#I'm slowly working on comms and writing hope to be done soon

[shinakazami1]

Man,,, I played a bit of Borderlands 3 and I gotta say. ZanexRhys. I get it. I finally get it

[theskee]

hi! i dont know if you answer asks or anything, but i just wanted to write in and say i love your works so much. i’m not sure if you’re on hiatus, if you have writer’s block or if you’re simply just busy — but ever since i’ve read your works my standards for fanfics have been raised to a point where it seems like nothing even compares.

i think you’ve moved on from writing them but i really miss your jotajosu fics, i was ADDICTEDDD and i might even go back and reread a few but im at a point in my life where i associate nothing but happy times with your fanfics because that’s how much joy they brought me when i read them. i downloaded bluesky just for you when you moved, but i barely use it, and i even check your ao3 periodically and i get a little sad when there arent uploads. but i hope you’re putting yourself first and doing well.

if your comms are open i would love to commission you for a jotajosu fic, i miss my boys so much and the fandom is dying. :(

WITH MUCH MUCH LOVE AND THE HIGHEST REGARDS!! ♡

I do answer asks! I always try to answer any asks or comments or messages I get. I'm just slow sometimes as life is very busy lol. I do not have the free time I used to. First of all, I'm very grateful you took the time to send such a kind message about my Jotajosu fics from a couple years ago. The time I spent working on them was something I really valued and treasured. I learned a lot in the like. Almost two years I spent working on fic after fic. There were like 50 of them and over a million words. And that's just the stuff that I wound up publishing lol. To know that it was enjoyed is nice, especially since positive feedback got really thin on the ground toward the end of my time with the pairing before I ultimately decided to leave that fan space. I have been less than active for a good chunk of the year as I was going through a lot in my personal life. I didn't exactly intend to go on hiatus but I guess it kind of is an unintentional one. I burned out hard after my time with Jotajosu and life has certainly done a good job of keeping that burnout rolling. I am trying to work on fic again, slowly but surely poking away and new stuff now that I've moved on completely from jotajosu. I am sorry to hear that my lack of activity is a bummer. Trust me, it bums me out, too. But fanwork is one of those things that I use to de-stress and it requires the right balance of inspiration, free time, and motivation, which has been hard to come by this past year. I'm very very tired lol. And yes, I have definitely been putting myself first. I have been writing fanfiction and original work since I was 12, so the better part of 21 years at this point. I live and breathe the creative craft, but I go through periods of rest that tend to be pretty long stretches at times. My AO3 upload history will speak to that lol. To know my work touched people, entertained, and provided a joy that brings back fond memories, is the highest compliment I could possibly receive. I hope to one day make original works and get published. That's the real dream, for sure. I no longer do any kind of commissions, I simply don't have the time. And I wouldn't be able to deliver the same kind of quality of writing if I made myself write in spite of this. I've got a lot of distance between myself and Jotajosu now, and the spark for that particular pairing has definitely died out. I don't even really discuss the pairing in private with friends anymore. There's a lot of love there for the time I shared and the people I met. The friends I made. But the pairing itself is one that definitely has passed me by. I'm more focused on other things now, and most of them are writing projects I'm doing in private with a good friend for the sake of just, writing without limitations or boundaries or concerns for an audience. It's been really healing. But I do hope to get back into publishing fanfiction again soon. Thank you again, for your kindness. It means a lot to me. I hope you take care, anon. x Skee

[n7inky-fanfics]

Leviathan

"Well, if that's what we have to do let's get started." Shepard says, standing and moving over towards the shuttle with Cortez.

Kaidan hits another husk, killing it, and turns to face Shepard. "Wait a minute here. Are we seriously considering-"

"First, we'll need to restore power to get that cargo door open." Steve says.

"How?" She asks, furrowing her brow.

"I guess we are." Garrus says.

"These old Ballard-class ships are equipped with exterior power sockets. They use 'em for emergency repairs. We can strip the cells from the shuttle and use those for juice. Hang on, and I'll get you started." Steve pulls out a power cell and hands it to Shepard as more Reaper forces drop from the sky.

"Go, we'll fend them off!" Kaidan shouts, opening fire. Together, he and Garrus keep the husks, marauders, and brutes off Shepard long enough for her to get the cargo bay open and hop into the mech.

"Artillery incoming!" She shouts over the comms as she unleashes rockets on the hoard. Within minutes, the monstrosities lay dead on the ground.

She guides the mech over to Cortez so he can inspect it. "All right, Commander. Let's get you out of there and I'll do a systems check."

As Steve moves around the mech with his omnitool, running scans, Kaidan heads towards Shepard. The part of him that is usually so keen to follow regulations and be a good, obedient soldier is thrown out the window by the fear growing in him. This is a crazy risk. "Shepard, I've got to say... I'm not too crazy about this plan."

The hatch opens and she's there, staring back at him. Her gray eyes are fixed on him, filled with determination. Somewhere behind them, he detects a hint of understanding. She knows what he left unsaid, the worry that he feels right now. "We've come too far to stop now. The way home is through Leviathan." she replies in her classic Commander Shepard tone.

"Okay, seals check out. Oxygen pressure is normal. Systems are a go." Cortez says, walking back towards the front of the mech. "It's as ready as I can make it."

"Let's go." she says, setting her jaw and gripping the controller tightly.

Every fiber of his being screams. This is a bad idea. We have no idea what's down there. The mech could fail, she could drown or be crushed under the pressure. If she finds Leviathan, who knows how many ways it could kill or harm her. And if, by some miracle she manages to disable the pulse and get away safely, she'll still need the mech to hold up long enough to return her safely to the surface. Damn it, he's not going to back down so easily this time. He's not going to let her charge off into danger and leave him behind like she did over Alchera. He opens his mouth, prepared to let everything flood out, to say anything to convince her to stay, but all that comes out is "But Shepard..."

"I'll be fine." she interrupts. She looks him directly in the eye. All at once she's his Commander and the love of his life. She's ordering him to stand down, to let her go, while simultaneously reassuring him that she will come back to him safely. He feels his duty to her as a soldier and his love for her as her partner. The battle inside him ends and he reluctantly nods, stepping aside.

"Closing hatch." she announces. She checks the systems and guides the mech to the water. "Commencing dive in 3, 2, 1." The mech hits the water hard, splashing and then sinking into the murky depths.

He listens as Cortez checks the comms. For a moment, everything seems fine and he finds himself relax slightly. Then, he hears Steve's voice rise in pitch. "Commander? Commander, can you hear me? Commander Shepard?"

"What's going on down there?" Garrus asks. Kaidan tries to swallow the lump rising in his throat.

"The comms are out. We can't reach her anymore." Steve replies.

Kaidan doesn't have much time to worry because more Reaper forces drop to the ship. All of his fears are pushed away as he slides into command. "Incoming! Cortez, get the power cores back in the shuttle. Garrus, take up a position near the shuttle and we'll cover him."

Fending off the Reaper forces proves to be a neverending task. Short moments of relief are interrupted by more forces landing. Steve gets the shuttle fixed and mans a pistol from just outside it. In one lull, Kaidan checks the time. She's been down there for over an hour. Kaidan swallows his fear and tells his friends "She'll be here. And when she gets back, we'll be ready to go." They nod in affirmation and load their supplies.

Defending the shuttle from the Reapers is beginning to truly be exhausting when suddenly the mech breaches the surface. His heart soars. The mech stumbles forward and the hatch opens. All hope plummets as soon as he sees her. She's ghostly pale, maybe even gray, and bleeding from her nose and eyes. She falls forward out of the shuttle and hits the ground, right by a pack of brutes. She tries to stand, but hits the ground hard again. Shit, she's defenseless! In that moment, one of the brutes stops, staring blankly for a moment before turning and attacking it's companion. Now's his chance! Kaidan runs over to Hazel and helps her to her feet. Although she's now supporting some of her weight, he's practically dragging her along to the shuttle. "Shepard's back! Cortez, talk to me!"

Steve is already in the pilot's seat, pulling the shuttle back around. "We're good to go! I don't know what the Commander did, but the pulse is offline!" Garrus covers them as Kaidan loads her onto the shuttle. As they take off, he vaguely notes that the brute is still attacking other Reaper forces.

Kaidan helps guide Hazel onto her back on the shuttle floor. Steve shouts about a Reaper incoming. Shit! It's right in their path! He tries to maneuver underneath it, but it opens it's terrible arms and charges it's beam. Before it can fire, it suddenly disables and crashes into the ocean. What the hell did she find down there?

He turns his attention back to Shepard. She's not moving or responding. Damn it, Hazel! "Shepard! Can you hear me?" She doesn't respond. He reads the data from her suit on his omnitool. It's not looking good. "She's freezing!"

She coughs suddenly and violently, jolting upwards. The coughing fit continues to wrack her body as she tries to sit up and brace herself against the seat. He watches her vitals recover some. "You okay?"

"Yeah... yeah, I'm fine. Hell of a headache." Her voice is raspy and weak. Her pulse is still somewhat erratic, but it looks like she'll be okay.

Fear and concern quickly evolves into anger at the risk she took. "Never do that again." he says firmly, rising to his feet.

She looks up at him, her eyes rimmed with red. She's exhausted and in pain, but she's here and she'll be okay. She came back to him. He relaxes, letting go of his anger and instead bathing in relief for just a moment before he asks "So, what happened down there?"

"We found it. It's real and a lot more than we ever imagined." She rises to her feet.

Cortez turns back in his seat to face her. "So, was it worth almost dying for?"

"I don't know, but we proved it can't hide anymore... that it's a part of this war, just like us. And it's going to help fight."

As they ride back, Shepard calls Dr. Ann Bryson to tell her about what she found. Kaidan knows no one will get the full story out of her until later, but even the broad explanation is amazing. When the dock back on the Normandy, she immediately locks herself in her cabin to write her full and detailed report, brushing off any requests to check in at the med-bay.

Kaidan finds himself waiting outside her door with a cup of coffee. Dr. Chakwas stands next to him, leaning against the wall with her med bag on the floor. Eventually, the door unlocks and they both go in. Hazel sits in her desk chair, still in her armour. The submission confirmation for her report is still displayed on the terminal.

"Hey, guys." She smiles weakly at them. Kaidan sets the mug on her desk and offers her an arm. She takes it and pulls herself up, then slowly peels off her armor. Chakwas guides her to sit on the couch and begins checking her over.

Eventually, she rises and closes her bag. "You're looking alright, Commander. Take this for the pain. Get yourself fed, hydrated, and warm. I'll be taking my leave now. Have a nice night." She smiles and walks to the door, stopping just next to Kaidan. "Keep an eye on her, Major Alenko." She smiles and exits the room.

Kaidan brings the mug with him and sits down next to Shepard. He hands her the coffee, which she sips as she leans against him.

"Nice to have everyone back on dry land, so to speak."

"Mm-hm." She responds.

"You scare the hell out of me with those risky stunts, Shepard, but I guess it's also part of what I love about you." He whispers.

"I'm sorry I scared you. To be honest, I scare myself sometimes, too. I've already pushed so hard, given so much of myself for the mission, for the galaxy. I lost it all once, and sometimes I wonder if some part of me wishes I had just stayed..."

Kaidan pulls back and looks down at her. She looks so small and timid sitting here, curled into herself. It's a rare moment where he might even call her vulnerable. "Stayed dead..?" He asks quietly. She nods meekly. "Hazel, having you back has been a lifeline. I missed you, more than I could ever express."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I just... I came back only to throw it all on the line again and again. And in the end, nothing I did even mattered. The Reapers still arrived, and now we're fighting an impossible war."

"And we'll win. We'll win because of everything you've done to make that possible. I believe in us, Shepard. I believe in you."

"You really think so?"

"I know so." He smiles gently and pulls her into his arms. She curls up against him and slowly relaxes. He can feel her falling asleep, so he takes the mug from her and sets it on the table. Carefully, he scoops her up into his arms. She mumbles sleepily about more work, but doesn't protest as he tucks her into bed. He kisses her forehead and turns to leave, but she grips his shirt tightly. She wants him to stay. He takes off his boots and crawls into bed next to her. She shuffles closer to him, resting her head on his chest, and quickly falls asleep.