#I'm not crazy I'm just jewish 😭

[frogadir]

Okay I'm literally falling asleep as I type this so I just want to get my point out there while it feels immediate to me... 03 moment

Episode 1

The famous atheist speech we all know and love... never mind that ed has come as close as any human can to staring god in the face <3 his bad attitude and cynicism are all over this, so it's funny to hear al call it out by name at the end. Especially remarking on the fact that he's trying to push his beliefs onto someone who's fighting them...

Episode 50

So obviously a lot happens between episodes 1 and 50, and this increasingly difficult journey culminates in ed finding himself on the other side of the gate, disturbed by the revelation that equivalent exchange, the foundation of his belief system, might not be real. Ed's found himself in a similar position to rose in episode 1, whose beliefs he tore apart... now it's hohenheim telling ed what he doesn't want to hear, and ed fighting against it. Compare the first highlighted line in the episode 50 scene to the first highlighted line in the episode 1 scene... he goes from mocking rose's dedication to... more or less earnestly saying he believes in an idea he once made fun of... and the highlighted line at the end has been one of my favorites for a long time. cynicism is crucial to ed's character, so what does it mean for him to give up on it? to stop acting like he doesn't care about anything? because that was never true. He was protecting himself from getting hurt again. He put his faith in something that seriously did not work out for him lol and it changed the course of his life... and then he watched a lot of bad things continue to happen... it's no wonder he developed the attitude that he did. But at what is perhaps his lowest point he turns around and says actually I want to believe in something good... it's better than writing off the world

and I don't think faith is purely religious and/or spiritual. There are a lot of things we can believe in as ways of centering ourselves in this world. We're losing the plot here a little sorry just stay with me but like so many times growing up in hebrew school we would talk about whether or not we believed in god. and I didn't have an answer to that as a kid because if I spoke I knew I would say I don't think I do and I was too embarrassed to admit that to everyone. I would think why would god let bad things happen. and as I got older I decided that life wasn't that simple. I always think about the george costanza quote where he's like "I only believe in god for the bad things" lol. because sometimes when life gets hard and you don't understand why things are happening it's easiest to blame some higher power for fucking you up. but no one really knows if god is real and that aside ultimately our lives are our own. so you can believe in god you don't have to though but either way it helps to have a little faith that things will be okay... not necessarily in a religious way but in a like... I made it this far I'm still here and I can keep going as long as I believe in myself way... Okay so I literally don't know what I'm talking about anymore actually I do but like I am definitely saying some bullshit rn but yeah. That line. I think about it a lot and watching that clip from episode 1 over a few times because I put it in my presentation got me thinking about how these scenes reflect each other... and also I think it's awesome that after he says that a flaming zeppelin falls on him and he gets trapped under the rubble. Crazy stuff

[freddie-77-ao3]

Gonna use the ask box for this 🙃 ask 1/? (I have so many questions, though you have answered so many already)

What are your thoughts on Trials of Apollo, and the characters?

go ahead and keep asking!!! i love your questions!!

ANYWAY

gonna start smaller with characters:

lavinia: the jewish thing wasn't handled completely correctly (just a couple of small things there) but overall 10/10 character. i think she's hilarious and her official artwork ROCKS.

meg: i love her. she seems a little immature for twelve years old TO ME but i also had a... rather abnormal upbringing so that might explain the differences. overall she was a great character and i LOVE the demeter rep (my thoughts on how riordan treated demeter take five pages to clarify so-- basically) love seeing it-- demeter was a kronide and her kids should be treated as such! great character development. peaches was also hilarious (as was crotch-kicker mccaffrey)

lester: calling him lester to separate between godly apollo and post toa apollo. again, fantastic character development. he's so fucking funny. like he does some really dumb stuff at the start of the series (swearing to not use a musical instrument and stuff?? LESTER MAN CMON) his and meg's relationship is so sweet-- and kayla and austin with him? chefs kiss. love apollo kids getting some time with their dad.

jason: absolutely got fridged. i've already touched on my suicide theory so i won't go into that here but basically i think we shoulda seen jason similar to percy (very minor, doing his own thing behind the scenes) but alas.

piper: the shel thing was a bit sudden. don't get me wrong, i'm ALL for queer rep (i think there should be more of it in the books actually) but-- going straight from breaking up with jason to jason sacrificing himself for her to a relationship seems really unhealthy. i think she should have a chance to grow outside of a relationship.

reyna: joining the hunt was a bad end for her. since when was that an ambition of hers? she seemed genuinely happy in new rome and called it her home multiple times in HoO and going from that to the hunt? idk seems like rick doesn't know how to write characters NOT be in a relationship (piper, reyna, leo... they all get squared away)

leo: oh leo baby he didn't get to see jason before he died??? so heartbreaking. didn't belong in a relationship with calypso. the punching thing was weird when he came back to camp-- esp with a character who has a history of physical abuse

frank: i love the frank deciding his own fate thing but also idk seems like a cop out.

hazel: shouldn't have just become praetor i mean cmon. i love her but she's what, 14 now? no way.

Nico: FINALLY ONE OF THE CHARACTERS CANONICALLY GETS THERAPY. the doctors note is--

will: solangelo flirting is hilarious 10/10. "do you want to be my buddy?" "significant annoyance" i can't breathe. also poor will for putting up with apollo in the hidden oracle because i could not help my dad learn how to use the toilet i'm sorry but that shit is crazy.

malcolm: why is malcolm going to battle without pants on so funny to me i just-- 10/10 i love him.

connor: such a dumbass. the hair grafts 😭. i feel bad that travis isn't there and then communication lines go down like oh buddy :(

cecil: see me RUNNING with the knowledge cecil can cook

other small stuff:

love the waystation, always been my personal hc that there's more than just that one but that's for another post.

percabeth finally making it to college!!!

speaking of which AT WHAT TIME DID TRAVIS AND CLARISSE FILL OUT COLLEGE APPS THEY WERE AT WAR???? WHAT DO THEIR OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPTS LOOK LIKE???

the jackson-blofis family warms my heart <3

thoughts on the series as a whole?

i love it. definitely top three riordan series (tied with pjo and mcga)

i like that (like mcga) toa was more mature? like we finally see demigods with ptsd, we get queer characters, just... everything

[babyjakes]

I know you’re on a kinkmas grind (I’ve been loving it!) but I can’t help but think about Willa at the holidays! You may have done this before (I may have been the one to even suggest it even lol) but imagine Willa learning about the various holidays. Steve teaches her about Christmas and gets Thor to dress up like Santa. She learns about Hanukkah from Bucky and they light candles together. Idk I just love coming up with Willa fluff.

hey sweet friend, happy holidays! i was indeed very busy with kinkmas when i received this but i still wanted to give a little answer about willa's holiday season as you and a few anons sent in asks about it 🫶

note: i wanted to include willa learning about a wide variety of religions and cultures, but i'm not an expert on anything so if i got anything wrong or anything should be adjusted please let me know!! i will be so happy and grateful to learn more 💕

the end of the year is a crazy time for willa-bug, she's so busy! i didn't know bucky was jewish (and a quick google search wasn't very helpful on confirming this) but if he is, i love that!! and then yes he definitely does hanukkah stuff with her, lighting the candles and maybe she even makes him little presents for each night of hanukkah 🥺 she also wants some of the other friends (peter, thor, wanda, clint...) to come celebrate with bucky too, and bring gifts and participate in all the festivities with him!

i bet she and peter do advent calendars together, he gets her an avenger themed one and she finds him a spiderman one lol 🥺 maybe steve invites peter and wanda to stay over for the first 25 days of december and makes a big deal about them and willa getting to experience "christmas-time in a proper home" 💕 they do all sorts of traditional stuff that steve loves: baking and cooking, decorating the house, fun little crafts, putting up a christmas tree, etc. maybe the whole team comes over one night to help decorate the tree, and they all bring some ornaments to contribute so that willa and steve can have a nice selection for every year 🥺 christmas eve is super fun, she sets out cookies and milk for santa- then in the morning, steve and the kids all gather around the christmas tree and santa brought sooo many presents! (wanda and peter made sure to bring willa out to get lots for steve too ofc 🫶)

a silly little side note: willa's letter to santa is so precious 🥺 at five, she's just learning to write and can't spell yet, so she asks steve to write it out for her so she can copy it down onto her paper. the first part of the letter is just her talking to santa, asking how he is and how all the reindeer are and if he has to wear a bunch of coats in the north pole lol. she asks for a few things for herself but then she asks for a present for each of her friends too, bc thor told her that grown-ups don't write letters to santa and she wants to make sure santa knows exactly what they would like!! so if she's the only one writing to him, she's gotta put in a word for them herself 🥺 she also writes "please" after each thing so santa can see she's using her manners 😭 steve is already tearing up as he listens to her and writes it out for her in big, easy to read letters. then when he sees it written out in her own five-year-old script, he's practically clutching his heart he can't take the cuteness 😭 he definitely saves it, tucks it away somewhere safe to show her when she grows up

willa isn't ready for proper preschool but steve does bring her to an early childhood education program where parents stay and play 💕 she makes lots of friends, many who have different backgrounds that she gets to learn about! she gets to learn about ramadan and eid ul-fitr, as well as eid ul-adha from one classmate whose mom invites her and steve to come join them for iftar! another friend tells her all about chinese new year and shows pictures from the festival she went to last year with her family.

steve definitely raises her to be interested in and respectful of all other cultures and religions! he teaches her what traditions and holidays he celebrates, but also encourages her to find out what other important people in her life believe in and celebrate, and to value those things as well. maybe he gets her a big calendar to hang on the wall where they can mark all their holidays, and their friends' holidays too! so they can remember to celebrate along with them in ways they find meaningful 💕

[jedi-enthusiast]

Me? Making another Hazbin post on my Star Wars blog? It's more likely than you think.

Tbh I'm probably just gonna post all my fandom stuff on this blog instead of limiting myself to having to post on separate blogs, which means I may or may not change my username, but anyways-

Getting back to the point, I can't believe I'm actually going to make a post defending people for liking Valentino, of all people, and also---apparently---Stanakins and anti-Jedi people, but here I am and here I go!

JUST LET PEOPLE LIKE VILLAINS, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!

I just got on TikTok- (which, yeah, always hosts the most rancid discourse, so I'm not exactly surprised) -to see that someone made a video basically saying- "if you like Valentino at all and don't just hate him, then you're bad/crazy/a horrible person/etc." -and like...y'all have got to get past this whole- "liking this fictional thing = excusing it irl" -because it's really fucking weird and it can lead to some very bad places.

This actually ties into two of my Star Wars posts, the one where I explain why I call out most anti-Jedi arguments as antisemitic and the one where I explain why you don't have to justify a villains actions to like them- (I can't find that post, it's too far back on my blog 😭).

-----

For the first one, the overall point of it was that I'm not saying that people who hate the Jedi are horrible people, or that liking someone like Anakin or Dooku or Palpatine makes you a terrible person, but that, firstly, yeah I'm gonna defend the Jedi and get passionate about it when someone comes onto my blog to argue with me about how "they were the REAL bad guys" but also---and what actually pertains to this post---that people are allowed to hate the Jedi and love the villains, so long as they're not perpetuating harmful bigoted rhetoric.

People want to hate the Jedi? People think they were arrogant and should've let people get married? People think they were emotionally stunted and "didn't let people love?"

Fine, whatever, if those ideas make you enjoy Star Wars more, then believe whatever you want!

People say that the Jedi- (who again, are based on Jewish and Buddhist culture) -"deserved their genocide?" People say that they "kidnapped kids?" People say that they "needed to be wiped out by Anakin because they had lost their way" and other such things that are literally taken verbatim from antisemitism 101?

That's where I take issue, because then you're just perpetuating bigoted beliefs about a culture based on the culture those beliefs are literally used against, only it's acceptable because it's popular to do so.

In that post I used the example of the difference between shipping a problematic ship, calling a fictional serial killer "babygirl," and writing about dark topics vs. the "angry black man" stereotype and the "cheating bisexual" stereotype. Something that doesn't cause harm vs. something that does cause harm.

-----

For the second, my point was mainly that people are just allowed to like villains and they shouldn't be judged for that, and the characters shouldn't be changed- (whether in the actual media or in fandom) -to make them "actually a good person" so that fandom purists find it "acceptable" for people to like them.

People don't have to "justify" liking a villain or only like the good palatable characters, and it's ridiculous to expect them to do so.

If someone likes Anakin? Likes Dooku? Maul? Palpatine? Tarkin? Thrawn?

Cool! Great! I'm glad they've found characters that they enjoy and find interesting, that's part of what makes being apart of fandom so fun! And they don't have to justify those characters' actions, just to be "allowed" to like them.

The Jedi don't have to be "the REAL bad guys," the Rebels and Republic don't have to be "just as bad," the Empire doesn't have to be good...people are, in fact, just allowed to like the bad guys and that doesn't make them terrible people.

-----

So yeah, my point here?

Is Valentino an abuser? A manipulative, toxic, asshole? A literal fucking pimp that treats his contractees like shit and takes advantage of them? Is he a heinous person and nothing short of a villain?

Absolutely!

But people are allowed to like his character design, or find his character interesting, or enjoy how he interacts with the other Vees, or whatever people find enjoyable about his character---because liking a fictional character does not equate to excusing their actions.

By all means, if people start saying that Valentino is "a good person actually" or start victim blaming Angel Dust, tear em apart! Have at it!

But, until then, y'all just have to accept that not everyone is going to have the same opinions as you on characters or have "totally pure fandom beliefs." Because perpetuating that sort of purity culture around fandom is how we get people justify villains and victim blaming, because y'all won't just leave people be about liking the bad guys.

Just get over yourselves and don't make me have to explain this shit again, for fuck's sake.

[germiyahu]

Aside from the general awkwardness of having to interact with like 100 people I've never met, there's a palpable nervousness to going to a shul you've never been to before. Not for me, I was also excited to be there, trying not to have expectations to what the service would be like (very traditional it turns out).

But the dedicated police officer greeting everyone at the door, though he tried not to, looked at me with just a little bit of interest, until I greeted him as warmly as my Resting Bitch Face self could. The Bar Mitzvah's mother wandered over as I walked around absorbing every detail and looking like I didn't belong there, and introduced herself. I couldn't stop myself from outright stating I was a conversion student, but the relief that threatened to bubble up from under the surface of her face was something else I caught.

I'm good at reading faces, even the tiniest microexpressions. Or that could be more delusions on my part. All the same.

A stranger walking up to your church for the first time would be met with nothing but interest and excitement. Everyone would be happy to invite you to things and welcome you to the congregation. It's not a surprise to me, and I was not offended, that the predominant emotion for a Jewish congregation was fear. Maybe not a lot of fear, and maybe not at the forefront of anyone's minds. Just the tiniest undercurrent of anxiety.

Seeing a new person show up with no warning (the Rabbi forgot she invited me and forgot my name 😭) is cause for suspicion for Jews. They have a police officer posted at their door. He's assigned to do this by his precinct. Can they trust just anyone walking in from the street? What if I were crazy, or an antisemite, or an evangelist?

But, nobody seemed bothered by my presence at Kiddush, in fact I don't think anyone other than an old lady offering me wine even noticed I was there 😭 but that's okay, I have 18 months to make a good impression and make friends. Actually, if all goes according to plan, I have the rest of my life to do that. If it can't be my charming and disarming personality it will have to be my persistent politeness and nonviolent demeanor. I'm overthinking things.

[radioactive-earthshine]

Let's start with some of the Big Gay Ships in DC -Halbarry -Superbat -Boostle Lessgo

HalBarry

Ship It!!!

What made you ship it?

The comics, specifically The Brave and the Bold, every chapter. Also various and numerous moments from the Silver Age comics. Hal's descent to Parallax after Barry's death etc.

2.) What are your favorite things about the ship?

They compliment each other. Hal pushes Barry to be bolder and to embrace impulsivity and diversity while Barry grounds Hal (literally) to take in the whole picture first.

3.) Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

They're both at least bi, Hal most likely pansexual. They're also both Jewish.

I published this too fast, working on answering the rest hold on...

SuperBat

Okay, so this is an interesting one. If it is Bruce/Clark then I DON'T SHIP IT. But if it is Hernan Guerra and Kirk Langstrom from Justice League Gods and Monsters... then YES I SHIP IT. So this deserves two answers.

Clark/Bruce

Don’t Ship It (I'm actually neutral about it tbh)

Why don’t you ship it?

Clark deserves better tbh. And this is just me but I just see Clark as het and that's okay.

2.) What would have made you like it?

I think if Clois wasn't so thoroughly one of my favorite canon relationships I might ship it. I am actually fairly neutral about it, I do appreciate art of it (one of my favorite pieces of fanart is of an elderly Bruce and Clark snuggling) but I just don't go out of my way for it. Also I am sort of in a bat-purge phase.

3.) Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

It's really cute and I can see where the dynamic would come in and I LOVE Bruce getting in-laws that would love love love him. Alfred was a great father to him but Bruce still missed a huge chunk of his life and Ma and Pa could help fill just a little bit more of it. Then get pissed with his antics and join Alfred in scolding him. Bruce getting yelled at by three parental figures delights.

Hernan/Kirk

Ship It

What made you ship it?

"You were hungry." 😭

2.) What are your favorite things about the ship?

I love that they both have trust for each other and transparency despite being harsher renditions of Superman and Batman. Gods and Monsters overall was a GREAT story showing us harsher versions of Batman, Superman and Wonderwoman without making them e v i l and I appreciate it. Both the movie and the comics were just compelling. But about them in particular I really appreciate that their ship (as small as the fandom is) focuses on themes of a classic superbat ship but without the guarding secrecy. I love that Hernan took a look at this dude with a RAT in his mouth and thought "Ah yeah, I need to know this dude" and it went from there. Also, Kirk is literally a Vampire Batman that kills but is not part of some dystopian ruling class.

3.) Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

More people should ship it and at the very least give the movie a watch and if it dazzles check out the comic for deeper lore.

Boostle

Ship It

What made you ship it?

Honestly, truly honestly. That.... ONE... episode in Batman the Brave and the Bold. You know... the one.

2.) What are your favorite things about the ship?

This dumbass vs also a dumbass but a little more adjusted. I love that Michael gets himself into these crazy things and Ted is right there, he doesn't WANT to be there, but he went there anyway and he saw what was going to happen but he's there anyway. I love that Ted is one of the few people that sees the real Michael and appreciates the whole package.

3.) Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Ted needs to stop fucking DYING. But that's not unpopular. Michael isn't THAT stupid either but that's also not very unpopular.

[thenighttrain]

okay the convo might be dead now but i just wanted to offer my two cents !! the swastika has been used by hindus since like. BC times and it has a super prevalent part in hinduism (and probably buddhism as well, i'm not buddhist so i don't know too much ab how it's represented in their religion) as a symbol for good fortune. the swastika that n*zis use is a bit different - i'm pretty sure it's angled differently, and it means smth entirely different! i would understand why a jewish person would feel uncomfortable seeing the hindu one if they didn't know ab the origins, but i also def think that cultures / religions that have been using it as a symbol for positivity shouldn't have to discard that fundamental part of their culture bc of these psychos 😭 the twice thing is also crazy, the idea that she didn't know what that symbol represented is already :/ to me but the fact that she wore it to a jewish-owned restaurant.......jesus christ JDBWFKWBKF i feel like at this point in time, 'i didnt know' doesnt really excuse this sort of behaviour completely when we live in such a digital age and she's a full grown adult with access to the internet LOL

i am now too sleepy to continue this conversation but BIG YES TO ALL OF THIS, totally agree with the last part about 'i didnt know' not being a good enough excuse sometimes

[f0xd13-blog]

If europe is the greatest you should watch and consume european stuff ok? No more anime thanks

Ahahaha europe is the best!! Lez laugh about the way they be giving money to war and to save 10 chiildren or wtv just coz they are jewish and everybody be racist af and fascist since hitler did his thing... ahahahaahahahahahhaha so hilarious ahahahahahhahahahahahaha

Kkkkkkl buahahahahahaa so fun to live in qorst conditions than in some places of africa but IN EUROPE BUAHAHAHHAHA francis call me if you need better housing i know shit is hard in cameroon

Ps. Over there it says that the gorvernmemt can only help 5% of this families this year...first screenshot of the bunch... but it's all worth it for thhose baby blue blood jews.... *starts praying*

So disney made fun of this and y'all thought it was blackface huh?well i think both are awesome " ayyyyy que afte olé" and pretty funny also in fact let me laugh ahahahahaahahahahha

Now let eme laugh with spanish girl that used to say (and still do) that we don't bath for having this sort of hair she is using and actuallly those women at the barracas still used it like this

And finally the yellow face:

"This is quality" says the first comment 😭😭😭😭

Ahahahaha so fun to look like a retarded dresse like us, with our braids and our skin color eheh looking fat af btw if this is quality maybe i've been eating something spolied better be careful but anyways black face was also considered art and comedy at the time! People would be like "oh it's nothing wrong it's just art and humour" well THEY WAS RIGHT

I love this btw. I'm A FAN!!

Anyways... gottta go to sleep... gonna think about how sad it is that those 10 kids are hostaged by "terrorists" in the middle east... it's just so sad I cannot control my tearz specially after what that jew from the acreenshotts told me... i cannot imagine how he most be feeling with the money he stole from me with colonization and that is why i'm in europe... anyways. Nighty night and don't forget to call a G a bandido before you go to bed tonight!

Ps: HE COLONIZED BOTH OF MY HOME COUNTRIES! Pakistan and palestine. Lol

A last paragraph is... I don't care about black or mexican latrashtinos anymore... in fact they disgust me now for the most part except, my fam in europe and some people that I know that are kind and good people.... understanding people who don't put their ego in front of other people just coz they want "to be free to do wtv they wants" like if having common sense was lack of freedom or lack of freedom of speach and expression... yah... so don't even try to inspire me with yo stupid shit that i've seen 1000 times coz it's my culture lol

AND DON TELL ME "I DIDN'T KNOWWWWW" I EAS HERE AND ON TWITTER FOR 1 YEAR AND A HALF! LOST JOB OPPORTINITIES WAS FRAMED AS A BOMBIST ON THE PRESS!! ABUSED ONLINE MULTIPLE TIMES/ CALLED CRAZY AND SHIT... tell me something do you think any country publicizes or exposes their poorest areas??? That doesn't mean they don't exist... do y'all think everybody would be rich in europe? Really??? REALLY? listen if you have all of that and you be that dumb then it's you just stay with no popstars representing you coz nobody be needing that level of ignorance.

Don't forget to come here and work remotly pls.. the rents are so cheap you will not spend much money on this country and the barracas thank you for that also don't forget to cry about those 10 zionated kids ... so so sooo triste sniff

[storyofmychoices]

It's so realistic that she can't can't keep track of the months anymore let alone the days. It's crazy to think that a world could exist without the notion of attention to specific days, but it truly makes sense and is perfect here to show how things have changed.

It's crazy to think that it's been a decade from the start of this series to the first journal entry here. I know the whole ordeal happened significantly before the book starts, but I never really took the time to fill in the gaps of what happened in that time. It's crazy to think how much could have happened, the big, the small, the mundane and the fearful.

But back to this...

The first entry truly shows how she is losing hope and it is heartbreaking. Our once strong Florence is giving up...

But Jim remembering the date, just so he can give his sons a birthday is beautiful.

Eli got his bow and he smiled! 🥺🥹

That is such a powerful and important statement! ❤️

This section hits different and I don't know why but I'm here thinking about what all the Jewish people went through during WWII, the hiding in silence, afraid to be seen or heard for fear for their lives, families under floorboards and in attics just trying to avoid the threat to their lives. Children being ripped from their parents and brutally attacked.... This story may be from a future we hope could never happen, but the truth is, there was a different time of horde that made people feel like this in our past. That is terrifying to think. It happened once, and I pray it never happens again, but people are crazy and extreme and I do fear what people are truly capable of.

It's so important to treasure every moment we have with everyone we love, for small moments of comfort are really a gift.

Isn't that the truth? In any tragedy, the mental and emotional damage is far worse than anything physical and will always take longer to repair and it will never be the same. 💔

“It’s bad enough I had a drone lurch at me, but to see Eli’s underwear on his head as it did? Well, that was downright horrifying!”

LOL okay this was hilarious. Thank you for making me smile before you go and break my heart.

“Yes,” she clasped his hand. “Moments just like this. Where the sun is shining, and the autumn leaves are painting a canvas against the sky. Our clean clothes are drying on the porch, and, most importantly, I’m here with you. There is so much to be grateful for, even in this world, and that’s what I hold on to.”

🥺🥺🥺

. He believed Kenny took the family to a colony to give Nessa and Brady a chance to find better partners as they approached adulthood. “Better” than Eli or David. Despite the close bond the families had shared, in the end, the color of her son’s skin didn’t make them suitable partners for Kenny’s children.

😡 😡 😡 😡

Eli's the one that deserves better!

Two decades now... Crazy how time passes! Also that means the sad part is coming closer!

This whole section 👏👏👏👏

AND THAT LAST JOURNAL PAGE!!!!

FLORENCE is a QUEEN!!!! She really is amazing and her journal is an amazing story.

This was far more heartwarming than I expected. Yes it's full of angst and emotions that you feel through your heart, but it's also a story of losing but then finding hope. It's not at all what I expected.

I know they won't be easy to read for Eli, but the love and devotion his mother poured into these pages will bring him some comfort. He'll always know he was loved above all else. His mother survived for him and his brother. Her family was her joy!!!

Ahh this was such an amazing series! I am beyond in awe of your vision and talent. You are incredible.

Also is this the end? If it is, I survived the angst and am happy it ended with this bittersweet ending (even though I know what happens to his family 😭) or will you be writing that inevitable end which will for sure bring the full on crying on the floor that I expected from this part!

@lilyoffandoms

A Mother's Journal - Part 4

Book: Wake the Dead (pre-series)

Characters: Eli Sipes; Jim, Florence & David Sipes (his family)

Rating: Mature

Words: Approx 3,200 (including journal entries / text)

Warnings: Loss, past deaths, depression, adult themes.

Summary: In the final segment of this series, Florence is learning to survive after she's lost something dear - hope. Recent challenges have left her surrendering to what she sees as a bleak horizon for her sons. But as she battles through depression and guilt to try to find meaning and a reason to carry on.... and she imparts that knowledge to her son.

A/N: A quick note, this covers over five years' time, but you'll notice there are large gaps in the timeline. That's done on purpose as the family's existence has become more mundane. There was little to define the differences in years, much less days. This will mention the disappearance of the Jones family. This is covered in the 3-part series Coming Up Blank which outlines Eli's first romantic relationship with his best friend, Nessa, and her disappearance.

When I started this, I knew it would be painful to become familiar with the Sipes family, knowing their ultimate canonical fate. As a mother, getting inside Florence's head as she does her best to provide for her family during the most difficult times has left me a little heartbroken to let her go. I know this has been a difficult series to read, but I hope you've found the glimmers of hope contained within it.... because that's its true message. Thanks for taking the journey with me. | @aprilchallenge | Family, Love

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Fall 2038

Florence stepped onto the small front porch, a basket of wet clothing under her arm. It was Tuesday, which meant laundry day. While David had largely taken over that task, Jim insisted their youngest accompany him as he hunted. 

“He has to get better at this,” Jim insisted. “We won’t be here forever, Florence, and if anything should happen to Eli, David will need this skill to survive.”

Florence smiled as she recalled how David decided they would begin to dry their clothes on the porch. A wayward drone was plodding on the perimeter of their property when it stumbled into their clothing line. After untangling its mangled limbs, it wandered down the path, dragging their clothing behind it.

Nothing came easily in their world, and clothing was no exception. So losing the items was bad enough, but David had an even stronger argument for changing the process.

“It’s bad enough I had a drone lurch at me, but to see Eli’s underwear on his head as it did? Well, that was downright horrifying!”

Jim and Florence weren’t even sure the change would make a difference, but they didn’t care. They were so amused they agreed to it. David was so proud. Her youngest boy, with a poet’s soul, wasn’t made for this world. Despite the family’s best efforts to show him it wasn’t true, he often felt inadequate compared to his older brother, who adapted so well. So Florence knew this little change meant so much to her boy, and it made her happy each time she helped on laundry day.

Looking out into the field, she spotted Eli. He sat with his knees pulled up his chest, staring into the distance. With the last of the wash hung, she walked over to join her oldest.

“Do you mind some company?” she asked as she approached.

Eli glanced up without expression. He was unhappy that his father asked him to sit out this hunt, even though he understood why. But Florence knew it was more to it.   Eli had changed. Losing the Joneses hit hard, and the mystery surrounding their disappearance made closure impossible. Then the horror of the surge… the fear instilled in them all. The rebuild Florence knew was ahead of her family was still a work in progress.

“There’s no need to ask, Ma,” he replied.

“Of course there is! You’re entitled to some privacy if you wish.”

He turned to her with a slight frown. “Mom, there are four of us… how much more privacy do I need?”

They sat in comfortable silence; Eli was picking at the grass beneath him when he finally spoke.

“What was it like, Mom?” He asked. “I was so young when the parasite hit; I hardly remember it anymore. I was just a kid, and I never even knew what it was like to be an adult during those times. But you did. How difficult was it for you to adjust?”

Florence signed deeply and moved closer to her son. “It wasn’t easy, Eli, and if I had stopped to dwell on it, it might have been too much to bear. But, we didn’t have the luxury of dwelling. In those early days, we spent every second struggling to stay alive and keep ourselves safe. After that, learning how to provide for us out here, that was more than a full-time job. We just did what we had to do.”

“Do you still miss it….the way things used to be?”

“Of course,” she breathed. “But not as much as I used to. Initially, I hoped a cure would be found, and maybe we’d be able to return to how things were. But it’s been so long….”

“So you don’t have hope anymore?” he interrupted.

Florence swallowed, taking time to choose her words wisely. The truth was, in many ways, hope died long ago, but who was she to rob her son of it? Even if he had only the slightest spark within him, she couldn’t extinguish it.   

“It’s not that… it’s just been this way for so long now that… I’m just trying to find the best way to live within our reality. It doesn’t help to dwell on how things were or what we’ve lost. All I can do is take little moments and make them the best they can be.”

“Moment like this?” he said, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.  

“Yes,” she clasped his hand. “Moments just like this. Where the sun is shining, and the autumn leaves are painting a canvas against the sky. Our clean clothes are drying on the porch, and, most importantly, I’m here with you. There is so much to be grateful for, even in this world, and that’s what I hold on to.”

“Do you ever…” he trailed.

“Ever what, son?”

“Do you ever wonder what happened to the Joneses?”

“I almost wish I didn’t, but I do.”

Eli felt tears welling in his eyes, wishing to hide them from his mother. He turned away and bit his cheek until they were held at bay. Only then did he respond.

“So do I,” he whispered.

A mother can tell what her child needs, and at that moment, Eli needed her presence and nothing more. Wrapping an arm around him, she held him tight and let him take the lead. They sat in silence for a long while before he spoke again.

“Mom, do you and Dad have any idea what happened to them… if you do… you’d tell us, right?”

Her breath hitched as she recalled the conversation she and Jim shared after their friends went missing. Jim was confident he knew why they left without so much as a goodbye. He believed Kenny took the family to a colony to give Nessa and Brady a chance to find better partners as they approached adulthood. “Better” than Eli or David. Despite the close bond the families had shared, in the end, the color of her son’s skin didn’t make them suitable partners for Kenny’s children.

Florence had promised her husband she would never utter a word of this to the boys; they had suffered enough. Florence agreed. While she didn’t like lying to her son and understood the agony of the unknown, she didn’t want to burden them with that load.

“Mom?” Eli asked, his eyes insisting upon an answer as Florence warred with herself over the right thing to do.

“No, Eli,” she insisted. “We don’t.”

“OK,” he nodded before turning away.  

The truth was, she didn’t know for sure, even if Jim’s suspicions seemed plausible. The only facts were that the Joneses disappeared without a trace. Her children’s only friends, their first loves, were stolen, now rendered to be no more than memories of the past. That was painful enough, and she wasn’t about to add the bitter sting of prejudice and racism to the mix.

Florence often felt contrite about the things she couldn’t give her children, so when presented with the opportunity to provide them with a precious gift, she gave it. She would allow Eli to remember Kenny Jones as the skilled archer who took an interest in him and helped make him the marksman he was today. She’d let him reminisce about the family who appeared to love him as one of their own. She wouldn’t allow the seeds of doubt that infested her mind, leading her to question every memory shared, to creep into her son’s. His present and future had been damaged, and she wouldn’t allow anything to corrupt his past too.

“You know it’s possible that we could see them again someday,” Eli muttered. “I know it’s not probable, but it’s not impossible.”

“No,” Florence half smiled, “it isn’t. I’ve seen a whole lot of bad things that seemed impossible come to be in my lifetime, so I’m holding on to hope that some of the good things that seem impossible will happen too. You know, you’re old for me to share this with now. There have been times over the years when it all seemed like too much. The burden and fears were too great, and I wanted to give up. But your father talked me through. He said the present was rough, but he refused to believe that’s all there would ever be. If there was even an inkling of hope for you or David to have some joy in your future, he would fight for it… and will I… and so should you.”

Eli smiled as he warmly embraced his mother, the two only coming apart when they heard voices in the distance. They turned to see David and Jim strolling down the path, though David seemed to be jogging more than strolling.

“Mom! Mom!” he beamed. “We’ve got dinner!”

“Oh, yeah?” Florence smiled. “What are we having?”

“Pheasant. Isn’t that one of your favorites?”

“It sure is,” she said, mussing up her youngest boy's hair.

“You’re getting good at this hunting thing?” Eli grinned.

“Do I have a choice?” David laughed.

His brother poked at his rib cage and chided him. “Not if you want to keep some meat on your bones.”

“Yeah, have to make sure I provide a good meal for the zombies,” David teased, earning a stern look from his mother.

“I joke! I joke!” David said contritely, holding up his hands in surrender.

“Well, thank God you don’t have to persist on being a comedian,” Florence laughed.

“Everyone good here?” Jim smiled as he reached the happy trio.

“We’re good,” his wife smiled. “We’re really good.”

“You know what we need,” Eli stated. “A family day at the lake, like old times.”

“Old times,” David mocked. “We went a few weeks ago!”

“I’m not that old,” Eli smirked. “So that’s old times to me.”

“I think we can manage one more trip before winter,” Jim nodded. “What do you say, Flor?”

“I say the boys should start planning the picnic!”

Eli and David rushed to the cabin, talking animatedly as they ran. Jim put his arm around Florence as they sauntered behind.

“They aren’t all bad days,” Jim said in his sweet baritone voice that melted Florence’s heart.

“No, they aren’t. They’re not all bad days at all.”

Thank you so much for sharing this journey. ❤️

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[whenyoureadyholland]

This is one of my favorite Peter fics I've read of late!! And because of that I have so many thoughts which I NEED to share, so you will have to bear with me and my crazy musings for a while. I’m sorry but this is going to be lo-o-ong ->->

“but when you were alone with Peter, as cheesy as that sounded, with his soft demeanor and your wide eyes gaze, scouring and devouring every crackle on his face, you felt at peace, just like the autumn leaves falling on a deserted road. You felt complete, and that you were infinite. Your world was infinite with him in it, the cheesiness of your own thoughts making you raise an eyebrow at yourself.” how dare you write something so freaking beautiful in the starting paras I AM ALREADY IN AWE

owning up to the fact that he is Jewish YES MA'AM doing what sony and marvel couldn't

“if- if you want to of course! Oh- you must have plans with your manager- what's her name, Angeline? And the-the interviews! and your family,I- I didn’t even ask-” he's so dumb, anxious and nervous bout everything, it's cute🥺

“Entering the warm house, you puffed your cheeks and rubbed your hands until they were warm” “snowflakes on the woollen hat you had knit for her” This amongst numerous other small details about the weather and their surroundings had me screaming. The way you described everything so beautifully created this sort of imagery in my head which I am living for🥺🥺

Tony and Pepper can adopt me tbh,, having parents as fun and cool as them + you get Morgan as your lil sister?? Sign me the fuck in!?😎

“so you cherished every moment, every word and laughter that came out of everyone in the room, knowing that someday, if not today, these moments won’t be as magical as they were now”

“the soft glow of his face in the artificial smile making you forget all the intrusive thoughts at the moment” Again, you write everything so beautifully, I may as well pass out.

Morgan + mashed potatoes = <3333

Peter as a pumpkin and as Cap??? I need to see tony's 'to blackmail spiderkid' stash NOWW

Once again,, MORGAN + MASHED POTATOES = <333 + : DDD

“sitting under the sparkling night, the shadow of the trees falling on your face like the wings of an angel covering you and the only noise being Peter's breathing and the crickets chirping in the background” YOU DID NOT JUST COMPARE THE SHADOW OF A TREE TO THE WINGS OF AN ANGEL!?? LIKE MA'AM COME HERE I NEED TO BOW AND TAKE YOUR AASHIRWAD FOR MY UPCOMING ENGLISH ESSAYS

“That’s just it! That’s- how are you so okay with this? The more I spend time as spider-man, the more I put you in danger!” “Oh we’re being altruistic now are we? Peter I don’t need you to protect me from everything, okay? I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself!” “But I can’t lose you too, okay? I can’t- not after Gwen-” *starts ugly crying* No, you know what? Just stab me in the heart, I’m sure it’ll hurt less.

"Even if it means kissing you right now?" "Especially that." 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

“He couldn't afford to love someone and lose them one more time. He'd witnessed too much death in his life span, and it was only a miracle that he was still sane- to an extent.” everyone leave my baby Peter alone, he’s been through enough already :`((

"I'm not lying y/n, I don't love you anymore." He said softly, pursing his lips as he met your gaze, eyes glazed and lips trembling. Hear that? That was the sound of my heart breaking and shattering into million little pieces.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry okay? and I never fell out of love with you. I still want to be with you."

I am so glad they patched up, because istg really wouldn’t have been able to deal with the hurt😭😭

In short, thank you for breaking my heart and stomping on it and then putting it back together xx

All too well ↬ p.p

A/N: Miss Swift said 10 minutes of ATW and my brain went into exile🤡Based on request by anon

Summary: You thought that life would be perfect with Peter, but spider-man gets in the way. So you cope with the grief through only way you can think of- write a song about it. Beta read by @parkerpeter24 <3

Side note: I used "Red" and "All too well", but I by no means own these genius songs, the only (rightful) owners of these is Miss Taylor Allison Swift <3

Warnings: sponsered by Kleenex :D dw you'll get a happy ending, sexual references etc. lemme know if I'm missing something (I swear it's worth it)

WC: 7k

Pairing: Peter Parker x Singer!Reader

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The air around you felt cold as you walked out of the cafe’s door, the bell ringing merrily as you treaded in the snow- it was nearly December after all; you didn’t expect any less from the weather around you. You and Peter were just returning from the cafe, a hot mocha in his hand, the other wrapped around your gloved fingers as you swung them back and forth, his laughter resonating in your ears like a song you couldn’t forget.

The streets were mostly deserted at this time of the evening, so you weren't worried about some rogue paparazzi or a fan interrupting your date with Peter. It was rare for you to find yourself in a peaceful environment with your boyfriend without them crowding you- and you loved every minute of the attention, you did, 'cause you knew that with fame came scrutiny, but when you were alone with Peter, as cheesy as that sounded, with his soft demeanor and your wide eyes gaze, scouring and devouring every crackle on his face, you felt at peace, just like the autumn leaves falling on a deserted road. You felt complete, and that you were infinite. Your world was infinite with him in it, the cheesiness of your own thoughts making you raise an eyebrow at yourself.

Now looking at his flushed cheeks and red nose as he walked beside you, you bit your lips at the mirth in his eyes as he looked somewhere far across the street, leaning on his shoulder as you muttered a small “whatchu lookin’ at?” in his ear. Turning his head towards you, he gave a tiny shrug and pointed with the cup of coffee-

“Remember this place?” He asked softly, a nostalgic smile on his face.

You realised it was a rhetorical question as you looked where he was pointing, snorting at the memory from a year ago, because you sure did remember this place. You could never forget it, even if you wanted to.

Looking at the row of houses in front of you, you smiled cheekily at him, giving a breathy chuckle as you nodded a yes, “how could I forget? I don’t think any of the neighbours could forget the way you sang those Christmas carols so off key, not to mention the wrong lyrics too! Christmas Carols Mr. Parker!”

“Hey! It wasn’t that bad! Besides, I'm Jewish, would you blame me for not knowing the lyrics of Christmas Carols, Miss L/N?” He chuckled defensively, sipping at the hot drink to reduce the flush on his cheeks, “you sang perfectly though.”

“Hmm. well I wouldn’t say perfect, but my pitch was definitely better than yours.” chuckling, you squeezed his hands as you nod with a hum, leaning in to kiss his cheeks softly to feel his cold skin touch your lips making you shudder a bit along with him, "but you're perfect, off key or not. Cold?"

He nodded as you handed him your scarf, wrapping it around his neck and flushed ears, pulling down his cap so that it covered the lobes of his ears properly. Sometimes You felt that being spider man only caused him more hurt than good, he had the scars to prove that.

"Perfect would be stretching it." He said cheekily as you continued to fuss with the turquoise, his smile making your heart flutter in a way you hadn't felt for a long time.

Walking on the sidewalk, you curled your palm around his biceps, “so, May’s place or the penthouse upstate?”

“Oh, we’re having dinner at Tony’s today,” he said, his eyes pleading as you tried to stop yourself from laughing at his expression, “if- if you want to of course! Oh- you must have plans with your manager- what's her name, Angeline? And the-the interviews! and your family, I- I didn’t even ask-”

“Baby, it’s alright! My schedule is free today, no tedious nosey interviews or photoshoots,” You shush him from his ramblings, cupping his cheeks in silent amusement as your shoulders shook with laughter, “besides, May and Mr. Stark already called me, I was just asking where to go until dinner.”

“Oh, okay, that’s great.” He muttered, shaking his head with a chuckle, “it’s almost dinner time anyway, let’s just go there.”

“Onward then little grasshopper!” you whoop, eliciting another chuckle from him.

"Okay my little singer."

With your heart fluttering and hands clutched in his, you walked through the gates of the penthouse- one that was well hidden within the other houses. It surprised you about how ignorant people were- Tony Stark was living next door, and they barely batted their eyes.

You guessed that was his intention, of living in between and letting people wonder if Tony Stark and his family still lived in the high tower of the Avengers after the blip, all while staying disguised in case some fan got too crazed. You understood him in this aspect, you yourself lived in a small one room apartment, right across the Parkers, and it annoyed your manager to no end. You were lucky she was like a mother figure to you.

Entering the warm house, you puffed your cheeks and rubbed your hands until they were warm, watching as Morgan came trodding up to Peter with a big smile on her face, hands waving up in the air in a childish way that had you smiling, her sheer innocence warming you up as she practically jumped on him, wrapping her tiny hands as tightly as she could around his neck.

"Petey! Petey look at the new Lego set Ned got for me!" She shrieked, her excited and high pitched voice making Peter scrunch his nose a little, hiding it away with a smile of his own.

"Oh really?" He asked, his own voice rising an octave as he tried to imitate the childlike enthusiasm, "You didn't open it without me did you?"

"No silly! I was waiting for y/n to open it!" She said, waving at you frantically from her position on Peter's waist, as you finally looked up from hanging your coat on the hanger, “can you sing the Baby Shark song to me, pleaseeeee?”

"Why only y/n? Why not me?" Peter said, faking indignation as he scrunched his face comically, You laughing along with them.

"Aww of course I will! That's so nice of you sweetie! And I bet Peter can't wait to open it up either! Can you Peter?" You chuckled, squeezing her chubby cheeks with your fingers, giving Peter a small smile.

"Yupp, can't wait to open it up." He said with a wink, leaving you open mouthed as you saw them move on towards the said room.

"Unbelievable." You muttered, smirking at the glint in his eyes.

"Oh I see the monster has found thy," Tony said, appearing from the kitchen with Pepper in tow. Both of them were covered in raw flour, and you suppressed the urge to chuckle and awe at the domestic scenario in front of you.

"Oh, were you talking about Morgan? Yeah, she has, and roped Peter in to open her new lego set too.” You smirked.

"I knew I liked her for a reason." Tony said, shaking his head, kissing both of your cheeks before patting your back in a way one could only describe as fatherly, smiling when Pepper did the same. The retired lifestyle had made quite a change within the two billionaires.

"Don't listen to him talk honey, he's dying to go and assemble the Lego set with them." Pepper smiled, guiding you towards the kitchen as you followed her, ever the sweet woman that she was.

"You say that like it's a bad thing Mrs. Stark." Tony huffed, giving you a funny look as he held a hand to his heart as if to show he was "hurt".

"Only 12% of the time." She countered, looking at you while you chuckled, understanding that old reference.

“Here, let me help.” You say, taking the plates from her and going to where Tony was setting up the table cloth and unlit candles.

“So, any new albums coming up?” He asked, making you look up in question when you realised that he was talking to you.

“What? Yeah, yeah I have one planned, just gotta figure out which one should I make the single, or if any of the ones even could be singles.” You retaliate, "maybe I should just write a single, I just don't know what to write on, cause it feels like I've written everything of that theme."

“Nice, Pep loves your songs, but don’t tell her I told you.” He chuckled, "and there's always something to write on. Just give it time."

“Aw that’s nice,” you smirked, joking with a roll of your eyes, "since when did you become so wise?"

"Pfft, have you seen me? I'm a wise man." He scoffed.

You took a deep breath, looking around to see Morgan and Peter sitting on the ground, the Lego spread around them. The startling lack of May Parker's presence shakes you out of your stupor, looking around the house as if expecting to see her standing by the door.

"Where's May?" You ask finally, looking at Tony as he arranged the plates along with you.

“She’s running a little late due to the snow, don’t worry though, she’s with Happy.” He answered, looking at the clock with a worried expression himself. May Parker was a very punctual woman, and the fact that she was late could be quite concerning. People called you overprotective, but you didn’t mind that.

Looking at the room again, your heart soared at the sight, your scarf was now wrapped around Morgan’s neck as Peter taught her how to assemble the pieces,your thoughts being interrupted by the ringing of a doorbell. Looking up with excitement, you ran around the table towards the door, “I got it!” You shout, opening the door to see May standing there besides Happy, a smile on her face and snowflakes on the woolen hat you had knit for her.

“May! Oh my god you’re here!” You laugh, trapping her in a hug as you lift her off her feet in excitement, completely forgetting that she was soaked.

“Aw I missed you honey!” She chuckled, patting your cheeks, “missed our little singer, the house was real quiet without your sweet voice.”

“Aw I missed visiting you too, I like the house much better than the studio and tours anyways,” you shrug, helping her out of the coat as Happy entered, waving at the man, “Hey, Hap! Hope she didn’t make you do too much Cardio.”

“He needs it!”

“Definitely need it. Good to see you too, kid.” Happy smiled, patting your back as you flushed, “speaking of kid, where are the two monsters?”

“The two monsters are right here!” Peter said, coming out of the door and setting Morgan down to hug May and Happy each as she ran around them, clutching their legs.

Dinner at the Starks where all of you were together was a rare feet, most of the times either you were too busy recording your songs or giving some big shot interview about your new album that quite frankly, exhausted you, or even Peter, who was researching for his PhD, so you cherished every moment, every word and laughter that came out of everyone in the room, knowing that someday, if not today, these moments won’t be as magical as they were now.

The thought made you sad, a sudden weight in your chest drowning their laughter in the background, your fork touching the plate as you frowned, willing your brain to think of something happier.

You were a singer and he was a scientist. You may have started out as a small country singer, but soon enough, with the ferocity of the internet, you gained enough popularity to inflate your ego and Peter's name across the globe. And the fact that Peter had accepted his fate of always being followed by a person with a camera on his face just made you fall even more for him. He had accepted it, so could you.

You didn't mean for it to happen- but nothing stays off the internet for long with your fans as well as Spider-Man fans lurking in the background. You knew the risk of exposing your relationship with Peter after what had happened with him and Mysterio (which no one believed. People had too strong a judgement to believe that Spider-Man, who rescued cats from trees was the same person who would mercilessly murder people. It had been taken care of, thankfully because of Pepper's amazing PR team), but keeping yourself and him in the dark hurt you more, so be it that you were a couple of a singer and a scientist by day and superhero by night.

At least people were happy that you were happy, and that your relationship hadn't backfired, now that would've been a PR nightmare.

"Hey, you ok?" Peter said softly, rubbing his palm up your hand to bring you back from your reverie, the soft glow of his face in the artificial smile making you forget all the intrusive thoughts at the moment.

"Wha- um yeah, I'm good Pete." You smile, nodding encouragingly as you pick up the fork, May's laughter making you snap your head towards her.

You smirk at the four older people laughing over anecdotes of the past and present, Morgan lost in her separation of peas and potatoes, Peter's cheeks flushing red when you looked over at him, having been caught staring at you. You yourself felt heat rushing to your cheeks, realising you weren’t paying attention to the discussion on the table, only catching the end of the conversation.

"... isn't that right y/n?" Tony laughed, making you raise an eyebrow with a nod, "your nerd look will be complete with the nerd glasses."

"Huh? Absolutely! Peter's turning into an old man now, the other day he complained of not being able to read the newspaper, can you believe that?" You snickered, showing him your tongue when he did the same.

Peter rolled his eyes, huffing, "I'm not old and I don't need glasses! I'm like twenty five, dude! Come on Pep, at least you say something!"

"Sorry hun, my hands are tied here." She smirked, raising her hands in surrender with a shrug.

"You say that as if you weren't the same boy who didn't know that trees have leaves or that the sky has clouds until he was seven." May interjected, giving you a high five from across the table, "it's okay to have glasses honey, completely normal."

"I don't need glasses, I have excellent vision, Spider-man remember? And what is with all the women in my life and conspiring against me?!" He said without heat, pouting like a little kid, "You support me don't you Morgan?"

Nodding, the girl gave him a grin and a scoop of her mashed potato, "I love you Petey!"

"See? Morgan is the only one who loves me here." He rolled his eyes, fist bumping her and eating the scoop of potatoes she had so graciously shared with him.

“Awh Pete, don't be dramatic, we all love you. And sometimes even superheroes need glasses, look at Tony, he used to hide behind those ridiculous AR glasses because he was too ashamed to wear the prescription ones.” Pepper winked, squeezing his hand from across the table as everyone nodded.

"Wait Mr. Stark uses prescriptions?!"

"Hell yeah Pete, and I do it with pride." Tony puffed his chest, the table falling into laughter once again.

"Yeah, that's 'cause you're the suburban dad- knows best." Peter snorts.

He ducked his head as you rubbed his back, the humorous environment once again returning when a pea flew across the table.

"Wait, I didn't know you had glasses when you were a kid." You said, looking at May and internally brewing a plan.

"No no no I know that look May! Absolutely not!" Peyer shrieked.

"This calls for baby photos!" She said anyways, Tony whooping her with support as Happy and Pepper rolled their eyes, smiling anyway.

"That's right baby, oh damn I have so many photos of him in the workshop! All blackmail worthy too-" Tony continued.

"- like the one when he was twelve and went through a leather jacket phase-"

"- What about the one when he was three and dressed up as a pumpkin? Absolute perfection-"

“Or the one where he was dressed as Captain America on Halloween!”

“Captain America, Pete? Seriously?!”

"Okay fine! Fine, yeah show them to her, whatever." Peter grumbled, falling back in his chair in resignation.

"They can't be that bad right?" You reassured him, "I'm sure you were this cute little chubby kid with curly brown hair and glasses too big for your face."

"The cutest kid, might I say." May said, her smile somewhat nostalgic.

"Cuter than me?" Morgan said, suddenly interested in the conversation.

"No, baby, no one can ever compare to your cuteness." May smiled, ruffling her hair.

"That's right!" She huffed, going back to stealing pieces of potatoes from Happy's plate, who pretended to not notice.

Ruffling her hair, you went back to eating your dinner.

That night you were both sitting in the garden while the others prepared for bedtime, your head snuggly fit on his shoulder and his hands around your waist, the firm pressure of his fingertips keeping you grounded from your thoughts.

You wanted to be here forever, sitting under the sparkling night, the shadow of the trees falling on your face like the wings of an angel covering you and the only noise being Peter's breathing and the crickets chirping in the background.

"I can't believe Mr. Stark actually has all the photographs of me as a kid." He chuckled suddenly, head tilted and looking at the sky.

"Hmm? Why does it surprise you?" You mumbled, voice muffled by the fabric of his t-shirt, "he's the most tech savvy human I've ever met, so he probably had them the day he did a background check on you."

"Nu-huh. It was probably May, I mean it's great that they get along but." He sighed, a small smile on his face.

"But what Pete?" You urged.

"Nothing. I'm just glad my family gets along with you." He said, the sweet sincerity in his words making you shudder with anticipation. You had been together for almost a year now, and it warmed you that he felt you were important enough to be happy about his family getting along with you.

Being a singer wasn’t easy- you were constantly on album tours and attending interviews, people watching you every time you took a step out of your apartment. Heck, even your neighbour blasted your songs, speakers cranked up to loudest volume till midnight. And while it made you happy, you felt overwhelmed by the fame at times. You always wondered what it would be like to be a normal girl in a city, every human you met a stranger to you.

Ignoring the thought, you looked at him with your tongue between your teeth, your hand slowly crawling up from his position on his thigh, the sudden jerk of his knee causing you to giggle as you bit your lips mischievously.

"Do you wanna go for a drive?" You whisper in his ear, hand still perched mid thigh as your hands shake a little, too eager to be trapped in a Stark sized backyard. The cool wind was too refreshing to be inside right now.

"Sure, why not?" He shrugged, leaning into your forehead as you lean forward, pressing your lips on his softly.

Jerking away from your face, you frowned when he suddenly looked at you with his eyes nearly squinting shut, his lips tugging downwards in a way that made you weary of your spontaneous horny behaviour.

"What? What's wrong?" You ask frantically, furrowing your brows further when he leaned into your face with his eyes squinting.

"There's something on your face." He said, leaning forward until his eyes were so close to yours you were getting cross eyed and you were leaning back, the back of your palm acting as a lever holding you upright.

"What's on my face!?" You shriek, patting your cheeks and forehead, jerking when he cups your cheeks and kisses your lips.

"Just my lips." He said, biting his thin lips as you stare at him in shock, only to start laughing near maniacal.

"You scared me you dork!" You punch his shoulders, shaking your head, "fuck you."

"Mmhm. I'm sure that's what you’re going to do." He snarked without heat, lips tugging upward, nose scrunching and a dimple forming on his cheek.

"Ugh, gross."

"You started it!"

"Excuses."

Getting up and cleaning the dirt from the butt of your jeans, you help him stand up to move inside the house, dignifying him with another eye roll before you turn your back to him.

The row house neighbourhood Tony (Pepper) had chosen was beautiful, lined with trees that blossomed pink, shed red leaves in autumn and grew green leaves during the summer. It was peaceful too, no worries of nosy news reporters lurking behind the yard to catch a picture or two to sell to a wannabe tabloid.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked, interlinking his pinkie with yours, the creak of the metal gates making you both wince as you looked over your shoulders in case you had alerted anyone.

“Nothing.” You shrugged, tugging a strand of your hair that was tickling your nose.

“Sure?”

"A song." You said after a while, not entirely lying.

"Mmhm, who's it about?"

"Don't know."

"It's not about me?" He asked aghast by your answer, but smiling mischievously.

"You wanted a sex tape so bad you could've just said." You smirked.

"Aw and here I was, thinking your biggest muse would be your beautiful, smart and handsome boyfriend."

"Nope," you scoff, popping the p,"my biggest muse is my fictional boyfriend who I date and break up with every day."

"Oh yeah I forgot about that motherfucker."

"Why do you hate him so much? He's been nothing but nice to me!"

Smiling at his laugh, you nudge him, sighing at the fresh air around you.

"No but, seriously, what's going on? You have that look on your face-"

“-Are you gonna return?” You interrupted, looking at him as he stiffened up a little, knowing full well that you were talking about his hiatus as the friendly neighbourhood spider-man.

You had both met when he was Spider-Man, so there was no hiding that from you. In the year you had known him, you knew that being spider-man meant as much to him as finishing his PhD, so the fact that he had suddenly given Spidey a break, it made you weary, an unsettled feeling crawling up your throat.

“Is that why you wanted to go out?” He gritted, leaving your hand to grip it in his fist.

The unusual venom in his voice made you wince, shivers crawling up your skin that had nothing to do with the cold weather.

“No Pete-”

“Well then, topic over!”

Sighing, you took his trembling hands in yours, closing your palm over his as you noticed that neither of you were wearing gloves.

“Is this about that time I got mugged?” you said, reconsidering your words when he recoiled at the memory.

It wasn’t the first time you were mugged, or mobbed. You were used to this kind of attention, but this situation was different.

“How can you be so casual about this, I cannot begin to understand.” He chuckled humorlessly, giving you a withering look.

“I’m not being casual, I’m just saying that you don’t have to stop being spider-man just because someone tried to use me as a leverage against you!” You scoffed, not seeing the frustration in his eyes and your words.

“That’s just it! That’s- how are you so okay with this? The more I spend time as spider-man, the more I put you in danger!”

“Oh we’re being altruistic now are we? Peter I don’t need you to protect me from everything, okay? I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself!”

“But I can’t lose you too, okay? I can’t- not after Gwen-”

Wincing as he gave a snotty, dry laugh, you bit your lips as you tried to keep your own tears at bay, trying not to think about Peter’s ex-girlfriend. He had told you about her in a fit of drunkenness, about how much he missed her and how he would fix it all in a shot if he could. A part of you could not help but agree with him- the part that was selfless and hated how small and vulnerable he looked at that moment, sharing his worst moments with you, how much pain he had to go through in his life.

But another small part- the part that fell in love with the bubbly brown haired dude who saved you from a mob of fans and brought you coffee (extra sugar) to calm your nerves, the smart, incredibly strong man with a sweet smile and sweet temperament, who sat down at late nights while you played notes after notes on your guitar, heard you sing different versions of lyrics for songs and watched you on the t.v with a big smile- that part, that part was selfish enough to think that maybe.

Maybe it was fate, that it was good that she died the way she did. You felt disgust coil in your gut, profanities sitting on the tip of your tongue at the sheer selfish thoughts of being happy to have Peter by your side while she couldn’t.

“Yeah, you’re right.” You mutter softly, clutching his freezing hands in your palm and giving them a firm rub, "but just so you know, I'm not leaving you anytime soon. And if you ever, ever feel like it's getting too much, don't think much about it okay? Just do what your heart tells you to."

"Even if it means kissing you right now?" He said somewhat shyly, locking his eyes with yours as you crinkle them, leaning forward until your forehead touched his, your hands softly caressing his face.

"Especially that." You whisper.

Looking back at the moment, you smile as you remembered your racing heart and his cute blush in the dark of the night and how he stole a car- a blue Audi Spyder- that was technically his from Mr. Stark's garage, just so he could spend time with you till the start of dawn started to creep in, the lack of sleep finally catching up to you both.

"Y/n! Honey, come on, it's getting late, we have to be at the set in half an hour!" Angeline- your manager shouts, gesturing frantically for you to follow her.

Keeping your phone down, you close Peter's Instagram, the top post that showed a picture of him as a kid with thick, black rimmed glasses. It had been a PR stunt, one that Peter had agreed on doing on your behalf once your album's single "All too well" had been released. There had been an uproar within your fans, the song reaching the billboards the same night it came out, so the stunt worked out. People really did like to hear about others' personal lives.

And now here you were, in the dressing room getting ready for yet another interview about your album and your relationship.

You looked at the mirror, touching the spot on your cheek where you had just applied your makeup. Nodding, you scream back "in a sec!"

Ignoring her frantic calls at how you were supposed to be more responsible- it was well intentioned, you didn't like it when you raised her blood pressure by doing irresponsible things, but you were tired today.

Your schedule was always hectic, yes, but something about today was even more exhausting than usual. You couldn't pin-point it, up until you saw the date on the calendar.

"Y/n, I'm sorry." He whispered, leaning down as he touched his forehead to yours, your unconscious body limp in his hold, his mask somewhere lost, tears and blood maring his face like a horrific painting.

Things were good after the night at Stark's place, you had just signed your contract for the album and were just on your way home, when you were once again, backed into an alley by a deranged fan of yours, one that had threatened to gut you if you didn't go home with him.

Lucky for You, your boyfriend has shown up just in time to save you from being gutted, but not before you fell unconscious in front of him, unaware of the horror he felt when he saw your prone form, scared that he might have been too late.

Only he wasn't too late. You had spent a night at the hospital, your injured form thankfully away from the news with the help of Tony and his lawyers. The guilt still ate Peter away, a permanent frown etched on his forehead when he saw you lying prone, a sickly pallor to your face making him nauseous and fingers trembling.

He couldn't do this to you.

He couldn't afford to love someone and lose them one more time. He'd witnessed too much death in his life span, and it was only a miracle that he was still sane- to an extent.

You kept him sane.

No.

He had to do something, even if it meant breaking your heart.

Tears fell freely on his face as he held your hand, rubbing his thumb back and forth on your skin, to comfort whom he didn't know. But as the sounds of your heartbeat echoed in his ears along with the shuffle of the medical staff and Mr. Stark and May and your manager, he knew at that moment that he wasn't going to lose you.

Not if you lost him first. It was for your own good. He tried and tried, but tears still fell and your chest still rose.

And you did lose him, after the night you left the hospital, fully healed and healthy. You were bummed that Peter hadn't come to meet you after you were discharged, so you had decided to visit him yourself in spite of being given strict instructions of bed rest for a week.

After a little quarrel with Angeline, she had finally dropped you to his doorstep, following your every step like a hawk on watch.

"Jeez I'll be just fine mom." You said with a roll of your eye, squinting at her with a mock glare.

"Ok, take care honey, honestly if it wasn't for Mr. Stark and his generous lawyers, you would've been all over the news right now." She said, flush on her cheeks making you raise an eyebrow.

"Mmhm, and you happened to meet that lawyer?" You said, suppressing a smirk as she flushed harder, clearing her throat and pointing towards the doorbell.

"Just go. I'll wait here." She heaved a sigh.

"Right." You drawled, going to shift your scarf, only to notice that you hadn't gotten it back from the Stark's house the night you returned.

Ringing the doorbell, you grinned when you came face to face with your boyfriend, leaning in to kiss him, only for him to avert his mouth so you kissed him on his cheek instead.

"Ookay, happy to see you too, scarf stealer." You joke, leaning against the door as he made no move to let you in, "you know, after I got stabbed and all. Thanks for visiting by the way."

Your words had no heat, but the hurt behind them was apparent, as you saw Peter shift on his feet, still standing on the doorway.

"We have to stop." He gulped out, not being able to meet your eyes, "stop meeting."

"What do you mean? Stop meeting?" You ask, thoroughly confused at his behaviour. He had always been straightforward with you, but this behaviour of his- it almost felt staged. Like he had practiced in front of the mirror just to get his words out to you.

"I can't see you anymore. I- I don't love you anymore." He whispered, nose red by the tears that threatened to show.

And You swore at that moment that you felt your heart leap to your throat and stop completely as you stumbled backwards, mouth open but no words coming out, too struck by his words, the world a blurry mess due to the impromptu concoction of your pain meds and his words.

"That's- that's not true Peter. You're lying!"

"I'm not lying, this isn't about you okay? And it's true, you- we have to split up."

"Peter no! No! Just because I got stabbed once doesn't mean that you have to break up with me!" Your shrieks sent daggers into his heart, and it took everything in him not to swoop you from your feet and wrap you in a bubble wrap, kiss your injuries and apologies profusely for every lie that spewed out of his mouth at that instant.

"I'm not lying y/n, I don't love you anymore." He said softly, pursing his lips as he met your gaze, eyes glazed and lips trembling.

"How is you breaking up with me going to help me?!" You cry out, shoving him by his shoulder, not caring if you were making a fuss on the street. It was night time anyway. You chuckled bitterly, “I swear if this is about Spider-man…”

"It's not about spider-man anymore, I just told you, I don't love you anymore." He insisted, his own words sounding like a big fat lie.

"Wrong!"

"Why won't you listen to me for once in your life?!" He shouts, startling you into moving a step back.

"Fuck you! Fuck you fuck you fuck you!" You scream, punching his chest repeatedly with your fist, your words slowing as your energy drains, too tired from your prescribed meds, trying to bring as much venom in your voice as you could, "go to hell."

"I'm sorry. I really am." He said, a last attempt to fix what was broken.

"Sorry isn't gonna cut it."

Walking out of the door, the cold air hits your cheeks and the exposed parts of your body, the unfamiliar cold making goosebumps erupt on your skin. It wasn't the same kind of cold, it didn't feel like home.

Sitting in front of the live audience and the bright cameras, you put on a smile, sitting on the couch and making yourself comfortable as the cameraman gestured that the live show had started.

The crowd erupted into cheers and applause, the noise familiar to your ears just like when you were in a concert, the artificial cold of the AC hitting your face again.

"Everyone welcome Y/n L/n, song writer and the singer of the latest hit album- Red!" Jimmy shouts, clapping along with the others as he sets down the cover of your new album.

"Heyy. Hi everybody!" You laugh, shifting on the leather seat as you wave at the crowd, your smile growing into a genuine one, "Hey Jimmy, how was your day?"

"It was great! I was listening to 'All Too Well' on repeat." He says with a smile, the band in the background playing the chords of the song.

"Aw that's so sweet!" You pout, a hand in your chest to show gratitude, "didn't know you liked it so much."

"I definitely liked it, and so did the billboards, congrats on that!" He laughed, "those are quite some lyrics for someone as young as you. I mean you managed to make me feel like I just went through a break up myself, so tell me, who was your muse for this song?"

"My muse?" You ask, faking surprise at the staged question, sneaking a glance at the audience, "my muse was, and will always be my fictional boyfriend who I broke up with recently."

The laughter in the background felt staged too, as he nodded along with his patented "Jimmy Fallon smile", your joke flowing easily from your mouth.

"That's right, fictional boyfriends are the best aren't they?"

"The best." You nodded, "they don't expect much from you."

The questions kept coming until it was time for a commercial break. You were completely exhausted by the end of the interview, the intrusive questions about your and Peter's relationship kept coming and going, finally landing on your album.

A game or two later, you were walking beside your manager as you came out of the studio, your eyes trained on your phone, zoning out Angeline's words as you casually scrolled through the comment section on his post.

You laughed internally as you spotted a few lines of your songs, most of them in a mocking tone ranging from "this song is definitely about Peter" to "OMG return her scarf already!" with another degree of "he's definitely the kid in glasses and a twin size bed."

You would've felt bad had you not confronted him about the comments, and that you were still sour about your breakup. It hadn't gone to the media, up until you released the single.

You were in the recording studio, the studio feeling bigger and emptier than usual. The lack of Peter by your side made your breath hitch, the emotions in your throat welling up at the uncomfortable absence.

It took you nearly an hour to calm yourself before you begin recording the song, the lyrics flowing out of you without a strain once you had composed yourself.

You had come here without him, so the song felt more raw than you had anticipated.

The night the song was released, Peter knew the instant you uttered the first sentence, that you had taken out your anger on him through it.

He held the scarf close to him that night, having already brought it back up with him the same night, but not returning it to you, because it indeed smelled like you.

He had to admit though, the song was an epic roast.

"Does that car look familiar to you?" Angeline asked. Looking up, you furrowed your brows as you looked at the blue Audi Spyder she was pointing at, the private number plate finally flicking a switch in your brain.

"Hmm? Oh yeah- yeah, hey Angie? Gimme a minute will you?" You said, not taking your eyes off the number plate and the hunched figure of one Peter Parker, the guilty look on his face making you nervous for reasons you could not understand.

"Hey." He greeted, giving you a tiny smile that looked forced.

"Hey." You sighed, looking around to see your manager scolding some pap, "what are you doing here?"

"What, can't I come to see my ex girlfriend's interview now?" He joked, smile not reaching his eyes. Laughing along with him, you felt the air around you lighten.

"Well you're a wee bit late for the interview." You challenged, raising your eyebrow at the familiar banter that you remembered quite well, "sorry that was rude."

"No- no it's okay! Just happy to see you."

Scrunching your brow, you folded your hands under your chest. Your gaze was clearly making him uncomfortable, so you called him inside to the green room, sitting on one of the high chairs as he shuffled around nervously.

"So… you were here for something?" You said awkwardly.

"It was all a mistake!" He blurbs out, looking flushed and chest heaving as he comes closer to you, "all the words I said. Everything was a lie. You're right, I was being casually cruel, but you have to understand that I had to, 'cause if I wasn't then- then I wouldn't have been able to do it."

"Yeah. I remember it. Too well." You said, your tone dry.

His words sounded watery, something akin to excitement brewing in your chest. So you let him continue with a nod, holding one of his hands as they trembled- a nervous tick that surfaced with years of PTSD.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry okay? and I never fell out of love with you. I still want to be with you." He said, mumbling his last words as you both swallowed a lump in your throats.

"Peter." You said softly, cupping his cheeks as you rubbed away a tear, "Peter I love you too. But, after all… this. I've sort of moved on."

Snapping his head with wide eyes, the skin around them looking red and raw, he nodded his head, "I understand if you're dating someone-"

"-no! Peter jeez I'm not- I'm not dating someone!" You defended, "I just. I learned to live without you constantly by my side, okay? I was a singer before I dated you, and I can be her without you too."

"You do?" He asked after a pause. A long pause, with you looking at him. Your mouth said the words you thought were true, but the way you moved closer to him, looking at him with the same wide eyes gaze that you first saw him with during your rampage with your fans on the airport, they told a different story.

"No." You said without hesitation, bringing your hands to his neck and lunging your lips into his in a final moment of weakness that cooped into a stubborn passion of his lips moving in sync with yours.

And maybe he had broken you to bits that night, but apologising was a part of making amends. And as you kissed him for the very first time since the break up, you couldn't help but do a little internal dance of victory at both of your wins, your broken past finally figuring out the missing piece that was hindering your progress to fixing yourself.

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