#I'm so enraged by this movie I can't even talk about it. 😒

[queenladonna]

Greta Gerwig, your crimes against Barbie, Ken, and Karbie can not stand. 😤

[voidstilesplease]

Patrivan Drives Me Nuts, And Here's Why: Part 7

S5E5: Please, Tell The Truth [prev, first]

->Because Ivan TELLS THE TRUTH For Once

This is where Ivan acknowledges his repressed feelings for the first time, and boy is it thrilling as it is frustrating.

Let's go back a little:

At the beginning of the episode, we got blessed with this tender moment between our boys that I discussed about in part 6, where they talked about feelings, personal issues, what they're looking for in a relationship... just being bros with a serious emotional connection, you know?

By the way, y'all should listen to The King by Conan Gray. I think the lyrics of that song are so on point. Like:

"Crush always making me feel like I got nothing to offer. But I'm the only one that can make you feel right. // And you can't explain why I'm always running your mind. Don't you see the answer is right in front your eyes?"

Well, however intimate it may have seemed, I was still helpless to think that maybe it really wasn't going to happen and they were sticking to being just "friends" - in this season, at least. Especially because for a hot minute, it looked like it was heading southward. To hell where it isn't ideal, but not as awful as I thought, too. I know it's an unpopular opinion but if you're interested and haven't read it yet, I talked about why I'm not disgustingly enraged if they went the Cruz/Patrick route in this little interlude post right here.

Anyway, so after all that, and Cruz's "please come to my room tonight", there's me who's totally blindsided by what comes next. What comes next isn't Cruz and Patrick getting it on a few doors from Ivan's room like I expected, like they were implying would happen. But what comes next is a surprising turn of events.

A question, if you please: do guys really masturbate together and can still claim No Homo? Does it really happen irl? If someone can answer that because I am honestly baffled.

But in relation to our boys, Ivan, at least, doesn't deny that it's not the straight porn playing on his TV that's turning him on but the fact that he's watching it specifically with Patrick.

Why does he put on porn for their movie night in the first place?

Well, Ivan says it himself: "I was feeling it." He was feeling like watching straight porn because his gay friend is sleeping over and they're in their underwear. It sounds kinda douche-y, really, so in-your-face. Like saying: 'See? I'm into girls. I'm into p*ssy.' But I don't think it was Ivan's intention to offend Patrick, at all.

I think what happened is: Ivan is actually more affected by their conversation earlier on the lawn than he's letting on. I don't know, but something has definitely shifted during that scene. I always say it's the way they look at each other even on the earliest episodes, but it starts to really get more obvious during this scene. I mean, look:

So, furthermore, I think what happened is: finally getting more conscious of his feelings, Ivan gets hot and bothered by Patrick's presence and the idea that he's going to sleep on a bed with him half-naked for the first time after realizing the extent of his attraction for the guy. The last time we see it happen, them on Ivan's bed together, they were drunk and Ivan was adamantly "not gay".

But tonight, he's completely sober and still fucking turned on by Patrick. And he can't hide or keep it to himself. Why bother? So he puts on the only kind of porn he's watched in his life, throws pretensions out the window, and sees where it goes.

And it... goes. Boy, it goes. Ivan finally becomes honest with his feelings and it's glorious. The attraction is finally mutual. Even though it lasts all of two minutes.

Because when it looks like it's taking off to new heights, Ivan pulls the brakes at the last few inches.

And, honestly, he leaves not only Patrick sexually frustrated by this. 😒 I'm sure. I would know.

I can't really be mad at anyone, though. I understand both their sides. Patrick is upset because he thinks Ivan is back to playing him, jerking him around, right when he's ready to give it up, Ivan gives him something to cling to but cuts the thread again without warning. And Ivan, after stepping past the threshold of confusion, is now trying to pass through his fears and prejudices, in order to reach Patrick.

And I imagine it can't be easy. Everyone has different ways of accepting the latent sides of their sexuality that's only recently manifesting. And after living and being familiar of the "macho" world that his dad revolves in, and the homophobia that goes around it, it's not surprising that he's hesitant to just go for it. Go after what he wants.

But we'll still give credit where it's due. Ivan's honesty in this scene is commendable. So episode 5: "Please, Tell The Truth", I'd say, is very appropriately titled.

And the sweetest thing about it is it's only getting started! Something even better is coming next. 😏