#I've been doing corporate graphic design for about three years now and it worked out well

[zooophagous]

So why do you hate the advertising industry?

Hokay so.

Let me preface this with some personal history. It's not relevant to the sins of the advertising industry perse but it illustrates how I started to grow to hate it.

I wanted to be a veterinarian growing up, but to be a vet you basically have to be good enough to get into medical school. I do not have the math chops or discipline to make it in medical school. I went into art instead, and in a desperate attempt to find some commercial viability that didn't involve moving to California, I went into graphic design.

I've been a graphic designer for about seven or eight years now and I've worn a lot of hats. One of them was working in a print shop. Now, the print shop had a lot of corporate customers who had various ad campaigns. One of them was Gate City Bank, which had a bigass stack of postcards ordered every couple months to mail to their customers.

Now, paper comes from Dakota Paper, and they make their paper the usual way. Somewhere far, far from our treeless plain there is a forest of tall trees. These trees are cut down and put on big fossil fuel burning trucks and hauled to a paper mill that turns them into pulp while spewing the most fowl odors imaginable over the neighboring town and loads the pulp up with bleach to give it a nice white color.

Then the paper is put on yet another big truck and hauled off to the local paper depot, then put on another big truck and delivered to my print shop, where I turned the paper into postcards telling people to go even deeper into debt to buy a boat because it's almost summer. The inks used are a type of nasty heat sensitive plastic that is melted to the surface of the paper with heat. Then the postcards are put on yet ANOTHER truck and sent to the bank, which puts them on ANOTHER truck and finally into the hands of their customers, who open their mail and take one look at the post card and immediately discard it.

Heaps and heaps and literal hundreds of pounds of literal garbage created at the whim of the marketing team several times a year. And thats just one bank in one city.

I came to realize very quickly that graphic design was the delicate art of turning trees into junk mail.

And wouldn't you know it there are a TON of companies that basically only do junk mail. Many of them operate under the guise of a "charity," sending you pictures of suffering children or animals and begging for handouts and when they get those handouts the executives take a nice fat cut, give some small token amount to whatever cause they pay lip service to, and then put the rest of the cash right back into making more mailers. "Direct mail marketing" they call it.

Oh but maybe it's not so bad, you can advertise online after all. Now that there's decent ad blocker out there and better anti-virus ads usually don't destroy your computer anymore just by existing.

Except now when I search for the exact business I want on Google it's buried under three or four different "promoted search items" tricking me into clicking on them only to shoot themselves in the foot because I searched for the specific result I wanted for a reason and couldn't use those other websites even if I felt like it.

And now we have advertising on YouTube and on every streaming service, forcing more and more eyes onto the ad for the brand new Buick Envision that parks itself because you're too stupid to do it on your own.

Oh thats ok maybe I'll get Spotify premium and go ad free and listen to some podcasts- SIKE we have the hosts of your show doing the song and dance now. Are you depressed and paranoid from listening to my true crime podcast about murdered and mutilated teenagers? That's ok, my sponsor Better Help can keep you sane enough to stay alive and spend more money.

It's gotten so terrible that now you have content farms, huge hubs of shell companies that crank out video after video to get more and more precious clicks. Which if the videos were innocuous maybe that wouldn't be so awful except now you have cooking hacks that can actually burn your house down and craft hacks that can electrocute you being flung into your eyes at the speed of mach fuck so some slimy internet clickbait jockey doesn't need to get a real job.

It of course goes without saying that animals are also relentlessly exploited by clickbait companies that will put them in compromising situations on purpose to create a fake fishing hack video or even just straight up killing them for sport by feeding small animals to a pufferfish that rips them apart for the camera.

And all of this, ALL of this doesn't even touch how adveritising is the death of art in general. Queer topics, any kind of interesting art, any kind of sex or substance use topics are scrubbed clean and hidden at the behest of advertisers.

Sex education, a nude statue, topics such as racism or sexism or bigotry in general have tags purged or hidden from search, even life saving information about SDTs or drug use, because if someone saw that and complained then Verizon might sell fewer tablets and we can't fucking have that.

Conservative talking heads often bitch and moan that they're being censored on social media. The stupid part is, they're right! They are being censored! But it's not by a woke mob, it's by ATT and Coca Cola not wanting their adspace sharing screen time with their stupid fucking opinions.

However, they won't ever figure that out, because the talking heads they get their marching orders from like Tucker and Jones ALSO rely on the sweet milk flowing from the sponsorship teat and they aren't about to turn on their meal ticket so they have to come up with even stupider shit to say for the train to continue rolling.

I managed to rant this far without even getting into the ads I see for the beauty industry. The other day a botox ad described wrinkles as "moderate to severe crows feet" as if wrinkles are a symptom of a fucking serious disease! Like having a flaw in your skin is a medical problem that you need thousands of dollars of literal botulism toxin to fix! I was incandescent with anger.

Advertising is a polluting, censoring, anti educational and anti art industry at it's very core. It destroys human connections, suppresses human thought and makes us hate our own bodies. It ads no value, actively detracts from value, and serves no real purpose and I believe it should be almost if not entirely banned.

[itsdannycragg]

Hi Tumblr!

I logged da fuck off at some point and will continue to be very much so not on social media! Believe me when I tell you life is better on the other side.

I do want to pop in with a life update for the curious!

I'm out here in Durham, NC, and three years after moving here with Shelby and Brian, I can confidently say there isn't a place in the world I'd rather put my roots down.

I never knew what actual community looked or felt like until I came here. I'd made friends in town everywhere I'd lived, of course, and we would go out to eat or on a vacation, visit a gallery or something, but in Durham it's just different. Looking out the window during a car ride, chatting with a stranger in a grocery store, checking out a thrift shop or going to the library, I find myself declaring "I love living here..." the same compulsive way I tell my partners I love them. Durham isn't just a place I live, it's where I belong.

I've been calling myself an ex-cartoonist, and preaching the nightmare of trying to make art for infinite-profit focused megacorps. It's not that I didn't love making cartoons, it's that I did. It may not be that way for everyone, but for me, working a job I loved meant I was working every second of my life. Being an artist is a core part of my heart and soul, and near the end, I had become so burnt out I would spend hours just trying to start doing the work I used to fly out of bed excited to do.

So I did some of this and that, worked a retail job that fucked my hands up so bad that I had to have double carpal tunnel release surgery. 29 years as an artist and I get carpal tunnel from hefting around boxes in a warehouse!

Since then, I've pivoted into building a career as a graphic designer. (And I'm learning web dev too!) I'm getting involved in the local nonprofit scene, meeting so many incredible people and finding so many cool and exciting opportunities to focus my design work on community awareness, nonprofits, small businesses!! I didn't expect that to be so viable for a Graphic Designer. I had the misconception for a long time that I'd have to put my creative sensibilities aside for more dry, sensible corporate phooey. But there's so much more. Graphic design is truly a delight and a challenge! I have always enjoyed thinking critically about all forms of human creation. Why am I so drawn to this book cover? What makes that building so weird? Why do these casserole mix boxes piss me off? Why does that person's outfit look so fucking awesome?

Taking those thoughts and using them to inform how I approach design is an entirely different beast from animating and illustrating. I'm fighting for my life out there formatting text, morphing vectors and and scooting things around a comp until it works. A picture's worth a thousand words, but you don't have space for a thousand words in a graphic design. Condense! Condense! It's challenging, and a lot of fun.

Working as a cartoonist was my dream come true, and I am forever proud of and thankful for the part I have played in the history of animation and queer representation in entertainment. I had the privilege of having the life crisis I had at 21— "I never thought I'd get this far. What more could I want? What do I do now?"

Well, a decade later I confidently know what comes after having my dreams come true. I get older, and I experience new things, meet new people, struggle paying bills, endure all kinds of misfortunes and problems, and come out the other side astounded and proud to have survived it. Grow closer to my family friends and community as the years deepen our history together, and just be amazed and thankful that I made it this far, over and over.

It's funny being called old by my younger friends, because I have never felt so young in my life! I JUST cracked 30. There are so many things I haven't done yet, and so many things I don't know that I don't know yet. And I have the power to take ALL of this and to create art about it. Hopy shit!

Speaking of making art and sharing it, one of the reasons I'm excited to be learning web dev is so I can carve out places online where I can share anything and everything I want to. Media Crit, comics, essays, comics, illos, however I want to present it. I'll share it when I get the site running. Or maybe I wont and you'll have to find it by chance.

And of course, I'm still actively writing Neokosmos with Shelby and Brian, and doing other little things here and there. :) See ya when I see ya, Danny

[hannaaahty]

Sobrang mainstream kung magpopost ako ng ganto on the night of the 31st, so ngayon ko na gagawin. Besides, ayokong ipublicize lahat ng struggles ko sa FB, Twitter and IG...dahil ayokong magmukhang fragelita. char.ahaha. Himala na lang kung matunton to ng pamilya ko, close friends, or other people close to me. Hahaha.

Trigger warning.

This time last year, I was so close to ending my life because of too many things. Pero sa lahat ng yon, ang pakikipag tunggalian sa sarili kong thoughts ang battle na pinaka nahirapan akong harapin. Para sa akin, making decisions should not be a conscious effort, dahil natotorture ko ang sarili ko tuwing naiisip kong kelangan ko mag decide. I am very indecisive and impulsive. I rely on random energy spikes everyday. Pero hindi ko alam na ang ugali kong ganun ang magdadala sa akin sa despair.

Alam kong maling binabalikan ang nakaraan dahil masakit lang.. Pero I always try to look back kasi those struggles made me who I am now. My birthday last year was a horrible day. Halos wala akong kinausap, maski boyfriend ko nun. I was forced by my family to get out of the room..but I just can’t. I felt like a total piece of shit. Hahahaha. A few weeks after, I was molested and raped. Alam ko na sa sarili kong depressed ako at may anxiety, pero that night was the first night that I felt my whole being giving up. I deactivated my FB, said goodbye to my closest friends and told my boyfriend that “I’m just gonna go to sleep.” I was ready. Honestly ready... until after a few minutes, I saw a beam of light out of nowhere. Hindi ko alam kung totoo ang miracles o kung totoo ang Diyos dahil para sa akin, everything is just a social construct. Pero after seeing that light, bumalik ang diwa ko,  I cried so much and put my airplane mode off out of nowhere. At ang unang nag appear sa notifs ko was Niko (a close friend). He simply told me, “Bumalik ka ng elbi. Magusap tayo.” And  that was it. I apologized to myself and I kept crying and crying lang. When my heart was finally ready to go back to elbi, Niko was just there. And I cried to him. Inipon ko lahat ng guts para makwento sa kanya lahat ng nangyari. After talking to him, hinatid niya ako sa dorm ko at pagkauwi ko, nagset siya ng rules kung paano ako makakarecover. #1 was, wag ako mag airplane mode. Hahahahaha. Tangina nun. Then, we promised to let go of our toxic attitudes at magbabago kami sa 2018. Niko was there until kinaya ko nang makarecover mag isa. He’s the friend everyone wishes for. He’s an angel.

And then 2018 came. I met Kassi. Seatmates kami sa  SFI 100 at groupmates sa lab. We instantly got close when one day, I told her I can’t go to our fieldwork because inaatake ako ng anxiety. Out of nowhere, she appeared in my dorm and talked to me about it. We talked and talked until hindi na namin napapansing umiiyak kami. Hahahaha. After that, we cooked food and slept and talked again until matapos yung araw. That was the start of our friendship. Just like Niko, Kassi was just there. She held me until I was ready to get back up again.

On the early months of 2018, nagkaproblema kami ng boyfriend ko. On-off kami. One day, okay. The next day, parang hindi kami magjowa. That went on and on until one day, nagising na lang ako sa katotohanang tama na. Di na dapat pinipilit ang wala na kahit last year pa dapat kami naghiwalay. Wala nang may  willing mag effort sa amin. Wala na ring willing mangausap. We weren’t strong enough...the both of us. Although I tried working it out, pero one day, he cheated on me. He slept with a person who likes him, while flirting with another girl. Pinilit kong intindihin pero wala na talaga eh. Haha. We ended in good terms because hindi ko idedeny na isa siya sa mga dahilan kung bakit andito pa rin ako today. He has such a good heart and I hope one day, he finally finds the answers he’s been looking for since he lost his parents.

Kasabay ng breakup namin ni Lawrence, nanalo ako sa student council...again. Masaya, syempre. Because bagong mukha ang mga nakikita ko. At hindi ko inaasahang magiging ganun ang takbo ng eleksyon. From #1 last year, I became #3. Pero it was fine. Natuto akong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa habang nagtuturo sa iba. For the first time, I felt the burden sa  eleksyon. Hahaha. I had to train my slatemates while training myself at the same time. Isama mo pa yung acads, yung problema sa jowa, yung anxiety at yung lagi akong nagkakasakit physically. I was almost diagnosed with pneumonia that semester. I met people who broke my heart. I met people who healed it. The early part of 2018 was such a roller coaster ride. Pero I knew and I was certain that this year.... I am going to change. And I was right.

August. I resigned in my position sa student council. Napakabigat na desisyon, pero I had to do it for the greater good. I realized na maybe this sem should be a sem full of pahinga. Full of recovery. Dahil alam ko sa sarili kong kapag tinuloy tuloy ko pa, baka mawala na naman ako sa sarili ko. Baka maulit yung nakaraang taon. Dito ko naramdamang I should be mature enough to recognize my mistakes and be able to get back up without Kassi, Lawrence, or Niko.I went back to zero. Literally zero. I was lost, but this time, I knew where to start. I started with the question “What would Hannah do?” and bam. The only answer that I got was “She listens to her heart.” and there. I looked back to the things that I loved doing...na ang tagal ko nang hindi ginagawa dahil sa depression ko. I was ready to embrace them again. Siguro kaya malungkot ang mundo dahil tinatalikuran natin ang mga bagay na mahal natin para sa conformity. And that moment, I bent that rule. Because I wanted my heart to be completely happy. I got rid of my daily college routine. I went back to digital design, drawing, typography, photography and performing arts. I shared my passion to the world. I taught kids how to do public speaking, I created my portfolio, and I became open to freelance work.

On the same month, I met Spiro. No words. Just pure love. Our relationship for three months gave me strength and courage to be mature not only for the both of us, but for my life as a whole. He’s the best work of art I have ever seen and I don’t think anyone can ever measure the love and happiness I felt the moment I first knew that someone like him exists. Love. Just love. Always.

My birthday was simple lang this year. Tahimik. Pero masaya. I was with Spiro in the morning, I ate my favorite Spaghetti with Papa and Ate in the afternoon, and did some paperworks lang in the night. It was simple, but it was very meaningful.

After a few weeks, I decided to stop my freelance work and settle for a corporate job. I applied in several famous brands as Graphic Designer, and I was called for several interviews, but did not pursue them because 1) lagi kaming late nagigising ni Spiro (hahaha) and 2) one of my mantras is: if the universe gave you a sign, that’s it. Pursue it. And after how many days of indecisiveness, an online bag brand contacted me for an interview in BGC. I remember I was too lazy to go, since wala kaming tulog ni Spiro (haha) pero naging sign siguro yung pinipilit ako ng Papa ko sumama sa kanya sa Makati, so I decided to give it a try. And a few days after, I was called for a final interview. I still remember the feeling. Yung ang saya saya na bigla akong nagka breakdown sa CR. Nakakahiya. Hahahahahaha. Kasi alam mo yon. I was so close to death last year, at kung ginawa ko yon, hindi ko mamimeet si Spiro. Hindi ko makukuha ang trabahong to. Hindi ako matututong magpatawad, magsurrender at mag let go. Hindi ko marerealize na ang sarap pala mabuhay kahit systemic ang probolema ng mundo (charararat). At higit sa lahat, hindi ko matututunang sumubok ulit. Grabe ka, Hannah Ty. Dami mong pinagdaanan. Charz.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa rin alam ginagawa ko. Hahahaha. Ngayong December, fucked up person pa rin ako at hindi ko itatanggi yan. Hahahahaha. May masakit pa rin somewhere deep inside me. Andyan pa rin ang fears ko. Nandyan pa rin yung confusion minsan. Andyan pa rin yung uncertainty sa future ko. Marami pang kailangang harapin, pero ang layo na ng narating natin, self. The simple fact na you were able to get out of your room on the day na you were supposed to kill yourself, that’s a big step for you na. Look where it brought you. To recovery. To Spiro’s arms. To Fetch Bella.

If there’s one thing that I could tell everybody, that is sometimes, we have to listen to what our heart speaks when all else fails to do so. Maski sa simpleng desisyon na “I don’t feel like doing it pa.” Then don’t. Do not torture yourself too much. If your heart wants to rest, rest. Pero don’t let it stay that way. Get up when you’re ready. Decide when you’re all good. Reach out when you’re finally ready to speak. Sometimes, we don’t have to decide impulsively. Sometimes, it’s okay to not know yourself yet. You will be fine. You will be okay. That’s for sure.

Now these are the memories I had for this year. Believe me, I tried my best to save the pictures and not cry. Hahahahahaha. At so far, wala pa namang luhang tumutulo. Lol.

To everyone na nasa photos, mahal ko kayo. Sobra. You have my admiration, always.Thanks for letting me be part of your 2018, and please remember that you made my year so memorable. I am always grateful for all of you.

Self, this is it. You’re getting older na... and getting more emotional. Hahahahaha. Buhay single ka na naman puta ka. Char. Hahahaha. I love you! Always and always and always and forever! You are so loved! Here’s to more kakulitan with you!