#I'm not sure how I feel about this story bc I've definitely done better but I've also done worse so I guess it's ok!!

[quill-n]

Here it is, y'all!! the ✨lore post✨ for my living doll au :]

CW// discussion of murder, implications of violent acts, implications of body horror/dismemberment, mild grief/themes of loss, very minor suggestive themes?

Er, it's more of a plot post actually? The storyline~

(super long post, I'm sorry lol)

EdgeJeanist centric + some background EraserMic family, rooftop trio, and Mt. Kamui + also Rumi and Keigo being annoying (affectionate) ✨

edit: (whispers) Please check out my animatic for this au if you haven't seen it yet, I worked so hard on it ty <3

Ok, so it starts out with Tsunagu.

[Current time frame is roughly adjacent to the Victorian Era, but it's more of a fantasy-ish world not exactly rl]

He's a tailor who enjoys his craft very much 🧵🪡 But he gets *ahem* ✨hate crimed✨ (murdered) (also hate crimed though. it was a hate crime.) (his corpse was left to rot.)

Fortunately for him, a benevolent spirit passing through the living realm discovered him. Pitying the poor soul whose life was unjustly cut short, he gifted Tsunagu a chance at another life—along with some spooky cool new spirit realm abilities and a brand new look ✨

Back in the living world, in comes Shinya—who was familiar with (and lowkey crushing on) Tsunagu at the time.

He's the first to notice that his favorite tailor is missing, so of course he starts searching. That ends up getting him killed as well, though. (Can't let there be any witnesses, right?)

HOWEVER Tsunagu finds him and uses his newly gifted abilities to (literally) stitch him back together—like a doll :)

Shinya wakes up in the spirit realm, undead and wrapped up in one of Tsunagu's scarves <3

("A gift. To celebrate the start of our newfound afterlives," Tsunagu had said when he asked about it)

In honor of the spirit's kindness, they vowed to use Tsunagu's gift to rescue lost souls who were similarly fucked over in their lives ✨

✧

Over the years, their relationship solidifies—it doesn't progress (romantically (yet)) or anything, but they're close.

(edit: actually, I've decided that they're fuck buddies. it makes more sense for the plot in my head, I think. I'm also a sucker for fuck buddies to lovers. and now this is a fuck buddies to lovers story.)

They live in a mansion in the spirit realm, fulfilling their vow and offering second chances to those whose first chance was ripped away from them. Tsunagu is the head of the house, making sure everything is in order (and lovingly referred to as The Seamstress by the dolls); Shinya is his closest friend and confidant.

Most of the dolls leave after they're revived to explore the spirit realm and find their own path, but some of the dolls choose to stay. Of which include Rumi: a victim of a brutal serial killing, Keigo: who was wrongfully hanged for a crime he did not commit, and Shinso: an unfortunate casualty from a violent accident.

(Shinya stays too, of course.)

✧

Ok, we're switching focus for a sec and also fast forwarding

Closer to modern day, we have Aizawa, who runs an orphanage with Nemuri, and Bakugo, who was recently orphaned.

Bakugo is (as anyone would be) distraught and unstable with his grief over losing his parents. He decides to try reaching out to the spirit realm to at least talk to them one last time, but it backfires as he encounters a demonic spirit and it attacks him.

Aizawa hears the commotion and rushes over to find Bakugo only half alive and critically injured with a curse on his soul. The effects of the attack are far beyond what human doctors would be able to mend.

Luckily, Aizawa has his own connections to the spirit realm (via a guardian spirit named Hizashi who visits him regularly).

He remembers Hizashi telling him about a certain spidery spirit who might be able to help, and he rushes to bring Bakugo to the spirit realm (leaving Nemuri in charge). The ritual costs him an eye and the spirit realm is dangerous for living humans, but it's a price he willingly pays.

✧

Back to the mansion

It's a fairly normal day for everyone, taking care of household chores, tending the garden and whatnot—until a living human comes desperately knocking at the front door.

Everyone freaks out for a moment because this is unheard of. Despite that, Tsunagu welcomes Aizawa in and rushes Bakugo to the infirmary with no hesitation.

Tsunagu just manages to get Bakugo stable. However, he can't fix everything and the curse still remains, slowly but surely draining away at Bakugo's life. He's stable for now, though. Now, they just need to figure out how to save him for good.

Tsunagu also patches Aizawa's eye up, and they speak for a moment, discussing what happened and what they can possibly do. But with no clear answer, they decide that Aizawa would stay in the ✨Doll House✨ with Bakugo until they can find a cure.

(On a lighter note, I'm imagining a scene where they bring Aizawa to the dining hall so he can get something to eat, but since none of the dolls nor Tsunagu need to eat anymore, their kitchen is pretty much empty (save for some moldy bread and questionable canned meat lol). So Rumi and Keigo go on a silly little side quest to obtain some Edible™ food for their guest.)

✧

Anyways.

Have I mentioned that Shinya is down bad for Tsunagu? Has been for the past two centuries? Because he is, and Rumi and Keigo know it. Tsunagu knows it too (and also knows that the feelings are reciprocated, but neither of them have made a move).

Problem is that because of the whole "holy shit you saved me and brought me back to life (literally)" thing, Shinya wholeheartedly believes that Tsunagu is. totally out of his league.

And that only hits harder when Tsunagu starts spending more time with Aizawa. Nothing more than working with Bakugo, but time spent nonetheless. It makes Shinya anxious and just a tad bit jealous.

Why wouldn't a living person who, despite being in a damn near hopeless situation, risked everything to try and save someone.. be more attractive than... a servant with a life debt..?

He tries not to worry about it because no, that's stupid, there's no reason to be jealous—

But then Tsunagu gives Aizawa a scarf. One of his hand-made scarves, of which the only other person who owned one (other than Tsunagu himself, of course) was Shinya.

It unsettles him a little bit. (It shouldn't, he tells himself, but it does.)

✧

What unsettles him more though is the state that poor Bakugo is in.

He spends the next several days alongside Tsunagu, desperately trying everything they could to reverse the curse. From potions to incantations to cantrips...

Nothing seems to work.

✧

Shifting focus again for a sec—to Shinso this time!

He approaches Aizawa not long after he arrives and just... asks questions.

They talk. About the living world, about what being alive is like.

(Shinso died when he was 16 years old, and he missed being alive more than all the others. He was the youngest out of all the dolls. No one was even sure if he would be able to grow up, or if he'd just be stuck at 16 forever.)

So he found comfort in Aizawa. This living person who could give him a glimpse into the life he couldn't have.

✧

Rumi and Keigo hang out with Shinya like usual—and being the little shits (affectionate) they are, they pester him about his relationship with Tsunagu.

He tries brushing them off, changing the conversation topic to Bakugo, but they read right through him ofc so he just. leaves. lol.

Essentially they follow him, trying to cheer him up lol

They pass by Bakugo's room and overhear a conversation between Tsunagu and Aizawa. Tsunagu is talking about how similar he and Aizawa are, in that Tsunagu is the head of a house of lost souls and Aizawa is the caretaker of an orphanage. Something they can connect over.

Shinya overhears all this. He's a little more upset about it than he would like to admit.

✧

Of course Tsunagu notices something is up, though

So sometime later, he finds Shinya and they have a little one-on-one chat.

It's not exactly that they sort things out... but they clear up the jealousy bit—and their relationship *ahem* strengthens. *ahem ahem*

(It's not exactly settled though, and it's not like Shinya's insecurities just suddenly vanished. those are definitely still there.)

✧

More days are spent trying to save Bakugo, along with no success. Bakugo is looking worse by the minute.

(Shinya and Tsunagu continue to..... *enhance* their relationship when they're not busy, too. but that's besides the point.)

Things are interrupted when a living doll shows up at the door alongside a guardian spirit.

(The doll is Shirakumo, and Hizashi is the spirit.)

They brought a recently deceased girl—no older than ten years old—for Tsunagu to bring back to life.

Everyone's... heartbroken. at how young she is.

Eri is scared when she wakes up, absolutely terrified of everyone, and of Tsunagu specifically. She stays close to Aizawa, because he's the only living person there (aside from Bakugo) and everyone else is scary to her :(

(she ends up growing closer to Shinso too (after she realizes he's not so bad; he's also the only other kid there), she grows to see him as a big brother of sorts <3 )

✧

Later that day, in another vain effort to try and find a cure, Shinya goes through the garden to see if any of their ✨magic✨ herbs/plants would be any help. However, he ends up instead getting hit by some spores that essentially get him super drunk, and Tsunagu has to come rescue him. Again.

Cue scene of him just drunkenly fucking sobbing in Tsunagu's arms about how he's always been the one to save him and now he can't even find a way to save the poor kid so how can he ever possibly hope to repay him back for that and that he'd never be deserving of his love—

✧

The next day (sober and admittedly very embarrassed), Shinya spends the next day by himself in the mansion's library. He sorts through the books and files, trying to get his mind off things, and he stumbles upon a letter addressed to Tsunagu and signed by someone named Nishiya.

(It turned out to be a response to a thank you note Tsunagu had written for the spirit that had originally brought him back to life all those years ago.)

Shinya made two realizations in that moment:

1. If this spirit was powerful enough to gift Tsunagu his abilities and bring him back to life, then he might be able to cure Bakugo.

2. He could follow the address to find the spirit—Nishiya. It was risky, as not only was the spirit realm perilous to traverse (even for the undead), but there was no guarantee that he would even find this spirit.

But they were also running out of options.

He makes a plan to follow the address, finds a map he can use, and packs some supplies—some magic thread (procured from the Seamstress himself) to suture his body and soul back together should he need it—to bring along just in case. Rumi and Keigo also manage sneak up on him and convince him to let them tag along.

(Their reasoning was that Oboro and Hizashi were staying to lend a hand anyways, and they allegedly also had some connections that might help them find Nishiya. Which was pretty damn convincing.)

✧

The connections that Keigo had turned out to be a young spirit guide named Tokoyami

He leads them through the world, following the map they have. There's some obstacles on the road, but some other spirit guides (Sero and Kaminari :) ) help them get through ✨

Finally, they find a river marked on their map, on the other side of which should be Nishiya's home—except they happen to encounter the demonic spirit that originally injured Bakugo before they can cross

The demon realizes there are living souls involved and immediately decides that it's going to go finish the job, so Rumi and Keigo fight it to try and hold it back. They send Shinya to go ahead and find Shinji. Hopefully before the demon escapes...

... and Luckily he finally finds who he's looking for! Only... he finds him crying the river he just crossed.

When Shinya asks Nishiya what's wrong, he explains how he fell in love with a mortal woman (Takeyama) while he was travelling through the human realm, but she was dreadfully killed.

Shinya finds her and brings her back for him. because that's just what dolls of The Seamstress do :)

(Technically, he himself doesn't have that power, but he used the thread from Tsunagu that he brought. and also you don't just spend two centuries with a necromancer without picking up a few tricks lol)

When they reunite—this undead human and his ethereal god-like spirit—Shinya has this moment of realization

It doesn't matter if he doesn't think he's good enough for Tsunagu bc none of that matters, friendship is magic y'know (lol)

Still, Nishiya gives him more than he asked for as a thank you.

JUST IN TIME TOO. Rumi and Keigo are unable to hold the demon back any longer and it takes off towards the mansion. They take off after it.

✧

SO THE DEMON ATTACKS MANSION

Hizashi and Oboro reach it first, try to fight it, and pretty much get tossed aside by this thing :(

The demon reaches Aizawa and Bakugo; Aizawa tries protecting Bakugo and nearly gets annihilated instead—his leg gets mauled off by the demon :(

Cue angry spider Seamstress fighting the demon to protect his family <3

He manages to hold him off, but starts losing pretty quickly. this demon is POWERFUL ok

but then IN SWOOPS SHINYA!! ~With a ✨brand new look✨

Together with Tsunagu (and the other dolls + Hizashi), they manage to drive the demon off!! BEGONE DEMON yeah >:)

At the end, they have the whole heartwarming reunion thing, but NOT before Shin'ya uses his ✨new abilities✨ to lift Bakugo's curse... and it works!!

Shinya also stitches up Tsunagu, who was pretty badly injured in the fight with the demon... so now they match!! Tsunagu also sort of freaks out about where Shinya's been and why he didn't tell anyone and what the HELL is up with his new look and how glad he is that he's back—

(A side note about Shinya's ✨new look✨~ he's more powerful now, about the same level as Tsunagu (except he can heal the living instead of bringing back the dead).

He also has moth wings now!! His new role from heron out is to be a guide for rescued souls.

Moths can be messengers, symbols of death, but they're also attracted to light. In this case, he is a beacon for life :) )

Things are resettled from here, happy ending :)

Well, kinda. Shinya and Tsunagu have their whole thing, but Eri and Shinso can't follow Aizawa back to the living world...

BUT! that's ok because Hizashi and Oboro agree to take care of them in his stead :) and they make plans to visit the living realm (and for Aizawa to visit them) when they can <3

(Imagine those four exploring the spirit world together!! having adventures, waiting for the next opportunity to see Shota again 🥹)

now it is a fairly happy ending.

ok that's all I have!! I hope y'all like this. It's not my best work but I think it's still a neat world!! :'))

thanks for reading!!! <3

[picnokinesis]

if you would be interested in sharing your thoughts about the star beast, i would love to hear them!!

Ooh okay, so - well, first, just to start off: I think The Star Beast is a really important episode, and was very much a needed episode. The current climate in the UK regarding the trans community and their rights is getting extremely rancid, to put it lightly. Having an episode of Doctor Who with an explicitly trans character, having the other characters around her be affirming and supportive - that was awesome. Extremely awesome. And I'm really glad that RTD is loudly putting himself on this side of the whole 'debate' (which isn't really a debate, because it's just straight up bigotry from the anti-trans side, and we need people like RTD outwardly speaking out against that bigotry).

When I talk to cis people offline about this episode, that is pretty much what I say and also where I stop.

I'll put the rest under the cut hahah - there's a bit of negativity here, just as a warning for all the hardcore RTD stans, but I think it's well-founded and not vitriolic at all, just like, miffed hahaha. Also, I know there were a few trans folks who found this episode really affirming, so just to be clear: this is just my opinion, personal thoughts, and also influenced by the conversations I had with other trans people that I know and care about about the episode.

When I talk to trans people - offline or online - about this episode, I go in a lot deeper, because whilst it was a very important episode, it was somewhat flawed. It also came off the back of several things RTD had said and done that really ticked me off, and so I wasn't really in the interest of being entirely uncritical about what, to me and a lot of trans dw fans that I spoke to, thought was a very "cis" trans story. And when I watched it, I thought 'oh geez, is this how poc feel when white people try and write poc stories with good intentions but don't really get it right??" because like. Ho boy.

The thing about this episode was that RTD wanted to write an affirming trans story, and mostly did that, but also, imo...doesn't actually understand what gender and transness actually is. I think my main gripes were definitely with the climax scene - the whole 'we can let go bc we're women' thing literally made me go 'what' out loud at the screen because...well, it's just gender essentialism. Trans inclusive, sure! But trans inclusive gender essentialism is still gender essentialism. Women aren't better than men. There's actually an exceptionally good essay written by a trans woman who was still in the closet about her experiences in queer spaces that had a very prevalent anti-men attitude, and I've seen it myself irl too. It's not helpful - it's harmful, in fact - and it leans on this strange mysticism about women that is fundamentally anti-feminist, in my opinion. Women aren't "innately better at emotional and intangible, instinctive things" (and it's unspoken counterpart - "thus men are better at logical, rational things" - is also untrue). Women aren't magically better at 'letting things go' than men are - I reckon you could make an argument about men being socialised to not be emotional, and that would be an interesting conversation to have, but that was not what was being said - especially with the Doctor being raised in a society that didn't even perceive gender in the same was as humanity.

Also, the thing that REALLY got me was 'if you were a woman, you'd get it' - first of all, no. Thirteen never let anything go in her life and repressed to the max, if anything she was WORSE than tenteen at that lmao. Second - and this is the more salient point - I think it's a strange thing to suggest that tenteen is fully a man, at this point? Like, regardless of what he looks like, regardless of how he identifies or how thirteen identified, he just lived a lifetime in a body that looked like a woman, and thus was treated as such by the rest of the universe. He wasn't going to forget all of that. I actually really liked how the Chibnall era approached thirteen's gender - or, rather, her complete ambivalence to it, where it seemed like gender was more of an annoying thing that kept happening to the doctor that she kept having to remember, rather than something she felt - however I really REALLY wish they'd actually dug explicitly into the transness of it all, and so when they didn't, I'd hoped that RTD would do that instead. Especially since we KNEW Yasmin Finney was in it and we knew we were going to get a trans character!! I was like, this is the PERFECT opportunity to get the Doctor to actually talk about their gender and how it, fundamentally, doesn't really change between bodies, just how people REACT to it changes. But instead, the episode seems to present the doctor as having flicked a binary switch - once woman, now man - and thus made sure to remind us that every time thirteen was mentioned, it was framed around the fact that she was The Woman Regeneration, but also that tenteen was Now a Man Again. And even if that WAS THE CASE, it still wouldn't mean that tenteen came out of that experience completely mindwiped of everything about 'womanhood', right?? Like he lived as a woman! He was a woman 45 minutes ago, but now you're telling him that he couldn't possibly understand anything about this because he's a man now? Like first of all, his physical body's characteristics have nowt to do with his ability to let things go, second, it's just....okay, it reminds me of the dichotomy between all these detransition horror stories the anti-trans folks like to spew out, versus when you talk to actual detransitioners, who are quite often gnc and extremely positive about the trans community, and whose experience within that community and transitioning impacted how they view the world.

And I think it fundamentally comes down to RTD not really understanding either womanhood or transness. He actively speaks out on both of these things, which is great, but I don't think he understands them fully. I think the fact that he didn't think that David Tennant could wear a t-shirt, braces, trousers and coat because they were "women's clothes", and that when he cast David Tennant that was one of the first things he immediately decided is kind of telling.

There's also the whole 'male-presenting timelord' thing, which, again, I just don't think RTD really understood what that meant, like I'm not sure what his point was there, genuinely. Like, on a technical level it's acknowledging that the Doctor isn't necessarily male, just looks like a man (correct) buuuuuuuuuut the full line was saying 'you'd never understand this because you're a man' SO LIKE...okay? So he's not actually a man, but actually because of his male-adjacency, he's incapable of coming to the same conclusion that a woman did? So he's still...defined by his maleness? Hm. Strange sentence to write coming out of a trans woman's mouth.

What would have been better? I wish they'd just had Donna and Rose say 'because we're human', or maybe 'because we're the Nobles'. I also know a lot of people really didn't like the misgendering scene with the kids on the bikes - I think my personal feelings on that are a little more complicated, as a trans person who is not out irl and functionally uses my birthname almost everywhere, but also isn't triggered by it. It's not a deadname, more like a paperwork name rather than my preferred name, right? But I know for a lot of trans people, deadnaming is like psychological warfare and it's really awful, especially when done with malicious intent (like shown in the scene with the boys on the bikes). However...I do understand why RTD included this scene, and actually kind of agree with him. Because the boys on the bikes are the sort of people who are also watching the show. And so then seeing that kind of thing being condemned by the narrative by a key, beloved character, is probably something that's actually helpful. On the other hand though...in the Doctor Who Unleashed (or whatever the behind the scenes thing is called now), you've got this interview with Yasmin Finney saying that it was actually a pretty triggering scene to film for her and genuinely affected her, and I'm like....okaaaaaay then I REALLY hope they had someone she could talk to on set. Like, fundamentally, I think telling these stories are important, but, yknow, not at the expense of the actual actress' mental wellbeing, right? So that concerned me a bit.

I also think that the scene between Sylvia and Donna in the kitchen talking about Rose was brilliant. And this is because it was about cis people trying to understand and support trans people whilst not completely getting it and making mistakes, but also trying their best!! Which RTD does understand, very well!! And it felt so real. It was fantastic. There's also the part with the whole 'did you assume the meep's pronouns' whiiiiiiiich I have mixed feelings about? I think here, RTD was trying to poke fun at the people who do say that sort of thing to make fun of trans people, and having the Doctor be like 'actually this is a good point we should be checking this sort of thing'......however. I don't think I've ever heard 'did you assume my pronouns' come out of a trans person's mouth. It's always been a cis person mocking our community. So it felt a bit...incongruent. And all that needed to be changed was having Rose say 'how do you know the meep is a he?' - like that was all it needed!!! Also, it was a shame that after the delightful moment of the doctor being like 'SAME HAT' regarding the meep's pronouns, that.....we then had NO OTHER DISCUSSION about the doctor's gender!! Like, Russel, dude, you're really gonna have Rose hear the 'male-presenting' guy say 'oh yeah I do that with pronouns too!! :D' - have her NOT REACT TO THAT AT ALL - and then you're gonna have her say by the end 'oh you don't understand bc you're a man :)' after her non-binary power move moment? Sighs. Yeah.

I think another important thing to remember here is that there were no trans folks in the writer's room on this. Now, this is a tricky one because I think people who aren't part of a certain community should be writing stories outside their own knowledge and experience, and should be encouraged to do so!! I don't think that you need to have everything rubberstamped, and even something written by someone in a certain community isn't going to resonate with everyone in that community. Actually, I think it's unhelpful to start getting into the politics of 'who is allowed to write what' - I think anything written with care and good intention is valuable, especially if the writer is willing to listen to constructive criticism and learn from any mistakes that are made. But I think, as a writer myself, if you are going to write a story about that community, it might be worth 1) talking to them a bit more than I think RTD did - but, to be fair, I don't actually know how much research he did, but, well, see above on the fact I don't think he really got what he was writing about - but also 2) not dismissing writers from that community (and others!), which RTD did in an interview not thaaaaaaat long before the episode aired. Again, to be fair to him, he has since then been like 'oh, we need to mentor and encourage the new generation of trans writers and writers of colour', which, great! But also, sir, then why were you saying that all the scripts you got from minority writers were all awful, angry, and lacked any love for tv like skksks SIR. SIR. The thing that gets me about that comment in particular is that, as someone currently starting out in script writing, I know exactly how hard it is to get at all noticed. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of passion, a lot of hard work and a lot of skill - and a lot of luck too, granted, but not luck along. So, RTD, if these writers got their scripts to your literal desk, as showrunner of Doctor Who...I think they have some love and passion. They HAVE to, to get to the point where he is reading those scripts. Also maybe RTD should unpack the fact that he thought the scripts were bad because they were too angry - I mean, I haven't read them, so I don't know, but maybe, sir, feeling uncomfortable about the anger in a script isn't a bad thing. Not every story is meant to be an easy pill to swallow. There are aromantic stories I want to write about romance as horror, romance as a virus, romance as a destructive force, that I think a lot of alloromantic people will find uncomfortable. Does that mean they're bad? Maybe, lol. Mostly they're bad because they're not written yet lmao, but I don't think the anger and discomfort in them makes them inherently weak. In fact, I think often anger can make a story stronger.

So then, I think The Star Beast left a sour taste in the back of my mouth, despite all the positive aspects of it, because of that. I think that comment also kinda left me frustrated about Dot and Bubble, even though I think that was a fantastic episode and genuinely really well done, and very effective - and I'm genuinely loathe to criticise it at all because I think it was so important - but. Having RTD talking in an interview about wondering how long the audience will take to notice that the cast is all white (and, thus, the depicted society is racist) whilst sitting in a writers room that's all white iiiiiiiiiiis uh. I don't think he thought about that SKKS. I think a lot about Sacha Dhawan talking about how you can be as inclusive on screen as you like, but if it's all 'white behind the lights' then how much does that inclusivity actually mean?

RTD definitely had good intentions and wrote a mostly good story. But he definitely fell down in some regards, aaaaaand well. I don't know. My personal opinion is that he's kind of arrogant and thinks he's infallible as a writer (and I may feel this way bc of the way parts of the fandom seem to put him on a pedestal, if I'm honest) - but I think that he's just human. He doesn't get things perfectly right all the time, and that's absolutely fine, but I think it's interesting and important to discuss those pitfalls, and I just wish he'd stop making it feel like he thinks he can write trans stories better than, yknow, actual trans people, and then write the most cis trans story I've ever seen SKSKSKSK

(AND ACTUALLY - sorry, this is getting long, but it's kind of indicative of the whole industry at the moment? The industry is calling for more diverse voices, more diverse stories - but they also want stories that can appeal to the widest possible audience, the common denominator, and thus "trans stories by trans people for trans people" doesn't actually tick that box. This didn't hit me until I wrote a trans horror script that got shortlisted for a script call, but when I spoke to the (cis) producer and director (who were LOVELY, the producer had a gorgeous dog called Biscuit HAHA) I very quickly realised that they did not get it. They didn't understand. "Why do we have to kill the mirror demon that's the girl part of this trans man?" they asked. "She should get to live too!" But: "She was never a part of him," I had to say. "She was the idea of him that everyone around him thought he was, and thought it so strongly that she became real. It was her or him." They didn't really understand, but on the plus side it did highlight to me what was unclear in my script that none of my (trans) proof readers had picked up on (although my transfemme friend made the HILARIOUS comment that maybe the mirror demon could go and find a nice trans girl to possess? WHICH SKSKSKSKKSKSK I MEAN -))

Anyway. -gestures nebulously- I feel like my thoughts were a lot more concise and well constructed in the week after this episode actually aired hahaha, but I didn't want to throw my hat into the ring back then. I did find it amused how the majority of my cis trans-affirming friends were like 'GREAT EPISODE, RIGHT?!!' and the majority of my trans friends were sending me the grimace emoji in the week after the episode aired LMAO

[melodic-haze]

Lisa mentioned!!! I don't know much about the issue with her being flirty with the traveler and honestly, it sounds like people are nitpicking for something to complain about, but she's so cool!!

it sucks that the only thing people notice about Lisa are her looks (very pretty though) and flirtatious behavior when there's so much more to her! Not only is she the best Akademiya student they've had in the last 200 years, but she's also ridiculously strong. Varka wanted to make her a Captain right after Lisa joined, and it's stated that they would've been much stronger if she accepted that offer. Lisa has some of the coolest lore too and for some reason, no one talks about it??? She isn't even taking things seriously and she's already at this level of strength. She knew that she'd go crazy if she went down the path of pursuing knowledge no matter the cost, and a determined Lisa is NOT something that Teyvat would survive

For the other two that I definitely also agree with, I apologize if I get any of the lore wrong since I haven't done much of the Inazuma quests other than the main story (which was a while ago), but Kokomi, man!! Everyone was so hyped up when she first made her entrance, but then she suddenly just disappeared? In my opinion, the quest would've been cooler and had better lore if we spent more time with Kokomi than that Taipei (?) guy. No one talks about this either, but her ability to lead people is super impressive! Everyone doubted Kokomi when she first became the Divine Priestess since she was just a kid, but she proved them all wrong. Now, everyone trusts her and looks to her for help. Kokomi's skill as a leader is insane, and I really wish they did more with her lore 😭

Miko, man... No one talks about her unless it's to debate whether she's gay or manipulative!! She's only mentioned when people are talking about Eimiko and it sucks so much how seemingly no one sees how selfless and loyal she is. Miko was alone for 500 years!! I'm sure she had friends, but even those would only hurt her eventually since they would've passed away as well. The one person who experienced the same things, the one person who understood her, and the one person who she probably thought wouldn't abandon her like the others left her in her time of need without even saying goodbye. But Miko still waited! Even if she knew that there was a chance she'd never see Ei again, she was loyal enough to wait despite that. Miko gave up the very thing that gave Ei the authority of an archon without hesitation just for someone who had a chance to save Ei, the traveler. This is just my opinion, but I think Miko only really helped the people of Inazuma as much as she did as her way of preserving the eternity that her friend sacrificed so much for. She's so so kind and beautiful and loyal and selfless!! Whether you ship Eimiko or not, it's undeniable how Miko was such a good friend to Ei despite Ei not exactly reciprocating the same efforts.

Wow that is a lot of text. I am so sorry HAHAHAH 😭 There's no need to reply to this ask, I just saw you mention those three and wanted to ramble a bit hsjsh

Ik it's been a WHILE since this was talked about but I just wanted to 😊😊😊 put this out here BC YOU UNDERSTAND ME❗️❗️❗️ YOU UNDERSTAND ME SO HARD

DON'T WORRY ABOUT WRITING A LOT BTW FEEL FREE TO YAP ALL YOU WANT HERE HAHAHAHA I'M DOING THE SAME ANYWAY I just. Really love this specific trio :( I'm gonna cut this though cuz LOOOOONG ASS HELLL)LLL

Maybe I've just been on the wrong side of the fandom for long enough that I've seen complaints about Lisa and how she interacts with the Traveller ig (mostly due to the whole 'Traveller is a minor!!!!!' debate which......no energy is worth that age-old debate I'm ngl). SHE HAS SUCH INSANE BACKGROUND and so much of her is worth exploring????? Like I REALLY want them to go back to Mond and fully explore characters like her and Kaeya bc of how much they've got going on. While they're pretty, sure, there's so much more of interest beyond looks like it's actually WILD that Lisa has this much power despite her not visibly having some sort of indication she's blessed or has anything secret going on beyond her EXTREME capabilities

Not to mention tbh she seems like she'd be nice to have a nice nap with I'm gonna be real and put that out there 🤷‍♀️

IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE LORE DW IDK JACK SHIT PAST INAZUMA AHAHAHAHAH but omg??? No yeah they SHOULD have put her and Teppei under the spotlight for a bit more. I get they wanted to show Teppei and his easy closeness with the Traveller, but I do feel like seeing a genuine connection between a leader and her citizen, a strategist and her soldier, until the very end would have been so???? Like it shows how both sides are important to the other bc they're acc quite dependent, it'd show off a LOT more depth between them. BONUS if, like I've said before, Kokomi had a hidden sort of grey morality and/or she KNEW about the Delusions but turned a blind eye for the sake of winning. It would've put Watatsumi AND her character AND Teppei's in such a conflicting yet important light, showing how Inazuma' sinner conflict's actually fucking things up everywhere beyond just "lol haha foreign intervention bc funny lmao". Would Kokomi get bad rep? Maybe, but at least then people won't just disregard her as some one-bit chr that appeared in a fit of bubbles and did nothing else

You're ABSOLUTELY right in saying that she had her own selfish-sounding goal of keeping Inazuma basically upfloat. I'm not going to pretend that this woman's selfless as hell and would do anything and everything for her country cuz she won't unless Ei or a close friend (whom most, if not all, have died long ago) told her to. I saw an Eimiko poll in twt at one point where it was like "would Miko choose Inazuma or Ei" and NEAR EVERYONE chose Ei. On B side majority agreed that Ei would be the complete opposite which. Is REALLY sad but MY POINT IS!!! She chooses to live by her instincts, to base her decisions and devotions to what she knows and what she adores bc she had No Choice but to basically grow up like that. With that in mind, she could have EASILY shirked her responsibilities and went on to live with amusement as the Only focus she has, but instead she actually chooses to devote herself to the role her best friend relied on her for. She is so??? Absolutely devoted and beautiful in the soul I love her so bad and she's such a lonely being :(((((((( I NEED TO KISS HER I LOVE YOU MIKO

I just. I really want and need them to be talked about more man :( they deserve so much attention compared to whatever they're getting rn 😞

[petruchio]

is it weird that i don't feel like a new thg book will make anything obsolete?? personally i don't think completely canon-compliant fics are automatically better or more relevant, and i still love a lot of fics that came out before tbosas and have conflicting info on the capitol. idk, it seems like everyone has a different take on this, so maybe it's just that I keep canon very separate (?) in my mind or something also i'm curious, what genre/type of story would you want collins to try next? an adult sci-fi novel/series would be cool imo (though i'm sure she could do something interesting with a Lot of genres/forms)

that makes sense honestly!! i've definitely changed my tune a bit now that i've sat with it... my initial reaction was NO but i think i'm more excited now than i was a few days ago. i guess i feel like because there's been a lot more fanon/fanfic written about the second qq generation it just feels different than when tbosas came out... like yeah people speculated about snow and stuff but not to the extent that we've had people discussing the haymitch/maysilee/katniss and peeta's parents situations. which is why i'm sort of inclined to agree with the people that think that haymitch honestly won't be a huge part of the new book... bc we already know most of what we need to know about him and i can't imagine suzanne is that interested in rehashing a plotline she already pretty much wrote in the 2000s.

honestly i would love to see sc continue writing ya, i love gregor and i love thg so i would just want her to give us a new teenage protagonist and a new fantasy universe and a new world-weary older mentor who is brimming with witty comebacks. i mean i agree it would be cool to see her to adult fiction to an extent, but i also don't think her ambitions as a writer are traditionally literary -- in the sense that, i don't think she's writing for the sake of being lauded as some kind of master of prose or style, but moreso a master of theme and message that's all tied together with her masterclass of suspense and story beats. her storytelling, especially the thg series, is so perfectly done it's essentially mathematical, which is something i deeply love about it -- so i want her to do, like, more of that! i'd love a new ya series from her, especially bc of how much i despise so much of the current ya trends and stories and writing styles.

[wangmiao]

hii! i just finished reading the dark forest!! what a journey, i think it took me about a month to finish it lol. i wanted to share some thoughts !!

i found some of the concepts fascinating.. what stuck with me the most now i that i (try to) recall everything that happened, was the battle of darkness and the dark forest theory as a whole was brilliant. i imagine those people that were just- endlessly floating in the immensely vast universe and it made me think "oh wow how Sad and Hopeless that must've been" i too would've want to end it all, i believe that's a lot to endure.. that's one

another thing was the infamous wallfacer project. well that was new. and the fact that they had to plan everything on their own bc of the sophons, that's also kind of depressing lol. one thing i was confused was: why was luoji re-elected as a wallfacer at the end? i mean there wasn't anything more he could have done anyways?

da shi as always is such a great person😭 he never abandoned luoji during this long crazy journey, even after 200+ years. honestly i love his character a ton, i wanted to see what would happen to him at the end but there was nothing! will he be on Death's end? or his character just ends here? :((

i thought the whole thing with the "trees" as homes was pretty cool, though i couldn't really see it in my imagination haha i honestly can't imagine what would our society be like in, say, 300 years from now

i found it too simplistic(? that only when the trisolarans communicated with luoji did they stopped their plan to coming to earth, or maybe there's something i missed? or maybe it is really just that: communication solves everything? lol idk

and a deserved special mention to zhang beihai, respect!

i think that's everything i've got on my mind right now, but in general it was very interesting and depressing and dark.... what were some your favourite moments from the book? i can't wait to start death's end next !! but i'll start later, i have to fully process this book first hahaha anyways that's all, have a great day or night!!! :))

hello, friend! it's great reading this ask, and i'm glad you decided to share it with me. i have to say that i read the books years ago, so my memory on everything is not that fresh. and since i read the chinese version, i don't know some of the vocabularies they used in englishn. while i'll try my best to reply to this ask, i'm sure there's gotta be some novel fans here that could do better than me.

the dark forest is indeed very interesting and depressingly dark. i was definitely in awe when i heard the dark forest theory for the first time (before i read the books, and that was partly why i decided to read them). i also really like 水滴/waterdrop or droplet which is just something that looks simple but super super super powerful.

i enjoyed reading about the wallfacer project. even the three failed ones are equally fascinating and disturbing. i want to bow down to liu cixin's imagination...if i remember it correctly, luo ji is re-elected because his "咒语/spell or curse" actually came true. and at that time humans are really hopeless, so they just want to have someone that they believe can save/lead them.

da shi is everything. i lol need a da shi myself. unfortunately, he's not in the third book. my inner shiwang shipper feels that shi qiang and wang miao got similar style of exist from the story. and the common believe (i don't even remember if i read it in the novel or it was fan theory) is that shi qiang dies of natural causes at old age like wang miao. i kinda feel like maybe shi qiang and wang miao promised each other that they'd try to stay alive so that they can both be copernicus *sobs*...

ok...bear with my silly shallow shipper's talk for a moment, you know some people were like shiwang will be no more once season 2 of three body comes out, and everyone will start to ship shi qiang and luo ji, and it kinda bothered me a bit (ps. i know most people including myself didn't ship anything while reading the books, but man, these dramas are really forcing it on us lol). but i don't anymore, because i really think wang miao is special to shi qiang. besides shi qiang being a good and protective human being who will die for the greater good, i think one of the reasons that he stays with luo ji all this time is because luo ji reminds him of wang miao. even though it is only mentioned very breifly, i do believe liu cixin meant to tell us how important wang miao is to shi qiang... “我这辈子还只见着他一个”

as for luo ji stopping the trisolarans, i think he uses the dark forest theory, and his threat of exposing the location of the trisolaris (and in turn exposing earth's location) stops their plan.

and zhang beihai is an awesome, complex, and well loved tragic hero even though he isn't a very major character like luo ji. i remember yu hewei said in an interview that if he didn't play shi qiang, he'd probably like to play zhang beihai. i'm really curious who they'd pick to play zhang beihai in season 2.

anyways, thanks so much for the ask. you made me want to re-read the books, and i know i really should! have a nice day/night!

[valiant-if]

same anon as before—that makes a lot of sense! overall it sounds like both a noble design goal and a lot to juggle logistically, haha. you brought up dragon age, and it made me think about how hawke’s personality worked in da2, and the way that the counter, or however it’s tracked, would reset at the beginning of each act (so that you could decide if you had changed from diplomatic in act 1 to humorous in act 2, for example). obvs there wasn’t a lot of in-game reactivity to this bc da2 was made in 2 weeks out of cardboard and string, but i wonder if that sort of structure could be useful in your case..?

It is definitely a lot to juggle logistically, but I'd rather try and fail than make the MC feel too static.😂 There will probably be a lot of balancing changes before the final version.

To be honest with you, I didn't even realize that the personality stat in DA2 reset at the beginning of each act, and I've played that game sooo many times. 😂 Maybe the lack of reactivity to the change is why I never even noticed. (Valiant's relationship tracking is pretty similar to how DA2 does things, actually, on the subject of DA2, only I've decided to track friendship and rivalry points as entirely separate stats instead of measuring them on a sliding scale. And being somewhere in the middle won't doom you to being unable to complete their personal quests in satisfactory ways.😑)

The personality structure and how it works is more or less already in place, and it's pretty similar to that actually, but it's not quite separated by Acts. Chapter 1 and 2 serve as the jumping-off points. The end of Chapter 2 creates a checkpoint main stat value. There will be at least one other checkpoint somewhere after the first major story arc concludes. I'm not sure yet if I would do a third after that.

The code for all of this technically already exists in the demo, it's just that it hasn't been used yet. There's going to need to be a point where I can do a tiebreaker, just in case one is necessary, but the optimal place for that right now is at the very end of Chapter 2. I was originally going to lock in the personality stat a little sooner, but because of this need for a tiebreaker, I pushed it out a little.

But yeah, I think that character reactivity to changes in the MC is a really big part making choices feel meaningful in a character-driven story. I loved DA2, but that's definitely one of the things they could have done way better. (Like, hello? Hawke is way more than just their opinions on mages and templars, but base it all on that I guess.)

[nightmarevore]

hi! i'm getting into writing safe vore oneshots and i was inspired by a few of your works and reblogs. for years i was really discontent with my writing, but when i revisited some of your stories today, i noticed how similar your writing style is to mine, and the fact that people enjoy your content made me confident enough to complete a draft and plan a new story. i wanted to know if you make drafts and revise them? do you just publish the first draft? do you get help writing or editing them? 1☆

WAAAAAAAAAAAAH I;M SOBBING THIS WAS SUCH A NICE SERIES OF ASKS TO COME TO YOU'RE SO NICE TO MEEEEEEEE omg gomgo gomgomgomgklgkgfkjngfjbjdk i've never been complimented LIKE THIS or asked extensively for my process, this is new to me!!! you're wonderful and kind and i appreciate you.

i'm gonna have to make a readmore here as to not clutter up everyone's dashes to tell you my process/thoughts so HERE WE GO!!!!

i actually have only one fic i get edited and it's a non-vore fic, a very close friend of mine edits a fn.a f fanfic i'm writing based on w/illi.am a/f.to/n. i don't ask them to edit my vore stuff, but they do know i'm into vore. i actually write all my fics in a google doc!

i'll typically actually write as i go entirely. i have a rough idea of how i want the fic to go (who's in what, who does what, an event i need to happen, etc) and write along that rough guideline in my head. i write completely in order, or else i can't make it flow well together. sometimes i'll write what else may need to get done or else i may forget.

i'll consider things i decide to change as i go along "the first draft," since i went with something entirely different. for example, in one of my drafts for a wip fic, i chose to have luke, in the serial killer, panic and size-shift to half size and have the fic end with a half-size hurt/comfort vore from luke and rowan. instead, i changed it so luke is dazed but has time remain his current size and pull rowan out of his pred instincts taking over and have cuddles afterwards and vore when they got home, luke still the same size.

though adhd and autism get in the way at times—executive dysfunction is a bitch. a lot of things i have written, like a luke and rowan serial killer fic, as well a a fugue state william fic have been a WIP since February of this year—literally when i BROKE MY FOOT and was stuck in a reclining chair for a month. i keep telling myself i need to get to them, but then i see ffxiv and hanging out with friends and just decide that's a better way to spend my time at the moment. i've been in a huuuuge brain fog for a few months bc of this, the recent one shot i posted was actually made because i was speaking vore feelings i had with medli.

i definitely have an easier time writing when i'm specifically fixated on vore, luke and rowan, william, mike, etc.

i'll write when i'm hyperfixated, and my brain pushes me to write more when i'm at work rather than at home, because adhd classifies work as something i need a distraction from, and home as chill time. i'll write on my breaks or when i have a moment to myself to sit and hide.

i'll tell you right now, i get SOOO many ideas and have at least 10+ wips, including f./n/a,f, luke and rowan, and ffxiv characters.

when i write, i'm mostly writing from my heart. exactly what i'd expect to think, feel, and hear. i put myself into the perspective/mind of the characters i'm writing and can get deep into these fics as i write them. i get so interpersonally connected to my writing as i'm writing that i physically feel my character's emotions, and see them in my head exactly how they play out.

honestly, i'm not too sure about tips on how to get out of making yourself write when you don't feel like it. i've gotten frustrated with myself for staring at my documents for too long and not being able to write anything. i imagine the scenario in perfect detail, and then i'll sit down, stare at my work, and i'm like ....???????????????????

i'm actually trying to open up to my therapist about getting medicated so i can have an easier time writing/creating for you guys! hopefully soon.

i hope this kind of gives you some insight to my process, please go forth and create and never be afraid to share. <333

this ask means a lot to me!

[evilwickedme]

Hi so. As someone who is vaguely into comic book adapted media, but hasn’t read any superhero comics ever, what sort of like. Super basic suggestions would you have for some favorite characters/runs/series you’ve read? Sorry for the SUPER broad question

So I'm waiting for my doctor's appointment and it's taking forever and my earphones are out of battery so sure why not let's give some recommendations. As usual keep in mind I'm literally just a guy and plenty of people will disagree with me or have read comics I've never touched. Also I've read a very random collection of stories like I've never sat and read any specific spider man run but I've read random specific spider man stories you know? Anyway

Marvel

I've been reading Marvel comics for a long time now, so I'm most solid about these recs.

Deadpool

This is obviously the subject I know the most about and I've been very clear about this in the past but my favorite Deadpool run/story is the 2012 run by Posehn and Duggan, and it was one of the first comics I ever read so obviously I think it's pretty good for beginners. It's got some solid humor, a healthy balance of violence vs story for a Deadpool comic, and it's got some serious heart too. It's also a soft reboot of the Deadpool canon, only has a few references to previous events, so it's really readable for newcomers. If you like Deadpool and are willing to pick up an ongoing I also warmly recommend the new ongoing by Alyssa Wong. We're only three issues in right now but it's delightful and we've officially got our first non-woman love interest for Wade, Valentine Vuong, who's non binary!!!! Super recommend.

Kamala Khan

The original Ms. Marvel run for Kamala from 2014 by G. Willow Wilson is both delightful and incredibly beginner friendly. I haven't kept up with her but she's got a relatively easy catalogue to follow and she interacts with a lot of other heroes which means she's also a good way to get to know the marvel universe at large.

Jessica Jones

Alias is a bit of a darker, more adult series, but it's also entirely a standalone story that requires, in my humble opinion, no knowledge of the marvel universe at large to read, and is ridiculously well done. If you've seen the show, season one is a relatively faithful adaptation in that it covers the spirit of the comic and includes most of the main characters but does not adapt the story beat for beat. Definitely look up the trigger warnings if you're going to pick it up but it's a truly excellent story.

Hawkeye

I'm not as much of an expert in Hawkeye comics as @not-the-blue is (who's currently attempting the truly Herculean task of reading every important Hawkeye issue ever for her lecture, wish her luck) but Hawkeye (2012) by Matt Fraction is a really well done self contained story that includes both Kate Bishop and Clint Barton, and has an issue from the POV of a dog named Lucky the Pizza Dog who is so good! The Hawkeye tv show was based on this run but the comic is considerably better. My one problem with it as a beginner's comic is it does assume familiarity with Clint's personal history, so if you don't know that Clint used to be married to Bobbi Morse, now you know have fun.

DC

I'm much much newer to DC as y'all know but here's how I got into it at least!

Superman

All Star Superman is the easy answer and therefore the answer I'm going to give! It was conceived specifically as a story that could be read outside of main continuity, a sort of definitive story that includes all of our main Superman cast and deals with a lot of Superman's mythology without being bogged down by needing to fit in with the mainline DC universe. It's not my favorite Superman story I've read but it's really beginner friendly. My one gripe with it, and I'm not the only one by any means who feel this way, is that I think the art is butt ugly. A lot of people think it's gorgeous and I just cannot see it. I follow ppl on TikTok who refuse to read it bc of the art like. Idk. Story's great but I wish literally anybody else had drawn it

Batfam

Honestly I'm not sure there's an easy way to get into batman. Most of the elseworlds stories* I've come across for batman are either completely disconnected from the main universe in a way that makes them unrecognizable or not very good for beginners. One thing I'd do is check out the webtoon Wayne Family Adventures; it's free, and it'll get you familiar with the names of pretty much every batfamily member. The problem with WFA is that it's based on fanon interpretation of the characters and character dynamics, so even though it'll loosely reference the occasional canon event, for the most part you can't really trust it for anything more than civilian names, vigilante/superhero names, and basic appearances of, well, honestly pretty much everyone, including people I haven't even begun getting into for real. From there it's pretty much just diving into it. For Red Hood, I recommend reading A Death In The Family (the print edition I own also has A Lonely Place of Dying, which introduced Tim and is honestly a better story) as a prelude for Under the Red Hood, which, you know, reintroduced Jason as Red Hood. The first Batman story I read was Batman: Black Mirror, which features Dick as Batman and focuses on the Gordons a lot, it's a really good story, my only gripe with the story is the changing art style, the two artists do NOT mesh well. Batwoman: Elegy is a really, REALLY good standalone story, might actually be beginner friendly now that I think about it, cause it's basically her introduction (not literally but very close to it) and it doubles as her origin story; also it's written by Greg Rucka, and I'd trust him with writing my life story, fr.

*elseworlds stories are DC's term for any story that does not take place in the main multiverse and is entirely non canonical. Marvel doesn't really have this concept except I guess what if? stories, most of the non-canonical stories marvel chooses to tell simply take place in another universe within the main multiverse. All Star Superman is an elseworlds story

Watchmen

Is Watchmen beginner friendly? I genuinely have no idea, I'm incredibly biased bc it's literally the first comic I read, before I even had my webcomic phase. It's a DC comic in the sense that it was published by their imprint, but I don't even know if it counts as an elseworlds story, it's just... Completely unconnected to anything. It tells the story of the second generation of heroes in a world that is closer to ours than Marvel or DC's. There's only one truly super person in this world. Because vigilantes really did appear and rise to some kind of prominence in this world, comics look very different than what we know, and the main story is interspersed with an in universe comic about a pirate. There's a lot of political commentary in this and some of it arguably didn't age well, but it's a really interesting deconstruction of the superhero genre and one of the most notable of its kind. For better or for worse, modern comics are what they are at least partially because of this comic, and I think it's worth a read

Indie comics

I know you said you wanted beginner's recs for superhero comics, but I want to give a couple of recs for indie comics because they're worth checking out as well

Lumberjanes

Y'all know their work from She-Ra, but before they were the creative mind behind one of the most successful queer cartoons ever ND Stevenson was a well known indie comic artist and writer. They've created a number of comics I love, including the Graphic novel Nimona which I also warmly recommend, and they're also the reason I picked up lumberjanes, which is a story of a girl scount-like summer camp which is deeply weird. It's queer and a lot of fun, sort of Night Vale vibes at times. If you're looking to get into indie comics this is definitely one of the best

Giant Days

This one is a lot lighter than Lumberjanes since it's a slice of life comic about three college girls, not that Lumberjanes is exactly heavy duty. Honestly don't have much else to say about it I think it's really good!

And that's it for now! By no means a comprehensive list of... Anything, and not even a list of my personal favorite comics (although I did only include comics I genuinely enjoyed). Good luck!

(mutuals feel free to add on to this!)

[withlovelunette]

Hey! I hope everything regarding your health works out! I love your blog, you're an angel for imparting all this knowledge for free. I love your posts they're invaluable!!

I wanted to ask your opinion on referencing songs lyrics or modern artists while writing? My ideas are so tied to the songs I listen to, i sometimes really want to incorporate them into what im writing. Especially bc often i feel like my character liking certain songs says a lot about them but I've never actually seen this done well when ive read it in other works. It always comes off awkward and out of place (imo) - do you have any advice? is it better to just leave it out entirely?

Please take the time you need to respond <3 I hope you get well soon! Good luck with everything!

Hello hello! Thank you so much for the good wishes :,D <3 And I'm so relieved this blog has been helpful for you, thank you for the ask!

I'll preface by saying that I don't write in very modern settings anymore, but I do have some experience from some of my older projects, as well as from reading books that include songs, so I'll try my best to help you tackle this issue!

For if you have a specific song in mind!

Firstly, and this one is probably the most obvious one, is to make sure that the song actually suits the setting that you're writing in! This is pretty straightforward when writing in contemporary settings (regardless of whether you're specific about the year your story is set in or if you're keeping it vague). If you have a specific time and place in mind, it's pretty much just a quick google search to see if the song was around back then. If you have a vaguer time and place (say, 1980s), you'll want to make sure that the technology/events/celebrities you're including don't accidentally specify the year, in case it contradicts your song choices. This also applies to mentioning artists!

But if your setting is more fictional (even if it's based on our world), this becomes a lot more subjective, and ultimately comes down to whether or not you feel like it fits into the setting.

Onto the actual "how to incorporate music" bit; one way you can go about it is to primarily refer to the music by name and describe your character's experience listening to that music, and then readers can always just look up the song themselves. I believe Haruki Murakarmi did this in Norwegian Wood! He might've included a few lyrics (it's been a while since I read the book, so I can't say for sure), but for the most part, he only refers to the Beatles song by name and describes the song through the characters experiencing it. This allows you to both describe the general vibe of the song to the audience in case they're unfamiliar, while also conveying the characters' relationship with the song.

Another way you can do it is to include lyrics in your writing, and I imagine this is the one you often find to be awkward and out of place, maybe? (I've definitely found them a bit awkward ^^;) I'll be transparent here and say that I generally don't like to include lyrics in my writing, particularly because it can lead to copyright issues if it's not in the public domain, but also because I find this to bring a lot of show vs tell issues for me (as in, it feels very "on the nose"). The main way I've tried to sidestep this issue is by having characters sing parts of the lyrics themselves, and sort of weave it into the dialogue, but it can definitely still come off as awkward if it's not done well. By having characters sing specific parts out loud, you're kinda highlighting which parts of the lyrics stick out to that particular character; but again, this can definitely be a very on-the-nose solution, so I'd really recommend to use lyrics sparingly!

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins includes a fair share of lyrics in it (though they're fictional songs), so maybe give that book a read-through and see if you like her format!

For if you don't have a specific song in mind/songs that don't have lyrics!

This section is more so dedicated to situations where you might not have a specific song, or if the song you've picked doesn't have any lyrics (such as classical pieces), since the solution here is more or less the same.

In these situations, I'd recommend to go the "describe the vibe of the song + how the character experiences the song" route! If it's a song that doesn't have lyrics, but has a name, you can also name it, similarly to what Murakami did in Norwegian Wood. You mentioned that songs can say a lot about a character, and you can often achieve similar effects just by describing the songs that they're listening to as well.

A character who listens to intense, grimy metal with a heavy bass and distorted electric guitar is going to give off a very different image than a character who listens to melodic piano pieces with softened, delicate strings harmonising in the background. It often helps to have specific songs as a reference for these descriptions, even if you don't outright name any songs! I also find that using descriptions that don't typically describe sounds can be very fun to experiment with (such as describing as something sounding "sour"). These can get a bit flowery sometimes, but it can still be a lot of fun to write! :,)

– Outro

Hope this helped you out a little bit! Honestly, lyrics can be very tricky to incorporate, so I completely understand the struggle ^^; And as always, if I was unclear/confusing about anything, or if there's anything else, let me know! Thank you for the ask!

[literary-ink]

As always, @applesandbannas747 is putting into words what I was thinking better than I ever would.

First of all, I have to clarify that I haven't bought the new issue and, truth be told, I'm not even sure I will. I don't think I can keep reading this without my mental stability being affected until it's finished and I know what to expect. Yeah, I know, it sounds crazy (ADHD). Tell me about being attached to your fav hyperfixation.

It's exactly what Jack's pinpoint. I've come to the conclusion that, rather than a FENCE fan, I'm a fan of what FENCE could've been. Don't get me wrong, I'm always happy to hear that the comic is still going on and we get to know how the story continues. I will lose it if the comic gets cancelled and we never get to know how it ends bc I want to know the canon story. But I feel like I'm getting upset over something that didn't exist in the first place.

Ok, let's dive into it, shall we?

I think that, effectively, the narrative of FENCE is very weird. Many of us know how the story goes. It started as monthly issues, then a pause, then another thing; we believed it was cancelled because taking so long to announce another issue wasn't a good sign? Then it wasn't cancelled —yayy— and we got RISE which was . . . okay, I guess, but we could already tell the cracks of the storyline and mainly the characters.

Yeah, 18 months is a lot, and we had TOO much time to get bored and be in need of new content. This is where fanfic writes and content creators on platforms such as this one come into the picture and create these magnificent fics that are the literal definition of doing God's work. What was the problem here? We had high expectations due to what had been promised in the premise and previous issues and the long wait, so we wrote, drew, etc, bearing these things in mind.

The canon story doesn't add up to the image we have in our heads anymore. Mainly because of fanfics. Yours are amazing, Jack. I personally love the way you write every character and the fact that they're . . . just not like that is insane to me. They're not like that!! I swear my brain can't comprehend this information. Do you mean to tell me that Nicholas was always meant to be a golden retriever??? No, you can't convince me.

He wasn't in CANON. Or at least his character wasn't simply reduced to that personality trait. I said this in my last long rambling about FENCE almost a year ago, and I stand by what I said. C.S. Pacat has priorities (completely valid) and it's pretty obvious FENCE is not in the realm of the main ones. So consequently, we get strange development of characters — may I say disappointing — and an inconsistent storyline, always tied to the possibility of getting cancelled any moment.

FENCE is very anticlimatic bc is a series that is solely being carried by its fan base. That's the thing, and I also believe that's why, despite being this tiny, the fandom creates such great pieces. We barely get any canon content, and when we do, it's just not what we expected. Thus, we end up making up our own depiction of the characters and events that we'd like to have seen, which is fueled by fandom feedback. I'll never not be bitter about the fact that we barely got any rivals phase. This was marketed as a RIVALS to LOVERS. WHERE'S THE RIVALS??? Where's the Nicholas and Seiji we were promised? I'll tell you where they are: in the fandom's collective imagination.

I'll always be in LOVE with the first 12 issues, and I'll always be in love with writers works in ao3. I swear the day Jack decides he's done with FENCE is the day I die (jk, I don't want to put any pressure on you 😭🤚)

Well, I think I'm done rambling for today. Heck, I'm sorry this looks so serious, but I could talk endlessly about this topic.

[flowerpotmage]

I'm hopping on anon for this because it might get too specific (← is definitely exaggerating)and uh. I'm paranoid lol

I have a lot of trouble coming up with anything to say about the whole creativity problem, because I'm on the exact same boat, even down to the abandoning fandom thing. and sadly know plenty of other people in that same position. and I feel, I guess, that big sibling urge to give solutions that would make the problem just disappear, and make everything better. but it's like… impossible, because I can't give you the answers I haven't reached myself.

if it helps any, I don't think there's any pressure to continue or not. this isn't exactly something you can fix or take control over. and as much as we, as readers, want to give support and make it better by showing love and appreciation, it just… doesn't really help in giving the nudge, and getting that mental hurdle out. because all it takes is that one single instance of someone showing distaste or critique, for it to become ingrained and for us to question every single decision. it's especially disheartening when it reaches the point of you looking at something, detesting it, but knowing deep down that if this was done by someone else in the exact same way, you'd be thinking it's amazing.

hardcore fan of tgbd, currently my favourite fic ever, and I'll just say, no pressure and no hard feelings over whatever happens. we're already so incredibly lucky that you shared as much of this amazing story as you did, and I don't think any of us want to see you experiencing emotional anguish over it. even if it comes down to getting one update a year, or the fic being abandoned altogether.

I totally get it. I always want to have the perfect thing to say, especially about things I've experienced myself and it kills me when I don't have the right thing to say that'll just fix it.

all it takes is that one single instance of someone showing distaste or critique, for it to become ingrained and for us to question every single decision.

It's awful bc this^ is exactly what I'm struggling with!! Like I know I posted about the whole RSD + creativity scar thing but oof!! And especially difficult bc there's all these studies about how humans might be wired to remember negatives more than positives as an old survival mechanism but like..... Come ON. It doesn't help, of course, that I have a hard time internalizing compliments being for me, no matter the context or what is being complimented. It's very silly.

But yeah, I just like... idk my biggest struggle is that TGBD has a very special place for me and I remember the excitement and the ideas and the way I was feeling about it and how invested I was (and am) in the characters, but I just haven't been able to get the words flow and then I start overthinking about how it'll be seen and it's....... It's a weird place to be, emotionally and psychologically.

I don't intend to abandon it, that's for sure, but I'm like just... Trying to let it breath, I guess?

Regardless, I really appreciate this ask 💚 knowing someone else has been in the same boat at any point in time and understands really makes me feel a bit better about the struggle haha

[menlove]

This is an odd question but it relates to the porn thing. Some people I trust a lot to have good opinions have pointed out that kinks are oftentimes being essentialized by pro porn activists, when the kinks people have often mirror the popular porn categories we know. They also said that they mourn the fact that people often act like vanilla sex is being handled as something „lesser“ than kinky sex. I noticed this, too. I got confronted with porn when I was 12, drew gay porn on Twitter for a long time and noticed that there’s a lot of minors seeking out hardcore stuff that I only discovered when I was in my 20s. I kinda feel like a lot of us fandom artists unknowingly shaped these young kids and their understanding of sexuality, sometimes probably negatively. Do you think nsfw artists kinda added fuel to the fire? I can’t help but feel incredibly guilty.

throwing this under a read more just bc it got pretty long fasdfasdf

hmmm i feel like this is a pretty complex topic? but first of all i do wanna say you shouldn't feel incredibly guilty i don't think. as long as you weren't trying to expose minors to your content, i don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. minors are Going to find nsfw content one way or another and the best we can do is just make sure we are putting up 18+ warnings/screening who interacts with and follows our nsfw content, and promoting safe sex/bdsm practices for all ages. minors absolutely should Not be involved in bdsm imo, but it's better that accurate and safe info is available than not for those that choose to participate despite warnings (& this is assuming minors doing this w other minors btw it's a whooole other conversation w them "participating" w adults)

as for nsfw/fandom artists and how that relates to like. actual porn. i feel like the Biggest problem w porn (bdsm and otherwise) is the exploitation of the actors. when it comes to fanart/fanfic, there Is impact, but not nearly as large as real porn by real human actors. so while it's the responsibility of fandom nsfw creators to make sure they're doing their best to a) bar minors from their content and b) promote safe practices, i don't think you should feel Guilty and Bad for producing bdsm fan content

this is maybe getting a lil personal and is like... just my story/take and i'm sure there's other people who feel differently but. idk how old you are and we might be the same age/you might be younger bc everyone has different experiences and exposure to the internet, but i was definitely one of the kids in this case. i started seeking out nsfw fan content around middle school (stumbled on it accidentally earlier) and encountered some very very hardcore stuff young. but it's like... hm. w fanart/fanfic there's only so much realism that goes into it ykwim? and obviously acted out porn isn't "realistic" either, but they are still bound by the limits of the human body in a way fan content isn't. and that might seem like it would make fan content "more" harmful than not, but tbh i feel like it's the opposite? bc like in my case, i didn't start seeking out acted out porn until i was in my late teens and THAT'S when issues cropped up. too personal to really talk about tbh. but there's a huge huge difference, i think, psychologically, between seeing fanart of characters engaging in hardcore kink that may not even physically be possible (see: monsterfucking, size difference to an unrealistic level, omegaverse, etc) and seeing actual living breathing human beings engaging in it. there's nothing inherently wrong w either, but it's the latter that our brain constantly does the "okay more" thing with

like this is. ENTIRELY anecdotal and i really don't know if anyone's done any specific studies on it (the only studies i can think of are more about simulated c/p which is. a whooooole different story). but as far as i've seen in fandom nsfw/bdsm spaces, people kind of. find their kinks and limits and stick to them. they don't really feel the urge to press those boundaries and while sometimes they might stumble on smth more hardcore that they wind up being interested in, there doesn't seem to be that psychological push for More and Harder. on the flipside, there's been studies done about acted out porn that when viewing these things there's a point where the thing you were viewing gets old and boring and you want something New and Interesting and Harder. which is where problems come in bc oftentimes these "harder" things are like. not feasible for the human body and incredibly harmful to the actors who are usually not following safe bdsm rules and etiquette. bc safe bdsm does not Allow for these things that are like actually and permanently hurting people. like there are Horror stories abt what some porn performers go through physically bc of unsafe scenes. or in even worse cases, "more" and "harder" translates to illegal/incredibly immoral (c/p, zoo, etc). which for obvious reasons is incredibly physically and mentally harmful to the victims involved.

this got so long i'm sorry fasdfasdf but

tl;dr: i think while certainly there's an Impact on ppl from fan content, it's nowhere near as profound as the one from acted out porn. there are no people getting hurt or putting themselves in danger they do not want to be in, it's just drawn images/words on a screen. and while it sucks that people are viewing "vanilla" sex as lame/not enough, i feel like this is mostly down to acted out porn just based on anecdotal evidence. the Most we can do is just make sure we are offering as safe a space as we can that does not encourage minors to interact w it, but being mindful of the fact that they probably will anyway and provide safe resources for everyone knowing that

[lecliss]

You and tales of crestoria 🤝 me and final fantasy record keeper

I think they killed mine bc it was unprofitable (it was so so so ineffective to put real money into <3<3<3) and unpopular, but they really should've considered that i, the most important bird in the world, enjoyed it. Or some other reason that i could probably google *shrug

I miss it every day 💔💔💔🐦

Duuuuude, I played Record Keeper for a bit when it was new!!!!! I heard it was just the global version that shut down but the JP version is still going, so yeah, global probably just wasn't making enough money to be worth running. So, ya know. RK's still kinda alive but ToC is dead and buried. Lmao, not to diminish the RK situation cuz I'm sure restarting on JP would just absolutely not be worth the hassle so definitely still kind of a Lost Lenore.

I kinda wish Opera Omnia would consider adding characters from the other FF mobile games cuz there's untapped potential there. Like add Tyro at least for RK rep. And Wol from Mobius FF, which I also miss a lot!!!! I don't want Mobius to ever be forgotten. Plus the BE crew, but that's the only one that's shockingly still going strong. Meanwhile Square's adding TikTok influencers to Be:WotV, so :/

Man this sent me down a rabbit hole of other Square mobile games. I played both Valkyrie Anatomia: The Origin and Star Ocean: Anamnesis without knowing anything about the original series but I loved those games and they didn't really last longer than 2-3 years. Plus the global server for SINoALICE either shutdown within the last week or is shutting down real soon. Even the JP server is being rumored to shut down relatively soon, but idk if that's willingly or not cuz they're supposedly taking their time to wrap up the story at least.

Both Square and Bamco just seem so bad at keeping most of their gachas alive. And years of constantly having good gachas I like getting shutting down has really given me a fear for all of them that I play. I genuinely don't believe Ever Crisis is gonna last more than a year and everyday I play Star Rail I'm afraid it's suddenly gonna bomb suddenly and get shut down. Tho Hoyoverse seems real good about that not happening with their games, but still when I see people say HSR is dipping it makes me a little paranoid and I gotta remind myself they just got bored and wanna find a reason to justify it.

Like honestly, I know mobile games get a lot of shit for how many of them are low quality and the massive amount of gachas that want your money from your gambling addiction, but I love the genre so much. I've found so many good games that are gachas and it sucks that the state/economy/whatever of the genre is so so fragile that the slightest dip in sales means it's existence has to be ripped out of the universe regardless of how good it may be. It's not like they stop selling it but you still have your copy like it's a console game or you can just emulate it once it closes. When it's gone, it's gone. People can record cutscenes and rip models and assets, but you can never play it again. At least thank god for those one-in-a-million games that leave up offline versions when they shutdown, but in all my life of mobile gaming I've only seen two, KHUX and Tokimeki Idol.

Anyway sorry to ramble on about the topic, I'm just feeling mega sad now about it all and I don't know what could possibly be done to like, make the mobile game scene better? At least about this issue. But I doubt anything ever would be done in terms of not losing games forever anyway.

[candychameleon]

Talk about your love for MegaStar 👀

oh no what HAVE you done uhh i will try to like...keep my thoughts condensed bc the ESSAYS i could write on this ship. my dissertation on megastar

okay this ended up being long so i WILL put this under a readmore LMAO

i mean the thing is i could write so much because their dynamic is both like the same but also SO DIFFERENT IN EVERY CONTINUITY so my thoughts on megastar changes depending on continuity like. how i feel about TFA Megastar is not exactly the same as how i feel about TFP Megastar or Earthspark Megastar or IDW Megastar but like...the one thing i like the MOST about megastar is just how dysfunctional and codependent it can be (sorry hkdsfh but also idk what anyone expects with megastar i...am not sure anyone ships it bc its a paragon of a healthy relationship)

which is like a whole other can of worms but i find that sort of thing interesting in general, bc like...ALL cybertronians to a degree are dysfunctional, some more than others, but that kinda comes with the territory of having a 4-million year long civil war and one (1) therapist (who is only in one continuity). none of them really know HOW to be healthy and it's interesting exploring that and the different ways they've been broken and the different ways they cope. and to me megastar is one of the MORE interesting examples because like there is something to be said about knowing someone and being THAT close to them for as long as megatron and starscream have. they know each other better than anyone else, which is both isolating and a strange comfort. if starscream or megatron were ever to disappear or die, the other would lose a not-insignificant part of themselves; i don't think either of them even remember what their life was like without the other, nor can they really imagine it. like starscream being megatron's SiC has them working together for basically their entire lives i'd imagine. which is like...also something i wish was explored more, WHY starscream is megatron's SiC. like show me why he earned that rank! show me why he KEEPS that rank, why megatron trusts him THAT much, because like...obviously he must be SiC for a reason. why would megatron appoint him as his second if he did not in SOME capacity feel starscream was capable of leading the decepticons if he's gone (so like...stories of starscream being hopelessly incompetent kinda frustrate me sometimes. like sometimes i find them amusing but man i would love more of Dangerous, Competent Starscream bc he is SO enjoyable that way too). like TFA Starscream is one of my favorite depictions of Starscream because he is a THREAT and you can INSTANTLY see with everything he does WHY he is rightfully feared by autobots and proves megatron shouldn't have underestimated him

they're messy and co-dependent and i wish i could find like DMs where i've rambled abt it bc i've definitely articulated myself better in those and i'm having trouble w words rn hfldksjh. i want them to watch the world to burn, together, hand in unlovable hand

i find their relationship and dynamic just fascinating, not even 100% from a shipping standpoint, just in general (although i do also ship them and think they should kiss. or that they're bitter exes, which is like...ALSO a very fun dynamic to explore for me)

i guess if you want more focused thoughts ask me about a specific continuity bc i have a LOT to say about different megastars! like ESPECIALLY earthspark lately, but yeah. w/o a continuity i just talk about like...megastar OVERALL like IN GENERAL what i enjoy in a megastar dynamic

not to mention like every continuity ever has ENABLED and fed me so much. the megastars eat so well all the time and i thank hasbro for it. didnt like wfc but "i like his arrogance actually" will be THE highlight of the whole thing. did ANY of this rambling make sense. god i hope so, god i hope not

[splattermouth]

You said you wanted to talk about valvolo so I reread Val's story and I came up with some questions (although the first is like... indirectly valvolo?): How did Vim feel about Volo when they first met and how did said pokemon feel about Volo's interactions with Val?

And how did the meeting with Giratina go? Like the decision for Volo to introduce Val and Irida to her and how it went down?

GOD Vim's funny, she does NOOOT like Volo at all, at least not at first. She warms up to them enough and Tolerates Volo (stops threatening them as much) after seeing how much Val trusts them, but I think from Vim's perspective it's more like. I'm only being nice because my dearest bestest friend in the whole wide world likes you, and I don't want him to be mad.

Putting everything under a read-more bc it gets looong

I remember reading a lil fic where like the main character's pkmn Also didn't like Volo and like tried to fucking poison him, and it was so funny. I think Vim is on the cusp of that at all times like *miette voice* You USE Val? Manipulate him like the puppet? Oh! Oh! Coma for Volo! Coma for Volo for One Thousand Years!!!!

THAT SAID Volo is definitely wary about Vim at first and makes jokes about it. Even for someone like him that adores pokemon, it's understandable! While not native to Hisui, I'm sure there's enough travelers from Kanto and Johto with stories about near tragic encounters with roving Hypno, that most people have at least a passing knowledge of what they're capable of. While in modern times, the idea of Hypno taking people away forever is probs a big exaggeration, like myths about sharks eating humans, they're still absolutely Not pokemon you wanna test your luck with. And in the past? Especially with alpha pokemon roaming around? I'm more than sure that plenty of the rumors about Hypno stealing people away into the woods are not rumors at all.

He does get more comfortable around her, though, the closer he gets to Val! If Val's so close with her, she must be fine, after all. He ends up teasing Vim a bit for being so so serious and no-fun-allowed all the time. Vim is not enjoying it.

As for Volo trying to introduce Val and Irida to Giratina, it does not. Go well. This might change a bit as I further develop the story BUT. By the time Volo decides to let their other two buddies meet their Third 'buddy' from hell, they're already well into their downward spiral. The three's previous attempt at trying to get Val's (and Ingo's) memories back with Uxie's help went absolutely nowhere. Both Val and Irida accepted nothing could be done, but Irida appreciated the concern the two had for one of her clan members regardless. Has maybe even grown to like Volo's company a bit. Val's kind of upset about it, but he supposes being left in the dark is maybe better than being told a truth he doesn't want to hear at the moment: that his arrival in Hisui was a punishment and not an accident.

Volo, meanwhile, does Not take yet another failed attempt at meeting the gods well. In a bit of an unwell state, they take a hesitant Irida and Val to Turnback Cave to meet another friend of theirs that can help the three on their quest to achieve Volo's dreams return Val and Ingo's memories.

They hardly actually see Giratina it's so dark, but she crawls and seeps from the shadows snarling and screaming and all the while, Volo's trying to settle her down all 'oh these are my friends, this is Val, you know him, I've told you about him, he's here to help us :)' and she just keeps screaming and screaming and spitting up ichor everywhere and eventually recedes back into the shadows and disappears. I imagine without the union of the rest of the plates, she can't escape the distortion world Just yet. That she can only seep out in small bursts and has little affect on the normal world otherwise. That's my excuse.

I also like to interpret Giratina as still very much a violent and Raging god. A lot of people write Giratina as more subtle and coercive, having a hold over Volo and that's fine, its a fun idea! I like the idea of her naturally having an affect on Volo's mind myself, by merit of her being this powerful, essentially miniature cosmic horror. But I also like the idea of her still being in this near inconsolable, wildly irrational state, with Volo being one of the few people able to reach through to her a little. (And Volo is still very much afraid of her as well, of course. It'd be kinda of disrespectful of her power if he wasn't. But he's sure he understands her like no other, sees himself in her blind rage. He trusts her to be good and well intentioned like Val trusts him and he wants the other two to see that.)

And don't get me wrong. While Volo still Very much has his own goals at the forefront of his mind, but he does genuinely want to help Val and Ingo with their respective issues as well. He hates seeing them (Well. Val anyway) suffering for no reason. But he's also just at the point where it's like. Well I guess killing god really IS the only way. By this point, with two people displaced from their own timelines against their will, left to flounder, while a couple no life kids get to run around with god's blessings just like that? Arceus is just a parasite-in-chief with Its idiot halo to Volo.

Anyway, Irida nopes tf out of there after that. She wants to trust Val's judgement because she Does appreciate everything he's done for her and her family, but she has her limits, and witnessing the shadow of Pokemon Satan Itself is It.

Val, meanwhile, still cant break his friendship w Volo. Irida practically pleads with Val to rethink taking Volo's side, but this is his buddy after all!! Volo means the world to him, and they know what they're doing he's sure this is all for good reason!!

...Albeit. Things are gonna be. A little strained now. I think Volo probably understands this, and realizes maybe it was a little too early into their qpr to add a third (the literal devil), and tries to overcorrect. But ultimately, even after the meeting w Giratina fucking flopped, Volo still misses all the red flags with Missingno fusing with Val until it's too late, too absorbed in their own goals to notice until Val is no longer alone in his body and Jacred's wide grin is practically splitting their old lover's face in two.

Both Val and Volo have to get a LOT worse before they can get better.

ANYWAY WOW THAT WAS A LOT AND KINDA GRIM AFTER A WHILE, have a silly scribble for reading everything <3

[phoebehalliwell]

I mean, if you want gossip, welcome to my tale of questionable decisions! Let me set the scene for you. The relevant players are me, my female friend, and a guy who we've both been befriending. (The setting, mostly irrelevant but must be added to emphasize the Questionable Decisions of this tale is a church group. As in we're all in the same church group. What the fuck at me) Anyways, friend has gotten some flirty signals from guy and is interested but not willing to do anything unless he's explicitly into her.

Meanwhile, I end up becoming closer friends with this guy bc we went to an arcade a weekend night, accidentally had too much, and then had a full on breakdown on how my ex bf almost definitely sexually assaulted me. The guy (nice guy not ex bf, he has no more relevance to this story besides my ~trauma~) ends up hanging out with me a few more days, in part bc I am Not Handling this well. (ha ha, i'm repressing it atm again, this seems like a better idea!) We end up being better friends tho, and I find out that he is into my friend which great!

Issue is that my hormones are fucking stupid as hell and I. haven't even kissed anyone since said ex bf and guy friend is nice to me and I am reasonably sure won't be weird about it. So basically: we ended up making out on my couch. for a while. Additional context: I outright told him beforehand that I didn't want a relationship with him and this would be a one-time thing that I would almost definitely never bring up again. Which: not wrong. He's a great friend and I like hanging out with him but we're fundamentally incompatible and I'm just not into him that way. (Seriously, the entire thought process on my end is that he has proven multiple times that he won't hurt me, will stop if I ask, and is chill enough that it won't need to become a thing.)

He had to leave after a while, because y'know time and I basically talked him into asking out my friend. So please, imagine this scenario. Me and him, having just spent two hours making out on my couch with the full understanding this was a one-time thing, now standing on my porch at midnight as I try to talk him into asking her out while he expresses doubt that she's into him. I've done it tho and he's gonna ask her out tomorrow. This is the current situation as of fifteen minutes ago.

My expectation is frankly that while we may talk about it in the future, bc he is currently only person alive who knows about my trauma, it will never happen again. (Like I said: I'm really not into him like that.) Admittedly, not totally sure on what'll happen with him and her but a legit possibility that they end up going out (and he's already promised me to not tell anyone about it, which he won't bc of who he is as a person) and it going well. Honestly, idk if I really need advice bc I do legitimately think that this will work out fine for everyone but may I get an f in the chat for what the fuck was I thinking. Any advice about the situation will be gladly accepted tho! (Also anything about dealing with said trauma bc like I said. I am. not handling it v well oof.)

The most ironic thing about fucking all this is that I am normally the most drama-free, chill person ever and never get into trouble and then I did this. To repeat: what the fuck at me!

legendary behavior on your part honestly like. like?? idk i'm with you i think this could turn out fine maybe. like obvs there are good odds it doesn't but like. ❤️❤️❤️❤️. like aint nobody gotta know like first off i totally believe in like the principle of making out with your friends. granted i rarely do it for like two hours with the homies but like making out for two hours with someone that you're into is also like not that weird of a thing either imo like making out with someone at the club!! you guys are both just there it's both just vibes like!! idk it's normal!!! i feel sooo hashtag phoebecoded rn i do feel like this is incredibly dumb advice but im also hashtag team you. i think this is gna be fine. but also yeah like really don't let her know. like. that's just business between y'alls just silly haha business and it's like if you get it you get it but if you don't it's really confusing and hurtful bc it's harder to get it if you already like the guy you get what i'm saying. but yeah. hope things work out for your friend and homeboy. homeboy sounds chill. also they're both so relatable for refusing to do anything until they know for sure it's reciprocated the amount of the times i have had to hold my homies at gunpoint (and vice versa!) to ask out the guy who clearly likes them... well it's a modern (?? or not idk i'm not old) rite of passage. wishing u all luck. keep me posted im nosy owo.