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nuttytani · 8 months

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Bloody Mary Zhongli summoned by normal human Ajax

"Tsk, fine I'll do it. I'm not a wimp," Ajax grumbles as he goes to the bathroom. Everything is set. There are candles, some weird acrylic painted summoning circles and what not. He lost the bet, so he has to do it. As if anything will happen.

Ajax locks the sliding door and turns the lights off. He lights the candle sitting on the bathroom counter.

Taking a deep breath, he looks into the mirror, and recites bloody Mary three times.

Absolutely nothing happens. Aha. Total bullcrap. He knew it was all just a myth.

Laughing to himself, Ajax turns to turn on the lights but something weird happens. The lights flicker by themselves and there's a weird static noise. No way… It can't be. It must be some electrical issue. Yeah that's it. He once again tries to turn on the lights but they flicker. Once more. At this point it's not a coincidence. It can't be. So he looks back, at the mirror. There is something… Someone reflected onto the surface of the mirror. He should feel scared, horrified or run out immediately. But he could only look stay rooted in place.

A man, probably around his age, looked at him with sad eyes. They were bright like amber and glowing in the dark room. It looks like the person... or thing, whatever it is, was trying to communicate with him. His mouth mumbling words that he could not hear and hands that smacked against the other side of the mirror.

"Ayo, Ajax? Don't tell me you passed out in there. Come on out dude, I really gotta use the bathroom."

And just like that, the reflection of the sad man disappeared and the lights turned on by itself. It's not an illusion at this point.

He's sure of it now.

"Coming Kaeya, geez, can't even use the bathroom for one second. There's another one in the guest room you know?"

He opens the door and immediately gets pushed away by his friend and the door gets locked.

"So…. Did you see anything?" Hu Tao peers into his eyes, a mischievous smile playing on her lips.

"Nope. Not a thing, I'm disappointed." He shrugs.

As if he'd tell her whatever weird shit that happened just minutes ago.

"Hmmm…. if you say so." She shrugs.

Ever since that day, there's been some weird things happening in his house. For example, the lights would turn on and off by itself, weird shadows would pass by the windows and weird slamming sounds could be heard.

Any sane and logical person would assume that their house is haunted and would leave the place immediately. But not Ajax. He knows it's related to the strange man with amber eyes. So what does Ajax do? Well, obviously he tried to do the bloody mary ritual again and failed.

Perhaps it was an expected outcome. But he didn't stop trying. He tried tarrot cards, making magic circles on the floor and what not but they all failed. Then one day, he had a realisation. Why not the ouija board? He ran off to the nearest store and bought a set of ouija board.

Unfortunately, it was the season of October and many halloween and spooky related items were out of stock, he DID get a board tho, although pink and sparkly in colour. Sure, it looked childish but hey, desperate times calls for desperate measures. Plus, the colour shouldnt matter.

So he walks home with his big pink and sparkly ouija board in tow (yes, he received many weird looks and snickers by people passing by, but no matter).

#tani's trash post #genshin impact #tani writes!!#childe #zhongchi #tartali #childe x zhongli #zhongli x childe #zhongli #zhongchili

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misarem · 5 months

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Umineko Episode 3 Thoughts or How I Was Deceived by a Thousand Year Old Witch that Doesn't Exist #Rokkenjimagate

Okay I really thought the jump from ep1 to 2 was crazy. I barely even know what to say for this one I'm so serious. It's almost like the preconceived notions I had abt this game based on like several isolated moments from it I've seen over the past year of wanting to play it were challenged the most here and I barely even know what to think. apologies to myself in the future reading these back to feel something for how incomprehensible they end up being but regardless

Right out the gate I was excited with this chapter focusing on Eva after my presumption abt how the adults were gonna be focused on throughout the Question Arc, and showing Eva Beatrice from the start as seemingly an aspect of Eva used to cope is an incredibly strong hook. Even tho all the adults are bastards in their own right it's hard not to root for Eva wanting so badly to achieve her goals to the point where you even start to go along with her self-deprecating persona. And after kind of a long October 4th, watching Eva solve the riddle of the epitaph is incredibly gratifying. Even tho it's obvious this won't last it still is awesome to see and feels very deserved. Especially Eva's voice acting during it. Honestly through this whole chapter her voice acting rivals Beatrice (especially considering she backs out of the limelight somewhat). And the following scene with the coronation of Eva Beatrice, the lavishly illustrated halls, her new witch outfit, Happiness of Marionette playing, its all incredible. Also a very good demonstration of how warped the Ushiromiya upbringing really is. Eva is really just horribly cruel in ways closer to anime youd only see in Top 10 Deaths videos on YouTube (perfect for When They Cry!) and i do wish there were more illustrations to show, on at least an abstract level, the fucked up shit she did to Rosa besides the ocean cgs recolored to jelly. The fall from midair part was good tho. Also crazier to see the even worse brutality only briefly mentioned that included MARIA. Didnt think this game would even pull that on a 9 year old so that sure is a new level of horrific. Overall a very strong chapter thanks to its focus on one of the strongest backstories of anyone on the island. And yea the satisfaction is short lived but for this game, especially this chapter, for something beautiful and grand to get pulled out from under you and twisted without recognition feels very. appropriate.

Eva isn't the only focus tho, as we learn a ton about witches here too, specifically Beatrice and her predecessor, and how the system of magic and witches really works. Their battle was cool, as cool as you can get for a kinetic novel. I liked what more or less felt liek Beatrice's origin story, with the broken vase serving as a metaphor for aspects of the human condition like life and trust. I like the growing narrative aspect of Rokkenjima being isolated from the outside world as if drifting away from reality, submerging itself in a haze of fiction that Battler must cut down with his truth, and all the dichotomies that form around that. And for a while, I liked seeing a "new side: of Beatrice, if you can even say that. The human side that never grew out of being a child, or knew anything other than captivity. I talked abt this already in a few places but seeing Battler spurn her like that was insane and hilarious especially with her losing a lot of the bold flourishes of speech and voice acting because of it, and having to take a backseat to Eva Beatrice, attempting to reign her in the same way Virgilia presumably did for Beatrice at the beginning of her witch training.

i do say this with the end of the episode looming over me like an enormous thundercloud. I do feel.. a bit stupid thinking she changed in any immediate significant way altho to vouch for myself I didn't think she was completely on Battler's side either. Hell I knew this game has like 5 entire chapters left and she was likely gonna have to go back to her old ways if there were gonna be more murders, and in the whole ending scene I was waiting for Battler to back out of relinquishing to the witch as he kept signing shit and humoring her. But yea I didn't imagine a whole chapters worth of pretending to have a huge change of heart with multiple moving parts and witches assisting in the subterfuge. It does make me wonder if Beatrice had begun this deception by showing her fight with Virgilia to Battler, or if she realized she could manipulate his emotions when he yelled at her over Rosa's deaths, since he said he could kinda see past the murders to view her as a worthy adversary, or potentially, when they applauded Eva together during her coronation. That Virgilia was seemingly a part of Beatrice's plot, looking at that insane face she pulls when they try to get him to submit, makes me think the fight was a ploy to make it look like there was more conflict between the witches of Rokkenjima and to have Virgilia close enough to Battler to manipulate him the way she did. Also generally confused abt what was even going on with Kumasawa around that point in the episode. We see every servant die on screen except her as a part of the first twilight, since who we think is Kumasawa ends up just being Virgilia, yet her body is listed with the other victims. Idk if she is a witch or not, I'm leaning towards no but it's smth I feel the need to keep a tab on since I'm trusting the story not to frame those events that way without purpose. I'm also gonna say I have a hard time believing that everything we saw Beatrice open up about wasn't a complete lie. Like I do think her existence and power on Rokkenjima will end up stemming from something horrible and traumatic Kinzo did to her and that she was a human at one point, hell Lambdadelta kinda confirms this in the witch segment. It's just that using this to pretend to open up was meant to be huge for her game up until-

The funny thing is I literally did not think Ange was gonna appear in the game til Answer arc, although when she started getting namedropped I got a sneaking suspicion we'd see some glimpses. But still this is much more than I expected. Much more depressing going off the little backstory blurb she gets in the character section, altho Evas more subtle, less violent brutality towards Ange is... foreshadowed well we can say. Actually its her upbringing under Eva that seems to influence her actions and character in this timeline (timeloop?) assuming she grieves normally enough under her Grandfathers care if Eva dies too. Really goes to reinforce my confusion on how this all even really works, specifically the two day loop inside of the "fiction" of Rokkenjima, as it remains untouched by the outside reality. If Eva returned from Rokkenjima, does the time loop end with everyone else dead, or just continue in some other plane of reality? Not something I'm super hung up on but idk. Sometimes with this story I don't know if I have the means to solve the bigger mysteries with me now or if I'm supposed to wait to get more pieces to the puzzle. Either way I'm open and excited to how Ange interacts with Rokkenjima that much later into the future.

What else. I liked the fight between kanon and the sisters near the beginning that was kickass and i like how Genji, Shannon and Kanon all care for each other. IDK what chapter it was where I read in Characters that they were like created by Kinzo but that gives them a good relationship. Also LOOOOOVED Kyrie here even tho she died eventually (this game loves badass moments that get cut off when the witch inevitably summons an even more powerful agent of hell) her fight scene was sooo good.

This cg in specific reminded me of a very specific part of, coincidentally, the third episode of The House in Fata Morgana, I wont spoil but if you played you absolutely know what I'm talking about. Just cool to watch with her and even Rudolph holding their own against literal demons. Thinking that the family is mostly framed as knowing abt the magic/supernatural stuff as only myth, and not shit that seems to actually effect them, but has surprising moments of competency like this might be a good indicator of either the true nature of magic in Rokkenjima or some hidden underlying thing about the family (Battlers parents are verry adept with guns for people who are described as legitimately shady in the Characters tab. Speaking of Kyrie it is funny how wrong my prediction was in the last one where I said one pair of parents would survive each first twilight and Maria would always make it to the end considering the. Exact opposite of that happened. TO BE FAIR it was Eva-Beatrices rules not Beatos (I liked the moment of Beatrice letting Maria down gently abt being promised into the Golden Land). In retrospect it does make sense that for these three pre-Ange episodes, the first focusses on children, the second on servants and the third on parents, and its a good way of giving everyone screentime. There really is not a wasted character in this game even tho some are just not that appealing still looking at you Krauss

Heres where I pick up the tier list with every character instead of just the 18. finally can put Beatrice where she belongs. really not a whole lot has changed other than im waiting for ange and beatrices friends to excite me more and i love Ronove and his shitty mustache. curse my butler bias. I think for now im gonna wait an episode to like, recalibrate my predictions. Half the time in this game Im waiting for Erika Furudo and Dlanor to just fuck shit up but i cant say im not having the ride of my life with this crazy ass game.

Okay Im typing this specific part after getting thru like half of episode 4 (im gonna have insane shit to say about that one so stay tuned). Since I know that one focuses heavily on Ange to where the narrative focus feels like its shifting heavily, im going to take the time here to talk about how the Ushiromiya upbringing and how that affected everyone is my favorite aspect of the game so far. Its not even that deep or anything. I think I mightve said in an earlier one that family trauma feels so universal now so its not hard to get her but that also means that this is like an incredible portrayal that I feel like almost anyone would connect to and it very effectively shows how not only how wealth corrupts and debased people but also how abusive parenting has long, LONG term effects on entire family lines and how trauma really does not inherently make you a stronger person. Krauss is just lazy and incompetent, which, IMO he cant really help with how he was raised, and it would be cool to see him be aware of this, but its obvious how this manifested in Jessica thinking her family and inheritance is an active hinderance of her desires. How Rosa was pushed around as the youngest child, shaping her into a sometimes-well-intentioned, but irresponsible and caustic woman, and how this created a cyclically abusive relationship where Maria is pushed further and further into her escapist fantasies by her mother's punishment of those eccentricities. Interesting, Eva's terrible upbringing is focused on the most here despite the fact that she has an outwardly good relationship with her husband and son. But I think, in her obsession with proving the Ushiromiya patriarchs wrong caused by the complex they gave her, she built her home on a rocky foundation, marrying and parenting primarily for her position in the family, and when that inevitably came crashing down, it makes sense that it caused her to give the last remaining Ushiromiya grandchild the worst treatment out of all of them (debatably if you think Maria's was worse).

And its in this portrayal of generational trauma that we see, in my opinion, the most hard hitting, nuanced and just real moments in the game so far, like Jessica finally coming to an understanding with her mom, only able to do this in the most dire of circumstances, or Battler having genuine trouble mourning and grieving for his own parents outside of just being appalled by the atrocity of the murders (hes clearly estranged from his dad and he cant even bring himself to see his stepmom as anything more than an older sister), or Maria (seemingly..?) forgiving her mother at the end of episode 2 in a moment of insane emotional maturity and clarity after compartmentalizing her mom's behavior as one of her only means of coping with abuse other than escapism. These are places many stories wont go anywhere near when tackling family trauma but Umineko just demonstrates a deep understanding about how dire, dysfunctional and callous some families can really be. And having to recognize that all of these painful things are born from earlier pain and the abusers themselves were horrifically abused is the hardest but most important part of understanding all of this and what makes the game so nuanced. It lays these cycles of abuse bare, not completely condemning or exonerating anyone, trusting both the Ushiromiya family and you, the player to flip the chessboard and come to a genuine understanding of why things are the way they are so that, even if the circumstances are still dire, healing can begin and happiness can be achieved.

That all being said, the only gap here is Rudolph and Battler and I'm not just talking about the 6 year one he took from his family. Its easy to assume that Rudolph, influenced by his own older siblings but kept slightly afloat by being older than Rosa, grew up into a hardass without much regard for his own son. But it also feels like theres much less insight into his own upbringing. We only get glimpses of his adult life through Kyrie's brief exposition in this chapter as she guns down. i think it was Leviathan? But things like the deficit in information about both of them, the nonchalant way the Characters tab refers to their shady business practices, the void that his first wife's absence in the story leaves, and the way they handled the demon sisters makes me think that we will get crucial info about Rudolph's upbringing soon, but that there was also a very very important narrative purpose to depriving the main protagonist audience surrogate guy (and be extension, us, the player) of a firsthand perspective of his father and stepmom for the past 6 years of the story. I said earlier that I was holding off on making theories but the gears in my head have been working a bit since I typed that and I think Rudolph and Kyrie are prime suspects at this point of time, with the servants and maybe Nanjo? being accomplices in some way, altho idk abt Gohda LMAO and i also saw a little bit of spoilers from clicking around too much but we'll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

#im a mess genuinely but i must have an outlet for this game #beeeeeaaatooooriiiiceeeeee #uwtc #umineko when they cry #umineko no naku koro ni

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jiminsass-istant · 2 months

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Hello talking about boycott anon here,

i will stay anon longer, i dont want to be doxxed (with the climate and how army is moving rn it is very high probability).

sorry if this is going to be messy and all aroung the place. Hopefully it is gonna make at least some sense to you.

Not sure if you know what fanon means in fanfiction community, but it is when fans think of something/someone and fandom accepts it as the truth that happened even when it was not specifically said in the original media. this is rn i feel like. like i believed in the fanon version of bts, that army (the waters i was floating aroung at least) was presenting bts to be. someone who is believed to have their morals, to hold their ground, to care about the world.

so right now my fanon version of bts is meeting the (maybe) more real version of bts and it hurts. but that is on me letting my perception being clouded by other people views.

I as person with zero soft power and audience, i can scream into the void about how it is against humanity what is happening right now outside... And nothing happens. On other hand people with enormous influence are sitting it out and nothing happens...only them being used as puppets of consumerism to be able to sell out everything (the bt21 /possible/ collab with mcsht made me laugh ngl, it was not a good laugh tho...)

But at least i dont see them later doing docu ala Miss Americana about the heavy burden of power and responsibility.

In the end what as i individual think of them is not really important on the macro scale, but on my microscale letting go of the fanon version and see what they present themselves as without the interpretation of people loving and believing in them, it is freeing -> to view them as plain and simple entertainment to be consumed and moved on without any real life impact.

And the reason why i was more disappointed in them than every other idol working with zionists, endorsing things on boycott etc. Cuz the others were for me the mindless consumption entertainment which never had the inclination to be more than being consumed (ie i never thought of them as being pro humanity, only pro income 🤣), which may be shitty on my end to held someone on higher standard than their peers when in the end all kpop/entertainment is pro income. (As music for healing does not exists anymore).

Ps with how mr scrotum braun is moving at this point, im curious what is it is gonna take for american hybe to be put on the bds list...

Ps 2 greetings to skewed!anon

Ps3 if im still alive and around when they announce the world tour and israhell is gonna be one of the stops, im going to have aneurysm from bitter laughing...

I'm so glad you're back! This is gonna be lengthy..

Thanks for explaining what fanon means and now I get it too- what you mean. We perceive them through the way the fandom presents them. Through YT videos and tweets that praise them for each little thing, for their struggle story (which is true, but also a great way to market them).

As these perfect individuals with high morals (and they sure might be! Not negating that possibility). But like Yoongi said - everyone thinks they have the perfect sense of morality and justice. And it applies to armies as well as internet community.

We, as people have always been caught up between politics, been engaged in wars, been victims or have been enablers without much control over it. The genocide in Palestine is the first case ( esp. after october last year) wherein there has been such a widespread awareness - at least among netizens. Even the Ukraine war wasn't this talked about. And this news was bound to affect fandoms at some point.

The root cause has always been politics. And who decides which politicians are in power? Us. The people who select the leaders. Why does Israhel has immense power and is backed by the US? Because that's the kind of leaders they chose. If there are people who need to speak up, it's the local communities, the voters, the changemakers. I appreciate the road rallies and protests across the world to support the Palestinian cause.

Unfortunately, most of the discourses on the internet are useless. Unless the internet is used to gather people, form local communities, gather donors for the cause, all other debate is useless. The BDS list boycott would be so much more effective if it was done on the ground. Imagine a local area boycotting mcd. The franchise would be shutdown- people would hear about it in the nearby areas and get curious.

But what happens when 2000 people from different cities of the world 'like' a post asking for boycott of mcd? Nothing. What happens when a post cancelling a kpop idol over McD gets 10k likes? Umm.. nothing. And this would still be fine if this energy translated to local awareness. But is that happening? I live in a big city and people here still go to starbcks, order mcd, burger king etc etc. All educated folks, all with access to the internet.

Companies will always be pro-income. That's why the only way to get them to divest is to affect their income. Start by shutting down their stores one by one. In my country, if you speak against israhell, some people might jump you or call you crazy because they are straight up islamophobes. That's why all i can do is quietly boycott.

If Hybe makes it to bds list.. I'll say goodbye to being a hard-core army. I'll still enjoy their songs and performances (from official channels) but i won't invest my time and money anymore.

That's why..(coming to your point now lol), it's best to see them as musicians only. Just musicians. What are we even gonna achieve by harassing an active duty soldier? SOLDIER!! A job that they are forced to do, btw. They are not saviours of humanity and they never will be. Their UNICEF campaign was also *business*. Literally to promote their album and massive tour. Yes they cared for the cause, but it was not for funsies or their main goal. It was for longevity as artists. Them donating to BLM was also caring for the cause because it was a massive movement at that time. If they were not in military, i believe they would have even donated to the Palestinian victims if other celebrities were also donating.

Israhell as world tour stop.. wouldn't that be 'love myself' ( as a genocide supporter) to another level? Lol. That would suck so bad..if that happens. But then again..it SHOULDN'T suck so bad because why attach your happiness to the moralities of businessmen?

What Palestine is facing right now is the collective result of Islamophobia propagated by the US around the world for years. Through their news, by calling them terrorists, by inciting other countries, by supporting genocides. This is the result of being complicit. And this goes to all people around the world. You should have chosen your leaders wisely. The reason Israhell is so powerful is because countries have been investing in it, in return for defence resources exchange, using the excuse of "donation to israhell victims of hamas terrorism".

Anyway.. *sigh*

You can DM me, you won't be doxxed chill. Upto you of course.

And I hope you stay happy and healthy:)

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mymomisdrunkagain · 4 months

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Ouch.

For several years in a row, while my niece and nephew were between the ages of like 12 and 20, I had decided it would be best to skip family functions with my dad's side of the family. I've led a rather ... unconventional ... life, and I didn't want any of my past mistakes? choices? lifestyle so in anyway have some sort of negative influence on how niece and nephew grew up.

I may be wildly overestimating my influence over people in my family, but I do remember parts of my life around that age, and I recall being desperate to grab onto even the slightest hint of anything subcultural-- partly as an escape from my own life, and partly as a "fuck you" to my family.

And, now, as I'm trying to reconnect, of course things are strained... I assumed they would be, but I guess part of me was hoping I'd be getting invitations to all the family things again, like I used to. Instead, I just have to kinda show up, or send repeated messages to my dad or sister.

I get that I've probably hurt them by my absence, or whatev. I guess I don't really have any kind of clue about what they thought/think about all my missing time. I'm pretty sure they don't think its anything like the "noble reason" that I stayed away.

At one point, after we'd broken up, I found out that while I was with an ex of mine, he had actually been working at the same restaurant as my niece! I don't know if he knew she was my niece, but I'm stuck on the thought that, if he did know-- well, either way, really ... he could have said or done some pretty damaging things by telling her all kinda shit, real or made up.

Several years ago, I asked my sister if my niece had known him, and my sister said, enthusiastic as ever, that she'd ask my niece and let me know. Time passed... nothing. A year passed... nothing. Years... nothing.

And, finally at my most recent birthday dinner, last October, when it was just my dad, sister, and my niece, at an awkward silence, it dawned on me that I never heard an answer to that! So, I asked my niece and she gave me the weirdest look, looked across the table to my sister, then back to me and said, "Well, yeah! But that was such a long time ago!"

And, I proceeded to say, "yeah, such a small world. we used to date. he actually lived with me for a year or so..." and nothing more was said on the topic.

Now, fast forward ~6 months, and I haven't heard word 1 from any of them. I got a message from dad making sure to invite me to christmas b/c he was concerned my sister didn't invite me.

I went to christmas. it was the standard awkwardness. I bumped into my step mother, and she said, "oh hi! I didn't expect to see you here." and i took that to be just her being a bitch, as usual.

I know my dad has known I'm gay for at least 20 years. I'd assumed my sister knew too, tho I've never directly told her. I know my step-brother has some deeply rooted good ol' boy american racist tendencies that pop out at randomass moments, and so now I'm thinking maybe the disconnect and the resulting total cold shoulder is b/c either my sister _didn't_ actually know, and has a problem with it, or, she had been hiding it from my step-brother, and since i'd brought it up to my niece, maybe she told her dad, and now it's all just gone to shit.

all this just help to mark another few tallies on the "FAMILY SUCKS" side of the Life Experiences board. It's really at the point where there is only one member of my family, my aunt, helping me hang onto the wild concept that "FAMILY IS GOOD." She's an amazing person, in general, and as a family member... well, she's definitely worth holding onto the idea that family is good.

#therapy #venting #family #americana #gay #gay life #coming out #dealing with being gay #gay adulthood #gay facts #the gay struggle

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gra-sonas · 3 years

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Heeey 👋

I'm curious about something and and I feel like you're the person to ask- I didn't follow news and the cast post season 1 because of how it ended, so I missed a lot of the interviews/promos.

My question is, were the cast as enthusiastic about S2 as they seem to be for S3? I have a feeling they weren't but I'm not sure.

Hi there! :D

Uhm... that's a bit tricky to answer.

Let's see, post S1 (May 16, 2019), there was a M/M promo event with Vlamis and Heather at the Upfronts in Chicago.

It wasn't bad per se, but also not great (imo), and Vlam never was near the level of enthusiasm he's always displayed for Malex. He tried very hard to hype that ship, he also did his best to establish Heather as a "leading lady", stuff like that, but some of the things he said also felt like he was just repeating CAM's talking points (not sure if that's the case, just my impression).

That continued a month later at ATX (CAM was there, also Lily, Heather, Vlam, Trevor, and Karan). I think it was there that unfortunate comments were made (like talking Malex down, label them as "problematic" etc., he apologized for that later) in order to hype M/M. As expected, that didn't go down well with the fans. And again, with CAM being there, things felt a bit... stilted?

I mean, we all know how she loved to "joke" about firing actors for saying the "wrong" thing in interviews, and it always seemed like some of the actors felt the need to credit her for her writing and stuff (Vlam in particular, the poor guy made so many pro CAM comments in interviews and made shoutout posts about her on social media - and she kept "lusting" after him in comments/story reposts, just from an outside POV it felt super YIKES, I'm sure if the roles had been reversed - male showrunner/female lead - it would've been more clear how inappropriate some of her comments were)...

Anyway, fast forward to October 2019, when Vlamburn, Lily, Jeanine, Nathan, CAM, and Chris Hollier attended New York Comic-Con. It was a fun event overall, and the cast seemed excited (it was around the time they were filming or had just wrapped 2x05 iirc). There was very little (if any? 🤔) talk about M/M anymore tho, it's like that ship never happened, or was never going to happen in the future. We'd already been fed some Malex bts content via CAM before NYCC, and while Vlamburn didn't have any joint interviews, there was lots (AND LOTS) of incredible Vlamburn content coming from that event.

They all had an on-stage panel that day, and it was good fun. I would say that there was genuine enthusiasm but alsonothing out of the ordinary, y'know.

Then there was aTVfest in February 2020 with CAM, Trevino, Nathan, and Heather. I don't really recall much from that one tbh, probably because nothing overly exciting happened? IDK.

Another time jump to the Cast 4 Good (virtual) panel in April 2020. Another event where a "say the wrong thing and I'll have to fire you" comment was made, and famously, Tyler looked like this when CAM talked about 2x06...

SAME, TYLER... 😑

It's also the event where he talked about how he wanted Malex to have a "really nice gay relationship on TV" going forward, and during a 1:1 call afterward, he said this.

And honestly, the cast during that panel seemed... IDK, a little stilted, a little awkward, a little subdued? Could've been the pandemic, but I always felt like CAM's "looming" presence also played a part in that. Who knows.

The panel yesterday was such a happy and light-hearted event in contrast. I mean, it's no secret that I'm not a fan of CAM, and maybe I'm putting too much blame on her (for "ruining" the mood and making people uncomfortable), but some of my dislike is definitely rooted in how uncomfortable it always made me watching her talk to and interact with her cast, so there's definitely bias on my end, and probably a certain unfairness. WHO CARES, SHE'S GOOOOONE!

Imo the enthusiasm this season is different and to me at least, it feels more genuine than ever. Jeanine in particular seems to be so happy, she and Lily have both talked about how collaborative things have been this season.

I'm sure that Chris Hollier can make final decisions when it's necessary (he's "the boss" after all), but just from hearing him talk, he comes across as someone who genuinely loves and cares about the characters and the stories they're telling, and also as someone who enjoys the creation of the show as a collaborative process.

Like, he doesn't treat the show as "his show, and his alone", it's "their" show, and everyone plays a part in creating it, and everyone's input is welcome (and sometimes that input is even incorporated in the show - like Isobel's 3x13 speech Lily mostly wrote herself).

None of us have detailed insight into how things were going before, and at least Lily's talked about being able to bring ideas up with the writers (or rather CAM), but this season things still feel different. At least to me, and imo the cast is much more enthusiastic about S3 than they were about S2.

All of the above is obviously my personal impression (and maybe my pandemic brain also got hazy on some of the details, my apologies if that's the case), and I don't claim to be right about any of it. Just, take it with a grain of salt and keep in mind that I'm definitely not a CAM fan, and her mere absence from everything is putting a spring in my step already. xD

#rnm salt #rnm speculation #rnm spoilers #ravens-words

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mollyphoria · 4 years

Text

(off my chest post.)

As soon as I turned the age of 27 last year it was like I've been awaken from a cruel false dream. I opened my eyes then boom I see 27 years of my life laid out in front of me wasted. Yes it took 27 effin years for me to wake up. I wasted all this years and now I'm suffering the consequences of not following my heart, now I'm suffering the repercussions for not realising my dreams sooner as well as pursuing them. I don't believe in myself enough to stand for what I really want so I let society dictate me. I dont love myself enough to believe that I have the capabilities to follow my dreams, luck wasn't on my side too,the odds were never in my favor. So yes I guess I blame both myself and the circumstances given to me on why I failed in life. I failed myself. Society failed me. The system failed me. Oh how I envy people who were able to realise their dreams when they were a kid. these people mostly turns out to be the successful ones in life while I'm left in shambles of not knowing what to do or having such a huge dream I knew I would never reach it. I wanted to become a supermodel but I'm not pretty and tall enough plus I'm from a country not supported by society on having supermodels. Then I wanted to be a rock star. Touring the world, playing the guitar, performing on stage. I can probably make this happen but once again I don't believe in myself and lack of support from family/society was what made this dream seem to get more impossible. I would like to pursue the arts anything from singing, dancing,writing ,painting,drawing etc but I let myself be influenced by what our society drills in my head everyday that there's no money with any of these endeavours so I never got serious to try to achieve greatness from these "useless, juvenile" dreams and plus you need God-given talent to qualify pursuing the arts and I don't have an ounce of it.

So as time goes by I continued to grow older like a dead leaf flailing around in the wind without a specific direction but downwards. But deep-rooted in my soul I knew what I wanted but I chose to stupidly ignore that little voice in my heart that tells me what to do. I to this day continue to beat myself up why I haven't even tried to listen to myself.

So what I did was to completely surrender myself to settle for a lesser,smaller dream that I could possibly reach according to the circumstances I'm handed with

I took up a course in college that I felt at the time would be something I would enjoy and easy,cheap enough to simply graduate and have that diploma just for the sake of it. When I got into the real world and became a full pledge adult for the first time ever I got hit by depression and that's when I first acknowledge that I'm not made for this at all but what I did instead of abandoning it was to try again and aim higher which is to have my own wings and to fly high in the sky and see the world. I held on to that dream. I went to school again. For a moment I had a purpose and for the first time I had direction. I thought I found myself as I try to get those wings. I thought that this will be my redemption. I made myself to believe that I'm meant to do this. I went above and beyond to achieve success. But alas I continued to be the chosen reject and once again odds weren't exactly on my favor and I have given up by the time I'm 27 years old. This is when it all crashed down on me I was chasing a dream gone dead all those years and basically wasted my youth as a result and gained nothing at the end. And I have to admit that i somewhat resent God for putting this dream to flourish in my heart but never gave me a breakthrough to even achieve it. I was left beaten and destroyed. I slaved myself away for nothing, experienced all those sufferings for nothing. I got nothing for all those sacrifices and hardwork I did. Literally all those blood,sweat and tears were for absolutely nothing at the end. I was utterly broken down,my heart was utterly crushed nothing left but broken pieces and a whirlpool of regret. If even this small, mediocre dream I settle myself for is still unattainable for me then my life is no longer worth living. I then proceed to wallow on self pity and resentment and went down to the worst depression I've ever experience in my life. Tears kept on falling like faucets in my eyes. Every streak of effort, energy, motivation ,hope left my body,mind and soul altogether. I turned ultimately dead inside. I don't have anything left in me to even pretend to continue fighting my way into this world. I can't even help myself to help myself. it's like I already died and what was left is just a hollow husk of my former self.

At 27 yrs old i went back to zero. I'm left with nothing to hope for, I didn't gain anything from all the things I went through. After Having the painful knowledge that the journey I made for myself all throughout my teenage to mid twenties is only to become of worthless dust and vomit at the end it made me inevitably bitter about life in general. I started acknowledging thoughts of dying for real. How I realized that it's better to be dead than to be alive, how I wish to have never been born at all. I missed all of these opportunities to win in life and I felt like giving up. Because Life is Suffering nothing more nothing less we will continue to suffer coz that whats life for this is the true meaning of life we are just put here to live so we can suffer and I'm not cut out for it I'm too weak to even restart again.

I realized alot of things. When I was a kid I was always looking forward to the future. I was foolishly, completely convinced that my life will get better as I get older and now that I'm older it turned out to be such a stupid thought coz life didn't get better it only gotten worse and it could only get worst from here on out.

Starting now I shouldn't hope for things to change for the better. It's dangerous to have a false hope and I swear to myself that I wouldn't let myself be fueled by false hope anymore.

And now that it's October I will turn a year older unless I cease to exist first.

I'm honestly scared of the future, now that I can see the true essence of it in its whole entirety.

At 28 I'm running out of time.

I missed the chance to get my life stable.

At 28 I'm entirely clueless on how to get my shit together and I don't even think I have the strength to improve myself. I felt like I just don't care anymore.

At 28 I should have already bought my mother a new house instead I'm stuck and rotting away in a room at her own old house.

At 28 I'm still miserable asf

Still bitter asf

Still dumb asf

Still doubtful asf

Still a loser asf

Let me discuss the thoughts I have about this song 28 of Agust D. This song single handedly describes the anxiety I feel for getting older. The fact that the age he pertained on the title of this song is 28 exactly the age I'm about to turn into soon just solidifies the strong grip it acquired to hold my heart and soul. I felt extremely lucky to turn 28 at the same year with someone as genius as him (tho his 27 international age) nevertheless I'm thankful about this.

Tho there are things that I'm honestly confuse about him having the same fears with someone like me who's a nobody without any single awards, recognitions, accolades or any kind of impact to the world, who's not loved and praised by millions nor have millions of money in my bank account, who doesn't have a big house,big cars nor big rings.

It baffles the living daylights out of me that a person like Min Yoongi who achieved so much in life would feel scared about not knowing his dreams is really about as he gets older. He basically achieved every single one of the dreams I have for myself. His overly set for life that his great great great great great grandchildren will be also set for life. His life wasn't the same like before. His life changed for the better . He earns millions of money by doing what he loves at such a young age. He simply won in life.

We are both 28 but the life I'm bestowed in is the utmost opposite of the life his bestowed in. I'm at the loser end of the spectrum while his in the winner side yet we share somewhat the same fears and anxiety about having to grow older.

This made me question if happiness is really just an illusion. well the genuine authentic euphoric kind of happiness.

Is existence all really just a one big mess with occasional ephemeral pleasure?

If a person who accomplished so much at only 28 still feels depression what's left for me then should I just go kill myself?

Alot of the reasons why I got into this level of depression is because I didn't fulfill anything Yoongi fulfilled.well I'm not really into fame so much but i hope i succeeded on not having to worry about whether I could buy a house or rent an apartment. Yoongi could buy a building for himself while I can't even afford a bedspace of my own

Yoongi could travel the whole world in a whim while I'm mostly stuck in the same place

The stark contrast of our lives is so immense I cant even get my head wrapped around it

My only dillema is that I'm afraid to die but I'm also afraid to live

It's been proven to me now that living in this world is not really living at all it's just purely surviving and I can't deal with this

I'd rather die than to be a slave to the system. And it seems like I don't even have a choice maybe to disappear is the only way out

I'm just not cut out with the cards I've been dealt with

If only I could voluntarily pull my existence out of here then I would do it in a heartbeat

I wish there is a stop button from all of these

#twenty eight #agust d #october #time #sadnees

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