#I've been in a bit of a creative slump and haven't written much in the past month or two :/

[oblivious-aro]

Did I finish that fifth chapter before posting the first chapter of my Apollo Justice fic like I said I would?

No. I did not.

[kingofbodyrolls]

For this rainbow, I finally picked up my professional camera again. The last images stored there tells me that the last time I used it was the 1st of December 2023. Wild. But I picked it up thanks to this pretty rainbow, which was actually a double rainbow. So pretty. This image is made up of three into a panorama shot, and Lightroom was a bit funky with putting them together, so please don't mind the badly processed house in the middle; no, we're not looking at that 😂

For people who want a wall of text status update, it's under the cut.

How are you all doing? I'm hanging in there. Not active much, but I still haven't gotten myself into deleting my tumblr app. So I still see and get all your notifs, even if I don't reply right away! I'm still taking time off, trying to figure out what I want to do with the blog for the future... I have not written a fanfic in some time now, but I have two finished stories that are ready to be published, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure about a lot of things these days... I've had dark days, written a lot of sad and dark poems (that will go on my sub blog some time in the future), and I've begun to write an original story. It's really fun; about magic, witches and mages; about good and evil and all the gray in between. It will probably bore you, but it's fun to write, even though I don't think anyone would read it except for a few friends (even though this thing might be the longest thing I'll write, turning into either two or three books lol).

Serotonin boost I get happy when I get notifs with comments and/or reblogs of my stories; it really touches my heart. To be honest, this is why I left/taking time off. I've always felt that interaction was low, and my stupid brain will not let me stop comparing myself to others, so it slowly killed my drive for writing and posting. If no one interacts, what's the point of posting? If no one interacts, what's the point of writing? But I love writing, and it's one of my creative outlets, so I couldn't let that go completely, hence I started writing original stories instead; no ones gonna read them anyway, but I can still play with characters, world building and storytelling. Those are the things I loved about fanfics---and I still do, don't get me wrong. But I feel so discouraged being on here. But I'm happy to know that a few people still care.

The Downfall This also made it quite hard for me to read; because I felt so unmotivated... I haven't read much this month at all. I tried to read a fanfic this Monday, didn't finish it and haven't picked it up since. Honestly, I've just been watching documentaries because I'm in a (tumblr) slump. I feel drained though; I feel like I've given so much, and I love it. I love making people happy, leaving lovely reviews, and it's as much for myself as it is for making another person happy---but to be honest, it has drained me. I know I shouldn't ask for anything in return, but I feel imbalanced. Like I'm not being filled with much love, if that makes sense? I don't really feel appreciated, but don't get me wrong, I don't feel hated (yeah, I'm so good at being black and white), sorry---I know I sound very pessimistic. But you guess have always been so kind to me, and I love you a lot, and I have a few super lovely mutuals and friends that are lovely internet friends that I adore, so I wanted to be real with all of you. You can hate me for it if you want to. Go ahead.

I don't think I'm going to make a recommend list this month. I haven't really read anything, so it'll be really small. And I don't like the pressure of it anymore... which is why for a long time I've thought about not doing them anymore. Maybe some day I will again in the future. But I'd still love to make rec list on the member's birthdays! And I think this will help me, take some pressure off myself (that I've created myself), so I'll still read and rec, it will just be slower---whenever I feel like it, and not because I have to read to make a monthly rec list. This isn't my job, I'm not getting paid doing all of this, and the amount of time I've been spending on both reading and writing is more than 37+ hours a week, sooo. I have to slow down.

A part of me thinks that I flew too fast, too high and too close to the sun, lol. I'm still gonna be here, you can still send in asks for rec list or whatever you want, all is welcome (except hate, because then I'll simply just delete my blog, my mental health can't take that).

To post, or not to post? Should I post the two stories that I have? Both of them are for the series Friendcation.

And for the unfinished mermaid stories I still have left, I hope I'll finish them in the future; when, I don't know. Maybe one day I'll feel love for them again, to finish them. I have them all planned out, but like I mentioned before, with low interaction, I'm really not motivated to finish them, even though part of me really want to for the like five people that are so sweet and invested, and always comments and reblogs (you guys know who you are, and I love you so fucking much 🥰).

To all the stories I'll probably never write...

I still have some other unfinished but planned stories, and I'm gonna list them here, just for the hell of it. Don't know if people would have found them interesting anyway, but here goes:

Words on a Page (a Namjoon x reader, idol!au where reader is a fanfiction writer and interviewer for a magazine and has to interview BTS). Author's comment: probably never gonna write it. It has been done before, and it was just a very very silly dream I had.

Songs of The Heart (a Jimin x reader, musician!au where Jimin is a single father and reader moves into the house next to his, hear his lonely songs etc, they meet, talk, very angsty, sad and nostalgic and 'Who' coded). Author's comment: this idea came to me after listening to 'who' and then thinking about Jimin being my next door neighbor, yeah, that's it. Don't know if this will ever get written.

IT Support (a Jimin x reader, office!au where Jimin is your nerdy coworker, but a freak in the sheets, lol). Author's comment: this has honestly been on my list for years, but I never written anything for it, and I probably never will, even though I've made the banner and all.

I do have a few more, but I've already scraped those, and then there's the four mermaid stories to add to the list. I'm probably mostly excited about the mermaid stories, and those would be my priority if I ever get back into writing fanfiction again.

I swear, I'm almost finished... Okay, this whole thing has gotten incredibly long. Sorry. Before I end this post, I just want to say how happy and grateful I am to each and everyone of you. I've met some incredible nice people on here, some really caring ones. I'll never forget that. And I'll never forget each wonderful and lovely comment, some people have really helped me, motivated me when I felt low, and when I wanted to stop writing a few months back. Thank you. I kept going, and I wish I could keep going for you, making something special, for the special people I met here. I actually really wanted to do requests for you guys in hopes that it would motivate me into writing, but I just don't know. I still want to give so much back to the people who have hyped me up, so I'm going to tag a few of you lovely people--- if you have a request for a story, you're welcome to message me or send me an ask. I don't know if or when I'll write it, but in case I get a bit of motivation, I have some things I could write from, so if you want to, you can send me a request (just keep in mind the story will probably be a one-shot from 10-20k max or maybe shorter, lol, you never know with me). You don't have to send me a request, I simply want to give back to some lovely people. I wish I could hug you.

@letjungcoook7 @honeybloomyyyy @babystarcandyjk97 @minpdrecs @bobathi @allie-is-a-panda @back2bluesidex @gimeow @antisocial-mochi267

These are but just a few of the people that have supported me on there, either by commenting, reblogging, ask, messaging--you name it. I could list many others, and one day I might make a post celebrating all mt lovely mutuals, that means a lot to me. Thank you for interacting; you've (as long with others) helped me when times were tough. Thank you.

I had actually planned to open a "recommend a fic" section/box, but I'm not sure about that. I still have so many fics on my to read list, and right now I don't want to pile more onto it. Might do it in the future, when I've finally made it through my own lists.

Okay, I have to end this post for real now.

I'm still on tumblr, I still have my app. I deleted my discord app on my phone, but I'm still part of the servers I was before, I'm just not active. It's better for me that way right now, because it all got to be too much. I was just reminded of how much of a failure I feel like (no, we're not getting into that not, store it away). But you can always contact me here. I'm lurking sometimes. I look forward to reading in a more leisurely pace and hopefully not feeling pressured to make the rec lists as I did before (even though just for the completionist in me I want to finish them for just this year, lol).

Okay. If you read this far---thank you, I adore you, I love you, you're nice, keep going 💜

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Hi hello, so nice to talk to you, Kiko!

This is going to definitely sound weird, but do you have any advice for an ongoing Ao3 writer? Pretty sure I'm not the only one here writing Gojo/OC stories or fluffy one-shots since they're so addicting lol.

But it's strange to be so obsessed with writing with so many ideas and time and energy to write, and then it feels like you're in a bit of a slump when that rush of creativity sort of slows.

You mentioned before that you had most of the story for AL mapped out and written, did it help you to plan ahead more before posting? Or was it more of a, "I didn't worry about it too much because it was fun to write and we're all Gojo simpls" kind of a deal?

Anyhow, would love to know if you'd be alright talking about it. Have a good day~

Hiiiii! It's nice to talk to you, too! 😊

Gojo fluff is addictive and I honestly have been rereading Physical Paradox installments today because I need fluff and motivation 😂

Hmmmm, advice for AO3 writers? Honestly, I feel like I'm a bit under qualified for that because I'd been an anon reader for over ten years until July when I finally created an account so I could post Another Level 😂😂

BUT, I do have a few thoughts. I'll try to keep these as simple as my over-explaining ass can 🫠 (Kiko did not keep it simple. I ranted and this post is hella long, I am so sorry.)

If you haven't already, you can read Another Level on AO3 💕

On writing in general: Write for you.

1) I know I've said this before, but it's true. Write as if no one else will ever see what you're writing to begin with. That's how I started with Another Level. I never intended for anyone else to see it when I first started. On the flip side of this though, don't be afraid of bouncing ideas off others.

It's likely vain of me, but I genuinely enjoy reading my own writing. I try very hard to make sure that what I'm posting is something I enjoy reading. But it makes it so much easier to write if you enjoy reading it, because you're just as excited to read it and see what happens as someone who isn't in your head.

2) I think that something really important for when that creativity slows in one area, don't force yourself to keep going if you don't have to. Hobbies are supposed to be fun, not an obligation or a stressor.

Once the joy fades from a hobby, it's no longer a hobby.

Think of it this way: since May of this year, I've written around 300k words for different fanfics. If we look at that from the perspective of a single-spaced, 12pt font perspective, that is 300 pages. I've written the equivalent of a gosh dang Dissertation. But here's the difference between Another Level and a Dissertation: writing and researching for Another Level was fun. It was something I wanted to do.

(We'll ignore the fact that I didn't have to teach classes and grade papers simultaneously as well. I do and don't miss grad school And honestly, I miss teaching. But academia can kiss my ass.)

3) Write what you want to write, not what others expect you to write. This isn't your job. You aren't being paid for a word count or hours put in, you're doing this for you and for fun. When you let other's expectations drive you instead of your own desire, that happiness is fleeting and it's easy to burnout fast.

4) Follow your inspiration fairies, even if only briefly. You don't have to write out an entire universe, and you don't have to keep what you write. But sometimes you have to get rid of the brainworms to make room for other ideas. I've realized that a few of my Goinko 'au' ideas are literally better just as little headcannons or blurbs and nothing more. And that's okay, because now I got them out of my system.

5) If you want to write and finish a series, only post for that series. I'm learning this the hard way right now with Gokduō and Physical Paradox. It is really hard to focus on one or the other because I feel an odd pressure to get the next parts done for both, which is completely the opposite of what it should be.

The pressure drains my creativity, and I've found myself struggling because I'm too worried about what people will think of it instead of what I want it to be. In all honesty, I had a moment today where I almost decided I don't want to finish Gokudō because I'm not sure where to take it, but I realized I just need some time away from trying to force myself.

6) If you're unhappy with it, don't be afraid to scrap it. Use it as a starting point if you want, but don't get too attached to it if you don't like where it's going. Take a step back and ask if/how it's getting you where you want to go with that work, and if it doesn't help you get there, then it can go.

What was my approach with Another Level? (includes JJK Manga spoilers)

I'll elaborate a bit more on how I had things mapped out before I started posting first. Essentially, when the Gojo/Sukuna fight started in the manga, I just knew Gojo was going to die. In my mind, there was no way Akutami would let him live, and I was in a really bad place mentally and wasn't sure how I'd be able to handle it. And then I was like "wait, that's literally why we have fanfic, I can keep him alive as long as I want."

So, I started Another Level with the intention to keep it to myself and use it as my own comfort fic to prepare myself for Gojo's death. Some behind the scenes info: a version of the dream Rinko had in Split Bluff was the very first thing I wrote for Another Level. Except it originally wasn't a dream, it was going to be their reunion. However, they weren't as close, they were solidly friends with benefits who barely knew each other. Then, I wrote a part where Rinko first meets Yuuji at the Goodwill Event and she was Maki's legal guardian and still a teacher at Kyoto Tech, then I went further back and wrote her asking Gojo to get Maki enrolled at Tokyo Tech, and then I went further back and wrote Make a God Bleed.

As you already know because you've read Another Level, none of those stayed the same because then, as I kept writing, Rinko took on a life of her own. She became so much more than just a random OC that I threw together without thinking. And I have to say that I'm so glad she did because I'm not sure I would have been able to deal with 236 without Rinko. Some people have said Rinko helped them, but she's helped me so much as well. I mean it when I say she's cemented herself as my favorite original character that I've ever written because she has so much depth and heart that I accidentally poured into her. Not to mention that she's helped me meet some really amazing people along the way.

I'm in a bit of a rut now because I was on a marathon of writing for about five or six months. I started writing Another Level in May, and while I wrote the first draft for All That I Am Is Yours probably in June or July, I pretty much completely rewrote it once we actually got there. Between May and now, I've written upwards of 300k words of JJK fanfic, not including the installments or drafts I scrapped completely 🙃

Posting schedule with Another Level:

As someone who is severely ADHD, my hyperfocus was strong with Another Level. I was obsessed. And I was even more obsessed when I realized people were enjoying reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

In all honesty, part of what kept me on a strict uploading schedule with Another Level was a desire for the validation and praise in the comments. While I had a lot written, I uploaded so quickly because I wanted to get that lil rush from seeing the comments.

Kiko is about to do a lil bit of oversharing for ya: I'd just left a job where I'd spent the last six months there with my formerly wonderful boss decided to blame me for every little thing that went wrong, and then she couldn't understand why my performance actually started to drop. I hadn't heard a damn word of positive feedback for anything I did in so long that the comments on Another Level helped pull me out of a very depressive state.

But, it quickly became unhealthy because I started to rely on them to the point where it was all I cared about. All I cared about was seeing comments on the newest Another Level installment, and when there wasn't feedback, I got all in my head about what I'd done wrong and wanted to post the next installment as quickly as possible because maybe that one would do better.

Now, this is not me saying that wanting comments is a bad thing. Feedback is very important, and it's hard to know if people are enjoying something when there's not anything to go on. But it does become a problem if it's the only reason you're writing. I've been very fortunate in that I haven't gotten comments or messages demanding updates because I've seen that others do receive those sometimes. I like to think it's because you guys are just awesome and wonderful people.

I've gotten a bit better about being obsessed with comments because I have this nice lil corner of wonderful people and I feel like I've made a few genuine friends here. (Hi Rai, if you're reading this, I hope you're doing well.)

I know that what I just described for my Another Level posting schedule contradicts what I said in the beginning, but I will say that while my posting schedule was heavily driven by that need for praise, my writing schedule was not. I was writing so much because I was enjoying myself. I was having more fun writing than I had in years. I still am, but I do have to keep reminding myself some of the points I made above otherwise I find myself falling into a rut.

THIS WAS PROBABLY WAY MORE THAN YOU BARGAINED FOR AND I AM SO SORRY 🫠

BUT I HOPE IT MADE SENSE AND THAT IT WASN'T JUST COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS 😭😭🙃

[novel-nook-blog]

Writerly Question Tag 🦋

Thank you so much for tagging @leahnardo-da-veggie 💗

About You

When did you start writing?

It's funny, that I remember the actual answer 😂. I was in the fourth grade in elementary school, so I was around 9 years old. The reason why I remember this is, that my mom's friend was visiting with her son and he wanted to be a writer. Until then it didn't even cross my mind that there is a job like that. But that day when he left, I took a notebook and started my writing career, I even came up with a pseudonym but I remember only the first name "Dominika". It's kind of sad, that I lost the notebook somewhere, I'd love to see what came up in my mind back then.

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

Yeah, I love reading fantasy, contemporary and romance so the mixture of all that can be found in my "books".

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

I haven't been compared to anyone, probably because not many people read the things I've written so far. But I love Sarah J Maas and her writing, she can ALWAYS get me out of a reading slump (and in one too :((( ), so I'd definitely love to be compared to her, though I don't want to emulate her in any sense.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)?

I love to write on any couch/armchair in the house, in my bed and I've even written in university between classes, but that decreased when I made more friends. So I usually write at home.

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Definitely music. It's a BIG part of my life, I play instruments, sometimes sing (for myself though), and always listen to it. The best combination is my almost 2-hour train/bus ride to university when I'm listening to music and looking out of the window, that's when my creativity comes to life.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

No, I don't think so. I usually write about fictional places that I made up. For example, the house Lysandra and Damian live in, I haven't been in a similar one, but I know exactly where everything is. Or the palace in my other book, never been in one that looks like that – inside or out. I also live in a village, so maybe I tend to write about remote places, but I think that's the only influenced thing in my writing.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Yeahhhh... the main theme in my writing is usually an enemies-to-lovers relationship in different variations. Sometimes it's just rivals-to-lovers sometimes it's I-hate-my-brothers-bff, ... I guess I need a little loathing to write about a relationship.

Your Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

From my current WIP I think my favourite is Damian (don't tell Lysandra, haha). I just feel like he went through a lot growing up and he deserves true happiness... but I'm that mean author so Dam, you'll have to wait for a bit longer and I promise, there's a chance for a happy end, but there's also a chance for something so faaaar from a happy end for you... I'm sorry. And from my past WIPs I think I really love Maxine Kate, she was my first main character in a bigger project (project Zodiac). She's fierce, like a literal fire that she can control (on most occasions). I'm so looking forward to coming back to her story when I finish project A. N.

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

This may be funny but... I don't know? 😂 I don't think the guys would want to be my friends... (Not Matthew – project Zodiac, not Nicholas – project Ice, not Damian – project A.N.) and I'm not sure about the girls either. I think the only one who would befriend me would be a side character from project A.N. – Aerilyn, and maybe I would somehow talk to Lysandra from the same project or Maxine from the project Zodiac. But Ezgi (the name is in process – inspo from a Turkish soap opera) from Project Ice would be too scary to approach 😂.

Which characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

I think me and Lysandra would get into each others hair? The same goes for Maxine I guess. We're all stubborn as hell and very temperamental. And we all love to fight about nonsense. I've never got into a girl fight before but if we three met, it wouldn't end well. But I don't dislike them. The only character I hate the most is Bryce. A side character (a potential villain) in the project Ice. I HATE HIM. But the person who hates him, even more, is @themoondkid.

Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters?

That depends, sometimes they appear out of thin air, and sometimes I know them. I think the biggest problem I had with coming up with characters was for Damian and Lysandra. I somewhat knew what they looked like but the names? Loooong process and I'm still unsatisfied (not Damian tho, love his name and it really suits him).

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

They usually have a very deep problem that slowly destroys them. For Matthew, it's the "weight of the crown and high expectations." For Nicholas, it's the "being the black sheep of the family that everyone hates" For Damian, it's the "My father loathes me" For Maxine, it's the "I'm the daughter of the devil and demon controls me and my powers and I don't even know about it because I've got blackouts" For Ezgi, it's the "I hate my powers, I want to be normal again" And for Lysandra, it's the "nightmares that are far too real."

How do you picture your characters?

I see them. They usually are a bit hazy with no sharp edges but I see them as I write.

Your Writing

What’s your reason for writing?

I created a very strong relationship towards writing. I write a diary from a very young age, I write poems when I need to cope with my emotions, and I write stories when I want to escape reality. I love it so much, I can't even picture my life without writing. I think without it I wouldn't be able to handle my emotions and thoughts as well as I do now.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

I love when my friends just ask me about my book without me mentioning it. When they want a simple update on my writing. I feel so seen and appriciated.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work?

I want to inspire them, to show them there is nothing you can't reach if you put your mind to it. I want to show them that every problem can be solved, and even if they suffer, a happy end is just around the corner, you just need to push through and hold on for a bit longer.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I feel like I overwrite descriptive parts and use a lot of metaphors. So hopefully that's my strength.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

I need to let more people read my stuff for me to be able to answer this question.

How do you feel about your own writing?

If I go through my previous writing, there are parts I love so so much and parts I hate and know they need a rewrite. With my current writing I hate every word. I feel like it was written by a robot. So many unnecessary difficult words I use and I can't stop.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Yeah, at least I wouldn't feel so alone. My characters would keep me company.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy?

Ha! I do the exact opposite. When I write and I get to a very sad part, I always think I would hate the author for the thing I just wrote. Then an evil laugh escapes my lips and we're good to go. I put my mind at ease that my friends promised to unalive me for every sad part I've written. But there are parts I enjoy and I know my readers will enjoy them too.

Tagging @creative-author and open tag!!

[volturialice]

Hello! I don't know how often you get these, but I really, really, really miss your fics. Seriously, your stories are so unique and wonderful and they have this gothic-romantic-sexy-tragic atmosphere that's just 😩😩 Anyway, do you think you're going to post again any time soon?

hello! yeah, I do semi-regularly get asks like this, and have published none of them. my past policy has always been "don't answer them until I have some good news," ie something written and ready to post, which is why they've gone unanswered for a while now (my apologies to anyone who's sent one in! I'm not ignoring you out of malice so much as having trouble confronting my own...trouble, I guess.)

because I can't sugarcoat, I've been in a real writing slump for the last year and change! I don't really know why, or how to fix it, so I'm kinda. trying to make peace with it. lately I've been limping along writing bits and pieces of WIPs and things, but nothing I feel is in a state of completion or readiness (and I hold myself to a pretty high standard there to begin with.) I'm trying to at least stay in a writing-y mindset by reading lots of books (both fiction and craft), taking long rambles through the hills, working on other creative hobbies, continuing to write meta and the very occasional journal entry, etc. but the truth is I feel like a drained battery most of the time. it is what it is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

when it comes to my fics (and thank you for the compliment, omg that is the HIGHEST praise and has definitely made my week), in particular my two big WIPs, the most I can promise is that I'm never not thinking about them. I may not have posted updates in a long time, but really I've been tweaking outlines, taking notes, writing down little inspirations I bump into so I can revisit them when my ability returns from war. I even did the Fanauthor Workshop again, which was great for inspiration, craft-honing, and just easing back toward a general writing mindset. so I have hope that I'll pick them back up again! I just can't say when. it's been hard to talk about because I hate having nothing to say except "yep, I haven't written a goddamn thing, it sucks," but like, maybe it's one of those paradoxical situations where my creative output won't be restored until I learn to let it go, or something. who knows.

anyway I'm sorry I rambled about my creative slump for the length of a high school paper but this has all been on my mind a lot lately, so your timing was great! thank you for giving me the space to self-analyze a bit.

[wildegeist-old]

Sincere personal new year's post oh boy.

2022 was a weird year for me but it was a year of recovery, between getting back to therapy (which I needed badly) and finally settling down at a good site for my job that pays and treats me very well (I am a security guard so different sites have different responsibilities/pay/etc.). I even re-established my love of art after intense burnout from 2021 and used 2022 to improve at art and writing- and I feel like I made good progress. I finally enjoy making things again and I'm finally proud of things I make.

I'm usually not one to set goals for a new year but I guess I'll try something new now that I really feel like I can do things. It's stuff I've been gearing up to do anyway.

So my goals for 2023 are:

- Dive back into comics. I'm ready again. I like drawing again. I want to make them again. And I know how to avoid getting burned out like last time. I'm in a much better headspace and I can do it.

- Launch Noctambulant (little project I've been quietly working on in the background :) )

- Write way, way more. And write just for the sake of it, no matter whether it's bits of my character stories or worldbuilding or whatever. It doesn't have to directly relate to a project I have going, it just needs to convey what I want it to. (The writing will probably be readable on my side blog when I'm ready to launch it.)

- [Some personal goals I don't want to share publicly because it's my life]

- Really, REALLY add some meat to Metacosmium on WorldAnvil/get proper articles on my worldbuilding done. I know my worldbuilding is strange and some people are interested in understanding how that universe works, so I want to properly get it's info out there. Most of my information I have written about it is too disorganized for the public currently but I wanna change that.

- Release a Crypt Patrol album and a Freneti6m album. At least one of each. Hopefully. My music drive has been in a slump lately but I think I can get out of it.

- Connect better with people. I have issues forming connections, but I want to make more friends and be even closer to the ones I have. Reconnect with some who I maybe haven't been able to hang out with as much. I want to be better at talking to people and keeping up with them, even if I'm scared of approaching even people I've known for like, years sometimes.

2020 was a limbo year, 2021 was a HORRIBLE year, 2022 was my recovery year, and I want to make 2023 my renaissance year, at least creatively.

[theflyingfeeling]

Everything above still applies, but here's another update:

I don't know if those of you who sent me fic prompts for Valentine's Day even remember them anymore, since it's been a while already, or if you've given up on me already lol, but I have this constant feeling of needing to apologize not having finished them yet. At the same time, I don't want to have to do that, because after all, writing fics is just a hobby, and even if I did ask for prompts to be sent in, I can still opt out of it, no matter how sad it makes me feel.

The truth is that I've been in a bit of a slump in terms of writing for months (waaaaaaaaay before I asked for prompts to be sent in), and I thought that starting with cute fluffy standalones would've been a soft landing back to writing, since it had gone so well last year and I had had so much fun, and I really thought that I could pull it off this time too. But as it turned out, my personal life situation has been quite different this year on many aspects, and so I haven't been able to find a similar kind of creative flow that I did last spring. In fact, I also think that having written so many fics last year "drained me out" in a way, so that I'm bringing unreasonable pressure on myself to write even better stories each time, in fear of becoming repetitive and writing the same fic over and over again. I really did enjoy writing prompt fics last year, but it does give the writing process an additional twist, as it's not just yourself who you're writing for, and it's not just your own expectations that you try to meet. And I think that right now it's best for me to go back to writing for myself (but you may read them too ❤️)

Something I've learned this year so far is that instead of bottling things up and staying silent, it's better to address the issues that bother you and talk about them, or otherwise you won't be able to properly move on and will only tire yourself out. Right now I'm tired of feeling guilty about not having finished all the prompts (I have actaully started writing several of them), tired of being consumed by fear of failure whenever I open the WIPs or a blank page, tired of being reminded I'm disappointing people whenever I see the prompts in my askbox, tired of feeling like I'm not allowed to write other fics or create other fandom content while all these cute prompts remain untouched. But I don't want to tire myself out, because I really do want to get back into writing, since it's one of the few things I think I'm actually decent at.

So as much as it pains me to say this, and as terrified as it feels to admit it (because, in my silly little head, I fear people are going to think I only asked for prompts for attention with no intention to ever write them), I'm afraid I can't fulfill the requests in my inbox in near future. This is not to say I never will, but I also don't want to make any promises when I'm not at all sure I can keep them. This is a difficult decision, because I really did want to write a bunch of ridiculously fluffy and romantic fics they way I did last year, but I have to try and be nicer to myself, because I'm already mean enough to myself about so many things, and I need to forgive myself for not being able to do some things I want to do right this moment. I know I don't owe my readers any explanations, because this is still just a hobby I'm doing on my free time, but I thought it's fair to be open about this, to let you know I haven't forgotten about the prompts and that I'm not ignoring them. In addition, if any of my fellow content creators (writers, artists, etc.) are ever struggling with similar thoughts, I hope that you also can be merciful to yourselves and do what feels right to you in any given time 💗

I'm not sure what I'm going to write next; I'm just trying to refrain from "promising" myself that I'm going to "finish this and this by then and then". Maybe I'll give the Gran Hotel AU a proper try. Maybe I'll write spin offs or additional scenes to my existing fics. Maybe I'll take another look at a Valentine's Day prompt and know exactly where to go with it. Maybe I'll see a cute picture/gif of my favourite ship and get a sudden wave of inspiration. Maybe I'll just write headcanon ideas and AU bullet point lists. Who knows? I think for now it's just important that if I feel like writing, I will let myself do it with no guilt, and if I don't feel like writing, I won't, and I won't lash myself for it.

(having said all this, please don't feel like you can't still send asks regarding headcanons and AU ideas and all that, I actually love doing those so much! writing is fun alright, but fabricating and discussing story ideas is often something I enjoy even more than actual writing 😅)

(and because I'm a professional overthinker: please please please anyone who sent me prompts this year, I beg of you PLEASE don't feel like you shouldn't have or that YOU are at fault in me having all these feelings, no no no, it's just classic case of me being too hard on myself and being my own bully, I was so happy to be given the requests and I'm so sad I can't do them right now, I hope one day I will 🖤)

Just a little update on the Valentine's Day fics! 💘

This is slightly embarrassing because this time I did actually ask for the prompts for like a month in advance lol, but unfortunately things and stuff have happened since then and my stubborn-ass brain has not been cooperative recently, so finishing them is taking a little longer than expected. All the prompts I've gotten are super cute and I'm happy to work on them, but I'm a slow writer and take my sweet time in crafting the stories so that I'll eventually be satisfied enough to release them into the world for all of you to read ✨

I also refuse to force myself into writing them out of pressure (from myself!!), so if my brain gets too tangled because of X (might or might not be related to writing, depends on the day lol), I simply won't get a single word on paper, in which case it's better to just let myself rest and wait for the words to come out of my head by themselves, not by forcing them. However, I want to make it clear that there's absolutely no pressure from any of the requesters, and I mean absolutely none, so I don't want anyone feeling bad for sending in a prompt because hey, I asked for them, didn't I? 😄 Any pressure I feel comes from myself and no one else, because I'm not going to half-arse any story I write, be it requested or my own idea, but as I said, the way I work on my stories can sometimes be time-consuming. It takes quite a bit of patience, which I have little, but I can only hope all of you lovely people who have sent me prompts are willing to wait to read yours even a little after February 14, and I thank you in advance for you patience 💖

(and to define 'pressure' it's not 'ugh I got to write this story' but rather 'oof how do I make justice to the requester's interesting idea? 🤔')

In short, it's clear I'm not going to finish them all by next Tuesday, but that's okay, because I'm doing what I can the best I can, and that's perfectly enough 😌 If I don't finish the story I'm currently working on today, there's always tomorrow! 🌼

[isanyonetoknow]

helloooo. here is an ask as u requested 😳 read anything interesting lately? i am becoming very fond of the storygraph recommendation system—i didn’t like it much at first, but it’s growing on me haha. and have u been writing recently? if so, what abt & anything you’d like to share?

the main things i've been reading recently are nonfiction, manga, and the history of middle earth series. the first two nonfiction books i've read were misses, but the one i'm reading now, merchants of doubt, is really cool so far. it's from 2010, but it's about how these scientists covered up the truth about tobacco and global warming (as well as other areas related to that, like the effects of secondhand smoking). i finish mob psycho 100 yesterday and enjoyed it a lot. before that i finished nausicaa of valley of the wind (and i've realized i was writing the title wrong the entire time smh), which i also think is a good story, but the most impactful volumes for me for the last two. i'm going to start the reigen volume soon, but that'll probably be it for manga for a while. and the history of middle earth series i'm read because i'm a nerd and like tolkien, and it's really interesting to see the ways the stories have evolved and the ideas that were scrapped (some i agree with scrapping but other times i'm just like, jirt why??).

so, uh, in general for reading something interesting lately that i'd actually recommend... mob psycho 100 and merchants of doubt, so far.

i haven't used the recommendations system all that much yet (mainly because i have 734 books on my tbr and i know there's more that aren't on my thestorygraph tbr :pensive:) so i'm very hesitant to use it yet. what's your favorite part of it? :eyes:

honestly i've been in a bit of a slump recently with like, creating things in general. it's the usual mood that i don't like anything i'm creating, i think i suck, etc. etc. which is really annoying, but i'm trying to get myself past it. for art, i've mainly been trying to go back to the basics and i've fallen off on writing everyday, but i'm going to try and make it very lowkey again (writing something and i'm probably going to do it for a side project that i'm drafting out, cause both are very low stakes). for side projects, there are kind of four main ones, all of which have very creative and super accurate titles: "time travel mult trans" which is about multiple time travelers who don't know any of the others exist (they also left time and went back in time at different points so it's confusing. i had to make a timeline); "coming back from the dead" which is about a necromancer bringing a kid back from the dead and the ugly fallout; "local man" which is that bit of flash fiction i did where local man was possessed by a ghost who he's since adopted. not looking forward to the newspaper format but needs must; "the ship of theseus" which is a study into a transmigrator, because i find the concept of transmigration really fascinating.

thank you for the ask and hbu? anything interesting you've read/written?

[aminiatureworld]

Hey! It's me, cookie anon ! I think its been a while since I've dropped by and honestly? It's because i was burnt out by school (and I lost the energy to write)

I feel bad about it because I have ideas - things I do want to write but thinking about writing makes me anxious (which I know is a bit of a contradiction but thats exactly what I'm feeling ;-;)

And I guess I feel too guilty about being inactive on my writingblog since my mental health has been dragging through the mud and I rlly have been thinking about deleting and starting anew (fresh start kind of vibes) but i'm still deciding

anywho, how have you been? I've honestly missed chatting with you ! (even tho its sending asks hehe) I hope life hasn't been too harsh ? I've been looking forward to another chapter of sea of fragments (and it's okay if you haven't written for it, I'm willing to wait!)

this has been a ramble but i hope to hear from you soon ^^ Have a nice day.

- 🍪

Hellooo cookie anon!

It’s been so long, I’ve missed talking to you! Though since I’ve also been AFK for a few weeks, it’s nothing to be worried about.

I’m sorry that you feel so burnt out by school and by your mental health! Though I can understand the feeling, I’ve been struggling with that a bit too. I understand that it can develop into this awful cycle where you’re tired so you don’t want to write so you get upset about it which makes you even more tired and makes you not want to write even more. 

I’d say don’t feel guilty, everyone needs breaks and to focus on their mental health. And also I think there are two things to consider when thinking about writing when you don’t want to, especially when it involves mental health. First is that you probably will not like what you write in those times as much as when you’re usually writing. Sometimes I’ll write something when I’m in a slump or distracted or anxious and I go back and hate every word. But though that can be really disheartening also consider the fact that just writing, just the reflexive act of writing no matter what the quality, is something beautiful, and it’s always a step forward towards something. 

I think if you want a fresh start would be good! Though if you’re going to delete your blog I would highly recommend making sure you have all your works saved on your computer in a safe place. I can barely read what I wrote six years ago but the idea of losing those works of writing is really painful to me. So just keep that in mind!

Whatever you decided whether it’s to take a break or try to write or restart or continue as long as you feel that you don’t regret it then that is what matters. There is no shame in not writing. It’s a time when we take rest and rejuvenate our creative abilities. Burn out is such a hard thing, and it’s better to take a lot of short breaks than burn out and be unable to write for a longer time, especially if we love it so much it gives us anxiety to not write. 

And I’m alright! I’m dealing with some stuff with college and the like and it’s not fun, but I continue to trek on! I saw the Dune movie recently and loved it so I’m rereading the book and getting through something really quickly made me feel confident in my reading abilities again which was really nice. 

And haha I’m glad to hear! I know it’s been forever since I’ve update all I can say is the newest update when it comes is going to be long, since I have so much that has to happen in this next chapter that breaking apart would break the flow of the story. I considered doing a really short fluff chapter but I figured better to wait and have a better story than update at random and make the story lose itself. 

Don’t worry about rambling! I also just wrote who knows how many words. I always love talking to people, and I hope that I in any way made you feel a bit better. Hope you’re having a wonderful week! Thank you for your ask