#I'm very glad I didn't abandon the thing entirely

[leftshiftwashere]

Rare moment when I don't post something related to half life at all

but!

I made some skins based off my rain world and days union crossover so I present to you.....

The Kingpin and the Observer!

Here's a bunch of sketches with them I drew before

Never thought I'd ever be figuring out rain world sprites to bring those creatures to life but here we are

[thenationofzaun]

Arcane and Ideological Clashes

Tags by @coolseabird

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. One of season 1's themes I loved was the philosophical and ideological debate between Silco and Vander (and then Jinx and Vi). I adore the personal character-driven aspects too, but the thing is, they don't have to be mutually exclusive. Ideologies can be extremely personally informed/motivated, and in the case of these characters, they were. Every part of their worldviews were shaped by their circumstances, their lives, experiences, and relationships with other characters. For example, Silco surviving the murder attempt by Vander and how this very personal betrayal motivated him politically, to be unrelentingly extremist in his methods. Or Vander feeling personally guilty for all the deaths on the Day of Ash, leading to him forming a political deal with Grayson to subdue the undercity from ever stepping out of line "for their own good". Because when you live in these kinds of dire conditions, there really is no way to separate the personal from the political.

Though season 1 didn't explore these themes with the sisters as deeply as I would have liked, the crumbs were there! Especially for Jinx. Yeah, she's selfish and personally-motivated, but her actions are nonetheless political. When it comes to her political opinions, the first season itself only gave us crumbs ("We kicked the enforcers butts, imagine what the whole of the Lanes could do!" as a kid, and then later Silco tells her that the children of Zaun deserve more and she seems to listen pensively, but never comments on it). Every act of political violence by her in the first season was given a personal motivation (she wants Silco to think she's strong, she wants to confront Caitvi on the bridge, she wants to avenge Silco). But writers comments outside the show gave us more - one of them said online that while Jinx understands Vander, she disagrees with his worldview and aligns with Silco's views on fighting topside. So that confirmed that Jinx does have an ideology and it aligns with Silco's, even if she was mostly preoccupied with personal matters in S1.

Vi on the other hand was completely neglected by season 1. All of her thought process and political opinions post Act 1 were left entirely subtextual. Act 3 was the worst offender because it's there that she makes her most controversial decisions (betraying Jinx to the Council and attacking the Shimmer factory with enforcers). However, again there were crumbs that one could string together to form interpretations. In S1E2, Vander basically convinces her that rebellion against topside is futile as it would likely lead to the deaths of her loved ones. She then decides to give up her desire to fight them and turns herself in to the enforcers. What follows is 7-8 years of being beaten and abused and downtrodden by topsiders in prison. Yeah, I can definitely see how this experience would only confirm Vander's words, that Piltover's might is too much to overcome, not without heavy casualties on their side. That rebellion is futile and the best thing to do is to keep your head down and don't invoke their wrath.

However, it was a fellow undercity citizen who murdered Vander and took her sister. And when she returns years later, she finds that he is still in power, has significant influence and a large number of followers in the Lanes, and no one has overthrown him. One line that really stood out to me was one she said to the brothel madam Babette in S1E5 - "From the looks of it no one down here lifted a finger to stop Silco". How juicy is that! She feels resentful towards her fellow Zaunites for not avenging Vander and taking down Silco in her absence. She feels betrayed, abandoned, left behind by her own neighbours. Her sister changed under Silco, her home changed under Silco. And everyone moved on without her. Expanding on this could have been such a natural way to justify her class treason by joining the enforcers. She thinks Piltover is too strong for Zaunites to beat so there's no use rebelling against them anyway. So why not use their might against her Zaunite enemies? Zaunites themselves "won't lift a finger" to stop violent gang leaders so why not use topside's power to do it? "What loyalty should I have to my class, if the people from my class abandoned me like this?" I could even see how being wronged by Zaunites could hurt more than being wronged by Piltovians - she could see it as the latter owing her nothing while the Zaunites are supposed to be her family and neighbours, who owe her more.

Again, season 1 itself did jack shit to delve into these feelings nor her trauma from prison. But the crumbs were there. I happily used them to form my own interpretation to justify her bizarre decisions and was satisfied. But then season 2 rolls around. They had the blueprint and chose not to use any of this rich material. How do they justify her joining the enforcers? Do they explore any of the complex feelings of resentment Vi may have for her home and class? Nope, she joins after hearing how her crush talked her up to colleagues. How do they justify her fully turning on Jinx and disowning her sister? Do they explore Vi's loyalty to her foster father Vander, and her acceptance that Jinx chose to betray him and side with his murderer, then try to murder Ekko for years? Nope. In fact, she forgets about Ekko and never mentions him again lmao. Rather she seems to turn on Jinx because she attacked the Council??? That seems to be the turning point for Vi, the thing that makes Vi view Jinx as a monster. "She killed the tyrants who oppressed me all my life, how dare she😤" ???? It would make sense for Vi to view the attack as stupid and reckless, again just like Vander said - fighting topside only brings more wrath to the undercity. But they don't even do that. They never explore Vi's political opinions and how she agrees with Vander's "compliance for our own good" stance. They never touch on her time in prison and how it may have compounded Vander's views. Instead they make it so Vi seems to sympathize with the Councilors and condemns Jinx's bombing because of some generic "violence bad" moral.

It's so stupid too, because they completely forget about Grayson. That's more PRIME material to justify Vi's enforcer arc. If Vander, her mentor, allied with Grayson, Caitlyn's mentor, then why shouldn't she ally with Caitlyn? She could easily use the Vander-Grayson peace deal to make herself feel better about her class treason. "He allied with enforcers to keep the undercity in check for their own good. So will I. Putting on the uniform is just the next logical step. I will take out the gang leaders and Silcos that Zaunites are too weak to stand up to. My parents were wrong to fight against topside, rebellion is futile. Jinx is wrong to fight against topside and will only get more Zaunites killed in the resulting retaliation. They can call me a traitor but I'm doing this for their own good."

All the pieces are there. Instead they never bring up the Vander-Grayson deal. Caitlyn and Vi have never even spoken about either of them in their entire relationship lmfaooo. They don't even know that their beloved mentors knew each other. They never speak about anything of substance. The only crumbs of an ideological clash we get in season 2 is the argument in S2E5. But it's all from Jinx's side - "I wish I was just seeing things when you decided to throw in with the Piltie goons who murdered mom and dad." But then Vi replies with some lame insult, then they're having a cheap slapstick comedy fight, and Vi never reckons with this. She never expresses what she thinks of her parents dying fighting topside. Then the Piltover vs Zaun war is completely abandoned and the plot focuses on Warwick/Hexcore/Noxus. And we don't get any more explorations of the ideological/philosophical clash that the sisters represent. Is it worth it to rebel against an oppressor if you lose yourself and all your loved ones to violence, but at least those in the future reap the benefits of your fight? Is it worth it to comply for the safety of yourself and your loved ones, if your people will eventually suffer a slow death and never have a future? What are you willing to sacrifice for your revolution? How far will you go? They handled this theme beautifully with season 1 Silco, then said "alright that's enough" and dropped all effort when it came to season 2. And from the trailers of Act 3, it looks like Vi will be convincing Jinx to fucking help Piltover against Noxus. Which is just gross lmao.

[ofliterarynature]

DECEMBER 2024 WRAP UP

[ loved liked okay nope dnf (reread) ]

(The Warrior of the Third Veil) • Labyrinth's Heart • Graveyard Shift • Haunt Sweet Home • Dear Bartleby • The Weaver of the Middle Desert • (Jackaby) • Jamaica Inn • The Hallowed Hunt • The Guy She Was Interested in Wasn't a Guy at All, Vol 1 • (Beastly Bones) • These Old Shades • (Ghostly Echoes) • Balancing Stone • (The Dire King) • Bestiary • The Agony House • The Bone Maker • Siddartha • The Morningside • Why We Sleep

* * * * *

It's the final month with this picture format because Goodreads has decided to f*ck their page format entirely! Only managed to do this month through some miracle and a bookmarked page on my phone.

The Warrior of the Third Veil & The Weaver of the Middle Desert - wonderful! I'm so glad that Victoria was finally able to finish Weaver, what with it being almost 6 years since it's original mentioned release date. It was really nice getting to see more of Arzu, since she's not one of the Red Company and we don't know much about her. Jack and the beanstalk is not the fairy tale I'd have expected to be incorporated here, but it was neat! I feel like I should have thoughts about how this series is the 'Sisters' Avramapul but still always end up being about Sardeet at the heart of the story, but I still kind of wish we could fit in a fourth book about her third husband? She has such terrible taste in husbands, I want to see how the last one screws up.

Labyrinth's Heart - mixed feelings! In reality I read this series in quick enough succession that I didn't have much time to build up expectations, and I did like and enjoy this and think it was a good ending to the series. I was a little meh on the beginning, mostly - the whole favor/marriage tournament felt a little weird, and it was over so quickly (comparatively - it's a long book!) and went out with a whimper. This was the book where Ren's house of cards was going to start falling, and bringing back mother dearest (whose name I've forgotten again) was a genius move that was well supported - she just ended up feeling very underutilized because Ren was being pulled in ten directions and she played her trump card so early in the story, which left her feeling more of a petty villain rather than anything more significant. It also felt like after the authors killed off a major character at the end of book one, they weren't willing to take such a swing again? Which really dropped the tension for me, unfortunately. I think book 2 will live on as my favorite in the series, but I still had a great time with this one. Would highly recommend the series!

Graveyard Shift - the author may have abandoned tumblr years ago, but some part of me still feels compelled to support her books lol. This was interesting! Another one for the mycological horror section. I don't really have much more to say - I saw people saying it should have been longer, but I don't know that I would have stayed interested for much longer, and thought the structure of telling the story of this one 8 hr period was clever. I wonder if a series of single-shift novellas would be something feasible?

Haunt Sweet Home - meh. I think I was hoping for something a little funnier? But this really didn't leave me feeling much. A pass from me. Maybe try the Haunted Home Renovation series by Juliet Blackwell.

Dear Bartleby - 4th book in the series, and in this one we are back to epistolary, romance, and a full novel length! My speculations were correct that I'd find epistolary + romance more enjoyable, and contrary to my usual tastes I do think the author writes better in 1st person. It unfortunately doesn't hide the fact that the author can't create any kind of personality for the secondary characters. Everyone can be boiled down to "X personality trait and interested in Y thing." As the novel got further into romance territory it definitely started to annoy me more - the romantic interest was nice, but I couldn't really tell you why they were in love. idk! Hoopla doesn't have the next book on audiobook so I've been forced to stop with the series, which is probably for the best.

Jackaby - look, I didn't *mean* to reread this entire series, but here we are. I picked up the first one because my print copies were on the potential chopping block, and I had positive memories of reading them (and the covers are so lovely). They were okay! I had a pleasant enough time, but I think that was in part because I'd read them before, and I kept picking them up because I was struggling to find other books to read (see: my dnf list for the month). I don't know if I'd have liked them if this was my first time through, but they're also in an odd spot where they were published as YA, but Abigail is treated as an (young) adult, and there are no other teenage characters. Who knows! The fourth book was a bit meh, not on its own necessarily, but as part of the series a lot of it came out of nowhere - I think this really could have used a book 3.5 to help in the transition to the endgame. Interesting, but leave this one to the teens, I think.

Jamaica Inn - I had mixed results reading du Maurier's Rebecca a few years ago, but found this at the library sale and decided to give her another shot. "Liked" is perhaps too strong of a word, but it kept my interest and I didn't speed the audiobook up to 2x, so I'd call it a success!

The Hallowed Hunt - so sad to be done with the Chalion novels! I still have the Penric & Desdemona novellas to work through at least, which I hope to do in 2025. I feel like I saw reviews saying this wasn't as good as the other two, and while I do think Paladin reigns supreme, this one didn't quite yuck me in some of the ways Curse did (and also was less confusing for not being the first book, lol), so I think I enjoyed the reading experience more. Did the weird, forbidden animal magic remind me fondly of the Farseer trilogy? Maybe. My only real wish is that Bujould would have let Lady Ijada say her own part.

The Guy She Was Interested in Wasn't a Guy at All, Vol 1 - this was so cute!!! I've never read a manga before, so I can't compare it to other books. I struggled a bit to follow the text because there were multiple speech bubbles following different conversation threads, but! The characters were SO expressive, it was pretty easy to muddle along. The art is so great, and I loved the side characters of the overly-invested uncle and the classmate who totally ships it. Also maybe very obsessed with the gender of it all :D So glad my library had at least one copy of this for me to try, I think I'll probably end up buying my own copy and Vol 2 when it comes out in 2025.

These Old Shades - I've been wanting to try Georgette Heyer's work ever since I saw KJ Charles describe some of her own books as being "Heyer but gayer." This one I found at the thrift store and just happened to be one of the half-dozen my library has as an unabridged audiobook (library, why are so many abridged???), so here we are. I wish I'd liked it. It's no fault of the writing, and I certainly enjoyed the dramatic twists and reveals. My dislike largely lies with the main pairing of Leonie and the Duke, which starts out as servant & master, then guardian & ward and seems somewhat paternal, but inexplicably shifts to romantic, with much support from the other characters. I suppose it may have been considered within norms for the time period? But it really hit some of my squick points and yucked me out. I don't think you'll find me recommending this one, but I'm still willing to give Heyer another chance or two.

Balancing Stone - a brand new short story in the Greenwing & Dart series, starring Hope! Victoria still doesn't have many stories with female protagonists, so it's always nice to get a new one, and Hope is such a lovely person. Not much in the way of plot, but definitely provoking some thoughts about the old Alinorel religions (an ongoing theme) as well as a new outsider perspective on Jemis, which is always entertaining.

DNF

Bestiary (4%) - Picked this up entirely on a whim at the library book sale. I was intrigued by the magical realism of the description and the lgbtq tag, but the opening was very odd and I wasn't into it.

The Agony House (15%) - one of my four unread Cherie Priest books! This one was YA, which was already a point against it; the mc was a senior in high school but the tone of the writing was almost more middle-grade, which is not bad in itself; and the way the family was going about renovating their house annoyed me lol. I decided it probably wasn't going to be one I really liked and wasn't invested enough to keep going.

The Bone Maker (55%) - Very sad about this one! I read a number of Sarah Beth Durst's YA titles as a teen and was excited to see her put out her first adult title. It took me a while to get to this because I was waiting for my library to get the audiobook, and unfortunately I think I got around to it too late. I wanted to like this but the characters and story just never quite gripped me, and by the halfway point it was starting to feel like a slog. Since I also dnf'd Durst's more recent adult title The Spellshop the other month, I think it might be time for me to say goodbye to her work.

Siddartha (4%) - a paperback copy of this was gifted to me by a friend in college, and while unfortunately her track record has not been good so far, this is the first one I had to dnf! The audiobook version I picked had a nice introduction about the author, which I did like, but unfortunately the actual book just went in one ear and out the other and wasn't working. Me being tired, the language being poetic, and my unfamiliarity with the place and culture were a bad combination. Maybe I'll keep the print version on my shelf for another attempt.

The Morningside (35%) - I started this at work on a Friday and got along well enough, but come Monday I'd forgotten what I'd been reading and felt kind of meh about starting it back up. Story-wise it reminded me somewhat of 2 AM at the Cat's Pajamas (which I didn't like) and some worldbuilding/vibes of The Saint of Bright Doors (which I did). Not something I'd be opposed to trying again someday, but maybe I'll start with one of the author's other books first.

Why We Sleep (31%) - I wanted to read this, really! I think the subject is interesting and I also know that my sleep schedule is very, very bad, so personally it felt very relevant. Unfortunately listening to this on audio was putting me to sleep - the author actually took time to note, if this puts you to sleep, let it, he'd be pleased! Unfortunately I was listening at work, and that's a no-go lol. Maybe one I'll purchase in print and keep on my shelf to try again "someday".

[emeritus-fuckers]

I’d like to formally request a young papa Nihil falling head over heels for reader

Bonus points if one of his songs plays in his head and he just associates that song with that person

I am more than happy to write this :D - Nyx

♡ Papa Nihil falling head over heels for reader ♡

Papa Nihil wandered through darkened corridors of the Ministry, it was a bleak time of year. The lights of the winter solstice celebrations had been extinguished and the Ministry lacked a certain something. Then again it had lacked something from the day Sister had left him.

Still tonight would be different, tonight was a party to welcome the new members.

He straightened out the collar of his tailored black shirt then tugged on the sleeve of his leather jacket.

Perfect.

He smiled to himself, tonight he'd finally found some slither of happiness in being single. He'd thrown himself into his role as Papa and the Clergy was in the best state it had ever been. Perhaps Sister would let him sing again!

“You’ve been playing” he sang to an invisible audience as he strutted down the corridor.

A movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention.

“Around with magic that is black” his gaze fell on you.

You smiled at him and he was drawn in, he fell for you faster than the Dark lord fell from Heaven. You were perfect, some enchantress sent to tempt him.

He flashed you his irresistible grin as he sang "But all the powerful magical mysteries never give a single thing back." Solely to you, and you alone.

When he was finished you gave him a round of applause, and he bowed deeply.

"Thank you, Papa." You say with another perfect smile. "I love your songs, I'm happy to hear you still sing them."

"I’m glad you like them." He said lightly. Nihil wanted to add something else but his entire being was entranced by the sight of you, words abandoned him.

You gave him another seductive smile, bowed slightly and taking his silence as a cue to leave, walked off.

He watched you go, the daft grin still plastered across his face. How nice it was to meet someone so genuine as you.

He tried to focus on his duties that evening, he had to make a speech that night. He needed to, at the very least, rehearse it once.

He pulled the paper out of his pocket and stood in front of the mirror practicing each word.

But he couldn't shake the image of you, the way your eyes glimmered in the faint light, the beauty of your smile and the way you just seemed to see him.

This was pointless, he'd just improvise. He shoved it back in his pocket and continued on his way.

He strolled into the main hall at the Ministry, it looked spectacular, the perfect gothic party. The chatter of voices quietened as he made his entrance, everyone did a little bow to their Papa.

He smiled at them all and then the party continued. Some siblings were already dancing together, others talking happily amongst themselves, laughter echoed off the vaulted ceiling. A place where Ghouls lurk in the beams watching the revellers below.

Nihil pressed on through the crowd making polite conversation where he could. But he didn't really hear a word anyone said to him. Could he open his bruised heart up again to someone? It's not like he'd even asked you on a date but he knew where this was going.

Nihil sighed and walked over to the opulent bar, no one stopped him going behind it, who would? He ran his fingers over the tops of the bottles and chewed his bottom lip. Finally, he clasped the top of a bottle of bourbon, pulled it out of the rack with a little flourish and the corners of his mouth tugged up into a smile. He plucked a short glass from above the bar and began his work.

When he was done, he added the final touch a twist of orange peel, the fragrance of it reminding him of his youth. Of days spent studying for Clergy exams in the orange grove at the Ministry, sat back-to-back with his friend.

He looked up from the glass to see you standing across the bar from him, head cocked to the side eyebrow slightly raised. "That looks good, what is it?"

"It's an old fashioned, but I put my own spin on it" His heart actually fluttered, what in the Dark Lord's name was wrong with him? No one has had this effect on him in years, not since Sister. He slide the glass across to you. "Try it, if you want?"

You took a sip considering for a moment. "It's good." then pushed the glass back across the bar. "But Papa what would you make for me?"

Nihil thought carefully his eyes scanning the drinks behind the bar. He was careful, took his time, before coming up with something completely new. "Try this" He past you a martini glass your fingers brushed against his.

Kiss the go goat started playing softly in his mind, that song becoming more and more entwined with you.

***

You tasted it and your eyes lit up, it's perfect. "How did you know?" You stammer, for the first time taken by surprise. You had always assumed Nihil to be some kind of shallow hedonist. Charismatic and charming but nothing more than that. Yet the way he smiled when you took another sip, it was so genuine, so happy.

"I just know." He said with a flirty wink. Okay, there was the man you expected.

"Thank you for the drink, Papa" You give a polite nod.

"Wait, would you like to dance with me?" Nihil stepped out from behind the bar and offered you his hand. That look again...

You pause but then accepted lacing your fingers with his.

His skin was soft and warm. He walked you towards the dance floor before releasing your hand and starting to move to the music. You already missed his touch. Nihil kept a respectful distance, but his dance moves, were just... the movement of his hips was almost hypnotic.

You found yourself drawn to him, like someone ready to fall from grace into sin and lust. You took a step towards him and he closed the space further. Your bodies separated by only a thin slice of air, it was harder to breath, was he teasing you?

"I need a break" You blurt out suddenly aware of the pain in your feet, the burn in your legs.

Nihil nods and leads you to the side of the dance floor where you both settle on a large sofa.

You found yourself settling into an easy conversation with him. It was surprising just how much you both had in common.

As he talked you started to really look at him, the strong defined jaw, the way his shoulder length hair swept over his handsome features. He was even better looking close up than he'd appeared on stage and those eyes, his dazzling blue eyes.

"Babe?" he asked waiting for you to reply.

"Sorry, what?" You shook your head, trying to clear it.

"Do you want to meet tomorrow?" He took your hand and gently rubbed his thumb over the back of it. His touch was light but sent a shiver down your spine.

"Sure, why not." You said with a slightly tipsy smile and then jumped up. "One more dance"

You pulled him to his feet and he stumbled slightly with a giggle.

This time you danced closer to him, you wrapped your arms around his neck.

He snaked his arms around you and pulled you close to him, this time your bodies were pressed together. You could hardly think straight, it was utterly intoxicating the feel of him against you. As you let you gaze drift higher you met his eyes, they were filled with such a look of desire, you gasped. You could smell the incense on him, it lingered on his hair from all those days spent in the chapel giving dark mess. Such a heady smell you lost yourself in him further.

You danced like this, utterly unaware of your surroundings. He pressed his lips to yours and you could taste the whiskey he'd been drinking, the smokiness of it. You deepen the kiss with a soft sigh as his hands drop to your waist. It's utterly addictive, you don't think you can stop yourself and then you realise... it's gone so quiet.

He broke away with one last soft kiss. He looked just as entranced, just gazing at you. Then he looked around to see the black candles on the tables being extinguished by Ghouls.

***

He walked you back to your room, you tried to hide it but the shoes you were wearing were too uncomfortable for your already sore feet. You winced and he looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

You were about to admit that you didn’t think you could walk another step, when he swept you up in his arms and carried you bridal style the rest of the way. You smiled to yourself, and let your head rest against his chest.

He carefully put you down outside your room. Your heart sank, you didn’t want him to go. You considered inviting him in, but your mind was foggy from the late night and alcohol.

He gave you a deep bow and kissed the back of your hand. "Until tomorrow"

With that he left you, stood there barely able to catch your breath, what the fuck had just happened. You had said to your friends you would never be so foolish as to get swept up by Nihil, but here you were utterly under his spell.

What you didn’t expect was for him to glance back over his shoulder as he walked off, he saw you still looking and that genuine smile returned to his lips. Perhaps Nihil was falling just as hard as you.

~

written by Nyx

Taglist: @charlie-is-a-menace @copias-fluffy-asscheeks @randodummy @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @calliedion-dungeon @randominstake @callmeicaro @nuntia @dio-niisio @mamacarlyle @firefirevampire @mybotanicaldemise @emo-mess @natoncesaid @ouijaboardemo

[askthe-r-m-au]

I have returned!!! Currently, I am writing this one Dec 30th, and it'll probably be out by the new year!

Here's to 2025 I guess...

(God take me back to 2016-)

The Ring-Misstress | Chapter 6: A change of plans (?)

Just outside the circus tent stood a familiar red door.

The exit. She completely forgot about the exit.

Pomni stood in awe at what she was once told was a halucination.

♧It's... It's BEEN REAL THIS ENTIRE TIME???♧

☆Pomni... listen. We- You can't-☆

♧OH? AND THEY CAN JUST WALK RIGHT OUT OF HERE??♧

☆Pomni, please. I-☆

The ringmaster couldn't get a word out before she had already bolted towards the door.

Pomni eyes were locked onto the exit door, now merely feet away from it. It was this easy?? She was nearly free. All she had to do was-

♧...huh?♧

The moment she touched the handle, the door glitched out of existence. She stood in disbelief for a while before turning around to realise the exit door wasn't the only thing that disappeared.

Caine had left.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kinger and Ragatha were the only two she told of her plan to befriend Caine in order to leave. They huddled up into Kinger's fortress for a discussion. Voz was asleep beside Ragatha.

Come to think of it, she hadn't thought about her plan to leave since... God, had it been THAT long since she befriended Caine??? Or was something else at play...

+Wait... how come you didn't tell any of us the exit was there in the first place??+

The Ring-Misstress paused.

♧Well, ah- ...I don't know. I wasn't thinking in the moment... I haven't been thinking at all lately...♧

Pomni recalled the situation that happened earlier that morning. She shuddered.

■Oh, Pomni... I think you should talk to him! I'm sure he's over it by now!■

And then there was the night before... she really didn't need to do that. He would've been just fine had he passed out right there. She could definitely care less - oh, right, we're in the middle of a conversation.

♧Oh- well, I... I don't think he'd-♧

Her stammering was swiftly interrupted by a Snicker from Kinger.

+You're nervous, aren't you?+

The Ring-Misstress felt her face warm up. She refused to believe he may or may not be right.

♧Me?? Nervous?? HA! There must be a gap letting in the light cause you'd have to be CRAZY to think-!♧

She immediately fell silent seeing Kinger with an unamused expression.

♧...sorry.♧

The tall chess peice let out a sigh.

+It's fine, I understand where you're coming from.+

He placed a glove to Pomni's shoulder.

+Take it from me. In any relationship, if you don't try to resolve your issues together, it'll only cause more problems.+

Kinger's eyes met the floor, breaking their eye-contact.

■You still care about him, don't you, Pomni?■

Well, what's she got to lose? Her sanity? Her dignity? Those are already out the window.

♧Well... it's just- ...I sound real crazy right now, don't I?♧

+Look who you're talking to!+

Kinger playfully crossed his eyes, prompting a laugh from Pomni.

♧Thanks you guys. I'm really glad to have you around, yaknow?♧

Ragatha ran her hand through Voz's hair, lulling the small AI to "sleep."

■No problem, Pomni! We've always got your back!■

The Ring-Misstress slipped back into performance character, now in a good mood.

♧Heh! As much as I'd love to stay and get all mushy with you two, I have an apology to make!!!♧

Pomni left the fort in pursuit of the ringmaster.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Caine was in his office, quite literally building a model of something, using his cane as a hammer of sorts. He didn't plan on using it for an adventure. Usually, that's all he spent his time on. That's all he was ever good for.

Adventure, adventure, adventure, criticism, dissatisfaction. Eventually, all of his friends would abandon him if they ever did figure out how to leave. That or they'd all abstract. The very thought made his chest ache.

If only he could leave as well. But his code binds him to this realm. He's an AI. Nothing more. Maybe if he really was a human, he could actually be something. He'd at least be something to someone... someone out there...

Caine's eye began to twich...

♧...Caine?♧

The door suddenly creaked open, followed by a familiar voice startling the ringmaster out of his spiral.

☆GAH-! P-pomni??? I mean- Pomni. What brings you here?☆

Pomni fully entered the room, Closing the door behind her.

♧I think you know why.♧

☆To belittle and demean me more?☆

♧I- what no I came to apologize.♧

☆Well, to be fair, I tried to- wait, really?☆

The Ring-Misstress nodded, Taking a Seat in a nearby chair.

♧I shouldn't have bailed on you like that. I- I should've... considered how you felt.♧

Pomni finally gained the courage to meet his gaze.

♧I'm sorry for being an awful friend. Can you forgive me?♧

A lack of response left her uneasy. Until the Ringmaster started towards her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

☆OF COURSE MY DEAR!! You have no idea how received I am that you've returned! Aaaand you can forget about the whole abandoningyourbestfriendleavinghisfeelingspermenatleydamaged thing. The past is past!☆

♧Th- thanks...♧

Pomni was too distracted by the chokehold of a hug she was in to hear that last bit.

♧What have you been working on here?♧

She pointed to the amalgamation of wooden boards from the model he had been working on.

☆Oh, this ol' thing?☆

He snapped his fingers, teleporting the pair and the assortment of model pieces to Pomni's room!

☆Remember how you said Voz needed his own bed? I did a little bit of reading and found this!! I was having a bit of trouble putting the pieces together, though...☆

Pomni stared at the jumbled up pile of boards for a moment. With a snap of her fingers, they formed a small light green crib with a moblie hanging above it.

☆Right... I could have just done that.☆

The Ring-Misstress became overly animated once again.

♧Haha! Maybe I should start calling you MY assistant, hm?♧

Pomni giggled to herself, as did Caine.

☆Oh please, you do an awful job of mocking me.☆

The ringmaster jokingly chimed.

♧Well, what can I say? I could never be as outgoing as you! ...or funny. Or-♧

She was nearly as red as the walls. She quickly returned to performer mode to change the subject.

♧WEEEELL We should probably go get Voz and show him beforeIsaysomethingreallyf#!×ingstupidlikethatagainILLBERIGHTBACKOK?OKBYE-!♧

The Ring-Misstress quickly teleported away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Upon returning, Caine had left the room. Voz was pleased with his new bed and didn't fall asleep long after.

For Pomni, It was a different story.

Had her bed always felt this... empty?

She turned to her side, eyeing the dresser across the room beside Voz's crib. The top shelf was adorned with plushies of the cast.

She had her eyes on a certain one...

She crawled out of bed, climbing a makeshift staircase of wooden blocks to reach the top of the dresser, grabbing a Caine plush.

The Ring-Misstress was filled with mixed emotions.

God, what on earth happened today.

She tensed up, increasing her grip on the plush angrily. Whisper-yelling the words;

♧WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME??♧

She shook the plush violently but stopped when Voz turned over in his sleep. She put the Caine plush back on top of the dresser, worried she'd wake him if she continued. Her eyes were still locked on it.

♧What have you done to me...♧

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

YEAH WOO BABY FINALLY-

I really need to stop writing these at 2am when I can't sleep I have to get ready for school in about an hour now-

Uh P.s. send asks the inbox has been kinda super empty and I need an excuse to draw the idiots PLEASE-🙏

[ageless-aislynn]

Aislynn's Jumble of Random Thinky Thoughts on Halo s2 ep4 "Reach"

SPOILERS, but of course

Cpt Admiral Keyes went out like a total badass. I really do hate to lose him but I'm glad he got a better send-off than he did in the game (Halo: Combat Evolved). Seeing him with a pipe was an awesome little callback to the game, IMO. (Though smoking is bad; don't smoke, kids! 👎😬😉)

The fact that The Powers That Be took Silver Team's Mjolnir with them as they ran like cowards evacuated but abandoned actual Silver Team is the most realistic bureaucratic part of the episode. 🙄

I suspected Louis wasn't going to survive but him losing Danilo and then choosing to make that stand immediately after was both heartbreaking but bittersweet: he couldn't live without his beloved and his sacrifice gave John and Riz a chance to escape but also ensured that he didn't have to live long without his beloved. 💔

My Halo vehicle fangirling was cranked up to 117% 😇 here, with me pausing the show to yell, "WRAITH, IT'S A WRAITH! I love hijacking those things!!!" and then "SCORPION! A SCORPION TANK! Aw, man, I do BUSINESS when I have a Scorpion!" *wistful, lovestruck sigh* 💖 Please imagine my dad's 🤔⁉️ face during all of that, lol! 😇

John, my beloved, and Scorpion tank, my beloved... 😍🤷‍♀️😇😉

I was legit upset that Kai was gone the entire ep, not just 'cause I wanted to see her, of course, but because it seems an awful lot like she abandoned her team and that just doesn't seem like her at all. I know last ep she was very torn and upset about John and not really believing what he was saying, but also not wanting to narc him out, either. When she finds out what happened to Vannak, I think she'll blame herself for not being there and, honestly? I think she should. (Same as she should feel bad about not believing John, evidence to the contrary.) Not saying she could've prevented any of the bad stuff, of course, but she wasn't there when Silver Team desperately needed her and if they don't have her feel guilt over that, then that's really going to be OOC for her, IMO. 😔

And then of course, the "two" of the "one-two punch" from this ep... Vannak, nooooooooo! I was completely not expecting to lose him here but I really should have, considering we're straight up doing a version of Reach's game storyline and, as we all know, Noble Team didn't make it out of the game alive (other than Jun).

And yet still... Vannak! Not when he's just learned to love animal documentaries and feeding the birds! The big guy had so much more living to do!!! 😭😭😭 I'm going to really miss him and I'm going to completely ignore his death in any fanfic I ever again write, I'm just saying. 🤷‍♀️😉

Are we feeling like Soren will be getting a place on Silver Team, at least temporarily?

Okay, so I was a little surprised but in a good way over how hard everything about Keyes hit Halsey. She was genuinely kinda tongue-tied at seeing him, then her absolutely screaming at his death and her sobbing... I wasn't expecting that sort of reaction. She really did love him and I wouldn't have thought that before this episode.

I feel vaguely like John's ex just kidnapped his current girlfriend, lol. Also, I keep staring at Makee, thinking, "Is her hair a different blonde? Is she dying her eyebrows or something?" more than anything else so I really need to get over that, lol! Annnnnd I could kinda ship her with her Arbiter but nobody should be surprised at that 'cause I can ship a character with a mop that has a wig and googly eyes on it if the chemistry feels right to me...

I could also see not-Thel!Arbiter as being a suuuuper jealous boyfriend trying to prove he's better than Makee's ex... *shipper glasses, I has 'em at all times!* 😜😉

Since Makee didn't let her Arbiter (whose name is escaping me at the moment) go ahead and kill John, one wonders if it was because she does still have feelings for him or if she just needs him for some later nefarious purpose. And why does she need Cortana? I'm still wondering if we're going to get some sort of "evil" Cortana ala Halo 5 since her new look reminds me a lot more of her Halo 5 look.

This is a still, not GIF, from Halo s2 Cortana's new look, so you don't wonder why it's not moving. 😉

Halo 5 "evil" Cortana.

And you can see s1 Cortana in the GIF right above all of this.

Annnnd my favorite version of Cortana...

Halo 4 Cortana, whom I imprinted on as my very first Cortana, so this is her definitive look to me, what can I say? 🤷‍♀️😉

And bringing things back to the episode once more, I also had a game fangirling moment when John yelled, "Frag out!" as he lobbed the grenade. My dad soon learned that the marines tend to yell that as they're lobbing frag grenades in the various games, too! 😎

Ooo, and almost forgot John's absolute panic eyes when Keyes called him forward during his inspirational speech, lol. Poor Chief, d'aww! But that was a really great moment to show people that Master Chief isn't a robot, he's a flesh and blood person, and I think that was used to great effect in this moment. 💖

In summary, this episode had me

💖

[katsmtmsdoodles]

I've just re-read the epilogue for the sixth time and my....Misako disgusts me so much....is it on purpose?

I commented in chapter eight that I didn't blame Kai for becoming Shogun and now I'm his number one fan. In fact after seeing how rotten the resistance is I think Kai should have been crueler 😭😭

Like Misako, what do you mean "I'll never forget their deaths (other members of the resistance)"? Like, woman, you're the one who sent them to their deaths? Garmadon also fucked with your common sense while you were doing Lloyd?😭😭😭

And the ninjas too, I've got them by the hair. Have they forgotten that they have brains or did Garmadon hit them so hard ten years ago that they've forgotten how to think independently??😭😭

Everyone there (except Kai, Skylor, Lloyd, Ash and the other good imperials - they're my babies) needs the wonderful bucket of cold water that is reality because I don't think they've realized how badly they've fucked up yet.

Haha yeah I remember your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed this fic so much! Kai is my baby, too, but he did do some pretty heinous things, which I personally feel like warrants people being angry with him. You're welcome to read it how you like! And no, I didn't write Misako to be either likable or dislikable, she just had a certain mindset that isn't particularly readable from outside perspectives. She will get some more explanation in the next installment.

As for Kai, he doesn't care too waste his energy on Misako because...He's just in the same spot he's always been. He's used to it, comfortable, in some ways because he knows what to expect. There's no personal feelings, he just does what he's told to when he's told to do it. Misako might be chaining him, but so did Garmadon, and Kai found ways to compromise because he knew what Garmadon wanted and he knows exactly what Misako wants. This is perfectly manageable to him. Freedom was always a far-fetched idea, anyway.

But with Wu it's so much more complicated because in his entire life he has never really trusted anyone to take care of him or protect him (on a parent-child level of trust versus the sibling bonds he had with the ninja) except for Wu. And he kept that loyalty for a while, until Garmadon manipulated Kai into pushing all of his blame onto this man who had apparently betrayed and abandoned him, when Wu had promised to love him. If anything, Kai is so angry at Wu because he's angry at himself for "falling for the ruse" of Wu's care.

But I won't go into how true that may or may not be from Wu's perspective until Sword & Shield.

I would keep in mind that the POVs of my chapters are VERY shaded by the character the perspective is from. Things might be stated as a fact in Lloyd's POV that is totally contradicted by Kai's POV because their worlds are influenced by their opinions. I'm not surprised you dislike Wu and Misako so much while you really like Skylor, Ash, and Lloyd, because most of the fic is Kai's POV and that's exactly how he feels about them 😂😂 I will take that as a job well done for myself!

Anyway ahhhh I could talk about this fic all day, careful getting me going like that lol but thank you so much for the ask! I hope you continue to enjoy!

(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)

[tarnishedinquirer]

Roderika and Hewg

I'd seen the larder from the walkway above, but it didn't prepare me for the experience of climbing over these bodies while the troll above dropped fluids on my head. It's good to know I can still be shocked and disgusted, even after all I've seen.

On top of the pile, I found a brooch wrapped in a red handkerchief. It somewhat resembled Roderika's hood, and when I picked it up, I could sense spirits lingering around it. I'm no medium, but my third eye isn't entirely closed. I couldn't make sense of anything they were trying to say, if there was even any sense to make at all. The voice referenced Roderika's line about "Chrysalids," so I think even someone without my skills would see the connection.

I found Roderika where I left he, still lost in her despair. She immediately perked up when I showed it to her though. She stared at it like she was listening, and then she started to cry. That's a good sign. I've been in that pit of despair before, and you don't even feel enough to cry. Still, it's dangerous. Once you start feeling again, you start hurting too. She needed to be around people, so I suggested the Roundtable Hold. They might be weirdos and hazbins, but better than here.

I found her by the fire in Roundtable hold. Glad she took me up on my offer. She still seemed pretty steeped in self-pity, but at least she was looking forward now and trying to figure out what to do next.

Walked in on Master Hewg praying. Someone with more tact would just leave him to it, but inquirers with tact don't get very far.

Your divinity, have mercy, and grant me forgiveness. The road is yet long. A God is not easily felled. But one day, without fail, you will have your wish. So please, grant me forgiveness, Queen Marika..."

So... was the "sheer terror of her" referring to Marika? Could be. It was an easy conclusion to jump to. Maybe too easy. Some gods are feared, some are loved. No reason it can't be both, but his prayer sounded more in the latter camp than the former. Regardless, Marika wanted him to forge a god-slaying weapon? Some sort of divine suicide pact, or is there another God that needs slaying?

It was about then he noticed me. He seemed upset about being caught praying and said he'd be more careful in the future. I didn't press the issue, but while forging my staff, he asked me about Roderika. Said she's a spirit tuner and she reminded him of someone he knew long ago with eyes the same hue.

Cryptic. So now there's up to three women in Hewg's life. Let's make it four.

I went back and forth between the two of them for a while. Neither one seemed to believe that the other one could possibly want anything to do with them, but eventually I got them to talk to each other.

Roderika set up shop across from Hewg and offered to upgrade my spirit summons using the Gloveworts I've been finding in catacombs. They're strange bell-shaped plants, continuing the motif of sound (especially bells) being related to spirits.

It hadn't passed my notice that Roderika abandoned her hood once she set up shop. There's only two places she could have left it.

Tried the shack first, but all she left there was a bouquet of red flowers and a candle. That meant there was only one other option.

I returned to the larder with the "Chrysalids" and sure enough, there was the hood. I was impressed. It wasn't easy to get this deep into the castle, and Roderika did it just to pay tribute to her fellows. She'll be alright, I think.

Sure enough ,the voice had things to say about the hood.

A hooded cloak of vivid crimson. Worn by expatriated royalty. Such cloaks were gifted to those who departed on journeys without specific orders, to faraway lands from which they would never return. In other words, the gift of a cloak made it easier for undesirables to be on their way. Roderika never once saw the guidance of grace.

So she was sent to her death here anyway. Was there some political upheaval? Did she somehow disgrace her family? Or was there just not enough inheritance to go around? That seems the most likely. Make it look like an honor.

Why was Roderika exiled?

What is special about Roderika's eyes? Why can I see spirits too?

Why was Hewg tasked with forging a god-slayer?

Is Marika the one he's afraid of? If not, who?

For that matter, who did he know that was a spirit tuner?

[iapislazuli]

hii I've followed your wc ramblings on Twitter for a while, and I have a burning question that's been bothering me. So, when Pinestar abandoned his clan, Sunstar only gets 8 lives. Makes sense. Brambleclaw steps down and leader and squirrelstar presumably gets 9 lives? Why? Is it because bramble is a special boy? Is it because he didn't leave the clan? I need to know what you think on this topic. Thank you for your time I love your content.

Hi thank you im glad you like my WC ramblings! I really like picking apart and analyzing the story, its quite fun :)

anyways i do have some thoughts on this! Leader lives and all that. A quick disclaimer is the leader lives thing is frustratingly inconsistent, so i'm theorizing on a bunch of wet spaghetti, bear with me X)

i put this under a cut cause it got so freaking long sooo text wall warning!

First of all we don't really know Squirrelstar's lives situation, nor do we know exactly how many lives Bramble had left when he abdicated, so it's hard to say exactly what the deal is there. Bramble has one confirmed death, but leaders have hid losing their lives before, such as Bluestar, who kept three of her deaths secret due to thistleclaw's ambition. Also, we dont know if the lives are tied to the body or spirit... it's possible ashfur lost some of brambleclaw's lives while posessing his body, and hid it. HOWEVER, for the sake of simplicity here i will be assuming that squilf was granted a full nine lives. (will explain why later)

BUT small tangent.. we really don't know the exact lives situation of Brambleclaw and Squirrelstar!

And... the same could go for Pinestar and Sunstar. Sunstar says he recieved eight lives, but... he blew through them FAST. Who's to say StarClan even gave him any extra lives? we never see any of his extra deaths, only that he lost his final life to dogs after being weakened by illness. (note that it says "weakened" by illness, but doesn't specify he lost any lives to it specifically)

However, if sunstar got no lives, but squirrelstar did, whats the difference? and also, what about nightstar, and tigerstar II, where do they fit into this?

My headcanon is when it comes to these unusual succession situations, it depends on both the former leader AND starclan.

For example, with Brokenstar - He was deposed against his will, and starclan didn't take his lives, therefore Nightstar got none, and Nightstar's successor Tigerstar I got lives presumably because Brokenstar was dead by that time

Pinestar - He left willingly, but had no extra lives for StarClan to take, and he was acting in direct defiance of starclan too

Rowanstar - He left willingly, with an unknown number of lives left. Wether or not he was acting against starclan isn't entirely clear... it's not like pinestar where he disobeyed a direct order. his situation is very strange.

Bramblestar - he left willingly, and starclan approved of his decision

So based on these HIGHLY INCONSISTENT occurrences, ive deduced a few rules ...

In order for a new leader to receive any lives at all, the previous leader must have willingly given up their position and/or their lives, because only one extra-lives cat can exist for each clan. (dying the final time fulfills this automatically, since giving their lives for their clan is an agreement condition to the position of leader. Starclan cannot strip lives from an unwilling leader.

Abdication must be approved by starclan. In Rowanstar and Brambleclaw's cases, they were abdicating primarily for the purpose of bettering their clans, passing them on to a more fit leader. Thus, next leader granted all nine lives

If abdication is NOT approved by starclan, then starclan gets petty and enacts divine punishment. For example, Pinestar's primary motive for abdication was so he could disobey the orders they were giving to kill his son. While he was becoming unfit to lead, he was abdicating mostly out of self-preservation.

so anyways ... to my next point. Brokenstar and Pinestar, though in very different ways, were both defying Starclan's will. (Brokenstar by ultrakilling his dad, Pinestar by deciding they should improve society somewhat). Both their successors, Nightstar and Sunstar, didnt get the full 9 lives. Which, following those rules i made up, means neither of them met the conditions for proper leadership. In Nightstar's case, Brokenstar had remaining lives, but was unwillingly deposed and therefore would not give his lives up. In Pinestar's case, he only had one life left, and chose to live it as a kittypet.

So, id say in the case of lives weirdness, either the former leader is being a little bitch or starclan is being a little bitch. Starclan couldn't give nightstar lives because Brokenstar was like "nuh uh", and for sunstar it was starclan themself going "nuh uh" because pinestar pissed them off. i think they were specifically so mad about pinestar because no other cat has just... hit the bricks like him LMFAOO he really was like "ok.. bye". big slap in the face for all powerful god cats. he left and took the last life and they couldnt do anything about it, besides punish sunstar, warning the other thunderclan cats to fall in line.

But anyways circling back to bramble and squilf!

in brambles case, though there was an element of self preservation to his decision, his main motivation was because he and squilf agreed she would make a stronger leader, and thunderclan was suffering with his wishy-washy shell of a man schtick that he'd been stuck in since TBC. Additionally, with code changes, its pretty clear starclan has become more lenient in recent books. Squirrelflight also is making a selfless decision by stepping up to leadership after everything shes been through.

So in a nutshell i think its because starclan approved of brambleclaw's abdication, since both he and squilf were selflessly motivated, (and also asked starclan for approval GHFDGFKS) while they did NOT approve of Pinestar going ok byeeeee <3

(i also just really like the theory of sunstar not getting any lives ok)

also, i know theres weirdness with wind runner vs tigerheart getting revived and the number of lives they got I SIMPLY WILL IGNORE IT FOR NOW TILL I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET IT TO FIT IN TO THIS IDEA ......

anyways this got super long and rambly sorry its not too organized LOL warrior cats lore y u so messy....

[perfectiondarl1n]

headcanon of Julius with a FtM trans Bf thats a witch?

oh yay, Julius HC ask right away!! 🖤 Julius is my favorite 🖤 alright,

Julius with a trans boyfriend who is a witch:

Julius didn't bat an eye when you told him that you are trans.

"I like men and youre a man, simple as that."

a warm feeling spreads through your heart and you smile at his response. You know all the horrible deeds your demon boyfriend commits, and at times, even feel badly that you chose to be with someone capable of such awful. Things like this, his unwavering acceptance of you, act as the reminders why you love Julius so much.

When you tell Julius you're a witch, thats when there is a big reaction. his ears perk up. Julius looks at you in fascination, sets down his thread and needle to give you full attention.

You're taken by surprise to see him abandoning his work, he never does that.

"tell me, y/n, tell me everything now!!" Julius demands, smiling almost like an eager child with sparking curiosity in his light blue eyes.

Butterflies fill your stomach. You can't help but blush. Julius chosing to abandon his work in order to give you his undivided attention is the highest compliment.

The way Julius is looking at you has you flustered. Now you aren't quite sure where to begin, and fumble for words.

Julius stands up and takes your hand, leading you to the couch. As you walk, you can't help but once again notice how much your boyfriend towers over you, and everyone else. You love it, it makes you feel safe. Julius is dangerous but not towards you - he'll be dangerous to anyone who tries to bring you harm.

Even though you can protect yourself very well as a witch, Julius is still going to be over the top protective of you. It's part of the package deal that's dating Julius. You think it's sweet.

Julius sits on the couch, and you go to sit down next to him, only to find yourself being picked up and gently dropped into his lap. His muscular arms wrap around you,

"Y/N, I said tell me everything - you know I'm not a patient man~" the last part is playful, not threatening.

You nod and begin to tell Julius about your roots as a witch and all about the times when you were still learning to perform magic.

Julius is listening intently the entire time but he does often interrupt, blurting out a question or a compliment.

You answer all the questions and blush at the compliments, thanking him.

The two of you are up nearly all night talking. It warms your soul to see Julius so invested and interested about such an important part of yourself.

"I'm so glad you told me, my darling. I feel closer than ever to you now." He tells you

"You do? Why?"

"Yes, because now I know that neither of us are exactly human, are we?" He winks and kisses your cheek. "How about tomorrow, you show me some of your magic?"

You blush a bit and you nod, but ask him "why not today?"

"Because today, maybe I want to keep you preoccupied with something else, my beautiful witch~"

Your blush darkens as your lips meet each others. Julius was right, you think as the two of you are kissing, it really does feel like the two of you are now closer than ever before.

Hope this was okay!! 🖤 feel free to send more requests (especially more about Julius 👀)! 🖤🖤

[lololollywrites]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you for the tag, @discordantwords!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? I have 10 as of now (7 for Sherlock and 3 for Harry Potter, though the HP fics were either begun or completed in 2012 (first posted on ff.net)... in other words, before I knew about JK's raging transphobia. I finally finished a HP WIP in 2020 that I had abandoned years ago, after my resulting disillusionment, because I decided that my work didn't deserve to be in vain. I'm so glad I did!

2. What's your total A03 word count? 168,333

3. What fandoms do you write for? On AO3, just BBC Sherlock and HP, though I have Smallville, Supernatural, and even a Gilmore Girls fic on my ff.net account (the earliest of them written in 2006) that I will NOT be linking here. 😂

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? (Since I've only been posting Sherlock fics on AO3 since September 2021, there's not a ton of variation between these):

The Waning of Withdrawal

Of Sweat, Sociopathy, Scars, and Secrets

Never Been Better

Pressure Points

Genius is a Star Whose Light (is Soon to Sink in Endless Night); I think I may change the title soon since it's so unwieldy)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes! Mainly because I love when authors reply to mine - it acknowledges my gratitude and can open a line of communication. Plus, I just get so excited by every single comment notification that I need to squee and send hearts to the sender.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? None of my Sherlock fics have angsty endings, though that was my original goal for Never Been Better. It originally ended with Chapter 1, but I added two more chapters upon popular demand to fix things. :) It's a classic Sherlock-leaves-John's-wedding-early fic, so I'd intended to explore what may have happened within canon as sort of a missing scene/character exploration. Ultimately, however, I decided to throw a bone to poor Sherlock and disregard canon events.

However, my Harry Potter fic The Burn of the Phoenix, which I migrated to AO3 in 2020 after it's huge reception on ff.net back in 2012 (it's a 13k-word oneshot with 273 reviews and 951 favorites, though I'd definitely not write it the same way today), is definitely angsty. The end is hopeful, but ultimately... I killed Harry Potter. So. 😂 The ending, as it doesn't miraculously entail Harry coming back to life, can certainly be considered angsty as well. The entire fic is from Dudley's perspective as he learns of Harry's death (an alternate version of canon) and attends his funeral.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? As described above, all of my fics have happy endings! Though I'd say the one that's most unabashedly happy with minimal lingering pain and turmoil is Cold Inside. Genius comes close, but Sherlock is horrifically injured even despite happy news that comes in the last chapter so there's still an uphill battle ahead.

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, though I did get a very direct comment on The Waning of Withdrawal - the first time I ever wrote smut - that said the following (the "At all" was particularly harsh):

"I loved the fic and the way you formed everything with the comforting,and the understanding,the guilt and stuff and angst in the main part of the fic but I'm not a huge fan of how much detail went into their love part and stuff.. Not saying it's bad! I'm sure some people absolutely love it but I'm personally not a huge fan of the sex scene. At all."

(Luckily, two other commenters jumped in to my defense!) It seems innocuous enough, but I'd included an A/N that said it was my first time writing a love scene, despite it being brief, so "please go easy on me". The rating and tags were appropriate, too, so it seemed a bit out of the blue. That one little comment knocked my confidence for a while and made it impossible for me to re-read the fic without cringing.

9. Do you write smut? Just two of my Sherlock fics so far are rated E for smut. The Waning of Withdrawal, as described above, and Cold Inside, which has a lengthy sex scene in Chapter 4. It was so much harder than I thought to write - there's nothing quite like meticulously editing writing comprised of graphic depictions of anal sex, haha.

10. Do you write crossovers? No, nor do I usually enjoy them. I really admire the creativity, but tend to prefer fics that are plausible and in-canon; it's just a preference (with exceptions, of course!) That being said, crossovers that could happen between comparable universes - such as Sherlock and Hannibal - really appeal to me in theory.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but I'd be so thrilled!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, nor do I have a beta. I'm sure it could improve my work, but I feel horrifically self conscious during any editing process that involves another person. It's something I need to work on!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Sherlock & John and Arthur & Merlin are pretty neck-in-neck. I don't have many Merlin bookmarks, as it was my prior obsession before Sherlock, but I've been delving more into the Merlin fandom lately. Writing for it just seems harder for me - accounting for historical accuracy (though the show isn't historically accurate at all, it's just an entirely different universe) and the bounds of Merlin's magic would be tricky. Maybe one day.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? HAHAHAHAHA so... I did use to write more than one fic at once, waaaay back in the day, but have long since learned my lesson. I refuse to have true WIPs anymore - I only develop one idea at a time - and don't even publish a story until it's complete or almost complete (and fully outlined). Why? Well, there's one WIP I will NEVER finish. It's a Supernatural fic on ff.net with 6 chapters (out of a planned minimum of 10), first published in March of 2007 and last updated in February of 2008. Ooops.

It most recently received a review in 2015, which reads as follows: "WOW! ...update any time soon?...PLEASE...k"

Yeah. So. Never again for me.

16. What are your writing strengths? Based on the comments I receive, I think my strengths are characterization and dialogue. Oddly enough, these are two of my insecurities, but I think that my hyperfixation on both (knowing that I need to consciously work on them) has led to vast improvement.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I often have a difficult time coming up with the initial premise, and am not nearly as creative as many of the writers out there I admire. Ideas usually come without me trying - such as late at night or in the shower - so I jot them down whenever that happens. That's all that seems to work for me. FTH was great in that it took a bit of the burden off and allowed me to elicit prompts from bidders instead.

I also struggle to weave incredibly complex stories. I don't think I'll ever be one of those writers who can write 100k-plus fics full of twists and turns. My plots tend to be more narrow, focused, and immediate.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? As cool as this is - and I may be able to do this with Spanish, as it was my university minor - I wouldn't want dialogue to read as clunky or unnatural to a native speaker or to impede the flow of the prose (I'd want to add translations when possible in parentheses so as not to discourage readers who are not bilingual, unless the dialogue is short and can be translated in an end note).

In Genius, I have excerpts here and there in Serbian, but I ultimately use English to express longer Serbian dialogue (between <brackets> rather than "quotation marks" to indicate the difference in language being spoken and with the acknowledgement that translations are never 1-1. For me, this also helped preserve Sherlock's personality and ensure it could shine through.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Smallville! Way back in 2006. It was terrible; I killed Clark in an alternate version of S5's Hidden. I'm not sure what used to be the appeal of character death to me. You'd never catch me writing it now.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? It's hard to choose, but I have two answers for different reasons. The fic I'm most proud of writing is Genius. I worked SO, SO hard on the story outline, plot, and the symbolism and clues thrown in throughout. It's my longest and most complex story so far at 51K words, too.

The story I believe to be my best is Never Been Better; specifically, its first chapter. I don't think I've since written a more in-character version of Sherlock or a starker portrayal of his emotions.

I also have a huge soft spot for my Harry Potter fic The Truth at Last, which is the first fic I ever posted to AO3. It marks a huge improvement in my writing from when I first started it in 2012, as I was able to return to it in 2019/20 with a more mature perspective.

I'll tag anyone who hasn't yet been tagged and would like to join! (Sorry for the lack of creativity there - I'm always afraid I'll forget someone).

[hasufin]

Consigned to memory

You know, it's kind of wild what's been, and lost, online.

And yes, I know about The Internet Archive. It's a wonderful tool and I'm glad it exists. But it's not, you know, complete. It's a privately funded effort by some very dedicated people, but it's not a complete snapshot of any particular point in our cultural history.

So once in a while I think about resources I once had, or just random things I wonder about.

I recall walking by where someone had painted "Cheetah Corner" with a URL in San Francisco. It was just a webcam looking out a window on that intersection, with a big statue of a cheetah in the foreground. No idea what happened to that.

For a long time there was just this one Japanese-English translator online. It wasn't smart the way they are now, but you could put in a word and it would find you a variety of words with a little bit of context as to what each one meant, because there are no direct translations.

I recall entire webcomics just gone - abandoned by their creators, unindexed and unavailable.

I remember End of Innocence and Project Rose Signet, fan works to make English-language transcriptions of the anime Shoujo Kakumei Utena.

And, hell, just try to find HamsterDamned, or even the original Hamster Dance.

Now, most of these things were running on some university's server, or just in a static IP provided to a dorm room. So I get why they're gone. But it feels like nothing really replaced them. TPTB figured out how to commercialize the web, which was the goal, you know? To get everyone to embrace the new technology. But they didn't join us, they colonized, and now there just doesn't seem to be a space for these quirky little labors of love anymore. If it can't sell banner ads, it doesn't exist.

So now I'm thinking about how I'm never going to listen to that unhinged audioplay someone made in '99 which I never got around to downloading, and it's surely on someone's computer but it's not online anymore, and all we have left are Tiktoks which end up deleted because they're interesting but never cross the line into sufficiently profitable to become a business.

[blackbirdsinmypie]

sooo much i want to talk about. hmm i was going to write most of it in my journal but i'm short on time so i'll type it instead. v long so it's under a read more:

the project is over and it was a success! some stumbles here and there, but overall, we did really well. so proud of everyone for this one!

thank you to our project managers and my academic team manager in particular. you guys are the real MVPs! you gave 110% of yourselves this entire project and i appreciate it so so much, you're my inspirations hahaha.

spend a wonderfulllll few days with a beloved friend of five years! i wrote a poem for her a few weeks ago, it's on here somewhere. i'm so so glad to have been able to spend time with her after so long. she's a very dear friend to me and her presence literally lights up a room. <3

had a panic attack lol. this was the not so great part. that's literally never happened to me before, esp. not in public. i was hyperventilating, sweating, my hands were tingling, i was crying and i couldn't stop for the life of me, and i was really disoriented. and all of this right in the main room, in front of everyone. i don't know why it had to happen right there and then. sooooo embarrassing :< the trigger was the fact that i missed out on the group photo but that's such a stupid fucking thing to have a panic attack over - i think it was more the combo of the stress + lack of sleep + the constant performativity of teaching in front of so many people (including my lovely classmates!) + the myriad of mental health problems i am currently dealing with, and that little thing - the missing out on the group photo for a project that i've worked so hard for (also fucking w/ my dormant abandonment issues) - was the straw that broke the camel's back, in a way. and i just had a full blown panic attack in the main room in front of my classmates and juniors and everyone. so embarrassing :<

thank you so so much to my lovely friends for taking such good care of me and helping me through it!!! i appreciate it so much. they really did try their best to soothe me. i'm so lucky to have such kind and caring friends in my life.

thinking back, i should have gone somewhere quiet, sat down, and tried to control my breathing. seems pretty logical. but i didn't realise i was having a panic attack at the time - i just thought i was feeling particularly emotional for some reason and i needed to will myself into calming the fuck down. but a panic attack is such a physical thing, you can't really stand there and mentally force yourself to stop shaking and hyperventilating. but i didn't know what to do. i just stood there and hyperventilated and tried so so hard to stop crying. i promise i was trying so hard. i couldn't stop. i'm so embarrassed about it.

i talked to everyone after the event had ended - i was still coming down from my panic attack at that point and my voice was shaky and i was still sort of holding back tears. i should have gone somewhere quiet and waited until it was over before talking to anyone. but i talked to everyone and gave them my thanks and told them how incredible they were and how much i appreciated their work. i wonder if i made anyone uncomfortable - i was still visibly upset at this point, but i was trying my hardest to be composed. i should have waited. i really hope i didn't make anyone too uncomfortable. but i meant what i said. am i overthinking things again? i've been overthinking a lot recently. it's not good for me.

but everyone was so supportive, which i'm incredibly grateful for. you guys are the best.

some of the juniors asked for my contact info after the event. it was embarrassing facing them like three minutes after the worst of the panic attack had passed, tears in my eyes, voice wobbling and breathing still weird. like fuck!!!! i'm supposed to be an inspiration and a role model for these kids!!! and here i am fucking. having a breakdown in front of them!!! AHHHHH!!!!! v embarrassing but it's okay. it's no biggie. fuckkkkkkkk

we went for dinner afterwards. drank a glass of beer - icky!!! i don't like the taste of hops. i'll stick to fun cocktails in the future. everyone seemed very surprised/ecstatic that i was drinking though. i felt like britney spears singing oops i did it again - "i'm not that innocent" lol.

slept at my friend's hotel room. it was so nice being with her - she brings out the loud side of me that i haven't seen in a while. i love it.

also all my friends and a lot of the juniors said that i did a really great job w teaching my topics! political philosophy and public administration are both tricky, but i hope i made it at least a little more interesting than reading out of a textbook. i'm proud of myself for this one.

all in all - i have been on quite the emotional rollercoaster these past few days. but i'm glad to have been a part of this project. it's brought me a lot closer to a my classmates and i'm beyond grateful for that.

hope that panic attack doesn't happen again though. because what the fuck was that

[hunter-sylvester]

Hi! I’m the anon who wrote the ask about Hunter’s parental issues and about his attachment to Kevin. Thank you for answering my asks, I absolutely love the way you write and how you explain everything! You’re extremely talented!🫶

I honestly didn’t notice how in love Hunter was with Kevin until I watched the movie a second time. It’s crazy how you can literally see all feeling in Hunter’s eyes when he looks at Kevin. I also loved how you said that their relationship fits a BDSM bratting dynamic, because I totally see it.

[and as someone who has ADHD and deals with RSD on a regular, I completely understand him. It sucks.]

Hey 🤘 [prev ask for context] Yeah I obviously couldn’t be 100% sure they were from the same person but it definitely makes the most sense lol

Thank you so much! I’m really glad you enjoy my rambling thoughts about Hunter as a character <3

If you do like my writing, I’m tempted to sheepishly gesture over to my actual Metal Lords fics over on Ao3 if you haven’t checked them out, even tho it makes me feel like a bit of a dick to do so 😅 (They are mostly locked to registered users, blame AI data scraping. The only Metal Lords fic not locked rn is a tiny ficlet. An Ao3 account is free tho 👀)

In any case, I really appreciate that you pushed me to do a bit of analysis again. Because sometimes I tend to forget that all the stuff that lives in my head as “obvious” isn’t always stuff I’ve said out loud on here lmao

There’s a lot to pull from the film if you’re willing to be a bit mentally ill about it.

And you’re absolutely right about the way he looks at Kevin, I mean, it happened enough for me to make a whole ass gifset of it lmao

Look at him. The boy is smitten. Clueless, of course. But smitten.

Which I credit basically entirely to Adrian Greensmith, as it was a vision he had for the character. I really can’t imagine Hunter having been played by anyone else as he brought so much to the role. (Fun fact, if I remember correctly: Noah Urrea, who plays Clay, originally auditioned for Hunter. No harm but I'm very glad he didn't get that. He makes a good Clay and Hunter just needed to be played by Adrian.)

One of the key things Adrian brought to the role also being, probably accidentally, his anxiety.

"I spent a lot of Metal Lords feeling a bit anxious [...] and in hindsight I wonder if some of that was just a sign that Hunter was quite an anxious character [...] I mean his body's so tense all the time." - Adrian Greensmith.

I shortened that quite a bit so I'm including a slightly longer clip of the interview audio for more context. (I can upload a subtitled video clip if anyone wants that as well as link the video on yt but I'd have to do a bit of a search for that)

Aside: If I had to guess I'd say he's probably referring to Peter Sollett who directed Metal Lords when he mentions a 'Pete'.

And yeah the bratting thing was a little bit of a joke but mostly not a joke. Without going absolutely off the deep end, the mentality behind bratting is something I really see in Hunter.

Evie Lupine has a wonderful video about bratting and why people would be interested in it (and why some people hate it) but a short snippet that always spoke to me from that is the following:

"The motivations behind bratting are pretty varied. I think one of the main ones would be a sense of security and comfort. This is when the acting out is sort of a way to be reassured that even when you, break rules, even when you push at things, the partner that you're with is not going to abandon you." - Evie Lupine

Obviously, with Hunter's fear of abandonment, it's easy to see why this would appeal to him.

He also just...idk he has brat energy - sincerely, a brat.

And Kevin does just play out the counterpart to that. He doesn't always have Hunter under control but he tries to.

And he does mostly act as that safe person to brat against, which again amplifies the impact it has when Hunter starts to think he's actually losing Kevin, destroying that feeling of safety.

Aside: I obviously don't think that these characters, in universe, negotiated for a bratting dynamic. In universe it'd be something that just sort of organically developed within their friendship/relationship. But even more than that it's an archetype of a dynamic that we as the audience can easily read into their interactions if that makes sense.

Can you believe the shit they will accidentally put in movies? lmao

And yeah, I have ADHD as well. And RSD is something that affects me pretty fucking severely. I've only really become more aware of it in the past year or so as my partner has pointed it out more and more.

So it's definitely something that I then noticed more and more in Hunter too.

Obviously this is all just my take on the character, and other people might have totally different interpretations. That's the beauty of art, we all get to find what we need in it and read it in our own ways, influenced by our own life experiences.

Thank you again for asking, Anon 🤘 (if you want to use a nickname or smth to identify that you're the same Anon, let me know. If not, that's totally okay too, but I might not always know it's you)

[raw-law]

did either of you watch blue's clues when you were little? the idea of tiny detectives L and Light figuring out the clues in the show is silly to me hehe

i don't mean to ramble, but i think indulging in nostalgia is a nice way to relax or feel happy when you're stressed. i think nostalgia is a feeling that can make you feel safe and at peace, like there isn't anything to worry about. there are lots of ways to cope with feeling stressed and overwhelmed, but personally i find that sitting down and turning on an old show you used to love as a child is most effective at calming me down. blue's clues is my favorite, i'm watching it right now because i had a bad day

is there anything at all that makes you feel nostalgic and that you can turn to for comfort?

- strawbunny 🐇🍰

Light:

Well...I've never heard of the show, but it does seem nice when I searched it up.

And yes! I agree that sometimes childhood things can be very effective in calming us down...perhaps because it makes us feel safe and taken of, like when we were younger, and I can certainly see how it could make you feel more comforted. I'm glad you've found something to make yourself feel better.

Unfortunately, there's not really anything nostalgic I turn to for comfort, per se...when I find myself having a bad day, I usually just find activities to distract myself until it goes away.

But your method is certainly interesting...perhaps I'll think about giving it a try sometime. And I hope your day gets better soon.

L:

i actually did watch blue's clues when i was younger, but ironically i paid more attention to blue than any of the actual clues. i just thought she was neat. :]

and i agree as well with the idea that nostalgia brings a feeling of peace. i don't really feel nostalgic over things that much, but in the rare times i do, it does feel oddly nice. it feels like walking down abandoned halls.. it's very calming.

as for things that make me feel nostalgic personally.. for some reason airports have always made me feel that way. i'm not sure why. something about them feels like an old home.. but a home that's not entirely mine. i don't know how to explain it..

sadly, that's all i can think of. i didn't have many things i was particularly attached to when growing up. but it was still a nice question to think about nonetheless, and i hope you're able to feel better now. i wish you luck for your rough days, bunny.

[thegeminisage]

star trek update time. last night we did the maquis parts 1 & 2 because i simply did not want to deal w tng.

the maquis (ds9)

standout moment for me in this entire two-parter was sisko's speech. ESPECIALLY good that in a fit of frustration he delivers it to kira and kira alone, whomst he maybe did shout a little bit at earlier because tensions were so high, and then he has the grace to look embarrassed and say he's glad someone understands. like it was the EXACT same thing she was yelling about earlier and he didn't take her as seriously as he might have, like, not in a delegitimizing way, but in a way that says he hasn't experienced that kind of helpless frustration for himself. and then he got to experience just the tiniest slice of what kira has and he Got It. you know?

ALSO SOOO TRUE THE PROBLEM IS EARTH!!!! it's easy to be a saint when you live in utopia. quark had a similar speech earlier in this series about how humans are friendly and wonderful when they have full bellies and working holosuites and they turn vicious without them. ds9 knows whats up

it's tempting to blame all this on picard but while picard did NOT act with honor the true villain is the nameless faceless politician that decided this would be a good boundary to draw and absolutely no one would have any problems with it. it's weird to me, in the age of constantly calling our government officials to make sure they don't cancel healthcare or tell them to stop bombing people, that no one would try to get to the bottom of this and figure out which person they're supposed to call to tell them it was a dumb idea and demand they change it. like, the border is drawn like this, it's an immutable fact of life and it's not gonna change. it feels so weird

anyway, kira was GREAT in this episode. she has so much to be angry about and so much she wants to give to make sure nobody has to suffer what she did. like she's so passionate about it and it comes from a place of love or at least compassion and it's such a nice detail. that she's so angry all the time because of love. man. she's so great

i recognized one of the maquis guys from tng i think! well, i'm bad with faces but it was at least one of the same costumes. i'm so sorry dude rip

one of the maquis guys has a passing resemblance to barclay. really jumpscared me

should have known hudson was a villain bc he asked inappropriate questions about dax. however, it was funny that sisko laughed off the idea of them sleeping together when they fucked twins or whatever

i liked the jennifer mention :( im sad sisko and cal couldn't make up...he tried until the very end

what i love about the ethical debate is that theyre both right. the maquis are right because the new border IS shit. it IS unfair and they DID get abandoned to the tender mercies of the cardassians, who are sure as shit not gonna let them stay there unbothered (that tng episode painting this as a happy ending...AS IF). like, they have every right to defend themselves since no one else is gonna do it

but sisko is ALSO RIGHT because escalating the conflict into full-blown warfare is gonna get even MORE people killed and make things even MORE miserable for the colonies affected, who have already been through more than enough. the colonists can make life harder for the cardassians, just like the bajorans did, but they can't actually win a war, they can only drive themselves into the ground doing it. at BEST they will make some nameless faceless border-drawer think twice the next time they draw a border

like, that's why i'm so shocked nobody suggested calling the politicians to making them redraw it. it's the only third option?!?!

quark and the vulcan was so funny. shoot your shot, buddy, even though you lost the love of your life two episodes ago. i was a little insulted he managed to out-logic her, but also reluctantly impressed. quark is always entertaining, i just wish he had a LITTLE more depth.

gul dukat...i admit i never gave him a second thought before this episode. now i am reaffirmed in my belief that all cardassians are gay. he exhibits such an energy. i really liked the part where he put the fear of god into the weapons runner even though sisko was ready to sit on him to keep him from touching the torpedo controls. such a fun dynamic for him to be going "murder? :D?" and for sisko to be playing straight man and yanking him down by the scruff of his neck every 5 minutes. fun fun fun. i do think he should have kept his mouth shut when he and kira were in the same room though. like i think he should have just chosen to not speak unless prompted.

i like how twice odo's ability to maintain security at the station was called into question and both times sisko was like oh absolutely not. and even still, the tension was nearly enough to cause in-fighting in what has become a pretty friendly group. it's both surprising and unsurprising how quickly they drew the battle lines, but even the non-federation people, kira and odo, snapped at each other. LITERALLY CALL THE POLITICIANS. EARTH IS THE PROBLEM

my one real nitpick is that i don't think it should be possible to resist a mind meld with "discipline." like, it's more interesting if cardassians have a special immunity, or if this particular vulcan is bad at it. i just don't buy that gul dukat happens to be that cool, it's too convenient. why bring up the mind meld at all in that case

otherwise 10/10 i had a fantastic time

TONIGHT: devil's deal means we have double tng, "firstborn" and "bloodlines." something about alexander and daimon bok from season 1??? looks rank. wish us luck.