#I'm so depressed and stressed out and anxious over every little thing rn.

[spaceratprodigy]

sorry for how slow and sparse I've been getting around to everyone. I'm doing my best but genuinely rn I desperately need to take care of myself instead of always putting others first.

[chocolvte]

(1) uh hello? um yeah i love your fics and they are really good to read whenever i feel stressed and stuff. it's just a lot has been piling up rn. like my best friend may have depression and honestly i don't know how to feel because i'm dealing so much anxiety from it and i want to comfort her but i'm not exactly sure how over text or call as she often gets anxious and even suicidal when i'm not around her. and i've missed most of last week of school and there's so much to do and not enough time

(2) i don't know how to deal with it anymore. i just want to be happy but now rn i'm having an anxiety attack from thinking about it all. i don't really like talking about my feelings like this because i don't like pushing them onto others who might be feeling the same thing but my chest just feels so tight rn and i'm finding it hard to breathe and i'm crying and shaking while typing and my nose is starting to run. i hate when this happens i've been keeping it in control since freshman year and

(3) i'm now a junior and i don't know. the stress and anxiety is eating me up. i dread going to school tomorrow and seeing everyone... my teachers and my best friend. i want to be there for her. but i'm facing so much anxiety rn and i don't even know who to talk to right now. it can't be her bc she's going through so much rn and i can't push anything onto her. i want to go to school bc i've missed so much and i don't want to stay home but i also don't bit i've missed so much already.

(4) what to do anymore. i have so much work to do but as i mentioned rn i'm having an anxiety attack. oh and I was wrong, i had one during around christmas randomly while buying a tree with my family and i was just so quiet and in the very back reading day6 fics and i don't know it's just back to this feeling again...

hi my love. i want you to take a second and breathe for me, okay? relax your shoulders, close your eyes, and take a nice deep breath. hold. and let it out. there we go! good job, sunshine.

i am so sorry that you have to deal with so much stress on your shoulders. i can literally feel how overwhelmed you are through the screen and it’s breaking my heart.

i know how draining and lonely it feels to be coping with school stress and your friends’ problems at the same time, so i just want you to know that i’m here for you if you need me. you can always vent to me if your irl friends aren’t in the headspace to hear it.

stay safe, sweet pea. try and take some time for yourself every day if you can, even if it’s just a few moments of breathing deeply or reading a day6 fanfic. you need those moments to stay sane and to keep supporting everyone else the way you do, you little angel. there’s only a few months of the school year left and then you’ll be a senior! you can do this!

[harrysdimples]

Ruthie 💞 I'm going to complain a little bit but it is just that med school is killing me I'm anxious 200% of the day and I'm having nightmares every night, when I sleep my mind is always wondering around and thinking about what I see and do in the hospital, I miss just sleeping and having a clear mind, I'm so fucking tired also harry is not giving me new music so I can escape those thoughts for a bit, how can you win over your own mind?

i’m so sorry you’re feeling so shit my love, I can’t imagine how stressful that must be for you, you’re a trooper! I think the only advice I can give to you is write. write everything down that you experienced that day at the hospital or things that you feel will keep you up at night, because I think that might help with letting go & separating your work life and home life if you have an outlet for what you experience. by writing it down you have something that’s tangible but something that you’re able to just basically word vomit about everything that happened and how it made you feel. literally writing it down helps or typing it would probably work just as well, the app ‘peach’ is a good one for me to do that since nobody knows about it lol.

also, I think you need to try recognise those thought patterns that are making you have this downward spiral and affecting your sleep and just in general, once you become aware of those thoughts it’s a lot easier to break out of the cycles that are getting you down. I know for me personally when I was at my worst with depression I would let like maybe 10 minutes of a negative thought spiral ruin my entire day and I couldn’t get out of it until I started realising what I was doing. listen to some chill music or listen to a podcast or watch a film/tv show if you feel like it, but try to start replacing negative thoughts with more positive ones, maybe about how you did the best you could do that day, you contributed as much as you could, people will appreciate the work you put in even if the outcome wasn’t great, you deserve this opportunity etc. you deserve more than the way you’re feeling rn babe!! hope everything is ok and if u need to chat pls don’t hesitate to message me privately. 💞💞💞💞

[butterflyonthewall]

I'm Sorry

- I fall off the radar for days, weeks, even months at a time but I still love you. I’m a ‘lone wolf’ and when I get overwhelmed I need to be alone and calm myself down. If I try to talk to someone they’ll just try to give me answers or compare it to what they’ve experienced but I honestly don’t give a flying fuck, I just need you to listen sometimes just so I can get my thoughts out. My problems don’t just have simple answers so stop trying to give me them. I’ve tried everything you can even imagine.

I don’t want to go out every weekend because 1) I do NOT have the money, 2) I will NOT let you pay for me because then I’ll feel hella guilty and wanna pay you back when i know I can’t, 3) socializing for one day can drain all that’s inside of me for weeks.. idk why but I. Just. Can’t.

- I am ashamed of where I live and how I live. I don’t invite people over because I’m embarrassed beyond recognition on the shitty lifestyle I have. I live in my grandfathers bazillion year-old house that’s stuffed to the brim with his junk since he’s a fucking hoarder. My bedroom is smaller than the bathrooms at school and my bed takes up half the space, and it has little to no storage so what stuff I actually have is sprawled everywhere. The rest of my house is crawling with almost 20 fucking cats cuz they’re all getting knocked up and my mother is ‘waiting for a call from a no kill shelter that is only open on Saturdays’ so we are stuck with them, and since we have so many cats they are shitting and pissing EVERYWHERE and I can’t step one inch out of my room without puddles of urine or cat shit. No matter how many times we clean it all up they just keep going to the bathroom EVERYWHERE.Then to add to the stress of hating the house, the only memories I have here are 1) carrying my six year old 140lb dying dog up the stairs at 3am to then bring him to the vet where he died 2) getting diagnosed with depression and anxiety and struggling with therapy and getting meds sorted out 3) my baby sister attempting suicide TWICE 4) the same sister walking into the room crying and saying her best friend killed himself and then hearing her gut-wrenching wailing and screaming for days in misery 5) losing not one but two of my best friends (which I don’t have many of because I have a very select group of friends since I don’t social well duh) 6) DCF constantly being called on us cuz the nosy spoiled rotten people in this rich town think we’re fucked up when honestly we’re just going through rough times (which apparently they’ve never been through one cuz why tf would rich white people struggle in America ??) 7) my mother getting into a car accident and breaking her back and being on crazy meds (which she is off now and things are better with her but still SCARY TIMES)

- I don’t know what a true friendship is like. I’ve always been the weird loner kid no one talked to so idk how to talk to people. Idk what a friendship is idk what my boundaries are idk what to do when you’re upset since I’m not used to physical touch by people since no one ever hung out with me to do it idk how to read social cues.. I don’t know what to do.

- I tell my mom everything. Even if you told me in confidence I’ll still tell her cuz I look to her to help me show me what to do. She gives me advice and always has my back. She would never tell anyone tho, not even your parents. If you are in trouble my mom and I will be your savior and if you don’t want your parents knowing anything then we won’t say a word. Hell, we’ll lie for you. My mom does this because her mom did the same thing and my mom knows what it’s like to need a safe place so she made one herself for anyone who needs it. I’m sorry if you don’t like me telling her stuff but she is my rock.

- I don’t do sports because as a kid my anxiety disorder kept me from joins teams and I was so scared for people to judge me if I wasn’t good so I never tried. I honestly would love to do sports but I’m just so scared because I was always to anxious to even try so I’m so bad rn that I’m below even Beginners Level..

- I love food. I love homemade meals.. With all the shit going on nobody has really cooked so we all just get cheap food from Walgreens and McDonald’s. But I truly LOVE vegetables and fruits and Mexican food and Chinese and some Italian foods and Japanese foods.

- I’m so jealous. I want to have the money to get cute clothes, even just some Nike leggings or adidas sneakers. I want s credit cards and be able to go shopping and do YouTube and stuff but I’m stuck where I am since my family’s priority rn is mental health and my sister. I wanna go to concerts and go on adventures but everything cuz at least a little bit of money but I don’t have ANY.

- I feel ugly. Some people will compliment me but ik you’re just saying that to make me feel better. Hell, I’ve done it. I’ve been called ugly and I remember in the 4th grade there was this new girl who thought I was a boy cuz of my deep voice and short hair, people would make fun of my hair and crooked teeth, and people even tricked me into believing this cute popular guy was into me but it was just a cruel joke, people tell me that nobody likes me cuz I’m weird and annoying, and there’s much more. But what really pisses me off is that my best friend is fucking gorgeous but she doesn’t see it which completely baffles me like wtf your eyes are so bright and your long beautiful eyelashes frame the perfectly and you have hella fine cheekbones and strong jawlines and killer smile and perfect nose while I have a flat face with no cheekbones and a big nose and short eyelashes and red splotches and dry patches and ugh.:

I’m sorry this is who I am.