#I'm sure I've forgotten something oh well I'll just do a follow up post

[pillowspace]

I need to bother you for y/n design advice. Since my clone au is the first one I've really had that's mine, I don't really know what to do to make them more like. Approachable as a y/n? And your designs are so cool and distinct from each other so

help? any advice? 🙃

Something that might help is literally just scrolling through photos of people. That can range from fashion to just completely normal stock photos. It can make you go "oh, I forgot that clothing item even existed. I could use a variation of that." You can also keep in mind not only what would look nice, but what your character would want to wear.

I can walk through how each of them were designed if it gives you an idea of what I do at all

ADAD Y/N - my default design will always be a sweater. I love drawing sweaters. They're fun. If I think I can give a sweater, I will. Also, due to their "companion" characters being Sun and Moon, the colours I work with are red, yellow, and blue. So I just decide where I want that red, yellow, and blue to go, and what colour I want more of than the other. You'll see they all follow that line of thinking except for CSD

HD Y/N - it's wintertime!! This means I get to play with a scarf and jacket. Also a good time for a bit of floof, which is always fun to use. The fluff on the boots were intended to be similar to the way the DCA has bells on their shoes, so sometimes you can look to what the DCA has for inspiration. I felt that they needed a colour contrast from Sun and Moon that still went along with them well, so the jacket was made cyan. A lot of colour usage is just me going "what will look fine next to Sun and Moon?" OH, and I didn't use earmuffs even though I wanted to, because HD Y/N relies on their hearing. They wouldn't want to wear anything that could muffle that

CSD Y/N - can't go the red yellow blue route, this is a medieval peasant, so I shall combine colours. Can't combine red and blue, that's purple, and purple is typically for royalty if I'm not mistaken. I could combine yellow and blue for a dull green however. I will also google image search medieval clothing for inspiration

Pre Loops Y/N - out of curiosity, I googled "daycare worker" for this. Why are they literally all wearing the same exact kind of jacket sweater thing in every image...? Whatever, I'll have Y/N wear that, sure. I also looked up colour palettes, picked the nicest one, and adjusted the colours to my liking. This character is tidy, so they will have plenty of details that show they care about their appearance (brushes hair, puts on hat, buttons the middle of their jacket, wears a belt, tucks in shirt, tied shoes, well-written name.) The inner shirt will remain a slightly darker orange so that it can still work with Mid Loops's darker colours

Mid Loops Y/N - darker colours to fit better with their new character. More disheveled to show a lack of concern for their appearance. (Messy hair, doesn't bother with hat, unshaven facial hair, unbuttoned jacket, no belt, untucked shirt, untied lace, hastily scribbled name.)

Post Loops Y/N - what would this character want? Maybe they like to grow out their hair to feel the change. Maybe they've forgotten why they even bothered shaving, and like the hairs now. Maybe they want a large and floofy jacket because it's comforting. And to show the tiredness of this character, there is predominantly dark blue with the only red being much darker than previously, making the colours more relaxing.

[eric-the-bmo]

Now I’m curious to hear about your VtM character! Impulse Embraces are always really fun (and I’m noticing very Malk-like)

[barrels into the room] MAN OH MAN I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO HEAR ABOUT LEO WEST, THE NUMBER ONE MALKAVIAN OF MY HEART

[tiny pixel leo was made by @ slimejunior btw]

(It's so cool you wanna hear about him- this is my first time in a vtm chronicle, and while i'm not the best at roleplaying, i've been having a blast with the story. I'm sorry btw, this turned into a very long post- I jumped at the chance to ramble about almost everything I can about him- however, since my fellow players follow me here, I'm keeping quiet about certain parts of his character and past.)

Anyway! Leo West is an amnesiac(?) conspiracy theorist and Anarch Malkavian, and is for an on-going chronicle taking place in San Jose- us players have decided to name it Blood and Silicon (there's actually a blog dedicated to it that's run by one of the players).

Leo's a quiet and inquisitive man who's earnest and stubborn, and refuses to talk to the coterie about his issues (but really, none of the other members do that either). He knows very little about vampire society, as his sire refused to tell him anything before sending him away, and has been repeatedly described as a blank slate and full of potential- mostly due to his "newness" to Kindred unlife. He's probably being manipulated by at least 2 people at this point.

He's got Auspex and Obfuscate, and is (unintentionally) built as a stealth character. He also has the Sandman predator type- it's how his sire hunts, and he would prefer victims who wouldn't struggle, anyway.

With his occasional visions, it seems he's got connections to the Cobweb- additionally, since no one's explained to him what the Beast is (and his takes on the guise of his sire's voice), Leo is currently convinced his Beast is actually his sire just talking to him.

While I described him as an amnesiac earlier, he hasn't completely forgotten everything.

However, my main form of communication is infodumping (/hj), so allow me to ramble below, even though I can't fit everything about him in here:

Leo was a hopeless romantic born on May 26, 1994, raised in Chicago and brought up as a Christian. He stopped believing in that faith sometime in high school; something Definitely happened during that time in his life, since it was also when he broke his nose and started smoking (but hey, if I don't know what happened, then he doesn't either /lh). He did eventually quit cigarettes in college, where he graduated and was a librarian for a while; he helped run the DnD sessions the library would hold every month :-)

In 2019, he met a man named Jeremiah: his future sire. J is a man I could make an entire post about- but tbh this isn't about him, so I'll give only the bare amount of information needed.

Jeremiah is a bartender who moved to Chicago from San Jose, and at some point in the first year of knowing Leo, he ended up blood-bonding him for reasons unknown. Leo, who was completely unaware that he was now Jeremiah's ghoul, experienced the symptoms of the bond and assumed he was in love- which surely was a whole thing for him, because at this point in Leo's life he had just come to the conclusion he would never fall in love, since he's never had the best luck in that part of his life. The two of them entered a relationship (or at least it seemed that way to Leo), and of course given the dynamic/power imbalance here- as well as Jeremiah in general- it wasn't a very good one.

(Amy, Leo's sister, kinda picked up some bad vibes from her brother's partner, and very much dislikes him.)

During their almost-three years together while Leo served as his ghoul, Jeremiah used Dominate a lot on him, erasing his memories of anything that could be seen as Masquerade-breaching- meaning that Leo has no idea what he did for him.

Mr. West noticed his gaps in memory, of course, and with the help(?) of one of his more common library patrons, Chris, he fell down into a bit of a conspiracy rabbit hole to try and figure out what was happening to him. Sometime around this point he picked up his smoking habit again.

[As a result of J's actions, Leo no longer trusts his memory and carries around a notebook; It's also one of the reasons he avoids eye contact a lot, since that's necessary for Dominate.]

Eventually he must've figured things out, or perhaps his curiosity got the better of him- but somehow, on September 16, 2021, Leo stumbled upon something that resulted in his untimely death at 27 years old.

Jeremiah Embraced him that night, although it's unknown whether he did it because he still needed Leo's servitude, or if he genuinely cared about his ghoul (and I am unsure which one is worse).

The rest of the events of his Embrace are a bit tricky to talk about- I can't go into much detail without giving much away- but with all the stress and trauma of what happened, his clan bane manifested as Dissociation; in tandem/addition to this, Leo's brain blocked off parts of itself, resulting in even more memory loss.

In fact, after Sept 16, there's about an entire month and a half of missing time for Leo, and he doesn't remember any of it (this was originally due to a misunderstanding of the game's timeline, but is now a part of the Lore).

Anyway, even though I can't go into specifics of what happened to Leo during this moment of his unlife, I can offer you this sort-of-meme about it:

[At some point during this time J informed him of blood bonds, which was kind of a jerk move, considering his childe was having a bad mental moment already.]

It's been stated by Leo that Jeremiah sent him away to San Jose, and the fledgling currently has his coat- which implies J gave it to him as a gift, or at least let him take it with. His relationship with his sire right now is... complicated.

Anyway, Leo spent about a week in San Jose before meeting [aka getting kidnapped by] a Kindred named Harrison, who introduced him to the rest of the coterie. Currently, they're all a bit secretive, and Leo occasionally leads them into trouble (like lowkey breaching the Masquerade, and almost getting caught by a gang).

Throughout Blood and Silicon, Leo's been learning about Kindred unlife, and has additionally requested an informant to look into Jeremiah. (He's got a bit of a fixation on his sire- in his eyes, his investigation to figure out what's going has not ended, and it seems Jeremiah has many secrets..)

In the most recent session, the coterie has been gifted territory as a reward for doing a quest for Harrison. Meanwhile, something's going on with Leo, because vampires can't get headaches, can they?

I'm very excited to see where this leads...

[thank you for asking, this was fun to ramble about him <3]

[mangodestroyer]

I'm not sure if anyone on my blog reads my fics. If not, that's perfectly fine! At the end of the day, I'm writing for me (even if it does make me happy when others read and enjoy my fics).

I haven't been getting comments on my WIP, so I have no idea who is keeping up with my fic, how they feel about it, if there are actually people keeping up with it (yes, I have subscriptions but do you actually keep up with everything you subscribe to?)

I'll admit that the silence can be eerie at times. Kind of makes me afraid of what might happen once I do finally get a comment. Especially since things are gonna get juicy at this point (the drama, the angst, the fluff, the romance, and the NSFW tags are just going to become more and more relevant). Trust me, I've thought long and hard about upcoming plot points, and you know what? I'm going for it. Cause personally I love messy characters who are genuinely trying their best. I like going outside of my comfort zone when reading and writing fic. And I don't like when characters are too perfect and have easy conflicts.

Oh yeah, for those who happen to be following along (if anyone), I have gone back and edited the first two chapters thoroughly in the past two days. I looked back, and they really weren't as good as I remembered them being. I knew something was off, I just couldn't put my finger on it. Whelp, I did start writing this story while going through a dissociative episode. So brain fog galore! And I haven't written anything in three years before joining GOs. I am quickly relearning a lot of shit about writing that I had forgotten. So yeah, that's why my story wasn't as good as it could have been (not saying it's perfect now, as I'm sure I still have plenty of room to grow as an author). I'll be working on the other chapters as well as I continue to update.

Speaking of updates, I'm hoping to do a lot more of that in the future. I'm sorry I haven't been updating as often as I'd like to. It's been three weeks since I last posted a chapter. Can't say my mental health has been the greatest. Nor has my physical health been all that great. I'll try to get the six chapter out very soon.

[paintedrecs]

Helloo i saw a tweet you made saying you recently watched a bunch of gay animes and i was wondering if you could perhaps make a list and post them on twitter? I'm always looking for anime to watch and i know your tastes align with mine. If it isn't too much of a bother perhaps? I hope you have loveky days!!!❤❤❤❤

Hey friend! I put off answering this, sorry, because my answers tend to be unnecessarily long and I was v tired when I got the original message. But if you’re still interested, here’s a lil rundown of some of what I’ve been watching/reading. In reference to this tweet, where I was watching a show that definitely isn’t gay but is kinda gay if you just squint the tiniest bit, which I’ve gotten used to doing.

If you follow me on twitter, most of these proooobably won’t be new? But I talk about/RT things on a scattered basis, so maybe there are some you haven’t checked out yet. 

So, the canonical gay! I’m only going to list the ones I liked and/or remember most - my Quest For Gay Anime started two years ago, and I watched pretty much everything I could get my hands on, but at that point, there were only a few I loved enough to rewatch/buy/recommend. The list has gotten a little longer since then, unfortunately for my attention span and wallet.

(I’ll be honest, a lot of the really popular/older BL have too many consent issues for my tastes - I understand the context and all that, and no hate on anyone who loves stories that didn’t particularly appeal to me. But I’m including this note cause (a) if I don’t put a really well-known BL anime on this list that’s probably why (b) I’m gonna drop in a few that toe that line but I’ll try to include warnings where relevant.)

ANIME FAVES

DOUKYUSEI (Classmates)

This is kinda where it all started. I saw a tweet going around with a trailer for a very soft, lovely movie about two boys falling in love, and I thought whaaaaat an actual gay story? Where they kiss? And I don’t have to just imagine it??

Still one of my top faves. It’s beautifully animated - like filming watercolors? It always makes me feel languid and happy. The story and characters are realistic, in a very kind, hopeful way, as these two navigate starting a relationship that neither of them expected. It’s available on Amazon video - I own a digital copy there, hah, as well as the physical blu-ray, because I watch it often enough to want both.

I also recommend the manga, although I’ve only recently discovered that apparently the story did not end after the first three volumes, so I can only recommend that far. (I’ve heard it, unfortunately, gets angstier, and it’s still incomplete? The first three volumes feel complete to me, so I’m happy to leave it there if so.) 

The movie pretty much covers the first manga volume - it’s a very accurate page-to-screen translation - and there’s some really wonderful relationship building and exploration of family dynamics in the next two volumes.

HITORIJIME MY HERO (My Very Own Hero)

Another huge favorite that I have literally watched like 30 times at this point. Two gay couples, double the fun, although this pairing is by far my favorite.

I’ll direct you to my very long post on this topic for more information, but the short version is:

Warning: there is an age gap and student/teacher relationship, but it’s treated very thoughtfully and is directly addressed as part of the story. They have to navigate through how to make their relationship work (issues with friends, coworkers, society). And they didn’t meet as student/teacher - it’s a lot more complicated, with some fantastic family dynamics. There’s a lot of angst to Setagawa’s backstory that makes you really appreciate the happiness and love he finds with Kousuke & his whole family. (Many more details in my watch-this-anime post.)

The series is 12 episodes long, with a WONDERFUL (happy) ending that makes me cry LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE TIME. Gosh I love this show a lot. It packs some serious feels - I cry, I laugh, I cry again, but for happy reasons.

It’s from a manga, but I do not recommend the manga. The manga falls into a lot of the tropes that I personally don’t like; I think the anime does a much better job of tackling the complexity of their story and treating these two with the thoughtful nuance they deserve.

Can be found on Amazon; I bought the blu-ray, and it’s one of the exceedingly rare cases where I love both the sub and the dub. There are slight differences in translation that really makes it worth watching both.

GIVEN

Wow, this one. Available on Crunchyroll, 11 episodes with a movie coming soon.

It’s newer to my list, and it’s really, really good. I’ve only read the first two volumes of the manga so far (with two more on preorder), because tbh I have trouble reading scanlations online and find it a lot more enjoyable to just wait for the official translations in paperback form.

So far the anime lines up pretty closely with the manga, so I do recommend both, although at this point I enjoy the anime more - partly because of some of the choices they make in rearranging/expanding scenes, and partly because it’s a story about a band, so it makes a huge difference to be able to actually hear the music.

And Mafuyu’s song is worth it. Wow. I listened to it on repeat for like two weeks after the episode first aired.

Uenoyama (the dark-haired stern-looking heart-of-gold character, I have a type), is my favorite. He is a MASSIVE disaster gay, and a lot of his scenes are absolutely hilarious. The dynamics between the characters aren’t what you’d expect - it’s amazing to watch the seemingly quiet Mafuyu come out of his shell and display his true personality - and there’s some really gritty, emotional material, too.

What’s fascinating about this one is that there are parallel stories going on about past loves and heartbreak, and how truly loving (and losing) someone doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness again.

(Warning and a spoiler: there is a suicide that happens before this story starts - Mafuyu’s ex-boyfriend - and while nothing about it is graphic, that event is central to Mafuyu’s story, so there are some weighty episodes. It ultimately leads to him meeting Uenoyama and joining the band. And finding himself again.) 

The movie’s gonna focus more on the secondary couple, but I’m still excited to see more of them! And...more angst, I imagine, but hopefully a lot more happiness as well.

SARAZANMAI

Okay, fair warning: this show is weird.

I think if you’re familiar with Japanese folklore, particularly kappas, you might have a much better intro than I did, but considering the creator laughed about how much they got away with by hiding the weirder parts of the story during the initial pitch, I...am not sure about that.

It’s weird but I liked it a lot. I’m not even going to attempt to explain it in the space available here, but the wiki page has a decent summary if you’re curious before diving in.

The very, very condensed version is that the main characters are three middle school boys who get turned into kappas by the kappa prince, who sends them on missions to retrieve “dishes of hope” every episode. In the process, they learn more about themselves and each other, since each time they complete one of these missions, it results in one of their big secrets being spilled to the others.

I like the main trio (and there’s a gay subplot there, too, where one of the boys is in love with his best friend but doesn’t know how to tell him), but I started watching the show because of the “villains,” Reo and Mabu. They have a deeply angsty backstory that you don’t get to until the last couple episodes. Up until then, they have a transformation sequence every episode that ... yes, gets repetitive, Miraculous Ladybug-style, but I still sat and watched, entranced, every time.

One of the things I like about this anime is that while it is very, very gay, it’s not about being gay. It’s a fantasy story where several characters just happen to be gay. As much as I love romance (which the rest of these recs definitely have been), I like being able to see gay people (or kappas...) in different genres, just existing.

And if you can’t get into the show (11 episodes, available on Crunchyroll), there’s a spinoff manga about Reo and Mabu being disaster dads to a baby girl they find on a dish in the middle of the street. I think it’s a human AU (kinda?), but it’s super sweet and funny and I liked it a lot.

THE BETRAYAL KNOWS MY NAME

Okay, so this was an early favorite, and I rewatched it recently and laughed a lot about how massively dramatic it is, but I don’t care, I’m still into it.

We’re skirting the edge of “canon gay” here, because you never get an on-screen kiss, and it’s technically a shoujo manga. But...it was at the top of a lot of BL lists when I was first hunting for good stuff to watch, and the relationship between Yuki and Luka is deeply romantic (and achingly piningly good) and central to the story.

The title’s linked to one of Luka’s frequent lines: “I will never betray you,” which he earnestly tells Yuki at every opportunity he gets. Luka is an extremely powerful demon, and Yuki is part of an immortal (via reincarnation) clan that hunts demons. But in Yuki’s past life, they fell in love.

Yuki was, at that point and in previous lives, a woman, but something changed this time around: he was reborn as a man, and without any of his memories.

Luka, who waited for Yuki to be reincarnated so they could be together again, still remembers and still loves him. But he keeps his devotion on Yuki’s terms, refusing to force the memory of a relationship that Yuki might have wanted to forget.

There’s one particularly great scene where the leader of Yuki’s clan asks Luka if anything has changed - if they can still rely on Luka to stay by Yuki’s side and be his protector. “They have the same soul,” Luka says. Gender doesn’t matter. He loves Yuki. He’ll always love Yuki. 

And Yuki, though he doesn’t remember loving Luka, begins to slowly, inevitably, fall in love again.

The anime is 24 episodes - while it doesn’t fully close out the story, it does have some closure, or at least a solid sense of an upcoming happy ending. (I own the DVD; I don’t think the show is currently available to watch online.)

There’s also a manga, which is beautifully illustrated, wow, the sheer level of detail in this blows me away. Which, unfortunately, was way too much work to maintain at that level and ultimately destroyed the author’s health, so the last few volumes get shorter and shorter and the story trickles to an unsatisfying conclusion.

I still love it a lot, though, and it’s another example of establishing a great relationship within the context of a much larger story - a sweeping, complicated fantasy epic.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Those are my primary favorites, unless I’m forgetting anything (and for the purposes of this post, I’m leaving out things like Tiger & Bunny and Promare, which are very gay and embraced as such by the creators but also not something I’m comfortable including in a Definitely Canonically Gay, You Won’t Ever Be Disappointed By Future Reveals list). If I have the energy, I might make another post like this for those kinds of stories.

But there are a few others that I enjoyed, if not enough to buy copies of or collect merch for. These include:

No. 6

Dystopian, so definitely very dark and kind of visually disturbing in places (for instance, people rotting from mystery infections). There’s a central m/m romance and one kiss, but the ending is kind of an open one without a super happy conclusion. It doesn’t have high rewatch value for me - I’ve only ever watched it once and don’t really feel inclined to go back - but it's got good storytelling and is worth viewing. 

Kizuna Koi No Kara Sawagi (Much Ado About Nothing OVA)

That last bit of the title is important to get you to the correct OVA, since there are different variations of this story. It’s been a long time since I tried the main anime, but I did not like it - I had major issues with its story, particularly with the sexual assault plotline. I did, however, love the OVA and have recommended it to people as something that can be watched independently.

There's still a little dodgy content in it (as with a lot of things in the BL genre), but it's mostly a lovely established relationship story with a lot of bittersweet feels, with flashbacks to how the couple got together. 

It’s necessarily a "happy" story either, though, because they're in a loving, committed relationship in a society where they can't be open about that, and it takes a toll. They're doing their best to work through the difficulties together.

Ai no Kusabi 

SERIOUS WARNINGS FOR THIS ONE.

It's about a society with "Blondies" as the elite ruling class and dark-haired "Mongrels" from the slums. There's slavery, plus some serious sexual consent issues...which I found extra prevalent in the newer version (prettier animation but much more cringey on the content).

The 90s version has rougher animation but a more interesting story. The relationship is still not necessarily healthy, but it reads as a lot more of a forbidden love BDSM relationship.

Even so, the ending is SUPER unhappy. I cannot emphasize that enough. I was watching all these things on my own without any warnings, so this one hit me really hard, and I couldn't stop thinking about it for days after. I’m not sure if I'd watch it again, but I've had interesting conversations with others who did.

I guess what I liked about it is that it’s a very different kind of story - and like I said earlier, it’s nice to have variety in genres. As long as every story isn’t dark and tragic, it’s worthwhile to sometimes experience ones that are told well. And weirdly (since this is not something I would watch with my family) it reminded me to some extent of the movies I grew up with - the 80s and early 90s had a lot of dark sci-fi, and my family really loved watching them, so there’s something...nostalgic about how disturbing it is? Thanks parents. At least this one’s gay.

Gakuen Heaven

To pull us back from the darker content, here’s one that I guess was adapted from a dating computer game. As far as I can remember, it was pretty free of cw; fun but not as emotionally engaging as some of the others. It’s pretty much just a fluffy story about a boys’ school on an island with a mystery plot and a romance.

MANGA RECS

I sprinkled some manga recs alongside the relevant anime, but here are a few others that I’ve only experienced in book form. (I’ve got one on my nightstand right now that I need to read, but if it’s good I’ll just update this post I guess, I’ve put this reply off for long enough.)

OUR DINING TABLE

Unlike a lot of the other manga I’ve read, this is a single volume, which means it has a nice, solid conclusion that wraps everything up wonderfully and doesn’t leave you any room to worry that the author will insert unnecessary drama down the line. (That’s an issue, ok? It happens a lot.)

A very soft, sweet romance that’s actually a lot more about building family - which is something that hugely appeals to me. Highly recommend. Loved it, bought it, will definitely reread it. I’d love to see it eventually made into a movie, like Doukyusei.

MY BROTHER’S HUSBAND

This is a hefty book - I ordered it after seeing a joke-tweet about the live action adaptation (which I haven’t been able to find to watch online). I was surprised by the size of the book but even more (pleasantly!) surprised by its contents. I’m not familiar with the author’s other works, although I’ve heard this is the uh....softest and sweetest of his writing. It’s honestly way more uplifting and healing than I was expecting.

Again, it’s largely about family: a quiet, very private Japanese dad dealing with a visit from his deceased (estranged) twin’s extroverted and cheery Canadian husband. This could go down some very dark paths, but it really doesn’t...there are some smatterings of homophobia mixed in, since that’s sort of the point, but there’s a lot of wonderful self-discovery and building new family bonds.

OUR DREAMS AT DUSK

Oh man. This series. Irene Koh (Legend of Korra comics illustrator) recommended it on twitter, and I picked up the first volume from my library and then could not stop. All four volumes are now out in official translations, and they’re so, so good.

These are definitely on the more realistic side - less of an idealized, prejudice-free view of the world, with more of an accurate picture of what it’s like to be not-straight in Japan.

And I phrase it that way because there’s a lot of variety in the characters in these books. The main character is gay - just coming to terms with the fact that he is, because life would be so much easier if he didn’t have a crush on the hot guy at school.

Content warning: it gets so bad at school, in fact, that he starts out the book planning to commit suicide. It’s dark. But it gets much better, and by the final volume he’s grown so much in his confidence and sense of self-worth - because he becomes a part of a community of other people who teach him that it’s okay to be himself.

And all the other storylines are wonderful. Some of the other characters you get to know include a trans guy, an ace woman, two girls who (spoilers!) get married in the fourth volume, and a much older gay guy who’s been with his partner for several decades.

It’s not a fluffy story - there’s some really tough material throughout, and people aren’t always nice, even the ones you really, really want to be - but they also learn and work hard at communicating with each other. I think these are pretty extraordinary books. Beautiful and heartbreaking but also deeply affirming.

[incorrectlumityquotes]

DTVAU - Battleworld (Anne's Story, Part 2)

Putting this story up on ao3 where the reception has been a bit better. Not a lot but still

Anne and Star walked into the new area. It had clear blue skies and a football field. Up on the stands was the logo of a dog that none of them recognized.

"Another school?" Anne cried out.

"That's like the fourth one we've passed already," Star whined. "How many schools did Battleworld take? What? Are there teenagers on the the bad guys side too?"

"Maybe we should take a break."

Anne and Star sat underneath a goal post. Anne took off her shoe and shook it till a rock fell out.

"What happen to your other shoe?" Star asked.

"I lost it when I got here," Anne answered. "This is so messed up. I just wanna go home."

"Yeah, me too," said Star. "But we gotta find Luz first. I hope she's okay."

"Crazy to think that that guy, Belos, could give her back her memories. How much do you remember?" Anne asked.

"Bits and pieces, I guess," Star shrugged. "I remember feelings and sensations. And I know some things but I don't know how I know them. And you?"

"I have no idea. I mean, how do you know if you've forgotten something if you've forgotten it completely?" Anne mused. "Maybe I knew a bunch of people, but just forgotten that I know them."

"It's weird how Battleworld affects us differently," said Star. "What's even weirder is how we've been able to just sit here and talk. Outside the sanctuary."

"You know what that means," Anne groaned.

And sure enough, the two girls looked up and saw that they were surrounded by manikins.

"How did we not hear them? They're made of rocks!"

[MANIKIN MINI-BOSS FIGHT]

Anne fell back on her butt, trying to catch her breath.

"Please tell me it's over," she huffed. Just then, two manikins appeared from the distance and headed straight for Anne.

"Look out!" Star screamed. She was on the other side of the field. Too far to reach Anne in time. Anne raised her arms in defense, but the manikins shattered to pieces when they reached her.

Anne looked up and what was left of the manikins disappeared to reveal the blond swordswoman in red armor.

"Anne?" said Sasha.

"Sasha?" said Anne. Anne leapt up from the ground to hug her friend. The girls immediately started laughing and squealing in joy. They hopped around trading disbelief and questions.

"Oh my gosh, you're here too. I wasn't sure. I woke up there with the other guys and goddess of something or other and I missed you so much!" Anne rambled on.

"I'll fill you in later. For now, I'm just glad I found you," said Sasha.

"Aw, that's so cute," said Star. "Besties reuniting."

"Who's she?" asked Sasha.

"Oh. Right. Sorry. Sasha, this is Star Butterfly. Star, this is my friend Sasha," Anne introduced.

"Hi-yee!" Star greeted.

"Hey," Sasha quipped.

"Sasha, where have you been? I've never seen you at the sanctuary," Anne asked.

"I'm not sure," said Sasha, "I just woke up here and there was this big red guy going on and on about chaos or something. Got bored. Left. Found some cool stuff. Saw some weird girl wandering around."

"A weird girl?" Anne asked. "Did she have short hair and a cat-ear hoodie?"

"Yeah, why?," asked Sasha.

"That's Luz!" said Star. "Can you take us to her?"

"Who?"

"She one of our friends. But we got separated after one of those chaos guys attacked us," Anne explained.

"Yeah. The guys who are on your side." Star pointed her wand at Sasha. Anne stood in her way to defend Sasha.

"Whoa, Star! Calm down. She's my friend," Anne said.

"She's with the chaos guys," said Star.

"Well, maybe it was just a mistake. You're not with those guys. Right, Sash?" Anne pleaded.

"The only person I'm loyal to is myself," Sasha proclaimed. "And Anne, of course."

Several tense seconds passed before Star put her wand down. Her expression softened.

"Okay, Anne. If you say so," said Star.

"Thanks, Star," said Anne.

"Well, if you wanna find your friend. I saw her heading to a castle this way. Follow me." Sasha led the two out of the area and into the next.

[glitterghost]

Okay friends, here we go. I recently stumbled upon author Claire Cray. Their slogan according to the official website is "Gay Romance On The Weird Side". And let me tell you, it's pretty fitting for their content.

I came across their most recent release, In Strange Woods (published August 28, 2020) on Kindle unlimited & decided to give it read. It's an m/m mystery/thriller and I found myself throughly enjoying the story and the characters. It's not really lengthy & it kept me engaged the entire time! Honesty, I fell in love with the two male leads. Both their personalities and their dynamic together. The romance spans only over a week or so, but the tenderness and organic growth between them is something I was & still am weak for.

(Ps. I absolutely adore one soft, flannel wearing, Nirvana listening, heart of gold boy, named Hunter!)

Another thing I loved about this book is that the romance didn't overshadow the plot, but accented it. It gets woven into the already ongoing story and I truly appreciated that. I don't want to say too much about the plot itself but I will pull the description and add it below!

In the stormy coastal woods of the Pacific Northwest, roots run deep and passions run wild.

Reeling with grief and hounded by the press after the mysterious massacre of his wealthy family, moody New York photographer James Worthington Crane decides to take his downward spiral somewhere far away: to the rural Oregon Coast, where he’s just inherited a random piece of property hidden somewhere in the woods upriver.

But when James pulls into the decaying seaside town of Brooks, everyone thinks he’s someone else—an elusive local rebel named Beau. Now James must fight through his own grief to unravel a tangled web of family secrets, mysterious doppelgängers, and forgotten history...with help from a soft-spoken local hunk named Hunter Quaid.

Hunter’s been on his own since he left his fundamentalist family at the age of fifteen. It’s taken years of hard work and healing to build the steady, stable life he has now, fixing up seaside houses while living alone in a trailer by the river. Then James blows in like a winter storm, disturbing the peace and stirring up a hunger like nothing he's ever felt.

As Hunter helps James search for the truth, their lives intertwine in unexpected ways—and they begin to discover what it means to find out where you really belong.

From the author of Merrick and Hidden Talents comes a sensual and emotional story inspired by the rugged beauty and offbeat history of Pacific Northwest timber country. In Strange Woods moves through ancient old-growth forests, abandoned logging roads, ramshackle seaside towns, decaying homesteads, coastal highways, and the stories hidden in the trees.

For me, this book hit a lot of things that I love seeing in stories and especially in m/m. Claire's pacing and writing style, for me, was pretty solid. So much so, that I delved into looking more into other works she's published previously, just to continue enjoying the writing. Though I still consider In Strange Woods my favorite of all I've read so far. I feel you can see the writing evolve more strongly than in some of their past titles. That and I just really am in love with James x Hunter! ♡

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Freebies

Many titles such as Thirsting For More & Backwoods Beast are free on Amazon. Both are paranormal shorts. Both published in 2012. The writing isn't as strong to me in these as it was in In Strange Woods but that's also an 8 year gap in writing. However, I like Claire's story ideas and to me it was still worth checking out!

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Classic Tales Gone Gay

I also just finished Spooky Smutty Stories, (also available on Kindle Unlimited) which highlights a handful of classic tells, well, gone gay, just as it says! This collection also features Backwoods Beast as the first entry but there is also a sequel of sorts in it, with the last story being Backwoods Boomerang.

Each story (seven in total), are uniquely written but also familiar to most of us. They hold just enough eerie, spooky and sometimes frightful content to maybe give you a goosebumps or two. Definitely a delightful read just in time for spooky season right around the corner!

Ever wished your favorite scary stories had more steamy gay scenes? Now they do. This collection of seven creepy, delicious m/m stories is filled with ghostly hitchhikers, haunted ships, seductive witches and more classic tropes from urban legends and oral traditions around the world. There's a tale here for everyone who likes it weird, so dive in and treat yourself to a good shiver.

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Historical

Oh, did I mention Claire's also done historical as well? I've yet to read Merrick & William but will definitely be making my way to them in the future.

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Spooky Season Newsletter Event 💀

I'll leave you all with one last bit of information. Since spooky season IS right around the corner, Claire is holding an event for newsletter subscribers and y'all should sign up for all the free spooky content to come! (I swear no puns but, well, yeah 🙃)

"Stories will be written in real time as Spooky Season goes on, and I’ll consider any prompts and ideas that come my way on Twitter!"

So be sure to sign up for the newsletter, as not to miss out on this event. You can do so by going here

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Links

For more information on Claire & Claire's books, as I'm sure I could go on but this is already a long post. You can find Claire at/on:

Claire's offical website

Twitter: @claire_cray (give a follow!)

Goodreads

Amazon

Tumblr- @clairecray-blog (but not sure if active)

[shiberpostshere]

The Kiss Thief - Park Seonghwa Social Media AU

10. Chapter Six: It's okay buddy, get used to it✨

(Images below Text)

Previous Part✨ Next Part✨

Masterlist of the AU✨

Date: 07.09.19 ✨

You and your friends have been frequenting Cafe Utopia these days due to the fact that San works there part time and Wooyoung dropps by often as his dance studio falls nearby. You might end up becoming a regular since the Dazzling Night crew uses the place as a daily meeting spot if not working in the recording studio.

The interior of the cafe is as the name suggests, magical and mesmerising. The entire furniture is ebony and golden bulbs hang low from the ceiling, the lighting being ten out of ten.

San had left with Yeri fifteen minutes ago after his shift ended to hang out at the apartment with Wooyoung and Yunho, who together went to the dance club and were also flat-mates.

You might as well just make a friendship chart to trace back all your recent friendships somehow to Seonghwa.

The first ever meeting is to be held today at 5PM. Jongho and you arrived an hour earlier to calm down with caffeine and to pretend to do college work while you just conversed about random topics leading nowhere. He slurped his iced americano as you sipped your black coffee.

“So, you're all cool now? Hundred percent?” He murmurs under his breath while scanning the script given by Yeosang.

The topic of embarrassment hadn’t surfaced back onto your consciousness after texting Seonghwa as you had distracted yourself by binge watching Brooklyn 99 with Yeri for half of the night. Classes occupied your mind in the morning and you only thought about Seonghwa's text with full concentration for fifteen minutes while waiting for your orders at the cafe.

At the end, you decided to just deal with it.

You chug down the remaining beverage. “Yeah. I've decided to face Song Mingi and Park Seonghwa with the power of caffeine and god by my side.” The empty mug feels irritating.

San had warned you before leaving not to get another refill, presumably what might have been your seventh cup of the day.

“You literally groaned like a dinosaur after receiving his text.” He gives you a long face.

“Of course I would! He called me cute, he’s obviously making fun of me.” You pack your study material and open your laptop for the meeting.

He considers a thought for a moment. “Maybe he’s just clueless.”

“He’s actually that clueless.” The sudden comment from Yeosang makes you and your friend jump as he settles down at the table.

Mingi takes a seat beside him along with Hongjoong. "I can vouch for that, you know I've known him since high school."

You and Jongho look around for a moment before taking in the group's sudden arrival.

Seonghwa occupies the remaining seat, beside you and your friend. "I'm literally right here, guys. Hi (Y/N), hey Jongho."

"And?" Mingi says as he unpacks his laptop along with his friends, except Hongjoong.  

You shake your head, crossing your arms below your chest. "You guys are sure acting all cool about the group chat."

Hongjoong is the only one with a notepad in front of him and he replies while studying some scribbles. "We're pretending to be cool about it."

"You seem quite unphased too." Yeosang states with a brow raised.

Jongho answers in your stead. "She's buzzing with caffeine, nothing can affect her."

You nod proudly in agreement and point at your now empty mug. "Yeah, I had six cups of courage coffee."

Seonghwa begins to type on his laptop. "That's disturbingly unhealthy."

"Okay, Grandpa, sure."

"That's no way to address your college senior." He attempts to deliver the statement with a serious voice but you catch the corner of his lips lifting up.

Mingi leans forward gleefully, placing his chin in his palms. "Oh my god, look at you two, flirting like the old times." His eyelashes blink at you devilishly.

You hold up a palm at him like the traffic police, "Okay, Song Mingi, sure." At which he feigns a shocked expression.

Even Seonghwa appears surprised by your response.

Jongho pats on your back, you chuckle. "You go, (Y/N)!"

Hongjoong clears his throat and garners everyone’s attention, “Enough bickering. Meeting time.”

Everyone naturally falls silent at his words.

Seonghwa rubs his palms together. “Okay, alright. (Y/N) and Jongho, welcome to the Dazzling Night team. I will just go through some details, if you wish to, you can note them down.”

Seonghwa begins explaining the agenda and workings of the radio show to you and Jongho. Meanwhile, the others discuss something of their own. You decide to note down the important details.

You learn that Dazzling Night airs from Monday to Friday, every night at 10 PM. Jongho will be joining Yeosang as an announcer. Hongjoong is mostly absent due to other commitments and Seonghwa monitors the process under the guidance of Professor Lee.

You pause for a moment, looking back and forth at the two involved in the conversation. “Hold up, if Hongjoong isn’t involved every night then who will I be working under?”

Seonghwa ponders for a moment on how to answer your question, whilst Jongho avoids your gaze.

A finger taps on your shoulder. “Hi.” Mingi grins at you widely.

Your eyes widen. “You’re the audio engineer?” He nods with the grin ever present.

Hongjoong gently taps Mingi’s cheeks with his pen. “You will be but he attends the dance club in the evening so I will be guiding you through it, don’t worry.”

You fall back into your chair, feeling deflated like a balloon. “Great, that’s great.”

“Who will I be working with?” Jongho questions.

“We’ll be meeting together everyday to go through the script, rehearse and make changes.” Yeosang answers his question.

"And, we'll have follow up group meetings to join those fragments of work together." The mullet guy concludes.

Curious, you turn towards Seonghwa. “What about you?”

He too, offers you his full attention. “What about me?”

“What about him?” Mingi’s voice interjects. “Are you asking what’s his deal? He’s single.”

“I am” The male besides you answers and your jaw drops with shock altogether.

“Why would you answer his question! That’s not what I was asking! I was asking what role do you play!”

You hear Jongho snicker and shove an elbow to silence him.

“Oh.” He bites his tongue in between his teeth. “I am the team leader, I observe and finalize things.” His expression truly appears clueless or he’s extremely good at faking it.

“Um, anyway. Seonghwa will also be monitoring you for the following week. I can’t stay back so he’ll be correcting you in my stead.” The composer’s words cause you to fall back more and more, hoping the chair would come alive and suffocate you to death.

“You’re not entirely unphased.” Mingi eyebrows dance up and down.

Yeosang closes his laptop, concerned. “Seonghwa tends to be like that. Why did you like him back then?”

Mingi attempts to hold back his laughter at the question.

Yep, chair, c’mon, kill me.

Seonghwa slams his palms on the table with a gentle thud. “I am right here, I am literally right here!”

Unable to fathom what's going to happen anymore, you place a hand gently on his shoulder. “It’s okay buddy, it’s okay. Get used to it. It’s the only way.”

Seonghwa glances at your hand, trying to hold back his smile at your gesture.

✨

✨

Pairing: College Student! Seonghwa x College Student! Female Reader

Genre: Fluff, A teeny tiny bit of smut with a pinch of angst

Synopsis: High school crushes are often silly and forgotten. However, you cannot forget the one senior, you "borrowed" once a kiss from. Years have passed and it's a memory you laugh at but what will happen if you're to encounter the same senior in a much different setting and situation? Especially during your first year of college.

A/N: What is Seonghwa doing? 🤔 (Tumblr didn't save my draft so I had to make the post twice 🙃) Also, this needs serious editing which I'll be doing tomorrow.

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist 💫

🌸Tags:

@enigmaticsal @missiopk @stardusthyuck @preets-kpop-world @rae-wo0 @sanisms @minjiyeonnie @retrofuture-ism @hongjoongsnoona

Unable to tag: @mingiibabieee

🌸

Please do not repost, modify or claim these images.

[willymywonkers]

The Factory (5/5)

Summary: It's been a few weeks since the Factory tour, and Maude is much happier than she ever was. Charlie comes over, and tells her about his experience with Willy. She finds that he rejected Willy's offer. However, she gets a surprise visit from a familiar stranger.

A/N: the final chapter baby!!! I know it's this series was short, but I promise I will still be posting other stories with Maude and Willy, I've just got some major school shit to work out. My Masterlist should be up tomorrow.

Tagged: @holdmeicant @wonkasmissstarshine

It was a mid February day, and things seemed to be getting better for the Buckets. Harry Bucket had gotten a new job, with much better pay, and Grandpa Joe was much better.

Maude was back in school teaching. Charlie couldn't be happier to see her face again.

Maude even started a class teaching kids the chemistry behind making candy. She loved hanging out with the kids, but there was something missing in her life.

Despite being much cheerful, she couldn't get her mind off Will. She noticed Wonka's sales had been dropping. The newspaper began spreading rumors about him, but, of course, they weren't true.

The soft buzz from her door distracted her from her thoughts. Maude smiled, already knowing who it was.

Charlie smiled back at her, wiping the snow off his boots.

"Hello, Charlie." Maude chuckled, inviting him in.

"Hello, Ms. Figgle. Here, I got some extra tips from shoe shining, and I wanted to split this with you." Charlie handed her a Wonka bar from his pocket.

Maude smiled, taking the candy bar. "How thoughtful of you, dear."

She took a piece, but it didn't taste the same. It had a bitter taste, but it wasn't the chocolate. Chewing on the candy suddenly made Maude's good mood shift to a guilty feeling.

"This doesn't taste right." Maude said. The candy didn't have its velvety texture like it used to.

Charlie took a bite of the bar, and agreed.

"Did something happen with you and Will on the trip?" Maude asked, slightly concerned.

"Well, Mr. Wonka offered to give me his entire factory, but he wouldn't let me ever see my family again." Charlie explained.

Maude looked, slightly confused. "Really?"

"Yeah. I thought he was really nice at first. I guess he only cares about himself." Charlie sighed, disappointed.

Maude sighed, just as disappointed.

"Did he ever mention me? At all?" She asked.

"No, I don't think so." Charlie replied.

Maude's heart began to break. Of course, this was expected. She didn't expect Willy to remember her, and how she was his biggest influence in his life.

The cold sad guilt started to consume her once again.

Willy Wonka found himself in an odd situation. Ever since Charlie turned down his offer to live with him, he had been feeling odd. He felt guilty somehow.

This feeling greatly affected his chocolate sales, and he just didn't know why.

Childhood memories started coming back to him. It drove him nuts. He remembered the constant bullying. How he was an outcast to the other children.

Wired Willy is what the kids called him. They would pebbles at his house, taunting him.

God, how he hated his childhood. Willy sat his desk. His mind was clouded, and he could barely focus on his work.

"Check out loser Willy." The kids shouted. "He's like a turtle, slow and cowardly."

Willy couldn't stand it. He was so helpless. He remembered the kids pushing him to the ground and kicking him hard in the stomach.

He gulped hard. It was hard to make him cry, but those memories were enough to push Willy to his limit.

"Hey ASSHATS." A young girl cursed. "Leave him alone or I'll dissect you lot."

Willy remembered the appearance of a girl with messy pigtails and dirt on her face.

She threw some dead things at the kids, and all the kids ran off, terrified of the girl.

Willy wasn't terrified. In fact, the young girl was his savior. He remembered how she loved to chew gum.

"Maude." Will whispered. He felt upset saying her name out loud. She wasn't around anymore, and he hadn't spoken to her in years.

He sat with his supposed 'therapist'.

"I just don't understand." Willy said. "Why am I thinking about her now? I should be over her."

The Oompa Loompa nodded, writing something down.

"I just feel like there's something missing." Willy said, thinking. "I've been feeling terrible, so the candy's terrible. So, how do I fix that?"

The Oompa Loompa shrugged.

Will sat up. "Maybe I'm feeling this way because of my past actions lead up to Charlie ejecting my offer, and I should see things from outside my own perspective." He smirked over at his 'therapist'. "Oh, you're good."

The next day, Willy took a trip into town, wearing all black, in hopes of finding Charlie. He parked his large flying glass elevator in the most convenient spot, and saw the boy shining shoes.

As the boy went on a bit of a break, Willy took a seat on the bench and flipped through the local newspaper, conveniently covering his face.

Charlie kneeled down, and began to work on Willy's shoes.

"I hear that guy, Wendell Walters." Willy began to speak.

"Willy Wonka?" Charlie corrected.

"Yeah, him. I hear his chocolate hasn't been doing well. It seemed to he's a bad egg who deserves it." Willy said.

"Yeah." Charlie agreed.

"Have you met him?" Willy asked.

"I did once. At first, I thought he was nice, but then he wasn't. He also has a funny haircut." Charlie replied, trying to antagonize Willy. He caught on from the moment he sat down.

Willy tossed the newspaper down. "I do not."

"Why are you here?" Charlie got up, and crossed his arms.

"I don't feel so hot." Willy snapped. He sighed, frustrated. "What helps you feel better when you feel down?"

"My family."

"Ew." Willy winced.

Charlie started to get slightly upset. "What do have against my family?"

"It's not your family. It's the idea of-" Willy seemed to struggle on the right word.

"Parents?"

"That." Willy sighed. "And, something else."

"And, what's that?" Charlie asked. "Whatever it is, you should face what's troubling you. My teacher tells me that."

"Well, that sounds like a bunch of baloney." Willy scoffed.

"It's not. She's very smart." Charlie said.

"Then, maybe she should help me." Willy said, sarcastically. Then, he thought for a second. "Actually, that's not a bad idea. Do you think you could show me to her?"

Charlie nodded. "Sure."

Willy smiled wide. "That's great! You know, I actually have trans-"

He ran into the glass elevator face first. "I should really be careful to where I park this thing."

Willy walked into the elevator, with Charlie following behind. He pressed a single button, and they were off.

Maude was in her bedroom, playing the violin. Her fingers danced over the strings as the bow shifted back and forth, playing a calming tune. The smoothness of the instrument brought her temporary peace.

It had been a while since she touched the instrument, since she only played it when she was particularly sad. However, in this moment, she felt contentment.

It did hurt her knowing that Will completely forgotten about her, but she wasn't going to let that guilt follow her into the bright future.

Maude heard a soft knock at the door. She placed the instrument down, walking out of her bedroom.

It was Charlie, of course.

"Hello, dear." Maude smiled.

"Ms. Figgle, there's someone I want you to meet." Charlie said.

Behind him was a stunned Willy Wonka. He gulped hard, nervously smiling at Maude.

She stood there, baffled. "Come in." She spoke softly, gesturing the boys in.

Willy nodded, putting his coat and hat down.

The three of them sat in the living room. A silence consumed the room, as Will and Maude stared at each other for a few minutes.

"Hi Willy." Maude said, finally. "How are you?"

Willy smiled, slightly. "Hey Maude. I'm fine."

"Would you like some tea?" She asked.

He nodded. "Absolutely."

Maude drifted off to the kitchen. After a few minutes, she came back with tea and cookies.

Charlie looked over to Willy, and nodded.

"Ms. Figgle, do you know where the restroom is?" Charlie asked.

"Down the hall, and to the left." Maude said. Her eyes were still locked with Willy's.

Charlie took this opportunity to leave the two adults alone.

"So, you're a teacher now?" Willy reached for his tea.

"Yes, but I teach the science of candy making." Maude said, grabbing a cookie.

"That's great." He smiled. "You know, candy making does require a lot of smarts."

She chuckled. "Yeah."

Willy's smile slightly faded as he looked down at his tea. "Say, uh, would you ever want to get back into candy making again?"

She smiled, chuckling again. "Well, I would. I loved working with you in the factory."

"You did?" His puppy dog eyes were too much to bear.

Maude nodded. "Of course."

His smile soon faded. "Would you ever forgive me, Maude?"

"For what?" She asked confused.

"For coming between you and Ron. I know how much you loved him, and I just got so jealous that I pushed you away." Willy looked down at his tea, stirring it slowly.

Tears poured softly down Maude's cheek. "That's not true, Will."

Willy looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Ron pulled me away from you." She sniffed. "I didn't love him."

"You didn't?" Willy repeated.

"No." She scoffed. "I loved you."

His eyes widened. He clenched his gloved hands, and gulped. "R-really?"

Maude nodded, wiping off any tears with a piece of paper tissue.

He leaned over to her. His gloved hand hovering over her wet cheek. Will placed a soft kiss on her quivering lips. Maude gave into the kiss, gently.

They pulled away after a minute or so.

Will cleared his throat, and chuckled, slightly.

Maude smiled, holding his hands in hers. She placed her head against Will's chest. Willy embraced the hug, holding Maude in his arms.

"I think I loved you too, Maude." He said. "Do you think you'd still might wanna live with me in the factory?"

She chuckled. "Only if Charlie says yes."

Behind her, Charlie was smiling brightly at the two.

"Charlie?" Willy Wonka began. "Would you and your family like to live in the factory with me?"

Charlie nodded. "Yes, of course."

He hugged both Maude and Willy.

Finally, it became clear to Willy about what he was missing.

This became the start of something beautiful.

[inkshro0m]

Logan's Secret Emotion - A Platonic LAMP Oneshot

cba to get rid of the big gaps so.... sorry bout that😅

--------

Logan found it very hard to express his emotions. He kept them all to himself in his big brain, the one that's stuffed with knowledge and facts. Or that's what Virgil, Roman and Patton thought...

Patton felt as though Logan found him annoying. The nerd seemed to ignore him or he just had an annoyed expression etched out on his face. Patton always tried to make him feel loved and cared for, and only wanted to express his friendship! Maybe he shouldn't be so bubbly and friendly all the time...?

Roman felt as if he was too... him for Logan. Said man usually rolled his eyes whenever the prince-like man would sing his sentences out, enthusically commenting on the weather, or something like that. Honestly, Roman could be who he is. If who he is is a man who is so extra he could become chewing gum (extra?? the chewing gum???...yeh, that metaphor was wEiRd- hi, future kat here.... pls ignore this =_=) and is just... loud, then too bad for Logan, he wasn't changing.

Virgil felt like Logan just hated him. He was probably too edgy and too emo. The smart guy probably thought he was too anxious for his own well-being and needed to stop, and maybe he just found him too annoying because he was in his way. Then again, Virgil thought that everyone feels that way about him.

One Wednesday morning, Logan received a notification, which is quite rare for him. He usually only got notifications from the news or something.

He was currently solving questions in his favourite problem solving book, 'The Ultimate Trivial Pursuit', smothered in his favourite unicorn onesie, with a coffee sitting out in front of him, slowly cooling down. He rested the book on the table and picked up his phone, opening it up to display one of his best friend- Patton -'s name, along with some tumblr notifications which he just swiped away. He read the text with slightly intrigued eyes following the words displayed before him.

Hey Lo! Sorry to bother

you, but I was just wondering

whether you would like to

join me, Ro, and Virge at

Sanders' Cafe at 12pm?

You don't have to of course,

just wondering! xx

Hmm... did he want to go? Who was he kidding, of course he wanted to go! He loved his friends with all his heart! And yes, he had a heart.

Salutations, Patton. You are

not bothering me. I would

appreciate the oppertunity,

thank you.

What Logan didn't know was that that single message caused an excited squeal to errupt from his beloved friend's mouth upon seeing it.

Three beady eyes had been eagerly watching the three dots slowly bouncing up and down, anticipating for a response. They all felt as though they needed to hang out with Logan more, it felt like he was growing apart from them. Leaving the nest.

Logan had started to get ready as soon as he'd replied, leaving his favourite book and coffee to go cold. His friends were more valuable.

Quickly slipping into his black polo and blue jeans and messily tying his tie around his neck, he was stumbling around the room, way more excited to see his friends than an ordinary person would be. He picked up his comb and brushed his bird nest of hair... how it got this tangled, he didn't know the answer to (which is quite rare). Then, he cleaned his teeth for 2 minutes because body maintenance is important.

Meanwhile, the other three were slightly nervous (even though it is just their friend). What if he was bored or didn't actually want to be there. Roman was the least worried; he didn't really care about what Logan was thinking. Patton just wanted Logan to have a fun time, and Virgil was just his anxious self. What if he was just going because he felt he had to?

Logan was already rushing out of the door and almost tripped down the three steps at his porch... oops. That was just enough to remind him that there are probably people watching... so he just carried on being as fast as he could because why should he have to wait any longer? He tugged at the car door, only to remember that he left his car keys on his bedside table when the door refused to open... dammit!

Sprinting back into his two-story house and up the staircase, he snatched up his keys and went back out to lock the front door (which he'd stupidly forgotten to do the first time). He, more orderly than last time, got into the car and started it.

To check that there where no cars coming, he looked out the window to find a little boy sitting on his bike, wide-eyed. Oh... so there was someone watching...

The embarrassed man just gave him a small smile, just to assure the boy that he was fine. Logan was well known for his stoic manner and teacher-like personality in his neighbourhood, so this must have been pretty weird for the boy... oh well. He can't go back now (both of them can't).

The boy's eyes followed Logan as the car rolled down his driveway. This was awkward. Once the man was sure there were no cars coming to stop him from seeing his friends, Logan pulled out onto the road and sped off towards the cafe the 4 friends where supposed to meet at. Wait... what if they were pranking him? What if they weren't going to come at all? No. Patton wouldn't do that. Neither would Virgil. Roman? maybe, but not Patton nor Virgil.

With anxiety in his eyes, Logan stepped out of the vehicle once he'd parked it and walked, normal pace, into the cafe. His glasses-shielded eyes darted around the room, looking for 3 familiar heads... Bingo! Phew, they weren't pranking him. A tiny smile (you could hardly even see it) made it's may onto Logan's face, all anxiety washed away. He was going to see his 3 favourite people! Those people's heads turned his way when he made it to the table they were sitting at.

Patton's eyes widened upon seeing the necktie-wearing man, despite expecting him. "Hey Lo! I'm so happy you came!", he excitedly greeted, genuinely meaning what he said. The bubbly one hasn't seen the other in over 2 weeks, and that's a long time for him!

Still with a smile that was unnoticable, the formal one slipped into the booth beside Virgil and nodded, "Salutations, I appreciate being able to see you too". He looked around, secretly happy to be with these people again.

Virgil was on his phone, but he'd nodded at Logan because he doesn't want to be rude and be hated even more. Also, speaking wasn't his strong point.

Roman waved, "Greetings, pocket watch! How have you been doing? We haven't seen you in so long". There was slight sarcasm in his tone, obviously a little annoyed that Logan didn't spend more time with them but it wasn't really his fault, they'd need to invite him first. 'Pocket watch' ignored the nickname and the tone, he was used to this sort of thing from the flamboyant man. "Adequate, thank you. What about you? Have you all been doing well?", he looked around the table.

The usual answers came: A grunt from the emo, a "Great!" from the bubbly man, and a "Very well" from the actor.

Logan let his lips twitch upwards to show he cares at least a bit.

"Well, shall we order our drinks? Or are we going to just sit here in awkward silence?", Roman suggested, chuckling a bit after the end of that sentence.

Patton stood up, quite quickly may I add, "Oh yeah! I'll pay for it all; my treat!", he giggled. Everyone reluctantly agreed, knowing there was no point arguing as the dad figure would always win.

Three of them stood up, Virgil staying behind because he doesn't like doing things in groups, he'd go after they'd figured out what they wanted. The emo noticed that Logan's phone had fallen out of his pocket as he'd gotten up, so he picked it up and set it on the table for the teacher-like man to pick up once he comes back. The phone's screen lit up upon contact, revealing several notifications from tumblr. Huh... Logan has tumblr? 'Didn't expect that', Virgil thought. Maybe he'll follow him, his posts must be interesting - seeing as he's very intellectual and smart. He checked the username: '@logical-crofters'. 'Man... he's really obsessed with that jam, isn't he?', Virgil snorted. The darkly-dressed man opened up his own phone and quickly followed him, before the others called him over to choose what he wanted.

Slipping his phone into his pocket and leaving Logan's on the seat, he rushed over to the others to pick a hot chocolate. He'll read his posts later.

Once everything was ordered and everyone was sat down, Logan noticed his phone, causing a confused expression to make its way onto his face. Virgil noticed this, "It fell out your pocket", he simply stated. A nod came from Logan, letting him know he understood.

About 5 minutes later, everyones drinks got delivered to their table. Patton sighed, relaxed, as he smelled the lovely scent of his sweet hot chocolate, which had whipped cream and marshmallows mounted on top of it. Mmmmmm...

Roman happily sipped on his iced tea; it was so refreshing!

While Logan drank his black coffee, Virgil quietly tried to start up conversation, which was a rare sight to see. "So... Logan, I didn't know you had tumblr", this caused the addressed man to almost spit his mouthful of coffee all over Patton, but luckily he's not that careless.

He looked over to the man who'd spoken, "You saw that?". The anxiety that had gone away a while ago had come back, making him fear what the other thought.

"Yeah. When I picked up your phone, I saw the notifications. I haven't read any of your posts yet but I've followed you", he stated, letting him know the details.

Logan let out a squeak that sounded like an 'oh'. 'Please don't read them, please don't- What if he reads them? What if he shows the others? What will they think of me?!'

"Hey, is everything okay?" Patton layed his hand on the almost-panicking man's forearm, bringing him out of his over-working mind. Logan's eyes had been dialating, telling the others that something wrong was obviously going on.

Logan's eyes finally went still, focusing onto the man who was currently comforting him. "Yes, yes. I am fine. Just, Virgil-", he looked at the man he'd addressed, "please do not read my posts..."

Virgil wore a look of confusion. 'Why wouldn't he want me to see them?', he queried.

"Why?", Roman, who'd been quiet this whole time, spoke Virgil's thoughts.

What was he supposed to say? Logan didn't want to let them know why, or his secret would be out! "Just...", he sighed, causing the other three to raise their eyebrows, even Patton. The necktie-wearing man was bright pink, wondering whether he should let the others know what he'd been hiding.

Too late. Virgil was already getting his phone out and clicking on '@logical-crofters' on tumblr. The owner of that account hadn't noticed until a small gasp came from beside him, causing everyone else at the table to whip their heads towards the sound. 'Great', Logan gave up. Virgil knew... he'd definietly tell the others.

Virgil's thumb wouldn't stop scrolling. These posts... they were so sweet! Oh my goodness, Logan, you are so adorable!

Some of the posts read:

"My three best friends: Virgil, Roman and Patton, are the best people in the whole galaxy. I'll bet on it. Virgil is so considerate of other people and is an interesting person over all, he is also fascinated by space, as am I. Patton is, though I don't like to admit it, very funny and adorable... in a friend way. He cares about others so much and does his best to make everyone feel alright. Roman is very creative and a great guy to be around. He is so dramatic, but in a fun way. He tries to agrue with me, which is funny because we all know that I'll win, but he tries his best."

"Patton is so loving and it warms my heart :')"

"I had a long talk with Virgil today and I have found out that he is interested in space!"

"Roman was great at performing as 'Evan Hansen' from 'Dear Evan Hansen' today. The musical was so moving."

Patton and Roman had scrambled their way under the table between them and Virgil to look at his phone with wide eyes, excited to know what Logan was holding from them. Their beady eyes watched the emo's thumb slowly scroll through the posts, reading the compliments and sweet messages talking about them so passionately.

Meanwhile, Logan groaned and stuffed his face into his arms, not before taking his glasses off because... we wouldn't want smashed glasses now, would we?

About 3 minutes had gone by and Logan was contemplating whether he should just leave because this was just way too embarrassing. Suddenly, a pair of arms were thrown around him and squeal sounded, way too close to his ear. Ouch. "Oh my gosh, Logan! I didn't know you felt this way about us, I thought you didn't like us or something but this just proves me wrong!", what it sounded like to be Patton practically shouted into the embarrassed one's ear.

"So you did like the performance! I knew it!", Roman exclaimed. Logan could just see the dramatic pose that man was doing.

There was silence from the darkly-dressed man, which caused Logan to slowly lift his head up, put his glasses back on, and look around. His eyes landed on the silent one. Were... were those tears?

"I- no one's ever said anything like that about me. So... nice", he finally spoke, eyes watering from joy and happiness. He looked up at Logan, a smile creeping up onto his lips. "Thank you, Lo"

This definitely wasn't the reaction he was expecting. "Uh- I... I was just speaking my thoughts. You all mean a lot to me... I know it doesn't show but... it's true", Logan was so suprised he could hardly even speaking in an orderly manner!

All three beloved friends shared a look, one that Logan didn't understand. Oh no...

They all looked back at him..."No thank you. Please-" He was cut short because there were 3 pairs of arms squeezing the usually serious one so hard he was sure that his eyes would pop out, and that's pretty hard to do. "Guys, I can't... breathe...", Logan was pleading now.

They all let go after one more squeeze from Patton, allowing Logan to breathe once more. The dad giggled, "You're so amazing, Lo".

To this, Logan adjusted his glasses and regretfully said, "I believe the correct phrase for this is: 'no you'".

Virgil snorted and Roman burst out laughing. Patton just couldn't resist another hug and Logan was fully smiling. This was very unexpected, but he loved it. They all knew how much he loved them. No more awkward conversing. No more secret emotion...

--------

originally written on wattpad

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: I'm so sorry James: I was supposed to be working Ava: Everyone's here, it'd be stupid to say I was surprised and yet Ava: it's fine though, right, because everyone is here James: If I did get caught up in regrets, this would be a good time James: because everyone may well be here but since you are, they may as well not be as far as every part of me is concerned Ava: You can't just say things like that Ava: and NOT expect me to blush Ava: at least it's hot out James: you know I don't expect anything James: least of all at this precise moment Ava: Sadly Ava: Aside from work, where have you been? Ava: No, the question is how, how have you been? James: other than the fact I can't help but notice you now or think about you since the 'then' of last seeing you in an entirely preferably context, I'm fine James: you look more tan, which means I don't need to ask how you are Ava: You are hard to miss Ava: but still undeniably gorgeous, which is really rather rude, actually Ava: I've not been kidnapped by anyone else Ava: lots of time to sunbathe and 'work', if that's what you're into James: if I blush it'll be a green screen effect of sorts, except very red, so don't try & make me, please James: you are incomparable as having the title of the only beautiful 🍅 James: which is, of course, what I'm into, along with what you just listed, as well as many things about you I easily could list Ava: As you asked SO nicely Ava: I too will be very, very good Ava: you are always unmatched with compliments and words too but beautiful 🍅 is up there as the top 😂 Ava: How easily are we talking? James: You must because this outfit has an unmistakable 😈 countenance to it & despite the fact that's less in the sense of roguishness I would like & more in the guise of a child's cartoon creation, it nevertheless still casts you as an 😇 James: thank you James: oh, the ease is almost indescribable itself, ironically Ava: I can't decide if it'd be cruel or a kindness to say you are not the only, nor indeed the most, cartoonishly dressed man here Ava: It's a shame not everything is that easy Ava: or you could regale me over a drink James: perhaps it exists to be both, or to allow you the chance of being cruel to be kind James: in the way that the best offer I can make is, that I order you a drink that we then consume at the same time James: safer but no kinder for being that Ava: Dichotomies are just where things get really interesting Ava: I can handle that James: in the world of rewrites there's one where we're here together & another where we're somewhere else entirely, where we would rather while away these warm hours James: those possibilities are interesting to me Ava: Those are more than interesting Ava: especially the way you tell them James: tell me where you wish you were Ava: Okay, though it feels dangerous to let my imagination wander, it won't want to come back Ava: not in such an uninspiring reality, and especially not if I let it go to you Ava: if we could be anywhere Ava: it probably sounds seriously unimaginative, given the open-ended possibility of the scenario, but my favourite place is my rooftop garden, off from my bedroom, it's so peaceful and hidden and mine Ava: I'd like to take you there James: It doesn't sound in the least un-anything & I can definitely work with that James: [casually but not at all casually just writes them an au life, all the while Chlo is probably like get off your phone] Ava: James Ava: that is Ava: very close to perfect James: I'll willingly accept constructive criticism until it's perfect for you Ava: I don't know how capable I am after that Ava: and it's only not perfect because it's not happening James: but we'll meet in the rooftop garden one day James: dream it if you have to Ava: I've done nothing but dream of you since Ava: but will I have to Ava: can't we carve out even five minutes of time for us to just James: I want to say yes Ava: I know James: Ava Ava: and I know that sentence ended with a but, it's okay James: I heard you say earlier that it's fine because everyone is here, maybe it could be Ava: My friends are easily distracted, definitely Ava: your wife, though? James: it's unlikely she'll miss me for five minutes Ava: yeah? James: where? Ava: Okay, I've got it Ava: we drove here, Jacob just got his license and wanted to go somewhere Ava: I'll go to get something I forgot, follow me when it's safe James: okay Ava: Sadly, he doesn't have the Twilight soundtrack Ava: but we can make do James: I don't have the voice to do such classics justice but that's not to say I won't try my best to give you something you'll enjoy listening to Ava: I've missed your voice James: I won't stop talking until you don't James: a lack of words simply isn't an option around you Ava: might prove problematic when I tell you what else I've missed Ava: but we've got five minutes Ava: we'll make the most of it James: yes, we will James: until the next five Ava: How do you do it? James: how do I do what? Ava: have so much self-control James: is that how it appears? Ava: I know, me asking you Ava: I can see the irony but, yes Ava: it is how it appears James: I've never had less control over myself or the things I would like to do James: all traces there were seem to have ebbed away when we kissed in that club Ava: I'll apologize Ava: if that's what you want James: it's not James: because I've never been more grateful to lose something either Ava: Good Ava: because I don't want to be sorry Ava: it was so Ava: and you are James: I don't want to be in control, you can have it James: or not James: whatever you like Ava: I just want you Ava: Exactly as you are, exactly as you want to be wanted James: okay, I was possibly hasty when I said that there would always be words Ava: aren't you aware of how entirely wantable you are? James: no Ava: I've got the keys Ava: come find out James: [obviously does as soon as he can] Ava: [lowkey pulling him into this car] James: [thank god there actually would be so many people there, Chloe's squad included cos we busy for a while here] Ava: [everyone's busy getting wasted you can have this, not for as long as you want but still] James: [yes because contrary to his wife's post he is not & will not be getting wasted] Ava: [you rude hoe] James: [if you only knew what he is doing bitch] Ava: [ha, just you wait sweetie, also glad you don't know rn, 'cos enjoy it lads] James: [always hooking up in cars, love that for you] Ava: [forever a sneaking mood] James: [JJ would approve] Ava: [#bonding] James: [it's gonna break their hearts when they have to go back] Ava: [I know, like how do you even just like well bye] James: [I literally always think that] Ava: [and someone always has to be the first to walk away] James: [in this instance it should be her because we all know she's the stronger one here] Ava: [yeah, you gotta girl] James: [bad bitch global like it's not killing you too] Ava: [this is all so fine, we just need to keep far, far away from wherever Chlo is and definitely give Teddy a wide berth too] James: [literally your mother's daughter rn as the world burns around you, nah it's fine] Ava: [tah for that skill mother] James: [god knows one of your children should inherit it] Ava: Can I have that drink you offered now James: yes Ava: thanks Ava: [just milling at the sidelines of the bar, so casually] James: [cannot and must not look at her which only makes it look more suspect tbh sir] Ava: [awkward, we know it's packed and this will take ages] James: [regrets that you say you don't have or do ever James but here we are, boy] James: [at least you can grab drinks for everyone you're with and pretend that's where you were some of the time] Ava: [we know no one is checking that hard, even Chlo, part-timer that she is, and that makes me sad tbh] James: [hard same] James: how many has Teddy bought for you since you've been here? Ava: just the two Ava: no Ava: three James: you better take mine as well then Ava: why? James: sibling rivalry or the fact you'll be trying to avoid him for a while, depending on from whose perspective Ava: Fair enough James: nothing feels very fair right now Ava: No Ava: also true James: would you like me to leave? Ava: No Ava: Do you want me to? James: of course not Ava: I'm not going to do anything to make this hard for you, James Ava: you know that, right? James: my life is already difficult, Ava, I should be saying that to you, making sure yours doesn't have to be Ava: You won't make my life difficult James: that isn't true Ava: How do you know? James: because Ava: Have your word not come back fully yet? James: because I've done this before Ava: not with me James: I'm involved, that's enough Ava: What do you want to say right now? James: I don't know Ava: Well, you can say it if you need to Ava: or you can not Ava: I'm fine James: how do you do it? Ava: how do I do what? James: be fine with this Ava: I like you Ava: I knew you were married Ava: what's the alternative for me James: I'm not going to point any out to you James: I don't want you to take them Ava: You know I don't want to either Ava: you haven't forgotten everything that just happened James: no, & that's why James: I like you but this is always going to be hard Ava: What's always? Ava: you haven't promised me anything but another five minutes James: Ava Ava: James Ava: You don't have to worry about me James: nevertheless, I do James: I will, because we don't get to decide how we care Ava: I know you're right Ava: and I know I care about you too and I feel the same James: I know I'd give you those five minutes now if I could James: so I want you to know it Ava: You've already answered the question you didn't pose Ava: I don't get to decide how I care any more than you do James: but you get to decide other things Ava: such as James: such as how far you're willing to take something James: or not James: if you think someone is deserving of how you care about them, or not Ava: that'd be a mutual decision, even if we got off at different points Ava: and yeah, though the jury is out on how much that helps you to stop if they aren't James: it has yet to be a mutual decision in any other aspect of my life Ava: Try it with me Ava: it's been mutual so far Ava: we want each other Ava: we have each other Ava: we both like and care about each other Ava: it's equal not the same James: okay, I'll try Ava: do you want to? James: yes Ava: Alright Ava: that's settled James: [finally does look at her like that's not risky as hell behaviour okay then] Ava: [smiling like that didn't kill you but it very clearly did like hi] James: [when you can't help smiling back cos she's such a cute babe and you have feelings] Ava: [just another filmic moment across this bar] James: [so casual so fine] Ava: [when you can't just run off again like you wanna] James: [nobody wants a drink this bad, the torture] Ava: [seriously] James: [we should say Teddy appears cos not gonna inflict Chloe on y'all ever and then he can grab him to talk before he sees her so Ava doesn't have to like the gentleman he is] Ava: [God bless you boy, soz Teddy it's not personal] James: [I would love to know why he thinks the vibe has changed between him and Ava recently/if he has even noticed lol] Ava: [at least he is a teen boy so he probably has no idea in general, like thinks she just doesn't fancy you back which is true but you know] James: [#confirmed when she throws her cousin at you at her party] Ava: [lil awks but we're fine] James: [they gonna fall in love it'll be cute] Ava: [it all works out in the end] James: [you're welcome for us not being as evil as we could be for once] Ava: [just on this one thing] James: [when you have to make awks smalltalk with your brother now who's probably wasted and you're not] Ava: [that'll be fun, just catching his eye well stealth like soz 😬] James: [the things you do for love] Ava: [gonna make one of your mates text Teddy to 'see where he is' so he'll leave James alone lol] James: thank you Ava: Bit rude he's got himself well more than three drinks 😏 James: however, potentially not the time for me to give him any kind of lecture, all things considered Ava: Perhaps not Ava: Sorry, I know it's weird James: it is, but you know I'm not feeling apologetic about it Ava: That would fall under a regret, so of course not James: I'm going to miss you though Ava: When? James: now Ava: Me too Ava: stand near me, in the next race? James: I may be good with words, but you're unbeatable in terms of ideas Ava: 😊 Ava: I try Ava: anyway, missing me is for when we can't be anywhere near each other, most of the time James: of course you do, hence Kings remains in continued mourning that they aren't your first choice James: arguably that could just be the standard atmosphere at The Vault these days, who can say? Ava: 😂 Ava: well I miss it too Ava: though probably not enough to bump it up the list James: I'll make sure to include missing things for the right reasons as one of the key messages in my book, don't worry Ava: Really, using you as a ploy when you won't even be there next year is well sneaky Ava: should've put that on my exit review James: at least they wouldn't ask me to do any further tours in the future if you had Ava: didn't you enjoy it James: the reason I did & the reason you miss The Vault's glorious atmosphere are one & the same Ava: if you put that on yours they'd definitely not ask you back James: I already have my wife's assurances that I won't be Ava: 😕 soz to next year's intake but I'm not that sorry really James: It's unlikely they'd be that unhappy, even if they knew what they were missing Ava: They would be if they really knew James: once the book comes out, I'll send them my condolences Ava: as long as you keep it out of my dedication, I'd be alright with that James: some flowers, wine or fruit, nothing too indelicate Ava: very thoughtful 😏 James: the budget can't stretch to bracelets for everyone, for which I am the least sorry I have ever been Ava: I'd like to be somewhat special Ava: and if anyone else tries it, it's definitely a scam, I'm sure of it James: I'll refuse to watch the Twilight saga with anyone else, darling Ava: Good Ava: Who else will explain all the nuances to you Ava: can't risk it James: I will not, some risks are beyond unnecessary Ava: never the novel, babe James: or the film adaptation, irrespective of any reservations the fans and critics alike may share Ava: 🤞 they don't think I'm nothing like your description of the girl James: if they do it's a slight upon my writing, heartbreaking perhaps but they are entitled to their opinion Ava: can't account for taste but lackthereof is always unfortunate James: it very much is, as this outfit I'm wearing attests James: the opposite is very much true for yours though Ava: I'm never looking to break your heart James: but? Ava: I might have tried a bit harder if I knew I was going to see you James: you look divine, radiant as ever Ava: You're so lovely James: as are you Ava: you Ava: when are you next free Ava: or how busy are you, probably a better question James: I'll get back to you, given that I'm here now when I was not supposed to be, clearly my schedule is more up in the air than I previously realised Ava: you think with it being such a calendar staple, you'd have had more notice on that James: that would involve talking to me, or wanting me have notice Ava: of course 🙄 Ava: if you were my husband Ava: or lived with me Ava: well, you understand Ava: I want to talk to you so bad James: if you were my wife you wouldn't have to drag me anywhere against my will James: because I want to spend time with you Ava: I won't make you commit bigamy to spend time with me, rest assured James: eloping would take longer than 5 minutes Ava: I know Ava: my family has a history James: yes, your brother's particular history still gets spoken about Ava: Unfortunately James: sorry Ava: His sorry to give, not yours Ava: and I'm not out here holding my breath over it James: of course, but I didn't intend to bring him up James: this situation is tense enough Ava: Yours is literally here Ava: like we said, weird, but not sorry James: okay Ava: Thank God, when you move away, one of the perks is you don't have to come to this kind of nonsense James: you're not having fun? James: I'm stunned Ava: animal abuse for gambling is what I live for James: I'm well aware of why I'm here, why are you? Ava: My friends are James: what are they? James: actual fans of animal abuse for gambling? Ava: I think they just like getting drunk Ava: and putting on nice outfits James: you can do that anywhere Ava: you don't get to wear a big hat Ava: I don't know James: perhaps they should all get married to each other, that's a basic requirement Ava: Give them a few years Ava: sure they will James: I'll be sure to check back in Ava: What's wrong? James: nothing James: I just don't like to think about you somewhere you wish you weren't James: with people who aren't the right people Ava: It's alright, we go places I like too Ava: and they aren't all bad James: happy to hear it Ava: even if they're all slightly too drunk right now Ava: so's most the crowd so Ava: fit right in James: I can get you a car, one that you won't have to wait for your friend to drive, whenever you like James: we aren't both stuck Ava: that's kind Ava: but then I would be at home Ava: no one's about so James: how tempting Ava: If only Ava: you are stuck though James: Technically, I can't leave until she tells me I can but what if I didn't? So far as she's concerned, I could still be James: fitting into that crowd of mostly too drunk people Ava: Is she that oblivious? James: she's had that much champagne Ava: Tempting is right James: if she realises, she'll call me & I'll come back Ava: Okay Ava: it isn't that far Ava: and it is hard being around you and not James: so take me to your rooftop garden James: I wanna go Ava: I don't take just anyone there, you know Ava: you're very lucky James: well I'm just happy to be on the list, however long it is James: & intend to show my appreciation accordingly Ava: it'd be ungrateful if you just stayed five minutes Ava: at least ten, okay? James: oh, I don't want that to be your lasting impression of me James: how long into Twilight does your favourite scene occur? Ava: I wouldn't wanna ruin your rep as a perfect gentleman, either Ava: although the best scene is at the end, I'll be pondering one that comes a little sooner Ava: not trying to take liberties here James: you don't want an ending yet, I understand James: me either Ava: exactly Ava: maybe we can get to the scene where Bella gets forced to go shopping with her friends and Edward comes to rescue her Ava: fitting James: another good idea Ava: we'll have to have a picnic instead of going out after though James: that sounds nice Ava: God knows what we have in Ava: could be interesting Ava: I'll feed it to you whilst you recline nonetheless James: thank you James: in that case, I'll barely taste it Ava: you will be very busy writing me poetry, yeah James: writing you as poetry, so nobody can make unfavourable comparisons when you make your acting debut, yes Ava: my drama teacher will be thrilled Ava: not that she'll be there, obviously James: I'd rather she wasn't Ava: 😂 Ava: Promise James: thank you James: she wasn't a member of my fan club Ava: What did you do? Ava: or not do James: I'm not sure I should tell you, it's not as if you need any help coming up with ideas Ava: Well now you have to tell me James: let's just say my time was not well spent, either back stage or on it, in her opinion James: at the time however, I had a great time James: as did my co-stars & most of the crew James: I'm surprised you haven't heard about it Ava: 😏 Ava: It's nothing personal, I'm sure your exploits are legendary Ava: I just don't go in for all that stuff Ava: who's who, who's dad is who, you know James: They were more fabled, as in, in need of a strong moral James: hence the cautionary tale I expected you to be well versed in James: but perhaps she's learned those are rarely effective Ava: After-school specials certainly aren't the height of theatre Ava: even if she's become more willing to branch into 21st century plays and productions Ava: I could ask around, if you like Ava: or you can tell me more in less vague terms when we're alone James: what would you like? James: to know who I was, to know who I am or both? Ava: If we only have time for the one today, I'll go with the latter Ava: but both would be nice Ava: if and when James: okay, I'll see what I can do Ava: I remember you, a bit James: oh Ava: You were friends Ava: for quite a while James: I suppose so James: hypothetically Ava: What do you mean? James: I mean, we weren't, really James: but as far as he was friends with any of us, or any of us were friends with each other, I fall into the category Ava: I suppose so James: should I ask what you remember about me? Ava: Nothing incriminating Ava: you were all the same, in that I was the kid sister who he definitely did not want around so James: I think I remember you ignoring that at least once Ava: Well, can't do what he says, obviously James: you're smarter than that Ava: even as a kid Ava: much to his annoyance 💔 James: he was easy to annoy, that I do recall Ava: Still is James: thank goodness he won't be there either then Ava: on many levels, yes, thank God James: the car has arrived though James: [deets so she doesn't get in the wrong one] Ava: 🙏 all the thanks Ava: coming James: I'm beyond happy to hear it Ava: [show up girl] James: [the 😍 are real af] Ava: [too real] James: [lowkey dragging her into this car but at least she isn't at the school gates in her uniform this time] Ava: [you know what would be evil-er than not letting them get there alone?] James: [tell me gal] Ava: [if one of her friends sees them leaving 'cos nosy hoes but they're too far away/she doesn't know who Ava is somehow so it's just like he was leaving with some bitch thought you should know, 'cos Chlo will be fuming to be so publically shamed] James: [yasss we have to] Ava: [I thought it'd be a good idea 'cos everyone knows her life a mess and her friends' clearly love it so they'd be 👀 him anyway] James: [like I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he fucked some of her friends when they were younger and he was a mess cos I feel like he didn't go to rehab and sort his shit until well after Jay was born] Ava: [we all know this group been messy, even if they're not as bad as her by now, like] James: [oh god she gonna be so raging I love it] James: [enjoy your car makeout while you can you two] James: [maybe she's a newer friend and that's why she doesn't know who Ava is] Ava: [that'd make sense, like either way, we don't need to drop that bombshell right now, but we can do the Chlo telling him to come back convo 'cos she's drunk so it'd be delightful] James: [yeah it'd make sense as well that if she's a newer friend she wouldn't know it's better not to get involved with their cheating and that whole mess, and yeah we simply must do that convo] Ava: [exactly, hence Chlo is probs crying on her rn for the scene of it all] James: [of course, nevermind the fact that you're probably fucking god knows who yourself] Ava: [honestly, what a fun time] James: [okay so he turns the car around and goes back leaving it up to her if she wants to get out and go back to her friends or go home still #awkward] Ava: [imma say she goes home 'cos Chlo probably spilled what's up before he can get back and clearly this friend is too involved and we don't need y'all being outed and them tryna fight you rn] James: [good call, what a downer though, poor Ava at least you can call Grace if you need to talk cos she knows] Ava: [no one needs that level of public shaming lmao] James: [except Chlo but not like this thank you] Ava: [hence even as wasted as she is, they'll be leaving too to have this argument a little more privately, joy of joys] James: [thank god the kids are already with her mum or wherever] Ava: [gonna be sleeping over tonight gals] James: [do you wanna pick this convo up later or like say they don't talk for a bit cos it's awkward lol] Ava: [up to you chicken, 'cos he'd probably have to start in considering how obviously shook/angered etc he would've been in the car so] James: [let;s say he leaves it til way later to the point she probably thinks he isn't gonna but I shall] James: she still doesn't know anything, you don't need to be concerned Ava: She must know something Ava: unless you made her believe her friend was lying, for some reason James: I should have said she doesn't know anything about you, who you are James: that's what I meant Ava: Okay Ava: that's for the best, no doubt Ava: are you okay? James: not really but I don't have anyone else to blame Ava: I'm sorry Ava: I assume there's nothing I can do? James: unfortunately not Ava: Yeah Ava: I shouldn't have said we could James: it isn't your fault James: I should've known better, I typically do, it's just that you aren't typical, at all James: I feel differently & I wanted things to be different so badly that I forgot they can't be Ava: How do you typically do it then? Ava: We could do that James: more carefully James: with less emotion Ava: I can do careful Ava: contrary to what today would suggest Ava: and before, probably James: like I said, it isn't your fault James: you're 17, why should you be careful, why would you want to? Ava: because I knew you were married Ava: and I want to see you James: I'll let you sleep, it's very late James: I just wanted to let you know that your identity is unknown Ava: If you need to say we can't then just say it Ava: because I don't care about either of those things James: whether I need to say it or not, I'm not sure I can & extremely sure I don't want to Ava: You can say anything to me Ava: just don't lie James: if I could see you now, right this second, I would, I haven't learned anything from this James: don't you see how dangerous that is? Ava: I see how dangerous it is Ava: if you want to stay with her Ava: why do you? James: there are two reasons & I have to go collect them both in a few hours Ava: Then I'll let you sleep James: nothing's that simple, Ava James: if only Ava: you don't want me to say anything in response to that Ava: or you wouldn't have brought them up James: you asked me why right after you asked me not to lie to you Ava: Yeah, I'm hardly meant to argue a point against it Ava: if that's how it is then that's how it is James: I don't have a choice, I've never had a choice, that's how it is Ava: Why? James: because I made mistakes that took them all away James: I'm a father now Ava: No, it's not that simple Ava: people separate, with kids as well James: it is that simple, if I want to keep seeing them, I have to be here Ava: You're their dad, that isn't as simple as that Ava: infidelity isn't a valid reason to not allow access James: if I were dealing with a rational person, perhaps Ava: You don't want to go through the courts Ava: so you're just going to stay with her and be unhappy forever James: I've got my reasons Ava: you said James: you don't understand & with respect I don't want you to have to James: my life is messy & complicated, we can't make it simple by wishing that it were Ava: Likewise, you don't have to tell me anything Ava: that's fine James: there's things that she & I have both done that mean I have to stay Ava: Why would she want you to Ava: if you cheat on her and clearly don't love her, and want to leave Ava: that doesn't make any sense James: appearances, finances, an inability to face the ordeal of starting her life over James: I don't know James: maybe she would like me to remain locked in misery with her forever Ava: Jesus James: I've not loved her for a single day, perhaps it's spite for never having done so James: or not about me at all Ava: does she love you? James: no Ava: that's horrible, James James: yes, it is Ava: how sustainable is it Ava: how long can you both live like this James: I try not to think about it, in case the answer for her is indefinitely James: but I'm sorry I dragged you into it, Ava Ava: You haven't Ava: don't apologize James: I didn't mean for this to happen Ava: I know you didn't Ava: but James: but I know, you're not sorry James: not yet anyway Ava: No, I am Ava: but I'm glad too James: I'd rather you were the latter but I can hardly expect it Ava: I am Ava: I can make you happy, even for five minutes Ava: I'll take it James: you do Ava: Good Ava: let me James: I'm trying to Ava: Just don't push me away Ava: if we have to be careful and not see each other for time because of the things in your life you can't control, that's fine Ava: just don't be the one to do it when you don't need to, okay James: it's really difficult not to when so often it feels like doing so would be better for you than anything I can actually offer & every instinct tells me that if I don't hurt you, she will Ava: Don't bother trying to tell me what would be better for me Ava: I want what you can offer, I don't care James: Ava Ava: You can think I'm stupid and 17 if you want but it won't change how I feel James: you're not stupid, that isn't what I think Ava: I care about you, James Ava: more than I care about the possibility of being hurt James: I care about you, more than I was ready for, but I'm trying James: I meant it, I do want to try & I don't want to hurt you Ava: I meant it when I said sorry Ava: I'm not trying to be more stress in your life Ava: just good Ava: but I know it's a lot, not that I planned it any more than you did James: I can handle stress, it's having something good which I'm not used to anymore Ava: Baby Ava: how can I make you feel better, like right in this moment James: if we can't see each other then I'd like to at least be able to hear your voice Ava: Okay, hold on Ava: let me get set up outside James: get a blanket, it was really warm earlier, you'll need it Ava: I've got a big sofa out here, I'll be cosy James: I don't mind if you fall asleep Ava: I don't want to, I want to talk to you 'til YOU fall asleep James: we can fall asleep together, the way we would if any of this was normal Ava: I want that Ava: too good of an idea, meant to be my thing James: it's about time I had one, don't you think? Ava: I'll allow it Ava: as I like it that much James: thank you Ava: Oh, James James: yes? Ava: just wanted to say it Ava: I'm ready now James: okay Ava: how quiet do I need to be? James: you don't Ava: noted Ava: [the call] James: [oh sweet babies, never gonna let Chlo ruin it, not soz] Ava: [deal with it, your reign of terror coming to an end hun] James: [the idea of them falling asleep together on the phone has made me die because it's so soft, goodbye cruel world] Ava: [not to make it weird or anything guys but Buster and Rio used to do that all the time so love that for you too] James: [literally had that thought] Ava: [when you're lowkey forced ldr by circumstances] James: [mhmm how annoying that'd be, like you're living so close to each other but you can't just see each other whenever you want] Ava: [literally the most frustrating] James: [at least if you're miles away or whatever you know you can't] Ava: [tea, 'cos like you could in many ways but you also can't] James: [^^^ that] Ava: [oh the willpower you'll need] James: [hence they don't last long before outting themselves because it's too hard] Ava: [^^yup and fuck you Chlo James: [you've stolen enough of his life] Ava: [time to do that convo moment though]

[mysynthfetish]

Um, Yeah.

Well it's damn near March already. What the hell? Where does the time go?

The whole world is in a huff about COVID-19, and here in Japan too, obviously, but people are in full-on freakout mode. First thing they did was go on a panic-buying-spree of masks, like surgical masks, you know, the ones everyone here wears when it's either flu or hay fever season. So, there's a shortage of masks now. "ONE BOX PER CUSTOMER!!" signs at the shops with any remaining stock. For me, the funniest thing is that masks do not prevent the wearer from catching a virus. The seal around the face is not perfect, so guess what, shit don't work. Unless you strap on a military grade chemical warfare motherfucker of a mask, like with the filter cans and shit? Nope. I mean, even the homepage of the WHO where you can find a coronavirus FAQ says so ("BUT THE WHO IS CONTROLLED BY THE UN AND THEY'RE SECRETLY OUT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD SO YOU CAN'T TRUST THAT!!!!" yeah yeah yeah. Shame. On. You). But nahhhh who cares about actually using your head and thinking about how viruses spread. See, the masks work (sorta) when worn by people already infected, as they trap most of the fun stuff ejected by a sneeze or a cough. Not all of it. We can still hope for some fun to be shared among the general populace can we not? Ahhh but it's easier to be a total idiot and follow the herd mentality and panic-buy useless shit. Then there was the fiasco with the cruise ship and not letting passengers disembark, and then it turns out a number were let off without having to go through screening, but the Chinese are still being confined to quarters blah blah blah. Jeeezus Fucking Christ EVERYTHING is made in China anyway, from rubber dog shit to the (probably) fake ICs in your military hardware to your beloved smartphones and related devices, shit, even the incessant machine-diarrhea geyser of clone synths too, so what the hell is the big deal about a potentially pandemic-level megavirus every few years? Chinavirus. Next in the ongoing series. Personally, I don't really care where the viruses originate, and to tell the truth, I get a warm feeling inside when people lose their shit over stuff like this, and even warmer when the death toll rises and rises. Can't think of a better species to get a good culling than the old homo sapiens. Heh. Mister Misanthrope at your service! But anyway.....

Found this ancient beast sitting forgotten and forlorn in a closet at work. It's a Luxman 38FD "High Fidelity Stereo Integrated Amplifier" made around 1970 (like me!). It is in near fucking mint condition. HEAVY. AS. FUCK. And the winningest part of the whole thing besides it being destined for the Big Garbage pile and as a result free for the taking? IT WORKS. Oh, and even better...

IT'S A VACUUM TUBE AMP!!! Those are the main tubes, 50CA10, pretty much but not totally unobtanium. Yeah, they fucking glow a warm orangey red, and after a bit you can see blue vapor inside. Well, if you turn off all the lights and take the top cover off. It runs hot as fuck too. I was just shocked the thing worked. It's sitting comfortably atop the desk in the lair, where you'd normally park a printer, with a pair of Yamaha NS-100X speakers on risers above it. Sounds great. There's considerably more noise (hiss?) than a modern amp, but with the volume knob raised to about 10 o'clock, it's already loud enough that the hiss isn't even a consideration anymore, and any louder would be asking for trouble with the neighbors. I can't believe it because the amp is supposed to be a mere 30 watts per channel. I guess 30 watts from vacuum tubes is a hell of a lot different from even triple that from a modern amp. LOUD!!! So yay me.

Oh and speaking of viruses....

I was watching this one on the auction for about a month and a half. The opening bid started out at around $1700 but nobody bid, and the auction ended, and one option here on the yahoo auction is for an automatic re-listing with the opening bid discounted by a certain percent. I watched for a while, then just when I'd forgotten about it, it came up in the look-at-me feed and the price was down to a grand so I bid on it and won. I had one of these before and regretted selling it, thus the TI Polar in my arsenal now, but the 61-key TI has THE BEST keys ever. Feels so good to play. Fatar! I thought yeah ok I'll just say see ya to the Polar and call it even. But... Hmm... Wait... One thing led to another and in the end I decided to keep both the viruses and... and...... and...... sell the ION. Say WHAT?!?! After all the work and repairs and maintenance and customizing LEDs and and and and.... Yeah. It's a hell of a synth, no doubt about it, but I think anything with the Alesis logo on it has a very definite shelf-life. The pots are gonna go, a few are acting up already, and those are unobtanium unless you wanna shell out the dosh and buy from syntaur. You can't get NOS pots either. So... After some serious deep-thinking and careful consideration and deliberation I had to say to myself, "self, it's a wonderful machine capable of some great sounds, but it's only 8-voice polyphonic, there are barely any effects to mention, ok sure the mod matrix and plethora of filter models and waveshaping are fantastic, but you know how ridiculously MORE powerful the Virus TI is almost every respect!" And I admitted defeat. To myself. Weird, I know. But there you go. I don't think I know anyone with two Virus TI (or TI2) synths in their collection. Maybe Anthony Rother. I know he has two IONs. 

Ahhhh but this 61-key virus wasn't without problems. Uh, well, OK one BIG problem. The power supply shat itself when I turned it on for the first time. The LCD sorta flashed, there was a brief sign of life with some of the LEDs, but then blip! Nothing. Aaaaargh! Unseat the power cable, reseat it, try again. Nothing, just a high-pitched whine that was getting louder. I put my head up against the front panel, listening for where the whine was coming from, and figured out it was the far right side. That's where the PSU is. Then suddenly the sound changed to a higher pitch that swept downwards over the course of a few seconds, all the while sputtering like it had a downward sawtooth filter on it, then POP! No more sound. When I opened the case up, I immediately remembered that for whatever reason, Access decided to go with a PSU like you'd use with a laptop computer, the big brick-like deals, and that they'd carefully bracketed the brick in so that the eyeglass-socket for the plug lined up with the hole in the rear panel. OK so all I needed to do was find a same-rating PSU and then go about modding the bracket so cosmetically it would look from-the-factory. Incidentally, I contacted Access and asked about parts, but the rep said they don't have any more PSUs for the TI series, only ones for the TI2 series, and that they aren't the same size so when they do the repair, they put a DC jack on the rear panel and the PSU gets left out—goes from internal to external if you catch my drift. Well, no thank you, I do not care for that approach, no sir, I didn't wanna go that route at all. So, thanks to having access to a drill press and diamond-saw dremel tools at work, I made the necessary mods to the bracket, padded it a bit so it would securely hold the new PSU in place, and in the end you can't tell it isn't a factory PSU (from the outside). Yay me, part two.

This is the bracket, post choppy-grindy. Yeah so I "secured" the cabling with Scotch 33+... Hey, from the factory it was held down with hot glue!

Yeah that's where it attached to the PCB. CHEEKY!!!!!!!

Not bad, right? You'd never know. But I've told you, so now you know. Oh and the PSU was $22 from a local parts chain (Marutsu). I think Access wants about $50 but I think that includes free shipping anywhere in the world. I'm just glad it's working fine now.

Other goings on... I've sold the Timeline and Space pedals, and used part of the proceeds to pick up a Sony DPS-D7 delay and a DPS-R7 reverb to use in their place. But the D7 had a wonky input knob that actually broke off in my fucking hand the second time I went to use it. That pot is super unobtanium, so I thought I'd just epoxy the broke-off-bit and not worry about separately controlling the input levels for the L and R channels (does anyone even DO that?)... Here's the pot.

Even after it was epoxied back together, it was fucking bent as fuck. Red line shows the angle, blue arrow shows where the epoxy ghetto fix went down. I saw another D7 listed as-is for $10 and nobody bid so I won it, and I had intended to just cannibalize the pot, but it turns out that it has a newer OS and it works fucking fine, so that was kind of a head-scratcher. People are weird. This delay is stupid deep. There's a multi-tap algorithm that has like 40 separately programmable taps, each with its own level, pan, feedback, and all that. The reverb (R7) is just as insane with parameters... Dudes, and dudettes, seriously, you need some deep-sea rated scuba gear to really get to grips with these Sony DPS motherfuckers. DEEEEEEEEEEEP AS FUCK. I've owned these before too. Had the F7 Filter too. That thing had a 40-band vocoder and a multi-part digital drum synth in it!? Man I think the engineers at Sony had access to some GOOD drugs back when they were working on this line of effects processors. Seriously. I mean, I love programming, but even I was intimidated by the sheer amount of programmability in these things. The ones I had before were a bit noisy, but these aren't at all. Strange. Fun shit though. Oh and there's this:

Ah fuck, looks a bit out of focus. That right there is a TOA DE-1000 delay. Rare as shit, and this one is in NEW condition. Insane! I've had this one on my radar for a while. Why? Because it's fucking WEIRD!!!! So the max delay time is 255ms or something really not that long at all, but you've got three to control: Left, Center and Right. Individual times (LEDs) and levels (white sliders), plus global wet/dry and feedback, AND modulation time and depth sliders. SLIDERS!!?? Ok it only has four memory slots, and no MIDI, but you can get up to some good mischief with this thing. Last two goodies to blab about:

Top: SONICWARE ELZ_1. What a weirdo synth. I heard that it's a raspberry pi under the hood but really? Who cares. It can do some off the wall shit. A handful of wacky synth engines, topped off by four effects processors at the end. And it has a speaker. My only complaint is no DIN MIDI, just USB and you have to buy a class compliant dealie. I suppose I should do so before I forget. Sounds pretty damn good though, and it does things that I've not heard other synths do. Built well. Fun to play and fun to program. Runs on batteries. Worth looking into. I was so impressed with this that I backed their next project (a groove box type thing it seems). Bottom: KORG AM8000R. This fucker does some WEIRD SHIT! I had one before (and its delay counterpart, the DL8000R) and for whatever reason didn't hold on to them. I think I was looking for more bread and butter, set it and forget it type effects. This was really cheap and it's in great shape. I don't think so many people know about these. Relatively easy to program, and you can get some really good, usable stuff as well as some super far out WTF stuff. The WARP! knob is good fun too.

Oh I suppose it's worth mentioning that I had an album released by Anti Gravity Device out of Tokyo a few weeks ago. Let's see if I can find a link...

https://anti-gravity-device.bandcamp.com/album/black-rainbows-agd036

Have a listen. It's stuff I recorded from about November through December last year, maybe even the first week of January this year. Live jam format, no master sequencer, wish I was an octopus because two arms and ten fingers just wasn't enough type stuff. All hardware. Fun!

So, my invisible tumblrpeeps, it's been a busy 2020 so far here. More things in the works. Keep your eyes peeled. Stay well. Watch out for number one, and don't step in number two. (thanks, Carlin!)

[winteriron-trash]

I should post this to my main blog, but I have more followers on this one so I can't be bothered to care.

-

It's not uncommon, for the young to die. It's sad, sure, but common. The passage of life and death has never been kind.

I don't reap the young often. A child's death bores into a grieving mother for years. Siblings always remember the best friend they never got to have. It can take decades for their memory to fade. For the love devoted to them to be no longer.

I'll admit, I'm glad for that. My brother, he's stronger than me. Able to reap the body as soon as it dies, rather than being able to wait until the remnants of the soul dissapear. His death doesn't discriminate. Neither does mine, I suppose, but it's kinder. Longer lasting.

Some souls last longer than others. I doubt I'll even reap the memory of people like Abraham Lincoln. I'll never guide those memories to rest, as history holds them dear. Whether that's a good or bad thing is really up to debate. I don't pretend to know what's on the other side. I only walk what's left of a person down the path.

I know my job. I've grown numb to it. Even to the sadder cases, where the memories I take didn't last nearly long enough. It's just the way death is.

But I rarely reap the young. There were occurances when I did more often than usually. The Black Plague, so many were dying there were no mothers to remember their children. But even then.

Even then, I never had a something like this happen.

I'll admit, I don't know what to do. Staring at a small child, oh, she can't be older than five, I don't know what to do.

She isn't dead.

Well, she is. In my sense. But my brother hasn't taken her body. The Grim Reaper hasn't come for her. She's still breathing, small body twitching as she stares at me.

I don't come first. My brother is the Grim Reaper. One has to die for their memory to die. The True Reaper comes after the Grim Reaper. Always. There has to be a mistake.

There isn't a mistake. There never is.

"What's your name?" I ask the girl. She shouldn't be able to hear me, the living can't hear me.

The girl smiles, but it's a dim thing. "I'm Mara." She glances around the dark, ugly room we're in. Her clothes are thread bare, skin clinging to her bones with malnutrition. She hugs her knees, curled into the corner on a mattress that reeks of all things little girls shouldn't be around. "Are you here to take me away?" Her voice holds a childish awareness, one robbed of innocence yet still colored with hope.

I stare at her. Am I? I should be. "I'm sorry, Mara," I say, and I am. She's far too young to be forgotten. Too alive.

"It's okay." Mara promises with a strong little nod. "Mama hasn't been here for awhile. She said she had to go get more of her special medicine. She never came back. Papa left too, even before mama. But it's okay." She nods again, arms tightening around her little legs. "There's no more yelling or hitting. No bad smoke. Just me."

Oh. I don't say anything. I don't have anything to say.

Mara pushes herself to her feet, even if she sways a bit as her body struggles to support itself. "Where are we going?"

I falter. She looks at me with knowing eyes, as if she sees my true form before I've even taken her soul. "I don't know." I admit, and the words are painful. I don't know what will happen to Mara when I take her memory from the world.

"I once read a book that said it's not about the destination, but instead about the journey." She quotes, voice getting a bit stronger as she remembers the words. "I'm ready." She offers me her hand as if she knows. As if she knows I'm the True Reaper, knows I'm going to take her memory from this world. Knows that when I take her hand, I'll take her soul.

I take her hand. Her memory, her soul flows out of her, into me. If this were a normal reaping, I'd carry it to the Light and be done. That's my job.

But it isn't. With Mara, it isn't. She can't be at peace until she's been visited by both Reapers.

So I keep her soul. Hold it tight to my chest, guard it with my being. I cannot give the world her memory back, but I can protect her from the world that took it.

I smile, leading her out of desolate room. "Come then. Let's start our journey."

Writing Prompt

Everyone dies twice; the first time is when they pass away, and the second time is when they’re forgotten. You’re the True Reaper, and today, you’ve reaped someone who hasn’t passed through your little brother, the Grim Reaper.

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