#I'm learning to draw to bring back our beloved boys

[snickerdoodlles]

📒📓📔📕???? Pretty please :3

❤❤!

sometimes @majestictortoise and i toss around story ideas that are less plot and more of us just chucking our favorite things in the communal soup pot and letting them stew. case in point:

Kim and Porsche meet first AU! 🥳

Porsche rescues Kim from mafia thugs

why does Kim need rescuing? unimportant! what matters is Porsche sees a nong in need and rushes to his rescue. Kinn-shaped people get charged 50k baht for his assistance, Kim-shaped people get help whether they like it or not. and afterwards Kim, who's father taught him that everything has a cost and how to keep a mental ledger of favors and debts, tries to pay Porsche off for the help.

Porsche, who's 'tips' have always been for sex work, sees the wad of cash and goes "you want a post-fight fuck????"

Kim, an awkward turtle-duck, bolts away like ???nO????!!!!!!

Kim hires Porsche as a bodyguard

how did we get from "hire me for sex?" to "hire me for protection?" unimportant! what matters is Kim secures Porsche for himself and Porsche thinks "how hard can guarding one moderately popular youtube star be?" and the raccoon shenanigans that ensue. and, of course, Kim finding the connection between their families and investigating his own hire. then 2 days later, because Kim doesn't have a crush to draw out the investigation and Porsche couldn't do subterfuge to save his life, Kim confronts Porsche with his evidence and Porsche goes "what the FUCK do you mean our families are CONNECTED?!" and these two going full gremlin investigator mode together.

Porsche brings Kim home

when exactly does this happen? unimportant! what matters is Porsche and Kim smuggle themselves into the neighborhood late at night, which results in Chay looking up from playing a videogame or doing homework or whatever to see his brother standing there with ✨Wik✨ in his own living room and his first response is "why'd you bring me my favorite musician" because clearly that is the only reason why his beloved older brother, who keeps trying to give him the moon and stars even though he didn't ask for them, would bring home Wik. also;

Chay: *thinks about his idol wall one floor above* Kim: *stares at cute boy* Porsche: i see i'm not needed here

Chay learns Porsche is mafia

how exactly does this come up? unimportant! what matters is:

"he's mafia" "i don't care that Kim's mafia, why are YOU mafia hia!!!!" "...i'll just uh... be over..... there......." Kim says to no one before awkwardly shuffling himself off to a corner.

naturally, this is when Kinn decides to show up

why does he choose now to stop by? because older brother instincts drive you to always be the most annoying person in the room, next. Kim hired a guard out of nowhere without telling Kinn or Papa and the guy's stayed on for longer than 24 hours, Kinn is suspicious as shit and worried as hell. he's been keeping it under wraps, but Kim and Porsche trying to fly under the radar right now gives him a good opportunity to investigate. and lo and behold, Kim appears to have made two new friends, one of whom keeps making him blush and the other who's the prettiest man Kinn's ever seen. Kinn is absolutely not just leaving Kim, he wants to know everything 👀

Kinn, Porsche, Kim, and Chay get snatched ala ep5

why are they kidnapped? unimportant! we do not question kidnapping plots in this household. Kinn, Porsche, Kim, and Chay all escape into the jungle but get separated. Kinn and Porsche have a journey not unlike ep6, except with more yelling, more bickering, and more trolling. Porsche's view of Kinn is colored by Kim not the guards here and then his main introduction is in the jungle not the compound, so he's charmed pretty quickly and judging himself for it every time Kinn falls back on his asshole training. Kinn's main introduction to Porsche is a caring guy who's also a troll and won't hesitate to punch him in the dick when he's being a jerk so...not too much changed there, actually. they are still handcuffed together.

Kim and Chay are having a nice time. bonding over music, trading stories about brothers, asking questions so that they can unravel Korn's 15 year long conspiracy--it's basically a scenic date. they are not handcuffed together because Kim carries three lockpick sets minimum at all times and was out of the handcuffs before they were even out of the truck. Kim and Chay are just holding hands, because Chay asked Kim to hold his hand, and Kim grabbed it saying it's the best way to ensure they aren't separated, and Chay responded "that's nice, but i asked because i want to hold your hand," and Kim blushed bright red. nerds.

the four of them reunite...eventually, idk when, but the first thing Chay does when he sees Porsche across the ravine is holler "DID YOU REALLY THINK KIM WAS PAYING YOU FOR SEX HIA" and Kinn's head snaps around so fast Kim and Porsche get secondhand whiplash.

Korn dies

how does this happen? unimportant! but he's dead before the fic ends.

[[ fics im not writing ]]

[makespaceforspirit]

Collage by K. Ibura

Last month, I ran across a post on IG. It argued that people who like to avoid being seen were often bullied as children. I showed it to my cousin, and I said, I like to hide out but I wasn't bullied as a child. She squinted at me to see if I was serious. "You weren't bullied as a child?!?" she asked, her voice challenging me to think again.

I've talked about my penchant for avoiding the spotlight all my life. I love anonymity. It's one of the things I love about living in New York as opposed to my hometown of New Orleans. I have a big family and everywhere you go, you're running into a relative or a friend or a high school classmate. It's not that I don't want to see and connect with my community, I just like feeling I can live my life without eyes on me.

I've always accredited my comfort in the shadows with being the middle child of five. When there was so much chaos in the house, if I kept quiet, I wouldn't get caught breaking the rules, lol. I've never needed or desired public witness. I have my circle of friends whose gaze I enjoy receiving and I love reveling in the appreciative gaze of a colleague who is in the trenches with me or a beloved who holds me in affectionate embrace. But if the average person looks past me, I'm just fine with that.

Welp, upon closer examination, I can say I was bullied as a child... a lot. I didn't have a bully in the classic sense. There was no one at school who bullied me, no recurring person causing me physical or emotional harm. (My brothers were big bullies at home, but that's another story.) Instead I was consistently and constantly bullied by strangers.

In the 90s, me and my family were oddballs. We were vegetarian at a time where people thought yogurt was exotic. We shopped at Whole Foods when one of its early stores was cramped into a residential building in New Orleans. But what offended strangers was my short natural hair. They were relentless. The simple bus ride from school to home would be full of people's horrible opinions. I got called Grace Jones and Kojak more times than I can remember. And when I wasn't avoiding the glares and wounding words of people who didn't appreciate my hair, I was dodging the advances of men—grown men, young adult men, teenagers. Men were predatory and persistent, sucking their teeth, commenting on our bodies, grabbing our hands, demanding our phone numbers. The public world was a minefield.

For some people, the type of hostility I faced would make them want to change themselves. I never wanted to change myself, I just wanted people to leave me alone. Invisibility would have been a gift. I craved attention from my friends and from an adoring teenage boy who would love me for who I was, but other than that, everyone else could walk on past.

It's funny how the influences of our formative years don't necessarily disappear on their own. I've fought the pull towards invisibility over the course of my entire writing career. I remember when I launched my very first website, I had a tiny, tiny picture of myself with a colored overlay on it. Someone wrote in to tell me he couldn't really see my picture. And I wrote back, what does my writing have to do with what I look like?

All those years ago, I wanted people to love the words, and to my view that had nothing to do with knowing or loving me. So when I pulled A Fierce Desert Flower (as discussed in the previous post) and read its description about being seen, I took a deep breath and let the message in.

Rae Diamond, author of The Cantigee Oracle cards writes: Something in you or in your life is ready to explode in color and presence, and to be seen. And as is the purpose of any flower, this is something that will bring further support to you once you let it show. We all want to magnetize and draw support to us. When bring seen has historically brought the opposite, it is just instinct to shun the spotlight. I've learned that I'm very comfortable being seen when I'm helping others find ways to free their voices and engage with their authentic selves. I don't mind being seen when I'm being a contribution and sharing the challenges and hacks of my journey with others. I still avoid posting pictures of myself and daily slices of my life as much as I can, but have been committed to doing what I can to support a long healthy life for my writing.

Do you struggle with being seen? If so, what encourages you to share yourself against your instincts? I truly believe a harmonious world is one where we all have the space to express our thoughts, feelings and creativity. Those expressions all call for being seen. I will continue meditating on ways to be and express without letting the punishing gaze of my past silence my communications. I will pray for your voice to be unfettered and free!

🙏🏾🙏🏾

Onward!

—K. Ibura

[t41y4k1-n-a-m-r]

Idk guys I can't be the only one that lasts on Nitro+Chiral gory fandoms. I mean TOG and DMMD are my everything...

And not to mention Killing Stalking WHERE IS EVERYONE wtf

[t41y4k1-n-a-m-r]

I'm learning how to draw to bring back our beloved Nitrochi boys ♡

Wish me luck