abt this further but I have a lot of opinions on the Gideon books and a lot of opinions on lesbian representation in media and I'd be happy to come off anon and DM you if you're down 😭 I've read the books several times over and i feel you have a really weird impression of them

I mean ultimately, if this book is YA for teenagers, I can see why they fucking love it. Like, when I was in 6th grade, I was a die-hard twi-hard vampire nutcase. I read every twilight book cover to cover multiple times. I couldn't get enough! Everything in the books was so dire and dramatic! Perfect for the teenage soul. And I've written posts before about how the Cullens are more relatable than your average vampires. They're very relatable for young gay readers. I'm like almost 30 so I didn't grow up with LGBTQIAP+++ bullshit everywhere in middle school. It was a homophobic environment and I was just as homophobic as every other student. But on some level I understood I was secretly different in a "bad" way. Like a secret vampire that goes to regular school. So of course I projected onto Edward Cullen lol.

If teens want to read twilight dynamics with lesbian characters, who am I to stop them? But now as an adult, I've had my fair share of fucked up relationships with women. Maybe I wouldn't've put so much effort into those relationships if I didn't read so much twilight lol. But I've lived through enough lesbian codependant melodrama and I have no desire to read novels about it.

I'm extremely precise about what kind of lesbian stories and representation I expose myself to. I basically can't do any lesbian fiction at all. But I have an entire sideblog dedicated to the personal lives of female basketball stars. I also love to read about the lives of lesbians in Paris from the 1890s-1930s. And there's plenty of messy unhealthy relationships in lesbian Paris and lesbian basketball. But all of it is real. Reading about the real heartbreak/tension/grief that a gay woman went through is totally different from reading it in a novel. It's like "wow, she's been through what I've been through! In fact, she's been through much worse! And she has 5 gold medals 😳! So I think I'll be okay." But reading about lesbians in fucked up relationships in a fiction novel is like "um ew. who wrote this shit 🙄"