#I'm leading events there so I've been sparse

[sins-of-the-sea]

Gasps as he crawls out on the beach from the water-

Only to be dragged back into the sea. Bye, everyone.

[respectthepetty]

Upcoming Taiwanese BLs

We are over halfway through 2024, and as usual, I've only had two Taiwanese BLs (Unknown, Anti Reset), so even though I'm sitting on a stack of BLs to watch every single week from other countries, call me Smaug because I need MORE!

Honorary Korean BL: Uncovering the Curse of Taekwondo (2024)

Former friends (and possibly lovers) reunite at a funeral after going their separate ways for over a decade, but, honestly, I don't care about the plot because this comes from Hwang Da Seul who was behind Blueming, To My Star, and Where Your Eyes Linger, so I know it's going to be amazing. There is a movie and a series version, and the movie already premiered at the Bucheon International Fantastic Film Festival in South Korea at the beginning of July. The runtime was 154 minutes, but the series is eight episodes around thirty minutes each and is currently seeking distribution.

First Note of Love (August 2024)

My most beloved, Charles Tu, from my favorite BL HIStory 4: Close to You is finally returning to me in the form of a washed-up singer who stepped away from the spotlight due to a tragic event only to be dragged back in by an up-and-coming composer who is also a longtime fan. It is a joint production with Thailand's Star Hunter Entertainment (the company behind Big Dragon, Love Senior, City of Stars, and Sunset x Vibes) and features a side couple of a Thai singer and a Taiwanese agent. It will involve singing, but I'm already too comfortable in my seat with my snacks to care.

Fragrance of the First Flower Season 2 (2024)

The lone GL holding down this list finished filming late last year and Gagaoolala has been releasing BTS images since filming began, so it'll likely land there once it is released. The series is a continuation of the 2021 first season, which people were not thrilled about because of the ending, so this season should solve some of the angst we were left with by exploring the two women actually coming together to navigate life as a couple.

The Only One (August 2024)

Directed by Liu Kuang Hui, who directed Your Name Engraved Herein, written by the same folks behind The Untamed, and based on Mu Su Li's novel A Certain Someone which is about two boys whose parents are dating and move in together, so the mains go from enemies-to-??? and the only reason for the question marks on a Taiwanese BL is because the word on these BL streets (and his MDL page) is one of the actors works heavily in China, so this might be the reason this one has been was in limbo even though filming finished earlier this year, but the socials are still posting it's coming this year.

See Your Love (Filming Complete)

This co-production with Japan is about a rich man who falls in love with his hearing-impaired caregiver. It finished filming at the end of May and will have those sweet sweet Taiwanese BL cameos from some Be Loved in House: I Do and Plus and Minus folks PLUS it will be the first cameos for the Kiseki: Dear to Me guys since the company that produced their show is the same one for this show.

Impression of Youth (Filming Complete)

Very little is known about the plot of this teacher-student romance, but it comes from the same folks who produced DNA Says Love You and one of the mains, Muji Hsu, was also the lead in 2020's Because of You. Filming finished at the end of May, and the company stated it would be out before the end of the year.

Islanders (late 2024/early 2025)

This is based on a novel, Islands, by Lolita Hu, features some well known Taiwanese actors, and for a bit was under the name Sea of Intimacy. It's being presented as an 'older BL' but the MDL summary is sparse of the BL-plot: Hung, a successful entrepreneur, has three intimate relationships: his wife, his mistress, and his girlfriend. The lives of these individuals in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s are intertwined because of romance, but their story extends beyond that. When Hung faces criticism on social media and loses everything, the way they react tells us how they see the world.

Wishing Upon the Shooting Star & The Young Gangster (2025)

These two deal with completely different plots but are together because of one reason: Ray Jiang. He is the director for these two and was the director for Unknown, My Tooth Your Love, and We Best Love. The companies behind them have stated the series are coming next year, but the guess is Ray's busy schedule is part of the hold up since he has a Netflix series in the works and apparently a film featuring Sam Lin (We Best Love) on the way. The Young Gangster is based on a novel and deals with a research assistant gathering information on the mafia (and we know how the mafia works in BLs), while Shooting Star deals with a man wishing that nobody notices him once he returns to his hometown after being fired. The wish backfires and nobody recognizes him, not even his dad or the boy he confessed to in high school! BL Mafia, Sideways Wishes, and Ray Ray are my favorite types of snacks!

Pray in Love (2025?)

A police officer falls in love with a man only to realize that man is the son of a prominent leader on the day of his arranged wedding in which he was hired as security for the event. The series already released a short film of the basic premise for fundraising efforts and festival rounds. Apparently, filming has started on the series, but there is no concrete confirmation from the production company.

Eternal Butler (2025)

Edited to add thanks to @cankersoregirl! This is a sequel to VBL's Anti Reset and began filming in early July. It focuses on Ever 4 who is sent to be a bodyguard for a young rich man only to encounter a rebellious man.

That Year, 162 Rainfalls (In Production?)

Is this a movie? Is it a series? Is it happening?! Who knows, but last year, it finally got funding and a director attached to it, but the real kicker is Lin Pei Yu is the screenwriter, and she is the writer behind all of my favorite Taiwanese BLs: We Best Love, HIStory 3: Trapped, My Tooth Your Love, Kiseki: Dear to Me, and so much more. Basically, the company struck gold getting her for this story about two archers and best friends. One gets confessed to but admits he actually is in love with his best friend, but before love can happen, the best friend has an accident and falls into a coma. It is based on a novel of the same name, and the plot is way more hefty than this, but I know Lin Pei Yu will make it work!

Four Seasons (Pre, Pre, PRE-Production?)

This is supposed to be four different stories focusing on different seasons, and is rumored to be VBL's next group of shows since the company has stated it wants to continue its formula from last year of releasing slightly connected shows. VBL/Vidol was behind Stay by My Side, VIP Only, You Are Mine, and Anti Reset. Winter is about a scrooge CEO and a florist who is hired to decorate for the CEO's Christmas event. Spring is about two boys meeting on a bus and falling in love over music. Summer is about a market owner and a chef falling in love over food. Autumn is about two former best friends seeing each other ten years after graduating and exploring their hometown together.

Connecting to You (Pre-Production?)

It seems to have gotten funding, but it's been quiet since which isn't surprising because when it comes to Taiwanese BLs, nothing is really heard until filming begins or even after it ends. I still have my hopes high because this is *THE* BL for me as it deals with a man who can see colored threads connecting people and one day runs into a policeman whose thread connects to him. The thread between them begins to change color, from silver-grey to yellow, representing friendship, and even to red, representing love. If I have to sell an organ or two to fund this myself, I. Will. Do. It. I NEED THIS!

And this wouldn't be a Petty Post if I didn't include this final one:

HIStory 15: Freed (GIVE IT TO ME!)

I don't care if this a long shot. I don't care if I seem crazy always asking for this. I. Deserve. It. HIStory 3: Trapped ended with our best mafia boy in prison, and it's time he got out! The HIStory franchise has not had a series since 2022's HIStory 5: Love in the Future, and although there have been rumors that a HERstory story might be next, I think bringing back a popular story would be just as good. I will ask for this every chance I can until I get it, and I plan on living a long life, so I got time!

[petalruesimblr]

Phantom's Keep

Sim File Share (currently slow due to Simblreen traffic. I will upload a few days after the event so check my Downloads page for updates.) Dropbox

Welcome to Phantom's Keep, where the only thing spookier than the décor is your Sims' cooking skills! This charming little castle boasts one bedroom for all your witchy needs and a secret door that leads straight to the potion pantry - because who needs a grocery store when you have bat wings and eye of newt? Perfect for those late-night spellcasting sessions, just watch out for the occasional ghostly roommate. Get ready for a Halloween treat that’s simply to die for!

Price Furnished: 131,371 Price Unfurnished: 62,298 Lot Size: 20x30 Lot Type: Residential Store Content: Click here CC Used: Click here File Type: Package Min. Required Game Version: 1.42 Packs Needed: The Sims 3, World Adventures, Pets (Wallpaper), Generations (Wallpaper and Stairs), Late Night and Seasons

Hello and welcome back to my blog!

As a final treat for this year's Simblreen (@simblreenofficial), I'm excited to share a house inspired by the spirit of the season! While the name of this lot may be a nod to Danny Phantom, unfortunately it isn't a replica of Pariah's Keep. Instead, it's designed to be a home fit for a modern-ish witch and I've included as many Halloween-themed CC items as I could.

I had a lot of fun building it and I hope you enjoy exploring it! If you missed the first and second treats, click the #Simblreen tag to check them out.

Click on the ’Keep Reading’ below for more information and pictures on this lot.

I’ve been considering getting the Supernatural expansion pack but something has always held me back into doing it and working on this house has made that temptation even stronger. Since I don’t have the pack, all witch-related objects are purely decorative. You can replace them with Supernatural objects like cauldrons, wands, etc. which can be stored in the hidden witches' potion pantry in the tower.

As a reminder, 📣 please note that the store content and CC included in the lot are not included on the download file. The lot may seem a bit sparse from above based on the floor plan pictures but this includes around 79 CCs. These are not required and will be automatically replaced in the game but if you want it to look the same as in the pictures, you can always go to my WCIF Navigation page, where I’ve compiled a list for those interested in downloading them separately.

I placed three fog emitters outside the house to create an eerie atmosphere, especially at night and as long as your game is patched to 1.42 or higher then you won’t need the Ambitions expansion pack for this to be available. However, the Generations and Pets expansion pack are required due to the build items used in the lot as stated in the Details section above.

If you want to check and/or remove the fog emitters, enable “testingcheatsenabled true” and “buydebug on” after.

This lot has been play-tested and let me know if you experience any problems on your end!

[thebelugawhalefriend]

The Men Before The Rose - Yan!Royal Harem x Reader

PART ONE

CW: RELIGIOUS THEMES, EXECUTION MENTIONS, Homophobia

Note: This is a sequel to the first story! An expansion into Rose's heritage and how the world works for them. As someone pointed out, it's rather sudden how the homophobia shows itself and comes off as unartful. So! This will mostly dive into the division about same sex couples.

Months passed before you could consider yourself okay again. The isolation from your family and friends was something you slowly had to overcome the pain of. It still stings like an arrow to the heart, but living on was the least you could do for yourself.

In the meantime, you decide to busy yourself with finding the history of the royals. Rose isn't too excited to share in his own history, only providing you one book. Even given the sparse information Rose would provide, his family's long time rule was no mere feat to scoff at. What draws your attention most is his direct father, Aquila. Upon seeing his name on one of the pages, you turn to read the chapter dedicated to his reign.

Before our red haired king had assumed the throne, Aquila Florian sat upon the gilded seat of power. Hair as golden as the rays of sun, eyes a similar shade. No man nor woman could even compare to his mere size- Murals along the castle walls could only paint his figure from the top of his chest if they wished to paint his face!

By his side was his appointed wife that he named Tyto. Her previous first name has been erased from our records, but his command ruled that her name be changed to fit his rigid structure. In fact, much of his rule came from...

The book quickly proved itself to be a rather boring account of events. But, there is perhaps another way to experience the story. You close the leather book in your hands and set it onto the dresser, lifting up and wandering out of the bedroom.

"My Lady, to where shall I accompany you?" You're well aware of the guard outside of the room, and yet he never ceases to surprise you when you step out. "I told you before, you can call me (Y/N)..."

"Not when you've been wed to the king. I've been ordered to call you Lady and nothing more."

"Then... Alright, I don't wish to cause you trouble. Do you think you could guide me to Rose's study?"

The iron clad guard pauses for a moment, "His... His study is more than private, Your Grace. I wouldn't be allowed to lead you there- much less fulfill my duty to your care."

You shake your head a little. It's always been this excuse time and time again, "Is it a sin to want to know more about the man I married? About the family I am part of now?"

"With all due respect, not even Queen Florian has ventured within the study. I cannot let you violate the trust of the king- nay, your husband..."

"He's violated my own trust the day he commanded I stay within these walls and never see anyone I care for again. I'm not just asking as a..." You struggle to utter the mere words, "As a royal, but as a confused human being... Please, I must see the study."

The walk to Rose's study was short, but the tension made it seem like hours. Charles is anything but a hard hearted man. A tender gentleman just above your own height. While he was commanded to keep watch by the threat of death, he couldn't bear to see another moment pass with you longing for more.

"Thank you... Thank you so so-"

"Please make it swift, My Lady. Rose will return in a few hours."

You nod, easily slipping into the unlocked study.

Creeeaaaakkk....

The oakwood door moans as it reveals the room to you. It took your eyes but a moment to adjust to the darkness inside, but there's no mistaking what you're seeing. The eerily large room holds plenty of large murals that paint the elongated walls. Moonlight mixed with dim flames of the torches just barely illuminates the inside from behind you, but God almighty you want to see more.

"I'll need light..."

Closing the door carefully, you snatch yourself a candle from one of the nearby side tables and hold it to a lit torch. After all, no noble could leave their castle barren of a lighting system. It takes you little time to slip right back in and start to walk along the hall of artwork. Strangely enough, this didn't feel like a study. No, this felt like a room dedicated to telling the tale of their rule. You can animate in your head just what each painting told...

Men upon horses trample over others of their own kind. White stallions proudly sported iron clad warriors upon their backs, while at their hooves were unarmored and weaponless men. Swords glowed a beaming sun yellow to declare a holy victory to claim the land they fought for.

A man with white hair stands over a crowd of adoring people and dogs. What's strange is that the dogs stand on hind legs and praise him as if they themselves are human. Horses behind the crowd also cheer for him, but all four hooves stay connected to the ground.

A single long line connects a chain of kings, each one holding a link within a golden chain. Most sport blonde hair and blue eyes, but the last king stands as an outlier. He holds golden eyes and curled red locks. Under them each is a name, but most of the older ones were too faded to read. 'Raven Florian/Lady Mourn - Aquila Florian/Lady Tyto - Rose Florian/Lady Azalea/Lady (Y/N)'.

Even if the third one isn't the last, you take a long pause to look upon the names. Your new marriage has quite literally been set in stone. Painted with your name under the striking red haired man. Yet, you keep going. You must know more about them! What stops you is the hall widening into a rather quaint room. Now this looks a lot more like a study, with a large red chair sat in the midst of bookshelves and a messy desk of papers and a journal. It's the desk you're drawn to first, picking up the most worn out journal upon it.

"Blank?" You look on the cover. The only thing even describing what could be inside were the initials AF written on the leather cover's corner. "What could you be hiding?" You set your candle close and sit down, starting to read the pages inside.

Day of 30th, December, 1201

Today has transpired like any other. My breakfast was rather lean, but I can't complain when dinner is to be grand.

You laugh softly at such an inconspicuous entry. Maybe this would be a silly little journal of thoughts. Most follow such an idea, but some entries catch your attention more than others.

Day of 14th, April, 1202

Joanne of Jonstown has been captured.

Your eyebrows knot in confusion, turning to the page behind it.

Date of 12th, April, 1202

A grand disturbance has taken place at Noble Stewart's wedding. A strange rogue appeared and objected to the union, disgracing the ceremony to declare a disgusting lust for his wife. Any sane man would have wrung her neck on the spot, but the rat got away before he could catch her. It's no matter to him now. I have hired Jasper and his men to bring her to justice. With any luck, he could receive his own spot here by my side...

Date of 15th, April, 1202

Her execution has been dated for three days from now. I suggested we string and quarter her for her sins, but my royal advisor suggested I treat her not as a mere criminal. Rather, we could give her the same treatment as we do for suspected dark arts users. Not only will this serve as a painful death one like her deserves, but will also set the further precedent for what is to come of unlawful relations. If one is to partake in disturbing the union of a man and a woman for their own desires, they are to be burned at the stake. I have no quarrel with what the royal advisor pointed me to, and have let him write the law. It's on her execution day that I shall decree this law and set it into swift motion.

With an uneasy hand, you turn it to one of the final pages.

Date of 18th, April, 1202

The law has been set, and all was well. Not a single soul objected to the law while the spectacle took place. The

"Have you no respect for my personal space?" You immediately shift your eyes from the book to see those familiar golden eyes looking upon you with scorn. Dim candle light in his hand flickering and lighting up the underside of his displeased face. His figure draws closer as you retreat into yourself.

"I-I'm sorry, Rose! I wanted to know more- I-"

"My father's words are about as much history as murderers are innocent!" He practically roars, snatching the journal away and towering over your frame. "I gave you the resource you wanted... I gave you all you could ever want to know. This?" He holds up the book, "These are the ravings of a madman that no person should EVER learn from!"

"Learn from?" You start to rise from your position, a little offended by his assumption, "I wanted to learn ABOUT your family! Is it not my right to know what my children will be born into? What I tie myself to?"

"My father's words and thoughts have died with him. There is no need to continue learning from his example."

Standing up from your position, you place a finger to his chest and start walking him backwards. "You can't hide what your family has done to innocent people! Your father was a horrible-"

"I KNOW!"

His right hand drops the journal, latching onto your shoulder to allow his anger to set deep within. The glow from his candle dims to let the dark features of his anger settle in.

"I know he was a horrible man. He ordered the execution of many people who did not deserve it. If he knew of what I have now... He would surely kill me." Rose sighs, letting you go and setting down his fading candle. "I come from a line of men who claim to know their faith. Who hoped that persecuting the innocent would cure them of their own sins. You want to know what I think?" He looks to the book on the desk with a wicked snarl. "I think they're all burning in hell for the rest of their days. My father, his father, and the ones who came before. The men he hired that still work in the castle? They too will burn for being so stuck in their ways..."

You place a hand under his chin, bringing him to look at you. "It's no use to hide the history of your lineage. You are the result of those men, whether you like it or not." He tries to butt in, but you're quick to pause his interruption. "But what they've done doesn't make you a horrible man. It's what you do now that truly matters, does it not? You wouldn't have executed them. You let my mothers live in peace despite the law your father put into place..."

With a hefty sigh, he cups your face and finally draws out a smile upon his own. "You still violated my trust, dearest. I didn't want you to wander..."

"You assume I'd be content staying in one room for the rest of my years." Your teasing is bold, but his laugh was moreso. "I suppose you're right. Come then, I guess I owe you a proper tour of our home." As you both approach the doorway, you pause for a moment in thought.

"What is to become of Charles?"

"Ah... Him. He can't go unpunished for disobeying my order, my dear."

Your blood runs ice cold, but Rose is quick to try and soothe your tense worry, "Calm yourself! He's not going to be executed- Lord almighty, did you forget my whole point of not being my father? He'll spend some time thinking over his betrayal and punished as severely as the crime calls for. Which... Isn't too cruel."

"Will he continue to serve for us?"

"That remains to be seen. Come! I'll show you to the bottom floor!"

[anonymityisfunwriter]

The Twin Flame - Chapter 39: "Bigger Than The Whole Sky"

"Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, you were bigger than the whole sky, you were more than just a short time. And I've got a lot to pine about, I've got a lot to live without, I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, what should've been you..."

Pairing: Sunshine!Reader x Grumpy!Bucky Barnes Part of The Grumpy x Sunshine Universe

"Bucky!" Sam bellows down the hall, running as fast as he can down the hall. He skids around the corner of the hospital corridor, desperate for any update on you.

He halts the second he sees Bucky.

Sam's blood immediately runs cold. He isn't quite sure what it is about the scene that does it, but he assumes the worst. It hits him like a truck. The familiar ache of dread. The silence right before the storm breaks over the horizon, before it consumes every ounce of sunshine in its path, before it consumes him. 

No words appear before him in the aftermath. There's nothing to say. Nothing to do. 

He watches from all the way down the hall. The nurse bows her head at Bucky, murmuring something that Sam can't quite make out from his distance. He can't bring himself to take another step forward. 

It's over. 

And he's not ready for that. He's not ready to turn to the last page. He knows what awaits them there. He's certain Bucky will understand and agree. They're not ready for a story that doesn't have you in it. 

He'll stand in the hallway forever if it means that it's not over. He'll stay here forever if it means he doesn't have to say goodbye. 

Bucky hangs his head, holding it in his hands. It's as close to the fetal position as a grown man in a hospital waiting room can get. Sam is positive that he's never seen Bucky doubled over like he's going to be sick. 

The worst hangs over his head. This is it. The worst. There would never be another goodbye as hard as this one. 

His lips refuse to form the words. Goodbye. It was so simple. A fleeting word with an everlasting impact. Goodbye. It tastes bitter in his mouth. It poisons all his thoughts. His mouth falls open. All that can be heard is a breath that sounds as hollow as Sam feels. Goodbye. 

How do you say goodbye to something, to someone, that was bigger than the whole sky? How do you say goodbye to someone that would forever reside in your heart?

He can't help it. He can't bring himself to have hope.

After the events of tonight, with the memory of finding you lying in a pool of your own blood fresh in his mind, hope is sparse. Hope was left in the pool of blood he found you in. Hope was left in the tears, the ragged sobs Karli shed for you. Hope, was something he simply didn't have in this moment. 

He can't bring himself to say words he doesn't believe. 

His leadened feet start leading him to the where Bucky remains hunched over, hugging himself like his arms are the only thing holding him together.

Sam's body tenses itself on instinct, bracing himself for the most painful loss he'll ever face. 

A few feet away from Bucky, Sam's hoarse voice weakly calls out, "Bucky?"

"Sam..." Bucky's head snaps up, immediately sitting up straight. He immediately sighs in relief, "Thank God, you're here."

"Is she-"

Bucky's frantic voice steamrolls over Sam's dreaded question, "They won't tell me anything, Sam. I've asked everybody in this entire fucking building and no one will tell me anything. I've yelled, begged, pleaded, threatened, and nothing. I almost put a fucking hole in the wall. I tried lying and telling them - you know, it doesn't matter what I said, they just keep tellin' me immediate family only."

"Okay. Okay," The knot in Sam's throat loosens ever so slightly. He places his hand on Bucky's shoulder, mostly to keep Bucky from angrily bounding out of his seat. "We'll figure it out."

"That's her doctor, right there," Bucky points out the doctor he watched dart in and out of the hospital waiting room all night.  

"Excuse me," Sam frantically calls after the doctor.

The doctor stops in his tracks, sighing something under his break. He turns around with an expression that borders on irritation. Sam can only imagine the amount of times Bucky demanded an update. The doctor tucks his clipboard against his chest. He turns on his heels, and Sam's not sure what it is, but the doctor's expression morphs from irritation to almost apologetic at the sight of the distress on Sam's face, "As I've told your friend, sir, I can only disclose information to immediately family."

"Me," Sam insists. "I'm her immediate family, she's my sister... And I'm also her legal guardian."

The doctor quirks an eyebrow at Sam, "She's in her late twenties."

Sam frowns, crossing his arms over his chest expectantly, "Are you going to tell me how she is or not?"

The doctor's eyes flicker between Sam and Bucky for a moment. He sighs in concession, "The last update I received was about an hour ago, it was touch and go. She lost an extraordinary amount of blood. To be quite frank, I'm shocked she held on as long as she did. Take solace in the fact that your sister is a fighter."

Sam nods, the frown melting off his face back to a concerned, pained expression, "Thank you."

"As soon as I know anything, I'll come find you," the doctor assures before scurrying away. 

Sam trails back to the seat beside Bucky. He slumps down beside Bucky, knowing there was nothing to do but wait.

And wait.

And wait. 

And wait. 

"I didn't think I'd be here again," Sam confesses after a long while. 

They're not sure how much time has passed in silence, all they know is that hope is getting harder to hold onto with the clocking ticking over their heads. Every doctor that passes them is another that reminds them of the doctors working to save your life. They wait with bated breath for anyone to tell them anything. 

"Neither did I."

"She didn't want this life." Sam isn't even sure why he's telling Bucky this. He doesn't know what point he's trying to make. He just knows that right now, there was an immense weight on him that he couldn't carry alone. "Everyone knew it. I knew it. Steve knew it. Tony knew it. Nick Fury knew it. We all knew it. And not one of us ever put a stop to it. And now, now, she just - she doesn't know a life without the next fight around the corner."

"If anyone's been there for her, it's you. Every step of the way. Good, bad, and ugly."

"I was- " Sam's breath wavers, just barely noticeable to even Bucky's super soldier hearing, "I was so concerned with fixing everything, fixing her, that I didn't even stop to ask if she was okay."

Bucky remains silent, pensively staring at his clenched hands. 

"Aren't you going to say something?" Sam urges.

"I don't want to say the wrong thing," Bucky softly mutters. 

"I don't think there's a right or wrong thing to say."

"I feel like a dick," Bucky exhales.

Sam chortles at the brashness of Bucky's words. It was, without a doubt, the wrong thing to say, but there was something oddly comforting about it anyway. "That's definitely not the right thing to say."

"Told you." Bucky allows a beat of silence. He's not sure Sam knows all the ways he screwed up. He's not sure he wants Sam to know how he'd broken your heart. "I just - I keep fucking up, Sam. I messed up. A lot."

"I know," Sam agrees. It surprises Bucky that Sam knows how badly he messed up. There's a part of him that still wonders if Sam really knows everything or if you left out some of Bucky's worst transgressions. He can't imagine that Sam wouldn't have at least tried to kick his ass if he knew about the things he said to you after Tony's funeral. "And I won’t lie, a part of me wants to kick your ass for leaving her like that… But an even bigger part knows it was the right thing. For both of you."

"Both of us?" Bucky questions, finally picking his gaze up off the floor.

"If you hadn’t noticed, she needed to figure out some things for herself. You both did. I know life doesn't give us a lot of guarantees, but you two-"

"Gentleman," a new, different doctor approaches, cutting off Sam. "I was your friend's surgeon tonight."

Sam and Bucky immediately jump to their feet, waiting for their next cue. Would they finally breath that long awaited sigh of relief? Would they dissipate into a puddle of tears like a crumpled up piece of paper? Sam urges with desperation thick in his voice, "And?" 

"And she made it through surgery," the surgeon replies. "It was touch and go for a while. To be quite frank, there were times where we thought we lost her. She lost a tremendous amount of blood tonight. There were extensive internal injuries, but by some stroke of luck, the knife narrowly missed anything that could've done much more permanent damage."

"Can you please just skip to the part where you tell us if she's okay?" Bucky asks through gritted teeth.

The surgeon withers slightly underneath Bucky's intense glare, he nods, "She's in recovery right now. She suffered quite substantial injuries of all different kinds. Frankly, most people wouldn't have made it onto an ambulance. In any other case, I would be very weary about making any promises or guarantees for recovery, but if I were a gambling man, I'd bet on your friend."

Hope swells in Sam's chest for the first time in a very long time. He breathes a sigh of relief, raising his hands on the top of his head as he takes a long, deep breath, "So she's okay?"

"She's very lucky," the surgeon repeats. "Once she's out of recovery, we'll move her to the ICU. You can see her then."

"Thank you."

The doctor takes one singular step before stopping. He softly exhales, and turns around to face Sam and Bucky once more, "And gentlemen? A word of advice?" Sam nods, remaining silent to allow the doctor to continue. "Whatever your friend was doing tonight-"

"I told you, it was a mugging," Bucky interrupts.

The doctor nods, not believing a word of the Bucky's off the cuff cover story. It wasn't a very good cover up, even Bucky could admit that, but his concern upon arrival wasn't creating an elaborate story. No, he'd been far too rattled for that. His one and only concern was you.

"There is no scientific reason that your friend should've survived," the surgeon matter of factly states. "Whatever your friend was doing, it will get her killed. Not tonight, and maybe not tomorrow, but one day. Luck only lasts so long."

A heaviness tugs at Sam's heart as any trace of a smile melts off of his face as the doctor's words sink down to the very pit of Sam's stomach. He nods once more, "Thank you, Doctor."

While they wait, all Bucky and Sam can do is think about what the doctor said. They hated how right the doctor was. They hated how you were never given a choice.

Most of all, they hate the idea that one day you may not get up.

One day, you may not be so lucky.

One day, there would be a goodbye, one final goodbye, a real one. A goodbye that couldn't be taken back.

They weren't ready for that. They wouldn't ever be ready for that.

Sam can't stop thinking about what the doctor said. Not even for one second to rejoice in the fact that you survived. Yes, you survived tonight, but how long before your luck ran out? How long before your own humanity caught up with you? 

You defied all scientific reason. There was no explanation. No rhyme. No reason. Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, two of the greatest scientists to have walked the Earth, found nothing to explain the phenomena of you. There was no reason. Did a bird flap its wings over in Asia? Did some force will you into existence? There was no answer. 

There were others, in the place from before, there were others that didn't survive. You were the lone survivor and no one could figure out how or why. There was no logical reason behind the way you always got back up. Every time, without fail. There was no reason that you lasted as long as you had. The way you got up after every fight, every battle, every loss, defied all expectation, defied everything known and then some. 

But more than any of that, you were a person.

And there would be no other you. That much was clear - both to Bucky and Sam. There would never be a person that could do what you did. No person with the spirit, the heart, the goodness within them. 

You weren't a scientific anomaly. Not some experiment. Not a weapon or a political pawn. Just a person.

Through it all, Sam never lost sight of that. He knew down to the depths of his bones that you never wanted this. You held your head high, fought with honor and dignity. None of it changed that this was not the life you wanted. You loved your found family. You loved Nick Fury. Steve Rogers. Tony Stark. Natasha Romanoff. The list went on and on of the reasons why you stayed. 

And still, given the choice, he knows you'd give it up for a quiet life. For a life spent by the garden, soaking up the sun, life without constantly looking over your shoulder. For a life of peace. 

Not that anyone asked you what you wanted. It was never a choice placed in your hands. You both were acutely aware of that.

Your future hadn't been yours in quite some time. Your dreams. Your hopes. Your aspirations. Over the years, they'd been lost, scattered and abandoned on the path to becoming a hero. 

No, no one asked you what you wanted. But the worst part by far, the part that left Sam reeling and wondering, was when, or even why, he stopped asking you that too? His jaw tenses, his teeth painfully grinding together as he combs through his memory trying to remember the point that he gave up on your future too.

He couldn't remember the last time he asked you what you wanted, what you envisioned your life to be like. 

"Gentlemen?" Their heads snap up. A nurse stands before the two of them, she warmly smiles at Sam and Bucky, "Your friend is out of recovery. She isn't awake quite yet, but if you'd like to see her, I can take you." 

"Yes, please," Bucky hoarsely whispers, his voice breaking with despair. 

The nurse moves quickly, guiding and aiming them through the labyrinth of hospital corridors. Flashes of the night come to Sam with each and every turn in the winding corridors. Before Sam can get sucked into his own memory, a familiar voice echoes through the halls, sending chills down Sam's spine. 

He stands taller, moving faster as the nurse's pace quickens to find the source of the altercation. Sam's face blanches, a fresh wave of dread washing over him. He looks over to Bucky who wears a similar stunned expression. It truly was the night that wouldn't end for either of them. 

"This is a hospital," a receptionist insists, standing beside a security guard who looks entirely out of his element as SWORD agents rummage through the receptionist's desk. "You can't just-"

"Would you like to be charged with obstruction of justice tonight?" the familiar voice threatens. 

The receptionist doesn't shrink under the intense scrutiny nor the SWORD agents tearing up her desk for information, "This is an intensive care unit. You cannot-"

"Sam..." Bucky warns the moment that he sees the source of the familiar voice. 

"We've got the room number, General," a SWORD agent announces. 

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," Sam hisses under his breath, biting back the string of curses that bubble from his mouth.

"How much trouble do you think I'd get in for killing him?" Bucky questions, his tone so clear and sharp that Sam can't be sure Bucky isn't actively planning a murder in his head.

"A lot," Sam easily replies. 

Bucky's eyes flicker between the three corridors that all lead into this main room. All perfect for an escape if he did end up killing General Ross tonight. "It'd be worth it."

"Yes, it would," Sam blankly mutters, staring at the man that sent your life spiraling all those years ago. General Ross. In the flesh. Standing before the receptionist's desk, with SWORD agents flanking his sides. Sam briskly strides over, wedging himself in between General Ross and the corridor to your room, "General Ross, something tells me you're not here to drop off flowers."

General Ross deeply inhales, his face as stoic and unimpressed as ever, "Step aside, Wilson."

"Do you wanna do this here?" Sam wonders, gesturing to the room filled with nurses, receptionists, and dozens of other civilians walking through the recovery wing. "Awful lot of witnesses for SWORD to take care of."

"We are well within our jurisdiction."

"Sentient Weapon Observation and Response Division," Sam states, tilting his head slightly. "Last I checked, she wasn't a sentient weapon, General."

The General quirks a challenging eyebrow. "Check again."

"You wanna say that again?" Bucky sharply threatens, taking a long step forward, stepping right in the General's face. 

"You know the rules, Wilson," Ross states, ignoring Bucky all together. "Your flagrant violation of them only proves what I knew six months ago, the Asset is a danger to herself and to the general public. We'll be taking over from here."

"She has a name," Bucky seethes, Sam's extended arm the only thing holding him back from lunging at General Ross. There's an anger that simmers beneath his skin. You weren't even awake, not even conscious yet, and you were once again fighting for your life without even knowing it. He remembers that night in Latvia. The night he stitched you up. You begged him - no doctors, no hospitals. You were right. You were so entirely right. Not even at your most vulnerable, in your least threatening state, would they ever let you have peace. Even on the brink of death, they didn't care. They would do what it took. 

General Ross' eyes flicker between Sam and Bucky, "I warned you both that this would happen. She can't help herself, can she?"

"She just saved New York and stopped the Flag Smashers," Bucky speaks firmly, his voice harsh and unwavering. "Something you wouldn't know anything about."

"I'd watch your mouth, Sergeant." General Ross' eyes snap over to Bucky, "You're lucky I'm not throwing you both in cuffs too."

"For what?" Sam demands.

"Aiding and abetting."

"We aren't fugitives," Sam counters.

"Karli Morgenthau certainly is," General Ross shoots back. 

"I don't know where Karli Morgenthau is."

General Ross scoffs in disbelief, "You really expect me to believe that?"

"It's the truth," Sam emphasizes. He throws his hands up in frustration, "Do you honestly think I would help Karli Morgenthau in any way, shape, or form after almost killing her? Do you think I want anything to do with her or any of the Flag Smashers?"

"The rest are dead, Wilson," General Ross states, dropping the bombshell like he's telling them that the sky is blue. 

Sam inhales in shock, "What?"

"The Flag Smashers. Every enhanced individual - except the Asset and Karli Morgenthau."

Sam's spine stiffens, standing up taller as the weight of the revelation settles over him. Yes, they were misguided, but they were people. People that you believed could be more than what they were told they were. "How?"

"En route to the Raft," the General answers. "A detonator controlled from a remote location." 

"And let me guess, you can't find the remote location?" Bucky guesses, quirking a knowing eyebrow at the General, his arms still crossed across his chest.

General Ross looks to Sam with an imploring look, the sharpness in his tone drops, "Can you really keep her safe? Both of them safe?"

Sam's eyes flicker up, rage lighting up his entire expression, "You want to talk about safety when they died in your custody?" 

"Where is she, Sam? Before you get the both of them killed," General Ross sharply orders. "You can't keep them safe. You can't keep her safe."

"You don't know anything," Sam remarks, emphasizing each and every syllable. "About any of us."

"If you could, if you could truly protect her, she wouldn't be lying there half dead."

Sam sucks in a breath like he's been punched in the gut. The words hit him hard. It's only Bucky's rooted stance that keeps them from steamrolling over the two of them. 

"Excuse me? If I may-" an unfamiliar voice interrupts, both Sam and Bucky too enthralled in their argument with General Ross to have noticed the man insert himself in their heated discussion. 

"Hold on," Sam curtly interrupts, cutting the man in the red tinted glasses off. Neither Sam nor Bucky spare a second glance to the man in the suit and tie, holding a briefcase tight in his hand. "Let's not pretend that you're suddenly concerned about the health and well being of anyone other than yourself, General. You want control. You want power."

"I want order," General Ross retorts. "Something you and The Asset have no interest in keeping. Tell me where Morgenthau is. Now."

"General Ross, is it?" the unknown man pivots, turning to face General Ross. "I think my client has made it abundantly clear that he's unaware of Karli Morgenthau's whereabouts. Perhaps sending your henchman to actually search for her would be a more fruitful use of your time."

"Your client?" Sam repeats, his head snapping over to look at the lawyer. 

"Client?" General Ross guffaws, his eyes snap back over to Sam, glaring at him, "A lawyer, Wilson? Do you think there's a lawyer good enough to get the three of you out of this mess? There's not a lawyer in the world that could get that criminal off the hook after what she did tonight."

"And do you think there's a jury in the world that would convict that hero in there after she single-handedly saved New York? After she stopped the Flag Smashers?" the lawyer counters, pointing in the direction of your room. He turns to Sam with an expectant look, "How many truck fulls of GRC members did my client single-handedly save tonight?"

"3," Sam chokes out, sharing an uneasy look with Bucky.

"3 trucks filled with people whose lives were save by the person you're so desperately trying to imprison. 3 trucks filled with people that I can guarantee are feeling especially gracious right now."

"She broke the law," General Ross fumes, lowering his tone to something more cold and calculating. "She knew that the second she stepped foot back in New York."

"There's not a jury in New York that would convict that woman in there," the lawyer matter of factly remarks. "You have the Accords - and that's all you have, General."

"You think I need a jury?" General Ross questions. 

"Careful, General," the lawyer warns, his voice eerily calm and composed. "You're treading some very dangerous waters there."

General Ross takes a singular step toward the lawyer, this time, speaking only to him, "You do not want to make an enemy of me."

"Funny, I was going to say the same thing," the lawyer cooly retorts. "Unless you have a warrant, or my client is actually being charged with something, we're done here, General."

"Is this how you want to play this, Sam?" General Ross asks, turning back to Sam. There's a look in the General's face that tells Sam everything he needs to know, this wasn't going to end without a fight. A fight Sam had fought before and lost. Sam's eyes flicker between Ross and the unknown lawyer, a person whose name he didn't even know. Did he want to put your future into the hands of a stranger? Was General Ross right, was there even a person on this earth that could change your story's ending? What other choice did Sam have? To give up on your life without so much as a fight? Seeing the conflict warring in Sam's eyes, General Ross seizes the opportunity to tip the scale in his favor, to pour another helping of salt on Sam's fresh wounds, "I can guarantee you won't like the outcome, Wilson. You haven't in the past."

In that moment, Sam decides. You hadn't let him down. Not once. Not even when you were off fighting your own internal battles. You've always had his back. Now, it's his turn to do the same. He decides to bet on you one more time, "Have a good night, General."

A look of burning rage flashes across General Ross' face before it steels into something much more sinister. His shoulders roll back. He stands tall, looming over the three men.

And with one final verbal jab, General Ross turns on his heels, and leaves them in the wake of a first battle won, but a war just beginning, "Don't say I didn't warn you."

"What just happened?" Sam exhales with a long breath.

"The court of public opinion," the lawyer cryptically responds. He turns toward Sam and Bucky, "It wouldn't be a good look to arrest someone who was critically injured while saving the city, but this won't end here. We won the battle, but the war isn't going to be as easy. General Ross is tenacious, I'll give him that. He knows what he wants and he's not going to stop until he's got his prized possession back under his thumb. You're going to need a really good lawyer."

"Well, um, not to ruin this whole moment, but who the hell are you?"

"A really good lawyer." The lawyer extends a hand out to Sam, then to Bucky, "My name is Matt, Matt Murdock, a friend thought you might need some help."

Sam quirks an eyebrow, his mouth twisting with unease, "A friend?"

"A friend," Matt repeats, his way of politely telling them that he wasn't going to divulge anything about the mysterious mutual friend that sent him.

Sam turns back to his seat, plopping down onto the hard plastic as he tenderly rubs his temples, "I just want this night to be over."

"And it will be soon," Matt promises, folding up his white mobility cane and taking the seat beside Sam. He speaks softly, but with a firmness that tells Sam how dire the situation is. "But this is only going to get worse. It's going to get ugly before it gets any better."

"I don't think it can get any worse," Sam remarks.

"It can," Matt retorts. "General Ross isn't going to go search for Karli, that's not his concern right now. Right now, he's going to use the chaos of tonight to figure out how to win. I wouldn't underestimate how far he'll take this. He's a force to be reckoned with, but so are you."

"We've fought this fight before. We lost the last time."

"You didn't have me last time."

Sam turns to face Matt, "Do you really think you can win?"

"Yes, I do," Matt insists. "At some point, General Ross lost control of the most powerful tool at his disposal. There's no regaining that control - not after tonight."

"What do you mean?" Bucky wonders, still not quite trusting the man seated before him.

"Your friend made quite the splash tonight," Matt explains. "There's videos circulating everywhere. She's the hero the city was waiting for."

"No, she's not," Sam immediately denies.

"Mr. Wilson-"

"Sam," Sam corrects. 

"Sam-"

"She's not the hero the city was waiting for," Sam forcefully continues. He didn't expect Matt Murdock to understand why his offense to the statement. You weren't the hero. You spent years being the hero and he wasn't about to sign you up for yet another fight. Not this time. "She's a person. A person that is tired of fighting. She's tired. We almost lost her tonight. I'm not signing her up for another fight."

"I can understand that - so ask her."

Sam falters at Matt's suggestion. He was the first person, aside from Sam and Bucky, in a very, very long time to suggest that you should get to choose what should become of your life. "You - you want me to ask her?"

"It is her life, after all. If she says yes, I'll do everything I can help you win."

"And if she says no?"

"Then I'll do everything in my power to make sure she gets off Ross' radar."

And perhaps, Karli was right about him. Perhaps Sam was an optimistic fool. But those words tell Sam everything that he needs to know. He knows that he can trust Matt Murdock with his life. He can trust him with you. "Okay."

"So why don't we start at the beginning? From the moment General Ross lost control."

Sam sighs, rewinding back to the moment that General Ross lost you for good. The airport. It wasn't the first time you'd stepped out of line, but it was the first time you'd ever gone against direct orders. It was the first time you'd ever told him no. The ripples of that day were still felt to this very day. "It'll always come back to that day at the airport, won't it?"

"The airport?" Matt asks. 

"It's a long story," Sam answers, but before he delves back into your long history, he turns to Bucky who'd stood before them staring at your door with anxiety and longing practically rolling off of him with a soft smile, "Hey, Bucky? Why don't you go in? One of us should be there when she wakes up."

Bucky nods, giving Sam a slight smile of gratitude, "Thanks."

The Twin Flame Chapter List AnonymityIsFun Masterlist

Next Chapter

As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛

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[leti-ke]

It's been some time since I've played void stranger, life stuff happened and because of that I was not able to write about what happen in the game as I played

BUT! I still have my notes and screenshots, so I can do a recap for myself now! I hope I can play more of it soon

We begin with a conversation between the king and Gray about the princess future, and I'm gonna be honest things are not looking good for her...

The king wants to marry her off, and she is doing everything in her power to scare the suitors away

It got to a point where her father is threatening to keep her locked in the castle until she behaves and accept to marry someone

But again, what does she think Gray can do against the king's wishes?!? I'm pretty sure that if she did that, Gray would be punished...

I feel bad for her, but she is really pushing it, calling Gray the king's lapdog... Well, at least she knew that that was going too far

And Gray is nice and understanding of her, so that's good

Well, back in the void we encountered this... Corpse? I don't know if it's a statue or not, but cool visual!

There is a ghoul (?) In one of the floors telling me they are hungry, so I gave them one of my locus

He is still hungry, and I end up giving them all my locus... Well it's not like I was using them but still really weird, they are still in the way tho

That is until I walked around a little, then they became an egg... I'm not sure if I like the implications here

Next tree dream! Gray and the princess are going to another country to meet one of the groom's

This one was a knight that lead a revolution and became king

Suddenly they were attacked by bandits oh my!

And Gray is being all badass! They are calling her "Gray the destroyer"

What, why I'm playing as the bandit?!?!

And once again the princess is being reckless... How old is she?

Well she is saved by her suitor, his armor is cool, but I'm getting dark vibes from it

The princess is all head over heels for him now, that goes to show the power a cool entrance can have over a girl's heart kkkkkk

Back to the void!

New NPC!

aaand she just stole my rod... so for the next levels I had to chase her and let me tell you it was not fun! game please have mercyyyyy

I finally caught up to her, she gave me an obvious sob story... and when that didn't work she just gave Gray her stuff back, at least now we know that the rod only works for us

for some reason, this image is hilarious to me, I think it's the ditto face!

Here is the thing... my notes get really sparse from here on out, and I'm not sure of the order of events that I don't have screenshots for, but at some point I accidentally threw an NPC into the abyss :( why do I keep doing thiiiiiis T⌓T

More tree memories! The princess is really impressed with her possible future husband, his name is Johann

She is fangirling for him a little kkkkkk

Gray goes to take a walk and look who finds her

She didn't expect to find him kkkkk look at her face

O-O

oh! what she do?

It seems that Gray the destroyer is a sore point for her

Well, Johann is asking for Gray's help in taming the demon or something... I think there are better way to refer to your maybe future wife my dude, I'm not sure if I like you that much

after that I continued for some time and encountered another giant corpse, I'm starting to think these are the void lords from Tail story, are they all dead? Maybe I can find an alive one deeper in the void, but for now it seems that their war didn't really have a winner

And there is where I took a break!

I fell like I was stalling playing the game a little because I didn't write this before, if I played more I would just make the backlog notes longer, you know? But now that I've put this up to date I'm more at ease, so I'll try to play some more this week!

[derangedhyena-zoids]

Awesome! That makes total sense.

Now, tell us about your organoid headcanons? Are they (along with much core-based life) basically immortal? Or just much longer lived than humans? What did organoids do before humans (live happily without invasives mucking it up?), and are there as many in NCZ, or are they dying/getting killed off? (Looking at the Dr D comic and Zeke and Shadow… what was it, killing your heroes, I think?) Do any surviving organoids in NZO remain unpaired to a human and would they consider that a matter of pride (like “I have not knelt to be a pet”) or would they even care? If there even is any…

ahhh I have a lot. I'm actually (slowly, between Actual Adult Responsibilities) working on pulling things together in a coherent format. which this blog often isn't. In the meanwhile, some of my existing posts: Organoid anatomy:

+ Organoid anatomy blather post + A few more anatomy things +How the teleportation thing works +How the teleportation thing works, addendum

+a rambling post that talks about what Organoids get out of bonding to people

This is a crappy drawing of what an Organoid colony/nest looks like. But it's very sparse. I should do a better one.

If you or anyone else wants I can post my not-prior-posted document about Organoid reproduction/sex but it'd have to be in a different post so I can 'community tag' it properly.

To answer your direct questions-

They're not immortal, they're just very long-lived. Their longevity is actually a large part of what started pushing Zoidian longevity to develop.

Very few wild Organoids actually ever died of old age because they'd generally be ousted from the colony (and killed by other creatures) the moment they showed any sign of age-related weakness.

They did die of old age once they were domesticated, usually after living several generations post-their-bondmate. They stay with and have strong affinity for the family group. (this is why Ambient and Specula can detect their partners' bloodlines, basically.)

Wild Zoids would have the same longevity, but with the exception of the small "critter" Zoids, wild Zoids of olde are extinct.

Modern Zoid (cores) don't live as long, because their living conditions are so unnaturally shitty. Nobody understands this, or understands that Zoids are SUPPOSED to live longer though.

Wild Organoids lived in terrifying colonies and were the apex land-based predator on Zi.

Then a domesticating-the-wolf sort of thing happened and, ultimately, wild Organoids became very uncommon while domestic Organoids basically overpopulated the place. (there's actually a story about the origin event for all this, I have a post with it somewhere but couldn't find it at a glance, I've been working on a piece for the pdf about it, this will prompt me to work on it more I guess lol)

Wild Organoids were completely wiped out by the Death Saurer/Death Scorpion event(s) and what followed. Almost all plant life on Zi was destroyed, leading to almost all ecosystems breaking down and most things (including wild Organoids) starving to death.

It also made, yanno. breathing difficult.

By CC/GF, things were very much WYSIWYG. There were literally only four survivors. Other Organoids had been found, but many were accidentally (or intentionally) killed (as shown in Worthless)

One and Zero are my OC Organoids, and could very technically be counted during CC/GF times but… only very technically.

They're basically "the Organoids from the Berserk Fury and Liger Zero" - Zeke and Zero are the Organoids featured in Kill Your Heroes:

Shadow is only shown briefly in No Future and Legacy:

(and Pantheon but we're not there yet)

After Raven's death, Shadow just hangs around Ryss and the Geno Breaker.

In KYH we also see Zeke get Fucked Up(tm), so… in NC0 times there's just Zero, One, Specula, Ambient & Shadow around.

The only unbound Organoid is Shadow. Specula's still with Ryss, One's bound to Vega, Zero's bound to Bit, and Ambient's bound to Brad.

Bonding is very serious business and it's less a "pet" thing and more a "consent to sharing each other's lives" thing - the partners MASSIVELY influence one another.

Shadow just refuses to bond to anyone again because he's terrified he'll forget Raven. Because he knows he forgot his original Zoidian bondmate.

Ryss really wanted him to bond with Albion (and Albion did too), but Shadow refused. oh fun fact that I don't think I've mentioned anywhere here but: Shadow is, and has been, keeping the Geno Breaker alive by sharing its own energy with the Zoid. The Breaker, despite being evolved, is still trapped in an artificial chassis and can't "eat" properly. With no actual Zoid fuel available, Shadow sharing energy with the Zoid is the only way it stays fed. If you'll remember, it was very intensive and stressful for Shadow to fuse with the Breaker - that hasn't changed. The reason being though is because the damn thing is HUNGRY and wants to take, take, take from Shadow. So the duration has to be limited. (hi does it sound familiar? it should.) This is one of many reasons Shadow is grumpy (and hungry) a lot.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

My nano prose is very sparse at the moment. Do you have any tips for increasing word count?

Oh I feel you! Honestly the way I've been approaching it is kind of like... bigger is better? NaNo is funny because typically I wouldn't just say you know, overstuff your prose (unless that's what you want!) for the sake of it, but part of the fun I think is experimenting with ways to lengthen writing too, because of the nature of the challenge. So while it seems antithetical, if I know there's a longer way to phrase something, I will. I've been surprised by where that can lead--I've unlocked some really interesting aspects of voice (and also... word count lol). I go back and see if I can add descriptions every couple of sentences, which has been fun because I'm funnily not very intentional about descriptions. I also have been writing SO MANY flashbacks. If I need word count fast... FLASHBACK. And that's because I find they don't have to be attached to a causal chain as clearly as events in the fictive present.

[razorsadness]

It’s the season of the scent of burn barrels and the sound of trains. It’s the month when all my ghosts come back to me.

I just don’t have much to say. Well, that’s not entirely true. I have a lot to say, but it’s all coming out in poetry or essays about past experiences, or in visual art. Not in journal entry form. I’ve been making copious notes for things-to-write re: my current life, but sometimes I need time to process it before I turn it into any kind of writing, even a journal entry. (Why do you think I’m always writing poems and essays about events from decades ago? Or writing epic-length journal entries about everything that happened in a particular day/week/month?)

It’s not that nothing is going on, currently. I’ve been doing a lot, feeling a lot. There’s of course all the general life-stuff: hustling for freelance gigs and then doing them, printing/collating/packing up zine orders, doing schoolwork with the kiddos. Even that stuff has been going quite well overall (there have been bad days, but not an unmanageable amount), and there have also been a lot of special, interesting, things. My and P.’s sex life has picked back up again after a couple months of it being pretty sparse and lackluster, and thank g-d for that. I’ve been embracing the delights of the season, in all their myriad forms. There have been trips to the north woods to chase the autumn; jaunts downtown for coffee and wandering or for fancy lunches and the art museum. I’ve been lurking in cemeteries, decorating my house for Halloween; I've been dressing up in some way or another, whether I'm going downtown or even just going to run errands, and some days, I dress up even just to stay at home. I’ve been painting pumpkins, making spooky art, writing poems about cryptids and graveyards and ghosts. I’ve been asking myself “what would the Great Pumpkin do?”; waking up in the morning and listening to goth and post-punk playlists while eating candy for breakfast, or drinking red wine or pumpkin beer while cooking dinner, and dancing around my kitchen when that one DJ on my favorite radio station who knows what's up plays Big Star and The 'Mats back-to-back. I've been reading horror and ghost stories and spooky poems, watching my favorite spooky films. I've been re-embracing my obsession with Peter Lorre, as I tend to do every year around this time. (Not that it ever really goes away, it’s just stronger this time of year.) I’ve been redecorating my altars to suit the season, and I’ve gotten back into tarot. I’ve been watching live videos of old favorite bands. My heart has been breaking every day over the state of the world, and I have been trying to do what I can while not getting down on myself for not being able to do more. And on days when it’s not raining, I’ve been sitting outside to watch the leaves fall, to listen to the trains, and to think of long lost friends and old flames.

Which leads me to the main thing I do want to get down. One of the old flames that’s been most heavy on my mind is “Harvey” (aka “Hertz,” neither are his real name but I have referred to him as one or the other in various writings over the years). There are many reasons for this, one being that he had the Inferno-connection too, so in the lead-up to Hallowmas, he is one of the people I think of when I listen to/think of the band. Another being that it was during October/November 2004 that our ‘thing,’ such as it was, was at its peak. After not having spoken for something like 12 or 13 years, we briefly reconnected after Jack’s death, because both of us needed to talk to someone who would get what we were feeling. The initial emails we exchanged were in no way romantic or flirtatious, but then after a while we admitted to each other that we still occasionally thought of one another That Way. And then we both stopped emailing again because, well, nothing good can come from opening all that up.

The night before last, I was thinking of him, and thought about sending him an email, and then I said to myself: “Not today, Satan.” He’s not Satan; Satan in this situation is my fucking feelings and complete inability to let the past be the past when it comes to certain people (such as Harvey). Satan is the fact that it doesn’t even make sense to still have these feelings; we barely had a relationship, we only kissed once, we never slept together. (Though that might be allonormativity talking; sex alone doesn’t make a relationship and lack of sex doesn’t mean a relationship wasn’t real. And I think the fact that we never fucked is part of the reason I have a hard time letting him go completely; there’s more to wonder about, more of a question of what might have been.) Satan is all the ways it could fuck up my life if we dredge all those feelings up again. So I didn’t email him, and I was so proud of myself for my willpower, and then I checked my inbox yesterday morning, and there was an email. From Harvey. And it fucking figures, because there are certain people in my life who seem to know when I’m thinking about contacting them and then contact me, and he has always been one of them. I haven’t even opened the email yet, because I’m scared. It could very well be an innocent ‘just saying hey’ message, except I doubt it is, because he sent it at like 3 a.m. his time and who is up in the middle of the night thinking of old flames only to send them a casual message? Ugh. I just. I’m not looking for advice, really, it just hurts.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

So, I wrote recently about the amazing Daniel Kitson radio archive that a very helpful and industrious person has put together just because it seemed like a really, really good thing to do. It was done with a little help from a number of other people, some of it from me, but the majority of the credit goes to a person who put a whole website together to host this stuff. (The credit… and, in which I believe is the extremely unlikely event that Mr. Kitson himself actually comes across it, the blame. Mr. Kitson, if you are reading this, I had nothing whatsoever to do with it, in fact I have never heard of you and I definitely have no opinions on your music taste.)

I’d known for a while that this was in the works, and I’d done some editing and record keeping to help with it, and was looking forward to it actually getting launched. Partly because I wanted to see it, partly because I hoped that putting it out there might lead to other people getting in touch if they had radio episodes to add to the collection. I tried not to get my hopes up too much for that, as recordings are sparse, but still, I thought it would be cool.

Well, since then this has yielded greater success than I’d expected, and I’m so pleased about it. Which brings me to the point of this post, which is to say I just got access to some more radio episodes, I will be listening to them and probably posting whatever comes to mind while I do so.

First of all, an update since the post I made when I first shared this archive: a bunch of stuff has been added. There are now all six episodes from the Triple R Graveyard run, and I’ve confirmed that the five episodes that are there from the 2008 Triple R Graveyard run are all of them. There are also all three episodes from the 2009 run, a different thing called Comedy Special. So all of that’s complete. A couple of episodes were also added to the Listening Club tab, and I’m pretty sure that section is now complete as well. Which I think means the archive might now have all of the shows Kitson ever hosted on Resonance FM, as I’m fairly sure the collection of those from post-2010 is comprehensive.

Also, a few more miscellaneous things have been added, some of which are very cool. The coolest, in my opinion, is the appearance on the BBC Radio 4 program Loose Ends from November 2003, which he described in some detail in what might be his easiest-to-find, and therefore most-listened-to, illicit live show recording that I definitely have not personally heard, given that I’ve never heard of him and have no opinion on his music taste. But if anyone has heard it, the one from Hull on November 30, 2003, it’s pretty cool to hear him describe the interview there, and then go on the radio archive where you can hear the actual interview. That was one was acquired through a level of effort that I highly, highly commend (not effort by me, effort by the person who deserves the credit/blame).

Anyway, all that is up on the site now, along with edited versions where applicable (edit means the songs and ads are cut out, for people who just want the comedy), tracklists and Spotify playlists (for people who just want the music), and complete versions (for people who want to pretend it’s some year besides 2023 and hear it the way it aired). And now we have a few new episodes, that I will be going through and probably putting thoughts on the internet as I do so.

So to get started, here’s my first thought. I have wondered for some time when exactly Daniel Kitson's music tastes moved from fey indie, toward LCD Soundsystem. It was the first thing when we left off in 2008, and then he came back in 2013 with some significantly different music. Music that is... well, I'm sure some people like it. Obviously some people like it. Personally, I have no opinion on it and have never heard of Daniel Kitson.

So far, I've only listened to one of the new files, and it's a short segment of Kitson appearing on the Triple R breakfast show during the 2012 Melbourne Comedy Festival. I guess this answers the question of when the music shifted, and possibly a bit about why.

God damn it, Kitson. Look, if we all promise to never assume that we know anything about you, could you please lower this annoyingly discordant weapon against predictability, and not make me hear any more of that band in your next radio run? (Sorry, I mean I have no opinion.)

[neodinglebat]

Media Thread 2023 #2 - Elden Ring

Ah, Elden Ring. The massive dream game with an insane amount of hype around it. Prophetised for many years before finally releasing to a massive success. The culmination of From Software's fourteen year long string in crafting a whole new genre of video games.

I bought into the hype and got the game with zero Soulslike experience to speak of.

Elden Ring is a tricky thing to talk about, because the heaps of praises it's gathered are absolutely deserved. The setting is incredible from both visual and narrative standpoints. The sheer amount of playstyle options offered to the player cannot be understated here. It truly gives the, nigh extinct in the current AAA gaming industry, sense of exploration and discovery. It is, without a doubt, a paradigm-shifting game that games to be will pull lessons from (even if they're about all the wrong things).

Which only makes it all the more painful that I couldn't find it in me to commit to finishing Elden Ring. As mentioned at the start, I have zero experience in the Soulslike genre. It's not the kind of action that I sought out in games to play. And so, I took to having to interact with Elden Ring's slow and janky commited stamina-based movement like oil to water.

Elden Ring is also an open-world game. It truly lives up to that name. There's nothing to restrain the player from going anywhere except for time and a couple plot progression beats. And enemies. Enemies which, at beginning especially, can be really tough to deal with, forcing the player has to explore every nook and cranny to find what it has to offer. And what may be found might be... utterly unusable with the player's current build due to stat point requirements on weapons. It's a problem that I've ran into quite a lot, having picked one of the magic-oriented classes - the Prisoner. All too often, upon exploring a set of completing a set of catacombs or mines or some kind of other location in the world, I wound up with either a trinket that does not contribute to my build in any meaningful way or a weapon/invocation that I can't use and would have to intentionally dedicate Runes toward so I can just try them out. In a game where the player can easily lose Runes - the currency used for both levelling and item purchases - upon death. Soulslike fans might be used to it, but to someone with hasn't been hazed into the experience, any such deaths were just demotivating.

There is also certain aspect of open-world games that I have to touch upon, as it is something Elden Ring has to contend with - aimlessness. When given a massive unrestrained world to explore, able to do whatever they please, the hypothetical player may experience a choice paralysis and, ultimately, wind up doing nothing. The biggest example of the aimlessness I'm talking about would be, of course, Minecraft.

Minecraft is a game about an ultimate expression of freedom. The player is dropped in the world and, from frame 1, are able to go wherever and do whatever. While, technically, there is an ending to Minecraft, it's more so a formality than any real conclusion. It is the player itself that sets out the goal for themselves to conquer in-game.

Naturally, that is not something that every type of player is into. The player may prefer to have some sort of direction to go towards, a sort of a guideline to follow. Elden Ring has this sort of line, in the form of of spectral arrows that lead the player toward one of the bosses required for game progression. Beyond that though, the narrative leads can be rather sparse. There are events to progress the plot forward and it is, from what I hear a lot easier to follow the plot here than in Fromsoft's previous Soulslike games. But it is still noticeably leaner in terms of story than what you'd see in any other AAA open-world title. The closest equivalent to Elden Ring here would be The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild - a game that still is remarkably less obscure to parse than Elden Ring by openly listing side-quest progress and having area icons on the map designating locations before the player travels to them.

Speaking of play progression, let's talking about the thing it inevitably leads the player towards - The Boss Fights. This is an admission that will probably get Soulslike elders to laugh at me, but I got rinsed by them repeatedly. That is to be expected, naturally, when encountering new enemies with new attack patterns that the player has to learn and adapt to. Sometimes, I eventually found out a strat that pushed through to the end. Other times though, the boss will lash out at with really weird timings that are nigh impossible to adapt to. Yet other times, it will unleash strings of attacks that don't seem to end. Dodge them as you might, you'll run out of stamina eventually and get hit Or it might just do both at the same time, because why not. Whenever a boss pulls something like that on me, it's just beyond me to get through with the sort of controls that Elden Ring has. And eventually, failing to cobble together a functional character build, being walled by bosses I just cannot comprehend and just feeling plain lost, I stopped having fun with this game. The whole experience felt less like I'm having fun with the game and more like I'm squeezing the game out for any potential droplets of fun in spite of it.

Elden Ring is a good game. It's just not a game for me.

Dropped/10.

[soncfseed]

1, 2, 5, 6 & 9.

number 1 has already been answered!

2. How did you get into this franchise/fandom?

A combination of hearing about FC 5 and being interested in the setting & villains, and finding people writing characters in the RPC that pushed me to play FC4 as well. FC5 was my entry point game-wise, and I played FC4, FC6 and obviously FCND.

5. What’s the best thing about the fandom?

Besides the friend's I've made, honestly the amount of polished blogs in this fandom is impressive. I hope it doesn't come off as shallow, but there's a lot of really well laid out blogs in the fandom. Most of them are also great writers as well. It's obviously not a requirement to have fancy visuals to be a good writer but I'm always impressed by people's edits, aesthetics, themes and promos.

6. What’s the worst thing about the fandom?

Recent events notwithstanding I guess just an uneven balance between which games are represented. There's little smatterings of FC3 and FC4 focused blogs but a lot of them are FC5 and especially Seed-related, myself included. There's some FCND focus, but it seems a decent chunk is from FC5 muses with connections to ND or an AU. There was a small burst of FC6 writers after it released but it has quieted down a bit. None of this is a problem, I just think it would be fun to see more of the other games represented in the RPC. But then again, I should take my own advice in that case and be the change I want to see in the world.

9. Have you tweaked the character from canon? If so, what did you tweak?

I think I have in significant ways. As mentioned before, the most important change/analysis would be my headcanons about his mental health and his timeline leading up to and during the events of FC5 & ND. To me that's more about filling the gaps in with what was already presented in canon just because ND is a pretty sparse game compared to its predecessor.