#I'm not in As Shitty of a place as last summer bc my mother is also deeply emotionally attached to Suzy

[savrenim]

not to be another donations post but you may remember how over the summer we had massive amounts of plumbing problems and other unexpected moving costs? well. after proceeding to work every single hour available to me for six months, take no holidays whatsoever, and budget the hell out of every aspect of my life, I was actually on track to pay everything back and maybe have a little bit of wiggle room by the time summer came around!

and then we got a call from the vet about routine labs saying that if we didn't take Suzy in to an emergency specialty hospital immediately, she would die within in a week, she might die anyways if we took her there, but it was our only chance to have a few more months with her. after an extremely difficult household discussion, we decided that we needed to do as much as we could for her. she's been a beloved member of the family for 18 years. we were not going to abandon her in her hour of need.

with two days at the specialty hospital, the prognosis was better than we could have possibly hoped! the most important thing is she does not have heart problems at all, which means that we can treat her chronic kidney disease with normal IV fluids and with careful treatment she could easily be with us for years to come. the timely intervention also may or may not have saved her from acute kidney failure too, we'll know when we go back to the vet on Wednesday to get her blood checked where her levels have stabilized at.

two days at the specialty hospital means we are also down $3652 , and no longer are on track to pay back everything by July when it comes due unless a couple of uncertain things going forward Go Right, I do not trust everything to Go Right, and we're also still uncertain about what long-term treatment going forward is going to cost.

I still have my ko-fi and my patreon, but honestly, I'm aware that everything is tight for everyone always and there are also a lot of causes that need money right now and in the face of that "hey my family went super out on a limb to try to save our cat and would love some help not falling off" feels kind of shallow. but like. not to sound dumb or like a youtuber or podcaster, but, like. honestly I think the Most Helpful Thing that anyone could do for me right now is take a fucking HelloFresh link that will send you a "free" box for cost-of-shipping ($7ish?) if you Sign Up For An Account that you can then cancel Immediately After The Box Has Shipped and Never Give Them Any More Money Than That and get Six To Ten Meals Out Of It, and for getting someone to "sign up", they will give me a free box too. like. if 13 people are willing to take a link then I don't need to worry about food for the next three months. which would be. HUGE.

so I guess.... dm me if you want a link? otherwise expect to see a lot of promotion of my writing/ patreon as I scramble the hell to try to make this money up

[rollercoasterwords]

15

ok i have saved this one until i could sit down and type lmao

15. a story of a teenage wild night?

gonna put this under a cut bc i have a feeling it's gonna get long! i am giving you a story of not just a wild teenage night but a wild teenage weekend so. buckle up if u decide to read. it is the story of How I Got Stranded in Michigan.

ok so. context first: the thing about me in high school is that i was very much a goody-two-shoes nerd UNTIL the summer before my senior year when some of my friends befriended a group of stoner video-game boys and then our friend groups sort of merged and that was like. the social scene for that year. some things to know:

these boys were all patently awful, but my friends and i were young and stupid and finding our ways in the world, and we were all mentally unhealthy and insecure enough that we essentially just let them walk all over us in different ways. it's weird to look back on sometimes (we hate all of them now)

this story involves four people: me; a girl who i had been best friends with for ten years who we will call A; the leader of the stoner boys who was incredibly charming and also incredibly manipulative and just all-around a shitty person hiding beneath a thin veneer of friendliness and fake-woke rhetoric who we will call B; and B's childhood friend who was sort of on the fringes of the group who we will call C. got it? Me, A, B, C.

at the time this story takes place, i had been dating B for about a year (genuinely the biggest mistake of my life, but we won't get into all that right now, although this story does scrape the surface of how awful he could be).

okay, now that we have all the context - picture this. it is 2017, the summer before i move out of state to begin my first year of college. i've just graduated high school and have mostly been spending the summer fucking around with friends when i'm not working to save up money. now, B's mother is an artist, and she needs to get some paintings to a gallery in Michigan. she can't take them herself; i don't remember why. she offers B some money if he can deliver them for her.

pause. something you need to know - B cannot drive. he does not have a license. he has a medical condition that prevents him from driving. "but rae, why would his mother ask him to deliver her paintings to michigan if she knew her son couldn't drive?" i don't know. i genuinely do not fucking know.

regardless, B approaches our friend group and asks if anyone would be willing to take a road trip to Michigan to deliver these paintings. his friend C agrees and says we can use his car. we decide to make an adventure of it; i will go along with B and C, drive six hours to michigan, deliver the paintings, and drive back home. it'll be a fun little road trip! my friend A wants to come along, so we'll have three drivers--should be fine, right? 12 hours isn't so bad if it's split between 3 people.

so we make the trip. getting to michigan goes smoothly; C drives the entire six hours. i offer, repeatedly, to take a shift, as does A. C says no, he wants to drive the entire way there so that we can drive back, because that way he can get high and just chill out in the back seat for six hours (B has brought weed along). i say fair, cool, makes sense. A and i can split the drive back, three hours each. no biggie.

we get to michigan. we deliver the paintings. time to turn around and go home! it's late afternoon now, but we should be able to get back before midnight. we pause first so that B and C can smoke. they ask me and A if we want any. i refuse, because i'm not really into weed as much as the rest of the group and i don't want to be high while driving. A decides to smoke a little. i'm nervous about it, but she assures me she'll be fine, and i let it go.

we get in the car. A wants to take her shift first, so that she can spend the last part of the trip chilling out. i'm fine with that. i get in the backseat with B. we start off. uh-oh! we're low on gas. better fill up before we get onto the freeway and there aren't any gas stations for miles. we stop at the first station we come across. A gets out to fill up the tank. B and i are in the backseat, not paying attention. C mumbles something.

"what?" i ask.

C is looking out the window. he squints. "is she putting diesel in my car?"

i glance out the window, but i can't see what A is doing from where i am. i shrug. "i dunno." i think to myself that it's probably fine; i'm sure A knows what she's doing. she's been driving cars since we were all fifteen; she knows how to fill up a tank of gas.

A gets back into the car. we start driving. within minutes, the engine is making horrible, horrible noises. we need to pull over, so we do. into a road that borders a cul-de-sac housing development and a cornfield and nothing else. we stop. the engine is clearly fucked. C is starting to freak out. A is apologizing profusely. B is high and annoyed with A. i'm trying to figure out what the fuck we're supposed to do, because i'm the only sober person between the four of us. we are in literally the middle of nowhere in michigan.

C has to call his parents. then he has to call a tow truck. we wait. the sun is setting. the tow truck comes and takes the car away. the driver tells us he's taking it to honda (i think? i honestly don't remember the brand of the car. i'm sticking with honda, whatever) dealership and gives us the address. we have to call an uber. i pay. it's expensive. we get to the honda dealership. it is now past closing time. the tow truck is gone. the car is in the lot, undriveable. we are in the middle of nowhere in michigan. the sun is nearly gone. we have literally nowhere to go. we're here until the dealership opens in the morning.

at this point, all of us are contacting our parents, trying not to freak out, trying to figure out what to do. A is continuing to profusely apologize. B and C are both mad at her. i'm the peacekeeper, trying to keep everyone calm and happy--which just makes all 3 of them get mad at me. B yells at me to shut up. fun!

in the end, i call my parents and explain what's happening. they say hang on sweetie, we're going to try and find you a hotel. A, B, C and i walk to a gas station to buy food, because we haven't eaten since lunch. it is a seventeen minute walk from the dealership. shortly after we get there, my mom calls me back and says ok--she had to call a bunch of different hotels, apparently everything is all booked up because there's some sort of conference that just so happens to be taking place right in the middle of nowhere michigan this precise fucking weekend. but she managed to find ONE hotel with ONE open room where we can stay. there are only two beds, but they have a cot we can use too. my parents paid for the room; they tell me that we can all pay them back later. i order another expensive uber to get us to the hotel.

we stay overnight in this hotel. none of us have anything but the clothes on our backs. i am super tired and irritated at this point, but now everyone else is having fun again. they want to smoke more weed. they do. i don't. i go to sleep.

we get up and check out the next morning. there is a sign in the lobby, welcoming everyone to the National Plumbers and Gas Fitters Convention. i could not make this shit up if i tried. the national plumbers and gas fitters convention--that's the reason that it was so fucking difficult to find a hotel the previous night. i literally still have the picture i took, just because it was so surreal:

(sidenote, idk why it says boston. i promise we were in michigan lmao)

we go to the dealership. they tell us that they honestly don't know why the tow truck brought C's car here; we need to take it to a mechanic. we call tow truck number 2. we go to a mechanic. the mechanic tells us that it will take a few hours and a few hundred dollars to fix. we are still in the clothes that we slept in. the nearest food option is a strip mall. it is a 36 minute walk.

we go to the strip mall. we get food. we go back to the mechanic. we wander around the suburban neighborhood that we are in. A, B, and C smoke more weed in an empty elementary school playground while i hover nervously. B and i go for a walk through a cemetery, where he tells me he's upset that i didn't want to cuddle the previous night. then he tells me that he's changed his mind about doing long distance when i go to college out of state, and he thinks we should maybe break up. mind you, we still have a six hour drive back home at the end of this.

i freak out internally because this news blindsides me, but i sit with B in this cemetery in the middle of nowhere in michigan and talk through why he's feeling that way and tell him that i would still like to try long distance, and is there any way we can try to make it work? he has an emotional breakdown. i play therapist. this is normal for us, although i have not yet realized why it's unhealthy. things will get much, much worse before i do! in the end, he decides that he does love me and wants to try long distance. great! we return to the mechanic. we wait for the car.

by the time the car is finally fixed, it's late afternoon. we have been stranded in michigan for a full twenty-four hours. i take the keys and drive the entire six hours home, since everyone else is high. the next day, my parents sit me down and say that they have spoken with C's parents, and they think that all four of us should split the cost of repairs. i'm upset about it, but i grudgingly agree to help foot the bill instead of making A pay for the entire thing. B, on the other hand, refuses to help pay when i text him about it, insisting that it's all A's fault and she should pay. in the end, C texts and says he's covering it. both A and i offer to help, but he refuses, saying it's his car and his responsibility. both A and C pay my parents back for their portion of the hotel room. B never does.

the end!

this ask game

[aintguiltyy]

I'm sorry you're not feeling well!!! I LOVE YOU!!! For a distraction, please tell me your favorite Lesbian!Reddie HCs!!!!

Thank you bby, I appreciate it so much😭❤️

I feel like a lot of my lesbian!Reddie HCs correlate with the established ones, but I’ll try to be original. Also, I know you only asked for HCs but I basically wrote a whole ass fic bc I’m a mess and nothing can stop me😇

Whenever I think about fem!Eddie, I see a typical soft girl with cute hair bows and glittery nails, always a cherry lipgloss in her purse. Like, she’s the human version of the strawberry dress and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for Richie, I feel like she would be somewhere between a butch and a femme. One day she can pop up to a party wearing a flannel shirt with Calvin’s showing from under her ripped bleached jeans, and the next day she’s rocking a tight black leather dress and heeled sandals.

Fem!Eddie would so be into alternative music, like Lana Del Rey, King Princess, Frank Ocean, Clairo, Billie Eilish... Can you picture Eddie being one of those girls that went to Halsey’s concert and asked her to be her first kiss? Because I can.

Fem!Richie would definitely be the “if a song is a bop, it’s a bop” type of person. If you open her Spotify, as Stefon says, this place has everything. Tyler, The Creator, The 1975, Justin Bieber, Jorja Smith... The list goes on and on. It’s because I’m flexible, she says. Well, that one time she pulled her leg trying to stretch in PE and couldn’t walk for a week would beg to differ.

As for them coming to terms with their sexuality, I have a whole list of scenarios in my head, don’t even get me started.

With Eddie, she kind of always just knew, but tried to hide it, especially while she was still living with her mother.

After moving away to college and seeing how open people were about their sexuality there, Eddie grew more confident, not shying away and locking up whenever girls apart from Beverly and Richie complimented her, but she still didn’t have enough courage to actually come out (until one day she did, but that’s another story).

With Richie, in all her life she didn’t really pay attention to anyone, never really thought twice about some guy or girl that subtly tried to hit on her. All of Richie’s attention was always focused only on her friends and maybe, just maybe, a bit more on Eddie.

It finally hit Richie that she’s not only into girls and not into guys, but into Eddie, when Eddie dragged her to Macy’s after earning her first paycheck and almost made the cashier cry because they didn’t have the right size of a dress Eddie really wanted to buy. Just watching her fuming, one second away from stamping both of her feet because the store didn’t have some low quality lilac summer dress, was enough for Richie to finally realize just how in love she was.

As for coming out, I feel like Richie would be the first to tell all of the Losers and then the rest of the world, but with Eddie, she struggled with being open about that part of herself mostly because of her mother, but also anxiety and fear of losing her only friends, even though she knew that they wouldn’t leave her if they found out she was gay, because Eddie’s seen how supportive they were of Richie.(I came up with a whole fic while writing this so if you want to see how I picture lesbian!Reddie coming out, feel free to stop by my ask box!)

The last but not least — fem!Reddie getting together.

Even though my favorite getting together trope is probably “person A walking in on person B and jumping their bones”, I wanted to throw something cute and soft in here, so enjoy 💞

Even after Richie and Eddie come out and the cats are out of the bags, they are both too scared to make a move, because just because she likes girls doesn’t mean she might like me.

So, when they do get together, it’s completely on accident.

Eddie’s teeth has been hurting for a few days now, and she, being the definition of a hypochondriac she is, makes an appointment with the dentist where they tell her that she needs to have one of her wisdom teeth removed as soon as possible.

Rchie drives her to the clinic the next day and waits for Eddie in the waiting room with shitty coffee and some pamphlet on how to avoid STDs just to be met with her barely conscious best friend wrapped in a soft blanket, slurred voice blocked by the cotton balls in her mouth and drugs in her system, and the most adorable, barely understandable comments Eddie makes during all of their way home.

When Richie lays Eddie down on her bed and tucks her in, meaning to let her rest, a weak hand reaches out and tugs on her wrist, wordlessly asking to stay. And who’s Richie to refuse cuddles with her favorite person in the world?

She lays down next to Eddie, who lifts her blanket to let Richie snuggle closer to her and instantly buries her nose in Richie’s neck, signing softly.

Richie smiles when a few minutes later she hears quiet snores, the ones she knows from two years of living with Eddie mean she’s definitely asleep, caressing the small of Eddie’s back where her hand hugs her.

She appears to be wrong though, because suddenly Eddie lifts her head and Richie almost coos at how cute and sleepy she looks, but there’s determination in those honey-brown eyes that throws Richie off-balance.

“You need to rest, Eds. Go back to sleep,” she says softly, hugging Eddie even tighter, but Eddie only shakes her head and looks into Richie’s confused eyes before demanding as seriously as she can with two cotton balls in her mouth: “Did I ever tell you I love you?”

Taken aback, Richie furrows her brows, tries to catch up with what’s happening, already thinking of a way to turn this into a joke because clearly Eddie doesn’t mean it like that. She likes girls, yeah, but she’s never shown any interest in Richie like that, like they might be more than best friends.

“Yeah. Remember that time you forgot your wallet and you were really hungry and I bought you, like, two burritos with extra guac?” Richie jokes, grinning to mask everything she’s feeling right now, from confusion to fear, but Eddie only shakes her head.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” she says, and Richie tries so hard not to freak out because even though Eddie still looks so out of it, the seriousness in her voice and the words falling from her puffy lips are making her feel things.

“What did you mean, then?” she croaks, trying to read the situation, because from the way Eddie’s looking at her right now, she might, might be saying what Richie thinks she’s saying.

“That I love you. Not for those burritos, but for you,” she says and instantly cringes, and Richie barely suppresses a snort because Eddie’s too fucking cute when she’s high on medicine. “That came out cheesy and talking fucking hurts, so please tell me you get what I’m saying,” Eddie whines, and her puppy eyes have always been impossible to resist, so Richie shuts the anxiety and fear already screaming in her mind up and smiles, pulling Eddie even closer.

“I get it, Eds. I love you too.”

The way Eddie’s eyes light up at her words is almost enough to have Richie’s heart bursting out of her chest and falling right into Eddie’s hands, but a moment later Eddie furrows her brows and studies Richie before asking “For realsies? Like, love love?”

Snorting, Richie smiles softly. “Yes, Eddie. For realsies. I love love you”.

This time, Eddie actually squeaks and Richie wants to kiss her so badly, but it’s not the best idea as long as there’s an open wound in Eddie’s mouth. Eddie, as it seems, comes to the same conclusion, her half-lidded gaze falling on Richie’s lips before she sighs.

“I’d kiss you right now if this damn tooth wasn’t cockblocking me,” Eddie mumbles, burrowing her face in Richie’s neck once again, and Richie can’t hold back a delighted chuckle at this side of Eddie that only comes out when she’s not in full control of her mouth before gently kissing her on the forehead.

“Go to sleep, baby. We’ll have plenty of time to do just that and more once you feel better.”

“Okay,” Eddie mumbles into her neck, making Richie shiver a bit, and she feels so happy she could burst and decides that the second Eddie feels better, she’ll do everything in her power to make her feel just as happy as she’s feeling right now.

In conclusion, yeah, I have a lot of feelings about Lesbian!Reddie🥺.

[janiedean]

Hey! I had never listened to Bruce Springfield before seen your analysis of Born in the USA and Youngstown, but I really liked them! Now I'm curious, but lazy, so I'm here to get more. *clears her throat* You are... a bad person? Yeah, that. I dislike you. This is anon hate. It's not an anon, technically, but you know in your heart that it is bc symbolism. Or something. Give me more Bruce? Please. I mean, YOU'RE EVIL. (But please?)

first thing: here, once I gave an anon the run-down on how to get into springsteen. you can refer to that post for in-dept ways of getting into bruce. u__u

other than that, I’ll take your anon hate (u really put effort in it hm ;) ) and raise you another rant let me see what I can do for you, since I have another anon in your same predicament I can give another political song to I can give you my to-go SONG ABOUT THEON GREYJOY AND HIS FATHER shuddup guys it is.

so:

PLS BE INTRODUCED TO ADAM RAISED A CAIN.

Adam Raised a Cain is the second song from Bruce’s fourth album Darkness on the Edge of Town from 1978, follow-up to Born to Run and way more grim than that but if I went into the reasons why Darkness was more grim we’d be here until next month so tldr, Bruce was having a fairly shitty time in his life back then and was working through issues and he’s always had a fairly shitty relationship with his father than he managed to mend before the guy died but in ‘78 he was Working Through His Issues and it shows, so that’s the context you need.

Now, on to the lyrics which are actually an excellent case of What Makes Springsteen Lyrics Tick.

In the summer that I was baptized, My father held me to his side, As they put me to the water, He said how on that day I cried. We were prisoners of love, a love in chains, He was standin’ in the door, I was standin’ in the rain, with the same hot blood burning in our veins, Adam raised a Cain.

Now, first thing not usual about this song: it doesn’t really have a refrain which is not repeating (sorta obsessively) Adam Raised a Cain which only makes the song darker and more anxiety-inducing because it’s not really structured like a typical rock song - no bridge, no refrain.

Then, we’re immediately hit in the face with the catholic imagery which will to you make sense when I tell you that Bruce is one of those infamous lapsed catholics who had Issues with growing up in it. Anyway: ‘in the summer I was baptized’ immediately throws you into the action because you know when the whole thing started (when he was baptized ie when he was a newborn most likely), my father held me to his side, so he was near his father who has him close (as it should be) but he saw how on that day I cried, which already gives us a clear inkling that a) baptism = tears, b) tears = suffering, c) his father = his baptism.

Which is then immediately linked to the immediately below sentence: we were prisoners of love, a love in chains, which suggests us that while they love each other their relationship is frayed and toxic and mutually not good, because they’re prisoners (negative) of a love in chains which they can’t get obviously out of - chains means you cannot get away even if you want to, so they obviously feel stuck with each other for how much they might love each other. 

Then we have a short but effective contrast with the first image of his father standing in the door (inside his home) while he is standing in the rain (outside the house, so he doesn’t feel welcome) with the same hot blood running in their veins as in they are related and they’re both too similar to not clash (HOT blood).

And then we have the main biblical image linking back to the catholicism and the entire refrain of the thing - adam raised a cain. As in: we all know the biblical story - Adam is the first man, Cain is his firstborn who then kills his brother Abel out of jealousy and gets cast out by God with a sign on his head and a curse on his shoulders, but while usually when telling the story it’s all about Cain’s faults and jealousy, not about who raised him. In this case it’s obvious that the moral of the story is that Cain turned out like that but Adam was the one who raised him so he also had a part in it. So we have a title which is all about the father/son relationship in which the son turns out bad (according to Moral) but the father is also the responsible, and the fact that it’s always, sorta obsessively repeated throughout the entire thing only drives the point home.

Onward:

All of the old faces, Ask you why you’re back, They fit you with position, And the keys to your daddy’s Cadillac, In the darkness of your room, Your mother calls you by your true name, You remember the faces, the places, the names, You know it’s never over, it’s relentless as the rain, Adam raised a Cain.

Here we have: old faces (people from the old town), asking him why he even came in the first place before fitting him with position and keys to daddy’s Cadillac which means that regardless of everything he’s expected to behave just like his father even if he doesn’t want to and if their relationship is toxic and they want different things, but again you can’t get away from the expectations which in turns makes the entire thing even more toxic and nightmare-ish.

And that gets said even clearer in the following: ‘in the darkness of your room’ (darkness = negative, your room = his old room when he was a kid so someplace he should feel safe in, called by his mother = the person he should feel safer with/the parent he had a good relationship with) your mother calls you by your true name (as I said in the previous note) and he remembers the faces/places/names ie everything that belongs to his childhood and he can’t get away from because it’s never over, relentless as the rain and he feels like it’s a endless vicious circle he can’t break - and adam raised a cain, AGAIN. Like, it all goes back again to the relationship with his father that he can’t fix.

In the Bible Cain slew Abel And East of Eden he was cast, You’re born into this life paying, for the sins of somebody else’s past, Daddy worked his whole life, for nothing but the pain, Now he walks these empty rooms, looking for something to blame, You inherit the sins, you inherit the flames, Adam raised a Cain.

And here we open up the big guns because:

first he explains in two lines his whole Bible metaphor if someone hadn’t caught up to it yet (in the bible cain slew abel and east of eden he was cast);

and then links it to his own relationship with his father with you’re born into this life paying for sins of somebody’s else’s past which is actually one of the Things Not Really That Great About That Mentality Of Saying People Should Pay For Their Ancestor’s Sins: he’s calling out the fact that same as cain paid for his father’s original sin he has to pay for his father’s or he has to feel guilty for his family’s or his father’s and that he has to espiate them even if he has absolutely nothing to do with that. And it’s not a thing he has a choice about - he’s born into it differently from having had a choice about it. Which is incidentally one of those most horrible things about calvinism ever but this is for another time;

but then as we assume he might want to talk shit about his father, he goes with daddy (endearing term, not my father from the first stanza) worked his whole life for nothing but the pain (so he recognizes that his father worked his ass off his entire life just to get suffering in return so his bad/toxic behavior is also tied to a cycle of suffering he was thrown into most likely because he also had to pay for somebody’s else’s sins);

and now he walks these empty rooms looking for something to blame, so he wants something to blame all of that suffering on/to something so he can figure it out but he can’t and he does it in a useless way ie walking empty rooms;

again, you inherit the sins, you inherit the flames - you’re born with the sins and the flames which = hell = damnation, going back into the whole imagery of catholic guilt (if you can’t expiate your sins you’re going to hell) that is pushed on him since the day he was baptized.

tldr: in the last part he ties the catholic guilt we had in the beginning and links it to the injustice of having to bear expectations from everyone else that you don’t want to shoulder (spoilers: bruce’s dad was not too much in favor of him becoming a singer and it probably shows) and points out how it all ties together in a mess of guilt, resentment and ruined relationships.

And in the end, we could be done here, but:

Lost but not forgotten, from the dark heart of a dream, Adam raised a Cain

This is just one line basically before the last (repeated) Adam/Cain line, but it’s incredibly poetic and evocative because adam is lost (you don’t know he’s there) but not forgotten (you can never forget about him even if you want to) and he jumps up from the dark heart of a dream which is like…. very creepy and evocative and haunting because it suggests a dark place in yourself (a dream) where you feel most vulnerable and it always strikes there and never leaves you alone, and this entire thing does not reach a positive conclusion actually it’s an extremely angsty, angry song that was obviously Working Issues Out (he didn’t until the eighties) but which is extremely relatable because I mean I had a good relationship with my parents and I might have found it relatable once or twice I can’t imagine people who actually have a bad one or are lapsed catholics and such on.

Also it’s totally relatable to theon in acok and I stand by my case. ;)