#I'm not gonna write it myself but this would be a great fanfic premise

[bayetea]

weird things I drew while intoxicated pt. 1

♡ my daily pjo art tag ♡

[followerofmercy]

Fanfic 20 questions! I was gonna say 'fuck it I love talking about myself even if nobody tagged me' and then realized @hua-fei-hua already did like. Two weeks ago. Whoops aldsjf I don't check my mentions. ANYWAY THANKS HOMIE

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

Currently 119. Should be 120 in a week or two

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

361,556 published. We can add another 60k that is written but unpublished for Monoceros Novae, 9k miscellaneous Hearthling notes, 24k unpublished honkai notes and another 50k in my general notes document.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively rn, only Genshin and Honkai. I'll write for other stuff when I feel like it.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Missing Person - Hollow Knight, genfic, little ghost and Quirrel - 1500 kudos (this is why small fandoms are the best alsdfj)

I Need to Leave Him Before He Leaves Me - Genshin, Alhaitham/Kaveh - 987 kudos (helped a lot of people think about their autism with this one lmao)

Homeward Bound - Hollow Knight, genfic, little ghost and Quirrel - 757 kudos (Idk why this one blew up. Wasn't that great but I appreciate the attention. Probably people sorting by kudos)

How 4.1 Should've Gone - Genshin, Aether/Lyney kicking Wriothesley's ass - 656 kudos (First and only time rewriting canon. Surprised at how well received it was)

Abusing the World Tree - Genshin, Lumine/Scaramouche - 643 kudos (Yk I used to really hate this fic and I still do, but not as much as I used to. I still think the entire premise is Horror instead of cute, but I think I did good with the prompt. )

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. I literally only write fanfic in order to connect with people alsdfj why the fuck wouldn't I take an opportunity to yap. I judge my success as a writer by how I make my readers feel/helping them realize something about themselves/etc and the communication is really fulfilling

I mean sometimes I don't reply if it's literally just like, a heart emoji, which I still appreciate but I don't have a lot to go off of there

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably the one where Steven Universe walks off a cliff on accident while he's sad and can't control his fall speed anymore and dies. I was much younger when I wrote it asldfkj.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That I'm proud of? No clue. Probably another Steven Universe one where Steven and Connie went to prom.

I will say that A Bard Walks in and Hugs the Bartender is my favorite 'happy' ending fic because of a comment I got on it. It's a story about forgetting details about deceased loved ones and the guilt that comes with that and then comfort that that's a natural part of the process, and someone let me know that they felt so seen. They said the forgetting is a part of grieving that doesn't get addressed enough and it was so nice to see it in writing and I'm like. Pack it up boys we've officially won writing! My writing has fundamentally changed a real life person. I have achieved what I consider success.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Very rarely and usually unintentionally. Had a dude call Arlecchino a 'psychotic bitch' in a comment where they were genuinely trying to praise my writing, but on a fic intended to show her doing her best and I'm like. I don't really have the energy to debate why that was rude and I'm blocking you. Bro if you see this tumblr post and you didn't intend to, like, shit on the entire premise and everything I love about that character, hmu in DMs and we can talk asldfkj. Otherwise please find other authors to read

Otherwise I think I'm secure enough in my interests and unabashedly unashamed of anything Problematique I write that bullies decide to choose better targets?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes and I've given up writing normal sex. I'm not good at it. I have a weird kind of medical kink where I think the word penis is sexier than cock and, yk, most people would disagree. I'm both better at writing gore and horror that achieves the same kind of intimacy with a slight sexual bend, and I get more fulfillment out of it. Anatomy of a Blade remains one of my proudest works.

Also I prefer writing it as a character study. I love finding jackoff material but I can't write it for shit. Pour one out for the authors doing what I can't asldkjf

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

Nah. The setting is usually so important to my interpretation of a character that I just Can't put them somewhere else. Same with AUs. I'd rather write an original story at that point. I will fantasize about it occasionally tho.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yesn't? I've had a few lines ripped, especially for rarepairs, but I had such an unfortunate thing happen recently asdlkjf. This new author so excitedly asked me if they could use one of my fics for inspiration and I'm like "omg of course!!! I'm so flattered!" because I was! and then when they finished writing it and told me about it I was so excited to read it!!!

and then I did

I'm sitting here like "...Who's gonna tell them that this is actually plagiarism without embarrassing them and completely crushing their motivation to write ever again" asldfkjasdf;l

like OBVIOUSLY they were not trying to steal, because why the fuck would they announce it to me. But also I don't want them to be served a cease and desist later down the line so we had to have a little talk and it's all good now. I'm really excited to see what they write next!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Supposedly! I've had several people ask me if they could and then just. Never followed up aldk;fskj. It's a shame because I'm absolutely fascinated by linguistics and would love to pick their brains about what translation choices they made and why.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sorta? Ray did one chapter as an epilogue to one of mine, and I think I've worked with Sen a few times on shorter pieces. Otherwise I'm a bit of a selfish writer and a control freak adsljf

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Constantly changing. I'm currently on a Bootheng and Zhongxiao kick, tho once I watch more of Madoka Magica I'm probably gonna lose my mind over Homura/Madoka. Also Adora/Catra as I watch more Shera.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Literally too many to list. See question 1 and the 50k words worth of notes

I have so many ideas that I really need to pick and choose what I work on because there literally just isn't enough time in the world - unless I start doing cocaine or something, but even then I think I'd still have the same problem. Join my discord server if you're an adult and wanna hear me whine about it asdlfkj

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fitting body language and other scene description with dialogue. I don't see images in my head and I think in motion a lot, so I think I do a really good job of keeping a scene rolling while people are talking without having to bring everything to a screeching halt to describe, idk, the color of the carpet on the stairs.

Also emotional damage

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably longer works? I lose drive to work on anything over 6k words pretty easily and I also struggle with pacing. I'm insisting on finishing Monoceros Novae so it can be my first novel because everyone's first novel sucks ass. I'm getting it out of the way so my original works will hopefully go better asldkfj

Oh. Also what people look like. Fuck you you get a pronoun and maybe a hair color. If Martha Wells can do it with Murderbot, so can I lmao.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Just for the love of God don't put it in italics unless you're making a point that the person using the other language doesn't use it naturally. I'd like to highlight the poem Kupu Rere Ke by Alice Te Punga Somerville for my feelings on it alsdkjf.

Also gonna copy stardustdiving's answer and say that it's great for multilingual characters and places it makes sense, but I personally think it's a little annoying when it's just a shippy pet name to be cute without, like, some kind of basis for it. Notably Childe calling Zhongli Xiansheng. It's fine if he would say that BUT HE WOULDN'T. He'd call him Mr., Sir or Motherfucker Ratbastard Whyaren'tyoudeadyet

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Undertale! Surprised at how well a lot of the fics have held up over the years.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Changes a lot as I develop as a writer. I'm really proud of Frustrations of the Hunt and this is the vibe I want my original writing to have.

I'm also really proud of my one and only FMAB fic about Alphonse getting pants. It's more serious than it sounds.

I actually have a collection of my works that I'm really proud of too!

Let's tag @resplendent-chungus. Do it bitch /affectionate

[generic-sonic-fan]

Hullo there ! I love your " a father’s embrace " fanfic it got me into metal sonic more so i was wondering if u knew any other fanfics i could read that includes him , I would be very gratful for it ☆

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Be sure to also give a look to (shameful self-plug here, apologies) I Can't Take All This and a prompt fill I did for him a while back! Also keep an eager eye out for my Metal Sonic longfic that I'll post. . . eventually.

Without further ado, here's my rec list! I'll sort my recs into four categories: non-ship, Metamy, Metadow and Metonic.

Non-Ship:

The first thing I'll put in this category is actually not a fic, but an official piece of Sonic media. You are now legally obligated to watch the Sonic OVA!! This movie fundamentally changed the way I characterize Metal Sonic forever, and is the basis for at least one fic I'm recommending on this list. 2D animated Sonic is genuinely one of my favorite things on the great green earth, and the OVA has it in spades. If you love the Sonic CD intro, you're gonna love this one. The only drawback is that you have to deal with 90s sexism in some parts, but that's pretty minor.

Now, with that out of the way, let me get on to my actual fic recommendations:

and so I transformed myself with my own hands - by @couch-house. This is THE transfemme Metal Sonic bible right here. But not only that, it features a terrifyingly well-written Eggdad and a great take on Sage. Every scene where Eggman and Metal verbally spar in this one had me on the edge of my seat. The tension and pacing of this one is absolutely fan-fucking-tastic. So don't just read it for trans girl Metal- read it for everything else as well.

Situation: Optimal - by ModOrbot. Metal Sonic battles Sonic and pushes himself to the breaking point- and Eggman gets concerned. Featuring good dad Eggdad and some interesting angst from Metal.

Honorary mention to METACOGNITION - by Chaos Theory (Lizardmind). This one's still ongoing, but I really like this author's narration for Metal so far, and the alternate universe premise they're building is fascinating to watch as it unfolds.

Metamy:

Carbon Cafe - by @metallix-mixin. A post-redemption Metal waxes poetic about the bakery he now runs, and the lovely guest who visits him there. A short and sweet story with a charmingly verbose and romantic narration style for Metal that I haven't found anywhere else. I think about this fic whenever I pass a bakery.

Bird Calls - by Fumiku. Metal stumbles across Amy while she's bird-watching. This one's simply the best Metamy I've ever read. Period. GOD I love this one. Most of the time, I simply tolerate Metamy to get more content with Metal Sonic in it, but this fic makes me believe in love. The emotions that both Metal and Amy go through in this one are just so in-character, and are so, so good.

Beauty is in the Beholder - by Fumiku. This is the only fic I've ever found that's about Metamy after the introduction to their relationship. In this one, they've been dating for a while now, but Metal's been having some issues with mental health and body image. Good thing Amy's there to help :)

Metadow:

Mutually Beneficial, Whatever It Takes, and A Form Chosen By Himself, But Not For Himself - by @south-sea here on tumblr. In fact, you really should just check out everything Sea has ever written for their Second Chance AU that they have starring Shadow and Metal. They write Shadow and Metal in a queer-platonic relationship and their writing is honestly what sold me on the relationship in the first place. Everything they touch with these two characters is solid gold. The narration style they use for Metal is brutally effective. I can't recommend those fics highly enough.

Metonic:

Halves of the Same Coin - by @sunnimint. OVA Universe. This fic is MANDATORY READING once you've seen the OVA. This fic dragged me from the highest fluffy happiness to the most gut-wrenching of angst. This fic destroyed me. This fic remade me. And this fic just got its concluding chapter. It's the perfect time to read it.

Iron Oxide - by TheEnigmaMachine. This is the other mandatory reading for Metonic, this time set roughly in gameverse. This fic is fascinating because it's actually a high-concept science fiction novel neatly disguised as a ship fic. This one's a pleasure to read because Metal actually narrates in and utilizes actual computer and science terms (the tags for "quantum mechanics" and "physics" aren't kidding!) It genuinely blew my mind when I first read it. Don't let the weird premise scare you- roll with the angst, bunker down for the enemies-to-lovers slow burn, and give it a shot.

Beginnings of an End - by @sunnimint. If any of you were crying because you don't want to watch the OVA but still wanted to read Sunnimint's absolutely phenomenal prose, look no further- she's got one in gameverse too. This one, opposite of her other one, features a Metal raised by a good dad Eggman, and all of the baggage that comes with it going into a Metonic relationship. It's a fascinating read. The only problem is that it's unfinished, but what's there is solid gold.

[super-who-locked-me-in-here]

Okay wait now that I'm seriously getting back into writing fanfiction, I'm gonna give you the best piece of fanfic-writing advice I think I can give:

Even if you think it's not your best work, or if you think it's just plain bad, especially if you think it's cringe, post it anyway.

It is a hard lesson to take in. You read other people's works and you compare it to your own. You write and write and write and you still can never get the word choice you think would do your work justice. You worry that the view/like count won't get higher than double digits, if that much. You second guess yourself and even when you really wanna post your work, you don't because you're scared of getting judged.

And it's true, some people are gonna judge you, but the flipside of that is that some people are gonna get so much joy out of what you write.

My fic baby is a 50k xreader fic I wrote when I was 17, and for the most part, I'm really proud of that fanfic because I put a lot of work into it. But Jesus Christ the smut is so bad in it. I wrote that the female reader was on the verge of orgasming, but instead of just saying that, I said she was "caught in vaginal limbo". I thought I was clever. Now that I'm in my 20s, I realize just how fucking cringe that is. I've thought about going back and rewriting that scene dozens of times, but every time I think about doing that, I remind myself of the comments on the chapter. Of course there were people who said things along the lines of "wtf are you writing", but there were also comments of people saying "author vaginal limbo made me laugh so hard I cried" and I remember this: my bad writing made someone smile and that's all that matters.

Most of the fics currently on my AO3 are ones I wrote as a teenager, and a lot of them are not great, but if the fic has just one comment, or one kudos, I tell myself, someone liked it, and I leave it up, unchanged, for them.

And even if your fic is badly written, you may have a great plot idea, and inspire someone else. I've had that happen to me too. The person who came along didn't tell me my fic was bad, but I told myself it was, but they asked me if they could write a fic about the same premise because they loved my prompt idea, and I told them I couldn't wait to see what they made (with credit for the idea ofc), even as I was so paranoid it would be better than mine. And it was better than mine. But honestly it doesn't matter whose was better written. It only matters that we both had fun writing and reading each other's fics, and contributing to that fandom space.

Lastly, I wanna say that this extends past fic writing. It doesn't matter if you're cringe or awkward or weird or clumsy. If you embarrassed yourself by tripping at the mall and spilling your drink, well, the lady sitting across the walkway got a good laugh that afternoon (and she helped me get napkins to clean up, which was nice). If you stutter over your words, someone will find that endearing, even if that someone isn't around now. If you fuck up a presentation at work/school, maybe that reflects poorly on you, but maybe someone in the audience is sitting there thinking "gosh I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets nervous about presenting."

Yes there's always gonna be people who call you out and berate you for being cringe or annoying or embarrassing. But life isn't any fun if you're always winning. It isn't fulfilling like that. No one is perfect. No one has to be perfect. And by not being perfect and accepting that you are not perfect, you are not only going to live a happier life, but you're also probably going to inspire someone else to live a happier life too.

[miss-ingno]

2, 37 and 77 if they haven't already been asked :)

They haven't been! :D

2. Where do you get your fic ideas?

Inspiration strikes in different ways! Sometimes I'm just doing manual labour (or am showering because shower thoughts are the best times for fic ideas), sometimes I'm daydreaming before sleeping just spinning narratives I'm interested in. Sometimes I read a fic and expect the premise to go a certain way, before it veers of in a completely different direction, but that spark of Scene I saw coming keeps niggling in my brain until I figure out a whole new scenario to make it happen. Sometimes it's by chatting with others, rewatching certain scenes of the show, or really just. Out in the wild stuff, like watching an unrelated movie and talking to coworkers about A Thing that happened, and my brain goes Oh! This would make for a great fic moment.

And then I throw it into the ever-growing list of WIP ideas, and if it really bites I'm gonna write it sooner rather than later.

37. What fic has been the hardest for you to write?

Within Guardian? Long Night In Longcheng (dragon smut), probably. I had to cut out and rewrite so many bits of it until I threw my hands up, cut out most of it, dumped it into my snippets collection on Ao3, and rewrote almost all of the worldbuilding set-up. Conversely, the smut in What Lies In Darkness gave me more trouble while the worldbuilding just flowed, for whatever reason ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Outside of Guardian, there were a few, but the one I remember most vividly is Triple Duke Coup because I tried hard but my motivation absolutely just. Ran out. And I still feel guilty for not finishing it, especially for the people who turned up to support the fic. It was just bad times all around.

77. Why do you enjoy writing fanfiction?

I like sharing my ideas with fandom! The community aspect is really what tickles me, I think. Writing itself is fun, yes, but the sharing part is where I get all the happy validating emotions. But I also straight up like going back to reread my own stories, because they're things I Wanted To Read but weren't available in This Precise Form so I Had To Do It Myself :D

Real talk, I was pretty deep into my depression when I started writing more and getting that positive attention and feeling of community helped me rebuild myself. It also made me awkwardly codependant on feedback for a bit there, and I'm not sure I was in the best headspace towards the end of my last fandom or the year or so before that. I put a lot more stock in getting comments than in friendship for a bit there, and I'm sorry to anyone I put through that.

I'm glad I managed to move on from that. I think my relationship with fanfic and writing is much healthier now - definitely more self-indulgent!

Send me some Fanfiction Writing Asks!

(25, 38, 51; 8, 14, 15; 35, 48, 74, 75; 18, 27, 28, 40, 50 and 35 answered here)

[golbrocklovely]

the nine books i read this year (part one)

while this isn't technically related to sam and colby, i figured i would tell you guys about the books i read this past year. originally i was trying to read at least one book a month, but that didn't work out in the end. but i did get to nine and that was like seven or eight more than i read last year, so i'll take it.

i'm gonna try not to give any spoilers for any of these books. just my general thoughts and overall how many stars i would give them. but if i do plan to talk about spoilers, i'll give you a fair warning.

so without further ado…

A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson

this book was SO fucking good. i bought it bc i saw it in target and thought it looked interesting. then i literally read it all in one night because i could not put it down. if you like murder mysteries/crime solving novels, you will like this book.

super easy to read, and it made me immediately want to watch veronica mars again. it definitely gave me that vibe when i was reading it too, so if you like that show, you'll like this.

i know there is a sequel and then a threquel and then i think a prequel???, but i haven't read any of those yet. i did go out the next day and grab the sequel tho. i just never got around to reading it. but i plan to do that this year.

probably one of my favorite books i read this year.

Rating: 5/5

Belle Morte by Bella Higgins

yall know me, i love me a good vampire book. and i think this one got recommended to me on tiktok, or i might have saw it in target and thought to buy it. the cover of this book is fantastic, and i think that along with the general premise drew me in.

that being said, this book was… fine, at best. at worst? kinda lazy.

i think the overall idea of it is interesting. vampires being known to humans but living in almost fraternity like houses, and they themselves being celebs now, humans being donors to them - all of that sounded cool to me. this book kinda hits all of the vampire shows/movies in one: a bit of true blood mixed with twilight and vampire diaries and even bits of dracula. and i'm usually here for that type of stuff.

but… this story was just not hitting the way i wanted it too.

it read like a wattpad fanfic, and then come to find out it was publish by wattpad. and look i'm happy that bella higgins got her story published, that's great. but i just think parts of this story could have been so much better. like while i was reading it, all i could imagine was "if i was writing something like this, i would do this instead of that". that's not to say i think my writing is superior or anything, i just felt like a lot of the choices in the story maybe could have used another person in the room to either flesh them out or give her another avenue to go down.

there's a sequel to this book, but i will not be reading it.

also ngl, i completely forgot what this book was about until i had to write this review and the only way i remembered what this was about was reading ppl's spoliers on goodreads so… do with that as you will.

Rating: 3/5

The DUFF by Kody Keplinger

this was a surprise read for me. i remember hearing about this book years ago back in hs, but never read it bc i really didn't want to read a book about being a DUFF (designated ugly fat friend) which is what i kinda saw myself as back then.

there's a lot to unpack there.

but, i've loved the movie version of this book and ended up watching it like three times in one week and was like "let me see if i can find this book online". i did, and then i read it all in one night. and you know what? it was weirdly refreshing to read.

first off, nothing like the movie for the most part which was both intriguing and not. secondly, the author wrote this when she was 17, and it was loosely based off of her time in hs. and honestly, it read like a high schooler speaking about being in hs. and i don't mean that as a diss. i mean that as it was nice to hear a 17 year old talk like a 17 year old and not a 26+ year old trying to write like high schoolers.

you'll hear more about that in the next review.

this book also reminded me of hs, but not in the "oh gross i hated that time" kind of way, but in a more nostalgic sort of way. it was no where near how my hs experience went, but i still enjoyed my time reading it. it was written incredibly well for a 17 year old author.

also one fabulous line that stuck out to me so much so that i wrote it down: For a girl with a such a fat ass, I felt pretty invisible.

same here girlie lmao

Rating: 4.5/5

The Hating Game by Sally Thorne

another surprise read !

so, this year i bought a hulu subscription. one of the first movies that popped up for me was "the hating game". i watched it, and then immediately watched it about four more times in the span of couple days.

safe to say it, i like the movie.

found out it was based off of a book and decided i had to read it. the movie and book, in my opinion, are similar enough that if you don't want to sit through reading the entire thing, you could just watch the movie and get the same general gist. also i kinda think the movie is better.

i realized after reading this book that ppl either LOVE it or they despise it. which is very weird to me only bc the story itself is fine. the language used either by the characters/author is a bit… questionable at times, but that doesn't sour the whole book for me, if that makes any sense.

minus one instance which i will tell you about in a bit.

i think the movie made the two mc very likeable and cute (but with their own problems) but this book kinda made them more…. realistic (so, less likeable lol). but i don't mean that in a rude way, just more of like "i've definitely met ppl like this, and while i didn't hate them, i didn't love them either".

slight tangent i want to go off on: i will NEVER understand how ppl that read romance novels get so up in arms about "toxic" relationships or men in these stories and then rate the book super low bc "this relationship is terrible! you should never strive to have a man like this in your life! this is all RED FLAGS" ect, ect. and it's like…….. yeah babe, i know that. IT'S A FANTASY. this isn't real life. i'm not looking for a dude like joshua templeman. calm the fuck down and stop sucking the fun out of everything you read bc it's not totally toxicity free.

it's the same reason i get so fucking annoyed when ppl point out in twilight "omg he's 109 year old dating a 17 year old girl he's disgusting!!" ………HE'S A VAMPIRE WHO IS PERMANENTLY 17. THIS ISN'T REAL LIFE.

anyway…

i will say tho, there were some annoying parts to this story. like the amount of times the main woman character talked about how small she is compared to the guy just got a bit redundant after a while. like it's not like she's 4'11 or something. she's like my height or close to mine, somewhere between 5'0 to 5'2. and he's like maybe 6'4 MAX. so while he's definitely taller, he's not a fucking giant. that was like the only thing that stuck out to me the most while reading, bc i swear it's like every couple pages she's saying "omg i'm so smol and he's so big".

so i have to bring up the one instance of this book that i THROUGHLY did not enjoy. i had planned to rate this book a very soft 4/5. i enjoyed my time reading it, i thought the romance itself was cute for the most part, the love-to-hate/enemies-to-lovers was written decently well, a little bit too mean at times maybe, but overall i liked the book for what it was. but then…. i got to the end of the book. or the last couple pages. i won't give too much away in case you want to read it. but let me lay out the scene for you.

josh and lucy, the main characters, are in a room together. they might have just finished having sex????? i think, either way they're in bed with one another i believe. they're talking sort of romantically with one another. josh is speaking. he's telling her all of this stuff…. and then all of sudden he just casually says the r-word/r-slur. mind you, this man has barely uttered a curse word in this story, let alone a slur. and this man is intellegent, maybe a bit of a narotic dick sometimes, but not someone that would casually say that word, ESPECIALLY in the middle of borderline confessing his love for this girl he's been pining for.

so i had to knock this book down a whole ass number bc i was that upset that he said it. it felt like a word that the author uses, but not the characters, if you catch my drift. like it didn't feel like part of the lexicon josh would use, at least to me.

also earlier in the book, lucy uses the g-slur, in case you needed to know about that too. i know some ppl don't know that that word is a slur for romania ppl, so i try to give the benefit of the doubt with that, but just thought i would mention it.

Rating: 3.5/5

okay… didn't realize how long this was gonna be, so i'm gonna break this up into two parts. you can read the rest of my review on the books i've read this past year here.

[rich-and-bitchy-is-my-type]

If it's too much I apologize. I was wondering what made you start writing. I have been working up the nerve to get back into writing, but to no sucess. I guess I have been out of touch for so long.

Oh! It’s not too much, no need to apologize! I’m sorry if I don’t make any sense though I have a fever and I’m like, rambling lmao

So basically I’ve always liked writing but I wasn’t very good at it. I mostly wrote fiction or journal entries. I only wrote fanfiction for a game called My Candy Love when I was like 14 lol Then I moved on to other games that had a bigger fanbase and kind of stopped writing fanfiction. I kept writing personal things for a while but eventually I stopped? Like I would write ideas for a story or stuff like that but nothing beyond that. I do love creating new OCs so in a way I kept writing by coming up with character backgrounds or headcanons for them.

Then I started playing QB and idk, this game has a fanbase way smaller than the other games I play and Poppy wasn’t an official LI so despite seeing a lot of incredible fanfiction and fanart, I still wanted more LMFAO

It was the first time that I had to write the content I wanted to see and that made me SICK to my stomach because I hadn’t written anything in over five years and also I had never tried writing fanfiction in english before. So the simple answer is that I had a very specific AU in mind, I hadn’t found any other fanfiction with a similar premise and decided to write my own (even though I’d much rather have someone else write it for me lol) it was basically a “I'm gonna throw up why do I have to be the one to create the content I wish to see in the world 💔💔💔” moment for me LMFAO

There was a point in my life where I wanted to become a published author, but like I’ve said, I’ve never been that good at writing so I kinda gave up on that idea. I think I could be a good editor or pretty decent at brainstorming ideas, but that’s it lol

I also dealt with depression and things like that for a long time so I can totally understand the feeling of wanting to start writing again but finding it hard. I wish I had a better answer but for me it was just. an hyper fixation that got out of control. I probably wouldn’t have started writing again if this fandom was bigger and had more fanfic authors. (Side note: the authors that are in this fandom, though, are top notch. Literally. So so talented, its insane.)

What I did notice though is that when you stop thinking about it and just start writing whatever comes to mind, it’s easier. Like most of my fanfics started with a specific dialogue/scene I had in mind and then I made a story that revolved around that idea. Even Ground started with the closet scene, In Spite Of Me started with Poppy’s realization moment and Baby It’s Cold Outside started with the vague concept of Poppy being stood up by someone important to her. I know it’s not great advice but… idk, if you have a dialogue in mind just write it down and see where it takes you. Maybe the rest of the plot will come to you right away, or maybe it will take a few days. But writing anything at all is progress, I think. In a way it’s kind of like riding a bike lol you’ll know what to do, even if it’s been a while! Good luck, I’m excited to read whatever you end up writing if you ever want to share! ❤️❤️

I wish I had better advice but I don’t even consider myself a writer jskdkdkf im just. picking words and arranging them in a way that kinda makes sense but not really 💀😂 BUT YOU’VE GOT THIS ANON!! I BELIEVE IN YOU

[skullhaver]

It's 2021, and I'm watching Buffy for the first time.

The Virgil on my Buffy journey is my long-distance girlfriend, who has loved the show for years. We just finished season 4, and I wanted to write about my favorite episodes so far. I suspect some of my faves are beloved by most fans, but others are weird, personal picks. Buffy fandom, please don't come for me.

I thought this post would be short but I was wrong.

Hono(u)rable Mentions: "Band Candy" S3E6 and "Halloween" S2E6

Both these episodes have fun premises where the Scoobies run around Sunnydale after it was upended by zany, chaotic dark forces. "Band Candy" is fun for devil-may-care teen Giles. "Halloween" is fun for 18th-century-ditz Buffy. These are both very good, and are the sorts of episode I can imagine happily rewatching in the future. I just have more to pontificate upon for the other episodes on this list.

10. "Ted" S2E11

I can’t say I enjoyed this episode, but it did take me for a wild ride. Probably nobody else has strong feelings about this weird story where Buffy's mom dates a stereotypical cheesy family man, who turns out to be a controlling abuser, who turns out to be a robot. I remember shouting at the screen, "Did Buffy just kill a human man?? Is it okay in the moral logic of this show for Buffy to kill a human if he's a direct physical threat to her??" I knew Buffy would have deeper stories than the monster of the week formula we'd seen so far, but this early in season 2, I had no idea when or how that would happen. This was the episode that finally taught me that Buffy is largely not interested in moral ambiguity, or in exploring what it means to be good or bad. Except for season-defining exceptions like Faith and Angel, evil characters are simplistically, essentially evil. But it was wild to believe for a moment that Buffy murdered her mom's abusive boyfriend and would have to live with the consequences.

9. "Helpless" S3E12

When Buffy tries to be genuinely scary, it succeeds with aplomb. The premise of this episode is dumb and contrived ("Giles has to remove Buffy's powers without her knowledge for a seeeecret test by the Watcher's Council") but the chase and fight in this episode are some of the most tense and spooky scenes of the whole series so far. Buffy's vulnerability makes the stakes feel real in a way few other episodes manage. And Buffy's victory is all the more satisfying because she can't punch her way out of this problem, she has to be smart and creative. The fridge horror, of course, is that Giles would endanger her like this in the first place, but that gets sorted out over the emotional arc of the next few episodes.

8. "I Only Have Eyes For You." S2E19

Another spooky episode, this one a classic ghost story of forbidden love ending in murder - but with the twist that the ghosts possess people's bodies to have them reenact their final moments. I love stories about breaking a doomed-to-repeat cycle. I love weird shit like the snakes manifesting in the cafeteria. And I really loved the choice to have Buffy and Angel come to understand their feelings about their own relationship by embodying these ghosts - especially how they embodied different genders than their own to better fit the "roles" of the haunting story, thus subverting the expected pattern. I found this episode clever, poignant, and effective.

7. "Who Are You?" S4E16

"Faith and Buffy switch bodies" is a wild premise, but the real joy of "Who Are You?" is watching Sarah Michelle Geller being an extremely talented actress for 45 minutes, portraying a totally different character. Watching Faith confronted by kindness and love from Buffy's mom, Riley, and her friends, then getting launched into an existential crisis over it is so great. Also, I just dig a good church fight.

6. "Hush" S4E10

As stated above, love an episode that reminds me that these people are talented actors! Featuring demons that render all of Sunnydale unable to talk, we get to watch great physical comedy right next to tense, silent fight scenes. The visual creepiness of the Gentleman and their straight-jacketed weird little helpers is hard to beat. "Hush" is such a clever episode that it ascends monster of the week status to become almost Twilight Zone-esque. Also, for the first time, Buffy sees Riley doing his Initiative thing, and Riley sees Buffy being the Slayer, but they can't talk about it?? That's good shit.

5. "The Wish" S3E9

Both "Something Blue" and "The Wish" feel like the writers decided to use fanfic premises on their own show... so obviously I like them a lot. But getting to watch a dark timeline AU with interesting world-building and attention to detail, a hilarious and horrifying Cordelia POV, AND a smirking kinky vampire Willow? Hello?? And the fact that the Wishverse comes up again in "Doppelgänger" (another truly fun episode) only improves my opinion. I imagine this is the kind of episode fans simply love coming back to.

4. "Restless" S4E22

This David Lynch-ass dream sequence was a weird choice for a season finale, but an extremely ambitious and cool episode. I should say up front that I love David Lynch-ass dream shit. There were creative and well-executed scene transitions as characters moved seamlessly from one dream room into another. Several memorably neat shots - Willow running between endless curtains as she tries to get onstage, Buffy alone in a vast desert with a weirdly high camera angle. And I got myself all excited thinking that the First Slayer would maybe become a different kind of antagonist - maybe not even fully revealed in this episode, or maybe an Id-like aspect of Buffy herself. But I forgot Whedon gonna Whedon, so the First Slayer had to be someone Buffy could punch in the end. And the First Slayer is sadly yet another primitive-themed, emotionally-stunted character of color for this show. Most of her lines in this episode are literally voiced by a white woman speaking for her, and of all the dumb quips to make, Buffy had a line about her hair being unprofessional? Also, I'm a lesbian, so the fact that the most explicit act of intimacy between Willow and Tara this show has allowed us to see occurs in Xander's horny dream sequence... it’s unforgivable, Joss. This episode was one of my favorites ever, deeply marred by some bad writing choices.

3. "Lovers Walk" S3E8

Spike, perhaps the best non-Willow character in this show, is back in Sunnydale, a hilariously heartbroken mess of a man, hell-bent on getting his former girlfriend Drusilla back. (Drusilla left him for a fungus demon.) So Spike breaks into a magic shop to get ingredients for a love spell, where he runs into Willow, who is getting ingredients for a de-lusting spell, because she is worried she and Xander will be too thirsty to behave appropriately in public with their actual partners, Oz and Cordelia. This is a hilarious moment just to exist. This is all the episode needed to do to satisfy me. But the fact that Spike then kidnaps Willow, and it ends with tragic stakes of everyone's relationships coming apart, not to mention me genuinely thinking Cordelia was dead for a minute there - wow. Chef’s kiss. The episode is balanced shockingly well between Spike being an ominous villain, and being the sort of lovable semi-evil (more gremlin-like) side character he'll become in season 4. What a wild ride.

2. "Graduation Day" S3E21-22

I'm counting this two part season finale as one because it's my list and I'll do what I want. "Graduation Day" feels like a quintessential Buffy episode executed to perfection. It has Buffy reaffirming her position as a moral heroine, sacrificing her own blood to save Angel's life even when she thought she had to kill Faith to save him. It has Buffy and Faith (or Buffy/Faith, as I prefer to think of them) getting to square off in a dramatic, tough fight. It has a lot of Mayor Wilkins, a character I truly adore for some reason. Nothing like a public administrator who plays mini golf in his office, wants you to chew with your mouth closed, and will kill a graduating class of high schoolers to gain immortality. The catharsis of the whole school getting to fight back against evil, instead of just Buffy against the world - a real joy. This episode misses the top spot for two reasons. "A special vampire poison and the only cure is the blood of a Slayer" is too contrived for me to let slide, and also I had to see Cordelia and Wesley kiss.

1. "Becoming" S2E21-22

Buffy’s season finales really do have good stories and satisfying payoff. First off, Buffy starts this episode by punching a cop and fleeing from the law. Later, Spike also punches a cop. A.k.a., Buffy said blue lives don't matter. Second - I haven't gotten a chance to comment on this yet, but all throughout season 2, evil Angel is such a joy to watch. As regular Angel, David Boreanaz makes exactly one face ("I am a kicked, angsty puppy") and bless his heart, it gets so tiresome. As evil Angel, he is so expressive, dynamic and terrifyingly creative in his badness. And I love his weird threesome energy with Spike and Drusilla. But also, it's so hard to watch Buffy suffer as she deals with her evil boyfriend doing evil things. Her ultimate choice in this episode, to kill Angel even as Willow's spell restores his soul, gave me some real big feels! Also, this episode marks the first moment of Willow doing big, plot-shifting magic on her own, solidifying her transformation from computer nerd to witch! 

Also, shout-out to the many good smaller moments in this episode: Spike making awkward small talk with Buffy's mom, Buffy constantly dunking on Principle Snyder, and Giles being tortured by visions of Miss Calendar (RIP Miss Calendar, I was your biggest fan.)

"Becoming" is an excellent season finale and the kind of Buffy episode I imagine I will want to re-watch in the future just for nostalgia's sake.