#I'm not sure what I'll be doing there other than maybe sharing the same updates as I do here and admiring all the beautiful art people make

[merigoldaround]

So... I have twitter now. Only time will tell if getting an account there was a good brain spark or a bad one. I'm still learning the app and setting things up, but if you want you can follow me there.

[mothandpidgeon]

Homecoming (Joel Miller x f!reader x Frankie Morales)

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader x Frankie Morales, no outbreak!Joel Miller

Summary: Frankie asks his neighbor to keep an eye on things while he's in South America.

“I think that’s what he wants,” Joel finally speaks. His voice is low and dark, his eyes narrow. He’s talking to you but he’s looking right at Frankie. “I think when he asked me to look after you, he was hoping to come home to that. To see his woman treated right by another man. Tell me I ain’t right.”

Words: 5.6k

Rating: E 18+

Warnings: Frankie has to watch, he likes it, cuckolding, dom Joel, oral sex, voyeurism, orgasm denial, hand job, mentions of Frankie's addiction, toxic relationship, Frankie kind of sucks (canon, I said what I said), Joel steal your girl Miller (I'm sure I forgot some, let me know!)

a/n: I'll be honest, I don't see how Frankie was coming home to anything other than divorce papers after leaving his lady with a new baby (suggesting other babies!?) and giving all of his money away. Let's torment him!

As always thanks to @ezrasbirdie for the beta. Consider this my toxic Catalyst verse.

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--

Frankie drums his fingers on his thigh. Flight leaves in an hour and he’s thinking about the front door. 

He should be thinking about this gig. It’s risky as hell. If things go sideways, they’ll be completely fucked in the jungle with a narco on their ass. The money’s good but there are a hundred ways it could get hairy. 

But you had a bad habit of leaving the front door unlocked. You’d done it just the day before when you picked the baby up from daycare. 

“Christ, Frankie. My hands were full, ok?” you said when he mentioned it.

“Just don’t forget while I’m gone. You’ll be alone with the kids and I don’t want the house to be wide open,” he said. 

“If you’re so worried about us, don’t go,” you said.

You’d given him a raft of shit about it. Leaving you with a baby and a three year old and no help. 

“You promised me you were done doing stupid shit,” you said. 

He’s promised you a lot of things. 

You’re still so pissed that when he kissed Franny and the baby goodbye, you barely acknowledged he was leaving. 

Which means if something does happen, you’ll never forgive him. He’s biting on the side of his thumb when he reaches for his phone.  

 …I’m going out of town for a bit but I’d feel a lot better if you’d just keep an eye on things…

He shoots the text off to his neighbor. Frankie doesn’t know him all that well—they’ve shared some beers at backyard barbecues— but he’s a good guy. His daughter babysits Franny all the time. Frankie feels a little better. At least you’ll be safe while he’s not there. 

—

When Joel sees you a few days after he gets the text from Frankie, he knows you’re going through it. 

You’re juggling a diaper bag, keys, and a water bottle while trying to lug the car seat up the front walk. The humidity isn’t doing anything kind to your hair and he’s pretty sure he saw you wearing the same yoga pants and oversized t-shirt the day before. Your daughter is whining about something he can’t quite make out from his driveway. She hovers around you doing dramatic, exasperated stomps. 

He remembers Sarah at that age. It was hard enough to be a single parent to one, he can’t imagine how you’re doing it with two even if it’s just temporary. 

Joel has to admit, he’d be looking over at you even if Frankie hadn’t asked. He likes you. You always ask about Sarah and even remember her birthday. When she stays late babysitting, you stand at the door and watch to make sure she gets in safe even though she’s just crossing the yard. And he’ll admit it, you’re attractive. He knows you’re spoken for but  he can’t help the way his eyes linger when you’re bent over the back seat vacuuming up cheerios. 

“Maybe when daddy gets back,” Joel hears you say. You’re out of breath but trying to keep a light air in your voice. 

“But when is he coming home?” she complains. 

The little girl tugs on your arm and the carefully balanced tower in your hand topples to the ground, the bottle making an especially loud clang that sets the baby off crying. 

“Franny!” you snap. 

“I didn’t mean to,” Franny says. 

You pinch the bridge of your nose. Joel watches your chest rise and fall, one deep breath to collect yourself. He imagines that you’re counting to ten in your head as he’s done a thousand times.  

“I know, mija,” you say. 

You run a hand over your messy hair and begin collecting your keys from the grass. Joel’s sure you’re on the edge of tears. 

“You need a hand?” he calls over. 

You’re startled when you look over at him. Maybe you’d been so focused on getting everybody into the house, you hadn’t even noticed he was in his yard. Your brows knit together and it looks like you’ve been clenching your jaw for hours. Finally, your shoulders lower slightly and Joel feels like he’s lifted the weight right off of you just by asking. 

“Yeah, actually,” you say. 

—

Motherhood is torture. Even on the good days. You’re covered in spit up and boogers and sticky lollipop sugar. Your eyes are ringed from sleep deprivation. Most meals are the sandwich crusts Franny refuses to eat. 

But what really gets to you is the noise. Franny is a chatterbox, the baby is always at an 11, and the house is full of plastic toys that each play a series of increasingly infuriating songs. Even the white noise machine feels like taking a cheese grater to your ears. 

It’s not so bad when you can share the load. But Frankie’s gone. He’s been gone more and more often. A stint in rehab. Pounding the pavement for a new job. Now off with Pope and the guys being weekend warriors. You’ve lost count of the number of second chances you’ve given him.

You’re just about to lose your shit when Joel calls over to you. He’s a godsend. He carries the carseat into the house for you and has Sarah come over to help keep Franny entertained. He insists you take a shower– something you haven’t had time to do in three days– and when you come back into the kitchen, you nearly burst into tears when you see he’s done the dishes.

The kids are in bed now and Sarah’s gone back next door to do homework. Joel sets grilled cheese sandwiches on the table for the two of you and you give him one of Frankie’s beers. 

“A little crispy,” Joel says as way of apology for the bread that’s absolutely blackened. “Cooking’s not really my thing.”

“That’s ok. It’s just nice to have someone else do it for a change,” you say. “Thanks again. And Sarah too. She’s a good kid.”

“She is.” Joel smiles to himself. 

“You raised her right,” you say and his blush is so handsome. 

He’s older than Frankie but just as good looking. Strong arms, narrow waist. The light over the kitchen table picks up all the gray hairs around his temples. He’s definitely not hard to look at after a long day. 

Eventually it comes up.

“So where’s your man off to?” Joel asks innocently enough.

“Fuck if I know,” you grumble. You don’t want to think about him, not now in this nice moment. You weren’t pretending to play house with Joel but you didn’t mind forgetting about Frankie for an hour or two. “Maybe he‘ll do us a favor and stay there.”

You don’t mean it. Years of putting up with his crap has made you bitter, downright mean. 

“He asked me to check in on you while he was gone,” Joel says.

“He did?” you ask and he nods. “I wish you hadn’t told me that.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because every time I decide I’m done with him, he does something sweet and I lose my nerve.”

Joel’s quiet. Probably doesn’t know how to respond to such a personal bombshell when he was just making small talk.

“Sorry. You don’t want to hear my business.”

“Did I say that?” Joel asks. 

You sigh. His eyes are so kind and you’re so goddamn tired.

“He told me three days before that he was going. Doing some Rambo shit with his boys. He said it was going to pay well and I can’t argue with him there because we need the money because he lost his job. Drugs. I couldn’t even call my sister and ask for her help this week because I was so embarrassed. You know how many times she’s told me to dump his ass? And I should, you know. I’ve got nobody to blame but myself.”

By now, you can feel tears coming. You’re so angry with Frankie and you’re mad at yourself. You can’t imagine what Joel must think— that you’re an idiot, that you’re weak. 

But he cups your chin in his big hand. He’s got a deep crease between his eyebrows and, the way he’s looking at you, you feel like someone’s seeing you for the first time in years. “That’s not true. You don’t deserve any of that.” 

The air feels thick between you and you feel so fucking grateful for the words he’s just said. 

You kiss him, practically falling into his lips. He’s been so damn good to you and it’s been so long since you’ve felt taken care of. And he kisses you back. He pulls you into him. His thumb strokes your cheek and he opens his mouth to you. You can taste the beer on his tongue and it’s familiar. You’ve tasted it a thousand times on Frankie. 

You realize what you’re doing. You’re sick of Frankie’s shit but he’s still your partner, the father of your children. Maybe this is really the last straw and you’ll finally end it with him but you haven’t yet. You’ve always considered yourself the better person, the bigger one, who put the kids first and doesn’t keep secrets. You don’t get to act all morally superior if you’re cheating on Frankie. 

You break away and slap a hand over your mouth. 

“Fuck. Shit. I’m sorry,” you say. 

“No. That’s alright.” Joel’s blinking like he’s trying to make sense of what just happened. “My fault. I came on too strong there. You’re having a bad day. I didn’t mean to take advantage.”

“I want to but I shouldn’t,” you tell him. You’ve never felt so mixed up in your life. “I guess I’ve got some thinking to do.”

Joel stands. “Listen, why don’t I get out of here. You can go to bed early.”

You’re mortified. He’s practically running away because you’re acting like a maniac. This man was kind to you for a minute and you blew it. 

“Sorry again. Thank you,” you add as an afterthought. 

He lingers in the doorway. 

“Why don’t I bring Sarah back tomorrow if you’re still needing help? Promise I can keep my hands to myself,” he says with a little chuckle. “Unless…maybe you just want Sarah?” He’s jiggling his hand nervously. 

You feel the faintest relief. You want him to come back. Not just for kissing purposes. He made you feel less alone. 

“That’s be great. Both of you,” you say. 

He gives you a sweet smile before leaving you to bury your face in your hands. 

—

Frankie knows what to expect when he gets back. When he finally got cell service, you’d sent it his call straight to voicemail. He couldn’t blame you. He’d all but disappeared. And now he was returning home with nothing to show for it. 

It’s not like this is the first time. He’s slept on Will and Benny’s couch more than once, come home to an empty house with a note on the kitchen table that you took Franny to your friend’s place. Don’t call until you get your shit together. 

He’s got a whole speech in his head that he’s been thinking about for days. He wishes that he could tell you how close he’d come to death and how much he wants to turn things around but even he knows how hollow those words sound. This time he’s going to make it up to you. 

It’s dark when he gets in. The house is quiet. He’s nervous again, jingling his keys in his hand. You’re sitting at the kitchen table which means he’s in deep shit. He’s ready to launch into his monologue but Frankie’s thrown off when he sees his neighbor sitting beside you. 

“Is everything ok?” he asks, eyes darting between you and your guest. His mind immediately goes to the darkest places, worse things than the failure of your relationship. 

“No, Frankie,” you say. 

“Did something happen to the baby?” Adrenaline floods him for what must be the millionth time since he last stood in this room. 

You sigh. “The kids are fine. They’re next door. Sarah’s watching them.”

“Oh.”

There’s a long pause where Frankie tries to recollect everything he was going to tell you, all of the promises he’d really keep this time. All he can think about is the fact that Joel’s sitting there looking at him like he’s a piece of shit. Frankie pushes up the brim of his hat to rub his forehead.

“Do I have to say it?” you ask. You look as exhausted as he feels. “I can’t do this any more.”

“I know,” Frankie says. 

The guilt has made his throat go dry. He’s fucked up so many things. He remembers the last time you were sitting there, the little bag of white powder you’d found in his jacket resting on the table.

“You said you were extending the trip. I haven’t heard from you in a week,” you go on. 

“Can we talk about this alone, baby?” he asks. 

“No I don’t think so,” you tell him. 

It’s hard enough to face the fact that he’s five minutes from losing you with without someone gawking. He shifts awkwardly. 

“Can you give us a minute, man?” Frankie tries. 

“Stay,” you tell Joel. 

You put your hand on his upper arm and Frankie feels sick. He can tell just by that touch that Joel’s not just your shoulder to cry on. It boils in his gut. 

“You’re going to do this in front of a stranger?” Frankie asks. It comes out louder than he meant. He’s got no business being angry. Not when he drove you away. But it’s suddenly not so easy to own up to his own failures. 

“Frankie,” you say, level and quiet. 

Joel crosses his arms and it feels like a warning. If Frankie doesn’t get his emotions in check, he will. Frankie’s almost tempted to test him. It would feel good to get hit. 

“What’s this? Did you fuck him?” he asks. 

Frankie wants to hear you say yes, to feel the knife slide in and twist. 

“I didn’t,” you snap back. “But I wish I had.” You look like you want to stuff them back into your mouth but you raise your chin defiantly. 

The words rattle around in Frankie’s ears. It hurts just the way he thought it would, imagining you spread out over this man’s lap. 

There’s another feeling, too. He can’t name it. There’s a place where jealousy turns into violence but somehow it’s taken a left turn to self loathing. You deserve to have someone to make you feel good and Frankie, well, he’s hitting rock bottom again. 

“I think that’s what he wants,” Joel finally speaks. His voice is low and dark, his eyes narrow. He’s talking to you but he’s looking right at Frankie. “I think when he asked me to look after you, he was hoping to come home to that. To see his woman treated right by another man.”

Frankie’s glaring at him but his breath shallows. The gravel in Joel’s voice goes straight to his groin. It’s twisted and he ought to punch Joel right in the mouth. Instead he’s frozen in place wondering why the blood is rushing to his cock. 

Joel stands lazily and takes two steps to cross the distance between them. His eyes travel up Frankie’s body, slow, dangerous, until he meets his gaze. He’s mere inches away, close enough that Frankie can smell the clean scent of his soap.

“Tell me I ain’t right,” Joel says. 

—

You’re on your feet in a flash to pull Joel away before they can come to blows but then you spy the growing bulge in Frankie’s pants. Your eyes go wide. Suddenly you're flooded with arousal though you can’t explain why. It should piss you off but you can’t help but imagine the look on his face if he’d walked in on you riding Joel in his own bed. You want to see it. 

Before a cooler head prevails, you’re pulling Joel by the hand down the hall to your bedroom. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Frankie asks, following behind. 

“Looks like you’re getting your wish,” Joel says. 

Frankie stands there gaping but he doesn’t do anything to stop you. 

“You can stay there and watch or you can leave,” you tell him. That last word has a heavy finality to it. This isn’t like the other times when you took him back. He’s not coming home again. 

Frankie says nothing, just shuts his mouth. 

“You want to do this, sweetheart?” Joel asks. His tone is gentle. 

You’re breathless. You’ve been fantasizing about fucking Joel since he swooped in and saved you. Behind Frankie’s back, maybe, not right in front of his face. But you want him to see, to know exactly what he lost each time he fucked up. You want to punish him. 

“Yes,” you say and your eyes fall on Frankie. 

His expression is a strange mixture of hunger and melancholy. Those sweet brown eyes are always what make you take him back no matter how much he’s hurt you. 

“Pretend he’s not here,” Joel says, guiding your face back to him with his fingertips. 

“Shouldn’t be too hard,” you say. It feels so good to be cruel. 

“Good girl.” 

His praise makes your mouth twitch into a smile.

“Tell him to take his clothes off,” you say.  

 Joel’s brows tick up. 

“You heard her. Show her how hard you got,” he says. 

“You fucking kidding?” Frankie asks but his words are toothless. 

“You can go right now,” you say. 

Frankie’s jaw shifts, grinding his molars. As he hesitates, Joel grabs the brim of his hat and pulls it off of Frankie’s curls. He examines the old thing with disinterest, then tosses it to the floor. 

“Strip,” he demands. 

The command makes you clench. 

Joel turns his attention back to you once Frankie’s reluctantly begun to work at the buttons of his shirt. He brushes your cheekbone with the back of his knuckles, the pad of his thumb on your lips. 

“Been thinking about kissing you since the other day,” he tells you. 

His lips brush against yours, his nose nuzzling your cheek. The prickle of his mustache makes you gasp. 

“Went home and thought about doing more than kissing you,” he says. 

Your cheeks heat. He gives you a good, proper kiss now, pulling you in with a hand on your waist. It’s deep and slow, practically romantic though you’re in a situation that feels quite the opposite. Either way, you’re left swooning a little, tangling your fingers into his full hair so your knees don't buckle. 

Frankie’s completely bare and Joel glances in his direction. His eyebrows lift momentarily when he catches sight of Frankie’s erection then he scoffs quietly and goes back to kissing you. He gets his hands under your shirt and slides it over your head. 

You can feel Frankie’s eyes dancing over the two of you. You crack yours open to look at him while you let Joel’s tongue into your mouth. It’s like he’s watching a car crash and he can’t look away— horrified, exhilarated, disgusted. It feels as sinful as Joel’s mouth traveling down your neck. 

You want Frankie to know just how badly you want this so you snake your hand down to palm at Joel’s cock straining against his jeans. He’s big, more than a handful. Joel groans against your collar bone. Frankie winces. 

Joel’s touch leaves goosebumps on your skin. He trails his fingers down your chest and teases around the fabric of your bra. You unhook it and toss it aside then wriggle out of your pants. He lets out a low hum at the sight of you exposed. 

“I’d hate to be the man that let this gorgeous thing get away,” Joel says. 

He cups your breast, then puts his mouth to it. His teeth graze against your nipple and you hear Frankie hiss before you do. 

Joel sits down on the bed, the one you’ve shared with Frankie for years, and draws you down to his lips. As he kisses you, his forefingers notch in the waistband of your panties and drags them down painfully slowly. He’s drawing it out for his audience, inch by inch before dropping them to the floor. His eyes look over the newly revealed flesh hungrily. The heat of his gaze and Frankie’s longing stare has you slick and needy. 

Joel turns you around and sits you between his legs. He pulls you into his chest and spreads your legs wide, putting you on display for Frankie. His fingers strum at you, feather light and your hips buck. 

“Fuck,” you sigh. 

“Sensitive,” he says. 

His stubble bites into your shoulder as he continues to touch you, carefully, finding the spots that make you melt. You tip your head back into him, tuck your face into the crook of his neck as you  begin to lose yourself to pleasure. He smells so good— earthy and fresh and masculine. You want his scent all over your sheets. 

“Come here. On your knees,” Joel commands. 

Frankie swears under his breath but he obeys, kneeling in front of you, his nostrils flaring as he watches you writhe under Joel’s touch. 

“Open up,” Joel says and swats at Frankie’s cheek. 

It doesn’t seem like he used much force but still you say, “Don’t hurt him.”

None of the scars you have from Frankie are physical. 

“That’s okay,” Frankie mumbles. 

You’re surprised by him once again. He wants it, the full force of this torture. 

“Yeah. She’s too nice to you,” Joel tells him. 

He sticks two thick fingers into Frankie’s mouth, so deep that he gags. Joel returns them to your pussy, sliding one inside. The stretch pulls a dreamy sigh from you as the heel of his hand creates unbelievable friction against your clit.

Frankie’s eyes are riveted to the spot where Joel’s finger disappears inside of you.  

“Hey,” Joel barks. 

You look past the edge of the bed to see Frankie’s hand over his dick, thumb brushing down its length. It’s glazed in strands of precum, desperate. 

“Hold on, beautiful,” Joel says, kissing your neck and removing his hand. He shifts around you on the bed and stands up. 

“Do you think ought to be doing that?” Joel asks. 

You bite down on your lip at the sight of him towering over Frankie, fully clothed while the other man shrinks beneath him like a scolded puppy. 

“Next time you want to touch yourself, think about how you wronged this woman.”

Frankie makes a choked sound and he looks up at you with an apology in his eyes. Your first impulse is to go to him, comfort him, but then you remember why you’re here— the litany of fuck ups you’ve had to suffer. The nights you were home with the baby while Frankie went to Benny’s fights. The money that went up his nose. The excuses you made for him. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. He’ll make it up to you. You know what she likes?” Joel asks him. 

Frankie nods. 

“Show me.”

Frankie moves slowly like he’s worried Joel’s trying to trick him. He puts his lips to you, tongue rounding your clit in the way that always drives you wild. Your head falls back with a long, slow release of breath. There’s no denying how good those luscious strokes feel. If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s Frankie disappointing you and then giving you a mind blowing orgasm as penance. 

As you rock your hips up towards his mouth, he starts to work faster like his life depends on it. Little grunts escape him and the sensation mounts, muscles tensing. 

“Joel,” you whine as if he’s the one that’s making your legs begin to shake. 

Frankie falters for just a second upon hearing the other man’s name. Though he lost that perfect rhythm, knowing you’ve hit him again makes up for it. 

You go inwards, focusing all of your attention on the heat at your core, sure that you’ll break at any moment. 

Suddenly, he’s gone and you gasp, your high stolen away. You look up to see Joel holding Frankie back by the scruff of his neck.

“You don’t get to make her cum,” Joel says. 

If you were disappointed, Frankie looks absolutely devastated to be parted from you. His face is screwed up in torment, his glistening lower lip turned down in a frown. 

Joel casts him aside and takes his place between your thighs. 

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he says, hooking his forearms around your open thighs. 

His strokes are different but it feels just as dizzying. You close your eyes and lay back again, melting into his wet mouth. He hums against your lips and you feel it vibrate through your whole body. It’s been such a long time since you’ve felt something wholly different, the newness makes everything you experience heightened. 

It’s not long before your ass is lifting off the sheets, panting and absolutely coming undone. Your tightening around nothing, your legs threatening to snap shut around Joel’s ears. 

You’ve completely forgotten about Frankie in this moment of bliss. Especially when Joel says, “That’s my girl. Deserve to feel like that all the time.” 

He kisses the crease of your thigh and up your belly, putting his lips to every inch of you. 

“You look beautiful, darlin’. Doesn’t she look beautiful?” 

“Yeah.” Frankie’s throat sounds dry like he just crossed a desert. 

A blissful smile softens your face. 

You roll into Joel’s chest and tug on his belt loops, grinding his hips against you. The denim is deliciously rough against your swollen clit and you can feel a damp spot. He wants you. 

“Get these off so you can fuck me,” you say. 

Joel chuckles. “Needy girl.”

He gets up and you see Frankie at the foot of the bed, helpless. You know him well enough to understand that look in his eye that’s begging you not to go all the way. You’ve made your point. Mercy. 

You arch an eyebrow. Does he really think he’s paid the price?

— 

All of the muscles in Frankie’s legs burn. His knees ache. It’s his ego that’s taking a beating. 

He doesn’t have to sit here and watch this. In fact, he probably could’ve stopped this before it even began. But he hasn’t moved an inch. There’s part of him that knows he deserves this torment, another part that enjoys it. So he stays there watching you from a wholly new perspective. 

“What’s her favorite position?” Joel asks as he shucks off his pants. 

You’re watching him strip down eagerly, licking your lips like some kind of hungry beast. You used to look at him like that. 

“She likes it from behind,” Frankie admits. 

Joel’s eyebrows raise and he looks at you for confirmation. You can’t help but giggle. 

“Filthy little thing,” Joel says. 

Frankie’s always thought that too. You drove him wild with the dirty things you asked for. You’d get him hard under the table at the bar, pull him into the bathroom at Will’s place for a quickie. Things haven’t been like that between you for a long time, though. 

Frankie’s eyes rake over Joel’s naked form. His arms are muscular and tan, well built for a man in his 50s. Well endowed, too. He doesn’t want to look but how can he stop himself from comparing his own cock to the one that’s about to fuck you? He doesn’t want to think about the way his mouth waters either. 

“Frankie, you got a condom?” Joel calls. 

“I’m on the pill,” you tell him. “You can cum in me.”

Frankie’s stomach turns but the desire twists in his belly. He can’t wait to be put out of his misery. 

“Fuck,” Joel growls. 

You get on all fours for Joel, ass up in the air, tits swaying just the way Frankie likes. You’re about eye level with him so he’s right there with you when Joel pushes inside of you. You moan, so pretty, and your face strains at the pressure. It’s such an obscene sight— only problem is that he’s not the one giving it to you. His cock still responds, twitching with need. He hates it and he loves it. 

Joel’s swearing, gritting his teeth. His fingers dimple the flesh around your hips with a strong grip. Frankie knows exactly how exquisite it feels to be inside you, surrounded by warm velvet. He wants to be the one who’s hips, thighs are fucking against you, splitting you open and making you shake.

Instead he has to watch. Watch your back arch. Listen to that succulent squelch where your bodies meet. Savor the taste of you still on his tongue. 

And because he wants to touch himself and he’s good at following a command, he thinks about all the times he’s forgotten your anniversary or gotten high before Thanksgiving dinner. It hurts and it feels so good. 

When Joel finishes, he spares Frankie by not doing it inside of you. But Frankie has to see him paint your ass with it, marking you as you touch yourself and whine. 

It stings. You’ve been looking at him like a cockroach and he’s so fucking turned on it’s painful. He’s still throbbing, surprised he hasn’t yet burst from hearing you cum. His cock is swollen, leaking and slick. 

He’s obediently waiting, biting on his lip so hard that he can practically taste blood. Each moment of torment only intensifies the pleasure. 

You’re glowing now, laid out on your side, chest still heaving. Joel’s caging you between his arms, kissing your jaw as you rake your fingers through his hair. He glances at Frankie like he just remembered that he’s there. 

“How does he look?” Joel asks.

“Pathetic,” you say, still out of breath, and give a little laugh.

It makes him ache. 

You stretch your arms over your head luxuriously 

and sigh. “Let him cum.”

Frankie lets out a whimper. You’ve always been so generous with him. You’ve been patient and loved him when he’s made it so damn difficult. He’s never deserved you and he doesn’t deserve to get this release. But fuck he’s never needed it more. 

“You do it,” you tell Joel with a mischievous smile.

He shakes his head with a laugh. 

Frankie swallows thickly when Joel approaches him. He takes Frankie’s chin in his hand, the pad of his thumb grazing against his stubble. From his place on the floor, Frankie can smell you on him. 

“Up,” Joel says. 

He gets to his feet as quickly as he can but it takes some effort. His toes are tingling and even the air moving around his cock as he rises feels unbearable. 

Joel’s near enough that Frankie can feel his breath on his neck. He lets out a moan and shuts his eyes. Joel’s hand closes around him, squeezes the base of his cock and Frankie bucks. 

“You like that Frankie?” he hears you ask. “You like feeling his hands on you?”

He doesn’t know, can’t form words or even thoughts. Frankie’s never been touched by another man before, not like that. He’s so senseless he doesn’t even bother to figure out how he feels about doing this. If that’s what you want for him right now, he’s willing to do it.

Joel tugs at him, his hand rough except for what’s leaked down Frankie’s length. He’s so sensitive, so delirious. 

“She asked you a question.” Joel’s lips are pressed against his ear, the sweat of his chest sticky on Frankie’s back. He sets a steady pace with his strokes. 

Frankie tries to answer but he chokes, sees white behind his eyes. His climax is as violent as a slap in the face. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby,” he babbles as he coats Joel’s fist. 

When the fog lifts and Frankie blinks his vision back into focus, you’re staring at him and Joel with your lips parted. You look turned on and awe struck and exhilarated. Frankie wavers and Joel catches him by the shoulder.  

“You gonna make it?” Joel asks him. 

Frankie can only nod. He feels relieved. Not just from the release. He tries to catch his breath, sitting on the floor. 

“Let me clean you up, sweetheart,” Joel offers. 

“Mm,” you respond. 

Frankie’s left alone. He hears the shower. There’s so much to make sense of and he’s still, quite frankly, delirious. 

He’s shocked when you come out of the bathroom a moment later, your robe hangs in your naked body. He wishes he could touch you but he’s not sure if he still has that privilege. 

You crouch down beside him, a damp washcloth in your hand, and you begin to clean him. It’s warm and soft on his chin and you’re gentle as you mop up his thigh. He’s overcome. Once again you’re so good to him and he’s unworthy. 

Your face is a mix of emotions and he can tell you’re thinking. You’re careful not to meet his eye until you’re finished and when you do, all of the mischief and desire is gone. 

You sigh. 

“You can stay but you’re sleeping on the couch,” you tell him. 

A knot forms in his throat and he thinks he might just cry. 

“Thank you,” he manages to whisper without tears.

You nod and then hesitate. Another sigh. Finally you put your lips to his forehead, a light, quick kiss. It feels like something close to forgiveness.

---

thanks for reading!

MASTERLIST - follow @mothandpidgeon-updates and turn on notifications to stay updated with my fics!

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

[k-s-morgan]

Hi, I don't know how to write this differently... I'm kinda, little bit, very very worried 😅 I don't want to make you feel obligated to answer this, with the electric outages and everything, but please just a little update if you're ok 🩷 Rusáci jsou kundy, přeji ti hodně sil 💛💙 srdečné pozdravy z Česka (Russians are cunts, I wish you strength, теплий привіт з Чехії*)

*I could only think of best wishes in English, which is not the same, so I hope google translated it with the same warm sentiment 😊

Ask from @princessgotham21: Hi Kat, we've not heard from you in a while so I hope you're safe and okay. I don't care about updates, I just genuinely want to know your wellbeing. Sending prayers and love 🤍

Ask from @seiji-amasawa: I’ve been following your stories for years now, and with news headlines about what’s going on in Ukraine has me really nervous for your well being. I hope you and your loved ones are doing well. You’re in my thoughts <3

Ask from @disappearinghills: You haven’t posted in a week, I hope you’re okay love❤️

-----

Hi! I'm finally home and with a steady connection - in fact, while I was gone, my Dad did some techno-magic, so now I'll have the Internet even when there is no power! Seeing all these asks made me so warm and happy, and cared for. Thank you all so much! I really didn't expect the connection to be this bad in the mountains. That place had WiFi, both of my cell operators were accessible, and yet nothing connected properly 99% of time. Not sure how it works. On the other hand, I took a really good rest from the war-related news, air raids, and other stuff. I heard just one explosion at a distance in over 2 weeks.

@jebemtimater7890, ah, I really appreciate your sentiment <3 Дуже дякую за такі чудові слова! It always warms me so much to know that so many people from different countries support Ukraine. Maybe it's the result of my vacation, but I started to feel a little more optimistic about the war than I have in over a year. Not sure it will last long, but it's such a relief to feel like this for now.

I went to the mountains with my Mom, and the place we were staying at had the loveliest cat who instantly realized I'll be more than happy to let her share my bed :D It was very hot for one week, and then it rained non-stop for the next one, so we got all kinds of experiences.

I'll miss the peace and quiet of that place, but being home is also good! I missed my set of silly pets, half of whom didn't immediately recognize me and tried to flee before figuring out who I am :D

The first part of a series of ATLWETD updates will be up in a few hours. I'm doing the last quick read - it probably isn't necessary, I've edited it already, but I can't help it, I always feel like I'll catch some more mistakes/unfortunate turns of phrases.

[punsmaster69]

12/APR/20XX

i think that was my goal.

remember? the one i was mentionin' about twenty nine pages ago? i'd said something like...

"and when i achieve it?"

"...guess i'll finally close this book for good."

so, i'll count that to be my goal.

therapist agrees, so you can't get on me about that.

sharing inner thoughts was never something i'm great at. so much so that you might've forgotten that's what this was for.

can you believe that? s'posed to be a thought journal. daily mental-state evaluation.

ended up talking about my friends instead.

wasn't for me, i suppose.

...after some amount of pages, huh? geez.

[This calls attention to the fact that the book is much thicker than it was when it started. Seems instead of switching to another one, his journal just... gained pages.]

point is.

seems to me like a good place to stop things at.

i'll give you a final update, and we'll call it. alright?

——

breaking the news went as smoothly as if we'd entered the room and broke a vase on the floor instead. (undyne about did just that.)

the second calamity was when mettaton and my bro show up kinda late

holding hands.

turns out my bro is much more decisive than i am.

apparently it was mettaton first, then paps who decided after a few serious dates.

congrats to 'em.

been deflecting questions best i can all day from the announcements, so i was thankful my bro showing up like that took enough of the heat off me n' tori.

i...

can't stop smiling.

well- alright, that's a given.

but i mean this doofy grin i haven't kept up this long in ages.

i'm not even trying for this one.

all this talk about relationships, i think undyne's gotten excited. talking about marriage and all that. alphys has gone beet red.

grillby and the bar gave me a hell of a lot of pats on the back. i'd be bruised if i weren't bones.

if it wasn't that which would've bruised me, it definitely would have been the punch flowey gave me. the comment that earned me it?

"so..."

"this makes me your dad, right?"

he didn't take it well.

despite the petal-haver's apparent hatred... i think he's secretly glad that toriel's happy.

my bro sure took the news well.

granted, since he already thought me and her were dating, he just was happy for the public announcement.

"WAIT."

"DOES THIS MAKE ME AN UNCLE?!?"

"Are we gonna get another sibling??"

"WAIT, are we gonna get a SKELE-sibling?!?"

"whoa, slow down-"

"Frisk, NO??"

"Do not encourage this BONEHEAD to-"

"I think that is quite enough."

tori puts her foot down on that conversation.

living situations shouldn't change much for now, but maybe we'll figure out something else in the future. (staying with my bro. don't panic.)

concerns about my health have slowed down, as i've gotten more used to daily magic usage. noticed way less bad days recently, right? papyrus still insists on teaching me to use attacks better, so i've got that to look forward to. there might still be ups n' downs health-wise, but i'm confident in getting through 'em now.

paps is noticeably still somewhat anxious about it, fidgeting whenever everything is brought up. which is fair, but. still.

i'll get him a therapist like i've been seeing. an in-person one'll work better for him, i think.

not sure what else'll change, really. everything feels mostly the same.

other than (gasp) public handholding. (scandalous.) every time we're beside one another, tori's finding some form of physical contact.

that's different.

...in a good way.

right now, it looks like the aftermath of a wild party. friends knocked out in random spots; dangling half-off the couch or sprawled across the floor. i think frisk and i are the only ones still awake, since they wanted to put blankets on everyone.

"(Psst. Is one blanket enough?)"

they raise a large blanket in gesture with a questioning look.

i speak extra softly so i don't disturb toriel laying at my side, with her head on my shoulder and an arm across my torso; hand met with mine.

"(yep.)"

"(Kk.)"

frisk lays a blanket over me and tori. they stare contemplatively before speaking.

"....."

"Goodnight, Dad."

"...'night, kid."

welp.

guess that's it, huh?

....

i'm happy.

caring is nice.

———★

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐍𝐃

[personasintro]

i'm not coming from a position of hate at all but it has started to become more and more irritating the fact that people can't even ask when a new chapter is coming? can you blame them?

if people are into the story of course they are going to want to read a new chapter as fast as they possibly can! and if you don't like writing it, then stop. you can do that! but taking as much time as you do to share a new chapter? what's the reason other than you don't want to write it? taking months to update the story seems crazy sometimes, I'm sorry!

ofc you're in your right to do whatever you want! I don't blame you and I certainly won't make you write new chapters but can't you be honest and tell people that you are no longer interested in it?

I'm sorry but this ask just proved that the entire issue is not me getting asked when a new chapter comes but the fact that I take my time with it. If I have any news regrading of my stories and someone asks me about it, I answer. I'm not gonna respond to the same asks every day.

I don't understand why some of you can't just get it through your thick heads that I enjoy writing but I don't have the fucking time like I used to. I do have time but not as much. Stuff happens and I'm also an adult who's trying to survive in this world.

So please, just let me fucking live and fuck off if you don't have anything nice to say. Y'all act like a bunch of judges and come to my inbox to literally bully me. That's the honesty.

And you know what? Maybe I'll lose the interest eventually. I'm sure y'all are gonna have the field day about that right? Because why else would some of you be so mean? At least I hope y'all are content about being an ugly human being.

[rainbowsalt0412]

THE NEW UPDATE

Just got back from a trip and guess what, Sylus has the entire LnDs Nation in a chokehold, and I kinda knew this was gonna happen, so buckle up this is gonna be a long one.

First things first, He is SO HOTTTTTTTTTT!

Mannnn, when he was first revealed a couple of weeks ago, I had already posted about how he might surpass others to be my top, and guess what, I was not wrong, he is already making me doubt my loyalty to Zayne when he hasn't even debuted yet, but hey it's just a game so I'll be fine.

Second thing that I noticed in his trailers and the 2.0 preview livestream was that they did reveal his certain characteristics.

He is definitely 'Hard on the outside, soft on the inside' kind of guy. This conclusion was made with what the Kitty Cat told us about him when he was out in N109 Zone collecting information and how Sylus placed him softly on the ground after picking him off from top of a building and telling him its no place for soft Cats like him, and then he was seen walking past a flower when he could have easily stepped on it like some other Bad Guys like to do, but he didn't, someone (I don't know who exactly, I might have reblogged their post) even mentioned that the flower kind of reflected MC and how Sylus might just make her have an insight into his lifestyle rather then just killing her after she was captured the the last chapter.

Other thing that I noticed was that his Evol might not be Blood, instead it's Energy Manipulation or something like that, which could be a possibility as he is a leader of an organization that focus on Protocores, I'm still not sure, guess we'll have to wait to see what is it exactly.

He also might be the only LI as of now who is an actual combatant apart from Xavier, i.e., he has actual combat skills, maybe because of his position and surroundings. Like I know we can choose our companions during battle but when it comes to Main Story thing, not all LIs are fit for fighting skills, Xavier has to be the best combatant of them all due to his job, and now I can say the same for Sylus as well, if not, he can be better than Xavier as well, specially how he is the only one who is actually teaching the MC how to fight in his memories.

Apart from that, he also can cook, has a thing for singing (his karaoke 4-Star memory reference, if you might have noticed), and can and does ride Bikes, but despite that he is a walking Red flag, but I don't blame him, and would still love him if it came to that.

One thing I noticed in LnDs, which is also my favorite thing about them is the Detailing, so of course Sylus has his own as well. When I first saw him in his preview from a couple of weeks ago, I kind of thought that he looked similar to Zayne but that's not the case, maybe it was the lighting and angles that made me think that, but not anymore. I think that the LIs are made to look the way their characters are, like when I first saw Xavier in an AD, I immediately thought of a high class individual or a bodyguard with a soft side who is also jealous of whom you meet and talk to or something like that, and Zayne seemed like a Cold beauty, and it did turned to be similar to that when I started playing the game, So yes I'm gonna analyze Sylus as well (It might not be 100% true cause I'm just making assumptions which could be true).

Unlike Zayne who has a cold yet soft looks similar to his character (As he is the closest to Sylus in terms of looks and characters I'll take him for comparison), Sylus has more of 'Rough on the edge' looks, someone who has a Bad, Traumatic and Rough childhood. He seemed like the guy who didn't wanted to be here but had no choice as well, and that doesn't mean he's innocent, he has his fair share of crimes and evil doings, and would gladly take the wrong thing into consideration if it gives him his desired results.

HE WEARS A F*CKING CHOKER!!!!!!

AND IS DOMINET AS HELL, I CAN FEEL IT!!!!!!

With the showcase of his pair memories, I doubt he was with the MC in any other timeline because unlike any other boy, his pair seemed to be a part of the present timeline, and I think he is suppose to be the Bad Guy for this timeline, or he could be the bad guy for other LIs who didn't let him meet the MC in any other timeline.

Other thing that I noticed about him is that he is very much self dependent person, whether you talk about his cooking skills, his combat skills, etc. Like he does have a chef doing his food, but he could very much cook himself as well, unlike someone, *Coughs* Xavier (That prince treatment did that to you I see) *Cough*, which makes me think he has spent most of his early life alone, or maybe his entire life alone in general, and didn't have much help from others either. This also tells us that he instead trusts himself rather than others to do his work, except when he can't, maybe because he couldn't trust many people in his line of work.

OR this all could just be a hobby as well...

The 'Mechanical Crow' thing tells me that maybe he could be a good Mechanic as well, if you know what I mean, like he could have just designed and created that himself as well, and is interested in designing and creating, like come on he is the leader of Onychinus, he is a Modern Technology guy. I can see him working on his Bike every now or then.

And of course, he is a top priority target for UNICRONS.

That's what I noticed for now, so keeping his character aside for now, let's talk about the new features.

I didn't understand much about the wish system, like are we suppose to use normal wishes only cause I don't have much and enough diamonds to buy those, I bought the special ones instead cause I though that would be the one we'll have to use.

New battle system is a great feature for F2Ps like me, though I did not understand much of it as well and still do not have my memories enough ranked up yet.

How are some people already done with their Orbital when I'm here stuck on 50 or something of every orbit for past month? I'm not even halfway there.

I'm glad we'll get Sylus's first 5-Star pair and 4-Star pair in the permanent wish pool, which would gladly be his two Primary dominant colors.

You know what, I did not understand much of anything the new 2.0 version would be bringing to us, I'll just have to wait and see it for myself to get a hold of it.

ANNNNNNDDDDD, we are getting branches for every LI starting this Sept., which is an exciting part as well cause I almost thought we wouldn't have that system here. I still don't understand why Sylus was not included there, maybe because he would be a recent addition.

And Last but not the least, the letter in the end made me tear up. This shows just how much effort and time they put into the game and that they do care about us, The Players. I just wanna give a piece of my mind to the person responsible for Sylus's leak. Thank the lord I didn't see anything other than the one actually uploaded on the official channel. It must be very hard to give that level of production, not to mention they have a reputation to maintain as the world's first 3-D Otome Game, so it must have been really upsetting that someone ruined their upcoming surprise project like that when they might not even had any part in it.

When the last review mail was up I gave them 1-Star in every category because of how frustrated I was of not pulling much from any limited banner at that time because as an F2P, I literally harvest the diamond so I'm very careful about spending them so getting nothing in return took a troll on me. So if a review mail is up again in this next update, I'll gladly give them 5-Star everywhere possible, considering they did took the advice of F2Ps like us well, and it's not just that but this new update would give me an opportunity to earn diamonds a little bit easily.

And it's not like I don't want to spend, it's just I can't spend now as I'm focused on some real life resources which are really important for me, not to mention the game is really expensive. So in future if I do get a chance, I'll gladly spend some.

That's all for now. Feel free to share your thoughts on Sylus, and this new update as well in the comment section, I'll love to discuss.

(Tumblr pulled a B*tch, and didn't save my earlier draft resulting in me doing this entire thing again, took me a day to recall, might have missed some points but that okay.)

[estrel]

For anyone else trying to Not be chronically online...

i watched a video (by lrnjulie) the other day and i'm thinking of doing some digital minimalism and only having:

tumblr

youtube

a website

from now on. here's why...

[I posted what is essentially a vid format of this on tiktok as a final goodbye if you want to watch that here instead]

i think it'd be beneficial for me as an artist to detox from being /so/ influenced by other people's styles and what other artists are doing (generally). so anyways here's why i'd keep those 3 specifically and nothing else:

tumblr - blogging with text AND images feels healthier than most social media, imo (there's twitter but i'm A. not on it and B. have only heard toxic things). like a public diary and brain dump all at once. also the ability to block tags is really nice, and i can better choose what to/what not to engage with. and bc im primarily on mobile, i can set time limits so im not on here *all* the time. i need somewhere to high post tho & most importantly, a special interest of mine is fandoms, and tumblr is THEE fandom website where I can engage w my interests. also my friend's in there (^:

youtube - i have dissociation and, along with other methods of helping with it, i think it'd be neat to document my life and put it on a platform. also another place to share my special interests in video format! and my art (:

website - my "long term project" as lrnjulie calls it. a place for my portfolio and my art/writing/creative stuff. might even incorporating blogging into here, and definitely a place to put my shop

so that's the triumvirate i'm gonna try out, at least for now. i'm not sure i'll always be off social media, but i think i need to be for at least a while for my mental health. i once took a yearlong break off tiktok and my life was so much better then, i was less in my head and went out more. so, i'm sharing in case anyone else who struggles with mental health/anxiety is wanting to do the same. maybe we can do it together? i'll keep a tag for updates if anyone is interested in my progress or following along: #detoxinitiative2024 but yeah, i figured it was worth sharing (:

thanks for reading! remember to hydrate and eat if you haven't in a while (:

[princeanxious]

are you out of the TSS fandom for good, do you think? just burned out on lack of updates?

I mean, it's complicated.

Edit: pressed answer instead of save to drafts while trying to back out, tumblr what the fuck

Anyway, it's complicated. I've become burnt out creatively lately, and I've been part of the sanders sides Fandom since 2018, it's been a big portion of my life, I'm not letting it go that easily.

However, this is my main blog, and I cant really shift everything to a new side blog, so I do feel bad for those who followed me exclusively for sanders sides are now seeing a v distinct lack of it.

But for the most part, yeah, I'm burned out on a lack of updates, I was a fander creator doing as much as I could to create content to entertain myself just as much as for others in-between the hiatus-gaps while awaiting updates. I love these characters with all my heart, but every gap in between has gotten longer and longer, I can't keep waiting for a year at a time for one single update even if the finished product is grand and *absolutely worth* the time it took to make. I was scrambling, bc I no longer have the time I used to to create my own fanart and fanfiction and animatics for this fandom, and I can only reread the library of my favorite saved works over so many times before I feel hollow and under-stimulated.

It'd be one thing if the rest of the fandom was as active as it used to be, I bounce off others creative energy far easier than single handedly manifesting my own inspirations all the time. But it's not, and interaction with my own content slowed way down. (Not to say that I'm leaving just bc of this or anything, but its become a struggle to feel motivated to keep going when there's literally nothing new from Canon to keep riffing from.)

I have the want to finish my remaining fics, specifically The Lost Guardian in particular at the very least, but I just can't solely be a sanders sides blog like I used to be.

I'll be here when that season finale comes out, but at this rate of progression, I think Thomas has overestimated the fact that this could very well be a series finale, not season finale. And I've come to peace with that, if only Thomas would be more transparent abt it.

Sure, Thomas has other content, but funfact, I've had very relatively low interest in getting super into it, there isn't the same level of comfort in shipping characters of a single person with the versions themselves when other characters played by other people are involved, especially when u know that they are alot of his v close friends. I don't ship real world actors together, especially if they play a character very close to representing themselves. The characters they play, maybe, but that's why I'm far more entertained and comfortable with animated media.

In short, I'm tired and burnt out and for now-for *whatever* reason- the silly lanky clown jesters from fnaf have more of a grasp on my brain than sanders sides does. I'm following the serotonin.

I may still create sanders sides content in the future, but getting maybe 100-500 notes on a piece when u have a fandom following of roughly 11.5k followers from over the years has spoken volumes on how active the community is rn. I'm not leaving, but I can't be stagnant and hyperfixate on this anymore after doing so for almost 6 years straight. Yknow?

And for those who have always left a comment, shared my work, interacted with me in any capacity over the years in this fandom, and have made my time in this fandom worth while, thank you. I love you. U have made every second worth it💜

[homebrewbydek]

Alright, well, I put it out to vote and the hexblade redux won!

Narrower than I thought it would be, tbh. I assumed hexblade would win but I was surprised how many votes I got for the war domain -- maybe I'll share that, too.

Anyway!

I hate the hexblade. Maybe that's a bit unfair, and extreme, but I feel like WotC really dropped the ball with it. It's potential was great, but it was just... a really missed opportunity. What the hell is that Spectre? Other than the first level, the subclass feels dreadfully uninspired, and honestly, I feel like they could have gotten a lot more done if they detached the word 'blade' from it.

Thus, I present the Arcane Vestige Otherworldly Patron.

In my reimagining, you form a pact with a magical artefact of some kind. It's not necessarily going to be a weapon, or have any kind of blade. I've renamed heblade's curse but left it the same because it was the only part of the class that didn't feel out of place. If it was going to be a blade-only thing, I might have changed it up -- perhaps instead of casting it on an enemy, you cast it on your sword, and regain hit points equal to your Charisma modifier when you kill an enemy? Alas, that's for another day.

I also binned the Charisma-for-attack-and-damage-rolls thing. Oh noes!! Why would I do such a thing! Because everyone takes unnecessary dips into a whole new subclass to get it and that bugs me. It's just an invocation now. You either have to commit to warlock to get it, or just take the Eldritch Adept feat, instead of wasting everybody's time. Anyway, cheer up, you get another attunement slot.

I threw out the Spectre. It makes no sense whatsoever. It's one of my huge gripes, actually. Instead, you can invoke your pact boon, creating one of four Pact Simulacrum, with the stat block being at the bottom of the subclass. This was based on the Summon spells from Tasha's, which I really liked, and off of an early spell draft I had for my hexblade warlock when I was trying to make it interesting. The spell was okay, but this is better.

At 10th level I beefed up the simulacrum a bit - overall this ability still feels a little underwhelming, but I'm struggling to think what to give it that doesn't push it over the edge into OP territory. Maybe something like what find steed gets, where if you cast a spell that effects you - cure wounds, blur, invisibility - it also effects your Simulacrum?

14th ability is just to make you more durable and useful on the battlefield - you can summon your simulacrum twice, and being close to it gives you resistance to the most common 'fighter' damage types.

I also reworked Hex Warrior into an invocation, added an unarmed strike option for those that want to be a bit feral with their pact boon, and updated Thirsting Blade to work with both.

Maybe people will hate this. I'm not sure. It's fine if you do, not everyone will ahve the same opinions and that's okay! But if hexblade let you down by being devoid of flavour and direction let me know if this does anything for you!

and here is a link back to my pinned for my other subclasses and lineages. ALT text is applied, I hope that it's useful for those that need it.

Stay fresh, cheesebags!

[cuubism]

wip update

since I have a good number of actively-posting WIPs that some lovely people have been very kind about and invested in (and which I am very slow in updating), I figured it might be only polite to post a little update on where those are.

the melting press of the sun (dreamling) - Never intended this as a longfic, there may or may not be more than the 2 chapters it has now. I have a bit more written but it's disjointed and incomplete. I intentionally didn't leave any brutal cliffhangers on what I did post for this reason. We'll see if that one comes back.

Deja vu, Deja connu (dreamling) - The slowness in updating probably belies how deeply emotionally invested I actually am in this fic. Chapter three is just a major challenge--it's very long, covers a lot, has lots of fluff in the first part (fluff is kinda my Achilles heel, though not quite as much as wedding scenes, which this chapter also has) and a lot of heavy content later. But I have the whole fic outlined, a bunch of chapter 4 and 5 written in advance, and I'm super excited about the stuff that comes later, so it will definitely be finished, just... slowly. At least for this chapter.

In Waking Dreams (dreamling) - My current priority for an update. Chapter 4 just hit 10k and will probably hit 15k before its done (god help me), and I feel somewhat obliged to finish chapter 5 as well so I can post them in quick succession. Chapter 4 necessarily ends on a cliffhanger as it catches up to the events of chapter 3, but I feel bad about two cliffhangers in a row. But that one soon, I hope. (chapter 5 has a lot of the juiciest, long awaited scenes promised by the fic's premise, so I hope you will like that one when it's finally done 😅)

IRL (malec) - Fic that I have a tendency to get stuck on for 15 months, then write a ton of all at once, repeat. But I actually picked it up again the other day for the first time in ages, and I think I know all of the events of the chapter now, so who knows! Maybe I'll actually manage an update!

Subject: I Love You (malec) - Fic that I shamefully left with ONE CHAPTER remaining for a full year now. Honestly not sure why. Someday I will pick it up tho, I swear to god, or maybe I'll just cut the chapter short and make it an epilogue. (Actually maybe I do know why. It's another damn proposal/wedding scene. My absolute weakness and failure, I should stop writing them entirely)

mind & heart, body & soul (malec) - This fic haunts me, it follows me around 24/7 like a vengeful spirit that can't find rest. I can't wrangle it back into making any sense in my head, but for the sake of both my own sanity and the story's frankly frightening number of readers (I love you but you scare me), I've been trying to do one final chapter to offer some kind of wrap-up. Hopefully I can manage it.

Leviathan (malec) - My long held passion project that I have, in classic form, not touched in months. In fact I've been stuck on the same chapter I'm on now since probably 2020, when I first started writing the fic. This particular middle part of the fic is just vexing me to no end. At some point, I will decide on a course of action, inevitably flawed, and just power through that chapter (I say, for the 2nd year in a row). Why did I give this story two big villains again? Or think having a whole separate story arc in the middle of the fic was a good idea? Ah well.

in the palm of your hand (malec) - The one and only multichapter I finally caved and marked abandoned. I learnt my lesson with this fic about letting a oneshot expand into a completely unplanned longer fic. Boy did I...

----

I feel like I don't express it enough, but I really appreciate everyone who's ever read one of my fics, commented, kudos'd, chatted with me about them on tumblr, made podfics or art or translations, shared headcanons in my inbox or your own fics with me... I'm always blown away by the kindness and interest, and love getting to share little (or big!) stories with you and am so happy when you enjoy them ❤️ I love doing fandom with you.

[xpao-bearx]

Okay S O--

I promise I'm updating my Moon Knight fic (Like A Virgin), but this is an idea that's been nagging me like Khonshu for a while now and I've finally decided to share it! But please keep in mind that it's just what it is: an IDEA. So I'm sorry if this sounds a bit messy/incomplete/all over the place (and there's a possibility that some things could be changed), it's literally just me rambling and I think it's actually a pretty interesting idea! And this turned out a lot longer than expected ;-;

At the moment, I also have no clue what I wanna do with this idea (or if I'll ever even do anything with it at all). But I, obviously, take all credit for this so please don't steal (or at least tell me if you got inspired and plan on writing a similar fic to this cuz I would totally read the F U C K out of it) 🙃

Anywhore--

So my idea is, basically, this: The story begins in Season 1 of Moon Knight and it mainly revolves around a romance with our one and only sassy baby boy, Steven Grant (and of course with some 🔥spahcy🔥 smut thrown in) ❤️

For Steven's love interest, I dunno if it would be an original female character OR a Fem!Reader situation going on, so for now we'll just refer to the love interest as MC (main character)

Now MC and Steven live in the same apartment building and are next door neighbours. They've also been dating for quite some time, but strangely enough Steven doesn't remember ever asking out MC.

Steven and MC are pretty much what is considered to be the "perfect couple". You can really tell that they love and care about each other a lot, but recently a rift has been slowly but surely growing between them. It all started when Steven has been mysteriously disappearing, sometimes for days on end with MC not being able to contact him and not knowing his whereabouts. It doesn't help that Steven doesn't know anything either which, obviously, is very concerning but MC really likes Steven a lot and (maybe quite foolishly) chooses to let the matter go. MC thinks that whatever the hell is going on, there is a good explanation for it and can be resolved once Steven is ready to open up.

But things only become much worse from there when Steven started to miss dates and other important events in his and MC's relationship. There are also some days when Steven acts very odd, being cold towards MC and acting as if he didn't even know who she is which obviously hurts MC especially when she continuously tries to help him and just wanting to figure out what's happening.

It eventually comes to a point when MC couldn't take it anymore so she goes to confront Steven about his behaviour. She is rightfully mad and confused, but nothing changes the fact that she's still very much in love with him and wants to properly work things out.

Once MC goes to Steven's apartment using the spare key she has, she is shocked to find a woman there (this is shortly after Steven is fired from the museum and he discovers Marc's things + the scarab in the storage locker). A frazzled Steven is shocked when MC suddenly appears, too, especially when the woman--Layla--introduced herself as his wife.

MC couldn't even say--do--anything, only staring at Steven with such hurt, angry, disappointed eyes before running out the door and out of the building. Steven chased after MC to explain, but he wasn't fast enough and the damage was already done.

Fast forward into Season 2 (I know at this point in time there's no S2 but just indulge me LMAO xD), MC is revealed to be living with a friend of hers as she picks up the pieces of her broken heart and starts anew.

But here's a lil twist: After the events with Harrow and the gods' Avatars died, MC became Hathor's (the goddess of love and music) new Avatar. I still don't know how this came to be, but just roll with meh 👍

While MC does her missions for Hathor, she eventually crosses paths once more with a familiar face who she is surprised to find out is Khonshu's (another god Hathor has quite smittenly told MC a lot about) Avatar--Steven.

Only... This isn't actually Steven, but a man who claims to be Jake Lockley.

Jake then explains to MC that Steven has dissociative identity disorder and that he, along with another man named Marc Spector, were alters in a system with Steven. Obviously this is a fucking LOT to take in, but MC eventually believes Jake and it made sense as to why Steven acted different sometimes when they were still together.

It is also revealed that Jake was the one who asked MC out and before Steven even knew her, Jake was the one who liked her first. But in an attempt to keep MC all for himself, Jake doesn't say the truth about Layla, of how she is now Marc's ex-wife since things never worked out with them and Steven is still very much hung up and in love with MC. So MC is kept in the dark about everything, still believing that Steven lied and cheated on her.

It is definitely weird meeting Jake, especially when Jake is extremely open about his feelings for MC and continuously attempts to go out of his way to find her and woo her (to no avail). MC knows that despite sharing the same body, Jake is an entirely different person. But it hurts a lot to just look at him since all she sees is Steven.

Overtime, however, MC gets over her heartbreak and realizes that she also has feelings for Jake and decides to say "fuck it" and take a leap of faith. At this point in time, MC is still under the impression that Steven is married to Layla (even though she hasn't seen the woman again at all). Deep down, MC knows that it's wrong, but she really does like Jake and believes that they both deserve to live their own lives and have a relationship with each other, even if it may be challenging to keep it a secret.

Once MC confesses to Jake, he realizes that what he's doing is wrong and if he truly cared about her, he needed to be honest. So Jake takes MC out on a date and plans on telling her everything, but before he had the chance to Steven suddenly gained control of the body!

Steven and Marc have both had suspicions for a while that there's a third alter and now it's been confirmed, along with the two of them being surprised and infuriated that Khonshu isn't actually out of their lives. But the more pressing matter is that MC was here, right now, with Steven, even though it shattered his heart to see her looking at him with those same pained, spiteful eyes that haunted him when she completely disappeared from his life.

But in a panicked rush, Steven told MC everything. Of how he didn't know he had DID before, about coming to terms with Marc's existence and Steven's own purpose, of how Layla was actually Marc's wife and they were now divorced, etc.

All of this was much harder to take in than when Jake told MC about their situation. Although, meeting Steven again made MC realize that she did still love him as much as she loved Jake. But that didn't erase the pain in MC's heart and while she was glad that the truth was finally out and all the misunderstandings were cleared up, MC just needed time. Time to heal, time to just really wrap her head around everything and determine where she stands in Steven and Jake's lives and where they stand in hers.

So that's what MC did. As much as Steven missed her, as desperate as he was to hug her and kiss her and just say that everything will be okay, he respected her decision. And he understood because he, too, needed time to get his and Marc's and Jake's shit together.

As time passes, MC and Steven meet again. And this time, they were ready to be together once more and for forever. Jake is there, too, and they all work together to navigate through their unconventional romance, but they don't worry too much because they know they will be alright. Because, just like the constellations in the night sky, their hearts had a special connection.

But as MC's love blooms with Steven and Jake, Marc is there. He's always there, like a dark shadow. Unlike the other two, Marc actively avoided MC and/or openly expressed his distaste. He didn't love Layla anymore, but the divorce really affected him as well as his perception on relationships. He just didn't want to suffer through that same heartbreak again, but this time he had a lot more to be protective over because he not only had to watch over himself, but also Steven and Jake. He absolutely would never forgive you and himself if you broke the boys' hearts.

Though let's just say, long story short, that you work things out with Marc and wormed your way into this lovable grump's heart 🥰

There are also two potential endings for this story. Ideally, of course, I LOVE a happy ending and I want them all to simply be lovey dovey (which they DESERVE). The other ending, ROUGHLY, is that some bad shit goes down and MC ends up having to sacrifice herself to keep the Moon Boys safe and she dies. This obviously completely fucks the boys up, so much so that they never fully accept MC's death while also losing their will to live and blaming themselves. As a result, during a mission for Khonshu, the boys are so out of their element that they end up being killed by their enemy.

B U T even tho me likes some good ol' angst, I could never actually go through it without a proper conclusion!! SO when the boys die, they meet and be with MC again who's been eagerly waiting for them at the Field of Reeds, truly for all eternity now and just U G H MY HEART 😭💔

Now that I've written this out, I'm SO fooken excited!! Though, as I said, this is only an IDEA (at least for now)

Buuut what do y'all think??? :3

[whyisstarkidfollowingmeshoo]

A post for all new and longtime Jeff Blim livestream viewers and chatters. Welcome! (updated on March 8 2024)

*check https://starkid.fandom.com/wiki/Jeff_Blim to compare facts here. For now, the wikia is more updated than this since everyone knows where it is. But this post has further information than the one in wikia.

Update (May 15, 2024) Thank you so much for following me. I apologize for not following back but I may find your posts (and like or repost them) when they have a Jeff Blim tag and other tags in my list. Update: May 27 2024. Watch Jeff's last stream where he checked his wiki. He said he will do some or a few edits and he made some corrections. I don't know when I'll check it myself. Any edits from other fans are highly encouraged. For me, there is no longer to add info here and on the wiki at least about his history. His wiki is already too long enough lol. Update: June 7 2024 Started slowly updating his wiki again and maybe make it even funnier or sarcastic lol maybe because of the way he reacted while reading it

Sometimes we read the same questions over and over on his stream and he has answered all of them in the past. Or accidentally ignores/did not read the old, repeated question, so he can't answer because he's busy doing stuff on the stream. And sometimes, instead of giving the answer to our fellow fans, we just give joke answers instead because we are that silly. I'm trying hard to remember fun facts/stuff he shared on his livestreams and will update if I can. Please help with mistakes on recollection to avoid fake facts. Thank you...

I. The Content in his livestreaming. Well, most days we listen to demos, Jeff live composing his music/songs and some of them are spoiler-less clues to up-and-coming StarKid shows, showcase his difficult and complex relationship with Logic and Stream labs (gee, that sounds familiar. There is screaming/shouting and desk hitting, followed by amazing wit to calm his nerves) listen to him improv and say funny things sometimes based on what Chat is typing about. And have that clout chaser and clout black hole named Jon Matteson as his guest in his streams, most of the time via phone call. If Jon ever gets on his stream, good luck trying to get attention from Jeff on the chat lol. The bromance is strong in this one (although I have gotten Jeff's attention once while Jon was on stream but it was about Jon haha).

Sometimes Jeff just wants to hang out and talk anything, jam with his piano, answer personality quizzes that we give him, give out audition advices (Uncle Jeff's audition hotline. make sure to identify when he's being sincere and when's he's joking/being sarcastic), talk about his hobbies, do spreadsheet baseball... On his hot takes, they are plainly hot takes and you don't have to agree with whatever he says. His hot takes are, half of the time, for entertainment purposes only. Send acting audition help inquiries to Blimswork@gmail.com to make your dream work. More cheaper charges than the one in Broadway Plus. You can also DM Uncle Jeff on his active social media accounts (Twitch, IG) No silly messages pls. Just acting audition help business ONLY. His rates are 75 dollars per hour, 50 for half. To those who can afford, he has a patreon page if you want downloadable copies to the songs he composes on his streams. The link is in his Twitch and YT pages.

II. Music 1. He started learning the piano as a young boy. His teacher was a Russian woman (I can't remember her name). Then he switched to the trumpet and told his father he didn't want to play the piano anymore. 2. He was never a member of a drum corps but went to a camp for it by the The Cavaliers. 3. He only joined Amazin Blue, an a cappella group in UMich, because he wanted to be in a band. He ended up becoming their music director because he wanted every member to have a song where they provided the main vocals, which is something that he butted heads with previous music directors in the past. He won an award for a cappella arrangement for his work with Amazin Blue. Their two albums (Shades of Blue and Self-Titled) can be found in Bandcamp One of his former fellow members in AB is also famous now. The half of the team behind Dear Evan Hansen, Justin Paul.

5. He was a trumpet player at the church where he grew up. (one of his first jobs). 6. According to him, he used to listen to awful Christian rock while growing up. 7. His dad is a retired band director. 8. Likes The 1975 9. He mentioned in Feb 23, 2024 on his stream that he does not want to sing Get In My Mouth live again because he does not want to relive the memory of playing a giant spider. He still thinks it's a great song.

III. Jobs First: Taking out the trash for a neighbor. Second: Trumpet player at the church where he grew up. Third: High school - Trumpet player and played as an "executioner" at a Medieval Times Dinner Theater (??? I'm not well-versed about this as I don't live in the US). After college, while looking for acting jobs and writing TTO. New York City Fourth: Carrying signs for Disney at Times Square. Fifth: Theater Usher (his favorite job). Los Angeles Sixth: working for THAT infamous Los Angeles escape room that he got from Nick Lang. Seventh: Full-time streamer, actor, singer, composer, dancer, acting coach, Internet Uncle to 20+ nephews and nieces 😆 around the world. A. One of his fave TV jobs is his appearance on HBO's Veep because he loves the show. B. On the 911 episode where his chef character accidentally hurts himself, he said he didn't particularly enjoyed his time shooting that ep because he was strapped with a heavy object on his chest during the bloody scene. C. Shooting 24/7: Lego Maniac was fun Eighth: He said a few times he's not auditioning anymore and will only take roles offered to him. Whether it's a joke or not, let's just take that as fact for now lol. There was a phase in his life that he got tired of auditioning (NYC, while writing TTO).

IV. StarKid Stuff

(while answering a personality quiz and as of late 2023 or early 2024) Fave Hatchetfield musical: Black Friday. (while answering a personality quiz as of late 2023 or early 2024) Fave LiB: Nibbly. For the longest time, he considers "Lost Without You" as his/one of his favorite songs that he wrote because it's his first ballad. Generally, if you ask him what's his fave StarKid song or what's his favorite play/musical he was a part, he can't/won't choose because he considers all of them his favorite. 2. I've read this many times, Max Jagerman was never written for Jeff. He may replicate the energy but he is too old to play a high schooler. Can you imagine him doing the shirtless scene during Dirty Girl? His body is no longer like when he did Aladdin in Twisted. He is no longer in his 20s. 3. He said he had the most fun composing for Black Friday.

V. StarKid Tangent Stuff 1. As of Feb 2024, Jeff announced that Rim Tim Timmy is dead. RIP Rim Tim Timmy. :,-( Meanwhile, his sister (chat head canon and Jeff laughed at the name) Rim (Ram) Tam Tammy is alive and well, thank yewww.... VI. Movies 1. For list of movies he loves, check out Rim Tim Timmy's Movies Movies Movies. Yes, you don't know half/most of the movies he likes cause he's old and you're a Gen Z-er. Get a grip. 2. His first and only appearance so far in a full length film is in his brother's indie movie Mondo Hollywoodland. As of now, the movie is available to watch for free in some streaming sites. VII. Likes 1. Coffee once a day, most of the time spending 10 dollars a cup from a shop. He has thankfully quit on nitro. He describes it like a drug addiction he needs to curb. He wants the baristas who are serving him to have that indifferent vibe.

2. Spreadsheet baseball. He plays with classic/ old school famous baseball players. He used to just play on an excel spreadsheet that he made himself until a fan who showed up on one of the TGWDLM showings and told him that he can compete with other people online.

3. Is a fan of the up and coming sport of arm wrestling. He only watches people arm wrestle, not engage in one.

[jaysficarchive]

Villain's Wife Support Group

Chapter 1: Initiation

Synopsis: The wives of some of the most infamous villains in the world meet every Wednesday to share stories, give updates, and talk about love on the wrong side of the law.

Relationship(s): Various

Warning(s): Mention of SA, mention of child murder

Tag list: @floof-ghostie @calciumcryptid @mayameanderings

"Hello, ladies, and thank you all for coming."

A group of women exchanged "Hello"s either taking or adjusting their seats. Most of them were older, a few young faces in the crowd. One could tell a bit of their personalities just from looking at the choices in decor.

People from all different parts of the country gathered in front of their computers for one purpose: a common type of spouse.

"Welcome, everyone," a small, round woman with dark brown skin and short black hair spoke. Dressed in a silky robe lined with fur, it was easily to tell she was relaxing after a long day at work. "My name is Christine. I'm the founder of this group."

Some of the others waved at her while others said hellos. The positive reception pleased Christine.

"This is initiation day where we basically introduce ourselves, talk about what we do for a living, maybe a little bit about ourselves then introduce costumed criminal we're married to."

A simple enough task. These people were just getting to know each other, after all. Making a good first impression was highly encouraged to most, critical to some.

"I'll go first. My name is Christine Chapel. I work as a cabaret performer under the name Belle Holiday, my favorite gemstones are amethysts and pearls, and my husband is the Music Meister."

Another woman with copper brown skin and the same jet black hair spoke next. "I'm Brandice Bivolo. I'm an elementary school teacher and my husband is the Rainbow Raider. A few of my hobbies are metalworking, playing instruments, and calligraphy."

Both her style and the background behind her could easily be described as bohemian, hipster. With all the crystal necklaces and bright, earthy colors of her clothes, it wasn't hard to see why someone like him fell for her.

The other members took turns introducing themselves. A notable face was Marina Lulit, a prominent Floridian socialite and wife of one K'an of Tenochtitlan. If what she said about him being the ruler of an underwater kingdom was true, she probably had lots of stories to tell.

Eve, an older Black woman from the Deep South, was the wife of Hollow, phantom of the railroads. Christine was a big fan of the ostrich feather lamp behind her; and of the overall vibes of her room in general. She must've had some truly wild stories--probably even moreso than her own with Music Meister.

Who could forget the ever gracious Mona Lisa Beauvais. It was for the better she be in this group since her fiance Riddler was still in Arkham. Her room was another's Christine admired--with its mix of old Hollywood and urban aesthetics.

Christine clapped her hands together. "Now that that's done, I'm gonna cut to the chase. This is a support group for all women and femmes who are either married or engaged to villains."

"Let's go over a few ground rules. First, when I say all women and femmes, I mean it. I will not tolerate any bullshit. Second, no child murderers or rapists. Made that very clear in the rules on Facebook. Lastly, be respectful about each other's tastes. We already deal with enough shaming from the media."

The other members nodded along in agreement, some even mumbling their support of Christine's ground rules.

"Anymore questions?" Christine looked around.

"When do we meet?" Brandice asked.

"We meet every Wednesday," Christine replied. "Make sure to let me know if you can't make it to a meeting ahead of time."

"What are we gonna do in this group?" Marina asked. "I mean, I know this ain't a club but we gotta do something fun every once in a while."

She's right, Christine said to herself. No one would want to spend the whole time moping and telling stories. "I do plan on having some events including a girls trip. Nothing concrete yet, of course."

After a few more questions and another run down of things, the members all exchanged goodbyes before going their separate ways.

Alone, Christine gently closed the computer. It was just her in a large, luxurious house. Sighing, she headed to the kitchen for a drink. Usually the house would be filled with the sounds of Music Meister playing his piano or singing to his favorite songs. Christine would join in, maybe even dance along to his voice.

Today, only silence. Just a few hours ago, Christine went through the worst moment of her life since the car accident--the trial of her husband. It wasn't being alone that distressed her; rather the amount of attention she got. In the span of a few hours, she went from a private citizen to having cameras and microphones in her face as she left the Gotham City Courthouse.

Heaven knows what they'd say about her and her relationship. All the wrongful insinuations, false narratives, invasive questions.

These were about to be the longest three years ever.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 12.12.2023

Good news first, I guess, which is that I (sorta) finished Chapter 6. I say "sorta" because the last scene gave me some trouble. I did finally finish it in the sense that it does everything it needs to do narratively, but I feel like I sort of missed the opportunity to make it interesting, primarily in the sense that it features two characters interacting who don't usually interact, and I wanted to make more out of that, but I'm not particularly sure what.

I moved on to the first scene of Chapter 7, and ran into basically more of the same problem. It's also the case that I've got a scene where one character needs to tell some other characters about a thing that happened, but the thing just happened the chapter before. On one hand, I don't want it to feel repetitive to the reader, but on the other hand, I don't necessarily want to do a "then Rukia told them about x, y, z," because the thing that happened was weird as Hell, and I think she wants to be a little selective about what she shares. Just gotta figure out how to thread that needle. Back on the first hand, this is a Bleach fanfic, so maybe flashbacking to a thing that we literally all just saw, moments ago, is simply part of the genre.

The real problem I'm having is that Chapter 1-4 were their own thing, Chapter 5 was the transition from Act I to Act II, Chapter 6 was the beginning of Act II, and now I'm here, in Act II, and I just don't have much of a sense for it, yet. I think I just need to write some stuff and throw it out, or possibly write some scenes out of order until I can get my hands around the form, the truth, and the reason of this stupid story. This is not the part of writing that I like, but it's the part of writing that makes it good, so I guess I gotta do it. It's mildly depressing having to go back to this after the delightful high of Knowing What I Was Writing and Writing It for, like, two entire, magical weeks.

Anyway, all this sounds like I'm in a bad mood but I'm not actually in a bad mood. I am extremely stressed out over general Decemberness, and so I'm trying to just not worry about writing too much for the rest of the month. If I write anything, that's great, and if I don't, it's understandable, I'll get back to it in January.

The end of Chapter 6 marked 18,905 on the Part B doc (55,778 overall), and then there's another 1081 of Chapter 7 written, but I'm honestly not sure if I'm gonna keep it or not. That makes 2,563 for the week, much of which might be trash, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It's really weird, because by my projections, I've got about 30k words to go, which feels simultaneously enormous and hardly anything at all. I guess the answer is simply that 30k is enormous when you don't know what you're writing and hardly anything at all when you do. Unfortunately, right now, I feel a lot closer to the first than the second, but intellectually, I think it's not actually as bad as it feels.

In other news, I started a drawing thing last week. Sketch 1 out of 3 (the important one) came out surprisingly well. I really need to get back to work on that.

[fridaysjournal]

★ friday's journal entry - oct.19th

While I wait to get my hands on Catching Fire, I checked out two other books in the meantime.I got Mary Shelley's 'Frankenstein' and 'My Year Of Rest and Relaxation' by Ottesa Moshfegh, so far so good-really good! I'm pretty sure I'll read MYORAR a lot quicker than Frankenstein because I really have to focus on what I'm reading because I haven't read many books from 1818 so you know amateur reader or whateveh. There isn't much going on this October/ Halloween for me so reading Frankenstein has me feeling spooky. Shout out to the Libby App! I did go to a pumpkin patch earlier this month but it felt rushed too many things to do that day so I had to hustle outta there.Made my roomie watch Hannibal with me, this is my 3rd time watching I think, her first time watching and she asked right away what was with the gay tension in the air- I would like to pick up where I left off with Gravity Falls asap, I was very excited about re-watching when I started it about a week ago.I think I left off on the Summerween episode.I just need access to my family's Hulu account again-

POV this is where I got heated in the moment while writing and I rant at you about certain streaming services

You know it really grinds my gears that we pay for all these flipin streaming services, multiple streaming platforms because these companies are so damn greedy and stingy they already have ads and now I have pay more so I can share my account with family whaaatttt that is so crazy.Crazy because we were all trying to escape the advertisements in the first place from cable and now we gotta deal with it anyway.Maybe physical media really is the way.Netflix when I catch you..I mean they already have so many people angry at them for other reasons like I don't know uh not giving Julie and the Phantoms a second season.Me.Its Me.I'm the angry people.My friends and roommates are the angry people too.In exchange for making my roommate watch Hannibal with me she got me to watch JATP and it was so good,I was distraught I tell you when I found out there was no second season-I cried real tears people! "Unsaid Emily" that’s all I have to say.. just stfu rn... “its because the ratings and views were low” blah blah blah shhhuuuttttt uuuuuppppp NETFLIX WHEN I CATCH YOU.

Also I got a potential fic [or one shot.. do people still use that to describe a short fic] not sure anyways its in the works at the moment I have 2 rough drafts like two versions of it. I've just been racking my brain with the idea and it might be a little basic to some but idc idc. It's going to be a fnaf mike schmidt x reader... -erm ..maybe I say maybe to the "x reader" cause I kinda wanted it to be "x OC " but at the same time I don't know clearly I cannot make up my mind right now.Def want it to be a slow burn and like childhood/old friends to lovers- we also love enemies to lovers but I want to see how it goes..decisions decisions but anyways if there's still any baddies out there that love fnaf/mike/josh hutcherson I'll be whipping up something good very soon,I hope y'all enjoy it once I post it of course heheh updates soon! Maybe I’ll post a snippet of it Thanks for reading!

-Friday