#I've been away from tumblr so long that I've forgotten what tags i'd use
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mmmph you can tell if negative feelings are persistent if the song you always jam out to is not helping with them
I was distracted by Several Happenings in the process of making this post but i'm still saying screw it and posting it
#a call from the void#posts made by me#unfortunate echoes#is that still my tag for this sort of thing?#I suppose it's probably a good thing that I haven't used the tag for so long that I've forgotten what it needs to be#anyway though!! i've been stuck in a bit of a bad way for the past ages but I figured if I didn't say anything it might go away#except it hasn't. so now not saying anything feels like i'm holding myself back! so I will stop doing that#TLDR nothing is engaging anymore and writing (either ask answers or full-on pieces) has become impossible#I feel like i'm hiding and I do not know whether going back to uni is going to help with any of this either or just make it worse#I also feel like i can't come across as seriously/sensibly as i'd like to#it's!! not a nice feeling!! there is nothing outright wrong and yet I feel like I have a mute button and it's been pressed#no ability to create!! no ability to contribute to conversation!! no ability to answer questions!!#if I can sort of do it on discord (and can talk on discord) then why can't I do it on tumblr!!#I don't know how to describe any of this most accurately and I feel like a petulant young child for attempting to#and this is all a terrible note to end the night on but i've gone past the point of caring!!!!!!
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The Lab Assistant
Hey! Before I start I'd like to introduce myself. You can call me winky, or wink, or luna. Also, I'd like to say in no way shape or form am I a writer. I dabbled in it when I was younger, it's been well over 5/6 years since I've written anything, though. So that being said, I wrote this years ago on a Tumblr account that I had that is now deactivated, because I personally wasn't happy with my work.
sigh
Always the critic. Anyways, I found this in an OLD ASS Google doc, and decided to read it again. Um, why I thought it was bad is beyond me. I was like 18-19 when I wrote this, and thought it was terrible. It's not the best, but for someone who was literally only just starting to write, I'm not sure it's that bad. Also, I'd like to say that my interests have steered away from Rick & Morty since having written this, so I don't really see myself writing for this fandom again. If you like it, please let me know! Also before I start, here are some warnings and tags.
MDNI. WC:1.8k RickSanchez x LabAssistant!Reader/AFAB!Reader/Age Gap/Use of Y/N/Masturbation/(Maybe slight degradation? If not let me know.)/Oral (Giving&Recieving)/Pet Names(Use of Daddy, baby girl ect-nothing too extreme)/(if I've forgotten anything, let me know!) Also it's been so long that I've been in this fandom or have read any fanfiction with Rick involved. If it's fell out of touch to write him with burping and or his usual stutters, I'm so sorry. That's probably the only thing that made me cringe while re-reading this.
It was a day like any other, as I helped Rick with whatever he needed. "Screwdriver." He said with a gruff voice. Before I walked over to the box that held his tools, I peered over his shoulder to see what exactly it was that he was working on. Mildly interested, I grabbed him the screwdriver and handed it to him. "Final touches..." He announced finally after an entire day of working on whatever it was that he was working on. "Finished!" He shouted. I was excited to see what it was, finally. "So, what is it?" I ask curiously. He smirks at me, giving me wild eyes that I'm easily intimidated by. "It's a de-device that can-burp- read your mind." I step back cautiously. Usually, I'd be the first to offer myself up as a guinea pig-bearing in mind that there's no way he can delve into my mind and discover the parts of me that I wouldn't want him to see. I always sense he knows that I have feelings for him, but he never brings it up because I'm a third his age. Even if that's the case, I can't take the chance. "No, I don't want you in my mind." He laughs. "Why not? Have some d-deep dark secret that you don't want people to know about?" I narrow my eyes at him, giving him a look that says back off. "Maybe I do. But seriously, I don't want to test this one." He sighs an upset sigh. "Alright. Maybe I can bribe-burp- Morty into doing it later. It's been a long day, let's go to-to bed." I give him a sad smile before I apologize and waltz out of the garage door and into the kitchen. "Goodnight, Y/N." I looked at the clock above the sink and realized it's only 8:30. "You're really going to bed? Why don't you hang out with me a little? We can watch Ball Fondlers together." I smile at him with questioning eyes, not wanting him to go to bed yet. I'd spent the whole day with him and I still want to be near him. He gave me a dirty look before lugging himself up the stairs. Maybe I made him mad when I told him I didn't want to test the mind reader. I frowned before grabbing something to eat and heading upstairs. I grabbed my TV remote once settled in my cozy bed and turned on Netflix. I kept the volume on low, not wanting to disturb Rick and make him even more upset towards me. 2 episodes in I started to hear mumbling. Wait, no, was it moaning? Someone must bewatching a movie, or something. I try not to think about it as I pay attention to my show.After a while, it starts to get louder and my thoughts interrupt my concentration. "I can't deal with this." I hop off my bed and walk out into the hallway, following the sound. But as I get closer, I realize the moaning isn't coming from a TV. I look over to Rick's bedroom door and see it cracked a bit. I tiptoe over to it and slightly peek through. Immediately my face flushes red at the sight. Rick, on his bed with his pants and his boxers to his knees, hand furiously tugging at his member. I had to cover my mouth to not moan at the view in front of me. He's a moaning mess. I slowly start to feel myself get wet with every passing second. This is wrong, so wrong. I shouldn't be invading his privacy like this. But I just can't tear my eyes away. "Fuuucck, Y/N..." My eyes got wide and how could I possibly get wetter than I was already? I could feel the wet patch forming in my jeans. My free hand went down to touch my clothed core. I had to bite my hand to keep myself from making any noise, this was too good to be true, I didn't want to lose it. My confidence boosted as I heard my name being called once again. I grabbed the door handle and thought about it one more time before finally making my decision. I swung the door open as I said: "You do realize I'm less than half your age, old man." He jumped and looked startled before he smirked at me; not the reaction I was expecting. "How long have you b-been listening?" I hopped up on the bed and crawled over to him. "Long enough to know that you're lusting after me, your lab assistant-how taboo." He chuckled darkly before saying:
"Not my fault you have killer tits, babe." I looked down to my chest and then back up to him before smiling. "Really? You think I have nice tits?" "Don't flatter yourself. I know you have a -burp- huge crush on me." I sat back on my heels with a frown on my lips before I said: "Well, from the look of it, it seems that you've one on me too." I gestured to his throbbing cock, still on display. "Like I said, killer tits." A thought popped into my head before I grabbed the hem of my spaghetti strap tank top and pulled it over my head, not wearing a bra. I heard his breath hitch in his throat. I raised my eyebrow in a challenge. "Fuck it." He breathed before grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me closer into a kiss. Not a gentle one, but an all consuming, hungry one. I kissed back with fervor. He pulled his hand up to my tit and ran the pad of his thumb over my nipple. I reached down between his legs to grab his aching cock and pumped him. He grunted and bit my bottom lip. I stole a glance into his wild, lust blown pupils. He pulled away from the kiss to shove my head downwards. "Suck it." I let out an angry breath through my nostrils. "You can boss me around in the garage, but not in the bedroom." "Hah! You act li-like I'm paying you-you for hard work." I grabbed the base of his cock and squeezed slighty while he hissed in slight pain. "Don't dare treat me like a 2 cent whore, ask nicely and you'll get what you want." He let out an annoyed sigh before saying "Please dear, would you su-suck my dick." Although I'd like it to be less sarcastic and more sincere, I want to get this show on the road. So I take his tip into my mouth and give it kitten licks to tease and get my revenge.
He twines his hand through my hair and pushes my head all the way down. After pausing slightly to gain control of myself, I started to bob my head up and down. His hips started to move on their own. The only thing I could do was relax my jaw in order to not hurt him while he face fucked me. Soon enough he was twitching in my mouth and I could tell that he was close, so I stopped. "What the fuck are you doing?!" "I don't want you to cum yet. Like you said, I have a crush on you too, where's my fun?" "You little bitch." He said before grabbing me and flipping me onto my back. "You like tea-teasing me? Huh?" I giggled before saying, "Yes, I do." He growled before ripping down my jeans and panties all in one go. "You're my assistant. I'm above you. Where's your respect?" All I could do is laugh. "You don't intimidate me, Rick. Now are you gonna keep babbling or are you gonna shove your face where it belongs?" Taking jabs at each other was a normal thing for us, but in a scenario like this? It only made me love him more. He gave me a look that could kill before he finally lowered his head. He started at my knees, giving me soft open mouthed kisses and traveled slowly up to my inner thighs. I was starting to get impatient. I sat up on my elbows and said: "Just get on with it." He shot me a smile. "Oh no, babe. I'm gonna-gonna make you beg." I laid back down with a huff. He laughed softly. I could feel his breath on me now. Finally, he took a long stripe up the center of me. I put my hand over my mouth, hoping he wouldn't see, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. He then started to suckle on my sensitive nub and I whimpered somewhat loudly into my hand. He looked up, angry. "None of that, baby. I want to-to hear you." When I didn't listen to him, he stopped. I whined at the loss of contact. "What? You wa-want me to keep going? Like I said, beg -burp- for it, honey." I looked in his eyes a long while before finally saying, "Please." "Nuh-uh. You gotta beg." He grazed his hand over my clit before quickly taking it away, and that was enough to make me want more. I grabbed his neck, pulled him closer to me, and whispered into his ear, "Please, Daddy." "Fuuuck. God, I can't wait-wait any longer." He rubbed his cock against my entrance a few times before finally pushing himself in. My arm flew over my face before I could moan out loud.
He growled once he saw and grabbed both my wrists and pinned them above my head. Once he was all the way in, he leaned down to my ear. "Is Daddy big enough for ya, baby doll?" I was lost. I couldn't hold back any longer. "Yes, fuck Daddy. You're so big." He laughed before pulling back out and ramming himself back into me. He took his hands to the backs of my thighs, lifting them and pressing them up, my knees close to my chest. "F-Fuck!" I moaned loudly into his shoulder. He started at a slow pace, over time growing impatient and speeding up. I swear I could feel the tip kissing my cervix, he was so deep. Before long I could feel the enticing feeling in my stomach start to pool, my walls around him beginning to clench. "You close, sweet-sweetheart?" All I could do is nod furiously, as words were beyond my comprehension. "Good, cum with Daddy. C'mon baby-baby girl. That's it." That was all I needed to be pushed over the edge. I felt him cumming along with me as I looked up at him to see his face contorted with pleasure, filling me up with his load. Panting, I grabbed his face and pulled it down to me, giving him a loving kiss. After a while of heavy breathing, he rolled away from me. I sat onto my side to look at him. When we caught eye contact he rolled his eyes. "C-C'mere." I smiled wide before nuzzling my face into his chest. He was playing with my hair before I looked up at him and said, "So, Ball Fondlers?"
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have you ever wondered what the sound of a broken heart is like?
Word count: 1,8K
Note: I've been keeping this fic locked in my basement for idk how long at this point. This supposed to be the backstory of one of my ocs for a personal writing project I'm currently working on. But, later on, I read it and was like "Hey, this isn't so bad! I think we can post it somewhere" so I decided to post it here on my dusty tumblr. Please be nice bcs this is the first fic I ever posted here, and do tell me just in case there are any tw that I missed and/or should be added to the tags. Also, English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance in case there are any mistakes. I hope you will enjoy this story as much as I do and everyone has a great day/night ahead. Love, Lan ❤️
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ps: Since I briefly mention the term Handlers and Entities from my personal writing project, I'd explain it shortly here:
Handler - a human with supernatural power under an organization specialized in dealing with malevolent Entities.
Entities - the umbrella term I used to call supernatural being.
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The life of an immortal is a life of boredom. At least, that’s what I thought after witnessing countless sunsets and sunrises my whole life as a shrine guardian.
I have served the gods and helped humans with their seemingly endless problems. I gained a few tails for bringing honor to the gods by helping humans and lost some for playing tricks on them.
Good times.
But, people come and go. Time has changed and the gods are long forgotten, while I’m trapped in time and remain the same.
These days it feels easier to live as a fox. Food has never been a problem and having an entire shrine to myself isn't as bad as I once imagined. Things get quiet, though, when the youngsters decide that it is not a good time for a ghost-hunting night. They're all pretty amusing.
Old people visit the shrine occasionally, trying their best to preserve a tradition that is beyond saving. Some bring their grandchildren, but that’s most likely to be their first and last time visiting.
I did remember one kid. A little girl who seemed interested in everything around the shrine. There was a time when her grandmother took her to the shrine every weekend for a few years. Then one day they left and never came back. Shortly after, I heard that the grandmother passed away and the girl returned to the city with her parents.
We immortals were accustomed to losing something or someone permanently. So, I never thought I would ever see you walk into my shrine's gate again.
But, you did.
You looked different. How long has it been since your last visit? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t dare to scare you away. Not when the gods gave me a chance to see you once again.
The curiosity in your eyes was still the same as before. But I can see more than just curiosity in there. I just don't know what it is.
Despair? Hope?
Your eyes lit up when our eyes met and you smiled at me. I had no idea that I was going to miss your smile so much.
“Good morning, Mr. Fox.” You said, reaching for something from your pocket. “Would you like some treats?”
Some cat food.
“Sorry, I only have that with me right now.”
What are you apologizing for? I thought, munching the food happily as if I hadn’t finished a whole pigeon for breakfast a few hours ago.
“I hope you don’t mind if I take a look inside.” You told me before you bowed toward the gate and walked through it.
There’s nothing left in this shrine besides the hall of worship and some stuff that hasn’t been stolen yet. You can’t even do the cleansing ritual because the water has dried out. But, you make sure to do whatever you can to be respectful. Your grandmother would be so proud of you.
The last time I saw someone pray in my shrine, they asked for so many things all at once. I wonder if the gods even remembered all of it. There were also those people who came just to ask for one thing but felt the need to repeat it many times for the prayer to be answered.
You, on the other hand, wish for nothing. You might look like you did on the outside, but you just stood there to pay your respect to the gods and nothing else.
When you turned around, I expected another goodbye and centuries of guilt for not even trying to talk to you. Instead, you waved at me and told me you’ll be back tomorrow with better food.
I don't usually expect much, but at that time I really hoped it wasn't just meaningless pleasantries.
But, you kept your promise and came back with food and some tools.
“I asked the neighborhood association if I could fix this place and they told me to do whatever I want. So I did.” You were crouching in front of me with a big grin. “I hope you didn’t mind that too.”
This place needs a little renovation anyway. I thought as I finished the food you brought for me.
From that day, you started to come almost every day. Sometimes you brought a friend, but most of the time you came by yourself.
For the first time in a very long time, I was waiting for the sun to rise so I could see you and listen to your stories.
Only to lose you again as a result of my carelessness.
The painful memory is engraved in my head. The day I left to find you a parting gift and returned late.
If you ever wondered what a broken heart sounds like, mine rang in my ears. Like two small bells held together by a thread. Clattered to the ground as it slipped from my mouth when I saw you laying on the ground, under the sacred tree where I used to wait for you to come.
There were cuts and bruises all over your body. Your clothes were torn in several places and stained with blood.
I have lived as a fox for so long I thought I had forgotten how to return to my human form. But, I remembered sprinting across the narrow path to you with fear creeping up my spine like a static shock when I pulled you into my arms.
I didn’t know how I turned back my hind legs to a pair of human legs and how my claws turned back to a pair of hands. All I know is your cold and limp body with your heartbeat so faint I could barely feel it.
“Mr. Fox?” You whispered hopefully.
I nodded. “I was late, please forgive me.”
Your pale lips curved into a teasing grin, looking as beautiful as ever even when your soul slowly left your body. “I always knew you weren’t just an ordinary fox.”
Anger tightened my chest as I caressed your cheek where I could see the color of life fade away from you in slow motion. Who dared to do such a heinous thing to you in my shrine?
“I’ll save you, please stay with me.” My voice was hoarse and shaky. I haven’t heard my voice for ages, but I’m glad I can finally use it to talk to you.
“No need, Mr. Fox.” Your brown eyes glowed under the sunlight as you tried to preserve every detail of my face in your memory. “It wouldn’t work the way you wanted.”
It was painful to look into your eyes. How come they were so full of life even on the verge of death?
“It’s a shame that I can only see the real you at times like this.” You slowly reached towards me, touching my face with the tips of your cold fingers as hot tears streamed down my cheeks.
“I shouldn’t have left you alone,” I sobbed, holding your hand close to my cheek. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” You replied with another faint smile. “My departure won’t be permanent. You should have known that better than me.”
“But, how long should I wait?” My voice cracked as I cried, the thought of living my old life without you makes my heart ache. “What if … what if you don’t—”
I cursed myself for not being born a human. I cursed the gods who brought us together just to take you away from me and forced me to live a very long life just to lose everything I ever had.
“I’ll be back,” you assured me. “And you’ll wait for me, won’t you?”
Your pretty smile faded away from your face as the last drop of your soul left me alone in my shrine with your lifeless body.
“I will,” I replied, kissing your knuckles. Wondering if you were still around to hear me.
I embraced you for the last time and buried you under the same tree. I spent days mourning for you, pouring out all my grief until there was only anger left.
Once the rage took over me, I searched the whole village to avenge your death. But, killing the culprit didn’t ease the pain like I thought it would.
So, I made the entire shrine your grave and put curses on anyone who dared to enter. I lashed my anger at the trespasser just to feel something that I hoped could fill the space you left in my heart.
I created quite a riot since you left me.
Until a young boy came to the shrine one day. He was an 18-year-old boy from the city. Even though he looked like a mere human, I knew better that he wasn’t.
A Handler always smells different from humans.
“You have caused a lot of trouble to the neighbors, don’t you know?” He asked politely, far more mature than any other grown-ups I ever encountered.
“They deserved it,” I told him. “And you would too if you don’t leave this place immediately.”
The boy ignored my threats and turned to look at your grave. A shiver ran down my spine as he took a step closer to you.
“Don’t you dare come near her!” I warned him. A Handler would be hard to kill, but I won’t let him mess with you too.
The boy stopped before he reached your grave and kneeled in front of it. He lowered his head and mumbled a prayer that I hadn't heard in a long time.
A prayer that wishes you a safe journey.
“I’ve met a lot of Entities like you, Mr. Fox.” He said afterward, still on his knees. “But, you can’t just wait here and hurt people until her return. Don’t you want to tell her your stories too?”
His words linger in my ears for a moment. I wonder how the thought of your return can instantly soothe my anger.
“The world is cruel, I admitted it.” The boy added as he stood up. “I know for sure I would probably be long gone myself once my parents returned from their departure, but you? You will be around once she comes back, won’t you?”
A gentle breeze caresses my cheek. For a moment, I think I can feel your presence around me.
“Come with me to the city.” The boy said. “So that you won't run out of stories to tell when she finally returns.”
And that’s the story of how a young boy saved me from my grief. I still have a lot of stories to tell you. How I met my friends and my newfound family. The city indeed has a lot of stories.
I can’t wait to sit by your side again once you return. Until then, I will pray for you to have a safe journey too.
-AN END TO A NEW BEGINNING
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#atinyspeckofdust#writeblr#original writing#WIP#fiction#urban fantasy#angst#reincarnation#nameless ocs#tw blood#tw death
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I posted 1,360 times in 2022
That's 1,031 more posts than 2021!
132 posts created (10%)
1,228 posts reblogged (90%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@ourflagmeanslgbtqia
@queerpiracy
@forpiratereasons
@creepy-paper
@knowlesian
I tagged 1,298 of my posts in 2022
Only 5% of my posts had no tags
#our flag means death - 519 posts
#wwdits - 277 posts
#fan art - 145 posts
#taika waititi - 65 posts
#text post meme - 47 posts
#frenchie - 41 posts
#😂 - 37 posts
#fandom crafting - 26 posts
#david jenkins - 20 posts
#harvey guillén - 20 posts
Longest Tag: 119 characters
#however as an apparently official old i must say i’m identifying with the teachers and parents more than anyone else 😬
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
"Hey, I meant to ask before -- has the dolly got a name?"
Wee John looked down at the rag doll nestled snuggly between his forearm and belly. "Nah, haven't had 'em long. Found it in a trunk and just..." He blushed a little and looked away. "It's silly."
Frenchie looked at him with open curiosity. "Nah, mate -- what? It's adorable. Just thought if it was gonna be roommates with us, I should know its proper name. Just been callin' it 'Dolly' in my head, but that seems disrespectful if it's not her name. His name? Their?" He looked a bit like he was trying to do sums in his head.
Wee John furrowed his brow and mumbled, "Hadn't really thought about it. Never had a doll before."
"What, never? Not even when you were a wee lad?"
He scoffed. "Never was 'a wee lad'. Always been big and always had to act grown. I can't remember anyone ever treating me like a lad, not really."
It was Frenchie's turn to scowl. "You said you made dresses with your mum -- you never made the scraps into toys or nothin'? I had a rag doll my mum made from a walnut and a scrap of linen." A small smile lit his face at the memory.
"Oh, there was no time for any foolishness like that. Work, work, work, it was. Ten mouths to feed, and me the man of the house."
Frenchie's look of sympathy was confusing. Isn't that how it is for everyone who grows up to be a fuckin' pirate? Besides His Nibs, of course. "I get it, man. Still a shame though. Every kid deserves something of their own, just for fun."
Wee John thought he might cry, but he pushed it aside. "I suppose... I suppose I'd call her Sinéad, after my nan?"
Frenchie reached out to gently take the doll's hand and bowed ever so slightly. "Very pleased to make your acquaintance, Sinéad. Welcome to the room. But so's you know, the bed is for sleepin' and the nook --" he pointed to the corner "-- is only for sittin'."
Wee John held Sinéad's arm and shook Frenchie's hand for her. "Much obliged," he said in a voice higher than his own.
"Well, now that's settled," Frenchie grinned, "where exactly are we gettin' these mints?"
88 notes - Posted April 28, 2022
#4
Tonight my kid (13??? for those keeping track at home) asked me what “slash fic” means. She was so, so, SO offended when I told her. Offended that there’s a special word for it.
We had an extremely interesting discussion about why you would need a word just for that, and what the fic and fandom landscape looked like before she was born.
Then I told her about the word “femslash” and she got EVEN MORE OFFENDED.
I think we landed on “well now if you say ‘fanfic’ people *assume* it’s gay, so CHECKMATE STRAIGHTS”
163 notes - Posted May 21, 2022
#3
me, anytime I've forgotten to do something or not been able to concentrate over the last week:
188 notes - Posted March 26, 2022
#2
Lighthouse Painting, my beloved.
(embroidery on random cotton fabric. it's about the size of a business card. i'm gonna stitch it to my bag, where it will get very beat up, so let's all just remember it as it is in this moment, shall we?)
207 notes - Posted April 22, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
See the full post
4,248 notes - Posted April 8, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#how bout them pirates huh#only 20 posts of harvey content? i feel like all i do anymore is thirst after harvey
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Hello Darkness ~ Chapter 2.2
Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2.1, Chapter 2.2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4 (coming soon)
A/N: Since my Tumblr is apparently back to normal and tags seem to be working I'd decided I'd post this as a celebration. And since this is the continuation of the last chapter I've posted, there's no smut in it, but if you're here for the smut I can guarantee the next chapter will be it for you.
If I've forgotten to tag anyone feel free to yell at me.
Summary: You were happy with Wanda until you found Vision on her bed. You loved her, though, you would have forgiven her eventually, but Natasha couldn't let you throw away your chance at true happiness like that. So she took matters into her own hands.
Warnings: Cheating, Kidnapping, Gaslighting, non-con sex, non-con drug use, non-con alcohol consumption, Stockholm syndrome, soft!dark!GP!Natasha, futanari (in case you don't know what GP means), forced pregnancy, breeding kink, praising kink, little bit of mommy kink... I think that's it, lmk if I need to add more. MINORS DNI. You have been warned.
Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader, Wanda Maximoff x Reader
Word Count: 2600+
Chapter 2, part 2
You let out a shaky sigh, trying to keep yourself composed. You still felt your limbs weak from her manhandling, you still felt sore between the legs, you still felt the ghost of her touch everywhere on your body.
Your stomach grumbled then, making you aware of how hungry you actually were. You licked your lips, the idea of lunch was very appealing now. There were a lot of dishes there besides your favorite food. You wondered if she was really the one who cooked up everything. Natasha had always been terrible at cooking.
You heard Nat's familiar light footsteps, the ones where she made any noise at all with the sole purpose to alert you of her upcoming arrival (otherwise you knew they were completely silent). Your fists clenched as you held the towel close to your body, you didn't know how to feel around her anymore. At the same time that she was acting as if you were the most precious thing in the world, she was still the same person who forced herself upon you a couple hours ago; you felt vulnerable being around her wearing nothing but a towel, but at the same time you felt stupid for thinking this since she hasn't even looked your way in a sexual manner since the... incident. She wouldn’t do it again, right? Not after fucking you just an hour before. She did it as punishment, you told yourself, she wouldn’t do it again unless you provoked her.
She walked into the kitchen and placed your favorite pj's onto the table. “Are those good, Detka?” She asked with a small smile on her face.
You nodded, grabbed the clothes from the table, and left the kitchen to change. When you went back, Natasha had already set all the food on the table.
"You must be really hungry, my angel, I'm sorry for taking so long to make these," she said as if she hadn't kept you hungry, almost starving, for what you assumed were days on end. "Come and have a seat."
Your feet moved without your consent, moving your whole body towards the table as if you were not in charge of yourself. You hated it, too; you hated all the things she did to your body, you hated the way it complied.
The only other chair besides the one Natasha was sitting on was directly beside her, so close you couldn't help but think you would be pressed against her during the whole meal.
She looked at you with that adorable shy smile, as if she hadn't violated you "Take a seat, Detka." She said, and against your better judgment you did, you were so hungry you would have done anything she asked you to at that point.
You sat down beside her and she kept looking at you. "I hope you like it, you know I'm not the best at cooking, but I've been trying to improve to do stuff like this for you," she said and your heart melted a little.
You nodded, a whisper of "Thank you, Natty" left your mouth, so low it was almost indistinguishable, but she heard it anyway and a beautiful genuine smile lit up her whole face.
As you two were eating you felt her eyes on you, not wavering for a moment. She watched you eat as if you were the most interesting thing in the world, and you instantly felt judged under her stare, even though you knew she was not judging you in the slightest, so you slowed down your eating speed, realizing that if you ate too fast you’d probably get a stomach ache anyway.
"I know it's not as good as Wanda's, but I hope you can learn to like it." she said in a more serious tone.
You stilled for a second, you didn’t want to participate in this conversation, you didn't want to think about Wanda, about what happened, so for now you simply nodded, taking the fork and damn near shoveling the food into your mouth once again.
This time, instead of simply watching you, Natasha slowly touched your hand, halting your movements when you reached for more. "Y/N, baby, calm down, if you eat so fast you'll get indigestion."
You blinked a few times, wanting to yell at her for doing this to you. If she had simply raped you, you could take it, you told yourself you could learn to hate her, but having her be so sweet and caring towards you after what she did... You felt a headache forming once again, but you didn't want to let her know, what if she decided the best way to cure it was to distract you with her cock? Shit, you knew you were becoming paranoid already, but you couldn't really trust her, could you? She betrayed you after all, and not just that, the woman who assured you of her love over and over again cheated on you, so who on this earth would be loyal to you? Oh, great, now besides paranoia you were also developing trust issues.
"Y/N/N, are you ok?" you heard Natasha ask. You only then noticed your hands were shaking. She reached out and steadied it, taking the fork and the knife from your grasp.
"Here," she said, "let me help you."
She pulled your plate closer to her and started cutting pieces of food for you in a graceful proficiency that only comes with years of training and skill honing. You tried not to think about how easily she could kill you with that simple kitchen knife. She would never do that, right? While your thought started spiraling down a rabbit hole, Natasha brought the fork closer to your lips. You looked at it and then at her; while her eyes were still warm, there was a seriousness to them that you didn't dare defy, your survival instincts wouldn't let you defy her right now, they wouldn't let you get on the bad side of one Natasha Romanoff.
You opened your mouth then, allowing her to feed you.
You felt your stomach tighten, not at the food, but at the situation; you wanted to swallow it all and get it over with as quickly as possible, but Natasha's eyes burned a hole in your head as she stared at you and muttered, "Chew slowly and savor it like a good girl."
So you began to chew it just as she ordered, because you knew that was an order. It wasn't the most delicious meal you've had, not by a far cry, but it was good, way better than the last time you ate something Nat had cooked.
"Did you like it?" she asks, to which you simply nod.
Natasha continued to cut the food and feed you as if you couldn't do it yourself. Sometimes she would forgo her own cutlery and use your fork and knife to feed herself. It was nothing new between the two of you, many times before you have drunk from her water bottle, took a bite from her fork when she extended it to you, offered her a spoonful of your ice cream, heck, once you even shared the same goddamn chewing gum... Ok, to be fair you offered it to her as a joke, you didn't think she would actually take it, your tongue had been out, mockingly offering her the last gum, you honestly thought she would gag at that, but she just took a couple steps forward and took your tongue into her mouth to steal the gum.
Yeah, looking back now you should have seen that her intentions were far from friendly and innocent, but you were so entranced by Wanda at that time that you didn't even think of Nat in a romantic way, especially with her being so out of your league, still with everything that happened you couldn't wrap your head around the fact that the Natasha Romanoff was interested in you (not interested, obsessed was more like it).
After a while the food was gone, you had to admit that even though it wasn't the best meal, Natasha's cooking did a great job at quenching your howling hunger, you felt like you've never been that full in your whole life.
Nat then cleared the table, picking up the dirty dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. Your heart began beating faster with fear, you didn't know what was going to happen next, you didn't know what she would do to you. When Natasha turned to the fridge, opened and took out your favorite dessert you felt your chest tighten once again.
You blinked away the tears that were threatening to form in your eyes, looking between her and the dessert. You opened your mouth, but no words came out. By the looks of it, she had prepared it herself.
Natasha proceeded to feed you just like she had before, the sweet taste invading your mouth deliciously. You felt your eyes burn even more with the unshed tears.
"...Do you like it?" she asked with that adorable shy smile of hers.
"I-… You remembered-... Were you the one to make this? Why did you do it when-... Wasn't it hard for you?" You stammered over your words, struggling not just to find an answer, but to also understand her reasoning.
Natasha shrugged, looking at anywhere but you. "Well, I thought it would make you happy." She then paused, her eyes finally meeting yours "I told you I would do everything in my power to make you happy again."
You closed your eyes for a second, you swore you could feel a lump in your throat. You then looked at her, trying to convey how this didn't make up for what she did to you, for what she was still doing, but also trying to show that gentle Natasha was better than whatever version of her had her way with you earlier. "Thank you."
It didn't take long for sleep to cloud your mind, after your first yawn Natasha looked at you and you thought for a moment she would order you to go to be with her, but then she tilted her head slightly, took your hand in hers and brushed it with her thumb. "Would you like to sleep with me? Or would you rather stay in your room?"
You looked at her for a second, not sure if it was a trick. Her eyes seemed sincere enough, though, so you hesitantly nodded. "I'd like to sleep alone, please."
She didn't show any signs of being displeased with your choice, she just smiled a little and nodded, pulling you by your hand to take you to the room that would be yours for the night. Just for a couple of nights, you told yourself, until you would find a way to flee.
Natasha showed you to the room, told you your clothes were in the closet in case you wanted to change, kissed your cheek with a whisper of goodnight, and left. You weren't expecting that at all, but you were thankful she wasn't as forceful as she had been earlier.
It was later, much later in the night when you got up, you just couldn't lay in that bad anymore, it was so much more uncomfortable than you were anticipating. You got up and hesitated by the door, you didn't know if it was locked, didn't know if Natasha would be ok with you leaving the room without her permission, but... Maybe, if she was asleep, you could find a way out of this place.
You took a deep breath and opened the door, it was unlocked. You started padding lightly over to the living room, where you had seen the door that would lead to your freedom. Upon reaching the main living area you stopped. Natasha was in the kitchen, most likely cooking something for you. She heard your steps, because of course she did. She then turned to you with furrowed brows. "Y/N? What are you doing? Shouldn't you be asleep by now?"
You hesitated, her tone was much more serious than it had been earlier and she may have caught on that you were trying to escape, but that didn't mean you couldn't turn things around. "Yes, Natty," you said and shifted from one foot to another, as if you were embarrassed. "It's just that... I couldn't sleep, the bed is way less comfortable than it looks."
Natasha padded over to take a closer look at you. Against the arguably low kitchen light, you could just barely make out a frown on her face. It made your heart ache with memories from the many conversations you had with her in your dimly lit room in the Avengers tower, where she would just show up in the middle of the night for impromptu sleepovers. "I know. I nicknamed it 'Widow's Trap.'"
And what she said was so silly and out of the blue that you burst out laughing, for a moment Natasha wasn't your captor, she was just your best friend again. "Very funny," you said with your tone full of irony and mirth, your eyes sparkling with the remnants of your laughter. "You could have at least warned me."
Natasha had a smile of her own now, she shook her head a little before sighing. "I'm probably going to regret this, but come on." She started to walk away, clearly expecting you to follow. You hesitated once again, Nat just looked over her shoulder and called "hurry up before I change my mind."
You didn't know if you wanted her to change her mind or not, you didn't know what she was going to do, you couldn't trust her, you wanted to stay rooted at the spot you were in right at that moment, but fearing her reaction you decided to follow her.
Her room was spacious, beautiful, if you were honest the whole house was already at a Stark level of luxury, even if it was made out of wood, but her room was just... Fit for a queen. You stared at her bed, and despite the fact that it looked extremely comfortable, you really didn't want to sleep with her, not after what she did to you.
"My spine's really going to regret this," Natasha muttered under her breath before she took a step back and turned around to leave the room. You acted automatically, not even thinking when you took her wrist in your hand.
"What are-... Where are you going?" You asked, a frown on your face.
Natasha smiled that somewhat shy smile of hers. "You told me you wanted to sleep alone, I'm not gonna make you sleep with me just because the bed made you uncomfortable. I'll sleep in yours, you can sleep in mine."
You felt your chest tighten yet again, and once more she felt like your best friend, not your captor. Maybe the worst thing of all of this is that the person you wanted to confide in about all of this madness was the one doing this to you. Of course, you would always tell Wanda what was on your mind, but Natasha was the one you always confided in, and now you couldn't do it because she was the reason you were in this mess after all.
You just nodded then, too numb to form a coherent sentence. Nat kissed your cheek once more and left the room. You wanted to cry so much, but you felt like all the crying you did earlier dried you up. You then realized that you were in Nat's room, that if there was any place with a hidden weapon it would be here. You spent the time scouring the room for anything you could use to escape, but you came up empty-handed. Feeling frustrated and in an utter array of emotions, you burrowed yourself under Natasha's blankets and listened to the soft song of the wind outside, soon finding comfort in a dreamless sleep.
The emptiness of a dreamless slumber was better than being there, anyway.
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