#I'm supposed to be writing a bmf fic but I wrote this why why brain

[cryingatships]

Parents in BMF

Sooo, Be My Favorite has been hitting too close to my heart since ep 1. But this ep topped it off ahaha I did not sign up for this where's the cutesy show I can watch without feeling anything

There's already been a lot of (frankly wonderful) discussions about it, but this stuff hits close to home so I had to write a bit, too. Prior warnings for (mostly) personal thoughts, disorderly ramblings, and discussions of homophobia.

About Kawi

We start off the series with saving Kawi's family as one of the goals. But what is 'family' to Kawi? Kawi gives us a lot of info about his background - He is poor (one of his main insecurities that plays into his sense of self), his mother has remarried and moved away, and his father is mortally ill.

From Kawi's words, it's clear that he is not at all close to his mother. So, he probably did not have a mother figure growing up. Did he even have a feminine figure he was close to throughout his childhood and adolescence? A playmate, a neighbour, an aunt? (Not really, I think)

Is that why he values his 'crush' so much?

A woman showed him kindness and interest for perhaps a very, very long time, in a foreign setting where he feels vulnerable, and he latched to it. Can't blame him for that. But that brings up an interesting possibility—The feelings Kawi has for Pear, are they of an inherently romantic nature? Or are they of some other kind, but which Kawi chooses to label as romantic, because he has little to no experience with female affection whatsoever?

Anyway, I was supposed to talk about Kawi's dad and got derailed.

So, Kawi's father.

Someone who loves Kawi a lot, as evident from his unwillingness to touch the fixed deposit he has because it is saved for Kawi's future. He refuses to get expensive treatment that is crucial for him to live him because he does not want to land Kawi in debt. (He also refused to talk about his disease in the initial eps, perhaps because he does not want his son to worry about him and affect his studies.)

So, Kawi at least had a positive father figure in his life. (who evetually becomes the reason why Kawi starts chasing his dreams!! Woot to healthy fathers in bls and in reality!)

But, it also makes me wonder, would Kawi's father accept the fact of him being a part of the queer community? Since BMF is a bl show, the answer is perhaps yes. (Though BMF is giving so many surprises each week I feel that this may just be hmmm... not true... hm... deep in delulu) But if this was in the real world, would he, an aged asian person with perhaps negligible knowledge about the queer community, learns that his so-far-straight son has suddenly 'turned gay' (using this term cause this is what I've heard ppl use irl when talking about their kids coming out...), be ok with it? Would he accept Kawi?

(I REALLY really wanna see Kawi coming out to his dad. LIke. Give it to meeee gmmtv.)

About Pisaeng

Contrasting Kawi's openness about his family (despite his insecurities about it), we have Pisaeng, who gives us no info about his family.

In all the prev eps, we got little mention of Pisaeng's family. And when we did, it was from Pear, saying that Pisaeng had a lonely childhood with no friends other than her and Not. (Which struck me as weird, cause Pisaeng, with his friendliness, ought to have many. making assumption about extroverts...i'm sorry. Ofc, we later learn the reason for this.)

Anyway, Pisaeng *does not* bring his family up, ever. He refuses to talk of the past. What could have happened back then?

In ep 6, finally, we get an idea.

It's Max, dearest Tired Queer who never fails us, who brings it up (the irony!)

But, even faced with the direct question, Pisaeng clams up and refuses to talk. (At this point I didn't realize what was happening it, just thought we were hating on politicians like we always ought to. And that Pisaeng's last name is very common in Thailand.)

And this wannabe politician lady is liberal enough on the media to have an out and proud queer person like Max follow her because he likes "what she says."

I need a breather cause this is so close to reality that it's nauseating

We later know that liberal politician lady is Pisaeng's mum. And all her liberal thoughts are just for the show. She employs people who are from the queer community but then uses them to spy on her son. (another breather needed asap)

Now, I wouldn't have realized this part if @bengiyo hadn't pointed this out in their post about how Pisaeng has been forced into the closet by his *liberal queer-supportive* mother, who also insists on controlling his life, his sexuality, and even his friends. Look at @jjsanguine's post on Pisaeng's mother and her view of frivolous friendships! It's soo... TwT. There *are* parents who insist their children don't make friends cause according to them the wrong sort of friends will get them into trouble in their future life (aka employment/career. Frick society and its- everything, actually.)

As much as I hate her for her horrible parenting, for her blatant lies about acceptability, and for using queers to hunt down their own community, and for being a politician (there's smt inherently wrong with ppl in politics, smt or the other, you can't convince me otherwise), I can't help but marvel how real her character is. Cause yeah, this stuff happens every day. I've seen others experience it, and I've experienced it myself.

That said, I can also see *where* Pisaeng's mum is coming from. (His name is so long I wanna call him Saeng but we got soo many Saeng's in bls recently ueue). As in the thought that drives their behaviour.

I think Pisaeng's mother operates on this—It's ok as long as it's not one of ours aka queerness in fine, as long as it's other people, as long as it does not affect our children.

I dunno about Thailand, but in my part of Asia, this is the often the *most* acceptability queers get. This, or outright homophobia. (breaths.)

Parents (ie the 'cool' ones) are ok with lgbt+ as long as their kids don't come out one day, or heavens forbid, bring a partner home. I do believe there are some parents who accept lgbt freely, but like, in my 19 yrs of experience, none of the parents (the ones who were ok enough to hold such a talk with in the first place) were. I hope some parents out there are more accepting :')

If you belong to a particularly liberal upper/upper middle class family, and you show your parent an lgbt ad, talk about the latest legislature that decriminalized homosexual relationships, or the ongoing court case about legalizing same sex marriage, they'll be ok with that. They'll nod their head and say 'progress'. (Though a lot more parents would beat you/inflict other kinds of abuse on you. Also honour killing.)

But heaven forbid their child becomes a part of that community. Then, there are talks of soothsayers, 'treatments', "it's just a phase", cutting off the child's friends and their access to phone cause they've been "badly influenced".

At the end, if the person still insists on being a part of queer community, the parents will force them to hide it. Not to tell anyone about it, to go back to the closet. Which is exactly what happened with Pisaeng. Only, Pisaeng's mother makes it worse (should there be a difference in levels of homophobia?) by using this pseudo acceptance for profit.

Their worry? The person's future. Their career, jobs, social standing. Because yes, even with legislatures, being queer can hamper one's access to education, health, and job opportunities, among many many other things. (To say nothing about the recent rise in hate crimes in my country...)

Often, this behaviour comes from parental love (a very twisted love that is), because most parents do not want their children to suffer, which they inevitably would if they lived their queer lives openly in the current social conditions.

But it also comes from prejudice, hate, and as urge to control. In many cases, parents refuse to accept their children have grown up, and are in a place to make their own decisions. Instead, they try to dictate every thought and every behaviour, including the choice of marital partners. (Ik arranged marriage au is often a thing of joke in the bl circle but, it's so real, guys. It happens way too often and tho it's mostly not a coercive thing... it sometimes is).

Also, surveillance. Parents often pry on phones, it's uncomfortably common place. I know a (not lgbt) friend whose parent had hired a private detective to spy on them cause they were afraid said friend would go into bars and get into drugs after entering uni.

So yeah. It's a circus. It'd be a funny one if this wasn't real life. >.>

So anyway anyway, Pisaeng's mother and her words made me think a lot sooo... I thought-dumped!

When I started watching BMF I thought it'd be a funny little show that would help me relax after a hectic week. Who knew it'd make me write so much about so many things. (I also blame Tumblr.)

This got wayy too personal at the end so like, congrats if you read till here. I kudos your patience for reading my disorganized mess of thoughts. Have a cookie/cupcake/chicken fritters(they are so! good!)/other food of your choice and I hope your weekend goes reallyy well!

ALso I hope Pisaeng's mother gets her just desserts. Even if she accepts him in the end, her past behaviour is horrible. And who knows if she won't use her financial and political power to harm the queer society later? People in power always under suspicion tbh

Also I just realized we have got nothing about Pisaeng's father...

[morathicain]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers!

Thank you for tagging me @inrainprose :D

Here we go! ^^

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently at 227 on Ao3, which might change any day with how obsessed I currently am with writing for Kiseki XD Also have a few on animexx and fanfiktion.de from old old times which I probably should start transferring ^^°

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,120,354 so far which I'm quite proud of, especially since most of it was written during the past 4 years (3wbf be thanked)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

A LOT! I constantly write for 3wbf and then whatever I am watching (whether it be show or movie that inspires me). Some fandoms appear more often or reappear after months or years again, others just once and then never again. Lots of niche stuff though (either the show or topic) XD

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Wait what (My Engineer - RamKing) with 737 kudos

Mutual anything (KinnPorsche AU - KinnPorsche) with 7 chapters and 700 kudos

One Moment to adore you (My Engineer - RamKing) with 649 kudos

Now you know (Not me the series - SeanWhite) with 608 kudos

Loving you on my second thought (My Engineer - RamKing) with 536 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely, YES! I've met some of my best friends through comment-discussions and -talks and I also wanna thank the people who take the time to show their appreciation <3

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh ... PHU! Good question? I guess it would be "One last call", a JynCassian fic which of course ends with them dying?

Or "I wish you were mine but I wasn't yours", a Bad Buddy fic which has Pran push Pat away?

(if anyone has other contenders in mind, let me know, my brain is a bit overwhelmed XD I don't count the BMF one because while it ends with a breakup, for me it's a hopeful ending)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I ... I don't know? I suppose each fic that has Ter and Mae and Phon alive and together should be considered a worthy contender for that question! And I love them all <3

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. Got some when I started writing in English but I'm glad I managed to continue anyway ^^° only weird ones sometimes that are hard to interpret but are usually not meant in a mean way? I think?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, I do. It always depends on the fandom actually. And ... I don't really know how to describe it but I'm usually not that explicit, I think? Lots of emotions are involved and I try to switch things up.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Probably the SPN One Piece crossover from over ten years ago? XD They were in a prompt I got, so I had to do it :P Otherwise the crossover between Manner of Death and My Engineer "It's all about the plants, babe" with King as TanBun's child. That was a lot of fun :D

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of? Fingers crossed and wood gets tapped!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yessssss! A few into Russian and French and a Cherry Magic one into Vietnamese ^^

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

So many years back. One with a friend, another with my brother, a crack one with another friend XD Not sure we ever finished any of those and it was fun back then but I don't think I can do it again ^^°

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

To no one's surprise at all it's Shin/Neo/Miw <3

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

So far the wips I really want to finish are still on my list. I fear I might not be able to finish the one 3wbf one or the The Player one because other shows and ideas get in between, but it's still planned!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I was told I'm good at yearning and banter? Definitely like diving into angst XD

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Long plots, I tend to get distracted and also lose myself in the technicalities v.v

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If it makes sense, why not? But not if it should be understood by everyone and happens more often.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Inu Yasha! It's been a long long time since then XD

20. Favorite fic you've written?

You ask WHAT of me????? askdjbaksjbdakjsbd

I can't say for sure. Like, I enjoy my own atots bodyguard AUs often enough, I love my own version for Moonlight Chicken more than the show itself, I very much love my current collection for Kiseki because they've taken over my whole soul. So many favourites when it comes to RamKing and omg, don't get me started on my 3wbf fics!

Me and you, both of you is one of my faves when it comes to giving Shin/Neo/Miw a happy ending though and when it's about underappreciated fics, I had a lot of fun with is "Revenge is a dish best served dead" with Ter and Phon killing Thana as ghosts :P And one I am still happy about, even if it's an old one, is a High&Low one: A kitten's persistence

Tagging now (but no pressure): @ommited-miscellaneously @nevaehs @himmelsstern ;)