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nerdallwritey · 2 months ago

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Worth the Peril

Summary: In another life, Astarion would have made a decent barbarian. Despite Karlach’s cheerful demeanor, for the most part, barbarians were known to be violent, brutal, and cruel. All things that Astarion could easily tap into if the situation called for it. And right now, he was entering a rage. OR Upon arriving in the Underdark, you go down in a battle, leaving Astarion to pick up the pieces.

Pairing: Astarion x f!reader Rating: 18+ (no smut) Word count: 15.1k CW: reader gets hurt - violence, severe injury, blood, descriptions of wound, depictions of pain, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, protective Astarion, blind with rage Astarion, soft Astarion, reader is an idiot (and a bard), so is Astarion (not a bard, just an idiot), everyone else sees what Astarion can't Spoilers: Minor spoilers for Act 1 (in-game dialogue, plot points, etc.) Also posted to: AO3 FAIR WARNING: This is PART 5 in my series, "Beauty and the Bard." Find the masterlist here.

a/n: SHE'S HERE!! I am SO excited to be finally be posting the newest chapter of Beauty and the Bard! Thank you so much for your patience as I was sorting this one out. I've always been a huge fan of the hurt/comfort trope and the "Person A gets hurt and Person B loses it" trope, so this is my take on both of those tropes in one! Did I fudge the numbers of the Duergar fight in the Underdark from Act One? Yes. Did I fudge the numbers in terms of injury severity and what's actually possible through magical healing? Also yes! But in a world where a skeleton will bring you back from the dead for $200, OR, simply sleeping a full eight hours will heal you completely, I think I was able to make it make sense. Hopefully. Apologies to anyone working in the medical field who knows I'm a sham. But this is a series about smooching a vampire, so we gotta suspend our disbelief somewhere! There's no smut in this chapter, and for that, I apologize, but it'll make sense why it doesn't. If it helps, my beta says that this is her favorite chapter to date! Woo! Please enjoy. (Thank you to my beta @kermitwazowski for reading! - Also! She just got married! And a tiktok from it went viral! We love her, she's the best.) As a reminder, last time, you and Astarion had a little romp in the river while watching the sunrise.

Taglist: Moved to the comment section, since tumblr hates sharing fun with friends - please let me know if you'd like to be added to the list!

Barring a few dirty looks from Shadowheart and Lae’zel, your return to camp with Astarion - both of you now vaguely damp - was largely ignored in favor of packing up camp in preparation for venturing into the Underdark. So long as you were both there to help with the pack up efforts, it didn’t really matter where the two of you had spent your morning.

Astarion squeezed your hand fondly before sauntering over to his tent to loiter and drag his feet until the camp was mostly all packed away. You knew his game; look busy without actually lifting a finger until it was absolutely necessary. You rolled your eyes before bending to gather and organize the loot in your tent. He was so annoying.

Gods, you hated him.

And you loved him.

Why, of all people, did you have to fall in love with the emotionally stunted, incredibly dramatic, freak weirdo vampire? Wyll was perfectly nice! Shadowheart had a good head on her shoulders! And yet…

Your eyes flicked over to his tent momentarily.

He wasn’t even trying. He was fully looking at his nails. He looked up briefly and met your eye. He smirked before moving his hand to wave at you delicately with his fingertips.

“Pack,” you called to him from across camp.

“What?” He cupped a hand to his ear as if he couldn’t hear you from the relatively short distance away. “You’ll have to speak up, darling! Or, better yet-”

He left his tent and made his way over to yours.

“Oooh, no,” you scolded and pointed towards his tent. “Get back over there and pack, you jackass.”

“Ouch, love,” Astarion squatted beside you. He looked around your tent at the trinkets you’d accumulated and picked one up, rotating it in his hands. A tiny statue of a mermaid, her face sculpted in midsong. “Heavy little bugger,” he said, testing its weight in his hands.

“It’s made of iron, I think,” you said.

“And you’re going to make us lug it into the Underdark? Rather selfish of you, don’t you think?”

You snatched the figure out of his hands. “Can I help you with something, Astarion?”

He spread out his legs and leaned back against a chest you kept close-by. “Not particularly.” He rested his arms behind his head, very clearly trying to flex his arms to keep your attention on him.

You laughed and pushed him, making him fall sideways. “Stop trying to distract me and go pack your own stuff up. I will not help you when you’re inevitably scrambling later.”

“Yes, you will,” he said, using your shoulder to help himself stand up. He squeezed it once before heading back in the direction of his tent.

“No, I won’t!” you called after him, but he turned and cupped his hand to his ear again, pretending he couldn’t hear you. You groaned loudly and continued packing.

“Hate to say it, Soldier,” said Karlach, whose tent was set up between yours and Astarion��s, “but you probably will help him.”

You sighed heavily. “I know.”

~~~~~

It hadn’t been as bad as you thought.

You’d had the foresight to keep your belongings relatively close together, making use of the traveler’s chest you all shared. Once you’d gathered all your possessions and dismantled your tent, you placed everything you couldn’t carry on your person into the chest. Karlach had helped Halsin lift the trunk, full to the brim with everyone’s overflow, into an ox wagon that you all planned on taking with you to the ruined goblin camp and down into the Underdark below. Even Astarion had managed to gather most of his things before inevitably earning your help with a bat of his eyes.

It had taken maybe two hours total, but looking around the area that you had called home for the last few weeks, it was as if your party had never been there to begin with. It was a little sad to be leaving, but you were pleased with the progress you all had made and were ready to keep moving forward in order to get these damn worms out of your skulls.

The trek into the Underdark, meanwhile, was long and frustrating; Gale had to cast Feather Fall on half of your team, the ox cart, and Scratch and the Owlbear cub, while the other half of you used the deceptively long ladder down into the abandoned Selunite outpost below - much to Shadowheart’s dismay.

Much to Astarion’s dismay, you’d actually stumbled upon a colony of Miconids after bumbling through a battle with a pair of minotaurs and looking for a place to rest. It was there that you spoke with the head of their colony, Sovereign Spaw, about eliminating a clan of Duergar dwarves threatening their population.

Which was how you now found yourself smugly walking beside Astarion as Gale and Shadowheart led the way towards the supposed Duergar hideout. The rest of your party had (begrudgingly, in the case of Lae’zel) agreed to help Halsin set up camp close to the Miconids and their beautiful glowing mushrooms, and had stayed behind.

“You must wipe that stupid expression off your face, darling,” Astarion rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Otherwise you might get stuck like that.”

“I told you they were real.” You waggled your eyebrows in victory.

“And their music was far less irritating than yours,” he teased. “So I suppose that was nice.”

“Bastard,” you muttered. “I’d love to play something with them when we get back.”

“You would.”

“Ass hat.”

“Loud mouth.”

“Would you two shut it?” Gale turned and quietly shouted. “We’re swiftly approaching the Duergar clan, according to Sovereign Spaw’s directions.”

“I still think we should have rested for the evening,” Astarion complained. “A specimen such as myself requires copious amounts of beauty sleep.”

You withheld a yawn, willing the vampire not to see it. You were still tired from your lack of sleep this morning, and your romp in the river. Not to mention the hike to get down here, and the minotaurs you’d already faced. You were able to get a short rest in at the colony, but you were definitely feeling it, and you didn’t want to worry your teammates. Plus you knew Astarion would never let you hear the end of it, given his protests about it earlier today.

“Enough, Astarion,” Shadowheart groaned. “You heard Spaw; the Duergar are a looming threat to their colony. We couldn’t risk a possible ambush in the night. Especially with all the refugees seeking shelter there.”

Astarion sighed. “And, I suppose I must admit, I like the sovereign’s approach. A little genocidal, but effective.”

“Yes, great, you’ll get your fill of blood, now would you hush!” Gale halted, causing the rest of you to stop, too. “Something’s wrong.”

You surveyed your surroundings. Wooden structures stood decaying all around, from bridges, to long forgotten buildings, and nets once used for ladders. It had probably been home to a village of people at one time.

“Looks abandoned,” you supplied.

Off in the distance you could make out a lake through some fog. Boats rocked gently against a worn looking dock, illuminated by purple crystals that populated the area. That must be the lake that Spaw had described. But wait… were those-? Lit torches?

You were about to take a step forward to investigate further, but Astarion held out an arm to block you.

“I smell a trap,” he warned.

Suddenly an arrow shot past your ear and landed in a wooden post behind you.

“That’s quite a sense of smell you have,” Gale quipped, prepping a spell in his hands. “Think you could sniff out where that arrow came from?”

Your eyes frantically searched the area but couldn’t make anything out.

“Duck!” Shadowheart shouted, as a flaming arrow seemed to appear out of thin air and hurdle towards your party.

You hit the deck, lifting your head ever so slightly in the direction where the arrow came flying from. A figure appeared out of nowhere as you watched, taking a step to the side to hide behind a wall. That explained it.

“Our attackers are using an Invisibility spell,” you said quietly. “If we can get them to attack us, we can break the spell and see them clearly before they have the chance to cast it again.”

“Sounds fairly dangerous,” Gale muttered, holding a hand to his chin in thought.

“Do you have any better ideas?” Shadowheart whispered, pulling her shield and morning star off of her back.

“Not really,” Gale said after thinking for a moment.

Astarion, meanwhile, had already unsheathed his daggers. “Let’s spill some blood.” A wicked grin graced his features.

“Let’s think about this for a second,” you said, holding out an arm to block him from getting up and feeling him deflate. You peered around the large rock that you and your companions had ducked behind. Platforms were littered throughout the decrepit village, perfect for you all to spread out. Quietly, you removed your lute and your backpack.

“Now’s not really the time to serenade us with a sappy love song, dearest,” Astarion said, his eyes on your loose lute that he’d recently gifted you.

“Shut up, and take this,” you said, handing him a scroll of Misty Step that you pulled out of your bag. You handed one to Shadowheart as well. “Gale, how are you doing on magic?”

Gale flexed his hands, the purple of the Weave sparking at his fingertips. “Good enough to take out a few dwarves, I’d say. But I have my crossbow if necessary.”

You nodded and turned to Shadowheart. “You?”

She nodded back at you. “I should have enough for some healing if anyone needs it, but I’ll stick to cantrips if I can.”

You nodded again, thinking deeply. “Okay, our magic is running kind of low, so we have to be smart about this.”

Astarion cleared his throat. “Aren’t you going to ask me about my magic, darling?”

Shadowheart laughed humorlessly. “Oh, please. As if you won’t rely entirely on those knives of yours.”

He scoffed. “I’ll have you know, I’m also very skilled with a bow.”

You sighed. “I’m sorry we couldn’t rest more before we had to do this.”

“The life of a hero is not an easy one,” Gale pointed out. “One cannot always put their feet up by the hearth when lives are at stake.”

“Speak for yourself,” Astarion rolled his eyes.

“What’s the plan?” Shadowheart asked you. “We might want to hurry, given they know our location and we don’t know theirs.”

“I was thinking we all cast Misty Step,” you turned back around to look over the boulder and pointed to the various empty structures, “and land on those platforms.”

“Ah, the high ground! Very logical,” Gale nodded in approval.

“But do we want to be out in the open? They’ll shoot at us and we won’t have any cover.” Shadowheart raised a good point.

“I’ll cause a distraction,” you said, “no worries.”

Astarion clicked his tongue. “I hate the sound of that.”

“What do you mean?! I’m great at distractions!”

Rather than responding, Astarion hummed skeptically. Then he leaned forward to kiss you sweetly. “I’m going to go kill some dwarves now.” With that, he unfurled the scroll, recited “inveniam viam,” and you watched as he disappeared and reappeared on a platform hidden in darkness. You lost sight of him as he vanished into the shadows and turned back to face Gale and Shadowheart.

“Be smart with your magic, and be safe.” Both of them nodded wordlessly at you and prepared to cast Misty Step. You picked up your lute and stood up straight. “See you on the other side,” you winked and started descending down a hill towards your hidden enemies.

Strumming a quiet tune, you created a Minor Illusion around yourself to look like a traveling musician, rather than an armored spellcaster. You slung your lute back around onto your back.

“Sorry!” you called, holding your hands up above your head as if in surrender. You spotted an armored dwarf on a wooden walkway up ahead, currently visible, and walked towards him. “So sorry!”

“What?” The dwarf looked surprised by your unarmed approach. “Gehk! Got someone sneaking up on us!”

“No!” you assured. “My band mates and I,” you pointed your thumb over your shoulder towards the area where you’d been spotted with your companions, “we got a little turned around. See, we thought there might be a secluded place down here to practice for our upcoming gig, and well, we didn’t know you were already here, and-”

“Too loud, sun-scum,” came a voice from above you. You looked up to see another Duergar on a platform overhead. He wore an amulet of the Absolute and had a large battle axe strapped to his back. “Could hear you and your mates stumbling. Can hear you blinking.”

“That seems unlikely,” you muttered. Your eyes wandered around, pretending to look for more dwarves in the area, but really checking to make sure your companions were in position.

“Noise gets you eaten down here,” the dwarf with the amulet went on. “Reckon I’ll hush you before something hungry comes along.”

“You’d hurt an unarmed musician?” You held your hands up higher.

The dwarf above you barked out a laugh. “Nice try, bard.” He spat the word. “Saw you lot from a mile away. Your little disguise is pitiful.”

Something seemed off. You felt a chill run down your spine as something brushed against you. The illusion of your plain clothes fell away, revealing your armor. You had a feeling your invisible foes had you surrounded.

“Now,” said the dwarf, “where are your little friends hiding?”

You laughed. “I was just going to ask! Why would you all surround me when my little friends are over there?” You nodded your head towards one of the platforms.

The dwarf’s eyes widened as he spotted Shadowheart, whose hands were poised with a Firebolt spell. “They’re up there!” Before the dwarf could point, an arrow pierced through his shoulder from behind, knocking him forward off the platform. You sidestepped his falling body and made eye contact with Astarion who smirked down at you.

“Attack!” The first dwarf you spoke to shouted, and all hell broke loose.

Light surrounded you as Shadowheart cast Bless, and you were able to out-maneuver the dwarf who’d yelled as the light momentarily blinded him. Arrows flew towards Astarion, who’d been the first to shoot, and with those arrows, multiple dwarves’ Invisibility spells broke. Astarion was able to easily dodge and avoid the onslaught of attacks, thanks to the advantage of being on higher ground. You grabbed your lute and cast Shatter, causing the dwarves around you to fly backwards in a wave of thunder. Gale launched fiery arrows at your foes, and Shadowheart summoned a Spiritual Weapon to fight for you all on the ground below.

“You’re here because of those rotflowers, aren’t you?” The dwarf with the Absolute pendant got to his feet and pulled the arrow out of his shoulder. “You reek of justice and good deeds.”

“Funny,” you said, using the pommel of your rapier to push a now visible dwarf off the platform you were on, “and I just took a bath this morning.”

“Would you classify that as a bath?” Astarion called down to you, mischief in his eyes.

You smiled, but could already feel yourself starting to lose steam, even though the battle had just started. Still, you pressed on and cast another Shatter, scattering your enemies further and buying you some time to catch your breath. “And what would you classify it as?”

“I can think of many things, but we’re in such polite company, I shan’t say.” He shot a flaming arrow down onto the beach and hit multiple dwarves at once in the explosion.

“I don’t like whatever’s happening here,” the dwarf with the Absolute amulet said. “But I’ll make you pay for siding with those mushroom abominations.” The dwarf raised his hands and uttered a spell you didn't recognize, but a cacophony of noise from below caught your attention. The lapse in focus cost you, as one of the dwarves you’d been fending off pushed you off the platform.

You heard your companions yell your name as you landed hard in the sand below. It took you a second to regain your bearings before you realized what the sound had been. Fallen Duergar were now rising, life not returning to their eyes, but risen all the same.

Animate Dead.

You’d heard of this spell; had seen it in action with Mayrina’s husband, Connor. But you had yet to see it used in battle.

Now you were surrounded by undead dwarves, hell bent on tearing you apart.

“Hi,” was all you could manage through the spinning of your head. You blinked a few times before blocking the heavy strike of an axe with your slim rapier. When it was clear that the axe was going to prevail, you rolled out of the way and the axe connected with the sand that had been beneath your head.

“Are you alright?” Shadowheart called after hitting you with a Healing Word.

You squared your shoulders and entered into a fighting stance. “Better now, thanks!” While it was true, you were still exhausted and could feel your magic actively getting weaker. You’d have to remind yourself to get a sturdier sword after this battle. You heard a clang as Shadowheart’s Spiritual Weapon was destroyed by a few zombies that now turned their attention on you.

“Hardly the place, darling,” Astarion called, downing one of the zombies in front of you with an arrow of ice. “Dying down here? Embarrassing.”

“Stop talking and help her kill the bloody things!” Gale yelled, still slinging spells and arrows at the dwarves from up on the platforms.

The undead kept rushing at you, and you were able to keep them at bay with brandishes of your rapier and weaker casts of Thunderwave, but it was getting harder and harder to fight back. Meanwhile, living dwarves had made it to the other platforms and started climbing up to your companions. Astarion’s help began to dwindle as his attention was split between you and the dwarves he had to face head on with his daggers. You could hear less and less of Gale’s magic as he opted fully for his crossbow, especially now with dwarves attempting to climb up to him. Shadowheart was facing the same obstacles, instead swinging her morningstar and shoving her shield to throw dwarves from the platform.

“Guys,” you said, not as loudly as you would have hoped. There was too much going on. Even if you did manage to raise your voice, it would be hard to hear you over the sounds of fire arrows and spells.

“Guys,” you tried again but to no avail. You cast a small Cure Wounds on yourself, but instantly regretted it. You could have saved that spell for an offensive attack, and now you felt yourself completely depleted of magic, despite trying your best to use it sparingly. Which was difficult when you were surrounded by enemies and your companions were occupied with their own battles. You were just one person. This was too much.

The undead dwarves still standing were backing you up against a cluster of boulders in the center of the beach.

This was okay. You were fine! You’d been in tough spots before and you and your team had always come out on top. You could do this. Undead dwarves? Pah! What kind of lethal damage could someone with dead muscle inflict, right? Sure, Astarion was undead and he was a vicious killer, but that was Astarion, and these dwarves had just been resurrected. They were just getting their sea legs! Life…. legs? It didn’t matter. They probably couldn’t even think for themselves. You could handle this.

With a boost of confidence from your mental pep talk, you surged forward, away from the center of the beach, and stabbed a zombie through the chest. The visceral sound of metal entering flesh was loud and oddly satisfying.

“Ah ha!” you shouted as the zombie slumped to the ground.

But the stab had been louder than your slim blade should have been able to muster. You pulled the blade out of the slumped zombie to inspect, but upon looking down, you saw silver glinting with red through your midsection.

Another zombie had come up behind you and cleaved you with his axe. The head of it peaked out through your stomach.

You heard your name roared from somewhere up above.

The metallic taste of your own blood rushed into your mouth as your vision started to blur. You fell to your knees.

“Guys,” you said one more time.

Then everything went black.

~~~~~

In another life, Astarion would have made a decent barbarian.

Despite Karlach’s cheerful demeanor, for the most part, barbarians were known to be violent, brutal, and cruel. All things that Astarion could easily tap into if the situation called for it.

And right now, he was entering a rage.

Red.

That was all he saw.

Red, and the corpses of the dwarves who dared cross his path on his way down to you.

He hadn’t witnessed it.

Had been too caught up in his own hacking and slashing to see the moment when the axe had made its way through your torso. But he had smelled it. Instantly, he had recognized the sweet notes of your blood entering the air. That’s when he’d looked down and saw the state of you. He’d screamed your name, far louder than any of the magic and explosions that were still triggering in the fight.

Shadowheart and Gale’s heads snapped down to look at you, terror in their eyes. And yet they still had to fight. The zombies surrounding your unconscious form began to move away from you and up towards them instead.

Astarion downed dwarves left and right, going overboard in his violence on the warpath to get you into his arms.

“Shadowheart!” he yelled, as if she wasn’t already aware of the situation.

“I know!” she shouted back. “I can try a Healing Word but my magic’s nearly spent!”

“Do it! NOW!” Astarion bellowed as he sliced through the abdomen of a dwarf preparing to fire a spell. He heard a chant of “te curo,” followed by the aqua magic that usually came with a healing spell, but you remained motionless in the sand.

“The wound is too deep and my magic isn’t strong enough!” Shadowheart slung her morning star into the head of a Duergar that had successfully climbed up to her platform.

Gale looked over to Shadowheart and the two shared a brief, silent conversation before Gale nodded and Misty Stepped down to you.

“Don’t you touch her, wizard!” Astarion yelled as he fought his way through what once must have been a house of some kind. “Unless you can bring her back up!” His daggers stabbed through the Duergar with the Absolute amulet; the one who’d raised those dead in the first place. Astarion made sure his death was extra painful with each twist of his knives.

“Be reasonable, Astarion!” Gale yelled back and shot an arrow at one of the zombies still slinking across the beach. He bent and attempted to get you to swallow some healing potion. You’d already lost a lot of blood.

“She’s DYING!” Astarion bellowed before jumping down, out of the house, and down onto the beach. He made a sound of pain as he landed, but stumbled as quickly as he could over to you on his hands and knees.

Before he reached you, however, he spotted an unarmed zombie halfway up a ladder. That must have been the vile creature whose blade was still lodged in you. He made a beeline for the abomination and pulled it down with enough force to rip the rope that made up the ladder it was climbing. His blades were entering the zombie repeatedly before he even realized he’d pinned it to the ground. It stopped moving fairly soon after its first stab wound, but Astarion wouldn’t let up.

“It’s dead, Astarion!” Gale said, trying to bring him back to reality. “Truly dead!”

Astarion finally stopped and breathed heavily. He abandoned the corpse and made his way over to you, sinking to his knees.

“You’re okay,” he cooed. “Help is here.” He gently pulled you into his lap, careful not to touch the axe head. “I’ve got you.”

“She’s still alive,” Gale confirmed. “I gave her some healing potion and checked her pulse.”

Astarion wasn’t listening. He rocked back and forth, wiping matted hair out of your face. “Darling,” he said quietly, “you’re too pretty to die. And look at all the precious blood you’ve wasted.” You shifted a little and he paused.

Your eyes opened briefly. When you realized it was Astarion looking down at you, you smiled.

“Hi,” you said weakly.

Astarion laughed, but it was a choked, mangled thing. “Hello, my love.”

“That hurt,” you said, smiling blearily until your eyes closed again. He brought his forehead lightly to yours.

Gale touched his shoulder. “Take her to Halsin. He’ll be able to help more than any of us at the moment.”

Astarion wanted to argue, but knew that Gale was probably right. Annoying bastard.

“Help me, would you?” He made to stand up and Gale moved to help guide you gently into Astrion’s arms as he stood. The axe rested uncomfortably between the two of you, but Astarion knew better than to try and pull it out without the proper healing implements nearby to stop the bleeding.

“We’ll be fine here,” Gale said, shooting another arrow at a dwarf on his way to Shadowheart. “You cleared most of the sorry mongrels just now, anyway.”

“I don’t recall asking,” Astarion snapped, readjusting how he was holding you.

“Only trying to help,” Gale said sharply. “None of us want to see her suffer.”

Astarion sighed. “I know,” he admitted.

Gale placed a hand on his shoulder again. “Proprae,” he said, and warm magic surrounded Astarion. “Longstrider,” Gale explained. “It’ll get you to Halsin faster. Now go.”

Astarion nodded and took off back towards the Myconid colony.

“You just had to play hero, didn’t you?” He didn’t look down at you as he sidestepped purple crystals and wayward wooden planks. “Couldn’t stay back for once and let someone else handle it.”

You coughed a little and peered up at him. “I do it for the glory,” you wheezed with a joking smile.

Astarion’s eyes flicked to you for a second. “There are better ways to get attention, darling.” He smiled despite himself. “Now stop talking, please. Save that strength.”

Rather than argue further, you closed your eyes again and nuzzled your face into his neck. You were so tired. And cold. Numbness had overtaken your body except for a dull ache in your midsection. You didn’t even realize when you slipped away again.

Astarion felt you go slightly more limp and swore, dodging exploding mushrooms and trying to remember the way back to the Myconids.

“Don’t you dare leave me,” he growled. “Not now. Not you.” He refused to shed a tear. You’d be okay, and then he’d have words with you about your pesky bleeding heart.

Speaking of bleeding, he didn’t like how easily he could smell your blood. Usually he’d be thrilled to be surrounded by such an intoxicating aroma, but right now it was making him sick to his stomach.

“Do you know how selfish you are?” he asked, knowing you wouldn’t respond. “Wasting all this blood. Some of us need a proper meal.”

He hated your silence. Hated that you weren’t strong enough to tell him he could feed from you if he wanted because of course you would. Or maybe you’d come up with some sort of jab about him being selfish for thinking about food at a time like this. He missed your voice.

“How dare you scare me like this, you stubborn clod.”

In the distance, he saw the glowing mushrooms of the colony. He ducked his head and willed himself to run even faster.

“Where are they?!” Astarion shouted to a mushroom sentry at the entrance. The Myconid remained stoic, but flashed a somber song through Astarion’s mind. “Not helpful!” he shouted as he ran up the steps.

There! That halfling woman who’d asked you all to find her bumbling husband.

“You!” he yelled, his eyes wild. “The group I was traveling with! Where did they go?!”

The halfling woman fumbled for words, shocked at the bloody sight of you before her.

“Tell me!” he exclaimed.

“I believe they found a clearing not far off. The druid came by earlier to swap herbs.”

Astarion didn’t respond before booking it again, the Myconids singing a mournful ballad to him as he passed them.

“HALSIN!” he screamed when he left through the other entrance of the colony. “WYLL! KARLACH! LAE’ZEL! YOU BLASTED WHELPS, WHERE ARE YOU?!” He kept running, following along a path of glowing mushrooms.

“Astarion?” It was Wyll.

“WHERE ARE YOU?!” Astarion repeated, recalibrating to run towards the sound of his voice.

“OVER HERE!” Karlach shouted, and Astarion saw Scratch appear from around a corner a short distance away, followed closely by Karlach. Wyll and Lae’zel caught up behind them.

“Dear gods,” Wyll murmured before running into camp and creating a space for you.

“I’ll get Halsin!” Karlach turned and ran.

“Kaincha,” Lae’zel breathed as Astarion passed her.

“Lay her here,” Wyll said, having prepped a bedroll next to the fire.

“Like hells is she going on the bloody ground,” Astarion hissed, looking around for something more comfortable. “Grab my pillows,” he nodded from Wyll to the ox cart.

Wyll nodded and ran to the cart before coming back and beginning to fashion a makeshift mattress.

Lae’zel looked around for Gale and Shadowheart. “Where are the others?”

“Damned Duergars. They’re in a rotting village by the lake southwest of here.”

“I shall avenge our fallen,” she nodded before running to her tent, grabbing her greatsword and taking off in the direction Astarion had come in from.

“She’s not dead yet,” Astarion muttered as Halsin and Karlach entered the space frantically. “There you are!” He addressed Halsin icily. He had yet to put you down.

Halsin ignored Astarion in favor of approaching you and assessing the damage. He held multiple bowls and jars of unknown substances, and his face gave nothing away. “Bring her this way,” he said, motioning for Astarion to follow him. Halsin led him to a giant mushroom cap. “Lay her down here.” He set down the materials he was holding nearby.

“On a damn mushroom? You must be joking.” Astarion held you tighter.

“Astarion,” Halsin said gently, “I’m going to help her. You have to trust me.”

Astarion narrowed his eyes and reassessed the mushroom. It did look soft, and big enough for your whole body to spread out on. He looked at Halsin again who remained calm and collected. Astarion nodded.

Halsin nodded back and helped him untangle you from his arms. “We’re going to lay her on her side,” he instructed, and Astarion did his best to roll you gently onto the mushroom cap.

“How can we help?” Wyll asked, making Astarion jump. He’d forgotten about anyone outside of his current line of sight.

“Fetch my pack, if you would, Wyll,” Halsin said.

Wyll nodded and ran towards Halsin’s tent on the other side of camp.

“And me?” Karlach asked.

“Can you heat up some water?”

“You got it,” she said before rushing to grab a bucket.

Halsin held out his hand, golden magic emitting from his palm. He closed his eyes and hovered his hand up and down your body.

“Well?” Astarion asked impatiently.

Halsin opened his eyes and Astarion caught a flash of panic in them.

No.

“We need to get this axe out as soon as possible,” Halsin explained. “She’s going to lose more blood, but you were right to leave it in on the battlefield.”

It was then that Wyll came back, lugging Halsin’s backpack, along with other supplies he deemed might be useful.

“So get it out and heal her!” Astarion exclaimed.

“I’ll do my best, Astarion, but you’ll have to be patient.”

“Where’s Withers?” Astarion looked around but caught no glimpse of the skeleton.

“He said he’d find us once we’re settled,” Wyll reminded him kindly.

“If we lose her and he can’t bring her back, I’m ending him.” Astarion knew how unlikely it was that he’d be able to kill someone who brought people back from the dead for a living (why Withers needed a living in the first place was still a mystery), but he needed someone to threaten. He was terrified.

“Astarion,” Halsin said, “I’ll need you to help me remove her clothes. Wyll, can you prepare some bandages?”

Wyll nodded and began to gather materials from Halsin’s bag.

Astarion hesitated before unsheathing his daggers to help cut the leather armor off of your body. Halsin helped maneuver your limbs out of it until you were left in what once was a white shirt, now a deep red around your midsection.

“Her shirt as well,” Halsin said. “Your skill with a knife is far more refined than mine.”

Astarion frowned, knowing you’d probably hate being shirtless in front of everyone, but shook off the thought in favor of helping Halsin heal you. He quickly and carefully cut your shirt away from your body, depositing it on another mushroom nearby, and leaving you in nothing but your undergarments. The gash in your back was brutal, and rather than stare at it, Astarion took your hand. It was growing cold, but he could sense your blood still pumping beneath your skin.

“She’s so weak,” he murmured.

“She’s a fighter,” Halsin put a hand on Astarion’s shoulder before moving to mix some sort of elixir he had in one of the bowls he’d brought over. “My magic isn’t strong enough to heal her all by itself, not completely, but Oak Father willing, she’ll make it through this.”

“She better,” Astarion growled, still holding your hand, squeezing it harder than he knew he should.

Halsin smiled faintly, then moved around to your head. He tipped your head back and made you swallow the contents of the bowl he’d just been mixing.

“And what-”

“That should keep her from waking up right away.” Halsin came back to stand behind you and examined the state of the axe.

“So, she won’t feel any pain?” Astarion asked.

“She shouldn’t.”

“Okay,” was all Astarion could manage to say, hoping that was enough to convey his gratitude to the druid.

Halsin nodded and motioned for Astarion to hold you in place. “Wyll, can you help with this?”

“Of course,” Wyll moved around the mushroom to hold you from the other side.

“I’m going to remove the axe,” Halsin said. “She’s going to bleed more, but I should be able to stop it with what I’ve brought with me.”

“Enough talking,” Astarion held you tight. “Get to the healing part already!”

Halsin frowned, but nodded. “Steady now,” he said, placing his hands on the wooden handle of the axe. “Ready?”

“Yes!” Astarion snapped.

Halsin let out a calming breath before pulling on the axe. Everyone held their breath to make sure you didn’t cry out in pain. When you didn’t, Halsin continued, taking the blade out in one smooth motion.

As he’d said, you began bleeding more profusely and Astarion let out a pathetic whining sound. Halsin immediately held out his hands, aqua healing magic surrounding you from both sides. Astarion couldn’t look away as your skin knit itself back together, a clear scar forming in its wake.

The aqua magic faded and Halsin instantly dipped his hand in some sort of salve and began rubbing it along your back.

“Wyll,” Halsin said, handing him a bowl with an identical salve. “Please cover the wound on her stomach with this.”

“I’ll do it,” Astarion said, moving around the mushroom to your front. Wyll handed him the salve and he went to work spreading a generous amount along your stomach.

“Sorry,” said Karlach, running up with a steaming bucket of water. “I was looking for where we packed all our towels.” She held up a few. “I found them.”

“Thank you, Karlach,” Halsin said. “We can start cleaning the area around her wounds.”

Karlach bounced on her feet. “Um… I’ll incinerate her if I try to help with that.”

“I know what you can do,” Astarion said flatly, focusing deeply on globbing enough salve onto your stomach. He lifted his head and nodded towards the axe on the ground behind Halsin. “You can destroy that wretched blade.”

Karlach smiled and cracked her knuckles. “I’ll make it wish it was never fucking born.”

“Blades aren’t born, Karlach,” Wyll said, wiping blood away from your skin with the warm water she provided.

“And yet, this one will die a fiery death,” she smirked, flaring her flames menacingly. She took off, presumably to be as hot as she pleased without endangering others.

“Can one of you help me sit her upright?” Halsin addressed the two men still tending to you.

“Sure,” Astarion said, noticeably calmer now that you weren’t actively bleeding. “How are her, um… her innards?”

Halsin smiled. “If you’re referring to internal bleeding, the potion I gave her and the spell I cast should be enough to have stopped it. But she’s still very fragile. I’d imagine it will take her some time to fully recover.” He once again held out his hand and cast a golden spell from his palm like he had earlier. “Yes, the internal bleeding has stopped. Though I’d suggest not giving into any carnal desires until she’s completely healed.”

“Carnal- I don’t want to have sex with her like this!” Astarion looked offended. “Who do you take me for?”

Halsin chuckled. “I didn’t think you would, but it still needed to be said.”

“Of all the-” Astarion narrowed his eyes but didn’t finish the thought. “You needed help getting her upright?”

“Yes, she’ll need to be bandaged up. It’s possible she’ll bleed again depending on her movements in her sleep and various other factors, but she’ll also need to keep reapplying fresh salves to prevent infection and minimize scarring.”

Astarion nodded as Wyll finished washing away most of the blood on your back.

“Let’s lie her on her back first,” Halsin said.

Astarion and Wyll helped to gently roll you onto your back, and Halsin helped sit you up straight. Astarion came up quickly to place a gentle hand on your chest and another on your back to keep you upright as Halsin began to wrap bandages around your torso.

Though your head was tipped forward in your unconscious state, Astarion whispered encouragements in your ear that Halsin and Wyll politely pretended not to hear.

“You’re going to be okay, my love. Soon I’ll get to look into your pretty eyes again and hear your lovely voice. Everything is going to be okay.”

~~~~~

Everything is going to be okay.

How could that be true when you were drowning?

Surrounded by inky blackness. Floating through nothingness.

Your limbs were heavy. And more than anything, you were tired. So, so tired.

You’d messed up. You’d allowed yourself to fight, even though you knew you weren’t at your best, just because you didn’t want your friends to be upset. Right? They had been people you cared about? And now the last thing you remembered was being curled into someone’s side as they ran, presumably, to find help.

Idiot.

You were an idiot.

The person had looked so scared.

This was all your fault. You hated being the one to cause a problem. You had to be good. You had to do everything right so no one would have to worry about you.

The person who’d held you so close and protectively shouldn’t have to worry about you.

Whoever they were.

You vaguely remembered saying something to them, but you couldn’t recall what it was or why you’d said it. You faintly remember making them snicker, at least.

You’re doing so well, darling. Hang in there.

It didn’t feel like you were doing so well. And yet the words filled you with comfort. Somewhere, a thousand miles away, you felt someone squeezing your hand.

We’re going to move you now, but we’ll be gentle.

That was very kind of them. You were having trouble moving through this darkness.

Easy, now.

Was it possible to swim towards the voice? It sounded like it might be within reach, even though mere moments ago it had seemed incredibly distant and far-off.

You’ll be much more comfortable here, my love.

Though your head was filled with fog, something in your gut told you to go to the voice. You knew it was familiar, but you couldn’t make the connection. With all the strength you could muster, you kicked your legs as hard as you could and pulled yourself along with your arms.

Don’t worry, my sweet, I’m not going anywhere.

Thank you, you wanted to say, but you couldn’t quite grasp the words.

Try as you might to swim towards the voice, it remained just out of reach, a wall of pain shooting through your abdomen whenever you got too close.

I’m here, you tried to tell the voice. I can’t reach you.

Sleep now.

It hurts.

I’ll be here when you’re ready.

Please.

~~~~~

Your sleep was fitful. It had taken about an hour before you’d started thrashing unconsciously and moaning in pain.

“Something’s wrong,” Astarion called, emerging from your tent.

He and the others had moved you onto the makeshift mattress Wyll had created, and built your tent around you, next to Astarion’s. Or what would be Astarion’s; he had yet to set up his space, having spent all his time at camp so far by your side.

Shadowheart, Gale, and Lae’zel had arrived at camp about half an hour after Astarion had rushed in with your unconscious form, all three covered in generous amounts of blood and gore. They had immediately asked after the state of you and were pleased to see you bandaged and sleeping soundly.

Now, however, that wasn’t the case.

Halsin and Shadowheart were quick to check on you.

Shadowheart felt your forehead and frowned. “She’s burning up.”

“Likely fighting a possible infection,” Halsin hypothesized.

“Well, can anything be done?!” Astarion asked, taking his place next to you again and holding your hand in both of his.

Halsin watched him carefully. “Actually, your cooling touch may bring her some comfort, Astarion.” He looked to Shadowheart, who nodded slowly.

“She needs to cool down. I’ll fetch some cold water, but Halsin is correct. You may be exactly what she needs. But don’t let that go to your head.”

“Of course I’m exactly what she needs,” Astarion puffed his chest, “but it’s nice to hear that that’s true in more ways than one.”

Shadowheart rolled her eyes before leaving and muttering, “Why do I even bother?”

Astarion looked to Halsin. “She’ll be okay?”

Halsin smiled softly. “She’ll need water and nutrients to help fight the fever, but with you by her side, I presume she’ll be better in no time.”

“Right then, get out of here,” Astarion said, waving him away and looking slightly embarrassed.

Halsin chuckled. “I’ll prepare some food for her.”

“Yes, go bother someone else with your sappiness.”

Halsin paused in the entrance of your tent. “Being vulnerable is not a weakness, Astarion. It’s quite clear how much you love her, and that’s incredibly-.”

“You need to leave,” Astarion snapped and dropped your hand, physically shooing a laughing Halsin out of your tent. “Be useful, why don’t you?” he called after him coolly as Halsin made his way over to where Gale was preparing tonight’s meal. The vampire closed the flaps of your tent firmly.

Love?

He shook his head. He was worried about you, yes, but that was because he… cared about you. More than he cared about anyone else at this freakish camp. And that was… fine. It was fine that he cared about you because you cared about him, too. And that was important because caring meant safety and protection.

Which is why he’d been so panicked about finding help for you! Obviously! If you weren’t around to protect him, who would? Not Gale, that’s for sure. No, Astarion was looking out for you for purely selfish reasons.

Right?

You made a tiny sound of discomfort and he was by your side instantly, holding his hand to your forehead, and then pressing both of his palms to your cheeks. He felt your body sag and watched the features of your face relax a little.

“There, now,” he cooed. “Doesn’t that feel better?”

He paused and narrowed his eyes in thought.

That was troubling.

He refused to think any deeper on the subject. Instead, he undid all the straps and clasps of his armor, trying to be as quiet as possible as he removed it all, then placed it outside so it wouldn’t take up any of your space. Next, he rearranged some extra pillows that Wyll had brought by your tent to make a space where he could lie next to you. Once he’d done that, he removed his undershirt and laid next to you properly.

“Come here, my darling,” he said quietly, snuggling himself into your side. His body jolted reflexively at how hot your torso was, but quickly moved back into position and wrapped his arms around you as gently as he could. Your face scrunched in discomfort for a moment before settling into something akin to peace.

Astarion watched your chest rise and fall quietly, and let out a silent sigh of relief. One of his hands absently fiddled with the ends of your hair. You’d need a bath at some point. So would he, for that matter. You were both still covered in gore and filth, and some strands of your hair were bound together by enemy blood. Astarion didn’t much feel like licking it off of you or tasting their blood in any capacity, unless he could watch the life drain from their eyes as he drank them dry. But he’d hate every minute of it. He found your taste to be his favorite.

His favorite.

So, you were his favorite. Who cared! He knew it! Everyone at camp knew it! It didn’t need to be any deeper than that.

He exhaled through his nose. Being vulnerable was a weakness. Any of his siblings would tell you that. Show one shred of fragility towards anything and it would be torn away from you and exploited in any number of violent and cruel ways. He couldn’t let that happen to you.

“Can I come in?” Shadowheart’s voice was quiet, but loud enough to shake Astarion from his thoughts.

“Yes,” he answered.

She pulled back the flaps of the tent and paused, taking in the scene before her.

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” she said slowly, entering the tent with a bucket of water and a few clean cloths.

“Not at all, I’m simply taking advantage of this furnace,” Astarion gestured up and down your body. “The Underdark gets so chilly at night. Who knew?”

“Uh huh,” Shadowheart nodded and felt your forehead before dipping a cloth into the water, wringing it out and placing it there. “You know,” she began, “and I hate saying this-”

“Do go on, then.”

“Ugh. I really hate saying this, but… she’s lucky to have you.”

“Shadowheart!” Astarion sounded quietly flabbergasted. “Do you mean it? Truly?” He was being overly dramatic and held a hand to his chest.

Shadowheart avoided his gaze and dipped another cloth in the water. “I just mean…” She sighed. “I just mean, you make her happy, in your own annoying way. Even before you both started-”

“Holding hands?” Astarion batted his eyelashes.

Shadowheart rolled her eyes, but continued. “I don’t need to tell you how lucky you are to have her because I think you know that, but… You make her laugh. You encourage her to fight better, you steal lutes for her… And… you get her to be selfish. Which, while I don’t agree with all of your selfish suggestions, does cause her to think of herself every once in a while. Something that’s quite hard for her, as she so competently displayed for us today when she didn’t tell us how tired she truly was.”

“She was a lost cause before I showed up.”

“Be serious for a moment, would you?” Shadowheart placed another cloth along your neck. “That’s something you both need to work on; being serious.” She held his gaze. “We almost lost her out there today. And I don’t think you’ve thought about what that would mean for you.”

“Of course I have,” Astarion snapped.

Shadowheart raised her eyebrows. “Our Lady of Loss teaches that-”

“Oh, don’t start with that,” Astarion said sharply. “She’s fine now. Or she will be, assuming you and the druid are correct in your assessment of her condition.”

“Pain is a part of life, Astarion.”

“Don’t say that to me,” he snapped. “You know nothing of my pain.”

Shadowheart dabbed another cold cloth across your arm that wasn’t currently cradled into Astarion’s torso. “I know that. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then what did you mean?” He was aware that he was mildly flashing his fangs in warning.

She dabbed some cold water over your shoulders. “Don’t be afraid. That's all I mean.”

“And what the hells is that supposed to mean?” Astarion narrowed his eyes. “Afraid of what?”

“You care for her.”

“So what?”

“You’re aware of that?”

Astarion trilled his lips in disbelief. “Of course I’m aware of that.”

“Okay,” she turned her attention to wringing a cloth of excess water.

If his arms weren’t currently wrapped around you, Astarion would have pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shadowheart, if you’re trying to tell me something, just tell me.”

“You’re allowed to love her.”

Astarion felt himself recoil away from Shadowheart, but he still held onto you.

Shadowheart nodded calmly, searching his eyes. “We all see it. You haven’t known each other for long, but she’s changing you.”

Astarion gave her a sour expression but didn’t say anything to argue.

“She’s not what you expected, is she?”

“She-” he hesitated. “She’s not.” He looked at your slumbering face fondly.

“I don’t think she’s what any of us expected.”

Astarion nodded, quiet for a few moments. He was too tired to pretend he was uninterested. “It’s a wonder we all found her,” he brushed a stray hair from your face. “Or, rather, clung to her. And in some cases, attacked her. Or threatened to.”

“It is,” she laughed softly.

“Poor girl.”

Shadowheart smiled. “She saved me, up on the Nautiloid. She and Lae’zel broke me out of my pod. Though it was mostly her. Actually, it was all her.”

“That’s typical.”

Shadowheart laughed. “Very typical.” She shifted to face Astarion more directly. “We don’t know each other very well.”

“No.”

“And probably never will.”

“Fingers crossed.”

“But I know that you’re not the same person who held a knife to her throat a few weeks ago.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“Well, I would.” Shadowheart gave him a piercing look. “A few weeks ago, you would have been fine letting her bleed out on that battlefield. You possibly would have laughed at the brutality of it. Or, you would have written it off as a fine dining experience. But the Astarion I’m looking at right now was ready to burn the entire world before he saw her suffer today.”

Astarion’s grip on you tightened minutely.

Shadowheart sighed. “I don’t like letting others get too close to me either. Partly because that is the way of Lady Shar, and partly because I’m afraid of forgetting. Or remembering. I’m not sure which is worse, truthfully.”

“What does that-”

“It doesn’t matter. My point is, our leader here makes me want to remember. Remember our times together, her kindness… And how she makes me feel.”

“Careful…” Astarion said slowly, narrowing his eyes but smiling slightly.

“She might be the only person I’ve ever considered to be a true friend. I think. But I know she’d do anything for any of us. And I want to remember that.”

“Okay, so commit it to memory?” Astarion was confused about all the talk of remembering. Surely Shadowheart’s memory wasn’t that bad.

“I’ll try,” she chuckled. Then, after a moment of quiet, she inhaled deeply. “All of this to say, Astarion,” she looked him in the eye again, “heartbreak is also a part of life. And while we’re lucky she’s still with us, you shouldn’t be afraid to love her. I think you want to live.”

~~~~~

Darkness.

All consuming and quiet.

But at least the pain had stopped.

It was rather lonely here. Nothing to do and no one to talk to. Whenever you tried to move, the blackness that surrounded you gave little away as to whether you were actually moving or not. There’d been waves of extreme heat, bitter cold, and heavy nausea, and while none of that was particularly thrilling, it was nice to know that you could still feel something in this liminal space of sensory deprivation.

The voice would occasionally interrupt the profound silence to address you.

Come on, my sweet, eat just a little more. I know you can.

What are you dreaming about in there?

Are you going to wake up anytime soon, darling?

You didn’t know. No matter what you tried, it didn’t seem likely that you were close to leaving this place. And just when it felt like you were finally getting somewhere, the pain would overtake you again and stop you in your tracks.

It was exhausting.

You felt someone squeeze your hand distantly.

Brought a book.

Your head instinctively turned towards the voice.

Thought I might read to you. Since you’re doing an abhorrent job of entertaining me.

Something about the tone made you want to argue. You try… whatever this is! you wanted to say.

Thought this one might be fun. “The Curse of the Vampyre.” Maybe we’ll learn something.

Vampire… why did that word send your heart racing?

“Harken close and beware the Vampyr.” Off to a good start. “Beware its cold beauty.” True. “Beware its charm.” True. “Beware its curse.” ………True.

Again, you had the overwhelming sensation that you knew this voice. The sense of comfort that washed over you felt all too familiar.

“How doth one protect from the beast?” When was this written? A pause, as if the voice were investigating. I’ve decided I don’t care. The voice cleared its throat. “Walk not in the blackest night, for the Vampyr loves these nights more than any other.” I was rather enjoying my time in the sun, actually. “If you must walk, do so by the light of our moon and take care.” What kind of advice is that? The moon? The moon and I get on just fine. That wouldn’t protect you, darling. “Carry the blessings and marks of your God at all times.” The voice snorted. Yes, because the Gods have cared so much about stopping my acts of debauchery in the past.

Something in the voice’s airy tone lifted an aching weight from your chest. Yes, you knew this person. You were sure of that. You could listen to them all day. Mindlessly, you drifted closer to where the voice was strongest.

“But remember, your home is your fortress, if protected well.” Hmm. “If you hear a knock in the night, be wary. Let no stranger into your home.” As if we make house calls these days. “If it be a friend, look upon them. Do you find them pallid and wan?” Rude. “See you any mark upon their neck?” Collars, darling. Though, I’ve found that most people don’t pay close enough attention anyway. Especially when you’re distracting them with- Well, you know. The voice exhaled loudly. “See you any dirt upon their clothes?” Yuck. “Unless their need is great, turn all away but the most trusted.” You trust me, don’t you, my dear?

Yes, you tried to say. Of course I trust you.

The voice was growing louder. More clear.

Of course you do, the voice said, though you were sure it hadn’t heard you. Stupid. “And if the Beast finds a way into your home, flee.” I’d say that’s good advice, but unfortunately for you, you can’t really flee right now. And I don’t plan on leaving.

Good. You exhaled, frustrated that you couldn’t speak.

The hand holding yours tightened mildly.

I’m here, darling.

I know. Thank you.

It took a moment before the voice started speaking again.

“Lease love and family behind.”

You felt an indescribable tension as the voice paused once more. Had this passage just said something important? You replayed the phrase in your head.

Family?

Love?

Love…

Oh.

The voice was quieter when it spoke again.

“You will not save them if you fight. You will not see them again. But they will see you, pale and smiling, calling them into the night.”

Astarion.

Of course it was Astarion. How could it be anyone else?

He was here.

With you.

Just out of reach.

Well, that’s a rather ominous passage, isn’t it?

Astarion! you tried to say. I’m here!

Shh shh shh, he tutted. Don’t strain yourself.

Something you had said or done had gotten through to him.

Astarion! you tried again.

Nothing. You were met with silence.

Fuck it. Fuck the pain, fuck this freakish darkness. You pulled yourself towards his voice.

Shall I continue reading, darling?

Yes, keep talking. You winced as a flash of pain pulsed through your middle.

I’m going to skip ahead. I hope you don’t mind.

As long as I can still hear your voice. The pain was becoming more consistent and noticeable.

Ah, this sounds rather interesting: “Vampiric Duality.” Ahem. “Now look, the thing is: your basic vampire has two instincts, right? Feed and make little vampires.” Immediately, a vastly different tone. Is this even the same book? The voice paused again, presumably to check the cover. I admit, I do love to feed, but I’m not sure how much this person knows about vampiric biology. Not that Cazador ever allowed us much research into the subject…

You felt yourself physically recoil at the mention of Cazador’s name and heard Astarion chuckle.

No, you’re right, darling, I won’t mention him again. He hummed and mumbled under his breath. Blah blah blah… “The personality of a vampire has as many facets as a schizophrenic diamond?” What? I appreciate the comparison to a diamond, obviously, but a schizophrenic one? What does that even mean?

You would have laughed if you weren’t actively fighting to get to him. The pain in your torso was almost unbearable, the closer you got to his voice. Tears pricked your eyes, and every part of you hurt like nothing you’d ever experienced before. When the torment started to become white hot and all consuming, you hit what felt like a physical wall.

Ah! Listen to this part, beautiful: “Yet who doesn't adore the darkly romantic complexity of the vampire-”

You did. You adored this vampire. Though you were hurting severely, you reached out and punched against the wall that was blocking you.

Astarion! you all but wailed.

“-the gusto of their love-”

Again, you pounded with all your might, screaming out in agony and rage as the pain physically held you back from reaching out and touching him. You still couldn’t see him, but you felt his presence. So, so close.

“-the wildness of their passion!” You heard him let out a delighted laugh.

I’m here! you shouted, using both fists to bang against this wall of pure suffering.

Oh, my dear, if you were awake, I’d shower you with the absolute wildness of my passion. You could practically hear his smirk. I’d demonstrate the gusto of my… well. My-

Gathering all the strength you had left, you wound back and threw your entire body against the wall. You squeezed your eyes tight as an overwhelmingly bright light spilled in and your ears began to ring.

You gasped for air, sitting up quickly, and immediately regretted it.

You heard your name said softly in disbelief and a book slamming shut.

“Ow…” you whined, clutching at your abdomen and feeling tears roll down your cheeks.

Before you could register what was happening, you felt cool palms on your cheeks and soft lips kissing all over your face. You blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of the situation.

“I’m so mad at you,” Astarion said, still kissing your face, his voice filled with nothing but relief.

“What… happened?” you asked between hiccups of tears.

“Lie back down, precious,” he said, gently helping you back onto what seemed to be a pile of pillows and pulling a blanket over you. “You scared us, is what you did.” He wiped a few stray tears from your cheeks, but they kept flowing. You couldn’t stop.

“Did I… die?” You turned your head to look around. It looked like you were in your tent, your things strewn about somewhat neatly and similar to how it had been at your camp by the lake. A few candles were lit.

“Nearly,” Astarion confirmed quietly. He looked exhausted. “An undead Duergar got you with his battle axe.”

“Ah,” you said, at a loss for words. “That’s not good.”

Astarion stared at you. “‘That’s not good?’ That’s all you have to say?” He held a hand to your forehead briefly. “Your fever is gone, but it’s possible you’ve got brain damage.”

You chuckled, knowing he was kidding, but the action caused a searing pain in your stomach. You let out a pathetic whine, reaching for the hurt area, but Astarion caught your wrist.

“Careful, darling. You’ve got a pretty severe wound there.” He released you and pulled back the blanket that was draped over you. Upon looking down, you saw that nearly your entire midsection was covered in bandages. A spot of red spread slowly, disrupting the otherwise pristine white of the cotton.

“It h-urts,” you sniffled, your voice breaking.

Astarion’s eyes were full of sympathy. “Looks like sitting up quickly may have opened the wound again.”

“Should I go get Shadowheart?” you asked without really thinking about it.

Astarion snorted. “If you think you’re strong enough to fetch the cleric, you’re delusional.”

“Oh,” was all you could say in agreement. “Should you go get Shadowheart? Or Halsin, maybe?”

He shook his head, turning away from you to rifle through some supplies that were out of your line of sight. “Everyone’s asleep, my dear.” He sat back up straight and set out a few items next to you: fresh bandages, healing potions, a salve of some sort, and a small bowl of water. “Besides, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of you myself.”

You almost laughed. “How long was I out? What happened to you?”

He rolled his eyes. “You were out for nearly twelve hours, I’d say. It’s a little before dawn, I think. Though there’s no sun to go off of.”

You nodded, not sure how to feel about this information. Twelve hours was a long time. And yet it felt even longer. Like you’d been out for a lifetime.

“As for what happened to me, well, someone I… care about… nearly died.” He cleared his throat. “Is it so bizarre that I want her to get better?”

You smiled. “I guess not.”

Astarion returned your smile before hooking his arms under yours and helping you sit up. Someone had stacked two chests on top of each other behind the makeshift mattress to act as a headboard, and he helped you scoot back to sit against it.

“Careful, my sweet, the axe entered through your back. Let’s try not to lean and put pressure on it, hmm?”

You nodded, wincing when you moved incorrectly. “When did you become such a medical professional?”

He was busy prepping the new bandages. “Shadowheart showed me how to change the bandages once or twice while you were out, and Halsin provided the salves and potions.” Astarion got up onto his knees and crawled over to you, helping you scoot forward, away from the headboard. “And my sister, Dal. She was a doctor, before Cazador. She’d help the rest of us every once in a while. Especially when things got particularly brutal.”

“That’s much cooler than being a magistrate,” you teased, flinching a little in pain.

“I don’t know, magistrates can sentence people to death.” He squeezed your arm.

“No they can’t,” you laughed. Then paused. “Can they?”

Astarion shrugged. “Can’t remember, honestly.” He leaned forward to reach for where the bandage was tucked into itself on your front. “I’m going to undo this now, okay? Let me know if I hurt you at all.”

You nodded, holding his gaze.

“Oh,” he said before turning to grab a healing potion. He handed it to you. “This should help.”

You took it and downed it as Astarion began to carefully unwrap the bandages. You could feel the unpleasant sting of something having dried beneath the cloth that was now being tugged at as the bandage was unraveling.

Astarion was nothing but complete focus as he reached his arms around you and back towards himself, carefully unwrapping you. You watched him the entire time.

“I heard you, you know.”

He looked at you, the corner of his lips quirking up. “Heard me what?”

“When you were talking to me while I was sleeping.”

He went a little stiff at your words. “What exactly did you hear?”

You raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know. I heard you reading just now.”

His shoulders dropped in relief. “Horrid creatures, vampires.”

“The worst,” you agreed.

Astarion pulled away the last of the bandage and you looked down, your eyes widening at the huge gash along the right side of your stomach.

“And we’re sure I didn’t die?” you asked, cautiously poking the area around the wound. The healing potion had stopped the bleeding.

Astarion slapped your hand. “Stop that.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re still here with us. I would have killed Withers if that weren’t the case.”

“You can’t-”

“I know. But he would have gotten an earful at least.” Astarion crawled on his knees back over to the supply area that you previously couldn’t see. Now you could see that there were a few buckets of water with towels and cloths of various sizes. He dunked his hands into one of the buckets and lathered his hands with soap.

“Thorough,” you commented.

“You already fought off one infection,” he explained. “Don’t want to risk another.” He finished washing and drying his hands, then made his way back over to you on his knees, careful not to touch anything on his way.

“I had an infection?” you asked, watching as he dipped a cloth in the small bowl of water next to you.

“Yes,” he said, “or were fighting one off. Like I said earlier, you had a fever, but it’s gone now.” He brought the cloth up to your stomach. “I’m going to clean the wound now. It might hurt.”

You nodded and he began dabbing your skin lightly. He was right, it stung and pierced whenever he hit a particularly raw area and your body jerked despite attempting to stay still. Tears welled up in your eyes again.

“I’m sorry,” Astarion said, reaching up to wipe a tear away.

“I’m the one who got cleaved,” you deflected. “It’s my own fault.”

“Which reminds me,” his face morphed from apologetic to irritated, “why didn’t you tell us you were so exhausted? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I-” you squeaked at a particularly sharp pain. “I didn’t want you all to worry.”

Astarion’s hand paused and he narrowed his eyes at you. “Fine load of good that did, dear.”

“I’m sorry,” you looked away from him. “I didn’t know how involved the fight was going to be.”

“It doesn’t matter how involved the fight was or wasn’t going to be; if you weren’t feeling your best, you should have stayed behind and let one of the others take your place.” He sniffed pompously and added, “Would have given me an excuse to relax, too.” There was a sharpness to his words, but his actions remained careful and kind. You gave him a curious look and he rolled his eyes. “Oh, like I would go out and fight when I could laze about at camp for once.” He was suddenly very focused on not looking you in the eye.

You smiled. “You liiiiike me.”

“I’d have spent the entire time on the other side of camp.”

“Liar.”

“The point is, darling, you have to listen to yourself and what you need. I do it all the time. For myself, I mean.”

“I know you do,” you chuckled.

Astarion set down the wet cloth he was using and got a fresh one, before moving behind you to clean the wound on your back.“Why do you even care what we think?”

“Because you’re my friends, and I value your opinions?”

“No, I mean, why aren’t we allowed to be worried about you?”

“Oh,” you winced and flinched a bit at the cloth pressing against a tender spot on your back. “I don’t know. You all have your own problems to worry about. I shouldn’t be one of them.”

Astarion tsked. “I might be new to this whole ‘caring about someone else’ thing, but even I know how absurd that is.”

You tried to stay quiet, focusing on not moving to minimize the pricklings of pain shooting through your back. Yet despite your best effort, you still let out a few weak whimpers of discomfort.

Astarion sighed and moved away from you, back to the caché of supplies at the end of your bed. He came up with a steaming bowl of stew and reached across the bed to hand it to you.

“Careful,” he warned.

“How?” you asked.

“Halsin made soup. Gale knew a spell to keep it warm. This is the result.” He handed you a spoon. “We were able to get you to eat some while you were unconscious, but Shadowheart said you should eat properly whenever you woke up. I forgot until just now.”

“Thank you,” you said gratefully, shoveling some of the stew into your mouth. It was rich and heavy; full of meat and vegetables. Delicious.

Astarion took his place behind you again and went back to cleaning, but not before sighing dramatically. “Playing nursemaid is so far beneath me. I can’t believe you’re making me do this, you wretch.”

You swallowed some broth then said, “I offered to get Shadowheart.”

“Not a chance,” he growled in your ear, leaning around to kiss your cheek. “But if I ever have to do this again-”

“You’ll kill me?”

“Without a second thought, my sweet.”

“Mmhm,” you hummed through more food. “I think you’re enjoying this, honestly.”

“Seriously? When I could be out killing something? Or drinking from that gorgeous neck of yours? Or thoroughly ruining you? Nice try.”

“Are you hungry?” you asked, suddenly feeling very guilty for not thinking of him.

“This is what I mean, darling.” He sounded annoyed.

“What?”

“You are very weak at the moment. You lost quite a bit of blood from this wound, and you’re still offering to feed me.”

“Because I want to help you! I have something you need and I lo-like you so much.” You caught yourself, but not very smoothly.

Astarion raised an eyebrow. “Flattered as I am, I know that drinking from you right now could be fatal. And I think you know that, too.”

You shoveled some more stew into your mouth shamefully.

“That’s all I mean, pet.” Astarion set down the cloth he’d been using to clean your back and moved around so he could look you in the eye again. “You’re incredible. You always want to help others, which, while I don’t personally understand it, is seen as very admirable to some people. But it gets you into trouble, and I don’t think you care that it does.” He took your chin in his hand to make you look at him. “But I care now. And I don’t want this to happen again.”

“I can’t help it,” you said quietly.

Astarion pouted mildly with genuine sympathy and kissed you chastely. “Try.” He pressed his forehead to yours.

“Okay,” you whispered.

“That’s my girl,” he smiled. “Besides,” his flamboyant cadence returned to make you laugh, “I already drained some poor beastie dry earlier while Shadowheart was changing your bandages.”

“Poor beastie.”

He kissed you again, more deeply this time. “It meant nothing to me,” he teased and you laughed. “It was purely for sustenance.” He nosed along your neck to his favorite feeding spot and kissed you there.

“I may never find forgiveness in my heart for this,” you teased back.

Astarion’s eyes went noticeably soft and a small smile tugged at his lips. His hands came up to your cheeks and he kissed you once more, tugging at your bottom lip with his front teeth. You matched his rhythm, moaning softly, and unconsciously rolling your hips, which made you cry out in pain.

“Bad idea,” you groaned, tilting your head away from Astarion’s eager kisses.

He chuckled and rested his forehead on your temple. “You know, Halsin actually warned me not to ‘give in to any carnal desires’ until you were fully healed. I told him I wouldn’t.”

“And yet you did anyway?” you raised an eyebrow with a smile. “You selfish prick.”

Astarion tsked. “I’m not the needy one rolling my hips, now am I?”

“You bit my lip!”

“Call it… a vampiric sign of affection. Nothing more than that.”

You blew out an annoyed huff, causing a strand of hair in your face to fly upwards.

“I didn’t even draw blood,” Astarion said. “You should be thanking me.”

“Oh, thank you,” you rolled your eyes.

“But of course.”

“I so badly want to strangle you right now.”

Astarion growled from the back of his throat. “Oh, how I’ve missed you,” he said, kissing you again, despite your laughing protests.

“Would you please finish with this?” you asked, pushing him back and gesturing the undressed wound on your stomach.

He groaned loudly. “If I must.”

“I can handle the front,” you said, nodding towards a bowl of salve, but not attempting to lean forward and grab it for fear of accidentally hurting yourself further.

Astarion hesitated in giving you the bowl, but quickly gave in. “Fine.”

“I’ll be careful,” you said.

He nodded once and took his own bowl of salve to spread on your back.

The balm was cool and caused you to jump a little when it first made contact with your skin. Astarion paused his work to make sure you were alright.

“I’m okay,” you assured. “Just cold.”

“You get used to it,” he smirked, globbing more cold substance onto your back.

Delicately, you took your own salve and began to apply a generous amount to your stomach.

The two of you remained silent, locked in concentration as you administered the medicine to your wounds. It stung mildly, but the cooling effect it had became comforting soon enough.

“So…” you broke the silence after you were satisfied with your work, “what did you do while I was… out?”

Astarion exhaled through his nose and didn’t answer right away. “Oh, nothing special. A little of this, a little of that. My world doesn’t revolve around you, you know.”

“Sad,” you pouted, “because while I was unconscious, all I could hear was your voice.”

“Could you, now?” You could hear the grin in his voice. “I was all you could hear?”

“Mmhm,” you confirmed. “Which means you must have spent a lot of time by my side.” You risked a glance over your shoulder and saw Astarion’s hand hovering just above your back, frozen in place.

He cleared his throat and continued to apply the salve. “And so what if I did?”

“Well, it’s just that there’s so much else you could have been doing,” you chuckled. “Like killing, or maiming, or drinking, or stabbing-”

You stopped talking when you felt his forehead press against your bare shoulder. He mumbled something against your skin, but you couldn’t make it out.

“What was that, my love?”

He sighed heavily and pulled back. “I was scared.”

“You… were scared? You?”

“Of course I was scared!” he exclaimed, looking irritated and confused. “I may already be dead, but it’s not your time yet. I would never wish that on you.”

You weren’t sure how to process that.

Astarion.

Scared, on your behalf.

You knew he cared about you, that was obvious by now, he’d told you as much, but that was a fairly recent development. In the past, he’d only cared enough to save his own skin. He’d always watched your back, sure, but there were days where you knew he’d only helped you or another companion because it had been convenient for him in some way. Although, you had to admit, since you two had become… whatever you were, he’d seemed to take extra precaution when looking out for you. Both in battle and out.

“Astarion,” you said slowly when he returned from behind you to grab the fresh bandages, “what happened when the zombies got me?”

He remained quiet, fiddling with the bandages in his hands.

“I carried you here.”

“Where is ‘here,’ exactly?” you asked.

He shrugged. “Not too far from those horrid singing mushrooms. They were no help.”

Your eyes went wide, knowing how far the journey from the Myconid colony to the decrepit village was, and how he must have traveled further than that to get here. You shook your head, banishing the thought. “How did you get to me from your platform?”

Astarion came close and unwound the bandages in his hands again, making sure he had the right amount. “I may or may not have… gone into a blind rage, killed some dwarves, yelled at Gale… It was no big deal.”

“And then you… carried me.”

“Yes.”

“All the way here.”

“Yes.”

“And then?”

“And then I helped Halsin with healing you. Why does it matter?”

“You…” You trailed off and allowed Astarion to start wrapping the bandages around your middle. Your eyes were unfocused on something in the distance and your mind was blank; too overwhelmed with thoughts to think anything at all. You shook your head to bring yourself back into the moment with him.

His voice was quiet. “I’ve been powerless far too often in my life. Seeing you go down, and not being able to stop it, it… broke something in me.”

You watched him carefully.

“If I was powerless in that situation, and you… If I’d lost you, I don’t know what I would have done.”

“It’s a good thing you didn’t lose me then,” you said, attempting to lift the mood while focusing on his hands.

He shook his head and paused with the wrapping. “Shadowheart said I was ready to burn the world. I think she was right.”

“I’m touched,” you joked again.

“I’m serious, darling.” He picked up where he left off with the bandages.

“You were that worried about me? Even though you were also surrounded by enemies?”

“Oh, believe me, I’m not pleased about this turn of events. Normally, in a setting like that, I’d be mostly worried about myself. But lately I seem to somehow be worried about you more.” He hummed as if he were surprised to hear himself say that aloud.

You brought a hand up to gently wrap around his forearm as he continued wrapping you up. He met your eye fondly.

“You give me something to care for. And that’s worth the peril.” He smiled at you for a moment, then pulled on the bandages to make sure they were tight enough. “Is this alright?”

Try as you might to not let him see, your eyes welled up with tears. “Fine, yes.”

“Oh gods, don’t lie, you’re crying!” He immediately began to loosen the bandages and you started laughing.

“No, no, dummy,” you wiped a tear and stopped his hands with your own. “I care about you, too.”

“We’ve established that, darling,” but his eyes went soft. “Let me finish this, you sap,” he gestured to your bandages, still not properly secured, and you released his hands. He once again returned to wrapping the wound and pulled the bandages tighter, but not as tight as before. They were firm enough that they wouldn’t fall, and you could still breath easily, despite the mild ache that lingered in your stomach. He tucked the end into the top of the wrapping beneath your chest. “There now, my sweet. All patched up.” He brushed both hands through your hair before resting them gently on your shoulders.

You smiled at him, but something occurred to you upon hearing the affectionate nickname. “Is there a reason you haven’t called me ‘my love’ since I woke up?”

Astarion looked taken aback. “Erm…”

You were quick to explain: “It’s my favorite. That’s why I call you that, too.”

“Your favorite…” Astarion stared at you blankly for a second and his hands squeezed your shoulders absently.

You could practically see the cogs in his head turning. You brought a hand to cup his cheek. “If I did something-”

Astarion shook his head. “No, darling, you did nothing wrong. Other than almost getting yourself killed, I mean. It’s just that… I’m in the process of coming to terms with how I feel - about you.”

Oh.

He’d thrown “love” and “my love” around so casually, practically the entire time you’d known him. Abruptly stopping their use was incredibly unlikely unless it was deliberate.

Did this mean he was starting to rethink those words? And what it meant to say them to you?

Did that mean he… loved you?

Your heart started pounding as a million jumbled thoughts entered your mind. It seemed like Astarion noticed the change in your pulse.

“If that scares you-”

“No!” You were grinning widely and tried to hide it behind your free hand. “Take all the time you need, my love.” You hoped calling him by your preferred pet name might convey how you felt, but you didn’t want to scare him off. You knew better than anyone how new this was to both of you.

“Thank you,” he said, taking your hand and kissing the inside of your wrist. “Now lie down, would you? You need more sleep.”

You handed him your now empty bowl of stew. “But… I’m not tired.”

Astarion gave you a look as if to say really?

“I’m not! I’ve been sleeping all day!”

“And for good reason, might I add.”

The two of you stared at each other, willing the other to give in. Astarion rolled his eyes.

“Fine,” he said, annoyed. He reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.

“Carnal desires,” you reminded him in a scolding manner.

“I don’t plan on ravishing you right now, dearest,” he said, a bit of bite in his words. “If you’re not going to sleep, at least lie down with me.”

He moved the medical supplies off of the makeshift bed and blew out a few candles as he awaited your answer.

You nodded, a smile overtaking your features. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll be gentle,” he said as he got onto the pile of pillows and placed his knees on either side of your hips. He took your arms and wrapped them around his neck.

“I know,” you said, using him as an anchor to lower yourself onto your back and further into the pillows.

When he was satisfied with your position, Astarion carefully lifted himself from hovering above you and transitioned himself to curl into your side. You stayed on your back so as to not jostle your wound, but turned your head to look at him. He watched you intently, his hands palm-to-palm and resting under his cheek. You ran your hand through his hair.

“I couldn’t reach you,” you said.

“When?” Astarion lifted his head slightly.

“When I was sleeping. I could hear you, but I couldn’t see you. And it hurt to try and get to you.”

“Oh, my darling,” he said, running a hand along your cheek. “I’m here now.”

“I know,” you repeated, warmth overtaking your chest.

“Nervous it’ll happen again if you sleep?” he asked. When you nodded, he nodded back in understanding. “Nightmares are dreadful.”

“Any tips?”

“Hmm… not really.”

“Thanks.”

Astarion laughed softly and reached for your hand. “I’ll stay awake with you for as long as you need.”

“You need your rest, too.”

He clicked his tongue. “If you think I’m going out with the others tomorrow, you’re a bigger fool than I thought.”

You exhaled an amused breath and turned your head back up towards the top of your tent to sort through some of your many tangled thoughts.

While it was true that you and Astarion hadn’t known each other for very long, it floored you how much of a change you saw in him now versus when you’d first met. Back then, he was cruel, and violent, and prone to laughing at the misfortune of others. Now, he was still all of those things, but there was also this soft side of him that he continued to surprise you with. He’d actively chosen to stay by your side all day, even though he could have let the others handle your care. He probably would have opted for that option just a few weeks ago. He was also making the choice to stay at camp with you tomorrow, rather than venture out with the rest of your party to be rewarded by the Myconids for your efforts, and possibly spill more blood throughout the Underdark. Knowing how much he loved to spill blood, that was a big deal.

He’d also shown you the most tender affection the first night you’d slept together and every heated encounter since; he was showing he cared in the ways he knew how. He was trying his best (for the most part), and that’s what mattered to you. Astarion could take all the time he needed to sort out his feelings.

But you knew how you felt.

“So other than the peril, are you enjoying the Underdark?”

Astarion groaned. “Really?”

“Yes.”

He let out a long exhale, the cool air of his breath tickling your neck. “You know, for all the time I spent lurking in the shadows, I’ve never ventured into the Underdark before.”

“So you’ve told me,” you squeezed his hand.

“Hardly a… luxurious setting, but it definitely has its upsides for a vampire.”

You nodded, still looking up at the top of your tent.

“Or its… undersides? Because it’s - you know what I mean.”

You snorted at his feeble attempt at a pun. “Boooo,” you teased and looked over at him.

“I’ve been awake for nearly 24 hours, need I remind you.”

“Then trance, idiot.” You poked his nose.

“I said I would stay awake with you.”

“I’ll be alright,” you insisted, “though I appreciate the offer, my love.”

Astarion blinked slowly, his eyes suddenly heavy with sleep. It was as if he were finally allowing himself to relax, now that he was able to hear your voice again. He wore a lopsided grin as his eyes drifted closed.

“I really did miss you,” he murmured, his voice soft.

“I missed you, too.” You brought your clasped hands up to your mouth and kissed the back of his hand. “Thank you for saving me.”

He didn’t properly respond, and instead hummed out a sleepy acknowledgement.

“You’re so heroic.”

“Mmm.”

“And handsome.”

“Mhm.” He inhaled and exhaled deeply.

“Thank you for staying by my side.”

This time he didn’t respond. He looked entirely peaceful and his lips were parted slightly.

“Maybe I spoke too soon,” you laughed quietly, brushing a loose hair out of his face. “You should sleep though,” you said more to yourself than to him. “I can’t imagine how tired you must be.”

You watched his chest rise and fall with the unnecessary breaths he still took after all these years. You couldn’t believe that mere moments ago, he’d admitted that he was beginning to care more for your safety than for his own. Much less that he might even love you.

Astarion made a small sound, like a tiny grunt from the back of his throat that you’d come to learn meant that he was likely out cold. He rarely fell asleep before you did, given how little rest elves needed, which only further showed how exhausted he truly was.

“I love that noise,” you smiled.

You turned your head back up to the top of your tent and sighed. “I love how funny you are. And I love how even though you’re incredibly intelligent, you’re the dumbest man I’ve ever met.” You looked back at him. His slumbering expression remained unchanged. “I love your eyes, and your ears, and the annoying way you put your hand on your hip when you think you’ve gained the upper hand in something.” You squeezed his hand ever so slightly and watched to make sure his features stayed even. “I love how kind you pretend you aren’t and how fiercely you deny it when I bring it up. I love your laugh, and how gently you hold me when you feed, and how you think about me when you could so easily think of yourself instead.”

Again, you brought his hand up to your mouth and kissed his fingers.

“I love you, Astarion.”

You couldn’t be sure, but you swore you could see the slightest smile on his face as you felt your eyes flutter closed and you drifted into your own contented sleep.

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eetherealgoddess · 10 months ago

Note

Hihi

Could you do a fic where reader is like a driver 4 bonten and something comes up so she has to like pick (u cld do all or chose one it doesn't matter) them up then some smut, noncon and fem reader.

Thx in advance if you'll write this, I've been searching for a writer that does noncon🥲

Hope you enjoy this! Also hope you don’t mind about a little mxm between the men in it! Also dark ending!!

Also I’m thinking of making an au where the guys are poly with each other and the reader is added to it or walks in on it or something idk yet but lmk in the comments or requests what you think about that.

ꨄBonten’s Propertyꨄ

Part Two

Oneshot - Yandere Bonten Au

❦You pick up your boss and fellow executives from the club❦

Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo, & Haitani Brothers x Reader

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR, AO3, AND WATTPAD UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!

I apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Bonten’s Property

“Why do I have to pick them up from the club?” You whine, giving Kokonoi a disturbed look as you stare at his sitting figure, focusing on the laptop in front of him.

“You were specifically requested tonight.” He continues to type as you roll your eyes.

“Yeah, but not by our boss. All the guys are gonna do is terrorize me while I’m trying to drive.” You cross your arms as you rest on one leg, hip poking out as you shake your head.

“Boss is with them currently so I assume he relayed the message.” You groan. “You better get going so you don’t anger him.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know Koko.” You finally walk away, snatching the keys as you make your way out of the shared penthouse, heading to the car and unlocking the door before hopping in.

You’re not usually one to pick up the men from the club considering how wild they get, usually only Kakucho or Takeomi could handle the ride, though when you do, you’re usually efficient. Even when Sanzu messes with the wheel or Kazutora tickles your neck to distract you. Even when Ran blows smoke in your face or when Rin pours alcohol on you. Mikey’s not with them usually, so you have no idea how that’s going to be, hopefully he stays a little professional considering you’ve never seen him drunk or high.

Worse comes to worse you can use the partition to divide the front seats from the back which is what you’ve done before. Still, who wants to drive a bunch of drunk or high idiots around? Hopefully they’re not too rowdy, they’ve never been bad enough to prevent you from driving all of you home at a good time. You sigh as you pull up in front of the large club, nodding at the security guard to signal your arrival for Bonten. He nods back before walking into the doors.

You scroll on your phone, waiting for what felt like an hour before you heard the car’s doors opening. Laughter and slurred speech could be heard as the men entered the car, your body tensing into professionalism when you see your boss through the rearview mirror enter, tightening your grip on the wheel. Sanzu sits in the passenger seat with a pink face, eyeing you before smirking. You ignore him as you double check that everyone is situated before driving off.

You ignore their conversations, Kazutora, Sanzu, and the Haitani brothers conversing about the women, drugs, and alcohol all the while Mikey eyes the window a dazed look on his expression as well as a warm face. One of your eyebrows raise as you find humor in your boss's look, unknown to whether he was high or drunk though definitely not sober. You continue the drive peacefully in your own zone as you eye the dark road.

“Y/n, why didn’t you come to party?” Kazutora questions with a smile.

“I don’t ‘party’ like you guys.”

“I think we should’ve hired you as a stripper rather than an executive.” Ran says, his eyes slightly narrowing as he smirks in your direction.

“Yeah, I would’ve paid to see you on stage any day.” Rin adds as he eyes your expression from the side.

Of course, you made a mistake in thinking that they might not fuck with you during this ride considering their boss is here. You ignore their remarks as you continue to drive. Your grip clenches around the wheel once more when you feel a poke against your side.

“Heyy! You’re being spoken to.” Sanzu says as he glares at you.

“Yeah don’t ignore us!” Kazutora whines playfully, poking you until you flinch, using one of your hands to swatt him away. You grit your teeth as you feel a cold liquid running down your thigh, glancing over to see Rin pouring his bottle once more as he chuckles and Ran smiles wider, finding humor in torturing you.

“Goddamnit!” You hiss as you snatch the open bottle and throw it out of the window.

“Awe you’re no fun.” Rin frowns, leaning back into his seat with crossed arms. Ran passes the recently lit blunt you hadn’t even noticed to Sanzu who breathed in a huge wad of smoke just to blow it in your face, slightly blocking your vision as you wave it away.

You continue to ignore them considering what they want is a response, so you drive down the road. You don’t notice the way your boss eyes the situation with amusement as well as staring at you through the mirror, warmth from the drug Sanzu gave him invading all of his senses as his face turns darker, heavy eyes shifting around the car.

“Want some, boss?” Kazutora questions Mikey, handing him the blunt as he takes it from him, breathing in a huge hit before blowing it out slowly. They all praise their boss as he relaxes in his seat. You slightly chuckle before focusing your attention back on the road. You just couldn’t help but find humor in your boss’s laid back behavior for once.

“Here.” He leans over to hand it to you, though you only glance at the flower.

“Oh boss, you can keep it, I don’t smoke.” Honestly, you’re lying because you like smoking. You just don’t want to be high around them or behind the wheel.

“Take it.”

“I can’t smoke behind the wheel.” You say sheepishly.

“Pull over.” Your eyes widen. What the hell?

“B-boss, that’s not necessary.”

“Are you defying the King?” Sanzu growls, narrowing his eyes.

“What? N-no, I just…”

“Then why aren’t you listening?” Kazutora questions.

“Boss clearly gave you an order.” Rin says as his brother eyes you.

All of this over a fucking blunt? What's gotten into them?

“Boss, I’m not disrespecting you, I just thought you wanted to get home! I can smoke in the penthouse if anything.”

“Pull over, now.” You didn’t hesitate to find an empty spot to pull over in, parking the car once you reached it with a shaky hand.

This is so weird.

You take the blunt from Mikey’s hand and put it to your lips, inhaling a little before blowing out.

“More.” You look at your boss from the rearview mirror with confusion.

“I still have to drive, I don’t think I should smoke…”

The barrel of a gun to your head causes you to quiet down, eyeing Sanzu who’s holding the weapon.

“What was that?” Ran teases. “Could you repeat what you just said?”

You glare at them before setting it back to your lips, inhaling deeply before you blow out a huge cloud of smoke, tears forming in your eyes as the burning sensation overtakes your throat.

I don’t understand why they’re making such a big deal out of this.

“Since you can’t drive you should sit in the back seat.” Kazutora says with a fake concerned expression.

“I was ordered to be the driver so I’ll be okay. None of you can drive, anyway.”

“No, it’s alright. Come here.” Following your boss’s order, you reluctantly open the door, hopping out of the driver's seat before opening the back door, blunt still in hand.

You couldn’t help but feel embarrassment as you climb in, feeling the intense gazes as you settle into your seat squished in between Mikey and Kazutora who don’t bother to move over, the Haitani brothers having already shifted to the empty seats across from you as well as Sanzu who sits beside the siblings, gun hidden. You squirm awkwardly into your seat as you inhale the leaf once more. Holding the smoke in as a hand on your chin forces you to turn to your right.

“Blow into my mouth.” You try to move your head from Kazutora’s hand, the burning sensation catching up to you, forcing you to blow in his direction, his mouth slightly open as he sucks in the air, his lips barely grazing yours.

This is definitely too intimate. What drugs did they take because marijuana doesn’t do this.

The air feels suffocating as warmth builds, gazes becoming heated as your eyebrows furrow. Suddenly, the hand on your chin moves to the back of your head as your lips are forced to meet with Kazutora’s. Your eyes widen as your hands immediately push against his chest, his hold stronger as he keeps you in place, golden eyes staring into your orbs. Biting his lip only caused a moan from him as he leaned into you, the metallic taste mixing in with mary jane and alcohol.

When he finally releases you, because you were still shoving away from him, you accidentally land on your boss’s chest. Immediate fear causes you to sit up, though you were stopped by arms wrapping around your waist, your head resting against his shoulder, positioned in between the leg that's propped on the seat and the other one on the ground as he leans against the door. Kazutora grabs the blunt from you as he takes a hit from it.

“B-boss?” You question as his hands slowly roam up your blouse, your face heated as the warmth of his hands rests on your breasts that are covered by your bra. “W-wait! Mi- boss! Stop!”

“Are you telling me what to do?” His breath causes tingles down your neck as his lips meet your ear.

“Two times in a row, not a good look for you, Y/n.” Ran says, ignoring his erection under his pants.

“Wait, I just need some air or something! I need to be okay to drive!” Your chest rises and falls as Mikey squeezes your breasts, your hands grabbing his wrists to pull them off though his strength is firm, even when intoxicated.

“You’re not being a very good executive, Y/n. So disobedient.” Rin taunts before he grabs one of your ankles, removing your shoe as well as Kazutora doing the same with your other after handing Ran the wood. You attempt to pull your legs back, forgetting how you are the weakest amongst these men. Sanzu moves to the floor board next to the upper half of your body as Ran moves to the lower, unbuckling your pants as you struggle against Mikey’s hold, blunt in his lips.

“Y-yeah I’m telling all of you to stop! This isn’t profession-!” You’re cut off by Sanzu’s lips, his hand cupping your face as Mikey’s tongue slithers against your ear. Saliva falls down your chin as your hand reaches to push against Sanzu’s chest while the Haitani brothers and Kazutora pull down your pants, revealing your panties. Your eyes become wider as you start kicking your legs, whimpering against Sanzu’s mouth as you try to break free only for Kazutora and Rin to hold your legs apart as Ran uses a finger to trail down your slit through the fabric before he hands the leaf to his brother.

One of Sanzu’s hands pulls your blouse over your chest before he moves back to pull it off, Mikey helping in the process as he holds your arms still.

“Guys! You’re too intoxicated! St-stop, now!”

Rin’s lips trail down your leg, rubbing your thigh in the process while the blunt lies in between his index and middle finger. Kazutora mimics, though removing your sock before he licks your foot, a tingling sensation going up your spine.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” Mikey whispers against your ear, unclipping your bra before he forces it off of you, of course you make it harder by preventing the handles from being removed from your arms. He tears them, throwing your bra to the side as one of his arms circle around your waist while the other hand reaches your nipple. Sanzu grabs the other mound in his hand before he lowers his head, eyeing you through heavy lids, his lips circling around your nub as you frantically try to move.

Ran lowers his head as he uses a finger to move your panties to the side.

“As pretty as I’d thought it’d be.” He says before he uses both hands to pull them down, Rin grabs them as he throws them to the side before handing Sanzu the blunt. Ran analyzes your pussy with a sly smile, using a finger to gather the slight slick that’s formed before sucking his finger and releasing a quiet moan.

“Stop touching me!” You exclaim, everything becoming overwhelming as your boss and coworkers roam your body, Sanzu pulling your nipple as he takes another hit.

“Relax.” He says before placing it against your lips. You move your head away before he roughly grabs your chin and forces you to face him.

“Smoke it.” He demands. You blatantly shake your head.

“No! No more of that or any of this!” You hiss as you move up once more, only for you to let out a high pitched scream of pain once Sanzu places the burning wood against your arm. Tears fall from the pain as your face becomes hot. Your other hand grips the arm that was just burnt. You shakily wipe away the residue ash left on your skin.

“Say that again.” He says before placing the blunt against your mouth. You inhale before holding it in and blowing out once more. He wipes the sweat off your forehead as he keeps it against your mouth, you having to inhale more before breathing the smoke out again, mellowing out although your heart continues to race.

Your body jolts as you feel a wet muscle slithering against your clit. Ran’s tongue flicks your nub before his lips close around, sucking as he slightly bobs his head. Kazutora sucks his fingers before sliding his hand down, bending over as he uses two fingers to ease into your wet pussy. Your hole clenches around his fingers as your hips twitch, biting your lip as you hold back from releasing any sound as your eyes shut tightly.

Suddenly, hands grab your hips as you're pushed up, legs hovering over your head as your body is bent. The wetness moves to your ass as his tongue glides against your anus.

“Hah! Not there! Stop it, please!” Tears fall in humiliation as he eats you out, Rin positioning himself to eat your pussy as Kazutora angles his fingers, gliding in and out slowly as he holds pressure to your g-spot before pulling out again, watching your pussy contract intensely. A tongue runs along your clit repeatedly flicking the nub before he sucks it. Sanzu and Mikey hold up your legs as they kiss and lick your neck before leaving hickeys and pinching the skin between their teeth, Mikey handing Sanzu the roach before he throws it out of the cracked window, returning his hand to your nipple.

As Kazutora accelerates his fingers, your hips slightly meet his hand as the brothers eat you out, your eyes rolling into the back of your head with your mouth slightly ajar, head falling back on Mikey’s shoulder.

“Ran.”

“Yes boss?”

“Pull out my cock.” He complies, pulling Mikey’s sweats down as well as his underwear, revealing his hard girth. You tense once you feel his head against your ass.

“W-wait, Mikey there’s no lube. Please don’t!”

“My King, I can help.” He says with a dazed look.

Mikey eyes him for a second before he nods his head, Sanzu and Ran switching placements as Ran settles next to her upper body and Sanzu moves to Mikey’s throbbing cock. A groan leaves Mikey’s lips, brushing against your ear as Sanzu lowers his head, lips circling around Mikey’s tip before shoving his cock deep within his throat.

You feel your boss’s hips jerk as his head falls back against the car’s window. Another moan leaves his mouth as you hear the mixture of saliva and precum combining as Sanzu pulls his head back and forth steadily, making sure to wet his king’s cock to the fullest.

“Knew he’d be eager to suck Mikey’s cock.” Rin whispers against your pussy as Kazutora and Ran chuckle at his statement. Sanzu pulls his head back and uses his hand to angle Mikey’s cock against your anus. Your body is forced to drop on his thick cock, tears escaping as the pain shoots up your back.

“Fuck!” You cry out, “Take it out! Take it out, you fucking assholes!” Kazutora removes his fingers as Rin pulls back, sitting in their seats as they pull out their own hard cocks, using spit to rub themselves off. Once Mikey’s cock was stuffed all the way into your ass, he held it there as he basked in your warmth. Sanzu hovers over you as he uses his own spit to wet himself. You jolt when his head meets your pussy lips.

Your hands grip Sanzu’s shoulders as he eases into your pussy, fortunately the juice that was already there makes it less painful, though your hole clenched around his girth as you're full from both sides.

“Relax your muscles.” Ran whispers in your ear as his own hand wraps around his cock, while the other caresses your head.

“I can’t! It hurts!” You exclaim as your eyes shut tightly. Your head falls back once more, Ran leaving a kiss along your jaw.

“Yes you can. Just breathe.” You had no choice but to comply as you tried to get through the pain, breathing heavily as Sanzu and Mikey began to move slowly. A drawn out moan escapes Sanzu as the pressure from Mikey’s cock could be felt through your walls, causing extra friction.

Time passed and their hips began to accelerate, the car filling with five men’s moans as all of them thrust their hips, pulsating cocks engulfed in warmth. Sanzu’s cock, angled to hit your g-spot, causes an intense pleasure that contrasts with the lingering pain from Mikey’s cock stretching your ass. The agony numbing out as you begin to fill a pleasurable fullness as your body rocks up and down, nails piercing through Sanzu’s fabric. You grunt as your ass clenches around Mikey’s cock, barely holding back a moan as the friction causes you to near your orgasm.

“Tell me how good it feels.” Mikey hissed against your ear, hand reaching around your throat as he slams his hips against your ass, speeding up.

“It doesn’t!” You cry out. “I-it feels terrible! Get out of me!” A loud moan accidentally leaves your mouth when Sanzu’s pace becomes faster, ambushing your g-spot repeatedly. A sharp pinch against your nipple causes you to yelp.

“Lie again.” Mikey growls, “Tell me the truth or I’ll blow your brains out as soon as I cum.”

“Fuck, this is so hot.” Kazutora hissed as his head falls back, rubbing his cock violently as his erection pulsates in his grip. Rin bites his own lip as he thrusts his hand, rubbing a thumb over his slit as he watches the display.

“Come on, angel. Be good for us, yeah?” Ran breathlessly says as he brings himself closer, hand gripping your head as he ruts against his other hand.

Your body convulses, warmth overcoming your abdomen as your hips grind hard against the two cocks, head back as your mouth hangs open with a silent scream.

“F-fuck! I’m… ah! Cumming!”

“Shit!” Rin hissed as his hand moves faster, your voice turning all of them on as they continue to work for their own orgasm.

You cry out from Mikey and Sanzu continuing their assault, thrusts becoming sloppier as they cause you to overstimulate, your hips frantically grinding back as the feeling becomes all too overwhelming, nose scrunching as your nails scratch Sanzu.

“Say it now! Tell us how good it feels to be full of our cocks! Right now, Y/n!” Sanzu growls, pink hue covering his face as he gazes into your eyes with a lustful, crazed glare.

“Feels good! S’ fucking good, hah! I’m gonna… I’m gonna cum again!”

In reality, post nut clarity will definitely come soon considering how violated you truly feel, though the feeling of being so full and your g-spot being abused causes your body to react, pussy contracting as you’re brought to your second orgasm, the men following along right after as they all release their loads.

You feel Sanzu and Mikey’s cum shoot deeply inside of you, so much coming out as some of the liquid spills out of your ass and pussy.

“Y-you all violated me.” You growl in anger as tears spill from your eyes, cocks pulling out of you causing you to grunt from the residue pain.

“You liked it.” Kazutora frowns as your vision becomes blurry.

“You should rest. Sounds like the weed is getting to your head.” Rin snorts.

Before you could prevent it, your eyes fluttered shut, darkness engulfing you into a deep sleep.

The next day, the men sat in the meeting room, awaiting your arrival. When you didn’t show up, Kakucho went to check your room, only to find you balled up in the blankets on your bed, hiding your whole body.

“Y/n?”

When you didn’t answer, he walked out of the room back towards the meeting to relay the message. The meeting continued without you. When it was over, Kazutora visited your room.

“Y/n? Why are you acting like this?” He says as he sits on the bed next to your figure. His eyebrow raises when his hand reaches your form, squeezing it before he stands up and snatches the blankets back, revealing an empty space.

“Shit!” He hissed in anger.

Two years pass and you just got out of your therapy appointment, walking to your car before you hopped in and drove to your apartment. You knew that the only way you could leave Bonten was by death or running away. So you decided to make a new life for yourself in a different country, far away from Japan.

You knew the job was toxic anyway but you didn’t know that you’d be violated sexually. You’re in a better head space, though you do have moments where you can feel the hands all over you, not scrubbing your body hard enough as your skin raws. Your new boyfriend, along with your friends and therapist have helped you grow positively as you slowly let your past go.

Entering your apartment, you expect to see your boyfriend in the living room on video games, not his limbs detached from his torso, or head decapitated as it’s rolled in between someone’s feet. Nor did you expect to see blood all over your carpet as well as the frames and paintings broken, thrown off the walls, glass shards everywhere. Your trembling hand covers your mouth as you eye the five men you never wanted to see again, staring at you with cold stoic expressions, worse than any angry look you could’ve ever received.

Hyperventilating, you turn on your heel to run back out your front door, only to run into Takeomi’s chest.

“No, no, no! Let me out, Takeomi! You don’t know what they did to me!” Your fists hit his back as he swings you over his shoulder.

“Oh I know. Now they’re pussy whipped and can’t get over you. Not even boss. You’re lucky you’re not gonna be killed, but there’s no way we’re letting you out of our sight again. Consider yourself, Bonten’s property.” He says as he walks to the car.

You continue struggling in his grip as tears leave from your eyes, crying out in anger and devastation over your boyfriend’s gruesome death. The life you created for yourself being torn from your grasp as another thing important is snatched away. You mourn your lost freedom as well as what’s to come.

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freyaphoria · 4 months ago

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Hey!! Sorry I was busy with school so I didn't get the time to log on.

My ask was a yandere Yunho one where you manage to escape your room (after a... session?🙂), knowing Yunho is still in the house. You try leaving but he doesn't let you. So you run to the kitchen to get a knife and you threaten to hurt him. But he smiles, knowing you would never hurt him. But then you realize that you would never leave the place, and therefore turn the knife around with full intention of killing yourself, and that's when Yunho's eyes widen.

I was thinking that you would finish/write the story however you want, but that's basically what happens. I'm a big fan of your Yandere work especially the Yeo one where he was pulling out nails. I've never read anything like that on Tumblr before.

Yeah that was my ask. It's usually always the good authors that don't have a million works😭

a/n: First of all, I realize this has been sitting in my drafts for a very long time and I apologize for responding after 5262627 years. And please, PLEASE can I have some feedbacks? I'm open to any feedback, good or bad; whether it's about this fic or in general.

Give it a Taste

tw: yan!yunho, yandere themes, implied sex, violence, knife, anger issues, blood, handcuffs, mentions of killing and self harm, yunho is kinda manipulative, stabbing

wc: 1.7k

taglist: @aim-blossom

Living with Yunho was difficult. You were especially tired of the jealousy fights that whenever you went out and the whining when you came home about whether you were paying enough attention to him or not. You usually do the same things every day; come home from school, spend time with Yunho, don't talk to anyone when you go out, come home again, spend time with Yunho again.... This same cycle went on and on and on. When you wanted to take a step and get rid of this cycle, Yunho did something you never expected (or did something you expected but didn't want to admit to yourself) and imprisoned you in his house. At first you thought he was just kidding and would take you out of the house after a few days; After a few days turned into a few weeks, you realized that he was really serious. You screamed at him, told him that you had a life outside and he couldn't keep you here forever, but he never listened to you; On top of that, he took your phone and cut off all your communication with the outside.

When your love for him gradually faded away and was replaced by fear and anger, you realized that you were dealing with a stranger, not your ex boyfriend. He was just a devil in the body of your goofy, loving Yuyu.

Yunho became very angry when you stopped loving him; His anger was increasing day by day and he was starting to explode at you. If you don't hug him, kiss him, or don't do what he wants when he wants, Yunho will grab you by your hair with his big hands and drag you to your room. Usually he would either lock you in your room until you knew your place or punish you with his own methods. In order for him to punish you, you would have to really cross the line and make him so angry.

You were tired of this life. You were tired of all the harm he had done to you. First, he would use all kinds of violence on you, and then at night, to make up for what he had done, he would fuck you as if nothing had happened, as if you were a very happy and passionate couple.

He was using your body completely. He was using you completely for himself, by loving you, by punishing you, by kissing you, by fucking you. Your body was completely in his hands.

Yunho had now become someone who gets angry easily; your Yuyu never got angry, you never saw him angry. But right now, the devil in disguise wrapped his big and strong hands around your neck and dragged you towards your room, while you scratched his arms with your nails and made them bleed to get rid of his grip.

You didn't remember how much he punished you, but when you come to yourself, you were lying on the floor of your room, with your bloody body.

You had to do something now. If you didn't stop him, he would take over your mind as well as your body, and then your soul, turning you into a completely soulless and unthinking doll; a doll that he used only to satisfy his own pleasures...

You pulled yourself to your feet, using your arms as support. Your body was so feeble from all the things he had done to you, so you stumbled when you stood up. You didn't have a plan, you just wanted to get out of here. Maybe he wouldn't want to see you because he was so angry with you today and he would let you go?

But you fell to the ground before you could walk very far. Since you couldn't feel your legs very much anymore, it didn't hurt much when you fell on your knee. You couldn't even walk, where were you planning on going?

You tried so hard not to burst into tears as you crawled towards the door. If he didn't lock the door, which he usually did, that was a message from the universe to you to run away and never come back no matter what.

The door wasn’t locked. Yunho was probably testing you, but you didn’t care. The door opened with a chilling creak, and the cold air from the hallway hit your blood-soaked satin dress, making you shiver. You didn’t know where the hell Yunho was, he was nowhere to be seen. With one last ounce of strength, you stood up and started walking down the hallway. If Yunho saw you here, he would definitely fuck you right there, he wouldn’t care how much you were hurting after the last session.

You didn't want to think about anything but getting out of this hell right now. Just before you reached the front door, you were frozen in place by the arms wrapping around your waist. You felt your heart begin to race uncontrollably. All your muscles were tense, and every part of you that was injured was aching because of the tenseness.

"Why do you have to be so difficult? All you had to do was sit in your room like a good whore and wait for me to fuck you." His hands on your waist slowly moved down to your hips and then to your thighs. "Why you making things difficult when we can be happy together?" He buried his face in your hair, which was getting sweaty from stress, and kissed your neck. "How can you be so ungrateful after all the good things I've done for you?" When he squeezed your inner thigh, every tight muscle of your thigh from last night ached in pain. "Why don't you save your life by being an obedient puppy? All you have to do is surrender yourself to me, and I will give you heaven." When you heard the familiar clicking sound, your brain sent warning signals throughout your body.

The sound of the handcuffs being opened when he's really angry at you and your punishment is going to be very harsh.

You didn't know how you escaped, but you freed yourself from his grip and ran to the nearest room, the kitchen. He had the handcuffs on his right hand and was approaching you. If he put it on you, you would never have a chance to escape from here again.

You had to protect yourself. You should have stopped him from coming towards you. Without thinking, you grabbed a knife from the knife holder next to you and pointed it at him. "Don't come any closer! Or I'll stab you!" Judging by your shaky hands holding the knife awkwardly, it would be impossible for you to stab someone as tall and bulky as him before he stopped you, but you were trying your luck anyway. You would never hurt him; you both knew that. No matter how much he hurt you, you couldn’t stab him, let alone kill him. This meant that you would live with this devil until the day he was done with you, being subjected to his tortures. If you couldn't kill him, why not kill yourself? At least you wouldn't suffer any more.

He giggled at you. "If you hold the knife like that, no one will take you seriously. Let me show you how to hold it-" As he approached you with a smile, he suddenly froze in place and his eyes widened. You turned the knife towards you and placed it against your neck. He was absolutely certain that you wouldn't kill him, but he wasn't at all certain that you wouldn't kill yourself.

You were holding the knife so confident and firmly against your neck that small cuts had formed on your neck and were beginning to bleed. "Am I holding it correctly now?" Yunho didn't know what to do. If he got close to you, you could cut your neck. If he just stood there, again you could. In order not to scare you any further, he put the handcuffs back in his pocket and raised his hands. "I'm not going to hurt you. Just put the knife down." You shook your head. "You're not thinking clearly. Put the knife down and let's sit down and talk. I promise I'll forget about this behavior." Liar. You were sure that the moment you put the knife down he would jump on you. "Let me go. You'll just kill me sooner or later! At least I won't have to suffer any more!" "What are you talking about? I will never kill you! You're overreacting right now. Put down the knife. Don't make me repeat myself."

His usual threat. 'Don't make me repeat myself.' You hated the person he had become. You closed your eyes and thought about your old Yuyu. Your cute, shy lover... If you pressed the knife harder would you see him? Since he was "dead", you would probably meet him again, since you would be dead too. You had a small smile on your face and started pressing the knife to your neck. The warm thick liquid began to flow down your neck towards your collarbone, warming you up in contrast to the coldness of the air.

But unfortunately, this peace didn’t last long when Yunho jumped on you and pulled the knife from your neck, taking it in his hand. "You bitch! You think you can kill yourself?! The only one who can kill you here is me!" He was shaking you and yelling. You flinched as if you had woken up from shock. You tried to get away from him, but he grabbed you by your newly cut neck and held you in place. "No, I won't give you what you want. You won't die right away, do you understand!?" He looked so scary. He was so big and you were so tiny under him. You were so scared of him.

"But if you like the knife so much, then give it a taste." He gave you a smile that was as terrifying as you'd ever seen before, before plunging the knife into your leg.

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez x you #ateez x y/n #ateez smut #ateez yandere #yandere ateez #yandere yunho #jeong yunho smut #jeong yunho x reader #jeong yunho #yunho x you #yunho x reader #yandere kpop #kpop x reader #kpop imagines

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yandere-wishes · 1 year ago

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Long ramble anon here, I'm happy you liked my long ask I was just concerned that I put way too much as I have a tendency to hyperfixate snd overexplain, hence the tldr at the end. To be honest ever since seeing the fox beastman I've been on a bit of a kick with theorizing things for him. (Did the same thing with Rollo hehe) Anyway, if you want some more of my takes I'm happy to share.

Alright so you know how beastmen retain some of their animalistic traits? Well my brain immediately goes to what this means for their romantic endeavors and courting behaviors. Not much is known about the courting process for foxes, but we do know that scent marking and loud vocal barking is used to attract a mate. How does this carry over to a humanoid fox? Well, my theory is that he will likely give his darling something like his coat, or spray whatever cologne he uses on their things or use more of it when he knows he's going to see them. As for the loud vocal barking you better believe my mind immediately went to him just belting out a serenade for his darling, regardless of how he actually may sound I think he's self-assured and prideful enough to believe this would definitely entice his soon to be mate.

Another interesting thing about foxes is that they are monogamous to a fault, rarely ever taking another mate after the passing of their partner, instead remaining loyal until their own passing (at least this was what I've read in my admittedly surface level research). To me this means two things, 1) once Fellow sets his eyes on a darling that's absolutely it for him regardless of how he has to get them by his side it is an inevitability so if they would just be a good dear and surrender early on everything could be so much better, and 2) should anything unfortunate befall to his darling he wouldn't ever fall for anyone else and likely never fully recover emotionally.

Tldr; The fox man would woo his darling with his surely illustrious (at least to him) voice and his cologne or perhaps natural pheromones, and once he woos them Fellow would never so much as look at another in the same light.

Don't apologize Anon!! I love it when people send in long asks about their hyperfixations!! It feels so endearing and sweet and makes me want to give you a big hug!! I'm literally the same when it comes to hyperfixate and overexplain, when I'm obsessed with something (TV show, movie, game, etc) I need to feel it in my veins!! Plus being able to chat about it with people on Tumblr is always one of the best parts!!

I can't stop laughing at the thought of Fellow sending his darling with loud obnoxious barking 🤣🤣 Bonus points if the reader is a regular human and just stares at him confused, while Leona, Ruggie, and Jack just nod in approval in the background (or in anger and disbelief, depends on the scenario). The idea of him sharing his cologne and jacket with Reader is actually really sweet. I like to think that some ways down the line if Fellow ever had to go away for an extended period of time. Reader would just cuddle into a corner hugging his jacket and spraying some of his cologne on herself. He'd be so delighted coming home and smelling his scent so strongly on his beloved.

I love this!! Just Fellow knowing that reader is the one from the first look 😍😍😍😍 He's so smitten and lays on the charm extra thick. Wanting them all so badly and doing anything to get them. If Reader should die (Lord forbid) Fellow definitely wouldn't get another partner BUT he'd also go the extra mile and try to resurrect them. Magic exists in Twisted Wonderland so I'm sure someone out there has the ability to raise the dead. He'd do absolutely anything to hold you in his arms again.

Look Reader is getting a really sweet deal here. A tall handsome man (+ bonus he comes with A SUPER FLUFFY TAIL AND EARS) with a smooth voice, and a charming personality. Willing to give her anything, do anything for her, and make sure she had the best life imaginable. He's physically incapable of cheating and would fawn over the reader like a lovestruck puppy. He's literally just perfect!! Ignoring the manipulative tendencies, obsessive behavior, and ability to maim someone with his teeth😊😊

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vitaminseetarot · 7 months ago

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Poll PAC: What Your Next Birthday Celebration Will Be Like 🎂🎉🎁

Sup y'all, welcome back to another PAC reading. This time I'm doing a special 1 year/birthday/poll topic of choice themed pick a card! This is also a special one as VitaminSee now has 300 followers! Holy crap thank you for your support everyone! I haven't been able to get on Tumblr for a while, so I apologize if it seems like I've dropped from the aether. Life is starting to enter its hectic phase right now! Thank you so much for your patience. I'm waiting for life things to straighten out (lol as if life ever does) before I go ahead and offer some basic paid readings, which I hope to do in May.

This topic is for the next birthday you have coming up, whether that's tomorrow or next year. For my selection, I was recently lucky to have found the Wild Wisdom Companion book among a vast pile of discounted books. It's based on the Wheel of the Year. I thought this deck was perfect for making piles themed around the progression of the year and how our birthdays respond to the passage of the seasons. Pick whichever one of the Spring themed card you like most down below:

Pile 1 - The Unfurling 🌱 Pile 2 - The Wind 🕊 Pile 3 - The Door 🗝 Pile 4 - The Alchemist 🍾

Pile 1 - The Unfurling

Sagittarius - Expand, Level Up, Shadow, Isolation; XVII Star, 3 of Cups, XXI World, Ace of Wands, 5 of Cups

Hello, pile 1! Your birthday is going to be the start of great expansion. Your first three oracle cards spell it out so clearly! Sagittarius is all about shooting for seemingly farfetched goals and striking the target anyway. There is so much growth going on in your pile. You're probably anticipating your next chapter to be one of reaching beyond the horizon and feeling ready to do so. Ideas or wishes that seemed impossible may be coming closer to being within your grasp. Your life is ready to take it up a notch immediately after your next birthday, where things may begin to feel like they're accelerating. Don't worry about the turbulence, it's all a part of the movement. Breaking out of your comfort zone may feel scary, but something about your next birthday will set off a chain of events that will propel you to a new phase of life.

I have a feeling that many who choose this pile will be in a transitory stage of life, like you're getting ready to start college or a new job around your birthday. It's not just another year older, this next one will be extra meaningful in terms of receiving something you've been longing for in quite some time. It's something you've been greatly eager to begin. I don't any sense that you'll be looking back too much once you go forward, since you'll be thrust rather quickly in your next chapter.

But it's still okay if you're experiencing anxiety over it, even if it's something you've really wanted. Anxiety, doubt, and fear are not necessarily indicators that something isn't right for you. It's normal to get cold feet in this context. A sprout breaking from its seed shell is no small feat; it requires a great amount of momentum and motivation. Congratulate yourself for having come this far. Let your birthday be a chance to celebrate this. Give yourself the opportunity to commemorate with friends, if they wanna help give you a birthday to remember then let them. They may feel the vibe as much as you will on that day. Don't be afraid to take that day trip out to a new place you've never seen.

What's interesting about the Isolation card is that it shows two cups. There is meanwhile a Friendship card in this deck with only one cup. So I don't know if the words were swapped with the images or what, but the sense I get is that you will very likely be in good company during your birthday. They may want to take you out dancing (the Ace of Wands is reminding me of disco lights). However, even in the midst of the event, you may feel the urge to hide away from the crowd. I'm picturing someone stepping out of a house during a party. You may need to catch your breath at times in order to process the emotions you're experiencing, as you have a lot of energetic, lit up cards just before the five of cups.

Again, getting in dark negative moods is normal when you're facing a big new stage is not indicative that things will go wrong if it's something you know you're looking forward to. If you end up spending most of the day with friends, find some space to be at peace by yourself so you can even out your feelings. These intense moods will come and go on their own, so make sure to stay balanced (and not too overly caffeinated lol) on your birthday.

Pile 2 - The Wind 🕊

Third House - Communication, A New Day, Ball Pits, Family; 10 of Swords, 5 of Cups, III Empress, Knight of Pentacles, 4 of Cups

How's it going pile 2? I couldn't help but notice you have two pairs of swallows in your reading. Birds may have some significance for you, maybe you'll go birdwatching or even get a pet bird. For a small number of you, the birthday could involve a plane flight out of home for a quick trip. Could you be visiting family members? There's a lot of communication going on, for sure. Even if you're not traveling out by flight, you may have family members show up to take you out somewhere. They may be insistent on seeing you, talking to you, and spending time with you. The phone might blow up first thing in the morning with notifications and voicemail.

But I'm seeing a lot of hesitance in your tarot cards. You may be feeling tired or burned out and not necessarily in the mood to celebrate. The previous year was a doozy for you so perhaps catching up on sleep is more of your priority. Ever get the feeling of wanting to sleep because life is overwhelmed and you're like, "I give up (for now)?" and call it a day? You need to give yourself a chance to recuperate around your birthday, before during and after. Have a break so you can fully recover and receive all that the coming year has to offer you.

That means letting loved ones in your life, be they bio family or chosen family, understand that you'd rather have a small get together or a chance to rest every now and then if you're invited out somewhere. If you choose to go out, there's nothing wrong with taking it slow and easy, or doing something casual like grabbing some ice cream and sitting by the riverside to ponder the next year. Communicate your feelings instead of bottling them up in an attempt to keep up with everybody else. Don't let anyone convince you of how you should celebrate, it's your day your rules!

Others of you who have a little more energy, a little more of that "last year sucks, I need to go out and do something fun to sweat it off!", I feel like the ball is emphasized here with Knight of Pentacles beneath Ball Pits. Some of you looking for more action and noise may choose to go to a ball game, or spend time at the arcade playing pinball with friends. It could even be mini golf. Whether you are the low energy (calm) or high energy (excited) seeking type, getting the chance to have some fun is important, as long as it feels right for you.

This is the pile most likely to get some kind of surprise, be that a party (high energy) or a surprise gift (low energy). There will be a sense of being pampered. Some of you may get a larger number of gifts than you may have expected. You may receive a very beautiful gift, something you may treasure for a long time. Whatever it may be, allow yourself to thoroughly enjoy it and express that joy. Let yourself embrace gratitude, being mindful of what you have now regardless of how your last year has been and how your next year will be. For your next birthday, try to focus on the present (in both meanings).

Pile 3 - The Door 🗝

South Node - Past, Let Your Light Shine, Bubble Gum, Winter; Ace of Cups, 9 of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, XIX Sun, Page of Wands

Hey pile 3! For your next birthday, I'm definitely seeing you go outside to celebrate. There may be an actual party held outdoors, or you might choose to go out somewhere. I'm seeing parks, possibly national parks or natural trails. I'm getting the feeling of warm sunshine, the weather will likely cooperate perfectly on your day. You could be cruising through town, going from store to store (the 3 of pentacles reminds me of a mall here). Your birthday feels expansive and adventurous, ready for something new.

A small number of you may wish to engage a little bit in the spotlight, or you may be placed into a position of receiving more attention on this day. If you wish to, your birthday would be a great day to showcase your talents or passions, since I'm picking up a bit of Leo energy in this pile. With lips in Bubble Gum, you could be giving a speech? I'm picturing an actual toast, if you feel the strong urge to speak out then do so, let yourself be heard. I'm also seeing people sing for you at restaurants, so if that isn't your style, it's best to find a place to eat that doesn't do that sort of thing.

This birthday could be like your own version of a New Year's Eve celebration. Some of you may actually be born in the winter or around New Year's, so holidays and birthdays could tie in together. You're wanting your birthday to stand out amidst the traditional festivities (I've known many people born around Christmas who hate having their birthday gifts thrown under the tree, so you're not alone in that frustration!). You may get the idea of doing something out of the ordinary. Let yourself take the spotlight--it's your special occasion!

There's a message in your pile of letting old things go as you step into a new age. Old things from the year prior may still be sticking onto you, old issues from unresolved matters may pop up. They could be on the more practical side, like needing to sign something or finish a task on time. Be ready to step into the future unafraid--now is the time to shed the baggage. Your birthday can be the fresh start to a bright new trip around the sun, but you gotta give yourself that chance. If something needs to be resolved, and you got the time, tie up your loose ends beforehand so it's not weighing on you as you celebrate.

Your birthday is a threshold to an exciting new time for you. It may be like a breath of fresh air. I keep hearing "refreshed" and "invigorated", so this may be how you feel at the end of your birthday. You may do something that makes you think, "huh, why don't I do this more often?" That could be the key for you to step into something brand new. Will spending time with your friends refresh you, or going to a concert and discovering a new band that you will fall in love with as it warms up the show? Or may you desire to spend more time out in nature? Lean into what lights you up, listen to what engages you, and move from there.

Pile 4 - The Alchemist 🍾

Imum Coeli - Roots, Snow Day, Forest, Transformation; 3 of Cups, 6 of Cups, Ace of Swords, XII Hanged Man, 8 of Swords

What's up, pile 4? Your birthday is looking to be the absolute warmest and coziest out of all the piles. Many of you may identify strongly with introversion. I'm sensing a lot of you have your birthday around autumn or the cooler times of the year when most people are ready to bundle up in blankets or sit by the wood stove while awaiting the first signs of frost. Many of you may get a lucky chance to stay at home instead of needing to work or go to school, so you'll have the day off to plan out what you want to do. Others of you may desire to take time off if you have the chance to, I would go for it especially if you've been feeling the need to rest. You may live near trees or desire to be out in nature as a way to kick back.

I'm seeing someone invite a few friends over to watch old reruns of favorite shows while baking. It could be a gathering of closest friends, I'm not getting the sense that it'll be a big to-do bash. This day will be short, sweet, and simple. It's a good day for doing hobbies or spending time indulging in the gifts you were given. Some of you may rather spend time with family or those you live with instead of inviting people over. You and your family may share a special way of celebrating birthdays, I don't know of any birthday specific cultural traditions from the top of my head but you may have special rituals unique to you and your family. Either way, I get that you'll have a modest celebration that's nevertheless full of camaraderie and relaxing activities.

The description for the Alchemist card says "Allow Transformation", and you have another Transformation card. You may be doing a lot of transmuting on the inside, working through old stubborn patterns and limiting beliefs around this time. I'm seeing the ball of flame near the snow as if you're melting old self-sabotaging blockages away to make room for more growth in your coming year. This flame, this transmuting energy, is making way for the new to arrive.

The Hanged Man being tangled up in vines beneath a forest makes me think that you've been hung up on something that needs to be let go. You must prune in order to effectively grow. Too much in a small space can lead to cramming and confusion. You must deal with the thoughts tangling themselves up in your mind before cultivating the thoughts you want in their place. Changes may happen slowly on the outside, but when certain patterns are fully cleared out things can really take off.

So, for example, let's say you've wanted to sign up for a ceramics workshop for your birthday, or spend the day cleaning house (if you happen to find cleaning therapeutic). To do so, you'll need to not only free up your schedule, but free your mind of thoughts trying to convince you that you can't learn or can't clean. Perhaps it's difficult to not see the forest as just a bundle of trees. But a forest is more than trees, it's an entire system that supports itself in a perpetual cycle. Don't fill up your days with too many tasks, especially on your birthday. Pace the day with both the things you want to do and the things you have to do. The time around birthday will show you how to integrate the best of both worlds. We can have cake and eat it too, it's just a matter of pacing and doing things one at a time.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

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lasnevadaslaborunion · 9 months ago

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I've been drifting away from both Tumblr and MCYT for a while now. This was the nail in the coffin.

I have another blog for art, and a third for other fandoms, but I doubt I will use either as often as I used LNLU. There's never been a community I've connected with quite so deeply as this one. Your creativity, passion, and kindness carried me through awful times far more than any individual creator could. It was not all rainbows and unicorns. It ripped open some old wounds, and left some new ones as well. But I want to carry forward the good things. I'm in touch with most of my friends on other platforms. If I've missed you, feel free to message and ask for my Discord.

A few final words, though.

We can never fully know what these creators are like when they're off-screen. What we see is a carefully curated picture of who they are, with flaws either scrubbed away or humorously exaggerated to the point of dismissal. Being aware of this does not mean assuming the worst. It means being realistic. When the people who truly know them become vulnerable by sharing the truth, believe them.

Be cautious of stereotypes. Anyone can be a victim or a perpetrator. If abusers could all be easily recognized at a cursory glance, if the signs were only a simple checklist of traits and deeds, if they were all so obviously monstrous that only a fool could have ever admired them - then far fewer of these people would get away with doing what they do.

They might be charming, attractive, thoughtful, intelligent, or funny.

They might only commit "minor" abuses, the kind that by themselves seem not to count but when taken together will wear you down.

They might blame you for what they do, claiming that you gave them no choice, or using your own symptoms and mistakes against you.

They might not realize that their behavior is abusive, or they might attribute it to other issues they may deal with.

They might apologize profusely and promise to be the sweetest person in the world for you, never to genuinely change.

They might degrade themselves, saying it's "just the type of person they are," and expect you - the one they hurt - to relieve them of their guilt.

They might be victims of something or someone else, too. They might truly be suffering.

But none of that makes your suffering acceptable.

If someone belittles, insults, pressures, screams at, willfully crosses boundaries, lies to, guilt-trips, or mentally, physically, or sexually harms you or someone you care about, there is never any obligation to accept that treatment. No matter what real or imagined position over you they might have, no matter what's going on in their life or in their brain, no one has the right to abuse their power like that. They are wrong.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong, too.

And to other survivors of abuse: it wasn't your fault, you deserve better, you are stronger than you know, your worth never depended on them, and you will heal with time.

Goodbye from LNLU. I love you all.

#tw abuse #important

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homelanderbutbig · 3 months ago

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Idk if Tumblr swallowed my ask or not but how would homelander deal with feeling cuteness aggression towards y/n? He's just like "I want to squeeze them until they pop but I'm not homicidal?"

No, I saw your first ask, you're all good. I apologize if I don't respond right away, my health has been, uh, well... not the best lately? I've been in-between new meds and an infusion and I've been pretty rough all around with side effects. I'm trying to force myself to do things so I can at least get back to some normalcy. 😔

Personally I don't think Homelander has it in him to have cuteness aggression. He strikes me as like, he's either incredibly gentle and caring to the people he loves, or he's forceful and violent to those he hates. I don't think he ever really has that overlap unless his s/o would ask him to fulfill a more "dangerous" role. Even then he'd be super hesitant about hurting them, stemming back to his childhood with that one nice teacher he killed from a hug. You also kinda see it in season 2 when Stormfront asked him to laser her, and he stopped when he thought she was in pain. I did write a fic a while ago where he had a teeny bout of cuteness aggression to the reader, but it was only because he got drunk and was unable to mind his strength.

However... the reader can manifest as much cuteness aggression as they can muster towards him and he would absorb it like a sponge, lmao. He thrives on that physical affection. ❤️

#asks #homelander #homelander x reader

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acalamity · 6 months ago

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author's note

first time using tumblr, this account has been untouched for a while. I'm sorry for any mistakes (typos or anything else) and hello!! :D

this idea was supposed to be for a fic (vibrant ribbons weave astral reverie) but I scrapped it since it was too much, so this is a snippet. here's part two

lookism! jake kim x reader as seperated childhood friends. reader is an aspiring tailor.

more under the wubbaboo!!

Jake Kim wondered what else changed in the time you were apart. He used to be your partner, your ride and die. Now, after so many years of seperation, you are different.

Of course you are, you've matured and gone through puberty. You've graduated high school while he dropped out, and chased your ambitions while he was rooted in Big Deal. The two of you lived very different lives, and somehow— no matter how close he is to you physically, the gaping distance is always there. In his heart, he is always a step away from you.

"Jake."

Maybe you'll have to part ways again one day. Criminal life is very dangerous, and he would rather not have you involved in any fights.

"Jake?"

Or maybe you'll grow too big for his little and humble street. He's sure you'll reach great heights and he looks forward to the day you'll stand on a grand stage. A stage grander than he can imagine.

"Jake!"

"Ow!"

He winced, face crinkling as his hand unwittingly travelled up to his face. From beside him, he could see you staring at him with your arms crossed over your chest, very much unamused. Instantly, the leader pieced together that you had probably pinched his cheek to snap him out of his stupor, "What was that for?"

"I've been calling your name for a while." You sighed, "What we're you thinking about?"

"Oh, you know. . ." Jake trailed off, he's not sure how to tell you about the thoughts rampant in his mind, so he settled for a question instead, "[Name], since when did you pick up archery?"

Oh, you realised, bringing up your bandaged fingers and palms, glancing over your hands swiftly, he was concerned.

The words that fall out of your lips are slow— and Jake realised you were unravelling an old, old, hidden wound, ". . . Out of my own frustration, I ran away from my mentors once."

"I was alone and young so a few people came up to me. Although I managed to escape in the end, I promised hat I would never let something like that happen to myself again." You huffed through your nose, "I had to start somewhere and my mentor just so happen to have a bow."

". . . I'm sorry." If he was there, a part of your life instead of living in bloodshed and chasing dirty money that did nothing to save his own predecessor, he would have ran away with you. Yet he was not there, and he can't take the wounds on your hands or your invisible battles away, "Sorry."

"Hm? What are you apologizing for now? Did you accidentally ruin my mannequins again?" Even you didn't know how he did it that one time, but he did.

His reply was instant, eyes wide and dumbfounded, "No!"

"You broke my belongings when we were children too. Then you'd come to me apologizing with that wide-eyed, kicked puppy look on your face." You stared at this face, holding back a laugh with a sigh, "Exactly like that face you're making now. Some things never change."

Jake blinked, once, twice— and just like that he was smiling along with you, "Do you still like the cookies I gave you?"

Gave you after everytime he kicked you in his sleep, kept you up with his snores and unintentionally roughhoused your items, he meant. Of course, like a good elder (of one year) and role model, he'd give Jerry some too.

"Those peanut cookies you received from Uncle Jinyoung and gave Jerry and I as an apology?" There was a nervous chuckle, "Yes, why bring it up?"

"I wanted to know." The beaming gleam in his eyes gave his simple answer away, "That's all."

And two days later, Jerry handed you a bunch of deformed peanut cookies, "Boss Jake wanted to give this to you personally, but he's stuck in his office."

"Well, drag him out." You took the package, and walked pass the second-hand. From what you could tell the cookies were homemade, with plenty of effort and struggle and not much success— though it probably wouldn't taste good, it makes your heart feel warm even in the chilly wind. With a huff, you turned to your friend, "Jerry, let's bother him for old times' sake."

"Please go ahead, Boss Jake is in his office now." And though Jerry is very much against bothering his boss, he can't find it in him to stop you, especially when he knows you'll never actually be a bother his boss. True to his thoughts, Jake's face lit up when he sees you.

"There you go again. Were you waiting for me to come?" So perhaps Jake was hoping you would barge into his office, like you barged into his life many years ago. You sat down next to Jake, placing the pouch of cookies down, "I received the goods—"

"You make it sound like I'm dealing drugs."

"— thank you."

A light remark, perhaps a bit teasing, "Can I have some?"

A pointed look without heat, "After you finish your paperwork."

"[Name]." He called out to you after moments of silence, "Hm? What is it?"

His expression was warm, tainted by overflowing affection, and whisper gentle, like a muted memory of a lullaby, "Thanks for coming."

The person in front of you is no longer the not-so-little bratty menace with chubby cheeks, he has grown beyond your expectations. In the future, the both of you surely continue to change, for good or bad, no one knows. But you (the no-nonsense peanut cookie muncher) are still the same person crafted by your childhood together, and he will surely have many more moments together with you. And those too, will be just as precious as the old stories that shine in his memories.

In the little office, so that he may witness the rest of your life, Jake weaved your name into his heart.

#lookism #lookism x reader #manhwa #jake kim

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zeroeightzeroone · 11 months ago

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in this lifetime and the next - seo changbin

genre: angst? hurt/comfort? idk two exes are talking about their past relationship

pairing: ex-boyfriend, non-idol!seo changbin x ex-girlfriend!femreader

notes: if this looks familiar, my secondary blog 'zerothreetwentyfive ' was deleted by tumblr (idk why) so i'm republishing everything here on my main blog.

wc ~2.5k | moodboard

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:

"how…" he clears his throat, "how have you been?"

his eyes are fixed on the night sky. even with the knowledge that he isn't looking in your direction, you still shrug before replying, "i've been… okay."

if someone told you three years ago you'd be lying under the millions of stars sparkling up within the dark night sky, next to your ex-boyfriend, you would've been convinced that person was out of their mind. especially, if that person told you that throughout the trip you would find yourselves alone together coincidentally, eventually finding yourselves sober and in the comfort of your ex-partner laid next to you. a cool breeze drifting by once in a while and everyone else who came onto the trip were either drunk or passed out inside the cottage.

you really would've called an intervention. convinced that they were far too delusional for their own good.

then again, you from three years ago would have never believed there'd come a day when your boyfriend would become your ex. where he would become someone of your past. you from three years ago could not even fathom, nor entertain the possibility of being away from the man, of living without the man. the man you loved more than anything or anyone. a statement that holds true to this day.

truthfully, you believed that he would be the one you would love and be loved by for eternity. believing that you waited your whole life, for everything in the universe to align, paving the path to meet the man you were fated for, the man you would call the one:

seo changbin.

"work's been good? school? life?" changbin's voice is quite soft and his tone is a bit awkward.

he's tiptoeing around his words, trying to figure out how you feel about him. weighing out what you could and couldn't speak about or if you should be speaking at all. the thought of overstepping and potentially making you uncomfortable sits in the back of his mind.

"they've been… more or less the same," you answer.

it's different without you, you think to yourself.

his absence was something you could never get used to after the breakup. three years later and that sense of emptiness looms over your head.

"i got promoted last year," you add.

"oh really? that's great to hear!" changbin's tone is excited but at the same time it's uneasy.

of course, he's excited, and he's proud of you but he still doesn't know how you feel about him right now. what if he makes you uncomfortable with too much excitement? or a lack of excitement? changbin's treading lightly.

"… uh… sorry–"

"—how about you? how have you been?" you're quick to cut him off.

if you didn't, changbin would go on rambling and apologizing; something you picked up on very early into your relationship. the man lying next to you apologizes for everything, regardless of if he is at fault or not. even if there is no fault, he finds himself apologizing anyway.

"last i remember you were working a big project."

changbin blinks, taken aback by the sudden interruption but he composes himself quickly, "o-oh! i've been doing good as well. happy that it's done."

"how'd it go?" you wonder.

"it was... definitely a lot more than we expected to take on. the clients decided they wanted to expand more on their vision. change up a lot of pre-made plans."

"ah, i see... i can't tell if that's good or bad?"

"i'd say it's both," you can hear the slight smile in his tone, "a lot of work done being scrapped which, y'know, isn't exactly ideal. but they agreed to pay us more which is good. i'd say we were rewarded adequately for the work we put in."

you hum, "well, then, i'm happy for you."

silence looms in the air between the two of you. neither of you knows what to say to the other, how to continue a conversation.

the both of you stare up at the stars overhead; most of which you aren't able to see on a daily due to the light pollution in the city. while there is a silence that has fallen between you two, it's not an uncomfortable one. neither of you are itching to escape an awkward atmosphere, to escape being around your ex. instead you find yourselves in a comfortable space in the presence of the one lying next to you.

basking in a presence neither of you has had the opportunity to be comforted by, let alone be around, in the past three years.

you find yourself instinctively fiddling with the ends of your hoodie sleeves, pulling them over your hands and hiding them inside. beside you, changbin adjusts his arm to rest behind his head while the other one rests on his stomach.

"y'know what this reminds me of?" he says suddenly, in a hushed tone, "reminds me of our two-year anniversary."

tearing your eyes off the sky, you turn your head to changbin's direction.

you let your eyes linger on him for a moment. entranced by how the stars and the moon illuminate his features in such a soft and gentle manner. it's been three years since you've been this physically close to changbin, let alone seen the man, you can't help but analyze his features like it's the first time. looking over the features you fell in love with way back when.

changbin looks just as amazing as ever, maybe even more attractive. he still sports those soft, dark curls in his shaggy hair that falls right under his eyes. he's more buff in comparison to when you last saw him three years ago.

the longer you let your eyes look over him, the more you're taken back, that sense of nostalgia washing over you. he's right, this moment is reminiscent of your two-year anniversary.

you remember the months leading up to that day as if it were yesterday.

you remember repeatedly asking your boyfriend how you two should celebrate the milestone that was coming just around the corner. in response, he would always say he would be the one to take care of everything and that all you needed to do was sit back and relax.

the boy was clad in light blue denim jeans, a navy varsity-styled jacket with a white shirt underneath, his hair tousled as it fell in front of his black-rimmed glasses when he knocked at your door. greeting your family before whisking you away for a night you will never forget.

changbin quite literally drove you off into the sunset, one hand gripping the wheel whilst his other held your hand in his. the both of you belting out to the playlist you created together, one that grew as each day passed.

by the time you arrived at your destination, the sun had set behind the skyline as the dark sky loomed over the city. you remember the way your jaw slacked in awe at the breathtaking sight of all the stars.

"i've never been this close to the stars! they're so much closer from up here!"

you stood there gaping at the stars for what felt like eternity, while changbin stood beside you, his eyes full of affection as he stared at you. oh, his eyes. you would think he captured the stars in his eyes with the way they sparkled at the sight of you. that night on the hill, you and changbin were laid next to each other on the hood of his car, cuddled in each other's arms as you talked about anything and everything that came into your minds.

there you were in the arms of your lover, alone together in your own starry heaven. everything seized to exist other than you and your intertwined hearts.

you and changbin, together against the world.

nothing will ever come close to that level of perfection. that ethereal moment you've etched into your brain, you'd much rather be damned than to have that moment wiped from your memory.

"yeah… it does. the sky, the stars… just... everything brings me back."

"it was definitely not as chilly that night," changbin smiles.

half of his statement refers to the weather and the other half refers to how you were huddled up next to him that night. as opposed to now, where the space between your bodies lets in a cool draft.

you chuckle and shake your head, "the weather was great, not too hot and not too cold. just perfect."

lying next to him, reminiscing on your two-year anniversary as a couple has a question popping up in your minds.

if given the chance, would you go back? would you choose each other again?

the question is nothing new. a recurring thought over the past three years.

over the past three years, you've collected a pool of unanswered questions regarding your relationship with changbin: the how's, what's, when's and why's. how could you not wonder? nothing in the world could surpass your love for seo changbin.

three years later and you have never loved as deeply as you have for the man beside you.

you're both listening to the steady breaths of the one lying next you as both your minds run a mile a minute. allowing a brief silence to settle before changbin is the one to break the silence.

"i'm sorry."

"sorry? ...for what?"

"just… everything."

when you turn to look in changbin's direction, your eyes meet for the first time that night. god, it feels as if your heart stopped at that exact moment. the delay was so long you could have dropped dead right there.

but you lived off the way your eyes locked with changbin's. finding your breath again with each twinkle of the stars reflecting off his black-rimmed glasses. finding your pulse starting up again, this time beating out of your chest as his deep brown eyes bore into your own. breathing the life back into you.

your gazes soften, a wave of nostalgia washing over the both of you; a memory of what you once had together.

a breath of the life you shared three years ago.

you stare at each other wordlessly. soaking in a feeling of comfort neither of you has felt in three years, one you only received from the one lying next to you.

"i'm sorry too. for everything."

"it's not your fault," he shakes his head, "i fell short in the end and i wasn't the boyfriend you deserved."

you're shaking your own head, "i was a terrible girlfriend. i wouldn't have stayed with me either."

"you were–are– amazing," changbin states, "you've always been."

"that's not true. don't say that, i know i hurt you with the things i said."

somewhere along the line of your relationship with changbin, things started to go awry. your lives began to clash; school and work priorities building and creating distance between you two. it felt like your relationship was slowly slipping away, schedules ran tight and pressures ran high.

you remember petty arguments, the back-and-forth bickering between the both of you when you were able to see each other.

"and i hurt you. i was never there when you needed me, i promised you that you could trust me, depend on me but i broke that in the end."

"that's not your fault. i couldn't be there when you needed me either."

"and that wasn't your fault either, our schedules didn't line up anymore."

"but… i could've tried har—"

"there was only so much we could do and you tried your absolute hardest," changbin interrupts you, "time just... wasn't on our side."

you hate to admit that even without the petty, groundless arguments, the end was inevitable.

your relationship no longer fit into the other's increasingly hectic schedule, any and all the attempts came with sacrifices with school or work, and in the end, there was no healthy way to incorporate that time for each other. all the time you did spend together was plagued by stress and high tensions, only pushing you two further apart.

no matter how hard you tried to salvage your relationship, everything else tried even harder to ruin it.

the anger and dejection only grew stronger as time passed. the both of you wondering why things weren't going your way no matter how hard you worked for it. you felt dejected that your efforts came without fruition. upset that the time you did have together was limited, fleeting and full of the pressures your individual lives were weighing on you.

"can i ask something?" your voice is almost inaudible but changbin hums in response, "why did you leave when you did?"

changbin blinks slowly as he processes your words.

"i didn't want things to get worse."

"what do you mean?"

"i didn't want to end things between us on a bad note. for us to part ways hating each other."

"i could never hate you."

"maybe, but we'd grow to resent each other even if we didn't mean to. wondering if our efforts were in vain, that no matter how hard we tried the universe worked harder against us."

"did you… resent me in the end?"

"i would've rather died instead of growing to hate or resent you."

your head snaps in his direction and his to yours. your eyes wide with shock at how he said that without hesitation.

"what we had between us, i didn't want it to be overshadowed by months of arguing."

changbin has never loved anyone the way he loves you.

early on in your relationship, changbin wholeheartedly believed you were the best thing to ever happen to him. no one cared for him, accepted him and understood him in the way you did. no one made him as happy as you did.

when he realized that your relationship became a source of stress in your increasingly hectic lives, he made the difficult decision to leave.

the people that come in and out of your life come either as a blessing or a lesson; changbin believes you are a blessing in his life.

people slip in and out of your life, fuck around and make you rethink everything. the memories of them are associated with the phrases: "i should have known better" or "you learn from your mistakes".

and he would rather be damned than to be a lesson.

he knew that with the direction both your lives were headed into at the time, the end was inevitable and if things between you two had to end then, in your out-of-control lives, he wanted the last semblance of control here.

"the thought of losing you scared me shitless," changbin continues, "but what scared me even more was that you could one day regret all of this, everything we had. that you would leave regretting ever loving me."

"… i didn't know you were thinking that way," your voice trails off at the end, thoughts still delayed as you process the words of your ex-boyfriend lying next to you.

you take a moment before you continue.

"at one point, i wasn't even mad or upset with you anymore... i was mad at the universe. the circumstances."

when you and changbin broke up, you often wondered what the universe had in store for you after such excruciating heartbreak. but the pain didn't even stop with changbin; it seemed like the universe had it against you as else in your life began to downward spiral.

you struggled to adjust to the growing hustle and bustle of your life while also struggling to adapt without your person.

oftentimes, you imagined taking a trek up to climb the tallest mountain in the world. exerting all that blood, sweat and tears for the opportunity to let everything out into the void. you imagined standing on the highest point on earth would be as physically close as you could get to the universe.

maybe from up there, the universe would be able to hear the desperation, the pain that came from wondering what you did to deserve this; to have loved so passionately and to have lost, to experience such excruciating pain.

if the universe didn't align for a life with changbin, you laid awake wondering what it did align for. if it would be worth it.

what could be more worth it than him?

with a bittersweet smile on your lips you say, "nothing aligned for us in this lifetime. maybe, in the next lifetime."

you're trying your hardest to control and suppress your emotions as your eyes gloss over, tears threatening to fall. changbin's eyes stay fixed on you as he, much like you did earlier, analyzes your features all over again as if it was the first time.

changbin pays close attention to every detail, etching it into his mind.

"whose to say that?" changbin's eyes meet your own once again, a glint present in his chocolate brown orbs, "this lifetime isn't over yet."

your eyes, still blown wide with surprise, meet changbin's. you would think he captured the stars in his eyes with the way they sparkled at the sight of you.

"in this lifetime and the next, i'll love you."

"does that mean you'll love me for eternity?"

"our love is so strong it transcends lifetimes. we'll always find our way back to each other."

main masterlist

#stray kids one shots #stray kids imagines #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenarios #skz imagine #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz angst #stray kids angst #stray kids hurt/comfort #skz changbin angst #skz changbin imagine #skz changbin one shot #skz changbin oneshot #stray kids changbin angst #stray kids changbin oneshot #stray kids changbin imagine #seo changbin x reader

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ghuleh-recs · 9 months ago

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Cardinal Copia had his own Fic Rec Friday and now it’s Popia’s turn. I've compiled a healthy mix of x reader and x ghoul below. A little something for everyone! I may have gotten a little carried away— there's a lot to see here so make good use of your ao3 bookmarks!

Take my hand. Let’s read about the HBIC together. ♡

recs under the cut.

Papa x Reader

Don't Go - @ramblingoak - papa iv x gn!reader

While trying to convince Papa to cancel the tour you end up confessing how you feel about him.

Rough Day - @writingjourney - papa iv x f!reader

papa takes care of you after a rough day.

Your Star Wrapped in My Cloak - @sherwood-forests - papa iv x f!reader

You find Copia in the library, in hopes of apologizing.

VIII Strength - @anamelessfool - gn!reader

VIII STRENGTH Strength (Physical and Will), courage, persuasion, influence, compassion Copia is a pent up sort of man, he always has been. He enjoys being Papa but on his worst days the title has a near physical weight pressed across his shoulders. He comes home to you, and you can tell when it's been one of those days. Luckily, he has you to guide him.

Forbidden Fruit - @ink-and-dagger - papa iv x f!reader

It's a pleasant surprise to stumble upon the newly ordained Papa Emeritus IV browsing through the library stacks. Even more pleasant that he happens to be halfway up a rolling ladder, and wearing one of his sinfully tight suits. What better opportunity to give Copia's cakes the attention they deserve. Or No snakes needed to convince you to take a bite out of this apple.

Forever Yours - @sweatandwoe - papa iv x gn!reader

Ever since you had entered into a relationship with him, you had learned three strict rules about Copia. One, he did not like to be tickled in any situation. Two, he always had to have a drink after sex. Three, the make-up stayed on. The first two were easy to follow but the third though, was getting harder to try not to bend.

Worship - @copiasjuicebox - papa iv x transmasc!reader

Tumblr Request: trans!copia worshipping your body after your t shots have had time to work. he understands how to worship your body properly bc he’s been through the transition, he gets it.

on leather wings - @ghostchems - papa iv x f!reader

copia surprises you with a spooky weekend getaway, culminating in some winged bedroom time

Papa IV x Ghouls

tumblr ficlet - @st-danger - papa iv x dewdrop

"Papa," Dew murmurs, and Copia feels a tremor move through him; there's a particular voice Dewdrop uses when he wants something. Silky and dark and slow. A drawl. It's what he's using now, and he hasn't the ability to deny him anything. And if Dewdrop is about to angle for a little action, backstage and hurried with Copia in his papal robes- well. It'd be sinful, of course. And it would be wrong to not take advantage of that, right?

What's My Name? - @copiasjuicebox - papa iv x swiss

"Why don't you ask me how I'm doing?" in which, the audience doesn't refer to Papa as "Papa" and it strikes a chord.

And You Know That It Takes Two - @forlorn-crows - papa iv x dewdrop

“Well, I do. Of course I do,” he assures the ghoul. “Quite fond of you all, actually. It was, admittedly, a little rocky when we first met. But.” There’s that heh Dew was expecting just moments before. “Here we are, no?” When Copia starts rubbing his thumb up and down the inside of his knee, Dew’s brain stops working. His gaze zeros in to the fingers splayed across the side of his thigh, so foreign, so bare, so pink against the black of his casual uniform pants. His mind is full of static and all he can hear is his own blood pumping through his head. But there’s a weird something tugging in his ribcage; something new yet old, unnamed but familiar.

tumblr ficlet - @littlemoon-beam - papa iv x dewdrop

He can't look away from his hands, the way the veins flex under his skin as he expertly plays. Copia hears his own shuddering breath, wishing he could feel them on his skin even if only for a moment. He'd worship every fingertip if given half the chance. What really gets him though, what makes his chest tight and his stomach twist, is when he finishes and smiles, head tilted and eyes bright. "Was that ok, Papa?"

Changing of the Seasons - @kissingghouls - papa iv x cirrus

Cirrus and Copia share an umbrella on a rainy day.

𖤐 you know the drill--bookmark, read, and leave kudos/comments!

Did I forget your favorite? You've got a standing invitation from me to add your own rec and reblog ♡

#my fic recs #fic rec friday #the band ghost fanfiction #the band ghost #papa emeritus iv #copia #swiss ghoul #cirrus ghoulette #dewdrop ghoul #queued post

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genshinluvr · 2 years ago

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Insecurities and Jealousy

Pairings: Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader (Zhongli x Isekai'd!Reader)

Summary: Your insecurity and jealousy get the best of you, causing you to overthink. You assumed Zhongli would leave you for someone else because she (Lumine) looks a tiny bit like Guizhong (according to Venti). The tension between you and Zhongli proceeds to grow, thus you demand that Zhongli prove that he cares about you when the twenty-four men leave your bedroom to give you and Zhongli some privacy to speak.

Note: This is part two (and a request) of "Overprotective with a Hint of Jealousy," it will be linked down below. I think you can read this without having to read the first part tbh. The requester wanted this fic to be Zhongli focused and that is what I did. This post does contain smut, and it's been a while since I've written and posted smut, so I can't promise that it's good 💀 Here are my usual heads up regarding the smut-fics I post: every single one of my smuts, the reader is either a female!reader or an AFAB!reader. I try to keep it as gender-neutral as possible, but all of my smut-fics do lean more towards female!reader/AFAB!reader. Minors, DO NOT INTERACT! As usual, I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo).

Warnings: Horribly written smut (as usual), Zhongli has two dicks, oral sex (both receiving), double penetration, handjob, deep throating, cervix fucking, biting, slight mentions of blood, spitting, and hair pulling.

Word Count: 10.3k

You can find part one of Insecurities and Jealousy right here: Overprotective with a Hint of Jealousy.

You’re the jealous type, and you hate it. You hate the feeling of your heart clenching in your chest and a sense of inadequacy. It’s an ugly feeling. It makes you feel like a terrible person whenever you get jealous of the people around you or someone that has passed on to the afterlife. You know she was his friend; they were nothing more than close friends. But why do you feel a raging fire pit forming in your gut when you know that there is an area in Liyue with their names combined? In your world, it’s a ship name.

Zhongli has reassured you that he and Guizhong are nothing more than friends. Close friends. But would close friends form an alliance and name part of Liyue with their names combined? You think the fuck not. Perhaps they were not creative with naming that part of the region? Either way, you hate that it exists and wish you never feel this way. You’re brought out of your thoughts when the glass cup shatters before you. You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose, rubbing your throbbing temples with your index and middle finger.

You look at Albedo. “Apologies for breaking another beaker. I was distracted with my thoughts,” you murmur, giving Albedo an apologetic smile.

Albedo sweeps the shattered glass into the dustpan. “There’s nothing to apologize about, [Y/N]. If you need to take a breather, you can step out for a moment,” Albedo says.

Albedo is telling you to leave. Although, you don’t blame him for wanting you to go if that’s what he’s implying. Maybe you do need a breather, or else you’ll take your jealousy out on another glass beaker in the lab. After all, this is the fifth beaker you have broken within two hours of helping Albedo with his project.

You nod, letting out a long exhale through your nostrils. “You’re right, Albedo. I need to take a breather and collect my thoughts,” you said.

Albedo squeezes your shoulders and continues to sweep the glass shards into the dustpan, throwing them into the trash bin. You take your lab coat off and hang it on the coat rack near the door. You leave Albedo’s laboratory and press your back against the wall, sighing for the umpteenth time today. You push yourself away from the wall and stomp down the stairs. You’re glad the stairs have a rug because you don’t want to put anyone in a negative mood because of the thoughts that are hounding you.

Once you have reached the bottom of the stairs, Lumine perks up and waves at you. When did she get here? You give Lumine a smile and wave at her.

“Lumine! What are you doing here at the abode? Babysitting Aether again?” You ask.

Aether scoffs and crosses his arms over his chest. “She’s not babysitting me, [Y/N]! And for your information, I invited Lumine over because I didn’t want to be alone when Zhongli drones on about the history of Liyue,” Aether jokes.

You blink at Aether’s response, finally noticing the former Geo archon sitting across from Lumine and Aether. Zhongli sips on his tea, ignoring Aether’s comment about him droning on about Liyue’s history. You purse your lips and nod. As much as you would like to join them, Zhongli didn’t invite you, so why should you invite yourself?

Lumine rolls her eyes at Aether’s comment, nudging his side with her elbow. “Be nice, Aether!” She hisses. Lumine turns to you and smiles politely as if she wasn’t close to smacking her twin brother in front of you and the former Geo archon not too long ago. “Would you like to join us, [Y/N]? Zhongli was about to talk about Guizhong and the Guizhong ballista,” Lumine says nonchalantly.

Your eye twitches at the mention of her name. Oh, archons, her again? Do you even have the patience and courage to stay and listen to your boyfriend talk about a friend that has passed away thousands of years ago? No, no, you do not. Plus, Zhongli never invited you, so it would be rude for you to impose. He certainly did not invite you for a good reason, and for once, you’re glad he didn’t ask you to join the conversation.

You shake your head. “No, no, it’s fine. I was helping Albedo with his experiment, and now I’m taking a much-needed break,” you said.

“Aw! Come on, snookums! Why not join us?” Childe asks, walking into the room with a teapot in his hands.

You raise an eyebrow. “Childe, I didn’t know you were part of Zhongli, Aether, and Lumine’s tea party,” you said, crossing your arms over your chest.

“There are more audiences, but they’re currently on a bathroom break. We’ve been sitting here for almost two hours drinking tea and learning about Liyue’s history,” Gorou says, stretching his arms in the air as he walks into the room.

You prop your hands on your hips. “Is that so? And I wasn’t invited?” You ask lightheartedly.

You mask your hurt with a lighthearted tone. You’re conflicted on whether you should feel offended that Zhongli didn’t think once or twice to invite you. Or if you should feel relieved that you didn’t have to sit through almost two hours of Zhongli talking about Liyue and her. Archons, this feeling is so ugly.

“I didn’t think you’d be interested in listening to the long history of Liyue. Besides, you were helping the chief alchemist with his experiment,” Zhongli says casually.

Venti plops down in his seat beside Aether. “If we’re talking about the God of Dust, she looks a little similar to Lumine. Only, she has a rat tail like block-head over there, and her hair is gray,” Venti says casually.

Venti’s comment makes you dread being in the presence of Zhongli and Lumine. If Guizhong looks a little similar to Lumine, could that mean that Zhongli may have felt some kind of attraction toward the blonde girl? What if Lumine was the reincarnation of Guizhong? No, it’s not possible because Lumine isn’t even from Teyvat. The raging fire pit in your stomach that is jealousy has grown after hearing Venti’s comment.

Noticing your change of demeanor, Thoma nudges Venti and gestures for the anemo archon to keep his mouth shut. Venti’s eyes widen, and he makes an “oops” face. Thoma turns to you and gives you a smile.

“Do you want anything to eat? You have been helping the chief alchemist for a few hours,” Thoma says, getting ready to leave his seat.

You give Thoma a strained smile and shake your head. “Oh, no, I’m not hungry. I’m about to go to Luhua Pool,” you said, pointing at the entrance of the estate.

You didn’t plan on going to Luhua, but now that you think about it, a change of scenery would be nice. Not only that, but you’re hoping the view of the blue waters would keep your mind off of Zhongli talking about Guizhong and how Lumine looks a little similar to Guizhong. The pit in your stomach grows when you see the light shade of pink on Lumine’s cheeks. To you, you see it as Lumine blushing at Venti’s comparison to the God of Dust. Still, in reality, Lumine was blushing from embarrassment and refraining from strangling the anemo archon for comparing her to the woman you envy.

Lumine knows about your distaste and jealousy toward the deceased archon. You expressed your frustrations to Lumine a few days ago. The frustration was more directed toward yourself than the God of Dust and former Geo archon. She knew how much you hate feeling jealous over their friendship. Lumine prays that you won’t hate her or grow a dislike for her because she and Guizhong look a tiny bit alike.

“Why are you going to Luhua Pool alone? There is danger outside the abode,” Xiao says, standing behind you with his arms crossed over his torso, frowning at you.

You look at Xiao and smile at him. “I’m going to Luhua Pool to clear my mind, Xiao. I messed up on Albedo’s experiment because I was distracted,” you explain, tucking your hands into your pockets.

You weren’t wrong about that part. You were distracted by the overwhelming jealousy directed toward Zhongli and Guizhong’s friendship. You wanted to have someone that cared about you as much as he cared about her. You wanted to have someone that keeps the memory of you alive when you’re gone, like how he does with Guizhong and the past adeptis that were once by his side. Yes, your boyfriends love and care about you, and you acknowledge that! But does Zhongli care about you as much as the other men do? Does Zhongli care about you as much as he cares about Guizhong? Does he care about you more than he does for her, or is it the other way around?

So many questions ran through your mind, making your throbbing temples worsen. You close your eyes and rub your temples. The sooner you leave the abode, the sooner you can (hopefully) soothe your aching temples.

Heizou approaches you, placing a light touch on your shoulder. “Do you want someone to accompany you? You don’t look too good,” Heizou murmurs.

You shake your head. “I’ll be fine, Heizou. Like I said before, I need to clear my mind,” you reply.

Before anyone can protest, you make your way to the entrance of the estate. Your throbbing temples are hurting almost as much as your heart. You end up finding yourself sitting at the top of the mountain in Luhua Pool, looking out at the bluest water you have ever seen. It’s nice and quiet. The only things you hear are the wind blowing, treasure hoarders conversing from afar, birds chirping, and the sound of your heart breaking. The last part is a little dramatic, but you can’t help it.

While the sun is beating down on your hot skin, you debate whether you should sit under a tree to cool off or just remain where you’re sitting. A twig snaps behind you, making you tense up and freeze where you’re sitting. You’re afraid that if you turn around, you will see Zhongli standing behind you.

You keep your eyes on the waters in front of you. “Zhongli, if you’re here to scold me for leaving the abode so suddenly, I don’t want to hear it,” you sigh, resting your head on your chin.

“Huh. Last time I checked, my name’s not Zhongli,” you hear a nonchalant voice say.

The person sits beside you, leans back, and looks at the view before you two. You didn’t say anything. What are you supposed to say, really? Were you supposed to explain to Diluc why you left the abode to sit at Luhua Pool?

Diluc sighs and places his hand on his lap. “You don’t need to say anything. I’m here to keep you company, even if you want to be alone,” Diluc says.

You close your eyes and rest your head on Diluc’s shoulder. Diluc shifts beneath you and wraps his right arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. You were tempted to tease him for being protective, but you don’t blame him for being that way. After all, he (and the other men) did witness you getting injured in many ways a few days ago. It was humiliating. You never want to live through that kind of stuff ever again, but knowing yourself and your luck, that’s not going to happen any time soon. You close your eyes and let yourself snuggle up against the pyro vision holder.

“You know what I have always wondered?” You whisper, breaking the silence between the two of you.

Diluc hums in response, letting you know to continue.

“Ever since I arrived in Teyvat, I wondered if the people in my world know about my disappearance. I wonder if there are people that miss me or remember my existence,” you said, opening your eyes and gazing out toward Luhua Pool. “I know that he cares about me, but sometimes it feels like he cares about her more than he cares about me,” you murmur.

You are the present, and she is the past, but he’s keeping the memories of her alive. The people of Liyue and the adeptis are keeping the memories of Guizhong alive. Seeing how much people love and care about her, how they still think about her despite her perishing thousands of years ago, made you wish that you had friends like them. You don’t think your friends back in your universe are aware of your disappearance. Heck, you don’t think your parents or siblings care about your lack of presence in their world.

Footsteps approach where you and Diluc are sitting, breaking the silence between you and the redhead.

“So this is where you two have run off,” Dainsleif says, sitting beside you, sandwiching you between him and Diluc.

You sigh and lift your head. “How many of you followed me to Luhua Pool?” You ask, looking turning to look and seeing the other men trying to sneak up toward you, Dainsleif and Diluc.

Kaeya crosses his arms over his chest. “Are we not allowed to be worried about our significant other?” Kaeya asks.

“We noticed your change of demeanor when Zhongli’s friend was mentioned, and we wanted to check up on you to see if you’re okay,” said Kazuha.

You give the men a tight smile and nod. Even though you feel like shit for being jealous of Zhongli’s deceased close friend, you might as well pretend to be okay. Maybe that will flip your emotions, and you’ll be okay! Maybe. You’re not entirely sure if it’ll work since you let your feelings get to you almost all the time.

You stand and brush the dirt off your clothes. “I’m fine, really! As I said in the estate, I needed to clear my mind. I was distracted by my thoughts, and it caused me to break a few beakers in Albedo’s laboratory,” you explain.

“We also want to inform you ahead of time that Zhongli wants to speak to you once you return to the estate,” Ayato interjects.

Oh. So now Zhongli wants to talk to you after not inviting you to join him and the others for tea? You huff and walk off.

“Why should I speak to him? Zhongli didn’t speak to me earlier today, nor did he think once or twice about inviting me to have tea with him. I think he can wait a little longer to speak to me,” you said.

Gorou’s eyes widen, watching you walk closer to the edge of the cliff. Gorou tugs the shirt of the person closest to him, too scared to even speak up. Kaveh rushes over to you and grabs you by the wrist, pulling you toward his chest and walking far from the edge. It’s like you’re intentionally trying to walk off the cliff and end your life. You let Kaveh drag you off, mentally cursing at Zhongli and the dead god. Actually, cross that off. You’re mentally cursing at yourself for being this way. Your jealousy stems from your insecurities and lack of confidence. Your lack of confidence is because of the people in your life that had put you down at every chance they get.

Al Haitham gives you a slight glare. “Please don’t try to walk off the edge of the cliff. What if none of us are here to protect you?” Al Haitham scolds you.

Kaveh makes a face. “I think that’s what they intended on doing,” Kaveh mutters loud enough for Al Haitham to hear.

“I think you had plenty of time to clear your mind! Let’s head back to the abode! A nap can also help you clear your thoughts and distract the storm brewing in that pretty little head of yours,” Itto says, ruffling your hair.

You shake your head stubbornly. “I’m not returning to the abode now. I barely had fifteen minutes of alone time to myself. I’m glad that all of you care about me and want to protect me, but….” you trail off, sighing in defeat.

“How about this: we let you sit here and clear your mind while we stand from a distance to give you some space,” Tighnari suggests.

“I don’t think they want people to stare at them while they’re trying to collect their thoughts,” Cyno mutters to Tighnari.

Tighnari gives Cyno a subtle glare and nudges the Mahamatra’s stomach with his elbows. Cyno holds back a grunt, clutches his stomach, and shoots a not-so-subtle glare back at the forest watcher.

You end up taking Tighnari’s suggestion. The men stood ten feet from where you were sitting while you let your feet dangle off the edge of the cliff with your back pressing against the tree stump. You’re not mentally or emotionally prepared to face Zhongli. All you know is that Zhongli will most likely give you a lecture or scold you for acting like a child for getting jealous of his deceased friend.

Other than not being mentally or emotionally prepared to face Zhongli, you’re not ready to unpack all of the explanations as to what made you insecure and jealous easily. Quite frankly, you don’t blame Zhongli if he does end up scolding you for feeling and acting this way. It’s childish, and you don’t have anything to worry about besides him scolding you soon. Sometimes you question what these men see in you. You’re not a knight, an Adeptus, an archon, a high-profiled figure, or anything for that matter. What made these men drawn to you other than being able to control them back in your world whenever you played Genshin Impact?

You soon find yourself drowning in self-doubt. Not only are you questioning Zhongli’s feelings for you, but you’re also beginning to question the other men’s thoughts and feelings for you. They can have anyone they want, and yet they choose you. Someone who doesn’t hold a vision and isn’t from their universe. You’re brought out of your thoughts when you feel someone zap your ribs. You let out a loud yelp and flinch so hard that you swore something in your head popped, sending waves of sharp pain through your head, causing tears to well up in your eyes.

“We told you not to zap them,” You hear Baizhu scold Scaramouche as he walks over to you and helps you up from the ground.

Scaramouche shrugs his shoulders. “I tried getting their attention without zapping them, but after a while, I had no choice,” Scaramouche says defensively.

You clutch onto the back of your head and bury your face into Baizhu’s chest while he rubs your head and walks to the teapot that sits idly by. Pierro raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms over his chest. You let out small sniffles and wipe a stray tear that threatens to make its way down your cheek.

Pierro stops you and Baizhu in your tracks by holding his hand out in front of the two of you. “Did something happen?” Pierro asks, slowly looking over at Scaramouche.

You give Pierro a strained smile and shake your head. “Other than Scaramouche zapping me, nothing happened. Although I do believe that I should get my head checked out just in case,” you said softly.

Dottore sighs beside Pierro and walks ahead of the group. “I’ll be getting the infirmary ready for the check-up. Doctor Baizhu and Tighnari, please make sure that [Y/N]’s condition doesn’t worsen before arriving at the estate.”

The strange pop in your head was painful, and it felt oddly hot too. It was like a blood vessel had popped inside your head, and the heat that spread throughout that area was the blood oozing everywhere. You can’t describe the feeling specifically, but you have experienced this before, but it doesn’t happen as often.

“Who died and put him in charge?” Pantalone mutters to Capitano, who shrugs in response.

Back at the estate, you stare at the familiar ceilings. You lost count of how many times you have visited the estate’s infirmary, and it’s pretty concerning. Albedo, Dottore, Baizhu, and Tighnari are quietly conversing with each other, looking over the notes and paperwork regarding your check-up.

“What’s the diagnosis?” Capitano asks casually.

Your head snaps up, and you look at the masked (helmet?) man with wide eyes. “There’s no diagnosis, Capitano! Or, I hope there’s no diagnosis,” you said nervously.

Dottore walks to you and gazes at you underneath his mask. “How’s your head feeling? Does it still hurt?” He asks.

You rub the back of your head where the pain was before returning to the abode. Thankfully, the pain isn’t there, but you do feel the phantom pain. You don’t feel the pain, but it feels like it’s still there. As if the pain is lingering.

You shake your head. “It doesn’t hurt, but it’s lingering. I don’t feel it, but I still remember what it felt like,” you trail off. “I can’t explain it. I’m terrible at explanations,” you chuckle bitterly.

“Well, from the descriptions you have given us at the start of the check-up, it’s an ice pick headache,” Baizhu says.

You stare at Baizhu owlishly. “It’s not serious, is it?” You ask.

Tighnari shakes his head. “It’s not a serious condition where we have to monitor you and have you go through treatments. The only time we have to do that is if it’s recurring,” Tighnari explains.

Albedo crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the counter in the infirmary. “How often do you get the ice pick headache?” Albedo inquires.

“I rarely get them. If I remember clearly, the last time I had the ice pick headache was when I was still in my world, but it was maybe two years ago,” you reply.

Pantalone smiles and ruffles your hair affectionately. “Then you should be fine, and you have nothing to worry about,” Pantalone says.

You smile at him and nod in agreement. Pantalone and Tighnari are right; you have nothing to worry about. You’re glad you don’t get the ice pick headaches often and that it’s a rare occurrence for you. You leave the estate’s infirmary feeling a tiny bit better and less worried about your impending doom. Speaking of impending doom, there’s something you forget about, but you don’t remember what it was.

Here you are, sitting on the swinging bench in the back of the estate with a tub of ice cream on your lap and a giant spoon in your right hand. The estate is lively as ever, with the men running outside and yelling profanities at each other. Then there’s you, sitting from a distance in the shade, eating ice cream. You wanted to participate and join in on the fun, but the heavy feeling in your chest is weighing you down and is making it hard for you to join them.

You cross your legs and hug the tub of ice cream to your chest, scooping the ice cream into your mouth and letting it melt in your mouth. This heavy feeling in your chest gives you the sudden urge to want to cry. Perhaps it's because you can’t join the others and have fun with them, or it’s the heavy feeling of jealousy that continues to cling to you like a wet t-shirt.

You sigh and stab the spoon into the strawberry ice cream. “Man, I feel like shit,” you said to yourself.

“And could it be because you’ve been avoiding Zhongli all day?” Aether asks, approaching you with Heizou and Venti by his side. Then there’s Thoma trailing behind the three of them as well, waving at you with a small smile.

You roll your eyes and pull the spoon out of the ice cream. “No, it’s not because of that, Aether. You know why,” you said, eyes lingering over to where Zhongli, Baizhu, and Lumine were sitting while chatting and watching the others chase each other. “I need to come to an agreement with myself that I’ll always be second best. Or an afterthought,” you grumble.

“I don’t know if you know this, but Lumine has been giving Zhongli an earful after you left the estate to clear your mind at Luhua Pool,” Venti says casually. He plops down beside you and takes the tub of ice cream from your lap.

Heizou nods. “She’s been scolding him quite often. I think she’s scolding him right now because that’s what she was doing before we went over to where you’re sitting,” Heizou says.

You rub your stomach and furrow your eyebrows. You’re starting to get a stomachache, and you’re pretty sure that it’s the ice cream’s fault. You’re not lactose intolerant. You’re weak, but not that weak when it comes to dairy.

Before Venti can eat the ice cream scoop, you snatch the tub from Venti’s hand and begin searching for the expiration date. The stomachache worsens, making you almost drop the tub. Your eyes land on the expiration date, and you smack yourself on the forehead.

“This thing has expired for three months now,” you deadpan.

Thoma gasps a little bit too loudly. “Oh, crap! So, that’s what I forgot to throw out!” Thoma smacks his forehead.

Thoma takes the ice cream tub from your hand and the spoon discarded on the grass. You shake your head, get up from the swinging bench and jog back into the estate. You’re not going to visit the infirmary yet. That will be the last resort if the stomachache worsens and you have non-stop diarrhea.

To be frank, you would rather blow up the toilet and have a stomachache than have to vomit. Not only do you hate throwing up, but throwing up is one of your worst fears, and you do not want to empty out your stomach all because you ate expired ice cream. Dammit! Why didn’t you check to see if the ice cream was expired before eating half of the tub?! You hope Thoma doesn’t blame himself for not throwing out the ice cream. It’s your fault for not checking the expiration date, not Thoma’s fault.

You quickly go to your bathroom, slam the door shut, lock the door, and mentally and physically prepare to obliterate the toilet because, oh boy, you can feel it coming. Needless to say, it was horrendous. After using the bathroom, you have decided to check the expiration date for everything before ingesting it.

You’re lucky that you only ate ice cream that expired three months ago and not many other expired foods. If it weren’t just ice cream, you would’ve been puking up your guts and literally shitting your pants simultaneously. It doesn’t sound pleasant, but that is the reality of ingesting expired food. That and you could potentially give yourself food poisoning or develop the symptoms of food poisoning.

You leave the bathroom, walking funny. You collapse on your bed and clutch your stomach, groaning silently. You have never shitted your guts out like that before, and you don’t want to experience it ever again. On the bright side, your stomach doesn’t hurt anymore, and you’re pretty sure you have pooped out every last bit of expired ice cream you have eaten.

A knock at the door interrupts your thoughts. You lift your head and stare at the door, watching the door crack open and Gorou peeking his head into your room. Gorou gives you a nervous smile and enters your room when you gesture for him to enter.

Itto peeks his head into your room after Gorou enters your bedroom, giving you a small smile. You wave at Itto weakly and motion for Itto to enter. You don’t want him to be standing at the door awkwardly while Gorou is conversing with you.

“I heard from Thoma that you ate expired ice cream. How are you feeling?” Gorou asks, standing at the foot of your bed.

You lay your head on your pillow and close your eyes. “At first, I felt okay. But then it hit me, and I was on the toilet for who knows how long. But right now, I’m feeling okay! My stomach isn’t hurting anymore, and I’m pretty sure I shit out my guts,” you mutter.

“That’s good to hear,” Itto leans on your desk, “everyone is downstairs checking the expiration date of every food in the kitchen and pantry right now,” Itto says.

You hear another knock coming from the door. You, Itto, and Gorou look at the door and see Childe pushing the door open after peeking his head into your room. You grab the nearest pillow and rest your head on it, watching Childe and Zhongli walk into your room. You’re kind of shocked to see Zhongli walk through the door holding a cup of tea in his hands, accompanying Childe. You sit and pat the empty spot on your bed beside you, gesturing for Childe (and maybe Zhongli if he wants to sit, but you’re not sure) to sit on the bed.

“Zhongli brewed you some tea for your stomach. You didn’t throw up or anything, did you?” Childe asks, sitting beside you.

You shake your head. “The only thing I did was shit my guts out, but that did help me with the awful stomachache I was feeling,” you answer, rubbing your stomach.

Zhongli hands the teacup over to you. “I brewed you some tea to drink that’ll help you with your stomachaches. Make sure to drink it all, alright?” Zhongli murmurs.

You reach for the teacup and quietly thank the former Geo archon. You take a sip of the tea and scrunch your face when the scorching hot tea touches your tongue. The tea didn’t taste too bad. From what you can tell, it tastes like green tea. You’ve had green tea many times back in your world, but it’s been a while since you’ve drunk it. The heat from the tea warms your stomach up, sending shivers down your spine. You made sure to drink the entire tea before handing back the empty teacup to Zhongli.

“Knock, knock!” Kaveh sing-song, earning an eye roll from Al Haitham.

“Please don’t sing,” Al Haitham deadpans, “I would rather hear the Rishboland Tigers mate than hear you sing.”

Al Haitham’s comment earns an offended gasp from the blond man. Before Kaveh can respond to Al Haitham’s statement (and insult), Cyno shoves past Al Haitham and Kaveh. Cyno turns to look at the two men behind him, who narrowed their eyes at him. Cyno rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest.

“Now is not the time to bicker over something petty,” Cyno states before looking at you, “Tighnari wanted me to tell you to come down to the infirmary to get a check-up.”

You look at Cyno incredulously. You did not plan on revisiting the infirmary today over your accidental ingestion of expired ice cream. You planned on going to the infirmary if the stomachache continued and if you continued to shit your guts out, and if you ended up puking in the toilet for a while.

You exclaim, “Again?! But I left the infirmary a few hours ago!”

Childe and Zhongli raise their eyebrows at you, simultaneously propping their hands on their hips. Oh no. Looks like you forgot to inform them about your brief visit to the estate’s infirmary after returning to the abode.

You quickly add, “The visit to the infirmary was brief! I’m okay; I didn’t get injured! Tighnari told me that it was an ice-pick headache. Since I rarely get ice pick headaches, I don’t need to go through treatments or be monitored.”

“You didn’t injure yourself, did you?” You hear Xiao ask.

You look at the door and see Xiao and Ayato standing at the entrance to your room, looking at you worriedly. You pursed your lips and shook your head. Ayato was there, so he could explain what happened to Xiao and the others (who weren’t at Luhua Pool). You’re not in the mood to re-explain the situation.

“They’re fine. They need to get some rest, though,” you hear Diluc murmur from the hallways.

You furrow your eyebrows and flop back down on your bed. Why is the solution to many problems would be getting some rest? What if you’re feeling restless? Do you need to rest harder or something?

You roll to your side and hug the closest thing to you. “What if I don’t want to get some rest? I assumed that sitting on the swinging bench in the backyard of the estate while eating ice cream counts as me getting rest,” you said.

“If you don’t want to get some rest, then what do you want to do?” Ayato asks, raising his eyebrows at you.

You hug the pillow to your chest tightly. “Well, I never got some alone time at Luhua Pool. Listen, I love all of you, I really do, but I never really got to clear my mind,” you murmur.

“Sometimes, it’s better to talk about it than sit in silence and clear your thoughts. I have an inkling feeling that whatever was occupying your thoughts earlier today is still in your mind,” Kaeya says, peeking from behind Xiao and Ayato.

You puffed your cheeks and exhaled through your nose. Kaeya is correct. Even if you claim that you were going to Luhua Pool to clear your mind, the thought of Zhongli and Guizhong continues to plague your thoughts. It’s driving you insane, and the pit in your stomach continues to grow with each passing minute. Venti throwing in the comment of how Lumine looks a tiny bit like Guizhong did something to you. You’re not upset with Lumine; you’re upset with yourself. You’re upset that you have this painful assumption that Zhongli is going to leave you for someone that reminded him of his deceased friend. It hurts, and you’re trying your best not to let your insecurities and jealousy create a rift between you and Lumine.

After you had left for Luhua Pool, Lumine scolded Zhongli and Venti. She was close to hitting them with a pan, but Aether held her back. Instead, she gave them an earful. Specifically, Zhongli himself because she knows how much it has affected you and how you’re worried that he doesn’t care about you as much as he cares about someone that is long gone.

You sit on your bed and begin running your fingers through your fuzzy blanket. “Can I write it down instead? I don’t think I’ll be able to talk about it without feeling frustrated with myself and bursting into tears,” you whisper, eyes trained on the blankets in front of you.

“As long as you tell us what’s wrong. We’re not mind readers, sweetheart,” Dainsleif says.

You didn’t question the number of people popping in and out of your bedroom. Instead, you kept quiet and let Dainsleif pull you into his arms, allowing you to bury your face into the crook of his neck.

You whisper, “I hate feeling helpless. I’m trying my best not to let my feelings and insecurities get to me, but I can’t help it. It’s driving me insane, and I feel powerless against my thoughts.” You play with Dainsleif’s shirt, refusing to make eye contact with the men in the room.

“It’s about the God of Dust and the God of Contracts relationship, isn’t it?” Scaramouche asks, breaking the silence in your room.

Dainsleif feels you tense in his arms, yet you don’t respond to Scaramouche’s question. While Scaramouche is correct, you wish he didn’t say that out loud in front of everyone. You would rather deal with this topic of conversation with Zhongli alone. This is between you and Zhongli, and everyone knows that.

“We’ll give you two some space,” Kazuha says slowly.

Kazuha and the other men start to trickle out of your bedroom one by one. Dainsleif unwraps his arms around you and presses a kiss on your cheek before getting up to leave your room. You nearly reach out to Dainsleif to prevent him from going, but seeing the look on Zhongli’s face makes you stop.

Pierro nods to you before closing the door once everyone (except for Zhongli) has left your bedroom. You continue to stare at the door like a deer caught in headlights, too nervous to look at Zhongli. You can feel Zhongli’s gaze burning holes into your skull. You’re not sure who’s going to be the first one to break the silence between the two of you, but you know for sure that you won’t be the one to do that.

Zhongli walks over to where you’re sitting. The closer he got, the louder your heart was beating against your ears. You and Zhongli talked about this a few days ago. Yet, you can’t get it through your thick skull because of your jealousy and insecurity over his friendship with Guizhong. How many times does Zhongli have to reassure you so that you would not hold a grudge against someone deceased? At this point, you’re in need of therapy for all of the past traumas that led you to where you’re at right now.

Zhongli sits beside you, keeping a small distance between the two of you. Zhongli doesn’t want to upset you any further by sitting close to you to the point where his thighs are brushing against yours. Your heart is thumping against your chest, and you feel nervous. If Zhongli is going to tell you that you have nothing to worry about, you don’t know what else to say. You love Zhongli as much as you love your twenty-four other boyfriends. You know they all love you, but sometimes you question if Zhongli cares about you at all.

Zhongli breaks the silence between the two of you. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I don’t want you to hide your feelings and worries from me,” Zhongli murmurs.

You press your lips into a thin line, unsure of how else to respond to him. You fear if you tell him about your concerns, Zhongli will roll his eyes and brush it off. Just like how every person you come across in your world. Your concerns mean nothing to them, and they never will.

You shrug your shoulders and laugh sarcastically. “It’s something we talked about a few days ago, Zhongli,” you reply.

You look at the bandages that are wrapped around your body. The burns you have gotten from the scalding hot water that was poured all over you. Dottore, Tighnari, Albedo, and Baizhu have been gradually healing your burns. They’ll wrap your (healing) burns gauze after applying ointment on the burns. You’re healing, it almost looks like nothing is there, nor did you have a burn in the first place.

Zhongli shakes his head. “You and I didn’t talk it out. We as a group did, but I want it to just be you and I discussing this,” Zhongli replies, crossing his arms over his chest and turning to you.

You get up from your bed and begin taking your bandages off. The scars are barely there, and thanks to Qiqi, you almost look like your usual self! Perhaps two or three days from now, you should be completely healed of your injuries. You toss the bandages into the trash can and rub at the ointment.

“What do you want me to say, Zhongli? That my behavior a few days ago at Guizhong’s abandoned abode was childish and unnecessary?” You ask, throwing your hands in the air out of frustration. “Because if you are, you’re correct. It’s childish and unnecessary,” you rub your temples.

You walk to your desk and collapse on the chair, running your fingers through your hair. You don’t want to talk about it, but it was inevitable. You would rather talk to a therapist about this than Zhongli because having to talk about it is embarrassing.

“I hate getting jealous over your friendship with Guizhong. Yes, I know you two are just friends, nothing more and nothing less, but I can’t help but let my insecurity get the best of me. I tried to ignore it, but I can’t, and it’s very frustrating,” you look at the ground, swallowing the forming lump in your throat.

Fuck. You’re starting to tear up. You let yourself stare off into space, blinking away the tears pooling in your eyes. You try to distract yourself from the negativity that’s plaguing your mind: Zhongli constantly thinking about the woman that was once in his life, Zhongli possibly leaving you for someone that looks like the deceased God of Dust, Zhongli not caring about you as much as he does for the woman that had perished long ago.

A stray tear made its way down your cheek. “I know I shouldn’t worry or question everyone’s feeling for me, but my insecurity and overthinking makes me question everything,” you chuckle bitterly. You wipe your tears with the back of your hand.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Zhongli says softly.

He gets up from your bed and makes his way toward you. You shake your head at Zhongli’s comment. What’s the point of stopping now when you have already started talking about it?

You gulp and attempt to hold back your tears, but the tears continue to roll down your cheeks.

“I never had anyone care about me as much as you care about Guizhong. Friend or not, you still care about her and keep her memories alive by talking about her and what she has done. I wish I have someone that cares about me as much as you care about her,” you rest your head on your knees, letting your tears stain your pants.

Your body shakes as you cry into your lap, refusing to sit straight when you sense Zhongli stopping in front of you. You dig your nails into your legs, trying to stifle your sobs, only for them to come out as sniffles and choked gasps. You feel Zhongli grab you by your biceps, carefully pulling you up and to his chest. You wanted to resist and pull away from his grasp, but you didn’t do it. You let Zhongli wrap his arms around your waist and wipe your tears away while you grip his shirt tightly.

“People never think about me in my world. I’m either their second choice, an afterthought, or they never think about me.” You rest your head against Zhongli’s chest, listening to his heart beating against his chest. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you care about Guizhong more than me. I would pick her over me if I can,” you mutter.

Zhongli grasps your chin and tilts your head, looking into your eyes. He’s glaring at you. Your bottom lip trembles as tears continue to slide down your cheeks. Archons, you most likely look like a mess in Zhongli’s eyes.

“Guizhong is a close friend of mine. I hold her dear to my heart,” Zhongli says.

You feel your heart breaking after hearing Zhongli’s response. You try to look away from Zhongli, but he has a firm grasp on your chin. Zhongli shakes his head, sighing.

“But I don’t hold her close to my heart as much as I do with you,” Zhongli murmurs. “Yes, she is my friend, and I miss her, but I learned to accept that she’s no longer with us. You, on the other hand, are the present. You mean the world to me, and I would kill anyone and anything that harms you,” Zhongli says, cupping your face in his hands.

You sniffle and close your eyes, leaning your head on his chest. “That still doesn’t change that you care about her more than you care about me.”

Zhongli sighs and presses his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. “Stop saying that, [Y/N]. I care about you more than I care about Guizhong. You need to understand that, dearest,” Zhongli murmurs.

You close your eyes and whisper, “Then prove it. Prove to me that you care more about me than you care about Guizhong.”

You and Zhongli open your eyes and gaze at each other intently. Zhongli closes his eyes and presses his lips against yours. Your eyes shut, and you reluctantly kiss Zhongli back, feeling him hold your head in place. Zhongli backs you up toward your bed until the back of your knees hits the bedframe. You fall back and look at Zhongli, gulping when you see Zhongli start to tug and pull at his tie. If that’s not the most attractive thing you’ve seen today, then you don’t know what is.

The first thing that came off was his coat, then his tie and button-up shirt soon accompanied his tailcoat that was discarded on the floor of your bedroom. Zhongli bites the tip of his glove and tugs it off while you stare at him with your mouth slightly ajar. Dammit! You’re supposed to be upset with Zhongli right now, not very horny for the ex-archon! Zhongli unbuckles his belt with one hand while pulling you to the edge of your bed by your ankles with his other hand. You feel yourself become flustered under his heated gaze.

Before you can say anything, Zhongli cages you between your bed and his body. Zhongli presses his lips against yours, his right hand sliding up your shirt before squeezing your breasts lightly. You tangle your fingers in Zhongli’s soft hair (he has really soft hair), your hand slowly snaking down to his ponytail and pulling on it. Zhongli groans into your mouth, pressing his erection against your core, causing you to jolt and whimper in his arms.

Zhongli breaks the kiss before pressing his lips against your neck, licking, sucking, and lightly biting your neck. Zhongli kneels on your bed before sliding his other hand up your shirt, squeezing and fondling your breasts. You throw your head back, pressing your chest against Zhongli’s chest. The sound of your pants and small whimpers fill the quiet air between you and Zhongli. While you’re distracted by the feeling of Zhongli sucking on your neck and fondling your breasts, a loud rip echo in the room.

You lift your head to see Zhongli tossing away the fabric of your shirt over his shoulders, still occupied with leaving love bites all over your neck. You run your hands all over Zhongli’s torso, feeling his muscles ripple beneath your hands. This man is built like a god! Wait a minute. He is a god. How could that slip your mind? Zhongli pulls away from your neck and grabs onto your pants and panties, looping his fingers around the waistband before yanking both your pants and underwear down to your ankles.

“H-Hey! I can’t be the only one that’s naked!” You sputter, heat rushing to your cheeks as you try to cover your naked body from his eyes.

Zhongli ignores your comment and continues to drop on his knees in front of your sopping-wet heat. Zhongli licks his lips at the sight, grabs your waist, and pulls you toward him. Zhongli latches his mouth on your entrance and begins swirling his tongue and lapping at your juices while gripping your thighs. If it weren’t for Zhongli holding your thighs, your thighs would’ve clamped over his head, trapping him between your legs.

Zhongli continues to devour you, letting his fingers ghost over the small ball of nerve. You twitch and grip Zhongli’s hair, whimpering and quivering in Zhongli’s hold. Zhongli pinches and twists the sensitive ball of nerve with his thumb and index finger, making you jolt and let out a choked gasp. Your toes curl, your back arches, and your tongue lolls out of your mouth when Zhongli penetrates his tongue into your entrance.

“Zhongli~! Stop teasing me, and just fuck me already!” You whine, gently tugging at the roots of his hair.

Zhongli pulls away from your heat and chuckles, licking your juices off his lips before kissing the inside of your thighs. You take deep gulps of air, trying to catch your breath and process what had happened moments ago. Zhongli knows how to put his mouth to work. Literally, not just by talking about the history of Liyue and the Archon War. Zhongli stands up and unzips his pants, pulling his pants and boxers along with them.

You stare at Zhongli with wide eyes and mouth wide open. You point at Zhongli’s cock and shake your head. There is no way in hell he’s going to fit inside of you with one cock, let alone two huge cocks. Speaking of his two huge cocks, they’re both erect, red at the tips, pre-cum beading at the slit of his pretty cocks. You never thought you would consider calling dicks beautiful, yet here you are. You look away from the Liyuen man, face hot. You tap on your cheek and poke the inside of your cheek with your tongue.

“Zhongli, my love, I think you left out one key piece of information about yourself before we started dating,” you said casually. “I’m sure the men have one…. Dick…. But you, my dear, loving boyfriend… have two dicks,” you choke.

Zhongli strips what’s left of his clothes and climbs onto your bed, hovering above you. You didn’t look at Zhongli’s face, no. You’re staring at Zhongli’s two massive cocks that are pointed right in your direction, dripping with pre-cum and waiting to be inside of you. Oh, dear Archons, how in the world are you going to take two of his cocks?! Is he going to put both of them in one hole, or is he going to put one of his dicks in one of your holes and the other dick in your other hole? How is this going to work exactly?

You’re pulled out of your thoughts when you feel Zhongli brush the tip of his nose against your jaws, his breath ghosting over your neck and jaws.

“You’re not overthinking again, are you?” Zhongli murmurs, brushing his thumb against your jaws.

You close your eyes and hold your breath, unsure of how to respond to Zhongli. First of all, yes, you’re overthinking, but not about Guizhong or Lumine looking a tiny bit like the God of Dust. Second of all, how can Zhongli act so casually when he did a meat reveal of a fucking lifetime?

You gulp and laugh breathlessly. “I don’t think you’ll fit,” you mutter, peeking down at Zhongli’s angry red cocks.

“Human bodies are capable of carrying babies and pushing an infant out from the uterus and birth canal,” Zhongli says casually.

You look at Zhongli, who looks back at you. While Zhongli is not wrong about that, birthing is pushing something out. This one, however, is Zhongli pushing two of his cocks inside of one (or two) holes.

“Do you not want me to….” you trail off, unsure of how to finish the sentence.

Zhongli cocks an eyebrow at you. “Do you want to try to suck on my cocks?” Zhongli asks, the corner of his lips curving up.

You gape at Zhongli like a fish out of water. “I-I can try!” You squeak, eyes darting down to his two cocks. Dear archons, they look intimidating. “I can’t promise you I’ll do a good job at it, especially when there are two,” you clear your throat.

Zhongli leans back against the headboard of your bed. You crawl toward Zhongli and kneel between his spread legs. Zhongli’s cocks are erect, throbbing for attention. You reach forward and grab onto the cock above the other, causing Zhongli to hiss softly. You quickly pull your hands back, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Did I hurt you?!” You ask.

Zhongli shakes his head, gritting his teeth. “No, dearest, you didn’t hurt me,” Zhongli grunts.

You take a deep breath and grab both of his cocks with your hands and begin stroking them. Zhongli’s eyes roll to the back of his head while he emits a deep groan from his chest. You stare at both of his cocks intently, debating which cocks you’re going to be sucking on and which one you’ll be pumping with your hands— the one on top or the one below that?

You lean down and take Zhongli’s cock into your mouth while pumping his second cock with your hand. Your tongue laps over the bulbous tip of his cock, coating the top cock in your saliva while gently squeezing and pumping the cock below it. Other than the sound of you slobbering all over Zhongli’s cocks (and occasionally switching between the two), the sound of Zhongli’s labored breaths and his quiet grunts is all you can hear.

Zhongli pulls your hair into a ponytail, pushing your head down further until the tip of your nose is pressing up against his pubes. You squeeze your eyes shut, whimpering when the tip of Zhongli’s cock touches the back of your throat, almost making you gag. Zhongli lets out the loudest groan when he feels the walls of your throat tightening around his cock. Zhongli can feel his impending orgasm. Zhongli pulls you off his cock before he can reach his orgasm, panting.

You wipe your lips and the forming tears in the corner of your eyes. Zhongli reaches forward and pulls you toward his chest before flipping you over onto your back. You squeeze your eyes shut to process how your world suddenly turned upside down. Zhongli grabs your chin, tilts your head up, and you slowly open your eyes. Zhongli’s amber eyes are glowing; he gazes at you with lust, love, and desire.

“Are you ready?” Zhongli murmurs, leaning his head toward your neck and planting gentle kisses.

You nod, wrapping your arms around Zhongli’s neck. “Please be gentle with me, Zhongli,” you whisper.

Zhongli presses one last kiss on your neck before spreading your legs apart. Zhongli starts rubbing both his cocks between your legs, the tip of his dick brushing against your throbbing bundle of nerves. You dig your nails into Zhongli’s back when you feel the tips of his cocks penetrating your entrance.

Zhongli slowly sinks into your wet cavern, clenching his jaws when your walls wrap tightly around his cock. You shut your eyes and bite down on your lips, trying to hold in your whimper. The feeling of being stretched out by both of Zhongli’s cock is painful. Zhongli clutches onto the back of your neck with his right hand and wraps his left arm around your waist before pressing his hips against yours.

Your mouth opens in a silent scream, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, a strained groan and whimper coming from you. You wrap your legs around Zhongli’s waist, clawing his back and leaving angry red marks in its wake.

“Z-Zhongli! Be gentle!” You whine, digging your heels into his ass cheeks.

Zhongli stays still, both of his cocks twitching inside of you. Zhongli massages your scalp, pressing kisses all over your neck and face while you’re trying to adjust to having both of his cocks inside of you. Your chest is heaving, your eyebrows are furrowing, and occasional whimpers can be heard coming from you.

Zhongli feels you shake your head.

“I don’t think I can take it, Zhongli,” you whisper, unintentionally tensing your legs.

Zhongli shushes you, pressing a kiss on the side of your head. “You’ll be okay. Just relax and don’t tense up. If you tense up, it’ll only make it painful for yourself,” Zhongli murmurs.

Zhongli shifts, stretching your hole wider. You whimper and tighten your legs around his waist to stop him from moving and stretching you when you haven’t adjusted to his size yet.

“Ow, ow! Zhongli!” You hissed.

Zhongli mutters an apology, pressing his lips on the crown of your head. Both you and Zhongli stay still for a few minutes, letting you adjust to having both of his cocks inside you. You gradually let your legs relax around Zhongli’s waist, feeling yourself getting used to the size and feel of his dicks inside you. Zhongli slowly moves his waist against yours, rubbing his pubic bone against your sensitive ball of nerves. You grunt and squeeze your thighs around Zhongli’s hips, thighs quivering.

You gently squeeze his biceps. “You can move now,” you whisper.

Zhongli props himself on his biceps, caging you between his arms and your bed. Zhongli slowly pulls out from your entrance. You whimper, your hole tightening when Zhongli pulls his cock out from your heat. Zhongli pauses, leaving only the mushroom tip of his cocks inside of you. Zhongli looks at where the two of you are connected, then looks at you. You nod, signaling him to start. Zhongli slides his cocks back into you, emitting a loud, choked gasp from you. You clutch onto his bicep with one hand and your bedsheets with your other hand. Zhongli begins with a steady pace, his cocks hitting the deepest part inside of you.

You pull Zhongli down, making him lie on top of you. You and Zhongli trade kisses, teeth clashing against each other. Zhongli breaks the kiss and forces your mouth open before spitting into your mouth. You stare at Zhongli with wide eyes, mouth ajar. You close your mouth and swallow, earning a smirk from the man above you.

Zhongli grabs your hair and proceeds to press his lips against yours while plunging his cock in and out of your sopping entrance. The sound of skin slapping, Zhongli’s grunts, your breathless whines, and your bedframe hitting against the wall is all you can hear. You roll your hips against Zhongli’s hips while he is mid-thrust, allowing the tip of his cocks to hit your cervix.

“Fuck!” You whine, your back arching and your entrance fluttering around his cocks.

You continue to roll your hips against Zhongli’s hips while he hammers his dicks in and out of your wet heat. Zhongli reaches for your right leg and throws them over his shoulder. The new position lets Zhongli’s cocks kiss your cervix. Zhongli slams his hips against yours, and you writhe beneath Zhongli, no longer able to contain your whimpers, whines, and gasps.

The more Zhongli continues to thrust his members in and out of your entrance, the closer you get to your orgasm. A tight coil begins to form in your lower abdomen, making you tighten around his cocks. Panicking, you tap on Zhongli’s shoulders.

“Zhongli, Zhongli. I’m about to cum,” You whine, rubbing your groin against Zhongli’s pubic bone.

Zhongli quickens his pace when he hears you telling him how close you are to cumming. Zhongli’s orgasm is near; he can feel it. Zhongli presses his nose against where your neck and shoulders meet, breathing in your scent. Zhongli purrs and latches his mouth to that area, biting down hard. You cry out in pain and pleasure, the velvety walls of your entrance clamping down on Zhongli’s cock. Your vision goes white, your ears ring, and you become limp in Zhongli’s arms.

Zhongli’s cum shoots deep inside your hole, filling you to the brim. Zhongli slowly removes his teeth from where your neck and shoulder meet, lapping his tongue at the blood that oozes from the bite mark. Zhongli collapses beside you. Zhongli wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you to his chest without pulling his cocks out from your hole, plugging his and your cum with his cock.

You mumble incoherently, rubbing your eyes sleepily when you come to your senses. Zhongli props himself up with his right arm and gazes at you worriedly, caressing your face. You blink up at Zhongli sleepily and smile at him shyly, your face heating up with embarrassment. You lost consciousness for a few seconds when you had an earth-shattering orgasm.

“Are you okay, dearest?” Zhongli murmurs, stroking your cheek.

You nod and snuggle against him, shuddering when you feel his cocks inside you. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m sleepy, though,” you reply.

Zhongli kisses your temples, reaching for your blanket and throwing it over your and his body. “You should get some rest. I think I pushed you past your limit,” Zhongli says.

You close your eyes, getting ready to fall asleep in his arms while he lies beside you. Zhongli’s chest is pressing up against your bare back. Zhongli is gently rubbing your hipbone while your head is resting on his biceps, slowly dozing off. Before you can fall asleep, someone pounds on your closed bedroom door, startling both you and Zhongli.

“Hey! We left the room to give you two some privacy to talk it out! Not fuck each other’s brains out!” Childe screams from the other side of the door.

You and Zhongli hear Itto groan. “Why does Zhongli always get the first dibs?!” Itto groused.

You snort and continue to snuggle against Zhongli. Zhongli kisses the back of your head and continues to rub your hipbones. You adjust your position and wince when you feel your and Zhongli’s mixed cum oozing from your entrance and spilling onto the bedsheets.

“Looks like I’ll be cleaning the bedsheets after my nap,” you mumble, reaching for Zhongli’s hands and lacing your fingers with his, and closing your eyes.

Zhongli chuckles and pulls you up against his chest, his hands slowly snaking up to your breasts, squeezing them gently. You crack your eyes open and look at Zhongli from the corner of your eyes.

“You’re not hoping for a round two now, are you?” You ask.

Zhongli doesn’t respond. Instead, he keeps his eyes closed before lightly thrusting his hips against yours. You groan when you feel the tip of his cocks nudging your cervix. Looks like you won’t be getting that nap you were hoping for.

Note: And here is the first smut of 2023! Not the best, but you know what, it's good to attempt it again after almost two months. There is this one request that I got that can be turned into another smut series like Crave, only it's different... kind of. I might get started on that soon, but since it's a request that involves all of the Genshin men, it will most likely turn into a smut series like Crave. Taglists are officially closed! I might make an updated version of the taglist sometime in the future, but I'm not entirely sure when exactly. I'm not checking Tumblr as often, but I will try to check it more once I (hopefully) open up my ask box. Another thing I want to add is that I'm not accepting requests at the moment. I'll let you all know when I am, but right now, requests are closed. Anyway, to my new or returning readers, I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!

Taglist for my Isekai'd!Reader one-shot series and my overall taglist: @xyji, @chirikoheina, @yoru-trash, @kwelibeeery, @deartoru, @luminarymoonlight, @toobytub, @ins4nebish, @bokuto-kinnie, @honeybedo, @exhaustedcommunist, @jadedist, @mompt2, @chalksdreams, @thelost-in-time, @ventisweetheart, @hispasian-otaku, @juuuuuj101010, @alteeeeyang, @samarill, @testsubject0012, @irisxiel, @emilymikado, @mabie, @vinnie-w, @n8mareee, @bajifairyy, @heyimkay, @milkpeanuts476, @eliciana, @blesstosuisen, @goldeneclipsedragon, @jjvr4yxc, @sovermike-21-blog, @vox34, @wynncrites, @skyyyyackerman, @undecidingfate, @nightlysunn, @faeryminnyx, @simpcreator, @lucifarts-boxers, @urlocalheizousimp, @sunlightstarr (Accounts that I was unable to tag have been removed. Those who don't want to be tagged in certain stories are not tagged in this particular post. Remember to check your settings if you're allowing people to mention you/tag you in posts or not)

Read more of my works on my Masterlist | Maybe support me by tipping me on Ko-Fi or by reblogging my fanfics! ^^ I will also be posting exclusive fanfics on Ko-Fi as well very soon! I might post all of my stories on there too, but who knows. You can also tip me on Tumblr if you'd like as a way to show support! ^^

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